Shadow of Yourself [10/18]
Prompt: “You’ve changed, Eli. I barely even know who you are right now.”
A/N: YALL GUESS WHAT I FINALLY UPDATEDDDDDDDD
i dunno even know why i took so long to write this. season four is my fave season and in my opinion eli’s best season so im very very excited to finally get started on it!
also with season six officially being announced as the final season, i have concluded how many parts will be left until we are done this series :(
Based off of: Cobra Kai 04x01, 04x02 and 04x03
Warnings: some swear words (because tumblr apparently doesn’t like that)
Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x F!Reader
Tag List: @moonydrafts - @ashwhowrites - @traveleraroundsworld - @truly-abysmal - @likecherriesinthespring - @hollxe1 - @asonofpeter - @scarlett-verse - @musically-ambiguous - @kayda1 - @moon-zoons - @dwcode - @day-dreamsinthedark - @leilani788 - @silvermagnolias - @hawkinsavclub - @animewolflover278 - @gruffle1 - @b-tchymoon - @maggiecc - @beetea38 - @hawkinsavclub1983 - @crpytids - @embersparklz - @kimilight - @httpjiikook - @marauderssmut - @fyckcore - @multinci - @lqveabby - @oh-well-whatever-nevermind - @redskull199987 - @silvermagnolias - @shortneko - @okjaeminn - @thecyclonetragedy - @vamproq - @siriusfahey - @cobrakaigirlie - @kaylinfayezink - @oursuh - @aphroditelxver - @minl0u - @cherrywinepoison - @bath1lda - @fixalice - @fallsofserinity - @maisieibae - @ssrcsm - @notplutos - @kaitieskidmore1 -
LET’S START OVER, SHALL WE?:
The first shared class of Miyagi-Do and Eagle Fang was… interesting to say the least.
You don’t really know how you expected it to go… You just hoped it’d go better then it actually did. It was pretty clear from the beginning of the class that Mr. Larusso and Johnny had very different ideas of how to teach a karate class and neither could seem to keep their mouth shut about the other's style for more than a minute.
If it wasn’t Johnny obnoxiously judging Mr. Larusso’s teaching style, it was Mr. Larusso barely able to contain the concerned look on his face with every action Johnny instructed his students to do. It was hard to differentiate who you were supposed to listen to, both talking over one another, and students had taken hits from the both of them yelling different instructions.
It wasn’t hard to tell that the tension between them was leading to tension between students as well.
Not to mention, Eli was there.
The night of the Christmas Party, you’d just been relieved. Seeing Demetri and Eli work together, help you together was enough to make everything feel like it was okay all over again – and hearing Eli apologize for it all… well, it had been enough to make your heart soar. And the excitement of that had drifted on for days, leaving you beaming and happy, especially when you’d see Demetri and Eli be friends again. Joking, laughing, just… hanging out again.
You’d been so happy. You still were.
But, it seemed it wasn’t so easy for you and Eli to fall back into old ways like it was for him and Demetri. Namely, there was the fact that before everything had happened, yours and Eli’s feelings for each other had been confessed. After years of hiding your feelings for Eli, for fear of him rejecting you, suddenly out in the open had been enough of a shock but with everything else that happened? You never really got to truly understand what those feelings meant, or what they meant to Eli.
A few days after kissing him, you’d found him making out with Moon. After that, the two dated. Everyone, including Moon herself, told you that Eli was never really in it with Moon, that he still had feelings for you. That it was obvious. That he’d missed you… but how were you supposed to really know? After all of this, how could you be sure? One fight, one fight and Eli had easily tossed you aside for a prettier, more popular girl like you’d been nothing to him.
Like his feelings for you weren’t real.
So what if everyone said he still likes you? You hadn’t seen it. Last you saw, he’d made out with another girl right in front of you and broken your heart.
Things were awkward; which to be truthful felt like an understatement. You didn’t know how to talk to Eli, not anymore. You didn’t know what to say to him or how to act. Did you approach him just as a friend? Or more? Regardless of all he’d done, your feelings for him had never wavered and simply looking at him still made your heart race madly and this flutter of warmth envelop you.
He was still everything to you.
If he didn’t return your feelings, if he didn’t feel that way about you… the thought of just having to ignore your own feelings and act like you’re just friends? You couldn’t bear the thought. It made you sick just thinking about it.
So, you just simply kept your distance.
You’d smile at him, greet him when given the chance… you didn’t necessarily want him to think you hated him because god knows that was the farthest thing from the truth. But you didn’t want to get your heart broken either, and maybe it was the selfish thing. Maybe you were horrible for wanting to protect your heart; either way, you didn’t want to find out.
And you were content with that.
Slipping in to Mr. Larusso’s dojo, you drop your bag off inside like you usually do, sending a small smile to Sam on her way. She’s busy chatting with her dad, and you know you’re a few minutes early, so pulling out your phone, you move to make your way outside, only to walk straight into another.
You stumble back a few steps before hands reach out to catch you, steadying you on your feet. You blink in surprise, eyes flickering upwards only to fall on Eli’s own surprised ones staring back down at you.
“Oh, Eli,” you mumble, pulling your hands to your chest where you nervously pull at the sleeves of your sweater. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.”
He shakes his head a little too quickly; “no, it’s my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
You laugh lightly at that, the way he’s so quick to assure you you’re not at fault, shaking your head as Eli blinks down at you, for a moment baffled by your laughter, before he’s unable to stop the small fond smile that curls onto his lips at the sight. It’s entirely too adorable the way you giggle, eyes crinkling as your lips part in delight, and he thinks he could stand there and watch you for hours. If you’d let him.
It takes you a moment to realize you’re laughing louder than intended, and with warm cheeks, you lower your gaze; “sorry,” you apologize again, embarrassed.
“No, don’t be,” Eli admonishes, “your laugh is cute.”
To be fair, his compliment shocks the both of you. You feel your face grow incredibly red at the compliment and Eli seems entirely too baffled given he’s the one who said the words in the first place.
Still, it makes your heart flutter.
Unsure what to say, you brush a strand of loose hair behind your ear, meeting his gaze briefly; “you’re here, uh, early.”
“Oh, yeah. I was just grabbing my water bottle. Demetri and I came here early to practice a bit.”
You smile at that, happy the two came together.
“Shit, sorry.”
Blinking at Eli, you’re surprised at the panic look that crosses his face.
“We should’ve asked you if you wanted to come,” he explains, shaking his head as if disappointed in himself. “I don’t know why we didn’t. I just–”
“Eli?” You call softly, quirking a brow.
He falters, shoulders falling; “yeah?”
“It’s okay,” you grin, “I’m happy you and Demetri are hanging out again.”
Eli takes a moment to respond, lips left parted and you wouldn’t know; but the reason is because he’s absolutely smitten by the bright grin on your face, unable to look away.
If anyone else was watching, they’d wonder how two people could be so oblivious.
“It’s not the same without you though,” Eli finally manages to find his words, his voice entirely too sure to ever doubt his words. You blink at the confession, body easing at bit as you bite your lip to stop yourself from grinning wider.
Seriously, Y/N, get control of yourself.
“Well–”
“Okay, everyone! Line it up!”
You never get to finish what you’re saying as Johnny’s loud voice booms, making you slightly jump, taking a glance around only to notice just how many of the other kids had filtered in while you and Eli had been talking. You’re honestly impressed you never noticed any of them, feeling yourself blush slightly at the fact that you’d been too enthralled by Eli to even notice your surroundings.
You meet Eli’s gaze briefly and then the both of you move, him stepping out of your way and letting you slip out first before following after you. When you make it outside, you catch Demetri’s eyes instantly and he’s grinning widely at you, the intention clear on his face as you blush, embarrassed, ducking out of his view and moving to the opposite end of the group from him. Distantly, you notice Eli making his way over to Demetri, the latter saying something to Eli which causes him to shove Demetri lightly.
You can’t help but wonder what he said.
“Ready,” Johnny calls once everyones in place, “bow.”
With ease, everyone listens.
“Sensei Lawrence and I have the same goal of preparing you for the tournament,” Mr. Larusso speaks up once everyone stands straight.
“But we have different ways of getting you there,” Johnny finishes.
“We realize that teaching you opposing viewpoints at the same time can be a little confusing.”
To say the least, you can’t help but think.
“So, we’ve discussed it and come up with a solution. We’re gonna divide and concur.”
Wait, what?
“Eagle fang trains out front,” Johnny calls, gesturing behind him.
Mr. Larusso nods; “and I’ll be back here with the Miyagi-Dos.”
Miguel steps up from beside you; “but I thought we were stronger working together,” he calls, reminding the both of them of their own words.
“We’re still working together.”
“Just separately. On opposite ends of the dojo.”
So, not working together then.
“All right, Eagle Fangs, follow me,” Johnny calls, moving to turn around.
“Miyagi-Do’s, come on over here.”
You glance around, taking notice of the confused looks on everyone’s faces, ones that mimic yours perfectly. This wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when Miguel and Sam had first proposed working together, and to say you were disappointed Mr. Larusso and Johnny couldn’t work out their differences, even just for class, was an understatement.
Still, you don’t say anything, simply following behind the rest of the Miyagi-Do’s. Your eyes briefly meet Eli’s along the way, offering a small smile on the way to which he mimics, before falling next to Demetri’s side.
Despite everything that happens, you don’t miss the shit-eating grin on his face.
Rolling your eyes, you huff; “don’t say a word.”
He simply holds up his hands, laughing.
-
“--Go back to your little Eagle Fang, you’re not wanted here.”
Pausing at the sound of Chris’ voice, you pick up the speed in your step, making your way inside. You’d been heading in to grab a sip of water bottle after Mr. Larusso had called a five, only to walk in and find Eli standing on the opposite side of Chris and Bert, with Demetri standing next to them. It’s not hard to tell what’s going on, and at the lack of anything from Demetri, you step forward.
“Come on, Chris,” you call out, pulling everyone's attention on you. “He’s trying his best.”
You ignore the shocked look on Eli’s face as he glances back at you.
Chris scoffs, shaking his head.
You cross your arms over your chest; “what?”
“You’re just saying that cause you’re in love with him.”
Blinking in bewilderment at Chris’ words, your head jerks back, embarrassment flooding you, lips parting but no words leaving your lips. You’re sure your face is beat red, and honestly you’re shocked Chris is even saying such a thing to you that you’re stunned silent for a moment.
Chris turns back to Eli; “and he isn’t wanted here.”
Eli falters at that, taking one last look at you, then Demetri, before turning to leave. You wait for Demetri to say something, and when he doesn’t, you just shake your head, glaring at Chris, and moving to follow after Eli.
“Eli–”
You pause when you see him standing in front of Mr. Larusso.
He hasn’t noticed you yet.
“Hey, Mr. Larusso, can we talk?”
“What?” Mr. Larusso huffs, exasperated.
“I don’t know where I fit in here.”
“Well, wh-what did you expect?” Mr. Larusso huffs at him, throwing his hands up in defeat. “You’ve burned bridges with pretty much everyone here.”
That was the last thing you expected to hear Mr. Larusso say.
Frowning, Eli pauses when he notices you out of the corner of his eye, clearly embarrassed, moving to walk off before Mr. Larusso can say anything else, even as he calls for him. You bite your lip, wanting to call for him but almost not knowing what to say either.
It wasn’t like you didn’t think Chris might have a point – Eli had done a lot, and it wasn’t so easy to forgive. But it didn’t take a genius to realize he was at least trying to make amends. And you don’t think he should be punished for that.
You step forward as the rest of the students filter out, watching Eli rush off, before letting your gaze fall to your feet.
“What did you do?” Johnny turns to Mr. Larusso, scoffing.
“What did I do?” Mr. Larusso huffs, “I’m not the one who's been kicking his ass all day.”
“We’re training for the All Valley, not some yoga competition.”
“Don’t disrespect my dojo in front of your students.”
Glancing beside you, you meet Demetri’s gaze who wears a similar expression as you.
This cannot be good.
“Don’t tell my how to run my class,” Johnny counters, stepping backwards before pointing a finger at Mr. Larusso’s face. “I’ll do whatever I want.”
Mr. Larusso is quick to follow after him; “I know what you’re doing.”
“Yeah?”
“As long as you’re under my roof, they’re both our students.”
“Oh, yeah, I know. Under what roof? We're outside.”
The two walk off, practically yelling at each other.
-
Needless to say, you’re more than nervous for class the next day.
When you’d gotten home that night, venting to your mom had only helped a bit. It was nice to come home to her actually there, and she’d been more than willing to listen, but try as she might, she didn’t really understand all the drama that was involved. So, after dinner, you try texting Demetri, but he replies simply with “busy with Yasmine” and leaving it at that. Making it clear he didn’t really care to listen to your woes in that moment.
You’re hesitant to text Eli after everything that had happened that day. Plus, it’s not like you’ve really been texting him that much recently anyways.
That left Robby, and you text him with ease, knowing it’s been a bit since you lasted texted him. Only, he never replies to your text. You try texting him a couple of times, even just to check if he's okay, but he never answers.
Another thing to add to your list of worries.
When you walk into the dojo the next day, you can’t help the nerves rattling through you. You have half the mind to expect Mr. Larusso and Johnny to simply walk into class that day and break the news on what you’re all expecting at this point – that they can’t work together.
Would it disappoint you? Yes. Surprise you? No.
Only, when you get to class, Eli’s holding a sledgehammer, and the rest of the student’s are filtered around the yard, taking grass, wood and things left behind over the years, and piling them away, clearing the space.
“Uh,” you call out, making your way over to Eli, “what’s all this?”
Eli spins to you at your voice, eyes hopeful.
“Building a bridge,” Eli grins at you.
Your brows furrow; “what?”
Blinking, he laughs lightly; “an Okinawan sparring deck,” he explains further, “I figured it might help everybody work together better if we had the extra space. Despite you standing up for me yesterday, everybody's right. Talk is cheap and I wanna prove I really am sorry so I came up with this idea.”
He’s glancing at you hesitantly, never taking his eyes off of you, waiting for your reaction.
Glancing around, you watch as everyone moves around, doing their small part to help clear the empty space, gather the wood and more. You’ve never actually seen all of them work together so well. There’s no fighting, no arguing, everyone’s just… working together.
You turn to Eli, eyes shining with admiration; “that’s an amazing idea, Eli.”
His face brightens; “you think?”
“Yeah,” you grin widely, “of course I do.”
He laughs lightly, cheeks warming slightly, you completely unaware of how much your words mean to him.
“What can I do to help?”
And Eli’s all too quick to get you to help him specifically. You realize it easily, but don’t say anything; secretly giddy at the fact.
Things turn for the better from then on out.
When Johnny and Mr. Larusso walk into class that day, whatever they’d been about to say simply dies on the tip of their tongues at the sight of their students, from each dojo, working together to not only help each other, but help both of their sensei’s work together for the better.
It isn’t hard to tell how it impacts both of them.
Classes are basically smooth sailing from then on. Johnny and Mr. Larusso are able to work practically seamlessly with one another, providing what you can’t deny is entertaining banter with another most of the time whilst also being able to be respectful of each other’s teaching styles. Days are spent learning both offense and defense, the way of Miyagi-Do and the way of Eagle Fang.
You find yourself excited to go to class. Things are finally looking up.
Which is why you’re more than disappointed when your mom tells you you need to skip out on class one day because she needs you.
“Mom, I’m training for the All Valley Tournament.”
“Yes, and you can afford to skip one class.”
Huffing, you dramatically fall over the counter, “I don’t understand why we can’t do… whatever” (she refuses to tell you) “we’re doing another day. Preferably when I don’t have class.” Raising a brow at her, you just frown when she rolls her eyes.
“Is spending the day with your mom so bad?” She asks, head tilted in curiosity.
Of course it isn’t. Once upon a time, you would’ve killed for just that. A single day with her. And none of that has changed; of course you don’t mind spending time with your mom and it wasn’t like you couldn’t use a mini little break from karate and all the drama that involved it. But…
“Today was the day Miyagi-Do’s training with Johnny,” you pout, not necessarily really meaning it. “I was excited.”
Pausing, your mom glances back at you, and there’s this look that washes over her face, an expression of guilt, and she sighs; “if it’s really that important, honey. We can… do this another day.”
There’s something odd about the way she says it. Something in the tone of her voice.
You know what it means, deep in the back of your mind; something you don’t want to admit, to realize. Something that makes your chest tighten and your heart suddenly feel heavy. Something you pray isn’t true.
So, with a simple frown, you just shake your head; “it’s okay,” you ease, nodding at her and letting a small smile curl on your lips. “I can miss one class,” you shrug, trying to play it off casual, despite the ever growing grin spreading on your mom’s face. “It’s just karate.”
And she beams, bright eyed and grinning and an excited squeal leaves her lips, one that has you laughing. You let her grab you by the arm, pulling you upstairs so that you can get ready, her only rule being that you ‘wear something cute’ as she said, causing you to roll your eyes. Still, you listen, picking out a cute sundress you haven’t worn in a while, brushing out your hair and curling it, feeling oddly confident in yourself as you get ready.
Then, as you sit on your bed, waiting for your mom to get ready, you pull out your phone, frowning when you realize Robby still hasn’t replied to your texts.
Biting your lip, you open up his messages, fingers moving swiftly;
hope you’re okay. let me know if you need anything.
Frowning, you wait, praying you’ll get a response.
You don’t.
A few moments later, your mom’s calling after you, and you reluctantly tuck your phone away and moving to make your way down the stairs.
“Coming!”
The entire day is spent just the two of you. Your mom dedicates her entire focus on you that day; shopping, a nice lunch, a movie in the afternoon and then, back home where the both of you prepare a nice home-cooked meal that the two of you always used to make together when you were younger. The only thing that can be heard is 2000’s pop blasting in the kitchen and the two of you singing both loudly and out of tune as you make dinner.
You swear you can’t remember the last time you’ve had so much fun with your mom. It reminds you of how it used to be, when you were younger, when you’d spend every waking moment you possibly could with your mom. She’d been your best friend for years, before Eli and Demetri, and often, your mom had been the only one you’d had to lean on. Making friends had never been something you’d been good at, and having your mom made everything easier.
When she’d started working so much more, it felt like you had lost everything.
Then, you’d met Eli and Demetri and they’d been able to help fill the hole she’d left.
This, spending the entire day with your mom? It brought you such intense joy, feelings of nostalgia, just being able to be yourself, be silly, without the worry of school or karate or boys…
And yet, when dinner’s done, both of your plates empty, you already know what’s coming next.
The words that have been stuck at the back of your throat all night, scared to leave your lips.
“You have to go back to work, don’t you?”
Her eyes widen, shocked at your words that cut through the comfortable silence that had existed between the both of you. You watch her face, watch as the shock fades and that same expression from this morning falls on her face.
“I got called back,” she explains, voice low, “and if I don’t go it could risk my job.”
Glancing down at your plate, you nod; “how long will you be gone for?”
“At least, three months.”
Eyes widening, your gaze snaps to hers; “but you’ll miss the tournament.”
Swallowing thickly, your mother nods. “I’m sorry, baby–”
You push yourself to a stand, chair screeching beneath you as you shake your head, feeling your eyes water as the realization settles in. The realization you’d realized this morning but had tried to ignore… had tried to hope wasn’t real. Everything sinks in then, like a slap to the face; it hurts so much that it burns. “Then… this whole day… what? Was it just to make you feel better about leaving?”
Your mother is quick to shake her head; “no, honey, I wanted to spend the day–”
“That is such bullshit” You scream, slamming your hands on the table, unable to control yourself as the anger boils over and the hurt blinds you from seeing reason. “You thought spending one day would make up for missing the tournament? You could even miss me graduating!”
“Y/N–”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” you huff, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall as you move to walk away. “I really thought you were trying, but I should’ve known it’d only last so long.”
“Y/N, just listen to me.”
You don’t.
You can hear her following after you, but you don’t care. You continue to walk away, opening the door without a second of hesitation and letting it slam behind you. It’s already dark out, but you barely pay attention to it, not paying attention to where you’re going as you keep walking. Somewhere along the way, you’re unable to hold your tears back and you find yourself crying, practically sobbing, holding your arms to your chest as you keep walking.
You can't believe it…. Can’t believe you actually thought, for once, she’d stay.
That she would actually stay for you.
You’ve been walking for a good twenty minutes before you finally stop, out of breath, chest rising and falling with your vision blurred by your own tears. You glance around, confused on where you are, finally realizing just how chilly it is outside as you stand there, hugging yourself tightly.
You were still in your sundress from earlier, never having changed and you didn’t even think of grabbing a jacket when you stormed out.
“Y/N?”
Jumping at the new voice, panic wells within you, until you turn, shoulders falling with relief but confusion at the sight of Eli.
You blink, slowly, taking another look at your surroundings, only to realize you weren’t lost. You were standing just a few houses away from Eli’s house.
In the midst of your distress, your feet had led you straight to Eli.
“Are you okay?” Eli calls, taking a few steps towards you. “Hey, are you… are you crying?”
Wiping at your cheeks, embarrassed, you try to turn away, only for Eli’s hand to fall on your shoulder, halting your movement. You freeze at the touch, but he doesn’t pull back, instead gently nudging you to face him where he ducks slightly to get a good look at your face. Once he realizes you were, in fact, crying, his eyes widen and his chest tightens with worry.
“What happened? Did… Did someone do something to you? Y/N, what–”
“Eli! Eli…” You cut in, stopping his rambling as your eyes finally meet his, “I’m okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He pauses, lips parting to say something, before hesitating. “Did… Did someone do something to you?”
You shake your head.
Frowning at your silence, Eli then notices his hand still on you, hesitantly pulling away, noticing as he steps back, the goosebumps all over your arms. He properly takes in what you’re wearing, and jumping to attention, he’s quick to pull off his hoodie, gently moving to wrap it around your shoulders. “Here,” he calls gently, “you’re cold.”
Sniffling, you grab his hoodie, pulling it closer around you. You let yourself cuddle into the warmth, basking in the familiar and soothing scent, ignoring the way your cheeks have warmed slightly, or the way Eli’s have too, and instead, turn back to meet his gaze. “Thank you, Eli.”
“Of course,” he nods, “will you tell me what happened now?”
You shake your head, “it’s stupid.”
“It’s not,” he argues gently. “Not when it comes to you.”
Lips parting, you stare back at Eli.
His face doesn’t falter.
“I… My mom… she’s leaving again,” you explain, the words practically pouring past your lips at his confession. “For at least three months. She’ll miss the tournament most likely. She’ll even miss me graduating.”
“Oh,” Eli frowns.
“Yeah,” you nod.
“I’m… I’m so sorry, Y/N.”
Letting your eyes fall shut at his words, you shrug; “I should’ve known. It was silly of me to get my hopes up.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Eli assures, not an ounce of hesitation. “Anybody would get their hopes up.”
Meeting his eyes, you bite your lip; “yeah, well… It doesn’t make it hurt any less.” And at your words, you can’t help the way your eyes water in response, feeling the sob building up. It all comes bubbling up again, welling deep within your chest and begging to break out.
Eli notices too, and with only a moment of hesitation, unsure if you want him to or not, he takes a step towards you. You don’t argue, don’t say anything, simply letting yourself fall into his familiar warmth, head falling into the crook of his neck as his arms wound around your waist. Your own hands move to the back of his shirt, clutching onto it tightly as a sob breaks past your lips.
Eli doesn’t say anything. Simply just holding you.
He’d always been better at showing you he cared rather than telling you.
You find familiarity in the way he holds you, relishing in being able to have Eli this close once again as you let everything out in that moment.
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