#conversely writers always intimidate me a little lol

[sketchytea]

🐭 (i’m slightly intimidated by all artists tbf 😅)

what u should be intimidated by is my overwhelming love for u and your writing

#conversely writers always intimidate me a little lol #lithugraph #teask

[frannyzooey]

If you had any advice for someone new to posting fics, what would it be?

I am absolutely jaw dropped, crying on the floor in love with your writing, and it’s inspired me to start writing again. I’m sure you hear that all the time, lol.

But I’m so anxious about putting work out there, and the idea that it may not be liked, or even seen. Which, like, is hard because I know no one owes me anything! and there are so many incredible writers out there! I guess what I’m trying to say is - what is the best way to become a part of the community, and not the creeper breathing breath on the glass window looking into the party?

You’re genuinely so kind to all of your followers and readers, I would just love to pick your brain a little!

Thank you for everything you give to us. 🫶🏻

FIRST - get over here and tuck yourself under my arm ❤ feel the squeeze I am giving you, in both welcome and reassurance! ❤

This ask couldn't be better timed because I was literally just having a conversation with @astroboots today about how I feel like tumblr is a safe space for sharing my writing, but I am absolutely petrified about sharing it any other place. The thought of even talking about my writing out loud makes me want to curl up and hide my face, and even on this platform, I still get anxious sometimes. The Dinner, recently, was a good example of that - I was beyond nervous to post that one.

All this to say: you are not alone ❤

This fandom can be utterly terrifying because of the 1) sheer amount of talent but more so, 2) the sheer amount of content. It's being constantly created, even more with Pedro becoming bigger these days and it's so fucking intimidating even thinking about tossing your fic into the literal OCEAN that exists.

On one hand, an argument could be made that it's actually easier to post because of those reasons, but it's also legit anxiety producing in many, many ways.

The thing that I always say about writing is: find your people. Reach out to people you admire through reblogs, send them asks, pop into their DMs. Share and spread their work, their art, their gifs. Find one or two or ten that seem like they would vibe with you and connect! Because once you have your people in your corner, cheering you on, it becomes fun to post thinking about them reading it.

Instead of thinking of this place like the ocean, think of your curated corner like a little tide pool and your mutuals like little cheerleading starfishes. It's so much easier to share things when you know they will be accepted and supported by people, so start there! You're right in that no one owes you anything, but I am a HUGE supporter of not only writing for yourself, but writing for the seven (7) targeted people you love the most. The ones you know are going to scream in your DMs about it, the ones who helped you brainstorm, the ones who beta read and held you on their shoulders for a lap of victory after you hit post. THOSE people are who you post for (in addition to yourself.)

I (frequently) get pretty freaked out about the size of this fandom and get anxiety when it comes to the rapid upload of content - if you've ever seen me put on my "Out of Office", that's usually why...but thinking of this place as a condensed little bubble can really help ❤

That's exactly how I did it, and how I continue to do it! When I posted my first piece of writing EVER three years ago, I had 8 followers and one serious friend on here. ONE. But that ONE person gave me all the hype I needed to share, and even though my hands were shaking when I hit post, I was.....okay, because I knew they were there with open arms, ready to receive it. ❤

Second, we are ALL the creeper breathing on the glass, looking into the party - every single one of us. I can go on and on (and on and on, seriously, I have so many thoughts on this) about how this is a social media site and how that affects you psychologically for hours, but I don't want to bore you, lol. The best part about there being so many of us though is that...there are so many of us! You are bound to find your people. ❤

If you are scared, DM me. I would love nothing more than to cheer you on. This place has been such a safe haven for me, the only way I can even begin to pay that back is to pass it on.

OH - and EXCUSE YOU, I do not have people telling me that all the time! Holy shit?? I wish you could have been the soft ass look on my face when I got this ask, because that's just about the nicest thing someone has ever said to me, literally. I could kiss you on the mouth. Me? Inspiring you? I am BLUSHING.

Squeezing you EVEN TIGHTER AS I TALKED - do you feel the love, nonnie? 😍❤🥰 Congrats on beginning writing again - I am so FUCKING proud of you and WELCOME!!

#DM me WHENEVER #I love talking to anyone and everyone ❤

[throughalleternity]

22, 27, 50? For fic asks.

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

The day I title a fic before finishing it (or the first chapter) would be the start of a new era for me as a writer or something lmao. What always happens is that I finish the thing, go to post, curse the fact that I need a title, flail around for a little bit trying to come up with something passable (usually something simple related to the theme of the fic), and finally settle on a half-baked title so I can yeet it.

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

Dude I am just out here flailing lol. Uhh. I feel happy with the moments that I home in on to end up with relatively focused fics, even if the focus might just be domestic fluff. I try to add in stuff that hints at the characters' lives outside of that moment, and I think that works well sometimes. Oh and I guess speaking of domestic fluff, I do enjoy the soft moments I write.

50. How would you describe your writing style?

Lol last time I was like, idk it changes between fics! Generally, I still think I'm pretty succinct, at least (probably usually lean toward underwriting rather than overwriting). I like a sentence fragment here, a comma splice there. Conversational maybe, sometimes? I try not to write that much dialogue since it intimidates me, so I lean more into inner life and internal dialogue when I can. But other than that, the general vibes kinda bounce around a little bit, I feel.

#'inner life' is my new vocab term of the month #i can point to the specific moments where i said fuck it to dialogue and wrote around it instead lmao #and em dash my beloved #ask me

[myloveforhergoeson]

theres so many things i wanna say about the last chapter and the pool date !!!! first of all, roxy submersing herself to delay the inevitable is so relatable lol and she seriously cant do anything of her own without btr crashing her party 😭 and chapter 12 !! roxy backstory!! damn not only did her songs get stolen but her old band also got success off it? yeowch

i know youve already got some chapters written earlier, but i just wanna say i appreciate you uploading as frequently as you do ❤ hope the rest of the season finale writing goes smoothly!

awe thank you!! <3 the head dunking was inspired by all the kids i knew growing up who would dunk their heads and try to hold their breath underwater as long as possible to avoid hearing their parents tell them it was time to get out of the pool :) and yeah... ain't no party like a btr party... they just kinda sucked her into their friend group and she doesn't really get the choice to hang out with them or not hang out with them - they just appear and either insert themselves into what she's doing or they drag her along to whatever their doing. most of the time, this isn't an issue for her because she loves her friends and enjoys nearly every second they spend together, but sometimes she needs time with her girlies!!

i had a lot of fun writing out the pool date; i can't believe i didn't include it in the story the first time! it might not come as a shock but im not allll that creative when it comes to original scenes so i don't always think to include them + i always get a little bit of writers block when i do but in the way thats like "oh, you've written x amount of pages in this scene, its over" instead of it coming to a natural conclusion loll! that's why the finale is taking me forever, a big chunk of it has been original scenes!!

as for chapter 12... yikes! god that hurt to write. inspired by the notorious suckage of men in the pop punk scene, mag is like every early 2000's pop punk band frontman and also my own personal nightmare. roxy however, was unable to see this about him because he is pretty! girl come on!!!! anyway, now we know a bit about her past - not that she's been hiding it, she just didn't feel the need to come out and say it until a situation like this arose. you'll get to see a bit more of this in some future chapters, but she's super intimidated by the fact the band has known each other nearly all their lives, there isn't room for them to reminisce with each other or share facts about themselves in natural conversation because they all just... know everything about each other. so roxy feels a bit strange trying to talk about herself, her life in minnesota, or things she likes because the opportunity never really presents itself.

i'll do my best to keep up my posting schedule this summer, but once school rolls around i'll probably have to switch back to posting every two weeks instead of one... it'll all depend on my schedule and stuff so i might get lucky and still be able to do once a week!

#thats all she wrote fic #ash talks tasw #thank you!!! i love talking about my silly story :)

[pies-writes-and-more]

I hate that I love you p. 13

13. I hate you

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Epilogue 

Warnings: annoyingly persistent dude shows up this time, but not for long so don’t worry! probably some swearing too, and a first time writer’s SMAU so might be awful lol

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader

A/N: how are we already done this fic omg... i won’t lie to yall, I finished the majority of the chapters within a few days cause I was so excited to write haha. But thank you so much for everyone who has kept up with this series and has interacted with me about it! I love interactions so never feel like you can’t interact okay? :) 

Anyways! Onto the story! More written things this time cause you know, we can’t have a big finale and a confession that needs to be said over a text (or at least i don’t personally like text confessions so here we are lol) Enjoy :)

Tsukishima groaned internally as he thought about what to type next. This was the moment he had been waiting for all week. You were finally talking to him, even if it was over text. He didn’t want to mess this up and have your name never pop up in his notifs again. But what would he even say? 

He wasn’t even really sure what happened, how he ended up here waiting for the nurse to bring him an ice pack. He knew the gist of it but the details were still a tad hazy.

“Doesn’t matter how much she rejects me! I’m going to keep trying! Girls like that, you know. If you start slacking off, she’ll just start ignoring you!” The guy had practically yelled across the courtyard in Tsukishima’s direction. It wasn’t that it really pissed him all that much off. It was more the way the guy was talking about you that got under Tsukishima’s skin. “She’s just so beautiful and so smart, she’d make the perfect girl to have on my arm! I don’t care how many times she says no, Y/N’ll be mine eventually!”

Before Tsukishima even knew it, he had a fistful of the guy’s shirt in his hand, glaring down at him, “Stop talking about her like she’s some sort of prize. Besides, how old are you? Even a toddler can understand what NO means.”

Maybe Noya and Tanaka had been passing through and Yamaguchi had called for their help, or maybe they just decided to jump in, but before he knew it, Tsukishima felt himself fall back. Noya and Tanaka had both thrown him aside (neither of them meaning to, they just had a lot of adrenaline and wanted to get up in front). Even though Tsukishima told Y/N he didn’t really hit his head, he could remember the pain surging through his skull. His head was killing him.

Did he black out? Or was he just missing pieces? Tsukishima thought back to the moment and frowned. All he could really remember was the pain and then suddenly, you were crouched next to him with that worried look in your eyes. Honestly, he thought he was dreaming because you were sitting there right next to him, holding his hand and touching his face. 

“Tsukki, are you okay?” You had asked him, helping him sit up. He felt his cheeks flush in that moment, realizing what had just happened. Tanaka and Noya were still yelling at the guy, not even realizing they had practically thrown Tsukishima across the courtyard. 

“OH SO YOU THINK YOU CAN TREAT GIRLS LIKE SHIT HMMM???” Tanaka had screamed.

“IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK IN Y/N’S DIRECTION WE WILL COME AFTER YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW THE POWER OF SECOND YEARS?” Noya had added in, the two of them making the best intimidating faces they could manage.

“We should get you to the nurse’s office,” you had told him and before he knew it here he was. He could remember leaning against you as the two of you walked but other than that, it was all a blur.

“Here’s an ice pack, try to rest okay? No volleyball for at least a few days too,” the nurse was telling him and he just nodded. He hadn’t even gotten another word typed out before she had come back and now he was going to have to face you without really knowing what to say.

“So?” You looked up at him in anticipation and Tsukishima wasn’t really sure what you were asking about - his last text or his head.

“I’m fine,” he stated quietly, holding the ice to his head. “I don’t think I have a concussion but I can’t play for a while.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled nervously, eyes darting away from his. This had been because of you. You felt the guilt fill you up - if you had just gotten the guy to leave you alone in the first place, none of this would’ve happened. Maybe you should’ve done what Bokuto and the others told you to do and talk to the school’s administration about it. But it seemed like such a trivial thing to complain about.

“Oi,” Tsukishima interrupted your thoughts, nudging you. He could see that guilt written all over your face. “Stop it. It’s not like you hit me or anything.”

“Yeah well, but it’s not like I didn’t want to,” you huffed, frowning up at him. The two of you stood there awkwardly for a moment, both of you waiting for the other to bring up the topic of anticipation. “So... are you going to explain your last text?” You finally asked, a ball of nerves sitting in your stomach. 

Tsukishima bit on his inner cheek, thinking about all the things he had wanted to say to you for the past week. “I’m bad with words when it comes to how I’m feeling,” he stated quietly. “I’m good with facts. I know for a fact that there are so many things about you that I hate.”

Wow great start to the conversation, you thought to yourself, your heart falling a bit. The two of you hadn’t spoken in a week and this is how he wanted to do things?

“Let me finish,” he grumbled, seeing the discomfort in your eyes. “I hate how you click your pen when you’re nervous for a test, I hate that you doodle on my notes in class or that you draw smiley faces on my hand when I’m not paying attention. I hate that you text me at 3 in the morning to ask me questions about the homework or just to ask me how I am. I hate the fact that you refuse to put your books back in your bag and that you’ll just carry them in your arms because we both know you’re clumsy and that you’ll end up dropping something. I hate that you’re always the loudest person during my matches, I hate that I can pick you out of a crowd and that when I can’t see you I get worried.”

Your eyebrows furrowed a little as he continued, his eyes now starting to avoid yours. 

“I hate that you get along with all my teammates and I hate that they make you smile and laugh. I hate that you and Bokuto are good friends and that he makes you happy. I hate everything about you because everything you do just makes me like you more.”

You blink in confusion... was this.. supposed to be some sort of twisted confession?

“I hate that you were so childish that you ignored me for a whole week for being an asshole and that it’s been the most miserable week of my life. I hate that I heard your voicemail more times than your actual voice this week because you wouldn’t pick up the phone. I hate seeing that you hadn’t sent me a text message back, I hate that I wake up at 3 in the morning just in case you reached out to me. I hate that there were no smiley faces on my arm and no doodles on my notes, I hate that I wasn’t able to help you pick up your books or study with you. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you from the time that I wake up, to the time I go to bed, I hate that you’re in my dreams every single night and I hate that no matter how many times I’ve dreamt about saying these things, it’s never the way that you deserve. I hate that you’re effortlessly perfect and that every guy who walks by you knows it too,” Tsukishima’s hands balled into fists as he thought about it all, scoffing a little at himself. 

How desperate, he thought to himself. He hated how absolutely cheesy he sounded. But he couldn’t stop now. “I hate... I hate everything about you because everything you do just makes me fall harder for you. I hate that I love you, Y/N because no matter how much I want to hate you, I just can’t.”

Time must’ve stopped right then and there. Or else that’s what it felt like. Tsukishima had finally said the words that you were waiting for the whole time you’d known him. Tsukishima... loved you? Everything you felt was... mutual?

Maybe time hadn’t stopped at all and you were just staring at him in complete shock, because Tsukishima was shifting awkward in the empty hall the two of you were in, waiting for some sort of reply out of you. “O-Oh!” He recovered quickly, his whole face turning red, feeling like it was you waiting for him to say something else. “A-And I’m sorry. For being an ass.” His eyes dropped to the ground, holding his head in shame, “I know I was being a dick about Bokuto. And after the first game you came to. I thought that the whole jersey thing was going to make you realize how I felt but you just thought it was to freak out your stalker and...”

“I only thought that cause when you gave me your jacket, you told me it was for the plan,” you interrupted quickly, biting on your lip nervously. “I didn’t... I didn’t want to believe that you would really give me your jersey cause that would mean that everything Yamaguchi said was true.”

Tsukishima looked at you for a moment, a small scowl on his lips, “What did Yamaguchi say?”

A small smile started to play on your lips, “That Tsukishima Kei had a big fat crush on me. Who knew?” You couldn’t help but giggle, watching as this tall glaring bean pole started to go pink with embarrassment. There was such a relief off of your shoulders, knowing that he was admitting how he was feeling and apologizing. 

“S-So you knew?”

“Of course not,” you laugh, shaking your head. “I figured Yamaguchi just told me that because he was encouraging my crush on you!” The words slipped from your lips before you could slap a hand over your mouth, eyes widening as you look up at him.

There was that stupid smirk on his lips, growing bigger as he tilted his chin up in pride, “So Y/N Y/L/N has a crush on me huh?”

You scoff, rolling your eyes a little in embarrassment, “Pfft. What? Me? No way.”

Tsukishima smirked, catching your chin in his fingers and forcing you to look at him, “Go out with me,” he demanded softly, pressing his forehead against yours gently. “For real this time.”

Your whole body was going hot with how he was looking at you, the soft but teasing look in his eyes was driving you insane. You hadn’t ever seen him look at you like this before, “O-Okay,” you mumbled quickly and Tsukishima smiled. A real genuine giddy sort of smile.

Before you could embarrass yourself further, you shove his shoulder gently and pull away, walking towards the exit, “But if you’re ever that much of an ass to me ever again, I’m never talking to you again!” You yell over your shoulder, trying to pretend like your heart wasn’t just leaping out of your chest. 

It didn’t take long for Tsukishima’s long legs to catch up with you, casually opening the hallway doors for you, “Fine.”

“Don’t think you confessing to me makes up for anything, I’m still mad at you.”

“What? Why! I said I was sorry! I thought you said it was ice cream or words! And I apologized!” His scowl was evident, even though his heart was fluttering. Everything he wanted, it was finally happening. 

“Well you were a real asshole so you’re going to need at least words AND ice cream.”

“You’re impossible.”

“But you loveeee me.”

“Maybe.”

“Just wait till Yamaguchi finds out your whole confession was about you hating me,” you mused as the two of you walked and Tsukishima groaned a little. With how sassy Yamaguchi was getting, he was never going to hear the end of it.

“I will literally buy you any kind of ice cream you want, just don’t tell him,” Tsukishima mumbled, not wanting to admit how embarrassed he would be if his best friend scolded him over his confession.

“No way,” you laugh, shaking your head with a huge smile. “Tsukishima Kei finally confessed to me and I need Yamaguchi to know that he did it in a very Tsukishima way.”

The blond boy just groaned but he swiftly grabbed your hand and stuffed it in his pocket with his own. You tried not to seem so surprised and quickly started looking in every direction but his, not wanting him to notice how nervous you were getting every time his thumb would slowly make a circle along your skin. The two of you walked back to your friends, chatting away the tension that had been so thick before, as if it was a totally normal day for you. As if both of you weren’t thinking I’m the luckiest person alive.

Taglist (Let me know if you’d like to be added to my permanent Haikyuu tag :) Thank you so much for all the love everyone!)

@random-fandom-girl-24 @intergalactic-mango @celestaire @lucyheartfilias-wife @owlnymph @lucyrocks86 @pinkhairedsapphic @mariachiii @aurumk @sana-li @mirikusashes @earphonekiyouka @why-000 @devilkittymusic @420-uwu @scphiredrafts @fantasycantasy @its-the-aerieljeane @laninasinnombre @trashy-simp @thisnoodlewritesao3 @darling-daydreaming @yourmajestythegreatest @so-lo-stuff @ibimyeon @satan-ruler-of-hells @ahiae @kpopandstarwarswhynot @imnisneedshercoffee @ramen-maker @chelly-ilysmiwdfy @animeanxiety @kaylig02 @upwardscomma @jeppiet @simplyyyy @ashtheticals @calumsfringe @kac-chowsballs @dreamsandregrets @flamingosis @loving-unicorns106 @darkvadeeer @mykuronekome​

#tsukishima kei #tsukishima x y/n #tsukkishima kei #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukkishima x. reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyu x y/n #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyu smau #haikyuu fake texts #reader insert #haikyuu fluff #haikyu fluff #hq x reader #hq x you #hq x y/n #hq fics #tsukishima #tsukishima heacanons #tsukishima x you #tsukki

[sichengtual]

— summary: wanting to make his big break as a song-writer, jun gets assigned to work with a band that has every intent on making it big. but it’s the 70’s, and just as he’s about to discover, love and rock&roll go hand in hand.

— pairing: wen junhui x reader.

— au: 70’s, song-writer!jun, rockstar!reader. 

— genre: fluff. 

— word count: 15, 273 (15.2k)

— playlist: somebody to love — queen ;  your song — elton john ; where you lead — carole king ;  tiny dancer — elton john. 

— warnings: alcohol consumption, some cursing, josh saying groovy every time he speaks.

— a/n: a part of me really wishes i was living in the 70′s and i think it shows here lol also, the moonwalker is inspired on the troubadour and the song jun writes is tiny dancer because it carried me the entire way, what an mvp. 

this one’s for @chocosvt​ ! i really hope you like it <3

Jun is nervous. 

The tapping of his feet against the cold, faux tiled floor produces no audible sound over the music coming from the speakers, but it’s still noticeable to him. He tries to keep a steady pace, even counting along to the beat as he plays the same words over and over inside his head. It’s his own voice speaking back at him, words a mere reminder, and, if he were to be completely honest, part of the reason behind his nerves.

He had promised you, on the very first day he met you, that he’d help you shine. That he’d make you succeed. Part a rush of the moment, part wanting to impress his boss and part a reassurance for himself, his promise had been easy to make. Then. And it’s not that he doubts himself, or you, but, at the end of the day, he’s a 24 year old making his debut in the music industry. And it’s hard, of course, because even when he’s not the one performing, it’s still his words that are being sung. 

Doing what he does is harder than people usually think. Jun’s lyrics are heart-felt, authentic, with his entire soul poured on the paper and ready to be dissected by whoever got to listen to the songs he wrote. He surrenders it to the artist, basically giving up any kind and sort of hold he has over the feelings he’s just reflected, giving them away for someone else to interpret them the way they want. The way they can. And as difficult as it is sometimes, it’s part of the job, and all that he can hope for is for them to be interpreted in the most authentic way possible. It’s hard, definitely, but after years and years of trying, he knows that having them expressed are way better than keeping them in.

Following the loud bang of a drum, he looks around as he keeps the pace with his foot. The entire room smells like entrapped smoke, and warm coffee, and it looks somewhat like it too. There’s a thick, almost translucent layer of fog-like smoke hanging on the air, slowly rising to the ceiling as minutes keep passing. There’s also a big arrangement of paper cups, both full and empty, resting on all possible surfaces around him, almost reflecting the passing of time in their placement; 8 in the morning on the desks, 2 in the evening on the equipment luggage, and a few hours past midnight on some parts of the floor. 

The practice room is a dimly-lit space, with a few round, orange and yellow glass lamps hanging on the ceiling and set a few meters apart, barely even enough to illuminate the entire room. In the evening, the last few rays of sunshine manage to break through the high set windows, reflecting on the tinged glass and breaking upon the dark purple walls in bright, warm shades of orange. 

He hasn’t been there a lot, only a few days since he had arrived for the first stop of the tour, but as he sets his eyes on it, he can’t help but think it almost resembles a sunset. He can see the colors, the exact same ones that paint over the sky just as the night is about to fall down, and it serves to help him ease a little bit. Sunsets, even the ones reflected upon the walls of a world tour practice room, are the same all around. 

“Why are you still getting it wrong? It’s all about the groove, man,” Josh whines. He’s sitting on a small wooden stool, his guitar propped up on his knee. 

“I don’t know, Josh, I’m the one that wrote this riff and for some reason I just can’t play it correctly again!”

“Beginner’s luck,” Chan comments, not really involved in the argument, but never one to pass the opportunity to strike a joke. He looks down to tune down his guitar once Mingyu turns to give him a stare. 

“That doesn’t make sense, I’ve been doing this for years.”

“Well, it certainly doesn't seem like it! Just try to make it groovy!”

He’s still getting used to the band. 

They’re a nice group of people; kind, loud and boisterous, but that’s just every band he knows. Having worked in the label for years, he’s used to seeing bands come and go, submitting his songs with no much more room for interaction left other than a Jun, they liked it! coming from his boss on the good days (the bad days are different, a little less remarkable, but they’re the ones he tries not to think about). This, his first time on the road with one of them, is a completely new experience, and if it wasn’t for finally seeing his dream beginning to get on track, it’d be one that would probably have him shaking in fear. 

But they’re warm, laid-back and easy to talk to, which he appreciates, knowing he’s not the best at initiating conversations... or maintaining them. He had felt intimidated at first, looking into a group of rising rock stars from the outlook of someone who’s just as into their world as he’s out of it, standing somewhere between the line that divides the outside and the inside. But he’s entering, just walking in and slowly stepping his toes on the water; and he’s doing it by the side of people he’s glad he can finally get to call his friends. 

“Jun, could you possibly tell Mingyu he’s been playing the wrong note the entire time?” 

“Yeah Josh, I already know I’ve been playing it wrong.” 

“Please stop fighting so we can practice!” Soonyoung says from his spot on the drums, backed up with a nod from Vernon, the bassist looking surprisingly bored at the altercation.

“Can you tell him to play the right note this time? And remember, make it groovy!”

He hadn’t heard the door opening, but you’re walking in the room just he finally tears his gaze from Josh’s bright red guitar. You turn to give him a smile, one he quickly returns, before turning back to the two bickering guitarists. He turns to look at the set playlist, with his name carefully penned down below all fifteen songs, and he tells himself that, despite his nerves, he might just be perfectly ready for the tour to start. 

“Are you okay? You looked a little distracted today.” 

The diner is quiet. 

There’s really not much movement, with only another customer besides him inside the small establishment. He can focus on the clinging of his spoon as he moves it around in his cup, light, creamy bellows of steam rising as the aftermath of the ripples he creates on the dark liquid. The coffee really isn’t great, tasting a bit tangy against his tongue, even after he had added a small packet of sugar to try and ease the bitterness of the beverage. If he focuses enough, he can even make out a light buzz coming from the neon lights advertising the diner in the street, sound low but crisp against the pouring rain. 

It’s cold, and a part of him really regrets coming to the diner straight out of practice without going to his room first. He had just needed to write, and to do that, he needed silence. He runs a hand up and down his left arm, the coolness from his rings perceivable even through the thick wool of his shirt. 

He looks up, the ripples inside his cup long forgotten. 

You’re standing in front of him, looking just as tired as he feels, with a completely different stance than the one you usually show inside the practice room. Or on the stage. It’s relaxed, at ease, a little shy, even, and he can’t help but wonder if, behind the whole rockstar facade, maybe the two of you aren’t really that different. 

You take a seat in the chair in front of him, the laminated red seat squeaking as response to the movement. 

“Huh?” He lets out.

“At practice,” you move, trying to get comfortable in the cold, plastic chair. “You looked a little distracted. Everything okay?”

Jun shrugs, smiling softly. “It’s just nerves, I think.”

It’s not the first time you’ve seen Jun smile, but it’s the first time you’ve seen him smile like that. And, in complete honesty, it was the first time it had been completely directed at you. He had always been a little quiet, ever since he was first introduced as the “new song-writer” by the label director, and, because of the chaos that naturally ensued whenever surrounded by the entire band, your interactions with Jun had been few and far-between. 

Here’s what you’ve managed to learn about him in the months you’ve known him: he likes to be alone when he writes, but he can also do it when sitting as far away from the speakers as possible. He likes drinking his coffee with both sugar and cream, and even if he doesn’t drink too much of it, he always finds a way to spill even a little bit, be it on his shirt or somewhere near his notebook (which has been the cause of many scares inside the practice room). He keeps a pen in his shirt pocket at all times, whether it be for writing down an incoming idea wherever he found or for clicking the seconds away whenever he got nervous. 

And he’s surprisingly shy about his lyrics, even when he sounds completely confident in them. You can tell, whenever you’re given them to sing them, that they are words he’s proud of; words that came from his heart as bits and pieces of the most beautiful poetry you’ve ever read. And they’re always accompanied by a small, shy smile and the slight reddening of his cheeks. 

“I know what you mean,” you say. You call the waiter just as Jun takes a sip from his coffee, not missing the slight purse of his lips as he swallows down the warm beverage. “I’m nervous too.”

“You don’t seem to be,” he comments. He looks back down at his coffee, hand still making circles with the spoon. “Whenever you sing, it’s like you’re completely used to it. It feels as if it were something you’ve always done, something you know like the back of your hand. And still… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like you’re thrilled by it, even more so every day.” 

Jun looks up at you, hiding his words behind a smile. You don’t notice, too busy ordering a cup of chamomile tea to make anything of the way he’s staring at you from the other side of the table. 

“It’s amazing what putting on a brave face can do, then,” you answer. “I love being on stage. It’s just nerve wracking to think about it when I’m not there. It’s like Mingyu not being able to get his own riff right unless he’s playing in front of a live crowd.” 

“Oh, please don’t remind me of the riff incident. Joshua’s voice hasn’t left my head the entire day.” 

Rain continues falling. You can hear some melody coming from the speakers, which, even when it feels completely unfamiliar, makes Jun’s sway to the side as he rests his head on his hand. Maybe he knows it. 

“I hope it’s not a bad sign,” Jun mentions, pointing to the window with his thumb. “Starting the tour with a little bit of rain.”

“Seungkwan was talking about that earlier, too,” you say, thinking back of the keyboardist’s words from before you left the practice room. “But you know, if anything, I think it might be a good sign.” 

Jun purses his lips, head moving to the side. His fingers move across the table, fiddling with the empty sugar packet he had used. The bright pink paper shines bright against his hands, fluorescent yellow light reflecting from outside. It captures his eyes, and yours, and for a brief second, the both of you are stuck on watching how the packet’s shadow grows whenever Jun moves it around his fingers. It reminds you of him with the pen, a mere distraction. Or maybe just a way for him to set his ideas in order. 

You can tell he’s still a bit hesitant about the interaction, not knowing if they’re nerves at talking about the tour or just nerves at talking to you. As soon as he looks up from his hands, you give him a smile. 

“It’s a bit of a fresh start, isn’t it? And I think, right now, that’s what we all need.”

As much as Jun wants to say he’s not surprised at the turn-out, his eyes are wide open at the influx of people coming through the doors. 

His heart beats loud against his chest as he looks down at the stage, empty of people but perfectly set with an array of instruments that are only waiting to be lit alive. The entire place is full of chatter; the ever-growing excitement of a crowd begging to be enchanted by an unknown performance. Up from his spot at the balcony, he can’t make out what they’re saying but he doesn’t miss how they’re saying it: and the pure excitement in their voices draws a chill from his spine. 

It’s a scene like the ones he’s been hearing about for years. Like the ones he’s been dreaming of witnessing, of being a part of it. And now he’s in one, not only as an spectator, but as the man behind the words. 

“It’s amazing, don’t you think? Or as Josh would say, incredibly groovy.” 

Seungcheol, the band’s manager, asks as he walks into the balcony. Him and Jun went way back, much more than anyone else in their group besides the band themselves. They were the new generation, the young dreamers at the office that were only waiting to be given a shot to prove themselves. They had been hired at the same time, both meant to work with a completely different artist that had ended up not taking them because of how young they were. 

They had built up their experience together, and it had been those late-night talks at the label’s office that made Jun able to call Seungcheol his friend, powered through by cheap coffee and tired conversations full of laughter. And they’re only part of the reason why Jun always refers to Seungcheol as a long-lost brother more than a newly found friend. 

“It’s almost sold out!” Seungcheol continues. He’s wearing a dark pin-stripe suit, as he always is whenever he’s on official business. His hair is slicked back, and his usual pair of gold wire-frame glasses rest on top of his nose, specs perfectly clean. “People keep walking in and walking in and walking in! It’s almost as if they’re the freaking Rolling Stones and not a band barely making their debut. Is that Hoshi or is it Charlie Watts on the drums?”

“It’s the Monday night show, it’s a guaranteed success,” Jun mutters. He knows Seungcheol would be able to see past his facade, to make out the true meaning of his words. Three years after meeting him, there isn’t much he can hide from him. “I’m happy for them, though. The first night’s important.”

“Yeah, me too,” Seungcheol smiles. “Vernon’s been freaking out in the backstage since he started hearing the crowd coming in. He’s just staring at his bass and Hoshi’s about to smack his head with his drumsticks.”

“They’re gonna do amazing. If Mingyu gets his riff right, that is.” 

“And everybody’s gonna love the songs,” Seungcheol says, pressing a gentle palm on Jun’s shoulder. He hadn’t even noticed he was shaking. “If only they knew the stud that wrote them. I bet they’d even like looking at those nice bell bottoms you’re wearing. Since when do you like purple pants?” 

“I bet they’re gonna prefer looking at Mingyu,” Jun laughs before Seungcheol does, and it almost distracts him from his surroundings. “Or even Josh. And Minghao gave me the pants, by the way.”

“Or even Josh,” Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head as he looks away from his friend. 

“Groovy,” Jun says. 

“Groovy,” his friend responds. 

Jun’s nerves have calmed down by the time the lights fall down. 

A half-empty beer bottle looks over the crowd, sitting immediately next to the balcony’s railing. He notices an entirely new atmosphere now that the room is only barely lit, as if the lights falling had only served to heighten the people’s emotions. It’s almost as if they’re in a different place altogether, with expectating hanging high in the air and out of everyone’s reach. 

The Moonwalker they had walked in, just a few hours before, barely resembles the Moonwalker they’re in right now. 

It had been lit by the natural light coming from the windows, bouncing over the wood-covered walls and reflecting over the little trinkets that served to adorn them. They had been the highlight of the place, attracting the eyes of everyone that entered to the rows and rows of pictures and memorabilia. What was that hanging over the bar, Bob Dylan’s hat? Jun had only been more impressed by the bright neon sign that spelled the bar’s name right on the center of the stage, after seeing it on newspaper cuttings for most of his life. 

A few days back, when Seungcheol had told him of the gig they had landed the band through a friend of his girlfriend (bless you Lily!), Jun almost couldn’t believe his words. The bright blue cursive sign had been the first thing that had come to mind, consuming his thoughts as a sort of finish line at the end of a marathon. It wasn’t only the bar’s trademark, it was also the backdrop of some of the most amazing debuts in modern rock n’ roll history. And now, looking at it shining brightly against the low-lit room, a part of him still can’t believe he might be about to see one of them with his own two eyes. 

He had heard of concert nights on the Moonwalker the same way he had heard the stories of the great mythic heroes. He had seen pictures the same way he had learned of iconic places and happenings. He remembers spending entire nights finding motivation in the dream of listening to his songs being played in the exact same place some of his favorite songs had been presented, of them finally finding their home within the same crowd that had once listened to The Byrds and Carole King. 

And as you walk onto the stage, commanding attention with each step, Jun is sure tonight is going to become one of those. And that it’s his songs that will be sung back by the crowd, resounding against the walls and enveloping the entire place in their meaning. 

The band had already been introduced by the club owner, but no one had actually turned to pay attention until you had walked on stage. You’re met by countless excited bellowings, a smile on your face forming at the sudden attention. 

“We hope you enjoy the show!”

The rest of the band follows, and Jun is struck by a thought. Words materialize in his head as if prompted by the first few notes, threading together into a complete, coherent phrase. It’s a phrase Jun knows. He might have heard it from someone, or read it from somewhere, and it’s stuck in his brain the same way the bridge of the song you’re singing once was. Or maybe it was just something someone had once told him. 

He knows that there are moments in an artist’s life that will define their career. Moments that let you know how it's gonna go. A preview of sorts. And he knows, looking at you shining under the spotlight, that he’s just witnessed something big. 

The entire crowd has gone wild at the music, and Jun knows it’s only the beginning. 

For now, he just smiles, and like the people dancing down below, he lets himself go. 

The party is in full-swing by the time Jun walks in. 

The house itself is small, one story and a few rooms that hold a big part of the party-goers. He can tell it’s usually used as a holiday residence, not exactly a place of staying but merely a place of passing, because every single thing that’s visible doesn’t really have a function different from simply looking good. The entire place is covered in small, colorful trinkets that look like they’re part of some random collection that everyone always sees but no one actually ever looks at. 

It’s truly a rock-star’s house, because, really, nothing about it makes sense. 

Countless bookshelves rest against the colorfully draped walls, an array of uneven, colorful wallpapers shining under the light of the multiple glass chandeliers, but not a single book is visible to the eye. The floor itself is a great quality wood, but everything’s hidden below a series of fuzzy rugs that somehow match the randomness of the wallpapers. 

The music changes slightly as he keeps walking, an entire ensemble of genres, styles and decades all the product of a number of record players playing simultaneously all over the house. All of them are playing a completely different thing, but somehow it all blends into one cohesive beat. Jun could go into the technicalities behind it and say it’s probably in the beats per minute, or could maybe go somewhere into the meaning behind the lyrics, but for now, he just lets himself get immersed into the scene. 

The party doesn’t resemble anything he had lived before, or even heard of. And it’s full of people. 

The entire team (band and staff alike) had been invited to an after-party held by some music executive that’s friends with the owner of the club. It happened every monday after the show, they had said, entertaining executives, artists, and club-goers alike. And no one really cared who was which as long as there was music playing all around them. 

“Jesus, is that Billy Joel?” Seungcheol asks as he walks closely behind Jun. The two of them and Minghao, the band’s stylist, had been the last to leave for the party, having to stay behind to finish the last of the arrangements that followed a successful concert at the Moonwalker, with the rest of you leaving with some of the club’s crew. “Guys, I think that’s Billy Jo- jesus, he’s talking to Chan and Seungkwan.”

“Of course he’d be talking to Chan and Seungkwan, they probably went right to him when they saw him,” Minghao says. “Hey, can you see Vernon around?”

“He’s probably sitting somewhere next to the drinks or something. Or maybe he’s outside, I think there’s a live band playing somewhere out there,” Jun comments.

“Damn, should’ve booked us too for that, right?” Seungcheol says, laughing with the words.

“Don’t you rather just enjoy the party and forget about performing for a bit?” Minghao questions. Out of the corner of his eye, Jun can see Seungkwan and Chan walking away from the group of people they had been talking to, probably on their way outside for some fresh air. “The guys seem to be having a great time. Let go for a bit, Cheol! Let’s enjoy this whole rockstar life even if it’s just for tonight!”

He can hear Mingyu’s laugh coming from somewhere nearby, even if his eyes can’t locate the tall guitar player. He’s surprised he can hear him, with how low his laugh usually is and how high the music is playing, but once Seungcheol points him out in the crowd, he’s only a few steps away. He’s entertaining a large group of people, with Joshua smiling by his side, the both of them holding two glasses of what looks like beer. 

It’s no surprise the two of them would like to be around the growing crowd, with how easily they seem to be able to strike a conversation with whoever walks by. He had known them to be sociable, in comparison with some like Vernon, Minghao or himself. It’s still a bit surprising, though, how in control they seem to be of a conversation held with people they probably didn’t know five minutes ago. 

“I’m gonna go find us something to drink,” Seungcheol says, patting Jun on the back before walking away with Minghao closely following his steps. 

And Jun is left alone. Still, in a house full of people, he sticks his hands in the front bottom of his purple jeans. They had really been Minghao’s suggestion, along with the slick yellow button up and a pair of red boots. It was comfy, and Seungcheol had assured him he really did look good, so he hadn’t dwelled much on it when leaving the hotel room. 

He debates joining Mingyu and Joshua’s crowd for a second, but the growing scent of tobacco and beer has him making his way to the door after he raises his hand in a greeting. Josh manages to signal him to the backyard before Jun leaves, and he wonders whether he’s simply pointing in the direction of the live band, or Vernon, or you. 

As he walks outside, bumping bodies with a never-ceasing crowd, he discovers it’s the later. The outside of the house is just as impressive as the inside, or, as he finds once he begins to look around, even more. 

The entire yard (or at least the part that’s closest to the house) has been decked in continuous rows of fairy lights, hanging from the trees like a mere reproduction of the constellations shining up above. There are at least five campfires, all surrounded by people holding guitars or dancing along to the songs being played by a live band nearby. Their silhouettes are reflected on the ground, a product of the blazing fire, and it’s almost like they’re dancing with the people themselves, more than being a plain reflection of them. 

It’s almost like a scene taken right out of a move, only livelier than any he could ever think of. 

Jun finds you with your back against a tree, sitting cross-legged on a furry carpet, completely enthralled in the music. There’s a series of carpets draped all over the grass, the exact same kind he saw inside, completing the part of the scene that connects both places. As he walks over to you, he wonders where the rest of the band is, with you being alone in the backyard, until he sees Seungkwan and Chan, still hanging close together, sitting a few feet away with what he assumes is another group. A part of him is thankful at the seeming privacy, finding a bit odd how comfortable he is in the middle of a growing crowd when just a few minutes ago he had felt overwhelmed by the loneliness behind it. But then he turns to look at you, smiling carelessly even with your eyes closed, and he knows it’s not a product of the environment.

It's because of you.

“I just wanted to say congratulations,” Jun says, making sure to fall as carefully as possible as he sits down next to you. “Tonight was amazing. Truly, got me tearing up at all.”

“You’ve got your own lyrics to thank for that, mister,” you say, followed by a laugh. You’re still in your concert outfit, although wearing a pair of sneakers as opposed to the platform shoes that had been paired up with the colorful overalls. “I’m pretty sure you weren’t the only one tearing up tonight. I think Hoshi even cried a bit himself.”

“He probably cried at the crowd making tiger claws back at him more than he did at the lyrics.” 

“Yeah, Vernon told him not to do it but he did it anyway!”

“Where are those two, by the way?”

“Somewhere next to where the band is playing,” you answer. You close your eyes as you speak, resting your back against the tree. “I just wanted to get away from everything. Sometimes it’s fun to just observe from a distance.”

“I know what you mean. I’ve been looking at life from a distance for so long, sometimes I forget what it is to actually be living it. I guess it makes for some interesting lyrics though, so it’s been kind of worth it, at least in that way,” Jun says, smiling at you even when you don’t see him. He moves closer to you as he hugs his knees to his chest, feeling the top of your shoulder brush against his. “I think coming with you guys on tour might change that.”

“It’s the rock-star life, huh?” You smile, and Jun can’t help but notice it’s a mirroring of his own smile. In some way, it looks just as vulnerable. He looks away when he feels his cheeks heat up. “You know, you’re much different from what I thought you were when I used to see you at the office.” 

“Different how?”

“I don’t know. I just know I really like talking to you. Every day, I really look forward to being around you,” you laugh, and when he turns to look back at you, you’re finally looking at him again. “You’re a breath of fresh air, Wen Junhui.”

“Says the rock-star,” he laughs. He’s smiling, holding his knees as close to his chest as he can manage as he tries to hide his fluester in his body language. Not that it’s working, anyways. “I’m just some guy.”

“You’re the most interesting guy I’ve ever met.”

You shake your head, and by the way your eyes set on the sky, Jun isn’t completely sure if you’re talking to him or if you’re simply talking to the stars, trying to set your story in the skies for the entire world to see. It makes him smile even wider, anyways. 

“I wonder which one shines brighter. From down here, they look almost the same. But maybe it’s just the distance that taints our perspective,” you mutter, pointing to the lights on the trees. 

“I’d like to think it’s the stars,” Jun comments. “When I was a kid, I always enjoyed watching them. I’d find patterns and have them in my head for weeks as a sort of picture out of a coloring book. Somehow, the stars always seemed to have the answers to every single question that would run through my head, even when miles away.”

“You speak like that and call yourself ‘some guy’,” you laugh. “It’s always poetry coming out of your lips, and I’d listen to every single bit of it.”

The conversation stops, but silence never envelops the both of you, because there is music all around. And there are people dancing, so when you lose focus on each other and gian it in your surroundings, their movement is everything you see. It’s almost as if they’re dancing for the two of you to watch, and neither of you notice the moment your head comes to rest in Jun’s shoulder, way too immersed in a ballet of silhouettes to make anything out of the sudden movement. 

“I hope tonight was good,” you say. “It felt different from other nights, and I don’t know what it was. I’ve never felt that way when performing at home. It felt almost magical, standing there, under the limelight, in front of all those people. Maybe it’s just me, though.” 

Jun shakes his head, muttering a soft no as an answer. You turn to look at each other when he starts speaking, still as close as before. But now he gets to look at you as he speaks. 

“I can’t begin to imagine what you must have felt. I’m not familiar with that side of the gig,” he says, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. Somehow, the beer he had drank back at the club was still making his blood run wild through his veins, cheeks reddening at the eye contact. “I wish you could’ve seen it from my eyes. Listened to it through my ears, felt what I felt the moment you started singing. I’ve never seen you shine any brighter.”

"You’ve been attending our concerts long enough. Well,if the fifteen person presentations back home even count as concerts.”

“I’ve been to all of your concerts,” he laughs. “And believe me, tonight was really special.” 

“It’s the Moonwalker’s magic,” you say, and Jun turns to look at you. “You saw the place, it was special. It made it special.”

And he doesn’t know if it’s the effect of the lights shining above your head, or the remaining adrenaline coursing through his veins, but he’s sure he can hear his heart beating against his chest. He can hear it over the loud music, thumping so hard his mind goes blank, falling closer to you as he begins to lean in. 

Because even when far away from the Moonwalker, he’s still smiling the same. He feels just as happy, somewhere in the backyard of a stranger’s house. The place is special, for sure, but only as much as you made it. 

“It wasn’t the Moonwalker that was magical. It was you.”

And you can hear him, because even when the world around you is spinning completely out of order, his smile is still front and center in your eyes. He’s smiling at you and everything else only but circles around it. 

As a new song starts playing from a record player far away, Jun kisses you under a thousand fairy lights. You’re still not sure of which one shines brighter -the artificial lights or the stars high above- but as Jun’s hand finds yours over your lap, you decide you don’t really care. 

A part of you would really like to think nothing had changed after the kiss. 

In reality, the two of you had been so flustered he had ran back to Seungcheol and Minghao while you went to find Vernon and Hoshi, refusing to say anything about the moment to any of them. It was part of some unofficial and unspoken deal, sealed with only a look, sparing the both of you of any kind of conversation immediately afterwards. It had been a product of the moment, of adrenaline and slight tipsiness combined with a romantic scenery, and nothing else. 

That’s what you told yourself the entire night, even when questioned by Seungkwan about the sudden giddiness in your smile and the change in your gaze, slightly unfocused on the world in front of you, as if something more important was playing inside your head. As if that something was the memory of the feeling of Jun’s lips against yours, leaving your skin tingling as an aftermath of his touch. As if that something had been the way he had smiled at you right after, looking as if the affection you’d just shared was as unbelievable to him as it was to you. 

In all honesty, Jun’s kiss was more than one of the many that were shared that night by the people around you. It wasn’t just a product of the moment, of adrenaline and slight tipsiness combined with a romantic scenery, because the way you had looked at each other just before your lips connected had been a long time coming. That was the product of months of unknown pining; of you looking for him as soon as you entered the office, and of him not being able to take his eyes off you as soon as he saw you walking by. It was a product in the exchange that came with you singing for the world the words he had shared with you in messy scribbles over coffee-stained paper, something about the entire thing feeling growingly intimate the thought ran through your head. 

Because even when he wasn’t writing songs for you, or about you, he still trusted you with them. In your eyes, that was worth more than him signing one of them with your name on top of the page for everyone to see. And while you were sure it wasn’t an act of love (or at least not yet), you couldn’t deny it always opened the door for that possibility to walk in. Or for you to walk towards it, at least. Just like his songs, and for months on end, Jun had always been there. 

Well, at least up until the night he kissed you. 

You weren’t sure if it was intentional or fate making a cruel joke out of your feelings, but Jun had been avoiding you. As much as he could be avoiding you in the span of a few hours, at least. 

“Wanna sit with me on the bus?” 

You can’t really tell what Vernon’s wearing. He’s sitting next to you on the curb in front of the bus, a pair of sparkly sunglasses resting atop of his nose. He’s wearing a yellow hat that matches the color of his shoes, but that doesn’t really go with any of the other pieces of his outfit. 

“Aren’t you gonna sit with Hao?” 

“Ah, I don’t know,” Vernon drinks from a styrofoam cup he has on his hand. It’s the same as yours, so it’s probably to-go coffee from the hotel’s restaurant. “He’s been trying to talk about some outfit ideas he had during the concert last night. He called it a revelation or something. I’m pretty sure Seungkwan could be of more use to that conversation than me.”

You don’t really want to sit with Vernon. And it’s not that you don’t enjoy his company, because out of everyone in the band, he’s always been the one you’re closest to. But somehow, you know sitting next to Vernon will prevent you from any chances of even talking to Jun in the next six hours until you reach the next spot. You’re not sure if he’s even actually avoiding you, but you don’t really want to be correct. 

“Are you kidding? You wear this kind of outfits and you think you don’t have a sense of fashion? Vern, if anything, you’ve always been the Mick Jagger amongst all of us.” 

“Okay, those stage outfits were chosen by Minghao, it wasn’t really me putting together those suits and - whatever he has me wearing all the time.” 

You roll your eyes, playfully. 

“Although, I guess I could use this chance to keep him from putting me in another sparkly overall like the one from last night.”

“But you were such a star! It looked pretty nifty if you ask me.” 

“Keep going and I’ll tell him to find the most ridiculous hats for our next concert, just you wait!”

The rest of the band starts walking out of the hotel, Chan’s laughter pulling your attention from Vernon. As they walk next to you, you decide to ignore Hoshi’s tiger print overalls and Mingyu’s conversation of how he had met and talked to George Harrison at the party once Joshua had walked away from him.

“I don’t believe George Harrison would ever like to be entertained by your presence, Gyu. There were definitely groovier people to be around last night.”

“It’s not my fault you decided talking to Seungcheol was more important than stickin’ around, we literally see the guy every day.”

“Hey, I’m your manager!” Seungcheol wines from the hotel door, walking behind a groggy Seungkwan.

“Yeah, we literally see you every day,” Mingyu retorts. He has one foot on the bus steps, only turning to argue with the eldest. “Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing you so often, with all your random hair-do’s.”

“Can it and get in, we’re late anyways. Everyone keep steppin’!”

“The only reason we’re late is because you couldn’t stop talking to your girlfriend on the phone,” Mingyu lets out before climbing in, somehow managing to avoid getting yelled at yet again. 

You get up after Vernon, following him into the bus as soon as Mingyu, Josh and Seungcheol had gotten in. You’d seen Seungkwan, Hoshi and Chan passing by, and quickly found them sitting together near a small kitchen area. 

The bus itself isn’t much different from others you’ve seen, with rows of faux leather seats set one after the other along the central aisle. All the way to the back there’s an area with what looks like a small bed, a door leading to a tight bathroom and a small kitchen space consisting of two cabinets and a microwave. And every single thing is either muted yellow or a dark orange, making the entire espace look probably smaller than it actually is. It’s comfortable enough, though. 

“Hey, Vern, come here,” Minghao calls from one of the seats. He’s resting his back against the window, with his feet on the couch and his knees pulled close to his chest. A small notepad rests on top of them, having only looked up from his sketches to greet the bassist. “Let me show you what I’ve been thinking of. I swear, the setting of the Moonwalker gave me so much clarity on what I want to put all of you guys in for the rest of the tour.” 

“Hao, give Josh a groovy Bob Dylan inspired hat!” 

“You wear the damn Bob Dylan inspired hat if you want, see how groovy it looks on your head.” 

Vernon looks at you to give you a small smile before sitting down next to Minghao as you walk past, stealing one of Hoshi’s snacks before plopping down on the seat behind him. You shift in your seat, hearing the slick material of the seat squeaking against the courness of your jeans. You quickly look at the small smiling daisies Minghao had painted with black markers all over the light surface, making for an interesting pattern when looked at from far away. Your fingers trace over the figures as you rest your head on the window, closing your eyes until you feel someone coming to sit right next to you. You had quickly placed your book on the seat when sitting down, but you find it on top of Jun’s lap as you see it’s him who’s by your side. 

“What an interesting thing to be reading!” He exclaims, looking at the beat up copy of On The Road. “You’re a Kerouac fan?” 

“You’ve read Kerouac?” You ask. 

Jun smiles. “Of course not,” he says, before breaking into a laugh. He doesn’t give you the book back, but turns it to read the back cover. “Read to me? It will keep us both entertained.” 

Without focusing too carefully on it, you can hear the distinct crisp sound of Joshua’s guitar coming from the front of the bus, and can make out the first notes of the Stairway to Heaven solo. It sounds better than you’ve heard him play, most likely the product of constant practice. But it all disappears when you turn to look at Jun. 

Smiling at you, Jun lets you straighten up on your seat before placing his head on your shoulder as he hands you the copy. You’re surprised by how familiar it feels, and feel your lips curling up at the memory of doing the exact same thing the night before. 

And you know that things have changed from the kiss, because now you’re not able to ignore the feeling in your chest that arises when Jun takes your hand in his. And you can only wonder if he feels the same, because he lets out a soft sigh the minute you tighten the grip, nuzzling his cheek against the fuzzy fabric of your corduroy jacket. 

Smiling at his touch, your eyes start glazing over the print as you begin to read. 

“I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up…”

The dinner lounge of the second hotel is much fancier than the first one. 

The entire place looks like it’s been draped in velvet, every single ridge looking as smooth as a crease in the fabric. There’s a combination of wooden panels and wall-height mirrors adorning the walls, only interrupted by the golden frames of the windows. A dome rises on the center of the center, a thousand red roses painted in a mosaic of tinted glass, while the rest of the ceiling is covered in the exact same wood as the walls. The tables are all draped in expensive looking tablecloths, placed carefully under meticulously set tableware, and they’re accompanied by tufted chairs, all of them in matching red. The dark colors in the scheme makes the entire place look dim, despite all the chandeliers shining bright against up above the clients’ heads. There are candles decorating the tables, along with fresh roses matching the ones in the dome, but they serve more as a simple ambiance decoration than an actual light source.

And, even though the city they had been in had been just as big as the one they’re in now, and the budget had not changed in the slightest, the shiny grand piano that sits at the center of the small wooden stage at the back of the restaurant had caught Jun’s eyes as soon as you had walked in for dinner. 

It was supposed to be a group dinner, but Mingyu, Chan and Minghao had gone sight-seeing, Vernon had fallen asleep and Seungcheol had stayed back in his room to rest (and, probably, talk to his girlfriend on the phone while eating something from the room service). At the end, it’s dinner of five instead of a dinner of ten, and while it would have been nice to share it with everyone, the company you had was more than enough. 

“This place is groovy! Oh, Seungcheol went all out with this hotel,” Josh exclaims as you sit down at a table neighboring the windows, all five of you immediately drawn to the exterior scene. “I’d say he did an excellent job booking if it weren’t for the fact I’m rooming with Hoshi.”

“Hey!” The younger exclaims. “I’ll have you know I’m an excellent roommate. Best you’ll ever have, you’ll see.” 

“Yeah, I’ll start thinking that once you pick up your dirty socks from the floor after taking them off, that’s not groovy at all.”

“Jesus, can we not talk about Hoshi’s dirty socks while at the table, that’s fucking gross.”

“You’re just overreacting, and please just stop saying groovy,” Soonyoung says, rolling his eyes and picking up the pastel pink menu from the table, locking his eyes on the cardboard. “Anyways, this one burger looks way too nifty to pass it up.”

“I was thinking of ordering the same thing,” Seungkwan says, closing the menu. 

“Have you seen the kind of restaurant we’re in? Order a pasta, or a salad, not a plain burger, go with the groove.” 

“Do you think we’re Seungcheol, Joshua? If you had asked for his card like we told you, maybe we’d be buying pasta and wine for the five of us without you having to tell us about it!”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re scary when you’re angry?” Joshua asks, probably deciding on a burger as well as he imitates Seungkwan and places the menu back on the table. 

“Only sometimes,” Soonyoung responds, smiling. 

You’re not listening to their argument, though, with your chin resting over your hand and your gaze lost somewhere in the movement of a stranger. 

It’s funny how being in a completely different country, in a city a million miles away, there’s some sense of familiarity behind simply watching people walking by. You’re not sure if it’s just the mere action, or maybe a combination of the movement in a similarly urban setting, with the lights reflecting upon the crowd as a sort of kaleidoscopic filter, but it never feels entirely too different. 

“Do you want to play a game?” Jun asks, whispering right into your ear. He’s leaning close to your body, sitting between you and Joshua. You can make out the scent of his cologne as he scoots even closer to you to point to a stranger outside the window. “Like when we counted the number of headlights on the highway on our way here.”

You nod, words suddenly stuck on your throat as soon as you see Seungkwan looking at the both of you. Because truly, it was oh so very easy to get lost in the moment whenever Jun was around, and the thought has you smiling as soon as you notice. It’s oh so very easy to get lost in him. 

“Okay, we’ll make it interesting. Whoever wins buys the other a cherry cola!” he says, his voice still sounding just as soft. If he’s aware of Seungkwan’s stare, he doesn’t show it. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. “Let's spot all the people that look like they’re dressed by Minghao after looking at the Moonwalker, starting… now!”

But his words have you laughing, so deeply you can feel it in your chest as you throw your head back. He looks at you, a care-free smile etched all over your face, and he can’t resist the laugh that forms at the center of the stomach, completely imitating your actions as the rest of the guys simply observe. And it’s amazing, because somehow, you have found just enough comfort in the presence of each other to be able to forget about everyone else. It’s not shy smiles and nervous laughs when in public, but full on grins and bursts of laughter. 

The thing no one notices though, completely distracted by the boisterous laugh, is Jun placing his hand on your thigh under the table, thumb moving in delicate circles against the fabric of your jeans. He doesn’t spare a second thought on it, finding way too much comfort in your closeness to make it a conscious action. And you aren’t even surprised on how natural his touch feels by now, because, somehow, it feels like coming home. 

Or maybe they do, but they just smile at the sight. There’s something enthralling about watching two people falling in love, bit by bit, gesture by gesture. It’s a tell behind the warmth of a smile and the fondness of a look, and while it’s not entirely common, it’s too beautiful to disrupt. 

“Josh, have you really been looking at your reflection this entire time?” 

It’s late, and everyone but you and Jun have left the restaurant by the time the piano player arrives.

You’ve long since finished your meal, having shared a large plate of spaghetti and meatballs after Jun had said he wasn’t even that hungry anyways. You had ordered two cups of coffee and a shared berry panna cotta, way too lost in making conversation about everything and anything to actually notice the passing of time. In reality, it’s only when the coffee has run cold and the musician has started playing that you notice an hour has passed since the guys had left for their rooms. 

The song is not one you recognize, but apparently does, judging from the movement of his fingers against the table. He’s looking at the musician while he runs his fingers on the tablecloth like it’s some sort of invisible piano, making sure to get every single movement right in a tempo that perfectly matches the one that’s being played. You’re not sure if he notices, but his body has begun to sway ever so slightly, somehow matching the movement of his fingers.

The place is the same, yet it feels like a completely different one, even when the only thing that has changed is the music. It’s almost atemporal, like it could be night and day at the exact same time, as if it was simply something out of a dream. 

“Do you know this song?” 

Jun nods. He keeps his eyes on the musician, and a part of you wonders if it’s because he wishes that were him. 

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites,” he answers, smiling. “I used to play it when I was growing up, back when I was learning. I remember how excited my parents were when I finally got the movements right after years of practice. I guess a part of their excitement that day was a part of what made me fall so in love with music that I decided it was what I wanted to do with my life.” 

“How did you learn to play the piano? Seungcheol says you’re really good, and yet, you’ve never played with me around.”

“My mom’s a piano teacher. She used to give classes at this one prestigious school in our neighborhood, and I would hide behind the kitchen door and listen whenever she had a student,” Jun says. “I always liked how it sounded, so one night I just sat down on the piano and started playing. My mom started giving me classes the very next day.” 

“And what about composing? How did that start?” 

You had ordered a refill for your coffee and drink from your cup as Jun starts talking. 

“I don’t know, maybe with school, or maybe just with books in general. I was always dreaming, thinking about stories. Sometimes I couldn’t get the ones I was learning about out of my mind, and before I knew it, there were so many scenarios being born in my head that I simply had no idea what to do with them.” 

“So you started writing them.” 

Jun nods. “After some time, they started turning into songs. I would be looking at the lyrics and would suddenly start hearing a certain tune playing from the back of my mind. It was only a matter of time until I realized what I kept writing were songs rather than just tales, and they started meaning something more to me. Music makes the world go round, but it’s the lyrics that give it meaning.” 

“Said like a true poet,” you say, a soft laugh leaving your lips as you raise your cup to then once more. “I can tell your lyrics mean a lot to you. I know it probably sounds a bit silly, but I can feel it, you know? The emotion behind them. The words come alive before they’re even in my mouth.”

“Sometimes I can’t really tell what I’m feeling until I turn it into a song. The words come from a place so deep inside I can’t reach them on my own, but have to turn onto a pen and a piece of paper to know what they are,” he finally looks away from the musician. He’s still smiling, softly, gently. “It's a little weird. They feel both so deeply personal yet completely different from myself, as if the Jun that exists in the songs is a completely different person from the Jun in the real world.”

You fall quiet. You try to make sense of Jun’s words in your head as he reaches to grab a hold of your hand, but they’re way too beautiful, too meaningful, for you to tamper with. So you feel your heart grow warm at the passion behind them, looking at the man in front of you like he had just painted the stars upon the night sky. 

“Will you dance with me?” 

“Jun, no one is dancing.” 

“And when have you let that stop you?”

Setting the napkin over the table, Jun gets up from his seat. He stretches his arm out at you, offering his hand, his silver rings reflecting the light upon its touch. And he looks at you, eyes sparkling brighter than ever under the restaurant’s delicate lightning, completely absorbed in the way your body imitates his movements.

You let Jun lead you through the sea of tables, all the way to where the little stage is located. There’s a small space that has been left between the stage and the neighboring tables, and you wonder if maybe dancing is what it’s meant for, despite not being used for it. But Jun is quick to replace your thoughts until they’re only about him, pulling you close to his chest and letting his hand rest against your waist. 

“Just focus on me and I’ll focus on you,” he whispers, moving to talk right against your ear. “Hold me a bit closer and forget about everything else.” 

Pulled flush against his frame, you let your hands fall on his back, closing your eyes as you allow him to sway you to the rhythm of the music. He moves in a way that almost has you wondering if maybe you are flying, but you’re not sure if it’s because of his dancing or if it’s just because it’s him. 

You recognize the song the minute Jun starts singing the words. It’s soft, so much you wouldn’t have heard him if you hadn’t been standing so close to him, basically hugging him flush against yourself. It’s Love Is (The Tender Trap) by Frank Sinatra, and you smile at the similarity between the lyrics and the feeling in your stomach. 

He gives you a twirl and it’s like there are a thousand butterflies flying within you, knowing there really is no getting out, because there is no denying something that manages to make you feel so wonderful. He smiles at you and you’re sure you’re falling in love with Wen Junhui, thinking of the way his kiss had made you tingle once upon a starry night. 

“Keep on steppin’, you’re falling behind!” 

Jun laughs, turning back to face you. The breeze ruffles his hair as he moves, thin strands falling onto his forehead. The sky is a bright blue and the sun is shining with all its might, but Jun’s light blue button up and beige bell-bottoms still rustle in the wind. 

“It’s not my fault you walk that fast,” you say, quickening your pace to catch up with him. He moves smoothly as you meet him, circling your waist with his arm and holding you next to him as you walk. 

“Ah, that’s more like it,” he mumbles as he resumes his walk. His pace is not as fast, looking so much more at ease as he looks around at his surroundings. 

It had been Jun’s idea to spend your free day walking around the city, after Mingyu and the rest of his expedition crew had talked about their experience over breakfast. Some of the other guys had left earlier, excited about going to whatever stores they had seen on the bus before reaching the hotel, leaving you and Jun to simply stroll around and see what you find. 

“This is nice,” he mentions. “It’s been a while since I felt this relaxed.” 

“It’s nice you can feel relaxed in the middle of a tour,” you say, giggling. “But I get what you mean, having a break in the schedule, even if we’re only starting.”

“I think you’re the only rockstar I’ve met that actually uses the word schedule in their daily vocabulary.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m the only ‘rockstar’ you’ve met. I mean, besides… Seungkwan. Honestly, he’s the most rockstar material out of all of us.”

“Okay, Barbra Streisand.”

“You have not met Barbra Streisand!” 

“In my dreams.”

“Oh, I didn’t know those counted.”

The boulevard is lively. There’s people strolling up and down on both sides of the street, very much like you and Jun, with their pace and actions revealing there’s not much hurry behind their walks. Cars of all models and colors drive through the street, your walk having a varied background orchestra composed of revving engines, passing conversations and the occasional music that was audible from the entrance of some business. It made for the typical city noise, not much different from the one at home, but somehow perfectly fitting for the particularities of the sight. 

The two of you walk while holding the other, occasionally bumping shoulders with some other pedestrian when not paying particular attention. There’s truly not much on either of your minds behind the wonder of getting to know yet another city and enjoying the warmth of a sunny Thursday evening in each other’s company.

“Is there anything you wanna do?” Jun asks, slowing down his pace but not completely stopping. 

“Not right now,” you answer. “We could stop somewhere for a soda or something later, if you want. You know, since you won yesterday and all.” 

���Let’s go in here, then,” Jun says, moving his hand from your waist to your hand, softly pulling on you to the side. 

You quickly follow him as he walks inside one of the stores, never losing the grip on his hand. The front is small, walls painted red and a bright purple signboard hanging over the glass doors, reading Vintage Records and Books, along with a few music notes that look hand drawn over the surface in multiple colors. There are crates full of books and vinyls, the covers of all of them a bit faded by the sun or scraped over the passage of time. At a first glance you can identify some Johnny Cash copies alongside the assorted records, what must have been a bright green cover now looking surprisingly muted. 

And once you walk inside, the interior is just as lively as the outside. The place is covered in shelves, littered with books on one side of the store and with records in the other, with small placards dividing the shelves and categorizing the products. You can tell it’s a wide variety, with hundreds upon hundreds of colorful covers composing a contrast with the burnt purple of the walls. There are horizontal lines painted all across the walls in a bright green and an almost creamy white, which is replicated in a triangle patterned rug of the exact same colors, resting in the middle of the store. 

Among the shelves, there’s an assortment of indoor plants hanging from the ceiling in bright green ceramic pots, along with a few small trees located between some of the shelves themselves. On the rare vacant spaces in the walls there are band posters or book quotes, some of them autographed and some of them pasted one over the other with washed out tape. 

It feels oddly warm inside the shop, and you wonder if it’s merely because of the way the light breaks in from the tall windows up front. There’s a faint scent of flowers that reaches your nose as soon as you walk in, mixing in with the smell of paper and wood. And it’s heavenly.

“Hey, welcome!” Says someone from behind the bright pink counter. He looks around Jun’s age, with a long mane of dark brown hair that goes below his shoulders. He’s wearing a black hat and a green jacket, grinning at the two of you over the pages of a magazine. “Let me know if you see something you’re down with!” 

“It smells nice in here,” Jun tells you, but he must have spoken loud enough for the man to hear, because his grin grows in size. 

“Thanks, it’s home-made potpourri! I make it myself when there aren’t as many customers coming in,” he says, gesturing to a few jars displayed on a small counter. A few minutes ago, you wouldn’t think it was actually possible for someone to smile so big. “It’s for sale too, and it works really well on large spaces! Looks pretty groovy when it’s on display, if I do say so myself.” 

Jun smiles back, walking over to one of the tall stands where a bright orange sign announces a deal on the records.

“Oh, if you buy one of those, you can take a book from this bin right here for free,” the man says. You can’t make out the letters in his name tag from a distance, but you’re almost sure they start with an S. “You can try them out on that player over there, see if it’s nifty. They’re all second hand, but the quality’s off the hook.” 

You look around as Jun’s fingers graze over the records, flicking them so quick you’re not sure if he’s actually reading the title before discarding them. You hadn’t noticed the man had a record playing in the turntable he had signaled to, quickly recognizing the guitar solo of Jimi Hendrix’s Love or Confusion. 

“Hey, wanna get this Bob Dylan one for Josh? See if he likes the hat?” Jun asks, holding a record in his hand without turning back at you. “Maybe there’s a Kerouac book in that bin you can take with you. You know, for the next bus ride - oh, this one’s groovy!”

“Oh, of course you’d pick a Barbra Streisand record.”

“Yeah, she’s my best friend!” Jun giggles. “You know, besides from you. And Seungcheol, but he doesn’t really count.” 

“I’ll keep your secret, don’t worry. He won’t know you like me better.”

“A lot better.” 

You spend hours browsing the shop, laughing at the silly jokes made by the cashier (whose name is Seokmin) and talking about pasts spent together and pasts spent apart, conversations sewn together by a smile. You had even slow-danced to a couple Elvis songs, all while resting your head against Jun’s chest as Seokmin clapped at the two of you for, as he had said it, resembling a romantic scene from one of his favorite movies. 

And you’re not surprised at how familiar it feels, because in the last few days, Jun had come to mean much more to you than anything you could have ever thought. If you were as much of a hopeless romantic as he was, you’d even think it’s because your conexion runs even deeper than the simple process of falling for a friend, but you merely smile as the thought begins to form inside your head. And you laugh at how much it sounds like one of his songs. 

Because there’s as much beauty in the way he smiles as there is in the way it makes you feel. 

The sun’s beginning to set by the time you and Jun leave the record shop. The wind has gotten colder and the breeze has grown stronger, but as Jun tugs you close to his side, you don’t think you’ve ever felt warmer. 

He’s holding just as many records as you’re holding books, letting you make all the picks from the bin once he had purchased his vinyls, along with a jar of Seokmin’s home-made potpourri. 

His hand searches for yours as soon as you step outside.

“Can’t believe we’re almost there.”

The walk back to the hotel is surprisingly quick. 

Jun had been humming the melody to a song Seokmin had played back when you were at the shop, adding a slight bounce to his step as the pitch in his voice rose and fell with the beat of the song. He had smiled the entire way back, occasionally stopping his hum to point at the colors in the sky or their effects on your shadows on the ground, never failing to look at the smaller details that worked together in one beautiful, cohesive picture. 

But it still feels so much quicker than it had been the other way around, almost seems shorter, as if it had been a different path altogether.

Maybe it’s because you’re not as distracted by the storefront and the other passerbys, or maybe it’s just the feeling of bathing in the setting sun when making your way back that somehow makes the entire thing seem shorter. Jun had stopped to get a pair of pastries and two cups of coffee at a small bakery you hadn’t noticed earlier but went unaverted once the signs lit up, which now await inside a small paper bag and in two paper cups, respectively. As you sip from one of the cups, you think it’s the best coffee you’ve had in a long while. 

Jun suggests yet another game on the way back, making you smile as he tries to locate every single red platform shoe worn by a woman over 5’0”, which, surprisingly, aren’t really that many. And you should have guessed from the moment he had said it, but he was just trying to let you win (because, after all, he had won the last two games and just had to pay the coke back). 

“Ah, you’re getting lucky with your pick!” 

“You were the one that chose what we’d look for!” 

“Just let it be our secret,” he says, turning to wink in your direction. 

You can feel the coolness of the breeze nipping at your nose when you finally reach the hotel, walking through the glass doors with Jun following close behind. He still hasn’t let go of your hand. 

“Do you want to get dinner?” You ask. You can smell the sugar and the cinnamon from the pastries, and your mouth begins to water. “There’s this other pasta dish on the menu that sounds just as good as the one we had yesterday.” 

Jun purses his lips, giving a slight squeezing to your hand. “Let’s get room service, I want to show you something.” 

He starts walking towards the elevator, moving slowly and letting you admire the pastel green lobby in all of its glory. There’s some faint jazz music playing as you walk through the lobby, which you hadn’t noticed until then. A big tree rises from the center of the room, matching some smaller ones that are perched next to the deep green tufted couches and complimenting the flower arrangements that have been used as decorations in both the small coffee tables and the bar at the reception. It’s a slightly different vibe than the one from the dining hall, but somehow, both of them look just as fancy. 

“What is it?” You ask. 

“You’ll see.”

“Can I get a clue?”

“No, you’re going to help me finish it.”

“Please don’t tell me you also collect those freaky deaky puzzles Chan likes to put together in his free time.”

Jun giggles, shaking his head as you reach the elevator. “Ew, the anatomy ones? No, no way.” 

The way up to Jun’s room is spent with him trying to guess the elevator music by singing random lyrics and seeing which one sounds best. Not that he got a single one right, but it was certainly entertaining to watch him try. When you finally reach the 10th floor, Jun is singing the lyrics to Cher’s Where Do You Go to a jazz melody very much similar to the one from the lobby, and you’re sure he’s only doing it to make you smile. 

“Bienvenue to my humble abode,” Jun mutters as he opens the door to his room, making sure to bow down and open his arm to signal the room, completing the entire gesture with a short giggle. “I escaped having Hoshi as a roommate so I have the room all to myself.” 

“And you have Seungkwan’s piano,” you mention as you walk inside, pointing to the small electronic piano that was carefully positioned next to the window. “Does he know?”

“No, I stole it from the van last night,” he answers, laughing and plopping onto the bed. “Oh, I’m so tired!”

The room is not too different from yours; a muted orange wallpaper matching the fuzzy carpet. Both twin beds in Jun’s room are covered in a dandelion yellow duvet, one of them holding all of his luggage while Jun rests on the other one (the one he must have slept in last night, closest to the window). There’s a small television on the vanity, the box a combination of bright beige plastic and faux wood, surprisingly going along with the white lamps that stand on both sides of it. 

“What is it that you wanted to show me?” You ask, coming to sit in one of the chairs next to the vanity. They’re big, tufted, and the color matches with the one of the duvets. The chair is not the most comfortable, but as long as the bed is, you don’t really have to worry about it. 

Jun’s purchases lay next to him on the bed, Barbra Streisand’s Stoney End sitting on top of the pile. He had bought five records, four for himself and one for you (though he had refused to tell you which one it was, insisting it would be a surprise). You had selected five books to match his purchase, including a copy of Ray Bradbury’s The Martian Chronicles, which Jun had suggested you take because of the colorful cover. 

“I’ve been working on a song,” he mutters, still facing down on the bed. The words come out muffled, but they’re still audible. “I think you’ll like it.”

You let out a laugh. “I like all of your songs.” 

“This one’s special,” he says, moving so he’s resting on his shoulders. His hair has gotten a bit disheveled, falling all over his face as his lips curl up in a hazy smile. “I’m working on the melody, too. I just need to hear your opinion about it.” 

“You’ve been inspired,” you comment, reaching over to the vanity where Jun had placed the pastries bag. You take a roll into your hand and notice it’s still warm. 

Jun winks before sitting up. “You’d know all about it.” 

“All I do is sing your songs,” you say, breaking a piece of bread and tucking it into your mouth. It melts as soon as it meets your tongue. “You’re the artist behind the art. Should I start calling you Da Vinci?” 

“I like Monet better. I’m a huge fan of the Impression Sunrise, even got a poster of it up in my room back at home,” Jun answers. He moves so he’s sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Seungkwan’s piano, grabbing a small notebook from the bedside table. You recognize it instantly, because it’s the one he always carries with him. He pats the space next to himself. “Here, I’ll show you.” 

You leave your things on the bed next to all his luggage, books carefully propped against a faux leather duffle bag. Jun takes a piece of the cinnamon bread as soon as you sit down next to him, moving closer as he does, a whiff of his cologne reaching your nose. The duvet is of fine linen, surprisingly soft against your fingertips as you place your hands at your sides. 

“I started writing it the other day,” he says, opening his notebook and placing it on his laps. You try to take a peek at it, but the (messily written) words aren’t readable from a distance. It looks beautiful though, fine lines of black ink rising like a carefully painted artwork on the thick, creamy white paper. “When you fell asleep on the bus.” 

“It’s your fault for making me read to you!” You laugh, moving and bumping his shoulder with yours. “And, in my defense, the top of your head was extremely comfortable.” 

“Yeah it’s like a portable pillow,” he jokes. “Maybe I should start advertising it.”

“Bet Seungkwan would take you up on it, he got asleep on the bus too!” 

There is something about Jun that makes everything seem lighter, helping the seconds run fast against the clock. 

“Here, I’ll show you the melody,” he says, straightening his back and placing his fingers on the keyboard. The assortment of rings he’s wearing had felt cool against your fingers. “I stayed up all night to come up with it. I haven’t finished the lyrics yet, but the music is already here.” 

“Is that why you asked me for help? Are you gonna fall asleep on me?” 

Jun smiles, but doesn’t turn to look at you. “No, not really,” he mutters. 

He plays a key, but doesn’t give it much thought. It’s a quick, crisp sound, not really one that’s a part of a movement, even less of a song. Maybe it’s a reflex, like the clicking of the pen had once been, a mere outlet for his nervousness. He keeps his eyes set on his fingers as he speaks, not really directing his words at you but surely saying them because you’re there to hear them. 

His voice is soft, almost shy. “It’s because you’re the inspiration behind it.” 

And he doesn’t say anything else, but lets his fingers graze upon the keys as he starts playing. You’re not exactly sure what you’re thinking of, mind and heart running a thousand beats per second as you feel it thumping against your chest. There’s a feeling growing in your stomach, and whether it's due to adrenaline or some deeper, more complex feeling remains a mystery. 

You close your eyes as Jun plays, each note igniting fireworks in your head. The music flows into your ears like honey, setting light upon the darkest places of your mind, overflowing your senses with Jun’s interpretation. Every single note sounds just like him, as if he’s becoming the music as he’s making it. His fingers run over the keys in the same way an artist’s brush glazes over a canvas, immersing itself in their creation to a point their creation is all they are. He has become a song, a beautifully crafted sonata, making your heart feel warmer with every moment. You know it’s because the song itself is beautiful - but so is he, and that translates into every single sound, every single feeling. 

You let out a gasp as he begins to sing; it’s broken, a few lines here and there. You can tell it’s the bits he’s finished, the ones he’s comfortable with, leaving everything like a game of fill in the blanks. He had sung to you before, either in the song demos or in some practices where he had been finishing a song nearby - but his voice had never sounded sweeter. Your heart tugs against your chest as you listen to him, words coming alive in your head like the ones in the pages of a romance novel. 

“Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you’ll marry a music man…”

Your hands ball up into fists, scrunching the soft duvet as you try to keep your eyes closed, no matter how much your eyelids are threatening to flutter open. You don’t want to see anything that isn’t him, or his voice; don’t want to feel anything that isn’t the sudden warmth that rises all over your body, making you feel like you’re flying - 

And he stops, hands suddenly moving away from the keyboard after a faulty note. 

“Stop distracting me!” He says, laughing as his cheeks grow red in embarrassment. He hands his hands on his lap, fingers absentmindedly fumbling with the rings he has on. 

You don’t open your eyes, joining him in his laughter and falling on your back onto the bed. You bring your hands to your face, hiding behind them as your laughter grows louder. 

“I wasn’t doing anything!” You answer. 

You feel the space next to you dip as Jun imitates your movement, resting onto his back. His notebook has fallen to the floor, open in half, but he doesn’t notice. He brings his hand to your face, taking your own and moving it away from your face. He props himself up on his elbow, connecting your fingers over the duvet in the space that separates the two of you. 

“Did you like it?” He asks, words falling from his lips between jolts of laughter. His voice is soft, and it feels like velvet against your ears. “You know, before I messed up.” 

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” you whisper, opening your eyes and rolling to your side to look back at him. “Did you really write it because of me?”

Jun nods. He’s smiling, looking at you fondly as he searches for the words inside his head. “You’re a song in and out of yourself.” 

He doesn’t move as you stare into his eyes. Looking at him, you’re suddenly reminded of the night he had kissed you - the same constellations that had shined high above your heads now reflected in his eyes, drawing you deeper into his spell. You feel like you’re falling, the entire world falling as you lay on the bed, his hand on yours the only thing pulling you back into reality. It’s as if the world around you changes every single time you’re with Jun, spinning wildly out of orbit and transforming into an unknown fantasy, with the only sure thing being the way his eyes come to rest upon you. You’re not sure if anything else exists apart from Jun, because suddenly he’s all you can see. All you can feel. 

“And I think I’ve fallen in love with you,” he continues. He keeps his eyes on you as he speaks, as if trying to assure you his words are only for you to hear. “Or maybe I already was, but only just noticed. I hear your voice in every word, see your face every time I turn around with your name etched deep in my heart. I don’t think I could get you out of my head no matter how hard I tried. And I don’t think I would ever want to.” 

You hadn’t noticed there were tears forming in your eyes until one fell down on your hand, ice cold against the warm skin. You open your mouth, searching for words deep down in your heart, but Jun shakes his head. 

“Just… let me say it, you can go after,” he says. “I’ve been dreaming of love my entire life. As far as I can remember, I’ve always dreamed of feeling it. It wasn’t just something out of a fairytale or a novel, not even a dream coming out to a song. It’s been the theme behind all my songs and the happy ending of all my stories. And never would I have thought it would feel like this. Never would I have thought those dreams would become you, but you’re there, in every single word. In every single thought.” 

He moves, fingers caressing the back of your hand as he gives it a squeeze. He moves his hand, placing yours over his chest, directly over his heart. Although faintly, you’re sure you can feel it beat. 

And you move forward, your other hand on his neck, connecting his lips with yours. It’s warm, and you can make out a vague saltness that is no doubt a product of your tears. But they are long forgotten, the feeling of Jun’s lips against yours setting your body on fire as his hands come to rest upon your skin. You can feel your every vein light up as you move as close to him as you can manage, the space between you always weighing upon the both of you no matter how much you try to reduce it, because the feeling of your bodies pressed against each other is one you simply can’t get enough of. 

He opens his eyes, eyelids fluttering open at the need to see you; to set the final piece of the puzzle in his mind. It’s a puzzle that looks, sounds and moves like you, composed of a love that burns too bright to ignore. 

And as he looks at you, resting comfortably on the soft linen sheets, he’s sure he has never seen such a beautiful sight.

The next few days go by in a flash. 

The days start early, as early as the sun goes up and you have breakfast on some terrace with Jun by your side, with the sun reflected upon his skin like a golden veil. They’re spent in jolts of laughter with your friends, soaking in the sun when sight-seeing in all the cities you’ve visited. They’re spent carelessly singing in the bus, with Joshua and Chan backing up the vocals with loud strums of their guitars, not really caring about beat, or tune, or whoever may be listening. They’re spent getting to know the world with the people that make the entire thing worth it, smiling and laughing along. They’re spent in sleepless nights on stages or someone’s backyard, twisting and turning in Jun’s hand as he moves you to the rhythm of the music. They’re spent in him watching you from a balcony, dancing and singing along to the crowds adoring your every move, finding himself lost in your voice. 

And they’re spent in composing, with Jun finding inspiration in the smallest of your movements, lyrics suddenly being born in the crack of a smile and the fondness behind a look. 

By the time the song is finally ready to be sung, he’s still a bit nervous. It feels like a deja vu, with him tapping quickly upon a faux tiled floor. 

He rests his back against a wall, standing next to a closed door. He tries to move out of the way as people pass in a hurry, carrying equipment or reading from lists, simply looking around as he tries to count on the passing of time. He tries to maintain a steady beat with his foot, counting along in his head as he reads from the piece of paper he’s holding. Trying not to think about the sounds of a growing crowd, he can feel the paper crumpling in his hand, thinking that his grip on it might be a little too tight. Nonetheless, he can’t loosen it up, no matter how much he wants to. 

Night has fallen, and he can see the stars from the small window that rises at the top of the wall in front of him. There’s some moonlight breaking in, lighting up the ground and the glass detailings on the colorful tiles. For a second, he thinks of how familiar it feels, to be able to see a picture where there is none, and he smiles. Backstage or not, the night looks the same all around. 

He lets out a big breath, moving his free hand around as he does until he hears the door next to him flutter open. A laughing Chan walks out from it, followed by Josh and Mingyu, all of them with their guitars strapped down and ready to be played. They pat Jun on the back before they follow the small arrows on the ground, walking in the direction of the stage. 

He runs through the lyrics in his head as the rest of the band follows, you walking behind while trying to fix the back of your jacket. Minghao had suggested some fringes on the sleeves to add some “movement” but they had proven a bit impractical when getting stuck whenever you moved your arms. 

“Hey,” Jun says, grabbing your attention. “Do you have a moment?” 

You smile. “What are you doing back here? I thought you and Cheol were gonna watch from the balcony.”

“We are,” he confirms, nodding his head. “I just wanted to say hi.”

His voice is shaking as he speaks, as much as he tries to hide it. You take his free hand in yours, stopping his movements in midair, giving his fingers a slight squeeze as you attempt to bring him some comfort. 

“Are you nervous?” You ask. He simply nods, smiling when he feels you tightening your grip on his hand. “Is it because of the song?” 

“I know it’s a bit silly,” he comments. Despite holding the piece of paper, he runs his hand through his combed-back hair, causing a few strands to fall messily over his forehead. It looks so much better than when it’s gelled up. “But it feels different this time around. I don’t know, It feels a lot more personal somehow.” 

Bringing his hand up to your face, you give it a kiss. He sighs at the feeling. 

“They’re gonna love it, Jun,” you say. 

He smiles at you. “As long as you love it, that’s more than enough for me.” 

“Well, you already know that I do,” you giggle. “I’ll always love every single song you write.”

Laughing with you, he pulls you to his chest as he envelops you in a hug. Sighing against you, he tucks his face in your neck as he feels you hugging him back. You smile, feeling him press a light kiss on the exposed skin. He smells of sugar and cinnamon. 

“Leave them breathless,” he whispers as he breaks apart from the embrace. 

He kisses you one more time, quickly pecking the top of your head before he walks away. You give him one last smile, running your fingers down his arm as you begin to part.  

You walk in opposing directions, and Jun quickens his pace as he climbs the stairs leading to the balcony. He can hear the crowd growing with every step he takes, feeling a knot forming in his stomach as he moves his fingers around in an attempt to control his nerves. The way up seems familiar, consisting in dimly lit hallways and semi-peeled off posters on the walls, and he doesn’t even notice a few minutes have passed by the time he finally reaches the balcony. 

It’s not the Moonwalker, but the place shines just as bright. He greets Seungcheol, placing a palm on his friend’s back as he comes to stand next to him. 

“Hey, I was about to go looking for you,” he says, as a form of greeting. He smiles at his friend and motions to the public below with his beer bottle. “Great turn out tonight! I think this is our biggest venue yet, it’s amazing! I was talking to some guy over there, and he says a story is being printed on the newspapers about how successful the tour has been so far.” 

Jun smiles. “They deserve it. They’re an amazing group.”

“And they have amazing songs,” Seungcheol comments, nudging Jun’s shoulder with his own. 

Jun sets his eyes on the empty stage just as the lights begin to fall. A limelight focuses on the center of it, right where the standing microphone rises high among the sea of instruments. You walk out from the side with the rest of the band following close behind, and just like his very own, everyone’s eyes are on you. 

“We have a very special song for you tonight,” you say. You look up in the direction of the balcony, and Jun feels his heart beat loudly against his chest when you wink at him. “We hope you enjoy the show.” 

A breath gets caught in his throat when Seungkwan starts playing, fingers delicately grazing over the keyboard of his piano. He can feel Seungcheol’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze, but all he can focus on is you. 

It’s always been that way, and the feeling on his chest lets him know it always will. It feels like a thousand butterflies finally setting flight. 

He smiles when you begin to sing, forgetting about everything else. The world around him stops existing, and just as the words start leaving your lips, he lets himself go. Because he had spent his entire life dreaming of this moment, thinking about the feeling being born in his chest. And he’s happy he’s waited, because it feels better than he could have ever imagined. 

Completely shaking off his nerves, he closes his eyes and lets out a breath. 

Hold me closer tiny dancer… 

#caratwritersclub #svtsource #kwritersworldnet #seventeen scenarios #jun scenario #jun scenarios #seventeen scenario #svt scenarios #svt scenario #svt fic #jun x reader #seventeen jun x reader #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #jun fluff #mar.writing

[spqce-buns]

Okay so let me just write my thoughts and reactions on ep 18 ( it’s kinda long)....

From the starting I knew that jang Han SEO never betrayed him. Please look at the shock, his shaky hands and a bit of horror. His acting skills man. My himbo baby. They way he GOT UP made my squeal so hard. Whenever vin speaks Italian I ascend to heaven. They way he just kill the Interpol guys and scared the shit out of the officers was amazing lol. The cover story was so convincing. WHEN HE SAID MS Choi ARE YOU STUPID , I WAS SO PROUD. Jang Han SEO should be an actor istg😂. Me Han was suspicious tho. ‘Bye ms Choi’😂. Just hold my hand lmao. I like how mr Han also stood up against ms Choi. IT WAS A SET UP YAY. I like how vin was worried for him and asked him if he was scared, nobody asked him that in his life time🥺. MR NAM COMING AS A REFREE WITH HIS ROLLER SKATES. Vinny , mr nam and jang Han seo make a great team. They way they just look at each other and smirk. The scene where jang Han SEO is carrying so much things and Vinny is like is it heavy? I jus feel like he is asking him to not carry this much load and give him some just warms my heart. Han seo is carrying the trauma,fear and helpless since birth. All of that is making him tired . Then Vinny takes his bag anyway means that he is taking Han seo fear because now Vinny is on his side. He is assuring him or am I interpreting it wrong. The whole shooting in the arm said BROMANCE. It was so endearing to watch them behave like real brothers and I was so happy. Him repeating everything Vinny says, being confident about getting shoot, Vinny teasing him that he didn’t even shoot it, them him fainting was so wholesome and funny. ‘ Grandma, why are you here grandma’ , JANG HAN SEO YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE. Then him smiling and giggling like a baby in hospital room please I only want happiness for him. Bye bye balloon trip, is it foreshadowing 👀. Vincenzo gaining a younger brother and N older brother please why am I in tears. Jipragi team is just chef kisses. Miri really is a bad bitch. Just want Vinny and chayoung to adopt her. Feels like she is their daughter or is it just me? She just raised the volume lmaoo. Han seok losing his pieces. YAY.Their court room walk be always iconic. Chayoung literally had heart eyes when Vinny was taking to the press. She was like that’s my man. I am 100% sure that monks are carrying out the gold. I love how geumga family take care of everyone. This found family is everything. They way chayoung and Vinny said see you later and departed I knew this episode will break my heart later. I can totally see jang Han seo enjoying by seeing his brother suffer. Mr Han really thought he could underestimate him. The way vin hung up the phone remainded me of chayoung 🥰. The scene with chayoung and Choi is so good. The way the director showed that chayoung is overpowering her is just wow. Their whole conversation is just oozing out queen energy. I am a lesbian for Hong chayoung the power she holds. They way Choi just takes a sip and chayoung the bad bitch she is took a shot with no hesitation. I was screaming. I Stan this women. Just because mr Han is a chief prosecutor he thinks he can underestimate him. I laughed at his naive childish behaviour. Vinny being the intimidating mafia consigliere not giving a single fuck and shot them in the leg🥵🥵. Han seok being chased out of his kingdom .Their fight scene phew. Him being scared was so good. Mr cho getting beaten up🥲. I feel like mr Kim will be the real villain pulling up the strings. Han seok throwing a tantrum like a spoiled annoying brat and ms Choi acting like his mother. ‘ you must admit, Vincenzo is no match for you’ I was like FINALLY THEY REALISE. Han SEO not getting scared of his brother outright telling him that he is not scared and dumb anymore. You can see shock on Han seoks face when he realises that he can’t control his brother and when he laughed at him I lost shit.Jang Han SEO FINALLY standing up to him. Him pressing the hand cuffs please he is really learning a lot from Vinny. Han seok realising that he doesn’t have enough power is just so satisfying to watch.

The scene where Han seo says that Vinny is like his brother and like how he is comfortable with him. The scene was so heart wrenching. He has never experienced love and warmth. When Vinny told him not to call him brother you can see the pain. He is thinking that I wish he was his real brother so that I don’t have to ask for his permission to call him brother. When Vinny agreed you can see the happiness in his face and how he got all giggly and happy. Please someone hug him. The scene touched my heart. You can see that Vinny CARES for him. He really does. He really has been treating him like his little brother. You can also see that Vinny got a bit sad by how Han seo was treated. You can see a bit of protectiveness when he looks at Han SEO. I am really scared for Han SEO though. Like really. Vinny finally showing Han seok who is the BOSS .His story about his past was given in two lines but it didn’t feel rushed and I was satisfied. The writer really is amazing. The story about how he tortured the murder and saying that he is a cat which likes to play with his mouses aka the enemy was scary and so satisfying. I always thought that he was this kind of a guy. This just shows how superior he is. The big brain energy he has is just amazing. Like how he literally played Han seok. Everyone fangirling over luca aww. Vinny happy to see Luca but it was ruined by serious matters. Angry Vinny is so sexy. The chayenzo moments were less but it’s okay. I love how they are slowly building the relationship which will be unbreakable. I saw that the curtains of both Vinny and chayoung house were open. Does this mean they are finally acknowledging their feeling? The photo was so beautiful. Look how lost Vinny was when inzaghi didn’t come. The whole goodbye was so emotional. Chayoung is so strong. A true Mafia wife. Look at her consoling everyone while putting on a brave face and a smile. Some one hug her please. The whole geumga plaza giving him food and warmth I am crying. When he says thanks bro to bye bye balloon boss. I was like AWWWWWWWWWWW. Chayoung literally learned Italian FOR HIM I AM CRYING. The handshake....can’t he just hug her. she literally said you are my other half. THE GOLD IS NOT THEIR BAHAHAHA I KNEW IT. chayoung protecting miri is just like how a mother protects her child🥺. The way she was shielding her.

YAY VINNY CAME BACK. YOU CAN SEE THE ANGER ON HIS FACE. He was like how dare you touch my wife and scare my daughter you piece of shit and then just yeets the guy. Vincenzo really knows how to end the episode. Vincenzo is officially my favourite k drama istg.

#vincenzo #tvn vincenzo #song joong ki #jeon yeo bin #kdrama #vincenzo cassano #chayenzo #hong chayoung #the post is so long lmao #rant #just Vincenzo giving us a satisfying ending every time #god I love this k drama

[hyuniebaby]

Pink Carnations

Pairings: Sehun x Y/N

Genre: angst

One shot. Y/N is sick but I can’t say what her sickness is... 🤐

A/N: I’ve had this idea for a while but I didn’t expect it to be this long. Honestly, I wished I could’ve made this shorter but I got too lazy to edit some parts... I didn’t want to write the death part so I cut that part out. I also want to take this time to applaud fanfic writers for dedicating so much thought and time to write their pieces. I almost gave up halfway because it got too long. I honestly think my max words when writing is 2k LOL 😅 Anyway I hope you enjoy this!

You were lying on your towel wearing your two piece bathing suit while you closed your eyes. It was summer and what perfect way to spend the day than to lounge under the sun after a tiring week, right?

It was perfect until your peace and quiet was disturbed by someone plopping down beside you. You didn’t have to open your eyes to know who it was. You know his faint but distinct smell.

“You know, if you just wanted to sleep, you could’ve just stayed at home and did that on the comfort of your bed,” Sehun says.

Without opening your eyes, you answer, “But there’s something different with the air at the beach! Plus, the sound of the waves calm me down.” There was a soft smile on your face. It was evident you were content right now.

When Sehun didn’t answer, you opened your eyes and peeked at him. He was staring right at you. He was looking at you intently as if you had the answer to the poverty problems of the world. You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat because of his gaze.

You were about to say something when you both hear a girl shrieking. Both of you had trailed your eyes to the source of the sound. One of the girls playing beach volleyball landed on the wrong foot and she was cradling her foot in agony. Sehun was quick to approach and lend her a helping hand.

The sight made your heart swell with pride. You were proud of your best friend for having the sweetest heart. He was always willing to help anyone in need. You were extremely happy to have a best friend like him.

He offered helping the girl walk back to their cottage. At first the girl was leaning on Sehun while she was limping. But after a few steps, Sehun suddenly carried the girl bridal style. You knew he was just helping the girl, but the sight left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You frowned. Why were you feeling this way? Sure, you had this small crush on Sehun. He was sweet, nice, and attractive. But it was just that, just a crush. You didn’t allow it to bloom into something different because, well, he was your best friend and you knew he didn’t feel the same. It doesn’t bother you though, because, again, it’s just a crush.

Even when he had been in and out of relationships, you never felt jealous or bitter. You were always supportive in his love affairs. So why were you suddenly feeling this way? She was just a stranger on the beach who needed help. There’s literally no reason to feel jealous.

You clear the frown on your face when you see Sehun jog back to you after carrying the injured girl. You give him a smile instead. He goes back to his previous sitting position.

“You’re such a gentleman,” You coo while pinching his cheeks.

He immediately leans away and groans. “I would’ve done the same if it happened to you, dumbass.”

And there it was again, your heart was skipping a beat. Usually Sehun would just answer sassily when you tease him but every now and then he’d say something that would make your heart flutter.

You feel your blood rushing to your cheeks. Instead of acknowledging what he said, you mutter, “I’m not a dumbass!”

He snickers at your reaction. You scowl at him, ready to give him a punch but you stopped your movement when a female interrupted your bickering. “Uhm, excuse me.”

You both look up at the lady.

She faced Sehun. “I’m a friend of Anne, the girl you helped earlier. She wanted to give you this,” She hands a letter to Sehun. Sehun just smiles and the woman took it as a cue to leave. She goes back to their group of friends.

You watch Sehun as he opens the folded paper. You wanted to peek into it so badly but you respected Sehun’s privacy so instead of looking at the paper, you observe Sehun’s face. His curious look was replaced by a smile. He momentarily looks back at where Anne was. She didn’t notice the act since she was surrounded by her worried friends.

Sehun looks back at you and grins. “Come on, let’s get you home. You’re going to get sunburned.”

That wasn’t what you were expecting him to say but you didn’t want to dwell on it. You start collecting your things. Sehun stands up and waits for you. When you’ve gathered all your belongings, he offers his hand to help you stand up. You reached for it gratefully. He guides you back to his car and drives you back home. And just like that, you two were back to bickering best friends.

After that eventful day on the beach, you hadn’t spared a thought on what happened that time. It was unimportant anyway. Weeks had passed by already and it was so easy to forget about that particular day since none of you talked about it again.

Until one Sunday afternoon.

You were binge watching the TV series your coworker, Junmyeon, recommended. You were halfway through the fifth episode when Sehun sent a message telling you to meet up with him for dinner. Normally you’d decline, especially since you were getting hooked to what you were watching, however, you remembered you actually forgot to buy groceries. You literally only had chips and a bottle of juice left at your place, so you agreed.

Sehun had told you to meet up at the diner you both frequented. Sundays were your lazy days so you just opt to wear a hoodie on top of your shirt. You didn’t even bother changing your shorts to pants anymore. Besides, it was just Sehun you were meeting. And he’s seen you in much worse clothes.

You went to the diner on the dot. When you got there, you weren’t even surprised that Sehun wasn’t there yet. He’s always been late to everything. You got used to waiting for him.

After fifteen minutes of waiting, you hear a particularly loud laugh from a girl entering the diner. You looked up to see who it was. But instead of focusing on the girl, your eye immediately landed on Sehun. He sees you sitting by your usual seats and heads over to your direction, the girl in tow.

Typical of Sehun to tag you along on his first date with a girl. You resist the urge to roll your eyes at your best friend. He grins at you. “Hey Y/N, remember Anne?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t.” You smile sheepishly.

“Sehun helped me at the beach a few weeks ago. I, uh, got injured for twisting my ankle,” Anne says.

Oh. It was the girl he carried bridal style. For some reason, you felt a tug at your heart.

Despite the bitter taste in your mouth, you offer your hand to shake and a smile. “Oh, hi Anne! Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N. Sehun’s best friend.”

She shakes your hand in return. “Sehun has told me a lot about you!” She beams.

Huh? Was this not their first date?

Confusion was evident in your face so Sehun explains, “We’ve been going out for a while now.”

He always tells you everything. It’s like he couldn’t hold himself back. So you wanted to ask him why he didn’t tell you about dating her for god knows how long. What’s so special with Anne this time?

You notice her blush at whatever Sehun whispered to her ear. There was something about the sparkle in their eyes that made you feel so uneasy.

You tried not to grimace or show any sign of discomfort when they subtly look at each other when they think they weren’t looking. What was absolutely difficult for you was when they both made an effort to include you in whatever they were talking about. Under normal circumstances, you’d be happy to be included in the conversation, because, well, you always had a lot to say in a variety of things. But this time, you felt like you were tongue-tied. Too occupied with the weird feeling you were getting.

You observed that they were getting along well. Sehun doesn’t open up to strangers quickly. It takes around two months for him to actually start warming up to people. This was one of the reasons why some of the girls he dated didn’t last long. Not only was he reserved, he also has an intimidating aura. So you were a little taken aback to see him be this close to someone who he met just a few weeks ago.

There were times when you caught Sehun gazing at Anne in some type of way. The type of look that could make any woman’s heart melt if you looked long enough. The sight made your heart ache so much. You really weren’t sure why you’re feeling this way, you’ve never really viewed Sehun as someone you could romantically be involved with. You thought you just liked his personality.

So when Sehun sends another loving smile at Anne and she blushes profusely, you suddenly feel so overwhelmed that you choked on air. It was so embarrassing. They both looked at you with concern but instead of brushing it off, you excused yourself, telling them you weren’t feeling good. They insisted on driving you home but you declined, not wanting to watch them ogle at each other for longer. But you don’t tell them that. You just assured them that you’ll be fine. Your home was just a few blocks away, after all.

When you got home, you immediately went to bed, hoping that this weird feeling goes away with a night’s rest.

Since then, you declined Sehun’s invites. It was embarrassing to admit that you felt jealous over something so simple. You spent your days and nights in the office to get Sehun out of your mind. This wasn’t new though. Your work required so much time from you especially during the end of the month and Sehun knew that. You had to work on multiple reports and presentations that sometimes you couldn’t go home if you wanted to. The only consolation for you was that you have Junmyeon and Jongin that helps you with your tasks.

When Sehun stopped inviting you to eat out or hang out with him and Anne, you felt relieved. At least you didn’t have to pretend to be okay in front of them. But you shouldn’t have been too complacent, because one Saturday night, Sehun came knocking at your door.

“Are you okay? Is there something wrong?” Sehun asks as soon as you open the door.

You were stunned to see him, but you knew Sehun, he wouldn’t just stop talking to you just because he was in a relationship. He wouldn’t accept any reason for silence on your end, except if it was work, and right now, your hectic days were over.

“I’m fine, Sehun. You know how busy I get during the last days of the month.”

“But it’s already a week after your busy days,” He frowned. “And you haven’t sent a single message to me at all.”

You winced. He has a point, whenever you’re done with your “busy days”, you always seek Sehun out — to party or to hang out, whatever. He was always there to help you destress.

Right now, you don’t have an excuse to Sehun so you remained silent.

“Is there something wrong, Y/N? You can tell me,” Sehun says softly.

“Just tired of work,” You sigh.

“Then let’s watch a movie? We can order pizza too!”

You contemplate, was it a good idea to have Sehun so close?

Before you could even respond, he spins you around and gently pushes you inside your home. He sits you on your couch and props your leg on the coffee table. You couldn’t help but smile at him. He even knows the exact position that you do when you’re watching TV.

He sits beside you and gets the remote so he can choose which film you’re both going to watch. You stare at him as he carefully scans the list of movies. He really looks breathtaking no matter what angle. You wonder why it took you this long to acknowledge the feelings you had for him. He has a girlfriend now and they look like they’re getting along better as compared to his previous lovers. It was too late. The thought sends another uncomfortable sensation. Your vision was getting blurry and you looked away from him before you could even spill a tear.

When he has chosen a movie to watch, he stands up and dials the number of your favorite pizza parlor. You sigh in relief as he moves away, subtly trying to rub your eyes and get rid of the tears that were starting to form. You have to clear out whatever feelings you have for Sehun tonight, otherwise, you might just have to say goodbye to your friendship with him. You have to get through this night.

When Sehun comes back from the call, he scans your face. You looked so sad and so much thinner now. “You must have been so stressed over work,” He notes sadly. He gently pats your head as he says, “Don’t worry, I’ll let you rest after this. We can hang out tomorrow again and go shopping or something,” He pulls you closer and gently pushes your head so you’re leaning on his shoulder. You feel your heart flutter. You can smell his cologne in this position, and somehow it gives comfort to you. You let him hold you for the rest of the night, deciding that this was going to be the last time you’ll let him. For your sake and for Anne’s sake. You didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

The night went surprisingly well. At first the both of you kept quiet while watching the movie but when the pizza came, the mood suddenly lightened up. You both abandoned the movie as you started arguing over which food was better: pizza or pasta. Of course, you were on pizza’s team while Sehun whose taste buds can’t appreciate the flavor of pizzas kept on proclaiming pasta as the best food ever. The argument ended when you asked him, “Why are you eating pizza then? The pizza parlor served pasta as well! If it was ‘the best food on the planet’ then why are you here stuffing yourself with pizza?” which shut him up. You grin as he got silenced. To celebrate your win, you get to have the last slice of pizza. The night ended as you laughed at him while guiding him out of your home. What you weren’t aware of was the smile he was hiding when his back was turned to you. He was happy to have made you laugh before the night ended. He hated when you were sad. He cared for you and loved you more than what you think, but just not in the way you wanted him to.

You start hanging out with Sehun and Anne more ever since you vowed to eliminate your feelings for Sehun that night. The only problem was that every time you spent together with them, you felt your heart ache. Yeah, it sure was easier to say you’ll get over your feelings for him rather than actually doing it.

As winter came, you found yourself becoming more attached to your coworkers, Junmyeon and Jongin, since you’ve been dragging them when you spent time with Sehun and Anne. They knew about your feelings for Sehun and it was much easier not to slip up when they were around. The downside was that they were always giving you sympathetic glances when the couple displayed their affection. When they did this, you really just wanted to punch them. One time you almost punched Jongin for it but for some reason you felt too weak to do it. In fact, when the season changed, you became sickly. This wasn’t new, you always had colds whenever there were changes in the weather, but for some reason, this time felt different. There were days where you couldn’t get out of bed. There were days where you couldn’t stop coughing too. Junmyeon suggested you get checked up by a doctor but you always found yourself pushing it for next time.

One cold afternoon, you were at work with Junmyeon and Jongin. The day was slow since you’ve all finished with your tasks on time. You were all chatting about how it was the first time in months that work wasn’t stressing you all out. At one point, the conversation went to sports and you’ve started to mindlessly scroll through social media since you weren’t particularly interested in their topic. One post caught your eye, Sehun posted a photo of him and Anne kissing. You felt a pang in your heart as usual. You’ve witnessed them do this countless times already within the months you’ve hung out with the couple but every time it doesn’t hurt less. You try to fight back the sob that was about to spill out of your mouth but you ended up coughing instead. You covered your mouth with your handkerchief as you coughed and coughed. Junmyeon came immediately by your side, asking if you were okay. You waved a hand and just nodded. When you were done with your coughing fit, you lowered your handkerchief. Normally, you would just automatically put it back on your pocket but you caught sight of a reddish color on your white handkerchief. Was that blood? Your eyes widened a little but you tried not to be a little obvious since Junmyeon and Jongin were looking at you with concern.

“I’m taking you to the doctor after work. You can’t put it off anymore, Y/N. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve taken a lot of days off. In fact, you’ve called in sick more times this month compared to the last three years.” Junmyeon gives you a pointed look. You noticed Jongin bobbing his head up and down in agreement. You sighed heavily but agreed nonetheless. After all, you were worried quite worried too.

When your shift ended, you, Jongin and Junmyeon went together to the hospital. When you found a doctor who was available to check up on you, you were grateful that Junmyeon and Jongin weren’t in the doctor’s room so you were also able to tell him about the coughing and the blood that you saw on your handkerchief. The doctor, Dr. Han, wanted to run a series of tests on you once you explained whatever symptoms you were feeling. You were beyond anxious at this point because you coughed out with blood! He was stripped off of any emotions while talking to you and you didn’t know what to make off of it.

In the middle of your conversation, you get a call from Sehun. You ask Dr. Hand if you could take the call and he nods his head wordlessly.

Initially, you wanted to stand up and leave the room so you could talk to Sehun privately but your body felt so heavy, so instead you find yourself angling your body so you weren’t facing your doctor.

“Hello?” You answered the phone call, your throat suddenly feeling dry.

“Hey Y/N! Junmyeon said you’re in the hospital, do you want us to come over?” He asks, voice filled with concern.

Us. Of course, he and Anne were a package deal now.

It took you a few seconds to answer and you could hear Sehun panicking on the line while Anne was trying to calm him down.

“It’s just a check up, Hun.” You heard them let out a breath of relief and you wanted to smile but you started coughing again. You can still hear them on the line but you couldn’t answer because you couldn’t stop coughing so you ended the call. You also felt like it was so hard to breathe suddenly. You were feeling lightheaded too. When you covered your mouth with your hand, you felt something solid coming out of your mouth. What was that?

Dr. Han rushed to your side, he tried to listen to your lungs using his stethoscope and you saw him with widened eyes then he rushed to the door to call a nurse before your vision turned black.

When you woke up, your throat felt so dry. It was so hard for you to breathe even with an oxygen mask attached to you. You look around the room and see Junmyeon and Jongin on the sides of your bed. When Junmyeon noticed your movement, he immediately went out to call for a nurse while Jongin held your hand.

“What happened?”

Jongin looked at you sadly. “You had a coughing fit while you were with the doctor. The next thing we knew, you were unconscious and they were hauling you out of the room… The lab results came out a while ago and…” he trailed off. “I think I should let your doctor explain…”

The way he worded it and the way he looked made you feel so uneasy. You were scared. Were you going to die?

When Junmyeon re-enters the room, the two males share a look of sadness. Junmyeon goes by your side and reaches out for something in his coat. You watch him curiously. He hands you a single pink carnation.

That was odd. Why would he hand you a flower? This was the exact same flower that Sehun gave as a corsage when he took you to prom. It was quite a special flower for you personally because that night was a magical night for the two of you. You smile softly at the memory of him telling you how pretty you were and how your dumb ex boyfriend was a fool to let you go. You remember slow dancing with Sehun and him holding your hand to help you as you walk in heels. That night, he made you feel so special. It might have been the night you started to have a crush on him.

“What’s this for Jun?”

He doesn’t say a word, just presses a kiss on your forehead.

As if on cue, a group of doctors come into your room. It was weird to find five doctors in a single room. Even weirder to find one of the younger doctors a little bit more enthusiastic than the others. And where was Dr. Han? Why isn’t he here too? You don’t know what to think. An enthusiastic doctor meant good news, right? But this much doctors must mean that you were in serious trouble. You frown at the thought.

The doctor with a deep dimple started relaying your name, age, and the symptoms you’ve told Dr. Han a while ago. The enthusiastic doctor gives the eldest doctor a set of envelopes with your lab results. He frowns upon looking at all your results. You gulp.

The eldest doctor wipes the frown on his face and reaches a hand to you. “I’m Dr. Jung, I’m the attending doctor assigned to you. This is Dr. Kim Minseok, my resident. The three over here are interns.”

You just nod your head at them.

“Before anything else, I just want to let you know that your case is quite unusual and rare,” Dr. Jung says. Then he turns to the interns and asks, “Someone describe and explain the results to Ms. Y/N.”

The enthusiastic doctor goes closer to you, “I’m Dr. Byun Baekhyun. This is your x-ray film. There is swelling on your lungs which was one of the reasons why you were feeling chest pains and difficulty in breathing,” You were confused because whatever he was showing you definitely doesn’t look like your lungs at all. Dr. Byun points at the film somewhere in the lower right part. “These are… roots. These are stems and these are flowers.”

Wait, what? Was he joking? Because if he is, it’s literally not funny.

He carries on and says, “As Dr. Jung said, your case is extremely rare. You have the Hanahaki disease. It’s a condition where a person coughs up or throws up petals and/or flowers when they suffer from unrequited love. There aren’t many studies about it since it’s very rare. The last recorded case was 12 years ago. Studies say that there are two ways for it to be cured, first is to have that person love you back romantically and two is to undergo surgery,” He pauses and looks at Dr. Jung, “Dr. Jung has operated on the last person who had the disease. He surgically removed the infection on the patient’s lungs.”

The tallest among the intern doctors pipes up and says, “The success rate for the surgery is quite high. However, according to studies, the surgical removal of the infection also removes the patient’s feelings for their loved one. In extreme cases, they could even forget about that person and the patient could lose the ability to love again…”

Dr. Kim Minseok then says, “We understand that this might be very hard for you so we would like to give you time to think on how to proceed with this. However, based on your tests, the carnation seeds have already spread out to your body and have attached to some of your tissues. This is quite the dangerous stage…”

“How much time do I have left?” You ask weakly to Dr. Jung.

He clears his throat and gently says, “Around two weeks to a month. The infection has spread throughout your body already. You almost choked from the carnation that bloomed in your lungs…”

You nod in understanding. “Thank you, doctors. I’ll… let you know my decision soon,” You gave them an unconvincing smile.

“If you need anything else, you may call for me, Dr. Byun, Dr. Park or Dr. Zhang,” Dr. Kim says as he points at the interns. They all bow their heads before they exit your room.

Once the doctors are gone, you feel Junmyeon and Jongin squeeze your hands. You almost forgot they were there with them being so silent all throughout the conversation. You take a peek at their appearances and notice that they both look so… dejected.

“Hey, don’t be sad guys. Everything’s going to be fine.”

They don’t look convinced but they tried to crack a smile just so you won’t feel bad.

“Does Sehun know?” You ask no one in particular.

“He came here a while ago. He looked like a mess so we told him we’d go look out for you tonight. He didn’t really want to leave you. I told him he could at least pack some of your stuff so you can have something to change into later. When he left, that’s when Dr. Kim came by to update us on your status and condition. He’ll be back here soon though,” Jongin answered.

“Please don’t tell him. This is embarrassing.”

“Y/N, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“He’s not going to magically fall in love with me, you know. And he’s in love with someone else. He’ll be burdened if he knew he was the cause of this!” You cried.

Even when you were this sick, you still thought of Sehun. You know he’d blame himself if he knew what your condition was.

Jongin looked softly at you. It’s his first time seeing you this vulnerable. Seeing one of his closest friends cry like this in a hospital no less, made him want to cry too.

“Le-let’s tell him I have lung cancer instead,” You sniffed.

Jongin nods wordlessly. He didn’t want to upset you further.

After a few minutes of silence, Junmyeon asks, “If you insist on not telling Sehun, I’m assuming you will be having the surgery then?”

“I’m going to think about it…”

Truth be told, you didn’t want to get surgery, if that meant possibly forgetting Sehun. You can’t bear the thought of not knowing Sehun. Sure, you wanted to get rid of your feelings for him for so long but you don’t think everything will ever be the same once it’s gone. Not to mention the possibility of not being able to fall in love again. How terrible life would be without knowing or remembering how to love?

You would very much rather die knowing that you’ve truly, deeply, genuinely loved someone than live without remembering how to love at all.

When Junmyeon saw the tears in your eyes, he knew then that no matter what he says or does, you won’t be getting that surgery. He, Jongin and Sehun will have to witness how you’re literally going to die from pain due to heartache.

#exo angst #sehun angst #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #sehun fanfic #sehun fanfiction #oh sehun #sehun fluff #exo fluff #exo sehun #sehun x reader #sehun x you

[ltleflrt]

Hi! So i've been reading your fics for years, and just recently started following you on tumblr. You're great! And I was wondering if you possibly had any advice for someone trying to get through writing a large fic? I've just recently gotten back into writing, and what I thought would be a quick write has mutated into several chapters and feels a bit daunting. Even if you could just point me in a direction would be appreciated!

Hello!  Welcome to my messy corner of this hellsite(affectionate)!  Please don’t mind the stacks of reblogs, I promise I’m working on organizing them ;D

Getting back into writing is exciting news!  Taking breaks is supposedly good for the muse, but it’s not as fun as writing that’s for sure lol

It’s hard to give general advice without knowing what you’re struggling with specifically, but I can give you a rundown of my process.  It’s as messy as my blog because it’s something that just happens to me.  I suffer from longficitis and I’m ALWAYS surprised when I manage to write something quick and short.  The first fic I ever wrote was supposed to be a 1200 word one shot, and 2 months later was 78k, so uhhhhh.... oops? XD

Anyway!  I don’t plan shit, and I always think my stories are going to be short.  I am the very definition of a Pantser.  I write a little scene, and then I think “huh, I could expand on that”, rinse repeat.  This means I often write myself into corners, or into mysterious fogs that hide the future plot from me.  So at this point I whine.  Whining is VERY IMPORTANT.  It vents the frustration while also making me lay out what I’ve done so far and what I want to do and the options to get from here to there.  That’s a conversation I’m able to have without the whining component, but honestly the venting that comes with whining is cathartic and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.  Shoutout to @jupiterjames and @bendingsignpost for putting up with me when I get like this lol

And that brings me to the most important part of writing longfics (or writing in general, really).  Finding people you can talk it out with.  Someone you can bounce ideas off of, who can also be like “oh but you know what else you can do?” (because it’s not like I don't’ have a million plot bunnies breeding in my brain already, I must adopt those my friends offer me as well).  Now I know I make that sound simple, but it’s not.  Finding someone whose muse gets along with yours can take a while.  In the meantime though, find yourself a writing group.  Right now the writing group I like to work with is in the Profound Bond server’s writer cafe channel.  There’s always folks in there who will help me find the right word, help me rephrase a sentence I’m stuck on, encourage me, and talk out fic ideas with.  Sometimes I end up DMing someone and we chat it out privately.  And they’re WONDERFUL cheerleaders.  Sometimes it’s fun to just go in there and see if anyone wants to do a writing sprint, and see how many words can happen in the next 15 minutes.  You can find more info about them @profoundnet. 

Lets see, what else...?

Schedule writing times.  I write 1 hour a day, but not always all at once.  Sometimes it’s 15 minutes here, 30 minutes there, sometimes I manage to do it all in one sitting.  But I try to do it around the same time every day so I can get in the mindset for it.

Track your words.  It’s FUN and encouraging.  Don’t look at low wordcounts as a failure, ever.  Every number is a good number, because they all mean progress.

Keep notes of ideas about the story. It doesn’t have to be an outline, it can be messy and unorganized, just make sure it’s written down where you can find it.  Revisit the notes file whenever you’re in the mood to be creative, but not in the mood to make words happen.

Don’t be afraid to drop plot points if you feel like you can’t fit them in.  You might be able to use them somewhere else, either later in the story or in a whole different story.  Your favorite plot ideas will be better served in the right story that fits them, rather than forcing them to fit into a story that is wrong for them.

Try not to let the word count intimidate you.  Even after all the 100k+ fics I’ve written, I still look at my stories at the beginning and think “oh gods what have I gotten myself into?” and that could easily discourage me or anyone.  Just keep writing, you’ll get there eventually.

Some people like to write the exciting scenes first and then fill in the spaces.  Some people like to use the exciting scenes as their carrot on the stick to keep them chugging along.  I’m in the latter group.  Figure out which one works for you, and use it as a motivational tool.

Feel free to skip scenes you’re stuck on!  You can always come back to it later.  Heck, you might even figure out a way to skip it altogether and streamline the story.  Or by writing what comes after, you’ll figure out what kept you stuck on the skipped scene and now you’ve got your solution.  Longfics never need to be written in order.  (I mean, I usually write them that way, but I think I’m kind of an exception to that?  I dunno, we’re all different, and that’s neat!)

Anyway, I don’t know if any of this is new or exciting advice, but I hope it helps.  Good luck, friend!

#writer's angst #rachaellikesyaoi

[lookbluesoup]

Hey Wyn! I Just read all of your Blue Soup series! I love it all!!! Every word of it is fantastic! I've been wanting to start writing Fanfiction for Fallout for a long time, but I've always been intimidated by the prospect of writing already-established characters and "ruining them" (especially characters like Piper, Preston and Nick, who I plan to make main characters in my story). Do you have any advice on dealing with this?

Hi Anon! Thanks so much for your kind words! ;w; I’m certainly no expert and know this fear personally, but I’ll ramble here about my process and how I try to think about things. Hopefully it can encourage you, too! :D I’ll add the disclaimer that this is what works for me, and what works for me might not work for others, that’s ok! 

First off - writing is for fun. Wanting to do justice to the characters and capture their essence is a great goal, and also a learning process. You don’t have to do it perfectly, nor should you try. Perfection implies there’s nothing more to learn or grow over, which is one, unachievable, and two, the death of innovation. Just do the best you can with what you know, and let your passion for the characters guide the process. And be gentle with yourself. 

Our own experiences and preferences will effect how we write these characters, what traits of theirs stand out to us, how we define their shape, at least in small ways, and that’s not inherently bad. Just like many different artists can draw a character in 100 different styles and that character is still recognizable and familiar (and enjoyable!), writers can emphasize 100 different facets of that character, too. If you’re putting your heart into it, you won’t ruin them. Saw a beautiful LotR post the other day about that, talking about how the movies are different from the books, but the love for the story and characters shows because the people who made those movies were passionate about it, and they’re worthy adaptations of the stories’ spirit. It’s the same for fanfiction.

It’s personally more fun for me to think about the writing process like I’m exploring a character rather than making a statement about a character, which are two very distinct mindsets for me. Exploring is fun, engaging, its ok to change your mind and edit or alter your story as you get new information. It’s like a puzzle, thinking through a character’s motivation, finding ways to incorporate that into a story. Making a statement is more 'fixed’, and implies pushing a narrative as the correct one, which adds a lot of pressure. Personally? I don’t like pressure hahaha 

Still - it’s hard not to feel obligated to do something to a certain standard for one reason or another. My anxiety likes to tell me lots of little lies, and it can be very convincing. When it strikes, working through my nerves is often harder than actually writing LOL

When I first started writing Fallout fanfic, I didn’t post it anywhere. That took a LOT of the pressure off, knowing that none of this needed to, or was even intended to be, shared with others who might judge. These stories were just between me and the characters. It was safe. I could work at my own pace and enjoy the process in my little tide pool. Since deciding to share them, I’ve been really grateful for the support readers have given! It feels good, I’m glad I found the courage to post them.

As for working out that puzzle of what seems most likely for a character, how to capture the heart of them, I love voice lines! Codex entries! Compilations! The best way to get to know a character is to spend time with them. I take Piper everywhere with me, I want to know what she thinks about everything, her character really struck a chord with me and, well, cue hyperfixation hahaha I use the Windows 10 Game Bar to record audio clips and have a massive archive of her voice lines. Flipping through these is a useful tool for me to get back into her “pattern” of speaking. All the Companions have distinct voices and tendencies, which is another neat aspect to writing them. I feel more confident knowing I had access to the source material. Also I just. Like listening to her voice sometimes. Shhh

Other great resources for this are the wiki (which has text files of most, if not all, each character’s dialogue lines and conversation trees) and youtube companion reaction comps - this SOUNDS like a lot of work. But for me at least I love it, it doesn’t feel like work because I’ll be excited looking for specific lines a la “how does she talk when she’s angry”, “what does she have to say about mirelurks”, you don’t have to keep everything about each character in your head memorized - these audio and text files are great archives to find what’s relevant to a scene quickly.

When I got into Fallout, I also got interested in 1950s movies, music, and even radio shows like Johnny Dollar and Green Hornet. This gave me context around the characters, too. For example, Piper’s kickass reporter vibes throw back to a lot of old sleuthing reporter tropes, and interpreting her actions through some of those filters felt more authentic to me than applying her behavior to a modern day setting or my own inclinations. I guess along with that I’d also say, take notes! Have an observation? Write it down in a notes file, or a google doc, somewhere you can sync between your devices and add to whenever you think about it. What stuff sticks out to you as important or defining for these characters, what trends do you notice? If you have bullet points written down, these also make great quick references. Here’s a few screenshots from the terror that is my notes docs:

You can see they’re just short notes or scribbled down thoughts that I can quickly reference if I’m wondering how she might act in a certain scene at a certain time! For me getting into a character’s headspace is often more of a feeling than any kind of scientific research, having easy access to these pointers helps put me in the right state of mind to jump into the creative pool and swim around and get soaked in - character goo - okay bad metaphor. Anyway,

None of these are rules that you have to follow or things that you have to do to get the characters “right”, they’re just potential tools that can help you find information to build off of, and hopefully feel more confident. Maybe something else is more useful to you with organizing or keeping your head clear for writing, it’s cool to experiment and find out what works for you!

#fallout #fallout 4 #long post #writing #text #ask #anonymous #Wyn gabs

[pokecommunitycenter]

Hi Dash !! It’s Time to Meet a Member of the RPC !!

Ditto would like to introduce... Dun Duuuuuun !! 

It’s Jason ♡ !! Though some of you may know them as @haematophiliac​ !!

Established in Spooky October of 2018, they’ve been around the RPC for a good long while as a Team Rocket Scientist OC, but here’s a looksee at some things you may have not known !! Ditto hopes you enjoy getting to know the writer just as much as Ditto did !!

♡ Interview... START !!

Ditto would like you to introduce yourself a little bit. The url you go by, maybe how you picked it. Was it a joke at first that you just stuck with, does it have significant meaning?

The username is what people would call a lover of blood. I started Jax in … 2018? Octoberish and he had the common username including Rocket in it and I decided to pick a theme more fitting to him. Eventually I settled with the current one as it fits him as a blood obsessor to put it bluntly. I mean he likes blood, works around a lot of it and all that so it just… Well, stuck!

Was there something about Team Rocket in general that drew you in? Over other ‘evil’ organizations, Rocket is considered the OG & probably largest. But, over Plasma/Galactic, what made you choose Rocket?

I’ve always been a Rocket fan. I started in the Pokemon fandom (can you call it a fandom back then) in 1998 when I was only eight by watching the anime. You could say that Rocket started my love for bad guys actually! I used to adore Jessie and James so much. They were just so fun, funny and adorable. Maybe I had a crush on one… Ahem! But yes, as a kid I fell for the trio (I didn’t forget loveable Meowth there!) and ever since then I’ve been a fan. I love all the bad guys mind you but Rocket holds a special place in my heart. Just always been like that.

A bonus question !! Did any characters from the original Anime / Franchise…  help you develop Jax at all?

A good question but Jax actually was inspired by a character I role played in a completely different fandom. I mean you cannot compare them - Jax is a human with so many faults and the other character is… Well, a plain old monster. But when I first made Jax I put little bits of the old character into him, such as formal speaking and love for blood. He started pretty much as a clean slate. I evolved him over the first few weeks.

Do you think that, because you play a character that is not a ‘good guy’ or as you put it, a monster, that people that may not know you well find you hard to approach?

Indeed so. Though I only speak of experience in the past here! When I played my full out monster in another fandom, people would tell others they were actually scared of me on an OOC level. Needless to say I’ve spoken to many people who were scared and helped them realise that it is just a muse I play. When it comes to Tumblr I find the fandom much more open and less afraid? Though I don’t know for certain because people could be afraid for all I know and I just don’t know. I hope I’m approachable enough anyway!

So then !! To help the part community that may not know you well, or might be a little hesitant because you play a blood loving bad guy, what are some things that you may have in common with everyone? Do you have a favorite pokemon? Or a region that just was WACK & you loved it so much? What’s on that most repeated playlist you got? Or maybe a few movies that you really love?

I read every blog’s rules and I’ve noticed that a lot of people are socially anxious. Which to be fair… I am too! I get nervous around people I don’t know and aahhhh, well, I’m in the exact same boat. We all start as strangers and all it takes is one foot forward to break that ice but, like others, I do find that first step very intimidating. I’m just your average nerd to be fair haha. As for my favourite Pokemon? Sneasel! I fell in love with that little critter after watching the Celebi movie when it came out. Favourite region would be Hoenn. I just have fond memories of it I guess as a Ruby fan. It was the first game my battery ran out of energy on. My music is too horrific for anybody’s ears if that’s what you mean hah. And movies? … … Digimon the movie (1+2+3 in Japan and just the first (all three combined) in UK and presumably other places too).

As someone who feels that weird wiggle when trying to step out of your comfort zone to make friends. Do you have any advice for people that want to get to know you better? Or, reaching out to people in general?

When reaching out to me - or anybody else - I find the best approach can be a simple hello. It instantly shatters that ice between two people. Like… Many of us are afraid to simply say hello. But if you manage to break that first bit it’s amazing! If you don’t there is always another day. Conversation can escalate from a mere hello. Or even reply to an open post if serious or funny! That first step is the hardest indeed but things get easier after that first hurdle. The worst someone can do is walk away and then perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. Everybody has friends in the end and making more is great.

That said. We all know how the Poke RPC has its ups, & its downs. Sometimes both happen in one day. LOL. There is always room for growth though, & Ditto believes that everyone can work together to make that happen. Is there anything you would like to see change in the community?

Everything in life will come with ups and downs, it’s just how things go. We can all work through things however. If something bad happens there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. As a community it is great we can all work on whatever needs addressing. I understand some people rather turn a blind eye depending upon the situation. We all should work on what makes us comfortable. Nonetheless, if I could change one thing I’d change anon hate. Argh. That’s one thing that gets under my skin. We, as a community, should be open to criticism and praise alike and nobody should need to harass another person anonymously. If someone has a disagreement then they should tell the person. Only that way can they work on the issue. But then again there is needless anon hate without true purpose behind it and that makes me sad. But nobody is perfect and sometimes people will rear their ugly side. Yet when anon hate has popped up it has been utterly overwhelming to see everybody support each other with kindness!

Ditto wonders, do you think anon hate may… slow down, or go away, if it was ignored instead of responded to when received? Most times, the people that feel the need to do hurtful things to others is for response. The attention received whether it is good or bad.

I think it’s highly dependent upon the situation. As someone who has received hate in the past (not on Tumblr mind you) I found that even ignoring people doesn’t work. Yet every case is different. Some do it for response, some do it to just get under someone’s skin. We can’t tell which however. If, say, it is needless hate then to ignore it would be the best option, even reporting it to Tumblr’s staff. But if in the situation something needs defending like a misconception then it could be a good idea to clear the air. Keyword could though. I’ve learned that people will get ideas into their mind and battle for it rather than accepting what is truth. In those cases a good air clearing is good and then to ignore any further.... Jabbing could be best. But if people feel the need to respond they should have the freedom to, as well as the freedom to ignore it.

Is there anything you’d like to pass on to those in the RPC that receive anon hate? Maybe a word of advice, or just something supportive to remember if it ever happens?

Well, as long as someone isn’t breaking any rules, doing something bad OOC or whatever- Actually I was going to say they should keep going and doing their thing. And yet I feel the need to mention that all people make mistakes in their lives. Anon hate is a bad way to go. The person on the receiving end of a message is a person too. They have feelings and thoughts and a life also. If you ever receive anon hate then just remember that there’s someone sending it and perhaps they don’t realize their mistake. That isn’t to say it’s justified. Just that people do indeed forget there are real people involved. … I think I word things bad! I mean… Anon hate is wrong, end of. But it is so easy to forget that real people are sat to read it. If you ever get anon hate then it is best to ignore it. That spark could evolve into a full blown fire and make you worse off. Hm, I forgot my train of thought but in the end we all need less hate and to just enjoy ourselves. People tend to send hate from bad experiences with the person or disagreements if right or wrong on either side but words are just words on a screen. They can say all they want to you but you are you. You are a person who deserves a life and love and no mere text on a monitor - Or phone screen! - can ever truly harm you.

Ditto thinks you did a fine job. We all take time to find words in our own ways, & no one has the perfect ones all the time. So please do not worry about wording things. It takes some practice sometimes, when you’re put on the spot !! 

Ditto would like to wrap up with something uplifting & super positive. After your time here in the Poke RPC, what are some of your favorite memories? Things that make you stick around, or just enjoy seeing go on? Give Ditto a little insight ( & the RPC too ) on what makes you happy to be here.

I have a vast array of good memories. Mainly ones of that first move of saying hello to someone or just that first interaction. Then again you’re asking someone with a bad memory! I truly just enjoy seeing people having a good time, enjoying their time here. When people are comfortable enough to do crack threads, that’s something that makes me smile. For instance the RPC could have been super strict and look down upon anything not considered serious and yet there everybody is just having fun! I enjoy watching people get along all in all. When new relations are formed, plots explored, the crack-like threads that ensue. Dash commentary is always a favourite. It shows someone isn’t afraid to get involved. I like it when people aren’t afraid. As I said, we’re all humans with lives and just watching people have fun makes me smile, even if I’m not involved. And of course, being involved in things makes me happy too, to just be included :D

A big Thank You !! to Jason for allowing Ditto to take some of their time for this interview. 

Ditto hopes everyone has a good Monday !! 

See you next week for the next Community Interview. ♡

#haematophiliac #◓ Community Interview !! #Community Interview

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 4x03-- The Gang Gets a Call from HR

Under the cut! 

We pick up with a reminder of where we left off last week: Xo’s restaurant being torn down. (Captions call her “Martha” but I’m fairly certain her name is “Marta” on this show)

Diane confronts Canning and taunts him with the deep pockets of STR Laurie. Canning is unfazed and Diane leaps into action. Diane thinks things are going to go her way.

Frank Landau is in reception and Marissa spots him and immediately unleashes an intense series of verbal attacks about how Eli shouldn’t send messengers if he has something to say and how she might marry a Republican. She rants and rants until Adrian shows up to greet Frank. For once, he’s not here to make Marissa’s life harder.

I do love moments like this. One, they’re hilarious. Two, Marissa thinking he MUST be there for her and also referencing her dad is just fantastic.

Landau is really there to talk to Adrian and Liz (and pointedly not Diane) about the DNC’s efforts to engage black voters. Landau wants RBL to come up with a strategy. As Adrian points out, this is a question for a PR firm. But Landau wants RBL-- they’re a black run firm and they’ve worked with the DNC before (though they fired Liz from the impeachment thing-- did we know that?), and, most importantly, they come with attorney-client privilege. 

“Dammit!” Jay exclaims when he can’t find the injunction for Diane’s case in the system. “I just told our top client to fuck off; whatever you’re dealing with can’t be worse,” Marissa responds. Heh.

Marissa can’t find it either.

God bless the loud beeping noise that happens whenever anyone can’t find a legal document. No one would have their sound on (okay, maybe Diane would) which makes this little detail hilarious to me. 

The system says the case doesn’t exist. Before Jay can investigate further, Adrian tells him he’s needed in the conference room. Jay wonders what’s wrong. Then Adrian goes to collect Lucca, who is chatting with Bianca (their convo is friendly but basically sounds like a rehash of what we saw last ep, with Lucca being like “I am a real person who has to do work” and Bianca being like “But being rich is fun!”). Lucca also asks what’s wrong and Adrian wants to know why everyone keeps asking that. Uh, because you interrupted them with a vague urgent request? That always raises red flags…

Jay goes to Diane before he reports to the conference room and shows her that the case she argued a couple of days prior doesn’t exist. This reminds me of Kresteva’s mind game but on a much bigger, scarier level.

Landau asks all the black employees of the firm, who have been gathered in the conference room, what the biggest issue facing black people today is. This feels exceedingly inappropriate. Helping the DNC brainstorm isn’t part of the job description of a lawyer (or a mailroom attendee) and it doesn’t sound like this meeting was voluntary. And who is going to be open about this with their bosses and a client present?! 

“Lack of voting rights,” someone finally volunteers. Racism and police brutality get added to the list too, as does institutional racism. 

When Landau asks what the Democratic Party is doing to combat racism, the room begins to buzz and Jay speaks up to say the DNC is doing “jack shit to combat racism.” He wants to know where the policies are if the DNC cares so much.

Lucca tries to walk his point back by saying Democrats are trying, but one of the mailroom guys pipes up and says he doesn’t feel like the Party is talking to him or giving him a reason to miss work to vote. It is ridiculous that election day isn’t a national holiday.

Landau steps out for a moment and Adrian asks the room to tone down the DNC bashing. I feel like this is an unwinnable situation. If the people in the room speak up and say the truth it’s offending the client; if they don’t then they aren’t providing the insights needed. I know this plot exists mostly so our characters can have this convo but oof, this is not the right setting for this conversation. 

Marissa shows up in Julius’s chambers and he’s happy to see her. She says things at STR Laurie (or “STD Laurie” as the very mature RBL employees call it) are weird.

Marissa wants info on Marta’s case. Julius can’t find it in the system either and gets the same loud beep sound. Julius awkwardly denies ruling on it, then Diane walks in. Julius gets flustered and says he’s no longer on the case and doesn’t remember the case. “Are you fucking serious?” Diane responds. “Don’t swear at me!” Julius says. “I never used to swear, ever, but now I find it useful. People look at me and think I would never swear so when I say this is fucking nuts it has added meaning and this is fucking nuts,” Diane says. Love it. Also, I think TGF does a pretty good job of having some characters swear for impact and others (looking at you Lucca) swear all the time. 

Julius does NOT like being suspected and says to “talk to Adrian’s girlfriend”.

Meanwhile at RBL, the topic is now maternal mortality. A male employee mentions that black women don’t need to be mobilized (I assume he means because they are the most reliably blue voters) and that causes cross-talk. This is one of the more interesting “everyone at RBL debate!” episodes but I don’t think the writers will ever tire of showing that an issue is controversial by getting two sentences into a debate and then having it turn into cross-talk.

Jay jumps in and changes the topic to reparations. The room gets quiet. Lucca says it’ll never happen. Hey, Rosalyn is back!!! Lots of familiar faces in this room. 

Okay I am not going to transcribe this whole discussion but it’s interesting.

All three name partners get called up to talk to Mr. Firth. 

“Whenever I see offices like this, I always think that we’re all gonna be dead some day,” Liz remarks before Mr. Firth enters. Adrian and Diane laugh and Mr. Firth walks in and asks what’s funny. The joke doesn’t land.

Mr. Firth launches into another story I don’t understand or care to listen to. The real issue is that STR Laurie thinks that RBL is billing the DNC incorrectly (RBL is getting more than STR Laurie). STR Laurie isn’t supposed to know what RBL is charging as part of the transition plan in the merger, but Mr. Firth clearly does not give a fuck about honoring that agreement. Pretty clear who has power and who is backed into a corner. This agreement was supposed to “encourage trust” but something tells me STR Laurie doesn’t actually care about encouraging trust all that much. 

After the awkward meeting, Diane, who is just now hearing of the DNC’s business, asks Liz and Adrian if it is old business (RBL’s) or new (STR Laurie’s). It could be argued either way, Liz and Adrian admit.Liz is more concerned that STR Laurie is looking at RBL’s books when they shouldn’t be. She goes to put Marissa on the case.

Diane takes this opportunity to ask Adrian about his girlfriend. Adrian explains he just wants to keep his private life private. I’ve heard that one before. Adrian tells Diane about “Memo 618” and that it intimidated Julius.

CREDITS, FINALLY. I am going to take a break and watch Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, a show I’ve somehow gotten hooked on despite it being completely mediocre and something I would’ve dumped after three episodes in non-quarantine times. 

And I’m back, two days later lol

Bar-Swarm’s interface looks outdated. Diane knows how to use it, though, and asks the interwebs what Memo 618 is.

Meanwhile, Marissa refers to STR Laurie as “STD Laurie” in a conversation with Adrian. She doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, which makes the joke even better. Liz and Adrian are very amused.

Marissa narrows the potential list of STR Laurie (I gotta start shortening this-- STRL?) spies down to one, a Caleb Garland who is 39 years old and used to be in the Army.

Now Diane’s case is in Judge Hazelwood’s courtroom. Canning refers to the previous trial and Diane, knowing the last case had no paper trail, insists this is the first time the case is being tried. Canning doesn’t know how to respond and it’s pretty amusing to watch him squirm. Canning really is the perfect antagonist for this case. Kresteva would’ve worked too.

The Reparations convo, and cross-talk, continue. I hate to “case stuff happens” some of the most thought provoking stuff of the ep but, again, I have nothing to add.

Adrian mentions there’s a model for reparations in Chicago and tells the story and explains the model.

The debate Landau requested is too heated for him, because he totally didn’t expect that black voters are a diverse group with differing viewpoints, and Landau thinks the solution is… to add white people to the conversation for diversity. You know, to “gauge how the ideas are landing.” The ideas they are thinking through to help the DNC motivate black voters.

Mayyyyybeeee, just maybe, the problem is that this white dude is commissioning black employees of a law firm to do emotional labor while also treating them as a monolith and being afraid to actually listen to him? And that he’s making it seem like what black people have to say is only important if white people agree? Maybe just maybe that’s part of the problem too???

Caleb is peeling a rutabaga on a game; seems pretty silly. He and Marissa chat, and she asks him why he’s on the RBL floor before I can type out the same question. He tells Marissa he’s there as a spy but he’s not a very good spy. I’m like 99.9% sure Marissa says these same words to Alicia in season six when she shows up to be the bodywoman. 

Marissa and Caleb-- who no one even knows-- join the big DNC meeting because they are white. This seems like a good use of resources.

David Lee gets to be in the conversation, and manages to both snark and take it kind of seriously. Have we ever had it confirmed that David Lee is Jewish? I know Veronica made some comments, but Marissa’s comments here make it seem much clearer he’s supposed to be Jewish. 

Adrian tells a story that Vernon Jordan once told him, and the story uses the n-word. I think we may have heard this story on TGF before, does anyone remember?

Diane’s case is back. The actual particulars of it barely matter and I hope Marta gets more to do going forward and doesn’t just disappear. Judge Hazelwood, too, gets Memo 618, and things stop going Diane’s way. Hazelwood gets pissed when Diane brings up Memo 618 in court. She holds Diane in contempt and swears. Yikes. 

Lucca gets a call to go to the HR department that FINALLY exists now that RBL has corporate overlords. She’s there because there’s been a complaint about Adrian. Before hearing the details, Lucca’s asked not to share the details and she says she can’t promise them anything. HR still shares the complaint-- Adrian used the n-word. Lucca looks amused but HR is SUPER serious about this. A black man used the n-word. Seems like… not a big deal to me? Depending on the context, of course. 

Still no results for Memo 618. And when Diane searches “What is Memo 618?” (which is an extremely specific string but ok) her computer shuts itself off. Is… is that possible? I think I just have to accept that TGF is going to do whatever it wants with tech.

Lucca immediately goes to Liz and Adrian to tell Liz (while Adrian is conveniently there) about the situation. “Apparently STR Laurie has a zero tolerance policy on inappropriate language,” Lucca explains. 

Adrian suspects Caleb; Marissa disagrees because she trusts him already. (This is also making me wonder-- David Lee isn’t RBL, yet he was in the meeting… why?)

Marissa is then instructed to feed Caleb a lie.

Jay’s computer also encounters the issue (and all the accompanying sound effects) with Bar-Swarm and calls it targeted malware. 

Marissa, extremely clumsily (and potentially intentionally clumsily), feeds Caleb the lie. 

HR’s interviewing everyone. Most people say they weren’t offended; one woman says she thinks some people might not have liked it but she thinks running to HR is an overreaction. HR says they’re there to help and hold people accountable. Fine line between holding people accountable and making mountains out of molehills in an effort to be thorough. (Without seeing-- or remembering-- how HR ends up handling this I can’t really say they’re doing a bad job… though I feel like a situation like this probably doesn’t need to involve interviewing so many employees because one or two accounts should suffice to make it clear Adrian was telling a story and quoting someone. And also this does feel like a lot of white people who are unequipped to resolve workplace racial disputes.)

(Also isn’t the real HR problem that the employees were basically being forced into a conference room to have a debate about their own feelings and backgrounds?) 

ADDITIONALLY the HR lady is the scary-ass nurse from Evil. Yikes. That hospital episode is one of the more terrifying-- and interesting-- things I’ve seen in ages. 

Jay repeats the story to HR. They look surprised, like it’s the first time they’re hearing this. No one else told HR the story? 

Somehow this HR complaint gets back to Vernon Jordan. Ok, taking back what I said, this HR complaint has gone too far. I think they can hear from Jay’s story, which literally every RBL employee can confirm, what Adrian’s point was. And what does it matter if the story really came from Jordan or not?! This is egregious overreach that feels more like office politics than anything else.

Yeah, Adrian’s convo with Mr. Firth makes it pretty clear this is a power play to show Adrian he no longer runs things. It’s not really about his language; that’s just a pretext for STRL to send a warning shot. 

Now everyone has to take a class on racial sensitivity and Mr. Firth is lecturing Adrian about how “charged” the n-word is, which sets Adrian off. I feel like it’s pretty objective to say that Adrian knows the meaning and power of the n-word better than Mr. Firth. 

Adrian ponders quitting in one of his late night talks with Liz. I love their convos. They talk about their marriage (suddenly it occurs to me-- somehow it hasn’t before!-- that this is the kind of dynamic I imagine Alicia and Peter would have post divorce) as well as the topic at hand. Liz points out they’ll never fire Adrian for using the n-word in a quote because it sounds ridiculous and STRL has its own issues (they apparently took a group photo without black people and then PHOTO SHOPPED IN BLACK PEOPLE which… that’s worse, guys!!!). “They bought us to put us in their pictures,” they recognize. (They had to have known this going in-- still don’t quite understand why they sold; still don’t think the show will ever care to answer this question.) 

Liz tells Adrian to just do what he wants. 

Then Jay brings up the HR complaint in another group meeting and wants to know who filed the complaint. This ALSO seems inappropriate. 

Someone suspects David Lee; David Lee would never file the complaint because he hates HR. 

More interesting debate continues. Again, nothing to say, but really appreciate hearing all of this.

Oh now Landau is here in the middle of the intrafirm shitstorm.

It was Madeline, one of the equity partners, who made the complaint to make a point. Or at least it seems likely she did. She believes every black person should have a choice not to hear it at the workplace. I don’t really get an opinion here but that sounds like a valid point to me. It also goes back to the whole, “maybe a forced all staff convo about race is not a good idea…” thing. 

Adrian suggests that they could have talked privately instead of having it escalated to HR. His tone is kind of condescending but his point seems fair to me, though I think it’s up to an individual to decide if they think a complaint is for HR or not. If they don’t feel comfortable bringing up the point with their boss, that is what HR is for. 

It sounds like Madeline is a little bitter, too, about Adrian selling the firm. She’d be losing money, based on what we heard last week, so the bitterness makes sense. If she’s the one who submitted the complaint, it seems likely she had a reason to be upset with Adrian’s use of the word and also a point to make about how Adrian no longer makes the rules. 

Madeline also says that Jay bringing all of this into the open is called intimidation. I don’t think she’s wrong.

Landau, of course, sees all of this, and shuts things down despite Adrian and Liz telling him their employees are just “passionate.” Wow. This resolution might even lead one to think that having a law firm conduct an unstructured, seemingly mandatory debate about a personal and controversial topic is a bad strategy for getting things done! Who ever could have imagined it would lead to infighting and cross-talk? 

LOL at these sensitivity trainings and at Jay’s reaction to the watermelon example. 

Lucca is always so aware of rank in a really consistent way. It’s not so much that she craves status like an early season Cary-type might; she’s just very aware of where she ranks and who has power and what systems are at play. 

Adrian, Liz, and Diane (who’s barely had anything to do this episode) click through the sensitivity training slides very quickly. They’re definitely reading the slides.

Caleb goes to Liz and says he wants to be second chair on a case. Interesting. Curious where his character is going. 

Jay discovers the malware is coming from INSIDE THE OFFICE! It’s an STRL ploy! And we end with a very dramatic shot of Diane looking up at the ceiling. 

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

[thrillridesz]

saw this around and i was wondering if you could assign your mutuals w a tbz song each?

Hi! Sure, of course ^^ I’ve seen this around too and fair warning... this post is LOOONNGGG so I’ve placed a ‘keep reading’ tab!

Also I’m really sorry if we’re mutuals and your name isn’t here >< I might be forgetting some maybe because we haven’t been talking..? but honestly if you want me to assign you a tbz song privately, just dm me 💙

@chaoticdeobi - Giddy Up

ok so bea is honestly a ray of sunshine wherever she goes and she’s one of the few people that I’ve really really gotten close to here on tumblr >< talking to her feels so easy, fun and comfortable which is exactly how I feel when I listen to giddy up! It’s upbeat like she is and the positive vibes that radiate from them is insane 🌟

@atbzkingdom - Tattoo

Tattoo is deep and meaningful and so is Dee. She’s the one I turn to for advice and I look up to her a lot! She’s the sane one of the chaotic idiots LMAO and I think tattoo just really suits her aura as well as grace 🖤 ily dee

@heartyyjeno - Bloom Bloom

I’ve once said alesha reminds me of Eric and I still stand by that ^^ bloom bloom is a song that encompass youthful radiance and excitement and I believe that’s Alesha to a T. This girl is just a huge ball of floof and uwuness that I just wanna squish her cheeks sometimes 😆

@experimentalwrites - Whiplash

talking to nabi feels like I’m talking to a close friend even though we haven’t been mutuals for long. There’s just something about her that makes me feel really safe and just content around her? It’s the exact feeling I get from listening to whiplash 😊

@sankyeom - Spring Snow

belle to me seems really intimidating at first and almost untouchable. but once I started talking to her, I realise that her presence is just so soothing? she’s the sort of friend that you can talk about the things that are most dear to your heart and she’d listen intently and you know that you can trust her. shes gentle and subtle but makes a deep impact, like Spring Snow ✨

@moondustaeil - Ego

this is surprising even for me but after much thought, I still think amber would do well being paired with Ego. she’s straightforward and tells it like it is which is honestly very refreshing to see. she’s like an older sister to me but like the super cool, edgy sister I’ll never live up to lol 😂 but yes ego has the same edge to me hence the pairing!

@thepixelelf - Checkmate

checkmate is a song that screams boss lady and fierceness which are terms I associate with casey. she has such boss like vibes that I’m sometimes a little afraid to approach her but at the same time, i admire her for how woke and down to earth she is. A true queen 👑

@mae-gi-writes - Clover

mae strikes me as someone who is very driven and ethusiastic! the vibes that Clover has is the same so tbh this was a little of a no brainer HAHA its clean, catchy beat suits her aura as well! ⭐️

@aniyawoos - Shine Shine

when I listen to Shine Shine, I think of yu. It’s has this effortlessly sexc beat to it that also screams deep, velvety maturity that yu has as well! It’s a beat that really makes me feel really powerful and when I think of powerful and dynamic, yu comes into mind hence the pairing 💗

@badwithten - Stupid Sorry

stupid sorry is one of my favourite tbz songs EVER >< I paired zoe with stupid sorry because of how seemingly unassuming but inexplicably meaningful and cute the track is which is the impression I have of her as well 💞

@lovely-kpop-writer - DDD

crazy yet fun and so full of liveliness... That’s Jasmine! I listen to DDD whenever I wanna feel hyped and that’s why I think my brain subconsciously links jasmine to ddd because talking to jasmine even if it’s just over asks is extremely invigorating ❤️

@tidalstorm - Scar

scar is SUCH AN INTENSE AND HOT SONG OMFG it’s got this sexc dark vibe that I feel like always associate with amal as well >< Amal and Scar has this really dominant aura to them and I’m like if scar as a song was a person, Amal and Scar can kick me in the gut and I’d thank them ( too weird? I’m sorry but it’s the best way I can put it lol ) 👀

@blushwoo - The Stealer

honestly, this song is so sexc yet so cute at the same time imo like the concept?? but with that theme?? bruhh talk about a paradox lol tbh anie gives me that very same feeling! like before I got to know her, I thought she was just this really soft, cute mutual but when I really started talking to her, she’s actually surprisingly intense in a good way 😳

@jacobies - Boy

boy is just such a classic yet sensational song and to me, it forever represents the og. dani seems that way to me and honestly in a way even though we’ve never actually talked, I feel like her blog is one of those that laid a foundation to deobi tumblr and she has really brought so many deobis tgt with her deobiccbattle among other things. I look up to her a lot 💕

@aethalen - Reveal

ailea just seems so classy and out of league sometimes! I paired her with Reveal because of the mature and sophisticated vibe that the both of them simply exude... tbh talking to ailea ( on that one occasion lmao can we talk more >< ) I felt like was talking to an idol 🖤

@ukiyoexo - Insanity

i feel like i didn’t think i would pair emma with insanity but honestly, i feel like it’s kinda fitting! emma gives off a very edgy, badass vibe which made me really inclined to pair her with ego at first but after thinking it through, i think insanity’s unique beat suits her more? it’s not as intense as say ego or scar but it still has that very strong, powerful vibe to it 💫

@2hyunjae - Salty

salty is such a classic song and also one of my favs XD it’s just like luna - soft yet fun, intimidating yet so gentle... it’s a song that really grows on you and you feel warm listening to it just like how I feel warmth in my own heart when I see her posts on my dash 💘

@uwu0clock - Wings

we don’t really talk a lot but idk why when I thought of L, I think of Wings! Seeing her on my dash feels very familiar and whenever we do talk, I enjoy all of our conversations ^^ there’s something about them that is so wholesome, just like the vibes from Wings 💓

@fairyoftbz - Break your rules

I’ve never actually had a real conversation with soph but she’s always a joy to see in the collab discord chat ^^ her presence is subtle but it sure is calming and from what I know, she seems like a pretty chill and friendly mutual! 🧡

@jyeonvoir - Goodbye

elsie I’ve said before gives me regal, royalty vibes like that of a queen. I know you probably don’t expect me to pair you with Goodbye but hear me out lol that song is just so iconic?? the smooth ballad instantly makes me feel so comforted whenever I listen to it and it’s the exact same way when I’m interacting with elsie. Ily tumblr big sis 💖

@minfuwa - No Air

no air has such senpai vibes, don’t @ me for this HAHA I haven’t really talked to fuwa much lately but I still see her around and it strangely feels like you know how you watch animes and the protagonist girl is always so shy around the senpai? Yeah that’s kind of me at fuwa and I think it’s because she has this regal vibe to her like elsie and that since no air is such a masterpiece like all her works... this pairing goes without saying 😋

@fluffytbz - Daydream

just like daydream, rosie is an absolute dream as well lmao ( too corny? Sorry I’ll stop ) but fr tho... although we haven’t talked in awhile, I always remembered how lovely and friendly she was to me when we first started talking and when I thought of daydream, I thought of her too because of its sweet melody 💝

@tbzwurld - 4Ever

I think I’ve mentioned that I’ve felt intimidated by bee before >< but I feel like when I got to know her for a bit, she’s actually rly friendly yet there’s a certain fiery spark in her that I’m getting for some reasons? Like 4Ever, it has a very casual beat to it but there’s a little oomph to it that you can’t put your finger on but know it’s there 😉

@sunwuism - Right here

I haven’t actually had a full conversation with neha yet but she just seems so sweet and lovely! Right here is a song I associate those terms with so it felt natural to pair her with it 💛

@todeobi - Water

water is one of those songs that has a pretty sweet, endearing feel to it like the vibes that gus gives me and from my conversation with her, she seems super nice to talk to and just hang around! she’s so awkwardly cute that i just wanna hug her sometimes HAHA ❣️

#ask games #lovely moots #qiu.txt

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - A Male’s Experience of Sex and Fan Fiction Part 1

@manawhaat​ (Mana) and @superfanficnatural​ (Mert) led a lively discussion about what it’s like to have a penis and how we can all improve our writing of the male experience! Shortly after Mert first joined, we asked him if he’d be open to answering frank and personal questions about what it’s like to have a penis, since he was our only (known) member to have one. He was enthusiastic to share his experiences and we are grateful he accepted our invitation! In the time we had, we didn’t come close to answering all of the questions that folks wanted to ask, so we will be continuing this discussion in a future live chat event! (If you have questions you would like to see posed, please either send us an ask or send an IM to one of our admins!) Because the most popular questions were specific to the sexual experience and how it is described in fan fiction, we moved the chat to the softcore-nsfw channel in the discord server. If you are a minor, you might want to check with your parents before reading this, as it is a frank and graphic discussion about sex. A rundown of the chat is below the cut!

Q: Mert, can you tell us a little about yourself and how you got involved with fanfic as a dude?

A: Welp not much to me, just an 18 year old penis-owning male that has been reading fanfic for almost three years. I first found out about fanfic from a friend that suggested it to me and ever since I first started reading, I've been obsessed! I didn't start writing until around early April this year, for I was too nervous, but ended up saying to myself, "You know what? There are no male reader fics on here so I'LL write them." Poof, my blog was born!

Q: In joining the fandom and Tumblr what did you see/feel as far as the fans being mostly female?

A: I'd have to say that I wasn't too surprised, but was a bit underwhelmed. While many female-presenting people seem to be attracted to the actors, first, and the story/content of the show second, the few male fans of the show seem to be the opposite. Although I love the show and all kinds of fans, it would be nice to find some other male-presenting gay fans to gossip with about how attractive the actors are. lol

Q: Have you been in any other fandoms that have had more guys present?

A: To be honest, no. Every fandom that I’ve been in was mostly comprised of female-presenting people.

Q: What’s it like being in a space that’s dominated by so many women?

A: I think that it’s a bit intimidating. I don’t share the exact same experiences as female-presenting people, so it makes bonding a bit harder, if that makes sense?

Q: What kinds of things do you think women in fandom could do to help make men - regardless of sexual preference, already in fandom - feel more welcome? We here in the Pond like to be welcoming to fans of all types of people in all fandom spaces, not just in the Pond. How can we make our space less intimidating?

A: In my experience, it depends on the man in question. Straight men are less likely to want to talk about how attractive the actors are, and more likely to be interested in the mechanics of the show. Gay men are more open to frank discussions about both the show and the actors’ appeal. Basically, just be aware of your audience and how invested in your conversation they seem to be, like you would be with anyone.

Q: Can you describe the sensations behind having a penis, and how it feels during oral sex?

A: Oral sex feels like a warm, heated blanket being wrapped around the penis, depending on how the giver hollows their cheeks or not, Usually, the penis isn’t very sensitive during oral sex, which is why porn is really fake. If the giver uses their tongue, then the stimulation around the tip of the head is what causes pleasure. The head is really the only sensitive part of the penis.

Q: So, emphasis on licking and sucking on the head is key, and deep throating is extra?

A: Playing with the balls, fondling them, or sucking on them is VERY pleasurable. Deep throating is hot, but mostly because of how the back of the throat constricts around the head of the penis. Like I said, playing with the head is the best way to tease. In fact, if it’s a male with a beard doing the giving, rubbing their stubble across the head is EXTREMELY pleasurable.

Q: So, just sucking on the tip alone, like a popsicle or lollipop, would give a man the most pleasure?

A: It is very pleasurable, but not quite enough to bring a man to orgasm. Men jerk from the base when masturbating because of the backwards and forwards motion. Think of it like a gear. The back and forth powers the gear, making the machine begin to work, and eventually leading to orgasm.

Q: The arousal and pleasure need to be built up, then. Sucking and stroking together with some fondling on the side if deep throating isn’t an option?

A: Yes. If you can’t take it to the base, just use your hand for the remaining amount and go back and forth at the same pace as your mouth. Fondling isn’t completely necessary, though it is very pleasurable.

Q: What is one thing you wish more women knew/writers would write about in terms of the male experience?

A: As a reader, it would be nice to have more writers writing about the male experience at all. The majority of writers and readers are women, though, so it makes sense that the majority of stories would be focused on the female experience, so I can’t complain.

For those who are interested in writing more from the male’s point of view, adding more description about how everything feels would be good. For example, when describing the female orgasm and arousal, there are all kinds of metaphors, like the string snapping and fires burning. Those things are representations of the orgasm and that same build up applies to men, too. Then when it finally releases, the feeling of an orgasm cuts off their breathing, even for just a second. We feel it in our toes, and can almost feel the semen transition from the testicles to the penis. Some men like to continue jerking off or thrusting through their orgasm until it becomes too sensitive and some men prefer to stop. Generally, our hips will thrust forward with each shot, but that’s not all the time or every male.

Think of it like breathing. Each shot of ejaculate is so powerful to the man that it's like during those shots, we only have the time to take mini gasps because we are so out of breath (once more, not all the time, and not every man). Pre-ejaculate does not always leak out of our tip; it's basically the equivalence of women getting wet. If we are hard long enough and it is straining, then pre-ejaculate will eventually begin to leak out. Yes, it is also possible for more pre-ejaculate to leak out DURING intercourse, though it is hardly noticeable due to the heavy amounts of wetness everywhere and they all mingle together and yeah. 

Onto the prostate. It is possible for men to orgasm without stimulation to their penis. The stimulation of our prostate for a long period of time can lead to an orgasm, regardless of if they are jerking or not, also kind of like women who can orgasm without clit stimulation (though difficult). 

Q: Do any of the stories you’ve read that women have written come close to the male experience of an orgasm?

A: I haven’t been able to read much M/M fan fiction, but most of them have been written by women, so they aren’t able to go deep into how it feels. All they can describe are the actions taken to get to the climax and what that looks like, which is understandable. But what “pleasure” are they feeling exactly when they orgasm? That is shown in a lot of female experiences and showing it in the man’s experience is one of the focuses I want to address and give answers to with this chat.

Q: Can you describe it for us, then? What are the sensations that happen in orgasm? Is it a whole body shiver? Is it the penis twitching slightly as the orgasm hits?

A: The whole body can convulse just like a woman can, though it’s more of a strong tingle than a whole body rock, depending on how strong the orgasm is. Also, the penis does twitch and swell, and usually when men “flex” their penis, the head grows in size slightly.

Q: How does that tingle spread, and how fast does it spread?

A: Think of the orgasm like the ocean. Wave after wave. When a man is about to orgasm, they know, much like for women. Every stroke gets them closer and they get to a point where they know how many more strokes it will take.

Q: Does the pleasure then spread from the penis out to the rest of the body?

A: It’s actually kind of the opposite. In the beginning, there is a tingle through the whole body. It’s like the nerves in the whole body pulse in the direction of the penis. Then, when it gets released, it’s like a bomb. The nerves in the penis fire off and it slowly spreads back throughout the body.

Q: For some women, it starts in the vagina and radiates outward, but it sounds like for men, it starts outward and radiates to the penis.

A: Yes! And when ejaculation starts, it all reverses back out into the body. (This information is not exactly the same for every single man on earth, but probably pertains to a large percentage. All men are different as all women are different. This is my experience though.)

Q: Does that mean that outside stimulation, like playing with nipples, scratching thighs, etc, would help a man orgasm more quickly as that outside stimulation radiates pleasure toward the penis?

A: Yes. This is why in porn, one person might suck on the neck of the other to add to the influx of pleasure and make the climax feel better. One reason why men love getting their backs scratched up is because that slight pain morphs into pleasure and it helps get closer to orgasm, much like women when their nipples are pinched.

Q: Can we follow up on the breathing thing? Are you physically incapable of breathing during each wave of climax? Or is it more like a winded feeling? Or is it more like the entire brain/body is so overloaded with pleasure that it’s just not on the top of the priority list?

A: It depends on the strength of the orgasm. We can breathe, it’s just not a focus.

Q: Can you pass out?

A: No, but you can be exhausted afterwards and fall asleep.

Q: Do you get blurred vision or anything like that?

A: No blurred vision, but it’s very common to squeeze your eyes shut.

Q: Do sensations change based on the strength of the orgasm?

A: They do.

Q: Is grunting really a thing that happens, or is that just in porn?

A: Yes, grunting can happen. Either it’s so hard that breathing gets cut off, or it’s so pleasurable that you groan or grunt out in pleasure.

Q: Do you come harder if you haven’t done it for a couple of days?

A: Much like some women, the longer we go without orgasm, the easier it is to climax (at least in my case).

This is where we had to stop due to time constraints, so we will be picking this topic back up in a future chat! If you have questions you would like to see posed in a future chat about this topic, you can either send an ask to the Pond, or an IM to any of the admins!

That’s it for this month! Don’t forget to submit your stories and your Angel Fish nominations! Want to know what’s happening in the Pond? Check the Pond Calendar to see what’s coming up! And, as always, if you have questions or suggestions, let us know! You can send us an ask, or send a private message to @manawhaat​ (Mana) or @mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Michelle) anytime!

#chat recap #spnfanficpond livechat #spnfanficpond #michelle answers #chat room #let's chat #THE CHAT ROOM #pond chat

[malcolmbrights-a]

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS, DOLLS, AND FRIENDS!

i’m awful at these, but i wanted to show my love to the people who write with me in some sort of way since i appreciate you guys so so much. i hope in the new year everyone has a great year and that you get lucky in some shape or form, and that sadness hits you a little less hard. LOVE YOU ALL!!!

people i write with:

@yagirlbrit-writes 

i love you so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!! i am so glad that we’ve been friends for so long!!!!!!!!!! i honestly would’ve never been the person i am today without some of your positive influence!!!!!!! like the fact that i’m so open about being a lesbian now is because of you and i’m so thankful that you gave me the power of self love because of that!!!!!! anyways, i love all of your characters and i’m so happy that i get to interact with them and get to read your writing because you are so fucking talented. have a happy new year sis!

@engeljjk

we’ve been talking for years and i’m so appreciative of you and our friendship!!! it makes me so glad to know that we met in a random ass roleplay years ago and we still talk after all of these years. i love you and i love how brillian you are. like some of the stuff you talk about makes me feel dumb because you are crazy smart but i learn so much from you too. headcanoning with you and discussing ships and characters has truly been a gift and  i’m so glad that you still do it with me. have a happy new year boo!

@outfromthesea

i’m pretty sure i have more plots with you than i have with anyone else lmfao. so that should say how much i love writing and headcanoning with you. you honestly light up my life kayla and are truly one of the sweetest, most brillian people i’ve ever met. next ever change. i hope that going into the new year that life treats you well and that you have a good one!!! but omg all of your characters are so fucking developed and i love that you give me monster headcanons and are patient with my dumb of ass

@shutuprhian 

i’ve only known you for a year but i love you so fucking much girl! you’re always making me laugh and you always have something interesting to say. like you truly are the queen of taking my cursed plots and making them more awesome with your brilliant as fuck ideas. the way your brain works when it comes to visuals has honestly helped me imagine things so much better and has helped make roleplay fun for me again. here’s hoping for a happy new year to you and a good year for our friendship! 

@coolgirlwrites

lol me and you always come back to each other even when we disappear and our ships are like some of the longest running ships i’ve ever had. i love our babies but i love you even more and i’m so blessed that we met each other all those years ago on that stupid ass forum where we both were young and had no idea how to write. 

@sweetwinewrites

tee, the tea is that i love you and you’re my girl. i love sending you things that will traumatize you but i mostly send them because i know deep down they will make you laugh and i love the idea of you laughing, soooooo. but yeah, i hope you have a happy new year! i love you and your characters and you mean so much to me!

@fayelistic

faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyeee. you are my best forum friend!!! i’m so happy you reached out to plot with me 2 (or was it 3 years ago) on ignite because you have quickly became a best friend to me. i love you so fucking much and our threads and comms are always super fucking exciting to me. thanks for humoring me all the time and telling me about your life. i love hearing about it. and i love you. happy new year!

@shesuperlit​

ma’am! i must confess that i love everything you have ever produced and i see you as writing god soooooo uhm, yes. thanks for sharing your characters with me and like making me laugh my ass off with our ridiculous headcanon scenes and threads. and tbh making me laugh as  a whole jkfhskjdhsf have a happy new year!!!!!!!!!

@leiaskywclker

omg omg omg i’ve basically known you ages and have followed you for ages but haven’t really spoken to you until now? like i’m surprised since we had the og brotp maura x mia but like we never really talked. you were always liking and commenting on my self threads and that always made me feel really good tho, so thanks. and i’m glad we talk now because you’re cool and have such brilliant characters and ideas and i’m so glad that i’m getting to know them! happy new year!

@theycallmeloveless​

lmfao we’ve only known each other a few months but honestly i love talking to you. like sure we both started talking because we were obsessed with the clown movie and richie tozier but now i’ve noticed we have more in common and i think that’s pretty fucking neat. i am so happy that we have so many plots together and can’t wait to plot more with you. BUT REMEMBER, PENNY THIGHS THE ASS CLAPPING CLOWN ;) wonk djfhdjksfs

@lostghoul​

grimm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uhm, hello grimm!!!!!!!!!!! everytime we talk i always get so much out of you. we don’t talk too much but i know so fucking much about georgia and victoria due to what you’ve told me and i love them and our ships so much. you can tell you put a lot of thought into them and your work and it makes me honored to write with you. also also also our ooc conversations are fucking awesome always. so there’s that too. lots of love and happy new year!

@leftlipstick​

honestly, jess!!! i am so fucking thankful that you write with me because you are truly such a fantastic writer!!! i feel like every thread we have together i learn something new and i’m in awe of everything you do and every character i’ve gotten to write with!!!  i’m so fucking happy that we talk, whether it’s about ooc things or ic things. and i’m so happy that you’re patient with me because sometimes i am so slow. but i hope that the new year is good for you and i can’t wait to write with you in this new year and maybe grow closer to you as a friend!

@undermyanumbrella​

THE QUEEN OF BEAUTIFUL HEADCANONS. seriously, it is so hard to find people who headcanon as much as i do, but i found you and it was like recieving the best birthday gift ever. xD i love our girls and i love that you headcanon with me because you can tell you put so much work into abigail. also i think you’re just pretty cool as a whole, so i hope that our friendship can develop in the new future and that we can add some extra muses to our roster. but omg happy new year, queen!

@pretendsweetly

abby you are such a sweetheart and i’m so happy to have known you. you are such a talented writer and every time you post a response to one of our threads, i’m like “!!!!” because your responses are always so good. i also enjoy hearing from you whenever you message me because you always have something interesting to say. oh and you share my love of ladies loving ladies so i’m like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. happy new years!! i hope our friendship flourishes in the new year!

@bvckywrites​

uhm hello adrian! ameezing, bad bitch adrian! hope you have a happy new year and i hope it treats you well. i feel like everytime we’ve spoken it’s been an absolute treat and i’m so fucking happy that you’re patient with me even though i can sometimes be a goddamn slowpoke. but holy shit. i love all of your characters so much. they are all differenet and all have lots of depth, so i’m happy that you let them interact with my muses. and i’m happy for any conversations that we have!

@sircnss

we don’t talk because i’m a shy dumbass who’s a bit intimidated by you because you seem cool and i’m dumb of ass. but you are such a good writer! i love our little ship thing with claudia and holly! their relationship is refreshing and it’s interesting to see where it goes. have a happy new year!!

@pmbrlys

i don’t even know if you’re around anymore, but honestly, headcanoning with you was truly one of the best headcanoning experiences ever. like you know so much about your boys and any scenario i threw at you you threw something cool back at me and i was so in awe of it. our ooc conversations were cool too and i’m so happy that we got to talk in general because you seem great!

@aholywrathincurred

angie, we’ve been talking for ages. i love our ships and i love you even more. we might not talk as much as we used to but i’m so thankful to have met you and i feel like you’ve made some of my rather boring years a lot of fun. so thank you for being my pal and happy new year!!

@nastyevilgirl

we haven’t known each other too long but you are talented and lovely and yeeeeeeeeeeeah we have a lot of plots already because we vibe so well. have a good year and i hope we continue being friends and developing our boos!

#elliesfinishedworks #i'm gonna make one for my mutals as a follow forever #but for now just wanted to do ppl i write with #i hope i didn't hurt anyone's feelings #and if i forgot someone i write with currently. i'm sorry. i didn't forget on purpose #but yeah have a happy new year

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 question survey series part--forty-three

4101. What is the most difficult thing you have ever overcome? One is all the surgeries I had as a kid that required spending months in the hospital. It was just a very difficult, frustrating time.  4102. What is more imporatnt, how much someone has achieved or how far they have come to achieve it? Uh, I don’t know if either one is more important than the other. Someone who has achieved anything they’re proud of is something to applaud, whether it’s one thing or many things. I think someone who has had to work hard and came a long way is commendable, but I’m not gonna knock someone who maybe didn’t have to work as hard to achieve something either. I want people to succeed and as long as they’re doing something shady to achieve it, then I’m rooting for you.  4103. Have you ever had anything published? No. I’ve never attempted to have something published either.

4104. Of the following, what kind of person would you be more attracted to (1 is highest, 3 lowest): I don’t look for that in a guy, like I don’t compare them to myself in that way. Besides, I don’t think I’m attractive so I would always think they were more attractive than me. less good looking than you? about as good looking as you? more good looking than you? how goodlooking are you? I’m not. 4105. less inteligent than you? about as intelligent as you? more intelligent than you? I mean, I think it would be nice to be with someone I thought I was intelligent and I could a lot from. It could also be intimidating, though. I wouldn’t want to feel dumb or like I couldn’t contribute anything to the conversation. As long as they weren’t arrogant or cocky about it or put people down for not knowing something. how intelligent are you? Meh. I just feel average. 4106. has less money than you? has about as much money as you? has more money than you? I don’t care about their money. Like, we both could contribute and take care of each other. And if they did have more money than me, I wouldn’t expect them to be the sole provider. I would still contribute what I could. How wealthy are you? I’m not. I’m fortunate that I still live at home and my parents still provide a lot for me financially, but I do contribute what I can towards bills (a couple household bills and my own bills) and whatnot.  4107. less wild and crazy than you? about as wild and crazy as you? more wild and crazy than you? I’m not wild and/or crazy, ha so I couldn’t handle someone who was. I mean, I could handle some, like a little spontaneity and adventure. Someone like, “Hey, let’s take a drive up to the beach or mountains this weekend!” Something along those lines haha nothing too crazy. I’m really gonna need a guy who is down to chill at home and binge watch shows and movies with me, play board games, get takeout, and just take it easy a lot. Not to say we never go anywhere or do anything, but I couldn’t be with someone who always had to be doing something ya know? I don’t have the energy for that and due to health reasons I rest a lot. How wild and crazy are you? I’m not. I’m tame and lame, ha. 4108. Is your bathroom shelf stacked with numorous bottles of lotions and creams? Our bathroom pantry has a lot of that stuff, as well as the cupboard space under the sink. There’s some stuff on the counter, too. 4109. How do you maintain your body? Uhh, I’m thin but I’m not in shape or fit. I’ve always been thin and had a fast metabolism, but for the past few years I’ve been too thin/underweight due to health reasons and appetite issues. 4110. Did you ever imagine that objects have a life of their own? Yeah, ha. I kept stuffed animals and stuff from my childhood because I would feel bad getting rid of them. As though they had feelings or something. I have a hard time getting rid of anything. 4111. What is it like to be an object, do ya think? It could suck cause they’re just being used by people until they’re not useful anymore, or it could feel loved and important if used often. Or it could be like some things I have that are just sitting on a shelf collecting dust and feeling sad. :X  lol. 4112. Do stones, rocks, trees, lamps, water, couches, etc all have some sort of life energy running through them? Yeah. 4113. Would you ever consider getting romantically involved with: your teacher? I’m done with school, but no I never would have considered being involved with any of my teachers, then or now. your doctor? Nope.  4114. If ____ asked me for sex, I could NOT refuse. Fill in the blank as if you were speaking. I would refuse everyone at this time. 4115. What is 'nothing'? Absence of something? 4116. Would you rather read about how to get better abs or about how thousands of people across the globe are marching for peace? About how thousands of people across the globe are marching for peace. 4117. Should america make love, not war? Of course that would be nice. 4118. If you could nominate anyone for sainthood, who ould you and why? I have no idea. 4119. Can you name one person who is purely good? Jesus. 4120. How about one person who is completely evil? Satan. 4121. Is there a book inside of you? Uhhh. If yes, what about? 4122. Do you call people more often or get calls more often? Calls more often out of the two, but it’s not a lot. 4123. What do you wake up to? Usually just on my own. 4124. If you could get a free subscription to any magazine what would it be? I wouldn’t. I haven’t read a magazine in several years. 4125. When you wrote letters to santa did you ever ask for stuff that didn't exist? No.  4126. Make up a new slogan for McDonald's: Nah. 4127. What kind of people do you like to be associated with (buisness, writers, dark, antisocial, spiritual, happy)? Chill people that I just vibe with and relate to. 4128. How are you like a toaster? I let stuff build up until pop! 4129. Do you believe we are really in the matrix? Nah, man. 4130. There are 2 dolls, a gw Bush doll and a Sadam Hussein doll. You can only afford one. Which do you buy? I’d have no reason to want either one. 4131. What is a jaberwocky? The dragon from Alice Through the Looking Glass.  4132. Finish the sentances: Nah.

I'm speed racer and I drive real fast, I drive real fast: I'm a big bird and I like to steal, I like to steal and I like to: I'm a barbie doll and I've got grace, I've got grace but: 4133. What do you think aliens would think of life on earth? Probably nothing good. 4134. What image do you get fom the words 'urban decay'? Well, I think of the makeup brand. 4135. Have a ___ day. Fill in the blank with anything but 'nice' Have a chill day. 4136. Do you own anything with a: southpark character or logo on it? No. greatful dead bear or logo on it? No. 4137. What is your impression of beatniks? I don’t know what that is. 4138. What was the last thing you ordered (or watched) on pay-per-view? I have no idea... that would have been ages ago. 4139. Nails, long or short? My nails are barely even there. :X 4140. Do you prefer touch lamps, the clapper, or the old-fashioned light switch? Ha, I think it’d be neat to have the clapper. I could set up the Alexa and get the electronics that are compatible with it and have the same thing.  4141. Can you 'berry talk'? What? 4142. Do you like vines on old buildings? Sure. How about grafitti on old buildings? Murals are really cool. 4143. When someone says 'it's been one of tose days' what do they mean by 'those days'? A shitty day. 4144. Have you ever owned those magic markers that could change colors? Yeah. 4145. It's not easy bein' ____. Fill in the blank as if you were speaking. Me. 4146. Is there a song that has been stuck in your head since you were a child? Wow, no not that long. It can be annoying having a song stuck in my head for a few days, I couldn’t imagine having a song stuck in my head since childhood. I mean, I sometimes have songs from my childhood stuck in my head, but that’s obviously different. 4147. Do you own anything plaid? I have a plaid throw pillow and a plaid pair of leggings. 4148. Do you recycle? Plastic bottles and cans. 4149. What is your strongest point? I don’t feel I have one. :/ 4150. What is your weakest point? I have a lot of those.

What are you doing to work on that weakness? I’m not, that’s the problem. 4151. Paraphrase (rewrite) this sentance without using any of the words currently in it that are more than 2 letters long (except THE you can use THE). If anyone should steal this survey from you they should paraphrase YOUR sentance and so on: “Deep in the heart of turn of the century India a young mongoose is adopted by a british family.” Long ago a European family took in a baby animal in a foreign country. Ha, I don’t know.

4152. A baby is born witha terminal disese. She will suffer agonizing pain for 5 years and then die. The mother gives the baby a sleeping medicine and it dies. Mom claims it was a mercy killing. Prosecution claims it was murder. You are on the jury. What is your vote? Jeez, I can’t with these questions. 4153. Why doesn't poetry say outright what it means? Cause that’s boring. 4154. Read this sentance: “I can’t wait until summer is over.”

Now delete it.

Done?

Now write any sentance you want there instead. 4155. What is your opinion of Orson Welles? I don’t know who that is.  4156. If you were a lotion, what would your label say? I don’t know. 4157. What side id your good side? I don’t have one. 4158. Rewrite that sentance you deleted up there as best you can. Try to get the idea across even if you don't get the exact words right: Impatiently waiting for this season to end. 4159. What is your favorite work by Edgar Allen Poe? A Tell-Tale Heart and The Raven. 4160. Of the following short stories which would you be most likly to read (based on titles alone if you aren't familiar with them, 1 is most likely 9 is least likely)?? Just gonna bold which ones I might read instead. Young Goodman Brown The Cask of Amontillado The Story of an Hour The Metemorphasis Barn Burning The Lottery <<< I’ve read this one. A & P The Sandkings Minority Report 4161. What is the differance between a norm and a value? Values are more general and abstract.  4162. Can you think of a norm in your own culture that is different from a value in your culture? Cancel culture has become the norm it seems, which differs from values in society like compassion, forgiveness, understanding, empathy.   4163. Who is your favorite star wars character? My squad: The Child (baby Yoda), C3PO, Chewbacca, Yoda, and R2D2. 4164. Why haven't we begun to colonize the moon? Because it’s not inhabitable. 4165. What did you think of the shuttle columbia blowing up? That was absolutely horrific and devastating. Ugh. I feel horrible for those who lost their lives and for the people who witnessed it, especially their loved ones. 4166. What do you remember about the challenger? That happened before I was born, I just learned about it when I was older.  4167. Is the force with you? Yep. May the force with be you, too. 4168. What is your favorite spoof movie? The Scary Movie series. 4169. Would you ever own a(n): human slave? Wtf, NO.

robotic slave (where the robot is consiouss of itself)? I don’t want any type of slave.  trained ape slave? Nooooooo. human clone slave? Nooooooo. 4170. What can no one stop you from doing? Surveys, ha. 4171. Who would you be bored without? My family, which includes my doggo.  4172. What is your only hope? God. 4173. Would you rather visit france or puerto rico and why? Hmm. I’d be down for either one. 4174. Have you ever corrupted someone or dragged them down? No. 4175. If you could say/teach one thing to all the youth of america what would it be? Respect. 4176. Does any part of your body get in yyour way? No. 4177. Leia or Amidala? Gotta go with my girl, Princess Leia/General Organa. 4178. Do you trust your feelings? Usually. Sometimes I think I’m being paranoid and ridiculous, but also I think I’m just being real and logical even if it does seem negative and pessimistic at times. I want to be safe than sorry, ya know. But there are definitely times where I am wrong. 4179. Do you feel empty or passionate most of the time? Empty. :/ I don’t have a passion and that really worries me. I want that. 4180. What was your monet of triumph? Ha, I thought “monet of triumph” was a phrase I wasn’t familiar with, but upon Googling I think it’s just a typo. It sounds cool, though. Anyway, my moment of triumph... I mean, not to get dark but being a victim of gun violence at 7 months old and surviving is pretty major. I can’t think of anything else. 4181. Explain what piety is: Being religious, I think. 4182. In what ways are you a rebel? “I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.”  4183. In what ways are you a conformist? Uhh. I follow the rules? 4184. Do you likie movie endings that leave you wondering or tie upp all the loose ends? If there’s going to be another movie in the series then I’m for a cliff hanger, it’s exciting. Even though I am super impatient. Otherwise, I typically don’t like when movies just abruptly end and I have to try and figure out what happened. Like, I need answers. 4185. What movie has the best soundtrack? Hmm. 4186. What adventure would you liike to undertake? I don’t know. If we’re ever able to travel again safely, I’d love to do so. I need a fun vacation. 4187. Do you tip gas station attendants when you get full service? We gotta pump our own gas where I’m from. 4188. Do you own any souvineers; what from where? I own a lot of souvenirs from various places.  4189. Does your age make you embaressed? Not the age itself, I just feel embarrassed about where I’m at in life at 31 years old.   4190. Are you the strong and silent type? I’m not strong, but I’m silent.  4191. What doo your shoes look like? Which ones, I have several pairs. 4192. Do you ever admire yourself while naked? Ew, absolutely not. I hate my body, I’m extremely self-conscious. I don’t feel comfortable at all naked. Like literally, as soon I’m done showering I’m throwing clothes back on. 4193. If you could make someone's clothes magically disappear who would you do it to and where? Uh, I wouldn’t do that to anyone.  4194. Who is more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows the first fool? They’re all foolish. 4195. A good website for the bored (not a diary one): YouTube. 4196. Did people REALLY land on the moon? Yes. 4197. Would you rather live for a month in India or Alaska? Hmm. Maybe Alaska.  4198. What is one country you ould NEVER visit and why? I don’t know. 4199. Who is the busiest person you can think of? My mom. 4200. What is the average length of your relationships? Ha, what relationships.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #5000 question survey