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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 2 years

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One Step at a Time (Love’s Wrecks, Part 5.)

Description: Heartbreak is one hell of a bitch. And one Edward Teach could tell you all about it. Yet thanks to Fate being a little trickster, there’s a person who enters his life to remind him of how nice it is of having someone he can confide in, someone he can care about, and someone he can trust. To remind him, what it means to have a friend for better or worse.

Part Summary: After suffering through an emotional breakdown, Edward realizes that you might be a person he can talk to about his feelings, ideas, and everything that is going down inside his head. Meanwhile, the crew tries to guess what happened and even has a very surprising request towards you.

Word counter: 4.5 K

A/N: To explain it: yes, the reader is reading The Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen and yes, it mirrors the pilot (when Stede reads them Pinocchio) deliberately. I realize that The Ugly Duckling was written after both Stede and Ed had been dead already, but guess what? Pinocchio is even fucking older, so, please, don’t be negative about small details. Anyway, I love these small bonding scenes and when I’m trying to write down someone’s lines (dialogue), I always imagine how they’d say it. Shit suddenly gets 10 times funnier inside my head.

Tagging: @missdictatorme, @soliyra-the-sunbringer @le--petit--croissant

Series master list: h e r e | Series play list: h e r e

Waking up and laying in an unknown room was one of the wildest things you've done in a long time. Maybe even ever, to be frank. There was this horrendous smell of stale rum lingering about, the dust was settling down with each passing second. God fucking dammit, it honestly was one of the worst smells you woken up to - it was sharing the number one spot right next to John’s farts. With a quiet swear, you managed to sit up and look around you. You've been too sleepy to connect all the dots from the previous evening. You've surely had to be on board the Revenge, but you couldn't name in which part of you currently were. This was some brand-new scenery for you. Clearing your throat, you decided to explore the place a bit.

For a moment, you’ve been looking around a wardrobe that was genuinely impressive in both size and variety - and for a reason, you immediately knew that none of the clothes belonged to Blackbeard himself. There was an enormous amount of luxurious fabrics, from normal linen to some expensive-looking silk; some were exotic with intricate patterns decorated with gold or gemstones. The color pallet was lively, from plain grey or black to teal blue and shiny orange. Honestly, it was a breath of fresh air after seeing all the boring, torn, and dirty clothes the boys wore all the time. And more so, all the clothes smelled fresh too. This simply had to be a remnant of Stede Bonnet.

With a small frown, you yawned and stretched your back, almost screaming when something gentle tickled your calves. Looking down on your feet, you’ve noticed that you’ve covered and tugged into a long pink silk robe with an intricate pattern as well. And it was at that moment when your brain started to remember what had even happened the evening before. With each new memory, your eyes were widening in panic; bringing the tea, Blackbeard crying, you trying to comfort him… Fuck you. Fuck, fuck, fuck, you moaned inside your head, this is beyond bad. This is horrible. What the fuck have I done?

Now, there was the question of what to do next. You could’ve stayed in the sulking room and panicked for a bit more, you could’ve picked yourself up on your feet and walked out of there, or, also, you could’ve just opened the window behind you and just jump overboard before either of the two idiots (the idiots being the captain and his right hand) will have the chance to execute that stunt themselves. It took you quite a bit to go through all of the options above, but you decided for living (just for now anyway); so you picked yourself up on your feet, hung the rope on one of the hangers, and straightened up. The newfound confidence didn't stick around for too long, though - moments later, you've been walking out of the sulking room hugging yourself, looking around like a hunted animal.

At first, you didn’t see him anywhere; that made you calm down a bit as you crept towards the table to pick all of the dishes up. You’ve been just putting the last bowl onto the tray when the wooden floor crooked right in front of the captain’s bed, making you jump since the sound alone scared you. To be frank, it was amusing to watch you from the shadows. You've been moving at a surprising fact pace, constantly looking left and right. The room was still pretty dark, so you didn’t blame yourself for not seeing Blackbeard earlier - and this time, you could see that it was him operating the body. His eyes were dark once more, the emotions were huddled up and frankly, you haven’t been able to read them; to be honest, it was freaky to look him in the two black holes in the middle of his face. The man was now furrowing as he tilted his head a bit, furrowing while taking in each move you took - his eyes slipped on your parted lips, on your widened eyes and shaking hands. You’ve been the most horrified he had seen you... Even more terrified than when he barely missed your forehead with that empty bottle.

What happened last night? What was that short-circuit you've noticed yesterday? Well, that wasn't that hard to explain. At least inside his head. For you, it must've been unexplainable. Edward was weak. Why was he weak? Because it was the three-month anniversary of Stede simply leaving him alone and about; three months of endless depression, anxiety, and hatred. Sometimes, Blackbeard couldn’t be the default setting, and yesterday, you’ve seen Edward taking control, letting the myth sleep for a bit. The anniversary made an absolute mess out of him, making him unable to control himself, he wasn't able to keep it in. All Edward wanted to do was to drink as much alcohol as he could, his goal was to pass out, to numb the pain for a bit; and you’ve been there to experience it first hand. And not only to see it but to help him go through it.

This was the part that caught Edward off guard. Ever since he started bottling his emotions once more, which happened after Stede disappeared, Edward didn’t have an option to confide in anyone. No one gave two cents about how was he feeling, nobody wanted to listen to his pathetic whining, and anyone on the ship hardly cared for Edward's feelings by now. Well... Not until yesterday. No one except you, it seemed. Maybe that was why Ed gave in so easily once you offered him the option to be vulnerable and broken, to open up without using any words. The man was so deprived, alone, and sad that he jumped after that offer. Now, you knew how weak he could be. What confused him the most was the fact that it… Felt relieving. It made him feel better.

Three months was a long time to lose himself to Blackbeard and to the chaos of the pirate way of living. It was very easy to slip back into the myth, to act as he was supposed to. Violence helped ease things a bit; aggression too, but it wasn't a healthy resolution in the long run. It wasn't any kind of resolution if he had to be frank. Truth be fucking told, Blackbeard wasn’t at all what Edward wanted to be. The day before? Maybe, yeah; did he want to be Blackbeard this morning? No fucking way. You weren’t Stede by no means, you didn’t know Edward well nor did you share any kind of connection to him (you weren’t even attempting to be a pirate), but there was this warm, gentle look in your eyes. And that was why you reminded him of Stede as much, because of that shy, gentle gaze. It was reminiscent of the emotion Edward associated with the word 'safety' - it was the look of friendship. So, Edward took another step forward and furrowed, even more, piercing his eyes through your ashen face and terrified expression. Then, he put one of his thumbs behind his belt and stopped on the other side of the table.

“I told you to leave me alone, didn’t I?” - The man asked, lighting up a smoking pipe while shooting sharp gazes your way. He’d swear you were about to faint; you put a palm on your chest, you started to breathe heavily and your eyes were tearing up. “And if I’m correct, and I know I am, Izzy also told you to leave me alone. And you, against all direct orders, stayed here with me. You’re nothing more than a fucking tea brewer, which isn't any kind of useful position, by the way, and yet, you still managed to ignore us both. The most important men on board this vessel. That’s fucking fierce.” - That was the moment you started to sob, looking at him like a horrified child that was just caught doing something naughty. Blackbeard brought his eyebrows closer together, waiting for your answer; if you’d have known him, you’d surely notice the hint of unsaid admiration in his tone. The man honestly thought that not accepting direct orders just to offer him comfort was fierce and pretty fucking brave.

“I shouldn’t have done that, sir. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’ve sounded so… So lonely and I just think I got caught up in my emotions. I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly, ‘cause, you know how women get sometimes, and…” - The gaze you gave him was legitimately heartbreaking. Edward had to stop himself for a moment; what were you thinking about? Wait, what did you think he was going to do? Maybe he frightened you too well the first time and the rest was his reputation? - “Please don’t murder me because of this mistake, sir. I swear that I won’t tell a soul, not even a word. Nothing. I’ll be as silent as a…” - “Thank you.”

The man blurted out so suddenly that your speech halted in a matter of a second. You've been just thinking about various things you could be as silent as to when he repeated himself. - "Thank you." "I thought you were... Angry. Like, very angry." - You mumbled, not sure as to what you were supposed to do. The man thanked you, but what did it mean for you? First and foremost, it had to mean that you were not being killed off that day. Which, as usual, was something you sighed in relief for. To be frank, you noticed you were sighing like that a serious lot in the past few weeks... Was that a bad sign? - "Like murder me angry." "I should be, I suppose. If you want to die this much, I can... Kill you... I suppose." - The man answered with a furrow, barely containing the first waves of laughter shaking his body.

"Oh, if that's not an option, I'd very much prefer to stay alive. That sounds so much better." "Well, glad we have that off the table. On the other hand, I have a favor to ask you." "Oh, anything, captain. You can trust me. Anything you'd need, I'm your man... Woman... Whatever." - You blurted nervously, still shaking like a scared child. Edward didn't quite understand it; you heard it first hand, he had no intentions of killing you. Why were you still scared? Why did you barely look him in the eyes? Why didn't you have a normal, nice conversation with him? And, well, since Edward was never the patient one, his palm suddenly hit the desk of the table, making each piece of the porcelain set shake on the silver tray as well as made you jump a bit. - "Can you stop being so fucking scared? I'm trying to have a conversation with you, woman, relax already! I don't need you to stick your head up my asshole, just talk to me, goddammit!" - The man growled out in a deep voice, making you look him in the eyes again.

He let his palm lay on the desk, closing his eyes as he huffed out the smoke. Great. That much for making you more relaxed, huh? Using violent gestures, being angry, and overall just pissy. It wasn't his fault, that much he was sure of; Edward just forgot how to have a normal conversation. Izzy and he just spat insults into each other's face with Ed threatening to execute Izzy if he says one more word by the end of each interaction the two men had. It was so difficult trying to... Talk to someone again. "Must be my temper issues." - Edward stated with a neutral tone of voice, huffing smoke out once more. The next bit was what made you fully pay attention to the guy, though, simply because you'd never suspect he'd say that. - "Excuse me, Mrs. Trott." "My apologies, captain. What would you like me to do?" - This time, you added a small, sweet smile as you looked him in the face, slowly picking up the tray. The man in front of you was clearly struggling with forming the sentence, but he nodded after a while, looking away from you; this clearly wasn't an easy conversation for him.

"If it wouldn't be too strange, would you, in any case, serve the tea a bit later than usual and... Perhaps stay to have a talk?" - Edward mumbled out silently, so silently that you almost missed it. Oh dear, would you look at that - you were sure he was about to kill you just a minute ago and now you were about to have a tea party in the evening. That was, surely, a strange turn of events. On the other hand, you knew you couldn't exactly refuse this offer... See, you had to bear in mind that the man in front of you, no matter how shy and hurt he seemed to be, still was Blackbeard. Being alone with him still meant a risk; all it could take would be one bad look or a word and he could become agitated in a matter of seconds. But a straightaway refusal would put you in a really bad spot too. So, as usual, you just smiled and bowed a bit. - "It would be my pleasure to accompany you in the evening, sir. Should I bring you your morning brew, as usual?" "That would be nice of you, thanks. See ya." - The captain nodded and walked away from you, hiding in the back of the cabin once more. After that, you finally picked up the tray and waltzed out of the room, taking in a deep breath as you walked out of the small hallways, finally smelling the fresh air with the hint of salt. The weather was just beautiful - there were no clouds in the sky, the sun was shining and the sea was calm. Olivia was sitting on the rudder, right in front of Buttons' face, looking into the distance with her eyes narrowed; Buttons was standing right behind her with his eyes widened and yet, still absent, as usual. Swede was taking care of the rigging and Pete, as usual, was crawling on all fours and polishing the wooden part of the deck. It was yet another beautiful day on the Revenge... Not for too long, though.

As soon as the crew heard the door clicking back into the place, all the men turned their heads your way. Oh, God, yeah... You had some explaining to do, didn't you? You didn't think about what you were gonna say to the boys once you'll see them. The realization hit you as soon as you saw them, doing their daily chores; you had to come up with a story, no matter how stupid the story might be. And, as if this alone wasn't enough to bring your mood down a bit, it wasn't only the boys who saw you - Izzy, as soon as you appeared, cleared his throat and widened his eyes. Oh, fuck, you were in deep trouble, weren't you? ¨

"May I have a word, lady Trott?" - The small scrag called out to you, making you stop with a tensed smile on your lips. - "Why of course, sir." - You answered with a wide smile, following him to the back of the ship. As soon as he was sure you were out earshot, he caught the wooden railing in his palms and clenched his jaws. Izzy was about to lose it at any moment. "What did I ask you to do?" "Not to talk about anything I'd see or hear in the cabin, sir. Not like I planned on it, anyway." "That's cute, but that's not all, is it?" "Ah, I see. In my defense, I acted on the captain's behalf and with his permission..." - "But that's not what you were asked for, you... Moron." - Izzy hissed with his voice so high-pitched that you wondered about how high his testicles had to be. - "I asked you not to react to anything that would be happening in there, does that ring a bell?" "I'm once again telling you that I acted with Blackbeard's personal permission and with his well-being in mind. Do you have any idea about what your captain looked like yesterday, sir? Like a piece of mess." - This time, you stepped closer to Izzy and pushed your face into his personal space, hissing back at him. Being under Edward's wings, in a sense, made you feel confident. Since the captain sure as hell wanted you alive in the evening, that meant that Izzy couldn't get you killed throughout the day. - "How in the hell would you want him to obtain his reputation as Blackbeard if he's barely capable of walking out of his goddamn bedroom? Hm? And guess what, sir? The captain wants to talk to me in the evening, so if even try to lay your dirty rat fingers on me, you will have to explain yourself to him. Now, move out of my way, please. Have a wonderful day, sir."

As you left Izzy standing there, you were grinning to yourself with pride; the idiot was staring at you with his mouth open wide, not understanding anything you were blabbering. Where did that confidence come from? Who were you? A few days back, you'd start shaking just because Izzy would look your way. And now? Now, you were threatening him. - "What the fuck?" - The man mumbled as he watched you open the door leading into the kitchen, disappearing there with the silver tray in your palms. Long story short, you weren't wrong. Each member of the crew was super curious about what had happened the evening before - where were you? Why didn't you come? Why was your spot empty? Swede was so upset by your sudden disappearance that he couldn't shut his eyes the entire time.

As soon as you delivered Edward his morning brew of tea (this time, he was nowhere to be seen or heard), everyone started asking you, telling you their theories; they, in fact, had so many theories that they kept on coming until the very evening. To be honest, you and Jim had the time of your lives laughing at all of the theories; one being more stupid and outrageous than the one before. Wee John thought that you were turned into a mermaid and jumped off the ship to report to King Triton, the king of the seas. Swede was sure that you spent your night tied up to the hull of the ship as a punishment for being a woman (because Izzy sure as hell was that kind of a bastard), Frenchie told you a whole ass story about witches and cats... And the absurdities were becoming more and more absurd.

Only Jim wholeheartedly didn't care about where you've been or what you've been doing; they were enjoying all of the lunatic theories since they had to go through the same experience when the men learned they were not a mute man named Jim. Since you've been going through the theories while eating dinner, you two had been sitting at the head of the table, laughing while eating your goulash. "I think I'm going to disappoint you, guys." - You snickered after Buttons told you his personal theory. It was so crazy and intense that you only barely understood what it had been about. - "What really happened is that... I slipped on a soap bar in the cabin, hit my head, and passed out. As soon as I woke up, I packed everything up and left the cabin. But the witch-slash-cat theory? That's a fire one, Frenchie. Really good." "That's not what happened, is it?" - Oluwande asked with a grin on his face. "No, it's not." - You admitted, snickering as well. "And you're not going to tell us, are you?" - Jim asked with a smile on their face, watching your grin widen as you shook your head. - "But all of the theories were really good and creative. Why aren't you guys storytellers or something? Holy hell, imagine how would it look like if any of you could write."

As you used the phrase, storytellers, everyone's face saddened a bit. Everything that was happening at that table was so reminiscent of the days when Stede was around. The atmosphere was so warm and nice, everyone was a wee bit more careless than usual, and everyone felt nice. And damn, it felt good, to forget everything for a minute and to simply compete about who will come up with the most insane, weird fucking story. They missed the evenings when Stede would just sit down among his men, trying to learn more about them, telling them various stories and laughing at theirs. Suddenly, Swede looked you in the face with his baby-blue eyes and started pleading in a quiet, soothing voice... - "Y/N... You can read and write, right?" "I suppose I can." - With a chuckle, you tipped your bread in the goulash again. The entire crew was watching your face, making you very uncomfortable. With a snort, you jolted a bit. - "Yes. Yes, I can fucking read. Why?"

"Would there be a possibility..." - Pete mumbled, having others joining him. - "Yeah, just a slight one, you see?" - "It's kind of stupid to ask, but it could be really nice." - "And we mean... Very nice." - "Oh it would be great..." - "We would love that, honestly. Isn't that right?" - "Absolutely, man." "All of you, stop. Just tell me what you need me to do. Yes, I can read and I can write too, but how does that help any of you?" "Would you mind reading us a bedtime story?" - Wee John asked all of sudden, catching you off guard. With each passing day, the crew of Revenge surprised you more and more. At first, you thought they had to be joking. All of them were adult men, no shit they'd ask you for a bedtime story, right? Right? The longer you looked around the table, the more obvious it was becoming that none of the men was joking. They seriously wanted you to read them a bedtime story. There were moments in which it was very easy to forget that no matter how tough these men attempted to be, they were still softies on the inside. And so, with a big smile on your lips, you nodded. - "Fine, I'll read you a bedtime story tonight. Did... Did he do that?"

"Every night." - Jim answered, looking into their bowl of goulash. While they were going through memories inside their head, there was a small smile appeared on their lips. - "Back when I was still just... Jim, he read us the fairytale about the wooden boy. That was fun and... Wee John cried like a small girl." "Of course I did, the boy made it! He became life!" - John started defending himself with passion, turning the conversation into an argument rather quickly. So Stede read them bedtime stories... Wow. How much there could be to know about Stede Bonnet? It almost felt as if you were following in his footsteps and no matter what you learned about him, it was always a pleasant surprise. The man seemed to care about his crew so deeply and with so much warmth and love... Why did he leave? What happened? More so, did it have to do anything with the conflict he and Edward had going on? Even if you learned new information each day, it still felt like you barely knew anything about the Gentleman pirate.

An hour later, the tea set was prepared on the silver try; you were sitting on a barrel in the subdeck with a laters swinging above your head, watching the men go to sleep. You chose one of the children's books that you got from the boys; when Lucius heard about this strange request, a painful smile appeared on his face, but he didn't say anything. There was a gentle smile on your face; Wee John was holding a doll in his enormous fist, Roach was hugging a bag of potatoes with a contained smile on his face, Swede was looking up at you and Pete was sort of laying in front of you. - "Everyone tugged in?" - You asked after a few minutes of fuss. Suddenly, the entire underdeck became silent and all eyes were fixed on you. "Alright... Close your eyes now, just like that... That's it... Oi, what's the fuss? Listen, Fang, if you don't close your eyes right now, we ain't starting." - With a portrayed furrow, you pointed your finger at him and warned him. Suddenly, every man in the room was looking at him, telling him to lay down and to close his eyes. Wow, fairy tales were taken rather seriously on this ship, you realized. - "Guys, I think he got the memo. Calm down." - Waiting for a bit longer, the men finally closed their eyes and waited for you to start reading. And so, you decided to finally open the book and started reading. - "Ehm..." - You cleared your throat quickly, finally looking at the first page. - "It was so beautiful out on the country, it was summer - the wheat fields were golden, the oats were green, and down among the green meadows the hay was stacked..."

As you continued on reading, the room was becoming more and more silent; until the first snores disturbed the heavenly peace. Stopping yourself, you put your finger on the word you've been just reading and looked around. The men were all sleeping now, snoring and breathing loudly, farting and slobbering all over the place. You managed to barely read half of the first fairy tale; the ugly duckling was just bumped into the wild ducks who had been wondering about who the hell the creature is. Sighing, you quietly slipped down off the barrel, putting the book on top of it. Tiptoeing on the tips of your feet, you caught the lantern in your fingers and blew the candle before leaving the underdeck altogether. You had a promise to keep.

#blackbeard x fem!reader #edward teach x fem!reader #bi edward teach #our flag means death #our flag means death series/imagine #ofmd #our flag means death hbo #OFMD crew in action #look at all of my boys being sissies #i love the entire crew lmao #they be all stupid but in their own way and that's so cute #izzy be hissing in the background cause reader finally told him to fuck off #oh another wonderful day on board of the revenge #stede bonnet #stede bonnet x edward teach #we are getting there boys #the *drama*

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