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#cs humor
thesschesthair · 2 years
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Fuck sake, Killian...
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itseasyactually · 1 year
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Console.WriteLine("Hello Hellsite");
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alanshemper · 1 year
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“People shouldn't call for demons unless they really mean what they say.”
― C.S. Lewis
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computer-nerd-girl · 1 year
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stubblesandwich · 5 months
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This is how it happened, right? That's how I remember it... 🤔
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pov-amna · 7 months
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When you find out that your 'original' code is just a copy of a copy of a copy...
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David, pointing at Killian and Emma: They're holding hands!
Mary Margaret: Sometimes married people do that, or so I've been told.
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cosette141 · 1 year
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Operation: Poptarts | OUAT fanfic
Fandom: Once Upon A Time Author: cosette141 Words: 1k Summary: Henry was mostly happy that Killian had moved in with him and Emma. His only reservation was that Killian won't stop throwing out his poptarts. S6 Captain Cobra
AO3
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(under the cut!)
a/n: slight tag to "Dark Waters"/S6, when Killian threw out Henry's poptarts.
Henry was mostly happy that Killian had moved in with him and Emma.
It was nice most of the time, having Killian around. For one, Killian was a surprisingly good cook, and surprisingly organized, whereas even Henry was more organized than Emma. The house had never been cleaner since Killian had joined them.
The three of them had dinner together every time Henry wasn't with Regina, and they also had weekend movie nights per Henry's request, since Killian had much to catch up on in that regard. Killian's commentary over the movies and TV shows was usually more amusing than the actual films.
Not to mention the fact that having Killian around had also started to feel less like having his mother's boyfriend living with them, and more like a… father figure. No one would replace Henry's true father, but if anyone could, Henry could easily say that Killian was it.
Not that he was ready to admit that to the pirate just yet, but it was true all the same.
So, all in all, Henry was mostly happy that Killian had moved in with them.
There was, however, one thing that always put that mostly before happy.
And that had to do with his poptarts.
Or, more specifically, his lack of poptarts.
It all started the day that Killian had watched him during the time the Evil Queen was wreaking havoc over the town, and Killian had thrown out two perfectly good poptarts of Henry's.
If that was the only instance of this particular issue, Henry would have been fine with it.
Except, it wasn't.
The next morning, Henry had gone looking for the box of poptarts in the cupboard, knowing he'd had two packs left in it, but the whole box was gone.
When Henry inquired about it, Killian had informed him that the rubbish was gone, that it wasn't 'real food' and he couldn't knowingly let Henry go around eating it, and he'd made the three of them a fish breakfast.
Emma had given Henry an apologetic smile that she'd smoothly shifted to a fake-happy one to Killian when he'd looked in her direction, and Henry had swallowed his disappointment and eaten with them.
Instead of trying again, Henry decided to get a new box of poptarts, and hide them.
Which worked, for all of one day.
Because the next day when he had gone to his hiding spot, under his bed, he instead found a note reading: Can't hide anything from a pirate, mate.
Henry, however, did try.
At first, Henry was more than irritated about it, but it quickly became a challenge to find a place to successfully hide the sugary snacks away from the pirate. But no matter where he hid them, he would encounter a note in the place of each one, some of them congratulating him on getting better at hiding things.
It had shifted from an annoyance to almost like a game between the two of them as the weeks went by, something they'd never voice aloud, and something Emma stayed completely out of, though Henry often saw her rolling her eyes at them.
However, after nearly two months of the back and forth, Henry had finally found a hiding place that Killian didn't; a barely-noticeable loose floorboard in the attic, under two heavy boxes and cloaked in shadows.
For three days, Henry was able to enjoy poptarts without them disappearing.
And as exciting as it should have been, it was now a disappointment not to find a note in their place.
Henry pulled the box out from the floorboard, and stared at it for a moment, rather than taking one out to eat. He suddenly considered hiding it somewhere else that Killian would find it.
"This was a good place, but I'll remind you that you can't hide anything from a pirate, mate."
Henry jumped a mile in his skin, jerking to his feet and spinning around, knocking one of the storage boxes to the ground.
Because Killian was leaning against the doorway, watching him with an amused grin.
"You knew?!" exclaimed Henry, still breathless, his heart beating fast from the startle.
"Aye," said Killian with a chuckle. "A good pirate finds treasure by knowing well the person who has hidden it. And you, my boy, I know quite well."
Something about how Killian said that reminded Henry of how he'd once felt when Neal called Henry his son, his boy. Hearing it from Killian made Henry smile.
Killian lifted himself from the wall, saying, "However, this one did take me the longest to find." He took a few steps toward Henry, raising a brow at the box of poptarts. "You really find these worthy of such effort?"
Henry rolled his eyes. "Have you ever even tried one?"
Killian's raised brow turned to Henry, and there in his eyes was the obvious answer that no, he has not.
With a grin of his own, Henry pulled out a pack, and opened it. He gave Killian one, and took a bite out of one for himself. "Try it," said Henry.
Killian stared at it like it was a deal from Mr. Gold, but when Henry prompted it again, Killian looked at him. But then, something relented in the older man's eyes, as if he was just doing it for Henry, and he took it. Tentatively and quite reluctantly, Henry watched Killian take a small bite.
Henry stared at him expectantly. "Well?"
-././.
The next day, Henry looked up from where he was at the kitchen table, doing his homework, when Emma called his name. She was standing in front of the open cupboard, brows raised high.
"Yeah, Mom?" asked Henry distractedly.
Emma pulled out a box of poptarts. "Um," said Emma, brows still raised. "Really, kid? I don't think hiding it in plain sight will work." She gestured it to him like they were contraband. "Here, hide your poptarts somewhere better."
Henry looked up again, rolling his eyes. "Those aren't mine."
Emma's brows raised again, this time in puzzlement. "What?"
"They're Killian's," said Henry, amusement at his lips. At Emma's shock, he said, "I made him try one. Joke's on me, though, cause then he took the box from me and told me to 'stay the bloody hell away from them cause they're his now'."
Through her shock, Emma laughed. "You're kidding."
"I wish I was." said Henry through his grin.
Emma shook her head to herself, as if she knew she was surrounded by two idiots, and she moved to put them back in the cupboard.
But Henry suddenly had an idea.
"Wait," said Henry, getting up. Emma paused, and Henry held his hand out for the poptarts with a grin that he must have picked up from Killian. Emma seemed to notice the mischief in that look, and she smiled too, handing him the box.
It was time to get a little payback.
Still smiling, Henry ran off to find a hiding place that was even better than the attic before Killian came home.
-.-././.
Emma was in the kitchen when Killian came home that night, after he'd been out with Smee and a few of his crew for the day.
She and Killian greeted each other with a kiss and a brief chat about their days. But afterward, Emma saw Killian go to the cupboard where she'd found the box of poptarts. He opened it, about to reach inside when he paused, realizing it was gone.
He hesitated in confusion for a moment.
But then, a knowing look crossed his face.
And she watched him smile.
tag list: @kmomof4 @justanother-unluckysoul @klynn-stormz @stahlop @ilovemesomekillianjones @hookmecaptain @tiganasummertree @jadehowlettthewolf @jonesfandomfanatic @anmylica @pirateprincessofpizza @stahlop @snowbellewells @eddisfargo @motherkatereloyshipper 
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Imagine: after meeting Zack, Ivy and Player and joining Team Red, Shadowsan is eager to work with another actual adult. He can't wait to meet Chase Devineaux again, make a better impression than in Poitiers, and have someone with whom to share the burden of working with a bunch of children.
Then, after some time without hearing from him, he finally brings him up to Carmen. Who promptly dies of laughter at the idea even Shadowsan thought she was working with Devineaux.
Carmen is actually crying laughing while Shadowsan sits there like : 😑 i suppose it is only children then...
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The golden prince was at his best when viewed from sixty paces, out of spitting range of his nature.
Page 174
Prince’s Gambit by C.S. Pacat
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grimmswan · 1 year
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Tricks and Treats
Captain Swan AU
Zelena talks Neal into tricking Emma, who has a crush on Neal, into believing he and Zelena are dating.
Emma’s friends comfort her. Especially Killian, who has always been in love with Emma, but didn’t make a move because he thought she was with Neal.
The Halloween Party reveals who is being tricked, and who will get a treat.
“You know Emma Swan has a crush on you?” Zelena Green asked Neal Cassidy with a kind of glee that would have any perceptive person suspicious.
Neal was not a perceptive person.
“Really? She’s one of the prettiest girls on campus.”
“The way I hear it, she thinks you're exciting.” Inwardly, Zelena rolled her eyes. She had always thought Neal was an idiot.
“The problem is she’s so smart, and she’s pretty athletic. I wouldn’t have much control in the relationship.”
“Well, if you want to be in charge of your relationship, I know a way to do it?”
“How?”
“Emma’s a former foster kid. She’s used to always being rejected. If you were to be going out with someone for a while, then suddenly reveal to her that she was the one you wanted, she would be so happy to have been chosen that she would do anything to keep you. All we have to do is pretend to be dating, then after a couple of weeks, you start flirting with Emma. Make her think that we’re having problems because you have to always have to give in to what I want. Then, at the Halloween party, you make a big show of breaking up with me and proclaim that you want Emma. After that, she won’t want to risk pushing you away. You should have all of the power in your relationship with her.”
Neal loved the sound of that, and agreed to Zelena’s scheme without a second thought.
A couple of days later, Mary Margaret and Ruby were in the former’s kitchen, preparing snacks. The group of friends were getting together to plan out the Halloween party. Mary Margaret would be hosting and she wanted everything to be perfect.
At the moment, the two women were discussing the latest gossip.
“So apparently Zelena and Neal are dating.”
“I wouldn’t think those two would have much in common.”
“I guess they found something because they’ve been telling everyone that they’re a couple now.”
“A couple of twats is what they are.” Will Scarlet said as he entered the kitchen.
“Will, that’s not nice.” Mary Margaret scolded.
“But it’s kind of true.” Ruby pointed out.
It was common knowledge that Zelena had a wicked streak. She was known for spreading rumors and playing mean spirited jokes on people.
“Last spring, she spread those rumors that you were cheating on David with Whale and David was cheating on you with Catherine.”
“Remember all of the dirty looks you got? Somebody even spray painted David’s truck. If it hadn’t been for Catherine confronting Zelena, threatening that she would make her father the deen expel her if she didn’t reveal she made the whole thing up, everyone might still think it were true.”
“Catherine hadn’t liked her reputation being ruined either. She was interested in Frederick Knight. The type of guy he is, if he had thought she were sleeping with David, he would have never paid attention to her.”
“For Catherine, that’s like a death sentence. Though she’s been a lot more tolerable since she and Frederick have been sharing an apartment together.”
“Maybe Zelena and Neal will be better now that they are dating?” Mary Margaret offered.
“A better gossipy witch and a better self righteous prick? I shudder to think.”
“Neal has always acted like he knew everything and was so superior to everyone. Every group project he’s ever been involved in he acted like he was in charge, and yet he never helped much with anything. Face it, the only good that will come of those two dating is that Emma’s little crush on Neal will be squashed before it becomes anything.”
“Oh, that’s right! Poor Emma, I wonder if she’s upset?” Mary Margaret hated her dearest friend being heartbroken.
“She’s fine. She hadn’t gotten to know Neal all that well. I think she’s a little disappointed, but it won’t be hard for her to move on. Killian Jones has been flirting with her. And from what I can tell, that man is very good at distracting her.”
“Killian Jones? Didn’t he transfer here from the UK?”
“Relax, MM, he’s not going to run off with your best friend and take her across the ocean. He’s got a job lined up here once he’s finished up with a couple of classes.”
Mary Margaret visibly sighed with relief. She wanted her friend to find love and happiness. She just didn’t want her to be in a different part of the world for that to happen.
When Emma entered to help plan the Halloween party, Mary Margaret rushed to her.
“Oh, Emma, are you alright? I know you had a thing for Neal. You must have been crushed when you found out he was dating Zelena.”
“I was a little disappointed. I thought he was someone who was spontaneous and exciting. But I really only had an interest in him. He never approached me or seemed interested in talking to me, so I guess I’m just not his type.” She shrugged, “Oh well.”
“I’m sure there is someone else that you can be spontaneous and exciting with.” Killian grinned, giving Emma a wink.
She rolled her eyes, but was smiling brightly as she did it.
She also sat next to him on the couch, so close her body was nearly touching his.
“If Zelena is the kind of person that fascinates him, then he could never appreciate a woman like you, Swan.” Killian insisted, looking at her earnestly. “We’ve all witnessed her tantrum two weeks ago when her table was bumped and water spilled on her. It was obviously an accident and it was just water, but she acted like we spilled acid on her.”
“Maybe he thinks that kind of crazy is fun in bed?” Scarlet offered.
“Oh, god.” David groaned, “Please do not make us picture those two in bed."
Mary Margaret leaned up and whispered something in her boyfriend’s ears.
“Yes. That is something I definitely want to imagine.” He told her with a grin.
“Do not tell us what she said. No one wants to be traumatized.” Will declared, covering his ears.
The group continued with the party planning until every detail had been finalized to Mary Margaret’s liking.
Once things were wrapped up, Killian asked Emma if she would join in at the local diner for some onion rings and a milkshake.
All of their friends hid their relief when Emma smiled and said yes to Killian’s request without hesitation.
In the weeks that followed, Emma and Killian spent a lot of time together. The two seemed to get physically closer every time they were seen out together.
The night before the Halloween party, Neal angrily pounded on Zelena’s door.
"I just saw Killian Jones with his hands all over Emma!" He growled the second she opened her door. "You swore to me that she would be too heartbroken over me to date anyone else."
Not looking the least upset, Zelena shrugged her shoulders and simply said, "Oops" Then shut her door in his face.
The Halloween party arrived. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. Everyone except Neal. He was steaming with anger at having been played a fool.
The feeling increased when he spotted Emma, who was looking incredible in a mermaid costume that practically molded to her body.
“Oh, Emma, you look amazing!” Mary Margaret complimented.
Neal thought that was an understatement.
“What did Jones come as, Aquaman?” Will Scarlet joked.
“Something much sexier.” Emma grinned as Killian sauntered up, handing her a drink. He wore tight black leather pants, black leather boots, a billowy black shirt, and a black vest with red brocade. The neckline was so low it gave a large view of his chest hair.
“There’s my sexy pirate.” Emma smiled, taking the drink and giving him a peck on the lips.
It made Neal sick to see the display. That should have been him being kissed by Emma. That should be him putting his arm around her, touching her bare skin, the way Killian Jones was doing now.
Having enough of the affectionate display, Neal approached Emma, “Can I talk to you, alone?”
Ignoring the death glare Killian was giving him, he placed his hand on her elbow, hoping to guide her away from the others. But she instantly pulled it away.
“Why do you need to talk to me?” Emma looked at him with suspicion clear on her face.
“It’s really important. There’s something that you need to know.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me here.”
“Yeah Neal,” Ruby growled. “There’s no reason in the world that you and Emma need to be alone together.”
He let out a long breath. There was no way he was going to have control in his and Emma’s relationship. There wouldn’t even get to be one, unless he confessed the trick he and Zelena had played.
“Zelena and I never dated.” He blurted forcefully. “It was a trick we pulled.”
“What kind of a trick would involve pretending to date someone?” David asked.
“This idiot thought he could make Blondie jealous.” Zelena walked up to the group and sneered. “He actually believed me when I told him that he could have control in his relationship with Emma by making her think she needed to fight for him.”
“You both did me a huge favor.” Emma said to Zelena and Neal. “I’m glad I didn’t have to waste my time with the wrong guy.” She looked adoringly at Killian, who instantly returned her affectionate glance. “I got to spend that time with a wonderful sexy man who doesn’t play tricks with my heart.”
“I could never, love.” Killian assured her. “I believe your heart should be treated to the best a man is capable of.”
“Come on Emma. Just give me a chance.” Neal pleaded.
“You tricked yourself mate,” Killian growled. “A man who doesn’t fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.”
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bogprophet · 10 months
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"the code documents itself" what if i grind your skull on the pavement huh what then
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computer-nerd-girl · 1 year
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dbphantom · 10 months
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I am so fucking glad this actually returned what I was trying to say while writing tags about Law's kickass outfits because the unhelpful instamash mix I disrespectfully call a brain was supplementing all the wrong words and I didn't feel like finding that one writing thesaurus site on mobile
#My brain does this ALL THE TIME ITS SO ANNOYING#Like no buddy!!! Those are the wrong words stop it!!!#Today I forgot the word for syllable. My brain would not stop saying 'consonant' when that's not what I wanted and I knew that wasn't it#It's so frustrating#Because like. I *know* the words. I*know* I know the words. So Why. Why. Why. Can't you just remember them correctly. Ever.#It makes writing so difficult because once I'm knocked out of that flow state by searching stuff I'm never getting back#It's the same with like CS stuff. I *KNOW* these things. So Why can my brain just decide to conveniently forget the instant#I actually NEED to remember the information. Like 'whoops teehee'#'yeah those documents u wanted that were taking up space on my desk forever and ever? I JUST shredded them'#So I spend 48 hours stomping around rewriting all the paperwork and then when the task is done and over with#THEN ITS LIKE 'oh so I found a copy on one drive because it made an automatic backup but nobody uses or likes onedrive so I didn't see it'#WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS BRAIN#Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-#Anyway. I thought this was mildly humorous I'm not actually That Frustrated about what just happened#It's more of just a general frustration with how my brain functions bc like. Come on#I put so much work in to learn and memorize all this stuff and it just takes it throws it out the window#It's very much a 'why should I even bother trying at this point' scenario for me#Cruddy rambles#Obviously apathy will get me nowhere. But it's extremely hard to stay positive when I legit just forget I need to do that :/
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