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jaskiers-sweetkiss · 4 years

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Out of Time

Pairings: Avengers!Reader x Daniel Sousa, Steve x Bucky (briefly mentioned)

Summary: Just when you were starting to enjoy your time in 1949 everything falls apart. SEQUEL TO Not So Bad

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: some swearing, panic attack, mention of ptsd and war, some angst

A/N: @bookish-bucky @drinkerofcoffeewriterofwords and @mydoctorwho13 asked for a part 2 to Not So Bad so here it is! (I hope y’all don’t mind that I tagged you/lmk if you want me to untag you/idk why it didn’t let me tag all of you). More notes at the bottom!

___

The cat was out of the bag.

Well, really just one cat was out of its bag.

Basically your secret was out and it was entirely your fault.

You were at Howard’s lab for the third time for even more tests. All of the previous tests had been inconclusive, though that came as no surprise to you. You had engineered them to be that way, pretending to suddenly and uncontrollably levitate in response to random tests, doing your best to ensure that Howard would be unable to make any connections.

But today you were a bit distracted.

You couldn’t help it, you were only human after all. And when Daniel Sousa is flashing an award-winning grin while Howard tried his most bizarre test ever (repeatedly trying to scare you in hopes it would spark a levitation reaction), well, any woman in your position would’ve done the same.

You jumped. No, you did more than just jump.

Howard Stark snuck up behind you and yelled while shaking your shoulders and you flew. Shot straight up in the air like a rocket, feeling entirely like your teenage self with absolutely no control of your abilities.

And then, to make matters worse, you disappeared.

You assumed it must’ve been the embarrassment of smacking your head on the ceiling that caused the sudden invisibility though the ‘why’ didn’t really matter anymore. What mattered was you were invisible and Daniel and Howard were shouting your name.

Except, no, that didn’t matter right now either. All you could focus on was the sudden tightening in your chest and the fact that you were finding it harder to breathe. The shouting faded to the background as you began to feel trapped in your own skin.

I have to get out of here.

So you ran.

You didn’t even think as you flew out of Howard’s lab, racing down the hall. You didn’t stop until you were in the bathroom, door locked behind you. You slid down to the floor, knees pulled tight against your chest as you leaned against the door.

Briefly, you noticed that you were still invisible, though the thought left as soon as it came. You also vaguely noticed the tears streaming down your face, though you were unaware of when they had begun. Your thoughts zipped back to the lab and the concern lacing Daniel and Howard’s voices as they called out to you and for a moment you felt bad for running away but that too was pulled away in the hurricane of your mind. Your whole body felt abuzz and you couldn’t think or breathe as a feeling of utter helplessness settled into your bones.

You tried to remember what Tony had told you to do- something about box breathing exercises and the five senses- but you weren’t sure that you were in control of your mind anymore.

“Y/N, if you can hear me name four street names from where you grew up.” Daniel’s voice rang through the bathroom door. Before you could even consider how he had found you or why he needed to know you answered,

“Main Street, Birch Street, Higgins Drive, Cobalt Lane.” The words were stuttered and separated by harsh inhales and exhales.

“Name your five favorite movies.”

“La La Land, Ferris Bueller, Beauty and the Beast, Spirited Away, Inception.” The words were smoother this time, though tears still streamed down your face and your bones still felt heavy and your skin restrictive.

“Okay, name ten presidents.”

“Uh, Ellis, Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, FDR… Teddy Roosevelt, Eisenhower… Reagan, Nixon… Kennedy.” Your voice was steady as you spoke, your chest no longer heaving with sobs and shaking breaths.

“Good. Now name seven state capitals.”

“Albany, Trenton, Tallahassee, Nashville, Lansing, Richmond, Raleigh.” When you opened your eyes you noticed you were visible again, though when it had happened you weren’t sure.

“Are you okay?” Daniel’s voice came through the door, soothing you more than you realized.

“Yeah.” You answered quietly, your voice raw.

“If you’re comfortable with it, will you open the door?”

Your soul turned to mush at his words, Daniel Sousa- ever the gentleman. You felt an immense amount of comfort in the man despite only knowing him a few days but you were scared. You had just fully exposed your powers and had a panic attack, you hadn’t been this vulnerable to another person in years.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Daniel spoke again, no judgment lacing his voice, only kindness, compassion, and caring.

You stood slowly, your muscles aching as you stretched them from their tensed position, and unlocked the door, opening it to reveal Daniel. Your eyes immediately jumped to his face, his expression almost pained though it changed as soon as he saw you, morphing into relief and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“How did you know how to do that?” You blurted out, though you had really wanted the first thing you said to him to be “thank you” or “I’m sorry.”

Instead, apparently your brain was preoccupied with how the man before you had walked you through your panic attack.

“Oh, uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well after the war… ptsd and all, I’m no stranger to panic attacks.”

You softened at his confession, forgetting, despite his limp and his cane, that the man before you had gone through a war and had not come out unscathed. Before you even knew what you were doing you were hugging him. He let out a small “oof” as you wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing slightly.

Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around you in return.

“Thank you,” you finally mumbled into his suit jacket. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Daniel asked, confusion etched into his features as he pulled away from your embrace.

“I-I disappeared and I ran and I panicked and you had to come get me and deal with all that.” You gestured wildly as you spoke, words fumbling together in your rush to get it all out.

“Y/N, helping you isn’t a burden to me,” Daniel spoke softly, tilting your chin up so you could see the sincerity in his eyes. “And what you just went through- what you’ve been going through with these... strange abilities, your reaction was completely justified.”

Your heart clenched at his words. He was speaking to you with such honesty and openness but you were lying to him. You sighed, taking a step back, his arms falling away from your waist and you suddenly felt cold without the heat of his embrace.

“I-” You faltered, needing to take a breath before you could continue. “I need to tell you and Howard something.”

___

“What exactly were you hoping to accomplish with this lie, Miss Y/L/N?” You winced at the use of your last name. Daniel hadn’t used it since that first night in his house.

You tried to shrink into yourself, considering going invisible once again to escape the look of betrayal Daniel was fixing you with.

“Are you a spy?” He was angry and betrayed and you could see him trying to reason this out to himself, but you knew he’d never even fathom the truth. “Was this an attempt to infiltrate SHIELD? Who do you work for?”

“Daniel,” you whispered, and the stern look you were fixed with told you everything you needed to know. The only way out of this was the full truth, timeline be damned.

“I work with a team of powered people called The Avengers.” You sighed. “About two weeks ago, two of our members stole the Tesseract from Camp Lehigh in order to save the world from an alien who wiped out fifty percent of the universe. After we succeeded, I was tasked with returning the Tesseract but due to a malfunction I’m stuck here.”

“I’m pretty sure we would’ve noticed the Tesseract being stolen and the destruction of half of the world,” Daniel said crossly, clearly not believing you though you didn’t blame him.

“You wouldn’t have because for you none of that has happened yet and I returned the Tesseract immediately after it was taken.”

“You mean this happened in the future?” Howard finally spoke, looking at you with a newfound curiosity.

You nodded. “In the year 2023.”

Howard let out a low whistle at the date but there was a gleam in his eyes like a kid in a candy store.

“I have so many questions.”

You smiled sadly, “Surely you understand that I can’t tell you what happens without destroying the timeline.”

“No, we don’t understand.” Daniel snapped, “Because time travel doesn’t exist.”

“Daniel I can’t make you believe me, I literally have no way to prove this to you,” you sighed, not wanting to argue with the man. “I didn’t even mean to drag you into this, I came here for Howard’s help fixing my device so I could go back.”

“If it makes you feel any better, if I was a spy, I’d have absolutely nothing to report. I didn’t get anywhere near SHIELD or any of Howard’s projects.” You tried to smile, though you felt like crying. “You’re a good agent and a good leader, Daniel Sousa, but most importantly you’re a good man and I am not deserving of your help or your trust.”

Daniel’s eyes softened at your words, though he still held a defensive stance. The lab remained silent for a few minutes but your eyes never left Daniel’s face, observing the flurry of emotions that resided there.

“Time travel would explain those movies and presidents I’ve never heard of.”

You cringed slightly, not realizing you had potentially blown the timeline during your panic attack.

“Yeah, those won’t come out for another few decades,” you rubbed the back of your neck embarrassedly, “And I suppose I ruined a few elections for you.”

“I’ll live,” Daniel responded with a shrug before his eyes widened in realization, “I will live right?”

“Honestly? I have no idea what your life looks like. I didn’t pay a lot of attention in school.” You answered sheepishly, a small smile gracing your features at the forgiveness, however small, that came with Daniel’s statement.

“I’m not even going to ask because I already know that I must be remembered for my genius because you came to me for help,” Howard smirked cockily, “Now, let’s get your time machine fixed and get you home.”

“Oh hell, you did not need that ego boost,” you groaned.

Howard had the audacity to wink.

___

The next week was difficult. You were still staying with Daniel but the dynamic between the two of you had changed entirely. There were no more soft, shared glances, or meaningful looks, or chats over coffee in the morning. In fact, Daniel seemed to be avoiding looking at you at all, only doing so when absolutely necessary. He had thrown all his energy into getting you back to your time.

It broke your heart a bit, though you’d never admit it. You’d known the man for a little over a week, you couldn’t be getting all teary-eyed because he wasn’t looking at you anymore. Plus, wasn’t he doing exactly what you wanted by helping you get back? Still, it felt a little as though he was trying to get rid of you.

That week had felt like torture. A constant turmoil of indecipherable emotions swirling inside you and you had no idea what to do with it all. So you pushed on. Pushed all the way to the day Howard fixed your time travel watch.

“I think I’ve finally got it!” He exclaimed, gleefully. “I’ve invented time travel!”

“Not so fast, Stark.” You chided, “My team invented time travel, you’ve just fixed it.”

Howard merely rolled his eyes, muttering something about “no fun” and brought you the device. Daniel was standing off to the side, eyes refusing to meet yours, consistent with the past week. You sighed, accepting the watch and sliding it onto your wrist.

“Well, we’ve only got one shot,” you may have been stalling, though you wouldn’t admit it to yourself. “Are you sure it’s right, Howard?”

“Honestly? No. But I’m sure that I have no other solutions than what I’ve already done.”

“Is this a good idea?” You asked aloud, to no one in particular.

“Y/N, you need to get back.” Daniel sighed, lifting his eyes to meet yours and you thought you saw grief in them. “Your team is probably worried about you.”

“If this works how it’s supposed to, I’ll be back just seconds after I left,” you shook your head sadly, “Just in time for retirement cake.”

“Retirement?” His head was cocked to the side like a confused puppy and your heart leapt into your throat at the first unprofessional conversation you’ve shared in a week.

You nodded, “One of my teammates is stepping away to settle down with his boyfriend.”

“His boyfriend?” Daniel questioned skeptically and you forgot what time you had been stuck in. You knew from Steve and Bucky’s stories that the 30s and 40s were not a good time to be lgbt but you could tell by the way that he had spoken that Daniel didn’t hold any of those biases. It was just one more thing about the future to be confused about.

“You’d love them,” you whispered honestly.

He probably would, the three of them have so much in common between the war and SHIELD and Peggy Carter and Howard Stark. For a moment you let yourself imagine a world in which you had been born in this era, in which Bucky had never been captured and Steve never frozen. A world where you could fall in love with Daniel Sousa and live happily ever after surrounded by friends.

You shook yourself out of it. There was no future for you here and there was a team waiting for you in the future. You sighed, punching the date and time into your watch. You were out of time.

“What if I didn’t go?” You blurted out, unable to contain the question any longer.

“Y/N, your team-” Daniel started.

“Doesn’t need me. They all have lives and happiness and fulfillment and-“ you shuddered as you released this word vomit of feelings you didn’t even realize you had before you whispered, “And maybe I deserve some of that myself.”

Daniel Sousa made you feel cared for and appreciated in a way nobody ever had in the 21st century and you’d be damned if you gave that up without a fight.

“What about the timeline?”

“Fuck the timeline!” You exclaimed and Howard giggled and your cursing.

“Daniel,” you sighed. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and I don’t wanna put too much pressure on this, but I think meeting you might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But if you don’t feel the same way tell me now and I’ll go back.”

You were standing right in front of him now, having closed the distance during your speech.

“Y/N,” he sighed, his eyes swimming with emotions you couldn’t read though he looked at you with such tenderness that you thought you might melt right there as he reached up a hand to cup your cheek.

You weren’t entirely sure, but you thought you might’ve muttered “kiss me” before his lips were on yours, soft and warm and you felt like fireworks were erupting in your stomach. It was a short kiss, no more than a few seconds, but it confirmed a number of things for you. The most significant thing being that you were never going back to 2023.

___

A/N: A few things: 1. the street names listed while Y/N is having a panic attack are actually copied directly from Jessica Jones. 2. The listing miscellaneous things (street names, movies, presidents, etc.) is something my friend has had me do when I’ve had panic attacks. Idk if that works for everyone, but it certainly has helped me in the past and I can really only write from my own experiences. 3. I lowkey wanna write a oneshot for the fantasy Y/N has towards the end where she’s born during the same time period as Stucky, Peggy, Howard, and Sousa and she probably joins SHIELD which is how she meets Sousa (Edit: this exists now and you can find it here!). Idk, let me know what you think!

#daniel sousa x reader #avengers!reader #endgame #agent carter #shield #howard stark #daniel sousa #steve rogers #bucky barnes #slight stucky #time travel #avengers #mcu #marvel #post endgame #1940s

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sims4royalsandimperials · 3 years

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Tag Game

Thanks to @wa-royal-tea for the mass tag.

Five songs I am listening to on repeat?

Danny Don’t You Know by Ninja Sex Party

My Mother Told Me (Neurodivergent version) by natidredd and jonnystewartbass

Scatman by Scatman John

Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones

A Cruel Angel’s Thesis by Yoko Takahashi

Sometimes, it’s good to stay away from the crap people call pop and mainstream music.

The last movie watched

Adam, a 1983 film based on the events of the 1981 disappearance and murder of 6-year-old Adam Walsh, and the fight by his parents, Reve and John Walsh to continue their son’s legacy and fight for missing children. If you live in the United States or Canada, you may know about the Amber Alert, an emergency alert system designed for people to watch for missing children and Code Adam, a program founded by Wal-Mart in 1994, which puts up a protocol for finding a child who has vanished in any store. John Walsh, along with Ernie Allen, President Ronald Reagan, and the United States Congress founded the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in 1984. You also may know John Walsh as the host of America’s Most Wanted, in the film, he is portrayed by Daniel J. Travanti, best known for his role as Frank Furillo in Hill Street Blues.

The full film is available on YouTube.

Currently watching

Game Grumps! Holy shit, they’ve been playing a lot of dating sim games. From gay fruits that fuck each other and shoot fruit juices all over places and murder each other to a dinosaur calling a t-rex “senpai”... this has made for some.... interesting content, to say the least.

Currently reading

Sailor Moon Manga Mega Volume 1! I FUCKING LOVE SAILOR MOON!!!!

Ehh, seems like everyone tagged everyone, so if you wanna do this, go for it.

#tag game

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dandylion240 · 5 years

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Another Reagan is available if anyone wants him. This is Dilly’s son, Daniel who spent most of his time at his Uncle Ricky’s home after school. He’s an only child.

Gallery/Origin: Dandylion240 (he’s not up yet but will be soon)

If you want all his cc and tray files

Daniel

TOU: Please don’t change their genetics otherwise feel free to change any of their CC. Please tag me if you want so that I can see what they get up.

#adopt a reagan #daniel reagan #ts4

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ao3feed-barisi · 5 years

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Drop Dead Handsome

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2P9goPR

by Thepresidentofrussia23

Both Danny Reagan and Rafael Barba have successful lives and never have met in their entire lives. Reagan scoffs at the idea of becoming a prosecutor, the courts are tied up and clogged tighter than New York at rush hour. Barba could never imagine himself shooting at a perp, much less tackle one, he isn't even fit for a 500 yard dash.

When a horrifying series of events occur, their souls are switched, Daniel and Rafael now must adjust to their new lives and new families, all without anybody noticing...hopefully nobody at SVU or the Reagan family will notice.

Words: 1875, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Blue Bloods (TV), Law & Order: SVU

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/M, M/M

Characters: Maria Baez, Jamie Reagan, Danny Reagan, Jackie Curatola, Frank Reagan, Henry Reagan, Erin Reagan-Boyle, Nicky Reagan-Boyle, Rafael Barba, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Joseph Reagan, Olivia Benson, Odafin "Fin" Tutuola, Amanda Rollins, Nick Amaro, Your OC, John Munch, Lucia Barba, Mike Dodds

Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Vinny Cruz/Jamie Reagan, Jackie Curatola/Danny Reagan

Additional Tags: Bodyswap, Character Death, Rebirth, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Crossover Pairings, Crossover, Undercover, Mike Dodds Lives, Fix-It of Sorts, Everyone Is Alive, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everybody Lives, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2P9goPR

#ao3feed #fanfic #barisi

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happychildhood · 6 years

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was tagged by @maria-on-jupiter ! shuffle your music and post the first ten songs that come up, then tag ten people.

⭐️ the only thing - sufjan stevens

⭐️ ii. no exit - childish gambino

⭐️ down with the new aryans - reagan youth

⭐️ never relaxed - daniel johnston

⭐️ love my way - the psychedelic furs

⭐️ garden shed - tyler the creator

⭐️ fall in love with me - iggy pop

⭐️ white trashing - nicole dollanganger

⭐️ ouija - harley poe

⭐️ girls get angry too - girli

i tag @droolgirl @mtvroachd @ochakouraraka @patchoulidyke @russiacore @nymphgwen @nihilisticluver @peepuddle @elderberrycoughdrops @uhaulbutch

#u dont have to do this if u dont wanna ... i just tagged all the mutuals i could think off of the top of my head #diary

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cornerbackcastiel · 6 years

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20 Questions

Rules: Answer 20 questions and tag 20 people. Tagged by @sactownbrowns3. Thank you!!!

Name: -- (PM me if you really want to know :)) Zodiac: Gemini Height: 5'6" Languages: English Nationality: American Favorite Fruit: Strawberries Favorite season: Fall Favorite scent: scrambled eggs and grits Favorite colors: Blue and Black Favorite animal: Penguins, koalas, snakes Coffee, Tea, Hot Chocolate: hot chocolate Average hours of sleep: 7-10 Favorite Fictional Character: Castiel, Daniel Jackson, Shane Schofield, Dean Winchester, Jamie Reagan Dream Trip: Pacific Northwest When was your blog created: quite a few years ago, but I only started posting in 2016 Last Movie and Opinion of it: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol - one of my top two of the MI franchise Song I’ve had on repeat: Shinedown's new album :D Favorite Candy: hmmm . . . not really into candy lately Favorite Holiday: Thanksgiving Favorite TV Show: Supernatural, Stargate SG-1

Tagging (if you want to!): @saawek @helianthus21 @gneisscastiel @beefcakemish @obsessionisaperfume @magnificent-winged-beast

#tag games #personal #non spn

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ahouseoflies · 6 years

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The Best Films of 2017, Part II

Part I can be found here. I should have mentioned the films I haven’t seen, which include BPM; Faces Places; The Square; Coco; Thelma; Last Flag Flying; Roman J. Israel, Esq.; Wonder Wheel; Jane; and I, Daniel Blake. Long-time AHOLs also know that I’m in the fifth year of a self-imposed five-year break from superhero culture, so I haven’t seen Logan or Thor or whatever else. With that: ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS 87. The Great Wall (Zhang Yimou)- Zhang Yimou's The Great Wall has a lot in common with Wong Kar-Wai's The Grandmaster. Both are high-concept international co-productions that bear just enough of the filmmaker's signature but feel unfortunately cut to ribbons in the editing room. Computers have made us all a little worse at our jobs, Zhang included, and his spectacle is achieved despite CGI, not because of it. I liked watching a boulder's journey through the stages of being catapulted, even if it eventually landed into a physics-negligent pit of cartoon monsters. By the end, the picture is more bloodless, sexless, and simplistic than a game of toy soldiers, which makes it seem just as child-like. It's a forgettable sort of fun, but it is often fun. 86. The Ghost in the Shell (Rupert Sanders)- A bit more comprehensible than the original but far less beautiful. It's a shame that visions of future exteriors haven't improved or at least changed since Blade Runner. Big advertisements. Got it. (Also, we have telepathic walkie-talkies, but people sleep on the floor?) There are a few good ideas drizzled around. If people can basically toggle back and forth between languages, why not hire a famous actor who doesn't speak English for one of the supporting roles? Speaking of acting though, Johansson is pretty bad in this, hamstrung by the whole playing-a-robot problem. (She looks as good as she ever has though, which is saying something.) She could have taken some notes from Michael Pitt, who brings some edge and skitter to his cybernetic replicant or whatever they call it. 85. Wilson (Craig Johnson)- It hits the notes that a Daniel Clowes property usually does: misanthropy, formlessness, begrudging acceptance at the end. I laughed a few times and appreciated the huge left-turn at the two-thirds mark, but I didn't think it amounted to much. 84. Patti Cake$ (Geremy Jasper)- Other than the Basterd character, there's nothing really broken about this movie, but I'm selling on anything with double-digit dream sequences.

83. Colossal (Nacho Vigalondo)- The ending, both the final act and the final note, went a long way to save what was a tedious sit for me. I appreciate the big swings that everyone took with this budget and material--Sudeikis once again gets to show impressive range. But this is an hour of material stretched to an hour and forty-nine minutes. 82. Rough Night (Lucia Aniello)- Hide-the-body movies never work, but what makes this one disappointing is that there's a daring, original corrective somewhere on the margins. You can tell from the comparatively tame bachelor party or the unexpectedly positive threesome that this movie has refreshing ideas, but both the Machine and TV visuals from a TV director shaved the edge down. No one wants to hear such a thing about a sorely-needed female-driven comedy, but Paul W. Downs is the funniest thing in this. 81. Beauty and the Beast (Bill Condon)- Shout-out to the morons protesting this movie's gayness but not realizing that the original was always an allegory for AIDS. These live-action remakes are all around the same quality, but this one feels especially bloated, with really dicey CGI. Things get borderline boring in between the musical numbers, but, man, do those numbers hold up. There's the title track obviously, but songs that would be throwaways in something else--"Gaston," "Be Our Guest," "Something There"--are BANGERZ here. The real IP is the music, and Disney is just going to get each generation's Josh Gad to sing them forever. 80. Darkest Hour (Joe Wright)- This movie reminded me of The Imitation Game in the sense that it's a staid presentation with a solid structure that feels cheap whenever it zooms out beyond its back rooms. The grander version of this, which Joe Wright in some ways already made, is probably just as unsatisfying, but it wouldn't have the pinnacle of goofiness that will hereupon be known as The Underground Scene. I’m a bit bored of this type of film. Darkest Hour might be worth seeing for Oldman's performance, which is a true transformation, absent of any actory vanity but invested with some real myth-making. Churchill gets introduced with just his hat, then lit by just a match, then lit by a shock of sunlight. Oldman is very good in his scenes with Scott Thomas, so it's a shame that her character disappears for a half-hour at a time. The more troubling thing to note is that there are many men in this film who are so English that they can't pronounce their r's. If you catch it eawly, it's a weal distwacting pwoblem. 79. The Fate of the Furious (F. Gary Gray)- Since some of the dumbest stuff is some of the best stuff*, I'm not going to get caught in the web of assessing how much sense The Fate of the Furious makes. But I can say that this entry is the least intentionally funny of the series, and other than "the White girls' soccer team is the Monarchs," it loses some of the class undressing of 6 and 7. From the endless scene-setting to the overstuffed character roster, this is now more of a comic book than a movie, an exercise in being a plot without being a narrative. *- See: the "make it rain" sequence, Statham swinging the baby carrier through a gun battle, Rock redirecting the missile with his bare hands.

78. Nobody Speak: Trials of the Free Press (Brian Knappenberger)- The first hour, centering on the Hulk Hogan/Gawker case, is compulsively watchable, even if it doesn't shed much extra light for anyone who followed it when it happened. Terry Bollea explaining that his penis is shorter than ten inches while Hulk Hogan's, the character's, is not: That's what I signed up for. When that case veers into the bizarrely vengeful, pretty much when Peter Thiel comes in, Nobody Speak becomes something else. The final third pits the sensitive, diligent bullpen of the Las Vegas Review-Journal against billionaire liver spot Sheldon Adelson, who bought their paper to suppress it. Then, of course, the doc expands to Donald Trump's vilification of the free press. If that sounds like a straight line, it doesn't come off that way in the film. The Hogan/Gawker stuff, which takes up the majority of the running time, feels unresolved after all the tangents. 77. The Reagan Show (Sierra Pettengill, Pacho Velez)- I'm cringing for the next five years, in which I'll have to judge a movie's success based on how subtly it invokes its mandatory Donald Trump comparisons and allegories. They're coming. In general, it's kind of sad to see how much more literate people were even thirty years ago, even as they populated a medium we all agreed was low culture. This documentary feels sharp at first, understanding something essential about the way Reagan owned his own persona. With the American Right treating him like some patron saint, it's also helpful to remember how much pushback he got at the end of his second term, for something that would be, like, the fiftieth most controversial thing Donald Trump would have done already. (See?) When the doc gets to its own fascination with Reagan's Star Wars program, however, it basically loses its thesis. As lean as it is, it still sort of stumbles to the finish line. 76. Beatriz at Dinner (Miguel Arteta)- I appreciated this portrayal of a culture clash way more than I liked it. For a while the characters are highly specific. (The delivery of "It's 6:13, Kathy" made me laugh out loud.) Then the plot turns into "Oh, so we're talking about Trump's America, right?" (See?) Here's a critique that's catty every time: This film has great ideas about class and race if you've never thought about class and race before. 75. I, Tonya (Craig Gillespie)- Oscar is calling...for the fat dude playing Shawn Eckhardt and no one else. If Allison Janney wins for doing the thing she always does over Laurie Metcalf's fully realized human, then it's a huge mistake. Successful in some of its comedic goals, especially in its depiction of northwestern goons, the shame of the working class, and period detail. (I laughed out loud when I saw the Girbaud tag on Gilooly's jeans.) Unsuccessful in most of its other goals--if I'm even reading the film correctly in my assumption of those goals. The most obvious one is the slippery nature of the truth, and that idea is handled clumsily. Gillespie goes to great GoodFellas-aping lengths to grapple with perception--having characters break the fourth wall even though there are already voiceovers and to-camera interviews. That talking to the camera comes up a few times in the disturbing scenes of domestic violence, which do humanize the characters because the other elements of the film can't, but they distract the viewer with their blitheness. The most puzzling angle of the film is the Hard Copy reporter, played by Bobby Cannavale in yet another example of his agent not knowing how famous he is. It's a missed opportunity in a movie full of them. 74. It (Andy Muschietti)- I don't get why people went nuts for this. The ensemble avails itself pretty well, despite all the sitcom-y dialogue. (Dialogue that, based on the Stephen King that I've read, is probably faithful to the book.) Some of the visuals nail the distinction between surreal and unreal--my favorite is the children's TV show that sporadically drifts into the murderous. But the movie just kind of hangs there, all the way to its interminable ending, satisfied with its own literal presentation of events that seem to be metaphorical. As I understand, It--however It manifests itself--represents the death of childhood and the emergence of an adult banality of evil. But the movie engages with that level as little as possible, and maybe that's why people are going nuts for it. This is a scary movie if you're a child, and most of the moviegoing public seem to be children. 73. Before I Fall (Ry Russo-Young)- I mostly watched this because I think Zoey Deutch is a Movie Star, and if I'm going to be there for her Speed, I have to be there for her Love Potion No. 9's as well. I appreciated Before I Fall's brevity, but the premise offers a lot more fun than the film is willing to have. In the end the balance was off: It had to be either more moralistically PG-13 or go way darker. For example, just like in Groundhog Day, the character realizes that she'll live out the same day no matter what she does, and it triggers a nihilistic phase. But rather than going on a shooting spree or stealing stuff from a mall, she just, like, wears a sexier dress and talks back to her parents. Good swing, kids, but I'm waiting for the crazier version.

72. War Machine (David Michod)- There are some standout moments in War Machine, many of which are thanks to its impressive cast, but I don't think the film is cohesive enough for me to recommend. I know what Michod is against--counter-insurgency, military hubris--but it's harder to figure out what he's arguing for beyond some sort of level of transparency. The war sequence near the end feels at odds with the tone of everything else, even though it benefits from the Nick Cave and Warren Ellis score. In a similarly frustrated vein, I feel as if I know exactly who Glen McMahon is, and the script's greatest strength is how sharply it draws him, but Pitt's studied performance adds distance to it. It's as if all of the film's comedic nature is supposed to come from how people revolve around his straight man, and that expectation is too much to put on his shoulders. There's more than a little Bud Turgidson in the voice Pitt affects, but the difference is that, as mean as this sounds, I always believed George C. Scott when he played a smart person. 71. The Trip to Spain (Michael Winterbottom)- Diminishing returns. 70. Downsizing (Alexander Payne)- There's a meta-effect to the structure of Downsizing. Its characters decide to shrink themselves, finding unpredictable challenges in the process, and the film similarly gets more problematic as it focuses further into each of its four legs. The first part, the outside world, is when the film is at its most cutting and well-observed. It still lays its points on thickly--dude at the bar asking if downsized people should be able to vote, for example--but the questions are worth asking. The second part, Leisureland, the bourgeois subdivision lil' Damon lives in, is more satirical and less satisfying. (I do love that downsizing ends up being such a gauche pursuit though. Payne has always had his finger on the pulse of people with poor taste.) The third part, which takes place in the downsizing slums, is a sharp, unfunny left turn that discards characters but at least develops the protagonist further. And then the wheels come off in Norway. At least we got to hear Udo Kier say, "I do love my boat." 69. Okja (Bong Joon-Ho)- Since Okja is such a unique movie, I feel as if people will overpraise it as a way to brand themselves: Its poster is probably going to be in a lot of dorm rooms. But there's a lot that you have to look past in order to recommend it. In general, I find that Bong's English language work has a bizarre mixture of muddled themes being presented in direct ways. There is some sweetness here--most of it due to the amazingly detailed rendering of the pig--but too much of the comedy doesn't work, and the ending feels a bit easy. I liked most of the stuff with the Animal Liberation Front, and I kind of wish they had been the focal point of the movie. Can I say, as my main takeaway, that I'm worried about Jakey G? He is so big here, so out-of-tune with the rest of the film, that I blame Bong for not reining him in. At the same time, I keep making excuses for Gyllenhaal, claiming that his parts are under-written, but at a certain point, you have to point the finger at him if there's such a pattern of bad performances emerging. I didn't see Everest, but this is his fourth brick in a row. Help us, Dan Gilroy. You're our only hope. 68. The Killing of a Sacred Deer (Yorgos Lanthimos)- An interesting swing that ends up missing for me. Excepting The Lobster, Lanthimos's works seem obsessed with family dynamics, and he plays some interesting games with this family's perversions. Farrell's character's story about his father dovetails with his somnophilia, which seems to inspire the way his daughter offers herself to her object of affection. From Anna's medical past to Steven's alcoholism, these characters seem to have full lives that have been in motion long before the events of the story. But I kind of suspect I'm worshiping at the altar of auteurism, and I wouldn't have half the respect or patience I do for this film had I not known who made it. The dialogue and performances are purposefully flat and stilted, thus creating an off, eerie quality before we know why we should be unnerved. But what if the performances are just, you know, bad? The film also creates a premise that concludes in an inevitably unsatisfying way. I don't know what I would have done instead, but I'm not a genius filmmaker who gets the benefit of the doubt.

#film #lists #Movie Reviews

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shieldedsouls · 4 years

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tag dump ten ft. isms, verses, and aesthetic tags !!

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eliaselliot-blog · 6 years

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♔ LOCKWOOD TASK 001 ; character sheet

BASICS

Full Name: elias anton elliot. Meaning of Name: greek derivation of “jehovah of god”. Nickname: eli, ant. jackass. whichever you will.

Birth Date: january 6th, 1996. Astrological Sign and Details: capricorn. Birth Place: manhattan, ny. Age: 21. Nationality: american. Race: caucasian. Hair Color: black. Hair Style: not too short, slightly messy. Distinct Features of Face: strong jawline, long lashes, thick brows, plush lips. Glasses or Contacts: both. rarely seen in glasses, however. Eye Color: hazel. Skin Tone: slightly tanned, but white. Scars or Distinguishing Marks: a scar that goes down his right shoulder blade. Disabilities: none. Build or Body Type: broad shoulders, muscular arms and torso, toned legs. Height: 6′ 3″. Weight: well. Speech Patterns: speaks in a low, yet confident tone. tends to deadpan most things, even jokes. isn’t a man who makes his present super known, but is typically around a lot of people at social gatherings and gets along with most despite his sometimes stand-offish demeanor. Tag Words: “no, i won’t paint you.” Gestures: rotates his rings a lot, toys with his bottom lip while he’s thinking, pretty expressive with his brows, combs his hands through his hair subconsciously and then messes it up again to put it back lmfao FAMILY AND CHILDHOOD

Mother: evelyn elliot Father: jacob elliot Mother’s Occupation: ex-model, now just keeps up with the family’s social status Father’s Occupation: partner of a prestigious law firm Family Finances: wealthy gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang Birth Order: what. 1st? Brothers: none. Sisters: sophia elora elliot, 19 Other Close Family: jude hayward, first-cousin Best Friend: Other Friends: Blake, Lana, Imogen, Jude, Frankie, Tripp, Alex, Teddy, Reagan, surprisingly the list goes on Enemies: his DAD. dw he’ll probably find sum1 here soon enough Pets: he got a pup named king Home Life During Childhood: HAHAHA. horrible. Town or City Name(s): manhattan, ny Details of Town(s) or City(s): manhattan is as much of a city as it gets What Did His, Her or Their Bedroom Look Like: somewhat tidy, eli’s always been kinda neat Any Sports or Clubs: couple mma tournaments, art club for middle school and first half of hs Favorite Toy or Game: fifa, amnesia, fleshlight, assassin’s creed etc Schooling: attended a public high school Favorite Subject: art Popular or Loner: god knows how bt popular Important Experiences or Events: being physically and emotionally abused by his father, and using that to better himself successwise and kinda spite his dad Health Problems: does depression count? borderline alcoholic Religion and beliefs: his family is christian but doesn’t rly believe in his religion, he’s more of a logical thinker personally PERSONAL

Bad Habits: smoking, biting his nails, fidgeting, drinking alone, using certain people for personal gain Good Habits: typically neat and put-together, eats clean, works out religiously, dresses well, maintaining himself physically Best Characteristic: loyal to those he’s close to Worst Characteristic: being consistently distant Worst Memory: Best Memory: Proud of: how he’s able to accomplish anything he wants to do Embarrassed by: his lack of ability to truly get close to/trust people Driving Style: lmfao did somebody say speed demon Strong Points: incredibly driven, charming when he wants to be, can’t think of any more atm Temperament: typically level headed, a bit of a grump but still playful yano Attitude: can sometimes be cold if someone tries to get too close to him, but typically socializes well despite this Weakness: elias would rather die than tell you what he’s really thinking. if someone actually manages to get him to open up he’d probably be a stuttering and babbling mess Fears: not doing as well as he wants to, because then he’ll feel like he let his family down. also his father still scares him a bit but would never ever admit to it Phobias: the dad 1 Secrets: lol nice TRY Regrets: NO RAGRETS. jk he kinda regrets not taking art more seriously bc now thats kinda gone as an outlet he’s picking up bad alternatives that’ll only hurt him nd his health Feels Vulnerable When: some1 tries to get closer to him Pet Peeves: loud chewing, nail filing, all i cn think of rn Motivation: working for the day he can say he outdid his dad Short Term Goals and Hopes: maintain his 4.0 and get into a good med school Long Term Goals and Hopes: become one of the top surgeons in the country Sexuality: straight unless u another matt daddario cos i mean come on Exercise Routine: nice try honey u cant get abs like these. Day or Night Person: night. absolute nocturnal fiend Introvert or Extrovert: ambivert! mostly introverted but he can also be v charming and social at gatherings etc. something he learned from bein the poster boy of the socialite fam Optimist or Pessimist: he doesnt like 2 complain a lot but i wouldn’t say he’s an optimist either

LIKES AND PREFERENCES

Music: arctic monkeys, the neighbourhood, the weeknd, muse, daniel caesar, frank ocean, dvsn, tame impala Books: anything khaled hosseini, haruki murakami, and mitch albom Magazines: forbes, if any Foods: cold pizza, sushi, seafood, apples, burgers, dark chocolate, tiramisu Drinks: craft beer, whiskey and most other alcohol, black coffee, red wine Animals: tiger, wolf, big fan of husky dogs Sports: soccer Favorite Saying: “no." Color: red, black Clothing: urban style with a rich flair. leather, denim, expensive sweaters and Jewelry: expensive watches, sometimes rings Games: poker, chess, cards against humanity Websites: pornhub uh, vine? TV Shows: sherlock, the office, stranger things Movies: the prestige, shutter island, borat, can’t think of any more Greatest Want: to stay on top of his class, take more time out for art Greatest Need: someone to be patient and understanding with him

LIFESTYLE

Home: live in the beta delta xi house, but his family owns a mansion at home. Household furnishings: his room is rather tidy. numerous black and white murals remain littered across his walls and above his bed rests a shelf filled with his favorite novels and vinyls. Most Cherished Possession: Neighborhood: manhattan Town or City Name: new york Details of Town or City: very busy, very on-the-go, new york city is a definition in itself. Married Before: heck no Significant Other Before: he’s got a couple of exes that he’d dated due to having extra time on his hands. he’d always get bored rather quickly into the relationship and leave, however. now that eli has much less time on his hands, he no longer looks to date. Children: LOL Relationship with Family: hostile with his father, indifferent but still somewhat caring towards his mother. Car: not yet Career: full-time student. Salary: n/a Other Income: n/a Dream Career: professional artist. Dream Life: providing for his mother and sister, living in a new mansion with a fresh start. would have someone he could be emotionally intimate with, though the thought of this currently terrifies him. Love Life: eli scratches his head at this foreign term. Sexual Turn Ons: taking control, fighting for dominance, idk he seems like he’d be in2 bondage lmafaodifgbl Sexual Turn Offs: bad head, feet, excessive talking, repressed moans, “you like that?” no. leave my sight. Hobbies: mma fighting, painting, taking pictures for painting inspirations, if getting drunk alone counts as a hobby hey be my guest Guilty Pleasure: bingeing martha and snoop’s potluck dinner party Talents or Skills: fights well, and can paint. can sex be a talent? Intelligence Level: very book smart, he gets this from his father. though eli has his moments (as does anyone), he is fairly street smart as well — although, he is very standoffish so it’s hard to tell sometimes if he’s being smart or just a closed-off prick.

#lockwoodtask #lockwoodtask001 #lockwood:points #i jst wanted to post this #missing a lot n cd answer som of these better but i'll come back to it n edit it in my free time #physical abuse tw #abuse tw #alcoholism tw

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politicaltheatre · 6 years

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“conservative”

With CPAC speakers once again defending the rights to own assault weapons and not to pay taxes, and once again attacking gun violence victims and the role of any government beyond the military in our lives, it is once again time to discuss the word on which their toxic ideology places so much weight:

"conservative"

It is the first "C" in CPAC. With everything going on, and going wrong, it might seem like a waste of time to talk about a single word, but few words are more at the heart of what is going on and what is going wrong for our country and for the rest of the world today than that one, single word.

No doubt, if you find yourself reading this or anything else tagged "politics", you've already spent years running across politicians and especially journalists using the words "conservative" and "conservatism" when they mean "right-wing" or something even more extreme. If it feels confusing and/or wrong, trust that. It is.

Look up synonyms for "conservative" and you'll find a surprisingly wide range of meanings. A dictionary will tell you everything from "right-wing" to "moderate", which obviously are not synonyms for each other. So, what then is "conservative"?

One thing is most clearly is not is anything about the behavior or ideology of our current president. Nor can it be used to describe millions of his most rabid supporters. Tax cuts for the rich that increase the federal deficit are not conservative. Deregulation, both de jure and de facto, is most definitely not conservative. Playing "chicken" on foreign policy with countries holding nuclear weapons and with other countries once held as allies could not be less conservative. As for the personal behavior and leadership on social issues, well, the tweets speak for themselves.

This is why the continued use of the word "conservative" is such a problem. It suggests that there is something reasonable about what is done under its protective shield. It normalizes it.

That the right wing in our country and elsewhere have sought and found this protection is no accident. Politicians and journalists have used "conservative" for at least two centuries to cover any political thing to the "right of center", and have done so for no other reason than sheer laziness. It's lazy because the world to the right (or left) of center extends as far as any ideology can go.

Is someone who is fiscally risk averse yet socially progressive the same as someone fiscally risk taking yet socially repressive? Ask most journalists and they'll say "no", yet they'll still describe both of them as "conservative".

The eternal irony here is that "conservative" really is just another way of saying "moderate", which is itself just another way of saying "risk averse". That's how the word started in politics and how it was used. "Conservative" meant being opposed to change, while "liberal" meant being open to change.

It's easy to see how confusing that must have been the first time someone wanted to change something back, but politicians and the journalists ever since have saddled us with the term "liberal" to describe anything demanding more government and "conservative" as anything demanding less.

Idiots.

The result is that we can't really trust either word, and we really need to be able to trust words. If we can't trust words we can't trust each other. The right-wing know this all too well, which is why they try so hard to destroy our ability to trust everything.

Being "conservative" works for them. Right up until the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, a sizable portion of Americans supported "Lucky Lindy" and his America First movement. Charles Lindbergh claimed it was all about preserving American traditions and not risking American lives for other peoples' problems, but it turned out that that was all just a line.

In appealing to the selfish desire not to have to fight on behalf of another, Lindbergh was advocating on behalf of a Nazi ideology that was at that very moment slaughtering thousands a day in Europe, a Nazi ideology that he and many of his most powerful supporters kind of liked. Lindbergh was fine with the notion of "might makes right" and the suffering of those who got in the Nazis' way. “Strong leadership” were the euphemistic words for it.

Lindbergh's stated position may accurately be described as "conservative", in that it would have in the moment he said saved American tax dollars and lives, however put in context it may also be described as "repugnant". As everyone learned all too quickly, America First would only have made America last to fall, and perhaps not even that.

Truly conservative thinking stretches out beyond the here and now. What is the risk of not intervening? What is the ultimate cost of allowing innocents to suffer while we could have protected them? These were the same questions asked during the Great Depression, ones asked after doing nothing had allowed the suffering to expand to the point of catastrophe.

After the war came a series of movements far to the right of center. McCarthyism promoted the fear of a "red menace". Dixiecrats, aided by their good friends in white sheets, promoted a fear of "uppity n*****rs". Objectivists promoted the fear of being made to be accountable to others. The John Birch Society managed to promote all three, which make perfect sense because all of these movements share, as all right-wing movements do, the same greed for power and the same desperate fear of losing it.

Still, as long as they were considered "fringe" movements outside the "mainstream", their power and the damage they could do remained limited. McCarthy achieved the most of both in his time, ruining countless lives in a witch hunt that lasted almost a decade. Public opinion, aided by the new medium of television and by high profile artists creating works of protest, finally turned against him and against other "extremists".

It was at this time, in the mid-1950s, that the American right-wing began a different approach. It was at this time that they began to claim the word "conservative" as their own. Savvy pitchmen such as William F. Buckley preached reactionary policies and even open racism all while claiming that they stood not for harming others but for protecting "tradition" and "values". Buckley was normalizing the Right by normalizing the pure virtue of pure selfishness.

Naturally, it didn't take long for right-wing politicians to adopt this same language of codes and dog whistles. After the first civil rights victories of the 1950s there was always going to be a backlash, and it came and went in the form of Barry Goldwater. He was Bircher but more importantly than that he was a Republican, one of the two standard political parties.

His loss was framed by the Right as call to arms. Those answering it were those southern Dixiecrats, who left the Democratic Party and formed the quite racist southern Republican bloc that we know all too well today. These newly Republican politicians and voters formed the basis of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan's "southern strategy" and much of the "base" that supports Donald Trump today.

The rest of that base comes from descendants of that other 1950s right-wing group, the Objectivists, aka, followers of Ayn Rand. You may hear the word "libertarian" thrown around a lot with them and with the John Birch Society, but they are about as libertarian as Donald Trump is conservative.

To be libertarian, truly libertarian, is not just about wanting not to have to be accountable to anyone, but accepting that no one else has to be accountable to you. That last part is difficult to live with, and difficult to survive, which is why so few true libertarians actually exist.

No, what Ayn Rand, ideological idol to selfish 12 year-old boys of all ages, and Robert Welch, maker of Sugar Daddy lollipops and John Birch founder, wanted was what must now seem all too familiar: they must never have to be accountable to others but everyone must still have to be accountable to them.

If that sounds familiar it's because it is the very ideology promoted by Rand fanboy Paul Ryan, by his budgeting counterpart, Mick Mulvaney, and by Mulavney's boss, Donald J. Trump. It is nothing less than the ideology at the corrupt heart of Trump's 2016 presidential campaign. It is behind every executive order Trump has signed, every budget and tax cut he has proposed, and every appointment he has made for the purpose of destroying government's ability to oversee and regulate industry and commerce.

Those in positions of power in today's Republican Party could reasonably be called many things. They may accurately be called "reactionary" or "regressive". They, through action or inaction, could accurately be called "racist" or "misogynist". One could make an excellent case for calling them "callous", "unsympathetic", "sociopathic", and simply "selfish". One could, and perhaps should, think of them as "aggressively selfish", in the way that a small, spoiled child is both greedy and quick to anger when he does not get what he wants when he wants it.

The one thing it makes no sense to call any of them, however, is "conservative". Until we and our friends in journalism understand and accept that that one word should not be used, all of those other words and the behavior and choices that reflect them and expand their reach will remain protected and normalized under it.

For the sake of all of the good, necessary things that "conservative" should only ever mean, this is why we must focus on a single word. Call it, "self preservation".

- Daniel Ward

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