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inevitably-johnlocked · 1 year

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I've seen a couple of posts from you and some other people that John might be homoromantic bi.

Is it because he's only went out with women in canon for sex and that he's had romantic feelings for Sherlock (and possibly Sholto in the past)?

I'm curious.

(He doesn't seem to be in love with Mary that much either.)

Hey Nonny!

Ah, it's a popular interpretation because of that, exactly. I personally read him that way, because, in BBCS at least, he fails spectacularly at forming any believable relationships with women (and don't get me started on Mary, LOL. I'm sorry, but I STRONGLY believe she trapped him with a fake baby – I think John only went with the marriage because he was pissed off at Sherlock for lying to him) but seems to form REALLY strong attachments to men in authoritative (in his eyes) positions. And yes I also mean Lestrade here too. You cannot tell me that John did put out his feelers for Lestrade when they first met, LOL. BUT John fell RIDICULOUSLY hard for Sherlock, and through context clues and the mirroring of Sholto-to-Sherlock, that John didn't fall hard for Sholto too. There's clues in the episode that their falling out happened after Sholto's accident.

I mean... John GRIEVED for Sherlock like a widower. He was "just getting over" Sherlock when he met Mary (who I think was a plant to get Sherlock to come back, by the way). That was THREE YEARS. John "grieved" for Mary for like... a couple months maybe?? Yeah, he didn't give two flying figs about her, sorry. EVEN IN CANON, Mary is RARELY mentioned and is speculated to have been a beard to keep ACD from suffering the same fate as his friend Wilde [THIS LINK ALSO].

This is a topic I love talking about because sexuality is so interesting to me, given my constant re-discovering of my own self. AND because the characters in the show grew up in the same period I did (early 80's and 90's, so Cusp Gen-Xers/Millennials), it makes SO much sense to me that a lot of John's anger and trust issues come from internalized homophobia and misogyny, and he really didn't open up until he became close to men in his life that he respected and admired and treated him with the in-kind respect and kindness. And I just really relate to them so much... it's probably why this show resonated with me so hard and absolutely why my scary journey of Sudden Realization™ happened hahah.

I genuinely believe that John wants to form a fulfilling relationship, but for him, his internal struggle is that he just CANNOT love women no matter how hard he tries – this is a lot of why people joke that John's a horn-dog... he doesn't care who gets his dick wet, just that he gets it. But at the end of the day, I think his internalized issues keep him from accepting that he LOVES Sherlock fiercely, and it's WHY he struggled so hard with Sherlock's death. I mean, after a certain point he gave up dating because Sherlock GAVE him everything he truly wanted. The women in his life were just to get the sex he wasn't getting from Sherlock, LOL. There's also a REALLY old speculation within the fandom that the trip to New Zealand that John took with Sarah went bad because he called out Sherlock's name during sex... soooo yeah.

Anyway, check out these meta from people who are on the Bi spectrum that can dissect John better than me. I recommend the MOST this thread about Harry and John possibly being twins, and how that is relevant to her being a mirror for John in BBCS. People have commented on it with anecdotes from other bi people about their experience with biphobia in the queer community and in the 80s and 90s, and how in this day and age people seem to forget that any smattering of being gay was met with disdain.

Meta Links to Prove John’s Bisexuality

Meta Links to Sexuality posts for the characters

Closeted John: Growing Up in a Homophobic 80’s/90’s (Not Mine)

is it any wonder John is closeted (Not Mine)

The Way John Looks at Sholto (John’s Bisexuality)

John’s Past and his Bisexuality

So Why Is John Gay when He Says He’s Not? (Irene Clap-Back)

Where Does “Three Continents” Thing Come From?

John’s Attracted but In Denial?

Did Sherlock Know John was Bi?

John Could’ve Been A Real Representation of Bi People

John’s Cheating

AND let's also not forget John's a military man, and while I'm not 100 on how the British military functions, I feel like they also had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy like the American and Canadian militaries did pre-2000's. So. Yeah. AND with the assumption John's parents were homophobic with context clues via Harry and the lack of his entire family from his wedding, a lot of Bi people in the 80's and 90's just "chose to be straight" to avoid being eviscerated. It's a horrific reality that still exists today, sadly.

I love my little bi-disaster John, and you can pry that headcanon from my cold, dead body, LOL.

#steph replies #john's sexuality #sexuality in sherlock #bisexual john #bisexuality #john's just getting bi #homoromantic john #i LOVE talking about sexuality #it helps me learn more everyday #who is john watson #sherlock meta

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witheredoffherwitch · 6 months

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Yeah I agree with the last anon. I definitely don’t think all stories should be catered to us but it is kind of laughable to see the amount of unfiltered misogynistic discourse directed towards her and people consuming these stories always rooting for her to die so that him and the wattpad-esque OC can end up together. It’s definitely a trend and as the anon said, very much eye-roll worthy and unoriginal. It’s fine if people want to practice their writing skills ofc but a huge part of being a writer is being able to accept criticism and feedback related to the sort of the themes and tropes we use in stories. I think this is oftentimes conflated with “hate” and that’s just not the case. The “evil witch” trope has been around since fairytales existed and I get why people find it lazy because it inherently is.

Hi nonnie, hope you're doing well.

I do not condone this point of view. Every fanfic writer is allowed to create and narrate their own rendition of these stories however they wish. I believe shaming or even 'taunting' these authors is the worst course of action here. In fact, constantly questioning these genres/tropes can sometimes bring them into the spotlight - Lucemond and Jonsa are two great examples! I personally read stories filtered under both of these tags and have met with a great deal of pushback from other shippers for liking or even promoting these stories on my page. Fanfic writers put in a great deal of time and energy into writing these stories for free, without seeking any financial gain from their readership. Therefore, there is no significant loss for a reader who may dislike a story. While art is certainly open to criticism and interpretation, it's different from critiquing a more financially incentivized book or film aimed at a wider audience.

Secondly, I understand why you feel so exasperated - it is disheartening to witness the frequent rejection of Alys' character. I'm more sympathetic to those who view her as a victim in this dynamic - something of a 'war trophy' for Aemond. What really irritates me is how some downplay Aemond's power in the relationship, making him out to be a victim. If Ewan's portrayal hadn't gotten so much traction, I don't think many people would have even noticed Alys' role in his storyline - or perhaps they'd be applauding her for 'bewitching' him and ultimately sending him to his death.

That being said, I don't think fanfictions are the main issue here. Do people make Alys into an evil temptress and diminish her role as the other woman? Yes! However, we have yet to see her appear onscreen and we're still unaware of what direction the show will go in. With recent rumors that Nettles and Daeron may not make an appearance (which I'm desperately hoping isn't true), many Alysmond shippers are now concerned that Alys will be given the original arc between Nettles/Daemon before Aemond enters the picture. If this is the case, how fucking disappointing! As an Alysmond shipper, these fanfictions are the least of my worries. Other fanfic writers will keep crafting content for these two in the future - I'm positive of that.

I still believe (hope?) that Alys' character will gain popularity when she's introduced in the show but until then, it's best to maintain a healthy dose of caution when discussing them.

That's all 🤗

#anon asks #aemond x alys #aemond targaryen #alys rivers #alysmond #hotd discourse #shippy discourse #coven convening #alysmond hive

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samsspambox · 2 years

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Hi Sam! (｡･♡･｡) hope your doing very well! Cause im not hahah ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ im doing some very tedious work here, i feel like my feet are gonna explde hahhaaha Do you have a theory/interpretation on tot's prologue or have u already talked about that? Always here waiting 4 watever fic u write!♡ have a good day!

CUTE NONNIE HELLO!!! im sorry you're having a bad day hopefully this'll make it better! because holy shit you got me hella thinking about the prologue. honestly i've done stuff alluding to things in the prologue like how i thought vyn could've been the most likely candidate to betray the nxx (which, honestly, i also need to revisit bc i don't think so anymore) or maybe in the theory chain relating to artem, but i haven't properly introduced my ideas in a singular post. and now that it's been a year, let's dive back into theory city, shall we? i, for one, haven't thought about the prologue in ages so i am so ready to revisit that. put on your tinfoil hats, cuz here we go!

sam's prologue theory extravaganza

1.2k words

okay so the first thing we see is Rosa. they are your stand-in for this universe, the person you control. there's this chime we hear at the beginning when the camera zooms in which i'm attributing to entering a state of hypnosis. because that's what's happening IMO, rosa is in a hypnotic state. u know how some hypnotists go 'now sleep' and snap their fingers? that's what that little chime is to me, a kind of trigger that makes rosa fall asleep.

the first person we encounter is luke who is surrounded by the fog and shadows. this is literally so indicative of what's happening with rosa, especially in this event current event (entwining hearts). this is a person rosa knows but because 8 years have passed, do they truly know who he is? luke, being hidden in the shadows, represents that duality of 'i know you, but do i?'. luke drops his key once he disappears with the ravens (which, you know, ravens are omens of death but also of wisdom). this key is incredibly important to him as it opens a box of treasured memories he has. i don't know if i recall this correctly but didn't rosa give him the box (and by proxy the key?) either way, rosa opens the key at our choice (but is it really a choice when it's the only option?) this segues to the next male lead and then to the next, but let's take a detour to what vyn says at the end when he was holding luke's key.

"The key to the chest of memories... Did you see the answer inside? Was it what you wanted?"

in the end of his chapter 4 we actually do see (or, well, read) what was inside of his chest. and it was right, it did hold memories. so why is he pointing this out to us? here's my (new) interpretation of this.

each male lead represents something within the hypnotic state. luke, obviously, is memory. marius is the image you give to society (or the mask), artem is career, and vyn is the self. why is vyn the self?

think about the standard types of hypnosis for a second. there are two ways to take you out of a hypnotic trance: the hypnotist slowly rouses you out of your state of hypnosis or you get the classic 'wake up' with a snap. what i'm arguing is that rosa, when they wake up, wasn't really out of the hypnotic trance. this is purely my own experience with hypnotism (yes, i have been hypnotized before) but i wasn't... that receptive to it. i 'woke up' mid-session and kinda just walked off stage.

but here's why i'm saying this: vyn may have put them into an inception-esque hypnotic trance. some people just have a natural resistance to this, so why not go deeper and deeper until there's no way you can resist to it? it would explain why vyn knew about the chest and was able to materialize it, same with the other mementos the rest of the male leads had. its why we don't hear another chime as rosa wakes up, and why they're being hypnotized again. but why is vyn the self? because vyn is known to analyze situations. in this case, vyn is the representation of analyzing rosa and their attachments.

now, let's move on to another male lead: marius. marius' whole thing is about painting rosa as he sees them. i couldn't really,,, find what flower rosa is holding in the painting but i'm going to go on a limb and say that they're lilac bushes. lilac bushes represent spring and renewal, which seems about right as marius sees rosa as something new and, frankly, refreshing. he doesn't have to hide his 'true' nature around them, he can just be himself. but why the change to the crying picture?

i dont think that you have to interpret this literally, as like luke's introduction. i think that the painting, as much as it represents rosa, it also represents marius. you have to peel back into the layers in order to get to the trauma/the thing people don't want you to see.

"Using a painting to conceal the truth? Perhaps you can fool the eyes, but not the heart."

honestly, you can kind of see this in marius' personal story 4 with the cautionary tale marius' uncle. the guy tried to shield his wife from the public because he truly loved her. in the end, marius followed his heart even tho he tried to contain the truth.

artem's is... one i really like for theory stuff, mostly because of the graveyard. if we keep following the pattern, artem's gravestone isn't really in regards to a person, but rather a thing. i honestly think this one is about the fears of losing a case, or maybe the career rosa has tried so hard to obtain. it's also very linked to artem's second story and beyond. artem, in the beginning, and overall as a character, is a very rigid person. he's a very black and white person, right? that's why the balance fits him so well as a character, his whole shtic is learning how to be in the grey. no one is truly black or white, you know? but it also ties into his indecisiveness regarding rosa in the entirety of the year before he confessed. in his phone call before anni he's like 'i don't wanna live without regrets', tying back to the what-ifs and how in that instance, that was a moment where he had to choose. the flowers themselves represent abundance, elegance, and royalty, but focusing on abundance here. if the flowers that represent abundance are left in a grave, what does it mean?

"Ironic, is it not? Adhering to your convictions but betraying your heart... In the end, it was all for naught,"

in the end, it means indecision leading to regret. something happened that rosa now regrets, and we know that happens too in episode 6.3, who's to say something similar in regards to a case that hasn't happened?

and then... vyn also analyzes himself, why he is there.

"Even if the world were against you... Would you still stand by your choice?"

honestly i think vyn's is the simplest to explain: do you trust yourself? because vyn represents the self and reflection of actions, he is able to pinpoint and ask questions about the things he is able to materialize. vyn is there to ask 'why do i feel the way i do'?

tl;dr and as a recap to yall at home:

rosa is in an inception-like hypnotic state

each boy represents a part of herself

marius represents the way people perceive rosa

luke represents the memories that make rosa... rosa

artem represents career and opposing forces

vyn represents the self and analyzes all the boys + HIMSELF

now, that's just what i can gather through the video itself. if i want to start going into why rosa is in this state, that's a whole other post if yall want it. i do have theories for that! they have to deal with repressed memories and stuff, possible betrayal, and other stuff that involves theorizing about the future of the main story :D

but yeah, thank you for the ask cutie!!! <3

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matan4il · 2 years

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For fanfiction purposes, and relating to your Jewish Rep in Lone Star meta, do we know if TK keeps kosher?

Hi Nonnie!

Oh, thank you so much for reading my TK & Jewish rep meta! I really hope it was helpful! And good luck with your fics, I hope you enjoy writing and sharing them! *hugs*

Hmmm, that's a good question.

Canonically, we haven't been given an answer to it. It's implied that TK hasn't been to temple for a long time, but he could have still kept kosher. There are 613 mitzvahs, one can easily keep observing some while not doing so with others, depending on observance level and other personal factors, and still remain within Jewish tradition.

However, I think from the POV of TK as a character who's drifted away from his Jewish identity and being reminded of it in s3, it would make sense that he hasn't kept kosher until Gwyn passed away.

From a logical POV, we know that people at his firehouse didn't know he could speak Hebrew (it's a surprise for Nancy in 302), which to me implies they also didn't know he was Jewish (I don't think she would have been quite as surprised about him knowing Hebrew had she known he was a Jew). As the 126 cook for each other, they would have had to know he's Jewish in order to make sure his meals are kosher, so them not knowing to me points to him not keeping kosher. Another indication to me is that when Carlos cooks in 102, again TK doesn't inquire whether the food is kosher.

Admittedly there's a principle in Judaism that says you mustn't embarrass other people. It's not a strict rule, so its application is very much up to personal interpretation and level of comfort. In the context of food served, some Jews might avoid saying, "I can't eat this, it's not kosher," making the cook feel bad for having failed to take Jewish cooking restrictions into account, and instead just opt for eating the stuff on the plate that is kosher out of what's served. The most observant Jews wouldn't, they wouldn't risk eating non-kosher food, so they'll either tell you about it, or they'll try avoiding embarrassing you by not eating anything and claiming it's because they're not hungry, not feeling well, etc.

I kinda doubt this would be the case with TK though, before s3 there's no indication that he's in any way considering any Jewish laws and principles, let alone trying to entertain two at the same time. Basically, I think you're safe assuming that he doesn't keep kosher up to Gwyn's death. After it? That's way more up to you and the kind of story you want to tell! I def do think 911 LS has opened up the door for him to embrace that part of his heritage. I can tell you, I personally am not the most observant Jew, but I like keeping kosher. It makes me feel connected to generations of Jews before me who kept the same laws, including within my own family, and it feels like a choice that signifies that even as a "lightweight" Jew in terms of observance, my Jewish identity still very much matters to me.

I hope I managed to help! Please let me know if you need any further assistance. Have a great day! xoxox

(If you're looking for my ask replies, here is my ask tag! xoxox)

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 1 year

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Hello! Question, would you describe yourself as explicitly pro-Targaryen?

I’ve been reading house of the dragon fics trying to get a feel for them (since there’s a ton of talented writers in the fandom, including you!!) I know it’s just fiction but I have a hard time. Considering the real world parallels and what the Targaryens represent, it all just hits too close to home, if that makes any sense.

Hey, anon.

I've got to admit, I really struggled over how to answer this. I'm sure you had the best of intentions in asking, but there's a culture online where people try to bait others into articulating dodgy takes on important topics, especially when disguised as a query about something lighter (i.e. fandom). I'm aware that in answering this, I'm opening that can of worms up.

Firstly, I'm not sure I'm the person to ask about the 'deep discourse' when it comes to any parallelism with the real world. As evident as I'm sure they are, I don't watch or consume this series for comparisons to the world we live in. I like the shiny platinum-haired dragon-riders who spend their time screwing around and fighting and being fabulous. If I was forced to consider how Targaryens emulate real-world examples of colonialism and invasion, my question would be this: who is being actively harmed by my interest/consumption of this media? For example, in liking Harry Potter now, I would be permitting J.K. Rowling's anti-transgender rhetoric, which is actively harming the transgender and wider LGBTQIA+ community. I cannot think of who is directly affected by my interest in House of the Dragon, but if there is, I do apologise. My engagement with fandom is not done so with the intent to harm others.

Secondly, I would very gently suggest that if you're struggling reading House of the Dragon fanfiction or consuming content related to that, it mightn't be the best decision mental-health-wise. You may feel better seeking out a fandom that doesn't elicit these kinds of conflicts in you, because it does seem like you're struggling and I empathise with you over this.

I know this might not be the answer that you sought from me, and I do apologise for that - but I will admit that this question was discomfiting to respond to, as it felt a little like I was being pushed into admitting I'm in the wrong for liking a television show. Again, I'm sure that wasn't your intent, but I suppose none of us can control the way we react to things.

I sincerely hope that you're able to come to terms with your interest, nonnie - or that you move on to greener pastures where you are not so conflicted. All the best. xxx

#fandom discourse

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musette22 · 1 year

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To the people who are feeling anxious because of the fandom, my advice:

Here on tumblr: block every account that it’s tea, gossip, tarot and whatever else, I guarantee you they don’t know absolutely anything, and it’s their own frustration and self hatred coming through, they’re angry they can’t control Chris or Sebastian, so they wanna control your perception of them. They’re not worth anyone’s energy. So block immediately! Also filter every tag related possible as some may sneak into the search page.

I hope anyone can curate their own experience and have a good time.

Precisely! Thank you for this, nonnie <3 Tumblr is pretty great that way, and don't forget that you can filter both tags and post content:

It won't hide every single post you don't want to see, but it'll filter out most of them. And once that's done, it's all down to self-restraint. If you see filtered post on your dash, do not open it. I get that this might take some 'training' but it'll get easier the more you start to see the benefits of not opening them.

Another tip: try not to go into the tag pages at all, but if that's not an option, then definitely block liberally, until you've weeded out most of the gossip blogs. More will continue to sprout up, but just keep blocking. Also, don't read their posts. If you see at a glance that a post contains gossip, don't read any further and just block them, and definitely don't look at other posts on their blog. Otherwise it'll just keep bothering you, and it's just not worth it (this works for anon hate as well). I even take it as far as to just unfocus my eyes when I go into the tags and only focus on the kinds of posts I want to see (gifsets, pictures etc.) It sounds weird, but it works! You have to train yourself a little for all of this to come naturally to you, but it's 1000% worth the effort, I promise you 💛

#fandom stuff #for the record: i filter literally everything that isn't stucky or chris or seb and that I see too much of on my dash #not just stuff that upsets me #but definitely also stuff that upsets me lol

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welcometothewarren · 2 years

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i'm not sure if tumblr sent my ask, so hey, i'm the person who sent that ask about Jormungandr to not the some father!! i saw your comment there, but i'm very shy and decided to talk here 🥲🥲

well, i wanted information that could help me start worshiping them (Jormungandr). i know this is something that can vary from person to person, but i'm still not very good at it, so i wanted to at least know a little bit about other people's experience. hope what i'm saying makes sense lol

hey nonny! welcome.

that totally makes sense. you already know that worship is an individual experience and each person's relationship to a god is unique, which tbh is half the battle. what works for one may not work for you, and over time you'll also discover things that work for you and not for others you know. the key is practice, or experimentation, or however you prefer to look at it.

here's what approaching a new god looks like for me:

-read the myths. chew on them for a while. what resonates? what doesn't? what role do i think these stories might have played in the culture that recorded them? what's changed between then and now? eg, does jormungandr represent an adversarial figure to me or not? is thor wrestling with/fishing for jormungandr a story that applies to my life? how? is zie a boundary-crosser, or a boundary-maker, or a secret third thing? do i have big feelings about jormungandr's role in ragnarok, or is that less important to me? what do i think i could learn from jormungandr? do i want to learn it? expect to not have answers to most of these questions, but start asking them anyway.

-look to others for examples of how the god intersects with their life and practices, and compare and contrast to the above questions. eg, maybe i've determined that jormungandr is not An Adversary to me, and i've found someone who feels differently, but still worships or works with zir. what does that look like? do i know why they came to that conclusion? i don't spend much time here, because comparing your religion to someone else's can outlive its usefulness very quickly, it's just to get the wheels turning in my brain.

-make an offering. this can always be a standard offering like water, smoke, candles, etc. it definitely does not have to be something specific to the god in question, or be one of the "popular" offerings given by others. it can also be an action or an experience, not just a physical item. i use this offering to introduce myself, pray or speak directly to the god to state why i'm approaching them, what i'm looking for, invite their presence, whatever. this is a conversational opener.

some of the things i like to offer to jormungandr include: snakeskin (prints, sheds, or tanned hide), silver, decorative chains and maille, white tea, Water and all things related to it, fruits and flowers that grow on brambles like blackberries and wild roses, decorative eggs, salt, glass and stones (especially smooth, especially worn smooth by the sea), and certain crystals (heliotrope, serpentine, moss agate, merlinite/dendritic agate, sodalite, polychrome jasper, etc. i legit pick all of them solely based on color and not on any preexisting association these stones have in new age-y circles.)

-keep the conversation going. how did that introduction make you feel? are you starting to get a sense of what the god feels like *to you* and not just on paper? make more offerings, say more prayers. find art and media that you can see the god in and enjoy it. if there are social or environmental causes you associate with the god, get invested in them. spend more time together. refine your godphone, if applicable.

-rinse and repeat. your understanding of the initial questions you asked will change over time, and your understanding of the lore, and the relationship, and everything. getting to know a god is (or can be) a lot simpler than it seems at the outset, and it also kind of...never ends. the tl;dr is to just try it and see what sticks. ime you learn more by doing than by planning, and i don't honestly have anything to lose by trying. worst case scenario, an offering gets a "meh" instead of a "YES MORE," so it's not something i worry about being good or bad at.

i personally experience jormungandr as being very Old and Slow and Deep, and communicating without words, which can make zir difficult to describe. zie's a very somatic god, for me. my devotional tag for jormungandr is #zie of the sea cycle

i hope any of this is what you're looking for! feel free to come back any time with more questions or to let me know how it goes or whatever. good luck 💚

#zie of the sea cycle #anon #also don't worry about the pronouns - this is one where people's experience of jormungandr seem to vary quite a lot #people will understand who you mean regardless of what set or sets of pronouns feel right to you. it's all good.

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buckybarnes-nonnie · 3 years

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THIS BLOG IS +18. MINORS DNI.

READ BEFORE SENDING ANY KIND OF INTERACTION.

blog — rules &&' info

You can send your interactions using your blog or using the anon's option. In case of interaction like anon, assign yourself an emoji.

emojis taken: 🧸, 🕊, 🍇, ⚾, 🧜🏾‍♀️, 🐰, 🎪, 💓, 🦋, 👻, 🍀, 🌻, ☄️, 🐧, 💍, 🐥, 🐙, 🐡, ✨.

Interactions can be public (asks, reblogs, comments) or private (dm).

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Be patient with my answers, remember I only roleplay for fun and that I have a life outside of Tumblr. And always be kind, don't forget a real person is running this account.

If I don't feel comfortable or in the mood to reply an ask, comment, message, or whatever: I won't. Don't push me, or you'll be blocked. Sometimes I may feel like I want to talk with someone, or not.

If you have any doubt, or you have seen something that has made you uncomfortable, feel free to come to me in private. I'd appreciate it.

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Usually, it's Bucky who is in command, so you will talk with him unless you want to interact with the Winter Soldier by starting the interaction with soldat.

This character is semi-canon, but keep in mind that Bucky and the Winter Soldier aren't the same.

DON'T assume you have a romantic relationship with Bucky. He doesn't have any, and if he wants exclusivity with someone: he will say it. He flirts because it's part of his personality, but that doesn't mean you have a relationship.

Any new interaction starts with being friends or two strangers meeting for the first time, that's on you.

You can send any kind of interactions, questions… I'm open to talking about whatever.

Interactions containing NSFW (mention of blood, sex, etc) will be tagged as +18, for those who don't want to read anything related to.

Of course, Bucky it's not the same in public as he is in private —Bucky is timid and quieter in public with people he doesn't know enough.

For NSFW interactions or questions, specify it at the start of the first ask / message. These kinds of interactions aren't added to the timelines with Bucky's story. They're random and occasional.

Also, for NSFW interactions let me know your limits or the things you don't like so I don't make you feel uncomfortable. This is very important to me.

tags

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# buckybarnes-nonnie +18 : interactions / replies containing +18 themes.

A REBLOG TO SPREAD THE WORD IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED.

#buckybarnes-nonnie #bucky barnes nonnie #bucky barnes rp #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier rp #the winter soldier x reader #the winter soldier nonnie

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spaceorphan18 · 3 years

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Ok reading that nonny now made me think of tinhatters being a modern version of Annie Wilkes from the horror Misery LOL. But I need to be honest, although it might make me look bad I am somewhat satisfied at their disappointment. It's their fault if we basically had an still have zero interaction between Chris and Darren. So they want to go? Don't let me stop them on the contrary, I'm keeping the door open for them to leave!

Oh goodness, ha. I think that's a fair analogy for some of the top line tinhatters. But I do think that a bunch of the people who follow it are just swept up in the idea, and have been - more or less - brainwashed into their thinking.

I've said many times before, it is kind of like being in a cult. And once you go down that line of thinking, and convince yourself that you're right, it's very hard to get out of it.

I mean - look at all the people who, having not much else to do, and being pushed there through various media, believe in QAnon - and that Hilary Clinton was eating babies? Or whatever that shit was.

I just feel bad for the ones who are kind of sucked in an not able to get out. Hopefully this gives them the push they need. Spending all of your time obsessing about the lives of real people instead of living your own is not healthy.

Also, as an aside, I find it strange to "ship" real people. (Not talking about the fanfic related - fantasy version of real people, which... is a different conversation. I mean I don't do that either, but it's a separate beast.) I'm not a Miarren shipper (or a Chill shipper) -- the idea of it seems wild to me. Do I ship my parents? Do I ship my close friends with their spouses? Do I ship the nice older couple who live a few doors down? No - that's kind of weird to me. So why would I do with with celebrities? I do hope for their happiness. I do hope for everyone's happiness.

But fantasy and reality are two different things - and if you find yourself unable to see the line between the two, maybe it's time to take a step back and reevaluate. ;)

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casgirlsam · 3 years

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Fans are fans, Superwiki and Lynn are nothing but that- fangirls. There's no reason for the writers to follow them. Unless you want to tell me they see them as an important mirror of the fandom? That brings me to the point where I said that they'd rather "listen" to them. BTW, I'm genderfluid and I STILL don't want to see in*est or besti*ality. Stop trying to insist that LGBT+ ppl want to see things like ped*philia. Pretty sure you saying all trans ppl like in*est is terf rhetoric

i got to hand it to you nonnie i literally laughed so hard, i cried

anyway, to address this… confusion you have in several points:

1: letting fans, often those in marginalized groups, make art of all kinds for whatever tf they want free from abuse and harassment is what i support. not the IRL acts. i dont think murder is ok, but i still consume media that has murder in it. doesnt mean i suddenly think murder should be “normalized” IRL

2. theyre not “just fans” in the sense that theyre not just Mary Sue Fan Girl they can just snap at. there’s such a thing as networking, nonnie. these people had 15 years to build up their professional connections with the industry and at spn. Hence why i said whatever gross they spew is either hidden or just enough to not cross a line to warrant them being blown off. plus the cast and crew still want to work in the industry. how well do you think it looks to studios that you snap at people that on the surface look fine? exactly

3. imma educate you on terfs. they dont gaf about you if you arent a cis lesbian. they exclude everyone not in that group.

also please open your eyes when you read. because that aint what i said. i didnt say queer people are more likely to ship beastiality and/or incest. open your eyes, nonnie

im bi and my squick is incest. these things are not related. your sexuality doesnt dictate what you like. but also you like what you like so again: stop harassing people and pushing them to harm themselves for liking things you dont like

oh hey heres a bonus for you

#q&anon #pro shipping #spn wank

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inevitably-johnlocked · 9 months

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Hi. So I am not sure it is right that I am writing here but I honestly don't have anyone else to ask about this. I am following your blog for a long time and I have had many asks before from you so I feel like weirdly you are someone I can trust and ask things from. You were talking about being ace before and I am just started to question myself in my late twenties. Just to sum it up, I have never been in a relationship and I started to question myself whether it can be because I am under the ace umbrella or I just simply haven't found anyone I could click with. When I was reading about all the different asexuality types I felt like some of them are like really close but I am still not sure. What if I only feel like this because I haven't had anyone? Maybe I was just unlucky so far and once I will have someone it will be different....but what if it is connected? These are the things are in my head and I am honestly just wondering maybe coming from personal experience or your opinion as someone who I presume is longer in the ace community that what do you think? Or what can you recommend for me to have a look at or someone who is in a similar shoe? I couldn't find anyone or anything about never being a relationship is connected to being ace or it's just not that..? Hope it's okay I have asked this here. Thank you <3

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

OOOF I can relate to finding out you're ace a bit later – mine was when I was 32/33 – and let me tell ya, I initially also thought it was because I wasn't in a serious relationship ever.

Now this is just me speaking from personal experience, but I hope it will help you too.

My journey of questioning lasted four years, and it was a LONG four years of reading, testing labels, seeing what fit, etc. And it could be you're also going through the same thing I did, and THAT'S OKAY. And my journey ALSO looked into my romantic attractions as well. You might be confused and unsure because you may be aromantic; it's TOUGH to figure that kind of thing out, especially if you've never had sex, never WANTED to have sex, and never had any sort of serious relationship. And because I don't want to rule it out, it could also be a chemical imbalance within you, or your medications, if you have any, could be affecting your biology as well. Just something to consider, but PLEASE think of it as a last resort, because a lot of doctors don't think asexuality is "a thing" (a doctor I saw recently had no idea what it was, and thought my lack of interest in sex is because of my OCPD... while it could be a contributing FACTOR, it's not the reason, because I KNOW I've been this way all my life). So it's worth exploring as a secondary issue, BUT you seem certain you're ace, so I will continue this reply on that assumption.

Early in my journey, it's SO confusing and overwhelming. For me it was "I WANT to be with someone, but... I don't want to really fuck them?? Like, that person is aesthetically pleasing to me, but I don't think anything beyond that? It's tough being ace and trying to navigate a hypersexualized world.

I'm gonna cut to the chase and give you this term to look into: "split attraction model". This changed EVERYTHING for me, and what started to help me understand myself better. Essentially, it is the principle that mainly-aspec people use to help define their sexual vs romantic attraction. It opened a lot of avenues of discovery for me, and I think it will help you too, especially as a fellow "never been in a relationship" ace.

THAT SAID, you are not any less ace BECAUSE you haven't had a relationship. It took me a long time to come to terms with that concept, since the fact that I was never in a relationship was used against me (and many aces), that I just hadn't met the right person yet.

FUCK THAT. No one knows YOU better than YOU. And if you currently are trying on the ace label and it feels right at the moment, then you are asexual, no microlabels needed. And it's no one else's business other than yours and a potential partner's. That's it.

So yes, it MIGHT be connected, and you might find out, when you're with someone, that HEY you might actually be gray asexual, or demi sexual, and THAT'S OKAY. Your labels can change over time as you figure yourself out.

And if you never settle? That's okay too. Don't beat yourself up, Lovely. You're YOU, not the label society wants you to have.

Some websites you can check out for more starting point research:

Understanding Asexuality (Trevor Project)

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

The A-Spec Category (LGBTQIA+ Wiki)

I hope you find a bit of comfort in my words, and never hesitate to ask me anything. I enjoy helping other aces figure themselves out <3

#steph replies #i am not a professional #my advice #asexuality

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

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Hello love,

You say that anyone can vent to you? Somehow you seem like someone who might understand me or at least wouldn't judge me, so I'll try to put my thoughts into words - a great challenge for me. It's not like I'm openly judged by others, at least not anymore, but it's like I feel that they have something to say. Sometimes I have this heavy feeling which I cannot really describe - it's like I can't breath right, like there is a weight constricting my air lungs. After a lot of time, I've found some type of escape for it; music. I love music with my whole heart and when I put it on it's like I remember how to breathe again. But still, I'm so tired of this feeling. I don't want to think the whole time, to feel everything so much, to feel this alone. I have very little family and no friends, never really had. I totally understand why I have no friends, it's probably better this way. I have way too much problems for anyone to bear. I'm totally broken. For example, I have a very low self-esteem, a sun allergy and I'm totally poor and I suffer from my autism, depression and social anxiety and, because that isn't enough, I have a very bright and active mind with thoughts and opinions that very little people do understad, let alone share, and I'm always wearing black. As you can see, I'm a very complex and paradox person. I would love to talk with someone for hours, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams and anything in-between, but I'm nearly unable to talk with someone face to face (the things I have in mind and want to share are just not coming out of my mouth the right way I want them to and it always makes me look like a complete idiot). I'm so nervous around others that it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly stumbling while I walk, which annoys me greatly - there's not even an ounce of elegance in me. I have absolutely no idea how to interact with people, just the thought of trying to decently introduce myself scares me endlessly. My self esteem is so low that I mostly think that I'm just not worthy of love, that there is nothing lovable about me - only problems - that the effort that is needed to build a friendship or even more isn't worth the effort. I can never do something with anyone, because I never have money for these kind of activities. I've lost all of my (fake) friends and any possible friend nowdays in the summer when everyone goes out and experiences something while I have to stay inside the whole time. I have such a big heart and a very kind soul, open and accepting for anything and anyone (no matter who they are, where they come from, what they have done, what they believe in and anything else you can think of), but nobody knows that because I'm hardly speaking around others. I'm normally a very potitive human, who sees beauty and goodness in everyone. I especially love animals! If I could, I would adopt them all and show them the love and passion they deserve. I'm also neither intelligent, beautiful or funny, just boring, lazy and complicated with a darkness that most people cannot accept. But please don't understand me wrong! Even though I have all this negative traits, I wouldn't even think about changing myself for anyone, NEVER. I know that I'm not a person people enjoy or like to be around, but I know that I probably have a heart more kind and open than any of theirs. I just fear that I'll always be alone. That there will never be someone with whom I can share my thoughts, with whom I can listen to the calming rain, with whom I can play my favourite music and movies, who is there to hug and cuddle with me, who understands the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, someone who understands how hard it can be for me to maintain contact, who's not annoyed when I didn't get a joke or social que, who somehow breaks my walls down and accepts and loves me for who I am- the darkness and the light.

I have so, so, so, SO much more to say and vent about, but I think this message is long enough with enough self-centered thoughts and I really don't want to bother or burden you with even more! Each of my named problems I could describe even more detailed and I'm sure I have forgotten half the things I wanted to write when I started this message and more things I haven't thought about.

Oh, my love.💜

I read your vent over multiple times and my heart is bleeding for you. I don’t know if you’re looking for a response, but even so I’m going to respond to everything one paragraph at a time and it’s up to you if you want to read it or not ksksksk. I took the liberty of breaking it all up into chunks so that I could respond to everything properly. I hope that that’s okay!💙

Anyone can vent to me, yes! Even if I all I can do is to listen to the person and to validate them and their feelings, that’s better than people sitting with unexpressed feelings. I’m always here for people as much as I’m able to be; Chuckletown’s important to me asdfghjkl.🥺💗

Also, if you would like for this post to be deleted then please let me know and it’ll be done without question.

----

It's not like I'm openly judged by others, at least not anymore, but it's like I feel that they have something to say. Sometimes I have this heavy feeling which I cannot really describe - it's like I can't breath right, like there is a weight constricting my air lungs. After a lot of time, I've found some type of escape for it; music. I love music with my whole heart and when I put it on it's like I remember how to breathe again. But still, I'm so tired of this feeling. I don't want to think the whole time, to feel everything so much, to feel this alone. I have very little family and no friends, never really had. I totally understand why I have no friends, it's probably better this way. I have way too much problems for anyone to bear. I'm totally broken.

I’m so proud of you, not only for putting your thoughts into words, but also for venting to me! Anonymous or not, it’s incredibly brave to open up, especially to the degree that you have. I hope that something here offers you some kind of comfort, darling!💗 I’m so sorry that sometimes you have an indescribable weight in your chest sometimes; I can definitely relate to and empathise with you. It’s a sickly feeling and I’ve never really figured out a way for me to battle it, when I experience it. I usually just endure it, and you’ve done amazingly to find something which helps you to breathe again! Music is a wonderful way to cope with it, because it says that which words can’t and it’s definitely one of the healthiest ways to deal with this feeling, which I know is a common symptom of anxiety and/or depression. I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered so deeply for so long, darling.😔 No one deserves to feel this way. Take it all even a day at a time, my love, and keep your favourite songs close by. I can relate to how you feel, and my heart’s bleeding for you. Everything you’re feeling is valid and I hope that in time you find the inner peace and closure which you deserve. I’m so sorry that you feel so alone, darling; everyone deserves to have connections, friends and family who care about them. If you’re a hug person, I would like to send you many digital hugs!🤗🤗🤗 If you’re not a hug person, then I would like to send you respectable head nods or any other form of acceptable affection omg nonnie you don’t deserve any of this.😭

Oh, honey. You are worthy of and deserving of friends and of the things which you most want in your life and I dearly hope that those things and people find you soon. A problem shared is a problem halved and I’m sending you so much love and strength. I want you to know that I am always here for you; you can stay anonymous and chat to me like this, or you can DM me or I can give you my Discord if you would rather. I am here for you, if you would like for me to be. I’m worried about you and I’m thinking of you and I’m so sorry that it took me just under a day to respond to this.😔I wanted to give you proper fleshed out responses to every paragraph.💝

For example, I have a very low self-esteem, a sun allergy and I'm totally poor and I suffer from my autism, depression and social anxiety and, because that isn't enough, I have a very bright and active mind with thoughts and opinions that very little people do understad, let alone share, and I'm always wearing black. As you can see, I'm a very complex and paradox person. I would love to talk with someone for hours, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams and anything in-between, but I'm nearly unable to talk with someone face to face (the things I have in mind and want to share are just not coming out of my mouth the right way I want them to and it always makes me look like a complete idiot). I'm so nervous around others that it's hard for me to concentrate and I'm constantly stumbling while I walk, which annoys me greatly - there's not even an ounce of elegance in me. I have absolutely no idea how to interact with people, just the thought of trying to decently introduce myself scares me endlessly.

I’m so sorry that you have such low self-esteem. I can definitely relate to and empathise with you; I’ve never been especially confident or fond of myself, so I understand. You suffer so deeply and you are incredibly strong to be able to get through everything which you think, feel and experience. My heart is *bleeding* for you but I’m also very proud of you. You are definitely a complex person and I’m sure that you have many interesting thoughts and opinions (which I would love to hear if you’re comfortable with sharing them!). You deserve to be heard and to have all of those long and deep conversations and I’m so sorry that talking face-to-face makes it difficult to articulate yourself.😔 I experience the same trouble in face-to-face interactions and I truly sound like an idiot sometimes when I try to speak. I’m not, and my thoughts are usually quite long-winded, but it just doesn’t translate well between my brain and my mouth. I understand, darling, and I’m so sorry that you can’t necessarily have verbal conversations. Being who you are will always be enough for the right people; you are a thousand times enough. I’m so sorry that you have so many fears, angel. You deserve so much more than all of this.💛

My self esteem is so low that I mostly think that I'm just not worthy of love, that there is nothing lovable about me - only problems - that the effort that is needed to build a friendship or even more isn't worth the effort. I can never do something with anyone, because I never have money for these kind of activities. I've lost all of my (fake) friends and any possible friend nowdays in the summer when everyone goes out and experiences something while I have to stay inside the whole time. I have such a big heart and a very kind soul, open and accepting for anything and anyone (no matter who they are, where they come from, what they have done, what they believe in and anything else you can think of), but nobody knows that because I'm hardly speaking around others. I'm normally a very potitive human, who sees beauty and goodness in everyone. I especially love animals! If I could, I would adopt them all and show them the love and passion they deserve.

Just as you are, you are worthy and deserving of love. There is nothing you could ever say or do which would change that face. You exist and that means that you are worthy and I’m so sorry that your self-esteem is so low.😔 You are not your problems; they do not define you and you deserve so much more than your mind is telling you, though of course you are valid in every way!💖 I’m so sorry that you’re unable to do activities with friends or others in the summer; I have no irl friends either so I definitely understand how isolating and/or disheartening this experience can be. You’re such a beautiful soul and you deserve everything you want! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (including you, though I know it’s easier said than believed!) 💚 You truly are incredible and I’m so, so proud of you. I’m in awe of your strength and I’m sending lots of love your way! As I said, darling, if you would like to be friends then please know that you are more than welcome to reach out to me (or I can reach out to you if you would prefer - just let me know somehow). You are always enough, and you matter, angel. You matter and you are worthy of friendship and of love.

I'm also neither intelligent, beautiful or funny, just boring, lazy and complicated with a darkness that most people cannot accept. But please don't understand me wrong! Even though I have all this negative traits, I wouldn't even think about changing myself for anyone, NEVER. I know that I'm not a person people enjoy or like to be around, but I know that I probably have a heart more kind and open than any of theirs. I just fear that I'll always be alone. That there will never be someone with whom I can share my thoughts, with whom I can listen to the calming rain, with whom I can play my favourite music and movies, who is there to hug and cuddle with me, who understands the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, someone who understands how hard it can be for me to maintain contact, who's not annoyed when I didn't get a joke or social que, who somehow breaks my walls down and accepts and loves me for who I am- the darkness and the light.

Oh, darling.😔 Honey, you are all of those good things and I’m so sorry that you believe the opposite, though once again you are so valid and I completely understand. My heart’s breaking for you.😔 YES WE STAN!!!! I’m so proud of you for not compromising upon yourself or who you are for anyone. That is wisdom and strength and bravery - you are more than you know!🥰 Nonnie, I’m so so proud of you!!!! I’m so sorry that you fear you’ll always be alone. Life is bigger, madder and stranger than you know and I just know that this isn’t it for you. There’s more out there for you and your time will come, I absolutely promise! Already, by venting to me, you have taken a massive first step and I can only hope that bigger and better finds you soon! I sincerely hope that you find this person to do all of these wonderful things with you! Very young, I had to learn to be my own best friend so I never really experience loneliness; I’ve learned to be happy with being alone in my room all the time, and it was never ideal but it was something I had to learn. I’ve been a solitary one for a long time, but I know that for other people it isn’t necessarily possible to learn to be content with one’s own company, and I dearly hope that you can find this person soon! You deserve everything you need and want and you are worthy of and deserving of love and friendship!💙💙💙💙 The darkness and the light can and do co-exist and I am truly so proud of you for being so tender-hearted and wise and I want you to know that you are extremely valid and always enough.

My love, you can absolutely vent to me some more if you would like to! You deserve a space in which to do so and I’ll listen to you if you would like to talk to me - you are not a bother or a burden and I really... I won’t say I enjoyed answering this ask, because that’s the wrong sentiment, but I certainly was willing to put in the effort. I care about you, nonnie, and I want you to know that I’m here for you if you would like for me to be!🧡 You deserve so much more than all of this and my heart is breaking for you. I’m so, so proud of you for reaching out to me, and I’m sending you love, strength and everything good in the world - you deserve it all and more!😊💛

#nonnie

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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(1.) I like your new format! and (b) I've been thinking about the idea of the end being Cas reordering heaven and Dean being able to choose to be with him there and thinking about why that upset me so much. I think my first reaction was not so much to your outline thoughts, and their hermetic/alchemy base (which i don't pretend to grasp fully), but more to doraspn's read - i hate the idea that someone who has battled a life of trauma, depression and low self-worth can only find peace in death 1/

/part2/ I know it's before Dabberens era, but Dean has twice refused the "peace" option (4.23 when Cas offers it, and s11 when Amara does), plus his character is deeply tied in to the earthy and sensory - food, sex, touch etc. And the show seems (to me) to be saying Cas is moving towards staying - on earth with Dean, maybe as human... Also those Matrix Reloaded videos left me tied in knots! Not sure what I'm asking here, but perhaps for some more of your thoughts. Enjoying this thinky stuff

Hi Nonnie! Lots to reply to here.

1. Re: format; Thanks! I’m still fishing around for some material to make a few more sliders congealing around P3, 4, 5, and SPN’s Shadow; and one around The Matrix, SPN and P5, but for the most part it’s done and I fixed most of the troublesome parts of the first time I converted to a layout like this (eg it hiding text/captions/etc on galleries and forcing them into single image columns)

2. I can recognize your upset with @doraspn‘s phrasing. Personally, from my many conversations with them, I don’t think they intended it the way it came across, but I’m not them, nor will I speak for them. I’m more the kind that tries to presume good faith in readings but I can understand why the phrasing/presentation was hurtful.

3. Eg, the rest.

You mentioned confusion both at the alchemical pathwork and at the Matrix stuff, so let me try a few different angles here. It’s gonna be a bit of a ride. I understand if you can’t soak it all due to personal processing, but see what you can grok from these collective videos I’ve made over the past few years. And yes, the songs are even chosen intentfully. If you have trouble following both in audio, feel free to google the song names for lyrics. After linking them, I’ll discuss a bit.

Parabol & Parabola by Tool (made midseason S14)

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46 & 2 by Tool (made post 14.20 following Lateralus Project theme P&P was built in midseason)

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These videos tackle two highly related topics in Supernatural.

Let it be said: obviously this isn’t an endorsement to run out and die because Fuck All, but let’s just say within the suprastructure of the show that we’re watching;

Andrew Dabb made a comment everybody has been panicking about, that the “death toll will be massive.” I, on the other hand, have a huge mood of “and?” and I think that baffles people how I can mutually suspect a fairly happy or positive ending (if bittersweet in parts) while shrugging that off.

So my simple question, partnered to ideas like Parabol & Parabola, is... should we really fear Death in Supernatural? If we were talking about proverbial death tolls, if Life Is A Highway, and Death and Life are two faces of the same coin, were Death Toll a form of taxation on the highway of life and death, Sam, Dean and their immediate confidants personal crossing past that line, over and back again (consider, if you will, the concept alongside Parabol & Parabola closer to the concept of reincarnation), they’re probably singlehandedly fixing the potholes and keeping the reaper structure online, pfff.

I mean, I use that phrasing loosely. But nothing and in no way has Death been presented as a true end; if anything, it is a point of new beginning. Okay, so humans go to heaven or hell or get stuck on earth and go crazy. And? The Winchesters and co power through that and find a new direction and a new purpose. Neither Death nor God can destrsoy or create souls -- only humans can destroy human souls, be it sacrificing their own for power or torturing each other in hell until the One True Thing, the light that makes them good (and like Jack, without it, is the Absence of Good) goes out, leaving only absence of that kind of spark, and similarity to Amara in her absence of god’s light.

Death, and God, and all these other things can find ways to box up souls, put them in suitcases or jars or trap them, or in the case of heaven, like MichaelDean’s headspace, give them contentment in heaven that pacifies them into not pursuing more, but in the end, where do they come from and to where do they go? Think to the 46 & 2 video and watch it a few times if you have to.

The concept of Shadow, Animus, Anima, Self and Godhood are basically the primitive self, the masculine ego (if we were, for example, to take their angelic daddy issue counterparts), then the feminine self in all things too (be that the need to fill Pamela into Dean’s bar, or the bartender in Sam’s dream, who coincidentally has the same actress as Dumah reflecting the Empty at Castiel, even -- though Cas has been known to take vessels of either sorts and has been argued to even have motherly or feminine aspects and DOES walk the goddess path in the show)

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The Magician and the Self are the master of all of these, to make gold of oneself and the parts in our life, the important things that should not be let go, regardless of what Chuck tells us. But “life” is relative here, in a world where we can reincarnate, time and again. In Sam and Dean’s case, it’s because they’re exceptional people in exceptional circumstances but the question then is, why can the rest of man not be given the same, and how do we right this system?

Which then of course comes down to my Matrix implications: The Architect and Chuck, how are they different? If angels are programs designed to keep his operating system functional; if humans are the power cells, human souls each like innumerable reactors; if he who has the most souls are become god;

if Castiel at one point tried to replicate this, but had no sorting system to keep them distracted or occupied and they ... well, they rebelled. But Chuck has ample systems. He has heaven, where people are distracted. He has hell, where humans tear each other apart. And he has... earth. Yes, earth. Where we are in fact convinced to desperately cling to the human bodies as part of the sandbox he designed, for fear of what waits for us. Again, as per the Shadow video, “I’m the cage,” what separates the defined human experience as it stands from that?

Reordering the suprastructure of the universe may very well give us the opportunity to make a new world, a better one, free of hunger, or want.

If, for example -- just one of the angles this could go; let’s say Cas unbirthed heaven like Rowena did hell. Neither of them truly perish. Their physical bodies die and will not return to earth, but these realms can directly interact. They endure, and can build entire new system structures. What if whoever unbirths heaven in the end makes it so EVERYONE can have the choice to reincarnate and gain new experiences? Or equally so the choice to go and make their own perfect worlds with anyone and everyone they choose, where man is his own agent and own god that defines the extent of his experience?

After all. Burgers can go cold in heaven. Physics are had there. It’s all cognitive, but by Chuck, so is earth. The only problem is that none of the people there are real, and in the end... people, families, that’s real. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

So back to the Matrix: the architect like Chuck had built many worlds, and humans fell into it, becoming the driving power cores. Their revolt is the one thing the Architect would do anything to prevent or minimize, even if in a way, the Architect himself created the One. Angels are programs. Fallen angels are rogue programs. But even agent smith managed to convert “out” into humanity.

I’ve been all for human Cas endgame and, in a way, I still am. In fact, the very idea, the proposal of him taking over heaven prevents nothing of him living in eternity with the Winchesters. Be they having Jack take over the macrocosm of the universe and still dancing through earth as we know it, or eventually sunning their butts between incarnations or building their own realms with all they may want and have. Do they choose to incorporate the carnal edge of experience? Maybe! They know those things after all, so what prevents them of creating it any differently than Jack’s burger going friggin’ cold off of complex manifestations of memory?

What is life? What is the meaning of life? Is it sitting here with a thumping heart, locking ourselves up in rooms for fear of losing it, or is it the people, the families, the experiences we gather as a whole? And in the structure of Supernatural, if Sam and Dean were to die in physical body, does that mean they’re dead? Hell, does it even mean they’ve given up? Or do they actually have dreams and objectives to make better worlds and realities, to bring back every person they’ve lost?

What keeps, say, Dean from going to heaven and opening up a bar for travelers deciding if they wanna reincarnate and enjoy earth again and get new earthly experiences -- or if they’ve found their meaning, their purpose, their people, and they want to, by choice and not assigned fate, take those souls with them into their own worlds where they can make new and better ones? Break the cages, give power and freedom.

It’s a complex line of thought and takes some brain breaking because, as humans, naturally we fear Death. But the perspective of the heavily reincarnate Winchesters and the universe of the show we’re watching -- hell, Sam and Dean CAN’T even really just kill themselves to give up. Remember Lucifer was like meh, I’d just bring you back. So that ain’t it either. It’s not necessarily about giving up or being suicidal, should we come to this -- but about freedom, and choice, and sovereignty of man, and chosen love and family.

If the Shadow were the dreamer in the nothingspace that neverwas, the primitive man, who woke up and went “WTF?” one day and by mistake shat out primitive principles, like the demiurge YHVH/Chuck who happened to create the world by concept of Light and Grace, somewhere, it’s “Why do I exist?” Not to be too pedantic but remember when Mewtwo woke up in a test tube and just kept asking that over and over again. Hell, DO I exist. What is the meaning of this allnothing? and to make it by that question, and to try to find meaning in it, and to gain a million individual experiences, and become a million people, all developing their own personalities and egos and identities and lives and memories, but all to ask, and search, and find -- and still to come back to itself, each other, and by those experiences we become whole.

Eileen’s ghost didn’t hear. We can say it was just for politically correct reasons. Or we can consider that the soul that entered into that body never knew what it meant to have those senses in the matrix, and it was irrelevant in the end. It did not define who she was, and did not need to, because she had her own definition and her own life and her own self. But like everyone else, she gravitates to those she has a connection to. Sometimes with prodding from Chuck. In other cases, against his best efforts, some connections make themselves.

I’ve reached the point of ranting, but maybe this has explained what I’m talking about in these things?

To me, “suicide” in its form as given by the show isn’t just deciding not to need earth as it stands anymore. It’s giving up. It’s surrendering to the cages. It’s Dean wanting to be rocketed off into the depths of space or thrown into the ocean (or, just as bad, throwing Cas into it in his place). It’s giving in to the boxes, to not want to maintain freedom to pursue and explore. So, if Dean should, for example, choose to go to heaven in the end, if this system has been rebuilt-- I really don’t consider that suicidal or death. I consider that a real step into life, and the self.

** Obvious disclaimer let’s not endorse this as a real world line of thinking unless you too like Sam and Dean Winchester can reincarnate after half an episode thanks

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skyler10fic · 7 years

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Do you mind someone coming to you on anon to talk about personal stuff that they don't want to share publicly, but at the same time feel desperate to talk to someone about it? I have been so indoctrinated by religion my entire life that now that I have admitted to myself that I don't actually believe, I still can't shake the guilt/pressure/fear that goes with that. If I opened up to them, they'd just say those feelings of guilt are a sign that I'm wrong and need to repent. I feel manipulated.

Oh my dear, Nonny. Sigh. First, a huge hug. This is so hard and I want you to know you aren’t alone.

Now, get comfy because this is going to be a long one. Here we go:

1. In general about personal stuff, I don’t mind at all! In fact, this is a good way to talk since others might have perspective I lack. That said, know that like most people on here, I am not a professional counselor or even very good at giving advice, so I encourage you try counselling because it is seriously a life saver and I mean that very literally.

2. Back to the topic of religion, I do find it interesting you came to me specifically, as I try to keep religious stuff off here for many valid and varied reasons.

3. One of those reasons is that while I am still somewhat a person of faith, I have also been through some pretty weird/intense/hard to explain spiritual abuse. This makes my real life extremely complicated and I never want to bring that here since Tumblr is my safe space away from all of that. So now that that is out there, also know that I will not be sharing more details or any specifics and prefer not to talk about this subject on here at all.

4. All this to say, I can relate and the following is based on my own experience. Feel free to ignore/discard anything here that doesn’t apply to you. Anyway. Back to your ask.

5. You mention guilt, but I think it would help a lot to parse the guilt (”my actions are bad”) from the shame (”I am bad”) that your religion has left you with. My lifesaver (again, using that word literally) was reading/watching the work of Brene Brown. She is a researcher who uses storytelling to share her work on shame/guilt, courage, vulnerability, and living a wholehearted life. It’s all really data-driven, so if the genre of “self help” makes you gag, know that this isn’t that. Watch all of these (link to YouTube) and read her books and cry and laugh and say “me too” and hopefully that will help you put language to the things you are feeling/talking to your counselor about. Seriously, please read these books.

6. I’d encourage you to check out Micah J. Murray’s blog. Particularly this post on leaving the church.

7. If it happens to be conservative/fundamentalist religion you’re leaving, Rachel Held Evans is a good place to find kindred spirits (her comment sections are full of all beliefs and backgrounds and she has a lot of fans who aren’t religious, if that helps). Her first book (and kind of everything else she writes) was about wrestling with leaving evangelicalism and confronting doubt and how painful it is, so I would start there. (link)

8. Ok, that’s enough resources. Now from my own experience, some learn-from-my-mistakes wisdom:

9. I know this will only get harder the longer you explore life outside of the religion you’ve known, but it will help you so much to stay open to those you know and love who still believe. It’s ok to have friends who believe different stuff. Please don’t isolate yourself because that is the worst.

10. That said, if you are in a cult, are being spiritual abused (here is a decent list to help spot red flags), or are experiencing other abuse, please get out. It’s ok to break ties. It’s the best thing you can do sometimes. Personally, it took cutting off almost all of my friends and moving to a new state to eventually break free. BUT I did it with the support and community of new friends who helped and understood and were healthy and patient and kind and let me cry on their kitchen floors and such. Not saying you have to wait to leave, but just that it is easier when you don’t cut out the healthy people along with the unhealthy people. Keep the friends you can, even if you think they are wrong or listen to sucky music or are just in a different season of life than you.

11. It takes YEARS to feel ok again sometimes. And that’s normal. It will hurt when some people react the exact way you fear. It will hurt them that you aren’t “who they thought you were” and it will hurt you that they think that. Forgiveness for their harsh words and behavior may eventually come, but for now, grieve and move on from those who are rude, angry, mean, or manipulative. You don’t need them, I promise. Toxic friendships get exposed when someone can’t handle the other changing and that sucks, but it’s good in the longrun and will make you happier down the road, like a weight lifted off your back.

12. But still, this doesn’t have to be THE THING that crouches on your head, pushing you down and making you fearful and ruining your life. That’s anxiety. Instead, I’d advise only telling those who need to know. You don’t need to announce on Facebook “Hey everyone! I’m no longer a (insert religion). Feel free to start ranting in the comments about how I’m going to hell.” Nor do you need to externalize your anger with anti-religion posts all over the place. That’s not productive for anyone and won’t help you be understood at all. But maybe just have coffee with someone who you hope will get it. Maybe a friend who listens well and speaks with wisdom, or an aunt who has been through the same thing, or again, your therapist. Then maybe plan out a calm, distraction-free, neutral-territory night with your parents. (i.e. not right after your religious service or in a fight or when emotions are high) Explain that you’ve made your decision and you’d like them to trust you on it and respect you as an adult (hoping that you are an adult. If you’re a teen, maybe less finality the younger you are because they will try to say you are too young to know, etc. etc. blah blah blah).

13. That said, keep an open heart/mind to the idea of religion over all. I know a lot of people who have discovered different expressions of faith that worked for them. (Women and LBGT folks and poc who left conservative faith and found a drastically different liberal faith, for example.) Even if you totally aren’t into religion at all, stuff like meditation and silence and positivity and such that are part of many religious traditions are actually scientifically valid and helpful, even when divorced from a specific god. And along with the bad, you might have some really positive memories of religion associated with “home.” So in time, when it feels right, it’s ok to accept and acknowledge and appreciate the beautiful parts of religion as part of what made you you and it’s ok to leave it there. Like school. It’s a big part of your childhood and sometimes it sucks but it passes on and you leave it and change. But you are grateful for what it taught you and may go back occasionally to visit, but you don’t have to live there anymore. Even for many young adults who don’t completely leave the faith, it looks so different in their 30s from the religion of their teens (and their parents), they might as well have.

14. I can only address your concern about conviction ( = guilt means you need to repent) versus condemnation (the manipulation and shame and indoctrination and fear) from a Christian perspective since that’s my background, but I assume it applies to other religions as well. I tell people, based on Brene’s research and the same Bible they claim to defend, that healthy guilt/conviction is fear-free. Conviction to change something in your life is based on love and freedom and joy, and according to the Bible, love “casts out all fear” -- so if something is making you feel afraid, by definition of their own scripture, that isn’t God’s voice. If you are feeling guilty, for whatever reason, you do need to listen to see if there’s any truth to it (like, for example, you should probably feel guilty for stealing from a baby or killing people or lying to someone you shouldn’t, etc. haha ;) ) but after you listen, you discern. And if your discernment tells you you haven’t done anything wrong, that’s when it gets tough because now it is time to be brave and to hold fast to your truth. And if your truth is that you don’t believe, then you have to refuse to accept any fear or guilt or manipulation, and choose to remain true to what you DO believe in (kindness, generosity, love, etc.) and who you are. Again, do this in humbleness and empathy and patience. Not because you owe it to anyone, but because those things will make it easier than the alternative in the longrun.

15. There will be people who will want you to debate them. Don’t do it. Don’t offer anyone an explanation or dissertation or fight who is clamoring for one. It’s good to talk it out with people who care and will listen and can guide you, but it’s not going to help anyone to argue on social media whether you know them or not, or even in person, if they are just trying to “win” or convert you or rile you up.

16. There is a healthy way and place to mourn what you’ve lost. Please do it. Also know when to control those emotions and not let them guide you into war with your family and friends and community and everyone who means well but says exactly the wrong thing. This is something that comes with time and learning the hard way.

ok, that’s enough religion talk. I think I’ve probably pissed off everyone I know and you’ve tuned out or clicked out of this long ago, but that’s about all I have to say on the subject. I hope some of this (even just one of the bullet points) is helpful. Like I said, if it’s not and this doesn’t apply to you, don’t worry about it and just ignore it and move along, but just in case it does apply to you, here you go. Obviously, I have some experience in this area, so maybe the silver lining of me having to go through it is that it benefits someone else.

#religion #faith #extremely long post #don't read if you don't relate to this nonny and have a kind and open heart #I don't want to hear any debates or politics or any shit from any of you out there who might read this ok?#just positivity and help and empathy #got it?#I'm here to help and be friends but not for any of Tumblr's trolls #Anonymous

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amwritingmeta · 6 years

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Love your take on everything & it really gives me hope for a destiel endgame. I was wondering if you had noticed Dean getting a bit more 'camp'? I don't subscribe to that kind of stereotype normally but as Jensen, a supposedly straight, (let's keep cockles out of this!) actor's interpretation of bi, it seems as though his mannerisms have been somewhat feminised, maybe? I'm thinking mostly of The Face that Mary points out. (also Max's interest in the grenade launcher interests me!) discuss :-)

Helloooo my dear and lovely Nonny!

Yes, this reply is long overdue and all I can ask is your forgiveness!! Thank you so much, I’m glad you’re enjoying my take and that it gives you hope! :)

I’ve had to ponder this question for a good long while, tbh, because I kind of know what you mean, but I also feel that Jensen’s mannerisms as Dean have had a few wrist flicks and eye rolls that have always felt overly dramatic because Dean can be high drama, right? I don’t know if I’d necessarily label these things as camp or feminised, though.

I mean, I could watch this gif forever. This moment is so fucking awesome! :P

We could theorise into eternity about what’s true and what’s not true about how Jensen claims to play Dean so straight and so uber-masculine, right? I mean… proof’s in the pudding, puddin’ - and even though the editors can change the meaning of a scene by cutting out parts or changing stuff around, there are too many moments that are clearly directed, if not chosen by Jensen in how to be acted out, that are done so in order to be edited in a certain way. There have been these moments of wrist flicking from the beginning, I’d say, because it’s how Dean moves in certain moods or moments.

Anyone who disagrees with this, please, do jump in! I encourage you adding your thoughts and interpretation!

Now, I know we could debate where Jensen stands until we’re all blue in the face and we’d still be none the wiser. I know a lot of people who believe he sincerely did not know that Dean is meant to be bisexual and that he played him straight as a doornail for eleven or twelve years until someone said, look, we’re deciding to move forward with the love story so, beware, Dean is in love with Cas and this is happening. And I think this is fair enough! Because Jensen has been so outspoken about how he plays Dean and relates to Dean and Dean is s.t.r.a.i.g.h.t.

Yeah, in there lies the problem for me. In what motivation he’s had to make this statement again and again. I find it hard to believe that an actor would work on any project for over a decade and not take an interest or feel curiosity about how the narrative is built. Actually, I find it improbable. Jensen has spoken about how he used to fill every page of the scripts he’d get with thoughts on Dean’s motivation. Does this mean Jensen knew Dean is meant to be bi? Nope. And I can’t argue for or against, merely say that it doesn’t add up to me - at all - that an actor who is so in tune with his craft and who clearly cares about this character would play him - consistently - for twelve years without really knowing him.

There is this marked pattern with Dean where he’s attracted to a man and immediately overcompensates by chasing a woman and it’s established in 2x02 with Ash and Jo (if not sooner…). It’s fascinating to watch that episode and notice this pattern because it becomes like a subliminal thing.

It in no way works as proof that Jensen chose to play Dean attracted to Ash, and running after Jo to narratively compensate for it, like it’s a subtextual scale that weighs too hard on one side and then immediately needs to be righted by overtly stating that Dean prefers women. (which looking at the subtext blatantly just is not the whole truth and never was) But it’s a character trait that is brushed at from the start and then becomes the lynchpin for so many important character moments and, looked at that way, even works as foreshadowing for Castiel and the role he’s going to play in Dean’s character progression. But I shan’t go into deeper details on that now because then we’ll be here until Christmas morning.

What I’m saying is that this has been a conscious part of Dean’s character from the beginning (to my mind) and my mind fucking boggles at the idea that Jensen - who has dedicated such a huge chunk of his career to playing Dean, a performance that will, most likely, be a career defining one - would not know everything there is to know about Dean.

Okay, I’m crossing over into complete Jensen-behaviour conjecture and speculation and that’s not really what your question was about. (though they do relate, as your question reflected) :P

As for Max and the grenade launcher (god what a lovely choice of topic you throw my way!!) :) –>

Max is gay. Max is hot. Max likes the look of Baby. Max is invited to view Baby’s goodies. Max notices the grenade launcher.

(that wasn’t meant to come out as the text for a story book for children) (…or was it) ;)

This has been discussed before so it’s very likely that you’ve read up on it a while back because I am so damn late in replying, buuuuut let me still give you the bare bones of this exchange, yeah? I mean, they’re pretty amazing bones.

The exchange between Max and Dean opens with Max saying that Baby is still “major” and Dean offering him the tour. Which consists of what? Max calling out the grenade launcher. And Dean replying to Max’s question of “is that a grenade launcher” with “yes she is” but then immediately grabbing what they need: witch killing bullets.

I mean, the actual lead into this exchange is Max telling everyone he successfully got a guy’s phone number, right? Dean making this face:

What’s so amazing is how Dean gets a dose of a guy completely and utterly at ease with his sexuality, and then we’re taken to the trunk of Baby - the prop that Jensen says “is a part of me”, speaking as Dean…….. - and shown the phallic shaped monstrosity of a weapon in serious need of release and Dean, aptly, assigns it a sex and, to his mind, it’s a “she”, it’s a female in need of release, as is Dean’s non-performing side. His feminine side, if you will. His yin to his overcompensating, toxically masculine yang.

The beginning of inner balance being found between these two is given to us by Dean launching that grenade into that cement wall in 12x22.

And here we have a beautiful setup for exactly what that moment means for Dean Winchester. And that he is so extremely subconsciously aware of it all.

“Yes, she is.”

I mean…. seriously, Dean.

And why is it Max asking to dig his nose into Baby’s junk? Sorry, I mean trunk. (….or do I?) Because Max is a reflection of Dean throughout this entire episode. He is our Dean exposition in many many ways. And he ends up making the wrong choice for the right reasons. And I look forward to when Max and Alicia return and I wonder if Alicia will be restored. Come on, Jack. You know you can right this wrong!! :)

Thank you for asking, Nonny! And happy holidays to you!

xxx

#answered asks #dean is bi #max #grenade launcher

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pleasedontgethurt · 6 years

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Hi! I saw your reblog about social anxiety, and as a fellow roleplayer (I'm new at this) that also has social anxiety I was wondering if you could tell me how you... yunno??? Start talking to people?? I have a couple of roleplayers following and I don't... know... how to start talking to them?????? I just??? I'm sorry if I'm bugging you...

// EEEEEEE, HELLO THERE, NONNIE!! *waves* :D

Welcome to the rp-community! Not sure if you’re in the same fandom as I am, but I think I’m speaking for everyone to say we all wish you welcome here among us, it’s honestly great to have more people here! I hope you enjoy your stay and will have many great experiences. :)

Sorry this took a while, I had a busy day! But you’re talking to the right person!! Thank you for sending me this message, and you’re not bothering me the least bit, don’t you worry about that, nonnie

Fair warning, this is going to be a long post so please read more under the cut:

First off, wow, look at you reaching out to people! Way to go!! :D Anons like this are a great way to start off interaction with people, so if you don’t yet really have the courage to come off anon, keep doing this!

Also, do what I’m doing now. Act happy, excited and cheerful. You don’t have to overdo it, but it usually makes people feel more welcoming towards you. How I’m really, truly, feeling right now? Definitely uplifted in my mood, because I love when people reach out to me like this, but otherwise pretty neutral. Not bad, I’ve had an okay day, but when I speak normally I don’t exactly sound like this. But I do this because it’s a generally nice thing to do and is kind of a cultural thing I’ve gathered and hey, it’s an effective way to get the message across that I’m happy to receive this ask?

With me personally then, how I began to talk to people here, I’ll let you on a little secret. I still don’t really talk to people on here much. Welp. It’s true. I’m really terrible at reaching out to people. There’s a million things contributing to this, aside me being on a semi-hiatus anyway, being terribly shy and feeling uncomfortable around most people, and the fact that I actually have contributing issues in the form of Avoidant Personality Disorder and PTSD from abuse and abandonment, which in short means I simply don’t feel welcome around others most of the time and feel incredibly awkward reaching out to people so I usually just save myself the trouble and... don’t. At this point I’m not sure I even know how to, even, unless I get a really good feeling about someone.

I’m honestly such a weenie in this that if I hadn’t already had friends to rp with here, I would have NEVER in my life even made this blog. I made many new connections through my friends and got to know them better in group chats and that kind of thing. Most of the rest of my partners I’ve gained through them reaching out to me first, and then began talking.

Not all, though. There are people I reached out to first, and basically... You just find someone you connect to in some way based off their muse or the personality and interests etc of the mun, go read their rules, and approach them through IM or asks. Anons are good at first, like I said, but going directly into the IM’s isn’t wrong. Asks though feel less personal so being off-anon in asks and speaking about their muse or anything else related to rp such as headcanons,specifics, etc, is also usually a good idea. That way you can get to know each other better without there being pressure for anything else.

Talking to them about their muse is a really good place to start, but you can also just ask if they want to plot, ask about ideas for a plot, that kind of stuff (and whatever is said about this in their rules, just remember to respect those). Most people don’t object to that. Then you just try find common interests, like your muses or the fandom/franchise or things related to each, and if you just are nice, respectful, understanding and patient, and if all goes well, you not only got yourself a new partner but a new friend!

And as far as the anxiety itself goes... Practice makes perfect. It gets easier the more you do it, but things like age and stuff also affects it. Just trying to ignore it is the best you can do. Use it to develop yourself into a better person who is more in tune with their partner’s needs and feelings, but don’t let it crush you or allow it making you into a doormat who ignores their own needs in favor of others’ (*cough* may be talking of personal experience here* cough*). You also don’t have to speak or rp with all of your followers or mutuals, and you don’t have to be friends with all of your partners. The sooner you have fully understood and internalized these, the better.

But, one thing you could also do is to just...since it’s followers you’d like to connect with; why not, for example, make a post where you tag them, greet them in some way and say you’re open for rp if they’re interested--even better if there are more than one person tagged in the post so it becomes less personal and puts them less into the spotlight than if they were there just by themselves? It shouldn’t usually matter but some people are shy and may scare off easily.

You could also make a promo post for people to reblog that introduced your muse and yourself a little, so people interested in rp’ing with you may find you and approach you.

Also, just a friendly tip: don’t take losing partners/followers personally (if you possibly can avoid it). It’s bound to happen, it happens with everyone, it may not be personal for one and sometimes some muns/muses just don’t mix well or aren’t feeling it so it happens. It’s life. When you don’t build yourself any pressure (or as little as possible) on this aspect of things, and are properly prepared, it will save you a ton of upset and heartache. Also, keep more than just a handful of partners if you can. That way if one goes on a hiatus or you lose one, you won’t lose the entire reason why you were even rp’ing to begin with.

And lastly, which is also very important. If your social anxiety is so bad that it prevents you from communicating well with others or anything else, seek professional help if you possibly can. Sometimes all you need is to talk with someone about it, or sometimes your condition is so bad you also need medication. Remember to take care of yourself. Your well-being should be most important to you, so if you notice things are getting way more difficult for you to handle, seek help. You deserve it, and it also makes it likelier more people will like you, when your anxiety isn’t there making things more difficult. Saying this as someone who did that and is now feeling a bit better.

Other than that, unless someone finds anything to add, I hope this helped clear things out for you! :D

#replies #anonymous #mental health /#long post /#;off clinic #Anonymous

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