#dont care if im grasping at straws

[sxnbleachedfiles]

guys im going crazy what do u mean merlin is still waiting for arthur to come back…. and why my first thought went to THIS

#clown hat on #one day i will no longer connect everything to them but eh #not today clearly #dont care if im grasping at straws #i said this for me and the voices in my head #the dark artifices #kit herondale #the wicked powers #shadowhunters #tda #twp #tsc #ty blackthorn #the shadowhunter chronicles

[popstart]

1 3 14!

for ask game!

OTP?

this term is so funny to me buutt i don't ever really have "one true pairing" esp for a show with so many characters. i mix and match them bc thats fun. so i dont really have a favorite td ship i would say

NoTP?

umm🫣 i dont like ship hating in public but i WILL do so when asked. anyways i dislike most any ships involving noah and alejandro and f/m ships with Heather and im sure you can see where this is going. i will not name ship names to avoid people searching and getting sad but basically any combination of the three makes me hurl. massive fucking hater I know and for the most popular ships in the fandom no wonder i hate this place

Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

i mean. ok idk how much it counts but duncney and aleheather in ppp. theyre a plot device but i like writing them in that context teehee. i like duncney but writing duncan makes me wanna blow my brains out sometimes. im so facinated by him

also as a lesbian i dont like contributing to the already fucking massive pool of m/m content bc i dont care buuuttt ive done it a few times either by request or just for funsies bc i like some of them. so that too i guess

#ask #ask game #elaboration for the second question im kinda whatever with aleheather like i dont hate it im just exaggerating #and i like nowen and am fine with aleduncan. if youre curious as to what i hate “most any” of those ships means #i dont hate em all i just think some people grasp for far too many straws that i do not care for

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

yeah imma need you to upload a clip of you talking cause i cannot comprehend how sauce and cross sound alike. sauce does not rhyme with "horse". what the fuck. (joking about uploading yourself speaking but seriously what the fuck im talking to myself and they do not sound alike!!!!!!!!!!!!! what are you on!!!!!!!!

sauce and cross sound nothing alike however sauce DOES rhyme with horse and. im not sure if i will upload speaking any of these words here. but i will NOT give in to the foolish majority that thinks FLAW and FLOOR are pronounced DIFFERENTLY

#the q's n a's #anonymoose #i dont care if my notifs are destroyed im grasping at the straws of strangers who agree with me

[captain-k8kat]

Logically, I know yor and loid arn't going to be in a qpr but it doesn't change the fact that I'm hoping for it desperately.

#spy x family #im reading the magna and it's very good #but at the back of my mind im like #please be queer-platonic please be queer-platonic 🙏 #they are asexual please and thank you #aroace spy x family please 🙏 #i am grasping at straws but i dont care

[lostlosersclub]

ive only known you for a few days but I already love you like a little brother

please dont do it. im begging you please dont do it.

im suicidal myself and eventhough i cant say i understand what youre going through, (because i dont know what youre going through and it must be really difficult to bottle it up and tough it out on your own) i just hope you know even if you go through with it, even if we get over it one day, there'll still be a piccolo sized dent in our hearts that no one else could fill.

dont tell me to get over it. i never get over it. i never forget anyones birthday, their anniversary, an exam they were stressed out about, literally anything. js cs i know someone thinking abt me when im at my lowest makes me think someone really does care and would miss me when im gone and god it would hurt them if i disappeared without telling them. so i dont forget bcs what if someone was looking for a sign that day? so no, ill never forget you.

you are surrounded by people who adore you and will hate for you to leave. please dont leave us.

(im just grasping at straws here ahaha)

-sel @yes-im-a-daughter-of-hades

p.s : take care of yourself, and you best be sleeping rn mister!! if you ever wanna talk, im (read: we, as in literally everyone you know on here) is always here to listen

i so sorry selena

i really didnt want to worry anyone

thank you though❤️

[twistmusings]

Mod Azul I just had the craziest idea. Can I request teaching Octanaville how to drive? Just,,, Octavinelle and cars in general LMFAO??? Would their flying ability transfer to their driving ability? Have a driving playlist on hand? Would they decorate their cars? Idk bestie Floyd could be a car guy... Maybe? Would they listen to our wisened driving advice, or just ignore us? Or fail? Or just completely freak lmao. Would they prefer us driving? You dont have to answer all of that lmao, Im just having a grand ol' time imagining this. They're just so,,,, so silly. Hope ur having a slay day lol <3

I've been laughing at this idea for like a week. I hope your day is spectacular.

Teaching Octavinelle how to Drive.

CW: Don't teach a fish to drive, it will end like if you give a mouse a cookie. Unsafe driving practices.

Azul Ashengrotto

If you value your life, you will not get into a vehicle with Azul Ashengrotto.

He could probably learn how to drive very well if he wanted to, but he lumps it in with flying as a 'surface dweller' thing that he probably won't be doing for all that long, so he doesn't really care to dedicate the time to it. It's pretty common in certain parts of Twisted Wonderland to never set foot in a car, so it's really not that surprising that he hasn't ever been in one.

So he doesn't want to learn how to drive, but would he be willing to give it a shot once or twice to see what it's like? Yes.

He needs complete silence when he's trying to drive because he's focusing so hard. He looks like he might pop a blood vessel and he's white knuckle gripping the wheel. Machines like this are very uncommon under the sea in general. Trying to drive a car for him would be like the average person trying to figure out how to fly a plane. He cannot for the life of him grasp why the left turn signal and right turn signal use a lever that goes up and down? How do you tell the pedals apart? What are all the buttons on the dash?? (One of them looks like the seat with bacon on it? There a button that looks like it's supposed to rotate the car? There's a light on the dash that just says "ABS", what do abdominal muscles have to do with driving?) What in the fuck is "PRNDL"? WHY IS THE ENGINE SO LOUD?? HOW COULD LAND DWELLERS POSSIBLY LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH ALL THIS OTHER STIMULI GOING ON???

His final straw that made him swear to never get behind the wheel of a car was him jumpscaring himself with the horn. He pressed against it not even realizing it was a thing and was so embarrassed at himself that he wanted to hide.

As for being a passenger... he handles it better but not well. He's less afraid but because he's not used to being in something that moves without him being the main method of motion, he gets severe motion sickness.

Azul likes the aesthetic of cars. He thinks certain kinds look super sleek and cool. However, he could never be a car guy, and not just for the reasons listed before. He wouldn't be able to maintain it: it's too messy. Cars use a lot of oil and grease, and all of that would make it extremely frustrating for him to try and do anything with one. Even trying to refuel a car would make him feel the need to scrub his hands because the smell of gasoline is repulsive to him.

Jade Leech

If you value your life, you will not get into a vehicle with Jade Leech.

For the safety of everyone around him, Jade was forced not to get his license. He actually finds cars to be rather cool concept, and would love to drive one.

Jade cannot grasp how to drive in any serviceable way no matter how hard he tries. Something about it doesn't click with him. He brakes like he's trying to strangle his passengers, he doesn't have good speed control, and he is terrible at paying attention to if he's in drive or reverse.

Curbs are the enemy. When he hits the curb he will laugh and exclaim something to the effect of it being "like bumper cars". It should not be like bumper cars. Someone please come get him.

He takes every turn on two wheels.

He's allergic to using his turn signal.

He gets very easily distracted from driving by the buttons on the dashboard.

"It's only illegal if I get caught."

He is also a godawful passenger. He is the biggest distraction in the car because his curiosity gets the best of him and he just starts fucking around with the buttons and knobs.

As soon as he realizes he can, he cranks the AC because he likes the feeling of cold air.

Floyd Leech

If you value your life, you will not get into a vehicle with Floyd Leech.

That being said, of the three, Floyd is the only one who is sometimes a good driver. So long as he's in the right headspace for it, he can drive very safely and responsibly. It's when he decides to freestyle it that you have to worry.

No one can tell him shit. Don't even try. If he's behind the wheel it's trial and error, and that's everyone else's problem. Vehicle operation laws are a suggestion. Godspeed to the brave, brave idiots who get into the passenger seat. However, despite this, he's very quick to pick up how to do it.

He actually does better driving with music. He gets into his own zone and the music give him enough stimulation to make him be able to focus on how to drive well. Plus it makes it feel fun for longer! He could probably last close to an hour and a half in the car driving just by listening to a bunch of fun music he can groove to.

He failed his first time getting his license because he 'wasn't feeling it'. He did eventually get it though! If for no other reason than just in case he needed it in an emergency. (Also to be the get-away driver if they need one.)

He is quick with the horn. And gets just a little road rage. Not enough to get violent but he definitely gets frustrated when people are driving too slow for his tastes.

"It's only illegal if I get caught" pt. II. He's less egregious about it than Jade, though.

No, it's when Floyd is a passenger that he is an actual nightmare to deal with. Being in a car all scrunched up with his long legs and not able to move around or do what he wants? That's basically his personal hell. He gets grouchy and snappy fast, and he will start fiddling or playing around and being distracting. He'll try and stick things out the windows to watch them flap against the windows, fuck around and stick legs up on the dash, and fuck with the radio settings to see what he can find.

When it comes to tinkering on cars, Floyd has middling interest in it. He would find it fun to do it a couple of times but it's not something he would have interest in long-term.

#answered;; #twisted wonderland #twst #jade leech #floyd leech #azul ashengrotto #sfw;; #humor;;

[bylrlvr]

IM LITERALLY CHOKING LAUGHING AT SOME OF THE MEMES IN THE BYLER TAG AS I SAY THIS

i just find it so fucking funny and amazing how it took us like 48 hours to get out of the grieving hole, take back our stance even under our wounded circumstances, regain hope that sometimes seems so non-existent, then we start making memes and jokes about our condition and draw theories and make “here’s how byler can still happen” posts. i literally do not care if we are delusional for this, i love this for us

i will grasp at straws. i will go this far to gaslight myself into believing there’s a chance. i will laugh and enjoy these last one two years in the delusional pit instead of the depression hole because this is so much better, i dont give a fuck

#i think ive gone fully insane #because ive been laughing at this elen degenerous meme for over ten mins #and the way that this is my first time laughing ever since vol2 #how do you spell elen degenorous #byler

[11queensupreme11]

hi! ive had some hilarious thoughts about arsenic blues, its living in my mind 24/7 i cannot.. i love it so much already

so im having discussions with myself about it, this is my latest plot lol this is quite loongg

my latest headcannon and imagination:the ror three brothers ehem sleeping 'arrangements' vary differently, esp since apparently mortals arent included on their menu. before zeus became the old man that he is (about at least 100,000 years ago in my head) probably sleep around not as frequently as whore zeus in pjo and myths, and our ror fave version actually mostly has safe sex, would you look at that pjo/myth zeus take notes. besides the quintessential gods/goddesses he had from goddesses nymphs titans etc he has no other kids.

poseidons so funny to me because hes very late in his awakening lmao (500,000 years ago in my estimate, the goddesses and nymphs have been waiting for a billion years for him to notice them and even then all he does is a side glance lol) its a slow buildup of horniness, dude almost has no emotions, his capability to be horny must be stunted too lol hes like what is this stirring below my body, so annoying but well gotta take care of it, his partners are so happy to be chosen even if hes a stiff ass bitch in bed who only takes what he needs blegh, makes sure to not give them even a drop of his ehem, not in the mouth or anywhere else because duh no children, and these immortals could have a trick to get impregnated through the mouth or something lol. better be safe. and then percy says hi lmao. anyways, the goddesses asks when the next time is, preparing to be told he wants them again next week, and hes like 'what next time?'.. and then its between a thousand years to a couple thousand more before the next session again lmao.. and sooo, when its only been a few centuries and hes felt the stirring of his loins lol  because of percy, mf is confused. 'i could usually go on without it for 20,000 years but my daughter's making me so horny oh no' dudes proud hes not a whore, hes perfect he says

and hades is just a chad virgin, idk what else to say. let him be the elegant god that he is. probably finds doing it disrespectful to the prospective partner, to himself.. and to his brothers lmao 'oh no i must lead an example for my brothers, let me look at the list of my brothers' partners just to check theyre not sleeping with the wrong sorts, im talking to you zeus even if you dont really listen'..

if persephone isnt in ror, which i dont think she is (hades is too obsessed with his brothers to bother with her anyway), i think poseidon hades and apollos named attacks and weapon based on diff goddesses is more like a reference by the mangaka lmao theyre like yeah sorry we're not showing those goddesses, but here they are as a battle move. because really? poseidon naming an attack medusa alope demeter because he slept with them is unlikely, he'd probably be beyond disgusted this bish bigtitty man ugh, also some of them are humans i think. besides his bros this ass probably forgets all the 'filths' names.

i hoped we got a little more worldbuilding in the manga, its hard to put the pieces of the events together since we dont really know which to discard from the myths to make sense of the ror canon. so im grasping at straws weaving ror canon and my arsenic blues headcannons lol.. dont get me started on the ragnarok fights, i have a lot of problems with them. the stab stab stab of poseidon and hades makes me want to bang my head against the table. you have the king of the seas and king of the underworld and make all their attacks stab hard and stab harder, its a waste to me. i saw youre planning to change parts of the ror fights, and i hope the fights itself and their attacks would be changed for the better. i love your writing so much, i have no doubts you can do it justice.

sorry, tangent lmao so yeah, hades probably /spoiler/ a virgin. but percy will change that, right? ehe

i want your thoughts on this pleasee lmao i have a lot more but this is the only one i had the patience to write down because horknee lol feel free to tell your arsenic blues canon if you want please im worldbuilding your story in my head already lol im so excited for it, tsunami has taken a backseat for me im sorryyy but im loving both nonetheless

im sorry to say that hades.... is NOT a virgin in my fic 😔 he is very much a chad, but he's a chad with 💦experience💦

i answered an older ask about whether or not persephone's gonna be married to him, so if you REALLY wanna know then you can go check through the arsenic blues tags to go find it. there's not many posts yet so you should find it fairly easily

but the thing you pointed out about poseidon's sex life is so funny to me. imagine being a deity and being SOOOO horny on main for this one sexy ass god and when he finally has sex with you, he's so repulsed at the idea of you carrying his baby that he does the literal most to make sure you never get pregnant. then fast-forward several eons later, and you find out that only did he somehow sire a daughter with a MAGICAL GATE, but he's also HORNY for that daughter too AND he wants to get her pregggers with his kid 😭😭😭😭😭😭

like that is just WILD 💀

#👸🏻| asks #👸🏻| arsenic blues

[deusvervewrites]

Descendant x True Liberation: Perhaps we may be able to see the impossible world without racial discrimination against the Quirkless...

I remember seeing an ask about some of the spy AUs crossovered and in one battle they needed to stop fighting and figure out who is fighting for who, and i remember deducting they all effectively worked for nedzu at the end of the day. It was the most amusing shit and i dont know where the fuck it is so i could laugh at it again.

what could be the greatest combo of AUs to make the most pimped out support crew UA has never seen before them?

correct me if i'm wrong but did griffinguy24 get the singularity OfA at the entrance exam idea from your ask game or did he come up with the idea and that im grasping at straws when in reality it's a coincidence.

Public Knowledge x Profane Torch: this combo looks like a bad idea considering what started Public Knowledge, at the end of the day, the hero removed the secret part of the secret war between OfA and AfO and it does not matter if the roles swap ngl.

what would be the best combination of AU crossovers to make the most OP Izuku Midoriya?

HPSC President: i forgot he did it intentionally but the fact he managed to survive long enough to cleanse the corruption without losing like, 50% to 99% of his dignity amuses me more, or i forgot a line or two... regardless... Rescue Heroes deserve more love than they do in canon ngl, not every living and breathing person is going to be thrilled when the #1 hero just defeated the 9,542,105,281,691th villain over being thrilled about people getting rescued out of a desperate situation. And gloryhog heroes deserve to rot in a ditch then after hell for all i care.

Homeroom Teacher Torino x Homeroom Teacher Miruko x Longshot x UA University: Nedzu needed more professors to teach his students, so he challenges Miruko to be one, get Torino onboard as a teacher for UA once more, and bails Nagant out to both spite the HPSC and get another professor onboard. unless i missed something lol

Class Vill-A x HPSC President: Izuku manages to make contact with his fellow schoolmates in 1-A and convinces them to make himself as the president of HPSC, so they could get rid of the cringe-ass nae nae baby of a system with ease, and if he turns after all the power gets to him, they'll be the first ones to turn him in and 1-A all agrees with his plan. though if i missed a detail, this would only be an interesting but impossible thought.

All Future Time-Travel Fix Its + 8&9 in time crossover: it's a hodgepodge of chaos when they all collectively don't understand how when they want something gone like MLA it was taken down already by a Future someone who had more resources than the others. Then later on, they all arrive at a round table and begin to properly coordinate on what they should do instead of it being a race of who gets to do it first.

Eraser Midoriya x Equivalent Exchange: this combo is weird ngl but i want something out of it lol.

Descendant x True Liberation: That's the goal anyway!

This one

Good question. I don't think any of my AUs specifically upgrade the Support Department though

849 predates the Singularity AU by a good while, and both were predated by multiple fics with the premise of Midoriya being able to hear the vestiges early. The earliest one I've personally seen is Imaginary (started 2019) and another one which I cannot find now but also predates us both by a good while. (The one where the summary is the vestiges freaking out and one thinks the world is ending)

Public Knowledge x Profane Torch: Yeah that'd really suck for Midoriya huh

I'm not totally sure. Depends on your definition I guess. Others, Magical Romances, Tamama no Mom, and Star Spangled are all good starting points

HPSC President: Midoriya knows what he's doing >:3

Homeroom Teacher Torino x Homeroom Teacher Miruko x Longshot x UA University: Meh I'm sure Aizawa's fine

Class Vill-A x HPSC President: Seems like a decent enough scheme to me

Eraser Midoriya x Equivalent Exchange: Well considering how he got Erasure it has some, shall we say, implications

#asks #descendant au #true liberation au #public knowledge au #profane torch au #hpsc president au #homeroom teacher torino au #longshot au #ua university au #class vill-a au #eraser midoriya au #equivalent exchange au #homeroom teacher miruko au

[spoopysblog]

IM JUST GONNA SAY IT BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF IM THE ONLY ONEEEEEEE

i want kylo ren to be an emotional wreck horny virgin so bad, like do you ever wonder if he’s done ANYTHING?! like at all?! because yes he’s han solo’s son BUT he was also training to be a jedi and something tells me that even though he’d be a prankster ben solo would very much be a rule follower. he’d show up to classes or whatever ten minutes early, he’d be up late doing research and so on. so no, I don’t think ben did the deed. and something tells me that mr. ren would still not have diddled done did because he would be too socially awkward to ask for anything.

PLEASE DONT TELL ME IM WRONG BECAUSE IM GRASPING AT HORNY LITTLE STRAWS HERE!!! IM FEEDING MY STARVING CREATIVE MIND…just deal with it or so help me god i will wish ill will on your pinkie toes. Try me bitch

anyways, SO going off of my theory, IF kylo ren really is a virgin, then my hunch CONTINUES with the belief that I think he would be a sub. He’s so used to being in control and having people fear him that I choose to believe that being submissive would be a major turn on. Also, in every aspect of his life he was taught to be submissive to whatever was greater than him right? So then, hypothetically of course, being submissive and vulnerable in a healthy way of trusting in a companion, having someone be his caregiver, would make him feel safe. HYPOTHETICALLY OF COURSE. Listen, all im saying is that underneath it all is a scared little boy who was let down so much that he’s looking for someone to care about him right? someone to take care of him…make him girly pop. And, y’know, I don’t think he’d turn down some healthy choking here and there either

do I think im wrong? Well…no…but do I admit that im only one perspective? Yeah, I guess. I also just have a weak spot for sensitive men

anyways, im thinking that ill write a sub!kylo ren story eventually? possibly get my creative juices flowing. if nothing more it would be a fun experience to write something new

#plastic foot sealers #kylo ren #ben solo #star wars #han solo #reylo #movies #scifi #dont take me seriously #shitpost #i only have issues with eating eggs because i’m afraid that if i burp they’ll smell like sulfur and then i’ll throw up #earrings #facts #pumpkin spice #girly pop

[marsixm]

im gonna list things ive been doing lately to conceptualize to myself that my life is not empty or meaningless, feel free to ignore this post-

-i know work stuff shouldnt count but i have become very exceptionally skilled at different aspects of my job and not only do mostly all my coworkers like me and turn to me for help, but lots of customers recognize and like me too and i know its just a minimum wage grocery store job but im proud of myself for building so many skills -on a related note the relationships ive been able to build with some of my coworkers makes me very proud as someone who struggles with socializing as much as i do, and in the context of that being the thing ive been the most sad about lately, its nice that a good handful of my coworkers really like me as much as they do. and i know the main reasons things have been hard at home arent really My Fault as it were -being a figurehead in a truly wild work drama as it unfolds (okay sure this isnt me /doing/ something but it is /interesting/) -every day i try to wear fun little outfits and do fun little makeup things and i often get compliments and really love my style and its definitely off the wall and im very proud of it and am constantly adding to my repertoire -i got pretty damn good at fortnite. no further comment -i got back into sims again and im still pretty good at building -i listen to musicians i personally like and ive been poring through these two youtube true crime channels lately. and i fell off it again but i got back into playing card games besides solitaire on the computer for a bit. i /do/ have interests outside whatever the polycule is doing around me. i /am/ still my own person -adhd win: ive been keeping up with my planner for like 9 months now! leaving it open on my desk and not being too strict with myself with how quickly i write things in has helped a lot -its not even been a week so touch wood but im making it a goal to listen to an album once a week, watch a movie once a week, and if i can, read a book once a week (like, starting small like goosebumps level stuff) -on an average work day i frequently break 20k+ steps and average 17kish steps a day, and in my less active role im still averaging like 13k -i dont draw as much as i want to but i have been drawing more than i was when my depression and mental health were at their worst, again keeping sketchbooks on hand for easy access has helped a lot -ive been having more ideas for films/shows/whatever again lately -i got christmas gifts for lots of friends and family which was the first time i was able to and i got them for people who werent expecting it at all and it felt nice to do nice things for people i care about

i feel like i should list more things but i dont want to force myself to grasp at straws, my life isnt quite as full of things or going the way i want it to be, but its not empty and its not worthless and im trying to remind myself of that without trying to put aspirations in here. im looking at facts not wants. and im doing okay! i could be doing better but im doing okay

[loversgothic]

Is there a particular reason you stopped making Fortnite art?

ohhhh boy. theres a few? in part its because it stopped being fulfilling and i lost interest and inspiration. its also because i cant play the game anymore because it cant run on my laptop with the new updates.

but a big one is that people are... really mean. really, really mean. people in the fortnite community overall are SOOOO NEGATIVE esp to artists. i make primarily romantic art and pinup art, and people can be incredibly unkind. ive been called slurs (both homophobic and racial), ive seen my friends get bullied for posting art in a similar vein, fuck that shit was a NIGHTMARE. fortnite possibly has the worst fandom ive ever seen, and ive been in SO MANY of them! i made mostly Jonesdation art, and while there were people who liked it, there was a lot of people who also didnt. there was some kind of weird.. looming feeling that i was afraid of posting my indulgent work (of course i always posted it anyway! im no pussy) but i dont like having that feeling loom over me. its also bc some of my friends kind of thought it was Funny when i did Foundation art since they didnt care much abt fortnite lore and thought my serious art i put all my time into was funny because of who acted Foundation. and i want my ideas to be taken seriously enough if i present them in a serious fashion.

its also because The Seven got slipped out of the story as time passed, and i really just couldnt get into the Oathbound or current groups. and even then, content with The Seven and Foundation in particular really felt like punch after punch regarding a character i became attached to (to nearly a delusional extent) with peoples perception of him becoming shittier because of a fucking comic that sucked ass. after a while it feels like people forgot abt him :( fortnite seriously moves WAYYY too fast and theres too many characters to get attached to, once your fave falls out of relevancy in story you are probably not gonna hear about them again? the only seven members i ever see ANYONE talk abt anymore is origin and that is bc im friends with the number one origin fans SBHJAHBANJA i love them i hope they have fun forever <3

something else that i think is that, i fell out of the fortnite fandom because it feels like its not a great place to explore ideas for me. when it comes to writing, i want to explore relationships, symbols, backstories, and the character i liked (Foundation) did NOT have that many people willing to explore those ideas and it made me scared to share them. Fortnite also doesnt really have a lot of... depth. it COULD have depth, sure, but you have to grasp at straws and make up half of it. it just.. wasnt fulfilling enough, i need something i can Dig into.

ill always love the Fortnite characters, and ill always love The Seven. ill always love Fiore (my foundation oc i made before he got unmasked officially) and FUCK ill always love all of the villains and Jones. but right now i need to explore something else fulfilling

here are some other small reasons:

my art has been stolen for tiktok thirst traps multiple times

i dont have a problem with being in a community with a lot of teenagers (i am a teenager. an adult one but ykno) but DAMN its a relief to be able to talk like an adult to OTHER ADULTS now that im out of there

ive also had to hide my nsfw art twitter for a variety of reasons that are complex. (one of them being that Im not trying to get bullied more)

it felt like i was fucked bc i couldnt produce relevant art fast enough to keep up with the game

#SORRY THATS SRSLY LONGGGG #.txt #ask #also if i said every crazy thing i had ever thought i would be put in the fortnite struggles hall of fame #now i can just like. say crazy ass things here and people will just nod and understand me

[nvmwc]

I am more weak now than i have ever been. I have never been enough for anyone and i never will be. I am a ruiner. I ruin things and i don’t even know when i am doing it. I will never make the mistake of sharing my dark parts with anyone. I will keep my secrets to myself. I lost it last night for the first time in a while. I screamed until i couldn’t anymore. I threw things i shattered glass i screamed and i pushed. No one will ever care enough about me to go through me phone. They’ll never see my posts here. I am utterly worthless. I have no family i am a burden to all around me. My friends have lives and children. I have nothing. I have a love that i now have sacrificed myself for. And I’d do it over and over again. I’d slit my throat slowly if it meant that you’d truly love me the way i love you. Unfortunately, no one in this entire world will ever love me the way i love them. Ever. I am least important. I am grasping at straws trying to find one strong enough to keep me afloat. But i am sinking deeper and deeper. How do i get out of this. What am i supposed to do. Someone save me. I cannot save myself. I am too much. I always have been. I am too much and no one can handle me not even myself. I am too much. Im going to try smoking cigarettes again. Something that poisons me slowly. Some thing just as disgusting and poisonous as i am. I dont wanna relapse again. But it’s close. I should leave. I should leave somewhere and stop bothering the people around me. I could leave me dye my hair and change my name and no one would ever find me. I’m just fucking weak. And i cant do it. I just want to be gone

[taliaxlatia]

im gonna be really evil and say soriku for the ship bingo

oh you are evil. putting this under a cut for people who don't want to see me be a little hater (to my credit this is not all negative takes, but I'm sure a lot of people won't want to see it anyway)

See. The thing is. I DO think they have a good basis in canon. however. I see them mostly as "riku has a huge gay crush that causes him to make Really Bad Decisions, Actually" (see: everything he does in Days). And Sora is aro. And Sora, if he knew/understood, would not want Riku to do the things he did to keep Sora safe. (I know, obviously, that the plot required Sora to come back and whatnot but in my heart of hearts I am a 358/2 days stan, and Riku - and to an extension Sora - really worked as the villains there.)

I also think some people in fanon are just really annoying about it. Please stop saying that Sora comparing himself and Riku to Anna and Elsa is meant to be romantic. Please. You have five million other soriku canon moments to pick from. They made the gayblade. They had whatever was going on in DDD. You don't have to grasp at straws (and dump on Kairi) to enjoy them pleaseeeee

basically, i think they have the potential to be really narratively interesting, but i don't care for them personally, and i really just want to stop seeing people be mean to kairi for their ship in the year 2023.

(also ftr i dont care for sokai either except when winter writes it lol)

(also ftr i definitely dont think everyone who ships soriku is like this. i just see it often enough to be annoyed)

#ask game #tali rambles #tali hater moment

[tears-of-boredom]

for like a week maybe now ive had these really long dreams every night, that are always such non-dreams. nothing interesting happens, and it feels like I'm aware of what ive become irl, and that in the dream im bound to have the same fate, so it constantly feels like I'm grasping at straws, trying to socialise with people, be fun, but at the end of the day i can feel the moment coming closer, where i distance myself from other people and life in general....this time i had this dream where me and L were supposed to sweep the ground at my old school. it was annoying cause it didnt feel like we were actually doing anything useful. we ended up just walking around, watching other people do stuff around the yard. i kept coughing up spit and maybe snot, i assumed because I hadnt been eating well. eventually i had to stop completely cause I kept coughing and gagging from the spit. V came up saying some basic worrying stuff, i got spit on her neon pink pants but she didnt seem to care. eventually i was able to stop, I was kinda worrying that id actually throw up if i kept going. we went inside the school for lunch, before which i had to pop in my classroom to leave my stuff. in the dream lore i hadn't been attending school that much, so my classmates were discussing a test that was coming up, and i couldnt really contribute anything. they had changed the desk arrangement since my last actual school day, so i asked "anyway you guys remember where my place is?", they remembered and i think it was next to C, it was kind of unclear in the end because I wasn't completely sure if it was his jacket on the chair. we went to the cafeteria, my classmates recognised a lower classmen "Karhula?" and i was kinda awkwardly just there in the lunch line. all the plates and trays had a bit of soup spilled on them, I asked this teacher next to me in the line what it was about and she said that its normal and to continue. thats where it stopped. C was vaguely around as well, but that only added to the weird feeling that I didnt belong, since everytime he looked at me, it was like he could read my mind and thought i was weird. i dont know, of course the dream was a bit different and i felt really specific emotions, so my retelling may not express the way the dream actually felt. i just didnt like it, i wish I got murdered by a dbd killer again. honestly like,, my dreams are so bad now, they constantly cut out and then start some unrelated dream, I can never enjoy just one single thing. like everytime I wake up, i feel exhausted, dissapointed, and annoyed...idk how to end this. sorry.

#dreams #tearful stuff

[floped]

high school crush woes

I wonder if you would care if I was gone. When I post I do it in hopes you'll see it. I dont know why I'm so hung up on you. You're just a pretty face, that's all you should be. A part of me thinks Id grow to hate you if we were together. Even then I want to pick you apart to see if there are any feelings behind the cold exterior you always front. I dont know why my feelings have grown, we don't talk anymore and even when we did it was mostly about you. You're selfish. You went on an on about yourself but would it have killed you to ask about me, the things I enjoy? I felt like you tried to impress me but maybe Im desperate and grasping at straws. At any indicator that showed you cared about me. You who clearly has no taste for fashion who cycles through the same 3 sweaters would stay up till dawn to comment on the dresses I would send you, even when you had to be up early for your dance lessons. You sent me pictures and videos of you showing off you 6-pack and while it was very impressive why would you send that to me If you weren't interested. Now that I think back, it been almost a year since then. I've grown so much but you keep a part of me stagnate. I think about you an unhealthy amount. If you knew you would probably be concerned. God I feel like a loser. Im a bad friend too. My friend liked you and you knew that, you rejected her but continued with your awkward middle school friendship until you ghosted her the next school year. I know this but I still like you and I know its wrong. At the same time since it was a while ago I feel like it should be okay. You never dated. I feel like she still has feelings for you or at least wants some type of closure. She has no idea I feel this way for you or that we talked for a bit. I'm scared that it might change our friendship and I cherish her. By the way you and her used to talk I bet you liked her. She's pretty, skinny, and smart-the holy trinity. Its not like I'm ugly but like any highschooler Im saddled with insecurity. I dress up on days we have class together and on days we dont in the hopes we randomly cross paths. I remember I came in the building and I saw you were walking to class. Even thought we have the same one we never get their at the same time. My heart fluttered as I rushed to get closer. I stayed behind you walking up three flights of stairs and holding my breath, I dont know if you knew If I was behind you but just being near you was enough. Its crazy I feel this way when I cant remember the last time I even spoke to you. I wish I could enter your brain just for a moment to figure out what you thought of me, a failed talking stage or something more. I was the one who ended up "Ghosting you" I dont even think it counts I just stopped initiating conversations and you just stopped. That really broke my heart but I guess I should have known better. I know I deserve better but theirs no one around me who is. I know Im young but Im sick of feeling unlovable. Since Its hard to come up to you and start a conversation Ill just sit by you and glance a couple times. Maybe more than a couple times but I dont think you even noticed. You always seem so wrapped up in your little world, which I find kind of endearing. Im always making a joke or talking and its ironic I would be this down bad for someone whose my exact opposite. If we're in the same room lll say any joke a little louder for you to hear, I looked over once and I saw a smile on your face followed by a chuckle. Blood rushed to my face but thankfully I had blush on. I secretly hope you stumble upon this even though you're definitely not on tumblr. This is my way of saying everything I cant to you. I love that you play piano, you played in front of me once and I thought it was beautiful. You said you would send me a video of you playing but you never did. I wonder if you think about that. I know you wont reciprocate my feelings, your probably not even aware of them, but I hope to find someone who looks at me the way I look at you, someone who thinks of me the way I think of you, and loves you the way I do