#dynamics of abuse

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

No one is doomed to abuse people. There isn't an "abuser gene" or "evil chromosome". There aren't "cursed bloodlines".

There's a culture that frequently enables, romanticizes and eroticizes abuse, and individual human beings who choose to take advantage of that, or not.

Even someone who has abused others in the past has a decision about whether or not to continue that harm. Further abuse isn't inevitable, it's a choice.

The idea that abusers can't help it just further enables abuse culture. If someone is abusive, they are making a choice.

#abuse #dynamics of abuse #abuse culture #thatdiabolicalfeminist

[demon-doctor]

Making you say “I love you” over and over while I destroy your asshole

#bd/sm kink #sadistic #bd/sm dynamic #abuse k1nk

[heart-locket-musicboxless]

And then they all lived happily ever after and Phillip definitely didn't murder his brother then cloned him then murdered him again :)

#the owl house #wittebros #I love this trio's dynamic! (they have had a grand total of 0 seconds of screen time together) #(one of them was shown as a ghost for 6 seconds) #(another one has been shown Zero (0) times.) #(the last one is a murderer attempted genocider child abuser and currently 400 year old virgin) #toh #phillip wittebane #caleb wittebane #evelyn toh #evelyn clawthorne

[zivazivc]

the morning (afternoon?) after this messy stunt. Floyd got off too easy in my opinion, but it's hard for Les to stay mad at him when he makes those sad pouting faces... 🤦

If you think Floyd's being really dumb at the start of this comic before getting a reality check, you have to take into account that he's madly lovesick and was feeling very smug atm; he's also a 15yo pop troll who thinks making out with someone means they're together now; and he assumed Les's sour mood was entirely the result of a nasty hangover...

P.S. They forgot about Hed lol (I almost forgot about him too, drew him just before posting lmao)

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls floyd #trolls oc #les #hed #ex bandmates #my art #pop trolls curse in their kid friendly lingo but rock trolls curse normal-style #it's just facts #i don't think les is being honest about how much what floyd pulled really upset him #he is a victim of much abuse growing up and some shit fucks him up more than the regular person #but he also knows floyd had no malicious intent and is just a kid #so he rather bottles it up to not upset both of them even more #amazing coping and communication skills this one 🤙 #he is trying his best tho #i can't tell if you guys can tell but he's basking in the sun in that one panel #trolls comic #this was a really fun way to explore les's character and their dynamic #also les and hed's dynamic #trigger warnings: #tw alcohol #tw smoking #les gives life advice then offers cigarettes uwu #also you know this dude's hair smells horrible if he stores cigarettes and koosh in there ksjfbsdkc

[mothmanadjacent]

⚠️PLEASE MIND THE WARNING IN THE BEGINNING ⚠️

Keep yourselves safe 💛

#mothartadjacent #my art #digital art #hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin hotel valentino #valangel #implied abuse #tw abuse #abuse dynamics

[hussyknee]

DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

An abuser denies the abuse ever took place, attacks the person that was abused (often the victim) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions, and claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing what may be a reality of victim and offender. It often involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming.

TL;Dr: Stop pathologizing neurodivergent people and individualizing abuse, and start treating abusers and bullies as a social failing that are products of privilege.

Unless you want to insist that every bitchass who's ever plagued marginalized people has NPD.

#ableism #npd #bpd #aspd #cluster b #abuse #abuse dynamics #bullying #anti bullying #interpersonal relationships #systemic issues #social justice #capitalism #pop psychology #white people #capitalist individualism is a disease #twitter #elongated muskrat #knee of huss

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

I've said a lot on this blog that abuse is a choice, and I want to explain a little what that means and doesn't mean.

Abuse is a choice because your actions are your responsibility. Each abusive action is something you could choose to not do.

"Abuse is a choice" doesn't mean that abusers are necessarily thinking of their actions in terms of abuse. (I'd argue that most abusers do not think of themselves as such.)

It doesn't mean abusers are necessarily thinking about the harm they're causing at all, or even that they're always aware on any level that their behaviors are harmful.

What it does mean is that if you are harming someone, that's your responsibility. You are deciding what actions to take, and you chose actions that harm someone. Whether or not you stopped to think about that fact doesn't erase your choices.

It's everyone's responsibility to make an effort to treat other people with care and respect, and if for any reason that's hard for you sometimes, it's still your responsibility to find ways to handle that situation without harming others.

Abusers aren't a specific "type" of person. They don't have some Makes You Abusive Disease. They're just people who are taking advantage of and sometimes creating power imbalances, in order to relate to others in a way that benefits them or that they enjoy or feel more comfortable in.

They are not always doing this consciously, but that doesn't mean it's not a choice.

Because they have the option of figuring out how to be kind, and they are ignoring that responsibility.

We all share that responsibility, and it's important that we keep it in mind.

#dynamics of abuse #abuse #thatdiabolicalfeminist

[goodishgirlx]

guys who slap your face while their cock is down your throat go to heaven

#goodishgirlx txt #bd/sm blog #k!nk blog #bd/sm brat #bd/sm dynamic #bd/sm community #bd/sm nsft #bd/sm kitten #k!nky thoughts #abuse k1nk #k!nk community #h0rnyposting

[waambles]

We love Gale memes, we don’t stand real Gale slander.

#gale #baldurs gate gale #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 #baldurs gate #all the homies hate Mystra #Gale is a VICTIM #meme #shitpost #but also real post #tap the sign #baldurs gate 3 #I’ve genuinely seen people saying that gale was the abuser #and that gale purposely hurt mystra #my brother in Christ this is a human wizard who got into a relationship with his TEACHER who is also a GOD #talk about mother of all power dynamics #dude was groomed #Gale is a victim of grooming #don’t forget that.

[demon-doctor]

Filming you taking my cock in your ass while I force you to tell me how much you like it and want more of it and then playing the video for you every day so you remember what a disgusting little pervert you are

#bd/sm kink #bd/sm dynamic #sadistic #bd/sm daddy #bd/sm community #bd/sm lifestyle #abuse k1nk #bd/sm blog

[ofswordsandpens]

"the Gabe and Sally dynamic in the show is abusive" and "the way they've portrayed Gabe in the show is distinctly different from his book counterpart and fans can criticize that" are two discussions that can coexist

#I understand that this is hard topic to navigate #but me saying that /they've changed Gabe and that's consequently altered the dynamic he has with Sally in way I don't like/ #is NOT me saying I don't think what they've portrayed onscreen is non-abusive #or that I WANT to see him abuse her??? #its just the guy in the show while clearly controlling and abusive (emotionally and financially so far) #...I don't believe he's the guy who's presence was so horrid and disgusting MONSTERS avoided him #I wouldn't call him /Smelly/ #in the book his abuse (all forms) is much more overt #(and just to be painstakingly clear: abuse doesn't have to be overt to be abuse) #but the guy in the show does not have the same presence as the guy in the book #book Gabe is menacing #he growls and he threatens and both Sally and Percy have developed very specific responses to deal with it #I've seen one take saying that people can't recognize the abuse in the show because its not physical (yet?) #but even disregarding the physical abuse entirely #if you compare the book scene and TV show scene of Percy arriving home and he and Sally readying for Montauk #there is a pretty stark difference in tone #and in how both Sally and Percy interact with Gabe #in the book Sally goes out of her way to avoid /provoking/ Gabe and asks Percy to do the same until they can leave for Montauk #and Gabe is just itching for any excuse to keep them home #and imo if Book Sally had said the things that show Sally did to Gabe #Gabe wouldn't have let them gone! #and again im not saying that the show's depiction is nonabusive #or unrealistic #im saying its simply /different/ than the book #and im upset that it doesn't feel like dynamic depicted the book #and no book sally is no simpering wilting flower #but she's also not what they depicted in the show either #pjo adaptation #sally jackson #pjo

[celluloidbroomcloset]

"The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why."

"I don't. Enlighten me."

"Your feelings for Stede—"

This scene has been picked over a lot, but this is the first time I noted the speed with which it happens, including how clearly Ed himself knows what Izzy will say, and has from the moment he walks on deck. It's the culmination of an emotional violence that has been there since the start of Season 1 and that focuses on how and where Ed is allowed to express his feelings.

It's Ed who decides to make the discussion public, and Ed who challenges Izzy to say, out loud, in front of the crew, exactly why Izzy thinks the atmosphere is fucked.

Ed's acting unhinged a moment before, but as soon as Izzy speaks, he's very present—because he's been pushing for this to happen. The tone of voice he uses when he says, "Enlighten me," is similar to the sarcasm in his voice back in "Discomfort," when he says, "Sounds stressful, Izzy." He's not daring Izzy to say it's about his feelings; he's waiting for him to.

Izzy barely even gets Stede's name out before Ed is nodding and pulling the trigger. It's not at all what Izzy later says—"He took my leg because I dared to mention your fucking name." The exact words are "your feelings for Stede."

In Season 1, Izzy has insisted that his words to Ed about Stede be spoken in private. He never discusses it with anyone in the crew. The only time other people are present for those discussions is when Izzy insists that Ed send Stede to "doggy heaven," and then Fang has an emotional breakdown (and for a good bit of Season 1, Izzy treats Ivan and Fang as an extension of himself). The crew know that Ed is in love with Stede, but Izzy does not speak about that in front of them. Izzy's verbal violence about Stede, and his attacks on Ed about Ed's feelings for Stede, are always out of sight and hearing of the crew.

But he does speak to Stede's enemies about it, and Ed knows it. Izzy has told Calico Jack that Ed is "shacking up" with Stede. Spanish Jackie also knows, and so do the English, because that's how and why Izzy sold Stede out. Ed is aware, from the moment that Jack uses the term "shacking up," that Izzy has been speaking publicly about Ed's relationship with Stede.

Ed himself does not talk about his romantic or sexual relationships. Other people do—Calico Jack, Anne and Mary, Izzy—but Ed is not public with that information, even saying that “our private lives are our private lives” (echoing Stede’s statement to Jack: “Ed’s past is Ed’s business and I respect that.”). The times when Ed makes his feelings toward Stede known, even implicitly, are private—the “fine things” scene, the kiss on the beach, even the stabbing scene, all are between Ed and Stede. No one else is meant to witness those. After Stede has left him, Ed’s grief and the reasons behind it are clear, but he still conceals it with a song “about someone else.”

Ed keeps his softer emotions hidden and private, or tries to, because he’s been conditioned to believe that they’re dangerous to have. And they are—Jack makes them the subject of derision, and Ed is explicitly threatened when he makes his love for Stede too publicly visible. Izzy invades his private spaces (his cabin, his personal space) to berate and expose his emotions, mockingly calling Stede Ed’s boyfriend. The discussion of emotions that Ed tries to keep private are always initiated by Izzy, and the discussions are always violent and derisive.

The crew themselves do not know what has led to Ed shooting Izzy. They haven’t seen the escalation of violence and violation, going from emotional violence to physical—and the initial toe-cutting scene is very much Ed invading Izzy’s safe space to enact violence on him, just as Izzy did to him. They haven’t been witness to the threats and the danger that Ed has increasingly experienced and that in part led him to putting on Kraken in the first place.

The shift that happens in “Impossible Birds” is Izzy once again invading Ed’s space, where he’s caressing and then concealing the groom figurine, to prompt the discussion of emotions. What Izzy thinks is a result of him speaking Stede's name and ethos is actually a result of him invoking, again, Ed's emotions about Stede as a way of manipulating him. But this time, Ed is going to make him do it in front of the crew.

It is, in a sense, an expansion of "the love that dare not speak its name.” If “everyone knows why,” then Izzy is going to have to say it. So the moment on deck is Ed forcing Izzy to publicly expose the things that have been concealed: Ed's private emotions that Izzy has broadcast to his enemies but never to his friends, and the violence that has been attached to those emotions. They're going to "talk it through," but Izzy has made talking it through violent and unsafe. Now what had been private violence is going to be public.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #edward teach #izzy hands #stede bonnet #gif #ofmd season 2 #tw: abuse #i keep thinking i'm done with this dynamic and then something else comes up #the violation BUILDS over two seasons #but to the crew it appears almost random #long post #i'm also really happy for any discussions or disagreements #as long as they're polite

[snowdrop-yoongi]

my favorite thing about baek hyun-woo's portrayal is that he isn't even a loser. he's an incredibly cool and competent lawyer who also happens to act like a loser

#queen of tears #so glad nature is healing from the 'asshole rich man x clueless poor girl' dynamic #and is instead doing 'assrole rich woman x clueless poor man' #also like. they may have done this somewhat unintentionally but it's v much a portrayal of how men can suffer domestic/verbal abuse #unintentional in that they might not have thought 'oh this is literally abuse' while writing it. but it super is #and i think it's really interesting to see just how much hyun-woo and the other husbands suppress themselves despite being very competent #bc they're told so often that they're incompetent and useless #that's how psychological abuse gets you babes!

[numum]

the he

#the owl house #toh #darius deamonne #toh fanart #the degree that this man was underutilized was criminal #he was mentored by the previous golden guard????? he knew what belos did to him??? and then had to watch belos make a clone of him???? #bro like. the dynamics here are absolutely insane #how sick to his stomach do you think darius was when he saw hunter’s face for the very first time? #how sick to his stomach do you think he was when he realized he was resenting an abused child for something he wasn’t even aware of? #do you think darius blames himself? #do you think darius lies awake at night wishing he’d done something sooner? wondering if he could have spared hunter some of his scars? #do you think hunter knows? #do you think hunter wishes he knew how to tell darius that he understands? that it’s not his fault? #do you think hunter longs to know the words of comfort that would have been offered by the man who shared his face? #do you think they mourn together? #my art #myart

[bitchthefuck1]

It's kind of funny that Kendall and Shiv are both equally delusional about their ability to charm people for business and somehow think they can do it even though they choke almost every single time, whereas it's like the one thing Roman is consistently good at despite being the "least legitimate" option.

I think part of this comes down to the fact that Shiv and Kendall both have very clear ideas of the versions of themselves they're trying to be and the images they're trying to project, and they're trying so hard to be seen that way that they end up coming off as a little desperate and off-putting. Meanwhile Roman "knows" that there's something wrong with him and he's worthless, so he doesn't get sucked into the trap of trying to force people to see his idea of himself and instead molds himself into whatever he thinks the other person wants from him because that's the only way he can compensate for "being him," which works very well in the short term but also means he's the least capable of maintaining any relationship for very long because he has no sense of self.

#this was going to be a joke about kendall consistently failing to charm anyone that isn't stewy (and still for some reason thinking he's #good at it) but then i thought about it too hard and started connecting dots #but it is really interesting on a character level to analyze the different ways the siblings act when they're trying to win someone over #kendall and shiv will try to find common ground but they always end up pushing too hard and overplaying their hands because they're #focussing too much on wanting to get the person to take them seriously or see them the way they want to be seen #and roman will test the waters a bit but not say anything definitive until he get the person talking and can see what it is they want #and then just says whatever it is he thinks they want to hear #which also makes a lot of sense with the abuse dynamics since he was the one most likely to actually get hit so the goal is to just make #sure dad never gets angry at you and tell him whatever you need to to avoid that because the consequences will be worse #anyways its 2 am here you go #succession #kendall roy #shiv roy #roman roy

[ravenkinnie]

I think when you want to talk about silco's emotionally abusive parenting then you HAVE to acknowledge that he genuinely cares about jinx and lack of love and care isn't why he fails her, he fails her specifically because he loves her for her AND as an extension of himself. and he is ALSO abnormal, if jinx straight up went 'hey father figure I'm seeing demons and my deceased family members whisper abuse into my ears all hours of night and day' he would be like oh yes that's the shadow demon ralph who attaches to our family and conjures up images of our past regrets, my father saw one too before he threw himself off the bridge. like of course he failed her as a parent, he's delulu in a way that he thinks they are both doing fine

#arcane #silco and jinx #silco #mine #i jest but i do think that the belief that love cant coexist with abuse is wishful thinking for simplicity of human dynamics #the reality that you can be loved and still mistreated is just a hard contradiction to accept