#edit as of 1/1/24: i hate that this is my first post and it's still enjoyable to some.

[cuteboyoverdoseyanderecomatose]

this man.

this grim reaper.

would be bratty until you start fucking him.

then he'd melt and be all whimpers and whines and begging for more.

#please save me because god won't #a date with death #probably nsft #i actually almost typed out this thought to a friend a few days ago and immediately said “yeah no not telling them that” and stopped #hellish thoughts #<- my current tag for this kinda stuff #edit as of 1/1/24: i hate that this is my first post and it's still enjoyable to some. #edit 1/22/24: holy fucking shit 24 new notes in one day what the fuck

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

Yes, we have a some of December left, and I want to check out Death's Game but whatever. I got time for this now and not sure if I will have later so here goes.

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. This was an excellent kdrama year, the likes of which we hadn't had in a long time.

DRAMAS WATCHED

In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality so pls don't come for me, fans of some popular dramas that are on my nope list. Also, I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list.

33. The Escape of the Seven - this is so aggressively stupid and mean that it feels like the makers are playing a practical joke seeing how much their audience will take. This has a season 2 coming, so the answer is a lot.

32. Behind Your Touch - the FL gets superpowers by touching people's and animals' butts. Yes, you read this right. Do I really need to add anything?

31. King the Land - yes, it was a hit. Yes, it stars popular actors. I HATED IT LIKE IT TOUCHED MY BUTT TO GET SUPERPOWERS!!! Plastic people in paint by the numbers story, with about as much genuineness or retability as a barbie aisle in walmart. I never expect much from Yoona so whatever, but to have LJH go from The Red Sleeve to this boggles the mind.

30. Mrs Durian - this is so dumb that I think I lost a few IQ points watching this, but its insanity becomes entertaining - I mean what kdrama can you name where a daughter in law declares her love and lust for her mother in law at a family dinner?

29. The Matchmakers - there is nothing offensive about this drama at all. But there is nothing in the least interesting either. If elevator music took drama shape, it would be this show.

28. Destined with You - sorry, Rowoon, I am still fond of you, but you are two for two in drama duds department this year. This is a drama where I loved ep 1, liked ep 2, was indifferent to 3 and...you get the point. Each ep was worse than the one before, and I bailed before I was dragged into a cosmic singularity.

27. Oasis - great first two episodes. Unfortunately it was not a two ep show. The performances are solid but the story is just not there - the effect is like a fancy chef making an amazing sauce to put on pig slop.

26. Boyhood - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like it but a 34-year old playing a high schooler in a Weak Hero Class 1 Slapstick Edition is no go for me.

25. Castaway Diva - it's so precious and kooky in the most annoying ways, with the most well-adjusted abused castaway in history. I like magic realism when done by Jorge Amado, but this ain't Amado.

24. Island - it had a good concept, good cast and fun visuals but the execution deserved one of ML's swords through the neck.

23. The Worst of Evil - if I wanted an American show, I'd watch one. Very solid performances though.

22. Song of the Bandits - period edition of what I said about The Worst of Evil.

21. Welcome to Samdalri - and goodbye to any hope of emotional involvement.

20. Joseon Attorney - I have yet to like a single sageuk centered around a profession and this was not an exception. I guess it could be worse but it also could have been so much better.

19. Twinkling Watermelon - everyone loved this drama. Everyone except for me. It's the kind of precious that sets my teeth on edge and I couldn't stand half the main characters we were supposed to root for. I guess I like my fruits to shine steadily.

18. Our Blooming Youth - probably the biggest disappointment on this list. This is not a bad drama by any means, but with that cast and that story (I loved the novel), I was hoping for a memorable sageuk not merely all right.

17. Vigilante - it has the emotional complexity and nuance of a punch to the throat but it gives us quasi-gay openly-murderous dudes going after psychos and Yoo Ji Tae holding feral Nam Joo Hyuk by his hoodie at his feet.

16. The Forbidden Marriage - expected nothing but it was a surprisingly enjoyable trifle of a costume drama that was also quite pretty.

15. Arthdal Chronicles: Sword of Aramun - a hot mess but such an entertaining epic one. And it gave us TWO Lee Jun Kis in period gear and who am I to cavil at the bounty of God?

14. The Story of Park's Marriage - it's a trifle, a souffle, so light it might blow away, but it keeps my attention and is so fun and sweet.

13. My Lovely Liar - a huge surprise, that manages to mix a murder mystery and a romcom, and shocked me by showing Hwang Minhyun can act.

12. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - the original ToNT was my fave drama of its year and I did not think it needed a sequel. But this is not a sequel but more of a side-quel and is such a total delight with brotherly love, adventures, romance and hijinks. It's a joy.

11. Perfect Marriage Revenge - it's actually very hard to do a soap right but this slim 12 ep drama managed. So fun, so crazy, such a good ship!

10. My Lovely Boxer - not really about sports, but about two broken people finding salvation because of and in each other. Also, if you like age gap romances, this is delicious. Sort of loses steam by the end but c’est la vie.

9. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - this was a sageuk that was not on my radar with a bunch of actors I was not familiar with but it took my heart away. A good plot that was perfectly paced, characters and ships I adored, a logical ending. This is one of the biggest positive surprises of the year for me.

8. Tell Me That You Love Me - a slice of life remake (sort of, it's more "inspired by") of my favorite jdrama of all time. It's not as good as the jdrama because nothing could be, but it's an aching lovely story with some incredible performances.

7. See You In My 19th Life - funny and romantic and haunting and hopeful and odd. This was one of my favorites of the year.

6. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - it's rare for me to like a (1) sequel (2) with FL actress change (3) that is a Hong Sisters drama. But this was such a gorgeous, surprisingly achy story of love and loss and love regained with some cool monster fighting in the middle. Between the two seasons, this is the first Hong Sisters' drama I enjoyed from beginning to end in well over a decade.

5. My Demon - so tropey (chaebols, supernaturals) but it proves that these tropes are popular for a reason. The chemistry is fire, the story is unpredictable and the whole thing is an addictive delight. A rare drama where I like each new ep more than the last one.

4. Goryeo Khitan War - an old school sageuk in every meaning of the term (no romance, no eye candy, lots of bearded men, battles and politics), this feels like watching an epic movie more than a drama. The vast cast all earns their place and the performances (mainly from character actors given a chance to shine) are incredible.

3. Call It Love - two very very damaged people finding love and healing with each other. This is a narrative very hard to do to my satisfaction but when it's done well, as here, there are few things that can hold a candle to it.

2. My Dearest - a masterpiece of cinematography, narrative, performances. This is an old-school epic romance in the best sense of the term. If it doesn't make you swoon or break your heart, there is something wrong with you. A story of two untraditional, strong-willed, flawed people who fall in love in the middle of the horrifying Qing invasion of Korea and have to deal with all that the world throws at them, this is a bona fide masterpiece.

1 - Moon in the Day - who knew my favorite kdrama of the year will star a store brand Domyoji from Extraordinary You and an actress I was never familiar with. But this part period/part modern fantasy tale of doomed cursed lovers is everything I knew I wanted and everything I didn't know I wanted but did. Two lovers where their love did not save them and in modern day it might not again, has got me obsessed the way I haven't been in years.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Moon in the Day - if there is such a thing as a drama made perfectly for me, this gorgeous, emotionally haunting, utterly romantic, twisty tale is it.

WORST DRAMA

The Escape of the Seven. This drama is proof that demons exist and not sexy ones like Song Kang but horrible nasty ones who delight in the torment this hot mess inflicted on its viewers.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Ha, Moon in the Day - a Silla general and a consummate killer who committed atrocities on the orders of his monster father and yearned to die for them, who found the meaning in life in loving his enemy but it did not make him better, a man so obsessed he literally was around for 1500 years of horrifying ghostly existence and still went "worth it" for a woman who killed him as long as he knew she loved him while she did it. He's intense and competent and beyond fucked up and has never had a normal day and I love him so so so very much from a safe distance.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Gil Chae, My Dearest - she starts out as vain and spoiled but the horrors that break so many others bring out all her fierce survivor potential and she becomes such a force of nature - capable of incredible love but also sacrifice and strength and compassion.

Runner Up: Shin Hye Sun's reincarnator in See You In My 19th Life - quirky, damaged, strong, so odd and so vulnerable at once.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

There are a lot of characters who fit that category (King Injo in My Dearest? My God) but the crown belongs to So Ri Bu from Moon in the Day. You think you've seen abusive parents but until you've seen a man abuse his son his whole life and then continue for 1500 years after his death, you ain't seen nothing!

FAVORITE SHIP

The doomed by the narrative OTP of Moon in The Day. Only thing that's better than enemies to lovers is enemies while lovers and their impossible relationship where her killing him is a supreme act of love and his refusing to let go is so strong that he stays around for 1500 years watching her, helpless as she dies over and over again, is everything you ever want.

Runner up: Jang Hyun/Gil Chae, My Dearest. They are so strong and so damaged and it takes them so long to figure out what they feel and what the other person feels but their love and sacrifice and complexities are perfect.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Kim Shi Yeol/Hong Joo, The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - an assassin bodyguard pretending to be a carefree scholar and a widow of the man he killed to protect his king (and whose life was destroyed as a result.) I enjoyed the main OTP of this drama but I was utterly and completely unhinged for the secondary couple.

I'd have probably picked Rang and his mermaid from TotNT 1938 even over them, but they really were the main OTP of that drama.

NOTP

King the Land couple seems like an easy target but honestly, they are both so terribly bland and antiseptic and marketing by committee, they kinda deserve each other. So I am gonna go with Destined with You, one half of which thinks supernaturally roofying someone into loving them is cute and the other half thinks dating one woman while wooing another is totally a-ok. Ugh.

FAVORITE SCENE

There is no competition for the scene in the slave market in My Dearest, where Jang Hyun finds Gil Chae - the way he screams and tries to clutch the hem of her skirt will live in my head forever.

And the scene where he 'wins' that horrifying bet, or the scene where she finds him in a pile of bodies - they are as good also. Or when he fights off a squad to protect her even though he's sick. That whole drama is perfect.

Runner up: the scene of Do Ha executing Ri Ta's family, covered in blood, as she looks at him from the crowd in Moon in the Day.

Or the scene where he talks about how he cannot live as a person but at least maybe she will kill him and he will die as one. Or when her confession in the past intercuts with his walking in the present, or when he comes home in his bloodied armor and she finds he has a fever and it's the first tender touch he's probably ever known. Her murdering So Ri Bu saying she knows she's going against filial piety in loving her parents' murderer, the way they hug, both bloody, as he says "let's live." The way she says she can't go on as she's hit rock bottom and he replies she cannot quit because she must accompany him to his rock bottom now. Honestly, the drama is a font of amazingness.

Also, the opening scene of Goryeo Khitan War or the scene of Yang Gyu ordering to shoot the captives and having to do so himself.

The OTP meeting again at the intersection at the end of ep 1 of Tell Me That You Love Me. SHS comforting ABH as he's having a traumatic breakdown in 19th Life. The love-making scene in Call It Love. There were a lot of great scenes this year.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Lee Jang Hyun, My Dearest - is that even a competition? He's flawed - vain, often emotionally closed off, not great at processing emotions, lashing out when hurt. He is also incredibly heroic in a real, knows the cost but bears it, kind of way. Whatever he does, he commits utterly but it's never without understanding the cost. He felt both larger than life and utterly real. He went through hell and maintained his soul and the way he loved Gil Chae was breath-taking to behold.

Runner Up: Yang Gyu, Goryeo Khitan War - an experienced military commander who wins an impossible victory even as it ravages his soul. Competence is sexy as fuck.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Rang, Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - 1938 really was Rang's chance to shine and he took it. For a character I started out disliking in the original, he really stole my entire heart in this drama. I am so glad he got his happy ending with his brother and his girl.

Runner Up: Crown Prince, My Dearest. He started out as a sheltered, spoiled aristocrat, convinced the world owed him for existing. He grew up slowly and painfully into an amazing man. And then was murdered for it and I cried.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Arthdal - it leaves the story at a good stopping point but it's very much a "world in flux, adventures and conflicts continue" ending and I would love to see more of these characters. I know we won't but it would have been nice.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Behind Your Touch - should have been snipped at birth.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Vigilante - I don't mean it had scissors taken to it because it's not cdrama and there is no NRTA, but this drama would have benefitted from being longer. I mean, I love fights and gay polycules as much as the next tumblr person but a bit more character development would not have come amiss. (ahaha - I said come. Leave me alone.)

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

I don't care about cops/doctors/trash collectors/whoever - workplace drama centering on their "cases" needs to die. I hate procedurals from any country and Korea is no exception.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Supernatural critter devoted to their OTP with all the power of their long life.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Our Blooming Youth - it was far from terrible but it was a giant meh. I was so excited to see Park Hyung Sik in a sageuk (that wasn't the hot mess that was Hwarang) and I adored the source novel. It actually started well and then...it's like Revenge of the Beige!

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

I want to say Moon in the Day but to be honest, I was excited by posters and trailers so it wasn't wholly a surprise despite not having much of an opinion on the actors before I saw them. So I am going to say My Demon. I was bored by the trailers, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a Kim Yoo Jung drama and before this year I would have said Song Kang was an incredibly limited actor in everything I've seen him in and not appealing to me at all. And here I am rabidly rabiding for this drama!

If I am not limiting myself to dramas but can use this for actors - Hwang Minhyun in My Lovely Liar. I genuinely did not think the man could act and then he gave such a pitch-perfect, nuanced performance out of nowhere!

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have actually watched all the kdramas that aired this year that I wanted to check out except for Evilive. I am saving this for when I have time.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

I don't know if I'd say it's the best but Say You Love Me (2004) with Kim Rae Won as a quasi monk seduced away from his true love by an evil older woman was a hell of a ride.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Love Song for Illusion (Lady assassin falls for her royal target who has two personalities), Captivating the King (lady spy falls for her royal target who is tormented) - notice a theme? Also Flower that Blooms at Night because Honey Lee in a sageuk, The Life of Mrs Ock (Lim Ji Yeon in a sageuk), The Love Story of Chun Hwa (an "erotic" sageuk, hmmmm, what?!), Hong Rang (Lee Jae Wook in a super angst sageuk), Queen Woo (that cast and set in Goguryeo!), Wong Kyung (about Lee Bang Won's wife and I love the cast.) Basically, if it's period, I am there with bells on.

#kdrama #year in review #my dearest #moon in the day #call it love #tell me that you love me #goryeo khitan war #tale of the nine tailed 1938 #tale of the nine tailed: 1938 #The Secret Romantic Guesthouse #my demon #the story of park's marriage contract #perfect marriage revenge #Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow #see you in my 19th life #my lovely boxer

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapters #00-01

all | next

lets fucking do this

I'm annotating every chapter of trigun, both the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read). Literally just writing down everything I notice about details, version differences, translation notes, etc. and also being gay about the characters. happy pride month

I had other stuff to do today yesterday so I only got through a little bit but pace will pick up tomorrow today (1 volume/week is faster than i thought...)

Here are the beloved non-analysis sillies...

And there are just so many annotation images so I just put the rest under the cut <3 read my notes boy

[edit: why aren't the images not being side by side like i want them to i hate this. here's the url for my blog page with correct formatting] [edit 2: i guess it's only on desktop, not on mobile. so that's good]

First thing I noticed was the difference in the number of volumes, or the number of chapters in each volume. In my JP copy, volume 1 ends at Chapter #07: Rem, while Overhaul (and I assume every version after the first JP print) ends at #12: River of Life.

Anyways onto the actual images

21st of July - !! didn't notice [that the July incident actually happened in July] during 1st read b/c months are only numbers in Japanese 11 hours after destruction - July incident was 2am

For some reason I thought he was standing this whole time. unneccesary details georg

Estimated age: 24 - Official age for his appearance? dang he's young Appearance - "Place of origin/birth," not "what he looks like" The worst kind of outlaw, and an unrivalled killer. - Added in a later version? (not in my JP copy but the phrase is familiar)

This blank space originally had the Japanese translation for the board.

We see his serious expression already! I don't remember '98 doing so this early on so it's pretty notable to me...

Just thinking about how Vash counted each individual gunshot being fired during all that chaos... dear god.... During my first read/watch I thought it was just silly Rule of Cool protagonist moment but not really. This guy actually has Insane perception, either from being a plant or sheer practice. Or both.

Also immediately after all that, I really love the way the aftermath is shown here. The only things you can hear are the creaks of the light and the crying boy. It really brings out the tension in the atmosphere.

Finally, something other than unneccesary bits! If you look at the flooring under the toy gun, the perspective lines are pointing SW-NE. This corresponds to the flooring on Vash's right, whose right arm is also suspiciously out-of-frame... This is definitely the moment he took the toy gun. I can't express the amount of Holy Shit I felt when I realized this. The detail!!!!! man!!!!!!!!!

There's a little translation error here - it should be something like "Even if he were still alive, he wouldn't be able to move an inch!"

One of my favorite Vash moves with one of my favorite Tumblr heritage posts.

This is not really based on any drawn details, but I think this is the moment that Vash readies the toy gun, puts it in his pocket, and picks up the ketchup. Do Not trust this man when his arm is not visible. Also finger still in gun <3 doing his part blocking one bullet at a time

And here we have Vash's first COOL cool moment!!!!!! cue my homo screaming. goddddddddd im so mentally unwell about him. agh I also absolutely love when Nightow does that thing where he screen-tones a character's skin just because. It pops!! It's unique!! I love it!! I eat it up every time!!!

Here's where I realize that Vash's hair antennae are pointing straight up. I should be on the lookout for when he makes the transition to the M-shaped antennae we know and love.

Also, a little untranslatable joke from the Japanese version. In Japanese, this guy calls out at Vash like "And you, don't provoke him!" except it's written with the kanji for "Hunter" (狩人 karyūdo), with a ruby pronunciation note saying "you" (おまえも omaemo). These kanji/ruby mismatch jokes are never not funny and it's so sad that there's no way to keep them in without doing...this lol

The "I counted!" reveal never fails to get me. holy shit. I love the little boy's expression when he gets his gun back :) You helped!!! and you don't have to have the real deal to be cool as balls!!!

Just lumping this with the previous two because it's a tall image, but another small translation error. Rather than being about doing harm, he's talking about recieving it (～～はゴメンだ is a hard-to-catch phrasing/idiom; it's already been discussed with the translator on a different instance). It should be more like "[...But] nobody likes getting hurt, right?"

THE GIRLIES YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not including the dialogue because. y'know. At least they get (accidentally) Bonked by Millie :) get their asses

Here, the order suggestion is made by somebody off-screen, but in the first edition, it was made by the cook himself. (left image annotation says "the storekeeper(cook) is so nice!")

That's it for chapters #00-01! I'm going to keep having Category 5 Autism Events every day aren't I.

It's literally 1:20am as of finishing this post because my computer won't stop crashing. Posting this first thing in the morning tomorrow <3

Also, the Japanese copy of the annotations will be in the reblogs for anyone who wants to see them. The emotions are Rawer and they're phrased way less awkwardly... if you can read them lol

#trigunbookclub #trigun annotation #i guess? #trigun #trigun manga

[curiouselleth]

Be He Foe or Friend; a Silmarillion Choose your Own Adventure Book

Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo, mellons and mutuals!

(a star shines on the hour of our meeting, friends and mutuals!)

So, what is Be He Foe or Friend? It's a Silmarillion choose your own adventure book I'm writing! I've been tagging all my posts about it with "be he foe or friend".

Be He Foe or Friend is written from the perspective of Lalwen, one of Finwe's daughters and a textual ghost. We know she went to Middle Earth with Fingolfin... but that's all we know. So it will read as if you are Lalwen, and at the end of each chapter, you will have to make a choice.

More information and details under the cut!

(edited 1/6/24 to update info)

I'm planning to separate the story into several books, with this first one starting in Valinor, pre-darkening, and ending shortly after the Host of Fingolfin arrives in Middle Earth (probably shortly after Fingolfin is crowned). It’s working title right now is Blessed Lands and Colder Seas.

For example (and this whole bit here is just an example, I am not using this):

What do you want to do as Princess of the Noldor?

Join the Court

Head projects in the city, (construction, social programs, etc.)

Serving (insert favorite/least hated vala here)

Each choice is tied to a certain chapter, so if you choose to servea vala, you would jump to the chapter "In the Halls of Aule" rather than just going to the next page with the chapter "Finwe's Advisors are Annoying" which is where you would go if you chose to join the court.

In some later chapters where survival might be a question, I'm thinking it could be fun to roll dice to determine that, like if you were in the Battle of Unnumbered Tears, you would roll a 100-sided die, and if you got 98 or above you survive. (I'm still kinda rotating how this part should work.)

(All of the above choices and chapters were made up for the sake of giving an example that wasn't a spoiler)

As of now I estimate 26 or so chapters in this book, but there are probably quite a few I can combine, and I will probably find that I need more chapters in certain parts so I can't say for sure.

What makes this complicated is that you won't be reading 26 chapters. Because for each decision you make at the end of a chapter, there will be 1 or 2 other chapters for the other choices... and it all branches off so there really will be 6 or 7 chapters as you read through. (I am so sorry if this doesn't make sense, I don't know how else to word it)

Namárië!

#be he foe or friend #silmarillion #tolkien #the silmarillion #silm #the silm #silm fanfic #silmarillion fanfic #silmarillion fanfiction #my wiritng #writing #middle earth #jrr tolkien #tolkien tag #fanfiction #fanfic #irime lalwen #lalwen #fingolfin #aule #valar #valinor #bhff

[majorbaby]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you so much for the tag @bornforastorm, i loved reading through yours :3 

i will tag @marley-manson / @rescue-ram / @persianflaw / @leonardcohenofficial / @raywritesthings

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 14… will be 15 in under 24 hrs ;)

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 136,971… just over 100K of which were published this year :D 

3. What fandoms do you write for? MASH at the moment, with no end in sight. I have two ideas for twin peaks but not much motivation to write them, let alone the discipline. 

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? if you really wanna know here’s my ao3 and you can you sort by kudos, i don’t wanna link my fics in other fandoms that are almost 7 years old now… pls… 

5. Do you respond to comments? i used to be quite diligent about doing it but when i was publishing near-daily for kinktober i fell behind because i was literally writing every day. i may still go back to respond to them because i like doing it. 

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? the beejhawk sex pollen fic (heavy dubcon warning)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i’m realizing that most of traphawk fics are only ‘happy endings’ if you see them as self-contained, which they aren’t really, because even though trapper’s exit isn’t at all relevant, i’m not consciously ‘unwriting’ that. but in-fic probably Goodbye, Farewell and Amen to That because it explicitly states that TrapHawk can handle whatever is thrown at them, which would include whatever happens post-fic. 

8. Do you get hate on fics? for a while i had an anon who submitted vagues about me / my work so like yes, i’ve read a couple vagues seemed they were about my fic but, and i know this sounds like a cop-out but genuinely, i’m kinda flattered by anyone who hates my fic and still manages to read the whole thing and write a public post about how how they didn’t like it? like, what are we??? 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i consider myself primarily a smut writer, only incidentally non-smut writer. i write all kinds and can’t wait to diversify more. 

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? my dream fic is a specific crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? yes

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? not recently, but in former fandoms yes. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? sort of. it isn’t published. but maybe soon. 

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? traphawk is the ship to me. some things we should be dramatic about: there’s the traphawk that i write and then there’s the traphawk that i live, which only my irl trapper understands 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? now that i have discovered the margaret longfic i really want to write i’ve officially abandoned my 80K canon-compliant margaret WIP

16. What are your writing strengths? i’m disciplined, i want to improve, i take risks, i’m curious, i’m honest and i welcome strong challenges from the people who edit my work.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i have some barriers (i’m dyslexic and english is my not my first language) but i could still stand to be much more diligent about grammar and punctuation. beyond that, my prose tends to be flowery and verbose and need to be reined in a lot. i’m trying to get better at on my own but it helps that my OG beta, marley, is kind of my stylistic foil lol (hope she doesn’t mind me saying), she trims a lot of the fat from my work and helps me communicate my ideas better. lastly, sometimes i suffer from being really married to an idea that sounded cooler in my head than it does on paper, and i have a really hard time setting it down.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i say this as someone who is multilingual - it’s almost never a good idea, especially in fic, if you’re having a main character speak partially in another language for no reason except to note that you, the author, knows that they speak another language. it could maybe make sense for atmosphere, but in that case, just say “they were speaking x language / they said something in x language”. 

i’ll be honest, it annoys me so much that if i see a character in a fic drop a few words in a language other than english and then continue on in english that i will x-out of a fic. there’s got to be some thoughtful in-universe explanation for that e.g. if you’re in Canada, bilingual service agents will say ‘Hello/Bonjour’ to you to indicate that you have an option to speak with them in either language. 

19. First fandom you wrote for? uhhh i honestly don’t remember. i’ve been writing fanfiction since before i was a teenager. first time i published it might’ve been for the legend of zelda. 

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? at the moment it’s cherry bomb! because it was a nice, smutty interlude in traphawk’s relationship and a fic that exists mostly for kink’s sake but still has a distinct vibe, unlike filthysweet which i don’t hate, but imo is unremarkable. CB is 95% style 5% substance and still contains weight somehow. i really hope i can recreate that again. 

#btw when i see it typed out 'Ao3' i can't help but think... Attack on 3some... #i'm really behind in tag games but i'm always curious abt people's ficcish thoughts #tag game #my fic #wip stuff #(future) wip stuff

[marengogo]

5: Marengo & The Rainbow Avengers

Take Two - by BTS  

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I meant to post this yesterday, in honour of their birthday, but, 24 hours never seem to be quite enough do they? So, here it is, the SUPER-LONG-DETAIL story of how Marengo was unexpectedly saved by 7 Rainbow Avengers, also known as BTS.

CHAPTER 1: MY HEART WAS BROKEN

The date was January 27; 2019. ARASHI japanese boy band that debuted in 1999 got together and in front of a well organised, and somewhat serene, press setting, televised to their fans all over the world including myself, announced that they would go on an indefinite hiatus starting January 1, 2021. Not sure why I wasn't expecting this. This was the first time they every did something like this, and the tell-tell signs had been plenty, but still, had I been ready, it still would have hit as hard as it did.

I remember silently crying, as Ohno their leader and my bias, who is the one in the middle of the above picture spoke and told us how, basically. he was tired and just wanted to spend his time on his boat fishing his days away. Fishing had always been his passion, but he also always dreamed of becoming the captain of his own ship Monkey D. Luffy watch out!. ARASHI had quite a few of their own shows and in one of them (Arashi Ni Shiayagare) we the fans, and the other members, got to cheer him on as he studied to get a licence to drive a boat. He succeeded, got his boat and for the rest of that year’s show he’d take us on adventures with his boat, fishing with famous Japanese celebrities as guests it was still a show after all. Every time he was on his boat he looked so fucking happy. So when he finally made the announcement, yes, I was shocked, yes, I was distraught, but ultimately I was happy for him. Just a whole STORM arashi means storm of emotions really. 

You need to understand, at that point, I had been their fan since 2009. If my Japanese is at the level it is right now, 1/10 of it is definitely thanks to them, since I used to regularly translate all their songs, dramas, shows, etc. To imagine I only started listening to them as a fun way to help me study Japanese … Anyways, back on track … their announcement happened on my 10 year anniversary (their 20th) and I remember the following day coming back from work, with their music in my ears, stopping at a traffic light wanting to cry as I kept thinking about them and right in that moment, I looked up at the big screen and so the following ad:

That evening was the first time I actually EVER seen the boys. Before that evening I had only  heard about them, A LOT,  and now in hindsight I know why. The first time had been some time in 2017, while I was looking for japanese articles to translate, I happened upon one that was about ARASHI, obviously, I got super excited and decided to read it. Only to find out how this journalist was basically describing why according to him ARASHI stood no comparison against this 7 boy band sensation “called BTS”. I was so irritated by that article I didn’t even bother to read their country of origin and for the longest time I decided they were Chinese 🤡. Mind you, I never once thought of BTS even after reading that article, my mind was ARASHI ARASHI ARASHI FOR DREAM! but that evening when I saw that ad I hated them. So I walked away, sad and angry O THE DRAMA! 🤡 but just like the first time I heard of them, I never thought of them again.

2020 rolled in, and just right before COVID, I started exploring new things on the internet amongst which I discovered a certain at the time budding actor and become a big fan not about to give myself out, so I won’t tell you who 😜, Let's call them X. What does a fan with extensive editing knowledge do? Why fan-edits of course! So I started making edits of X, and one day, as I was helping make X trend on Twitter for an event they were attending, on my timeline a particular video kept reappearing. So I clicked:

CHAPTER 2: I WAS LITERALLY SPEECHLESS AND MESMERIZED

Within ARASHI, only Ohno could actually dance, but these boys ... these boys could ALL dance and apparently they also sang, some holding one hell of a tune, and that beat, ooh the entire production…: JUST WOW. I must have watched the video another 10 times at least and all the while it never got old, in fact it only got better with every listen; so I then ended up adding ON to my playlist.

This day was February 25, 2020 and this is the date I unknowingly became ARMY and also the day I celebrate my anniversary on. Now you need to understand, my COVID days were mostly making edits of X, supporting X, trending for X on twitter so at this point I didn’t have the thoughts of wanting to find more about BTS. In my head, I found a song I liked, and thought "cool, I guess I don't necessesarily have to hate them ..." I quickly looked up JUNGKOOK because you don't belt a not like that and act like it didn't happened and kept it moving. 

Couple of days later, I’d start working on my first edit of X which blow up. This edit was was made using this one song I heard on a compilation which was circulating on twitter, it had a “certain dancer named Jimin” doing high kicks. The background song they used was named; UGH!. Sure, the dancer was hella skilled … but that song, I couldn’t stop playing the clip and though it was probably because of Jimin, my brain decided that it was the song can’t believe I found the exact edit!!! 👇🏾

Did I realise that UGH! which took me forever to find as I didn’t understand it was the name of the song at first 😂😂😂 was sung by BTS; as in THE SAME BTS I apparently didn’t hate so much anymore? NOPE. It didn’t even occurred to me because THAT BTS was a 7 member boy band not a hardcore 3 member rap group 😬😬😬. Anyways, I became obsessed with UGH! And as one does when in confinement, I started looking for people who would share my same enthusiasm, and since I had already fallen into the world of reactions on youtube for TV series THANKS A LOT COVID ��I thought I’d look to see if there was anyone who would react to songs, in this case, UGH! By the rapper group named BTS still to this point I had NO CLUE that they were the same people… I had to download an mp4 version from the internet in order to do the edit, so I didn't even know if it came from an album or where else and what I found was:

They were hella excited and I really could relate with that because that song always made me wanna turn the fuck up, but most of all, they were black people interested in something asian, and that for me was something I could heavily appreciated. Everyday I kept coming back to watch that reaction because it just made me so happy, and gave me so much energy, so I decided to see if they had any more songs from this rapper group. The first video that came up was their reaction to ON KINETIC MANIFESTO. THE AMOUNT OF DOTS THAT STARTED CONNECTING IN MY HEAD WERE SO MANY YOU’D THINK I DISCOVERED THE THREE LAWS OF EINSTEIN!

You should have seen my face when I discovered that UGH! was on the same album as ON: 🤡. This also made me want to look up the one member whose features really appealed to me the most, not gonna lie to y'all, it was love at first sight: RM. Wanting to know who he was I went on wikipedia, typed BTS and kept clicking every members name until I found him wikipedia has them ordered by age. I started reading about him and chuckled when I found out he was the leader what can I say, i seem to have had a type! aaaand he thought himself english and that made him even sexier in my eyes. When I tell you I spent a couple of days being obsessed with Namjoon 😬😬😬 ...

Anyways, I think a part of me wanted to start being invested, thus, before continuing watching more reactions with FoSquad I decided I wanted to listen to MOTS7, in its entirety, by myself and aside from ON and UGH! The only other song that I absolutely adored was Filter. AND SO began my search for the uncredited female singer that sang Filter, whom I couldn't find anywhere, NOT A SINGLE GOOGLE PAGE HAD THE NAME OF THE FEMALE SINGER THAT SANG FILTER ON ONE OF THE BIGGEST ALBUMS OF THE YEAR. For a couple of days this is what my google search looked like “What is the name of the female singer that sings Filter with BTS”. … 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

CHAPTER 3: A THREE MONTHS BLINK

Not finding an answer with regards to the mysterious Filter Singer and also concluding that the internet was still so lacking on proper representation of Asian artists, rather than me being the one who was dumb AF, I went continued my supporting X life, while constantly listening to ON, UGH! and Filter. Eventually, it was time to make another X edit, meaning I needed to search for new songs and since X was obsessed with BlackPink I decided to give them a chance and at the time the most recent song was SOUR CANDY feat. Lady Gaga. It was very Gagaish I just so happen to really like Gaga and the beat was perfect for editing, so I used it. On top of that, I joined X's I don't remember how many days countdown to the premiere of “How You Like That”. As I said, X was obsessed with BlackPink, hence, I became a Blink for 3 months.

The day How You Like That dropped I was just as excited as X and at the time I was staying with my directors at their place and they became my "covid bubble". The 3 of us were trying to save our company during COVID inactivity, which meant that during the mornings it was an incessant string of calls with lawyers, with rightfully desperate landlords chasing for money we didn’t have, third parties also needed money we didn't have ... basically, just a whole lot of heavy grinding. But in the evening, we'd cook dinner and we’d all watch a movie once we had quickly gone through the most recent Queer Eye season, even Queer Eye in Japan! and after they’d go to bed, I’d step up, talking with my X Twitter GC, while watching other shows and right before going to bed I'd watch How You Like That to get my spirits ready for the next day.

This was my routine at their house, every day from the release of that song, for a good 2 months. When August rolled around I decided to go back home, as the situation with the company seemed at least a bit stable. So it was back to self-distancing by myself and to my own surprise I didn’t feel the urge to listen to BlackPink at all. X was all that really mattered after all, and they had stopped talking about them, for the time being. So one early ass morning on August 21, 2020 I just so happened to be awake and twitter was buzzing with people waiting for a new BTS song to drop. As I was already awake and had another hour waiting for X to appear at their interview event, I decided to silently wait with ARMY; I did like ON after all. Thus, came Dynamite

CHAPTER 4: LIKE AN ECHO IN THE FOREST

It was nothing like ON. So at first I was a bit confused and didn't know what to think, as it was clear that I hadn't understood their genre. Yet, somehow, that boy winking at me at the end of the MV kept making me want to replay the song and before I knew it I was “shining through the city with a little funk and so-oul!”. Eventually, I looked him up and found out that the cute boxy smile boy with the light blue outfit’s name was V. Just as easy a name to remember as RM. By all means, he wasn’t RM, but that smile just was the cheekiest thing I had seen in a while.

But there was another person that was also FINALLY "introduced" to me through this video, the one who was my mysterious female voice and "UGH! dancer": JIMIN. Not sure why it didn’t connect with ON but the second I heard his voice in Dynamite DOTS WERE CONNECTING LEFT AND RIGHT, AND IT WAS FINALLY CLEAR IN MY MIND THAT SHE WAS ACTUALLY A HE, WHO WAS PRETTIER THAN A SHE AND SANG & DANCED LIKE AN ANGEL 🤯🤯🤯. ... Basically Dynamite introduced me to VMIN. 

It goes without saying, my queer-senses were all over the place with Jimin. So, as i usually do, not at all knowledgeable of the South Korean culture, I dove into the internet to ask and see if JM was part of the community: nothing came up. In fact, it was full of people going to a great length to explain why there was NO WAY IN HELL THAT JM WAS QUEER. Funnily enough, as I kept trying to look for connections between JM and the community, all that came up with connections between RM and V and the community (as they had made posts and connected with queer people, music, etc). The strong denying of any sort of connection between JM and Rainbow nation did discourage me a little, NGL. I had spent a year trying to not fall for queerbaiting and I didn’t want it to happen again. However, as I didn’t want to jump the gun since I didn’t quite know them at all, I decided that even though he wasn't a Fred Mercury he perhaps was a Bowie or a Prince. I was okay with that and decided to close that rainbow chapter at that AT THE TIME, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHERE I STAND NOW 🤡. 

The weeks following Dynamite things around X’s management start to look very dodgy and fishy. As a fan you want to be positive, hope for the best, but as more and more evidence was brought forth I had to start to at least dissociate X from their company. This really made me and my X-friends incredibly sad and pretty disenchanted I will admit. Day by day we tried to look at the bright side but, it kept looking rather grim and right about that time somehow I was exposed to STAY GOLD and LIFE GOES ON. Thought Stay Gold wss the one in Japanese, the one that stuck with me was Life Goes On. I remember walking around the still empty studio we hadn’t been able to reinstated none of my colleagues with Life Goes On playing rather loudly. The comfort that song provided me in that moment I will never be able to explain. Is probably the same feeling older ARMY have with Spring Day. Life Goes On came to me in a moment when I really needed to hear those words, gently and promising, like an echo in the forest. 

As it started to become clearer that X was just as cowardly as their company I took a break from my Twitter page, which also just so happened to fall around Xmas time, so I got to actually have a real break with my sibling away from all that nonsense and into a different more secure looking world.

CHAPTER 5: WHO IS BTS?

I spent a good deal of my xmas break watching people's reaction to BTS, their story, their struggles, their MV. Through these reactors and “BTS experts” I was introduced to SOPE. In my baby ARMY experience they came as a set, Ying&Yang, one the opposite of the other, at least this was how majority of the old BTS edits and explaining videos would portray them luckily we now have many updated and more extensive videos out there. While watching all these compilations I also eventually learned all their names and started watching RUN BTS from episode 1 when I figured out tha utmost of the edits were from there I thought “Let’s go straight to the source, if I want to learn really what they are like”. 

The first thing that became pretty clear to me was that for example HOBI and YOONGI weren’t quite exactly like the compilations had been describing them all of them in fact. And it wasn’t like all the boys tried to act reserved or hide certain parts of themselves, they seemed so open that if people paid even just the smallest amount of attention they would know. So for the first time in a long time I found a group that wasn’t giving me doubts, worries … I really didn’t have to think too much but at the same time I knew that if I ever fell back into being depressed from my post-COVIDic environment, they’d also be able to find me down there, because they didn’t seem to shy away from those situations either. 

Going back to RUN BTS real quick, the one thing that it did for me, was introducing me to none other than KIM SEOKJIN. Before I knew it I always found myself following jin on the screen, waiting for him to talk and say a pun or dad joke, or just wanted to see and hear him laugh … I developed a crush for Jin and a small pointy edge every time someone would leave comments on youtube like “why is jin even in this band”, “ there is a reason why Jin dances in the back”. “Jin is not even handsome”. GURL/BOI/ENBY. Taking a break from X meant I would stay well away from Twitter, so I had no idea about BTS proper solos, antis, etc and like a moth to a flame, I’d fall for any troll and start defending Jin against the world. MFers … how dare they disrespected him like that! AND IN FRONT OF ME!

That being said a person called me a Jin-solo in a comment and the second that happened I was about to reply that "Yes I love Jin-" the implications of being a solo, COMPLETELY lost on my Baby ARMY ass but the second i started typing I immediately thought of Namjoon, and then Jungkook, and Jimin ... eventually I thought of all members and realised that I liked each member for different reasons and I couldn't choose one. Further research would eventually teach me that meant I was 0T7.

On my way back from my Xmas break I decided that I would stop associating with X and just move on with life. On my journey back home we were told we had to be Lockdown again, which really depressed me, but as if it was second nature, I played Life Goes On and tried to think of any positive thing. So I got back home wanting to watch more BTS reactions, while listening to BTS and wondering what Jin was doing. And from that moment on for a good month I’d go into my still empty office but this time knowing we could start calling back at least 2 of my colleagues, which made me so ecstatic sit down with my coffee and say “Alexa, play BTS” and Alexa would reply “Shuffling songs from BTS” and ALWAYS the playlist would start with a familiar whistle …

And the rest is history 😜.

So who is BTS? They are the 7 boys that came to my rescue when I felt heartbroken. The 7 boys that had so much skill and love to share with the world and wanted for me to join and not be left out. They are the boys that never pressured me into needing to like them, but somehow were always there when I unknowingly needed them. They are the 7 boys who reminded me that it was okay to not be okay and just go with the flow of things, even if it is against the flow of all. They are the 7 boys that keep trusting us with their everything and all they ask in return, if possible, is to be there, at end of this gigantic rainbow. And that is exactly where I plan to be. I am so grateful for all 7 of you and words could never describe how much I love you.

HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY MY RAINBOW AVENGERS.

Always incredible respectfully yours,

Marengo. 

#Youtube #BTS 10th Anniversary #Marengo World #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BANGTAN

[mrs-mquve-cc]

Sims Tag  

I was tagged by @esotheria-sims!

1. What’s your favourite sims death?

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever let a sim die 😆 Not only do I not actually play the game very often, I’m just too attached to my sims. But if I had to choose it’d be death by cowplant.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Alpha/semi-realistic till the day I die!

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

Nah, that’s unnecessary.

4. Do you use move objects?

ALWAYS.

5. Favorite mod?

@lamare-sims‘ Shiftable Everything! I love to decorate, and this was a TOTAL game-changer for me.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

I bought The Sims 2 Deluxe in 2007. I still get confused with what came with the base game and what came with Nightlife because I’ve always had NL 😅

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

Like LIVing. I seem to be in the minority on this but whatever.

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Laegrinna, of course! I’m sure everyone who follows me knows already but she’s the sim pictured in this post and in my avatar. She’s the protagonist of a game called Deception IV: Blood Ties.

9. Have you made a simself?

Yep, I do have one, you can see her in my 40th birthday post from last year. I gave her graying hair then to be more accurate. I did play as her a few times but it felt kind of weird so she just roams around my hood.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself?

I don’t use the traits mod but if I did, it’d probably be Absent-Minded, Perfectionist, Cat Person, Eccentric, and Socially Awkward.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

I don’t use EA colors or textures, obviously, but I hate them all, especially the pee yellow blonde 😂

12. Favorite EA hair?

I don’t use EA hairs, but the only one I even remotely like is the Mansion & Garden dreads band hair. I might try to do something texture-wise with it at some point.

(Editing to say HOW THE SHIT DID I FORGET LAEGRINNA’S HAIR *facepalm* yeah it’s the Modern Bob from the EA store. As for hairs shipped with the game see above)

13. Favorite life stage?

I only play adults because I’m boring lol

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

I dunno, I spend way more time creating and taking pics than I do playing. I’m awful at building but I do enjoy it and like I said I love decorating.

15. Are you a CC creator?

Yep, have been for almost 8 years now! I’ve made a ridiculous amount of CC, mostly hairs but I think I enjoy retexturing clothing and objects a bit more. I’ve just started learning meshing and it’s opened up so many new possibilities for me. I have an endless list of future projects!

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?

I have a few. I’m not popular in the community or anything and my social skills are lacking but I do like interacting with other simmers.

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)

Sims 2 forever!

18. Do you have any sims merch?

Nope.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?

No and I don’t think I’d be good at making videos in general.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

It’s gotten much more eccentric and I’ve leaned harder into semi-realism despite most people playing Maxis Match the past 10+ years. I love goth/alternative CC and incorporated a lot more into my game when I created the Deception IV sims. It’s funny because it seems like people’s tastes get more mainstream as they age, but it’s exactly the opposite for me. I look at my old CC and the way I used to dress and make up my sims and think “wow was I boring back then.” The current aesthetic of my game more accurately reflects my personality.

21. What’s your Origin ID?

Bold of you to assume I use Origin 😂

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Too many to list here! I’m a CC hoarder.

23. How long have you had a simblr?

7 years, almost as long as I’ve been creating.

24. How do you edit your pictures?

I do minimal editing, partially because I’m not very good at it and also because with CC previews I want people to see exactly what they’re getting. I use Pooklet’s game lighting actions, I’m careful with how much light I use when taking the pics in-game because it’s easier to brighten a screenshot than fix an overexposed one (Laegrinna’s white hair is particularly prone to overexposure). I brighten the subjects of the picture a bit more and darken the background a little so they stand out. But that’s really it.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

Well, we’re not getting anything else for TS2 anyway, and I don’t even know what else I’d want because there’s so many fun mods out there that add to the game.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?

That’s a tough one - I love playing witches (Laegrinna and her sister Velguirie are both evil witches) so Apartment Life is up there, but I also love playing businesses and having my sims go out on the town so I couldn’t imagine playing without OFB or Nightlife.

I’m going to tag @furbyq, @focalor-sims, @equinoxts2, @pooklet, @skulldilocks, @letomills, and @phoebe-twiddle!

#fia.jpg #the usual gang of idiots #sim: laegrinna

[the-rebel-archivist]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @kittlesandbugs, thank you so much!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 24, but there are a lot of things that I've only posted on reddit or kept in a document, I've been trying to upload some old works recently though!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 47,945

3. What fandoms do you write for? Dragon Age mainly, but also Fallen Hero, some Baldur's Gate 3 (not posted to AO3 yet but there is... a decent amount), a bit of Mass Effect and a bit of The Exile

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Some of these are at the top simply by virtue of being older and/or with more popular pairings

Stay - Dragon Age Inquisition, Cullavellan, early work, Cullen's perspective on a late evening reviewing paperwork in the Inquisitor's quarters. He makes a scandalous suggestion: forging her signature

Eloquence - Dragon Age Inquisition, Cullavellan again, also Cullen's perspective, set earlier than the one above. It's very cute, early work but full of words unspoken and gentle teasing

Deliberations on the Inevitable - Dragon Age post-Origins, Morrigan/Amell, from Morrigan's perspective. A mouthful of a title. The Warden is convinced to leave to find a cure for the Calling after Kieran tells him his blood sings louder

Amell Family Letters - Dragon Age Inquisition-ish, letters between the Warden, Kieran, and Morrigan while he's out trying to find a cure and they're at Skyhold

Motherly Love - Dragon Age post-Inquisition, Cullavellan, early work, Lavellan has difficulty bonding with her daughter. The story itself I'm considering retconning but it was really personal to write

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to but I have a habit of bursting with joy when I read them and telling myself "I'll respond when I get to my desk" and then forgetting that I should

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Most of my fics usually end reasonably positively even if the path they take to get there can get rough. I think maybe I am cursed, maybe I am gifted might be the angstiest overall, the PTSD of a war criminal Exile commander still towing the party line before exile

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I don't know if I have any that aren't at least a little bittersweet, but of them A Father's Legacy is probably the happiest. Colonist Shepard has a long-needed talk with his parents and has a chance to try to learn from their mistakes with his daughter

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not that I've seen

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Only for fun in private with friends. There's some truly silly smut on my drive that will never see the light of day publicly

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Also only in private with friends, but only once. A satirical TWC crossover into FHR

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No I don't think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not really, I've started a few collaborations but they didn't get very far

14. What's your all time favorite ship? Anything with Morrigan. It's always great, there's always a little edge to it even in extremely loving fics (as there should be!)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Raynda and Tamaris's Wycome Adventure, a pre-Inquisition short novella-length fic. It's mostly there, kind of. Needs refining and editing and at this point probably a rewrite

16. What are your writing strengths? Period novel-like prose, describing impressions, established npc voices, and I'm really good at writing child POVs

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting a longer work, or rather coming up with a compelling problem that will build tension toward a satisfying climax. It's why I trend towards short in-between ficlets instead

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If I know the language maybe, it just has to have a purpose beyond obfuscation and I'd rather not use google translate

19. First fandom you wrote for? Dragon Age

20. Favorite fic you've written? I'm torn between Deliberations on the Inevitable and The Queen but I think it may be The Queen. The courtly love and the metaphors are things I'm still proud of. It also comes as no surprise but both fics feature strong women, Morrigan and Anora.

I'm not sure who hasn't been tagged already so I'll tag @ohmypawsandwhiskers @wolfs-dawn and @plisuu but if you see this consider yourself invited to fill it out

#tag game

[otaku-girl-ao3]

20 questions for fic writers

This seemed like fun 😅💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

39 on AO3 (I’ve still got so many I never bothered to port across and probably never will 😅 All of my new stuff goes on here though!)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

512,495 uploaded so far (though I’ve got quite a backlog still to edit and upload).

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wonka (2023), Undertale, BNHA, You me and the Apocalypse at the moment. Maybe I’ll go back to MCU, LoTR and Witcher someday. I am really, really tempted to start writing for more Mathew Baynton related fandoms; I am utterly obsessed with Ghosts at the moment as a reader 😅 I need more Thomas/Pat, Thomas/Julian, and Pat/Cap in my life! 🔥

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Twelve steps - 2,927 kudos - MCU, post civil-war, following the twelve steps of grief after a physical injury changes Tony’s life forever. 

Unleashed - 1,274 kudos - Undertale, fellswap, shameless reader/Mutt/BlackBerry BDSM fic.

One track mind - 840 kudos, MCU, found family Darcy-centric Drabble. 

Unforgivable - 628 kudos, Hobbit, post-canon everyone lives fix-it.

Taking the me out of teamwork - 602 kudos, MCU, Tony leaving the avengers Drabble. 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

I now do my best to respond to every comment I get on every fic. I used to worry it was weird or annoying, but now I just try and focus on showing my appreciation for anyone that takes the time and effort to comment on my silly things.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooooh gosh, either Twelve Steps (kind of a hopefully ending at least), Dark Deeds and Bitter Choices (my first finished and shared dove), or possibly Three Strikes (which I will go back to write an even darker follow-on at some point). 

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Aaaa what even is happiness? Probably (Pure) Imagination; it’s just smut with a very open but happy ending. Or The Most (Un)Romantic Day of the Year (which I should up uploading in early April '24).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got some for one of my Undertale fics where people hadn’t fully read the tags 🥲 That fic hasn’t been finished but hopefully I’ll go back to it one day. 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I mainly write smut now 😅 80-90% of that is some kink of BDSM, fetish, or kink related smut. A real mix of long fics and one-shots. I feel more comfortable writing smut than I do fluff at this point!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have started writing them again. At the moment, Wonka (2023) x You, Me and the Apocalypse (2016) is probably the most recent strange one? I’m also working on something Wonka (2023) x Ghosts (2019) at the moment, possibly with a bit of Spy (2011) and You, Me and the Apocalypse (2016) thrown in, but I'm not sure yet if I'll actually upload that one or not.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of 🤞

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I believe Twelve Steps was translated into Russian but that’s it. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, but I’d absolutely love to! 👀

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

At the moment? Felix Fickelgruber x Willy Wonka (2023); it used to be Duo x Treize x Zechs 😅 but even back then that was a rare pairing to find 😅 I’m not sure if I’ve got an all-time favourite ship anymore; I prefer specific tags to ships. I’ll read anything sugar daddy or most healthy RACK/SSCK BDSM-related fics. Oh! Or anything with good, detailed aftercare.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It’s not looking great for Unforgivable 😢 maybe some day I'll go back to it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have no shame when it comes to smut. I’ll try writing (almost) anything at least once. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Repetition. So, so much repetition. Editing is not my strong suit, though I try my best.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It can be interesting if done well? Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it adds much to the story and can just slow things down for the readers (especially if there is no translation provided).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Gundam Wing as a literal child back in the 00s 😅

20. Favourite fics you’ve written?

Sugar Daddy? Call Me (Sir) has to be my absolute favourite just because it introduced me to so, so many amazing new fandom friends along with my absolute favourite discord server of all time.

His (Darkness) is the one I’m most excited about writing at the moment.

For A Moment is probably the one I most want to go back and do a sequel for, I feel far too bad about leaving Felix in that situation.

Dark Deeds and Bitter Choices is probably one of my absolute favourites (and ironically one of my least kudos’d multi-chapter fics); I think it’s just a bit too dark for the fandom which I totally get. 

(Pure) Imagination is the one that helped me get back into writing again, so it's got a special place in my heart.

#ao3 writer #writers on tumblr #fanfiction writer #my writing

[gerbits]

Tagged by @irrewilderer for this lil questionnaire, thank youuu!! tagging with zero pressure @plasma-janes, @tipsy-clouds, @biffybobs, @whyeverr, @saartje77, @justkeeponsimming, @simgerale, @wildmelon, @introvertedfox

1. what’s your favorite sim death? death by cowplant 🐮

2. alpha cc or maxis match? maxis match

3. do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no, but I do 'cheat' to try to make them look a bit more proportional in CAS

4. do you use bb.moveobjects? do....do people not use this cheat

5. favorite mod? there are a few I can't play without but I think my favorite has to be lilmisssam's pregnancy overhaul (pregnant sim bellies are atrocious & still, years later, idk who approved it or why they haven't adjusted it???)

6. first DLC you got? unleashed! 🐾

7. do you pronounce ‘live mode’ like ‘alive’ or ‘living’? living

8. who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? probably pigeon :3

9. have you made a simself? yes but I don't play her, I would feel a bit weird having a simself save. I mostly use her for profile photos on the gallery or twitter (or rather, when I actually used twitter). See most recent version below!

10. what sim traits did you give yourself? Geek, Squeamish, and Hates Children (though I promise I am not mean to children and I don't hate them, but it's a well known fact I am certainly not a kid person)

11. what is your favorite maxis hair color? I don't really have one, I just...pick whichever hair color I think suits a sim.

12. favorite maxis hair? idk off the top of my head, but when I play cc free I feel like I tend to gravitate towards the eco lifestyle hairs the most. or the claw clip hair from laundry day

13. favorite life stage? probably YA since it's the only life stage EA gives any thought to

14. are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? cas enthusiast (but I guess gameplay if it's between that and 🤢 building)

15. are you a custom content creator? once upon a time I was known to recolor a shirt or slap a decal on them but it's been a while and I don't see myself going back to it

16. do you have any simblr friends/sim squad? yes and I am forever apologetic that I am Bad™ at replying to messages or holding a conversation in discord (ily you all truly 💜)

17. what’s your favorite game? ts2, nothing will beat the charm & quirky gameplay

18. do you have any sims merch? nope

19. do you have a youtube for the sims? I don't have a youtube for anything

20. how has your ‘sim style’ changed throughout your years of playing? it's gotten a lot less cartoony. gone are the days of gigantic eyeballs squished super close together

21. what’s your origin ID? gerbits

22. who’s your favorite custom content creator? anyone who doesn't use paywalls or early access. you have my heart.

23. how long have you had simblr? this will qualify me for an elder's discount but it's been about 12 years 🫣 (and LET ME TELL YOU it used to be a lot more fun before everybody became so obsessed with making money and gaining followers...now I am sad thinking about it)

24. how do you edit your pictures? photoshop

25. what DLC is your favorite so far? tbh most of the dlcs are meh but the ones I cannot play without are seasons, parenthood, and get together. Honorable mentions are cottage living bc bunnies and cats & dogs bc it's better than having no pets at all

26. what DLC you want next? realistically a hobby dlc, unrealistically give me a legit post apocalyptic dlc and I can die happy

#tag games

[pikselis]

Sims tag

Got tagged by @episims ty :> ✨

(this post is so long my dudes ;_____;)

What’s your favourite sims death? Hmmm... THE VIOLING BATTLE WITH THE CRIM REAPER IN THE SIMS 2 PS2 VERISON!!! LIKE BRO- !! but it's not a death tho ;___; aaaaa... maybe like dying of embarrassment beeing yourself in sims 4 just because it was the most emotion I had in sims game. Maybe secondary was sim specific death of Irene Johtojärvi where sims cheered when she died xD.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis match :O

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Nope, in sims 2 is actually hard to keep someone not fit... like expecially with the being so addicted to the damn exersice bike (¬_¬ ) !!

Do you use move objects? Yes.

Favorite mod? OOÄÄ- ??? I dunno man, I have too many like must have mods. But maybe the community time one? like you can't really play with all the family members in other sims games like you can with this in sims 2. Like in sims 3 and sims 4 I just mostly play with like one sim, but with this I kind of like extra time to focus on this sims life without missing out on the rest of the household? I dunno. Like it's not perfect, but it really revolutionized my gameplay.

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? With sims 2 i have like no idea (I was really young visiting my friend's house), after that I got ultimate collection I think?. With all of the games sims busting out for PS2 was my first sims game. (lol pien lukihäiriö minä luki sen ain et ryntää raiteille O__O)

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Live...? i dunno 🧍‍♂️ ...like live tv?

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Hmm prop all the ones with asymmetry. Tbo I like seeing the game mix me children with the ones i have created more than the ones I have created.

Have you made a simself? Maybe when I was a child?

What sim traits do you give yourself? unstable, commitment issues, easily impressed, overly emotional, perfectionist/proper 👁👁

Which is your favorite EA hair color? all I can say is that i hate the yellow blond ;____;

Favorite EA hair? maybe these? (I tbo like most of them, but these have my fave colors and textures too on top of the mesh)

13. Favorite life stage? Adult :/ I do like teens, but maybe if they had even more freedom

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Hmm… I like really like both and they like inspire each other. So I would say both!

15. Are you a CC creator? Nah, I just know how to edit the location of stuff and maybe some minor changes?

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? I do know couple of people irl who play sims 4? But not really :o

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) How is the Sims busting out not in here?????? 10/10 😌👌

18. Do you have any sims merch? no.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? nope. It could be fun tho :o

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? I pay more attention to smaller things. I sometimes just let my sims do whatever and sip my tea. I don't try to make the play as "prefect" I make more sims who are unhappy/poor/unempoyed.

21. What’s your Origin ID? no. O_O

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? I like you all bitch 🔪🔪😘

23. How long have you had a simblr? since 2019 👁👁

24. How do you edit your pictures? I crop them and add some blur effect to the background with krita (it's kind of shitty tho xD but who cares) and them might do some like darkening effect on the side of the picture. Depends on if I'm in the mood to be fancy or if the picture needs it? I'm really not good at this aspect so I still have lots to learn.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? If you think about it, with CC we can get all the expansions we could ever want. Only creativity, skill and time is our barriers. 👁👁

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? The Mansion and Garden one!

I tag: I have seen this around a lot <.< but if you haven't been tagged consider yourself tagged! You can add me just normally ✨👌

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 23 (M)

Chapter 23: "자꾸 멀어져가" [jakku meoleojyeoga]

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader

Rating: M (language, explicit sexual scene)

Status: COMPLETE

Trigger warnings: familial problems, sexual assault scene (once again, this will have a ***** at the beginning and end), mother-daughter issues, misunderstandings

Warning/spoilers: anal, fingering

********

NOTE: First and foremost, Happy Indigo Day!!!! Don’t forget to stream/listen/buy “Indigo”! 🥰💜💜💜

Second, I'm sorry to inform you that this will be the last weekly chapter I post this month. I've fallen behind on this story due to the crazy holidays (work tends to double around this time). There is a lot I have to work on and I would rather not rush as I have been lately. There are seven chapters left (they’re mostly finished but need heavy editing), so I want to ensure I take my time with them. Plus, I have another short story I’m working on that I want to take care of first (“Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin”). I think I’ll be able to release one more chapter of ITMOTN in December but I won't make any promises. I’m hoping to be back to posting weekly by the beginning of the new year.

On a positive note, this chapter is a long one. Enjoy!

_______________

-Early December- 

“You do have a beautiful home, Mai-Mai,” Hoseok said as he stared into the ocean.

Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung, and I were all sitting in the backyard of my home. They were done with their shows and had officially started their vacation. Jin, Jimin, and Jungkook had already flown back to Seoul, the rest were staying in the States for a little longer to enjoy some of their time off. Tae and Hobi were flying out first thing in the morning with their families for their vacation while Yoongi would be staying behind alone in California. Namjoon was also set to leave tomorrow with Hakun and Yongrae and another friend of ours. They were going to be visiting several museums in the States; the trip they had been planning for months.

I was putting on a brave face. Namjoon and I were going to be separated once again. Only this time, it was going to be for much longer. I wasn’t set to go back to Korea for another two months or so. Honestly, my heart ached at thinking about it. Even with the guys' busy schedules, Namjoon and I still managed to see each other almost every day since they'd been here. It was going to be difficult not seeing him as often.

“I bet this has a killer view in the morning,” Yoongi murmured as he took a sip of the whiskey he had brought out from my collection.

An idea popped into my head, pulling me away from the sadness I was feeling. “Why not just stay here?” I asked.

Yoongi turned to me, confused.

“I have plenty of room for you, Kiwoo, and Dal. Rather than stay in the hotel, why not here? There’s plenty of security at the gate. If you need a driver, call the company I use or call Ky. His schedule is flexible.” Kiwoo and Dal were the two staff members staying behind with Yoongi. If I was going to invite Yoongi to crash at my place, I needed to extend the invitation to them.

“Use Ky as my own personal chauffeur?” Yoongi asked, chuckling at the idea.

“Get him dinner and he’ll be happy to do it,” I suggested. Yoongi tended to eat at high-quality restaurants and Ky was always too cheap to go to those places. If Yoongi agreed to take him out to dinner, I knew Ky would be happy to drive Yoongi through all of California for that free meal.

Yoongi considered it for a moment. “It's not a bad idea. The guys won't be bored here either. I’ll talk to Kiwoo and Dal.”

I smiled, liking my brilliant idea. Yoongi's flight wasn't for a couple of weeks. It would be nice to have some company. Maybe I could introduce him to an old friend of mine. I didn't get involved in my friends' love lives unless they asked for my advice. Yoongi had never asked me to introduce him to someone or even hinted at wanting to find someone, but I did have this one friend who I genuinely believed would be a great match for him.

Suddenly, Namjoon's appearance pulled me out of my thinking. He had two beers in hand. While Yoongi and Hobi were drinking the whiskey, I was craving beer. Namjoon, being the sweetheart he was, offered to get some for us. Tae opted out of drinking, which wasn't a surprise to us.

Namjoon came to my side and handed me the ice-cold beer. As he took the seat next to me, he caressed my head gently.

The butterflies in my stomach flew in all sorts of directions.

“Such a gentleman, Namjoonie,” Taehyung said as he gave his brother applause.

Hobi mimicked Tae and clapped, laughing at our expressions.

I got a light blush. For some reason, I didn't get embarrassed by the kissing or full physical flirting, but when it was small or intimate touches, I turned into a tomato. Namjoon rolled his eyes at his brothers. He took a sip of his beer and draped his arm on the back of my chair, scooting closer to me.

“You’re seriously not going to join Namjoon on his travels?” Hoseok asked me, changing the subject.

“Yeah. There just isn’t time. I’ve got some meetings with an artist on their next album. Plus, this is a guy’s trip. Namjoon and they have been planning this for months, I don't want to intrude,” I said taking a sip from my beer.

Yoongi laughed next to me. “She doesn’t want to spend all that time in museums.”

Hobi chuckled at the accusation.

I didn’t answer and took another sip. He wasn’t wrong. While I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Namjoon, it also didn’t excite me to spend that many days and hours discussing art. I enjoyed my time at an art gallery and having Namjoon next to me explaining everything, but I feel I would be more in the way than anything else if I went. But I also mean it when I said I didn’t want to intrude on his trip with the boys, all of whom were art enthusiasts.

“She’s not saying anything, so you might be right,” Hobi teased.

I flipped him off.

Namjoon turned to me, his eyes giving a mock expression of hurt. “You don’t want to spend hours of your days walking through a gallery or on your butt in a car, trying to get to another destination?”

He was so close to me that the cluster of freckles around his eyes and nose became more prominent. I swear, they looked like a constellation of stars I could not name. “Depends. If I go with you will you go to a couple of off-Broadway shows in New York?”

Namjoon pulled away and resumed drinking his alcohol, refusing to answer me. I took that as a fat ‘no’.

“The sky looks very pretty,” Tae said as he looked out into the ocean. “I bet the sunset is quite the view.”

I nodded. “The colors against the water are almost breathtaking. And the shadows it makes with the trees give you goosebumps. It gets really beautiful. Like a movie.”

“We haven’t caught a sunset in this view, right?” Namjoon asked me, pulling my chair closer to his.

I nodded. We hadn’t. We had seen one once at the beach but not at my house.

We all turned to the sun as it got closer to disappearing. Everyone was quiet.

Someone cleared his throat. “You want to shoot some pool?” Hobi asked Yoongi.

Yoongi smiled at him and nodded. “Come on, Taehyung.”

“Come on, Tae,” Hobi echoed as he got out of his chair.

“Why?” Taehyung asked, pouting. “I want to see the sunset. Sounds romantic.”

“That’s why, dummy,” Yoongi muttered as he let out a chuckle.

Hoseok took ahold of Taehyung’s arm and pulled him out of his chair. It seemed Tae finally understood why the other two wanted to go inside when I heard him make an "Aaaaaah" sound. Yoongi and Hobi simply laughed at him.

“Well, they were subtle,” Namjoon said, getting up himself and picking up our beers with one hand.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“It’s ‘where are we going’,” he corrected and took my hand, dragging me out of my chair.

I followed him over to a couch that overlooked the water. Namjoon set down the bottles on the floor and then motioned with his hand for me to take a seat first. I sat down and moved the cushions so we could recline on them and still have a good view of the sunset. Once I was done, Namjoon climbed on, pulling me to his chest.

I snuggled close, draping my leg across his stomach and placing my head on a pillow next to his own. Normally, I would have opted to lay on his chest or neck, but I wanted to keep my eyes on his face. I had first-hand knowledge of how breathtaking his face looked at sunset. There was no way I was going to miss it.

As we lay there, waiting on the sun to come fully down, Namjoon’s fingers lightly stroked my back and his other hand wrapped warmly around the thigh that was on top of him. “You really can’t meet me in New York? Even for a day before I fly out?”

I let out a groan at his words. We had discussed this several times. At first, I thought I would be able to go to New York and spend a couple of days with him, but Ky had booked us some meetings with labels which looked promising. Plus, I had a project with another artist and needed to stay in LA.

“I wish I could, but I can’t,” I said, sounding and feeling crappy.

Namjoon squeezed me. “I know. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. Just sucks.”

I nodded, holding him tighter.

He turned to me, his warm chocolate eyes landing on mine. I reached over and traced the dots around his nose and eyes lightly. “I’m gonna miss these the most.”

He snorted. “You’re the only one. I’ve never had a girl that paid them any mind. I’m not even a fan myself. Takes so much product to cover up since there’s so brown.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s so wrong with brown?” I asked jokingly.

He chuckled. “Nothing. On you, it’s beautiful,” he said, reaching for my lips and giving me a deep kiss. “But beauty standards placed upon me growing up made me have a strong dislike for them. Took me a while to simply accept them.”

My fingers continued to explore his face. “Do you like them now?”

Keeping his eyes fully on mine, he spoke. “I like that you like them.”

My heart felt like it would burst. Something lingered on my lips that wanted to desperately come out. I bit my lip, keeping myself contained. He was leaving tomorrow and we would be separated for close to two months. I needed to be rational here.

Suddenly, I noticed a change in the lighting. We both turned to the water at the same time.

The sky turned into different shades of purple and orange as the sun began to fall out of view.

Namjoon’s eyes stayed in nature, taking in the moment. “Beautiful,” he breathed out.

My eyes traced the shadows beginning to form on his face, making his features stronger. “Yeah,” I agreed.

How the fuck did I get so lucky?

**************

A few hours later, we were back at the hotel. Everyone, minus Yoongi, would be leaving first thing in the morning. It was easier if I stayed the night at the hotel than a car picking him up early from my place. As we arrived at their floor, Namjoon and my hands stayed linked.

Staff members greeted us and I noticed some of their eyes lingering on our hands. I had the instinct to pull back my hand and step away from Namjoon. However, I resisted the urge. It wasn’t getting easier being stared at, but I needed to learn how to tolerate it.

The only thing I had on me was my purse where I only had a few things. I felt slightly embarrassed and felt anxious in them knowing I would be staying over the night with no extra clothing.

Judging by Namjoon’s face, though, it didn’t seem the same worries were going through his head. Quite the opposite, he looked quite content as we held each other’s hands and got to his room. Once the door was open, he allowed me to go in first, a big smile on his face as he looked at me. Jesus. I don’t think I ever felt such conflicting emotions about his smile. On one hand, I never wanted him to stop looking at me that way, but on the other hand, I wanted him to stop. We were being watched, goddamn it.

After settling in his room, he put on some music. He needed a few things to pack and I decided to help. I looked around, searching everywhere to see if he had forgotten anything.

It didn’t take long for him to finish. However, he was having difficulties closing one of his suitcases.

He looked around the zipper, trying to figure out what was wrong.

I sat back, finding it endearing to see him struggle. Also, I knew how it sometimes irritated him when he was treated like a child. He liked to do things on his own.

After less than a minute, he figured out what was wrong. “Oh, you didn’t align this well, Namjoon,” he muttered to himself and fixed the problem.

I held back a laugh, not wanting to ruin the moment.

After closing it, he turned to me. “Finally.”

As he stared at me, I caught the glint in his eyes. I knew it all too well.

Biting his lip, he made his way to me. I was sitting on the bed, watching him. Once he got to me, he took a seat in the bed and then tugged at my arm.

I let out a laugh, understanding what he was trying to say. I moved my body on top of his, placing my thighs on either side of his legs.

Once I was sitting on his lap, his hands made their way up my back. “Hey,” he said to me, looking at me with heat in his eyes.

I came closer to him, not being able to control my smile. “Hey.”

We kissed for a moment, but nothing heated. A few touches and caresses. We were content just holding each other.

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed that way, but eventually, a knock at the door snapped us out of it.

“Coming,” Namjoon called out, placing his gentle hands on my hips and applying a little bit of pressure, signaling me to move.

I brought my leg up and moved off him. His hands remained on me as he stood up. His palms gave my lower back a soft rub before letting go as if needing to touch me for as long as possible before our bodies fully separated.

I was noticing this was happening more—the gentle and intimate touches. My body and heart thrilled at the growing emotions, but I couldn’t help but get worried that things were going too fast. Opposite to Namjoon’s thinking, I didn’t think three months was too long. How could our emotions be developing so quickly and intensely? Every touch and look now felt so incredibly intimate.

As Namjoon came to the door, a staff member announced he was there to collect Namjoon’s luggage. Namjoon brought out the suitcases he would be checking into the flight but was keeping his bag and small carry-on behind.

After closing the door when the staff left, I had a lingering question. “Um, do you have an extra shirt or sweater for me?”

He looked at me, confused. “Are you cold?”

I tilted my head, giving him a “are you for real” look. “You don’t like me bringing anything when I stay the night. I would hope you have something for me to wear, at least.”

The realization finally hit Namjoon. He let out an embarrassed chuckle and went to his carry-on. “I should have a couple of shirts. Hold on.”

After finding one, he placed it on the nightstand closest to the bathroom.

On my nights here, that was the side I tended to sleep on. His remembering that and considering me brought warmth.

Namjoon went back to his carry-on and tried closing it. Unfortunately, he was having a similar difficulty with it as he had with his other suitcase. He pushed down hard on it, making a sound.

I got a little worried, thinking he might have broken something. I looked over at it but didn’t see anything damaged. Still, I stayed where I was, ready to help if Namjoon asked me to.

“Namjoon, hands nice and steady,” he muttered to himself.

As brilliant as he was and as wonderful it was to witness his moments of intelligence on the topics of art and philosophy and music, I found it equally as beautiful watching the man struggle with trivial things such as packing. And hearing him talk to himself was the icing on the cupcake.

After a couple of minutes, he turned to me and stopped what he was doing. “What? What are you smiling at?”

Damn, I got caught. “Nothing.” I looked away and tried to busy myself using my phone.

“What?” he pushed, making his way to me, determined to know what I found amusing.

“Nothing,” I repeated, feeling a smile on my face. I looked away.

He knew I was lying. He took my phone and placed it n my nightstand, next to the shirt. Then, he poked my side gently. “Tell me. What was I doing? I know you’re making fun of me.”

He knew me too well, but I wasn’t going to admit it. “No.” I squirmed away from him.

“Liar. Why don’t you tell me?” He poked me again.

“Because if I say what you were doing, you’ll stop doing it.” I backed away from him as he reached for me again. “And you look so fucking cute doing it.”

He sent me a teasing glare and looked ready to pounce.

I climbed up the bed, keeping distance between us. “Don’t.” I could read his next move.

His Cheshire smile and dragon eyes looked almost predatory. He climbed onto the bed, slowly crawling towards me.

There was a thrilling feeling that shot through me. “Don’t!”

Suddenly, I was captured. Fiery lips were on me, soft hands touching me, strong arms pinning me down. And my pussy was fully wet.

It didn’t take him long to undress us both. Then, somehow—I don’t know how—he managed to put on some loud music and take us both over to the balcony door.

Memories of the time with the butt plug flooded back, making my pussy quiver in anticipation.

He turned me around roughly, making me face the city lights like he had that one night.

His hand moved across my stomach and moved down between my legs. His fingers slipped in between until he reached my bottom lips, rubbing my clit with his talented thumb.

I mewled under his touch. One of my hands clutched his arm while the other pressed against the glass in front of me.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he growled into my ear, pressing his body against mine. His cock against my lower back.

I pressed my ass to his balls. “Make me wetter,” I challenged.

I could feel his dark chuckle all the way to my dripping pussy. “How would you like me to get you wetter? Finger-fucking your pussy, or…” His fingers drifted lower, moving away from my cunt and to my asshole.

We had discussed having anal sex and I had told him I was ready whenever he was. He said he wanted to wait for a special night. Tonight was our last one for a while. It seemed a better night than any. Thinking of his long cock inside me there sent shivers everywhere.

“…finger-fucking your tight, little asshole?” he finished asking as he pressed the tip of his finger into my back ring.

A sound came out of me that sounded primal. “Put it in!” I bucked my hips against his hand, my body needing him.

His finger came back to my front juices and went back to my tight little hole. “I need to lubricate it first, girl. Can’t rush this. We have all night.”

He reached down the stand next to us and took the lube I had left there. He applied some onto his fingers. Then slowly, he pushed one finger in, making circles as he went in and out in slow motion. I heard his dark, unmerciful chuckle every time I let out my primal sound.

“Please!” I begged, minutes after his slow but beautiful work. I thrust my ass against his finger, needing more friction. Unfortunately, his other hand was firmly around my waist. It was keeping me from pushing him further in.

His other hand went back to my pussy, rubbing and driving me insane. Once he had more juice coated on his hand, he moved three of his fingers to the ring of my asshole. But stayed there and didn’t move.

“Please!” I was ready to move his hand away and do it myself.

“So impatient,” he said in a mocking tone. And then he finally pushed in, his middle finger was more than halfway sucked inside me.

“My god!” I pounded the door, feeling a combination of discomfort and pleasure.

His finger slowly moved out then moved back in.

My ass shook from the indulgence.

“Shit,” he let out as my walls tightened, his teeth grazing my neck as he picked up speed.

It was perfect friction. “Yes!” I let out, rocking into his hand, and feeling grateful that he wasn’t stopping me. He was now knuckle-deep; I could I his entire middle finger sucked in.

His lips came to my ear. “Ready for another one?” I felt the tip of his forefinger tease my back entrance.

I took a deep breath and nodded frantically. “Fuck, put three in me already.”

He made me feel wild and hungry. Like I could take anything he gave me. I backed roughly into the digit inside me to prove I could handle more of him.

Another dark chuckle filled the room and I heard him spit behind me. Some of the spit landed on my round ass. He took away his finger from inside me—I whined at him—and he coated his fingers with spit. His magical digits traveled back to my hole and went in.

I bit my lip as I tried to ignore the ache I felt, doing my best to focus on the desire it would be bringing me. His fingers moved in and out at a patient pace, allowing my body to get used to the intrusion. It didn’t take too long, my body eventually loved anything Namjoon did to it. Eventually, I was bucking into his hand and letting out grunts of pleasure. My walls squeezed all his fingers, welcoming them.

His lips left pecks and small bites along my back as he brought me pleasure. His other hand took hold of one of my heavy breasts and he played with my nipple.

My back arched into his body. I was on the edge of something fucking beautiful and I wanted him to fully engulf me.

However, he didn’t let me reach my orgasm. He pulled his fingers out and I let out a whine.

My pout was short-lived when I felt his thick and massive head at my back entrance.

“Still want to do this, baby?” he asked sweetly into my ear. His lips pecked and chin.

I nodded urgently. “Please.”

He got closer to me and took hold of my lips, giving me a soft kiss. “Stop me anytime, ok?”

Another nod.

Then, softly, I felt the head of his cock push through my back entrance.

Thank god Namjoon had the music on blast. Hopefully, it was drowning out my sounds.

I felt so fucking stretched. It stung a little. Biting my lip, I allowed my body to get used to the intruder. Thankfully, the displeasure was short-lived. Namjoon’s fingers hand made their way to my clit. He did his best to bring me full pleasure as he worked my ass.

My fingers went around his arm and my nails dug into his skin. He first moved at a snail’s pace. Once he felt my body loosen, he built some momentum.

After some time, his massive cock was finally halfway in, pumping in and out of me like a jackhammer. One hand came to my curly hair, wrapping his fingers around it and pulling my neck to the side so he could nip at my neck. His other hand was pressing onto my heat, stroking my clit to keep me in full ecstasy.

“You ready to cum soon?” His fingers sped up and his hips thrust hard into me.

I let out a loud wail, but his mouth swallowed me silently.

“We’re still in the hotel, baby,” he said once his lips pulled away from mine. “Can’t have anyone start knocking on that door.”

He was right. So many people were on this goddamn floor. And I would personally murder whoever would dare interrupt us.

His cock went further in. “You’re beautiful, baby,” he says almost in a prayer-like voice.

My body was shaking and close to nirvana. My heart swelled three times its size and words lingered behind my lips again. I felt something threatening to come out.

The two of us worked in unison, bringing each other to the cliff. I was working him just as much as he was working me. I enjoyed how we moved together. We went back and forth between gentle and rough and sometimes fell in between. Usually, towards the end, our primal instincts took over and gentleness almost flew out the window. Right now, we were nearing the edge.

“Come on, baby. Come on,” he growled into my ear. The sound of flesh against flesh is loud in the room. The liquids coming out of us added an exotic sound. He pumped his thickness into me with such power, such desire, and an unidentified emotion that almost felt foreign to me.

“Namjoon,” I sob out. My feelings were flying in every direction. I was about to lose it. I clutched onto his arm, needing him to ground me. But at the same time, I knew he was the reason I was close to shattering—close to losing all control.

“I’m here, baby,” he promised. “Cum for me.”

His body moved over mine, molding me. He fused both our bodies into one.

And it was at the realization that we were merging in more ways than one when he hit a special spot inside me. His fingers stroked my clit just right. And then I became untethered. Euphoria.

My walls squeezed him tight, never wanting him to leave. I came calling out his name.

And he was right at my heels, spilling inside me and breathing out my name.

It took moments for us to come down from our high. I was so exhausted.

He left me briefly, but only to collect a cloth so he could clean me.

We fell into a sleep, wrapped around each other.

That feeling in my chest was still there.

The words stayed behind my teeth, edging to escape.

Not now, I told them. It wasn’t time….

********

I heard my phone ring. Stupid me forgot to put it on silent mode. I hurried to turn it off before it could wake up Namjoon.

I intended to reject the call—no one sane would be calling me at this hour. However, at seeing the name on my screen, I jumped out of bed, grabbed Namjoon’s shirt on the nightstand, and locked myself in the restroom.

My mother never called at this time. She was always in bed early.

“Mamá?” I asked into the phone, worried and panicked.

“Did he rape you?” her voice sounded angry and irritated.

The question threw me off. It was not what I was expecting. Plus, I had woken up from two hours of sleep. “What?” I asked.

“Did he rape you?” she asked, her voice louder as she enunciated her words.

“What are you talking about?”

“I finally got to what happened two years ago with you. It took a lot of digging and threatening a lot of past interns and secretaries if they didn’t spill, but I got to the bottom of it." She was out of breath and angry. It was tough following her. "I know you met with Chad alone around the time your contract was getting close to expiring. I know he was supposed to be there with another executive but that other executive never made it to the meeting. You were supposed to be there with Ky but Yori went into early labor and he missed the meeting.” My mother was talking so fast, I could barely make out her words. However, I understood what she was saying; what she had discovered.

My mother didn’t think highly of herself academically speaking. She thought I didn’t think highly of her intelligence, but that was far from the truth. I had always been aware of my mother’s intelligence. She was clever and resourceful. She didn’t get to where she was now without having a brain like hers. I knew it was only a matter of time before she figured out who had been the executive who had assaulted me.

“Apparently, the female assistants in the company have stories of Chad being handsy with some of them. There have been some accusations that he has even raped a couple of them. The higher-ups, of course, have managed to cover it up, but that hasn’t stopped the women from sharing suspicion. Chad’s secretary at the time says you went into the meeting alone. She didn’t know about the rumors circulating Chad at the time since she was fairly new. She said you were fine when you went into the room, but less than an hour later, you came out looking disheveled. She thought you guys had finished having sex and coughed it up to you just being an easy lay. Your makeup was a mess. Your top was open. Your hair—”

****The top button popped off. His hand reached down. Took a grab. As if it was nothing. As if he had done this multiple times. As if it belonged to him.

He squeezed and I felt my skin crawl.

I wanted to reach over and push him off.

I wanted to get up. Run. Yell. Scream. Punch him.

I tried to remember the boxing moves my brothers and cousins and uncle had taught me.

But everything was blank.

I was glued onto the chair. I was frozen into place.

One of his hands was inside my bra and the other was on my hair.

Slobber stuck onto my cheeks and lips. It was like a frog was on me.

MOVE! I yelled internally at myself, but I didn’t listen. Why the fuck wasn’t I listening?!****

“Stop!” I screamed at my mother. I had already gone over these details in therapy. I had learned how to move past it. Or so I thought. Since coming back to LA, I was starting to question whether or not I had fully healed. The last session I had with Dr. Rob was over a year ago and I had thought I was better.

Maybe I had been wrong?

“What?” My mother’s voice pulled me back to the present.

“I don’t want to relive that,” I tell her, determined.

“I knew there was no way you would ever be caught in that kind of situation. But I had to make sure, so I called Chad. I painted out the same details to him and his reaction was all I needed to know what he did to you was not consensual.”

His words sent chills down my skin. “You talked to Chad?” The name came out of my lips and it tasted like vaseline.

“Well, what was I supposed to do?”

I felt an anger boil at my core. “Madre, I didn’t tell you so you could stick your nose where it didn’t belong. This is my issue. I’m the victim here, not you.”

“You’re my daughter—”

“Yes, I’m your daughter. So instead of thinking and acting on your emotions, think of fucking mine for a change.”

“Something has to be done about this. That asshole can’t get away with this. You have to report him.”

The thought of going to the police made me feel more uneasy. “Listen, this isn’t up for discussion. I’m hanging up.”

“We’re going to talk about it, Maya. I’ll come over to your house right now.” I was certain she meant it.

“I’m not at home, Madre. I’m over at a friend’s house.”

“I’ll be over next week, then,” she promised.

I let out a sigh and hung up on her before I fully came apart.

My hands were shaking and I was taking deep breaths to settle myself down.

How had I allowed my mother to bring me to this stage? It felt like it had just happened. Like I had just lived it. Shit, I should have never answered the phone. I should just block her from now on. Talking to her for too long makes me feel like a broken child. A weak, fragile, lost child.

I did my best to calm myself. It took a long time, but I refused to leave the bathroom until I was fully ok. I didn’t want this to ruin my last day with Namjoon. If he saw how upset I was, he would focus fully on me and wouldn’t get any sleep. And it was going to be a long trip for him. He needed to save his energy.

Finally, I came out of the restroom, feeling settled.

I found Namjoon sitting on the bed, fully awake, and his eyes on me. A look of concern was written on his face.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

I nodded, climbing onto the bed and giving him a small smile. “Everything is ok. Just some small family drama. Nothing to worry about. Everyone’s healthy.”

His brows knitted together as he continued to look at me. “Are you sure? You don’t want to talk about it?”

“No, I just want to go to sleep,” I said, genuinely. I got under the covers.

“Do you want to talk about it in the morning, then?” he pressed.

“We have breakfast with the others in the morning. And then you have your flight pretty early,” I answered.

“So?” he sounded a little annoyed.

I tried to rationalize with him. “You need rest, Namjoon.”

He took a breath. “Ok. Will we discuss it tomorrow night then?”

“After a long day of travel and activities?” I asked, hinting I didn’t think it was a good idea.

“So, when do you think we’ll talk about it?” I quickly noted he was keeping his voice tightly controlled.

My heart quickened a bit, nerves kicking in. I strongly disliked thinking of the future. “I don’t know,” I said, my voice sounding low.

“Next month? Two months from now?” He was pushing, his eyes now digging into mine.

A feeling of intimidation came over me and made me look away. I didn’t know how to answer him. The thought of sharing with him the memory of when I never felt weaker and more worthless was unimaginable. I never wanted him to know that story.

He looked more than annoyed. “When are we going to get past this? Things with us are not new,” he said with finality. His jaw jutted forward, his chest back. He’d never been this angry with me before. “We’ve been together for 100 days. And every time I want to go further, this is what I’m met with: a wall. Also, when I bring up our progress and what our next step should be, you say the same thing: ‘It’s new. Let’s take it slow.’ How much slower are we going to take it?”

I sat there, not sure what to say that wouldn’t get him angrier at me.

“I mean, you can’t even tell the truth to your family about me,” he said.

This threw me off. Weren’t we passed the Thanksgiving incident? “I genuinely meant to tell my brothers, Namjoon,” I said as calmly as I could. “I didn’t keep you a secret from them on purpose.”

“It’s not just your brothers. What about your parents?” he challenged. “Seems like you have no interest in telling them. I heard you talking to your mom.”

Blood drained from me. Fuck. What had he heard?

“You told her you were at a friend’s house. Not boyfriend, but a friend’s.”

I was slightly relieved by this. It meant the worse he heard had been my mislabeling of him to my mother rather than discussing my sexual assault. I tried to keep my voice calm as I tried to explain myself to him. “Not everyone has an amazing relationship with their parents like you do, Namjoon. Some parents are fucked up.”

“I know you don’t have a great relationship with her, but why lie to me about it? You’re still holding back in telling me the whole truth about your relationship with your mom,” he rambled.

“What?” I asked, caught off guard. “I’ve told you everything there is to say about her. About both my parents. Do you want explicit details of the fights I heard? Of the violence I witnessed?”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. There’s something else—something more when it comes to your mother. You left Los Angeles for a reason—it wasn’t just because of your ex. Something happened and you don’t want to tell me. I heard you discussing Chad. You got upset at your mom for talking about him. Chad was one of the executives at your label, I remember. What’s going on with him?” he asked in a demanding tone.

He had said his name. And he was upset with me. My anxiety was not faring well as I felt my palms start getting clammy. My heart rate accelerated.

I decided to go with some honesty. “You’re my best friend, Namjoon. I tell you almost everything. I’ve told you about my issues with my mother.”

The melty, cocoa eyes that made me feel alive so many times were now digging into me and making me feel pathetically small. “You haven’t told me everything. You’re keeping things from me. Including the real reason why you left. I thought eventually you would open up to me. As a friend, I accepted you keeping that secret. But we’re not just friends anymore. I want more. I need more.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

Almost like a sudden switch flipped, his eyes lost all the hardness in them. “Why are you keeping it from me? Do you not trust me?” he asked with a voice of genuine hurt.

Guilt began to make its way through me. “Of course I do!”

“Then what is it? Why can’t you take that step with me—open up?” his voice was edging towards desperation. “Our feelings are past taking things slow. I know you know it. This is when things have to leap forward. There is no backward; there is no freezing time.”

I tried to control my breathing and shaking. After a moment, I said, “I feel if we don’t take it slow, then we’re bound to make a mistake.”

His eyes lost their softness. Their sharpness came back. His chest huffed forward as if my pulled by my words. “Boundto?”

I was puzzled at his reaction and didn’t quickly respond.

“As in, you know it’s not going to work out? You don’t have hope for us?” There was a mixture of hurt and anger in his voice.

I regretted my use of words. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then, what did you mean?” he demanded.

I took a breath, trying to think quickly of what I could say to make this better. “Every other relationship I’ve been on has ended badly. And I think it’s because I rush things. I can’t do that with you. I feel if we take things slow—if we take our time in getting completely serious, then we have a higher likelihood of being successful.”

His jaw clenched. He let out an exasperated breath as his dark eyes looked down at me with puzzlement and frustration. “You let me—” he stopped himself, looking as if he was inwardly reasoning with himself. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and turned away from me.

Something clawed at my heart seeing him like this. My words were driving him to such anger and I don’t know what it was that I had just said that made him look like he wanted to punch a wall.

“What?” I asked, my voice small but determined. As much as I feared to know the answer, I still wanted to know. When it came to Namjoon, I always wanted to know.

He didn’t speak, just kept his eyes away from me.

It felt like a knife was now pushing its way into the organ that kept the blood flowing through my veins. “What?” What had I done to cause him such disturbance?

He shook his head, taking some steps away from me. He walked towards the door. To get away from me.

My body jerked forward, acting on its own. “Don’t.”

I didn’t scream it out, but my voice wasn’t small either. It was said in a tone I had never made before. And it was enough to make him stop. His body instinctively turned back to mine, his eyes looking concerned at my tone.

“Don’t,” I repeated with the same voice.

He didn’t leave, but he didn’t walk back to me either. He was thinking—debating with himself. He was trying to figure out how to work through this. I did my best to wait patiently, despite how desperately I wanted to start groveling.

Please. Please. Please. Seeing his back towards me cracked something in me. If he left…I don't know what would become of me.

Finally, he took in a breath and looked straight at me. “Why are you with me, Maya?”

What kind of question was that? “What?”

“Why are you with me? Why do you want to be with me?”

Was he serious? “Because I like you.”

“But what is it about me that makes you want me as a boyfriend?” he challenged.

Did this have to do with his self-loathing? Is that what this was stemming from? Was Namjoon having an episode again—how had I missed it? “You’re kind and funny and smart,” I said in a rush, needing him to know that he was completely valuable. If he needed reassurance to crush his self-hatred, I would give it to him.

But Namjoon didn’t look moved. “Seokjin is all those things. Why not be with him?”

Honestly, it felt like I was experiencing whiplash. “What?”

“What makes me boyfriend material for you?”

“Namjoon, I don’t know where this is coming from—”

“Is it my friendship?”

“Yes.”

“You can have that with Hoseok. Do you like how you can relate to me musically?”

“Yes.”

“You can have that with Yoongi.”

“Namjoon, will you—”

“Are you with me only for sex?" His voice was full of hurt and pain. His eyes were wet and red with agony. "Because I’m a good lay?”

This left me at a loss for words.

It took a moment for him to speak again, still keeping full control of his tone. “What we just did is not something I’ve done many times. Certainly not with someone I’m just casually seeing. It’s a carnal act that I treasure. An act I don’t take lightly. I’ve had a couple of one-night stands, and they weren’t for me. I told you this. I’m no prude, but I don’t do certain things in the bedroom that are that intimate with just anyone. You’ve told me how open you are with past guys—whether it be one-night stands or serious relationships. You’ve given it up easily before, whatever. But I’m not that way. I can’t detach emotions from sex. And the fact that you don’t feel strongly for me and you did that with me…. I just don’t know how to feel about that.”

It felt like a knife was being injected into me. In so many words, he was telling me what he thought of me: I gave it up easily. I had let him take me up the ass without the emotion of love attached. I could think of the perfect word of what he thought I was….

“We started this wrong,” he said, further pushing the knife into me. “Sex should have come much later and I knew that. But like a fucking horndog, I gave in.”

I could throw up right now.

Tears began to make their way out of his eyes. “I can’t do this, Maya. I can’t be in a relationship where it’s just about sex. I want more. And I can’t even say we can go back to being friends because I can’t. I can’t and won’t go back to that. I respect myself too much.” He sniffed, his head low.

And he walked out.

The door closed with a soft click.

I was left alone with his words floating in the air.

He respected himself….

Himself.

He didn’t say he respected me.

A slut.

I could feel my anxiety tipping over the edge. I needed to get out of here quickly.

Stumbling out of the bed, I took off his shirt, putting on my spaghetti strap and bottoms. I had no idea where my second top had landed. I hurried to find my keys and got the hell out of there. I couldn’t find my shoes fast enough for my liking, so I left barefoot.

I looked like a whore who had just been fucked and used, walking down the halls barefoot and with only my skirt and spaghetti strap on. Tears had smeared all of my makeup. I looked like a goddamn wreck. My shoes and undergarments had been left behind. Security both gawked at me and looked away in shame.

The scene I was in was similar to two and a half years ago….

I felt nothing but humiliation. The sobs came fully down the moment the elevator doors closed.

__________________

Last note: Sorry that weekly posting is ending on this scene. I wish it had been a much happier one. 😖

Also, Happy Holidays, everyone. Be sure to look after your health during this time; be happy and merry. And if you have a mother like Maya or your family has similar toxic traits, do yourself a favor and cut them off. You deserve better. 🥰

___________

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

#rm x maya #rm fanfic #bts rm #namjoon fanfic #kim namjoon x reader #bts fanfic #bts smut #fluff and smut #secret relationship #inthemiddleofthenight #kim namjoon #mother daughter relationship #trauma #Spotify

[alinaandalion]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @wistfulwatcher :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

82, but a few of those are graphics made for big bang challenges

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

321,823

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Main fandoms would be Leverage and Once Upon a Time. But in terms of recently, just Leverage.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. come up for air - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 2. (don't let go) just hold me - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 3. heaven help the ones who fly away - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 4. every song makes me think of you - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen 5. this is too much for me to hold - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but have been failing to follow through recently just because of...life and fandom still being kind of an uneasy place for me.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

most definitely "death is just so full (and man so small)" for Once Upon a Time. henry dies. it's not a good time for anyone but it was useful for processing some personal grief so there's that. but i do trend angsty overall tbh.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have a few fics that i would consider to be fluffier but idk, i think "heaven help the ones who fly away" is maybe what i would personally consider my fic with the happiest ending? others may disagree, however. a few different Swan Queen fics would probably qualify

8. Do you get hate on fics?

on occasion, but it mostly rolls off my back because the issues are really with reading comprehension and a refusal to accept more complicated characterization than the fluffiest fandom interpretations.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

most definitely, yes. 2022 was the year of smut for me, actually. but it's always centered in exploring relationships and characters. like, yes, the idea might be centered around a threesome, but also, i'm going to throw in a character coming to terms with their sexuality and two people growing in their relationship.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've only written one true crossover, which is "here to kingdom come" (Leverage crossed over into Hunger Games). i'm actually in the middle of rewriting this one from scratch and really want to build up steam on it because it's going to be a bit of a behemoth but it's also living in my brain 24/7. would love to get part 1 fully written and edited so i can post in 2024.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of. benefits of not being fandom popular :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, the two fics i wrote for the Suits fandom were translated

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i was part of a round robin swan queen collaboration and wrote the epilogue for it. (was supposed to do a chapter earlier in the fic but dropped out due to life things and was able to tap back in for the last bit. it was pretty fun) the fic was "Bring Her Home" - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

this is hard because the ones that stand the test of time are all my favorites. i think top three are swan queen (once upon a time), nate/sophie (leverage), and tara/sophie (leverage). also, special mentions for the leverage ot3 and dragon queen. also my beloveds

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the sequel to "but i leave in my heart." not because i don't have anything written (10k last i checked) and not for a lack of desire tbh. but after everything, i still recoil when i actually try to engage with any swan queen fic ideas (or once upon a time at all) due to fandom bullshit and idk if that will ever go away. which is deeply frustrating.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think dialogue and general characterization? i don't like to write fic until i feel like i've grasped the rhythms of a character in my head first

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

actually sitting down to write is always going to be one. and the other is setting descriptions. i think it's because i'm so hopeless at mentally placing myself in a physical space. i'm trying to work on it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

so, one thing i try to keep in consideration is that i don't speak anything other than English nor can i read any languages other than English beyond being able to pick up on some things due to context clues or my vaguely remembered high school Spanish courses. so i would need to feel comfortable that i was sure that i had translated everything properly. which means, other than small phrases i've gleaned from books or terms of affection, i probably won't bother for fic unless i feel very strongly that it's relevant to the character and that story. and then i would run it by someone who could give me real feedback on it if possible. like most things, the question always comes down to: does this fit the character and the situation and is it the only approach that will work?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

animated justice league series. shipped batman and wonder woman so hard in that show.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i have a hard time picking favorites since most of my fics are written to fulfill what i want to see. i have three because they all fulfilled very specific niches for me. 1. but i leave in my heart - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen (this fic will always be very special to me because i was so let down by the show's split queen storyline and i found most fics around it to be too driven by regina's relationship with emma rather than regina's character journey) 2. come up for air - Once Upon a Time; Swan Queen (i wanted a fic to address hook's involvement in regina's torture in s2 and since there wasn't one, i wrote it) 3. let's get physical - Leverage; Nate/Sophie and Nate/Sophie/Vlad (there was literally only one other fic about this specific pairing and i had been wanting to write one for it since i first saw that episode when it aired and i finally got around to indulging myself)

tagging: @deemnfic, @cminerva, @reflectingiridescent, @strangesmallbard, and anyone else who wants to answer :)

#my writing #fanfiction #ask meme

[asmoonlightthroughthepines]

8 Shows To Know Me

Thank you @maplefiasco for tagging me *months* ago 🙈 Do check her post for excellent shows recommendations!

If you see this post on your dash, please consider yourself (no-pressure) tagged, whether we’re in a follower, mutual or complete strangers situation :)

Coming up with "shows to know me" was more challenging that I thought? In the end I chose shows I have often rewatched and that never fail to cheer me up. In no particular order:

Remington Steele

This show is a delight and a half. For years growing up it was on channel 3 in France every summer, and every rewatch makes me feel like the happiest teenager. Expect RayBans and vintage cars, because this is 80s LA with an Old Hollywood, Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn inspiration. Unfortunately it's become impossible to find in Europe/France, and my entire family laments this fact on a monthly basis.

The Newsroom

If you get one thing out of this post, it’s to give The Newsroom a try. Not everyone loves Sorkin, in fact several of my friends hate this show, but I LOVE it. It’s chaotic. It’s fast. It’s idealistic. Everyone is a genius at their job and an idiot in their personal life. And the cast! Emily Mortimer, Jeff Daniels and Sam Waterston are superb! Olivia Munn and Thomas Sadoski are spectacular! Dev Patel and David Harbour are delightful! And the supporting cast - Jane Fonda! Chris Messina! Terry Crews! BJ Novak! Only this show would make me use so many adjectives and exclamation marks.

Hart of Dixie

This is my guilty pleasure, “won’t tell people about it because they’ll think I’m a basic bitch" show. It’s super cozy, the clothes are great, the dudes are hot, there’s a pet alligator called Burt Reynolds, the folksy-country soundtrack is fun, everyone is nice and walks around the WBros PLL and Gilmore Girls lot fake southern town with a pastry and home-baked pie in hand, and nothing really bad ever happens. Truly the happiest of basic bitch shows.

The Marvelous Mrs Maisel

I ignored Mrs Maisel for years because I’m not a big stand up or 50s style person, but it turned out to be one of the shows that’s made me laugh the most in the history of shows. It’s funny, it’s warm and it does more for Jewish humour than most pieces of media (The Nanny is the exception) since Annie Hall’s Easter lunch scene. I didn’t care much for s4 (style really took over content for me) and s5 is.. well I just don’t know how they explain a lot of those choices there. But man, s1-2 is something I would (and will) happily rewatch on a regular basis.

Friends It’s not original, it's "90s diverse" but sue me. I’m old enough to have watched it with my siblings when it first came out (VHS, baby!) and it’ll never not feel cozy and fun. I won’t catch it on tv because ad breaks will reduce it to unfunny, memeable catchphrases, but every few years I’ll pop a couple of seasons in the dvd player (DVDs, baby!) and it’ll still make me laugh like it’s my first time watching it.

Arrested Development

Do I need to explain? Yes s4 was half good/half bad when it was released (and somehow made mostly bad when it was re-edited) and I pretend s5 doesn’t exist. But seasons 1-3 are the definition of perfect tv! And in case you didn’t know, Jason Bateman and Will Arnett host a podcast (along with Sean Hayes of Will and Grace) called Smartless; the episode with Tony Hale (Buster) as the guest had me in literal tears.

Chuck

There’s a scene where Chuck’s best friend Morgan says that he’s spent years devising a work system that allows him to do as little as possible at his job, and he’s not about to ruin that by accepting a promotion. My entire family quotes this on a regular basis. I have watched s1-3 at least half a dozen times and just typing that makes me want to watch it again. Love the music, the ridiculous spy adventures and the unhinged background characters. Also Chuck looks exactly like one of my high school best friends which makes it even funnier.

24

LOOK. I did not expect this show to take over my life the way it did, and tbh I don’t really have an 8th show that hits both “will rewatch this many times” and “makes me feel warm and happy”. So I went for the one that currently has 12 drafts sitting in my fic folder. It’s violent and ridiculous and is equally funny (see ridiculous) and angsty. It got me through the 2nd lockdown, on the edge of my seat while live texting all nearly ten seasons of it to friends. But watch s1-4 and tell me you’re normal about Tony x Michelle. I dare you.

#tumblr games #what almost made the list: alias/cougar town (it was my safe place for a few years! despite ccox’s botox)/the persuaders (the 70s show)

[kieuecaprie]

KieueCaprie's List of Games Finished in 2023: Entry 10

tfw Tumblr still doesn't have spoiler tags because there's a bunch of games in this entry that I want to talk about in full.

#26: Etrian Odyssey 1 HD

Finished When? 11/7/23

What's Finished? Main Story

Platform? PC

I didn't get into the Etrian Odyssey franchise until the 3DS era with Etrian Odyssey 4, which was pretty good by the way. I enjoyed creating my own party of adventurers and going out into the world to slay monsters and solve the mysteries of Yggdrasil (or whatever World Tree they explore through).

Then I moved onto Etrian Odyssey Untold, which was a remake of EO1 with a more story-focused cast of characters but with an option to play the game in Classic Mode. I also liked the it.

And then I fell off. Not because I hated the series but because other things took my attention and it fell by the wayside.

Then cue Atlus saying they're porting Etrain Odyssey 1, 2, and 3 to PC and now it caught my interest again, especially due to the fact that there's a potential for modding in there! So I picked up the bundle and started playing with EO1HD.

I will say that it was fine, I was treading old ground so nothing was really new to me and while I still like it, I feel like it has parts where it overstays its welcome, especially towards the end, and, of course, the music was just the classic music, not Untold, which kinda sucks but whatever.

It's fine for what it is and I can now say I've completed a version of classic EO1.

Now, I just wish Picnic mode wasn't super heavy-handed in its changes to enemies because taking 20% damage from them seems too much. Atlus REALLY loves making their beginner modes SUPER easy for some reason and I don't know why they do this.

#27: My Friendly Neighborhood

Finished When? 19/7/23

What's Finished? Story

Platform? PC, Steam

This game was on my radar for quite a while ever since that one Steam Next Fest (I think?) had a demo for it, on top of seeing tweets (sorry, X-cretes) of it on my feed of the developer working on bits and pieces of it.

When it finally came out, I went to go pick it up and while the price was a little higher than I initially expected, I'm glad to have paid the price of admission for it! The characters are memorable (I mean, they are when you have to listen to them prattle on about the mail for the entire playthrough), the gameplay feels like I'm playing a Resident Evil (not the super action-packed ones) except with puppets and the fact that there are cheats in a game in 2023 is something that I never thought I'd see.

On top of that, I enjoyed how it essentially deconstructs the whole mascot horror formula and makes its own where the mascots in question aren't out to kill you, at least, it seems that way, and aren't trying to eat your pancreas or whatever.

This game is great and would definitely sit on my list of favorite games this year.

#28: Pikmin 4

Finished When? 22/7/23 (First completion), 24/7/23 (True 100%)

What's Finished? Game complete, True 100%

Pikmin is one of my favorite Nintendo franchises that I wished did not get shot in the head by a game that just feels tedious. Fortunately, Nintendo finally dug up the grave and brought it back to life (Now do it for Chibi-Robo, PLEASE.) for Pikmin 4, something that took 10 years to add a dog.

I played the demo and loved it, even went out of my way to not meet the 1500 sparklium limit just so I could experience all the caves, the controls feel great, Oatchi is baby and I love himb, and the levels you have to go through are quite beautiful to see on the Switch, all of this running on Unreal Engine too.

I have quite a bit more to say about this game so I'm gonna have to say that there's a Read More below that will spoil Pikmin 4 for you if you click on it. (EDIT: lmao nevermind, clicking expand on the post in the feed also expands the read more so now I have to make a separate post)

#29: Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart

Finished When? 1/8/23

What's Finished? Normal Mode Story

Platform? PC, Steam

When I first heard this game was only coming to PS5, I unanimously decided to just.. not. Just not. This was because I could not get my hands on a PS5 and that it was terribly expensive and getting a console for one singular game these days feels like a waste, so I decided to just not talk about this game so as to avoid the algorithm.

This was so I wouldn't get spoiled on anything beyond what was shown in trailers and also so I wouldn't get an ALL BOSSES & ENDING (NO DAMAGE) video on my Youtube feed by some jerk who decided to plaster the face of the final boss in the middle circle and call it a day. Surprisingly, this actually worked and I never heard about this game again.

Then Sony decided to port it to PC and I jumped on it because now I can actually play it. Of course, I decided to wait until I was done with Pikmin 4 first before I moved on and I'm glad I did.

I'm really glad that I was lucky enough to have a PC that could just power through some of the issues the game had, although it still had a few issues such as geometry not loading in and the occasional time where I would clip through the ground and die for no good reason, but I was able to play through the game from start to finish.

Was it worth not spoiling myself for however many years? Probably. It was a short game but I got my money's worth. Rivet is cute, Ratchet is great as ever, and the fact that the game completely ignores the remaster of the first game is also great, mostly because that game kind of ruins Ratchet's character development that he went through.

Also, on my birthday, I was given a Dualsense controller (Lemme say that I didn't know what I wanted for my birthday, it's hard to do so these days...) and I must say the adaptive triggers did change up the gameplay quite a bit, priming a shot with a half-press and clicking it all the way in to fire. I initially thought it'd be overhyped as all hell but no, it felt pretty good to use, add to the fact that it has touchpads much like the Dualshock 4, which means that it'd be the perfect companion to my Steam Deck as well as enabling a much easier time of gyro gaming on PC (one of my issues with gyro gaming was simply not having an easy way to toggle the gyro on and off and I was not about to give up one of the face buttons for gyro-ratcheting).

All in all, game's great, was worth the wait, and I'm surprised at how well it ran and looked on the Steam Deck running at 30 FPS @ 800p. Perhaps I judged 30 FPS too harshly.

#30: Nerf Arena Blast

Finished When? 5/8/23

What's Finished? Single-player campaign

What prompted me to play this? Why did I choose to play this? Simple. Nostalgia, among other things.

This is probably one of the times where nostalgia really screwed me over.

The feel of the game is great, I loved the 90's aesthetic of there being some sort of nerf arena and playing as an up-and-coming team, the first few levels were pretty nice to play through too, but that's where everything kind of stops.

Also, this game is... well.. it's a game filled with slow-moving projectiles and bots that are dumb as bricks one minute and ultra try-hards the next is not my idea of fun. Not to mention that the game began to feel tedious as I kept pushing through the campaign.

Sure, I'm probably asking for a lot from a licensed kids game from the 90's/00's but Unreal Tournament had a lot more to offer than just deathmatch, ballhoopmatch, and speedrun, I wish they had done more than just those modes.

Speaking of the modes, I've found Ballblast to be extremely tedious to play through. It felt like it'd drag on and on and on and on and on and on until someone FINALLY finds the six dragon balls, shoots them through a hoop, and then collects the seventh one and shoots it through a hoop to FINALLY end the game. I have to ask, who the hell decided it would be a good idea to make it UNTIMED? There's a VERY good reason why objective gamemodes with the ability to disrupt those capturing has a timer, it's so that, at the end, the game can end and the winner be found.

But these games could drag on for ages, compounded by the fact that the bots, despite being masterful gods of leading projectiles, are stupid, somehow even dumber than Unreal Tournament's bots, and will take forever to go to the hoop and shoot balls into a hole.

BUT, I will give credit where credit is due, Pointblast, which is deathmatch but points, is a neat idea where you go around slaying people like normal BUT they drop points that you have to pick up BUT it can also be stolen meaning that you could get 1st place killed and steal the 1000 point drop from someone else. I like this idea, I like how it essentially changes the pace from sitting around camping to a more frantic slugfest, which I appreciate because when I played through Unreal Tournament, most of my problems could be solved with either a Flak Cannon to the face or pulling out the sniper rifle and just headshotting everyone from a safe place.

Speedblast is... interesting. I like the idea of running through the map, shooting others to stop them from capturing checkpoints, and finishing before everyone else. Maybe it's just me, really, because while I do like the idea of it, the execution was often less than stellar and the maps that had ways to disrupt without having to kill people were very few and that kind of makes me sad. Is it a stupid gamemode? Yes but I applaud the devs of the time for trying to make something new for a change.

All in all, this game is very flawed and somewhat poorly aged but it has some decent points to it and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy my time with it at all. I really did have at least a bit of fun with it, even though I did not appreciate the game quitting on me after I finished the final level and it blasting my ears off with the ultra-loud video that plays.

And it also has a niche cult following that helpfully has a community patch that allows it to be played on modern systems, so clearly it has something going for it that I may not have found for myself. And that's okay, you know?

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#kieuecaprie gaming #kieuecaprie gamer list 2023

[minecraftrelatedrandomness]

The Morning Falls Nonetheless: Writer's Cut

Alternatively, I compile my DMs with @scarletfeisty over my fic into one cohesive commentary post.

[link to fic for context]

Post may be edited in the future for further thoughts.

Before we begin, I'd like to note that the main reason I didn't swear in this fic is because I was linking it on the POWCreations Discord server (which is supposed to be PG). This also applies to the current post.

General commentary

I wrote the entire first draft in about 3 hours 15 minutes while sleep-deprived. It took me a week to edit because lore, classes, and other matters got in the way… *cough* executive dysfunction *cough*. I also compiled this writer's cut while very sleep-deprived, so there's that.

Several of the things I emphasized throughout the fic was the warmth/cold juxtaposition and the descriptors of loneliness, just to drive in how bleak the situation was. Classic symbolism, can't go wrong with that, at least not in this situation.

Timeline-wise, Section 2 (Cleo POV) took place less than 24 hours after Section 1 (Seagulls POV). Also, since I wrote the fic before the "Final Wishes" lore event, the timeline may not completely add up to the canon one, even if I kept it vague for when exactly the fic would take place, hence the "Not Canon Compliant" tag.

Section 1: Seagulls POV

I've written ages ago on the POWCreations Discord that once the parents (derog) come back to the Isles, it's on sight for the entire magpie and seagull population. This section of the fic was written as a nod to that; as I wrote in the tags, "We hate their parents, can't you tell?"

OURS! OURS! OURS! 

The Finding Nemo reference in the Alex's Mobs advancement was low-hanging fruit. Still had to take it.

Chat knows whenever lore is about to go down, y'know? They know ominous signs when they see one. Yes, the chat detector would sometimes generate false positives, but I have faith that we have a keen eye and ear out for any inkling of lore. (This is why we would also not make good therapists; we thrive on suffering just as much as we do recovery.)

"Really, what has our son been wasting his time on while we were away? Cookery? Menagerie management? I thought we taught him better than that, to focus on discovery and make our name known, not silly hobbyist pursuits like this. I know I taught him how to cook, but I can't believe he's also been sharing my secret recipe beyond the family at that…"

I would like to point out that I had Aurelia say "menagerie management" instead of "zookeeping" because the English word 'zoo' didn't exist until c. 1847 in the real world, and adhering to my timeline headcanon for approximating scientific and technological advancement, it would be close to anachronistic for me to use the word 'zookeeping'.

Also, in my original drafts, Aurelia was supposed to say "to make his name known" and not "our", but I changed it last-minute for symbolic reasons.

"Not to worry, my dear. In the morning, he will know to sail in the right direction from now on."

I originally wrote something else instead of "to sail in the right direction", but decided to throw it in while at a later draft because maritime culture, maritime metaphors.

Hands that dragged sobbing children home when they got lost on the big, big island with so many new places to discover, and lips that scolded them for crying at all.

This line was directly inspired by a flashback scene from Project SEKAI, for the record, and a little from my own childhood (minus the extremely poor parenting displayed both in the game and the fic). So, in the scene, little Mafuyu (the character Scarlet and I were comparing p!Scott to) got lost at a theme park and her witch of a mother decided it would be a good time to scold her young daughter for being a "bad" child for making her worried, and then literally dragging her home.

This plot point of the parents (derog) shooting the seagull chat was inspired by a DSMP fic I once read, in which there is a scene where the main antagonist kills a chatter. (Edit: It's Between Heroes and Villains, btw.) I just decided to go the whole hog and have them commit mass murder instead.

Oh, and the Martyn quote from the deleted line is from the episode about the "In Too Deep" event, just after a failed bounty attempt.

Part 2: Cleo POV

I personally love the idea that the chats are scattered about whenever their creator-characters aren't "live". You know how we'd be in a different creator-character's chat for the time being to watch everything go down? Yeah, that's what's happening here.

In my draft annotations, I wrote that the parents (derog) see p!El as the "bad influence" behind p!Scott's very canonical Animals Georg arc; the only reason they didn't yell at her was because she was out questing at the time, and the only reason they didn't kill the dogs is because they realized just in time they weren't p!Scott's. And yes, this perception is also inspired by a tidbit from Project SEKAI. (I swear I didn't become a Project SEKAI fan before Scarlet introduced me to it, but the parallels fit too well to not make a nod.)

A voice at the back of her head whispers to her what could have happened and how it might all connect, but she has to make sure it isn't just lying to her for the goofs and giggles, as the voices tend to do.

Another last-minute addition, but I really liked writing in the implication that Cleo's chat was snitching and/or trolling.

The third thing they notice is that all the animal enclosures have gone missing.

And now for one of the saddest parts in the entire fic: the zoo is no more. While reading back the day after I posted it, I realized that I never clarified the fates of Dandi and Mabel and the Kangacrew, so I'll do that now:

When I wrote this fic, I didn't realize p!Scott brought the dogs back to the Heron base while decorating for the holidays, so in my continuity, Dandi and Mabel are still at the Nightingale base, and p!Acho is looking out for them, and if not star, then someone else in the Nightingale faction. Don't worry, they're safe, and I'm not that mean.

I think I genuinely forgot about the Kangacrew while writing this, but considering their enclosure is hidden and their existence is mostly a secret (even the rest of the Isles only know there were at least four, not two dozen of them), I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they're okay.

Another implication that hit me after posting the fic is since I kept the parent-child confrontation off-screen and vague (i.e. we only see the aftermath in the fic), we don't know what actually happened.

While I didn't intend to write it that way, the possibility of the parents (derog) forcing p!Scott to take everything down in the Heron base and to kill off the entire zoo… It's extremely messed up, but also entirely probable based the little information I gave.

In short, I didn't intend for it to possibly be this messed up, but it turned out this way, so I'm leaving it open-ended; you can decide what happened.

Whatever happened, someone or something put up a fight. Probably the cassowaries, come to think of it. How Scott managed to wrangle so many dangerous animals into his zoological collection, Cleo will never know, and at this point, probably no one ever will, other than Scott himself.

For context, cassowaries are very dangerous birds, especially males when it comes to protecting their chicks. Anteaters, kangaroos, all incredibly deadly animals too. The fact that players can tame these animals would be a monumental feat in real life (though admittedly Bank is untameable and was water-skied back to the Isles), and this paragraph is a nod to that. Shout-out to Casual Geographic for the animal commentary.

The moon and star redstone light in the corner.

I decided all the electric appliances in the mod-pack were redstone-powered so I don't have to have a headache about timeline management to prevent anachronisms. Yes, it's a hand-wave, but by that point, I was too tired and decided to let a minor detail slide.

Yeah, that's Scott's handwriting, alright, but it looks almost… too formal. Too composed, as though it were written without being driven by any emotion. Lacking in the characteristic loops and colour like what he wrote for the Heron message board…

This was another later addition because I eventually decided p!Scott isn't appearing in this fic to evoke the "I don't know what's happening to him, but whatever that is, it's not good" feeling.

In one of the older drafts, I was considering having one of the parents (derog) write the note, but that would have screamed "HE GOT KIDNAPPED" and I don't think the parents (derog) would be stupid enough to do that.

And again, I love writing style as characterization shorthand. In this case, it's more based on personal experience because my handwriting may vary depending on the situation: my "best" penmanship won me a prize when I was in upper primary school, but currently, it takes a lot of time and effort to write so neatly, i.e. the spectrum of "free" (messier, colourful) vs. "restrained" (neat and tidy, "professional" black ink, etc.).

Also, the fact that I never made specifics when pointing out the handwriting style is because of my conlanging headcanon; I haven't quite settled on a writing system yet, so I was trying to keep it vague in description.

The part about p!Cleo telling p!Water that the parents (derog) were "alright" and that she never knew her own parents were all taken from the SMP Launch Day VOD. In Cleo's VOD, it's 1:10:40–1:12:33.

I mentioned a few times throughout this section of the fic that the cobbled deepslate path is still intact, as a reminder that p!Scott made those while revamping the Heron base. A silent "I was here". That perhaps there is still hope.

#the morning falls nonetheless (fanfic) #aqua writes #my post #long post #pirates smp fanfiction