#emphasis is on the in fiction part ofc

[ossidae-passeridae]

4. What’s the worst part of fanon? 😈

Question from here

That'd be the implicit racism thanks for asking!

A non snappy response, aka to explain what I mean by that:

A lot of fanon tropes implicitly reinforce a very white, America-centric POV, and in a universe like the GFFA which lies somewhere between heavily Asian-inspired and gloriously multicultural, that really rubs me the wrong way. (To clarify upfront: it is not racist or whatever to enjoy these tropes or to write them, but it worries me when people don't even seem to realise it)

An obvious, innocuous-seeming example is the tendency to use 'Ben' instead of Obi-Wan's actual name in AUs — especially when others' names (Anakin, Mace, Cody, etc) aren't changed as well. The biggest difference between those names and Obi-Wan's is that Obi-Wan's is obviously Asian inspired, and theirs aren't. It's not something I expect most people even think about! But it always leaves a sinking feeling in my chest.

(Obviously if, like in canon, Obi-Wan is using Ben as a pseudonym while in hiding that's a very different kettle of fish.)

A larger example is how incredibly common it is to cast the Jedi as space-Christians — some common examples being focus on tenets (the Jedi Code, which is a meditation mantra, not a rulebook), the pervasive Catholic Guilt which is very explicitly Christian in nature, the emphasis on worship as ritual rather than a state to work towards, the generalised "all organised religion must be Bad" sentiments that feel very specifically ex-Christian in nature.

Thinking about one's own religion and expressing thoughts through fiction/art isn't an issue in and of itself.

The thing is, the Jedi are explicitly based on Asian Buddhists. Not just in set dressing, but from the ground up, from their beliefs and the way they act, to their clothing to the structure of their temple — to strip that away is to remove what makes the Jedi the Jedi. It's to remove the Asian-ness and replace it with something predominantly white. It implies that Asian influence shouldn't or can't exist in the GFFA, or that there's something inferior or wrong about Buddhism that needs to be "fixed".

Again this isn't something where I think that fan authors are sitting there going "muhahaha I'm going to be RACIST today", I know that's not what's happening. But when so much Jedi-centric content being produced minimises the Asian influence and pushes a western one, it starts to say "there's something wrong with this group, we're trying to erase it because there shouldn't be representation at all" — an issue of scale, at its core.

(Then ofc there's all the "the Jedi steal babies" and "the Jedi ban emotions" and "the Jedi need to be destroyed" which, entirely separate from the above, if you replace 'Jedi' with 'Buddhists' I'm kind of starting to wonder why you hate Asian people/Asian religions, you know?)

I won't even get into the fanon surrounding the clones, because that'd require me to talk about KT far more than I'd like to on any day, but especially today 🤣

(All opinions expressed above are solely those of pass e. ridae and do not express the views or opinions of any affiliates or associates, passerine or otherwise)

#dae asks #star wars #jedi order #racism #as always a single person doing x is not the issue #it's the fandom as a whole doing the thing that can make it more :/ #I don't think people can't or shouldn't write what they like #I just ask that they think about it first! I sure do every time I start a new fic

[myfandomrealitea]

"Understanding that fiction is not reality. It does not create victims."

I don't know if I can agree with that, there definitely have been instances where shipping has created victims, real people shipping to be exact.

Both Harry Styles & Lois Tomlinson from One Direction and Camila Cabello & Lauren Jauregui from Fifth Harmony have publicly spoken about how fans shipping them put a major strain on their respective friendships and how they would like fans to stop.

Ofc most ships will never reach the amount of popularity needed to actually become a real life problem, but it is possible.

Fiction does not create real victims in that if I write about someone being raped, nobody is actually getting raped. Nobody is a victim of what happens within my fanfiction.

Just like the very legal defence of how thoughts are not actual crimes. I can think about overthrowing the government. But it only becomes an actual crime if I prepare to, or try to.

Likewise, I can write about all the murder I want. It doesn't make me an actual murderer.

Fiction does not create real victims.

Fanfiction itself is not to blame for how actual, real people, interact with and expose content to other real people. It wasn't people writing fanfiction who made those celebrities uncomfortable. It was the actions of the people who bombarded them with inappropriate content and interactions.

Mark Fischbach and Sean McLoughlin are a prime example of this. They knew people shipped them. They knew people wrote explicit fanfiction and drew explicit fanart. They didn't care. It was a separate part of their fandom they did not involve themselves in.

It only began to cause, as you say, real life problems when certain people began to harass their real life partners over it, began to tag them in or send them explicit content, and began to try forcing Mark and Sean to actually fanservice them.

Mark and Sean didn't ask people to stop shipping them. They asked people to stop forcing the ship on them in real life. They asked people not to harass their partners, not to send them explicit pornography, and not to force them to change how they behave in order to make it easier to construe it as romantic or sexual.

What people do with content will always be more inherently harmful than the actual content itself.

That is, again, why respect is such a huge part of proshipping and the RPF community. Why there are certain rules we follow and processes we follow in order to not be those people. The heavy emphasis on why things like tagging are so important is not only for our sakes, but for the sakes of the people we are using creatively. The only way they can avoid certain content is if we religiously give them the tools and meet the criteria they need us to in order to be able to.

#sephiroth speaks #myfandomrealitea #reality #fandom #not discourse #or is this bordering on discourse #proshipping #proship #fanfiction #fanart #there's this weird trend between modern social media censoring things into oblivion #and fans somehow becoming even more disrespectful of real people

[amjustagirl]

hey Nikki it's ellie !! i noticed you found my account :0 it's not like i made it particularly hard but i'd like to keep sending anonymous asks if you don't mind

the latest kuroo post ❤️❤️❤️ okay you know how old i am, i've never been in a similar situation myself but i've been hearing a lot of things from friends and you know, not everyone is as respectful and patient and it was really nice seeing someone setting the standard, even if it's just a fictional character, does that make sense?

i also noticed you said a lot of angsty pieces are based on situations you observe and i had to say you have an interesting way of viewing things

anyway how are you? i'm doing great !! patiently wait for the Kita fic, taking care of my plants, studying calculus, and Japanese as i do that, i'm technically on a summer break but i want to get ahead in uni

you chose a major that would allow you to have a relatively normal job and to retire early right? not me 💀 i want to go into astrophysics but it feels so scary sometimes you know? the competition is HUGE and you always have to stay alert and informed about the latest advancements and opportunities, i don't mind the stress but i keep wondering whether i can make it or not

but oh well worst case scenario i'll open a flower shop and hope for smth au-ish like the day dreamer that i am

see that's why i'll stay anonymous, i always go off about whatever it is that crosses my mind, it's embarrassing

that aside i really hope you're doing well or at least surviving 💛🌻

hehe i saw your reblog tags and found you!! please feel free to send in asks on anon - i have zero issues with it. i'm just happy you even wanna chat with me!!! like the recent kuroo post - yeah yknow i'm rly glad that you've never been in similar situation before, and i hope you never will because it's not....good - an understatement but yeah. it's sad that ppl think they have a right to dictate what another person does with their body but that's what happens when there isn't an emphasis on autonomy and consent when a kid is growing up! so..idk i just wanted to do my part cos that's something i feel very, very strongly about!

(ofc - to anyone reading this - if you wanna share your experiences or talk abt these issues, pls, pls pls. my inbox is always open to yall).

i....observe people. i watch people, i listen to their stories and i guess that where a lot of my inspiration to write angst comes from! idk does it make sick in the head or wtv but yeah. interesting HOW hahahaha.

i'm good and im happy to hear you're doing great! what sort of plants do you have! and omg smarty pants love that you're learning japanese!!! and calculus! you go girl! i think it's amazing that you're pursuing what you love - i think there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! but look, don't be scared about the competition as long as you tried, but my real world advice would be to always have a back up plan in case everything goes south. (maybe a flower shop???) don't be embarrassed about rambling, i rly love hearing from you :)

#Nikki chats! #Ellie<3

[draceempressa]

Saw in Harry Potter’s Tvtrope fridge page that the 4 dorms are meant to cultivate “intended classes”, with the classes being : 

Gryffindor: Knights

Hufflepuff: Monks

Ravenclaw: Scholars

Slytherin: Noble

And with that realization  and after reading many info (from card stories, voice lines, min story , even seeing dorm uniform designs, etc, tho yes the focus on the great seven based of each dorm-not the prefect) I came to the conclusion that the intended classes of TW are as following: 

Heartslabyul: Law enforcer this dorm is the hufflepuff one of TW ha you wish , back then  in weston college arc black butler also lacks a dorm that is  equivalent to hufflepuff

Savanaclaw: Street thugs

Octavinelle: Businessmen/Inventors/mafias 

Scarabia: Advisor/ Underground mediators

Pomefiore: Entertainer/Assassin/Informants/Spies

Ignihyde: Scientists/Technician/Progammers/Hackers

Diasomnia: Knights/Military

As for the intended mottos, they are pretty much: 

Heartslabyul: Follow the rules

Savanaclaw: Follow the strong

Octavinelle: Nothing is free/spirit of commerce

Scarabia: Why do it yourself when you can make others do it? /Don’t do things directly so you get someone to blame for your shit

Pomefiore: Use underhanded/indirect method/assume other identity if you must, but make sure you do it by your own power

Ignihyde: Why bother with actual interaction when you can solve things with minimum interaction? 

Diasomnia: Stay loyal to your family and don’t shame your organization

Further explanation under read more, and yes, I am aware of the irony that Diasomnia pretty much have  same intended class with Gryffindor but with Slytherin’s values, tho for Ignihyde  and  Savanaclaw’s values and classes are pretty self explanatory I don’t have anything to explain further for those two dorms    especially savanaclaw, let’s just say Yana hates Gryffindor , if how she treats Green Lion in Black Butler didn’t make it clear, how she writes Savanaclaw will

Okay so for Heartslabyul  being law enforcers... It was said Queen of Hearts doubles as the judge in the Wonderland’s  court, and Riddle is very strict about his rules . In addition, the collar that is inflicted by Off With Your Head resembles pillories for prisoners, and it’s law enforcers that have the right to issue them to the arrested, the thing is basically a cuff/restraint. 

Octavinelle being the merchant dorm is very blatant,  it’s even the chapter title, and their dorm uniform is totes not mafia suit, but I will still explain the inventor part. With the information from Azul’s dorm uniform card that 1: his parents own famous restauran 2: Monstro is just around for a year, put the two together and you get the implication that Azul’s parents pretty much bought the Octavinelle common room for him to change into Monstro. They pretty much invest in buying Monstro and training Azul into even better businessman even before he graduates high school. The fishies even spread the rumors of Azul granting wishes as part of their marketing, and the mafia part.... well, is also pretty self explanatory with their modus operandi. 

Scarabia being the advisor dorm, being the dorm based on Jafar is also pretty self explanatry. However, here comes the mediator part. Jamil, being  servant of a noble house that was raised in his master’s manor isn’t exactly part of the upper class, but neither is he exactly part of the lower class. And in his chapter, he try to mediates the Scarabia students or Yuu& Grim to Kalim (not with good intention, but either way he is indeed the middle man). But whatever happened after the deal  isn’t his business, impying Scarabia’s motto is why do it yourself when you got others to do it/get someone else to do it so you can blame them, the latter point is present in Savanaclaw’s arc but moreso in Scarabia as it’s Jami’s exact goal. 

Pomefiore, oh boy here comes the fun part. Pomefiore has their own dance hall,and Vil is also masterful in many forms of art including movie making, making his own clothes, cosmetics, etc. Vil is also a famous influencer on Magicam, and world class model and actor.  At first, it seems like that their intended class is indeed artisan/celebrity, and there is their manners, seemingly making their intended class the nobles as well there is implication many Pome students are rich (and have you seen anything about Pome, i bet most of NRC’s budget goes there) , but then you remember Pome students are known to do well in Potions. 

There is also the fact that the prerequisite to be prefect of Pome is to make the strongest poison, and Vil make his own food. And he is based on Grimhilde, who makes the poison apples. Connect the dots. Vil is most known for his beauty, but question is, is that all there is to him? Answer is no, he is very smart , likely would have strong magical power being one based of the Great Seven, and he even lifts bigger dumbbells than Jack. Vil is the embodiment of the silk hiding steel trope, emphasis on hiding. Hiding his true strength , letting his enemies drop their guard thinking he’s just a pretty boy is pretty much is his modus operandi, You know that trope of good looking people who use their beauty to hidden their dangerous side? That’s Vil. Those kind of people will also use their looks to interrogate people or make others do what they want, and while Vil abhor cuttig corners, he is meant to bring that trope to mind.  Pomefiore is meant for  those ppl who hides their killing intents and methods behind their own beautiful looks, manners, and even creations/performance.

He is not only a good actor, he is also highly self sufficient that he makes his own stuff by himself. An assassin/spy needs good acting skill to blend in , and ofc as an assassin /spy you can hardly trust others so you have to do things by yourself. Other than that, he’s a socmed influencer. Meaning, he gets used to looking , spreading, and maybe twisting information. Grimhilde fakes the identity of the old witch, and still goes by herself to Snow White. Vil practicing his acting and even changing his pronoun in Ghost Marriage event is a reference to this, showing Pomefiore’s “Assume fake identity or do dirty trick if you must, but do it yourself” motto.

There is also Rook, who still fits the assassination and informant motif of Pomefiore.  He is a sniper, another method famous for assassination. He has good sight and known to be a stalker, which means he know a lot of information of many. And then Pomefiore have a dagger in their logo, another common weapon for assassination. 

As for Diasomnia, their military-like design should emphasis more to their military motif/intended class. Sebek is another pronunciation of Egyptian god Sobek, which also sometimes tied to the military. Knights are often tied to dragons too, tho, most other fictions depict knigths as either dragon slayer or dragon rider, here they serve the dragon. Lilia is explicitly stated to be a knight in Silver’s  robe story, Silver also carries his magic pen like knights would their sword, and both Silver and Sebek are in horse riding clubs, knights are known to patrol on horses back in the day. They are also highly loyal to Malleus, all while Silver and Lilia consider him family. (seriously what do you mean it’s not family bond among Diasomnia as much it’s knight-lord) They are knights focused to protect their lord, with strict manners and ethics, not thugs looking out for fights. they counterattack, but do not initiate attacks. 

#twisted wonderland #heartslabyul #savanaclaw #octavinelle #scarabia #pomefiore #ignihyde #diasomnia

[tarkenee]

bitches really treat living breathing bisexuals in m/f relationships like we're bad lgbt representation in a tv show or something and not... real people just living our lives lol. it's so stupid, like mind your own business. and i feel so bad for any bisexuals who are friends with those people, imagine if you were happy with your partner and wanted to share that joy with a friend and the first thing they say is "ew stop trying to make me care about your heterosexual relationship >:/ " as if that's not an extremely rude thing to do??

yeah absolutely n it's so infuriating n honesty insulting. like at this point it's not even an exaggeration that i feel like some ppl view bi ppl as just "representation" n treat bi ppl (at least those that r online) as fictional ppl

like i'm genuinely convinced that at least some of that "lgbt ppl don't have to care abt ~straight~ relationships" is just the remnants of like 2016 tumblr where ppl would make lengthy posts abt how they don't have to care abt the canon m/f pairings n instead ship one of the ppl w the same gender bc that rep is so scarce n ppl saw this n applied it to real life..

n i'm not saying that fandom tumblr is the main reason for that ofc biphobia exists off-line too but it's just such an onlie brainrot hot take like if u interact w ppl irl they will care abt u n ur relationships if they're just generally decent ppl. however those who've based their entire identity & sense of lgbt activism on fighting for like. idk clexa & johnlock online r now viewing real life lgbt ppl as representation & the way they express their identity & attraction is a performance instead of recognizing that lgbt exist for themselves n these r literally just their lives i hope these ppl never befriend an irl bisexual

maybe it sounds ridiculous but i truly do feel like the way ppl comment on those tiktoks or other posts r similar to how they talk abt a tv show or a book.. like bisexuals rly r just characters that everyone else in the community has to relate to or else they're useless

that's why i rly hate the way "lgbt experiences" center around relationships. ofc those r a huge part of it n very important but i think it's much more meaningful to look at these experiences identity-first like the individual as a person n not just as a part of a couple? bc the overwhelming emphasis on "gay relationships" as the defining lgbt experience not only implies that bisexuals still have just one foot in the community but also completely erases straight trans ppl whose relationships we should ✨care abt✨ just as much other relationships. like it's literally just ppl loving each other how does that have anything to do w how much some random person cares idgi

#*attends my grandparents' wedding anniversary* umm.. i dont rly care abt u guys ur just straight ppl 😐 #inbox #anon #sorry for the long reply u were just so right n i'm seething w rage abt this

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Unraveling at the Seams Pt 13

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Alex Høgh Andersen/OFC, Henry Cavill/OFC Warnings: Language, Sexual Innuendo, Possible NSFW Rating: M Length: Multi Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: Again, Tumblr has been a dick about tagging people. Apologies. 

thank you @flowers-in-your-hayr​ for the header :D

Catch Up Here

After Alex left, Nell had been the last person in the condo, until Marco had come back yesterday. Alex had gone through the place a few times making sure it was tidy, not too much dust had settled, and they had fresh groceries. A bottle of Jameson tucked into the supplies for dinner, Alex was set whenever Nell showed up.

Showering and changing his clothes twice, he had worked himself up over this more than the first time he'd gone out with her. That night he'd changed four times, couldn't decide what to do with his mess of hair, and nearly vomited twice before Marco shoved him out the door and told him to fucking relax. Tonight was a strong contender for a repeat.

Pacing, rearranging the cushions on the couch, and nervously drumming his fingers on the counter top Alex checked the clock on the wall for what felt like the millionth time in – only twenty minutes? Fuck this was excruciating.

“Calm the fuck down, dude.” Marco grumbled from the kitchen counter. Alex wanted to make pizza, too bad he was absolutely useless making dough. Swooping in to save the day, Marco kneaded the dough, before dropping in in the bowl to rise.

“I can't.”

“Why? It's not like this is the first date or some shit. Fuck, dude, you've seen her naked.” Snorting, Marco's eyes glinted with mischief. “You've also saw her ex naked. By now I assumed you'd have a handle on this.”

Death glaring at his roommate, Alex snorted. “I thought we agreed to never talk about that, again.”

“You may have agreed to that, I did not. Honestly, there are worse things. So what, you saw another guy's dick.”

“Can you not?”

“Think of it this way, you've second hand fucked Superman.” Laughing at his own joke, Marco snorted. He would never grow tired of this. Ever.

“Why are we friends? Why? I would never do this to you.” Alex pointed his finger at Marco, making an emphasis. Lies. All lies. If the tables were turned, he would be all over tormenting Marco about it.  “Jeg hader dig.”

“Det er ikke nogen stor sag,” Marco shrugged and wiped his hands on a dish towel. “She was practically living here before you went home.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex sighed, “Alright, fine.” conceding with his hands held in the air.

Cleaning up his work space, Marco watched Alex. Worked up, over nothing, Alex stood in the shared living space. Scratching his head and sighing heavily for what felt like the hundredth time in a handful of seconds. Wiping the counter down, Marco tried to be the supportive friend.

“You're going to have dinner, you're welcome by the way, and then what? Watch a movie? Make out? Discuss world politics? How bad can this be?”

“I'm breaking it off with her.”

“Oh.” The word formed on Marco's lips. His eyes wide in surprise. “Wait, are you sure?”

Any answer would have been accepted, except that. Marco eyed Alex curiously. Was he sure about this? Alex had worked his ass off  trying to impress this woman, he was going to let her go just like that?

“Yes.” Alex nodded, his eyes downcast. “It's not the right time, besides she really isn't that into it.”

“Then why not try to work it out?” Marco leaned against the center counter.

There were more ways around this than simply breaking it off. Alex Høgh Andersen didn't give up easily, so what gave?

“There's no sense. She isn't into it, she isn't into it. I jumped the gun and I guess what I wanted isn't as great as what I got. Dude, can't you see it? She still fucking loves him.” Alex groaned, his hands sliding down the sides of his face.

Fuck. He had been foolish. He should have left well enough alone and not even bothered.

“They have a kid together, of course she's going to love him.” What did Alex expect?  Marco felt that was pretty standard, especially if two people had a child together and were amicable.

“It's more than that,” Alex shrugged, he had made up his mind. He wanted out, while things were still clean. He would not be the reason holding somebody back. “I think he loves her, too. I am not being the guy who gets in the way of that.”

Scratching the bit of light stubble on his chin, Marco sniffed and pursed his lips - all things he did in thought, Alex waited for his friend to give him a pile of useless wisdom.

Alex had made up his mind, while visiting home. It wasn't a decision that he had come up with over night. The choice had taken time, one small step led to another, landing him here. Nell's feelings to Henry weren't the only deciding factor in this, though they had greatly helped.

“Is that what you're going to tell her? You're breaking up, because you don't want to stand in her way of fucking her ex -” Marco paused. “Is he her ex husband? No?”

“No, they were never married. She turned him down when he asked.”

“Poor Superman.” Marco shrugged it off. Returning to his original questions, “what are you going to tell her? She's going to want an answer.”

“Hadn't really thought about it.” Frowning, Alex knew Marco was right. Nell would want an answer.

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Marco groaned. “You're shit at this. Do you need me to stay and hold your hand?”

“No, you can leave.” In no way did he need Marco there to hold his hand. “Are you and Gee still going for drinks?” he tried to change the subject.

“Yeah, though now I may see if Henry wants to come. Ask him whether or not he loves his ex. Hold off on breaking up, you may not need to.”

“Fuck you.”

“You're really not my type, I don't like blue eyes.” Marco laughed throwing the dish towel at Alex. “Seriously, think of what you're going to tell her. Make it good. Make it sincere. And if you need to cry about it, you know where your room is.”

“You are truly an asshole.” Alex threw the towel back.

Catching the flying dish towel, Marco smiled and laughed. “At least I have enough balls to try and keep what I want.”

“Really? This is how you choose to be supportive?”

“You're my best friend, I love you man, but you're in over your head and not thinking clearly. Do whatever you want, but remember that you don't have to come to an end all be all. She may have feelings for the father of her child, but what are the chances she's going to act on it? What are the chances he will act on it?”

When did Marco suddenly get so damn smart?

“Besides, from what our friend Google tells us, Superman has a girlfriend and he isn't the cheating kind.”

“You Googled him?”

“You didn't?”

“No. Why would I do that?”

“Uh, because you're dating, I used the term loosely, the mother of his child. It's good to know your opponent. He seems like a chill guy, but you may not have to worry about him wanting to throw her over his shoulder and...”

“I am going to stop you there.” Alex held up a finger, to indicate this was the end of that sentence. “When are you leaving to meet Gee?”

Glancing at the clock, Marco shrugged. “Another hour.”

“Good, then why don't you go shower. Jerk off. Do your hair. Whatever it is you need to do before going out. Nell will be here in a few minutes.”

“Sure, sure, get rid of me.” Marco held up his hands, retreating from the kitchen. “But talk to her, before you break it all off and blow this to hell.”

Biting his bottom lip, Alex winced, biting down a little too hard on the flesh. Running his tongue over the small bite mark, he took a moment to let Marco's findings sink in. Perhaps he should have asked Marco where, exactly, he had found these claims.

Was it Alex's business what Henry did?

If he looked, it was only because he cared for Nell. Alex wanted what was best for her, even if he did plan to break it off. She was a fantastic person, a huge heart, and didn't deserve to be embarrassed by him asking her about her ex's relationships.

Alex would sweep it under the rug, surely Nell would be privy to that type of information. Not knowing Henry well, Alex did know that Ivan was a high priority, by way of that so was Nell.

Fucking Marco getting into his head.

Almost time for Nell, checking the clock again, Alex did one last sweep to make sure the condo was tidy. Dinner was prepped, all they had to do was assemble the pizzas and bake. Dough was happily resting, waiting until they were ready to use it. Hawaiian pizza wasn't Alex's first choice, though it apparently paired well with Jameson. He'd even remembered to get anchovies, again not his first choice, though Nell swore by them on any pizza.

The things you did when you wanted to impress a woman.

All day and last night, Nell had spent a portion of time intermittently wondering what Alex wanted. He didn't sound like his usual happy to see her, puppy dog like self. His mood placid. A hint of melancholy in his tone as he'd spoke.  Conceivably she could be over reacting. She'd been tired when he'd called, she could have easily taken it in a way it wasn't meant to be.

No, there was an off feeling.

She'd felt it then and as she made her way to his place.

A knot in her gut tightened, growing closer to the condo. Alex was out of sorts and here she was, going into this with an intention of leaving unattached. Was she a horrible person, by not wanting to continue seeing him, all because she was moving?

In her head she reran every situation that she had deemed possible. Alex would possibly be upset, which she would reassure him it was all on her. Nothing to do with him, cliche, but honest.

What if he wanted to break it off with her? That one she liked. Getting a way out with no hard feelings, because they both wanted the same thing.

Then there was the part where they would have to work together, for a short while, before she moved. How awkward would that be? Did she drag this on, leading him to a dead end, allowing him to think things were fine between them only to break it off last minute?

Nell hated herself for all of these situations.

If he tried to talk her out of it, then she would have to be firm. No amount of reconsidering saw her leaving Dublin attached, especially not to Alex.

Mustering the courage, she rang the buzzer, the door unlocked and she was inside. A pause by the elevator, to collect herself. Walking in there with this cloud hanging over head would ruin the evening entirely. Touching up her lipstick and taking a calming breath, she stepped into the elevator and pressed the button. A forced smile on her face, walking down the short hall way to the door Nell told herself she was ready for whatever laid on the other side.

Inside Alex jumped when the buzzer had gone off. Closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, he did what he could to relax. Nell was at the front door at what felt like rocket speed. Lingering in the open door, Alex watched down the hall, catching sight of her. She looked relaxed – more than could be said for him.

“Hey.” He greeted her, a quick kiss on the cheek, allowing her to walk in ahead of him. “Glad you could make it.”

“Of course,” Nell returned the quick peck to the cheek. Wiping her lipstick off of his cheek, she smiled. “I'm sorry that I didn't get the first few calls, my damn phone was dead and I didn't think to charge it before I left.”

“No, no don't worry. It's all good,” Alex brushed it off, taking her bag and setting it on the stand beside the door. “Come on, sit. We have dinner to make and things to catch up on.”

The once cozy and welcoming space began to feel – frigid? No. Chaotic? No. Forced. Yes.

At the counter, Nell took a seat on one of the sleek bar stools. Alex had his back turned, busying himself with gathering all the things they would need to finish making their dinner. First things first, a drink. On the rocks for him and neat for Nell. Sliding her the glass of whiskey, he smiled and held up his glass.

“To coming together.” He shrugged, “and to Marco, because without him we wouldn't have dinner.”

“Coming together and to Marco.” Nell giggled softly, allowing Alex to nudge his glass against hers. Would it be rude to down this in one gulp?

“Did I hear my name?” Marco shouted from down the hall. Peeking around the corner, the black towel secured around his hips. Hair wet and trailing down his back, he skittered barefoot across the tile flooring to the kitchen. Holding his towel, just in case.

“I was telling her if she gets food poisoning, you made the dough.” Alex smirked, giving Marco a glass of the whiskey. It's what he was looking for, any how.

“Ah, well, I promise you will not die from my pizza dough.” Marco smirked, lifting his glass, “I will not promise that you won't get hooked though. Nell, this is the best, the very best pizza dough you will ever have. It's my mother's own recipe.”

“I will take your word for it.” Nell laughed, adverting her eyes, when Marco took the seat beside her, his towel perhaps not covering everything he wanted it to when he sat. “Have you been back long?”

“Nah, I got here yesterday.” Marco shook his head, the ends of his wet hair dripping on the floor. “How's your break been going? Do anything fun?”

Mid drink, Nell shook her head. Placing her nearly empty glass on the counter top, she answered. “I've got some work caught up around the house. Most of my downtime has been hanging out with Ivan and Henry. Nothing special.”

“Ah,” Marco gave Alex a look.

“So, uh, have you decided on that um.” Alex paused, taking a drink. Thinking better of his actions. “Sorry, it's not my business.”

“Oh, you mean the job?” Nell picked up on the tension in the question. “I was going to wait until we got settled here, but I've decided to take it.”

“What?”

“Hey! That's wonderful!” Marco raised his glass, along with his voice. “What job?”

“Henry wants to contract my work, for his new project. Possibly more to follow. I don't have all the details, yet.”

So Alex hadn't told Marco? Interesting, considering how those two were together all the time, sharing a brain some days. Nell gently wiggled her glass, Alex dutifully poured her more.

“Well, you're a fucking genius. If anyone can get the job done, it's you.” Marco complimented, gently patting Nell on the back. “So, if you are working with Henry, then Ivan must be thrilled.”

“He's beyond thrilled. He gets to live with his dad, what could be better?”

“You're moving in with Henry?” Alex's brow creased, his dinner forgotten. Dough spread on the pan, the production halting there.

“No, but Ivan is.”

“Huh, everybody wins.” Marco finished his drink, stepping down from the stool. “Henry's girlfriend is cool with his kid moving in? That is a good woman.”

Wide eyed, Alex wanted to strangle Marco. No, no why would he do this?

“Henry doesn't have a girlfriend,” Nell laughed, draining her glass and licking her lips. “He hasn't for two years.”

“I saw online, it said,” Marco scrambled to find his iPad. Sitting on the coffee table in the middle of the open living room.

“You shouldn't believe everything online.” Following Marco with her eyes, Nell was taking great amusement in this. Marco scrolled along, trying to find where he'd seen the photo.

“But it says,” Marco pointed to the screen, handing Alex the iPad to confirm what they were seeing, “right here. It's none of my business, but there is a photo.”

“Is it a photo of him with a woman in a red coat with black pants? All you can see is the back of her head?” Nell sighed, rubbing her hand over her forehead. “Look at the woman, take a close look. See anything you recognize?”

“Uh.” Alex squinted at the photo, trying to make sense of what Marco had just done.

This was a can of worms which he wished they could close and walk away from. Why was his best friend such a moron? Was this Marco's way of trying to suss out Nell's feelings?

“It was me.” Nell glanced at the photo  Alex handed over.  “And when you find the one about the weekend rendezvous, during the Durrell last year,” Nell smirked, “remember the lemur story?”  

“Lemur?” Marco scratched his chin.

“Never mind,” Alex shook his head at his roommate.

“So, he doesn't have a girlfriend?”

“No.” Nell laughed at the look on Marco's face. Confusion and embarrassment all wrapped into one adorable, chubby cheeked package. “So, Ivan moving in is not a problem. The woman in the photo, is fine with it. It was her idea.” she winked.

“Okay, well. Now I feel foolish. Apologies.” Marco took his iPad, bowing out of this conversation. Patting Alex on the shoulder, as he went. His friend may want to worry about those feelings, after all.  “You two crazy kids have a good night. I need to get dressed, Gee is going to be waiting.”

Smooth exit.

At the counter, his cheeks red, and his courage waning, Alex didn't know what to do next. Busying his hands making dinner, he felt like a fool. A deer in the headlights, waiting for the truck to pound over him, leaving him a mess in the road.

Shifting on her stool, Nell sat quietly tracing the rim of her glass with her finger tip. The glitter on the tips of her light gray nails catching the light with the movement, sparkling at Alex like tiny a tiny mocking jury. A quick shout broke the silence, along with a door thudding close, gave way to Marco marking his exit. Neither person in the kitchen moved, outside of their previous task.

A stark contrast to how things had been prior to Alex's departure.

He'd liked the way Nell would stand along side of him, her fingers threading in his hair, while he tired to do a task. Or the way she would lean against him, watching him cook. Her head on his back, resting comfortably while they laughed and chatted. Alex frowned, spreading cheese on the pizza, he should have kept his agitation in check.

“How are your parents and sister?” Nell broke the silence, tapping her fingers on the counter top.

“They're well. Busy. It was nice to see them.” Alex masked his emotions, forcing a smile. In the pit of his stomach, he knew that Nell knew, something was off. “I was sad they called me to come back early, but that's work.”

“Hmm,” Nell hummed. “But you'll get to see them, soon.”

“I suppose.” Alex nodded, pausing to make the next selection of toppings. “Ham or onion next?”

“Whatever you want, I'm not fussy.” Nell forced her own smile. “I see you got anchovies. Brave of you, to try.”

“I'll try any food once,”

“That's the spirit. You know, yesterday, Ivan almost made me gag. I've never met anybody who eats wasabi like my kid.” She feigned a gagging motion. “My kid's taste buds are broken.”

“Did you ask him why? Oh god, I couldn't imagine that.” Alex laughed at the thought of Ivan shoveling in the green paste.

“He said he likes it.”

“You can't get him to eat cake, but he eats wasabi.” Alex laughed at Nell's facial expressions. Cake was one of the most disgusting textures, according to Nell. A muffin was fine, so long as it wasn't fluffy and crumbly like a cake. One trait to tick in the Nell box, Ivan was the same way. Clearly not getting Henry's indulgence.

“We're currently trying to sort out who his real parents are,” the joke made Alex smile. “Seriously, I don't know why. I guess we all have weird things we like.”

“Weird, yes.” Alex agreed. Putting the thin sliced ham on top of the onions, pizzas were almost ready for the oven. “I don't have words for you guys and your food preferences.” Pulling open the oven door, Alex retrieved a pan from the counter. In went the first part of dinner. Wiping his hands on a towel, he stood opposite of Nell. Another drink of whiskey, he licked his lips. “So, did you spend a lot of time with Ivan and Henry?”

Nell sipped her drink, eyes narrowing. Was that a hint of jealousy she detected? No, surely Alex wouldn't be that petty.

“I spent a bit of time with them, yeah. Yesterday we did some museums and had dinner.” She clarified. “Last week Henry let Ivan have a sleepover. He got to meet Christina.”

Wide eyed, Alex snorted. The woman was infamous.

“And?”

“Jordan has competition. But, I think she'd forget about him, if she saw Henry with his full beard. That thing is a life of it's own.” Nell snorted in laughter.

Rubbing his cheeks, Alex went along with it. A devilish smirk crossing his smooth features. “I think beards are overrated, who needs a face rug, when you have a jaw like this.” He tilted his head for maximum effect.

“You've got a point there,” Nell winked. “Some guys do fine without the help of a beard.”

If they were in a romantic comedy, this would be the scene here the pizza would be forgotten. Favouring other activities over eating. Since this wasn't a romance dictated by screenwriters, things didn't a drastic turn and dinner made it out of the oven on time. Amid small chatter and no real conversation. The quiet was deafening and welcoming. Less spoken the better.

Despite having Marco do the hard part, Alex was proud oh himself for being able to assemble and cook such a glorious master piece. Hot, cheesy, and the right amount of salty and sweet. It was perfect. Alex would have made a joke about how he too was hot, cheesy, salty and sweet – wisely he went against the idea.

“Dinner is served.” He proudly announced, setting two plates on the counter, the pizza in the middle.

“Compliments to the chef, and his dough maker.” Nell smiled for the first time in nearly half an hour.

Cold wasn't her intentions.

Alex hadn't been all that chatty himself, despite having come up with a great deal of the conversation.

The end was nigh.

Dramatic. A touch.

“This is good,” Nell complimented.

The shift in the room once Marco had left wasn't unnoticed. A few brief moments of warmth and they were back to being strangers. Talking out of politeness and necessity.

“It's really good.” Alex nodded in agreement. What he wouldn't give to rewind this evening. To rewind the last few months.

“So, when do you go back to shoot?”

“Uh, two days.” Alex wiped the cheese and sauce that had dropped on his chin. “Are you back with us?”

Nell shook her head, trying to avoid wearing the dripping sauce. “Celine and Rayna will be. I won't be back for a few days.”

“Going to be different being the big shot, huh?”

“I guess.” Nell shrugged, picking a piece of ham from the edge of her crust to savour. Making a joke, “Not sure how much power Henry will let me wield.”

“I'm sure you'll do great.”

“Thank you, I hope so.” Sighing, Nell gently pushed a stray piece of onion around her plate. “I mean, I don't think I would be agreeing if I didn't think I could do some justice.”

“Are you going to miss Ireland?”

“I will, Ivan definitely will.” There was no need to reexplain that that moving with Henry would be good for him; Alex got that the first time around.

"Hypothetically, after you leave where do we go?" Alex sat with his elbows resting on the counter top.

He hated this part. This was the part where two people attempted to decide fate. Did you engage in a long distance relationship? Did you give up now? Maybe they would decide to keep it casual. Seeing each other when they could until one day they realized they were never meant to be.

"Do we continue or was this a fun while it lasted?"

"Would you hate me if I say that I think it's best if we didn't follow through?" She thought it would be cut and dry. End it and move on. Reaching for a napkin, she tugged at the corners.

"I would never hate you." Alex rubbed his chin in thought.

Clasping her hand in her lap, Nell sat straight, her gaze passing Alex but never landing on him. Inhaling deeply, she slowly let the air out of her lungs. This had to be done. Rip the bandage off fast, though it would sting the hurt would be brief.

“Alex, you're lovely.”

"I understand, I get it. You don't have to bother giving me an excuse."

"And what excuse is that?" Nell huffed.

Alex sighed, staring at the half eaten pizza on his plate as if it would give him some sort of wisdom. He was foolish to let it go this far. Anyone could look at them and see it. Playing with the cigarette package on the counter, he traced his fingers along the dimpled lettering.

"Henry. It's obvious the two of you have something."

"Ivan, we have Ivan."

"Right and I think, despite what you tell me, you love him. I think you always have."

“Bold of you to assume such things.”

“Is it?”

“He's my son's father. Yes, there are some feelings.  We're still friends and he is an important part of my life. Yes, there have been times when I lost all judgment and we've had sex. Only twice, but it happened.” Why was she telling him all of this? None of this was his business. “If somebody can't accept that Henry is around, then that is not my problem. What else do you want me to say?”

“No, it's fine. I get it. I'm not exactly committed and this is only casual. Right? Just a bit of fun, while it lasted.”

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#henry cavill #alex høgh andersen #henry cavill fanfiction #alex høgh andersen fanfiction #henry Cavill x ofc #alex høgh andersen x ofc #unraveling at the seams #marco ilsø

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {29}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Slow, Smoldering, Torturous Burn 😊, Heavy Angst

Word Count: 6.3K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

ALSO THIS IS FICTION AND NO WAY A PROPER INTERPRETATION OF ANYONE‘S CHARACTER.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 29: Turbulance Up Ahead

-Vixen-

  The way they were looking at you made you want to bolt. You found yourself looking back to the gate you’d just walked through and estimated how long it would take you to get you and Ella out of there. You almost did too, but then you felt Nexus’ arm around your waist. You looked to her, and she had a sweet, reassuring smile on her face before she gave you a slight nod. You took a deep breath and straightened your back.

  “No one makes me run scared. I’m a fuckin’ boss!”

  The woman who must have been Chris’ mother stepped forward with a warm smile on her face. “Hi, welcome. It’s great to finally meet you all.” You looked to Nexus and exchanged a look with her that only the two of you could possibly decipher.

  “Thank you—Mrs. Evans,” you began then held out the cake you’d spent all night stress baking. “For you and your family.” She smiled and marveled at the expertly decorated confection.

  “Wow, this looks absolutely mouthwatering. Thank you, Vixen.” You nodded.

“Welcome all of you. I’m glad you all could come. We’ve all been looking forward to meeting you for weeks, and I, for one, am so glad the day is finally here,” she said with a wide smile on her face. She looked like she meant what she said. Most of you was sure about it, but there was that part of you that still held its guard up. Something had to give. There had to be real repercussions from your actions. You were prepared to come face to face with them here.

  Chris began the introductions. He went through each of his siblings and their spouses and partners and then to his father, his second wife and his half-siblings. As he went through them, they all welcomed you with respectful words and smiles that you mirrored. Chris introduced Ella, but she refused to let go of your neck; in fact, her grip got tighter and tighter every time you tried to let everyone else get a closer look.

  After all the introductions were complete, Ella had clearly had enough. Chris brought everyone’s attention to him. “Maybe let’s give her a little space, she gets really shy sometimes.” Everyone nodded and backed off, but you saw a look flash across Carly’s face before she looked away from you and walked away. It was a look that said she just might be the repercussions of your actions.

  “Is she okay?” Chris stood beside you with a concerned look on his face as he looked down at Ella.

“Yeah, it’s probably just too much attention at once. Give her some time she’ll come out her shell. Isn’t that right little mermaid?” Ella smiled small but hid her face in your chest again.

  “Same for you, give them some time, they’ll come out their shells,” Chris advised. You smirked and nodded. His name was called from across the lawn, and he rubbed the top of Ella’s head before he walked off. Nexus approached you again.

  “You okay?” You nodded. What else were you going to say?

  “Look.” She nodded over to your parents, who were already wrapped up in conversation with Chris’ father and her current wife. You snorted and shook your head. “Life of the party as always.” You nodded and kissed the top of Ella’s head. “Too many Evans’ right, baby girl?” You laughed at Nexus then heard your name being called. When you looked around, you saw his siblings all sitting together around an unlit firepit waving you over. You looked at Nexus and looped your arm with hers.

  “We’re a packaged deal,” you said.”

  “Sho nuff.” You laughed as the three of you crossed the grass over to them. The closer you got, the more nervous you became. As you approached they moved around, making room for the two of you.

  “I love your outfit,” the dark-haired one said. You smiled and nodded. “Shanna.”

  “Right, Shanna, I’m sorry.”

  “No worries, there are a lot of us. I understand completely.” Her eyes fell to Ella, whose face was still buried in your chest.

  “Shy?”

  “Yeah, she’ll come out soon,” you assured and looked down at Ella. “I have an idea, princess; you see the flowers. They look so beautiful wanna go look?” She sternly shook her head.

“It must be overwhelming meeting so many people all at once. It definitely would have been an easier adjustment if she’d been able to do it gradually throughout her early life,” Carly voiced. Everyone became quiet. You looked at her but bit your tongue.

  “Just takes some kids longer to warm up. I wouldn’t be worried,” you responded.

  “No, she took to Chris like that,” Nexus added with a snap to emphasis how quick it was.

  “Chris is a big kid himself,” Scott chided. His siblings laughed along with him.

  “Chris says you’re a chef and restauranteur. Is that right?” You smiled and nodded at Shanna.

  “Yes.”

  “That sounds amazing. must be tough to juggle life as a mom and owning a restaurant,” she followed up.

  “Uh, it can be. I have an amazing family, and they’ve supported me from the beginning. By now, I’ve got the hang of it.”

  “Let’s see if you’re saying that when you have to split oversight of two restaurants in two parts of the state,” Nexus slid in.

  “Two restaurants?”

  “Yeah, I’m uh—close to the grand opening of my second one in LA,” you informed.

  “Wow, impressive. I am bowing down,” Shanna joked. You smiled and continued to rock Ella.

  “I can understand wanting to accomplish your goals on your own. Is that why you kept her a secret?”

  Clenching your jaw, you fought the urge to pop off at her. You knew she was testing you, seeing just how much you’d take until you blew up. You almost felt as if she wanted you to flip.

  “She was never a secret. She was just my business. As her mother, I made a choice at the time for her safety and best interest.  A choice I stand by.” Your eyes never left Carly’s; you knew it could have been taken as confrontational, but you didn’t care.

  “Got it. Right, Chris, mom?” You looked back and saw Chris and his mother standing there. Chris’ jaw was tightly clenched, but he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at Carly. The two of them found seats around the fire pit, and the tension that floated around was palpable.

  Vixen, I snuck a piece of that cake, and it was delicious. I could taste the coconut in it, but it was so refined. I love it,” Mrs. Evans complimented. You smiled and nodded.

  “Thank you. I’m happy you like it.”

  “Do you do a lot of cooking?”

  “Quite a bit. I cook every night for Ella and usually at the restaurant.”

  “And you, Nexus?”

  “God no, I do my best to stay out the kitchen,” she said with a ghastly expression on her face. everyone laughed.

  “We’ll eat in another ten minutes unless you’re interested in it now, Mrs. Evans informed.

  “Whatever you prefer is fine with me, ma’am.” She smiled warmly and looked at Chris.

  Chris held out a flower to Ella and waited for her to take it. It took a whole, but slowly her hand came out to take the flower. She toyed with it then slowly lifted her head from your chest, allowing most to finally see her face. “Ank oo.” Those around melted with “aww” and “ohs.” This made her bury her face into your chest again. This would have been humorous if you weren’t already so damn uncomfortable. You decided then and there not to force her to embrace not a one of them. You held tightly to her and continued to rock her. She was your only concern. These people were either going to love you or hate you.

  ~~~~~~~

When everyone sat to lunch at the beautifully set table, conversation was scarce, and you felt it was because of you, but you focused on Ella, who was still glued to you. By lunch, she’d managed to keep her face out your chest and was eating her food on your lap. She wouldn’t even let Chris take her. You knew she would snap out of it, so you weren’t worried. Your parents easily made conversation with the adults around the table, and you were glad for it. They took some of the tension away. Every so often, you caught Chris’ eyes on you and Ella, and every time you did, you looked away.

  You didn’t know how to behave here. You didn’t know if you were supposed to be the outgoing newcomer and ignore the enormous yellow bird that was ever present, or play the black sheep and shy away from attention and back down from conversation or were you supposed to be proving yourself to them. None of them felt natural; none of them felt like you. Toward the ending of lunch, everyone started asking you plenty of questions. They asked about what you liked to do, what you didn’t like, how you got into the restaurant business, how you juggled motherhood and work, and even questions about your life. It all seemed pleasant and genuine.

  After lunch, you offered to help clean up, but Mrs. Evans refused your help stating you were a guest, and she wanted you to take it easy and enjoy yourself. So, you took the opportunity to show Ella the flowers. You knew she’d been eyeballing them all afternoon. In the sea of flowers, she allowed you to put her down. She touched every bud and marveled at all the colors and even tried to pick a few before you told her not to. Every so often, she pulled you over to a new patch of flowers, and when she dropped down to her knees to dig in the dirt, you laughed. It always amazed you her ability to find dirt to sink her hands into it.

  Chris’ niece walked over blowing bubbles; Ella’s first reaction was to hug your leg and hide, but when the bubbles caught her attention she turned and watched them blow in the gentle breeze. His niece, Stella held out the bottle for her to try and she took it and tried blowing her own. Soon she and Stella were twirling in the bubbles and flowers as you sat and watched. One of Chris’ nephews came over with an even bigger bubble wand and handed it to you. You stood and began waving it in the air using the wind to blow the bubbles.

  The girls squealed and giggled as they twirled in them. Their happy laughter brought the attention of those around, and they stood and watched. When you looked back you saw Chris standing with his siblings and watching as well. Carly looked to him then to you and nodded. It was then you looked away and continued producing bubbles.

  As the sun began to set, Ella slowly came out of her shell and played with the other kids who looked just as amazed with her as she was with them. It was cute to see them play gently with her because of her size and have her be the rough one.

  “I’m sorry.” You looked back and saw Carly standing there holding two full glasses of wine. Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself for round two.

“For what?” She came around and held out one of the wine glasses to you. Slowly, you took the glass and peered into it.

  “I promise, it’s not poisoned,” Carly assured. You snorted and took a sip.

  “Even if it were, it’d take a lot more than a little poison to kill me,” you cockily answered. Carly smiled and nodded and sat diagonal from you.

  “I’m sorry for how I’ve acted since you arrived. It’s not how I was raised—how any of us were raised matter of fact, so don’t hold it against my parents.”  You studied as you circled your finger around the chilled glass rim. The low hum it produced was one you loved.

  “That’s a talent,” Carly added.

  “I have many.”

  She nodded and took a sip from her glass. “Since we found out about you and Ella, I guess I’ve gone into protector mode. I’m the oldest, and I’ve always thought of Chris as the baby who needed protecting from things. When he told us about you, I guess it rubbed me the wrong way, and I guess I felt I should protect him.”

  “From me?”

  “Yeah.” You nodded and took another sip from the wine and looked over to Ella, who was still engrossed in playtime with her cousins. The thought that she now had cousins made you smile.

  “I’m sorry,” Carly repeated.

  You didn’t answer. You thought about what you were about to say. Before you responded, Shanna, Scott, and their significant others came over along with Carly’s husband. The five of them looked between you and Carly as if this was a wild, wild west face off. The sound coming from your glass continued and intensified the mood of the moment. Chris walked over then and stood behind Carly.

  “Everything okay?” Chris’ inquiry sounded like a warning to Carly, but his eyes were on you looking for any indication you wanted him to step in. You didn’t answer.

  “Vix?” You heard Nexus from beside you and made your decision.

  You took a breath and finished the glass of wine.

  “Okay, I’m here. You all know the story. Go ahead, ask your questions.” They all looked at each other as if they didn’t understand what you meant.

  “There has to be a whole list of questions you want answers to. If it were me, I’d have at least seven main ones. Chris can’t answer for me, so I am here. I will answer. I’d take the free pass it won’t be offered again.” The silence continued, and you looked around to each of their faces, avoiding Chris’ eyes. When your eyes landed on Carly, you knew she had her questions.

  “Okay, I’ll go first. What kind of person hides a child for almost two years? This must have been a top one. I never hid my child. As I said, I made a decision based on the facts I had at the time and moved forward. I made a choice to protect my child and shield her from anything that would prove harmful for her mental and emotional health. I chose her stability over all else. Does that make me a horrible person, who knows? I made a choice and as horrible as it is to say I don’t regret the choice I made those years ago. It was the best one then.” You didn’t look at Chris; you kept your eyes square with Carly’s.

  “Next question. Was I hoping to spring this out in the open, hoping for scandal and a huge payday? No. I have no interest in personal fame or celebrity, nor do I have any interest in anyone’s money but my own, which I make quite a fair amount of. Let’s see, did I do this to deliberately hurt Chris? No. In no part of this story did I think up ways to hurt him for anything. I can be a bitch, but I’m not a heartless, vindictive one. Hmm, oh, did I ever plan on telling him the truth? I’ve thought about this a lot over the last few months and before I didn’t know. Today though, I probably would have. There would have come a time where it would have happened, I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep something like this a quiet for her entire life.” You looked around again. His brother Scott has a small smile on his face while Shanna had a bigger one. When she looked to Carly her expression looked to have softened.

  “That about sum up the majority of your questions? Does that give you an idea if you have to protect your brother from me? If not, let me fill in the blanks. I want one thing, and that is what is best for Ella, always have, always will. Yeah, I’m remorseful that you all didn’t get to know her, I’m saddened that my actions have made you distrustful of me, I really am. If you have to hate me fine, I will accept it; I’m stronger than I look. All I ask is that you don’t take it out on her or let your hate for me impact how you love her.” Without knowing it, your tears fell from your eyes. You put your glass down, stood and walked off.

  “Vixen--,” Chris began, but you didn’t stop. You slipped through the gate you came in without a single idea where you were going. You didn’t care. You just needed to move.

  ~~~~~~

-Chris-

  He was ready to flip a fucking table. It was too much to ask for that his sibling would behave. It was too much to ask for this meeting to go smooth. He knew everyone had questions and knew everyone was apprehensive when it came to her, but he honestly expected them to keep it low key. Guess he expected too much. He felt guilty like hell and was more than pissed at his family and made it very clear.

  He gave each of his siblings a piece of his mind, Carly especially. He understood where she was coming from. She’d been his protector his whole childhood, and they were all closer than anything and knew it would be hard for them to get close to you, but he didn’t expect that. They all felt like shit now especially after everything you said and the fact that you ran out crying. Knowing that, his mother was the angriest of them all. She chewed them out good for not only being rude to a visitor but for going against everything she’d taught them growing up. She was so pissed that they were all on clean up duty, which meant trash, tables, dishes, sweeping and mopping, oh yeah real corporal punishment.

  He went out driving to look for you but wasn’t successful. Nexus said that if you didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t find you. The fact that you didn’t know where you were, or your way around made him worry even more. He called your phone, but you’d left your purse. After an hour, he felt useless and found himself anxiously pacing the yard and shaking his legs when he sat. He wondered how pissed you were at him for this. Here he was telling you everything would be fine, and things were way past fine. You must have felt like he ambushed you.

  For most of the time you were gone, Ella was occupied with his niece and nephew and other siblings that weren’t sentenced to manual labor with Nexus keeping a close watch. He knew she wasn’t entirely comfortable with everyone here, and Nexus’ close presence made it a little easier. Nexus was clearly annoyed with the turn of events and voiced this to him. She even went as far as to assure him it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t control his siblings but that he could have done more. When he confided in her the last argument or misunderstanding you’d had with him overstepping she understood his apprehensiveness with making the same mistake twice in that many days.

  After almost two hours, Ella seemed to notice you weren’t around and began throwing a tantrum complete with tears, screams, and limb swinging. She wouldn’t even allow him to console her. She continued to scream for her mama, and the longer it took you to appear, the worse her meltdown became.

  He saw your dress from the corner of his eye, and you quickly approached. Ella saw you and wiggled free from Nexus’ arms and ran to you. Without a word, you wrapped her in your arms, lifted her, and walked off to the garden. He sat there just watching you rock and bounce with her, hugging her close to your body. Slowly Ella’s cries died out. After ten minutes or so, she was quiet. Your voice could be heard singing a soothing lullaby to her.

  Suddenly a swarm of lightning bugs surrounded you. Ella lifted her head from your chest and looked at the blinking creatures. She reached her hand out, trying to catch one, but it evaded her tiny grasp. She laughed, but he could hear the tears still in her voice. As more and more lighting bugs circled you, Ella became more and more interested in her attempt to catch one. Every time she tried, she came up unsuccessful. Soon you were spinning her in a circle as the lighting bugs flickered around you. It was a beautiful sight, one he was completely mesmerized by.

  In this moment, he felt things he’d never felt before, not fully. All those years ago, he’d felt the stirrings of it, but he’d nipped it in the bud as quick as he could. He’d pushed it away and chalked it up to infatuation with the sex, or your body. Sitting here now, he saw the error of his thinking. He knew what he felt, and it had nothing to do with sex or your body. He glanced down to his hand and saw it shaking. As he flexed it he found himself looking back to you and Ella. The joy on your faces felt like everything he’d ever wanted.

  “Does she know you’re in love with her?” He looked up to see his mother’s smiling face. He scoffed and flexed his shaking hand again, but it didn’t steady.

  “I don’t see how she could. I just figured it out myself.” His mother smiled wider and sat beside him and watched you and Ella as well.

  “You should tell her sooner rather than later.”

  “Just like that, huh. I should tell my daughter’s mother, who my only connection to is through that child, that I have feelings for her?” His mother nodded.

  “Love is more than feelings, honey. The love I see radiating off of you is the love you settle down for, the love you sacrifice for, the stuff you die for—true love.”

  “It’s probably your fault I love Disney as much as I do,” he joked. The two of them laughed together until it slowly died down. Again his eyes were glued to you.

  “Carly told me what she said.”

  He sighed and nodded, remembering the whole disaster. “Yeah, it was bad.”

  “It was, but with it, I no longer believe she has ill intentions toward you or anyone. Your siblings believe it too,” his mother assured. He scoffed.

  “Maybe they should have figured that out before making her cry.”

  “Yeah, that would have been a better idea. Don’t worry; I’ll smooth it over.” He looked to her as she smiled.

  “You should tell her how you feel, especially since I’m sixty to seventy percent sure they’re not unrequited feelings.”

  His mother stood and walked over to you. His jaw remained dropped for several minutes. He sat and watched the friendly interaction. It meant a lot that you and his mother got along. She was a huge part of his life. Her approval meant a lot. You looked over to him and slowly walked over to him, somehow still rocking and bouncing Ella. Once to him, you stood there still rocking.

  “Uh—can you hold her? She’s seconds from falling asleep. All you have to do is do what I do, and she won’t know the difference.” He stood and studied the coordination and began mirroring it. You nodded.

  “Good, get into a groove, I’ll pass her off, try not to stop. He nodded. After a few seconds, he nodded, and you stepped closer to him and handed Ella to him. his coordination faltered, and Ella stirred and began fussing.

 “Shhhh. It’s okay, baby.”

  Your arms wrapped around his triceps and bounced and rocked with him, giving Ella the impression it was still you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Your eyes met his, and there the two of you stood rocking and bouncing together closer than you’d ever been since the night you’d made Ella with the product of that encounter between you. “Vixen--,”

  “Shh, she’ll wake. You got it.” You slowly backed away and watched him keep the same tempo you did. You nodded and softly smiled as you looked between them. “You’re a natural.” With that, you turned and walked back to his mother who’d seen the entire thing. The two of you disappeared further into the garden, and he was left there to look around at all the eyes that were on him who’d clearly seen the exchange.

  ~~~~~~~

-Vixen-

  You were no longer nervous. The walk helped calm you down, and the walk also helped with you regaining your cold exterior. When you returned, you felt more in control, but now sitting before Chris’ mother, you felt those nerves returning. You didn’t know if it was because of her presence of the encounter with Chris a while ago. You sipped from the glass of wine before you and took a breath.

  “You have a beautiful home.”

  “Thank you, Vixen. I appreciate that.” Her smile was warm, and her words were kind.

  “Let me apologize for my children. I am deeply and sincerely sorry for how they’ve behaved. I am not going to sit here and make any excuses for them. How they behaved was wrong, and I am ashamed of them. I promise it’s not the way I raised them.” You studied her and saw she meant it.

  “I appreciate the apology, Mrs. Evans. It’s not your apology to give though, but it means a lot that you’d still offer it. I don’t blame you at all. I know you raised them well; Chris is amazing.” Before you knew you said it, you’d said it. His mother studied you with a small smile.

  “How so?” She took a sip from her glass. You bit your bottom lip and drank some of your wine. She waited for you to answer, and you knew you weren’t going to get out of this.

  “Um, well—just the impression I get from the public and articles and things like that. Also, he’s been great concerning Ella and the transition with everything. He’s—stepped up in a big way. A way many wouldn’t have or a way many wouldn’t have been so successful at. Ella adores him, and as you can see, it takes her some time to warm up to people.”

  “You have a wonderful little girl there. She looks a lot like Chris, it’s incredible.”

  You nodded your agreement, and silence fell between you again.

  “Vixen, when Chris first told me I was confused and very wary of your intentions and character but having you here tonight and observing you not only with your family but mine and with Ella then hearing how you put Carly in her place, which is exactly what you did. It took guts to do that, especially while not being on your home turf. I understand the courage it took even to come here knowing what could have happened. It shows your bravery, but also your want to make things right any way you can. I respect a woman who admits she’s made mistakes but owns up to them and shows conviction when those mistakes are questioned. I respect you and am certain you have no ill will for my son or our family. I think quite the opposite actually.”

  You felt like a huge weight had been lifted off not only your shoulders but your heart.

  “I’m sure we’ll grow to be great friends, Vixen. I look forward to getting to know you better.” You flared your nose, trying to keep the tears back, but they spilled free.

  “I’m sorry.” She stretched her hand out to the one left on the table.

  “No need for sorry. I can imagine the stress you’ve been under. I don’t want to be an added one. I want to move forward. I believe you know you made a mistake, and I don’t believe in pounding someone’s head in their mistakes. You were young; you’re older, wiser. You’re a different person, and this person I want to know. You’ve made my son a father. You’ve given him and this family a great gift. Somehow it all feels complete now. I prayed for this for him for so many years, and you’re proof prayers do get answered.” She was emotional as well. The two of you giggled together as you cried it out.

  The night had definitely taken a turn—slightly for the better.

  When you walked back out with Mrs. Evans, who’d insisted from this day forward, you referred to her as Lisa because she was no longer Mrs. Evans and trusted you much more many eyes fell to you. Chris was still rocking and bouncing Ella in his arms, but he was now talking to your family. You went around and said your goodbyes. You’d had enough, and it was time to go. When you made it to Chris, he must have known because he nodded and began walking with Ella. You saw him trying to continue the bounce and rock, but he looked a hot mess. Keeping the laugh in you followed along to the gate, you saw his siblings inside and remembers something your mother said to you when you were a child.

  “Don’t ever give them the benefit of thinking they have you running with your tail between your legs.”

  With your head held high, you walked to the deck interrupting whatever they were talking about. They all looked to you with a shocked and shamed look on their faces.

  “I wanted to say it was nice meeting you all. Thank you for your hospitality, have a good night.” You didn’t give them a chance to respond. You turned on your heels to see Chris watching with a protective look on his face, one that looked as if he were daring his siblings to say something.

  “Ready?” You nodded and walked ahead with him following close behind. You needed rum, and you needed it badly.

  ~~~~~~

After getting back to the house, you said goodnight to your parents. You and Nexus sat for a while to make sure you were okay. She allowed you to vent and even vented with you. She was right there with you on how pissed she was. She never once called you crazy or even tried to downplay your anger or hurt. She even assured you that you’d handled it right when you expressed worry that you’d flown off the handle way too quickly and had one past the cuckoo’s nest. She told you how crazy Chris went trying to find you and how upside down he was worrying he hadn’t done enough to stand up for you or prevent it. She told you about him putting his siblings in their place hard once you bolted. Everything she said made you even more confused. You didn’t want him fighting your battles, and he was right not to step in, but hearing that he did didn’t make you angry. It made you feel the opposite.

  You took a long, hot shower, but you were still wired. So, you went back downstairs and searched the kitchen for the alcohol. He had to have alcohol.

“Looking for this?” You spun around and saw Chris’s shadow in the darkened doorway and nearly passed out.

  “Oh my god, you can’t sneak up on a black woman, Chris!”

  “What were you going to do? Throw a lemon at me?” You looked in your hands and saw a small lemon. Rolling your eyes, you put it back in the basket.

  “I have a nasty arm,” you defended. “Totally better than Manning, and Tebow. He snorted and nodded his head as if he didn’t believe you.

  “You’re gonna have to prove that one day.” You smiled. “Come on; I’ll pour you a glass.” He walked back through the door leaving you standing there to think about it. Without much thought, you followed him outside. You didn’t see him around the pool but saw him to the right of the house. You followed, crossing the lush green grass until you got to him.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Remember that place I told you about?” You nodded. “That’s where. It’s not far, don’t worry.”

After a few minutes of walking on an incline, you saw a gazebo and smiled as you stepped up onto it. Chris took the lead and sank into the swing with a groan. You sat down and crossed your legs, sitting crisscross style. You didn’t care that your thighs were on full display.

  “Look.” You looked to where he pointed and could see a lake.

  “Woah, you live close to a lake?”

  “One of the selling points. It’s semi-private, and I’ve been known to take a few dunks in there with my niece and nephews.”

  “Wow, you have a great little slice of heaven here, Evans.” He held out a glass to you, and you took a hearty sip recognizing the bourbon taste. It wasn’t rum, but it would have to do.

  The two of you sat quietly for a long time just enjoying the silence, the view of the lake, and the smoothness of the bourbon. After about twenty minutes, Chris sighed.

“I’m sorry, Vixen. I had no idea that would happen or go down like that. I don’t even know what to say. They shouldn’t have treated you like that,” he rushed out.

  “It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize; it wasn’t like it was you. You have no control over them. I don’t blame you. It’s fine.”

  “How are you so chill about this?”

  “I had my two hours to stew and cry and think. Then I had an additional hour with Nex to vent. This is a total of three hours of digression you’re witnessing.” He smiled and continued to drink.

  “The funny thing is I get it, Chris. I went in there expecting that. I prepared for it. You thought it would be puppies and rainbows, but I didn’t believe that. I understand where she’s coming from, and I get their need for caution. I understand completely that in their eyes, I am public enemy number one. I did a shitty thing, and the shitty thing I did was to their beloved brother. A guy who didn’t deserve it, a pretty great guy. That was the only way they could be.”

  “I should have put them in their place before you went off.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you recognized me needing to handle it myself. I’m not some damsel in distress. Although I do appreciate you stepping in after the fact, it was—sweet, and it means a lot. Thank you.”

  He nodded and looked down to his glass before he finished it. “You’re something else I tell ya’. Never in a million years would I have expected you to go off like that by drawing the fire to you. You single-handedly lit the fire, fanned the flames and doused kerosene on it before you walked off to leave it blazing out of control.” You snorted and laughed loudly. Looking back, that is precisely what you did.

  “Yeah, I’m a modern-day Ghost Rider.” Chris laughed then. The sound of your laughter together sounded like it belonged.

  “I’m serious. I’ve never been more impressed, scared, and turned all at the same time in my entire life.” You looked at him hearing him say you turned him on. Chris closed his eyes and made a face.

  “I didn’t mean--,” he began before you cut him off.

  “I know, I know what you meant.” He nodded, and silence fell between you again.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” You sighed and finished your glass.

  “I’ve never been very good at biting my tongue or censoring. I think it’s my one fatal flaw.” Chris laughed again.

  “I think my fatal flaw is I’m too good at biting my tongue. I’m too good at censoring,” he countered. You studied him and wondered what exactly he meant. “In my world, acting, being in the public eye, you have to understand what to say when to say it what not to say and how to give off the idea of one thing while being the opposite. It’s a game and a trick, and because of that, I guess I’ve gotten very good at it and find myself biting my tongue at times I shouldn’t. Only thing is I don’t realize it until long after the moment.”

  You nodded, fully understanding what he meant. It happened to you too. You held your glass out for him to refill. When he poured, he stopped at a half glass before you motioned for him to continue. Once your glass was filled to the top, you took a sip.

  “You’re a great mom, Vixen. Ella is lucky to have you.” You looked at him at the same time he looked at you. “I’m lucky that Ella has you.” Your heart was literally expanding right in your chest, you could feel it, and you just knew it was a matter of time before you did something stupid. “She couldn’t have a better mom,” he finished.

 Your body swayed closer to his. Quickly, you snapped your head forward to look at the lake again then took two heavy gulps of the bourbon before you blew out to cool your inflamed taste buds. You then dropped your head onto his shoulder and let the silence take over again. This was enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[suitofvibraniumarmor]

The American Initiative

Part Nine

Summary: Grace Cleveland and Eleanor Baker both thought their lives were over, until they became part of something much bigger – the Avengers. Pairing(s): Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC Word Count: 1290 Blanket Warnings: Death, mentioned a couple of different ways, but not detailed; canon divergence; more based on Marvel movies. In the infamous word of Steve Rogers, “Language.”

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“She isn’t ready, Fury, not to be on her own,” Clint told his director through clenched teeth.

Nick took a good look at the angry man. “She’s either ready, or she isn’t, Barton.”

“She still won’t talk about him and you want to send her right back to him? Undercover?”

“We have to know what he’s up to, and there’s no one that man trusted like he trusted Grace.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to — this isn’t your call.”

Fury made the statement with such finality, Clint knew the conversation was over. Fine; if he couldn’t get through to Nick Fury, he would convince Grace what a horrible idea this was.

She was packing her bag in her room when he found her. He knocked on the door frame; Grace looked up and gave him a nervous smile.

“Time for me to fly the nest, I guess,” she said.

“Don’t go,” Clint replied.

Grace sat on the edge of her bed. “Clint, did I ever tell you why I joined this initiative?”

“Fury told us – because you witnessed the murder of a senator while on a job and wanted more protection than the FBI could offer.”

“That’s partially right.” She got up to pull a classified folder from her nightstand drawer, and held it out to Clint. “I was going to give this to you before I left – just in case – so that you would know everything.”

Clint took the folder, but tucked it under his arm. “I want to hear it from you.”

“Fine. Joel Rockley, the man I’m going undercover to find information on, was my boyfriend. We started the bounty hunting business together back home, but he got mixed up in some bad stuff. I bailed him out, put him on a bond with my name. He cleaned up his act, came back to work.” She took a moment to compose herself before delving into the harder details. “S.H.I.E.L.D approached him about The American Initiative before they even found Ellie. They started out with a series of injections, to make sure that it would work. The Senator that Joel killed was heavily involved in the project. He believed that S.H.I.E.L.D makes our country a safer place. Anyway, Joel’s record had been sealed, so they didn’t find it right away when they took him for the program. The senator found out and threatened to out him to Director Fury if Joel didn’t come clean on his own.”

“That’s why Joel killed him,” Clint surmised.

Grace nodded. “Yes. He missed a check-in with his probation officer, so I went after him. I was on the job, since I could lose out if he went back to jail. Tracked him to the Senator’s office – I had my suspicions of what he was going to do, but I didn’t warn anyone. I didn’t want to believe that Joel was capable of murder. So, after I witnessed it, I went to the police. The FBI put me in protective custody, but I had to do something to reconcile what happened to the Senator.”

“Gracie, that wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe I didn’t put him on his knees or put the gun to his head, but I could have stopped it. I could have gone to the police before it happened.” She got up, zipped her bag, and pulled the strap onto her shoulder. “That’s why I joined, Clint. So that I could have the chance to make this right – to save somebody else. Maybe I can’t bring the senator back, but I can stop Joel from hurting anyone else.”

Clint shook his head. “No. I don’t like it.”

“It’s not up to you.”

“I trained you!” Clint argued. “You’ve known this was coming and you didn’t say anything! I’m going to talk to Fury again – if I have to pull you from the team, so be it!”

Grace caught him by the arm. “You. Don’t. Get. A. Say. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really do. But just because – just because you kissed me, that doesn’t make you anything other than a teammate. I’m going.”

She pushed past him out of the room and out to the front of the facility. Clint cursed and slapped the folder against the wall before storming out of the room as well.

“Have a good time, kid. Give ‘em hell,” Tony was saying to her when Clint caught up. “Oh, and — something to remember me by.”

He clasped a delicate gold bracelet around her wrist; there was a small opal, Grace’s favorite, centered on the chain. She smiled up at him.

“Thanks, Tony. I’ll see you.”

Grace kissed the older man on the cheek, then she was gone. Clint made himself known only after Grace was out of earshot.

“You got something going with her?” Clint asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, I do,” Tony answered, stopping when he was shoulder to shoulder with the archer. “Faith. You should try it, Barton.”

Ellie was reading a book in a quiet, secluded area she had found in the facility. She wasn’t used to people finding her here, so when Steve showed up, Ellie was more than a little surprised.

“Thought I was pretty well isolated here,” she said, smiling shyly.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re not,” Ellie promised, shaking her head for emphasis. “I’ve been reading a lot. Figured out I like it — love it, actually. Mostly fiction.”

Steve shrugged. “Nothing wrong with that.”

Ellie nodded. “True. Did you need something?”

“I wanted to check on you after Grace left. You two have a connection you’ll never have with anyone else.”

“True,” Ellie ceded, “but Grace is doing what she came here to do. How can I be upset about that? I’ll be lonely probably, and I’ll miss her, but I also know she’ll come back.”

Steve smiled. “You’re right. She will be back. In the meantime, you don’t have to be lonely, Ella. You have Natasha — and you have me.”

Ellie couldn’t help but grin at that; having Natasha as a stand-in for Grace was far more than okay, but having Steve fill in for her friend — that was a different kind of comfort.

“Jarvis, initiate the OTS,” Tony said, walking into his lab and waking up all the systems.

“Osprey Tracking System initiated, Mr. Stark.”

Tony stood back and waited, arms crossed over his chest, while the computer locked on to Grace’s coordinates. It took a couple of minutes, what with her being in the air somewhere between LaGuardia and Logan, but soon enough, Jarvis alerted Tony that Grace had been found.

“Right where she’s supposed to be,” Tony smiled. “Jarvis, keep the tracker open on the back burner. I wanna be able to find her at a moment’s notice.”

“Will do, sir.”

Grace was watching the clouds as the plane sped by them when the opal on the bracelet Tony had given her vibrated. She glanced down at the bracelet and whispered, “Hello, Jarvis.”

She had no earpiece to hear anything Jarvis might say in return, but if she was in trouble, all she had to do was call Jarvis via the bracelet, and the team would be on their way. Much like the repulsors and wings that were part of her Osprey suit, this bracelet was her fall-safe in case the undercover case went south.

Settling back in her chair as the captain announced the plane was beginning its descent, Grace smiled to herself. She would have to act far more lost once they touched down in Boston, but, for now, she could revel in the fact that Joel had no idea what was in store for him.

#TAImarathon #avengers #fanfiction #steve rogers #clint barton #ofc #steve rogers x ofc #captain america x ofc #clint barton x ofc #hawkeye x ofc #queue ... assemble

[ofravensandgenesis]

F, O, and P for Declan and Josh!

Putting it all under the cut bc it got long. xD

F: Fun1. what do they do for fun?Joshua’s a hands-on kind of guy, he likes finding something to do even if it’s downtime. He’s picked up a lot of craft-related hobbies to varying skill levels, largely driven by the whole impending-end-of-the-world fear. x’D Cooking is his passion, but he also dabbles in gardening, knapping, woodworking, some blacksmithing, sewing, and leatherworking as his top preferred areas of interest. Very DIY. He was pretty hellbent on trying to figure out how to make stuff himself once he got his act together in his teen years. That’s not to say he’s good at all that. He’s passing fair on basic stuff, is kind of going for a jack of all trades deal. If he’s too tired to mess with something like that, he reads or watches movies. Prefers cooking series for their predictability and the “safe” topic when it’s movies or TV series, fantasy/adventure or slice-of-life and other light fare when it’s reading. Will watch nature documentaries and other interesting historic series too. That’s the fun he gets up to on his own that’s legal. If we’re talking illegal, he does get a thrill from stealing stuff simply because he’s good at it, and he’s keen on stockpiling stuff. He stopped doing that once he went into the police academy—though he made sure he’d stolen enough to further his plans before then, scheming little doomsday prepper that he is. Never got caught either, so his record is technically clean. With others though? He likes to hang out with Sharky, Staci, and Hurk Jr. in particular for just drinking and doing fun dumb and questionably-safe activities. Hangs out with Jess, Joey, Dutch and a few others too, doing significantly less dangerous things, like hunting lessons from Jess.Declan is a fucking jock, okay? x’D He likes his martial arts practice, likes going on nature hikes, going to the gym, sports in general, etc. If we’re talking inclement weather or just a rest day or something, he’s probably watching chinese dramas or reading romance novels. No for reals, he does read more broadly, he just is a squishy sap and likes happy endings, typically leans towards fiction over nonfiction, but is willing to read anything recommended to him. Is less of a fan of horror, but will read some selectively, prefers more old school gothic horror if so. He’s not as much of a dabbler as Joshua is, but does a little houseplant care from time to time, and tries to take care of the garden. Emphasis on tries. He gets by. x’D Nothing’s died prematurely, but he steers clear of any real gardening commitments. He’d be better with more clear-cut instructions of figuring out what a plant needs on a set schedule. Gardening’s complicated in his opinion because it’s more by feel from his perspective. Declan’s not really an eyeballer sort. Likes to dance in his own home when no one’s looking to whatever dance music he’s got on. This happens a lot during chores.2. what is their ideal party?Joshua would prefer to keep it small with people he’s comfortable with, and probably with the more “we don’t quite care so much if it’s illegal but Sharky stop trying to get yourself a federal warrant” crowd of friends. He likes his more-law-abiding friends too, just…well. Joshua’s shady, though he tries not to be. x’DDeclan likes BIG parties of friends and family. The potluck kind where everyone brings food and there’s games and gossip at all hours until a reasonable bedtime. The kind where people are squashed together in small circles everywhere because there’s nooooot quite enough chairs or seats to go around. Small parties are nice too, but he feels most at home with more people around, preferably 3+. Dinner parties with friends invited over count in this regard too.3. who would they have the most fun with?Sharky, Hurk Jr., and Staci for Joshua, for the above reasons. xDDeclan has more fun with Joey, Staci, Whitehorse, and Nick and Kim Rye.  Declan got to talking to Earl about how to get into fishing, which led into fishing lessons, which led to just hanging out with a nice beer on occasion. He absolutely adores the Ryes’ weekend barbecues and gets along particularly well with Kim. Kim thinks him and Nick talking are like putting a pair of nerds from different fields together and watching them chatter, they’re both such dorks. xD Declan’s family ofc also applies, but that’s a given at this point.4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?…yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, for Joshua. He’s learned!Declan absolutely, he’s just a few notches shy of being a rules-lawyer. xD5. do they go out a lot?Yes and yes.——————————————————O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?That’s an interesting question for Joshua because he’s got a lot of conflicting beliefs and he knows it. He’s ultimately an optimist, though he has his moments of utter existential despair and feeling like everything’s going to end badly and there’s no point in trying…but he takes the time to recover from those low bouts, because he wants to believe that it’s at least worth trying to change it all for the better, because maybe it’ll work. Maybe things will turn out better, if they try. He’s resilient in his optimism, bending with the wind, compared to Declan who is more rigid in his beliefs.Declan is definitely an optimist. He can’t believe that it’s all for nothing, that the universe doesn’t care, that there isn’t a greater good. That’s part of what trips him up in his AU storyline, because he does believe virtues like justice are inherent to the universe among other things. That belief is challenged in his story a lot due to the cult’s doings, and the ultimate fallout of it.2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?Well, Joshua doesn’t throw it on people, but he does try to support people who are feeling down or such about the state of the world. Declan is similar, if more resolute in his presentation—or he was. He’s a bit more on the strong-and-silent-type in his “present” timeline. x’D3. are they good at giving advice?On what topic? If you want to know how to quickly pick a lock like you’re a level 20 rogue with a maxed out dex stat, best ways to stake out and plan a home invasion, and how to do rapid inventory turnover on the black market, Joshua’s your guy. He is also your guy in select areas of research and experience. Morally in general though? Crapshoot. He’s morally flexible and will adjust depending on the audience, but generally strives to get everyone sooooooort of in the neighborhood of being a good person. His lines in the sand are mostly regarding violence and harm. Stealing and kidnapping in the context of the impending Collapse? If you have principles and rules guiding the actions he’ll side eye strongly, but let it slide. Moreso the stealing, he’s fine with that provided it’s not Extra Assholery like stealing from impoverished people or such but well…he’ll take kidnapping while waiting for the nukes to drop if there’s no torture or brainwashing or murder involved. If only. In more normal circumstances, he’s against kidnapping. Stealing…well. He and Jess used to shoplift from Lorna’s when he hitchhiked to visit when he was younger. He’s got history in Hope County whether most folks know it or not, even though he was technically living in a different state at the time.Declan? Will do his best. He gives reasonable advice before plot happens, afterwards…he doubts himself more. Doubts everything more. Once he squares that away though, he’ll be more like his old self. Not entirely, but he’ll always try to do his best and give what good advice and support he can, or go find someone who can help, etc.4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?We’ll interpret “throw” as “is influenced by” here. xDJoshua gets some good optimism or down-to-earth-solidarity from various friends. Definitely Joey, she helps him believe in the inherent good of humanity just by being herself most noticeably, but it’s true as an influence in different ways with all his friends. People being there with him means a lot, even if he’s not been totally forthcoming about his life’s details and some major aspects of himself yet.Declan gets it from friends and family alike yes, it’s part of why he’s such a lil ball of jock-y sunshine. xD5. were they always optimistic?Joshua? Not always. He veers back and forth even now, but ultimately tries to remain optimistic as stated above.Declan? Also no. He was optimistic all his life up until Plot Happenings, namely the in-game events of both Far Cry 5 and Far Cry New Dawn.——————————————————P: Personality1. what is their best personality trait?Joshua’s determination to try to make things better even in the face of crippling self doubt, supernatural issues, and overwhelming external problems.Declan‘s inherent belief in the greater good and the attempt to uphold himself and everyone to being the best they can be.Kind of similar, aren’t they, though different in how they go about it.2. what is their worst personality trait?Joshua can be incredibly violent if threatened and stressed out to the max, and impulsive at times. He regrets it later, and tries to do better, but he does have a temper he tries to rein in. He’s a petty and vengeful little fucker when pressed, though he tries not to be.Declan’s would be ironically his strong point: thinking people can be better than they are because he can see their potential. It’s hard for him and takes a while to accept that sometimes people don’t want to be better, and other related aspects of that. He works on this, but he just has a hard time accepting not trying to make a situation or such better. Well. He used to have a hard time accepting that. Plot events have gotten him a bit more jaded somewhat. Not entirely, but somewhat.3. what of their personality do others love?Joshua’s loyalty and supportiveness. Get you a friend who doesn’t judge how many bonfires you want to start per week and actually wants to help out with finding stuff to burn, while keeping you on the right side of legal enough to not get arrested. He’ll object to melting Angels’ faces off, but that’s a moral debate.Declan’s unwavering faith in humanity and individual people. He believes in you!! You can do it!! Somehow, someway!! And if there isn’t a way, he’ll help you make one!! He is your favorite gym buddy if you need a cheerleader who will encourage and compliment you.Well, he was, but needs some time to get over his more heavily trauma-induced selective muteness to get back to cheering people on.4. what of their personality do others envy?Hm, not sure people would envy either of them, though I guess maybe Declan’s do-gooder attitude? Joshua’s momentum and ability to keep going, perhaps.5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?Joshua hates how emotionally whiplashy he can get. He’s not sure if it’s [unrevealed backstory elements] or just how he is. He’ll learn to accept it at some point...eventually. He’s surprisingly more accepting of people being emotionally whiplashy than he is of himself being thus, up until they start hurtful comments. Then he’s potentially going from 0-60 of sympathetic to aggressive. Hard to tell, it’s chaotic at times to figure out how he’ll respond, and he wishes he was more stable in general. He’s working on it though, and has made some progress. Declan...wishes he was more pro-active in thinking for himself. It’s not full on hate so much as sad, angry, hurt, because hate is very hard for him to feel let alone sustain. At most, he might feel a flicker of it for a flash of a moment, but if he believes someone or in this case himself is doing their best, he won’t fault them for not getting a perfect or desired result. Life is full of mistakes, and you do your best to learn from them.

#undead-gearhead #thank you for the ask!! :D ♥ #ask game #pardon the delay in posting I had some stuff to do yesterday #Deputy Joshua Rook #Deputy Declan Rook

[whiskeyxcola]

The American Initiative

Part Nine

Summary: Grace Cleveland and Eleanor Baker both thought their lives were over, until they became part of something much bigger – the Avengers. Pairing(s): Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC Word Count: 1290 Blanket Warnings: Death, mentioned a couple of different ways, but not detailed; canon divergence; more based on Marvel movies. In the infamous word of Steve Rogers, “Language.”

Masterlist

A/N: This was the first Marvel fic I ever started, and I’m super excited to share it with you all! Thanks to @captain-s-rogers​​ for your help, approval, and encouragement on this one!

Tags: @captain-s-rogers @the-murder-strut @delicatecapnerd @life-of-a-nerd

Wanna Be Tagged?

“She isn’t ready, Fury, not to be on her own,” Clint told his director through clenched teeth.

Nick took a good look at the angry man. “She’s either ready, or she isn’t, Barton.”

“She still won’t talk about him and you want to send her right back to him? Undercover?”

“We have to know what he’s up to, and there’s no one that man trusted like he trusted Grace.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to — this isn’t your call.”

Fury made the statement with such finality, Clint knew the conversation was over. Fine; if he couldn’t get through to Nick Fury, he would convince Grace what a horrible idea this was.

She was packing her bag in her room when he found her. He knocked on the door frame; Grace looked up and gave him a nervous smile.

“Time for me to fly the nest, I guess,” she said.

“Don’t go,” Clint replied.

Grace sat on the edge of her bed. “Clint, did I ever tell you why I joined this initiative?”

“Fury told us -- because you witnessed the murder of a senator while on a job and wanted more protection than the FBI could offer.”

“That’s partially right.” She got up to pull a classified folder from her nightstand drawer, and held it out to Clint. “I was going to give this to you before I left -- just in case -- so that you would know everything.”

Clint took the folder, but tucked it under his arm. “I want to hear it from you.”

“Fine. Joel Rockley, the man I’m going undercover to find information on, was my boyfriend. We started the bounty hunting business together back home, but he got mixed up in some bad stuff. I bailed him out, put him on a bond with my name. He cleaned up his act, came back to work.” She took a moment to compose herself before delving into the harder details. “S.H.I.E.L.D approached him about The American Initiative before they even found Ellie. They started out with a series of injections, to make sure that it would work. The Senator that Joel killed was heavily involved in the project. He believed that S.H.I.E.L.D makes our country a safer place. Anyway, Joel’s record had been sealed, so they didn’t find it right away when they took him for the program. The senator found out and threatened to out him to Director Fury if Joel didn’t come clean on his own.”

“That’s why Joel killed him,” Clint surmised.

Grace nodded. “Yes. He missed a check-in with his probation officer, so I went after him. I was on the job, since I could lose out if he went back to jail. Tracked him to the Senator’s office -- I had my suspicions of what he was going to do, but I didn’t warn anyone. I didn’t want to believe that Joel was capable of murder. So, after I witnessed it, I went to the police. The FBI put me in protective custody, but I had to do something to reconcile what happened to the Senator.”

“Gracie, that wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe I didn’t put him on his knees or put the gun to his head, but I could have stopped it. I could have gone to the police before it happened.” She got up, zipped her bag, and pulled the strap onto her shoulder. “That’s why I joined, Clint. So that I could have the chance to make this right -- to save somebody else. Maybe I can’t bring the senator back, but I can stop Joel from hurting anyone else.”

Clint shook his head. “No. I don’t like it.”

“It’s not up to you.”

“I trained you!” Clint argued. “You’ve known this was coming and you didn’t say anything! I’m going to talk to Fury again -- if I have to pull you from the team, so be it!”

Grace caught him by the arm. “You. Don’t. Get. A. Say. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really do. But just because -- just because you kissed me, that doesn’t make you anything other than a teammate. I’m going.”

She pushed past him out of the room and out to the front of the facility. Clint cursed and slapped the folder against the wall before storming out of the room as well.

“Have a good time, kid. Give ‘em hell,” Tony was saying to her when Clint caught up. “Oh, and — something to remember me by.”

He clasped a delicate gold bracelet around her wrist; there was a small opal, Grace’s favorite, centered on the chain. She smiled up at him.

“Thanks, Tony. I’ll see you.”

Grace kissed the older man on the cheek, then she was gone. Clint made himself known only after Grace was out of earshot.

“You got something going with her?” Clint asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, I do,” Tony answered, stopping when he was shoulder to shoulder with the archer. “Faith. You should try it, Barton.”

Ellie was reading a book in a quiet, secluded area she had found in the facility. She wasn’t used to people finding her here, so when Steve showed up, Ellie was more than a little surprised.

“Thought I was pretty well isolated here,” she said, smiling shyly.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re not,” Ellie promised, shaking her head for emphasis. “I’ve been reading a lot. Figured out I like it — love it, actually. Mostly fiction.”

Steve shrugged. “Nothing wrong with that.”

Ellie nodded. “True. Did you need something?”

“I wanted to check on you after Grace left. You two have a connection you’ll never have with anyone else.”

“True,” Ellie ceded, “but Grace is doing what she came here to do. How can I be upset about that? I’ll be lonely probably, and I’ll miss her, but I also know she’ll come back.”

Steve smiled. “You’re right. She will be back. In the meantime, you don’t have to be lonely, Ella. You have Natasha — and you have me.”

Ellie couldn’t help but grin at that; having Natasha as a stand-in for Grace was far more than okay, but having Steve fill in for her friend — that was a different kind of comfort.

“Jarvis, initiate the OTS,” Tony said, walking into his lab and waking up all the systems.

“Osprey Tracking System initiated, Mr. Stark.”

Tony stood back and waited, arms crossed over his chest, while the computer locked on to Grace’s coordinates. It took a couple of minutes, what with her being in the air somewhere between LaGuardia and Logan, but soon enough, Jarvis alerted Tony that Grace had been found.

“Right where she’s supposed to be,” Tony smiled. “Jarvis, keep the tracker open on the back burner. I wanna be able to find her at a moment’s notice.”

“Will do, sir.”

Grace was watching the clouds as the plane sped by them when the opal on the bracelet Tony had given her vibrated. She glanced down at the bracelet and whispered, “Hello, Jarvis.”

She had no earpiece to hear anything Jarvis might say in return, but if she was in trouble, all she had to do was call Jarvis via the bracelet, and the team would be on their way. Much like the repulsors and wings that were part of her Osprey suit, this bracelet was her fall-safe in case the undercover case went south.

Settling back in her chair as the captain announced the plane was beginning its descent, Grace smiled to herself. She would have to act far more lost once they touched down in Boston, but, for now, she could revel in the fact that Joel had no idea what was in store for him.

#marvel #fanfiction #the american initiative #part nine #clint #clint barton #hawkeye #steve #steve rogers #captain america #ofc #stop ofc impartiality #clint x ofc #clint barton x ofc #hawkeye x ofc #steve x ofc #steve rogers x ofc #captain america x ofc #lmnopQUEUE

[taz-writes]

FULL ANALYSIS OF THE ROUGH DRAFT OF FEILAN PLEASE

OH GOD WHICH ONE!!

The one I was just liveblogging is just, absolutely WILD, but it’s also only 13 double-spaced pages long and very much incomplete. I’m honestly disappointed as fuck, because it would’ve been a gold mine, but I wasn’t ready back then to write a story as incredibly long as Feilan was gonna turn out to be. It ends before it really begins--I got distracted by a different project, which actually turned out to be my first real real attempt at writing a novel! 

(Which by the way, holy cow, remind me to talk about even the trees have eyes one day too because it is ALSO incredibly hilarious and incoherent in its own beautiful way. it’s a total disaster!) 

Analysis of the existing part, though: It’s from 2009. My technical writing skills are immature but honestly? I was a pretty damn good writer for my age back then, the spelling and grammar are excellent, I had a natural instinct for how to manage my prose and sentence length and stuff like that. Unfortunately, like most of my old writing, the content held within that technical excellence is complete and utter nonsense. 

Highlights of “Iliginia Story” (as it is titled in my computer) not included in my liveblog: 

The fairies have created robotic wing devices so that humans can fly around and pretend to be fairies. They’ve stocked a hollow in a giant tree with several dozen of these devices, that they just keep nice and on hand just in case. This is normal. 

OG Sayara exists, and it’s really weird, because the main character in the 2009 story is an actual for real self insert. Like, literally me, but with another sibling and a slightly cooler lifestyle. But OG Sayara is also a self insert. Near the end of this story, Baby Taz and OG Sayara literally fuse Steven Universe style into one shared mind and body. Nobody questions this. Nobody questions the ethics of this. Nobody questions the logic, or the liabilities, or the fact that Baby Taz has a whole ass family and parents back home and cannot just up and disappear to be a fairy princess. 

I have to reiterate again, they literally just become the same person when they touch, this is a permanent procedure, it’s only commented on once in order to indicate that this is a good thing and really awesome because Baby Taz gets to be a hero. 

Seriously what the fuck. 

Also, this was back before I got a grip on my naming situation... Aelia’s original name, apparently, was “Areeya Storm.” Not even just Arya (which is what I called her in the proper rough draft). Areeya. Because we really needed those extra vowels.

Nobody has a last name except Sayara, whose last name is Queen, because she is the Queen. Except she’s not the Queen, she’s a rando princess living in the woods in a treehouse alone while being the rebel leader. It honestly kind of reminds me of old-school OG She-ra in that sense? There are just all these princesses and queens who show up out of nowhere and I have no idea what in the world they were meant to be princesses and queens of, they’re just kind of there. 

Also, OG Sayara doesn’t have any family or siblings, she just sort of exists in the void. 

Thank the fiction gods for my decision to make her an actually interesting and compelling character eventually... 

Every single goddamn character is a “dude” or a “nerd,” I think ‘dude’ was the word of the year for me back in 2009 because I just couldn’t stop using it!! The prose alternates from really elegant and poetic, still up to my standards in 2019, to stuff like “I won’t take orders from a --- ------ ------ ---- first grader, dude!” 

All in all, it’s both better than you’d ever expect from a 12 year old, and incredibly hilariously terrible. 

The other big thing I can’t help but notice about the 2009 story is that it really highlights some of my own emotional issues when I was that age. There’s... a bit in here that was genuinely uncomfortable to read. I used to be really immature about my own femininity, I identified as a hardcore tomboy and hated being seen as girly but I also was distinctly aware of how people didn’t want to take me seriously because I was a tomboy. But they didn’t take girly-girls seriously either. So there’s a weird amount of emphasis on the boy clothes, the way self-insert!Taz wears boys’ cargo shorts and camouflage, that she’s kind of a gremlin... a fictionalized version of an elementary school bully calls self-insert!Taz an “it” and there’s a weird amount of emphasis on the reaction, and it’s used as a way to highlight how this character actually “belongs” in the fairy world instead of back on Earth. Because the fairy world wants her to be there, and in Fairyland, wearing shorts with big boy pockets (stuffed full of random rocks and string ofc) is an advantage. By the way, apparently that’s Sayara’s oldest defining character trait, because it’s the only part of either OG Sayara or self-insert!Taz that I can recognize in this narrative. And in this version of the story, they were basically the same character. Pocket rocks and vague condescension are their only character traits.

It’s not explicit, I wasn’t even aware that this was what I’d written, but looking back on it the subtext is glaringly in-your-face obvious. It’s just... it was a weird thing to realize about myself when I went into the archives to mock my middle school existence. 

#taz talks #feilan #i can't believe sayara's oldest defining attribute is being a pocket junk gremlin #Anonymous

[captain-oblivious]

So many people hate Yuri!!! On Ice and it kinda make me really sad. There are bad people that happen to be in the Yuri!!! On Ice fandom and everyone is held responsible. Which happens in so many other cases. I'm a feminist and anti feminists hate feminism because of how some of the feminists act (or because they don't understand what it stands for). Idk I just feel upset over how far people are going with how much they hate YOI..

Ugh, I’m sorry that those people are making you so sad! D:

Aside from just general “hating on popular shit” attitudes you get everywhere on the internet, tbh I think YoI is getting more shit in particular due to sexism/misogyny and homophobia. Homophobia, obviously, with people hating on the fact that there’s a gay couple. And the sexism/misogyny stemming from the fact that something with a fanbase composed largely of women/something that appeals to a lot of women is seen as “less good” than something with a similarly large proportion of male fans. I don’t know about the exact gender demographics of YoI fans, but I have a feeling that the gender split skews toward women.

In any case, it’s bullshit. (Ofc I’m talking about the senseless hate of YoI and not the constructive/insightful critique; if it’s done in good faith than it’s okay.)

But yeah, it gets frustrating. But of course, people are subject to confirmation bias; anti-feminists and YoI haters alike will tend to place emphasis on any evidence that suggests that feminism/YoI are “bad” (whether it be feminists who act in whatever ways they deem inappropriate, or bad people in fandom). I like to think that the fact that YoI has such a massive fanbase is objective (well, as objective as you can get) evidence that there has to be something good about the show. Also, it helps me personally that a bunch of people I know who have good taste in fiction (people who have studied literature, classics, etc. at the university level) have told me that they like YoI and think that it’s a good show. Of course, that’s just anecdotal, but it’s reassuring to me in a way that sales numbers aren’t, sometimes.

I’d highly recommend staying away from parts of the internet/tags/whatever that hate on the show if they make you sad, since nothing good will come of that. I’ve been lucky enough to have carved out a slice of tumblr for myself which is free of YoI hate and largely free of Dis//course (don’t want that in the tags) of any sort, really. The homophobia in particular that gets thrown around with the YoI hate stuff gets to me personally so I stay far away from it for the sake of my own sanity.

Idk if this is helpful in any way, but in any case, I feel ya, and I hope that this doesn’t spoil your enjoyment of this fantastic show!

#perry replies #mentions of discourse //