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skiller0dani · 3 years

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Old Prison Blues | Spencer Reid

M A S T E R L I S T Criminal Minds Masterlist

smut | dom!spencer x bau!reader requests info w.c | 7.2k summary | when your husband Spencer gets released from Prison, he's much different then you remember.

I have it so bad for this man, enjoy! Also guys this piece made butterflies squirm in my belly lmao this one is so HOT it made me blush. Guys, it made me B L U S H. I need to go dunk myself in holy water to atone for this SIN. (just kidding lmao I'm agnostic).

you can see his bulge in this gif and I can't stop admiring looking at it.

When you were in college you'd been an undergraduate in Criminal Justice, so you were familiar with the effects Prison has on the psyche. In other words, you knew Spencer would come back different. No person could pass through Prison unscathed and frankly you'd be more concerned if he came back and nothing had changed at all. At home, he seemed to be relatively okay, and those 6 mandatory weeks of break had allowed him the rest he deserved. Nothing exciting had happened during those weeks, the only thing you did was curl up on the couch next to him and watch movies. You'd made up for all those weeks in Prison during the evenings when you would cling to him and cry out his name in ecstasy.

Spencer really did seem to be fine, until you returned to work. That's when you started to see all the ways Prison had hardened him.

At first, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. If you were someone who knew Spencer well then you knew that he wasn't a man who was confident in his looks. When you and Spencer first got married he was insecure, and would be discouraged when you hung out with other guys. You wouldn't say he was jealous because jealously in itself requires a certain amount of anger. But when Spencer saw you around other men he wasn't angry, he was sad. Absolutely convinced you were going to leave him any second, despite you telling him you married him because you love him. Deep down, he always thought somebody would steal you from him even though you consistently reminded him how much you love him. That's just the kind of guy Spencer is.

Or, was.

The darkness that brews in Prison, the violent hatred, the anger seems to have followed Spencer to freedom. It has made a home in his chest, and while you're not worried about Spencer flying off the deep end and shooting an innocent, the anger reveals itself in much more subtle ways. It's in the way he clenches his jaw when he can't figure something out, or the blanching of his knuckles as he grips the steering wheel with a crushing force, it's the agitation in his eyes when he watches Alvez's knuckles brush against your lower back for the 3rd time since you two had arrived at the office this morning. The anger has adapted to civilian life like Spencer has, it's learned. It's subtle. Unfortunately you know Spencer almost better then he knows himself, you can tell when something is bothering him.

You slide your hands over his shoulders, and much to your surprise you feel him tense.

"You okay?" You know it's a stupid question, but you have to ask.

"Yeah, fine." Spencer's tone is clipped, shoulders rigid, back straight. Something is definitely bothering him. You squeeze his shoulders and begin to work at the tightened muscles, slowly easing them to relax. The tension flows out of him as he relaxes back in his desk chair, the frustration ebbing away slightly when his eyes catch your wedding ring. The object that binds you to him.

"Don't shut me out." You whisper, a soft plea in your voice. Spencer's heart wretches when he hears the fear in your tone, and one of his hands comes up to catch yours. He presses a chaste kiss to one of your knuckles before swiveling around to face you. You always find a way to soothe the violent, raging beast inside of him. Spencer's hands find your hips as he turns his gaze up to look at you.

"You're right I'm sorry. Just tense today." He says softly, and while there is a little lie to his words, his statement remains mostly the truth. He just leaves out the part where he pictures enacting varying forms of violence on Luke Alvez. The man who keeps unnecessarily touching his wife. You lean down to press a kiss to his forehead, your head snapping up when Garcia calls from the conference room.

"Got a case folks, and it's an ugly one." Her nose scrunches up into a frown before she turns into the room. You pull away from Spencer, yanking him to his feet by his hand. Luke sends you a playful wink as he trots up the stairs, and while you don't necessarily react to it, it still puts Spencer on edge. Deep down Spencer always knew you were way out of his league, but that never became clearer then when you came to visit him in Prison.

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You were trembling as you lowered yourself into the chair. Dried tears were on your cheeks, and you haven't even seen Spencer yet. The last time you saw him was a few weeks prior after he first got back from Mexico. Seeing his wrists bound in those metal handcuffs had broken your heart in a way you never anticipated. You wrung your hands together, luckily when Penelope had made the visitation Chart she scheduled you as the first person to come see him. The plastic chair was uncomfortable, but what was worse was the plastic guard separating you from Spencer. The clock ticked loudly, it was clearly mocking you. Reminding you of the seconds you were losing with Spencer, reminding you of all the seconds he was spending in Prison.

When you hear the buzzer scream loudly, you nearly come out of your seat you're so excited to see him. You and Spencer got married back in 2005, and you've never been separated from him for longer then a week. It's been over a month now, and each day he's not with you leaves a bigger hole in your chest. You watch him follow the other prisoners out, and the handcuffs around his wrists breaks your heart. His eyes light up the second he sees you, he nearly shoves the other guy over to get to you faster. There are tears in your eyes as Spencer's wrists are released from the cuffs from the guard standing nearby.

"Hey baby." Spencer says softly as he takes his seat across from you. All you want is to reach across the stupid barrier and touch him, hold his hand, anything. But you know the guards will punish him if he does, but being this close to him without being able to hold him is absolutely killing you. You try to blink the tears out of your eyes so that Spencer won't see, but it's all too much. Seeing him in a jumpsuit, with cuff bruises around his wrists, having to sleep in the same building as murderers. The first tear falls and you immediately look away from him.

"Please don't cry." Spencer begs softly. "I'm okay, really."

You wipe your tears before you look back up at him, digging around in your bag for a gift from Henry. You smile when you see the happiness cross onto his face as you pull the piece of paper out.

"Henry drew this for you, it's from when you guys went to the park." You hold it up for him to see and you try to fight another onslaught of tears when you see his eyes misting.

"You know, when I get out of here we should have one." Spencer says it so casually, you almost miss it. Your eyes nearly pop out of your head as you carefully lower the drawing.

"You want to try for a baby?" You can't hide the smile, and you see Spencer's eyes shine for the first time since he's been in here.

"Yeah, I want to have a baby with you." You and Spencer had a brief conversation about kids a few years ago, and you knew Spencer wasn't ready for it back then. His Father ran out on him and Diana when Spencer was just a kid, it made Spencer insecure about the type of Father he would end up being. In Spencer's mind, a fatherless man would never make a good Father. But it seems he's changed his mind. You had no issues agreeing to wait before you had kids until he was ready, you always knew Spencer would be a fantastic Father.

Suddenly from Spencer's right you hear a low wolf whistle. The tenderness that was on Spencer's face is instantly wiped away. His expression tenses, his jaw clenching as he turns his gaze to a large burly looking man covered in tattoos. The man sitting across from him, the one who was visiting, looked similar. Both of the biker looking men were eyeing me hungrily, it made my skin crawl.

"Something I can help you with?" Spencer asks, his voice tense. The tension in the room grows tenfold, and you fight the instinct to try and scoot closer to Spencer. The Biker looks Spencer in the eyes, a taunting smile on his face.

"That your sister?"

"Wife." Spencer snaps instantly.

"Your wife?" The Biker says incrediously, Spencer raises a brow, daring him to continue. "There's no way a woman with an ass that tight would marry a man as scrawny as you."

You expected to see insecurity flash in Spencer's eyes, instead all you saw was rage. Unbridled, violent rage.

"Choose your next words carefully." Spencer's voice was low, and as sharp as the edge of a blade. You almost didn't recognize him. The Biker leaned forward, fueled only by the knowledge that he was getting under Spencer's skin.

"She as tight as she looks? If I wasn't locked up, I'd fuck her so good she wouldn't even remember what your little pecker feels like."

Spencer's jaw clenches, and his fists curl tightly. The Biker is about 2 words away from a broken nose.

"Baby just let it go." You plead, and normally you don't really use pet names in public but right now you needed to show him that you're his.

"I'll tell you what Klein, I'll fuck her for you and tell you how it felt." The other man says, the man visiting. Upon hearing the words come out of his mouth, Spencer is shoving up from the chair but almost instantly a guard is tightly gripping Spencer's shirt and shoving him back into the chair. Spencer is fuming, and there's nothing you can do to calm him down.

"If you so much as lay a finger on her, your friend here will be dead before you can have another visit." Spencer hisses, and the two large men chuckle.

Spencer instantly took you off the visitors list, and while that felt like a blow to your heart you understood why. You didn't want to stress him out by visiting him.

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So, yeah, Spencer knew you were out of his league and when Luke pulled your chair out for you at the table before he had the chance to, it made his blood boil. Why is Luke trying to take care of you? Doesn't he know that Spencer has been released from Prison? You don't need anybody else to take care of you, your husband is more than capable of doing it himself. When Spencer sat down in the chair next to you, he rested one hand on your thigh. You're only slightly surprised, normally Spencer isn't this 'handsy' in public, but in recent weeks he's been more assertive around other men.

"The body of 23 year old Cassandra Richardson was found 2 weeks ago in Lincoln, Nebraska. Her body was mutilated and showed signs of sexual assault. Yesterday another body, 20 year old Francesca Williams was found around the same warehouse district with similar wounds to the first victim." Penelope rushes the words out, almost as though saying them pains her. Various images show on the screen of the two victims, both bloodied and battered.

"Other than similar injuries, what makes the local police think it's the same unsub?" Luke asks, his eyes flickering towards you for the briefest second. While Spencer was locked away, Luke became a shoulder to cry on. Normally when you were upset and Spencer wasn't around, you'd talk to Derek. But since he's been gone you've felt more isolated then you normally do. Luke had found you crying one morning before you had taken off, and ever since he's had an "older brother" protection over you.

"A tattoo on both of the victims thighs, the words 'temerata virginem' which is Latin for 'desecrated virgin'." With the click of a button on her remote, Penelope pulls up a photo of the tattoos. The lines are shaky, although they stay mostly straight.

"It almost looks professional, except the lines aren't perfectly straight. A professional would make the line work perfect." JJ says, examining the photo closer in the folder each of you received. You turn your gaze to Spencer when you feel his hand leave your thigh to examine the photo closer. You could practically see the gears turning in that beautiful mind of his.

"It's possible an outside source is causing a tremble in the unsubs hands, if he is a professional tattoo artist." Spencer mumbles, almost to himself. Sometimes when he's in deep concentration, he nearly forgets other people are in the room with him.

"Could be drugs-" Luke starts but is sharply cut off.

"Actually it's more likely to be alcohol, withdraw from other drugs would be too severe to operate the tattoo machine." Spencer snaps, causing a few heads to turn and look at him. Maybe under other circumstances someone would say something to him, but since Spencer got released from Prison only a few weeks ago, nobody says anything. Luke's eyebrows furrow together as he shoots Spencer a confused look, one Spencer chooses to ignore as his hand returns to your thigh. Spencer knows he's acting like a jerk but he can't help it, Luke needs to know who you belong to. Spencer had everything taken from him in Prison, he won't let anyone take you from him too.

"We've been personally asked by the local police to assist, so wheels up in 30." Emily concludes, shooting one more look at Spencer before everybody rises.

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The tension on the jet is thick, you're absolutely sure everybody can feel it. Hardly anyone has interacted with Spencer, except to ask him a question about the case. You sit back against the couch, Luke sitting in one of the chairs at the table, and Spencer sitting on the arm of the chair next to you. In your hand was a nearly empty cup of coffee, and just as you move to refill, Luke rises with his own empty cup.

"Need a refill?" He asks, offering you a friendly smile.

"Yeah actually-"

"I got it." Spencer says abruptly, standing from where he was sitting. His eyes meet Luke's, silently challenging him. You try to be understanding, but you can't help but feel annoyed at Spencer. If he was acting like this to some random guy then that's one thing, but this is Luke. He's your friend, he's Spencer's friend. Luke, and the rest of the team, put everything on the line to free Spencer from Prison.

"It's cool man, I can do it-" Luke offers again, but Spencer isn't having it.

"I said I got it." Spencer reaches his hand out for your mug, which you instantly give to him. His eyes don't leave Luke's until he turns around and heads to the back of the jet to refill your coffee. Luke pauses for a few seconds, his eyes meeting yours and mirroring the same look of concern before he heads for the coffee pot as well. Luke isn't even upset by how Spencer is treating him, he- like everyone else, is worried about Spencer's psyche.

"What is going on with Spencer?" JJ whispers once she's sure Spencer is out of earshot. You shrug, your worried eyes landing on your husband. His posture is tense, almost defensive.

"Well can you blame him? In Prison, everything that's yours can and will be stolen by the other male inmates. Now that he's free, Spencer is being protective of his wife, someone that is his and can be taken by other men." Rossi says, always naturally a tad protective of Spencer.

"There isn't a man on this planet that would make me leave Spencer." You say defensively, although you know Rossi didn't mean anything by what he said.

"That might be obvious to you, but not to Spencer." JJ says, eyeing Spencer standing back near the coffee machine.

"Doing okay man?" Luke asks hesitantly as he moves to stand next to Spencer.

"Yep." Spencer says shortly, waiting for the pot to brew. Luke feels the tension rolling off Spencer in waves, and it's all being directed at him and he's not sure why.

"Look, if I've done something to upset you, just talk to me about it Reid." Luke's voice is gentle, understanding. Spencer's jaw clenches again as the pot finishes brewing and he refreshes your cup before reaching for the creamer.

"I'm fine Alvez. Really." Spencer says again, but Luke isn't willing to let this go yet.

"No Reid, you're not-"

"Stop flirting with my wife." Spencer's tone is firm, and the look in his eyes tells Luke just how on edge Spencer is.

"You got it." Luke agrees instantly, even though he was never flirting with you. But he knows that right now arguing with Spencer will only make things worse. Seemingly satisfied with Luke's answer, Spencer carries your cup back you, slinging an arm around you.

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Spencer twists his wedding ring around his ring finger, something he does when he's stressed out or tense. You're currently sat in the interrogation room with the male suspect, a tattoo artist attending AA meetings, the tattoo on the first victim was the shakiest because he had just quit drinking. The other, more recent, victims tattoo's were more steady. The longer he stayed sober, the more his trembling faded. In Spencer's other palm is your wedding ring, you fit the physical preference of this killer perfectly, but he only went after single women. Emily thought sending somebody in fitting his victimology would throw him off enough to say something incriminating. In order for the rouse to work, you needed to appear single- meaning the wedding ring had to come off. The thought didn't settle well in Spencer's gut.

"You have to relax." JJ said suddenly from Spencer's right. He nearly ignored her but his frayed nerves were beginning to eat at him.

"I can't. Do you see the way he's looking at her?" Spencer was pacing back and forth in front of the one way glass like a caged animal, unable to take his eyes off of the train wreck happening in front of him.

"She can handle herself Spence." JJ insists gently, almost using a motherly tone to talk to him.

"She's mine!" And suddenly the crux of the issue comes to light, and Spencer pinches the bridge of his nose, releasing a heavy breath. JJ thinks about her words carefully, trying to find something to say that will calm him at least a little.

"Yeah, and nothing is going to change that Spencer. You need to relax, and you have to trust her. You're not in Prison anymore, nobody is going to take her from you." JJ says, looking him in the eyes. Suddenly the sound of metal screeching across a concrete floor sounds from behind Spencer and when he turns around, his blood boils hot in his veins. The suspect, Alan Baker, has shoved out of his chair and has started towards you.

"Spencer-" JJ's voice is distant, and comes too late. Spencer isn't listening to her anymore when his fist curls around the door handle and he nearly rips it off its hinges.

"You need to step back." Spencer snaps, reaching for his gun as Alan Baker backs you into the corner of the interrogation room. You weren't ever truly afraid, you could have handled Alan. Slowly, Alan backs away from you and Spencer instantly reaches for you. He leads you out of the room with a gentle but firm hand on your back. Once you're out of the interrogation room you turn to Spencer.

"What the hell? I could have dealt with him!" You insist, frustration laced in your tone. At this point JJ silently slips out of the room, giving you and Spencer some much needed privacy. Spencer crosses his arms as he leans back against the one way mirror.

"You didn't need to, I did." Spencer huffs and you seriously resist the urge to throw something at him.

"What is your problem today? You could have compromised my entire interrogation, he's never going to tell me anything now!" You snap, anger pinching at your features.

"Good! Now you have no reason to talk to him again." Spencer snaps back, can't you see that he's just protecting what's his?

"Spencer we're trying to save somebody! You're being selfish!" You say to him angrily, trying your best not to start yelling at him. Spencer's selfish possessiveness over you could have just ruined your entire investigation.

"This is why the Bureau was hesitant to reinstate you. They were scared you wouldn't be able to control yourself." You snap at him, crossing your arms.

"Are you saying they made a mistake?" Spencer asks incrediously, suddenly becoming defensive.

"Maybe they did. Because you're acting like an asshole right now. You've been a jerk to Luke the entire day when he busted his ass to help get you out of Prison and back to me! Since when have you not trusted me during an interrogation? What did you think was going to happen? That I was going to let him touch me? I thought you trusted me." You cry out, tears filling your eyes now. Spencer didn't say anything as you turned for the door, anger still laced in his features.

"This has nothing to do with me not trusting you-"

"If you don't trust me, then maybe you should just hold onto my wedding ring for a while. I don't want it." You snap quietly, and you regret the words the second they leave your lips. No matter how mad he makes you, you'd never leave Spencer. You watch Spencer's expression shift from anger to...hurt. He watches silently as you slam the door behind you. Prison has turned him into somebody he isn't, and Spencer doesn't know how to turn off this part of his brain. The part telling him that you belong to him, and that he needs to protect what's his.

Rossi catches the sight of your tear stained cheeks as you move back towards the kitchen in the precinct. You wipe your tears as he comes to stand beside you, and the look on his face tells you that he overheard your fight with Spencer. Rossi bumps you with his elbow gently, a small smile on his face.

"You don't look okay." He says softly and you let out a self-depreciating laugh.

"I'm not. I don't know how to help Spencer, he doesn't trust me." You say sadly, your heart breaking in your chest.

"It's not you he doesn't trust, it's other men." Rossi clarifies, although it does little to ease the pain. You reach up to brush your hair behind your ear when Rossi catches your hand, examining your ring finger.

"Where's your wedding ring?"

"Told Spencer I didn't want it." The words are laced with heavy regret, and when you remember the look on his face when you said it you almost start to cry again. Rossi wraps an arm around you, and you lean your head on his shoulder.

"Deep down, he knows you didn't mean it." He tries to reassure you.

"That's the problem, he probably thinks I meant it."

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Normally it only takes you and Spencer a few hours to smooth things over after a fight. But this time, it's been nearly 3 hours and you haven't spoken a word to each other. You're both working on searching through Alan Baker's financial records without speaking at all. Neither of you have said anything, and Spencer still has your wedding ring. You desperately want it back, but you don't know how to start that conversation. You're angry about how he's been treating everybody, and you feel like asking for your ring is accepting defeat. You're not ready to accept defeat. When Emily comes into the room, her eyes settle on the two of you.

"Okay, what's going on with you guys?" Her arms are crossed.

"Nothing." The word comes from both yours and Spencer's mouths at the same time, and you say it far too quickly. Emily raises one brow at the two of you before closing the door behind her.

"Alright I'm going to have to be a boss now. We are not going to lock this guy away if the two of you are fighting. We need everybody on their A-game. Fix it. Now, and I mean right now." She says, leaving the room but closing the door behind her. There's a suffocating silence that fills the room, both you and Spencer too stubborn to speak first. But you can't take it, you hate it when he's mad at you. You hate it when you guys fight, which isn't often but it does happen occasionally.

"I didn't mean it." You whisper, leaning on the table, facing away from him. Spencer doesn't say anything but you know he's listening.

"I didn't mean it Spencer, I want my ring." He'd be lying if he said he wasn't relieved to hear you say that, his entire world crashed down around him the second you told him to keep the ring. The irrational part of his brain told him you were going to divorce him.

"Can I please have it back?" You ask, barely turning your head to look at him. With a huff Spencer pushes away from the table to move in front of you. His eyes are focused on your hand, he has yet to look at you. Spencer fishes around in his pocket before he finds your ring and gently slides it onto your ring finger.

"You have to stop glaring at any man that gets to close to me, especially Luke." You tell him, but he continues to look away from you. Spencer pushes past you to stand near the windows, his back facing you. The thing about Spencer is that he's stubborn, really stubborn. You take a few steps towards him, nibbling on your lower lip.

"I love you Spencer, I'm sorry. I was an ass, but you acted like an ass too." You tell him, but Spencer only turns his head further away from you. You move to stand in front of him, but his eyes turn to the ground and his arms are crossed tightly. Seriously?

"Please talk to me Spencer, tell me what's going on." You can see the frustration laced in his features, there's something on the tip of his tongue that he needs to say.

"Spencer."

"After you left from your visit, do you know why I didn't let you come back?" Spencer snaps, his hands finding your shoulders to yank your body against his. Your chest collides with his and suddenly you feel a dampness building between your legs. You instantly turn to putty in his hands.

"I didn't let you come back because that asshole told everybody about you. Told everybody what a tight little body you have. Soon the entire cell block was fantasizing about my 'sexy wife'. Do you have any idea what it's like to listen to men constantly talk about fucking your wife?" Spencer's voice is tense, but you can see it. The lust building behind his eyes, the frustration, and the fear of losing you simmering underneath it all.

"N-No." Your voice is breathy, and your eyes are lidded as Spencer's hands slide up your arms to your shoulders.

"It's fucking hell Y/N. Every time I see any man look at you I want to rip his eyes out, and I can't turn it off. I've tried, and the way that Alvez looks at you- it drives me fucking crazy." Spencer snaps, the anger building by the second. Your entire body begins to hum with an intense need, and Spencer can see it in your eyes. Spencer releases you then and he turns for the door, at first you're afraid he's going to leave but instead he locks the door. Luckily it's late, so the police station is more deserted then it is during the day. Turning back to you, Spencer reaches for the blinds next and you can't help but follow his every movement with your eyes.

"Get on your knees." Spencer says suddenly, and you freeze in shock. Did he just say...?

"Get. On. Your. Knees." Spencer says again through clenched teeth, leaning back against the table, heat simmering in his eyes. His hands grip the edge of the table and you feel a throb from between your legs. Quickly you scramble onto your knees in front of him, your hands reaching up to undo his belt. Once the belt is unfastened, you're quickly unbuttoning his dress slacks, your eagerness making your hands a bit clumsy. Spencer has never been this dominant during sex, but you have no complaints. He has your knees weak and he hasn't even touched you. You quickly dip your hand into his boxers to pull his hardening cock out. As soon as his cock is freed, your lips are wrapping around the head. Spencer's head tosses back in ecstasy.

"Your lips look so pretty stretched around my cock. Those bastards could only imagine having you on your knees for them." Spencer snaps, his hand weaving into the hair at the back of your head. You moan softly around him at his crude words, slowly sliding down his cock. Spencer groans when he feels your tongue laving the underside of his cock, along the vein that runs from base to tip. Apparently feeling impatient, Spencer pushes your head further down his cock. He feels his tip right at the entrance of your throat, and with one gentle thrust he breaches your throat and his cock slides all the way into your mouth.

"Fuck," Spencer hisses, and Spencer does not curse often. So the fact that you have been able to draw curses from his mouth is nothing short of a miracle. Spencer's chest heaves slightly as you gag lightly around him, drawing another deep groan from his chest. You feel nearly desperate to please him, you need to make him cum. You want him to fucking pound you, you want him to use your body for his pleasure. You want him to release all of his frustration out on you, you want to be sore when he's done.

"You're mine. This is my body to touch and admire, my tight pussy to stretch open, mine." Spencer growls, thrusting gently to meet your hasty movements. You whimper around his cock, gagging slightly again as spit dribbles down your chin. Your eyes are wide and watery as you look up at him, and the sight of you nearly causes him to blow his load. You just look so fucking beautiful on your knees in front of him, drool on your chin and your mouth full of cock. It's a sight he will never forget. You move your head faster, keeping your eyes locked on his. Spencer squeezes the edge of the table, his head tossing back when his orgasm hits him. You feel his cum shooting in spurts to the back of your throat and you swallow every drop. Once you pull off him, Spencer is grabbing your elbows to pull you to stand.

Spencer's hands are reaching for the button of your dress slacks as his mouth presses messily to yours. Spencer's tongue pushes into your mouth, his hands pushing your pants down and you kick them off. Instantly, Spencer's fingers are sliding into your panties and through your slick folds. You whine loudly against his mouth, your eyes fluttering shut as his palm roughly cradles the back of your head.

"Need to make sure you know who you belong to." Spencer snaps as he pulls away from you, quickly pushing two long fingers into your dripping hole. You cry out before Spencer is slapping a hand over your mouth, your back pressed against the wall. Spencer's slender frame is leaning against you, effectively trapping you against the wall and his body. Your eyes are rolling when Spencer's finger crook inside of you while roughly thrusting into you.

"Gotta be quiet, wouldn't want Luke to catch us now would we?" Spencer breathes in the shell of your ear, sending goosebumps spreading over your skin. You are completely at Spencer's mercy and you wouldn't have it any other way. The pleasure shooting through you goes rocketing up your spine when Spencer scissors his fingers inside of you. You're mumbling incoherently against his palm, desperate pleas not to stop, to please let you cum. Your entire body is flushed, and you feel sweat on your skin like a sheen layer over you. Spencer feels you begin to squeeze around his fingers and he replaces his palm with his mouth, swallowing all of your moans and desperate cries.

Your back is arching as your high approaches, and you climb higher and higher to meet it. Spencer never lets up, his fingers steadily pumping into you and his lips muffling all of your cries of pleasure. The sounds you make are music to his ears, they tell him that you will always be his, no matter what childish fears he has. Your hands come up to unbutton the buttons on Spencer's dress shirt, you need to feel more of him. Before you can finish undressing your husband, his fingers nudge your cervix and you instantly clamp around his fingers, your body convulsing.

"You look so beautiful when you cum." Spencer praises, his cock rock hard again. He needs to be inside of you as soon as humanely possible. Spencer pulls away from you to grasp the base of his cock, no need to bother with protection. The two of you already agreed that you want to try for a baby anyway.

"Please baby, please get inside me. How could you think I'd ever leave you? I love you, and nobody could make me cum like you can." You moan desperately, turning to bend over the table. Spencer's hand runs up your spine, enjoying the way you wriggle your hips in search of his cock. There are butterflies squirming in your stomach as you spread your legs apart wider for him, but he still doesn't bring his cock closer to you.

"Oh c'mon Spence don't do this please. Baby, fuck me." You plead, nearly sobbing as you shamlessly beg. He presses his tip against your soaked entrance and you whine. You hear fabric rustling around and you turn your head just in time to see him pull his tie from around his neck.

"I needed to hear you beg for me, and this is to keep you quiet. As much as I love the sounds you make when I'm inside you, I can't let anyone else hear you." Spencer says, his voice low and rumbling from his chest. You open your mouth to let him tie the silk fabric in your mouth. You try to whimper but you gag around the tie in your mouth, and you see a pleased smile cross onto Spencer's face. Your fingers grasp at the edge of the table as you impatiently wait for Spencer to push into you. You feel his glorious cock nestled at your entrance, the tip barely nudging in. You feel another wave of slick gush out of you and Spencer is running his tip through your already drenched folds. Such a tease.

You whine softly, trying to push back against him. Spencer chuckles darkly before his hands grasp your hips to hold you steady. With one firm thrust, Spencer is breaching your folds and sliding deep inside you. You feel heat searing through you, your head dropping to the table as you whimper through the burn. The stretch burns more then you anticipated, and you hear Spencer groaning softly, which sends another wave of liquid heat rushing through you.

"God you feel so good baby, you take my cock so fucking well." Spencer praises, gently pulling out to slowly thrust back in. His eyes are locked on the place where you two connect, watching with hooded eyes as his cock disappears inside you.

"I wish you could see this baby, I love watching you take my cock." He praises through a soft moan, and you drink up every sound he makes. Spencer needed this so bad and you love the fact that you can give him a type of relief nobody else on the planet can give him. Spencer steadily thrusts into you when you both hear footsteps slowly passing outside the room. You expect Spencer to stop, to pull out of you and start redressing but he doesn't. He slows his pace considerably, but he still slowly thrusts into you.

"Shh, I would hate for whoever that is to see my cock buried in your pretty pussy." Spencer whispers as he leans forward to whisper in your ear. You struggle to contain the whimpers, but somehow you remain completely silent as Spencer gently thrusts into you. Once whoever it is passes by, Spencer resumes his quicker thrusts. His pelvis hits your ass with enough force to send you lurching across the table and your fingers scramble to find purchase against the smooth surface.

"This is my pussy, you're my wife, you're mine. Not Luke's, not that dick from the Prison. Mine." Spencer says, punctuating the words with a sharp thrust into you. You wished you could answer him, that you could cry to the heavens that you belong to Spencer Reid- that you never want to belong to anybody else. You settle for squeezing his cock whenever it returns to your velvety warmth, chanting the same word in your head over and over.

Yours yours yours yours yours.

Your forehead presses against the table, muffled and strangled cries escaping your lips every time Spencer hits deep inside you. His cock stretches you perfectly, and always hits places deep inside you. Places you didn't know existed. Soon you feel your orgasm creeping up on you, and you feel lightheaded so you reach up to yank the tie away from your mouth.

"Please make me cum Spence, I'm so close baby please don't stop." You beg, muffling your moans with your palm as he drives his cock into you. You feel sweat covering your entire body and Spencer holds your hips with a bruising force. You feel that coil winding tighter and tighter, and you release a high pitched whine when Spencer's hand snakes around your body to thumb your clit.

"Oh Spencer your cock feels so good, soo good baby. Always feels so good, fuck baby I love you," You're not sure what you're saying at this point, an incoherent mess of praises for the man above you. Spencer loves when he reduces you to this, speaking in a jumble of words and disconnected statements because you can't think with his cock inside you.

"I, shit, I love you-" Spencer gasps, slamming his cock inside you and rolling your clit before you're squeezing around him tightly, your mouth falling open in a silent scream. You cum in hot gushes around him and Spencer can only offer a few more stuttering thrusts before he's cumming with a loud growl, coating your walls in his hot cum. Spencer keeps his cock inside you, ensuring his cum stays inside you. He wants to get you pregnant. His palms gently hold your hips, and all the frustration he's felt all day has completely disappeared. His chest is heaving from the exertion but he feels more relaxed then he has all day. There's a smile on your face and your eyes are closed as your legs finally give out and you collapse against the table.

"You okay?" You hear Spencer's voice, and you can't help but smile when you hear that he's panting slightly. You hum with a smile on your face.

"I'm amazing." You mumble back, feeling Spencer begin to gently massage your back. You love enjoying the afterglow with him, even if you're laying on a table. Slowly Spencer pulls out, but he groans softly when he sees his cum inside your pussy. He reaches to the floor to pull your panties and dress slacks back up your legs and he quickly tucks himself back into his pants. He buttons the 4 buttons you managed to open on his shirt before he's gently pulling you to stand.

"You sure you're alright?" Spencer asks, concern in his eyes. You nod with a smile, but when he releases his hold on your shoulders, you feel your legs tremble and give out underneath you. Spencer immediately catches you and sets you down on the table. You laugh softly.

"Guess you fucked me good."

"Sorry." Spencer says sheepishly, but you press a chaste kiss to his lips.

"Don't be, that had to have been the best sex we've had in a long time." You mumble against his lips and Spencer hums in agreement. Reaching for his tie, Spencer shoves it in his pocket before he pokes his head out of the room you guys just defiled.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry about what I said. I love you so much, I didn't mean what I said about my ring-" You blubber suddenly, drawing Spencer's attention to you. He cradles your head against his chest, pressing kisses to your forehead.

"I know baby, it's okay. I love you." Spencer answers quietly, holding you to him tightly.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk today. I'm just so protective of you. I can't let anything steal you from me." Spencer admits softly and you cup his cheeks to make him look at you. There is a sadness in his eyes that you want to obliterate, you can't stand it when he's sad. It breaks your heart.

"Nothing could steal me from you. I only want you Spencer." You say quietly and you see tears misting his eyes. He presses his lips desperately against yours, and you feel tears cascading down yours and his cheeks. The kiss is wet, but it's passionate and you throw every ounce of love you have for this man into it. When you and Spencer part, your foreheads are pressed together.

"Hey Spence? How am I gonna get to the hotel. I can't walk." You say softly with a giggle and Spencer smiles mischievously.

"I guess I'll have to carry you." He scoops you bridal style into his arms then and you blush deeply when he carries you out of the room and towards the front entrance.

"Spencer! Everybody is going to know!" You whisper into his ear and he chuckles.

"Good."

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer x y/n #spencer x you #post prison spencer #jealousy #possessive #criminal minds #smut #spencer reid x you #spencer x reader #jealous smut

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vilsoo · 2 years

Text

prize counter girl ☆ two

➥ michael afton x camgirl!reader

you've been a camgirl for only a few months and everyone loves the content you post. one night, michael afton porn surfs to relieve his stress from work and comes across your videos. the more he jerks off to your content, the more he's addicted. but it wasn't until, a few months later, he sees your familiar face as the new employee working at the prize counter.

notes. this is a very lengthy chapter since it has the slow build here. i dont like using "Y/N" regularly and writing in third person, so in the next chapters the reader will be addressed as "you" (2nd person). but it will still be in 3rd person limited to michael's pov. and i’m sorry to all my slow burn haters 😔 we'll be getting to more cute shit and hot smut soon, just hang in there.

chapter warnings. none

pcg materlist • previous • chapter three

"Michael, goddamnit. Are you in the supply closet?"

Out of sheer panic and the haste scorching his nerves, Michael swiftly opens the door and scurries out the prize counter, the metal of his belt clinking as he adjusted it. It was too late before he could button up his uniform when William Afton appeared nearby the corner and startled him.

"Holy fuck," Michael breathed out. "I— Apologies, father. There was. . . an issue with the lighting in the closet."

William frowned, mouth shifting awkwardly to the right in skepticism. "And you fixed it just now?"

"Just now." Michael reaches for the pack of bubblegum in his pocket and slips a piece in his mouth. He's always had this habit of excessively chewing gum ever since he was multitasking under stress during his previous night shifts.

"Ugh. Get ready for training. They'll be here in an hour," ordered William as he continued strolling down the hall.

"Yes, father."

When his father was out of sight, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. A notification for the call bill and an identification request appeared on the screen. He sighed, his shoulders slouching as he stood alone in the hallway.

She deserves to be paid more than this, thought Michael. Will she also be able to see my ID with my real name?

He didn't think of it too much since her number was under a hotline system. Back at the lounge, he slips out his wallet and absentmindedly follows the instructions from the message. It wasn't until, a few moments later, something bizarre crossed his mind.

Michael never found out her name.

A few months ago when he discovered her content, her full name was never displayed on her profile. Michael respected this, presuming she'd only show half of her face on her free videos for privacy purposes. When he paid for her premium content, her name was still never revealed.

He kept recalling the complements she had of his voice; hearing him speak, hearing him whimper, hearing him dirty talking. He wishes to speak with her again. It didn't even have to be phone sex. What if he had a simple, sweet talk with her? Hearing her speak about her passions outside of being a webcam model while her voice gets all excited? Learning about where she's from and the story of her life so far? A small pillow-talk just over the phone?

Fuck. I need to stop. I'm literally nothing special to her, why am I fantasizing about this?

Michael felt abashed. There was no way for him to train the employees without getting distracted. There was no way for him to stop thinking of her constantly. Hell, is he even mentally prepared to do this right now?

After making his payments and verification, he shut off his phone to draw away from the thoughts. It was probably best for him to not use his phone at this time. Instead of relying on orgasms and fantasies, he was desperate for something else to clear his mind.

Waiting for the time to pass by, Michael found himself back at the arcade's supply closet. The stacked boxes of various prizes for the prize counter were still not opened— his father decided to let the employee who will work at the prize counter unpack the prizes and organize it all themselves. He just now realized how inconvenient this would be for the poor employee. There were too many boxes. But for the sake of clearing his mind— he took care of them himself.

Michael filled only half of the shelves with toys and candy the past hour. He left the remaining for whoever is stationed at the prize counter, which should be sufficing enough to handle.

Back at the main diner hall where William lingered, the entrance doors swing open. A young woman who looked just about Michael's age sauntered in, curious eyes wondering about the diner until she encountered William— her employer.

"Hey there. You must be Y/N, welcome to the pizzeria!" he greeted, offering his hand out for a handshake.

Y/N grinned as she felt the tight grip of his hand holding hers. "Yes, I am. So nice to meet you, Mr. Afton! This place looks amazing."

"Thank you, thank you. We take our family business very seriously," he exulted, scrutinizing her features up close that he felt rather intrigued. "Hey, have I— have I met you somewhere before? Feels like I've seen your face before but can't remember where."

Y/N's heart leaped. "Oh— No, I don't think we've ever met before, Mr. Afton. This is our first time meeting in person!"

"Ah, my mistake." He scoffed in contrition of his words. "Anyways— I appreciate that you showed up on time, Y/N. Your shift starts tomorrow."

"Yes, I'm aware." She follows behind William as they weaved through the rows of party tables.

"And are you familiar with our safety procedures and customer service?"

"Yes, sir. I've read through the requirements and overview just like you said."

"Such a smart girl you are."

Y/N smirked to herself, eyes darting everywhere from the slight titillation she felt from William's complement. He escorted her down the hall where the arcade entrance was. William turned to her and mirrored her beam with enthusiasm.

"My son, Michael, will be training you. I believe you two will work together at the arcade. Any questions?"

"Not at the moment, sir. But I'd really like to thank you for having me here," she professed, the end of her lip curling to a small smile.

"Of course," William chuckled. "I must say— I really like your enthusiasm, Y/N. And that's exactly what we need at the pizzeria."

"Father? Are they here?"

They turn their heads at Michael calling out from the arcade storage room. "Yes, Michael!" William replies with a shout. "Come out here and meet your new coworker!"

Michael trots out the storage room, taking in the sight of his father standing before the new employee from his perspective. He couldn't quite see her face, but from her figure, he could make out she was, in fact, a girl. This stirred the agitation he had before in his stomach— the probability of the new employee being a girl and training her without acting awkward. Now he had to set the expectations for himself as an employer much more higher for her.

"Apologies for not showing up— I was fixing some more stuff at the storage closet again," Michael chuckled nervously.

"Well, would you look at that. You must really want the experience for our trainee to feel very accommodated," teased William, slapping his hand on his shoulder as he slightly turned his body to reveal Y/N.

"This is Michael— I trust him as a dependent assistant for you while you work here. And Michael, meet your new coworker; Y/N."

The moment when Michael's wince faded away and his gaze trailed up her body, perusing her figure from head to toe, he realized he wasn't breathing when he took in her face.

Her.

It was really her .

Standing right before him, in person.

His eyes widened in horror. His lungs tightened in on him. His stomach couldn't stop swirling— and soon enough the panicking, rapid beating of his heart followed. Oh, he was fucked. He was so fucked. This desire that took over everything he worked so hard to prevent, all crumbled down on him when she entered his life. No— invaded his life, drowning into the rapacious depths of his mind when he allowed it.

"Michael? You alright there, pal?"

He stammered at the echoes of William's concern. He was too robbed of speech as he kept taking that recognizable face in. It was much worse for Michael witnessing Y/N slightly frowning at him for not responding— for not knowing what was running through his mind.

The poor boy forced himself to clear his throat, body shifting in uneasiness it was impossible for him to relax. "I'm— Sorry!Uh, I'm so sorry. I was just, uh. . . Nice to finally meet you."

She chuckled lightly when he reluctantly offered his hand out and shook it. "No worries. I look forward to working with you, Michael."

The way his name rolls off her tongue. The way her hand feels. How her soothing skin raptures his like cupping a delicate rose. The revering gaze she had in her eyes the longer they stared— enough to entice him like drizzles of kisses and raindrops on his skin that pinpricks of electricity couldn't stop bouncing through him.

Michael refused to believe this was his reality. The tighter his grip engulfed her hand, it felt physically real. She was really here. The new girl. His fucking coworker. This was no daydream, no fantasy that he could end.

William hears the entrance doors swing open again, eyes widening from the excitement. "Ah, more new employees are here. I'll be at the main diner hall if you need me. Good luck, Y/N."

Once Michael's father left the arcade, he felt the agitation surge in him again. It's a shame that spending an hour organizing the prize shelves to clear his mind was for absolutely nothing. How crazy can fate be, meeting a hot girl you've only seen online and next thing you know they're your coworker. Especially when the two of you just had phone sex about an hour ago?

Get it together. She already knows your nervous.

He cleared his throat again, forcing himself to act sedated around Y/N. He hadn't felt this nervous around a girl in so long; not since his teenage years. As he furtively gazed at her, the curiosity provoked him like an unwanted guest.

Millions of questions flooded his head, such as why she applied for this job when she's already making more money as a webcam model. But with all due respect, and for the sake of him pretending not to know anything, he proceeded with the only professional questions he came up with from the top of his head.

"So, uh. . . where did you hear about Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria? How'd you find the job application?" he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets as he sauntered down the arcade.

Y/N followed suit right by him with a pleasant smile. "This might sound crazy, but— I've actually been living near the pizzeria my whole life. I went here when I was a child and seeing the new and improved renovation somehow drew me in to work here. I wanted to work as an arcade attendant so I contacted your dad."

She lives nearby?!

"Woah, no way. Forreal?" Michael mused, raising his eyebrows at her. "Hm. You're not the only one being interested in working here because of the major upgrades. I mean, having new employees here feels nice."

The two stop at the prize corner, where Y/N noticed half of the shelves filled with toys, plushies, candy, and various electronics.

"If I remember correctly, my father put the both of us in charge of the prize corner. And before you came, I already set up some of the stuff, so. . ."

". . . You want me to help put up the rest?" she inquired with such politeness in her voice, her head slanting so coquettishly it made him stammer again.

Fuck. Pull yourself together, man. She's just tilting her goddamn head.

"Yes, yes! And maybe we should, uh— get to know each other since, you know. . . We'll be stationed together here for awhile."

There you go, Michael. Taking it slow as you should.

"Yeah. I'd love that!" she beamed. "I think it'll be great if we're comfortable with each other. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable around me, I promise I'm not judging you."

For the first time, Michael's face lit up when he laughed. He could also spot the twinkle in her eyes when she hears him laugh and see the real delight in his smile, like he's already comfortable with her. It made his heart leap again, the way she looks at him.

He doesn't just see her as some webcam model he jerks off to most nights anymore.

He only sees Y/N.

His friendly, beautiful coworker in broad daylight.

The two get along as they filled up the prize counter. Michael kept asking questions while she answers with honesty and kindness. She asked questions as well, which Michael answered confidently. Her presence felt so reassuring to him, something he needed that also soothed his agitation. That burning sensation was no longer aching him. He felt at ease with himself and with Y/N.

An hour later during the middle of training, Michael and Y/N take a break by grabbing a snack at the table he arranged earlier.

". . . Alright, Y/N. Be honest," Michael prompted as his laughter died down. "What are you excited about working at this job, hm? And what are you worried about?"

She glances at the ceiling while thinking of her answer. "Hm. I think I'm excited to be surrounded in the fun party vibe environment with a laid back occupation like you said. What I'm worried about is, well. . . customer and worker safety with the animatronics."

"Oh yeah. I get that," he asserted, chewing on his sandwich. "Sometimes kids get carried away with these animatronics and next thing they know, their heads get bit off or something."

"Damn. Hope that doesn't happen when we're here," Y/N scoffed as she sipped on her soda. "Does your father get questioned for the design choices?"

"Oh, yeah. Too many damn times in the past. But because of our good management here and no recent lawsuits, they don't bother us anymore."

Michael suddenly paused when he took in the sweetness of her perfume. She was sitting close to him at the lounge table, her body invading his senses he almost got carried away. He kept furtively gazing at her when she looks away, studying those wonderlust features he could finally stare at all day in person.

He still had mixed emotions about everything. Many unanswered questions that he forced to keep to himself. The idea of her wanting a side job at a shady pizzeria like this, the filthy carnal thoughts that run in her head, what she was doing before she answered that phone and what she thinks of him so far. . . But those questions had to wait. Hopefully the answers would all unravel themselves to him as time passes.

Michael glanced at the prize counter shelves then back to Y/N, a genuine smile stretched across his face. "You know, you did a pretty good job with the shelves."

Her eyes had that glimmer again when she gazed at him. It was something about his alluring voice that soothed her. "Really? You think so?"

Michael nearly stammered again. "Y— yeah. You did very well."

She scoffs at Michael's comment as if he was bluffing. Meanwhile, in her head, the sudden praise he gave for her felt endearing. "I appreciate it, Michael. If you need help with anything else, let me know."

He couldn't stop staring at her. His lips kept shifting from side to side, wanting to engage in more conversation with her. But it wasn't until she put down her soda and shifted her entire body to him directly.

"You mind if I start asking some questions now?" she chuckles lightly.

Michael rapidly blinks when he took in her beguiling front profile. "Y— yeah. Go ahead."

"What motivates you to come to work?"

"That— that's a great question." Michael sighed deeply, scavenging his empty mind for a response he never opened up to anyone. "Truth is, before the whole renovation all I wanted to do was help my father. Working here felt like a chance to redeem myself from my wrong doings and clear his wrong doings, too. I used to be a nightguard here, you know. It was a stressful ass job, but I managed to survive. Now my shift has moved to the daytime which is so much more relieving."

And because I get to see you almost everyday now.

"Wow," she mutters, her expression revealing pity for him. "I don't know much about what happened, but being a nightguard here must've been real difficult for you. And probably scary."

"Oh, it was. But don't worry about it. That's all in the past now," Michael smiled. He glanced at the clock and realized their break was about to end soon.

"Well, at least you're still here despite all that shit you've been through. Must've took a lot of courage to do all that. But, hey. Now you get to have fun with me," she chortled, playfully nudging his shoulder.

Michael chuckled at her enthusiasm. Hearing her encouraging him ignited some hope and motivation like a spark. There was hope that she'd get closer with him. There was hope that life at work would be much more fun with Y/N in it. It's fascinating that throughout training, his working conduct gradually got to him around her; despite knowing what she does as her side gig. And he would never hold that against her.

There was more to her than being just a hot camgirl. And he's desperate to find out.

ALL WORKS BELONG TO VILSOO © . do not steal, plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my works outside tumblr. copying my layouts or themes will not be tolerated either.

tags. @ghostisinvis @mikeesz @mmkqyde @yukkomi @queen-simp @corrazon @xuilyie @m00n-drifter @Michael_aftonslut @matchafroggy @lenishotandcute @jaeeeeeeyito @milk-bub @bigwhore4dream @michaelaftonshusband @soft-spirit-ren

#( ♥︎ ) — prize counter girl.#michael afton fanfic #michael afton #michael afton fic #michael afton x reader #michael afton x you #michael afton smut #fnaf fanfic #fnaf smut

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andthelightswavegoodbye · 2 years

Text

A Certain Someone and Manipulation

Edit as of May 3rd: I'm afraid the linked post is no longer available as the account has since been deleted or deactivated. I'm not sure when This happened but apologies in advance!

As I’m sure many in the NIN blog community have heard by now, A fairly popular fanartist (MMY) has been called out for publicly posting N*crophilia, and months prior, P*dophillia. This in turn caused a suicide bait of said person, and things got out of control from there. I encourage everyone in this community to check out the post created by @playthegoddamnedpart for further info on what happened, as well as multiple responses regarding the suicide bait (Mine Included) (Link to full thread here).

Firstly, I like to make an apology statement. Rather than focusing on the problem - someone creating gore p*rn and posting it on a public platform where children can see - I focused on the suicide bait issue. Although I still don’t agree with those methods used, I was subsequently ignoring the issues at hand, and in a sense defending what MMY did. This was never my intention, but it still does not excuse me for what I did. I won’t go into full detail here, as my official response is in the aforementioned link, however I do think there’s still something important I need to warn others about.

Long story short, it has been brought to my attention that MMY, whether they are aware of it or not, has slight manipulative tendencies, and I might have fallen into said trap. In case MMY pops up again (Highly likely), I want to share about how we grew to talk, and the possible manipulation so people can be further aware. I also acknowledge that my initial response to the situation is still fully my blame to take.

Slight trigger warning for brief descriptions of what their art entails, as well as self-deprecation further ahead.

In terms of art, gore never usually bothered me. When I first stumbled upon Manmade Yellows (MMY) page some time ago, there was gore, but nothing overtly terrible from what I first saw. Sure, there was death (Examples being Trent choking another version of himself, or Trents head detached from it’s body), But I did not pay it much heed as I should have at the time. Part of this is due to my own desensitization, I will admit. They also depicted Trent in sexual situations (Example being in womens underwear). I liked the art well enough and followed them on Instagram.

Very early on, I noticed on their instagram stories that they would become very self-loathing in terms of their art and self-worth. there was a lot of “I’m a terrible person, when my parents find out who I really am they’ll hate me”, “My art is terrible, I can’t even do lineart”, “I’m not even a real artist, I only draw porn”, “I’m a piece of shit who only spends their time addicted to porn and gore” “All I do is sit in my room” talk. The first time I saw this, it was extremely concerning and I found myself DMing them about how they were feeling. We talked a bit about, and I tried to be supportive, and then we’d move on. These self-deprecating stories were very common. I found myself saying “No, you’re a real artist. You make art, that’s the only qualifying factor in being an artist”, and they would reply with “It doesn’t have meaning, so it’s not real art”. I in turn would defend them.

I think that’s where the possible manipulation started. I don’t know if they were aware of them doing this, and they did accept compliments easier in time, but I still somehow ended up often trying to make them feel better, put them on a pedestal, because of the constant self-hatred. This led me to get a bit attached to them in a sense, as I too struggle with depression. But at the same time, I should not have continued getting involved. And it should have been obvious that they were posting about the hardships so much to the point it was probably unhealthy for the people reading it.

Along with the depression story posts, they would occasionally talk about instagram censorship, and art censorship in general. Things like how “social media is forcing art to be censored”, “I don’t have anywhere to post my art cause it always gets taken down” “Art shouldn’t be censored, it’s not fair to self expression” “This will just get taken down...”, etc. And to a degree, I agreed. They once gave an example of how renaissance-esque paintings got taken down for nudity on instagram, so “Yea I suppose what they’re saying makes sense”. But I was ignoring two key factors: This is Instagram, a place where kids are allowed to sign up on. And they weren’t posting “Just nudity”. If I’m honest, I’m probably too quick to agree on things. I shouldn’t have immediately folded on the subject.

This slowly turned into me outright supporting the gore and porn. I’d say “You draw dark stuff so inexplicably, it’s inspiring”. And to be honest, I still liked their art. I would be a liar if I said technically speaking, their art was bad. And I like dark art too. Some of it I DID truly enjoy, especially cause it depicted Trent, a celebrity that I really like. But I remember one specific set of posts where they depicted Trent getting his limbs chopped off, and just being “used”. And even I knew that was too far. But I think I’d grown so used to them posting gore or sexual stuff so often, and connected with them enough emotionally, that I let it slide and even liked those posts. On their insta story, they’d even post gore videos with the text “Mmmm so hot” or something. But they’d put silly emojis and a comedic tone so “theyre not actually turned on by gore, I’m sure”. That was a blatant red flag. I should have unfollowed then.

When the eventual eruption of what they’d posted happened, doubled with the suicide baiting, I immediately went to shame the baiter, yet didn’t say anything on MMY. I even DMed MMY asking if they were okay. I asked them upfront if they were legitimately a necrophile, and they said no. I took that as truth, and though we still don’t know the actual reality, considering they drew necro porn, I should not have trusted them so easily. They said they realize that maybe they have an issue and wanted to slow down on the gore drawings. I genuinely thought that to be true. They even had an instagram story saying “I realize what I did was wrong, and I won’t be doing this anymore” but looking back, even that was slightly self-deprecating. Afterwards, I noticed that they posted on their story less about wanting to fix things and focused more onto attacking everyone else. it was no longer “I shouldn’t have done that” and it turned into “I don’t care. You guys are just so caught up in your censorship” “I’m just terrible, but whatever”. That’s when I started to really doubt the side I was on. It wasn’t until the tumblr post that I previously mentioned called MMY out, as well as an Instagram comment I left on a post (Talking about the suicide baiting), That I fully realized what I was doing. I once again apologize. I ignored many redflags, and chose to pretend it wasn’t happening. Because I liked some of their art, I didn’t want to admit that some of it was morally wrong, because that would mean I too was doing something wrong. I fully admit that now. I have since blocked MMY on instagram.

I still don’t know if this counts as manipulation. In the sense that they constantly shifted the blame from themselves to others, and often made themselves the victim, I would say yes. I think it’s plausible this happened to other followers of MMY, even from just reading their story reels. To anyone reading this, if you encounter MMY in the future, don’t pay their self loathing and insisting of “censorship being bad” any attention. Whether they mean to or not, they are always putting themselves in need “saving”, and always discounting others valid opinion for their own gain. I was gullible, and I don’t want anyone else to do what I did in the future.

#not fully nine inch nails related #but important for the nin fandom

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ball-of-lint-blog · 5 years

Text

Ok so nobody cares but

I've had this idea floating around in my brain for about a year, but never really put it onto paper until two months ago.

I'm a writer. I write things and stuff. Right? Ok. So I saw the movie "The Fly" from 1986, and instantly fell in love. It has captivating performances, amazing special effects, and was just overall interesting and very well done.

(The sequel was not as good, but this is not about that)

My brain started churning as soon as the credits started rolling. What happens next? At this point I hadn't seen the next movie, so I just started working on my own sequel. I was so enthused about my own idea I didn't care if there was another.

So here it is:

Two years before the Telepod accident, Seth Brundle and his twin brother, Elliot Brundle Pershing, got into an argument. This ended up tearing them apart and after that moment Elliot cut his brother off completely. One year before the Telepod accident, Elliot had his second son, but lost his wife in childbirth.

16 years after the Telepod accident. The second son is now 15 years old. His name is Cody. He lives with his father and older brother of 5 years, James. Their house is generally hectic, with James being depressed, unemployed and still living at home and Elliot working a 7-10 job. Cody wants to go to college and become a biologist, inspired by the AP Biology teacher at his school, Dr. Evelyn Rametsu.

One Saturday morning, Elliot wakes up to somebody knocking on the door. It turns out to be a woman, a journalist, named Veronica Quaife. She tells him that she knew her brother.

Elliot is immediately uninterested, wanting nothing at all to do with his brother. As it turns out Cody was never told of his mysterious uncle, and James was strictly forbidden to tell his little brother about him (even barely remembering him). Veronica quickly interjects and breaks the news to all of them: Seth Brundle, the brilliant but eccentric scientist, is dead.

Cody is intruiged with his uncle's occupation. James is a little sad, but overall unphased by the situation. Elliot however is broken. Sure he fought with him, but didn't wish him to die. He never even got to apologize. He feels immensely guilty.

Elliot wants to know exactly how it happened. Was it a suicide? Murder? Was he drunk and reckless? A lab accident? They are all shocked to hear it was technically all three. Veronica offers to drive down and show them more at Seth's now abandoned apartment.

While Elliot does want to know more, he needs time to process. He lets his sons go with Veronica down to Seth's lab/home, which is covered in cobwebs and mold.

Veronica explains to Cody and James that Seth was eager to try out his Teleportation Pods, and in a drunken fit he teleported himself. However he was unaware that a housefly had gotten into the Telepod with him, and he and the fly became merged on a molecular-genetic level. This prompted Seth to undergo a grueling metamorphosis, which in the end left him as a twisted man-fly hybrid.

If any lecture from Dr. Rametsu taught Cody anything, it's that a fusion like that would prove to be anything but life-changing. Maybe a couple of digestive changes, but nothing as drastic as having to vomit on your food. Before he can say anything, though, Veronica plays a video on a small TV in the house, which almost makes James vomit.

Cody is interested to see how this sort of thing happens. He notices the stray wires of the Telepods, and being the person he is, he puts them back together. James tries to take his mind off the video by looking at the Telepods, and he is immediately interested in them.

Veronica takes them back to their house later, after telling them more about how Seth died.

James wants to go back to explore the Telepods more that night, because it reminds him of his video games. Cody agrees to go along with him, also wanting to study the Telepods. They agree to head there at midnight as to not disturb Elliot.

That night James is all ready to head to Seth's old apartment. He knocks on Cody's door, and finds that Cody has fallen alseep. He decides against waking him up, instead heading over there alone to make Cody feel left out by going out and exploring the Telepods himself.

James gets there, and decides he wants to go inside of the Telepods. As he's walking inside, he doesn't notice the little hanging piece of Brundlefly flesh stuck to the wall of the telepod, and upon entering the glitched out Telepods turn on. James is transported to the 3rd Telepod, where he steps out and thinks he's fine. Scared, James makes his way home.

The next day, James finds himself buzzing with energy. He can't seem to sit still and is really hungry for sugar. He also appears to be breaking out in acne again. Cody notices his shift in energy, and asks if he's feeling okay. James responds that he's feeling great.

Ok I'm getting tired. Basically James' transformation is a lot faster, Veronica and Cody are Stressed, and Dr. Rametsu finds a cure for James' condition. Elliot and Veronica also become close friends. In the end, before the fully transformed James can be forced into the rewired Telepods, he kills Cody by, 《GORE WARNING》, shoving his claw from the back of Cody's head through his mouth and letting him bleed to death. James is turned back into a human, and is comforted by Veronica and Elliot and the movie ends.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE HORROR FANDOM

So what do you think? Also have this shitty drawing of Cody that I made

#writing #the fly #the fly 1986 #jeff goldblum #geena davis #seth brundle #original characters #original character #sequel #movie idea #ITS CODY #cody #the fly sequel

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sweetkiwi-vt · 5 years

Text

Creepypasta OC

Pablo and Lilly #digitalart #creepypasta

About the characters:

Both are related.

The man in the chair is called Pablo...

No wait.

I'll just let them speak.

Lilly:

Hello!

My name is Lilly Ork and I'm 4 years old.

I like pandas and bears, because they are really cute!

I also like listening to my papa. He always gives me something fun to do!

I don't like lemons. They make me want to throw up, also I don’t like chilies, but I like cakes! Papa doesn’t let me to eat them so much though.

I don’t have a mama or grandpa and grandma. I saw papa kill them.

I don’t go to school either. Papa said that that's a bad idea.

Daddy told me that when I was little I met my grandma and grandpa once. They didn’t like me, when I asked about my mommy he said she didn’t like me either!

I didn’t mind it though. As long as papa gives me Pat's on the head and buys me new toys every time an old one gets dirty I don’t mind!

I have long brown hair made in pigtails, with such cute pink ribbons I took from a girlie I saw on the street. She got really mad at me, her mommy too. So papa took her out that night! Then he gave me the ribbons!

I wear a really pretty one piece dress with paws print on it! Papa bought me that dress recently, but from being nice white color it turned red, the brown. When I asked my papa about it, he told me that red color changes to brown when dry. I think I missed a part then.

One day I got really sick, my eye was really itchy, so papa and I went to see a doctor.

Papa then told me that I had Heterochromia. I'm not sure what that means. He gave me an eyepatch to hide one of my eyes.

I have a story on that too. Little while ago I got lost in a supermarket. Papa and I were out shopping for trash bags and something to eat. An old lady found me there. She told me I have beautiful eyes. Apparently I have one green and one blue eye.

Papa was mad at me for going off on my own, but he praised me for finding another annoying victim.

I don’t speak much, papa doesn’t like noise, so I'm quiet. I don’t really like to speak either. Now that I think about it, I don’t like hearing other people talk. Papa always talks to me and with me but I don’t hate it. Because its papa.

When I'm alone with papa and not haunting annoying people, we usually draw and collect things. I like doing that!

It's really fun to collect rocks and then draw on them!

What I dislike to do is talking with older men. They always look weirdly at me. My papa too dislikes them.

I cant read or write but papa is teaching me!

I can now read headlines of newspapers alone!

I really like my teddy bear. This is 3rd one already.

Kill?

I like to give poison to people my papa points out to me.

I usually walk to a person papa doesn’t like and then lead them astray!

Then my papa strangles them!

If not that, then I put white poisonous powder I have in my teddy bear.

People don’t suspect anything. That's weird.

Well it was nice talking to you!

Papa is behind you though. His eyes are telling me that both of us were quiet annoying and noisy just now!

Good bye! It was nice talking to you!

Eren:

My name is Eren Ork. I am 24 years old, a collage drop out and orphan.

Well not to then full extent, as you will hear later on, I killed my mother, father and step brother.

Why?

Because I was bored and they were all annoying.

That's what I hate the most, annoying people.

This is my story. It's not short but well, listen to it while you still can.

I've been alone since I can remember.

I grew up in a rich family.

"Next heir of our cooperation"

"He is so smart he can do anything."

Well, I would've stayed if my mother wasn’t a cunt like she was.

She would force me to study and made me spend my hours watching my father work.

Maybe because she wasn't even sure if I was my father's child.

As far as I know, I'm a single child. An only son of the CEO, and like I said only one who can actually take over the company.

So I was adored and respected to some point.

I learned how to act.

Sing.

How to play a piano.

And how to hate my family.

I never went to actual school. Other then my mother's abuse in a way, I was always alone. So when I turned 12.

I discovered something really amusing.

"We are reporting. The several killings that have been going on. As the reporters from the scene are reporting. In this small house, like you can see. We found multiple bodies. Their skin was used as a canvas, is what the policeman are stating. It is still..."

My face was glued to the screen.

The fact, that someone could do something like that, amused me. It seemed interasting. I wanted to try it.

But...

"What are you doing?! Aren’t you supposed to study?!" My mother was screaming at me from the door to my room. She's so loud and annoying.

"Get away from that. Damien! Take that thing out of my son's room!" So loud.

"You move away from that thing!" She stomped next to me, and grabbed me for my arm and pulled me up.

"Let me go, you loud hag." Is what I told her.

She just frowned and slapped me.

I felt it, I wanted to return her the same favor. But my father was behind her.

"Just what do you think you are doing?!"

That night, they fought through the whole night.

I just thought.

"Oh. This is fun"

For the 1st time in my whole life I found something fun. Yes, the 1st time.

Due to my actions and absence, my father bought me a cat. It was loud so I killed it. Then the dog, then the hamster, then they just gave up on buying me pets. I would always think of some reason on how they died. I couldn't tell them I liked how when they kinda screamed.

So, when the tutors would come in...

I would make them turn away.

Leaving my father and mother the only other option to educate me.

Boarding school.

When I was 15. I got sent into the boarding school. It was a private school, which are usually boarding schools. Unlike other rich boys I was thrilled to get sent into one.

I was away from that annoying mother. But...

Now there were some adults with no real status giving me orders...

So annoying.

It wasn't an only boys school so.

"Hey Pablo is kind of handsome?"

"I know right. His brown hair and eyes are so special!"

To let you know. I have dark brown hair and green eyes. I was told a lot that my Emerald like eyes resemble my mother's, never saw her in color, and my hair kind of resembles my father's. That's why they probably suspect me not being an true Ork, but a bastard child of some sort. And my build, well it was normal. I had height, but I wasn't anything special really. So...

"Ahhh. I wonder how would be to date him." "His family cant reach mine though" I never understand those girls.

So they are annoying.

I want them to go away.

"Hey" I spoke in a normal tone. I didn't want to let them know I'm pissed off. More like "They are giving me a headache."

"Oh sorry." The girls looked at me surprised. Only one of them spoke.

They had sad faces on. I couldn't care less. I would like to see them all cry. Maybe I could mess with them for a bit.

I could only grin on that idea. The fact I didn't think of something like that for so long....

So by the time I was about to graduate. I was considered popular in my school.

People would want to talk to me.

For the first time in my whole life, what my bitch of mother thought me paid off.

I was popular, I had fun ruining people's lives.

Until I mention the rest. For the whole 4 years I haven't visited my mother or father. I couldn't stand idea of them.

I haven't seen them or talked to them for 3 or 4 years. My boarding school didn’t allow parent visits, so I saw them at the day of graduation for the 1st time after 3 years.

"God. You've grown so much Pablo." My mother was standing in front of me. When I was 14 I was still looking up at her, now I have to look down to be able to follow her. She had her hand on my cheek. She was crying. I still didn’t understand it. She was also annoying. But during my time here. Other then good grades and popularity. I gained ability to fake my feelings quiet easily.

Not that I felt any.

I just smiled at my mother. "You've gotten older mother.".

"Well aren’t you mister obvious."

My father was staring at me from the side. He had a grown on his face.

You asshole.

What so I don't take after you anymore so you get all cold with me.

After the graduation ceremony. I returned home. And started collage.

In collage it was the same as high school. This time it wasn't a private school. My father's business was falling apart.

He also held a grudge against me never visiting home.

Like I care.

In collage, I met an interesting girl.

She was from a poor family and liked me.

So we started dating.

It was a good way for me to try out discovering "love".

Since it seems like my mother is planning something. Just to be ready.

One day, she called me drunk and came to visit her.

And we slept together.

And then, the bitch disappeared.

She dare disappear after using my body.

And year later, she appeared. But this time she had a baby with her.

An ugly worm.

BITCH.

Ahh

Annoying.

Annoying. Annoying.

They are all annoying.

She gave the brat to me and left again. Like hell.

"What the hell?! Just what do you think you just did?!" Screamed my mother at me as I was left in a hallway, door just closed with 2 month old baby in my hands.

Tch.

"Now no one would want to wed you! You idiot chil--" next thing I knew was that my grip was on my mother's neck. "You are so annoying and loud. Another word and Ill snap that God damn neck of yours." I let her down.

Baby was just looking at me, she didn't cry. Just stared. That took my interest.

"I will be in my room."

"Pablo! Get back here!" I walked away listening to my mother scream my name as I went up the stairs to my room.

I was 20 when I got my daughter in my hands.

Pretty young.

She was the only quiet one. She cried first few months until she turned one. After that she didn't cry almost at all.

My father and mother didn’t like Lilly one bit. So when she turned one I dropped out of collage and was kicked out of my house.

I saved money over the course of my birthdays from age 18 to 20 and had enough money to get myself a apartment and small job.

Hah.

You think that's the end of my story?

Of course not.

When Lilly turned 2.

I went back to my house. Just to show Lilly her family.

There I met, a boy. He was around 10 years old. Heh. My parents adopted another child. To rise him as their company's successor.

Hahahaha.

Apparently, my father's company got big after I left.

They didn't even bother to tell me, to visit their only son.

I put Lilly down and snapped.

I killed my whole family that night. Oh how?

Simply by strangling them all to death, wouldn't be enough? Well that’s right.

Despite them being worse the horse crap. They did let me in the house.

We were invited to dinner every weekend. So I thought of a better way to kill my family.

I purchased a slow killing poison, I made Lilly put some in my father's tea when he was playing with her. For my mother, when I was showing her off my cooking skills, I cur her wrist open. I could just grin as she bled out. How did I not get found out? Because I had Lilly with me. I would go out of the kitchen "to fetch something" while Lilly would be in kitchen for a little while then start crying or scream. My plan went just as expected.

My father collapsed after being drugged for weeks on the poison, and my mother would be killed in a matter of hour.

All that was left was to get rid of evidence and then act as if I know nothing.

That day staff was out of the house. So Lilly didn’t have to scream or cry. There was a main butler and maid, but they didn't really care, being occupied in their own business.

So I just gave my mother sleeping pills. She probably overdosed. And the fiasco with my father went as planned.

So my dirty Step Brother, he too was a sleep. All that was left was to...

Bam. Put the house on fire. That's what I did. And...

"The big cooperation of the Ork family has fell under, due to the whole family's death. The whole house was burned to the ground by, how it seems, a mistake from one of maids. She used the fire lamp trying to light the rock over in the kitchen, burning the whole house down. Fire started in the kitchen making the staff fall unconscious due to the smoke. When the family noticed the fire it was already too late."

I was staring at the screen with grin on my face. Lilly in my lap looking at the screen. Lilly was smiling,

The first words she every said were papa.

After that she never spoke again.

She was smiling this time and seemed really exited. "Papa! We do that again?!" Didn’t expect her to react that way.

"Did you find that fun?"

Lilly nodded at my question.

She is truly my daughter.

I put my hand on her head.

"Of course, well kill lots and lots of annoying people again."

"Yes!"

And so

My killing spree as a Black Demon began. Yes. My nickname is only black. I wonder who is the worst in our duo? I gave my precious angel a teddy bear, in teddy bear there was poison. Every time we go to kill.... We are always ready.

Hope you liked them. I'm planning on changing their names , but I don’t now in what.

If you have a suggestion please do tell me.

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jesusatmysix · 3 years

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So You Think You're In A Struggle.....?†

DOES YOUR BANK PRACTICE RACIST BIGOTRY, DO TO BEING LOW INCOME OR HOMELESS?

Navy Federal Credit Union does!

I've posted about the racial arrogance in dealing with these folks before. The MESA branch has this one racist mexican BITCH that works up front. I had order a new card. They know im homeless, so I was scheduled to pick it up at the branch when it arrived. So this lady called me and said it had arrived. Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes. Get there..... this mexican bitch comes to the door. So, i tell her im there to pick up my debit card. She looks up and down, "we dont get your mail here." I ticked! Take your nasty ass attitude back in there and get the white lady that just called me. So, the white lady comes and lets me do in. That was just my first encounter with this white women's make-up ladened 300lb. walrus.

The second time, I've went to see if i could get my jeep refinanced. She was much more cordial but non the less arrogant. She said no before she did any calculations.

So, from then on..... my account has been flagged. Anytime i call and they utter the words, "pull up your account." I know im about to engage in patronising and arrogant conversation.

I just got a loan paid off this month. So my last payment was a reduced one. But they took out a total payment amount. Plus, they had me down for another payment next month. Ring ring! "Let me pull up your account....." Okay, here we go. Instant attitude change, "I dont see what your talking about." LOOK HARDER! "Oh, well that adjust will be posted in a couple of days." Okay, thank you....... and while I'm on the phone. Switch me over to credit cards. Oh, this bastard took the cake...... and blew out the candles. Instead of them stating an APR, they put it as an expenditure cost. Mind you, my payments are auto pay. Keep that in mind. After he finishes being proud of his selfrighteous arrogance, which couldn't even calculate an increase with me drawing a mental picture. I again asked him, how long would it take to pay the card off at $100. a month.? The dumbass said, "i don't understand what you're asking." 😲 I was done! He didn't want to take the time to do the calculation. So, i repeated my request adding, "I'll wait!" He gets quiet, comes back, " two years." Okay, I'll do that! So he says, "youll have to do that on line." Okay!

Next day, my auto deduction was due. Im good! I talked to him on the 2nd. Deduction was scheduled on the 3rd., I go to check my account to see if the made an adjustment on the loan statement. That balance The replaced into my savings, some $7.(¢). But the was a big ass alert plastered to n my account: OVER DUE!

THIS FUCKING LOW LIFE PIECE OF SHIT CANCELLED MY PAYMENTS.

There was no way in hell i could have called them and not cursed out whomever. So, i messaged them. The next day i owed them double the amount.

So, left to right..... left to right.

Frame 1...... They made me sign in two times before the technical difficulties sign.

Frame 2..... The late charges went from $82 to $76.

Frame 3...... Is the actual balance owed me they had placed into my saving. I had something like $0.27¢ in my savings they took that.

Frame 4...... They took the over payment of $7.(¢) from the loan, from my savings and put it onto the card (which has been frozen for about seven months).

ALL THIS DURING THE FALL OF THE TRUMP EMPIRE.

But in no way are these motherfuckers a bunch of green sperm mental ejaculation.

It's just me!

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snugabugabunny · 3 years

Text

I started doing 30 days a little bit ago but I missed some days and then didn't finish because some stuff happened and also, I'm not a 24/7 regressor and I even go chunks of time without regressing and I only use my blog when I am regressed. Soooo I'm just going to answer a bunch of these in a kinda long post!

1. Yes, I sleep with many stuffies actually! I have so many and I put them around me often. I recently got a Mickey and I love his texture!

2. I don't have a cg. I have a lot of chronic health problems so I live at home with my bio mom (who knows I openly enjoy childlike things, but not specifically that I regress). Because I rarely go out, and rarely interact with others even online, I haven't ever had a caregiver. A few years ago a considered asking my (now ex)bf how he felt about it but when I sort of tested the waters about his thoughts on regressors it... didn't go well so I never brought it up again. Also my bio mom does help me with some things, but she does that because of my health issues and not because I'm smol.

3. Aquarium! I like the museum and the zoo a lot too, and also just going to the mall, or target! But the aquarium is my favorite and I miss it!!

4. I don't use a paci, for a few reasons but mostly I don't tend to regress that young. I do have chewelry though! I use that when I'm big also.

5. Blue! I also like red! And green! And sometimes purple!

6. Stuffies! I love blankies too and have a handful of baby blankets, mostly because I am Very sensitive to textures and hate certain ones, but I like a lot of baby ones. I have so many stuffies though. I've loved them all my life and I still buy new ones when I find ones I love.

7. Fall! But I do like spring for how sunny it is, even if I normally stay inside.

8. I like watching movies/YouTube/TV and sometimes playing games (switch, board games, in phone games). I used to really like to color but one of my health problems affects my hands and I usually can't color very much.

9. Coloring better than drawing! When big, I'm kind of an artist, and so it's still hard for that part of my brain to turn off when little. Coloring doesn't matter how it looks but I can be perfectionist about my drawings.

10. It changes! I love love love Little Mermaid! Also Aladdin! And Lion King! When Tangled came out I watched it every day for months. Same with Moana.

11. Donald! At least out of the main crew. I also love Mickey and Goofy. I've always loved Eeyore. And Sully. And Tigger!

12. Probably Ariel + Eric, I love both! I like Belle and Beast too.

13. Octonauts is a top fave. I watch a lot of YouTube and less TV shows though.

14. I really like Fred Jones from Scooby Doo

15. Yes, I have a dog! He's a big white husky and I call him "silly butt" so often he responds to that just as much as his actual name.

16. I've always really loved dragons so probably one of those!

17. Tigers or Sharks!

18. I have many. It depends on the day to which one I snuggle or bring with me around the house. Most of them are baby blankets, one is a star wars blankie, and some are Cloak brand blankets (they're so big and usually silky-soft)

19. Lavender is one of my favorite smells! I also have a pain relief blend with lavender, peppermint, wintergreen, and more that I love! I also just got some candles and oils from Magic Candle Company and their Jungle Cruise scent (I think it's call Jungle Boat) is one of my new favorite smells!

20. I think it was Spiderman! And iron fist! It was a few months ago during a better day

21. Crayons! Sometimes markers and colored pencils!

22. I'm an Aries! But my moon is cancer and rising is aquarius which are both water signs! Which makes me a weird Aries sometimes!

23. Disney stores!!! It's like a little piece of magic! I live pretty far from either park (though Disneyland is my park) and it's nice to visit something like that without having to have a lot of money and travel. But sadly the one that's near me closed as part of a lot of closures Disney did. Now the closest one is at least an hour drive away and I don't like that mall as much. Also I do like build a bear but they don't always have things I actually want, especially cuz each store has different critters. I got Nala the last time I was in a Disney store.

24. Fave games... Hm well I'm deeply attached to Kingdom Hearts (even if I haven't finished the 3rd game). I really love the Dark Pictures Anthology games! They are spooky and werid but I am sometimes a spooky baby.

25. I really love fruit! Applesauce and fruit leathers are easiest for me to get myself, but sometimes my mom will help me with a clementine or cutting up an apple. Sometimes I have pudding, or dry cereal.

26. Juice! All different kinds!

27. Chocolate!!! I had ding-dongs for breakfast the other day when I was regressed early.

28. Lots of stuff and weirdly at the same time very few things. I have some pretty bad social anxiety, and also generalized anxiety. And yet there aren't as many specific things I fear. I really don't like creepy crawlies (spiders and most bugs) but I can deal with them, and when I'm outside I just leave them alone! I'm usually very paranoid about sounds and stuff but that fades when I'm regressed.

29. I'm really bad at finding something "unique" to talk about! I don't feel like I have any random of cool skills. I am also limited by my chronic health conditions and so I don't have exciting or relatable things to talk about very much... How about... I am super nerdy! I have a bunch of fixations that cycle around and they are all like, TV shows or movies or books or genres or games. Ummmm also I just bought my second official Mermaid tailskin. I have a mermaid tail my friends and I made a long time ago, but last year I finally got a monofin and actual professionally made tail! And I just got another tail to go over the same monofin. I don't have anywhere to regularly swim near me :( but I still really wanted a more bright/colorful tail than my first one!

30. This is gonna come off as odd maybe but being in a lot of pain can put me in little space. My chronic pain can fluctuate and sometimes when it's really bad or multiple of my issues are bad at once I involuntarily regress. It helps me stress out less and deal with my pain in a more simple way. And that it's okay if I need to cry. And it helps me get distracted by simple stuff and stop focusing on my pain level.

Thanks for getting to know me if you read this stupid long post! Also thanks if you just liked it because there's a picture of mickey and my dog!

#agere #sfw agere #safe agere #30 days of age regression #30 days of little space #tw chronic pain #tw chronic illness #long post

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perdizzion · 7 years

Note

I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations.

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride.

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

#THIS GOT SO LONG OMG LKSDJFSD IM SO SORRY #I GOT CARRIED AWAY #i just....really wanted to explain everything as descriptive as possible #so i could help at least a little bit #aAAA #anonymous #answers

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