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ficklecat · 3 months

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even more kkg headcanons

Gai loves using pet names. He calls Kakashi all manner of things when they’re in private together (if you’ve read my fics - among his favorites are “dear heart” and “precious thing.”) He also knows that Kakashi likes them, but gets a little embarrassed when he is called them in public, so he sticks to “rival,” which he considers to be their first pet name anyway.

Kakashi seldom uses pet names for Gai. When he does, he’ll keep it simple and usually just call him “love,” or sometimes if he’s feeling romantic, “darling man.” He saves “rival” for special occasions or when he wants to get a rise out of Gai - he loves how red his face gets when he whispers it to him in bed or even out in public after a sly innuendo. (He particularly likes to use it during a challenge to throw him off guard, which Gai insists is cheating).

Gai sometimes gets really awful phantom pains in his body, especially in the winter months. He’ll wake up in the middle of the night immobilized by these episodes, unable to speak or ask for help, unable to soothe himself, unable to move, while Kakashi sleeps next to him unaware. Gai is terrified by this, because it often feels like he’s going to die and he’s afraid he will one day and won’t be able to say goodbye to Kakashi (this is a big fear of his, anyway). But he doesn’t tell Kakashi when this happens. In the morning he’s groggy and sore and will chalk it up to “a bad night,” but he fears if he says anything about it, Kakashi will worry. It’s the only thing he hides from him.

Kakashi witnessed Gai’s phantom pain only once, when they were early in his recovery and still learning to navigate his healing. His entire body seized, he gasped in little hiccuped breaths, his body trembled and tensed so hard Kakashi was worried he’d pop blood vessels or rip his tendons. He didn’t know what to do, nothing seemed to work. Gai had told him afterward that there was nothing he could do, that really he could only wait until it passed. Kakashi had been terrified; Gai looked horrible, trapped in his body he once trusted now betraying him at will. He’d felt so useless to that horror, wounded that he couldn’t take his pain away. They cried long and hard together afterward, and though he’d never witnessed another episode again, Kakashi knows it happens. He feels guilty for this, but part of him is glad Gai doesn’t seem to have them in his presence. He hates to feel this way, but seeing him in so much pain is more than he can bear.

Kakashi and Gai still keep their own apartments all the way up until after Gai awakens from the aftermath of the eight gates. It’s Kakashi’s idea that they live together - he was admittedly fearful of not having his own space, so used to living alone for so long, and being so particular with his space and his things. He also felt a little skittish around the kind of commitment it took to live with someone. But he realizes quickly these things are trivial - almost losing Gai makes him realize Kakashi doesn’t care about anything as much as being with him.

Gai and Kakashi disagree on when they became “official.” Kakashi has a specific time in mind - shortly after he is dispatched from ANBU, when he kissed Gai for the first time with intention. Gai considers their relationship to be “transcendent” of any time frame - he insists he and Kakashi were always destined to be together, and as such, they always have been. There is no start date for him, he doesn’t pin it down. For him, Kakashi has always had his heart. Kakashi won’t admit this very readily but he can’t think of this without getting a little choked up. And he won’t argue the point either, because secretly, he knows Gai’s right.

#some ficlets to come of a few of these #I love them so much #kakagai #kakashi hatake #maito gai #headcanons #tw chronic pain #ax says stuff

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serickswrites · 4 months

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Things We Lost

Warnings: referenced captivity, referenced head injury, fire, nightmares, chronic pain, hurt/aftermath, hurt/recovery, hurt/comfort

Caretaker woke with a start. Whumpee thrashed in the bed next to them, moaning softly as they moved. Caretaker put a gentle hand on Whumpee's shoulder and leaned back. Whumpee had hit them a few times accidentally when they tried to wake Whumpee from a nightmare. Whumpee's limbs flailed.

"Shhhh, love," Caretaker murmured quietly, "it's just a dream. Shhhh, wake up, love. I've got you."

Whumpee's sleep shirt slipped down over their shoulder as they moved, revealing their deep, ragged scars from the fire Whumper had set trying to keep them. Caretaker would never forget finding Whumpee. Would never forget trying to find a way through the flames to Whumpee. Whumpee had watched them with eyes unfocused, their face a mask of blood. Whumper had hurt them, terribly, banging their head on concrete before setting fire to the warehouse. Caretaker was in the midst of trying to find another way to Whumpee, when Whumpee leapt through the flames, their ragged clothing catching fire.

And Whumpee's screams of pain were a sound that Caretaker would never forget. The sound of pure agony ripping itself from Whumpee's lips. The sound lived forever in Caretaker's brain.

Whumpee had lost a lot in their time with Whumpee. But they were healing. Slowly. The doctors had assured Caretaker Whumpee would make a full recovery, albeit they would likely suffer from some chronic pain. But they would live. And function.

"Love, I'm here, wake up," Caretaker shook Whumpee's shoulder.

Whumpee's eyes snapped open, a shriek escaping their lips. Their eyes were unfocused as they wildly glanced around the room. "NOOO. PLEASE!"

"Whumpee, love, you're here. You're here with me." Caretaker rubbed a soft circle on Whumpee's shoulder. "I'm here. You're safe."

Whumpee blinked slowly. Their eyes began to focus. "Caretaker?" They whispered.

"Here, love. I've got you." They opened their arms for Whumpee.

Whumpee leaned into Caretaker's embrace. "Thank God. That was....a really bad one."

Caretaker squeezed Whumpee tight. "I know. But I've got you. You're safe."

Whumpee snuggled tighter into Caretaker's arms. "I know you do. You're the one thing I didn't lose."

"And I didn't lose you," Caretaker replied softly, kissing the top of Whumpee's head. They didn't. But they very nearly had.

"Will you hold me until I fall asleep again?" Whumpee's voice was soft and uncertain.

"Of course. I'll hold you as long as you'll let me."

Whumpee let out a sigh of relief, burrowing deep into Caretaker's embrace. "Safe....here," they murmured as they closed their eyes.

"You'll always be safe here, Whumpee. I have you, love. And I'll never let you go."

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thornsnvultures · 1 year

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cw: self-indulgent fluff, injection medication, taking unspecified medication, unspecified chronic illness, needles, chronic pain, Eddie being a wonderful soft supportive bf, 632 wc

"You're amazing."

The plunk of your used injector hitting the bottom of the plastic container you store them in to be disposed of safely is a satisfying sound. It means you're done. The 15 seconds of torture between taking off the cap and finally pulling the needle from your thigh is over.

"How am I amazing?" You store the container away, back in its place where it can be easily ignored until the next dose is due. Eddie pulls you into his lap and wraps his arms around your waist. The kitchen chair is old and creaky and can barely support one full grown adult let alone two. But that's what you get for ten bucks at an estate sale.

Your leg is sore around the injection site, throbbing dully as the medicine pumps through your bloodstream. Eddie's thick fingers massage the area, rubbing gently along the outside of your thigh, occasionally brushing under the edge of your sleep shorts.

"I don't know how you do that all the time. I'm such a wimp with needles. And I hate seeing you in pain like this."

It does hurt. You try not to show it for just that reason but sometimes you can't hold back a pained "fuck!" that bubbles past your lips. It makes you and Eddie cringe but you're more accustomed to it than he is.

"What did they have to knock you out with a baseball bat when you got your tattoos?"

"No," he drops his head and chuckles into your arm, still massaging your leg. It doesn't hurt much anymore but it feels so good you're not about to tell him to stop. "I was so baked. Wasn't thinking about the needle at all. The one on my chest was the hardest. I almost blacked out twice."

"You're so cool."

"I know, right?"

Eddie squeezes you with the arm around your tummy and presses a kiss to your arm, your shoulder, your cheek. He stops massaging your leg to cup your cheek and pull you towards him so he can reach your lips. You melt into his touch, his lips, and scaly kiss him back.

"Come lay down with me?"

Eddie strokes your cheek and narrows his eyes.

"Not until you take something for the pain. C'mon," he pats your butt and you stand, dutifully taking the pain relief meds he gives you with a big glass of water.

"Jeez you're turning into my mom. No! You're turning into Steve."

Eddie gasps and grabs his chest like he's been shot. "How dare you! You will pay for those words, my dear."

You stick your tongue out at him only to squeal in surprise a second later when Eddie grabs your waist and tickles you. He spins you around, trapping you with your back against your chest, and you fold as he assaults your sides. His ringed fingers dig into your ribs as tears spring from your eyes and you beg for mercy.

"I give, I give! You're nothing like Steve. Please!"

"That's what I thought," Eddie chuckles by your ear. He doesn't let you go. He holds on tight to you and waddles you back to your bedroom so you can lay down and rest.

Once you're tucked in, Eddie presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into his chest.

"You're so brave, so amazing for taking care of yourself, baby. I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but I'm here for you. I'm here."

You nod your head against Eddie's chest, breathing in his scent through his well worn band tee. His hand finds your thigh again, rubbing in soothing circles. The pain is still there but all you can feel, all you can think of in this moment is Eddie. And it feels amazing.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x plus size!reader #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x chronically ill!reader #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson sick fic #sick fic #eddie munson fluff #tw needles #tw chronic illness #tw chronic pain #my fics

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bewilderedbunny · 1 year

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Lil fluffy self indulgent blurb about Eddie and a reader with chronic pain

You hear his van pull up, Ronnie James Dio's voice is still recognizable from inside the trailer. You hear him get out of the van and walk up the stairs. He's already started talking to you before the door is fully open, excited to tell you about his D&D session and all the nonsense he put the party through. Once he sees you hunched over on the couch, curled in on yourself with a heat pack. His demeanor switches, he approaches you and gently places his hand on your back.

"You okay? Sorry, obviously you aren't okay. What's going on?"

"Ambushed by an assassin vine again. Don't worry, I showed it who's boss."

He lets out a little huff and continues rubbing your back as he squats down next to you.

"Yeah? Did ya tear it to shreds?"

You whimper a little at the pain overtaking your body and reply,

"Eventually. Tried pummeling it into the ground, but it turns out that's where plants live so that ended up making it stronger. Y'know, nutrients in the soil and what not."

"Ah, rookie mistake."

"Yeah, luckily I had some ladybug friends who owed me a favor. They came to my rescue and devoured the wretched beast before it could finish me off."

He laughs and says, "Close call. Sounds like you rolled a nat 20 on your death saving throw."

He kisses your forehead and whispers,

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Will you tell me about the session? Need to have references for next time I'm in peril."

He shakes his head and sits on the couch with you, your head now laying in his lap as he brushes his fingers through your hair.

"Why is there going to be a next time?"

"You know me, Ed. Always getting into shenanigans."

#tw chronic pain #tw chronic illness #going thru it rn tbh #but luckily theres a cute guy i can think about to take my mind off things #eddie munson x gender neutral reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson x reader #also forgive me if thats not how death saving throws work #i havent played d&d in years

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ragingstillness · 11 months

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One day I will write the Aleksander Wins AU I truly desire where he finally succeeds in some way getting freedom/respect/safety for all Grisha and the minute he gets it he just breaks down. Full psychotic break, massive depression, weeks of dissociation, non-verbal, unresponsive, constantly crying, everything he’s been holding back and enduring hits him all at once and It wrecks him. Trapped in flashbacks, unable to care for himself, touch adverse, catatonic, immobilized by chronic pain, unable to recognize people, needing to be restrained to prevent him from harming himself despite that causing him to have panic attacks, his personhood absolutely crumbling. And it’s terrifying and heartbreaking to those who love him and also horribly, horribly understandable.

#sab #shadow and bone #aleksander morozova #the Darkling #s&b #tw depression #tw depersonalization #tw dissociation #tw chronic pain #tw self harm #tw panic attack #tw ptsd #tw cptsd #tw flashbacks #tw psychotic break

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caspersickfanfics · 26 days

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On today’s episode of Casper’s brain distracts them at work: thinking about Tighnari’s injury from the lightning and the possibility of him struggling with chronic pain.

Currently I’m really liking the idea of Tighnari being totally open and honest about his pain. Especially when it gets really bad. Clinging to Cyno. Crying, maybe. Little pained gasps. Trembling with it all. Focusing on the way Cyno strokes his hands through Nari’s hair, ruffles his ears, brushes his tail - until he can fall asleep.

He wakes up still in pain, but it’s more bearable, just slightly. He’s more lucid but still really hurting. He asks Cyno for some tea, but he overestimated his body. The pain is bad enough that even the gentle smell of chamomile is enough to turn his stomach, and he ends up dry heaving before Cyno has a chance to pour him any.

(Thank you to @aeryssickfics for reblogging that lovely Cynari art, it really got my brain buzzing)

#sick tighnari hc #kinda #cyno hc #genshin hc #tw chronic pain #tw emeto #tw vomit #will have to add more tags after work !!

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whatgaviiformes · 7 months

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Fic: A Promise Returned (FFF221)

@flashfictionfridayofficial - my first one! [#FFF221 Spine in a Twist]

Thunderbirds are Go! Characters: Gordon, Virgil Summary: Gordon sees things for what they are, and won’t take no for an answer - content warning: back injury, mentions of chronic pain Words: 887

*****

Virgil awoke with his heart in his throat – because sleeping it off hadn’t worked. Still sore from the rescue two days before, his back twinged in rebellion of him simply blinking. He was loath to imagine the severity of its protest once the rest of his muscles started working, when he actually stepped out of bed to grace the day.

One thing at a time. Just one, then the next. Like he’d been doing all day yesterday.

He’d slowly managed to brush his teeth and shave his face and was just peeling his nightshirt off when he heard a knock on his door.

“A moment!” he growled, wrestling the shirt off the rest of the way before throwing on his preferred flannel on his way to the door. “What?”

Gordon ducked underneath Virgil’s arm, assuming that gave him entry, glanced around his dimly lit bedroom before spinning back to narrow his eyes at Virgil’s unbuttoned shirt and unkempt hair. “Remember how you said I could talk to you about anything?”

“Of course.” Virgil closed the door softly to give them privacy. His siblings all knew the same; he prided himself on being a listening ear, but the reminder coming from Gordon harkened to a promise made long ago. At the time, his younger brother had been wheelchair bound and quiet. Uncharacteristically so. The words were an oath that he’d be there for him always, without judgment. Eventually, he’d managed to get confirmation of what he already knew – that Gordon was holding in emotions surrounding his injuries that desperately had needed to be shared.

For him to call upon the words now? It meant serious business.

“We need to talk about you -.”

“What about me?”

“-and the way you’re walking like you’ve got a spring pulled taut back there.”

“I haven’t.”

“Please,” he scoffed. “You can pretend in front of Alan, smile it away in front of John. Hide from Scott all you want. But you can’t fake it in front of me. You’ve been walking away when Scott’s focused on work, so he won’t notice. But I’ve noticed.”

“It’s not that bad.” Virgil crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’ve already got the plane prepped to fly you to LA.”

Virgil frowned. LA meant Cedars-Sinai. Cedars-Sinai meant Gordon’s spinal doctors.

“I don’t need the hospital.” It definitely wasn’t that bad.

“Virgil!” Gordon mirrored his defensiveness and squared his shoulders as he huffed in exasperation. Moment by moment, Virgil watched him forcefully work to soften his frustration, so that by the time he spoke, it was sincere and without the blaze of fire he knew the aquanaut shared with their eldest brother – under the right circumstances. Virgil was already irritable, but Gordon’s obvious attempt to placate the situation he created in the first place infuriated him. He was about to tell him to kindly find his way out of his bedroom, but Gordon’s tone caught him by surprise.

“It’s me, V.” Gordon placed his hand over his heart, his eyes bright and earnest. “I don’t mention the hospital just for the fun of it. You know that. And I know what a back injury looks like. I lived it. I still live it, every day. Chronic pain is no joke. And I don’t want anyone to have to go through what I went through – not you, not any of our brothers, not even the Hood. So, if you could please just come with me to Tracy One to get your back checked out so you don’t have to join me every morning for yoga, that would be great.

“I haven’t told Scott yet. We don’t even need to mention it unless there’s something to mention, if you want. I’ll ignore John when we leave. I mean, he hates that, but I’ll still do it if it makes you feel more comfortable. But please just come. I can’t make the pain go away, but I know you’re hurting, so let me do this for you and I’ll –“

“Gordon, stop.” Virgil held up his hand, palm side out, his voice crackling with emotion. Because he had been purposefully skirting around Scott’s prying eyes, waiting to move until his brother was fully distracted. And that in itself was proof enough that he knew, deep down, what he was feeling wasn’t normal. He’d been scared of what it meant to admit it to himself.

He had expected he could hide it, that it would just go away after a number of sleeps, but of course, of course, Gordon saw it for what it was.

“Do you really think it could be that bad?”

“If it’s your spine? I’m not willing to wait to find out.” The compassion and understanding in his brother’s eyes shone brightly. “So you’ll come?”

Virgil lowered his gaze to the floor, “Yes, I’ll go with you. But just so I don’t have to do morning yoga!”

Gordon grinned finally, but with an apology in his expression as he pulled the hoverchair he’d left in the hallway into Virgil’s room. “Yoga not your speed?” he said, in an attempt to distract him.

Virgil grimaced, lowering himself with resignation into the support of the chair that had once been Gordon’s prison for months. He swallowed his fear, and quipped with a pained smile, “No. Mornings aren’t my speed.”

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #flash fiction friday #Virgil Tracy #Gordon Tracy #for the love of Fishtank #bros helping bros #tw chronic pain #tw back injury

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kiestrokes · 5 months

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fibromyalgia + period pain means getting cramps in the weirdest places. this cycle it has decided to be under the front of my right rib 🙃 fucking hyper mobility.

#make it make sense #going to eat my British chocolate and watch Harry Potter #shark week 🩸#tw periods #tw period talk #tw harry potter #tw chronic illness #tw jk rowling #tw chronic pain #tw jkr mention #fibromyalgia #fibro problems #fibro things #hyper mobility #I put all the fucking trigger warnings so don’t come for me

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whatdancingdorkswasalreadytaken · 7 months

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headcanon dump on leo’s coma and subsequent injury recovery (based on my recent post about leo’s post-coma voice here)

DISCLAIMER: i am not a doctor in any way, this is purely made up of my own ideas and research so there may be some medical inaccuracies

(due to the following post discussing comas, chronic injuries and other potentially triggering things such as vomiting and couching up blood i advise viewer discretion and encourage that you only read if you feel comfortable. thanks)

during the coma

raph stayed by her side for practically all of the three months, and he was the one who cared for her mainly - cleaning her gently everyday, feeding her and changing the water

mikey was in charge of preparing her food (it was just a mix of blended up nutrient ingredients to keep her as healthy as possible) which was served to her through a brand-new eye dropper which april had brought from the store, because they didn’t have a feeding tube or anything like that

sometimes (when they’d manage to find good money from casey and april doing odd jobs to people that lived in a small town a good few hours away) they would feed her formula as well as the general fluids as it can build muscle and provide extra nutrition

raph stayed with her for most of the time, but he struggled to talk to her as it made him too upset, and donnie also struggled to visit her on his own out of guilt for what had happened in new york, but mikey made sure to hold her hand and talk to her and read to her and sing to her, even when the others told him she couldn’t hear him (he didn’t believe them)

he even made her a ‘get well soon card’ which stayed on the side of the sink in the bathroom

mikey found loads of old books around the farmhouse and read them to her, and years later when they’re back at the lair and watching tv together an adaptation of one of the books comes on and leo frowns in confusion as she swears she’s heard this story before but has no idea where or when, just that it was read to her once but that she can’t remember when or who had read it to her (mikey is sitting quietly next to her and smiling so hard his face hurts)

the others could tell in the van that her leg was very badly damaged but they decided not to try and move it or wrap it up in fear of making it worse as they had no idea what the problem was

donnie and casey built handlebars all around the farmhouse as they knew that her leg was seriously damaged in some way and that she would have serious mobility issues afterwards

donnie made a cane for her as soon as he can as he knows she’d need it but april encouraged him, raph and mikey to decorate it for leo together as they were very distant around each other during the first month of their stay during the farmhouse

april found an old box of pens and paints from the attic and told them all to work together to design and decorate leo’s cane

they made lists of everything leo likes on paper and it took them practically the whole night to decorate the cane with colours, symbols and drawings, but it was the first thing that they all did together and it helped break the ice between the three of them

after the coma

she threw up quite a bit during the first few days of coming out of the coma due to how weak her body was and how overwhelming everything was

at first she remembered bits of the invasion in small pieces, and it slowly came back to her, but it took her at least two weeks to realise that splinter wasn’t with them and she got very upset about this as she remembered shredder before splinter

she sustained much damage to her throat during the invasion, which made her voice much deeper and more hoarse (like donnie said)

it caused her to breathe very noisily and heavily, which she found very humiliating and upsetting

she mainly ate soup/broth for the first few weeks after coming out of the coma due to the pain and difficulty that came with swallowing

she also frequently coughed up blood due to the throat damage which she also found embarrassing

(no one ever made fun of her for any of it, but she did think less of herself for it before raph talked some sense into her and reminded her of how close she was to death and how she needed to be kinder to herself, to which she replied with by telling him he should take his own advice since he’d been neglecting himself ever since the invasion, and after a few seconds of silence the two actually start laughing, though leo’s didn’t sound much like laughter)

none of them realised how dangerous it is for her to be lie down until one night where she suddenly stopped breathing for about twenty seconds, and raph almost broke his voicebox screaming to wake the others up (afterwards leo had to sit up whilst sleeping for a while, and raph always made sure she went to sleep first)

my personal headcanon is that her leg injury is due to a case of chronic patellar instability, which is in simple terms an unstable kneecap, which moves when you bend and straighten your knee

it usually causes pain and stiffness (and sometimes swelling) and a feeling of weakness and looseness and a buckling or locking sensation in the knee

it is not always a chronic condition, but i believe that in leo’s case it is due to the severity of the injury and how it was not really given the proper professional attention it needed soon enough, due to a combination of the invasion and everyone’s lack of medical knowledge (as surgery is available in severe cases of patellar instability, which i believe leo has)

she started wearing a knee brace and using a cane as soon as she could begin to walk around again (which is not straight away) and even then she was slow and unstable due to her injury but even just because the rest of her body was so numb and weak in general

although later on she won’t always be in constant pain so she doesn’t always wear the brace, she does keep the cane because it helps her (and doubles as a weapon in cases of emergency)

after she began to gain back some of her strength she begins some very slow and gentle physical therapy to help her body get back into shape

she lost a considerable amount of weight during the coma due to living off of fluids for three months and is actually slightly underweight when she wakes up, so whilst the others take care to slowly reintroduce real food to her, they make sure it’s full of nutrients and good stuff

also the painkillers she took for the pain make her gain weight too

by the time they leave for new york she is still using her cane and hobbling around, but she is stronger and faster than before, but running still takes a lot longer to get used to without her feeling like she’s going to pass out because of the pain

like i said before, she stops using the brace permanently after regaining her strength and slowly beginning to feel better, but she does have days where the kneecap moves too much and she can’t even touch it because the pain is unbearable so she uses it on and off for the rest of her life

however she keeps the cane (which her brothers decorated for her) and does keep taking painkillers like the rest of them forever (cause they’ve all got chronic injuries and pain together)

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt donnie #12 leo #12 raph #12 donnie #12 mikey #12 april #12 casey #farmhouse arc #transfem leo #headcanons #tw coma #tw chronic pain #tw leg injury #tw emetophobia #tw blood #tw weight mention #tw throat damage #text

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whumpinthepot · 9 months

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@whumpmasinjuly 2023

18. Ache

Whumpee with chronic pain has to sleep on the floor, and their whole body aches just from that alone. Being grabbed by the arm has their bones aching as if they’ve been broken, and being smacked leaves a deep aching pain that lasts far longer than it should. They can hardly move by the end of the day and can’t even feel the relief of sleep as their body stiffens up on the hard surface, only to be repeated the next day with worsening symptoms. The dull ache turns into something of a nightmare as it pounds through their whole body. When they’re finally given a soft bed to sleep on they oversleep and have their symptoms flare up anyways. Leaving them feeling like theres no way to stop the aching pain. It never stops. No matter what they do.

#tw chronic pain #whumpmasinjuly #wij23day18 #whump prompt #tw chronic illness #disabled whumpee #whumpmasinjuly2023 #whump prompt: ache #tw disability #breezy’s post #tw abuse

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dansemacabredarling · 3 months

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I’ve read a few fics like this now so…

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #bg3 poll #tw chronic pain

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practically-an-x-man · 3 months

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Prompt:

"It's days like this that make me wish I had stayed in bed."

Hm... there are a few different characters who could fit this sort of angst, but I'm gonna go with Quinn for this one

____ Out to Lunch

Word Count: 2.0k Content Warnings: mentions of chronic pain, hurt/comfort, swearing

____

Quinn winced as she took another step down the street, leaning heavily on her crutches. She'd been walking too long, with too little a break, and she knew it. Partially it was the weather, too - wanting to rain but not quite summoning the moisture for it, which just left everything uncomfortably muggy and sent her joints into hysterics.

"Alright, love?" Billy asked from beside her, a crease pulling between his brows in concern. Quinn shrugged, not quite an affirmative.

"I've had worse."

It was true, but she was in a lot of pain regardless. Each step brought shooting agony up her legs, and her spine felt like the Leaning Tower of Pisa- which was to say, crumbling architecture at a very unpleasant tilt. She'd surpassed her daily quota of physical exertion at least an hour ago, and now she was paying the price for it.

"Dunno why One picked us for the fuckin' supply run," Billy muttered, Quinn's pain bleeding into him in the form of annoyance.

"Probably 'cause I pissed him off at that last briefing."

"Ugh. Dick."

"It'd have been done an hour ago if he'd sent someone else, too." Quinn pointed out, "And 'e knows it. It's a punishment that doesn't look like a punishment."

"I repeat my earlier statement. Dick." Billy huffed. He tossed his head, even as his eyes roved the storefronts and pedestrians they passed along the street.

Almost unconsciously, like a bell had chimed in their head, Quinn spotted a potential target. Their fingers slipped easily into the man's pocket, drawing out a thick wallet and tucking it into the sleeve of their jacket without so much as a heartbeat's pause.

"Not bad, Q." Billy murmured, hardly loud enough to be heard, "I saw that one too."

"Practically daring me to take it," Quinn agreed, pausing to adjust their crutches and using the motion to slip the wallet into a hidden pocket in her jacket. The weight of it was oddly comforting, the success even more so. Even on one of her worse days, her fingers were quick and confident. The pedestrian hadn't even spared her a glance. She'd never lost her skill.

A moment or two later, Billy's pace quickened as an idea struck him. They'd always found that awfully cute, the way they could read his thoughts in his movements like that. He turned to face them, walking backwards a few steps so they could see his smile. His green eyes shone in the sunlight.

"There's a good Greek place down the street," he said, "Can I take you to lunch?"

"I'd love tha-"

She took another step, but her crutch caught on an uneven sidewalk panel. She lurched forward at one, momentum twisting her body in an awkward way. Billy's eyes flashed with surprise, and he surged forward to catch her before she could topple. He moved quickly - quickly enough that she didn't go down - and briskly steered her into the nearest alleyway to look her over. His hands lingered on their waist, a firm grip that kept them from curling in on themself.

"Q?"

For a few long moments, she was in too much pain to speak. Their breath came in sharp gasps, and fire arced up and down their body in artillery bursts. Every muscle in their body locked up, like they'd been shocked with a bolt of electricity.

"Love?" Billy tried again, one warm hand pressed to her waist to keep her upright, "Talk to me, Aces."

"Fine." she managed, leaning her weight against the brick wall behind her to try and get the strain off her legs. She exhaled a tremulous breath, trying to pull herself together. Pain had scattered her thoughts like dandelion seeds to the breeze. She couldn't remember what they'd been talking about before.

"How can I help?" Billy asked, speaking fast. She could see the adrenaline wrought into his posture. His hands stayed steady on their waist, but one foot tapped restlessly against the sidewalk. He was a mover. He needed something to do.

Quinn shook their head.

"Just... hang on," they mumbled, face twisted in agony, "Holy shit that hurts. Fuck, man. It's days like this that make me wish I'd stayed in bed."

"Wanna take lunch to go, then? Head back?"

She grit her teeth. No, she wanted to sit down and enjoy a nice, private meal with her lover while she had the chance. Because she hardly ever had the chance. They never went into town like this. Either they were off on missions, or One forbid them showing their faces in public, or Quinn was simply in too much pain to consider so much time on her feet.

She wanted to take this chance to act like a normal couple. At least... semi-normal.

But she doubted crying into her souvlaki would go over well.

Billy saw the answer on her face before she said a word.

"Alright, uh, just hang here for a minute." he said, his hands finally drawing back from their waist, "I'll pick us up some food. What do you want?"

"I- I dunno," Quinn muttered. They were in too much pain to have an appetite, at least for the moment. That crease reappeared between Billy's eyebrows, but he nodded.

"Alright, I'll pick something for ya," he promised, then leaned in to peck her on the cheek, "Stay here, yeah?"

Quinn nodded, the action still tight with pain. Billy hesitated just another moment, his eyes flicking up and down her figure, and then he disappeared into the crowd.

And she waited.

Nobody spared her so much as a second glance. That was big cities for you - people saw a six-foot-three pink-haired punk propped up in an alley and weeping, yet they didn't even bat an eye. There was only one person who ever had, Quinn thought. Billy. Years ago. He'd found her in an alley a lot like this. He'd picked her up from the gutter, long before all of this.

For whatever reason, it was that thought that sent the tears falling.

They'd never wished for a normal life. That all sounded hopelessly dull, repetition into madness. For the most part, they very much enjoyed the life they had, all its excitement and risk.

But once in a while, they just wished they could have a normal day. Not a normal life- just a normal day. Twenty-four hours where they could go out to lunch, where their supply runs were for groceries instead of explosives, where they could hold Billy's hand instead of gripping their crutches.

Twenty-four hours where it didn't hurt to walk down the street.

Billy had to be so sick of this.

She wasn't the person he'd once known. They used to claim the rooftops together, all hairpin turns and leaps so daring it felt like flight. Now... here she stood. Leaned against a building like a coat rack with a broken stand, drowning in pain. She'd never be able to keep up with him again. Not like she used to. There would be thousands more days like this, and he'd be stuck taking care of her.

It was unfair in so many ways. He'd never complained, not once, but she knew that things were different. They could never go back to the way things were.

Did he really want to spend the rest of his life doing this? Changing plans with no warning, forced to surrender his rare chances at a normal afternoon, devoting his already-limited free time to taking care of her instead of doing something he wanted to do?

"Whoa, hey, you alright?" Billy's voice, shockingly tender, startled them out of their thoughts, "Need me to call Five?"

"No, ah-" Quinn started, shaking their head and swiping one hand across their eyes, "I just... need to get off my feet."

"Alright." Billy said, but didn't move right away. Instead he rustled through the bag of food, coming up with a Styrofoam container and flipping it open, "Loukoumade for the road?"

"Loukoumas," Quinn corrected, plucking one of the fried dough balls from the box and popping it into her mouth. Billy took one for himself, then closed up the box and tucked it back into the bag.

The walk back to the car was shockingly quiet. On Quinn's end, the pain sparked back to life the instant she started to move, and she was mostly focused on just keeping her steps steady. She wasn't quite sure what had Billy so quiet. Maybe he was still concerned for her.

Or maybe he's annoyed, her brain chimed in, Maybe he's not speaking because the restaurant was nice and he wanted to sit down, and instead you're making him eat his lunch in an old, sandy trailer in the middle of the desert.

They reached the car in near-silence. Billy held the door open for her, acting the part of a perfect gentleman. He set the food and Quinn's crutches in the backseat, then slid into the driver's seat.

He didn't drive. He just looked at her, fixing her with eyes the color of springtime. A moment later, his hand snuck over to rest on her knee.

"You sure you're okay, Q?"

"Aren't you tired of it?" they blurted, unable to hold the words down. Billy tilted his head.

"Tired of... what?"

"Just... all of this. The canceled plans. The fact that I can't keep up anymore. Just... dealing with me."

Billy opened his mouth and closed it a few times. He looked more confused than anything else.

"C'mon, love, you know I don't care." he finally said, speaking fast but with total earnestness in his voice, "Besides, they're not canceled plans, they're just... adjusted. And I'd rather have lunch back at the Graveyard where you're comfortable than cooped up in some stuffy Greek place. The hostess was glarin' at me anyway. They'd've gotten sick of us in there. And I've got that soda you like back in my trailer, too. The cherry kind. And booze. Don't forget the booze."

"You know I don't just mean lunch." Quinn pointed out, "I mean all of it."

"I know. And I'm tellin' you I don't care. We've been through this, Q. A dozen fuckin' times. Have I ever told you anything different than I'm telling you right now?"

"Well- no. I guess not."

"So wouldja just trust me on this?" he huffed, looking a little annoyed even as his eyes sparked with thinly-veiled concern. Irritation was easier than worry, they both knew that much. Neither of them had ever been the soft type. "I mean, hell, it's not like I'm just gonna wake up one morning and decide I'm done with you. We've made it this far, innit? I'm stickin' with you."

He squeezed her knee, his grip just firm enough to be comforting.

"It just... doesn't feel fair." Quinn sighed. It didn't, and it never would. She'd never be able to do enough to match the care he offered her. Even in this, she couldn't keep up.

"I mean, I'm the reason you've got to deal with One. I brought you into this whole mess." Billy shot back, a faint glimmer of humor shining through the words, "We're totally even. Hey- our food's gonna get cold. S'it alright if I start driving?"

"Yeah. Go ahead."

But he paused an extra moment, and stretched across the center console to steal a kiss. Quinn couldn't help but melt against him, emotions be damned.

"Hey, I love you, Q," Billy said as he pulled back, then shot them a broad and almost laughing grin, "Busted-up body or not."

It startled a laugh out of them, and Billy's grin widened for a moment. He dropped back into his seat and started the car, all heavier emotion cast aside just like that. Quinn tossed theirs out along with it. There was no point dwelling on it. Not with this, at least. Billy was right - they'd been through this a dozen times if not more, and he always said the same thing. He always stayed rooted to her, not faltering for even a heartbeat.

She'd never met a person quite as loyal as him.

#this felt a little sloppy to me but oh well. didn't want it to drag on past 2k words so the ending's a little abrupt #my friends!!!#answered asks #my ocs #oc quinn/aces #my writing #oneshot #ficlet #6 underground #angst #hurt/comfort #tw chronic pain

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natasha-in-space · 1 year

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ohhh I really do love how you write Saeyoung! could I request something with Saeyoung with an MC that has chronic pain/chronic illness and is worried about being a burden to him? I'd really appreciate it. >< 👉👈

"Hey, Saeyoung? Don't you... ever get tired of me?"

His eyes widened as he sharply turned around to meet your tired gaze, like your words physically burned him in some way. You felt guilty for making him worry about you like this... But, you were getting so, so, so tired of bottling all of this up for so long. At this point, you were too tired to even care, and this thought alone only made you feel worse about yourself.

It was a twisted spiral of negative thoughts that you were helpless to fight against.

"What are you talking about?" Clear confusion seeped into his hushed murmur, strung together with the growing sense of dread that was slowly making itself known on his deeply concerned face. He was worried sick, you could see it clear as day. There was so much stress on his weary shoulders as it is, with both Saeran struggling to adjust in the hospital and the threat of the prime minister looming over you all as close as ever.

And here you were just adding even more to the problem with your stupid personal issues.

A frustrated sigh fell from your lips as you felt your eyes start to sting from the bitter angry tears threatening to run down your cheeks any minute now. You were such a burden, and you hated every second of it. He should really focus on much more important things than this. "It's just- I'm just nuisance to you right now, isn't that right? I'm always tired, always too sore and painful to help you in any meaningful way, and all I can do is just lay here and whine about my own hurt to you. Doesn't that get tiring for you? You don't have to baby me, you know. I can handle the truth just fine. Just say it as it is and-"

"Stop." Saeyoung interrupted you before you could finish this ugly line of thought, getting up from his seat at the monitor and quickly making his way over to you. You pursed your lips into a thin line, feeling too ashamed of yourself to look him in the eyes right now, as you turned your face away, hoping that he wouldn't notice your tears that were getting harder and harder for you to hold back with every passing minute. He kneeled down next to the couch on which you were laying down in, cautiously taking a hold of one of your hands, before he spoke up again.

"I never got tired of you. Not even for a single second. And I never would. I love you Y/N... I love all of you, your body and soul. You don't need to do anything to be by my side. It's only thanks to you that I ever got to meet Saeran again. If it weren't for you believing in me, for you holding onto my hand and telling me that I can hope for a happier future with you... If it weren't for you, I'd still be living in the shadows, never daring to come out and seek out the truth for myself. You're amazing Y/N. You're the strongest person I have ever met, and I would never, ever, think that you are too tiring for any of the reasons you that just listed. You're not a burden for letting your body rest. In fact, I'd be very upset if you were trying to push yourself over your limits for me... I have no problem with you being too tired to go out with me somewhere, if that's something you're worried about. Your company is what matters most to me, starshine. You don't have to be someone you're not in order for me to adore you, because I already do exactly that. With all of my heart."

You swallowed the lump in your throat, shutting your eyes as tightly as you could. He was telling you the truth, you knew that. You knew that with every fiber of your being, but your stubborn mind just kept on trying to find every possible loophole in his words that could lead you to a different conclusion, like your life depended on it.

Finally, the first tear slipped down your cheek as a silent sob wrecked your tense body, making you clutch onto his hand, going against everything that you just said to him before. Of course, you didn't want him to leave. In fact, deep down, you didn't want to be viewed as a burden by anyone, even if your cruel thoughts kept telling you otherwise. It was... so hard to distinguish your true and honest feelings at times. Just like minutes prior, when you let this darkness overtake your mind for a brief moment of time.

You felt Saeyoung's hand gently caress your damp cheeks, brushing away the stray tears, and you leaned into his touch, seeking out the warm comfort he had always provided you in your worst moments. Next thing you know, he's already placing light kisses on your knuckles, making your heart flutter to life as you wondered whether or not you truly deserved to have such an amazing person by your side.

As if he could read your very thoughts, he seated himself on the edge of the couch, bringing his face closer to yours and gazing deeply into your teary eyes. You whimpered, not knowing what else was there for you to say. So, he spoke for you, peppering your entire face in loving kisses in between his words. "I can't say that I understand what's it like to be in your shoes every single day, starshine. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to learn. You will never be a burden to me, I promise you that on God himself. You are my most priceless treasure, my angel, my starshine, not a burden. I know that it can be... hard to manage these ugly thoughts inside of your head at times. But, please, rely on me whenever things get too hard to bear for you. You are not alone in this. You can tell me if I'm being overbearing, and you can tell me if you need any help. We may have problems... But, it's okay. Because I want to figure this out together. How does that sound?"

All you could do was nod, feeling more tears slipping down your cheeks at such a heartfelt confession from him. You had no idea just how much you needed to hear this from him. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders, and all you wanted to do was hold onto him and never let him go.

So, you pulled him closer, hiding from the whole world inside of his safe arms for a few fleeting minutes of peace.

"Thank you. That sounds perfect... I love you. I love you so much I can't even put it into words." You whispered, sniffing some of your tears away and trying everything you can to ingrain his promise into your mind, so that you would not forget it any time soon. "I'm sorry for being stupid..."

"You're not being stupid. In fact, I'm very happy that you shared your worries with me. It couldn't have been easy for you." He stated matter-of-factly, this time, placing yet another kiss on the top of your head. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

You hummed in agreement, wiping away the last stray tears and nuzzling into his shoulder. "Yes, please."

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #saeyoung choi #saeyoung x reader #tw chronic pain #tw chronic illness #hope it's okay anon ♡

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ghost-party · 1 year

Text

Pairing: Shinji Hirako x F!Reader (Modern AU)

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: hurt/comfort, sadness, medical issues, parental illness, chronic pain, mention of opioids, wheelchair use, anger, panic attacks, discussion of suicide

A/N: This is something deeply personal that’s been living in my drafts for almost a month now. But I’m a big believer in cathartic writing, especially when things feel too difficult to talk about. 🖤

It’s mid-afternoon, bright and unseasonably warm for early April. Sunlight filters through the horizontal blinds, and not for the first time, you remind yourself that you still need to buy curtains for the window directly facing your bed.

For now, you settle for burrowing beneath the covers, two plush comforters layered on top of you. Your head is nearly hidden, and it feels good to rest your eyes after crying.

You doze for a little while, unsure how much time has passed when you hear the bedroom door open.

Your boyfriend is unusually quiet as he enters. The opposite side of the bed dips as he lifts the covers and slides in to join you. As he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, you exhale shakily, relaxing against his rangy figure.

“Baby,” Shinji murmurs, nosing at your hair. “You tryin’ to hide from me?”

A small huff of a laugh escapes you. “If I were, I’d try harder.”

When he hesitates, you know he can hear it in your voice, the way it cracks a little, how it wavers, thick with emotion. Even now, you’re trying to keep more tears at bay. It seems you have an endless supply.

Blinking several times, you focus on the familiar scent of his shampoo, the feel of his narrow hips pressed against you, the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and the softness of his words nearly breaks you. You rarely see this side of him, and only ever when you’re alone.

His breath warms your neck as he gently implores, “C’mon, sweet girl… Tell me.”

That’s all it takes for your walls to come down.

Your mother’s had health problems for as long as you can remember. But in recent months, her level of pain has severely escalated, to the point where even strong opioids like fentanyl aren’t giving her enough relief.

“It doesn’t make sense that you’re in so much pain,” she’s been told. Never mind that her back is a mess — so much so, that she can’t even lie down anymore. She sleeps sitting up. Your father pushes her around the house in a wheelchair.

It’s inoperable. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to mitigate the pain. But no one can even seem to do that, and every test leads to another and another, her calendar full of appointments that leave her in tears.

By now, you’ve rolled over onto your other side so that you can face Shinji, and you’re frustrated that you’re crying so hard, your hands fisted in the back of his shirt as you hug him tight.

You hate feeling so helpless. You want to scream at someone. Beg them to figure it out. Make it stop. Fix this. Fix her.

“Look at me, baby… There you go, I’ve got you.”

Distantly, as if every sensation has been dulled just a little, you feel Shinji’s hand on your cheek, his thumb tucked under your chin as he tips your head up.

“Take a deep breath, okay?” He inhales exaggeratedly, and you might think it funny if you weren’t nearly hyperventilating, on the verge of a panic attack.

It’s not the first one you’ve had today. That probably explains how it came on without you consciously noticing. Having it happen here, with him, is better than what you struggled through earlier, hunched down in your car after brunch with friends.

You had picked at your food and done your best to pretend, smiling at jokes and stories, contributing when necessary. Because you were afraid of ruining the fun — and you knew you would cry, just like this — you kept quiet and bottled it all up.

Slowly, you do as he says, your breaths staggered and rough at first, small hiccuping sobs escaping you now and then. But after a few minutes, your light-headedness begins to ease, and your heartbeat feels less frantic.

Shinji smooths his hand over your hair, looking at you with concern.

“You didn’t want to worry me.” It’s a statement, not a question, and you immediately feel guilty.

“I’m sorry.”

His mouth twists into a grimace. “I get it, I do. But you can’t not talk about things like this. It’s only hurting you more.”

Taking another deep, shaky breath, you nod. “I think I just… didn’t know how to say it. Any of it. It’s too much, and there’s — and I — I d-didn’t —”

“Shh, it’s okay.”

Holding the back of your head, his fingers splayed wide, he leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead. “I’m not mad. I just want to be here for you.”

Your hands have moved to his chest now, grasping at the front of his shirt like an anchor. You need to feel something — to feel grounded in this moment.

“I’m so angry. And heartbroken. And scared — so fucking scared. I don’t know what to do with it all.”

He nods, and there’s a glimpse of pain in his gaze as he recalls what that feels like, to be full to the brim with a feeling so devastating, you wonder if it might burn you from the inside out.

“You want to be in control of things, to figure out how to make it all better,” he says, as if he’s cracked you open and read you like a book.

“And I wish you could,” he whispers, pulling you back into his embrace. This time, your head nestles beneath his chin, and one of his long legs tangles with yours, as if he needs to be as close as possible.

“It’s not fair.” Another sob wracks your body as you speak, your chest aching so badly, you wonder if you’ve strained something.

“It’s always one thing after another, and she c-can’t keep going like this. How is she supposed to live? It’s like no one cares, and everything takes so l-long, and I…” You swallow hard, his shirt growing wet with your tears.

“I know she’s not their mom, but she’s my mom, and I don’t understand why everyone’s just waiting around while she’s in agony — so much that she… she might…”

Out of everything your dad told you over the phone, what made you feel cold, sick to your stomach, devastated in a horrible, hollow way, was that your mother has told him more than once that death must be better than existing like this.

When you explain as much, you feel Shinji stiffen with shock before he pulls you in even closer, his own shoulders hunched as he struggles to keep his composure.

“You’re doing everything you can,” he finally says, his words spoken with a firm certainty. “All we can do is take it day by day.”

Before you can protest, he gently shushes you, kissing the top of your head.

“It’s shit, I know… A fucking cliché. And you’re right. It’s not fair. Not at all. But you don’t have to go through this alone. I won’t let you.”

You’re grateful that he doesn’t tell you everything will be okay. While the optimism of the sentiment seems like a kindness, it ultimately feels empty, as if the impossibility of it is too much to ignore.

Shinji’s never been one to sugarcoat things or make promises he couldn’t keep. You’re grateful he isn’t starting now.

She might spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair. She might spend the rest of her life in debilitating pain. As much as it pains you to think about, you can’t hide from any of this.

“You should rest tonight. Give yourself the space to feel what you’re feeling, as much as I know you don’t want to.

“We’ll drive over first thing tomorrow. Knowing your dad, he’s not eating a hell of a lot. We can pick something up on the way — stock their fridge, cook a few meals. Help out with the cleaning, all that stuff.”

You pull back just enough to look up at him, a swell of love making your chest ache. To anyone else, he might look pissed off, wearing a frown as he continues to mutter to himself, thinking out loud — something about blankets and finding a good pillow for her lower back and a book he could maybe read to her while you and your dad talk through any recent developments.

He makes a startled noise when you bury your face in his chest, feeling overwhelmed by gratitude.

“Don’t go cryin’ again,” he teases, ruffling your hair. “My shirt’s already soaked.”

“It’s ugly anyway,” you mumble, knowing that he knows you’re only kidding.

“Hey.”

You stay like that for a long time, until the sun has sunk lower in the sky and your breathing has finally evened out, your eyes growing heavy. When you whisper that you love him, Shinji squeezes you a little tighter.

“I love you, too.”

#reeeeally gonna try not to delete this later 🙃#shinji hirako x reader #tw medical issues #tw chronic pain #tw suicide

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