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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 9 months

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Un/Certain Death

scuttles into your inbox hello there, might i request a bit of character A being Presumed Dead and then interrupting their own funeral? and maybe the other characters thinking its malicious magic and attack them (im a sucker for angst 🏃‍♂️) Maybe Merlin? but honestly any fandom would be cool here is a cookie! 🍪 �� anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: major character death/presumed death, people think Merlin's dead but he's not

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 2582

The first time Merlin truly believes Arthur will kill him, he's knocked onto his back with a furious cry, a sword digging into his neck.

He coughs, spluttering against the steel. The breath knocks out of him. He can only gasp. Arthur's eyes bore into him. They're rimmed red and swollen. Spittle flies from his lips as he pants down, leaning more than enough weight on his sword to have the metal bite into Merlin's neck. Every inch of him is trembled, coiled rage, as though begging for a reason to follow through and plunge his sword through him.

Merlin can't look away. He can't look away for the life of him. What else can he do? The man he has sworn to protect, the man he would gladly die for, the other half of his soul, how can he look away?

His Adam's apple bobs against the steel as he swallows.

"A-Arthur?"

"Don't," Arthur snarls, shoving the tip under his chin, "don't you dare."

He shuts up, hands slowly raising on the ground to lie next to his head. He does his best to go limp, to show he won't fight this, even though his chest is screaming, he won't fight it, not if it's what Arthur truly wants. He holds back the tears—he will not cry, he will not die a crying man on Arthur's sword—and slowly, slowly, wills himself to accept it.

It's only ever been for you, Arthur, he tries to say with his surrender, only ever for you. I've only ever done it for you. All for you.

"You have some nerve," Arthur growls, spittle still spraying, "out of all the faces you could have chosen, this one I will not allow you."

"Kill him," someone else snarls, "for daring to do such a thing."

Merlin takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for he is a coward, he truly is, he can't watch Arthur kill him. He feels the sword shift, pressing against the soft part of his throat, and Arthur inhales like he's about to push true, but then—but then—

"I can't," murmurs the broken man above him and Merlin can't hold the tears anymore, not when Arthur sounds like that, "I can't do it."

"Then allow me," the voice from before says as a new shadow falls over him—and Merlin is not too proud to admit he is too cowardly enough to run from someone who isn't Arthur so he opens his eyes—

Gwaine.

"Sorcerer," Gwaine spits, and he has never seen such disgust on Gwaine's face, nor the righteous fury of any of the knights that flank their King, as the sword lifts high into the air, "you've made your last mistake."

"Please, wait, wait—" a coward, you were right, Arthur, I've only ever been a coward— "wait, I'll go, I'll go, you'll never see me again, please, just—"

"That's the most pathetic sorcerer I've ever seen," Percival says lowly as Elyan scoffs, "at least die like the man you pretend to be."

He scrabbles in the dirt, trying to put more distance between him and the furious knights he once thought his friends, but the tears betray him and he sobs instead. "No—no, please, I'm not—it was only ever for Camelot, please, I did it for the good of Camelot—"

"Nothing good can come from this!" Arthur roars, even as Lancelot—Lancelot—holds him back with a reluctance that feels like a blade all its own. "What good could come from this?"

"To protect you, Arthur, to—only for you."

Arthur laughs, a cruel and merciless thing, before stalking forward and gripping him by the hair. "You're an idiot—" the insult has never hurt so much— "if you really wanted to do what was best for Camelot, you should have saved him."

He points over his shoulder, toward where the knights had been gathered before Merlin happened upon them in the clearing and—well, this had started. The sword shifts just enough to allow Merlin to sit up, to peer over the knights to see—

Wait.

"…what?"

Gwaine scoffs, shoving him back to the dirt. "Figures that someone like you can't see the value in every life," he spits, as Merlin tries to erase the image of his own dead body from his memory, "but that man was a better one than you'll ever be."

"Gwaine—Gwaine, it's me."

"You dare—"

Merlin dodges the sword, for he's not dead, he's not dead, maybe he can convince them of that, if nothing else— "You say you spend your nights in the tavern when really you spend them building fires for the children who live on the streets. You know—you know what it's like to spend a night in the cold and you said you never want a child to experience that on your watch."

Gwaine's eyes widen and his sword fumbles.

"It could be a trick," Elyan mutters, "a memory spell as well as a physical one."

"It's not a spell, I'm me—I'm me—you and Gwen used to play that you were outfitting all the knights that came to the tourneys because some of their armor was gross. Gwen said you once tried to get a law passed about it."

"Wha—how did you—I've never told the real Merlin that, you—"

"Gwen told me," he says desperately, "I was helping her clean the training swords and she told me—"

"Kill him," Percival says firmly, "kill him before he has a chance to poison our minds against each other."

Gwaine's expression hardens and he lifts the sword once more, ready to swing—

"Wait!"

Gwaine freezes. Arthur's hand held out stilled him, but Arthur won't even look in his direction. Instead, his shoulder heaves and he turns to look at Leon, the only knight not to have moved since Merlin first appeared.

"Check." He jerks his head. "Is it really him?"

Leon stoops, touching the other body for a second, before he stands and walks over, his red cloak billowing around him as he crouches above Merlin. Merlin stares at him, pleading, begging, hoping that Leon can see that he's not lying, it really is him, it is, just believe him, please—

A gloved hand takes his chin and Merlin tries not to flinch. Fingers tilt his head up, up, exposing the long line of his throat. A sudden burst of hope lets him tilt it back even more, without Leon's instruction. He knows what Leon's looking for; on one of his first days in Camelot, a cruel guard who hadn't been informed of his new status as Arthur's manservant caught him trying to enter the prince's chambers and yanked him back by a thin piece of cord he'd had tied around his neck to hold his room key. The man might have strangled him had Leon not seen and saved him. Since then, aside from Leon assuring him that no matter who was mistreating him, even the King himself, that he would find safety with the knight, there had been a small, almost imperceptible divot in the flesh right under his chin where the knot in the cord had been.

Impossible to see, only detectable if you ran your fingers over it, if you knew where it was.

Leon's fingers find the spot, as they always have, and for just a moment, Merlin thinks he feels Leon's hand shake.

The hand cups the back of his head, lowering it to a comfortable position once more, and the face of his friend smiles softly at him.

"Hello, Merlin," he says, and he believes him, he believes him, "what were you doing so far from camp?"

"Well," Merlin manages, slightly strangled, "I was just trying to collect firewood."

Arthur lets out a breath as Gwaine roars, throwing his sword to the ground and gathering Merlin into the fiercest hug he's ever experienced. "You moron," he breathes, a touch too shaky to be truly stern, "we could have killed you."

"What happened," he croaks as Lancelot flies at him too, "what—why—"

"We came back to find you—well, what we thought was you dead," Percival says, guilt coloring his features as he gestures to the corpse, "and we…didn't take it well."

"But you are alive," Lancelot says, cupping Merlin's face in his hands, "you are alive and well and that is all that matters now."

"I'm sorry we didn't believe you," Elyan says as the rest of the knights not-so-subtly vie for their own opportunity to hug him, "I'm glad you're alright."

"'Course he's alright, he's Merlin," Gwaine bluffs, finally letting Merlin go only for him to be promptly snatched up by the others, "right, Princess?"

Merlin looks over Percival's shoulder only to see Arthur still staring at the corpse. He shoulders the knights away and carefully walks up behind him, going to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Arthur, it's okay," he tries, "I'm not dead, I'm right here—"

"Why didn't you deny that you were a sorcerer?"

Merlin freezes. Arthur turns to look at him, eyes still cold.

"We accused you of having magic," he says, voice icy, "and you didn't deny it. You said it was for the good of Camelot."

"A-Arthur, I—"

A chorus of yells comes from the knights as Arthur points his sword at Merlin's chest. Merlin swallows, the hope crashing and destroying itself as Arthur glares at him, but he swallows and raises his hands once more, sinking to his knees.

"It's the truth," he mumbles, "it was only ever for you. I only used it to serve you."

"Why?"

"Because you are the Once and Future King who will unite the land of Albion. It is your destiny," he says, for it is the only truth he will ever accept, "and it is mine to see you there."

More steel sings as the knights must draw their swords too but Merlin holds up his hand.

"Don't, don't, please…if—if this is what he wants, don't."

"We just got you back," Lancelot says lowly, and he can hear him shifting his feet into a fighting stance, "and you want us to lose you all over again?"

"This is treason," Arthur says, but even he must know that his odds against all of the knights aren't good.

"I've been called much worse for doing the right thing before," says Gwaine, and oh, if it's not some relief that his steel isn't directed at Merlin anymore, but no, Arthur doesn't deserve it either, "this one won't hurt."

"Please, please, don't fight, don't," Merlin says, "I can—I'll just go—you can banish me, you'll never see me again, just please—"

"He's on his knees and yet he's not begging for himself," Elyan says, "and you think he's a danger to Camelot?"

"He's lied to us—"

"He's protected himself," Percival objects, "that's not foolish."

Arthur looks back at him and Merlin doesn't dare hope— "You lied to me. You lied to me, Merlin, you lied and you lied."

"Yes."

"Why?"

He swallows. "You've lost so much to magic. I didn't—I thought—I thought it was best you didn't lose this too."

"Haven't I?"

"You haven't," comes Leon's smooth voice, "Merlin is here, he is here now with us, he is right in front of you."

Arthur's hand trembles.

"If you kill him," he continues, despite the rustle of movement to signify just how little anyone else favors that outcome, "then you will lose him. And you will have lost him at your own hand."

Merlin stares at him. For the longest moment, Arthur only stares back.

Then something in his gaze hardens and he lifts the sword, and Merlin closes his eyes for he is a coward, and he will die a coward who believes in Arthur—

Thud.

He's…well, he's not dead.

He cracks one eye open warily to see his own head roll past, Arthur standing panting over the prone corpse. After a moment, it shimmers and becomes another face entirely; the brows thicken, the nose broadens, the chin widens. A stranger lies dead and decapitated on the forest floor as Arthur flings his sword aside and falls to his knees, wrapping his arms so tightly around him that he can barely breathe.

"I'm sorry," he whispers with near-feral desperation, "I'm so sorry, I had to be sure, I just had to be sure—"

"You—that was a test?"

"Only you would be fool enough to let me kill you," Arthur says in a rush, still clutching him, "you're alive, you're alive, you—oh, Merlin—"

"Wait, wait—" he can't keep up anymore, his head is spinning— "you—you knew?"

"Knew what?"

"I'm—that I have—"

"Yes, Merlin," and oh, never once did he think he would be so relieved to hear the exasperation in Arthur's voice, "of course I knew. You're not exactly good at hiding it."

A sob escapes him. "It's for you, all of it—"

"Oh, shut up." Arthur buries his nose in Merlin's neck and Merlin whimpers at how damp Arthur's cheeks are. "You're safe, Merlin, that's all that matters."

"You're damn right—" right, the knights— "that's all that matters."

"I take it that since all of you were willing to commit treason that you're going to keep this a secret?"

"Sire," Leon says grandly, "you could not stop us if we tried."

"Wonderful."

"Though if you try and kill him again, we will kill you," Gwaine says just as proudly.

Arthur scoffs wetly. "As if I would."

The ball of fear that had been growing and growing in Merlin's lungs suddenly pops and he starts sobbing desperately into Arthur's shoulder. He almost died, he could have died, he could have—he might have—

"Oh, you big petticoat," he hears Arthur mumble as he's gathered up like a child, "come here, you big crybaby…"

"It's alright, now," Leon murmurs as something soft covers the pair of them—cape, his tired mind supplies belatedly, "you're safe. You're safe now."

"Shh, shh," Arthur soothes as the knights begin to make work of clearing the campsite, running his hand up and down his back, "it's alright now, I'm here, you're here, I won't hurt you, I would never hurt you."

"A-Arthur—"

"Shh-shh-shh, don't try and speak, you'll only hurt yourself."

Merlin gives in, huddling into Arthur's chest as though he could burrow inside and live there. He clutches Arthur back just as tightly, trying in vain to steady his breathing.

"That's it," Arthur murmurs as it starts to work, eventually, "that's it, Merlin, you're alright now."

"I'm sorry," he gasps against Arthur's throat, "I'm so sorry."

"I know, Merlin, I know. Me too. I'm sorry too."

"I forgive you," for what else can he do?

"I forgive you too." The embrace tightens for half a moment before a hand ruffles his hair. "Now, come on, where's that firewood."

He huffs out a laugh. "Prat."

"Clotpole."

"Still my word."

"And it suits you perfectly." Yet as Arthur leans back, his expression sobers and he cups Merlin's cheek in his hand. "You know I could never truly hurt you, right? Never. Never. I'd sooner fall on my own sword."

The words ring with sincerity.

The first time Merlin truly believes Arthur would never kill him, he smiles.

#bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin #fic #dragonbabbles

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starsonistlove · 1 year

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My list of: The fanfics ever (fandom mix)

Not organised in any particular order.

All on ao3 (shoves ff.net fics back into the closet).

Doing most of this by memory, sorry if I get anything wrong!(It got very late whilst I was making this so I probably missed a lot) Remember to check tags and chapter notes for content warnings. Enjoy!(pls rec me fics if you like these I need more)

Merlin

Next to You(It's the Rule) by LunaMyLove

A 5+1 fic Centred around the idea of Merlin being treated like the queen by everyone in Camelot, (and the rest of Albion). Lots of shenaniganry and laughs, generally pretty light hearted.

Lot’s of laughs, I love these vibes.

Court Sorcerer Merlin, Lancelot lives, good Mordred, eventual Morgana redemption.

Ships: Merthur, Gwencelot

Status: Complete

Interperspective by SnufflesThePig

Reaction fic!!! Arthur, the knights(- Mordred), Hunith, Gaius, Gwen, Morgana and Merlin are trapped in a cave by magic to watch the show, + some extra original scenes.

Author will never stop waxing poetic about Colin Morgan, and I will not ask them too.

Lancelot lives, eventual Morgana redemption, Magic reveal, Scar reveal, Arthur glasses, art.

Ships: Merthur, Morgwen

Status: Updated 19-08-22

Harry Potter

Time to take a chance by Bookworms75

Reaction fic!! Set in GoF before the champions are chosen, the entirety of hogwarts (+extras) get the chance to read books from the future.

Gotta love some incompetent adults, with a side of ✨feelings✨

Dursley abuse revealed, books affect the mc, parseltongue Harry, protective golden trio.

Ships: n/a

Status: Updated 05-02-21

Minecraft

Tommyinnit 3 ends and 2 beginnings by 47bats

Another Reaction fic! (you seein a pattern yet?) Most of the dsmp get pulled into a theatre by Drista a few weeks after Tommy’s death in the prison, to watch the server’s history through the youngest member’s eyes.

Made me feel many emotions.

author is a Tommy apologist, suicidal Tommy, protective Ranboo, protective Puffy, protective fiancés, abusive Pogtopia!Wil, family!sbi, exile revealed, Jackmanifold apology

Ships: n/a

Status: Autor took it down, anon account posted a copy. incomplete.

Ours poetica by zeeskeit

Highschool au Tommy is in high school, he is also, unbeknownst to his family, a poet in a slam poetry team

One of many fics that have succesfully made me cry

neglective!sbi, family!sbi, protective benchtrio, protective Puffy and Sam, big brother dream.

Ships: n/a

Status: Updated 02-09-22

A wilderness you kind of miss by Drhair76

IRL Magic Benchtrio! Real life setting with magic!! bench trio are the sun, earth and moon and they are soulmates.

This author has made me cry many times they are sooo talented.

Protective benchtrio, protective Wilbur, wind goddess, lovejoy!, inhuman!Ash lovejoy.

Ships: n/a

Status: Series; 9, incomplete

from ice to water by Drhair76 and plantform

Winter Olympics! au Figure skater Tommy with a shitty coach gets adopted by a bunch of ice hockey players and some snowboarders, +his healing arc afterwards.

Made me sob, many times, I love every part of this au I could sing it’s praises forever they included so many characters, and all of them are amazing.

Protective pretty much everyone, healing arc, asthmatic Tommy

Ships: n/a

Status: Series; 11, incomplete

Human error by teeth_eater

Space/aliens au Tommy is a human in space and he ends up on the sbi ship and they +Tubbo become a family breaking all of the space laws.

Really creative and sweet, with a side of angst. Also the details of all the alien species is so cool

Found family, eventual Ranboo, 5+1, space culture!!

Ships: n/a

Status: Series; 12, incomplete

My Hero Academia

Reconcile by whatagoodegg

Shigaraki and Midoriya! trapped together. I love this duo so much, they have so much potential, and them scheming and causing chaos is amazing.

VERY TIRED ERASERHEAD, ALSO VERY BAD AFO, Mido bending reality casually, ofa reveal(i think)

Ships: n/a

Status: Complete, sequel on the way.

Paint me in trust by dinomight

SOULMATES(NON ROMANTIC) People who love you leave a coloured mark on your skin on first contact!! Starts off very sad, but ends very sweat. Overall adorable one-shot

Ships: n/a

Status: complete

Throw a chair through a window and call it a day by jaded_ghoster

PRINCIPLE ERASERHEAD WITH ASSISTANT IZUKU I love this fic, it’s pure chaos the whole way through Nezu leaves for a week on business, Aizawa and Midoriya are left to rule the school as they see fit whilst he’s away.

Terrifying midoriya, notebooks galore, discrimination acknowledgment

Ships: n/a

Status: Complete, sequel in progress

Area cryptid upset no-one bothered to inform him of his tragic backstory by crimsonseekers

Amnesiac Dabi Possibly one of my fav fics of all time just for how unaware the lov is of the destruction they are causing, poor hawks is along for the ride and suffering for it. Dabi doesn’t know who he is, the lov is determined to figure it out.

HPSC exposed, unintentional vigilante lov, todoroki family chaos

Ships: DabiHawks

Status: Complete

I am their emotional support dad and my demands are by Otaku6337

DADZAWA Literally just Aizawa getting his students therapy and the trauma support accommodations they need. Really short and sweet, with chaos vibes

DADZAWA ALERT

Ships: n/a

Status: Complete

Izuku's project by redanick

Endeavor gets rekt, statistics style Izuku get’s very sleep deprived and puts together a monster document of all the reasons endeawhore is a bitch without exposing the abuse and then ruins this man. I live for endeavor getting rekt by protective mido.

everyone is scared of the bush and RIGHTFULLY SO

Ships: n/a

Status: Complete

Lifeline by SilvermistAnimeLover

Kidzuku kidnapped 12yo Mido gets kidnapped but they miss his phone so he stays on call with Detective Tsukauchi, Eraserhead and Mic the whole time, til they rescue him.

Smart mido, kind of inventor midoriya, protective adults

Ships: Erasermic

Status: Complete

Paper Agency by The Feels Whale (miscellea)

Never went to UA Midoriya+ Hero course graduate Shinsou Shindeku, quirkless Midoriya and parental erasermic.

Need I say more?

Ships: Shindeku, EraserMic

Status: Complete

Apex predator by silver jackdaw (cizzi)

SUPER GENIUS MIDO So much happens in this fic it’s hard to describe. Early shindeku friendship, Endeavor/Mineta/HPSC/Aldera exposed, Bakugo redemption, big brother Touya Todoroki, adoptive dad all might, kind of nice Sir Nighteye, deku/momo friendship, lov redemption /rehabilitation.

Ships: DabiHawks, Miruko/Fuyumi, TodoDeku, Tsuchako, Erasermic, Rei/Compress

Status: Updated 03-01-21

The Magicians

take the pieces and build them skywards by alasse

Hedge witches Q and Julia Q gets memory wiped but Julia reminds him of magic and the open their own hedge coven together.

Ships: Queliot

Status: Complete

The Umbrella Academy

Where the lonely make the lonely feel less lonely by grumpyhedgehogs

Pre canon fix-it Viktor becomes a local super hero through the power of empathy and reconnects with all their siblings years before the apocalypse.

apocolypse prevented, shitty sir hargreeves, early power reveal, eventual 5, siblings living together

PRE VIKTOR’S TRANSITION

Ships: n/a

Status: Complete

Make me your bomb by Uniasus

Post season 3 Viktor is forcefully given his powers back by the creator of the universe in the hargreeves universe for the purpose of causing the apocalypse.

Universal reset, Allison bashing, Hargreeves sibling shenaniganry

Ships: Klave, Sloane/Luther, Liego, Viktor/Sissy

Status: Complete

Tethered mind free from the lies by meliebee

Deaf!Viktor Time travel prevents the season 1 apocalypse, Viktor goes deaf and starts their life over in a new apartment away from their siblings.

Viktor’s healing arc, eventually Klaus’ as well, consequences being dealt with, eventual communication.

PRE VIKTOR’S TRANSITION

Ships: Viktor/fem!oc

Status: Complete

Might add more to this as I remember things (lemme know if I need to change the tags, or if I’ve made a horrible mistake somewher)

#fic rec #tua netflix #tua fanfic #hamilton fanfiction #assassination classroom #lis fanfic #life is strange #knb fanfic #the magicians #mha fanfiction #hp fanfic #merlin fanfic #mcyt fanfiction

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literallylowkeyloki · 1 year

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Guess I'm doing one of these

Thanks to @hello-n-goodbye. Cheers @hermioneismyrealname for the @.

Three ships: Lets see...narrow it down to three...hmmm...

Spideypool. Don't judge me, they're precious little cinnamon buns and deserve good things. I suppose I have to state why I like them, huh? I like the back and forth with these two, they're sassy little bastards and they know it, while not shying away from the heavier stuff. They're hopeless but they compliment each other nicely.

2) Stolitz. I will go down with this ship. I love them. I need them to be happy. They're both going through hell (ha, literally!) and they need to work through some stuff but it's obvious that there's a real connection between them and if you ask me, they need each other. I also relate to Blitzo a fair bit so I want to see him happy...

3) Merthur. The Merlin fandom is the once and future fandom. Never let it die. WE WILL RISE AGAIN, STRONGER! *ehem* got a little carried away there...been watching a liiittle too much JackSepticEye content I think xD I don't think I need to explain my love for these two dorks, do I?

I have many, many, many more ships I could mention but it said three...so...three.

First ever ship: Jeeeeeeez, we're going back a fair few years 'ere, lads. Christ, what was my first ship...? ... Oh! Probably Zoisite x Kunzite and/or Haruka x Michiru from Sailor Moon (1992)... Ooor Tori x Julian from Cardcaptors (1998) (Sorry, English dub names). Not sure who I shipped first, I was like...seven at the time.

Last Song: That I listened to or that's maddeningly playing non-stop in my brain, because those are two different questions.

Last song I listened to was probably... "Soldier, Poet, King" by The Oh Hellos.

As for agonising earworms, there's been a lot of Christmas songs playing recently and every time I think "Oh Gods this is annoying" my brain, oh-so-helpfully goes "Annoying!? I have lots of those songs!" and proceeds to play them over the top of the one that was initially playing in my head. This morning I had "Driving Home for Christmas" by Chris Rea competing with "We Don't Talk about Bruno" from Disney's Encanto (which I love, don't get me wrong, but last time I got it stuck in my head it was there for three weeks!)

Last Movie: "Goodnight Mister Tom" (1998) ...what? It's a classic. If you haven't seen it, you should give it a watch, it's very wholesome.

Currently Reading: Well lets see now I currently have... *counts* ...fourteen? Fifteen! Fifteen AO3 tabs currently open, aside from that, I have bookmarks in no less than 10 books on my shelves...I wish I had the executive function and/or attention span to read the things I desperately want to finish. I got new books for Christmas too... *sobs in bookworm*

Currently Watching: Lucifer (2016) - Season 3 Critical Role Campaign 2 - Episode...46...46? Damn I need to catch up... Welcome to Nightveil - Episode 52 Willow (2022) - Episode 4 Aaand I have eleven YouTube tabs open right now... (my poor laptop)

Currently Consuming: Unholy amounts of leftover Christmas chocolate...please...someone take these away from me.

Currently Craving: Something savoury, A thousand year nap, A deep-pressure hug, To re-watch nostalgic animé: Digimon Adventure, Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z etc. More energy to do things on my to-do list...

People I want to see do this:

I honestly don't use Tumblr enough to know my mutuals well enough to tag them xD Idk @sciderman @rainydaydecaf

#tag game #personal #nerd alert #animé #if it fits it ships #i will go down with this ship #ramble

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bellamyblakru · 3 years

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happy birthday to the kid who made me realize that having a sister doesn’t mean only in blood. little one, today is your day. you are so beautiful, inside and outside, loving, caring, sweet, compassionate, smart, and brave. it continues being an honor to talk to you. you never fail to make me smile, and, because of you, i finally believe i am capable to being someone i only dreamed of being. so, here is to another year of me watching you grow into one of the most talented and loveliest humans i’ve ever known. i don't know who i would be without you. i love you, trav. keep being you. @chaotic-trav

#ashley creates #merlin #bbc merlin #bbcm #merthur #bbc merthur #harry potter quotes #one of my fave hp quotes actually #userkatza #arthurpendragonns #userdorksinlove #hi guys!! i adore u!!#happy birth lil one i love u #sibling tag #ever think about merthur and sob #yeah me too

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psychicpiss · 4 years

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merlin challenge 2020

day nine: saddest scene

s05e013: the diamond of the day, part two

arthur just,,,, fucking dies

“Everything you've done. I know now. For me, for Camelot. For the kingdom you helped me build... I want to say...something I've never said to you before...”

thank you

bonus:

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banditnoo · 2 years

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My Castle of Ships {2/2}

Summary | {Arthur never did forgive himself for Merlin’s death. He blamed himself every day, But that had been twenty five years ago. Arthur’s shoulders now had a terrible ache, an old battle wound, and his hair was slowly changing from a brilliant gold to a shimmery grey, growing long past the nape of his neck, but he could look over his balcony, to his ever-growing castle, and smile. He was going to fulfil his final promise to his best friend, his brother, consequences be damned.

Tags | {Merthur, Magic Arthur AU, mind reader AU, major character death}

Word Count | {Approx. 5000}

{This is a direct continuation of My Castle of Ships Pt.1, and doesn’t make much sense if read as a stand alone story. Part 1 can be found on my masterlist. Happy Reading!}

~~~

Arthur didn't know how long he had sat on the forest floor when the knights found him, a broken man who refused to let go of the body. Gwaine had been the first to reach him, a sturdy hand on his shoulder dragging him back to reality.

"He can't be dead. I ordered it- I told him to stay with me."

The silence continued to be deafening, and Arthur couldn't stand it. He cried out as Leon and Gwaine took either of his arms, hoisting him up into a standing position, a sad mix between a plea and a sob. He looked around wildly, desperate to focus on anything except the body at his feet, the reminder that he had failed to protect the one person he promised he would never let anything happen too. He caught Gwaine's eyes, which were now blurred with tears as he took in the scene in front of him. The grip he had on Arthur's arm tightened, becoming painful, but neither spoke.

Percival wrapped his cape gently around Merlin's body and picked him up. Arthur half expected a snarky remark, but was met only with more silence. He couldn't bring himself to use his magic, he didn't trust himself not to break again if he heard what the knights were thinking. They began the long journey back to Camelot, made longer now by the empty space where a certain serving boy should have been standing.

~~~

That had been twenty five years ago. Arthur's shoulders now had a terrible ache, an old battle wound, and his hair was slowly changing from a brilliant gold to a shimmery grey, growing long past the nape of his neck, but he could look over his balcony, to his ever-growing castle, and smile. He never did forgive himself for Merlin's death, and he doubted that he ever would, but he was going to fulfil his final promise to his best friend, his brother.

He looked back into his chambers. It was one of the only parts of the castle that hadn't changed. His desk was stacked high with leather bound journals, his second-best kept secret. On those late nights, years ago, when he was listening to Merlin as he built a castle in his head, Arthur would write it down. He wanted to remember every detail of Merlin's castle of ships in hopes that one day, they could build it together. When those dreams came crashing down, he made a promise. A promise to build the castle in Merlin's memory.

The sound of knuckles colliding with the chamber doors pulled Arthur from his thoughts, looking up as it swung open. Gwaine leaned his weight on the door, his signature grin on his face as he freed his arms of the parchment he was carrying, sprawling plans over the large table.

The years had not been kind to Gwaine. His hair had long ago become a dark salt-and-pepper grey, and worry lines etched their way onto his face. He looked tired, but Arthur couldn't blame him. He knew Gwaine had never fully forgave him for what had happened to Merlin, it was all the knight could think about for years. It was something Arthur had struggled with for a long time. The fighting that Gwaine did with himself was hard for Arthur to ignore. It echoed through the castle on cold, dark nights and without Merlin's running thoughts as a distraction, he had no choice but to listen. But Gwaine had also made himself a promise, a promise to continue to protect the king that Merlin had loved so much. Once Arthur had shared his ideas to renovate the citadel and build a new castle in Merlin's memory, Gwaine promised to be apart of it no matter how long it took.

"Arthur! Godwin wants you to look over his plans for the grand hall. Detached from the rest of the castle?"

Arthur remembered the conversation like it was yesterday, and a small smile made it's way onto his face, "Yes, with a long, stone pathway leading to grand double doors. Merlin had told me once, the bumbling fool, that he wanted a ballroom, a gathering place of sorts in the castle."

Gwaine let out a short, but genuine laugh as he turned to leave, "come find me when you look over the building plans princess, we've got a castle to build."

~~~

Not long after Merlin's death, Arthur took it upon himself to visit a druid camp with only his most trusted knights, with the intention of making as much peace as he could. There, they were told the story of Emrys, and how Merlin was the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth. They were told of the prophecy, that Emrys was to rise again, to protect Albion when it's need was greatest. Many stories were told, things that Arthur had never heard from Merlin.

It was during this meeting that a peace treaty of sorts was signed, ensuring that no danger would come to the druid people and allowing them to seek protection in Camelot's boarders. The treaty was something Arthur knew Merlin would have been proud of. When he arrived home from his successful endeavor, he had the first of many ships waiting for him, having been built while he was away, and there wasn't a doubt in his mind what he would call her.

~~~

Arthur gripped the ships wheel as he watched the crew of The Emrys, along with the knights handle the sails with a practiced ease. He pushed the memory of the druid visit from his head, instead focusing on the open water in front of him. It was a last minute expedition, one with no real destination. It had been a busy week in the castle, and Arthur knew how much the knights wanted to get out onto the open water and clear their heads a little bit. Most of the time these adventures took them nowhere but in circles, but he knew they enjoyed them nonetheless.

"Sire, I think we should turn back, head back to shore. There are storm clouds headed towards us, from the East."

"Leon, old pal, I think your eyes are failing you," Gwaine clapped the older knight on the shoulder as they looked up at Arthur on the helm of the boat. Licking one of his fingers, he raised his hand in the air, "the wind is blowing... blowing West. It's- Leon's right. We need to turn around."

Arthur took in the dark sky that stretched in front of them, turning his back to see Camelot as nothing but a speck on the horizon. The wind picked up, blowing the strands of hair that had fallen out of his short ponytail wildly around his head.

"How long until the storm is upon us?"

Leon looked to the side again, eyeing the black sky as clouds continued to roll towards them.

"It was clear when we left, it's moving fast. I would give us forty five minutes, at most."

"We are hours out, easily."

A deafening crack of thunder nearly cut Leon off. The sound made Arthur flinch.

"Mother nature has it out for us!" Gwaine tried to sound lighthearted, but Arthur could hear the panicked thoughts that ran through his head. They had never sailed through a storm like this.

"Lower the sails! The wind has changed, we will need to paddle back," Arthur walked quickly across the deck as he spoke. Lightning flashed in the near distance, and the thunder was followed by many panicked voices. What if?

What if?

It was all he could hear. The thoughts of the servants, they were all so scared. Many of them were just boys, barely seventeen. Even Elyan's steady yelling of "row" couldn't take his focus off of it.

What if the waves grow too high?

What if the mast is struck by lightning?

What if we don't make it?

A heavy raindrop landed on Arthur's face, causing him to look up. He stayed in his spot, turning in slow a circle to take in the sky around him as it swirled angerly with thick, black storm clouds. Another raindrop, on his left cheek, could have been mistaken for a tear if it wasn't for the hundreds that followed.

It started to pour. Fast and heavy raindrops hit the deck from every direction. Loose strands of hair stuck to Arthurs forehead, real tears threatening to spill as he was overwhelmed by terrifying thoughts again.

"We will make it, men. Keep rowing."

Arthur's words did little to ease anybody's worries, but he had to try. He made his way to the front of the ship, his path distorted by the heavy rain. Reaching the guard rail at the bow, he gripped the wood tightly, straining to see more than a few feet in front him, the rain creating a white wall around them.

A gentle 'click' caused Arthur to turn his head, unsure if he was hearing things over the heavy rain. Leon stood behind him, the lid of his brass compass flicked open. The narrow end of the needle pointed southeast. Arthur shifted slightly to peer down at the small compass face, still slightly fascinated by the technology.

"We are going in the right direction, Arthur. Have faith."

"You trust bits of brass to lead us home?"

"It's worked before. It will lead us home again, sire. I promise." Leon reached a hand out and clapped Arthur's shoulder, sending a rush of warmth up his cold arm. With a gentle shake, Leon went to move his arm back beside him. Another deafening crack of thunder made them both jolt and had Leon tightening his grip once again. Arthur looks around wildly, a startled look in his eyes as he scanned the sky again.

"Sir Leon?"

"Yes, sire?"

"I'm scared."

Leon looked at Arthur, not quite catching his eye as he continued to look at the sky, blinking rapidly to rid his eyes of any raindrops. He looked young, in this moment. Young and scared. Leon knew he wasn't as young as he used to be, none of them were, but he forgot all of that for a moment. For a moment, they were all twenty five years younger, walking quietly and slowly through a forest with one less man among them. The same fear that was in Arthur's eyes that day was in his eyes now. Another clap of thunder that almost made Leon's ears ring echoed around them.

"We will make it Arthur."

We will

We have to

A chill that shook Arthur to the bone brought his attention to the wind. The wet tunic that stuck to his back made the wind bite at his shoulders. It made each raindrop that hit him feel like a knife.

"My Lord! Sire!"

Arthur turned around, making out the shape of one of the serving boys through the thick rain, his dull red tunic being the only thing keeping him visible. The slippery wood of the deck did him no favors as he continued to run. Stumbling over his feet, he struggled to stay upright.

"My Lord! The waves. From the East. Giant. Big. Waves." The boy, Darwyn, struggled to catch his breath, speaking fast, "Sir Percival and Sir Gwaine, they sent me to find you. Can't see. Can't see through the rain."

"Take a breath for me, will you?"

Leaning forward with his hands on his knees, Darwyn tried to catch his breath, speaking more slowly, "Big waves, from the East. Sir Percival called for you and Sir Leon. With the wind picking up the waters are getting more rough. They need to know how far we are from land."

Arthur and Leon could hardly keep up with the pace of the boy as they followed him to the stern of the ship and down the stairs.

It was damp and dimly lit under the deck, filled with map covered tables. Percival stood over the largest table while Gwaine paced. Another stream of what if's greeted Arthur at the bottom of the steps.

"Arthur, this is not good. I can't begin to describe how not good this is. It's... really not good"

"Gwaine, calm down. We'll make a plan. We will be fine. Do we know what progress we're making?"

"We haven't been rowing very long, it will be hard to say how far away we still are. They are trying their best, but Elyan can't see five feet in front of him with this rain. We are rowing with the wind, that gives us an advantage."

"And these waves? Darwyn came to us in a panic. We have seen no reason to worry as of yet, have we?"

"This is the perfect weather for it, is it not? It is just a matter of when."

~~~

Flipping the small compass closed with a sigh, Leon strained to see past the rain.

"We're still on course. I would say we are still just under three hours out, if I had to guess."

A violent shiver went down Arthur spine as he stood next to Leon, both soaked to the bone. It had been raining hard for well over an hour. His tunic was long since soaked through, having ditched his jacket, and tuffs of hair stuck impossibly close to his forehead.

The boat gave a violent jerk, causing Arthur to grip tightly onto the wooden rail in front of him. Water splashed over the deck and around his feet, the waves stopping mere centimeters from the slippery boards before sinking back down into the rough, murky waters.

"The wind is finally catching up to us."

"We'll be in trouble when it does."

~~~

The minutes ticked on and the waves only grew higher. Centimeters from the deck turned in to centimeters over the deck. Deck hands were scurrying around with corn brooms, trying desperately to keep the water on the deck to a minimum. Another change in the wind had allowed for the sails to be drawn again, with much protest from Leon.

Arthur steadied his hands on the wheel as the boat jerked again, water pouring over one side of the deck and off the other. The rain was still heavy, but it had cleared up just enough for Arthur to see further into the horizons, and see just how choppy the water was becoming. The clouds had made it as dark as night, the lightning lighting most of the way. They were getting closer, he had reassured the group a thousand times. He didn't mention that they were still far from shore, far enough away that they couldn't be seen, that help wouldn't know where to look for them. He wouldn't mention that if the wind got any stronger, the waves would grow big enough to capsize the ship.

He knew that the knights knew, that they grew more worried with every rock of the boat.

What if?

What if

Another clap of thunder made Arthur's grip grow even tighter around the wheel, knuckles turning white with the force. A chain of lightning danced across the sky, illuminating the space just enough for Arthur to notice the steady shake in his hands despite his tight grip. The thunder followed soon after, shaking Arthur to his core.

The wind continued to lash across his face and bite at him through his wet clothes. He would never admit it, but he was cold. A bone-chilling, wet type of cold. He could see the warm light that the lanterns gave off below the deck, filtering softly up the stair well just below him. Knights and servants continued to hurry around, manning the sails, sweeping away water and trying desperately to stay warm around the small lanterns below deck.

A gentle hand of his shoulder made him jump, turning to see Percival's kind face beside him.

"You should go below deck for a moment, sire. Warm up a little bit. I can take over here."

"Thank you, Sir Percival. I... thank you."

Moving slowly, muscles stiff from the cold, Arthur made his way to the stairs. Servants moved quickly around him, up and down the stairwell, trying to busy themselves to get their mind off the storm.

Arthur felt himself warm up almost immediately once he reached the bottom of the steps, the small cabin soaked in the warm, orange glow of the lanterns. It was an instant mood shift, the sound of the steady rain almost comforting as it was muffled by the thick walls.

The warmth made his fingers tingle as he made his way to the large table, flexing and bending them as their feeling slowly came back. He took a seat, sitting opposite Gwaine as he looked over the several maps that were strewn about.

"Captain! Lovely weather we're having."

"Captain? That's new."

"Would you prefer princess? Or maybe, dare I say, clot pole?"

"The one person who could call me that and keep his head is not here, my friend." Arthur tried to sound serious, but couldn't help the small smile that found its way onto his face. The short moment of happiness was a welcome distraction as Arthur rested his head on his arms, the exhausting hours in the rain catching up to him.

"He would have loved this, you know. He'd be proud of you Arthur. Gods, I wish he was here to see it. The castle, the ships. Hell, he'd be having the time of his life right now. Racing against a storm in the middle of the ocean? He'd be in his element."

A boom of thunder echoed through the small cabin, as if agreeing with Gwaine's statement. The sound sending vibrations up Arthur's arm and making him flinch.

"Scared of a bit of thunder?"

"Was that a threat? That's treason."

"That wasn't treason. This is treason."

Before Gwaine could make his way across the table, Arthur was on his feet. They struggled to stay upright against the swaying of the boat, laughing like children as they circled each other.

Arthur felt young again. For a moment, he was able to forget about the storm raging around them.

"Is it really treason if you can't catch me?"

"I can take you anytime, old man."

"Arthur!"

The moment was interrupted by a frantic Leon. The carefree atmosphere dropped instantly as his frantic eyes caught Arthurs calm ones.

"Leon?"

Without another word, Leon was rushing up the stairs again, beckoning Arthur and Gwaine to follow.

"Leon? What..."

Freezing at the top of the stairs, Arthur could do nothing but stare as Gwaine ran into his back roughly, a string of curses falling from his mouth before he looked up. It felt as though the air was stolen form his lungs as he looked forward in horror.

"There's your waves."

Arthur stood for several moments, trying to take in the scene in front of him. A massive wave was barreling towards them, easily twice the height of their ship. He was suddenly hyperaware of everything. Each rain drop that landed on him was another needle in his skin. The sound of the restless ocean roared in his ears, the sound so loud it was almost painful. Gwaine's light touch on his back felt heavy, the pressure grounding him. There was a few more seconds of silence, it was almost peaceful.

The thoughts were quite. There was no more what if, just stunned silence. Watching as the wave crashed back into the ocean, it sent a ripple that rocked the boat with an unmatched strength. He did nothing but stare as another colossal wave took it's place.

Arthur moved quickly once he got ahold of his bearings, clearing the deck in record time as he pulled violently on that ropes attached to the sails as a desperate attempt to string them back up.

"Below deck! Get below deck!"

The rain had made the ropes slippery, causing Arthur to waste precious time trying to catch the wind in the sails.

Once the sails were secure and they were sailing in the same direction as the waves, Arthur started making his way back toward the stairwell. Grabbing the tunic collars of some of the servants that were still frozen and staring, he began herding them like sheep.

"Everyone below the deck now! And for the love of the gods, grab onto something sturdy."

The rain continued to fall in Arthurs eyes, blurring his vision. He wiped his eyes furiously with the back of his shaking hands. Loosing his footing on the slick floorboards, a rough jerk sent him spiraling downwards. The cool wood felt nice again his hot cheeks, despite the rest of him still shivering.

Rolling onto his back, he allowed himself to lay there for a moment. With a shaky breath, he pushed his wet hair out of his eyes and sat up. Chaos swirled around him, people were running in every direction as panicked voices yelled at each other.

"Let's get up, big man."

Arthur looked up to see Gwaine's extended arm reaching a hand towards him. With a tug, Arthur was on his feet again, though the swaying of the boat threatened to bring them both to their knees.

"You need to get below deck, Gwaine. It is not safe up here."

"Is it much safer under there? I'm not leaving you up here Arthur, it's certain death."

"The winds are too unpredictable, someone has to control the sails."

"That someone is not the king!"

"I am the captain of this ship! I will not put my crew in danger, they are just boys!"

"I am not going to let you get yourself killed out here, Arthur."

"That is not your decision to make."

"I made a promise, and you of all people should know that!"

"I made promises too, Gwaine."

"I will not let you stay out here. Not by yourself."

"I cannot let you put yourself in danger like that."

"I signed up for this, did I not?"

Another violent jerk of the boat cut Arthur off before he could speak again. The mast groaned, rotating with the change in the wind. The change of direction caused the ship to rock as it twisted in the water, coming close to knocking Arthur off his feet again. Water sloshed at their feet as smaller waves crawled over the sides of the boat.

"We need to turn her around. When- if the wave hits us at this angle, we'll surely go down."

"We need the others, Arthur. How you think you could do this on your own, I don't know."

Running an anxious hand over his hair, his fingers brushed over the piece of cloth that was holding it out of his face. The fabric felt heavy under his fingers as he tugged lightly at it.

"Under the condition that you will all return to the safety of the cabin once we get this thing turned around. That's an order."

Gwaine was gone before Arthur could finish his sentence, scurrying across the deck and disappearing under the stairs. Emerging a few seconds later with the knights and a few servants in tow, they tried desperately to turn the ship around as fast as possible.

Arthur turned the wheel with all his strength, using his body weight to try to push it against the wind. Percival, Elyan, and two other servants were pulling ropes in all directions, trying to catch the wind at the right angle. Gwaine and Leon stood on either end of the ship, yelling directions and keeping tabs on the waves and the direction of the wind.

"Arthur! We're out of time!"

The roar of another towering wave filled his ears, blocking out Gwaine's footsteps as he ran towards Arthur. Grabbing desperately at his arm, they made their way to the stairwell on the other side of the ship.

"Below the deck! Now! If we have a chance at survival, it's under there."

Arthur said the last part more quietly, and it caused Gwaine's grip on his arm to tighten as they started running faster toward the stairs.

Stopping at the top of the stairs, Arthur did a headcount as everyone passed him. Only counting five, he squinted his eyes to try to see through the rain. He almost looked past what looked like a shadow, until the dull blue silhouette began to move.

The servant continued to slip as he tried to get up, his blue tunic getting caught in the rough floorboards while he moved. Arthur made his way over as fast as he could without slipping, stumbling as he came to a stop in front of the boy. The seconds felt like hours as Arthur grabbed him under the arms and hauled him to his feet, pushing him towards the stairs.

"We need to go!"

Arthur dared one more look behind him, the roaring in his ears getting louder. The sound of Gwaine's desperate shouts where the last thing he heard before he was knocked off his feet.

~~~

The silence was cold, but it was welcoming. Arthur felt weightless, and he let a sense of calmness fill him before he tried to move. Raising an arm to rub his eyes, it felt like he was floating in thick jelly. The calm was gone in an instant when Arthur realized where he was. His eyes stung when they shot open, the salty water offering nothing but darkness. He felt weighed down by his clothes as he began to thrash around. He couldn't tell which way was up, and his arms grew tired quickly under the weight of the water around him. Panic began to take over, and his throat felt tight as he tried to scream. The air escaping his lungs danced across his face and over his head, leaving his chest empty and aching.

The silence that followed was deafening, loosing it's comforting touch. His lungs burned, begging for air as he tried to think straight. His mind was starting to get foggy, and he allowed his eyes to flutter closed. His arms floated gently at his sides, trying to ground himself with the tingle in his fingers as he accepted his fate. He let his mind wander one last time. His emotions hit him like a freight train. He was angry, he was sad. He was... relieved? The pressure in his lungs was making it hard to think about anything, but he knew what he was feeling was relief.

Why am I here? Why am I doing this? I'm doing this for a dream, our dream, his dream.

Arthur tried to picture Merlin in his mind, but it had been so long. For the first time in twenty five year, he realized he couldn't remember what Merlin looked like, and it hurt him more than the pressure of the sea ever could. He could feel the tears in his eyes mingle with the water around him. He thought about how cold he was, but it didn't compare to the cold he felt on that bitter night, so many years ago.

He opened his eyes again, relishing in the salty burn he was greeted with. He couldn't remember what he looked like, but he could remember the way his closest friend, his brother, had died in his arms.

I'll see you soon, old friend.

Arthur inhaled, letting the freezing water fill his lungs. The ringing in his ears began to fade as he was once again, greeted with silence.

~~~

A gentle swaying woke Arthur. He didn't dare move a muscle, trying to remember what had happened. The last thing he remembered was the cold, dark silence, and the gentle but firm arms around him that he was sure were nothing more than his imagination. The arms of death, he had thought. But from where he lay, he didn't feel dead. He felt alive, and warm. His hearing was the last thing to come back to him, the rhythmic sounds of water lightly lapping at the sides of a boat, and a voice. A voice he would have recognized anywhere, even after all this time, quietly recalling to him the story of a legendary king and his fleet of ships, to a tune he had hummed himself thousands of times.

Opening his eyes slightly, Arthur could see over the sides of the small row boat. He was greeted with a landscape that he hadn't been able to face in years. The unmistakable hills that rested on the Lake of Avalon stood, unchanged by the years. Movement caught Arthur's eye, and he turned his head to see Merlin with a wooden paddle in his hand, and a sad smile on his face.

"Merlin?"

"Arthur."

Arthur took Merlin's shoulders and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt to make sure he was really there.

Finally letting go, Arthur pulled back to look at him, trying to commit every detail to memory so he would never forget again.

"Am I dead?"

"You are."

"What about the others? The knights? The serving boy?"

"They're all alive. They made it back after the storm cleared. You saved that boys life, Arthur."

"Are they okay?"

"They will be."

Tears started to make their way down Arthur's face. Whether they were tears of sadness, he wasn't sure. He looked at Merlin again, guilt flooding into him.

"It wasn't your fault, Arthur. You know that."

"I had forgotten what you looked like. That broke my heart more than anything."

"I look the same as the day I left. One of the perks of the afterlife, I suppose. I can't say the same for you."

Merlin reached up and took a strand of Arthur's hair between his fingers, twirling it so the silver glistened in the sun. A mischievous grin appeared on Merlin's face, a sight Arthur didn't realize he missed until he saw it.

"You know, it's a shame you got old."

"It's a shame you didn't."

The sad smile returned to Merlin's face as he studied Arthur, the years writing themselves along the lines by his eyes.

"Let's get going shall we?" Merlin picked up the paddle again, on a steady path to the center of the lake, "I've got a lifetime of stories to hear, now don't I."

Arthur let out a small hum, smiling as they continued. He began to collect his thoughts, the grand stories he would have to tell. The lake was peaceful and quiet. And for the first time in his life, the silence didn't scare him.

21 notes · View notes

nextstopparis · 3 years

Text

fic tag game - thnk u for thinking of me @southfarthing 🥺❤️❤️

how many works do you have on ao3?

29..... its rlly bothering me i need to get one more up gbjjhbhb

what's your total ao3 word count?

130,758 (???? WHAT???? I DONT THINK IVE EVEN SAID THIS MANY WORDS IN THE LAST TWO YRS WTF)

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

ive only written for merlin:)

what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. all the things we did not become, 2.08 fix it fic for glompfest

2. he won't tell you that he loves you (but he loves you), a lil fluff for merthur week 2020

3. frozen deep blue (you painted me golden), angsty arthur returns fic bc i sort of got annoyed by the idea that the only issues they would encounter would be arthur adjusting to the modern world.

4. how it was supposed to be, like pre s4 fic (except uthers already dead lol) based on a tsoa scene that i sob over every time.

5. build a house in paradise, modern au slice of life fic full of domesticity.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes i do! it might take a WHILE though bc im just. bad at things. idk i get stressed over saying thank you to strangers online ok leave me alone. but yes id o eventually. (at least i have thus far)

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

omg. OMG WAIT LOL i was gonna say none bc i dont tend to do angsty endings BUT I DO HAVE ONE!!! (well two, but thisis the angstier one i think): tell me why this has to end is pretty angsty although it does. like. end as the show did lol. well anyway. omg i completely forgot abt that fic:/

do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you've written?

i dont write crossovers

have you ever received hate on a fic?

errr not that ive been made aware of lol.

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do not write smut.. the closest ive gotten is alluding to it skdjncjsnc

have you ever had a fic stolen?

lol why would anyone want to steal my fic skjdncskjncs but no

have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

have you ever co-written a fic before?

NO BUT ID LIKE TO ONE DAY i think itd be really cool:(

what's your all time favourite ship?

well hm. *looks at entire blog dedicated to merthur and like 600 bookmarked fics also about them* ummm,,,, thats a really hard question aha...

whats a WIP that you want to finish but dont think you ever will?

is it a wip if its still just an idea that i havent actually written anything for??? its based on gold rush by taylor swift (ohmygod im so annoying) and i REALLY like the idea but i think im just too scared to start it bc like. it deserves better than me u know sjdcnksdjnksnc ugh.

what are your writing strengths?

my english teacher in hs once told me that im good with voice which is great for writing crack i think

what are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, plotting, tenses really kick my ass too bc i can never decide if i want to do it in the present or the past. like wtf

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

errrr.... i dont really have that much of an opinion on it? it would be nice to understand what im reading though,,

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

m...merlin..

whats your favourite fic you've written?

invent the future. its the longest thing ive written which already makes it something im really proud of, but i also just like the ideas i explored in it about forgiveness and justice and the nature of destiny and stuff (wowzers im sort of so-fist-o-kate-id huh). it started out as a single sentence and then accidentally became a pendragon siblings relationship repair fic which. i mean. whatever lol. also its the first merwenthur fic ive written which im pleased abt bc i LOVE THEM. and OKAY. so maybe its also just 60k words of an arthur character study. GOSH leave me alone...

tagging: @shana-rosee , @witchmd13 , and @queerofthedagger (if you want ofc!!)

9 notes · View notes

fanfic-mind · 3 years

Text

Blood on my hands (all that i've gained and all that i've lost)

pairing: merthur

warnings: non

status: fanfic draft, Part 1/? (~ 2300)

It’s yet again an hour of need for Camelot. But the weapon they need to safe kingdom and people comes with a price. Only those who prove that they are powerful and wicked can receive it. The knights of Camelot don’t have enough evil deeds to be worthy of the sword. They think everything is lost - until Merlin speaks up...

A magic reveal story in which Merlin makes good use of being a morally grey character. Because, yea, Merlin-is-the-victim-reveals are swell and all but he is capable of making his own decisions and some of them are pretty shady. There is still a good amount of Uther bashing included.

Somehow they get into a situation that requires someone with blood on their hands - figuratively (otherwise it wouldn't be a problem because seeing how often Arthur and Merlin and also Gwaine get wounded by just existing they probably wouldn't even have to injure anyone)

Maybe a god of the Old Religion guards a weapon they need to kill the magic beast of the week or to destroy a cursed item.

In any case: they are really desperate. People are dying and this is their last hope, their last resort.

To their misfortune, this weapon is guarded by a very cunning and wicked god and they will only give their weapon to someone who has the power and the will to use it for evil deeds

There is a test that must be passed by the one who wants to receive the weapon. They must prove that they did enough evil deeds to be worthy of it.

Arthur quickly fails his test because despite some wrongs he's done he is way too just and noble to be wicked

The only knight that seems to get at least a few moments more of consideration is Leon who has done some terrible things - however under Uther's orders which isn't quite powerful enough

"Ahh, Uther Pendragon," the god muses, "Him i would have given the weapon. Such rage and blind hatred and, oh yes, so much blood."

Arthur grits his teeth and sets his jar. he wonders if his father would be disappointed in him for not living up to this legacy of his. he wonders - not for the first time - why he wanted to be like his father once and how he managed to end up being so different.

The knights discuss their strategy. non of them is wicked enough to pass the test. they have wicked people in Camelot's dungeons. But Camelot is three day rides off and their quest is really urgent.

They could separate and seek for wicked folk, but the chances seem slim and the risk of them keeping the weapon as they receive it seems too big

People are dying and they need to do something now.

"there must be another way to destroy it," Lancelot suggests, though they've been over this. His eyes stray to Merlin, but Merlin seems caught up in thought.

If there was an easier way to do this, Merlin and Gaius would have come up with it by now. asking the god had been their idea in the first place.

"What if there isn't?" Gwaine argues heatedly. "We can't have waisted six days for nothing. This is probably our last chance."

"so what do you suggest?" Lancelot interrupts somewhat irritated. They temperaments are heated at this point. And suddenly knowing each other’s worst deeds doesn’t exactly lighten the mood. "All of us failed the test. i wouldn't have thought that I'd ever be angry about being found too good and noble."

Gwaine shrugs with a grimace. He hadn't thought that he'd ever be deemed good and noble in the first place.

"maybe there's a way out of that," Arthur says. He hasn’t spoken in a while and all heads turn towards him.

"what do you mean, Sire?" Leon asks, looking uneasy as if he already knows and doesn't like it.

"If you're not noble enough, you proof your nobility by doing good deeds," Arthur starts matter of fact. "so, logically, if I'm not wicked enough, i prove my wickedness by doing an evil deed."

The god smiles a toothy smile.

"To murder just anyone obviously isn't evil enough" Arthur says, looking at the god with disgust. "so it must be somthing worse. murdering a friend, for example."

"My king, with all due respect, this is madness," Leon say carefully.

"sir Leon, that's the point." Arthur says sourly.

"is that really it?" Gwaine shouts at the god who watches his outburst unimpressed. "You want us to slaughter each other?"

the god laughs, distant and hollow and the earth seems to vibrate with it. "The weapon can only be taken by those of power who are wicked and cunning enough to wield it." the god repeats his earlier words.

"So there's not even a guarantee," Gwaine says, throwing up his arms. "Arthur, let's just leave and see if we can find something else."

"there is nothing else, Gwaine, you said so yourself!" Arthur returns. His expression is incredibly pained but determined in a way that makes them all shudder. Leon, Percival and Lancelot unconsciously get into fighting stance.

Gwaine takes a few steps to put himself between the king and Merlin who is the most vulnerable

Arthur nods to himself, seemingly coming to a decision in his head. Tehn he draws his sword . "If either of you kills me while i try to kill you, that might be enough too" he muses

They all stare at him in horror, unable to believe that he will go through with this.

"My people are dying," Arthur says, his tone pleading, "if i have to sacrifice my good conscience to help them - well, it is a price i must be willing to pay. I'm sorry. But all of you swore to protect Camelot at all costs too."

Arthur halts for am moment then nods grimly. "Don't try to sacrifice yourself. I'm sure that's not what he's looking for" Arthur nods towards the stony god who smiles.

"you can't be serious" Mordred whispers.

"I'm afraid i am. Now, it's been an honour. truely. and i hope - i hope I'll still have your respect afterwards. Though, i can understand if you can't trust me again."

"that's enough."

They all turn around. Partly, because they had forgotten about Merlin who has been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time. and partly because they have rarely heard this sort of tone from him. harsh and demanding. a voice more fit for a king than his manservant.

They stare at him and he makes short eye contact with Arthur before he steps forward, in front of the statue that the god is using as a vessel.

"test me." Merlin says. his voice is determined and his shoulders are set.

Arthur let's out a short laugh, because clearly this is absurd, right? Merlin is the best and kindest of all of them. Actually, coming to think of it, if he's really honest, Merlin probably is the reason Arthur is not like his father. Merlin makes him better. Merlin makes him want to be better.

A few of the knights share his sentiments, laughing slightly hysterical with tension but still perplexed over this development.

Only Lancelot steps forward with a frown as if to pull him back, but merlin raises a hand without looking at him and he stops in his tracks.

Arthur who was about to say something stops too.

The god looks more alive than before he seems to stretch himself to his full height as if he has waited for this

"welcome" he starts as he has with all of them. "young warlock, tell me your deeds."

lancelot tenses, casting a worried glance back at the king who stands there, sword still drawn, eyes fixed in Merlin as if he doesn't understand any of this

Lancelot doesn't either. Even if Merlin is a sorcerer - what evil deeds can he possibly have done? Saving Arthur's life over and over without ever seeking credit doesn't have a ring of evil to him.

"I am Merlin, and they call my Emrys." Merlin starts.

Some of the Knights gasp. Emrys is a name they know by now.

Lancelot wonders whether Merlin considers his identity an evil deed in itself. The possibility breaks his heart a bit.

"I was born with magic. I am the most powerful sorcerer there is."

Merlin takes a deep breath.

"i lied to all my friends. I let them think they can trust me, that they know me. But they never will. I could kill them just by looking at them. I am magic and i killed many behind friends backs and before their eyes, but never revealed myself to them"

"I am a slayer of my own people," he continues, his voice hard, "I killed many creatures and men of magic to protect their murderers - the king and his son. I did it out of self-righteousness and out of selfishness because...” for a moment, Merlin halts, but then he continuous with the same hard tone as before, as if something is forced out of him, but he wants to stand for it.

“I loved Arthur more than my own people. i let many of them die even though i could have helped them if i had revealed myself. But i couldn't bear the thought to be separated from him so i stayed quiet and watched them burn."

The god nods Merlin on. They all stand in shock. They know from before that Merlin won't be able to stop telling his deeds before the god thinks he is done.

"I killed the witch Nimueh even though she told me i have to pay with a life to save Arthur's. Instead of giving my life as i promised, i killed her."

"I killed Mary Collins, Afanc, Aulfric, Sophia, Cornelius Sigan, Myror and many more. "

Merlin's voice falters a bit, but he seems to pull himself together visibly, because his voice is clearer again when he keeps speaking.

"My betrayal to my people is so great, my wickedness so deep, i considered to kill a child on the mere possibility that he could threaten what was mine in the future."

Mordred makes a quiet stricken noise.

No one dares take their eyes off Merlin, but Merlin himself turns his head slowly.

There is a gasp of horror when they all see that his eyes are glowing yellow with magic.

Up until now, no one except Mordred and Lancelot had truly believed it.

"I tried to kill Mordred when he was a child and i wish his death even now though he is kind and serves Arthur."

Lancelot looks at Merlin with complete bewilderment as Mordred sobs.

Merlin doesn't answer Lancelot's gaze, he just turns around again.

They can hear him take in another breath and it sounds more halting than before.

"I knew that my friend had magic and i saw her turmoil and her fear of being killed. of being burned by her own kin like all of the others. but instead of helping her, i left her in the dark. I told her to trust me - she trusted my - and then i poisoned her."

Merlin stops for a moment, his voice sounds rough as if speaking becomes quickly more difficult.

"I gave Morgana poison in full intend and watched her as she died and i regretted when she was healed."

"Only i had the power and knowledge to save her, but i turned my head from her suffering, i killed her when she didn't know better than to turn to her sister, it was me that made her what she is today."

There is another short pause. Lancelot is desperate to see Merlin's face. To demand how this all really went. Because though he knows that Merlin is bound to say the truth by the power of the god, he still thinks there must be a mistake or a trick. This is not Merlin. Merlin would never...would he?

"I conspired with and freed the dragon that attacked Camelot which led to the death of many innocent people. I attempted to kill Arthur on multiple occasions."

Lancelot frowns. This one he knows to be untrue. Merlin didn't want to kill Arthur. it was Morgana's doing that he went after him.

"i saved Uther Pendragon's life - more than once. I let him live even though he slaughtered my people. I saved his life even though i didn't have to. I never killed him even though i had many opportunities."

Merlin pauses then, looking up at the god.

"Do i really need to go on?" he asks and it sounds almost indifferent. except they know Merlin and they know how his face looks when he sounds this way.

The god leans their head to one side slowly. the stone his vessel is made of groans.

"You are worthy, young warlock. More than you know. Into your hands i command my sword."

Suddenly, there is noise and light and they cover their eyes, everyone except for Merlin and Mordred.

They can't be sure but they think they can hear Merlin's voice through it all, speaking a foreign tongue. Then, it's over.

When the air clears, Merlin stands alone, the stone vessel of the god has crumbled to pieces, a big sword in his hand. For just a moment, when he turns around to face them, he looks nothing like Merlin at all. His eyes are golden, and his face is grim, lips pressed into a thin line. His posture is straight and majestic and he holds the sword like a warrior. His appearance strikes them with fear. He looks like power incarnate.

The others notice from the corners of their eyes that Mordred kneels before him. and even as they are completely bewildered, they have an urge to do the same.

The next moment though, it's all gone, and Merlin looks like he's never handled a sword before. His eyes are blue and his cheeks messy with dust and tears. He sinks to his knees and the weapon falls from his hands - is pushed from his fingers as if through magic, landing on the ground with a strange sound.

Merlin looks after the sword with disgust clear on his face. Then he looks up and suddenly he looks afraid.

To be continued

#merthur #magic reveal #merlin fanfic #merlin x arthur #merlin

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drarry-with-a-side-of-harry · 4 years

Text

SO Diamond of the Day HMMMMM this episode was not was i was expecting and IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN I’D IMAGINED. HEARTBREAKINGLY DEVASTATING? YES OF COURSE. BUT SO SO BEAUTIFUL. i didn’t think it was going to be almost entirely Merlin and Arthur intimately talking and holding each other and everything coming out. and i’m so so happy that that’s what it was 🥺🥺🥺 it was fully just a Merthur episode. the episode we all deserved despite the tragedy because it did fit well even if it’s heartbreaking okay? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Merlin: “you’re bleeding”

Arthur: “that’s alright i thought i was dying

ARTHUR BABE COULD YOU MAYBE NOT FOR LIKE TWO (2) SECONDS???

Merlin’s just rambling about everything he’s done and should’ve done and Arthur’s just smiling at him dopily i cannot deal with this 🥺😭 and Merlin just breaks down crying as he tells him that he’s the sorcerer i- 🥺🥺🥺

the way they’re holding each other

Merlin said ‘i use my magic for you, Arthur. only for you’ 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 let’s be honest, Diamond of the Day Part 2 is all just 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 oh, and some more 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Arthur just fucking breaks when Merlin first does magic in front of him knowingly obviously lmao he’s just so scared and feels betrayed i-

when Gaius comes back with the herbs and Merlin’s angry at his dad Gaius for not getting the best things he could because he’s just so scared about Arthur this boy i swear- 🥺🥺 but Gaius just knows and tells him to go water the horses lmao come on Gaius you KING

it’s so lovely when Gaius is talking to Arthur about Merlin and trying to talk him round and then we get the gem: ‘there are those who say he’s the greatest sorcerer to walk the earth’... ‘Merlin?’ lmaoooo Arthur stop being a little shit for like TWO (2) SECONDS and listen to Gaius

Merlin is just distraught ‘i can’t let you die’ OH BABY. the ANGST i simply could not deal

then they come across the two saxons ‘you have to help us, we were ambushed’ ‘by who?’ ‘tHEse tWo mEN’ nice one Merlin glad to see your ability to lie has not improved since.. the poetry incident lmaooooooo i can’t with him then Merlin fucking magics them into oblivion and all Arthur can say is ‘you’ve lied to me all this time’ 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and the look he gives Merlin just broke me. THE ANGST

then in the forest at night Arthur half heartedly spits ‘why don’t you use magic’ when Merlin’s tryna light the fire oh baby Arthur’s so mad i can’t with this boy. you little arsehole Arthur Pendragon boy’s been saving your life since day one pipe down ANYWAY Merlin gives him a proper answer and says it’s just out of habit and he turns to Arthur and this boy just NODS AT MERLIN AND THE GROUND, WITH A SLIGHT HINT OF A SMILE AND RAISED EYEBROWS AS IF TO SAY ‘GO AHEAD, DO IT’ THE CHEEK OF THIS MAN he just wants to watch him do it. anyway Merlin does and says ‘it feels strange’ and all Arthur can say is ‘yeah’ yeh alright well done mate do better next time i know you’re dying babe but please

Arthur still has the same expression on his face, ever so slight smile, and says ‘i thought i knew you’ and Merlin’s looking at him like ‘wtf man what do you want me to say to that exactly??’ but actually says ‘i’m still the same person’ 🥺🥺🥺 ‘i trusted you’ 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ‘i’m sorry’ 🥺🥺 ‘i’m sorry, too’ 🥺🥺🥺 I’M SORRY TOO. ARTHUR SAID I’M SORRY TOO

OH I’M SORRY BUT I CAN’T ANYMORE THIS IS TOO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

then a crazy intimate moment where Merlin takes off Arthur’s boots and Arthur’s so confused as to why he’s still acting like this UHHHHH KING that’s all Merlin’s ever done he just wants to be yours take that as you will

then Merlin’s feeding him and Arthur just comes out with it. he doesn’t understand why he would act the servant when he’s a sorcerer 🥺🥺 ‘it’s my destiny’ ARTHUR IT’S HIS DESTINY I- ‘as it has been since the day we met’ and Arthur cracks a slight smile at that 🥺🥺🥺 ‘i tried to take your head off with a mace’ ‘and i stopped you, using magic’ AND LET ME TELL YOU THESE BOYS REMINISCING JUST FINISHED ME OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL WHY IS THIS SO SOFT 🥺🥺🥺 ‘you cheated’ ‘you were going to kill me’ ‘i should have’ ‘i’m glad you didn’t’ and Arthur scoffs i’ve asked you before, can you just pipe down for a sec? thanks. and Merlin’s just saying lovely things to him and Arthur’s just looking at him so intently and sweetly ‘there’ll never be another like you, Arthur’ and then Arthur’s pondering and Merlin looks away like he’s spoken out of turn and idk man getting a bit of a GAY VIBE like he’s admitting his love and shouldn’t have. idk seems kinda gay to me. idk though

the way he holds his head while he’s feeding them yes i know this is just what you do but 🥺🥺🥺🥺

at this point every time Arthur collapses i was crying because i kept thinking he was gonna die at any minute i- i’m a mess

Arthur says ‘why did you never tell me?’ king. KING. how could he??? 🥺🥺 and Arthur just looks so so sad

the way Merlin’s holding him

Merlin tells him he didn’t want to put Arthur in that position of deciding whether or not to chop his head off and Arthur replies with a smile ‘that’s what worried you?’ 🥺🥺🥺 YES KING HE’S ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT YOU. Merlin tells Arthur that he was born to serve him and that he’s proud of that and Arthur’s just looking at him like Merlin’s just given him the world 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

‘so you’re not an idiot that was another lie’ lmaooooo king stop ‘no, it’s just another part of my charm’ and Merlin turns back to him and gives him the warmest little smile 🥺🥺 and Arthur has a little smile to himself 🥺🥺🥺

then Merlin’s doing all his little magic tricks to distract the saxons and Arthur’s watching so intently. so quizzically. and says with his trademark sarcasm ‘you’ve done this before’ and Merlin just looks at him and Arthur almost doesn’t know what to say until ‘all these years Merlin, you never once sought any credit’ YEAH WE KNOW KING THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE HIM

i just love how this episode is just the progression Arthur slowly coming to terms with who Merlin is and accepting him for it which is not what i thought it was going to be but boy oh boy am i glad that it is 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Arthur’s starts ‘whatever happens...’ and is about to say something sad and Merlin just- ‘shh don’t talk’ ‘i’m the king Merlin, you can’t tell me what to do’ ‘i always have, i’m not going to change now’ ‘i don’t want you to change. i want you to always.. be you’ 🥺🥺 this episode really gave us everything and then took it all away huh? and then they’re joking and Arthur’s delirious and passes out and Merlin’s got tears in his eyes, just holding his neck to make sure he’s ok 🥺🥺🥺

and then it’s time for Morgana to die and Arthur has to watch Merlin plunge this blade into his sister because that’s who she is even if she’s gone a bit bad lmao and Merlin says ‘goodbye Morgana’ and Arthur’s just staring like he feels nothing at this point 🥺🥺🥺🥺 but then he says ‘brought peace at last’ and i just- 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i’m broken 🥺🥺

and then Arthur collapses. and they joke about Merlin’s magic not being able to save him🥺 and Merlin’s just holding him. 🥺 because that’s what Arthur asks him to do 🥺 please. and Arthur says ‘there’s something i want to say’ and i was just sobbing uncontrollably at this point. and Merlin thinks he’s going to say goodbye. but that’s not it. of course that not it Merlin. 🥺🥺 ‘everything you’ve done... i know now. for me, for camelot... for the kingdom you help me build’ AND IT’S COMING. Merlin tells him he would’ve done it without him and i think we all know that’s not true and Arthur says ‘maybe’ with a smile at him 🥺🥺🥺 AND IT’S STILL COMING ‘i want to say something i’ve never said to you before’ and I FUCKING KNEW what it was going to be ‘thank you’ and i just broke and so did Merlin and Arthur’s just smiling at him and Merlin’s shouting his name but he’s gone and 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 he whispers ‘stay with me’ but it’s too late 🥺🥺🥺 and Merlin screams for the Great Dragon.

he tells him there’s nothing that can be done. and Merlin thinks he’s failed but dragon boy tells him that’s not the case 🥺🥺 because he’s built everything that he was supposed to with Arthur 🥺🥺🥺 ‘i can’t lose him, he’s my friend’ oh

‘Arthur is not just a king... he is the once and future king’ i-

and then Arthur’s in the boat and Merlin touches his forehead and he just breaks down crying and if i remember correctly Merlin, Arthur told you no man is worth your tears 🥺🥺🥺 and he just keeps touching him because it’s the last chance he’ll ever get. and he sets the boat off and he breaks down crying again. baby, me too

now, i don’t know if he was meant to light it up and couldn’t bring himself to??? but that’s what i’m thinking currently

OKAY I AM DONE. yes this was a post to help with the trauma. yes it’s long. i am currently dead. i’ll keep you updated lmao

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

Text

End of His Rope

Prompts: Don't know if you're in the mood to write some Merthur but if you are, being the hurt/comfort royalty that you are, may I humbly request a little "shatter my soul" misunderstanding? If not that's fine too. - alittletoo-obsessed

So, I've been rereading some of your Merlin fics, and I was wondering if you could maybe write something where Merlin's experienced some sort of trauma before he came to Camelot, and so he's always avoiding things or reacting strangely, but Arthur assumes that's just his personality, but then something seemingly innocuous happens and he just breaks down completely in front of Arthur, & Arthur can't understand why. Cue Arthur trying to help him and Merlin eventually having to explain everything. - anon

Our BOYS i did miss them

Read on Ao3

Warnings: childhood trauma, flashbacks, drowning

Pairings: merthur, platonic or romantic don't care

Word Count: 3682

It’s always the water in his dreams.

Dark. Lapping at the stone walls. Bottomless.

The chain clanks heavily against the sides.

It’s so deep.

The rope is never long enough.

—————

Arthur has no idea why he had to get assigned the weirdest servant in Camelot.

Sure, it’s not like he asked for Merlin to be his servant—and he’ll kill you if you tell him this, but he’s not changing Merlin for the world—but come on, he could’ve at least gotten someone normal.

But no, he has to get this clumsy fool of a bumpkin that insists on tripping over his own feet, stumbling into walls, spending days at a time who knows where—he’s good friends with the tavern owner so he knows Merlin’s not there—and occasionally spouting great wisdom seemingly off the top of his head. And to top it all off, he’s endearing enough that Arthur panics whenever Merlin’s not right next to him.

It’s terribly annoying.

But that—well, most of that—he can forgive. Merlin’s a clumsy fool but he’s a good distraction. He’s a forgetful sod but he’s witty enough to make up for whatever time he’s lost with some sort of solution. He’s a disrespectful clot pole but it’s a welcome relief from all this ‘yes, sire,’ ‘no, sire,’ ‘would you prefer pork or poultry, sire?’ It gets a bit grating every now and then.

And alright, maybe Merlin’s not entirely to blame for how endearing Arthur finds him. Maybe.

But the whole thing about water Arthur will never understand.

The first time he asked Merlin to draw him a bath he thought the man was about to fall over. Merlin had gone pale and stammered out that yes, he would do that, how does he do that? He’d assumed it was because Merlin was shirking from his duties or whatnot but he hadn’t asked any of the other servants to help him, instead drawing the water for Arthur all by himself. Bemused, Arthur had told him he’s allowed to get help, only for Merlin to go on one of those impressive rants about how servants were people too, and interrupting their jobs seemed rude. Which, alright fair enough but it didn’t erase the pale and shaken expression from his face.

The first time he walked in on Merlin trying to clean the floor, he stopped and stared at the bucket sitting in the farthest corner of the room.

“You know it’s more efficient to keep the bucket with you, right?”

Merlin shrugs. “You have an issue with how I clean the floor, you are more than welcome to do it yourself.”

Arthur had scoffed and turned to leave but the tension in Merlin’s shoulders had stayed.

The first time he met Merlin in the courtyard and tries to walk past the well was the first time Merlin had strayed from his side.

“And of course, you’ll need to make sure all of my armor is…” Arthur trails off, looking around for Merlin, only to notice him a few paces away. “What the hell are you doing over there?”

“Walking.”

“Get back here,” Arthur barks, “I’m not done.”

“I can hear you perfectly fine over here.”

“Merlin—hey!”

“Sorry, sire!” A carriage blows right by them, Merlin reaching out to yank Arthur closer by his sleeve as it goes by. “Didn’t see you there!”

Arthur mutters a curse and brushes himself off.

“That’s why,” Merlin says, helping him dust himself off, “don’t want you to get run over by a wagon, now.”

Arthur cuffs him half-heartedly over the head and keeps walking.

He tries again a few times but Merlin studiously avoids the well with a grace that he scarcely applies to anything else.

It hits him when they’re out hunting once that Merlin might just hate getting wet.

So he pushes him into a pond.

Merlin splutters and curses at him and purposefully dumps all the arrows into the pond with him so they’re useless for hunting but he knows how to swim and if the way he slings his sodden neckerchief at Arthur is any indication, he’s not entirely opposed to the water.

And yes, the day was hot and maybe a water fight was the best way to cool off.

It only ever happens when they’re in Camelot. Sometimes Merlin will accidentally kick one of the buckets and it looks like he’s about to jump out of his skin. Arthur chuckles at him and calls him a delicate pansy but it’s only ever that loud noise. Not when the bells are going off—they really need to get better security for the dungeons—not when Merlin drops another tray, only the bucket.

And he still won’t go near the well.

Merlin must just not like it. That’s fine.

Doesn’t mean he’s going to get out of his chores, though.

He watches Merlin go about his day, watches him change the sheets, do up the rest of the room, get the laundry, but he never goes into the courtyard. He frowns when Merlin does ask someone else—Lilian, he thinks her name is—to go get a bucket of water for him, but there’s nothing quite like the way that Merlin lingers at the very edge of the courtyard, his gaze on a constant swivel, trying to see something that isn’t there.

It’s unnerving.

But it’s Merlin, and Merlin is strange, so Arthur just shrugs and moves on.

—————

Merlin wakes up in a cold sweat.

He wraps his arms around himself and scrambles to the floor. Dust cakes itself over his shins and forearms and he heaves a sob.

The hand on his shoulder that branded him so many years ago hums with the feeling of Arthur’s glove.

—————

“Leave it,” Arthur says, patting Merlin’s shoulder as he walks by, “we’ll get the next one.”

He steers Merlin away from the well toward the castle door, the dropped bucket rolling across the stones. Behind them, Lilian lowers another bucket into the well, the soft splash-thunk of the water and the creak of the handle. Arthur shakes his head.

“Why does it have to be so bloody hot?”

“It’s summer,” Merlin mumbles, clearly feeling the heat too by the sweat beaded on his brow, “it’s supposed to be hot.”

“Not this hot.” Arthur shakes his head, dismayed when his hair sticks to his forehead. “We should be inside.”

“You’re the one that dragged us out here, sire.”

“Enough. Come on. I’m sure there’s somewhere cooler we could be sitting.”

They make their way back into the castle, Merlin immediately going to draw the curtains to block out the hideous light of the sun as Arthur flops down onto his bed and scrubs his hands over his face.

“You’ll get your sheets all sweaty.”

“Everything in this castle is already sweaty,” Arthur mumbles, “what’s a few sheets?”

“Well, when you have to sleep on them tonight, that will be your problem.”

“Please. I’ve slept in worse.”

“Mm.” Merlin swats him with a pillow. “You’ve also complained about your room being too hot more times than I can count. Move.”

“You move,” he manages as he peels himself off the bed and onto the floor. “Why is it so hot, Merlin?”

“I told you, it’s summer.”

Arthur squints. “You’re wearing so many clothes.”

“It is polite to wear clothes, Arthur.”

“But you’re wearing a jacket and long sleeves and a scarf and long trousers! How are you not hot?”

Merlin shrugs. “I run cold.”

“C’mere then.” Arthur holds out his hand. “I’m too hot. Cool me off.”

Merlin rolls his eyes. “You’d have better luck sticking your head in a casket of mead.”

“Merlin.”

“You would,” Merlin sings, “but then you’d be even stickier than you are now.”

“Fine.” His head falls back against the bed with a thud. “Maybe I’ll just jump in water next time.”

He’s too hot to notice the way that Merlin stiffens.

—————

Merlin pants and heaves and scrabbles at the floor. It’s real, he’s really dry, it’s safe, there’s nowhere to go down.

He shivers on the cold floor and reaches for a blanket, wrapping himself in it tightly and clutching the fabric to his face. It scratches horribly and he rubs his cheek into it.

Rough is safe. Dust is safe. Warm is safe.

There’s nowhere to go.

High above Camelot, dark clouds begin to swirl in the sky, carrying with them the promise of rain.

—————

Arthur sighs as he slumps under the edge of the stable. Really, a rainstorm? Right now? The air had a weight to it, hanging over the courtyard like a dirty rag, right up until the heavens burst open and decided to pour over the city. They’d barely made it to the safety of the stable in time before it looked like the storm was doing its best to wash the courtyard clean.

“Well, there goes the plan for the rest of the day.”

Merlin huddles against the stable, shying away from the gutter. “Are we going to try and make it back inside?”

“Unless you fancy a mad dash through the storm, I’d say we’re better off waiting it out.”

Merlin glares at the water like it’s personally insulted Gaius in front of him. Arthur follows his gaze to watch one of the horses finally drag its cart under an overhanging section of roof.

“Seems everyone wants to get out of this rain.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

Arthur sighs before something hits him in the forehead. He glances up.

A raindrop hits him square in the eye.

Biting back a curse, he glances around and spies a bucket.

“Aha!”

“What’re you—Arthur?”

“This should show you,” he mutters, shoving the bucket under the leak, “there. Now try it.”

He looks up to reassure Merlin that he’s fine, he just got hit in the eye with a raindrop, only to see Merlin’s face.

“…Merlin?”

Merlin’s face is ash. His mouth hangs open, his lips dry despite the rain and his lower lip starts to wobble.

“Merlin!”

And Merlin is gone, tearing through the rain like a bat out of hell. Arthur mutters another curse and races after him, barely flinching at the deluge as he tries to keep his eyes on Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, as they dart into the castle and up the stairs.

“Merlin, where are you—slow down, you’re going to—Merlin!”

Merlin trips. He falls.

Arthur reaches out and wraps an arm around Merlin’s waist, just saving him from careening down a staircase.

“Merlin, shh,” he tries, only to have to grunt and struggle to keep a hold of the man as he claws at the air in front of him, “come on—Merlin!”

His room. They need to get to his room.

“Sorry, Merlin,” he mumbles, before swinging the man up—why is he so light?—and making a break for his chambers.

The door slams shut behind him and he lets Merlin go, his chest aching as he watches him fall to the floor, scrabbling madly at the stone until his fingers start to bleed.

“Merlin,” he cries again, dropping to his knees and taking Merlin’s hands in his, “Merlin, look at me!”

His…his eyes…

Arthur has never seen Merlin look like this. He’s never seen him in so much pain.

“Merlin,” he tries, softer this time, “Merlin, it’s alright. You’re safe, I’m right here.”

Finally, finally, Merlin stills. Though still is almost worse, he looks frozen. He swallows.

“…’rthur?”

“Yes, Merlin, it’s me, I’m right here, it’s alright.” He gives Merlin’s hands a gentle squeeze. “What’s—oh!”

Merlin throws himself at him, all but knocking him over as he wraps his arms tightly around his waist. Arthur catches him with a huff, letting him bury his soaking wet face in his jerkin.

“Easy, Merlin, it’s alright,” he laughs nervously, “you’re—well, alright, you idiot, if you…if you need to…”

He says as if he’s not cuddling Merlin already.

Arthur sighs, the dampness of their clothes making it more than a little uncomfortable but not caring in the slightest when Merlin starts to sob into his shoulder.

“Hey, hey, Merlin, it’s alright, I’m right here. You’ve got me, I’ve got you, we’re not going anywhere.” He rubs Merlin’s back firmly and presses his cheek to his wet hair. “I’ve got you.”

Poor Merlin is still shaking like a leaf. Arthur frowns, glaring at the storm with the intent to stare it down until it tells him why the hell it thinks it can hurt his Merlin like this.

“The rain can’t hurt you anymore,” he growls, “we’re inside. You’re safe. Everything’s alright.”

Merlin hiccups. “We’re—it’s—over?”

“The storm isn’t quite through yet, but we’re out of the rain, yes, Merlin, you’re safe.”

“Don’t—want—fall—“

“You can’t fall here, I’ve got you, we’re on the floor.”

“Rope—too short—won’t reach all the way—hurts—“

The roaring protectiveness in his gut starts to give way to confusion, what rope? Where is Merlin trying to go?

“Calm down, Merlin,” he says instead, rubbing his back, “it’s alright, there’s no rope—“

Merlin lets out a howl.

“No, no, no! That’s not—there is a rope,” Arthur tries desperately, “and it’s long enough, we can reach, it’s alright, everyone’s safe, you’re safe, shh, shh…”

The howl buries itself in some soft part of Arthur’s chest. His hands are itching for his sword, something, anything to fight what’s causing Merlin this much pain but he can’t, there’s nothing, so he wraps his arms tighter around Merlin and glares at the storm.

After a long, long time, when their tunics have done their best to meld with their skin, Merlin stills. There’s one more soft hiccup before a cold nose presses itself to Arthur’s neck.

“…Merlin?”

“‘Rthur? Arthur?”

“It’s me, Merlin, I’m right here.”

“Arthur…” Merlin tenses and before Arthur can protest, pulls away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t,” Arthur says sharply, only for Merlin to flinch. He softens his voice and reaches for him. “Don’t pull away, don’t apologize. Are you hurt?”

Merlin lets him wrap an arm around him, thank god. “No. Not hurt.”

Arthur opens his mouth to protest but thinks better of it. “Come on, let’s get you out of these wet clothes. Get dry. Yeah?”

The word ‘dry’ seems to unlock something, Merlin’s limbs flowing looser around his body. “Yeah…”

“Dry it is then,” Arthur says quietly, “come on, there are towels for us to dry off, we can get dry, we’ve got dry clothes here.”

Concern chases its tail around Arthur’s chest as he carefully tousles Merlin’s hair dry as Merlin peels himself out of his soaked clothes. They end up in a sodden heap in the corner, ready to be taken to the laundress’s as Arthur offers Merlin one of his nightshirts.

Merlin looks like a drowned puppy, blinking warily at the proffered shirt.

“Just put it on, Merlin,” Arthur says softly, “it’s dry and warm.”

There’s the magic word again. Merlin tugs on the shirt and wraps his arms around himself. Arthur glances behind him at the bed and prods Merlin’s shoulder.

“Under the covers now,” he murmurs, smiling a little at Merlin’s confusion, “come on, I want to be warm too. And if you still run cold you’re going to need more than that to warm you up.”

Merlin lets him tug them both up to the other end of the bed, under the covers, pulling the sheets up to their chins. Arthur reaches out to take Merlin’s hands and examine them.

“You’re hurt,” he murmurs, “but it shouldn’t last very long. We can go to Gaius if you really need it.”

He glances up to see Merlin’s exhausted little face.

“Hey,” he murmurs, tugging Merlin a little closer, “are you alright?”

“Tired, now,” Merlin mumbles, “and embarrassed.”

“It’s okay.” Arthur pulls him closer. “C’mere.”

“What’re you doing?”

“Warming you up.” And hugging you because you’re still looking like a drowned puppy.

“Oh.” Merlin is all elbows and knees and wet hair, scrunched up under Arthur’s chin, but he relaxes a little. “Thanks.”

“Mm.” Arthur runs a hand over his back. “Want to talk about it?”

Merlin hums. “Not really.”

Arthur bites back a curse and takes his lip between his teeth. “Can I ask what it was that set it off? So it…doesn’t happen again?”

Something warm flares against his neck. “It’s stupid.”

“You just had a breakdown in my arms, Merlin, it’s not stupid.”

“They can both be stupid.”

“Well, they aren’t.”

“You don’t even know what it is yet.”

“It makes you upset,” Arthur says firmly, “it’s not stupid.”

Merlin is quiet for a few moments. Then: “you can ask.”

Good. “Was it the storm?”

“Not really.”

“Was it the rain?”

“Not really.”

Arthur frowns. Then what could it have been? Merlin had been glaring at the storm like he wanted it to go away.

But he was the one to suggest they make a run for it.

As a matter of fact, he’d been fine up until…

Up until Arthur had moved the bucket.

“…Merlin?”

“Yeah?”

“Was it the bucket?”

Merlin stiffens. Then he lets out a long sigh and tucks his face deeper into Arthur’s chest. “Yes.”

“…can I ask why?”

“Do you have to?”

Yes. “No, I don’t, I just…” Arthur takes a deep breath. “I don’t like seeing you like this, Merlin, it…you’re upset and I can’t help and I can’t do anything. It hurts.”

He holds Merlin a little tighter.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt,” he confesses in a whisper, “I want to help.”

Merlin shudders in his arms. “Well that’s not fair,” he says hoarsely, “but…thanks.”

And the story comes spilling out of him.

There is a well on the outskirts of Ealdor. It is old, built before Merlin’s mother can remember, and it has one metal bucket on the end of a long, fraying rope. When there is a drought, the bucket has to be lowered further in order to reach the water.

One year, there was a very bad drought. The well was running dry. So the people of the village decided to build a new well closer to the river with a much longer rope. The old well was not used.

Merlin’s job used to be to fetch the water for the animals at the end of the day. So he would walk to the well. One night, he forgot that the old well wasn’t being used.

He found a pack of the village boys around the old well.

They were laughing and pointing at something inside.

Merlin wandered closer to figure out what was going on.

The bucket sat useless outside the well.

There was a boy inside the well.

Merlin couldn’t see him, it was too dark.

The splashing sounds were getting weaker.

The cries were getting quieter.

The other boys laughed at him when he threw his own bucket down and raced for the other one.

One of them grabbed his arm.

“Don’t, or we’ll throw you in too.”

Merlin had to watch.

The boys left when they couldn’t hear the cries anymore.

Merlin threw down the bucket.

The rope wasn’t long enough.

His mother found him the next morning, the metal bucket by his side long forgotten, his hands all but frozen to the old crank, still peering down into the water.

Arthur’s mouth runs dry as Merlin keeps talking. Unbidden, his arms tighten around the man mumbling into his chest.

He couldn’t have known.

How cruel those boys must have been, how awful it must be for Merlin to keep seeing that, over and over and over…

“I’m sorry,” he says in a strangled whisper when Merlin’s finished. “I’m so sorry.”

Merlin is quiet.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he continues, “it wasn’t, Merlin, it’s—it’s not your fault.”

“The rope wasn’t long enough,” comes the mumble, “I couldn’t save him.”

“Shh, shh, it wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself for the cruelty of others.” Arthur holds him tighter. “I’m sorry, Merlin, you don’t have to go near the well ever again, I promise, we can get someone else to do it.”

Merlin just curls further into his chest.

“You’re safe, you’re dry, everything’s alright, you’ll be fine—“ Arthur can’t stop blabbering on, trying to reassure the poor man in his arms— “I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

Merlin wraps his arms around Arthur too and holds tight. “Don’t have to go near the well?”

“No, no, Merlin, never.”

“Don’t have to use the buckets?”

“No. Only wooden buckets and only when you need to.”

“Don’t have to be wet?”

“You’re dry, I’ll keep you dry.”

“Is there still rope?”

“The ropes are long enough, they’re always long enough.”

“Good,” Merlin mumbles, the exhaustion finally bleeding into his voice, “good…good…”

When they wake up, they’ll have to talk about what else Merlin needs, how to deal with this. Arthur will have to grit his teeth and resist the urge to storm back to Ealdor and teach those boys a lesson. Merlin will curl his fingers into Arthur’s jacket every time they walk past the well.

But for now, Merlin will drift off to sleep in Arthur’s arms, Arthur will hold him, and they’ll stay safe and dry out of the rain where they don’t need a bucket to stop any leaks.

#merthur fic #merthur #merlin bbc #merlin #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #dragonbabbles #fic

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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Not to rant but in 2012, there was another rps that teenagers had there eyes on manifesting they would come out. I don't know if you have heard about it but BROLIN was the shipper name. For Bradley James and Colin Morgan.

Let me tell you, Bradley was the straighter of them all kind of guy. He is the last person you would think to be queer. But there were...moments. And Colin was the silent guy he was very professional and very private about his life. But they both dated women as far as ppl knew.

The show they appeared together was BBC Merlin. That show took a new look into the myths of King Arthur and Wizard Merlin and twisted it into an unlikely bromance. It was 2012. So no one was ready to admit the relationship was more than what it was. They killed for each other, almost died for each other. And there were those moments where they look into each others eyes and.. well.. it was clearly baiting and by the end of the series everyone anticipated a coming out in the show because the relationship was that intense, but it never happened. Spoiler alert! One of them dies in the other arms while that one is cursed to live forever. It aired on the eve of Christmas so instead of joy it was all sobs. That series finale was nominated as most disappointing series finale. Many fans cried that night. It was a tear fest..

So back to Brolin. I mean as the series ended fans expected a coming out from the actors too. There were too much rumours and none of it was confirmed. But it never happened.. To this very day they are both unmarried as far as I know. And when asked Bradley recently said he and Colin are not in contact anymore but when they meet it is as if nothing changed. So there's that.

The thing is the fandom was frustrated when Merthur didn't happen so they wanted Brolin to happen. To this day no one knows if there was such a thing to begin with. There was another story that Bradley dated his co-star Angel Coulby so they used Colin as a distraction but again..rumours.

These kind of things happen. And trust me Bradley never got a "b" on stage because of Colin, so it is nothing like Cockles. Cockles has more spark and potential. So even tbh things do not happen, doesn't mean they are not there. There are still a few Brolin Tumblr blogs left if you want to dig into the olden goldie. They are mostly silent now.

Also this is the same Bradley James who recently tweeted he was mistaken for Jensen by a very drunken Jared.

nonnie you can always rant in my inbox, i don’t mind whatsoever, but i have read this over a few times and i dont know if you expect me to have a reaction to this? because i kind of just read this and thought ‘huh. okay.’ i have never watched merlin although i do know about it and i know how the guys who play the characters look like. it’s safe to say there are a LOT of rpf shit people believe(d) in over the years. so i am aware that things like this have happened before. i don’t really feel any need to dig into it though, although who knows if i ever get bored i might get curious lmao.

#i am having a hard time reading the tone of this message #was this just a 'here is another example' story #or do you think people will eventually lead jensen and misha to fall out of contact?#or do you think people are seeing things that arent there?#Anonymous

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supercalvin · 4 years

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6P for merthur?

6. University AU + P. Pining

Prompts (or any prompt) + Ficlets

***

The problem was Merlin couldn’t stop looking over at Gwen and Arthur. They were cuddled up together across the pub. Arthur’s eyes said it all: Gwen had hung the moon and stars.

The problem was Gwen was a wonderful person. Technically, Gwen had been Merlin’s friend before Arthur’s. After he had introduced them, Arthur had been besotted with her and Merlin could hardly blame him. Gwen was gorgeous, cute, and brilliantly smart. Merlin tried to not feel bitter about his own friend. It wasn’t Gwen’s fault Merlin was in love with Arthur.

The problem wasn’t Arthur. Nor Gwen. Nor even ‘Gwen and Arthur.’ The problem was Merlin.

Over the course of a year, Merlin tried to tamp down his own emotions. He tried dating (Grindr wasn’t exactly dating, was it? But he did find Gwaine that way, and he couldn’t regret that, even if they were better off as friends.) He drank a little too much. (Merlin also wanted to blame that on Gwaine, but at the end of the day, Merlin made his own decisions). And he avoided seeing Arthur and Gwen together as best he could.

***

A few months before graduation, Arthur showed up at his front door. Merlin opened the door to see Arthur standing there, looking smaller than Merlin had ever seen him. His eyes were red and his hair was in disarray.

“Gwen broke up with me,”

There wasn’t much for Merlin to do but to usher Arthur inside, make him a cup of tea, and let Arthur cry on his shoulder. Merlin hated himself that day. Because his best friend was crying his eyes out and there was a horrible little part of Merlin’s soul that was happy. The majority of Merlin’s soul was truly upset at seeing Arthur so distraught. Arthur rarely cried and seeing him so unhappy was heart wrenching to say the least. So he tried to focus on that part of himself as best he could.

But Merlin didn’t forget about that small part of him that thought, ‘he’s single’ and ‘I have a chance now.’ He had buried that emotion deep in his chest and avoided Arthur for the next two weeks. He barely left the house and focused on the last few assignments of the semester. He told himself Arthur needed space to grieve his relationship. He told himself that he was over Arthur. He told himself a lot of lies.

***

Only a month before graduation, Arthur came to his door and said, “You’ve been avoiding me,” Arthur’s voice sounded uncharacteristically hurt. “I don’t know what I did. Gwen left me and you’re angry with me, and I don’t know what’s happened. Did I do something?”

Merlin felt his heart breaking in his chest. He had royally fucked up.

“Arthur…” Merlin reached out, but Arthur pulled away, still standing on Merlin’s front step.

“Did I fuck up? I can’t put the pieces together. I know that when I was with Gwen I didn’t make as much time for us to hang out as I should have, but we were never this distant. You haven’t answered any of my texts.”

Merlin was a man of many words at the best of times, but sometimes even he was at a loss.

“I can’t lose you too,” Arthur said, looking like he was on the verge of tears again.

Merlin swallowed, his throat feeling too tight. He stepped forward and wrapped Arthur in a hug. Arthur seemed to melt into it. They had hugged before. Briefly. When they went home for holidays and when they saw each other again. But never like this, whole bodies pressed together and chins tucked into each other’s shoulders. Arthur was shaking slightly and Merlin was trying not to let the emotions that he had bottled up long ago crash over him.

“You didn’t fuck up,” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s shoulder. “I’m sorry about Gwen, I really am.”

Arthur pressed his forehead to Merlin’s shoulder and he could feel the warmth of his breath against his shirt.

“We talked about it,” Arthur said with a deeply resigned sigh. “We both decided we had fallen out of love a while ago. It just still hurts. I think she knew far sooner than I did was letting me down easy.”

Merlin felt his throat closing up. “I’m sorry.”

Arthur shook his head, pulling away so that they were face to face, his arms still around Merlin’s shoulders. “I didn’t come here to talk about Gwen. Why are you avoiding me?”

Merlin looked down at his socks, not able to meet Arthur’s eyes, “I wanted to give you space.”

“What space? You never give me space. Especially when I’m in a mood.”

“I was just trying…” Merlin gave up and just ended up giving a weak smile. He wondered if Arthur believed it. “Sorry,” Merlin said, not able to think of much else to say that wasn’t ‘I can’t stand to see you cry’ or ‘I want to hold you’ or ‘I would love you til I the day I die, if you let me.’

Arthur looked at him for a long while, like he trying to figure out what Merlin actually meant. He was still frowning when he patted Merlin on the shoulder and slipped out of the hug.

***

The third time Arthur showed up at Merlin’s door was different. Merlin was buried in assignments, he was scrambling to get a job after graduation, and he couldn’t seem to get a handle on his emotions for the life of him. So he played music too loudly so no one would hear and he let himself cry. Hard. His chest ached and his cheeks hurt from the sobs, but Merlin knew from experience a good cry was the first step to feeling better.

“Your roommate let me in. Why is your music so-?” Arthur’s voice was cut off and Merlin was scrambling to wipe his face, but it was too late. He was in the middle of a pity-fest, and his sobs weren’t going to stop just because someone had interrupted him.

Arthur rushed over and knelt in front of him, “What happened? Is everyone alright?”

Merlin shook his head, his voice stuck in his throat, “Everyone’s fine. Nothing happened…” Merlin couldn’t say much more, his throat caught on a sob.

“Who did this to you?” Arthur asked forcefully, holding Merlin’s arm almost too tightly. Arthur had never been good with emotions, especially when other people were distraught. He wanted to fix it, go out there and punish who had hurt his friend. It was never that easy.

“No one. No one.” Merlin wiped his eye, but the tears were still coming.

Arthur, seeming to realize there wasn’t much he could do at the moment so he sat next down on Merlin’s bed and wrapped him in a bear hug. He pressed Merlin’s face to his chest and tightly wrapped his arms around Merlin’s back.

“I’ll kill him, whoever he is.”

Merlin pressed his face into Arthur’s neck and let himself go. He cried just a little bit harder when Arthur said, “You’re too good, Merlin. Always taking care of me, but never letting me help. I want to be there for you.”

***

As Merlin had predicted, his cry-session had been the first step to feeling better. In the next month he graduated university, got a startingjob in his field, and was moving in his own little cramped apartment on the outside of town.

The saying isn’t ‘fourth times’ the charm, but in this case, it was the fourth time Arthur showed up at Merlin’s door that things slotted into place.

When Merlin opened the door, Arthur was holding a long hanging houseplant, which he awkwardly held out. Merlin teased him about the ‘home warming’ gift and was delighted to see that Arthur was actually bashful about it, telling Merlin to ‘shut it, I’m being nice.’

After they ate dinner, they sat on Merlin’s old sofa and pretended to scroll through Netflix while they talked and talked and talked. Eventually, Merlin’s laptop went dark and they were just sitting there talking about anything and everything.

Arthur looked down at his beer, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“We’ve been busy,” Merlin said, “We should do this more. You know, have dinner and talk. Now that we’re no longer in uni we won’t have as much time.”

Arthur seemed to frown at this, picking the label off his beer.

“Arthur?” Merlin nudged him with his foot.

“I miss you all the time,” Arthur said, still not looking up at him. “Sometimes I miss you when you’re right here, and I don’t get that. It’snot even missing you. It’s like an ache in my chest labeled ‘Merlin.’ All the time.”

Merlin’s mouth went dry and he had to put his beer down before he dropped it.

“Is that weird?” Arthur’s voice was hush. “That I feel that way about you?”

Merlin shook his head, “No…”

“It doesn’t feel like what I felt before with my exes…” Arthur said, “With Gwen I always felt warm and fuzzy. With you, it’s nothing like that. It’s bigger and far more terrifying. It’s like if I lose you, then I wouldn’t know how to put my pieces back together again.”

Merlin moved closer. He touched Arthur’s leg, and Arthur’s hand hovered above his own, but stopped mid-air.

“Who was the bloke that broke your heart? When you were crying in your room…”

Merlin let out a small huff of laughter, “You.”

Arthur blinked at him.

“I know that feeling you’re talking about maybe a little too well.” Merlin said with a self-deprecating smile. “I’ve felt it for you, for longer than I care to admit.”

“Yeah?” Arthur’s hand finally lowered onto Merlin’s, twisting around so their fingers could interlock. “So does that mean you might want to go out with me?” Arthur asked.

Merlin laughed, “Yeah, I would say so.”

***

Prompts (or any prompt) + Ficlets

#merlin #merthur #ficlets #Anonymous

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