#fuck you fuck your dad fuck your mom fuck your whole family

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

The Princess and The Pogue | J. M.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: Your daughter comes home from school telling you about a local OBX fairytale. It turns out it’s about you and your husband.

Listen to But Daddy I Love Him for full experience

Requested by @idontevenknowbsblog

A/N: This turned out way longer and more angsty than I had anticipated but I’m a sucker for the angst. I just can’t help it. I’m sorry this took me a million years to finish!

As I am an adult, all characters I write for are written as adults. Any minor characters will be aged up to the general range of their actor’s age.

Warnings: allusions to domestic abuse, controlling parents, forced engagement, so much fucking angst, only kinda proofread

Word Count: 3.5k

~

Your daughter’s tiny feet press against the back of your seat as you head home after picking her up from school.

“Mia, stop kicking,” You laugh, “Mommy’s trying to drive.”

“Sorry, Mommy.” Your daughter giggles. “I’m just so happy today!”

“I’m so glad you're happy, Baby.” You smile at the five year old in the rearview mirror. “What did you do at school today?”

“We got to draw all our shapes today and we sang the alphabet song a bunch of times!”

“Ooh sounds like a fun day.”

She claps excitedly. “Oh and Kylie’s older sister told us a fairytale at recess!”

“A fairytale? Very cool. What was it about?”

“Did you know a princess used to live here? A long time ago. She ran away with a pogue because her evil king father wouldn’t let them be together.”

Your eyes widen at her words, a small smile forming on your face as she tells the story that takes you back to what seems like a lifetime ago.

-

“Mom, I’m headed out,” you yelled through the foyer.

“Ok, hun.” Your mom poked her head over the stairwell. “Just don’t stay out too late. We have that business lunch with the Cameron’s tomorrow and it’s very important that you be there.”

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” you promise, “besides I’m just going to hang out with Sarah.”

“We just love that you and Ward Cameron’s daughter are friends. It looks so good for your father’s business for the families to be close. Especially with you set to inherit the company someday.”

With Ward Cameron being the biggest real estate developer in the Outer Banks and your dad owning the biggest construction company, the two men worked closely on most of their deals. They were also the closest thing to friends that either of the men had. The two richest men in the island made for a powerful team.

“Glad I can help you keep up appearances,” you muttered under your breath.

“What was that, hun?”

“Always happy to help the family.” You gave your mother a forced smile and made your escape, slipping outside and into Sarah’s waiting car.

“Ready to go see your man?” She grins at you and you return the gesture.

“God, yes.“

-

You hadn’t expected to fall in love with JJ Maybank. Considering the very different lives the two of you led it was surprising the two of you ever even crossed paths, but that was one of the perks of being Sarah’s friend. When she fell in love with John B and got involved with the pogues she dragged you along with her.

It wasn’t like you had anything against the pogues. In fact, you had admired them from afar your whole life. Their freedom and adventures were something you envied, forever stuck in your kook bubble. You didn’t have a choice but to follow the plan your parents had created for you.

JJ, on the other hand, hated kooks with a passion. He had a hard enough time with Sarah joining the group and when she brought you in, arguably the even bigger kook princess with the even bigger kook king of a father, he vowed to himself he would never accept you. After all, you represented everything he hated, the life he always dreamed of but would never attain.

He would sneer and call you “princess”, his voice dripping with disdain, doing everything in his power to piss you off, but you didn’t mind. You loved his passion and the way he would do anything to protect the people he cared about. You ignored his insults, treating him just as well as you would anyone else.

Before he knew it, your soft words and beaming smile had softened JJ. He began to actually look forward to your presence in the group, feeling sad when you couldn’t get away from your parents to spend time with them. Then, one day the two of you were the only ones to show up to a pogue hang out. You ended up spending hours just talking and getting to know each other. The rest was history and you had been together from that day forward.

Unfortunately, you knew that your parents would never let you spend time around a pogue, let alone be in a relationship with one. So, like Sarah and John B, you and JJ had to keep your relationship hidden. Thanks to the help of the pogues, the two of you had been successfully seeing each other behind your parents’ backs for over a year.

-

“I’ll be back to pick you up at 8:00,” Sarah reminds you. She pulls up to the little cove where you and JJ liked to meet. “We only have a couple of hours tonight because of that lunch tomorrow. Don’t want our families to get suspicious.”

You nod. “Got it. I’ll see you then.” You slip out of her car. “Tell John B I said hi.”

“Will do.”

She pulls away as you make your way around the rocks hiding the entrance to your spot.

“Hi, princess.” Your boyfriend grins at you in the orange light of the sunset, pulling you into a hug.

“JJ,” You breathe him in, soaking up the comfort he gives you. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby. Four days without you is four days too much.” JJ leads you over to the blanket on the sand, sitting back so you can settle between his legs.

“I know. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get away much this week. My parents are going crazy about this lunch tomorrow.”

“Aren’t they always crazy?” JJ jokes, poking your side. You squirm a little bit, trying to escape his prodding.

“I mean, yeah. They’re just extra crazy this week.” You settle further into his chest, JJ giving up his attack in exchange for wrapping his arms securely around you. He nuzzles his head into the side of your neck. “But, it’s okay because at least we have right now.”

“How long do we have until Sarah comes back to pick you up?”

You let out a sigh. “Two hours.”

“That’s it? Damn.”

“I’m sorry, J.” You look back apologetically, but he just shakes his head.

“Hey, don’t apologize. We just have to make the most of the time we have, like usual. It won’t be like this forever.”

“Right.” You give him a small smile, turning back to face the sunset before he can see the doubt in your eyes. You hoped JJ was right, but you had no idea how things would ever change.

As expected, your time together flew by too quickly and before you knew it Sarah was back to take you home.

JJ was reluctant to let you out of his embrace. “We’re still on for tomorrow night, right? After you finish up with all your kook business?”

“Of course, baby. I wouldn’t miss it.” You give him one last goodbye kiss, distracting him long enough to slip out from his arms. He pouts, but lets you go, knowing if it was your choice you would never leave.

-

You stare numbly at the wall, unable to will yourself to move from your position balled up on the bed. You aren’t sure how long you've been laying there looking at nothing. You didn’t feel anything, having cried out all your tears hours ago. A buzzing sounds from the other side of the room, your phone going off once again, but you don’t pick it up. It’s probably Sarah calling again to see if you’re okay after what happened at lunch. You’re not.

Having sat in silence for so long, you jump when you hear a rattling at your window. It takes you a minute to clamber over to the window with the lights out in your room. You hadn’t realized how dark it had become outside.

You peek out warily, trying to determine the source of the noise. “Shit.” You mumble under your breath as you realize JJ is perched in the tree closest to your room.

You unlatch the door so he can climb inside, turning away from him quickly. You’re thankful for the darkness in that moment as you scramble to make yourself look presentable, flattening your hair and wiping at your face. You pull down the sleeves of the massive sweatshirt you’re wearing, one you stole from JJ months ago, making sure you are completely covered.

“JJ, what are you doing here,” you whisper, “What if someone sees you?”

“I was worried about you. You were supposed to meet me hours ago, remember?” He sounds frustrated.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I totally forgot.” You run your hand down your face stressed. “I didn’t mean to stand you up.”

“You forgot? Y/N, I’ve been calling and texting for hours.” JJ moves closer, but you step back. “I thought something bad had happened.”

He takes another step back. Again you back away, trying to keep him from seeing your face. Brows furrowed, JJ moves towards you again. This time you can’t move away fast enough, bumping your dresser as you try to get away.

“Woah, wait.” JJ takes your face in gentle hands. “Have you been crying?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” You try to pull away, but he doesn’t let you off that easily.

“Baby, what’s going on? Is it something I did?” The worry in his eyes brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes. You shake your head, willing them not to fall.

“No, no. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Something with Sarah?” You shake your head again.

“Your parents?” That stills you. “It is your parents. What is it? Did something happen at lunch?”

You don’t answer.

“Talk to me, baby. I can’t make it better if I don’t know what’s wrong.” JJ’s voice is so sincere and his touch so soft. He really thinks he’ll be able to fix whatever the problem is.

You gather your strength and gently pull away from him, not wanting to see the look in his eyes when you tell him.

“My father and Ward Cameron have decided that it is in the best interest of their respective businesses for our families to be officially joined.”

“What on earth does that mean?”

You feel like you're going to be sick, but you force the words out anyway. “I am set to be married to Rafe Cameron.” You keep your eyes on the floor, waiting for JJ’s response. He stays silent.

“I had no idea they had this planned until my parent’s announced it at lunch.”

“What do you mean you’re marrying Rafe Cameron?” He tries to keep his voice calm. But you can hear the venom behind his words anyway. “You can’t just marry Rafe.”

“I don’t have a choice, JJ. They practically signed my ownership papers over to Rafe right there.”

JJ is pacing your room now, hands constantly running through his hair. “He can’t just do that. You’re an adult, Y/N. Tell him no.”

“I can’t tell him no JJ.” He stops in front of you, the look on his face half shock half anger.

“What are you talking about? You can’t just tell me that your father is marrying you off to Rafe and not even try to fight him on it.” You turn from his intense gaze, unable to handle it any longer.

‘Y/N-” JJ reaches for your arm to turn you around and you flinch back hissing in pain. Your sleeve rides up, revealing a number of dark bruises.

“I tried talking him out of it, JJ. He made it clear saying no wasn’t an option.”

JJ seethes, body tense with anger. “He hurt you.” It’s not a question which is just as well because you have no response.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He growls.

You lay your palms flat against his chest. “No, you’re not. We can’t make this situation any worse than it already is.”

“He can’t just get away with this!” JJ’s voice rises with his anger and you shush him quickly, looking back at your door.

“Please, Y/N.” His voice cracks on your name. “Things can’t just end like this.”

The pain in his words breaks your heart. You let the tears fall freely, unable to hold back the emotion any longer.

“I’m so sorry, JJ.” He cradles your face in his hands like he did at the beginning of the night. “There’s nothing either of us can do to change this.” JJ brushes his thumbs against your cheeks, brushing at the tears. “You should go.”

“No, Y/N.” He has tears running down his face too. “I can’t leave you like this.”

“Please, JJ. You have to go before something wakes him up. I don’t know what he’ll do if he finds you here.”

JJ’s eyes flit down to your wrists, taking in the bruises once more before he nods slowly. He won’t be the reason your father hurts you again. You lips press against his slowly, both of you pouring all the love you have for each other into the kiss.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips.

“I love you, too. Always.”

With those last words, he slips back out your window, closing it quietly behind him. You watch as he climbs back down the tree and crosses the property. As he finally fades out of blue, you sink down to your floor, your knees unable to hold the weight of your body as it’s wracked with sobs.

-

You don’t leave your room for days. All you can do is lay in your bed and cry, mourning the loss of the man you love and the life you had planned.

If it was up to you, you would never leave that room. Unfortunately, your parents have other plans. They parade you and Rafe all over town, making sure everyone on the island knows the two of you are “madly in love” and engaged to be married in the spring. The whole pageantry of it makes you sick.

The cherry on top of the whole ordeal is the engagement party that you parents planned for the weekend. They rented out the whole club and invited every kook on the island. You’re pretty sure it’s your own personal hell.

Sarah pins one last curl to your head. “Done. You look beautiful.”

You give her a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Thanks, Sarah.” You were dressed in a white sundress that your mother had bought for the party and Sarah had done your hair and makeup to perfection. The whole look was stunning, but you just feel like a trophy being shown off.

Sarah gives you a sympathetic look. “You ready for this?”

“No. But I have to be.”

It takes everything in you to keep a smile pasted on your face as Rafe takes your hand and leads you out to the throng of people. Everyone smiles and hugs you, offering their congratulations. You do your best to seem gracious and excited, but all you feel is emptiness and the faces move before you in a blur.

You make it two hours into the party before you can’t take it any longer. The panic that has been creeping up your throat all night takes hold and you have to break away. You excuse yourself from Rafe, claiming a need to run to the bathroom. He gives you a harsh look and makes you promise to hurry back, but ultimately lets you go.

You hurry away from prying eyes, not letting yourself break until you get inside. Chest heaving, you gulp down air like you’ve just run a marathon. One of your hands is pressed against your chest, the other braced against the walls to hold you up as you stumble towards the bathroom.

Before you can make it more than a few feet an arm catches you around the waist, pulling you into an alcove you had never noticed. You stumble back, trying to pull yourself together, not wanting whoever grabbed you to see your harried state.

“Hey, hey. It’s just me.”

Familiar hands rub up and down your arms, grounding you. You look up to see the blue eyes that you love so much.

“JJ,” you whisper, breaths still coming fast and hard.

“It’s okay, baby. Just breathe.”

JJ holds you close as you will your body to calm, feeling safe for the first time all night.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you, talk to you.”

You sigh, looking at him with sad eyes. “As happy as I am that you’re here, you have to go. If anyone sees you. My father, or Rafe-”

“What if you didn’t have to worry about them anymore?”

“JJ, we’ve been over this. I can’t break this engageme-”

“What if we just left? You and me. Right now.” His eyes bore into yours, willing you to see the possibility.

You can’t act like you haven’t had the same thought yourself, but you just didn’t see how it would be possible. “How would that work, JJ? My father controls my whole life. My money, my future, everything.”

“You don’t need anything he has to give you, Y/N.” His voice is pleading.

“JJ…”

“We can figure it out. You have a degree, I have experience. We’ll get jobs. We’ll make it work.” He reaches a hand into his pocket. “I know I can’t give you a life like this-”

“I don’t want a life like this.”

“-but I will do everything in my power to give you a good life, to make you happy.” He holds up a simple, beautiful band of silver. “Will you marry me?”

You stare up at him with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. Say you’ll marry me. We can leave right now. I have a plan to get us off the island. Your parents won’t know until it’s too late. Just say yes, please.”

“Yes, yes.” You nod vigorously. “I’ll marry you.”

You rip off the gaudy ring currently on your hand and JJ replaces it with the silver band. He kisses you so deeply you think you see stars.

“I love you, JJ Maybank,” you whisper when you part.

“I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N, so much.”

You could stay in that moment forever, but you both know you don’t have time to waste. JJ begins to pull you to a side exit, but you stop him. There’s one last thing you have to do before you leave.

You find a piece of paper, scribbling out a few quick words and titling to your father.

Have fun explaining to the Cameron’s that your daughter ran off with a pogue

Y/N Y/L/N

You set the folded paper on the center table, placing Rafe’s ring next to it.

“Ready to get off this island?”

You grab JJ’s hand. “God, yes.”

-

JJ was right, the two of you figured it out. You both found jobs on the mainland and created a happy life for yourselves. You and JJ got married a few months after you ran off and Mia came along a few years later.

You had kept in touch with the pogues of course and they let you know when your father and Ward Cameron’s businesses had come crashing down, forcing the two men off the island. They had no power anymore, so eight years later you decided to move back to your home. People had gossiped at first, but they moved on to the next big thing when they realized that neither you nor JJ cared what they had to say. You wanted to be in the place where you grew up and fell in love, and you wanted Mia to be surrounded by the friends that you called your family.

Mia was just about bouncing in her seat by the time you got home. You hurried to get her out of her carseat so she could rush inside and see her dad. Friday’s were always her favorite because JJ got off work early and was already home by the time you brought her back from school.

She pulled you along by the hand as she continued on about her fairytale. “The evil king disappeared and they lived happily ever after.”

JJ scooped Mia up as the two of you entered the house, making the little girl squeal in delight.

“Daddy!”

“Who lived happily ever after, Mia-mine?” She giggled as he burrowed his face in her little belly.

“The princess and the pogue!”

JJ’s eyes met yours over Mia, giving you an intrigued look.

“Kylie’s older sister told her a fairytale at lunch about a couple that used to live on the island.” You tell him with a knowing grin.

“A fairytale? That’s awesome, baby.” JJ lowers Mia back down to her feet. “Hey, why don’t you go wash up and Mommy and I will make you a snack.”

“Okay, Daddy!” The little girl runs off happily.

You make your way to the kitchen, JJ coming up behind you and snaking his arms around your waist. “So the princess and the pogue, huh?” He smirks as you turn to face him.

“Who knew we’d become an OBX fairytale?” You reply.

“It makes sense. It doesn’t get much more ‘happily ever after’ than this. Right, princess?”

You give him a gentle kiss. “Right, pogue.”

~

Writing Masterlist

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fic #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x y/n #obx x reader #obx fic #obx fanfiction #obx #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fic #stars writes #starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies

[literatureandshit]

ok i feel like i need to make some sort of post about this because if i don’t i’m going to start eating my walls

billy hargrove is a racist

no matter what way you try to spin it, defend it, or tell his story, he’s a blatant racist. and the reason i know this is because i’m black and i watched the show. and frankly, i’m tired of seeing posts about how hot he is and how misunderstood he was when he sacrificed himself and how he was just an angsty teenager who didn’t know how to express himself after he lost his mom

billy tormented max to the point where she was terrified to be in the same close vicinity to him. both dustin and lucas were pursuing max, but who was the one that got threatened? who was the one billy told max to stay away from? who was the one that was called “the type of person you shouldn’t associate yourself with”? the black boy. lucas sinclair.

lucas was a 13 year old boy. billy was 17 or 18. if dacre had let the original script go through, lucas would have been clearly hate crimed. he would have been called racial slurs by billy, he would have been putting his hands on him. but a part of me thinks that even if that happened, so many of y’all would still be all over billy’s dick

he didn’t make up for anything when he sacrificed himself to save the others and that’s the issue with characters like him. they do nothing but horrible things, sometimes unforgivable shit, but they die for the greater good and that makes up for everything? i don’t fucking think so…

this is why it’s so funny to me when people have been saying eddie is a knock-off billy because how exactly is he a knock-off? eddie doesn’t terrify his friends. eddie doesn’t target black people. eddie didn’t put a broken bottle to steve’s throat just because he could, but because he needed to defend himself. he didn’t attack steve for fucking fun

and so many non white people have been telling white people this from day one, that hargrove is a racist abuser. but you don’t listen to us because you don’t care about us. you don’t actually give a shit about us, do you? and those same people will scream about standing with black people and listen to their stories, but when push comes to shove as long as the racism is with a fictional character, well who gives a shit? the racism within the stranger things fandom is so telling because no matter how many posts black people make, no matter how many posts i make, there will be people in my reblogs and my comments calling me a billy anti because i continue to spread the information that he’s a racist bigot

i’m not just a billy anti im an anti racist

#fuck you #fuck you billy hargrove #and fuck every person who likes him #fuck you fuck your dad fuck your mom fuck your whole family #fuck everything you believe in #billy hargrove #steve harrington #eddie munson #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #i won’t rest until i take that ugly sweaty mf down #long post

[reginaofdoctorwho]

one of the funniest goddamn parts of the new episode was willy trying to assert dominance over a what, 14yo? by pulling a "i'm fucking your mom" line only for taylor to be like "i'm glad my mom's happy with you! when are u gonna pop the question? you better not be wasting her time, potential step-dad" and willy being so fucking thrown off he's just like "um. okay."

#taylor saying the ''what's ur favorite thing about her :) '' like a teen girl kicking her heels while on the phone #''listen here you motherfucker! literally! that woman is an angel! if you're yanking her chain... i will find you. and i will kill you!'' #''yeah. i'll think about marrying your mom and becoming your dad.'' #like this bitch bastard had ron who was a great fucking kid and treated him like shit #i hope taylor treats willy like shit #i hope the whole close-foster-swift-likely-actually family #including hermie #beats the fuck out of willy #dndads #willy stampler

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[imminent-danger-came]

Extremely specific shadowpeach moods. You get it

I get it

#Extremely specific shadowpeach is important #You ever like. see people with takes and it's like ''Wukong is the dad and Macaque is the mom and MK is the baby!'' and your like #Why did you reinvent the nuclear family. why would you do that #Macaque is an estranged middle schooler weed uncle shitty older brother to MK. #Wukong is like. An older sibling who had to take on a parental role. yet at the same time he is a shitty mom in my heart. #Bold take I know I don’t consider him a dad to MK #Bold take that I also consider Macaque to be a loser skdjdkd #That shadow monkey is SO fucking bored. ''I got nothing to do this Tuesday let me go traumatize MK. I'll put on a whole shadow play teehee' #And then he's like ''look MK play this shitty game I made'' and when MK doesn't get it Macaque takes the controller and does it for him #those monkeys are so funny #this also get's to go in my #the narrative #tag #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #shadowpeach

[anaalnathrakhs]

btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.

#i know there are compromises out there #and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered #and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine #but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit. #i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough #i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them. #but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu'' #it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps???? #it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me #throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks #when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding #it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer #''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped. #the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone #the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me #and they've got their own shit to deal with #on that note #i was discussing stuff with my mom #and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents #and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????'' #oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting #or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting #maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace #maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted #maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc #and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me #how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way #how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells #broadcasting my misery #vent

[ban-joey]

fit of horrible sobbing so full of mucus i had to emergency strip and use my sleep shirt as a gigantic hanky. i do not feel better and have a pit in my stomach that won't leave but at least i am dealing with grief in real time for once instead of locking it away for several years however it does feel like the vault busted open and now im dealing w like. all of it at once. so that's cool

#sometimes you move 2k miles to be closer to aging family but there isn't enough time in the world #and sometimes you're 25 and still blame your dad for physically removing you from your mom's unconditionally supportive family #i look at my brothers and my dad and then i look at my mom's family and i just get so sad #if we hadn't moved i could have been around these people all the time. I could have had more hugs from grandpa #just like. the cruelest thing imaginable for him to have dementia. I just want my family to be okay and it sucks. 11pm. goodnight #also sorry. belongs in a journal but also my shirt got so wet it did snap me out of it a bit bc it was so gross it was almost funny #my whole plan was to go to bed early tonight since i was up at 5 and im so fucking tired but instead i thought abt my grandpa's hugs #and here we are #i dunno. things could get better i don't want to give up on finding good care for him. but reading up on the type doesn't give me much hope #just a shitty fucking way to spend your last years. unimaginably painful and disorientating. im so mad at the world

[seal-berry]

listening to game grumps remixes and realizing it been 10 years since i was a sad 16 year old incredibly fucked up deeply closeted suicidal kid stuck at my parents house and being taken back to that particular headspace is insane. i feel like i havent changed much its more like ive just slowly stripped away all the religious trauma and poorly managed anxiety but its insane that 16 year old me was like. haha. everything is absolutely awful and i want to die but if i get my 20-40 minutes of internet funnyman time daily i will be ok. it was definitely just refreshing and nice to hear from adults out there living and not constantly talking about Our Lord Jesus Christ and why Everything you do is Wrong because that was basically the whole bubble i was stuck in. (holy shit i barely think about it now but before i truly had enough self confidence to deconvert it literally felt like i was living an awful double life between irl and online, which i think is probably a common sentiment but god i forgot what its like to be in that constant self-monitoring place.) i think a lot of it was just wishing i had anything deeper than surface level friendships at the time and ALSO a deeply entwined gender envy for both arin and dan getting to be career silly guys. truly the funnyman was in me all along i simply had to nurture his feral puppyboy spirit and also build the habit of beating the shit out of neurotic thoughts. which all does still go out the window if i have to do socialization in person but hey ill take being able to be an actual person in any capacity or medium ngl being locked up in your own head and having literally nobody take any interest in your real opinions or personality if it falls outside a very specific kind of wanted behavior is a slow and painful internal death. the way we raise kids in this country is deeply fucked ngl anyways thanks game grumps remixes for perfectly dropping me back into 2012 at like midnight on the computer in the living room constantly watching over my shoulder so nobody would see me watch a guy say fuck and then cut off my internet access and my ability to make art and all my social ties

#game grumps #autism #idgaf abt getting personal on here so ill mention #my mom got suuuper pissed when i tried to talk to her abt how this fucked me up #and shes been receptive to mending past hurts so i was hopeful but she was like i could not have known it would be devastating for you #and its like uhmmm you definitely couldve if you had fostered any open communication between us #or showed any interest in me aside from checking in just enough for me to show her i was ok enough for her to feel ok #to be fair our whole family was drowning i think she literally didnt have the capacity to deal with any of my problems #pray away the anxiety kid i know ur dads on wellbutrin and has had lifelong anxiety but i bet youre neurotypical #anyways dont have kids if youre gonna raise them in church #the web is fucked up but its also absolutely a spiders thread out of hell and can expose you to people who dont hate themselves wowie!!

[urostakako]

my mom is the best person in this household and she is the best person in this whole fucking family and im sick of people acting like its otherwise

#ive never met a person who has made more sacrifices than her #my aunts and my grandma made her life absolute hell and my dad never believed her and blamed her for ripping our family apart #he only believed her when he heard it straight from his sister in laws' mouth. HIS SISTER IN LAW. NOT HIS WIFE. #my dad's sisters are constantly shitting on her. constantly constantly constantly and he never thinks theres anything wrong with it #because shes from a 'lower' family and because what right does she ever have over his siblings who have bullied him his whole life #it makes no fucking sense how he can side with these people over his own wife. what kind of husband are you #and my mom has done infinitely more for my brother than my dad but somehow my brother finds blame for her for every single thing #if there is a problem like the lights going out EVEN IF MY MOM ISNT FUCKING HOME my brother will find a way to blame her for it #because everything is a womans fault. if she makes him late to school once he wont talk to her for weeks disregarding all the times he made #her late for work and made her work until 9 in the fucking night to make up for it #and if my dad ever does the same thing? oh its not his fault 😐 #these people are all the worst hypocrites #everybody has their flaws. my mom surely has flaws too. but who are you people to act this way to your wife. to your mother. #someone who has sacrificed for you over and over and over again and continues to suffer because of you but still does things for you without #complaint #my mom's mother is sick and was so close to dying these past few weeks. alhamdullilah shes doing better now #but my dad did not call my nani or my mom's siblings once. NOT ONCE. never asked about her. never did anything #and then when my mom had enough and called him out on not being there for family he yelled at her for being crazy and unreasonable #but if this were any of my dad's siblings and my mom didnt call hed throw an absolute fit 'oh youre horrible you dont even think of family?' #my mom is somehow always the scapegoat for every single problem. if my dad drives recklessly and breaks smth in the car #and then my brother drives the car he will blame my mom for breaking the car because women are always horrible drivers #if my dad leaves the lights on and the bulbs stop working my brother will blame my mom #if my brother does something horrible my dad will say my mom is the reason hes grown up this way #DISREGARDING THAT HE HIMSELF ENABLES MY BROTHERS BEHAVIOR. #im so sick of this family im sick of their hypocrisy. my mom is the best person theyll ever meet AND THEY KNOW IT #if i could be even half the person my mom is i would not have the problems i do now #aricouldyounot

[imthatwannabeauthor]

.

#shout out to my parentsand thier full screaming match 👍 #lol lmao #I cooked dinner for the whole family because my mom was crying and she yelled 'then feed yourself' so #i made dinner #for the third night in a row #and did the dishes and packed up the leftovers after both of my parents declared they in fact did not want the fresh and hot spagetti #according they are 'not hungry' #and now im leaving to go get grocereis for the whole family because the house is fucking devoid other than the shit in food storage #my parents are straight up only living on me #my dad goes to work and he comes back but as soon as shit doesnt go right for him hes just looking for an excuse to yell at someone. #I love him. and he's a good dad #but hes so addicted to yelling out his anger #my mom just can't seem to fgure out how to get out of dodge #youd really think 26 years of marraige would like #give her a clue #but no #she always walks right into it #my moms got horrible depression #and yet she hisses out the word theripist like its a slur #no no according to her. you dealw ith issues on your own and with the people who love you #and thats it #they are still yelling #cant wait to walk out so i can get my shoes and get the grocery money #im sure thats gonna go fucking wonderful

[milo-is-rambling]

Recently every conversation with my mom has left me feeling like a child again

#y'know when you were little and your parents were upset but you wanted to tell them something you cared about and they got angry at you for #being happy and wanting to share it with them #that's been how every conversation with my mom has ended for the last two days #i just empty and emotional but I can't do anything about it cause I'm too small and young to help her #i just have to keep being around her and try to make her feel better #it's hard. it's really hard. i miss my dad #i know she's struggling but she doesn't have to act like that to me #and we had been doing so well before my brother came home and now that he's back at school it's like we have to learn to live together all #over again and I don't want to #i just want to lay in bed and cry #i feel like how I felt in middle school when I would lock myself in the bathroom to cry bc my bedroom door didn't have a lock and my family #would just walk in whenever they wanted to do I cried in the bathroom and it was always while I was crying I could hear my whole family #making fun of me for crying in the bathroom and making jokes about how I was crying again and being dramatic and stupid and it kind of #forever tainted my connection with my own emotions and being brushed off by my mom brings me back to that exact feeling #i wanna lock myself in the bathroom and cry so hard I can't breathe while listening to my parents make fun of me for crying #I'm just having a rough day and I'm stressed and sad and it's the first showing of the play tonight and I'm terrified I'm gonna fuck up #and I just want to have a good day but it's all been sucky so far #i hate it #i wake up happy and then I go to start my day and I talk to my mom and then it's like all motivation is drained from me and I want to just #get back into bed again #:((((

[campirebites]

me internally: how can someone eat rice SO angrily

my father immediately not being able to hold it in any longer: you SERIOUSLY. need to consider that job opportunity. You’re never going to be able to support yourself [ a freudian pause ] working at a craft store

#tw abuseive dad shit just itgnore or don’t whatever #he then talked at me for a few minutes in front of our family and then my mom was like WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE YOURE GOING TO CRY #and I just shook my head and was like no it’s fine and then picked at my food cuz wow suddenly not hungry #and then I just sat there silently and didn’t eat bc I know from previous experience I will get screamed at for going to my room early #and then she tried AGAIN #fuck like I’m trying to keep it together so your abusive husband doesn’t yell at me for having emotions #I’m so fucking tired of him #I’m so fucking tired of noting I do ever being good enough #I have never I will never be enough for him #no matter what I do he fucking hates me and I don’t fucking understand #when he finished his tangeant about how I’m not enough not good enough once I was visibly upset he was visibly happier #which was probably the first time I’ve ever visibly noticed it and for some reason I’m floored #I’m so fucking tiered #camshrieksintothevoid #who wants to just fucking kill me im fucking done #now my stomach hurts and I wasn’t to fucking die thank u father hope u sleep like a fucking baby im sure u will #it’s 6:30 maybe I’ll just fucking go to bed #I was having such a good day too fuck #also like JUST SAY IT WITH YOUR WHOLE FUCKING CHEST #IF YOU THINK IM A DISAPPOJNTMENT FUCKING SAY IT LOOK ME IN THE EYSZ U FUCKING PUSSY #fuck whatever idc #I don’t fucking care

[ilikebirdsouo]

Vent

I hate my fucking step mom so much….

#So yeah I was hoping today could be fun but apparently to her everything I do is agressive!!! #I had just woke up and immediately she thought I was upset- idk maybe it’s cuz I just woke up that I’m so mad??? But no!! That can’t be it! #im just an asshole right???? A pathetic child who can’t do anything right??? A child who is selfish and cruel!!! That’s all I am to her!!!! #I hate her I hate her I hate her- #then I say hi to everyone in my family but apparently saying Hi isn’t enough- no I need to engage in a whole conversation even though- #-I am fucking exhausted!!! I’m sorry I’m soooo rude to you!!! I’m sorry I am not your perfect little daughter!!! #speaking of which my parents still continue to disrespect my gender- my dad went on a whole rant taht I like being feminine!!! #uh… no????????????? #I hate it hereeee- #then she just keeps going on and on- no matter what I do I always screw up!!! I always upset her!! I can just breathe and she will get mad! #She makes me wish I didn’t ficking exist cuz holy shittt I don’t want to deal with this anymore- every single day I fuck up- #I want her to stop- I just want her to stop- #I want to have a day where she doesn’t nitpick the smallest thing I do wrong- I just want her to be an actual mom!!! #I wish she could just leave me the fuck alone for once in her life #But no- I do everything wrong… I just want to do something right… but as if that would ever happen :) #I just wish things could be ok for once in my life #Duck vents #duck rants #tw cussing #delete later

[beepbeepkazoo]

my parents need to divorce each other again jesus christ

#my dad screaming at my mom “EHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO” cause she said oh you finally decide to get up #when he spent literally all weekend sleeping and taking over the whole family room #im just sitting there like NO who do you think YOURE talking to that sure as shit is not how you talk to a romantic partner #my dad spent 2 years crying that my mom left him only to be right back at square 1 of his treatment of his family lmao

[learn-and-accept]

.

#so yesterday I learned that i got invited to my partner's ex's baby shower and that shit feels so fucking messy #it is a bit weird they're still friends with their ex but they started out as friends and they're really close to her family so i get it #and they all know about me and her ex's mom even invited me on a ski trip so i feel really welcomed but it definitely feels messy #although im really glad that wasnt the first time i meet a bunch of people close to my partner because that shit seems overwhelming as fuck #i know it's gonna happen and i do want it to happen but fuck that shit is so scary #ive never had to do the whole meet your partner's family/loved ones before and i am nervous as fuck #though my girlfriend ended up meeting my mom and step dad like 2 months into dating so i guess meeting her people 4 months in is pretty fair #idk i think im just nervous im gonna fuck something up or they're gonna hate me #and then there's that added layer of it being their ex and her family #but im very secure in my relationship and i know there's nothing going on between them anymore and im not even worried about #it just feels weird to meet the person your partner loved before you and be worried about their opinion of you #because it does matter to me #i want them all to like to me or at the very least not dislike me #and honestly i think the only part that really concerns me is that the person who's basically a second mom to my partner is also her exs mom #like im essentially replacing her daughter #and i know that's probably not fair or even how she thinks of me and it's probably just my anxiety because she seems like a wonderful person #but it feels like i already have a strike against me #idk i think im just hormonal and insecure and tired and im definitely making this into something it shouldn't be #im just terrified of fucking this up because i love & care about my girlfriend so fucking much & i dont want the people she loves to hate me #i dont ever want to put her in a position where they feel like they have to choose between me and her found family #anyway this ended up spiraling lol #but honestly my relationship is going really well and im very happy with my incredible partner and she's truly my favorite person #they are so kind and considerate and funny and smart and truly one of the best people ive ever met #i feel so safe and loved and i am so happy to have her in my life #im just so used to people leaving me and having all the good things in my life end up crashing and burning down around me #and im so scared that's gonna happen #and honestly it might #i just really hope it doesn't because my life is so so so much better with them in it #personal