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janamelie · 3 years

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Dimension Jump XXI Report

I suppose I’m a DJ veteran now as this was my fifth consecutive one and the fourth at the Nottingham Crowne Plaza which is an expensive four-star hotel. Sharing with a friend helps keep the cost reasonable and honestly, it’s worth it for the sheer convenience of being right there in the hotel and being able to nip back to your room as required. (To be clear, you don’t have to stay in the hotel to attend the con. There are plenty of other hotels nearby.)

Plus there is always the chance that you’ll see a guest at breakfast as I did Danny once. He picked out a few pieces of fruit and nibbled at them before wandering over late to his photoshoot. What else would you expect from a cat though?

Friday

Myself and @downonthepharm-red-dwarf (Amy) had arrived the previous day so had plenty of time to be near the front of the queue for registration. Which meant we saw Hattie Hayridge arrive in a stunning designer coat and with smart luggage. She really brought her outfit A-game and looked great the whole weekend.

Once we’d presented our respective proofs of full Covid vaccination or a recent negative test, we were given our DJ passes and booklets. The latter has spaces for signatures from guests, an Order Of Events and various handy tips for the weekend.

The con kicks off at 5pm with an hour of gradual build-up in the Main Hall - they show videos from previous events, specially made titbits with various guests past and present such as Mark Dexter doing a mock guide to DJ and Rebecca Blackstone voicing Pree. It all helps with the atmosphere, as do the numerous RD posters dotted around the hotel.

Then it was time for the Opening Ceremony featuring various Fan Club team members and an overcrowded stage full of cardboard boxes - the joke was that they’d had too much time on their hands during lockdowns and bought loads of stuff online. It was obviously also a nod to Lister’s hoarding in “The Promised Land”.

The sketch featured a specially made shot of the AA adverts’ Starbug model landing outside the Crowne Plaza and an 80s computerised version of the lovely convention logo. You could tell a lot of loving effort had gone into the whole thing.

Once the guest line-up had been announced (I’ll get to that not-really-a-surprise-guest shortly), we went straight into the RD Pub Quiz, hosted by Hattie. DOTP and I had been joined at our table by Lapsang and Barbs from our Discord (No Kind Of Atmosphere) plus various other attendees we’d befriended.

Someone in the crowd yelled “I love you, Hattie!” to which she quipped “I’ve pulled already!” Another bloke shouted “Fuck off, she’s mine!” which led to a few shouts of “Fight!” When neither seemed keen to do so, Hattie joked: “Only two? That’s a bit pathetic!” and then we got started.

The quiz is hard, by design, but I’m good at quizzes and my team - No Kind Of Atmosphere after our Discord - came joint third which was gratifying. (I was on the winning team a few DJs ago, to blow my own trumpet for a moment. This is my report, after all.)

And then it was time for the first guest Q&A with - surprise, surprise - Johnny Vegas aka the Crit Cop in “Timewave”. Not a great episode but he more than made up for that with an appearance I can only describe as chaotic. Warning - DO NOT attempt to heckle him unless you want to be singled out and humiliated in front of the entire audience in a “Can’t look away” fashion which was nonetheless entertaining. The man in question tweeted about it afterwards and seems to have taken it in good spirit.

Once we’d moved on from encouraging people to leave unpleasant things in room 429, it turned out Johnny’s a big fan of the show and owned it on VHS (so did I). He thinks of the main characters, Holly would win at “Taskmaster” and had good reasons for that conclusion.

He was dubious about the pink costume he wore in “Timewave” as he thought it might take away from the character but said he eventually decided he needed to get over what he was wearing and just go for it. He also said one of his worst working moments was on “Benidorm” when he had to hold his breath underwater in a freezing swimming pool and his co-star kept forgetting her two lines so they had over 30 takes. Ouch.

Johnny left commenting that he got less love at his 50th birthday party. But we hadn’t seen the last of him by any means as people kept buying him drinks during the Auction, leading to him successfully bidding for one of the items on offer.

And then he was back for the Karaoke. Now if you - as he informed us - had to undergo emergency dental surgery in the morning and had practically lost your voice, would you sing karaoke? And not only that, would you sing a version of “Love On The Rocks” which lasted 11 minutes according to someone on Twitter (I wasn’t timing it, but I can believe it), followed by the full-length version of “American Pie”?

If you answered no, you’re clearly not Johnny Vegas. He went to bed so late that the unfortunate Fan Club team member assigned to look after him got a grand total of 90 minutes’ sleep.

Saturday

DOTP and I had paid for the Photoshoot with Mr Vegas, Danny John-Jules and Ray Fearon. We got in the queue at 9am which was when it was supposed to start. An hour later we were still waiting. Yep, Danny was late.

Once he made it to the hotel, I got my photo in front of a Science Room backdrop. You might think Mr Vegas would be hungover and rushing through it, but on the contrary, he was still enjoying the hell out of proceedings which was refreshing to see. Since he’d been added to the line-up too late to be in the souvenir booklet, he signed extra inserts for the Fan Club which they handed out to everyone at the later Autograph sessions so attendees got his autograph after all even though he’d finally left. That’s what I call throwing yourself into an event.

Next up was a combined Q&A with Danny and Ray (originally separate but Danny’s lateness meant they were teamed up). This wasn’t a problem at all though - on the contrary, it worked really well as the chumminess between them added to the vibe. Also it was Ray’s first convention so he probably preferred to have Danny backing him up, especially since the poor man tripped on his way to the stage and almost fell. I don’t think he was hurt but I cringed with secondhand embarrassment and empathy. He wasn’t the only one to fall foul of the edge of the stage that weekend; I think it was the slightly raised dancefloor in front of it.

As is usual for Danny, we were treated to over half an hour of what you can only really describe as a stream of consciousness as he pontificated about various things. He and Ray did also talk about working together on “Death In Paradise” and Ray described his worst working experience there - he had to play a scene in a club in 45 degree heat with a live snake wrapped around his neck!

Ray is attractive in a “Hollywood hunk” way and Danny was clearly conscious of this, joking that he’d “brought his own security with him” and muttering “I’m better-looking anyway!” But all in a jokey way as they’re clearly friends.

Danny had come from filming and dropped a heavy hint that he’s appearing in a Dickens adaptation which I imagine will be shown at Christmas as they generally are. He also complained that Craig Charles never answers his phone: “You send him a message and he answers it on Twitter a month later!” (Interestingly, Chris Barrie later mentioned a recent phone conversation with Craig so make of that what you will.)

Ray was quieter but happy to talk about the vagaries of showbiz and typecasting - he said that due to his Shakespearean background he gets a lot of serious roles so people were genuinely surprised that he could also do comedy but “I was always funny!” He also gently teased Danny about the age of some of his references before admitting he still finds Tommy Cooper funny.

Danny usually performs “Tongue-tied” with a good grace when inevitably asked to by an audience member but perhaps it’s finally starting to pall as this time he did it in the style of Oliver Reed’s Bill Sykes and included a lot of X-rated references to cunnilingus etc. It was entertaining though.

Next up was a live Q&A (over Zoom) with Chris Barrie. Danny decided to stick around as he wanted to show Chris something he’d ordered online. It took a while to get the cameras in the right position for Chris to be able to see it and Danny needed a knife to open the parcel, leading Chris to quip “Is this a good time for me to step out for some lunch?”

However, it turned out to be worth it as it was a custom-made Ace Rimmer doll which impressed Chris with its quality and he complimented the maker.

Danny and Ray then departed for their lunch and to take part in the Coffee Lounge which this year had reduced its numbers for Covid-related reasons and held a ballot for entry in the interests of fairness. Amy and I didn’t get in but happily stayed for the rest of Chris’s Q&A.

In the “working from home” spirit, Chris was in a hoodie in his living room as opposed to his more usual smart suit. He was suitably relaxed and revealed he got through lockdown by concentrating on the things which make him happy, such as his hobbies, his garden and his family. His favourite episodes are “Marooned”, “Dimension Jump” and - less predictably - “Twentica”. He also referred to a recent “mannerly, as he would call it” phone conversation with Craig. No details but it had clearly been a positive experience.

Amy decided to liven up the ending of his Q&A by asking a vitally important, “TPL”-related question. Whom would Rimmer find more attractive, a female version of Lister or a female version of Cat?

Once the laughter had died down and Chris had bought some time by pointing out that “neither of them are women”, he gave the question appropriate consideration. He pondered whether Rimmer would be more taken by the “simple charms” of Lister or the “feline grace” of Cat. This next bit is courtesy of Amy as my memory isn’t infallible: He said it’d be a choice between a feline form or a rounder, a bit more slovenly woman - he wouldn’t want the perfectly feline woman because she might not like his imperfections, but he also wouldn’t want someone who ate curry three times a day. “Basically, a balance would be ideal.”

That was the last question but Chris provided a little more entertainment as he had a “How do you turn this off then?” moment a la Gordon the computer in “Better Than Life” and made amusing faces as he figured it out. If it was anyone but Chris I’d think it was a deliberate reference to that but I think he was genuinely befuddled.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Autographs with Hattie, Danny, Ray and Norman Lovett. I got the latter three to sign the “TPL” poster I’d brought with me but gave Hattie the booklet instead as it seemed more tactful. She complimented the dress I was wearing and I returned the compliment, telling her how much the fans appreciate the effort she makes with her DJ outfits.

Norman commented how there’s a version of the “TPL” poster he isn’t on, bemusedly. Fortunately mine was the version including him.

I spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the bar with Amy, Lapsang and Barbs, chatting to other attendees. Graphic Designer Matthew Clark was now in the Merchandise Room with various props from Series XII and “TPL” including the Starbug manual used onscreen. I got his autograph on my poster but it’s an incomprehensible squiggle. Oh well. He was very friendly and easy to talk to.

After a break for dinner, the Main Hall reopened for the Costume Competition. This seems to get better every DJ, with an amazing “Greyscale Rimmer” who was discomfiting to be around due to the corpse-like makeup, a Natalina Pushkin, a Nirvanah Crane who could almost have been Jane Horrocks herself and a Diving Suit Cat from “BTE”. Other entries included Rimmer’s Mum, “Giraffes who were armed and dangerous” and a Confidence And Paranoia who were later pictured at the bar chatting to Paranoia himself, Lee Cornes.

We then had a special video message from Doug Naylor which I won’t go into as I’m sure everyone’s already heard the details. Suffice to say, his tone was positive.

The second Auction was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who made it more entertaining by adding his own commentary to each item. This was followed by a stand-up set from Norman. It was amusing but he misjudged the mood a bit, I feel. When you’re waiting for a disco to start and it’s already hours late due to Danny’s tardiness, you don’t particularly want to contemplate your own mortality. We were here to get away from all that, as much as possible.

Anyway, the Disco was a lot of fun even if Dave Benson Phillips’ presence as host was sorely missed. Hattie danced for the best part of an hour alongside everyone else. The stand-in DJs did their job and I stayed until the end. The final two songs were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and … “Tongue-tied”.

Sunday

Not being in the Sunday Photoshoot, Amy and I had a nice leisurely breakfast and got over last night’s festivities before the first Q&A, live over Zoom with Robert Llewellyn.

This was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who in his capacity as Dave era audience warm-up knows Robert well. Clearly well enough to get away with teasing him relentlessly about not being at the con in person until poor Robert was a mess of Krytenesque guilt.

His protestations that he’d been scheduled to be in Munich this weekend but no longer was (he was at home) only made things worse. Ian: “Oh, so that’s two sets of people you’ve disappointed now! Stop saying yes to things!” It was hilarious and Robert took it in its intended spirit. Also Ian was getting a measure of revenge for Robert - in character as Kryten - dry humping him at recordings. One attendee asked “With the groinal attachment?!”

Robert admitted that he finds Kryten’s various groinal attachments hilarious and if he was writing the show they’d be in every episode. He praised Doug’s restraint.

He also admitted that in “TPL” he had an earpiece to have his lines fed to him. Since it’s controlled by an iPad, certain unscrupulous cast members took great delight in feeding him rude ones.

He still intends to update “The Man In The Rubber Mask” but atm “Fully Charged” is consuming a lot of his time as it’s become much more successful than he anticipated and he’s in charge of several people.

Surprisingly, he would hate appearing in RD without the Kryten makeup, both because it’s become much quicker to apply and because it provides him with a shield and he becomes Kryten and forgets stagefright. He still can’t watch “DNA” for that reason.

Lapsang, who played Kryten in “Into The Gloop”, asked Robert if he’d seen it. He hadn’t but said he was now very curious and would find a way to.

Next up was Lee Cornes aka Paranoia who said he originally auditioned for the lead roles and like the other unsuccessful actors got the consolation prize of a guest appearance. Upon being asked if he’d gone out for a drink with Craig Ferguson’s Confidence, he said no because at the time they had a frosty relationship due to rumours that Craig was plagiarising other comics’ jokes. Lee said it was all very silly and he’s since apologised.

Interestingly, Lee is a qualified science teacher and carried on with that career alongside his media one, leading to surreal situations where his pupils would ask: “Sir? Were you on the telly last night?” “Yes.” “Are we on the telly now, sir?”

Someone asked a good question - what would Lister’s Paranoia be like now 33 years later? Lee would be willing to reprise the role but isn’t sure it would work as the original had a childish quality whereas he feels now the character would be a lot darker and less funny. Lee was both thoughtful and entertaining in his responses.

He was followed onstage by Hattie and Norman, who resolutely refused to rise to the bait of an audience member attempting to stir up a rivalry between them. That only works when one isn’t the nicest person you could meet.

A tactless audience member asked both if they’d watched “TPL” instead of directing the question at Norman. Luckily Hattie had seen it and particularly enjoyed the cat flap joke although she felt there was a little too much focus on the guest cast.

Norman didn’t really watch RD after he left but Hattie has seen Norman’s early episodes as he lent them to her back when she was originally cast as Hilly for research purposes. Bear in mind this was 1988 when they weren’t even available on VHS so presumably he recorded them off the TV.

Hattie confirmed with a sigh that she’s simply never been asked to return in any capacity: “That’s the short answer.” What the hell, I’ll say it one more time - Bring Back Hattie! One episode, that’s all I ask. As it stands, it’s starting to look like a pointed and deliberate snub which mystifies me.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Rob Grant and Paul Jackson. For obvious reasons they didn’t go into the current legal mess, opting instead to entertain the fans with the story of how they met and their early pre-RD work (Rob and Doug as freelance writers for Paul’s producer).

We saw some clips from their early shows including “Three Of A Kind” with Lenny Henry, Tracy Ullman and … later magician David Copperfield; apparently they all had the same agent and Paul took on David as a favour. For a 40 year old show it held up pretty well and was in much better sound and picture quality than older shows often are. “Carrott’s Lib” was just as funny.

It’s a bit hard to summarise but this session was entertaining and gripping. Rob still wants to write another RD novel and I believe there’s nothing actually stopping him as both he and Doug had an option to write a second solo novel. So we’ll see.

The final Q&A was Matthew Clark who was very informative and interesting, showing us numerous production stills from Series XII and “TPL” and talking us through them. There was a groan when time was called before he was finished.

By now time was running short and Amy and I went back to the room to pack and leave our luggage with reception before watching the start of “Dibbley Family Fortunes”. Since I knew I wouldn’t have time to watch it all, I instead nipped upstairs to Autographs with Lee and Ian, timing it perfectly as the queue had almost vanished.

Ian was still performing, drawing scornful attention to the fact that Lee had a longer queue: “Can you imagine all these people queueing to see Lee Cornes?!” It sounds rude out of context but he was clearly joking.

I decided to ask Lee what flavour the yogurt Paranoia eats was. He said it didn’t really taste of anything as it was the cheapest, nastiest canteen yogurt available and was also starting to curdle under the studio lights so eating it can’t have been much fun.

Since I now had about 15 minutes before I had to go, I caught a bit of Dibbley Family Fortunes, said goodbye to Amy, Lapsang and Barbs and then dashed off to catch the tram to the train station. Another great DJ.

#red dwarf

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incarnateirony · 3 years

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Hi! There are many who see Dean dying in a violent way with little time to actually live his unwritten life and w/o a whole lot of meaning to the death as antithesis to his character arc around beating God’s plan and establishing free will. Do you have any opinions on this? Personally I’m not knowledgeable about Jung to make the connections you’ve done but love to read your opinions and genuinely believe in your meta. For myself Dean’s death felt anticlimactic and meaningless but I’m ok with it.

I think ironically the point is that it *was* kind of meaningless, and I know that sounds weird.

This isn’t the big vainglorious ending(s) Chuck wrote. Not suicidal ideations, not one brother killing the other. It’s literally just how life is. One day you trip and get run through on six inches of pipe, which clearly isn’t a hilarious queer subtext level for the dropped plot end and diced out 50 year section in heaven of who he was going to be there with, or anything.

Life comes at us in weird places. And so does death. It wasn’t a theatrical death, beyond the fact that Robert Singer wrung it out to the point of it being almost comical to watch-- while crowbarring in other plot ends that never got a chance to be addressed; in an equally totally not subtextual shout out to writer issues with a case randomly about tongues and throats ripped out that, unlike most other cases, never really manifest into the characters’ morals beyond how that attaches back into the sum of the season.

The value in it was Dean’s steps along the way: not falling into rage and anger after being pacified and addressed by Cas, not letting sacrifices be in vain, being willing to keep living -- to the point he even was filling out a job application -- but still keeping up his spirit of saving people and hunting things that he was never going to be ENTIRELY out of it. Castiel and Jack, after all, both moved on so they could be free, and Dean Winchester was... at peace with that. And also was at peace with knowing it was the end, he didn’t need to be brought back. Sam should live on, Sam got the dying version of John’s speech to them in Lebanon like I even kinda pegged in my Galactic Grudge and Destiny’s Reflection videos for the end.

Some of it feels lost, I don’t know if it was a script cut or a post cut what -- maybe removed some of the family elements (and I don’t even just mean Cas, it’s fucking bizarre to not even bring up MARY with as heavy of a topic as she was like hey, it’s fine, I’ll get to see mom.) -- so I think that’s where people feel a bit out at sea. We just get “it’s fine it’s okay” without any of the other affirmations, which I suppose are given to be baked into the rest of the story for us to presume from previously established text and the vague covid-version handwave of “Well this couple is over there, and your mom and dad are here, oh and coincidentally, Cas is still here” as the peak of how reunion got to go, which is--IMO--REALLY why the ending landed hollow with most people.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #15.20

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beingdreeyore · 3 years

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I’m at a super low point. Possibly the lowest point.

My friends are trying, but there is only so many times I can say “please don’t try and problem solve or give me platitudes or pep talks. My life is genuinely in a super rough patch and I just need to talk and it would help if you could listen” before I give up and let them do what they need to do for them to feel better. ie. give me pep talks and platitudes and problem solve problems that I’ve already problem solved as much as they can be solved. I love them, but seriously.

Yes, I know that honey and lemon tea would make me feel better but I can’t get any because I am isolating pending my covid swab. So that suggestion is much less helpful than you think. Yes, I know it’s a shame I don’t have a boyfriend who could duck out and get it for me. Yes, I am aware that it must be tough to be single and live alone in these conditions as I am currently living that life. Yes, it is fantastic that your boyfriend is so supportive. No, I don’t think that the new town will be a good break from the guy because the guy ins’t talking to me in this town, so change of location would be unnecessary for that reason. No, I do not see hotel quarantine as a chance to relax...?!

So, for the first time ever, I called my clinical psychologist and said, “I’m not coping as well as I normally do. Help.” And she’s booked me in for tomorrow. Purely so I can cry and whinge and vent and cry out “it’s not fair” about all the things that no one else wants to hear and that I have no control over. And so I can be honest about how much I miss him and how much it hurts and how confused I am about the pain I’m in and how angry I am at myself for feeling this way about someone who doesn’t feel the same.

I’m currently isolating due to this respiratory infection (although my landlord is insisting on coming over this afternoon to do a rental inspection before I go, so despite barely being able to breathe I’ve had to scrub the apartment). I’m barely sleeping because I can’t breathe, so my resilience is at an all-time low. I’m incredibly stressed about the move because now there are questions of whether I’ll even be allowed to board the plane in this state. When I get there, I’ll be going from self-isolating here to quarantine there. One of the guys I’m going to be living with I’ve just been informed has had two complaints of sexual harassment put in about him from previous housemates, another is so freaking weird that even his fellow psychiatry registrars completely avoid him (and if you know psych, you know that’s saying a lot). My car is trapped in a different state due to the border closures. I’m removed from all my friends. Most of the big things I do to feel better I can’t because we are in lockdown. And yes, I’m very much nursing a broken heart and struggling with having lost the relationship with my best friend. This is the most alone I can ever recall feeling.

But I have asked for help. I’m acknowledging that I can’t do this on my own anymore.

Don’t let it ever be said that I sit and allow myself to drown when life tries to push me under. Even now in the toughest moments, I’m still fighting to feel better. I just really need all the hard work to pay off soon... I need something to go right, to go in my favour... I just need the sadness to lift so I can deal with everything else.

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everlarkbirthdaygifts · 3 years

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Happy Birthday, amazinglovers747!

Happy Birthday, @amazinglovers747! We hope you’ve had a wonderful day so far, and you got exactly the presents you were hoping for! To keep your party going a little while longer, the lovely @endlessnightlock has written a story just for you!

Happy Birthday! This fic is rated E for explicit sexual content and swearing. There are also mentions of Covid home-quarantine if anyone is trying to avoid that subject right now; it's not a big plot point, just a means to the end.

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Johanna slid onto the stool next to Katniss at the breakfast bar She casually grabbed her wrist, temporarily holding her prisoner.

“Hey!” Katniss cried as Johanna raised her trapped hand and took a bite of the toast dangling between her fingers. Once she was free, in disgust, she flung it away. Johanna, of course, deftly snatched the toast mid-air before it had a chance to land on the kitchen floor.

“You do remember we’re in the middle of a pandemic, don’t you? We shouldn’t be eating after each other! Are you trying to get sick?”

Johanna rolled her eyes as she stood, her crunchy, perfectly browned spoils in hand as she moved to the sink. “And we live together, brainless. We’re around each other all the time, so it’s not like we’re not swimming around in each other’s germs already.” She took another bite of the toast, letting it dangle from her mouth as she poured herself some coffee. ”If one of us gets sick, we're all going to.”

“Speak for yourself,” Finnick said, rounding the corner next to the refrigerator. He had a towel slung low over his hips, barely in place, casually rubbing another one across his hair. “I keep myself in peak physical condition, just for such a reason. My body is a perfect, well-oiled machine. I don’t have time to get sick- I can’t deprive the world just because of something like COVID; after all, I’m already covering my face when I go out. That’s enough of a loss.”

Katniss ignored him- this was just typical Finnick Odair nonsense, same as the display of skin. Neither was anything new. When she first moved into this place a year ago, it’d been an adjustment, to say the least, getting used to all the nudity that went on within its walls.

It wasn’t like Katniss was ashamed of her body or anything; she looked okay, she guessed. She’d just never met two less-shy people in her life than Finnick and Johanna. Neither had a problem walking around the apartment half-dressed or worse at any hour of the day.

Katniss had lost count of the number of times she’d seen Finnick’s bare ass or watched Johanna casually stroll around naked in the girls’ shared bathroom while one of the other of them was getting ready in the morning.

At least it’s not Peeta walking around naked; Katniss thought as that squirmy, ticklish feeling reared its head the way it did every time she thought of her third roommate. That would be sensory overload.

Not that she wouldn’t want to see Peeta in the buff (lord knew she did), she'd just prefer that happen in private.

It might seem strange while living with easily the most handsome man she’d ever met (Finnick was vain, but honestly, she didn’t blame him; if she were that attractive, Katniss would probably be the same), she couldn’t keep thoughts of her other roommate from sneaking in.

She had the worst crush on Peeta. Shamefully, he was who she thought of when she, ahh, took care of her own needs. It was so disrespectful of their friendship, but Katniss couldn’t stop herself from fantasizing about him.

Speaking of which-

There was Peeta too, yawning against the back of his hand as he slumped down onto the stool beside her.

“Morning,” Katniss told him softly, touching his elbow in greeting.

He smiled at her, shifting on the stool to get comfortable before pushing an errant strand of wavy hair out of his face.

Katniss wished she could do that herself- she had such an urge to touch Peeta’s hair. His blond waves were so fluffy-looking and soft, and he hadn’t had a haircut in ages; his barber shop was shut down for the pandemic.

She could tell the length was starting to get on Peeta’s nerves, although he didn't say it. He typically kept his hair just long enough to be manageable, not those long, wavy bangs that were currently hanging in his eyes. Katniss would ask him if he wanted one of her ponytail holders to pull it back, but the idea of him with a douchey man-bun was revolting.

Finnick turned around, squinting disapprovingly around the protein drink he held up to his lips as he studied Peeta carefully. “You need a haircut,” he finally said, ”that mop looks terrible.”

”Thanks a lot, Captain Obvious,” Katniss grumbled, scowling at the side of Finnick’s ridiculously handsome face. He was so annoying with his fastidiousness sometimes: not everyone was that worried about their appearance.

Peeta took his teasing in stride, though. “Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? We're quarantining. Besides- I’m working from home. Who’s going to see me? Just the rest of my department at our Zoom meetings, and they look as shitty as I do. Seneca Crane has two inches of white hair coming in at his roots.”

“I bet that’s a look,” Johanna quipped.

Peeta’s supervisor was an asshat of epic proportions.

She picked up her travel mug. “I gotta go; I have to be in early today.”

“You don’t look shitty,” Katniss reassured Peeta once Johanna left.

“No, he’s right,” he sighed, crossing his arms on the counter and burying his face there.

Katniss shot a scowl at Finnick as he breezed by; he winked at her and she rolled her eyes. The back of Finnick’s towel was slipping off, giving her a view of spray-tanned ass cheek as he headed back to his room to get ready for work himself.

“Covid certainly isn’t stopping Finnick from keeping up with his salon-services, is it?” she muttered once he was gone. “That’s ridiculous, even from him.”

“I think he’s got a thing going on with the tech,” Peeta told her, looking up again. “Annie, I think he said her name is? If they’re fucking the way he insinuates like they are-”

Katniss felt her whole body flame as that word slipped from his mouth. Peeta didn’t swear very often, so that made it a thousand times hotter when it happened. She could feel her body tensing from one pass of the word fuck from his lips. It didn’t hurt that they were alone, and Peeta was grinning conspiratorially at her.

When he leaned closer, she could feel the warmth from his body and smell his soap-and-Peeta-scent. It was too distracting-

“Katniss?” He was staring at her questioningly. His lips turned up in a little smile, and his eyes crinkled in the corners the way they did when he was genuinely amused by something and not just being polite- something he thankfully never did to her. “Are you alright? Lost you there for a minute, I think.”

“Sorry. ” Katniss had been so distracted by his nearness she’d zoned out on the tail end of what he was saying. ”Finnick and Annie are fucking-” Her brain was absolutely not keeping up with her mouth.

She had to get out of here before something stupid came out.

“Yeah, just um; I’ve got to go use the bathroom,” Katniss said, sliding off the barstool like her seat was burning, making her escape.

“Are you going to be around today?” Peeta asked as she inched away from him.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started scrolling, as she held her breath. Finally, after what felt like tense silence to her but didn’t seem to phase him a bit, Peeta glanced up, waiting for her answer.

“I’m not working today.”

“I might need your help with something later,” he said, glancing down at his phone screen again. “If you don’t mind.”

She let out the breath she’d been holding. “No, that’s okay. Just come find me when you need me.”

“Thanks.”

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A few hours later, a little rat-a-tat-tat sounded on her bedroom door.

“Katniss?” Peeta called from the hallway, “are you busy now? I was wondering if I could get your help.”

Katniss sat up on her bed, tossing aside the book she’d spent the last hour or so trying to read after running to her room to hide. She stood up, straightening her clothes as she walked towards the door. Peeta was on the other side when she opened it, grinning at her, wearing boxer briefs and an undershirt.

“Hey,” Katniss said, crossing her arms over her chest. She tried to sound casual and not at all like she had to force herself to keep her eyes on his face.

But then, she couldn’t take her eyes off his face because something was different-

“I’m giving myself a haircut,” Peeta explained, running a hand through the blond waves on top of his head. The hair around his face was shorter and somewhat even, but the back still long- it didn’t look like he’d done anything to it at all. “Would you help me do the rest? I’m afraid I’ll screw it up if I try and finish it on my own.”

“I’ve never cut anyone’s hair-” that and the fact that she probably wouldn't be able to breathe standing that close to him.

“You’ll do a better job than I would, at least,” Peeta reassured her. “Besides, if it’s awful, I’ll just shave my head and start over.”

Katniss frowned at him. “Like that’s not putting any pressure on me!” The last thing she wanted him to do was shave his head- that would be a disgrace to such a nice head of hair.

“Maybe I’ll just shave it anyway. If you don’t help me, I will. I can’t walk around with a mullet.”

His hair was a baby mullet right now- she had to agree. At the least, it looked like that dark-haired guy from Hall & Oates.

”It’s just hair. Besides, what harm can it do? It’ll grow back,” he went on.

Katniss frowned at him for a minute, to no avail. When he refused to give her an easy out, she sighed resignedly. “Fine. I’ll try it.”

“Atta-girl,” Peeta cheered her on as she followed him down the hall to the bathroom. “What harm can it do?”

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What harm can it do? Oh, a hell of a lot, to her nerves, at least.

When they reached the bathroom, Peeta sat down on the closed toilet lid and promptly reached behind his back, pulling his shirt off in that one-armed way guys have that made his biceps and shoulders and abs bunch before tugging the material over his head.

Dear god, give her strength-

And then he just sat there smiling up at her like it was perfectly normal to be hanging out in his underwear, waiting for her to put her hands on him.

Not that she was putting her hands on Peeta per se, only his hair.

Katniss let out a shaky breath. How was she going to do this? To cut his hair, she was going to have to stand just inches away from him like that. At least if she were doing the back, his eyes wouldn’t be on her, she told herself. That was some consolation.

“I don’t want to get any hair on my clothes,” Peeta explained with a shrug. “Maybe I should’ve got a trash bag or something to cover up with.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Katniss said, berating for getting so flustered. She reminded herself to breathe and, under no circumstances, let him see the way he was affecting her. They were friends- this wasn’t so outrageous. She was the one with hangups about semi-nudity. “Where are the scissors?” she asked, looking away from him.

“On the counter,” he said, indicating the sink with a tilt of his head.

She walked over to grab them.

“Do you have a bra on?” Peeta asked casually, just as her hands closed around the scissors.

It was the worst timing; Katniss nearly stabbed herself, trying to correct her grip on them when she dropped them in surprise. “What?”

“I can’t always tell- you’re not very big-”

Katniss frowned down at her hand. She briefly considered stabbing a particular roommate, who was currently lounging around in his underwear, in the side of his neck with the scissors.

That was a shitty thing to say about her chest- it fucking hurt, actually, sending her confidence in an immediate nosedive down the staircase of self-respect. Okay, yeah, her breasts weren’t massive by any means, but she was petite; what kind of a jerk thought he had the right to say something like that? She was just fine, proportion-wise-

Peeta laughed nervously. “I’m an idiot, Katniss. What I meant to say was you’re perky. I can’t always tell whether you’re wearing a bra or not.”

“Why exactly are we talking about my breasts?” She managed to get out, between frustration and, yes, uncertainty, because she could never un-know that Peeta had spent enough time thinking about her breasts to describe them as “perky,” and that meant he’d been thinking about her, right?

Did that mean he was looking at her the same way she looked at him? Katniss doubted that- she’d think she’d notice, but still.

Either way, she told herself, this had to be a personal all-time-low for her.

But then again, it was Peeta, and he was her friend. And friends could joke around with each other about breasts, right? It didn’t have to be a huge deal.

Right?

“If you are wearing a bra, you could take your shirt off. I figured you might not want to get hair all over your clothes either,” Peeta ran a hand through his hair again. He seemed nervous, which wasn’t like him. “I’m not trying to get you naked or anything-“

Katniss was sure her heart was going to explode out of her chest at any minute, a ticking time bomb waiting for one more word or action from Peeta. She was so confused.

But then she relaxed- she had on a sports bra; it was no less than what she would wear when they went running together, so she peeled her shirt over her head without thought. Why not- it was still more than Johanna or Finnick would wear on any given day, and it’d never bothered those two.

Katniss picked the scissors up off the counter again before stepping towards Peeta. “Any requests?” she asked, clicking them a little, trying to lighten the mood.

He turned around, presenting her with his back, and she didn’t think she’d imagined the way his eyes lingered on her chest before he moved. She watched the rise and fall of Peeta’s shoulders as he shrugged. “No, just try to get it a little shorter. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

A loaded sort of silence descended on them as she assessed the back of Peeta’s head. The only sounds in the room were slightly strangled breathing coming from him; she kind of reveled in the sound- it meant he had to be at least a little affected by her proximity, too.

Finally, Katniss began. She grasped a handful of his hair to get a feel for it. His blond strands were soft, curling around her fingers, and when she grazed her nails across his scalp accidentally, Peeta shuddered.

“That tickled a little,” his voice sounded strained. Katniss could make out the rough bobbing-up-and-down of Peeta’s Adam’s apple when he swallowed.

She continued cutting his hair in silence, little snips here and there. She trimmed it slowly, savoring the moment, trying to get it short around the edges, being extra careful around the back of his ears and the base of his neck.

The air in the room grew more charged between them as the clock on the wall ticked the seconds by, still the only sound to be heard.

Katniss found that the ever-present awareness of him made it difficult to speak. There was a trace of yesterday’s cologne on his skin, and standing so close to him, looking at the arms and shoulders and back that she wanted nothing more than to run her hands over was driving her crazy. The temptation was so strong- what would he do if she buried her face in his hair or kissed that space between his shoulder blades that called to her?

“I think I’m all done,” she told Peeta after fighting off the temptation. She hardly recognized the sound of her voice, shaky and low as she forced her hands back, curling them tightly into fists to keep from touching him.

Katniss stepped back, giving him some room to turn around. She crossed her arms over her stomach anxiously while Peeta got up and walked to the mirror. He brushed past her quickly, but it wasn’t fast enough to ignore the tingle at the place of contact.

Katniss placed one hand over her throat. She was freaking out- her pulse was beating so rapidly she was sure it was visible beneath the thin skin at her neck.

When Peeta reached the mirror, he glanced at himself while she watched him in the mirror’s reflection. The color in his face was high, but he was so fair-skinned he couldn’t hide a blush to save his life. After the agonizing silence went on longer than she could stand, Katniss looked away and reached for her shirt. She needed to get away from him before she did something stupid like kiss him or cry.

“I think it might be a little uneven in the front.” Peeta stopped her, his eyes meeting hers in the mirror when she looked up. “Would you take a little more off the front for me?”

She nodded. She still didn’t trust herself to speak.

Peeta sat down on the toilet seat again- but this time, he faced her head-on without moving. She inched closer and closer, and when she got close enough that her legs were just grazing his knees, it sent a shiver through her body.

He took her hand, and widening his legs, urged her to stand between them.

Katniss moved closer, refusing to look below his shoulders; she was unsure what she would do if the outline of an erection were visible against the material of his grey boxer briefs. She had an almost-sickening (because the possibilities excited and scared her in equal measure) feeling that was precisely what she’d find.

“You’re so little, I didn’t know if you could reach me standing over there,” he explained. His voice was husky. The sound was as sexy as hell.

Katniss wondered how Peeta was taking her silence as she moved closer to him. She was on edge and hot all over. With the first puff of his breath on her skin, though, she shivered. Staring down at the top of his head and trying to control her breathing, she debated where exactly she should start cutting this time. Eventually, she just started taking tiny snips out of the crown and sides of his hair.

Katniss had no idea where any of this tension was going to take them and no close what his hair would look like, either.

It was almost impossible to focus on what she was doing with the way his warm breath fluttered against her body.

It felt like his eyes were boring into her skin.

Torture: that’s what this would get labeled under, she decided. Shirtless time with Peeta spent giving him a haircut would be a prominent feature in her future spank bank. And unlike her other moments, at least this part of it was real. Her brain could fill in the fantasy portion long after it was over.

Peeta sighed, and the sound was different, almost resigned. Before she had a chance to say something to him, though, his hands were at her waist, just above the band of her sleep shorts. She froze mid-snip, scissors dangling awkwardly between her fingers.

“Katniss?”

“Hmm,” she said, because this felt so good it couldn’t be real, and if she said something, it might be over. Also, her brain pretty much felt like mashed potatoes: fluffy and warm, but not possessing any higher-reasoning ability.

“Is this okay?” he asked, fingers just pressing into her skin.

She couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but look down at his familiar blue eyes.

Peeta stared at her, and there was something there distinctly begging her not to reject him. He finally dropped his hands when the silence dragged on for too long- it was only then Katniss found her voice again.

“No, don’t stop. Please.”

It must’ve been just enough encouragement because he was pressing his lips against the space between her breasts before she could blink. “Oh god,” she whispered into the top of his head. His lips on her body had to be the best thing she’d ever felt, soft and warm.

Peeta pulled her closer, and she let him take the scissors out of her hand when he reached for them. It was probably a good thing- she’d forgotten she was still holding them.

He dropped the scissors on the bathroom floor, and they made a clinking sound hitting the tile, barely audible over their heavy breathing.

Peeta trailed his lips up her neck and across her jaw while his hands were at her hips and thighs, caressing her smooth skin, pushing up beneath the flimsy material of her sleep shorts.

Finally, their lips met, and Katniss wrapped her arms around Peeta’s neck, melting against him- at least as much as she could while he was sitting on a toilet, anyway. But who cared where they were? He was kissing her, she was kissing him, and it was all glorious.

It wasn’t long before things grew heated between them; the flood of repressed longing came out in a rush of touches and words:

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long-”

“You have no idea-”

More kissing, more hands moving everywhere.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” he asked, finally.

Katniss nodded, breathing against his mouth. Things were moving fast, and she didn’t want to stop, but they probably shouldn’t be doing this here. Maybe somewhere else that wasn’t too far away, though. “Shower?” she asked.

“Fuck, please. Yes,” he muttered, standing up quickly. He caught her off guard but was then walking her backward, taking her with him, stumbling towards the shower. When they made it there, still upright, Peeta reached around the curtain and turned the water on. Katniss pulled her bra off, and her shorts and underwear quickly followed behind as he shoved his underwear down his legs.

And then they were both bare. How had this happened so fast?

But she didn’t have much of a chance to dwell on things because Peeta’s naked body was pressed against hers, sending sensation through her every limb, every inch. Not to mention, his hands were everywhere.

She loved his hands.

“Let’s get in,” Katniss mumbled against his mouth, just keeping herself from kissing him long enough that they wouldn’t end up horizontal on the bathroom floor.

After checking the temperature, Peeta yanked the curtain back and pulled Katniss inside the shower, beneath the warm spray with him. She expected something fast and hard to happen because they were both so worked up, but instead, the act of getting into the shower slowed them down. They were still kissing, wet and slow and deep, until Peeta backed away from kissing her long enough to lean his forehead against hers and stare down at her.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” he finally said, his hand trailing up her thigh, his touch so inexplicably gentle, worshipful. Peeta slid up her belly, stopping to cup her breasts. He kissed her deeply before running his thumb across her nipple. “You’re sexy everywhere, but these are spectacular.”

Katniss gasped against his mouth when he pinched her lightly. “Not too small?” she asked, half-laughing at her question. With the way Peeta seemed enthralled with her, she wasn’t concerned. It was quite the opposite. She’d never felt so comfortable or confident with a guy before.

“That was so stupid-”

“It’s fine.” She let her hand skate down his hip, and he pressed his lower half against her thigh in response.

“I’m just teasing you,” Katniss said, as she ran her lips down at his neck, sighing against his wet skin. His body was gorgeous- not hours spent working out at the gym perfect like Finnick’s, but because he was real and muscular, and it was Peeta, and she’d wanted him forever.

She couldn’t believe he wanted her too. “You wouldn’t just do this with just any girl who cut your hair, would you- spectacular breasts or no?”

“Why do you think I asked you to take your shirt off?”

“So, you were trying to get me naked!”

They did laugh then, lips and teeth bumping together as he kissed her. It only lasted until his hand moved down between her thighs, cupping her sex. Katniss stood on her toes and kissed him deeply, and he took the cue to delve further when she widened her stance. He slid his fingers between her lips, touching her where she was swollen and achy for him.

“You feel so good,” Peeta said, stroking lightly, “you’re so wet.” His fingers brushed against her clit, giving her a teasing little swipe around it that made Katniss bite her lip. “Feel good?” he asked.

“Yes,” she mumbled, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against the shower wall.

Peeta kissed the side of her neck as he touched her, sliding his fingers through her folds and around her opening, dipping inside of her before pulling out to rub a little more firmly with each forward pass, until her hips were chasing after his fingers each time he moved them away. Finally, tired of his teasing, Katniss scrabbled at his hand, squeezing his wrist to let him know he needed to stay there until further notice.

Soon, with Peeta’s wrist still in a death grip between her thighs, his fingers rubbing quickly at her nerve bundle in an on-again, off-again motion, Katniss cried softly, dropping his wrist when she began to climax. She slumped against his body as he thrust two thick fingers deep inside of her, burying her nose against his chest as she pulsed around them. Peeta kept pumping his fingers in and out of her, fucking her with them.

Katniss was still catching her breath, mouth hanging open against his shoulder where beads of moisture left his skin slick to the touch when he pulled his fingers out of her. She looked up at him when she could focus again, her lids heavy, her body heavy and muscles relaxed from release.

Peeta was staring down at her, his gaze intense.

“What do you like?” Katniss asked shyly. She straightened up the best she could, a little wobbly on her feet and wondering exactly how it was that people had shower sex.

Peeta cut her words off with a quick kiss, and while she was kissing him back, he took her hand and wrapped it around his cock. “Let’s just go with this, okay?” he said, his eyes searching hers. “I’m not in any big hurry, are you?”

This part felt like Peeta too (and she didn’t mean his very hard, very thick cock in her hand); the not pushing her, not being in any kind of a rush to move things fast. Katniss knew he was a methodical guy, and the thought of what that could mean sex-wise with him was kind of thrilling.

Absolutely nothing seemed wrong with just fooling around for now. It made Katniss’s core ache all over again, just running her hand up and down his shaft rubbing her thumb across the broad head of his cock.

Her jaw went slack as she pumped Peeta to completion- it was better than any fantasy she’d ever had about him. His eyes were closed, one hand on her breast and one at her hip, when his face contorted in ecstasy. She watched his abdomen flutter and felt his cock tense. He throbbed in her hand as his cum came spurting out over the top of her fist like a fountain. Peeta moaned her name as he came apart, his hips rocking in time with the pulsing of his cock. It was easily the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.

And the best part was Katniss knew they had the apartment to themselves all day.

She had every intention of taking advantage of it. “Come on,” she said to Peeta, turning off the water and flinging the curtain back once he recovered, “my bedroom, now.”

#everlark #everlark fanfiction #everlarkbirthdaydrabbles #everlarkbirthdaygifts #fan fic #by endlessnightlock

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zagubionywilk · 3 years

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i’ve kind of sat here wondering what to write for the last few hours as an exit of this year. in honesty there’s so much to say but so little words to express it all. in honesty though i just want to thank those who gave me new chances this year and got to know me after taking the time to read my rules and give me that chance. there have been stumbles early on this year and each moment has been a learning experience. i’m not perfect, no one ever is but i’ve never stood here and lied and said i always have been. i’ve been on geralt since near day one of the new year in 2020 and those around me have been kind and ushered in a change for myself that i might not thought possible at the end of 2019.

i’ve not always been a good person, a kind person and taking a gander at conversations that exist from me in a time where i was my worst really shows that. i’ve had people check me in the past year and i’ve hopefully learned and grown from who i was seven and longer months ago. the situation that happened in the witcher rpc that was not even created by me was construed to be by someone who knew exactly what he was doing to get the fire off his back. it worked, the receipts blog was made but i continued to move on and grow. my trust wavered in people but i still stand here --------- writing here with friends new and old that have either been here since day one or those that have given me a chance just recently.

its been a tough year for everyone, people have lost people, lost the ability to see their family and friends as it was upended by covid-19. tumblr became a place where most that wouldn’t be here often ended up being here most of the time and in doing so . . people grew bored and begun to target people for the smallest of things. things that should have absolutely been handled in private and didn’t need to be aired like dirty laundry. this is something that, gods, wasn’t even done to me but it happened a lot this year than any other year i’ve been on this website.

i hope it changes. the culture needs to change with people actually following people’s dni’s and blocking and blacklisting people genuinely rather than saying they have and lying about it. its obvious when you showboat it . . why are you still seeing x person on your dash if you’ve gone out of your way to say otherwise. makes no sense.

anyway.

again, i wanna thank everyone for supporting my blogs, me and giving me pointers when required when something was wrong or misunderstood. i wanna thank my mutuals for being beautiful people, kind and caring ( even though most of u refuse to drink water so one day i will come for you with a fish or a pillow, mark my words. ) and i hope you all have a better new year than this one ---- the pandemic won’t end when the clock strikes midnight but we all have our parts to play.

my aim in 2021 is to continue the non - liner timeline to being my better self, continue therapy and continue my studies and get my ass into gear for my future, whatever that may be. i wish the same for y’all as well <3 !!

be safe. drink water. wear a mask. be good people. thanks for reading this monster of a post !!

#{ PLEASE LIKE IF U READ THX <3 }#{ don't mind me. i'm being sappy and reflective on main }#⚔️ // its not so ordinary either ( misc. )#⚔️ // i'm here i'm queer and lets get this meditation started ( mun )

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grakkyy · 3 years

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TW: HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA

Thinking about when I was in high school band and discovered that the German word for Bassoon is "Fagott" so I would purposely say it any chance I could to make fun.

This was during a time before I discovered I was panromantic asexual and wanted nothing to do with the LGBTQIA+ community. I was raised to believe everything about it was wrong and offensive to the religion I was apart of at the time. So I made jokes and said things I really really regret to this day. I know that the queer friends I had were uncomfortable with me and it's something I'm not sure I can ever really make up for since I was a contributing factor in the trauma they received as queer people in the deep south.

It wasn't until I went to college in Georgia that I realized just how wrong I was. I met so many people with different views and experiences and backgrounds and sexualities and I'll forever be grateful for the education I got from them. Now, by this time I thought myself to be a firm ally to the LGBTQIA+ community and stopped making the homophobic jokes and comments that I had developed a habit of, but I can still remember VIVIDLY telling one of my friends, "Yeah I support them but I don't like the idea of them getting married and stuff. Especially in a church." Because at the end of the day, no matter how much I tried to be supportive, I still found it all to be against my religion. Deep down I still thought that it was wrong. It was also during this time that I got my first official boyfriend. He wanted to have sex and I didn't because at the time I thought it was because my religion told me I should wait for marriage and not because I was sex repulsed. This was the first real thing to make me even start questioning myself.

So flash forward to April of 2020. I'm 19 years old at this point, a college dropout, lost my job due to covid, and moved back home with my family due to covid. I'm questioning everything at this point. I've educated myself more (honestly thanks to tik tok and tumblr if we're being honest) on both the LGBTQIA+ and my religion. It was at this point that I realized once again how wrong I really was.

I discovered the term Asexual and did extensive research because of it, including articles, tumblr blogs, and porn. I realized that I was actually a sex repulsed Asexual and that's why I only ever found romance attractive. I then went on to have the great epiphany of August 2020 when I made...a tinder profile.... and checked the box that said "all genders" to match with. Because for me, i realized that personality and companionship is what matters instead of a gender.

In November of 2020, I made a minecraft server. This is where I learned a lot about Trans and non binary people. I made friends with a trans guy that I misgendered more than a few times simply because I knew he was trans. Granted, I never did it on purpose but I know that I still messed up and upset him multiple times. He's educated me a lot and we've had deep conversations about being trans and the hardships they can and do go through on the daily.

I also met my partner through this server and they're amazing🥰 just had to throw that in.

And now, I'm proud to say that I will be celebrating my first Pride month as a panromantic asexual and member of the LGBTQIA+ community. I know who I truly am now.

All of this is to say that growth isn't linear. It took me years and years to realize how wrong I was and who I was. I went back and forth on opinions and denied many facts that I refused to see because there were times that I didn't want to learn. I believe I've changed for the better and I genuinely don't think it would have been possible had it not been for the wonderful people I've met and learned from.

Education is key here. Sharing your stories and sharing your experiences and sharing your pride is key.

Happy Pride everyone. Thank you for helping me grow and learn as a person and accepting me into this community. I love you all🏳️‍🌈

#share your pride #pride month #lgbt pride #lgbtq #me

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cancerbiophd · 4 years

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Hi Julia, I’m about to do my first ever undergrad scientific research lab and I’m going to have discussion with my supervisor about the research via Microsoft teams instead of the normal meeting in his office due to the COVID-19 and I’m very awkward when it comes to communicating over the phone let alone via video calls. What should I do? I don’t want to give bad impression of me and he thinks that am damn or something.

Hey there! Congrats on starting your undergrad research journey!

And I totally feel ya when it comes to feeling anxious and awkward about webcam or phone communications, and your feelings of discomfort are totally valid. So much of our communication may rely in part on non-verbal cues, and it’s really hard or impossible to convey that via webcam and the phone. Also, many of us are simply just not used to communicating regularly through these means, especially in professional/school settings, so there’s a learning curve.

A quick note about your first meeting: It’ll be very introductory, and your supervisor will probably do most of the talking as it’s their chance to teach you about the research, and show you where your role will be. So all you have to do is just listen, jot down any notes and questions you may have, and take it all in! I know it may feel overwhelming at first, but know that your supervisor does not expect you to become an expert on everything the lab overnight and will understand how to take everything one step at a time. And if you’re confused about something or need help, please ask questions. Asking questions shows you care about the research and your own growth in the lab. Your voice is important and you deserve to be heard, and any questions you have are valid. Remember: there is no such thing as a stupid question when you’re asking it to genuinely learn!

Now, onto your question--I don’t think I’m a pro at this, but these are some things regarding online meetings/phone calls that have worked for me:

Test out the app and set everything up beforehand. This eliminates any anxiety I may have about technical problems when the meeting starts. I make sure to download the application at lease a few hours before my meeting to ensure ample time for any misc things, like necessary restarts, account set-up, etc. I also will take a few moments to familiarize myself with the app buttons and functions (especially where the mute and camera-off buttons are!), set up my webcam, and take into consideration the angle, lighting (it’s best to have lighting in front of us, not behind), my background (if we can’t control this, some apps have virtual backgrounds you can use or customize. I know Zoom does this, but I’ve never used Microsoft Teams), my posture*, etc. I also test my preferred mic (eg. normal computer mic or headphone-mic combo). As a cherry on top sometimes I enlist a friend or family member to do a test call with me to absolutely confirm everything is a-ok. *If you’re like me and sit in a spinny-office-chair and have a tendency to rotate from side to side when nervous, I try to swap out the chair for one that doesn’t spin during my meetings, as I know sometimes those movements can be really distracting to the other person. I did this for my PhD defense via Zoom and it worked well.

On the day of, I maintain regular checks of my email just in case whoever I’m meeting with is running late, or needs to reschedule, etc. I’ve lost count of how many times my PI had to email me 5 min after our meeting time with “sorry! running late! be there soon”. If it’s 10 min past your meeting time and they haven’t shown, it is absolutely ok to send a quick email with: “I am currently in the online meeting room. Let me know if you can make it, or would like to reschedule. Thanks!” It happens. It’s so easy to miss online meetings because there’s no actual physical person showing up.

There will be a lot of “Oh sorry, what were you saying?” or “Oh go on”. There may be moments when both of us will start talking at the same time (especially if it’s over the phone or the webcams are off) because we don’t have those natural body cues of initiating conversations anymore, and that’s ok, expected, and may happen a lot. There may also be moments where someone’s internet connection may cut off for a split second so a word is missed, or there’s a loud unexpected noise in the background, etc. Other phrases that are ok to say include: “Could you repeat that last part again, thank you”, “I didn’t quite catch that”, “If I understand correctly, ___”, “Ah ok, I see, so what you’re saying is ___”, etc.

Related, it may also be very easy for one of us to just keep talking without pause for the other person to respond. When I’m speaking, I consciously try to remember to add, “Does that make sense?” or “Do you have any questions?” regularly in order to create a space for the other person to be a part of the conversation. If I’m a listener and am having trouble finding a good space to cut in, I either make note of my questions/comments and then go through them at the end (by starting with: “I have a few questions I’d like to ask”, so the other person knows I have more than one question and should probably not ramble on for too long on their answers), or I interrupt with an apology (I start by saying the speaker’s name, followed by: ”I’m sorry to interrupt but I just have a quick question/comment before we go on.”). I’ve seen the latter more and more during my work meetings, and everyone is very understanding and accepting of the situation and its necessity if you’re polite about it.

Continue your natural body language movements as if you’re meeting in person. On top of it being hard for some of us to stop these (sometimes subconscious) movements, it does help us communicate even if the other person can’t see because it may come through in our tone, word choice, etc. Also I really like it when the person I’m talking to is nodding at the appropriate times to convey they understand (or at least are paying attention).

Take notes during the meeting. This would still be important during in-person meetings because it’s crucial to remember what was discussed in case there’s info I need to remember, or action items for follow-up. It also shows I care and am invested in the research and what the other person has to say to me.

Related, I may also have discussion points written down beforehand for anything I’d like to bring up during the meeting. This probably isn’t necessary for your first ever meeting (unless you do have some questions about the research, which are always good!), but may become more applicable in later meetings.

Keep the meeting to the time slot allotted, unless otherwise specified. It’s very easy for online meetings/phone calls to run late, so unless all meeting participants are ok with the meeting running over, I try to be mindful of the clock and of the other person’s schedule. If there does need to be a time-extension, I ask first: “Do you mind if we keep going for __ more minutes? Or would you prefer we schedule another meeting later today/this week to keep discussion this?” And if the meeting is running late and I need to leave for a prior commitment, I interject with, “I’m sorry to cut this short but I need to leave for another meeting/appointment.” Totally ok to do that too.

It’ll take practice, and it’ll take time. Becoming comfortable with anything new will always have a learning curve attached to it, so give yourself time and patience and room to make mistakes, grow, and improve. We all have to start off as beginners before we can become experts :)

In case this also helps: How to get the most out of your undergrad lab experience (and a description of my own)

If anyone else has any tips they’ve found helpful for online meetings/phone calls, please feel free to reblog or reply!

Good luck on your meeting and all your future research endeavors :)

#jovialkittystudent #lab advice #job advice

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untitlednottitled · 3 years

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number10

Pre-Event plannings

I had a grand plan, to be lawfully wedded to my bby on our 10th anniversary, 1 year after proposing to her on our 9th, in Jeju, in front of a field of flowers with a fantastical view of the sparkling sea. I even rushed and got the engagement ring ready before our planned trip to Korea in April! But alas, covid-19 had to happen and all was foiled. After the initial plan was foiled in Apr’20, we held out hope that we would still be able to travel by the year end.. but yeah covid gave us a great big middle finger, as yet again, cases skyrocketed and we were all but grounded in sunny Singapore.

Finally, in Dec’20, I decided to propose before July’21! Since the ring and the JannPaul box has been hiding at the back of the closet for the past year, and i didnt want to put it off any longer.

i began to scout for and collate decor items bit by bit on carousell, shopee and other shopping sites. It was a painful process because my initial plan was to recreate “Venezia”, which was an ice cream cafe we went to at Sixth Avenue, back in our JC days before it bowed out of Singapore a few years ago. There was next to no mention of Venezia on google and I was also unable to find any useful logos of the establishment either! So that idea was scrapped. Next, there was the plan to create big cut-outs of either Monsta X or VIXX members who would seem ‘genuinely happy for the proposal’.. but once again, let down by google, as the images I managed to find were either too pixelated or not relevant enough. Sadly, that idea flopped too. In the end, I decided to go for a more normal but personal decor to surprise bby :)

Truthfully, there were many chances to surprise-propose bby, especially our most recent staycation at Park Royal Marina Bay, but I didn’t feel that I was ready to do it.. so I delayed it till our big dinner on July 10th. Why July 10th? SAF had the brilliant idea to schedule my ICT during our actual 10th anniversary date, so we decided that we would have our anniversary dinner earlier. Furthermore, after Gyu Bar, we decided that we could and wanted to try more fine dining. After much research and deliberation (between Whitegrass and Buona Terra), we finally went for Whitegrass, which had decidedly nicer deco and ambiance.

The weekend before the 10th, bby suddenly suggested that after our big dinner, maybe we should go for a drive. This gave me a great idea - if i drove, this meant that she would have to come stay over, and then I would definitely be able to surprise-propose to her! I very easily agreed with her suggestion and went for a slightly higher-end car, an Audi. Thankfully, this rental was not far from my place and the rental wasn’t that much higher than the Honda Fit before. So far, all was going to plan. Then, we also decided that since we would be getting a car, we could travel slightly further out, eg. the East. We decided to go to Playground Ragdolls, which would be our first interactions with our dream pet for our new house!

I ordered a huge preserved flower bouquet beforehand as well as a tiny flower-box, to be delivered on the July 9th, which was also my mum’s birthday. She requested to have chilli crabs for dinner, which my bro bought from Jumbo seafood. We had a scrumptious dinner that night, but extremely regrefully, I couldn’t invite bby to come over, because it would mean that she would see all the flowers and thus ruin the entire event.

On the day itself

On the 10th, coincidentally, I had to take up a mover role, to help my bro move some of his guo-da-li stuff to his fiancee’s place in Pasir Ris in the morning. It was a very simple job that took up the bulk of my Saturday morning. After lunch, he sent me back and I quickly completed the deco and freshened up before leaving at 4pm to collect the car.

Leaving at 4pm was an overestimation of the travelling time, but also to prevent any lateness. I reached the rental car location at about 445pm but could not find the car at all. Confused, i called the host and she was quite pekcek to inform me that I was 15 mins early.. i went ‘oops’ and apologised for my kiasu-ness. At least she wasn’t overly judgey about it. I took over the car and quickly got on my way to Lakeside. Along the way, the aircon vent handphone holder kept dropping everytime I made my way over a particularly high bump as the Audi aircon vent was different from the normal aircon vents i was used to, with horizontal panes. Other than the handphone holder dropping from time to time, the drive to Jurong was pretty smooth.

I picked bby up at about 5pm and she surprised me with another street branded shirt, endorsed by Hyungwon of Monsta X. She even gifted me with a picture of him wearing the exact same shirt! I gifted her with the small flower-box and inwardly laughed as she whined about receiving another flower.. inside i was like ‘lol, wait till you get the one at night’. We drove off from Jurong to City Hall, which was supposed to get us to Chijmes in 25 mins?

Oops, we will be so early! But in the end we spent more than 35 mins on the road, because google maps was being a bitch and not giving the correct directions and we had to circle round Chijmes twice because we couldn’t enter the place! Finally, we decided to follow the signs strictly and we managed to enter the Chijmes carpark at last. We wandered around Chijmes for awhile and took some pictures. I helped her take some pictures that she was actually satisfied with!!!! SDNJIADBNAIKFAUFAKLFDNA!!!

After inwardly celebrating alone, we entered Whitegrass. Overall, the food was nothing to brag about, though the service was very good. Like what bby has said, the best things about the meal were the breads and the specially made financier by the Japanese Chef. The Chef came out to greet us and even wished us a happy anniversary followed by a picture of us hehe.

Full af, we decided to drive to Sentosa cove to sneak a peek at the rich people but nope, not allowed to ba long long go in, so we rerouted to Palawan beach instead. well well well, no entry into the beach. hur. oh well, time to head home. Inside my mind was running in all directions, almost 1.5y in the making, it’s finally gona be time!!

We reached and parked in less than 30 mins and quickly made our way back home.. only upon reaching my doorstep that i realised i left my keys in the flower-box inside the car.. luckily my dad was still awake to open the door for us.

Once in, we discovered my room door was closed and i let her enter first. Once she sweeped her eyes around the room, i panicked a little and just grabbed the ring and knelt down. I was entirely FLUSTERED and my mind was blanked out. haha, i lost all sequence of events. i knelt at an awkward angle and i wanted to switch knees, at which point, bby looked down and saw me kneeling on both knees (facepalm ttm). but okay, eventually it got sorted out and we took some pictures, with creative advice from my fiancee (^^). i also told her the entire journey from the ring all the way to present time, honestly, without hiding anything. Tbh, i wanted to make it hella grand but I missed out on some deco and by the time i discovered, it was too late to order again. UGHHH. When we went off to bathe, it was already about 1am and we had an early morning ahead. We both went to sleep happy hehe. (i got myself a ring catto)

Ragdolls all day, err’ day

I woke up next to bby catto who suddenly wrapped me up in the blankets and took a picture of me -.-

anyways, after a quick breakfast, i wore bby’s present and went out. We went some place first, before heading to La Fez in the East. It was a Morrocan restaurant which had a very pink and cutesy exterior. The food was not bad as well, the bby ordered Shakshuka while I ordered the Lamb Shwarma. Not entirely filling but good enough for me!

Next we set off for Playground Ragdolls.. but i think i missed a turn somewhere so we just parked at a nearby carpark instead. We wanted to walk to Tigerlily Pattiserie but changed our minds to head to Birds of Paradise nearby instead, since bby has been wanting to eat it. and hohoho, dark skies ahead started to thunder and shortly after rain poured down. We didn’t bring umbrella and neither were there any umbrella in the rental car.. so we decided to brave the rain. The initial rain was pretty manageable, a slightly heavy drizzle but manageable. The moment we were halfway to the next shelter however, it poured. and poured. and poured. Needless to say, we were both drenched.. and bby was wearing her Tory Burch too... nevertheless, we persevered and reached Birds of Paradise and got our ice cream too! (along the way we passed a mama shop and bought a $6 umbrella) We got roasted sesame and sea salt hojicha. Tbh, both were good but as we were practically wolfing the ice cream down and the quantity was really alot, the ice cream became pretty jelat after awhile. For the first time in a long long while, we threw away ice cream. Yes, bby was pretty horrible for throwing away ice cream, especially when she was the one who proclaimed she loved it.

With our new umbrella, we eventually made our way back the way we came, dry this time, towards Playground Ragdolls! Since we were pretty early, we waited outside for a short while, before the host let us in. and wow, once in, we were greeted by 2 curious little Singapuras. At first glance, they looked like regular strays but on a closer look, they had a kind of refined quality that really separated them from typical strays. And then as the host continued her briefing, our eyes strayed to the ragdolls. OMGGGG all so floof and cute!! Bby and I settled down near the couch and started playing with an 8 month old female kitto. and omg she was so playful!! Immediate want! While playing, we didn’t forget to enquire more about the purchase process and also listened in on the other customers’ queries as well. 1 hour passed all too quickly, and it came time to bid farewell to the cattoes.

On the way back to the car, bby remarked that she was a little peckish, so we decided to head to a drive-thru at marine parade.. but once there, no drive-thru to be seen!!! We stopped at the passenger waiting area for awhile to research but to no avail. Eventually we gave up and I drove her back to her house.

At her block, I helped to carry all the barang barang back up and I remarked to her that I was going to call her parents ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ to hint them that I proposed. And I did, but apparently, only her mum caught it. Her dad didn’t, sadly. Unfortunately, I needed to rush back to return the car, so i couldn’t stay to explain further (Sorry Father, i will explain the next time i’m there!)

Anyways, I drove back to return the car and swiftly parked. The owner ‘received’ back the car without much incident also. Aaaaand that concludes mine and bby’s eventful weekend, in which we both had our relationship statuses changed from boyfriend-girlfriend to fiance-fiancee ^^.

Honestly, I do regret not getting actual flowers for you back in 2011.. but lol, the virtual flowers confession did make our relationship more interesting though haha. Yet another interesting tale that we can tell our kids next time also. I feel so happy as I recount the entire experience and am so glad that it succeeded. This sat, we will be going to re-size the engagement ring so that bby will wear the ring for events soon!! can’t wait!!

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justkindaoverhereobsessing · 3 years

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2020 IN WRITING

tagged by: @indestinatus

tagging: no one, because I am unable to think straight. But whoever is interested in doing this: I’m interested in reading it. <3

Wow, okay, I’m getting real in this little questionnaire... read at your own risk, friends.

1. List of works published this year:

I genuinely can’t write them all out here... there are too many of them! (I’ve done so little besides writing this year!) But I keep a running list of all my projects here. I’m sorry for cheating on this one, haha.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

This question comes up a lot on these things, and I always put the same answer: That We May Forgive. It’s has emotional moments, silly moments, heartfelt moments where the warmth made me cry as I wrote. It was written in one sitting, and it’s the story where I felt most connected to the characters I love so much. It sums up the joy I feel knowing that these (fictional) friends of mine have finally reached peace after too many years of trauma and hardship. I began the story with a single line in mind, after which the characters took over and told the story for me:

Ziva's second pregnancy is nothing like her first.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

You Stumble, You Soar, which was written for one of my dearest friends in the world, @why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee. I wanted to do so much better by her, but as I ran out of time to complete the story by the end of her birthday, I rushed the writing and I think the story suffered for it. It made her happy, though, and that’s the most important thing. She deserves all the happiness, all the time—but especially on her birthday.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I can’t think of a favorite excerpt of my writing, because I’ve written so much that I can’t think back!

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

“Wow. Let me just tell you that I am absolutely in love with this story. I wake up everyday and, as I log into fanfiction, my only hope is that you've uploaded a new chapter because DAMN. The characters are so well written, the story is beautifully constructed and this last chapter just broke my heart into tiny little pieces. What a remarkable job you've done. Please, don't ever stop writing NCIS/Tiva fanfiction- specially this one story: it's one of my all time favorites. Thank you :)”

An incredibly kind and inspiring comment by a reader named Alexandra on my longest (WIP) fic, We Are an Ocean.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve had two periods of NCIS hiatus this year—and actually, I’m still in the midst of the second one right now. These have periods of turmoil in my own life. When I’m upset, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and I’m depressed and aching... that’s when I write the best, because writing is my safety blanket. When I’m feeling numb, though, or lost... the characters are lost to me, too, and so are the words I use to wrap them (and myself) in comfort.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I’m going to deviate here from NCIS, which is—I’m well aware—why most of my followers have chosen to follow me. But in the last month, I’ve written a single fic for Criminal Minds—it’s called In Possibility, it’s unpublished, and it’s now over 100,00 words. It’s centered on Spencer Reid, who was intimidating to me when I started writing the fic. He’s far more intelligent than I am, requiring me to do a lot of research to give him realistic lines, he’s a deep and complicated character with complicated motivations and a tangled, traumatic past. He also has a sweet, really good heart that’s been scarred by years of difficult work and an emotionally taxing personal life.

I thought he’d be difficult to write; to my surprise, he comes as naturally to me as any of my other favorite characters ever have. He gave me my first nanowrimo win! To be frank, he’s gotten me through a lot of shit this year. That was the best surprise.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

To be honest, I wasn’t much of a writer before this year. I enjoyed writing, especially in a roleplay setting with fandom friends... but I deeply struggled with trying to write alone. I didn’t do much of it.

Then, this year, well... the concept of writing exploded into the most important distraction, escape, and joy I could imagine.

I didn’t grow as a writer this year. I became a writer this year.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

My most recent project—the one that, as I’ve said, is (and will remain) unpublished—has given me a new perspective. It’s written for an audience of me and only me... so I’ve given myself permission to engage in the most ridiculously self-indulgent writing I’ve ever embraced and thrown myself into.

And it has been the greatest joy I could imagine in a time of great pain.*

Next year, I want to throw myself into every project I work on with as much reckless abandon as I’ve done in this last project. I want to stop worrying so much about what people will think and pursue the words that are bursting out of the fingers on my laptop keyboard. I want to have confidence in my ability to draw out emotions—if from no one else, at least from myself.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” —Emily Dickinson

And it’s alright if that one heart is mine.

That’s what I want to accomplish in my writing next year, and what a growth that would be!

* I’ve mentioned this in my last post, but I’m recovering from brain surgery, I also have the COVID-19 virus, and I’m working on passing a kidney stone that may be too big to pass. I’m writing 10,000 words a day to get through it—and it’s working. Distraction is everything to me right now.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Like Sof, I have to tag three people here, because I really couldn’t choose just one. My three best friends in the world all influenced my writing in their own ways! <3 (Sorry for deviating a little from the writing thing in some of the following lines, oops. I just have emotions that are all over the place this week!)

@indestinatus — One of a few best friends who has had my back every day for so long now. She listens when I need to talk things out—whether or not I’m talking about writing. She really gets me when I need to be silly, or I need to be serious, or I just really, really need a friend. Also, she inspired me to start learning Portuguese this year, and I’m actually practicing by writing a fic in Portuguese, lol. It’s slow going... but Sof encourages me (and corrects me, haha) whenever I work on it, just as she does with absolutely anything else I work on. Truly, I’ve had few friends in my life that are so special to me, and I love her. I really do.

@why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee — Is there a better cheerleader on this earth? Is there a better friend? Doubtful on both counts. She thinks I’m a disaster—and, by the way, she’s absolutely right—and she sometimes has to remind me to eat and sleep, but she’s totally cool with being my internet mom. Doesn’t matter that she’s nearly a decade younger than I am, lol. All of these things have bolstered me when the writer inside of me has faltered, and she has carried my burdens as I wrote them out. Anyway, she reads everything I write, and she has requested to gain access to all of my unfinished chapters and unpublished works in the event that I die—I completely trust her with that nonsense. I’ve written it into my will. Really. Like with Sof, I genuinely love Tiz, and I’d do anything for her.

@honeybadgerdocare — Best friend of 20 years. She doesn’t watch the same shows that I do, and my endless ranting makes very little sense to her... but she listens. She’s my sounding board for everything I write, everything I read, everything I watch, and everything that gives me big feelings. I genuinely can’t describe how much she has helped me with my writing every single day, so I’ll leave it at this: I could not do it without her. I’d drown in my own struggles and I’d stop creating the art that sustains me. She’s my soulmate—sorry to her fiancé. All of my love goes to her!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

HAHAHAHAHA it’s cute how you think my writing is anything other than a re-organized and fictionalized version of my life and my feelings. Real life shows up in my writing, and my writing shows up in my real life. It gets crazy and obsessive, but like... I had a trip to Israel booked this year (obviously canceled due to the pandemic, but still) because Ziva comes from Israel. (Also because of my Jewish adoration for the spiritual homeland, but the thought of going and the trip planning all started with Ziva.) I went to Baltimore so I could run down an alley yelling “YOU CAN’T OUTRUN ME, I’M WEARING TUBE SOCKS!” to encourage my inner Tony DiNozzo. I nearly froze to death in Washington, D.C. and called my mom every time I saw a little red mini coop that looked like Ziva’s, or came across a place that was featured in an NCIS scene.

And to answer the actual question here, because I obviously flipped it around like the moron I am... when the pandemic canceled things I was desperately looking forward to, I wrote a fic where Tali’s excitedly anticipated dance recital got canceled because of the pandemic. I lost my appendix (last year, but the fic was written this year — does that count?) and wrote a fic where Tali loses hers, too. (I swear, I don’t always write things that torture Tali, lol, these are just my best examples!) When I lost a couple of loved ones this year, I wrote a funeral scene where Tony and Tali remembered Ziva. Writing is definitely free therapy, y’all.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write for yourself—write what you love, and you’ll love what you write. That’s all. That’s it. That’s my advice, something I’ve learned this year.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’ve been working on We Are an Ocean for roughly a year now, and 2021 needs to see it finished. I’ve got a number of lovely, dedicated readers who deserve to see the story play out as it’s intended to be played out.

Also, my greatest love right now, In Possibility, will probably write itself to an end in 2021. Or... who knows? Maybe it will worm its way into 2022, too. :-)

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Since I already went into detail about my favorite fic of mine from this year (That We May Forgive), I’ll recommend a different one: The Stars Always Make Me Laugh. It has some of the darkest moments I’ve ever written, but it also has some of the lightest moments I’ve ever written. It was an answer to two different challenges, and if I can say this without sounding arrogant, I think I met the challenges beautifully. It gave me comfort, catharsis, and closure for a few things in my own life... and I hope it comforts my readers, too.

15. Year word count:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT (excuse my French). I just added up my AO3 word count + my current unpublished project, and... my word count is:

428,557.

FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN WORDS

I nearly just fell out of my chair. Goodbye, friends. I am deceased.

#wow wow wow #i'm so sorry for the aggressive feelings here #did not mean to get that effin detailed about my life #but i can't help that my emotions are wildly fluctuating as I fight so many health issues at once #anyway #still on hiatus but #this questionnaire thing soothed my soul #and i enjoyed doing it #thanks for the tag sof!#love you all #about cynthia #personal

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sauntered-vaguely-downward · 4 years

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A Place to Stay, Part 8. Geralt x Reader

So I’ve finally finished. I just wanna say thank you for being patient. To anyone who has been affected by covid-19, or lost loved ones like myself, just know you are not alone, and if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you.

The Storm was still raging on violently as they made their way to the stable. A particularly strong gust of wind had nearly knocked Y/N onto her arse, but Geralt caught her, holding her close to him as they pushed towards the door.

The door, which had seemed so heavy when Y/N had tried to open it flew open with ease when Gerlat pulled on its handle. Both Roach and Y/N’s horse seemed pleased to see the people before them, but more pleased at the food in the buckets they carried.

“That storm is showing no signs of getting any easier,” Y/N said quietly, taking one of the buckets to her horse.

“No,” Geralt hummed, tending to roach. He couldn’t say he was particularly disappointed in the storm's continuation. He had no desire to leave Y/N just yet.

He watched as she cared for her horse, soothing its worried groans as the storm continued to scream ahead. She was so gentle, so sweet as she spoke to it, brushing his head as she went. Geralt's heart felt as though it was swelling, and he didn’t know why. Everything about this woman made him feel whole, as though he had found where it was he was meant to be. He would give anything to have her at his side, whether that was in her small cottage, or even on his travels with him. As selfish as it sounded, Geralt wished that the storm would never end, so that she could remain near him for as long as possible.

“Are you okay?” She smiled, walking up to him. “You seemed a little bit away with the fairies just then,” she giggled, her hand reaching out and touching his arm, sending his heartbeat higher than was normal for even a witcher.

“Hmm, sorry I was just thinking,” he looked down at her, seeing the care in her eyes as she looked back at him. Not one single soul had looked at him in such a way before. “You truly are a beautiful woman Y/N, you know that?”

“That’s very kind of you Geralt,” she smiled, a blush dusting her cheeks making Geralt's heart sing. “Not so bad yourself,” she said softly. She wished she could say more, but was scared that if she did Geralt would discover that she was feeling some sort of way towards him. Changing the subject he smiled, ”We should be going back inside. You should rest, if the storm lifts tomorrow I’m sure you’ll be wanting to hit the road again.”

Geralt only nodded, a hint of disappointment rushing through him at the thought of leaving her, but she was right, he needed the coin, as much as he wanted to stay, he had to leave eventually.

With a sigh he held out his arm for her, allowing her to hold on as they made their way into her cosy house once more, to spend another evening reading and talking.

Geralt had stayed for another two nights before he left, the storm still lingering in the air as he made his leave. Each night had been much the same as the night before, they sat, oh so close together, her reading to him, eventually falling asleep beside him. He didn’t fight when she clung to him, taking her straight to her bed and allowing her to curl up beside him. Nothing more became of it, it was as innocent as could be, and yet, both longed for it to be more.

When the day came he made his leave both were unhappy, but both knew that it had to be done. She had waved him off with a bag full of food and a peck on the cheek, promising him a place to stay if ever he needed it, and he had promised he would return, saying only so he could continue the story they had been reading.

Y/N watched as he disappeared into the forest, her heart feeling as though it had been pulled through her chest and stamped upon. She shouldn’t have got attached, she had no reason to be, after all, he was a witcher, there was no chance he felt the same.

A few days had passed since Geralt had left Y/N, and each day he was away from her he felt as though the brightness of the world faded just a little. He had opted to stay in the town south of Y/N’s home, looking out to find any jobs. When his luck came up dry he went to the tavern, too concerned with the ache in his chest to care about the looks or insults thrown at him from the people inside.

Finding a snug table hidden away at the back of the tavern, he ordered an ale, and sat, staring into it, her image on his mind as he watched the dark liquid in the glass. Why was he feeling such a way for her? She was only a stranger, and yet she seemed to have ahold of his heart. He sat for hours, simply staring into the drink before him, just thinking, the images of her running wild in his mind.

“Oh ho! Look who it is!” Geralt would usually have grunted at the joyful tone that was approaching him, but he felt too lost to even bother. “Geralt! My old mate! Best friend there ever was! How are you?”

Geralt looked up to see Jaskier sliding into the chair across from his.

“Jaskier.”

“Where on earth have you been? I haven’t seen you in far too long. Was starting to worry about you,” Jaskier kept chatting away, accounting all the tales he had to tell Geralt, of new songs he had created, of women he had bed and of the husbands he had had to run from. Jaskier began to quiet as he realised Geralt had not looked up from his ale once, nor had he taken a sip since he had sat down. What really make Jaskier curious was how Geralt had yet to tell him to fuck off or shut up. “Somethings wrong, what happened?”

“I’m fine,” Geralt said in a voice that could perhaps even be considered soft.

“Clearly not,” Jaskier said, trying to not let the worry seep into his voice. Geralt looked down, he looked broken, he looked how Jaskier looked when another muse had left him… wait. “Is this about a woman?”

Geralt’s deafening silence followed but a quite hum was all the answer Jaskier needed.

“Geralt! Who is she? And what has she done that is making you look so blue,” Jaskier was careful to pry, knowing Geralt, if he wished, could throw him through the wall of the tavern.

“It’s not important Jaskier.”

“Well clearly it is. I’ve known you for a while and I’ve never seen you look so glum, and never seen you even care about a woman. She must of done something pretty horrific if she’s had this much affect on you.”

“She did not. She was the kindest woman I had ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Oh,” Jaskier was taken aback but Geralt, but could see the genuine pain in his chest as he spoke of her. “What was her name?”

“Y/N.”

“Did she pass?”

“No, she is very much still alive.”

“Oh, well then did she use your body and then leave you?”

“No, she was far to kind to do such a thing.”

“Then I’m all out of reasons why you could be sad about a woman. Death and her leaving me are the only reasons I’m usually sad about a woman,” Jaskier chuckled, flagging down the tavern owner to get him a drink. “What has got you so down for then?”

“I’m not too sure,” he wasn’t lying. Geralt couldn’t think why it was that his chest felt as though another moment without her it may explode, or why just the thought of the stranger in the woods brought the largest smile to his face. “Nothing happened between us, but… Jaskier, she was like nobody I have ever laid eyes upon. She took me in during the storm, there was just something about her, something that made me feel as though I was complete…” Geralt spoke of her for around half an hour, something which was unusual for a man of very little word such as himself.

Jaskier was hanging off every word until Geralt stopped speaking. Immediately Jaskier was practically face to face with Geralt, suddenly full of all the energy in the world.

“YOU ARE A MAD MAN!”

“Jaskier, sh,” Geralt hushed, feeling the looks of the tavern patrons towards him and the bard.

“There is a perfect woman out there in the woods, and you’re here sitting feeling sorry for yourself when you never even tried to kiss her?! You are not allowed to feel sorry for yourself until you at least make an effort to win her!”

“She is to pure to want someone like me.”

“And how would you know,” Jaskier scoffed. “I didn’t realise witchers also had the ability to read minds now, when did you learn that trick?”

“Shut up,” Geralt growled. “As much as I want for her to be in my arms it would be selfish of me to ask that of her, I can’t ask her to wait for me to return all the time if she allowed me to have her as mine, and what would I do when she doesn’t want me? All that would do is make me feel worse.”

“If she rejects your advance I give you full permission to punch me ten times, as a way to ease your pain,” Jaskier smiled a little smug, “but you can’t do that without at least going and giving it a shot.”

Geralt, as much as he did not wish to, had to agree with the bard.

Y/N sat in her small house, noticing for perhaps the first time in since she had moved in how empty it was. Yes, she had trinkets upon trinkets, books from ceiling to floor, but in the absence of the traveler who had much to her disappointment come and gone, her humble home suddenly felt far larger, and far emptier than it actually was.

What ever was wrong with her? He was a random man who had simply needed a place to stay, hy was his absence causing her such heartache. Nothing had come of their meeting, as much as she had wanted it to, she had no right to pine away for a man that was not hers.

In the days since his absence she tried her best to busy herself. She read her books, cooked and baked, and even took a trip on her horse to go and see her family in the town, anything to get his image out of her head.

Tonight was no different. As the night crossed the sky, bringing with it the summer of the moon and a blankets of stars, Y/N set to work making a more complicated meal than needed, something just to keep herself busy. She sung a little to herself, a song of the witcher she had heard while visiting her family, as she made quick work of the task at hand. She bathed as it cooked, and once in her soft night gown she served up just one plate of the meal, realising that she had made far more than needed.

“Maybe the horse will want some,” she sighed, sitting down at her table to enjoy the meal. Sipping on her wine she was once again reminded of the first meeting she had had with Geralt, how he sat on her chair, looking large enough to break it. A soft huff left her lips as she began to eat. The meal wasn’t all that nice, but it was food, so she ate, taking sips of her wine from time to time. For the first time she understood what was meant when people said “silence is deafening”.

Finishing off her meal, she cleaned her plate, and settled herself down in the her chair, wine still in hand. The silence continued, that was until a hard, rather enthusiastic knock, rattled on her door.

#geralt #geralt of rivia #geralt x reader #geralt of rivier #witcher #the witcher #the witcher x reader #witcher x reader #reader #reader insert #witcher insert #witcher reader insert

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #321

i’m exploring the deepest recesses of tumblr to unearth super old surveys, so you can expect an onslaught of ‘em.

When someone is tailgating you, do you drive faster or slower? I drive the same speed, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No; only my parents and immediate sisters live here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Is there a food you hate that everyone else seems to like? Especially where I live, fried chicken. It's disgusting. Have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Numerous, actually. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have a driver's license, never mind anything else. What job does you significant other have? I’m single. When you were in elementary school, what was a typical afternoon like once you got home from school? I did my homework right away; well, after having a snack. After that, I was most likely on the computer playing Neopets or Webkinz, or something on the PlayStation. Is your favorite movie part of a series? Yes. Have you ever played in a water puddle? Sure, as a kid. I loved that. Have you ever played in a mud puddle? I don't think so. Have you ever kissed someone (outside) in the rain? Yes. He did it purely to be romantic, lol. Have you ever lost control of your car in the rain? No, thank fuck. Have you ever had to attend summer school? No. Have you ever experienced a summer where the temperature exceeded 120'F/49'C? Yikes, no, not that high. The highest we usually get is below 110. Do you live in a hot or cold (normally) climate? Hot. It sucks. Has your community ever had a “smog alert”? No. Have you ever raked leaves, and then played in them? Oh, absolutely as a kid. Dad would rake a pile just for us kids. Have they ever cancelled school because it was too hot? At least once, yes. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. Have you ever experienced “cat’s breath”, where the wind was so powerful it took your breath away, literally? Yep, especially when I visited Sara and we went on a walk. It was fucking outrageous. Safe to say I didn't last long on that walk. Has your/or have you been in a car that was stuck in a snowstorm? No. What does your MySpace profile look like? I haven't seen it since that site was still "a thing." I do remember, however, that it was COVERED in meerkats, haha. Pictures, facts, etc. And my page song was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmao. Do you like living in the country or city better? Country, 100%. I'm not a city gal by any means. Do you have a big backyard? No, it's very small. Not used to that at all. What is your favorite Adam Sandler movie? I don't know, he's in too many to choose lmao. What was the last thing that surprised you? Apparently a rocket crashed today after launch. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. I... didn't even know those existed lmao I feel dumb. Who was the last person that said something that warmed your heart? I'm not sure, but I'm quite certain my niece or nephew would be involved there, haha. What is your favorite park? I don't have one. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you believe anyone is asexual? ???????????? Yes???????????? Were you abused? No. Have you ever missed a deadline? Yeah. Can you tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart in pictures? I haven't seen them in an eternity, idk. Describe your fondest memory: I don't really want to... but I'll entertain the question. It's hard to choose, and they just about all include Jason. I think what I hold closest though was our dance to "Stairway to Heaven" after prom in the headlights of his car in my front yard. It's something that physically hurts to remember. What song makes you cry every time you hear it? Let's set aside my "trigger songs" for this. "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade does it very easily. How often do you break your promises? I almost never do. I don't bullshit around with promises. I've only ever broken ones I'd forgotten I'd made, if my memory serves me right. How long do you take in the shower, on average? Not even 10 minutes. Do you have your MySpace/Facebook profile set to a "friends only" setting? Yes. Did your last kiss mean anything? Why or why not? Of course it did. I care very, very deeply for her. Are your summers usually boring and relaxing, or busy and interesting? "Summers are hot and miserable." <<<< mood Tell me a crazy thing you did as a child. I don't really think I did anything "crazy" as a child, just weird. Like pretending to be a father penguin arranging rocks to mock a nest. I was fuckin weird. How many best friends do you have? One. When you’re upset, who do you wanna talk to the most? Either Sara, Mom, or nobody. Opinion on Daughtry? They're nice. "No Surprise" is positively beautiful. Do you like country music? Noooooo. What’s been the most awkward situation you've been in? Okay, possible TMI. Basically, Jason's parents arrived home way, way earlier than they were supposed to and my panicky ass couldn't find my clothes quickly, and when I finally did, I had to dress as quickly as possible in his tiny-ass closet while he distracted his mom and dad lmfao. I'ma just say it was a very close call to me melting into a mortified puddle. I look back on it and laugh now, but the absolute, throbbing fear I felt was NOT funny back then lmfao. Don’t you love that feeling when you look at someone and you just melt? <3 That is genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. Do you prefer male or female singers? I have no preference. So what are you planning for this summer? Nothing, really... Who knows where the Covid situation will be then. What’s a good book? In general for absolutely anyone, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It is a book about pacifism that is so very deep and emotional. For women, I highly recommend The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. As a woman myself, the concept of the book is terrifying, to be reduced to reproduction machines without rights, so it's something you can really feel as a female. It's a book that definitely makes you want to fight for women's rights. Is it awkward for you when your parents talk to you about boys etc… No. I'm a grown woman. Now if she asked about my sex life (if I had one), I'd feel a bit weird, but not very. Do you like it when guys play with your hair? Yeah. Ever cried when you had to say goodbye to someone? Well of course. Over multiple people. Have your parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Have you ever dreamt of someone you barely know? Indeed. Do you have a blood donor’s card? Yep. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? I had to before surgery. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No. What kind of doctor did you go to the last time you went? It was via phone, but I talked with my psychiatrist a few days ago. Does your ex still think about you? I'm sure Sara and Girt do, as they're my good friends, but idk if either think of me romantically. I would hope Jason at least remembers me with some degree of care in his heart... As for Juan, Aaron, and Tyler, idk if they do and I don't really care. What has been bothering you a lot lately? My weight. Are you trustworthy? I think so, yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? Yeah, but it definitely depends on the situation. Which literary character would you dress up as, if you had to choose one? Speaking of The Handmaid's Tale, for Halloween one year, I really, really want to take some cool photos of me dressed as a handmaid with a (obviously fake) blood splatter over my stomach. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Being born with the mom I have, probably. I have no idea. None. Of where I'd be without her. Do you miss college? Sigh, sometimes... but I'm not going back. No chance. Dropping out three times due to my mental state hints at a clear pattern. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? Yeah, accidentally. Except with my physical science teacher in HS that eventually became my "other mom" and most recently our landlord, even. I call her "Mama" sometimes. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? It was a wolf whose name I don't remember. What color was your nursery when you were a baby? No clue. What is your favorite arcade game? I desperately wanna go to a location that has Silent Hill: The Arcade. :/ That's on my bucket list. It's very rare. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don’t have any plants to water. What is your favorite fall drink? I don't drink any "fall" drinks. Favorite winter drink? Hot chocolate! Favorite spring drink? There are "spring" drinks? Favorite summer drink? Gimme a nice, cold margarita. Name three creative people you know. Sara, Tez, and Mini are some of the most creative people I've ever written with. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Mark in like a million different ways, I look up greatly to Jeffree Star's work ethic (say what you will about him personally, but holy shit does mama WORK), and Emzotic for her incredible growth after trauma that's left her more confident than ever, and she's amazing with animals and just a darling overall. Does anyone know who your current crush is? Yeah, I'm pretty open about it. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully, no. Which song describes your life? I relate to "Get Up" by Mother Mother a lot at this point in my life. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? Probably because I open up so slowly/am very secretive of myself when someone might be trying to get close. People have also criticized my laziness. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? YouTube. At least I think Tez was the last person I gave my number to. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? Hunter, my neighbor growing up. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My therapist. I had to leave group due to severe abdominal cramping. It was just my period, but he just wanted to check. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a soda back when I was still in school. Has anyone given you butterflies recently? Actually yeah; I had a memory of Sara that caused 'em to revisit me. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I'm going to exclude my puppy-dog crush (Dylan) and talk about my first "real" crush, Sebastian. I liked him because we had very similar interests, he was really friendly, nice, and funny, and he clearly trusted me a lot because he actually confided in me regarding the relationship he was in that was struggling and causing him a lot of pain. I thought he was attractive, too. Ngl, I wonder sometimes where we could have gone if he hadn't been dating the girl, because I'm 90% sure he was into me, too. In current times, he very recently got engaged! Super happy for him. Which parent do you identify with the most? My ma. What do you think you cook or bake the best? Scrambled eggs, I guess. That's just about all I CAN make, haha. My family likes 'em. I always use American cheese, salt, pepper, and a bit of hot sauce. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Admitting I RP. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Of actually important things, gay rights. If we're talkin' passionate about anything, then the answer's meerkats, duh. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? A rival photographer that lives here. I absolutely hate admitting that, but yeah, I'm extremely envious of her. She gets way more traffic than I do by a long shot, even though I, from a completely modest and honest standpoint, genuinely think I do better work than her. It's just frustrating. All about who you know in this business. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? Supposedly our milk expired on the 1st, but it smells just fine? And mind you, I am very cautious with expiration dates, and I've found milk typically starts to smell bad a few days earlier than the date to me. This jug is an outlier. What are your favorite style of underwear? I'm a fat old lady that likes high-waisted underwear. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Maybe "The Ballad of Dwight Fry" by Alice Cooper. I could name tons, though. How about the sweetest song? Maybe "Easy to Love You" by Theory of a Deadman. Another song I struggle to listen to because it was one of mine and Jason's "songs." Do you know how to play dominoes? No. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? Not in the least. Why or why not? I'm just wasting time. Doing nothing with true meaning, and I seem unable to get over this low point I'm in. How many bones have you broken? One. Well, I was told "fractured," but apparently that's the same thing as broken? Have you ever won anything? Big or small? Yeah, multiple things. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Animals like cats or dogs. Pets, basically. I would feel WAY too weird. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? Yes. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? If I'm embarrassed by it, why would I share it with whoever reads these? What is the most important memory you have and why? When I decided it was truly time to move on from Jason. Why that's my most important is obvious: it changed my mindset and life in general. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? God, I hope Jason read my apology email I last sent him. I finally accepted I did wrong, too, and I want to know that he knows that. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My youngest niece's first birthday was mid-February. What’s a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? The violin. Do you play that instrument? I wish I could. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) Just spaghetti noodles, ig. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Who sent the last e-mail you got? My PHP therapist sent me the Zoom link to our group session. Do you have a favorite shape? Out of basic ones, circles. What’s the last song you bought/downloaded? I don't recall. Probably something by 3TEETH. Have you ever been on a trapeze? Hell nah. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine’s Day when it goes on sale? No. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I met a poet at the psych hospital once. I also have an old friend who had something published in a magazine, I think. Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but I'd love to to take more ~aesthetic~ photographs sometimes. What is something you think is underrated? Snakes! :( They're not scary or gross, nor do they in any way deserve to be killed. I wish the worth of snakes was seen much more clearly. They are spectacular, intriguing animals. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Once it hits like 65*F, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I hope beyond hope that I have a job I enjoy. And that I'm driving again. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? I used to loooove video editing, but I've lost all motivation for it. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? Somewhere we have this one stretchy thing that I have no idea what it's called, then there are two sets of small weights somewhere. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? New York. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, ya can't go more east in NC unless you want to drive into the ocean... lol. West? Illinois. If you have/want children, will you raise them similar to the way you were raised? If I had kids, I would in some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Nothing strange, no. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't know. Not very high. Do you have an ebook reader? (iPad, Kindle, etc.) No. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? 2017, ig. What is the last random act of kindness you did? I guess you could consider a loving text to Sara a random act of kindness?

#survey #surveys #questions

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anxiety-trademark · 3 years

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The week in review:

Raw 12/14 NXT 12/16 NXT UK 12/17 Smackdown 12/18 TLC 12/20 + Main Event 12/17

Raw:

“This Sunday at tlc, it’s gonna be you and me against Nia and Shayna,” Lana says to Asuka, as a quiet ‘woo’ can be heard in the distance.

Lana facing her fears and fighting Nia Jax makes her the bravest person Asuka knows. Rolling. Fucking Asuka. ASUKA. wwe, stop.

Why isn’t Asuka accompanying Lana to the ring?

I like Lana’s gear.

Joe just compared Lana to a mosquito, goodbye.

Oh snap look how fast Lana did that headscissors takedown. We’re witnessing her progression, ladies and gents.

You know, I knew Lana would win this match, I knew exactly how she would win this match, but jfc what a treat watching it myself.

Nia’s face lmfao.

Shayna wrecking Asuka so she can’t save Lana from her inevitable fate. Still curious on whether or not this beatdown injured her, if she was injured going into the match, or if it was all really just a storyline.

Yikes this is sad.

Man that leg drop onto Lana’s ankle actually looked kinda wicked, ngl.

*distant woo intensifies*

Wow we got real tears from Lana. Points.

Becky and Charlotte have been gone, Alexa hasn’t been on tv, the Raw women’s championship has become a meaningless prop... what a dead period for this roster.

Hi why is this match happening?

I will never not be impressed by Dana’s entrance.

Is Mandy actually hurt? Why did they take her off tv for so long? Is Shayna the resident kayfabe shelver? “Hey this girl is actually injured, have her written off by Shayna” ?? Cuz I know they’re not splitting Dana and Mandy up, and Dana has been on tv every week since Mandy left. Must be genuine.

These 2 are running roughshod over the entire division at this point.

OH SHIT MANDY’S BACK WITH A KENDO STICK

Lmfao the babyfaces are fucking done with Nia and Shayna. Honestly that’s great, I love it when babyfaces band together to stand up to dominant duos. This has been going on long enough. They took out Mandy, took out Lana, were about to take out Dana. Totally fair.

Highlight: Lana getting a clean win over Nia & being taken out so my queen can return

---

NXT:

It’s a funny thing with Toni and Rhea. Toni says she’s the reason Rhea came to nxt, but she’s also the reason I became such a huge fan of Rhea’s. Heard they were having some big TakeOver match and everyone was always praising Toni. So I checked into Blackpool solely to see what the Toni Storm fuss was about, and I left that ppv solely impressed by Rhea Ripley. Then I took particular notice of Rhea in the Royal Rumble a few weeks later, and I’ve been watching NXT UK for her ever since (til she moved). To see her growth has been tremendous, and she’s so young. Such a bright future.

The music to this is great.

Toni says she isn’t scared of Rhea, as if Rhea’s mere theme music didn’t scare the absolute shit out of Toni the week prior lol.

Toni’s not even a terrible promo, but the timing of her blinks could not be worse. Yes, it matters.

I can’t stop laughing at how fucking intensely Shotzi started this interview.

She does pissed off interviews well. I can feel her annoyance.

Really don’t want to see a Candice/Shotzi feud tbh but okay, I’ll try.

aaand there’s the howl. Awful.

Lmfao Rhea called Toni a piece of trash. This is gonna be interesting to see with the alignments reversed.

I don’t remember who won this match, but I’m betting it was Toni. Which is fair tbh. Rhea is probably on the “put some peeps over before moving up to the main roster” path that everyone in the women’s division walks on. They always eat at least one monumental, or a couple meaningful, loss(es).

Oh man that is fucked up. To not only be forced to continue punching/kicking a human (fun fact: the person on the offense takes quite the damage doing so) but to have the defenseless victim bleed out and beg for you to stop. That’s rough.

This was shot really well. That music holy shit, I’m creeped out. It’s like a horror movie.

I see the point. Numbs him to pain and breaks his will, while numbing her to mercy. Ruthless stuff.

Oh are we finally done with Indi’s neck brace? Cool.

I can’t believe wwe invested in this upgraded tank. I still don’t think it’d work on the MR, but points to the boss for shelling out the cash.

Wtf was that stumble and “fall” by Indi lmao.

If Candice was a real bully, she’d distract Shotzi by fucking with her tank at ringside.

Indi does need a mentor, she’s a hell of a lot greener than my mutuals have made it sound. oof.

Shotzi looks like she has no idea how to work with Indi, and Indi looks gassed, confused, and slow as hell.

All Indi knows it going from spot to spot while Shotzi waits around for her to get there.

Lol Indi failed at getting a dirty win. I don’t really care if this is a part of her The Way storyline, what a mess.

The only redeeming part of this piss poor segment was Theory shaking the troll’s head at Shotzi.

I’ll give wwe an extra $9.99 if they let this match have a clean ending.

“[Rhea] was at one point the biggest superstar in the world,” that isn’t even close to being true because Becky Lynch exists, but I’ll let it slide and pretend you said “in nxt”.

Their paths will be so similar to Becky and Charlotte in the future.

Wow what a sequence. That would’ve received an applause on the MR. Traded headlocks for restholds, threw around their strength, then went into a battle of pinfall reversals. Instead of following that with some stalemate, they didn’t take a breath and proceeded to dance with each other and showcase some chemistry before rolling back into a battle of pinfall reversals. The sequence started with a kick by Toni to Rhea’s midsection, and it ends with a kick by Rhea to Toni’s midsection. Peep that match production, good stuff.

My, my, those slaps to Toni’s back. Whew.

Yeah actually it’s really fucking cool that these 2 get to main event nxt together, come to think of it.

They sell well for each other.

Rhea has the best dropkicks, lesbireal.

Holy shit Toni’s headbutts make my own head hurt. God I wish she wouldn’t. Most people put their hands between the heads so no contact can be made, but Toni’s just like “lol fuck it”

This is a great match. This duo works a lot better with these specific alignments. Watching face Toni try to chop down Rhea is not as good as heel Toni being impossibly hard for Rhea to put away.

Women’s matches and never having a clean ending. Name a more iconic duo. Winter of overbooked women’s matches continues.

Like I had guessed Toni was gonna win anyway, but fucking come on.

*Bonus* online exclusive: Toni says playing by the rules got her diddly and squat, but like... she was a champion lol. “It ain’t even Toni time right now, it’s party time.” Alright.

Highlight: Rhea vs Toni minus the ending

---

NXT UK:

I don’t know why we’re getting Isla Dawn vs KLR but anytime I get to see KLR fight, I’m here for it.

Hell even Isla’s song never kicks it out of first gear. Song has so much potential but it never goes to the next level.

Ahhhh my Scottish queen is here.

No, don’t compare Sasha’s basement meteora to the double knees Isla did. That was pitiful.

Anyway, KLR vs any of the 4hw would be fantastic, take my money. Sasha, Bayley, Charlotte, or the woman KLR wanted to face at TO Dublin, Dublin native Becky Lynch.

That back body drop is horrendous as a finisher. It’s like when Becky won her debut match the exploder suplex. Awful lmao. Imagine if KLR lost to a back body drop ffs.

You don’t get to be this frustrated for not being able to beat the champion when you’ve only been fighting for like 3 mins.

Isla’s pisspoor speed going in the corner, and her pisspoor roll off of KLR’s tornado ddt. Shame.

Such a clean transition from a failed pinfall attempt into a submission by KLR, whew.

This whole match was just a flex by KLR lmao.

There was a time where we had Becky Lynch, Bayley, Rhea Ripley and KLR as our champions. Wow, take me back plz.

The background music of this stupid recording is so unnecessarily dramatic, wow.

All for the delivery of a chair. Of a fucking chair. Piper... shut up and handle your shit.

For someone so much larger than the little man, Piper is insanely unintimidating.

Highlight: I got to see KLR wrestle

---

Smackdown:

Bayley does run her mouth a lot. She’s kind of the EST at saying dumb shit that gets her into trouble lmao.

Bianca is so friggin good at interviews and in backstage segments. She hasn’t received much of a chance to do promos in the ring, let alone obviously to a live crowd, but I hope she shines there, too.

Has Liv reverted back to being a dumb blonde, or is it drugs? Stop letting her speak.

Love Riott Squad’s everchanging gear. Wonder who makes it for them.

Billie Kay claims that she’s a ‘seasoned’ ring announcer, and somehow that would not surprise me.

Tamina “get the fuck out of my face until I get a nap and a vat of coffee” Snuka, everyone.

Lmfaooo Tamina fucking chucked Liv across the damn ring. What a good job by Liv.

Ruby is exceptional at running the ropes. She gets a good spring off of it.

Tamina’s hair is always so beautiful, she gets points there.

Dropkick into a faceplant. Billie Kay gets pinned rofl. She’s so bad at wrestling and yet here I am ridiculously entertained.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Carmella’s current persona, but man I wish she’d come out in a cut off tank top, camo pants, high tops and a printed hat.

I mean people are at home cuz covid, but go off.

Aye putting over Sasha. Good heel Mella.

Sasha has held the title for like a whopping 2 months and we’re already marking calendars. Sad.

In kf, Sasha is kind of mentally weak, so I’ll give Mella that. I’m not sure what it’s gonna take to shake that perception, either.

“Who is Sasha Banks if she’s not the Boss? Who is Sasha Banks if she’s not the best? It’s sad because that’s a question that not even Sasha Banks knows the answer too.” So I get that wwe are trying to help Sasha develop and fight off her past demons, but man these women are ripping her a new one. Sasha’s only 29 so she can grow and develop however she wants, but jeeze. Salt, meet the dagger Bayley stuck in Sasha’s back.

I like Mella cuz she knows how to hype her opponent’s accolades and strengths while cutting an immaculate heel promo where she hits them RIGHT where it hurts. She’s a pro. Heels should take notes.

This music is like the Jazz Vibes playlist I always listen to.

She just called Sasha cheap and frantic lmaoooo

Oh damn Sasha be out here looking like MONEY. That girl has style, even if it doesn’t always hit with me, she got style.

oof the crack of that slap to Reggie.

OOF the crack of the bottle shattering over Sasha’s poor back. rip.

Match at TLC should’ve been a champagne match. That entails whatever your mind comes up with; pouring alcohol on your opponent, dumping their head in a bucket of ice, breaking bottles over spines. It don’t matter.

“You don’t see me going around here bragging about how damn good I am,” lmao WHAT. Bayley is equal parts delusional and obnoxiously annoying.

One size heel does not fit all, but I think her version suits her beautifully.

If I were her I’d pick your brain too, but I’d also want a match, cuz people leave matches with you looking as good as humanly possible. Equal parts selfless as well.

She didn’t lie, this was absolutely her putting Bianca on the map on the main roster.

wwe: wants to strap a rocket to Bianca and make her a star. Also fucking wwe: “lol no we’re not gonna show you her full entrance, cry more scrub.”

Bayley still looks weird without a title.

Bayley mocks Bianca’s entrance and then gets swept onto the apron lmao. Idiot.

Bianca is a lot of flash and showboating, which is great from an entertainment standpoint, but she needs to do a little... less.

Fantastic snap of the hand against the led board. Bayley wrecking Bianca’s arm gonna hinder the flips.

“I’m the ER. I’m BET-TER. haha.” lmao Bayley is such a fucking dork. Got sent into the ring steps for her bravado. Love that there’s always immediate repercussions for Bayley’s arrogance.

Bayley turned midway going down onto Bianca’s knee for that backbreaker, there. Hope she doesn’t have a massive bruise. Looked like it’d leave a massive bruise.

3 things I’ll apparently never get to see again: Bianca’s hair whip, Bianca’s full entrance, and Bianca’s 450 splash. I’m tired.

These stupid fucking squats while Bianca is dangling off the top rope rofl I swear Bayley is something else. Girl knows how to entertain. “Bayley got a bit cute and Bianca made her pay,” story of Bayley’s life.

Beautiful spinebuster by Bianca. At least SOMEONE in the women’s division will use it.

Bit of a miscommunication there it seems. Bayley goes for a B2B, Bianca tries to block it, Bayley drops down to dodge and go for a cradle. She rolls Bianca all the way back, stands up and hesitates before running at Bianca with an elbow - even though Bianca is not in position to receive it - which Bianca counters by rolling Bayley up, but it was super obvious Bianca was just scouting the next spot. Bianca goes to pick her up for a powerbomb but Bayley has to kick out twice to prevent herself from being pinned while Bianca tries to lift her. That entire sequence was super messy.

Then Bianca nearly drops her lifting her all the way up lol. Yikes. Gotta be pretty fluent to pull that off. Not to plug my fav (but I’m totally gonna plug my fav); it’s a move Charlotte does in almost every match against Asuka or Becky, and you gotta be not only built to pull it off, but you need to have impeccable timing to make the transition look smooth. Extra points if you lift them off the mat RIGHT before a 3 (which Charlotte usually does)

Anyway, good match with a messy last 2 sequences. Bayley did what Bayley does best.

Highlight: Bayley vs Bianca

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TLC:

They really took Eva Marie and Sasha Banks’ characters and meshed them together while keeping Carmella’s obsession for animal print lol.

Really don’t like that gear. That’s a miss, Mikaze.

Beautiful arm drag. Sasha taking the idea of wrestling like a Lucha more seriously? Cuz she should, ain’t nobody else in the MR doing it.

Commentators say the trash talk is continuing, I say Sasha is quietly leading this match with a grimace. Peeped that “hit me”.

Carmella goes to suicide dive through the ropes just for Reggie to catch her, cept she got caught up and started turning in midair. Would’ve hit her neck and shoulder HARD had he not been there. Great catch indeed.

Sasha “rip my back” Banks.

Not to be douchey, but if you have to adjust your gear in the middle of a match and it’s not just to fill time or be used as character work, then you need to redesign your gear.

Sasha’s a great babyface once that bell rings man. I wish she could carry that energy everywhere.

Holy fuck that facebuster. SPIKED her head, oh my god. I have never seen anyone make a facebuster look so impactful. Points if intentional.

Oh the timing of Sasha blocking that superkick from legit connecting. God she’s good.

You know how I know this is a good match? I’m watching some of these near pinfalls and submissions knowing damn well Sasha’s gonna win, yet my anxiety is still spiking thinking Carmella might walk out with the title. I KNOW she doesn’t though lmao. Good sequences, believable offense, great near pinfalls. They work well together (I’m not surprised, Mella and Sasha both work well with almost anyone)

What a fantastic transition into the bank statement. Points.

That match should’ve ended by dq the second Reggie pulled Mella out.

Sasha could’ve sold that double superkick pinfall attempt a little bit more.

Carmella having a breakdown. What does that mean? That means she’s about to lose this match lmao. There it is, not even 10 seconds later hahaha.

Sasha sells pain so damn well. Good for her. Good defense of her title. Points to Sasha, she’s phenomenal every time she has an actual match. Post-match and she’s already annoyed me though lol. Ugh. Maybe she’ll get it soon enough.

Nice “replay” wwe. Billion dollar company btw.

Billie, drawing a horizontal line is not how you write ‘clairvoyant’.

“proficient in Japanese” aw Asuka was so excited for a split second lmao.

Oh no, she made a mask to match Asuka’s with a paper plate. Oh no no no. Travesty.

Ugh I’m so excited. I’ve already seen this and yet I’m excited. Here we are, the whole damn reason I started catching up on everything I basically refused to watch since June 22.

SHE LOOKS LIKE MONEY, WHEW. The queen IS back. She’s so fucking beautiful man.

Love how annoyed Nia looks. This is your comeuppance tbh. Could’ve just faced a measly Lana, but no, you had to play too much.

Really Charlotte shouldn’t be in the tag division, and really she shouldn’t give half of a fuck about Asuka, but we’ll get to that more in the future since this is already nearly 2 months old.

Nia’s doing a great job selling Charlotte’s return, and she’s not even active in the match rn. She does good work.

Bad camera angle on Asuka hitting the ring post.

Asuka getting wrecked lol.

I really despise that the Raw women’s championship was tied up in all of these storylines that have nothing to do with the Raw women’s championship. The Lana crap, the Charlotte crap, the tag teaming in general crap.

In hindsight, I now find it curious that Ric Flair was in the back for this match. Very curious. I swear, if the past 2 real time months weren’t a part of some master plan the Flairs came up with together, I will be SHOCKED.

Charlotte’s fucking crazy for doing those moonsaults to the outside though, for real. I know she was a gymnast and an exceptional cheerleader, but MAN you could not pay me to do fucking blind back flips that high up. Crazy.

She should’ve given us a spear in this match. I wanna go rewatch her work just to see some spears.

Good match. They needed to not focus on destroying Asuka for as long as they did, pacing was off for a little bit there.

Love how Charlotte sticks her tongue out when she bridges up into the figure 8. She’s such an asshole lmao.

If I could’ve changed one thing about that finish, I would’ve had Charlotte bounce off the ropes before hitting Natural Selection. Other than that, it was great.

Charlotte looks good with a title, idk *shrug*

The way Charlotte looked over at Asuka though. I really don’t trust her in hindsight lol.

Like how this Firefly Funhouse is setting the spotlight on Alexa before Bray takes his leave of absence, only wish she hadn’t missed 2-3 wks of tv.

What a fun way of running a video package.

Inferno matches are insane and I’m not sure why anyone would participate in such.

Think it’s smart they’re both leaving their jackets on tbh.

Alright that was cool. The way Fiend called up the flames was fucking cool. It looks amazing aesthetically. They could’ve never done the set quite like this if there had been fans.

WE HAVE STRAPS?! IS FIRE NOT ENOUGH?!? Man. Randy is a fucking trooper.

Guys. Guys excuse me, that strap is on fire, can... can we not, please??

Man is swinging a god damn pick axe at Randy Orton, I--

I hope that wasn’t actually flammable liquid cuz otherwise Randy is now soaked in it, and that’s insanely dangerous. Oh that’s great editing. So it was flammable, but Randy was out of the chair before the fire rushed at him. Also covered the chair in blood. That was cool.

Orton just pull the damn string out of the jacket real quick lol.

Caught Orton’s attempt at an rko with a mandable claw. Points.

Can someone... put him out? Editing trick? Were the flames real? Am I real??

Shouldn’t the bell ring? Match is over, right??

The dummy was kind of obvious ngl. Not to sound like an asshole, but they should’ve made it a bit thicker and more solid lol. Doesn’t really take me out of it though, cuz even though I’m sure it was a stunt double that got lit on fire by the ramp, someone was on fucking fire, and that’s intimidating in itself.

Also the dummy is melting. I’d say they should’ve used pig meat, but I’m sure vegans and animal rights activists would’ve had a field day writing to Snickers about that.

Was a good match, for what it was. I was entertained.

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*BONUS*

Main Event:

“Nasty Nikki” lol okay.

“The only reason people even know you exist is because you were Alexa Bliss’ best friend,” ouch. Truth is pain.

Ahahahah Lacey has hand sanitizer again.

Love that submission Lacey jumped into through the ropes, plus an eye rake. Fantastic.

That’s curious. Lacey and Peyton are arguing over the hand sanitizer as Lacey wants to squirt it on Nikki, while Peyton is claiming it’ll get her DQd. Now I’m on Peyton’s side in the sense that it should absolutely be illegal, but Lacey’s done it in a match against Nikki before, sooo ???

I like how Nikki fell trying to get back into the ring before the 10 count. Adds credibility.

Haha Nikki gets the pinfall over Lacey because Peyton was being a nuisance on the outside. Lacey big mad. That’s great.

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*Smackdown easily shined the brightest in what was a great week of wrestling. Utilized 8 women in 3 different storylines, couldn’t possibly complain about that.

#wwe #issa review #feel free to ignore these #cuz who tf cares lesbihonest #today's props goes to:#charlotte flair

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blockwarden · 4 years

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Selflessness in Times of Trouble: Looking Back on What We’ve Lost

As I sit down today on my patio, the sounds of a distant ice cream truck twinkling along with the violent whirr of a lawnmower, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for a time I never lived, a time where community and neighborliness ruled the roost, where we did what we could—what was necessary—to lend a helping hand.

Nothing makes me so nostalgic for this time than the current COVID-19 pandemic. The United States is in the midst of a dramatic, fatal spike in cases far before even the ubiquitous “first wave” has passed. The situation we find ourselves in has been politicized between those who follow CDC guidelines and those who don’t, those who blame China or call it a hoax and those who see and recognize the science behind it. While we’re bickering about red versus blue, almost 130,000 Americans are dead, and there have been 2.6 million cases in this country alone.

I don’t really care to get into the politics or the epidemiology of the current pandemic. It breaks my heart too much to see all this death, suffering, and strife. I myself lost my job as a direct result of the pandemic, as well as both of my parents. I know people who are effectively homeless because there is no rent relief, and I know people who’ve lost loved ones. Every single day, my heart aches more and more at the senseless and preventable loss of life we’re experiencing.

What I do think about often during this crisis is the loss of civil defense. Civil defense began during WWII as a way for citizens to protect the home front so troops could focus on the Pacific and European theaters. It was a way to keep people alive and safe, and ultimately was a tool for morale—if the men overseas had nothing to come home to but ash, what was the impetus to keep fighting?

As civil defense developed in both structure and focus after the war, it increasingly became an act of selfless duty to one’s country and—more importantly—their neighborhood. Air raid wardens took up the mantle of responsibility for their blocks voluntarily, dedicating hours of time after work and on weekends to creating lists of household occupants and their special needs, devising evacuation routes, planning and running drills, and educating the 30 or so people under their wing on how they could survive the atomic bomb. The Warden Handbook itself emphasizes this idea of neighborhood intimacy—you as the warden know who needs what, where they need to go, and what they need to do.

It’s easy to look back on civil defense and see it with rose-tinted lenses—of course, civil defense and general emergency management of the time was focused on the white atomic family. But there was still an effort made to be all-inclusive. The Warden Handbook itself suggests involving women as block wardens, and appointing persons as translators for areas where English was not the dominant language. There’s also endless documentation on how to protect rural populations—how to till your farms, how to protect your cattle, even how to treat and feed livestock and what meat is safe to consume after a bombing. It wasn’t enough, of course—civil defense hinged on the idea of a family having a basement and being able to afford to build a shelter, or having running water, electricity, or a radio. But at its core, civil defense was focused on preparing everyone. It was never about 100% survival—we knew that was never possible. But if we made a concentrated effort to prepare ourselves and our neighbors, we’d have a fighting chance to survive and rebuild.

And this is the crux of it all. Civil defense relied on neighborliness. It relied on the moral truth that we are all Americans and that we must do what we can to protect each other.

When civil defense was effectively disbanded with the creation of FEMA, we lost this. We lost this idea of helping each other. Instead, we sat back and expected the federal government to do the heavy lifting. We no longer took up the responsibility of preparing or responding. And we certainly no longer lent a helping hand to our neighbors. We saw this especially with the spike in gun sales at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, with the most sold-out ammo being common handgun rounds. Handguns, of course, being far less useful for hunting, but widely favored for self-defense.

FEMA is too big and too broad to know the exact needs of your specific neighborhood though. It doesn’t know that Old Mrs. Johnson next door needs insulin, or that Mary down the block only speaks Hungarian. FEMA is not a successor to civil defense. FEMA is not your friendly neighborhood block warden who knew your name, where you worked, and if you had a basement for shelter. FEMA is, by all means, the faceless government agency that sometimes drops money and water bottles on a town in the hopes that it’ll help.

And I can’t help but wonder, can we ever get back to where we were?

When I worked in emergency management, my director and I had a pipe dream: establish student-led response teams. Our agency is not big enough to attend to everyone in a mass casualty emergency, but what if we could train students to respond? Essentially, what if we could bring back civil defense?

While there were a lot of factors that made this idea impossible, I wonder if we as a society even have that sense of selflessness to make it possible. We’ve seen people in times of crisis step up and help, yes, but it always seems to be the exception, not the norm. In the age of social media clout as well, this muddies the conversation. How many people are “doing it for the ‘gram” or are genuinely selfless at heart?

If anything, the COVID-19 pandemic and the spike we are currently seeing tells me that we could never get civil defense back. People are refusing to do the most basic things like wearing a mask and washing their hands. People are having meltdowns in groceries stores and coughing on people (which is assault in some states) simply because they were asked to follow the CDC guidelines. People were protesting during the April peak because they wanted to get a haircut or go to prom. If we can’t do the simplest things to protect others, how could we ever expect something as robust and thorough as civil defense to work in this country again?

The short answer is we can’t. The long answer is that somewhere in the last 20 years, we’ve lost the sense of community that made civil defense possible, but it can come back.

My memories of September 11th, 2001 are hazy, but I remember September 12th, 2001 vividly. I remember drawing cards for firefighters, blood donation centers popping up all over, American flags being sold out of every single store in the country. I remember older kids from my neighborhood enlisting, florists sending arrangements to funerals thousands of miles away. I even remember our president tearing up on live television.

If at any point in the 21st century was there a time that civil defense could have come back, it was September 12th, 2001. We did what we could, holding tight to the bounds of simply being Americans, and helped each other.

Ultimately, I fully believe civil defense—maybe not by name, but by concept—could return. But it starts with empathetic leadership, it starts with reinforcing the bond of country, it starts with knowing your neighbor, but more importantly, it starts with having a heart. It’ll take a massive cultural overhaul, but it could work.

People have lost faith in FEMA because it is too big and too slow to respond. But what if you had a neighborhood coalition with specialized teams? An accountant by day would have the necessary skills to tally stockpiles and rations. A sous chef would be able to lead a pop-up kitchen. A nurse could lend their skills to first aid. Electricians, plumbers, and construction workers too could be valuable members of debris clearing and repair teams. What if, when an emergency hit your neighborhood, you could respond as soon as it was safe to instead of waiting for FEMA or the Red Cross?

I might be naïve. I might have too much hope for the people of this country. But I do believe that we can do it. We might have lost the inherit selflessness of civil defense, but it can come back—in a new form, under a new name, with a new focus—but it can return. We just have to want it. We just have to change our thinking in a crisis. It is never us versus them. It’s us versus the disaster.

At the end of the day, we’re all Americans, and there is no duty so honorable as doing what you can to protect others.

-- Warden Elizabeth

#warden posting #civil defense #covid-19 #analysis #articles #discussion

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lvkeforte00 · 3 years

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UWE Portfolio Task: 'Strangely Familiar'

When presented with the brief I must admit I felt a bit intimidated as to where to start - being that I haven’t been assigned any project for a year or so now, since leaving further education. As over this past year, I haven’t sat down and made any calculated attempts in which to express myself through photography. As I have mainly shot a lot of documentary photography and street photography, which are more associated to capturing the moment, without any thought. So to be given this brief, had definitely lead to a lot more intention behind the shots I have produced, which I have really enjoyed ! As much as I love being in the moment, whether that be through deliberate living on a day to day basis or being behind the camera snapping away from street to street while fellow pedestrians pass by. It was a pleasurable change to deliberately take time to compose these images with the intention to tell the story I had written within my head. A story that I hoped would materialise once the scenes had been captured.

My own interpretation of “Strangely Familiar” took an inspiration from my rekindled love for nature during this past year of isolation. As much as I try to avoid speaking about Covid-19 due to the negative connotations it is clearly burdened with, I must admit it has brought an abundance of light into my life this past year. As even though this debilitating virus has caused many to suffer, whether it be; mentally, physically or emotionally (you could even go onto say spiritually). For myself and many others around me, I believe it has given the majority of us a chance to take a step back, breath and realise that this time we’ve been gifted with to slow down the hectic pace we’ve been accustomed to for so long and to use that time to look internally at what we have been longing to change. In my case, the long awaited change was my interrupted connection with myself and the world around me. It was making that conscious decision to pursue my greater self during the most mentally challenging chapter I had so far experienced. It was taking action to relight the spark between old friendships that had dimmed due to the never ending demand of working a full time job on a part time contract. It was to once again nourish my mind body and soul after a long duration of neglect. It was the practic of self love, to come to the realisation that I am enough and always will be enough after all the years of battling with my pessimistic views of myself. This is what this “waste of a year” had taught me.

However, I didn’t find these realisations within myself on my own, I had a little help. Now I may sound crazy when I say this, you may call me a tree hugger or maybe even a hippy. But the one thing that gave me the kick start, to begin this long awaited road to self improvement is thanks to something I referred to earlier on - my rekindled love for nature. I can’t recall there being a moment I haven’t enjoyed the fresh, somewhat less polluted, air that I am blessed with here up north. During my upbringing I have been lucky enough to be a part of a family that made annual trips to Cornwall to welcome the New Year - even going as far to jump in the “refreshing” English Chanel on New Year’s Day to appreciate Mother Nature in full force. I think this may have been where my appreciation for the natural world formed, as once every year came to a close I couldn’t hold in my excitement for those annual trips to the cost. However, over the years my connection with the picturesque surroundings that England has to offer, slowly faded as I grew into my adolescence becoming somewhat foreign to me. It wasn’t until my final year studying A-Levels that I began to reintroduce activities such as bike rides and walks in the country side after long days vigorously revising in the library. Once I began to truly immerse myself within nature again after years apart, I found that my mind became much less cluttered and could process much more of the information I had tried to absorb during my long revision sessions. I genuinely consider this change in lifestyle to the success I achieved during my A-levels.

As I mentioned before, this past year has been a rather tough one for myself, as i know it has been for many others across the globe. So when the world came to a stand still in March, I was pretty lost to say the least as to what to do with my time. I wasn’t sure whether to let myself go a little and indulge in activities such as gaming, binging on Netflix series and so forth, as a pat on the back for surviving the first half of 2020. Or to alternatively set out a path of self improvement and not allow my foot to ease off the gas. I decided to go with the second option and use my hour exercise to bask in the sunlight on long walks and bike rides implementing the routine I had the previous year during my A-Levels. After a few months went by of residing within surburbia, I began to venture further out of field exploring the lushes evergreens that I had never even realised were at my very doorstep. In weeks to come something became clear to me, I had the strange realisation while I was on one of my walks - that everytime I had been out embracing nature, I had barely anything else on my mind but that very moment. The clutter that would form while I was boxed within my housing estate was elivated, and that blissful feeling of a weightless mind that stemmed back to the times I would escape to the country during my A-levels resurfaced. I felt truly content when I resided within the fields. I felt a true sense of bliss overcome my body everytime I inhaled the summer air. It felt strangely familiar - a home away from home.

No matter the weather, I still somehow feel a sense of belonging when I interact with the surroundings we have been blessed with. Hence the presentation of landscapes captured under numerous conditions. These images were all taken the later part of this winter, which explains the adverse weather (depending on the audience). However, come rain, come snow I feel that there is still so much beauty within these images I have taken. They may not be the strongest images in my collection - but I believe they really do paint a perfect picture of the intentions I had for project and brings them to life. As whenever I look back to these images i can somewhat relive the very moment it was captured, recreating that warm feeling I experienced on that day. I believe they also hold as a reminder, for myself and hopefully others, of the simple things we take for granted in today’s fast paced world - bringing the realisation to occasionally wind down and appreciate ourselves and our surroundings.

Finally, I would like to express my reason for applying to UWE. I’ve always had an avid passion for photography as it it is, although I was unsure whether I should pursue a creative course at university due to the debt that would accumulate and seeing many other photographers succeed without a degree. So when looking into higher education I only considered universities that really resonated with myself and could see feeling motivated day in day out through the degree - a university that offers great facilities, passionate lecturers as well as an amazing support network for students, especially during the unpredictable climate we are currently in due to COVID-19. Furthermore, a friend of mine studies at UWE and has nothing but praise for his experience so far. Expressing his gratitude for all the guidance he has received while trying to balance online and in-person learning. Which gave me further reason to why I should consider UWE as one of my top three choices.

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