#good thing I’m an adult I guess

[beksdec7201]

#i’m scared #i’m screwed #good thing I’m an adult I guess #mental health #mental illness #depression #anxiety #medication #ssri

[eurydicees]

i get the appeal of being a hater for sure but personally i was built to be a lover and to love things and to see the beauty and worth in everything i choose to see beauty and worth in sometimes for no other reason than that i want to see beauty and worth in them. like i don’t want to hate things for fun! why are we all so mean to each other! you do you but personally im gonna choose to unapologetically love the things i love

#this does NOT mean the things i love are exempt from criticism #it means i am embracing childlike whimsy and adult adoration for things that i want to #no EVEN THOUGH and no IN DESPITE OF them being cringe or silly or boring or weird #hating things can def be good in moderation sure i guess #but isn’t it so much more fun to just love the things you love #instead of wasting your time hate watching stuff. #or telling yourself your interests are stupid because other people are hate watching them #like life is short and boring. #i’m not gonna waste time telling people who stupid i think their favorite media is. #*how #i’m gonna watch my favorite anime and i’m gonna read fics that were written with love and im gonna write poetry only i get to read #like. you can be a hater if u get joy from that. im gonna love enough for both of us

[spectral-honey]

Au where Damian is closer in age to Tim and joins the batfam after Jason dies

bruce has to make himself functional with a new kid dropped in his lap and then has to cut back on the violent outbursts because Damian WILL take it as permission to kill and they're trying to teach him not to do that

tim keeps his stalker tendencies and grows to like Damian's robin just as much as Dick and Jason's, even if this new robin is a bit stabby around the edges

damian is the first robin to notice Tim tho and confronts him on his own without telling Bruce

timmy is like heyyy don't stab me I swear I wouldn't endanger the bats ever & also I can maybe give you info I find sneaking around & also hey wouldn't it be cool to have a secret from bats? You could have your own personal informant wouldn't that be so cool you could impress Batman and everything

dami: fine but you don't have any more secrets right

tim, knows their secret identities: and I said no, y'know, like a liar

so they make a truce that turns into a friendship that turns into Damian hiding the fact that he has adopted a brother, shut up Batman you picked up random children from the street so can damian

bruce and dick: wow it's so nice that Damian has started listening to us about not killing or using excessive violence on people. We're glad he understands now

Damian, who got a 72 slide PowerPoint lecture from Tim about the practicality of not killing as a vigilante in Gotham: yes, that is what happened. I have accepted your perspectives on morality. No other reason

tim’s powerpoint has a lot of graphs and venn diagrams measuring different kinds of criminal activity vs public cooperation vs batman's violence levels vs police cooperation vs rogue activity. The gotham ecosystem is delicate

when jason comes back tim throws a fit because he has to REMAKE his powerpoint and all the graphs to add red hood’s vigilante-slash-rogue effect

Tim at some point: batman is fragile if you kill people it will make his traumatized brain explode

Dami: trauma?

Tim: y'know from martha and thomas being murdered in front of him

Damian, eyes narrowed:

Tim: I mean… that's just a game theory?

but just like generally Tim and Damian being each other's support systems

they bond over having parents who are absent?? Like, damian missing his mom and tim immediately empathizing on how its hard when you love someone who is away a lot or for a long time

they talk about missing them and damian is able to open up about feeling out of place and how difficult it is to adjust or know how he's supposed to act

#damian wayne #tim drake #batfam #batman #talia: lets play musical children. I will take jason and you can take damian #If talia knew about jason’s plans for revenge she probably would make damn sure that jason wasnt about to touch her boy #BUT assuming he somehow got that past her #tim would be SO salty about it. #jason: wait I’M your hero? Tim: well not after you tried to FUCKING KILL damian #jason: #tim: but yes you WERE my hero. damian said you guys were cool tho so i GUESS youre okay. For now. #damian mentions hes from an assassin cult and tim just like freeze frame hold up rewind a bit there /huh?????/ #tim trying to like. Support damian in detoxing from the cult stuff #and says really unsubtle stuff about how SOME PEOPLE grow up in environments that teach things that aren't always good for the person. #And this RANDOM PERSON WITH NO SPECIFIC EXAMPLE have difficulty adjusting to normalcy and reaching out is both the most effective- #-and best for the emotional wellbeing of this person #and damian is like ah i see (completely misunderstands) I will keep this in mind while interacting with grayson. #tim was completely ready to take on trying to stabilize a violent adult man who just lost a son of COURSE hed be like #‘yeah i can probably un-indoctrinate an assassin child. What could go wrong’ #when Damian figures out Tim knows their identities they get to hang out at boring social events #damian is like tim has my complete confidence. And tim is like uh yeah i just dont rat him out on feeling emotion #damian is describing Tim to dick and he's like oh wow my informant is very trustworthy #he has great use in entertaining me at fathers horrible social events #and dick is like Damian buddy that sounds like a friend. A friend is the thing you're describing #also important to this au is Tim's adrenaline junkie tenancies. He just is. #maybe also as a side thing it's a Tim as Barbara's apprentice au? Eventually becoming a vigilante but more in the informational vein #babs is like hey Dami why did I see u on this camera hanging out with a random child and Damian is like shit. Do not tell father pls #so he recruits her to teach tim self defense so he wont fuckin die running around gotham #dc #is this just blatantly me liking tim and damian being friends? maybe. you cant prove anything

[gillianthecat]

The non-gendered urge to sit out in the sun to do my homework vs. the modern reality that I can’t see my screen in the sunshine.

#🌞vs💻 #goal: 🏖️👩🏻‍💻 #gillianthecat goes back to school #i’ve been a terrible mood today for no obvious reason. possibly hormonal? may vent about it later. #or post the long incoherent rant i wrote this morning about how scoy handled skyjao. it’s kinda mean. but i’ #m in ​the mood to be mean and that seemed like the least harmful way to do it #then again i could just keep it in the drafts forever #i did the dishes which maybe helped a little #though my garbage disposal stopped working and now the kitchen sink is draining slow :-( I don’t even put big food scraps in their but #inevitably little ones escape #and i thing need to bite the bullet and call building maintenance because I do not know how to fix it myself. ugh. I hate it when I’m #actually being good - being a responsible adult by cleaning - and then outside forces conspire to stop me #no fair #i guess i’m doing my venting here in the tags. probably for the best. #I will eat the ramen I just overcooked then take my hw and tea outside next to my pretty new flowers and hopefully that will improve my mood #maybe post another clip of zimbardo being sus later. always fun to laugh at psychologists with questionable ethics. #this is basically a diary entry #not the post but the tags #rant #venting

[sammygender]

thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.

#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but. #thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot #but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i #guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way. #and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant. #because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and #thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and #always refusing to support me but wtv) #but really the thing sam had was DEAN. #dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person #john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay #dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was #fine. #what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed #raised dean badly? #IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though #(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref) #supernatural #<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed. #father by the front bottoms dean song of all time #spn #oliver talks

[bambeebirdie]

I gotta say I watched Bill and Ted Face the Music for the first time and why can’t they just be a polycule? The entire plot line of the boys needing to individually tell their wives they love them probably wouldn’t have had to be a plot line if they’re all just dating.

#i can’t think of a good reason Bill and Ted can’t date #their wives don’t have to date eachother but like why can’t the bros? #why they gotta have such a major plot line involving the boys individually telling their wives they love them? #completely saw the daughters being who actually made the song too btw #I’m not mad about it but I do feel like the first two movies being about some amazing song written by Bill and Ted only for them to not #write the song is a choice #i guess the girls names are basically Bill and Ted so eh #like I said I’m not mad about it. i just found it predictable and kinda not what the first two implied #anyways I believe two guys can be friends. Bill and Ted are pushing the whole just bros thing. this is my obliterated statement about #how people can just be friends but I think some guys just feel more than just friends #Bill and Ted are kind of two of those guys #i think Bills outfit was fine for an older Bill but Ted felt a little too just an adult man #i can’t believe I’m making a post about Bill and Ted #bill and ted #bill and ted face the music #i bet the only reason it’s not actually a song song at the end is because they didn’t have the time or will to make a song that could #believable fix the world. I’m pretty sure it’s EpicIII that had a lot of time put into it so it was believable that THAT was the song that #changed hades mind. not everyone is willing to do that and like fair enough ig #what the fuck did they change epicIII? i got to watch it a few months ago and the song that was epicIII was not what I had memorized #why am I talking about Hadestown on a Bill and Ted post? #why is any of this the way it is? I’m gonna go lay down #Hadestown was very good though. I’d recommend if your ever able. Face the Music wasn’t bad either. about as good as the other two overall.

[hawnks]

not to talk shop on a wednesday morning but I feel like every therapist says they have experience treating adhd but they’re not really…. all that experienced. or at least not experienced with people who are out of highschool…..

#like I feel like they HAVE to say it but how many adult women with adhd have they treated #I had a counselor (I know it’s different) from my school that I was talking to abt things #and I was like I’m always late because I just don’t feel the clock ticking down like everyone else #and she knew I like actionable soulutions so (god bless her) she was like why don’t you have an alarm for each of your activities in the #morning. like one for brushing your teeth and one for eating breakfast #and I was like Janet that a good idea but having thirty alarms blaring at me first thing in the morning would send me to the grave <3 #I don’t blame her she was literally a fellow student but I’m like 🤔 about these professionals #squawk tag #idk what the way forward is except to just try a bunch out until I find one that knows jwjsjdjd #which I guess is just how it works in general Nevermind KAKSKKSKS #oh my god it’s wonho Wednesday 😳

[payslipgig]

…

#my mum came to visit on Thursday for the weekend #I haven’t seen her in a little over 3 years #I was in the hospital and she flew over to be with me. so. I was in pretty bad shape. not prime interaction there either #and THAT was probably after a 2 year gap? idk anymore #but she visited and tonight she went to her hotel and I won’t see her in the morning bc work so. this was the last night #and it was a fantastic visit by and large. complaints are for things that aren’t her haha #but she left bc the trip is over of course. I’m an adult and I still can’t get over it #I’m happy - seriously so grateful bc her life is very busy and my stepdad picked up a LOT to make it happen #but I guess there’s always going to be that empty wanting for my mum like I’m 4 again and she had to go off to college never REALLY returns #summers off and then occasional holidays and then maybe once a year and. idk I guess you don’t get over some things. I know that! but #I suppose it’s a good thing that when she leaves I’m sad for it #complicated relationship still but. she’s my mum. #no worries I’m just going to be a sop for the next Whenever. needed to jot it down. explain myself haha #payslipgig talks too much #I need to fucking change playlists tho jfc I’m listening to my bloody valentine and expecting a chipper mood?? like babe come on

[teledild0nix]

🤷🏽‍♂️

#I see a lot of people complaining about the idea of ppl watching a tv show that doesn’t actually exist #And talking about protecting like poc and queer people from being hurt by a bigoted creator #Which like. #Not giving her your money is s good thing! #But there is RAMPANT bigotry already existing in fandom ? #Like if you talk about how important it is to protect the experience of poc in fandom by not forcing us to see you engage with jkr #And her new work in particular #But you uncritically include house elves in your fic #Or you write Harry as some hulking sex beast of a generic brown guy and Draco as a dainty pale elf prince #Or you’re a grown up who writes adult/teen fic in a fandom where you’re surrounded by kids #I am going to start to suspect that you don’t actually care that much #About welcoming people of color to fandom #Or safeguarding people who are vulnerable #A lot of people do truly engage with the problems of canon #Bc it goes beyond no gay couples fr!!!! It has a ton of issues #But a lot of people are dragging around the same problems of canon and just adding gay sex which like #Okay like chase your bliss I guess #But i guess I’m trying to say #That while it is canon to denounce jkr as a bigot #Which she is!!!!!! #It is much much less common to think deeply about what the bigotry that manifests itself in canon looks like #And how to address and rectify it in transformative works #And people make a very big deal about how rude it is to take issue with the way other people express themselves in fandom #While also claiming to be intensely anti bigotry #Well sometimes those things are at odds and ppl express themselves in racist or sexist or homophobic or transphobic ways #Even in fandom #And the answer isn’t to run people out of town on a rail every time they make a mistake #But it also isn’t to pretend every one in fandom who only engages with the original canon #Is doing so in a perfectly progressive way #And this pretense that the line between conscientious progressive fans and selfish bigots is as bright as

[kimtaegis]

👋 2022

#I won’t go into detail about real life except that it was. well. a Trip #learned some things went through things. the year of baby steps I guess #BUT I wanna write some thoughts about my 2022 tumblr experience down #it was… also quite a Trip #positive first: learned to stay off this site when necessary! very important mental-health wise #my most used tag this year was my track tag! shoutout to everyone who’s been using it #you bring me much joy by sharing your creations with me. I appreciate it 🤍 #another shoutout to all the incredibly lovely people who’ve come to my inbox this year #I’ve been very lucky in that regard. 98% of my anons have been the kindest sweetest most eloquent people #and I’m happy to have been able to have super interesting thoughtful and respectful discussions from time to time #okay what else. oh HIGHLIGHT of my year here – my birthday ADFFGHJ #I felt so so so spoiled and couldn’t (still can’t) believe the amount of spectacular gif(t)s I got. made me feel stupidly happy oh my god #I learned a lot of new skills and techniques for gfx making. kept experimenting with different styles which has been fun! #gif making has turned more into a relaxing activity than something that makes me feel pressured and anxious #I dialed it down a bit compared to last year and I think that was a good decision as well #as for not so positive things. well. #of course there are the usual/ general ‘complaints’ like lack in interaction and the like #got my first proper anon hate in November. that was something #HUGE lesson I learned this year: just because someone states in their bio that they’re adults doesn’t mean they act like ones <3 #people can be very childish ruthless and simply not worth one’s effort #and a last thing that fits quite well to that: 9 out of 10 people do not care about you. not about your time and effort you put in content #not about whether you’re online or not. not about how you might feel when they say and do certain things #I think I need to learn how to embrace this kind of insignificance. be more audacious. find validation within myself #okay I’ll stop now #I wanna say thank you to all the lovely people who made this year on tumblr more enjoyable and who truly brighten the place up for me #I love you lots and wish you all the best for 2023 #it’s gonna be a hard year for me with lots of challenges and changes #and it’s nice to have this little space here where you can escape to from time to time #mwah. smooches to all of you. happy new year <3

[jemmo]

welp the end has come summer is over i return to the real world tomorrow i can no longer pretend it’s not happening.

#let’s just hope a fire gets lit under my ass this year and I get shit done #i actually make some progress so I can leave this job and actually do something I enjoy #so I’m not stuck somewhere shitty where no one is having a good job or cares at all #i guess I really am a career person bc I really cannot cope being in a workplace where no one gives a shit I need to be surrounded by #passion otherwise it just feels like I’m slowly dying #but in order to move forward I #actually need to do shit like start refreshing my science brain and reading papers and mocking up cvs and application questions #and actually find a phd I like and have the balls to talk to supervisors and properly look into it bc fuck that means moving away by myself #living alone and supporting myself shit that’s scary #plus I need to learn to drive this year that’s my most immediate goal #and in general I just need to be active with shit #might even open an etsy store as a way to crochet some bags with my riciculous stash of yarn I don’t want to #so I can get rid of it and make some money in the process ooooh fun #i hate being an adult tho it’s like there’s too many things you have to do that you never have the time to do the shit you want to do like #how is that fair how does that work why is life like that #but let’s not have a life crisis when I need to sleep I’m gonna work on my fic until I crash and then the real world hits me #goodbye summer of doing nothing I miss you already

[srvphm]

I’m never procrastinating anything ever again I swear on god and all the angels and the devils too I’m not gonna lose another good opportunity to that bad habit a single more time my lesson has been learned

#I’m missing the first Rammstein concert here since 2017 right now and some good blow #I have no good excuse #I mean. ok so I was tired and hella hungover and I wouldn’t have been able to finalize the plans before the middle of the afternoon #but I could’ve not waited until almost 6pm #I’m pretty damn mad at myself #and I’m not gonna let that shit happen again this is the last straw #I’m so fucking tired of all my regrets being about *not* doing something and *not* taking a chance #I guess I do regret drinking so much last night actually #and I know I would’ve regretted it 1000x times more if I had listened to the depression gremling on my shoulder telling me not to go #ok rant over back to spending the night at home instead of at the concert of my dreams #I guess it’s not the worst thing that I can’t go cause I do have some serious adult things to do tomorrow #but hhhhhhhh I’d rather do them still shitfaced knowing I had a good time

[sharkieboi]

went out to a work happy hour and as usual it ended up being mostly people from my direct team along with one other person from a different team and it was so much fun and genuinely had a wonderful time, literally were there chatting and laughing and joking and commiserating for 3+ hours like hey truly life can be wonderful and beautiful sometimes and you can find people you connect with and can just let the hours fall away with and it’s amazing and makes your heart feel so full!!!!!!

#shhh sharkie #i’m just *hugs all my work friends* #it’s like the opposite of RSD when you spend an amazing night with your friends and just feel so accepted and welcomed #and when it feels easy to just exist in the moment and be there and be social and be part of the conversation #your jokes land and your stories are fun and it’s delightful to hear everyone else’s too #i just. feel like im really falling into myself nowadays #a lot of like. oh i guess this is what being an adult is? this is what feeling like you have some semblance of control is? #this is what it feels like to be competent and KNOW that you can do these things in your life? #idk man i’ve been feeling good and tonight was so much fun

[xekstrin]

One of the most memorable interactions was Saturday. Into our booth strolls a small family, tempted by free samples of freshly brewed tea. We chatter and give them the spiel, that the tea is character merch and we’re a cozy health-based app called Forage Friends.

The young girl zeroes in on our pride pins.

“They have my pin!” She says excitedly. “They have my flag!”

The dad blinks. He is surprised, but also calm and positive when he sees it’s the lesbian flag. “Oh. That’s… different from what you told me.”

“That was months ago, dad.” And she rolls her eyes. Definitely a teenager.

I turn to him and say, “Yeah, dad.” And we share a little laugh about it.

He says, “No, it’s great. That’s amazing, honey. It was just news to me.”

“Well, I guess I just decided to stop lying to myself. About liking guys. Like right now.”

A little lesbian just came out to her dad and he was super cool about it.

I’m standing there in my tie-dye mask and my cheery blue apron pouring tea and making small talk and I’m trying really hard not to cry or compare it to my experience, the fire & brimstone, the disgust, the conditional acceptance as long as I never bring it up.

So as this beautiful bonding is going on, the girl’s even younger brother turns his gaze around. He’s in a snorlax hoodie and bored and wants to go look at the swords across the hall. But on the other side of our booth….

“WHY DO PEOPLE DRAW THAT?” He asks loudly, and we all turn to our neighboring booth.

Our neighbors were extremely lovely people. Every time we had a break we would talk, and we became good friends over the weekend. They kept apologizing that their booth was next to ours and we kept repeating that it was totally fine. Their booth was great. I even bought their merchandise.

The thing that was so contentious, that they felt the need to apologize for, was that they were selling explicit titty hentai stickers of popular characters. They were censored with little yellow R18 labels but the content was very clear.

So back to the family: I freeze and immediately go somewhere else to let dad handle this question. With adult customers I’ve been loud and positive about our neighbors. (“Man, how has it been boothing next to them?” It’s been great! They bring a lot of foot traffic and they’re kind and wonderful professional neighbors. If anything it’s a fun juxtaposition. We believe in artistic freedom. I bought a sticker too!)

But this is a kid, it’s not my place to explain anything…. But I was extremely curious about what this chill dad would say.

“Well,” dad says with a long measured silence between each word. “Sometimes people are horny.”

#IT WAS SO FUNNY #the kid was like GROSS #and dad was like its art :) #maybe one day you will feel that way too son #and he was like NO NEVER GROSS #and the dad was like you know what thats true :) not everyone feels that way #but maybe some day you will and you’ll see it’s totally fine and normal #A+ dad #dad of all time #dad champion #forage friends

[shatterthefragments]

Letting the fact that I’m hungry and waiting on an email response and my parking is expired now to free me to go pick up food and go home (pretty sure they don’t patrol this late in the day… but also don’t want a parking ticket)

More and back to school tomorrow to work on this I hope I can finish…

He’s letting me have until end of day Tuesday though which is very good and very sweet but I work both those days so I just want to FINISH.

#I am angry that mum m wants kfc so I’m trying kfc but it’s better than having to make a decision myself I guys #I guess #food #the only other thing I really want is sushi but I wouldn’t get reimbursed for it. maybe for my lunch break tomorrow #idk #I had a banana and a cookie and I’m hydrating before placing the order and I guess heading out and going home #oh. my vantage point is bad to view the motorcyclist who’ll leave soon #oh well #HOLY SHIT #I mean I know it’s not busy #but OFF LEASH DOG? in a PARKING LOT?!? of presumably tired school children/adults?????? that’s a choice… #also annoyed about how much pollen there is on the cat AFTER FOUR HOURS while I was inside #the car #ah yes he’s a colourful sport bike with the good good moto gear #(leather’s sexy okay) #I should order and go get actual food…

[trashbatistrash]

,

#I’ve written myself into an interesting corner in my original work #I have a character that is essentially a frankenstein’s monster in essence #she is more technically an animated corpse. it’s just that the initial soul inhabiting the body was not the one that returned #so in essence the Frankenstein’s monster parallel #is the new ‘person’ another soul mistakenly tied to the wrong body #or did a new soul bud within the now empty vessel? #then there comes the question on whether or not I’m perpetuating the ‘born sexy yesterday’ trope by going with the 2nd one #because there is a good marker in story on how a new soul could bud within the empty vessel #but the most time I could allow it is like 5 years for story reasons #it’ll be painfully sad if I wait a full 18 years to make sure the ‘bsy’ trope is well and truly negated #it’s like a balancing scales thing #because I think every writer likes when things are intertwined #like I could but that just means one of my other characters has to suffer more for longer #actually maybe I should #but it might idk weaken the stakes a bit #or I can like just add more world building and make more things happen? #or I can just take the five years and hope that it’s enough OTL #buckling in for like potential discourse I guess o(-( #because she’s gonna be an adult and is an adult #like the brain she inherited is of a I want to say 26-30 year olds #her carers treated her like someone treating an amnesiac #but I still want her to be a different soul than the original for narrative reasons #their tastes are different. their wants are different. their entire personalities are different except for one single thing #and idk what message that relays really I just wanted to write a trans Frankenstein’s monster that transitions post awakening #I think about her more than the plot device that’s the actual narrator of this story OTL #I think I’ll puzzle this out somehow o(-( #ramble #my things