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mirrortouchedsea · 10 months

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Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)

Word count: 1640

Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse

Read on AO3

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Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid.

It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night.

Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life.

Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit.

Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people.

Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata.

Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards.

Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him.

“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew.

“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?”

Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic.

The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense.

Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much.

“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.

Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…”

“After what, Hina?”

“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.”

Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro.

“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

“Not a clue.”

“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.”

Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help.

He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life.

At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out.

Rinne’s hugs were always warm.

It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest.

“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day.

Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton.

“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me.

When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself.

What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.”

Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch.

“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.”

“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.”

“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?”

“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.”

“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.”

“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.”

Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling.

Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you.

Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered.

Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world.

#shay writes #enstars #ensemble stars #hinata aoi #rinne amagi #aoi hinata #amagi rinne #dont tag as ship #i think about them too much. have you seen my meta post on main? have you?#this is based on that. ugh theyre so.#i read setsubun a month ago and then reread night club and i was like. oh this make so much sense #why hinata feels kinda distant from the other characters sometimes #the kid just wants to be normal but he really cant after setsubun huh.#and then you get these new guys who know nothing. and well. second chance.#also i felt like rinne was too direct but also i considered that like. 1) hinata doesnt need stupid riddles and games right now and 2)#rinne was very straight forward with hiiro in the main story so i think he can be up front about this stuff when he knows the situation #calls for it. so i think this is fine. its good. big bro rinne means so much to me do u understand #also he gives the warmest hugs. not necessarily the gentlest or anything but theyre very warm. to me #anywayyyyyyyyyy tag ramble over im waiting for an email from my loan provider #biting and maiming i need to pay my student loans please please please #okay im doneeeeeeee im done i'll cross post this to ao3 in a bit

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miyanagi · 6 months

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i uate it when kruger says to grisha that he thinks it was important that nazis killed his little sister to inspire his hatred and make him fight back against them i hate that eren heard that and went ohhh okay so i should kill my mom to inspire myself to commit global genocide. got it. I hate eren so fucking bad he's so scary he's so SCARY!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DID YOU GET HERE FROM THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that fucking BOY. regardless. i do love the way aot addresses the nuances and intricacies of fascism and hatred and the way some people just crave violence and will do anything to justify that desire and present it as valiant. eren is such a complicated and human character and that's part of why he's so terrifying. he's not a one note villain isayama himself said that he was upset when he realized eren was the character he related to the most while writing because armin was literally the pov character he was Intended as isayama's self insert. i hate it out here. im going to curl up into a ball i'm so scared of the finale and the revised ending. also i think it's interesting the way that the selfishness of erwin smith's agenda inadvertently inspires eren's brand of fascism. that susumu shit... the fucking scene where erwin asks eren who the 'enemy' is super super early on. the way that meant different things to both of them but ultimately also the same thing (the enemy is those who impede my ability to achieve my PERSONAL goals.) yhey both fought for their own personal desires rather than for the betterment of society. ughhgggghhggsdbbrkcnnndnfkekfbfnfnn the way that erwin's constant calls to action for people to move forward translated to eren refusing to relent on his goals of mass destruction. walking forward and forward and forward with the rumbling at his side ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ FUCKK!!!!! i love yhe way that eren has been the same since the beginning i love that he never changes i love the twist on the hotheaded shonen protag. i love how his goals for 'saving people' were always written as hatred and a desire to 'kill every last titan.' and you're supposed to write it off until you slowly see 'i'm going to kill them all' become more and more blatantly about Just fucking EVERYONE. it's such an amazing feat of writing the way aot recontextualizes itself into a different work when you consume it after learning everything. it's literally such an amazing narrative about the horrors of fascism and war while also humanizing the motives behind it and reminding us that fascists are people who made DECISIONS to be the way they are. that or they were groomed into it! AND ON THAT WE HAVE FUCKING GABI'S ARC going from a brainwashed jewish child nazi soldier who believes she's "one of the good ones" who needs to prove herself to realizing that there were, in her words, "no devils, just people." God don't fucking touch me

#squeak #when you get to the time travel shit in aot is when you're in too deep. That #That is the point of no return #antisemitism tw #aot is flawed. it inadvertently glorifies the government vis a vis scout regiment and it IS VERY WEIRD about royal bloodlines #and it is ABLEIST and Yes. It is antisemitic. and these things are important to acknowledge #but it is not intentionally hateful #it is literally a narrative about how fucking scary hatred is and it's batshit insane that its reputation is being 'the nazi anime'#like. EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN THE FIRST THREE SEASONS IS JEWISHHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE GOD JUST DO SOME DECENT RESEARCH FOR FIVE SECONDS #Man Reiner is so fucked up too #the WAY THEY DEPICT HIS PTSD AND DEPRESSION AND DID????? THE WAY HE'S THE ONLY CHARACTER LIKE HIM THAT HAS EVER EXISTED????#His fucking survivors guilt good god he needs a hug #and the way ymir is literally the best written cult survivor character i've EVER seen #waaaahhh #OH ALSO?#THE WAY IT CRITICIZES BOTH VIOLENCE AND PACIFISM IN WAY OF KING FRITZ'S VOW???? WHO ELSE IS DOING IT LIKE HER #AAAAHHHHHHHHH

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sunkingwrites · 3 months

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Me when... agh....

aGHAFHFHHFHF ME WHEN HE

HDBDJFJBSNSNDBB. ME. WHEN. HE. HUGS ME. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

#me when im in love with him #me when he comes over to hug me #me when im NOT IN ARIZONA WHAT IS WITH THAT #ollie <3 #my esposo <3 #sunkingchats #every day i consider having a fund raiser so i can get a plane ticket to arizona #i dont need a return flight- i can just stay there forever- wherever he goes fr #I'll follow you around to work- to the library- to the café #oh please oh please #sigh #sighing the biggest sigh #thats my all consuming daydream #what i would give to watch one piece with you in person and sing and dance along to the openings

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crystallinearts · 1 year

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officially titled "Warm Hugs", an ASMR with Dorian/Primordial Albedo featuring reverse comfort (warming up, general caretaking, and emotions), fire crackling, and blizzard winds in the background has been posted!

"m-mh... your hands... they're warm..."

#Genshin Impact #Genshin #Primordial Albedo #Dorian #ASMR #Roleplay #reverse comfort #PLEASE PLEASE OH MY GOD PLEASE HE NEEDS ALL THE WARM HUGS HE'S SO FROZEN HE'S STARTED SINGING LET IT GO #SoundCloud

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fluffs-n-stuffs · 6 months

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Pokémon Horizons Episode 26 spoilers under the cut!

OH SO WE WEREN'T BEING JUST DELUSIONAL,,,,,, THEY'RE DOING IT,,,,,,,,,,,, THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT,,,, , ,

#fluff binges !!!#not a spoiler but can we talk about how they also switched Liko and Roy's parts and added new verses for the ending rap it was SO cute 🥺💖#I'm also gonna miss the first opening since I got attached to it but OH MY GOD THE NEW ONE............ SO INSANE. ACTUAL PEAK. I KNEEL.#ok with my spoiler tags in place now I can AKJSDHAJSNDKASJKDFNSJDFSND #OH MY GOD THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT THEY'RE ACTUALLY EXPLORING MY ANGSTY SON'S CHARACTER HOLY SHIT #AMETHIO BBY PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE BROODING RN AND BEATING YOURSELF UP MENTALLY FOR THAT LOSS BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LOVED ONES AWAYYYYYYYYYY #ZIRC AND ONIA ARE WORRIEDDDDDDDDD DO YOU SEE THEM WONDERING ABOUT YOU THEY EVEN TRIED TO TALK TO YOU BUT YOU WOULDNT BUDGEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭#I need a moment where Amethio gets to be hugged by these two fr they're legit his guardians at this rate #Amethio also only seems to open up about his vulnerability to Ceruledge from the looks of it and something about that makes me So Insane #WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO SAY IN THIS SCENE ACTUALLY LIKE . IS HE APOLOGIZING? DOES HE BLAME HIMSELF FOR THE LOSS???#IS HE AFRAID OF LOOKING WEAK TO HIS PARTNER MON OR IS HE DOUBTING THE TRUST HE HAS IN THEM...................#/head in HANDS #we're gonna get to see the explorers together again next episode and it seems like Spinel and Hamber reacted to something Amethio said #is he proposing that he go after Terapagos himself? that the others don't interfere because it's a Personal matter now from that loss?#they're not gonna like that if that's the case........ Hamber might insist on reinforcements or pull extra strings without Amethio knowing #everyday we get one step closer to Amethio redemption #(or alternatively corruption like can you imagine this all weighing on his mind and just twisting it in all the wrong directions)#(though now that I mention that it seems more like a possibility for Spinel --- I still think he's the most capable of betraying everyone)#(like he seems the most malicious at this rate and his capabilities can be quite terrifying- he may as well decide to--#--erase the other explorers' memories and make them work for him if he was pushed hard enough . Like . Can You Imagine.......... /deranged)#I'm rambling at this rate ASKSDJHSDKFNSD but this series gives me so much serotonin and I'm so grateful to have started it 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖#pokemon horizons #anipoke #pokeani #amethio #explorer amethio #amethio pokemon #zirc pokemon #onia pokemon #ceruledge

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mozart-the-meerkitten · 2 years

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So there’s probably only about five people on this website who care/will understand this, but I can’t help the connections my brain makes so I’m going to type this up anyway.

The Similarities between Obi Wan Kenobi and Artham Wingfeather (~*spoilers*~ for The Wingfeather Saga and the Obi Wan Kenobi show):

They were both legendary warriors in their day. Obi Wan was a Jedi general and Artham was a Throne Warden, they were in the highest caliber a fighter could be for their worlds.

They were young. Idk, maybe it’s because I’m almost 26 now, but this hits me differently. Artham was probably in his 20′s when Anniera fell, and Obi Wan was probably in his early 30′s when the Republic fell apart.

They both lost their brother. Their little brother, who they loved and protected and would have died for. They both thought their brother was dead. But nope, actually their brother was alive and it was *so much worse* than they could have imagined.

They each blame themselves for what happened to their brother. And they shouldn’t. It wasn’t their fault, this was so far beyond both of them. But it still torments them.

They run. They hide. For years they hide and slowly lose themselves more and more keeping watch over the children of their brother that they swore to protect. Because if they couldn’t save their brother they were not going to lose those kids. Luke and Leia, Janner, Tink and Leeli are all they respectively had left to live for.

The caretakers of those children tried to keep them away. Podo and uncle Owen both make it very clear that they don’t want these people anywhere near their kids. Ben and Peet don’t leave.

(oh yes because they changed their names. They’re not Obi Wan Kenobi, legendary Jedi or Artham Wingfeather, Throne Warden of Anniera anymore. They’re just Ben and Peet, those weird guys who live out in the middle of nowhere)

But when they are called upon. When those children need them they come. Oh do they come. They may not be what they once were but they cannot sit back and watch something happen to those kids.

(And they are kind and they love them and they protect protect protect)

It’s been ten years, but they’re doing their best. And slowly, slowly they come back to themselves. It takes pain and suffering and confronting their demons and nightmares and the voices in their heads and they think they deserve this but they don’t they don’t-

And they can’t save their brother. But they can rescue Leia and Leeli and Kalmar. They can train Janner and Luke. And in their own minds they can redeem themselves by doing these things, by being there for the children when they couldn’t save their fathers.

And in the end, they come back to themselves.

#star wars #the wingfeather saga #obi wan kenobi #artham p wingfeather #obi wan show spoilers #wingfeather saga spoilers #anakin skywalker #esben wingfeather #I am having FEELINGS about these two #they're so good and kind and traumatized beyond belief #leeli and leia be like 'he just needs some friends!' about their respective weird uncle #but listen I saw obi wan watching luke and my brain went 'peet with the igiby kids'#and now we're here #I'm not sorry #they need hugs #please give them hugs oh my gosh #not another weird crossover for me to try to write I hope

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