#he's having a double whopper

[drawlypsy]

Sometimes you just crave a hamburger. Sometimes you crave ass. Either way, Lumine will tell you how you like it and you'll thank her for it.

Chilumi FTW <3 Inspired by the wonderful Tartaglisluts of PP. Love you, @chickenparm

UNCENSORED VERSION ON MY PATREON HERE

#chilumi #childe #lumine #he's having a double whopper #she's handling his chicken fry #kurger bing #the shit my friends make me draw istg I love them so much #PP degens on blast #genshin impact

[goldlightsaber]

#succession #kendall roy #Roman roy #connor roy #shiv roy #‘uh. like. i need a double whopper right now okay guys?’ ‘fuck you i want Wendy’s fries’ #‘Rome come on. I don’t want Burger King either but Wendy’s fries are cardboard. you’re just sentimental because Connor took you there once’ #‘okay fuck both of you im going by myself’ #’no come on’ #‘Roman wait’ #’why don’t we all just go Waffle House? none of us like it so it’s neutral territory’ #‘actually I changed my mind about Wendy’s. I want to rip my asshole open with some Taco Bell’ #‘I could go for some Taco Bell. yeah’ #’all right fine. tell me your orders. dont take too fucking long like last time Roman. you wanted to come here so be fast’ #‘Crunchwrap supreme me UP motherfucker’ #anyway short answer Taco Bell #imo #ik ik this is like the ‘how the fuck would Kendall roy be Kendall roy if he was barista’ situation but w/e im having fun…. #they wouldn’t actually know the different places this in depth #altho I feel like Kendall does from getting the munchies in college #and hanging out w/ much poorer fellow addicts #and I feel like Romans dipped around

[passivenovember]

Billy knows he's pregnant because he has a double whopper with no cheese on the way home from Loch Nora.

Billy hates the Burger King. It tastes like cardboard and the cheese burns noxious holes in his stomach, probably, but things change when you're gonna be a mom.

A dad. Whatever.

Steve Harrington shoots his wad and, like magic, like Steve Harrington's spunk has turned everything inside him into stardust, Billy can't get enough of the shit. He'd buy cologne made of BK's burger fat, if he could, and spend all day sucking on his wrist like a dog.

So. Billy's pregnant. It's obvious. Among other things.

And no one ever said Steve Harrington was smart, not in any way that matters, and Billy can't learn his lesson. They fuck on Thursday night because apparently this is a middle-of-the-week kind of arrangement, now, and Harrington comes apart inside of Billy because you're on the pill, Malibu, it's okay.

Billy likes it. Lets him. Thinks, there's probably no harm in it now that he's no longer the Virgin Mary. It feels immaculate, anyhow, that this could happen.

Steve fucks into him sloppy, losing his rhythm until he spills, and tears swamp Billy's vision so he misses the whole fuckin' thing. The main show.

He wants to keep the baby. No one ever said Billy was smart, either.

But there are things in this life he'll keep to himself. He's allowed that. He shares so much with Max and Steve, and by association all the other fucking people that love Steve, and it gets old.

He can have this.

Billy thinks that this could be just for him.

"Fuck, Billy," Steve pulls out, but not before peppering Billy's face with soft butterfly kisses. His breath smells like them. Like blueberry seeds, underneath it all, "Goddamn, your pussy's magic."

Billy's hole runs sloppy. Too fucked out to hold anything in.

Billy almost laughs out loud, because. It's magic. It's a joke, right, his pussy swallowed and now there's--

"Love that thing you do with your hips. Love the sounds you make when my shaft rubs--"

"You're a fucking pervert."

"I was normal, before you let me hit," Steve trails damp, sticky fingers through Billy's chest hair. "You hungry?"

I'm pregnant. "No."

"Sure?" Steve rolls closer on the mattress, nosing Billy's damp, pillow-squashed curls out of the way, "You smell like you could eat a fucking village."

"I'm fine."

"Orphans and all, baby."

"So fucking weird."

Steve hums. Pulls on Billy's earring with his teeth and then licks a wet, fat stripe over his bonding patch. Teasing. "If you're hungry I could get us food."

"I'm fine."

"Really, I just need to put some shorts on and I'm outta here, fuckin'. Pedal to the metal--"

"Jesus Christ, I said I'm not hungry so fucking drop it, asshole," Billy shoves away, sitting on the edge of the mattress. He feels around on the carpet for his jeans, his t-shirt, his converse.

Steve runs out of him, gluing him to 500 count Egyptian Cotton. Pisses him off.

"Billy," Steve says.

Billy tugs his socks on. He was freezing, apparently. Never realized it. His teeth chatter so he stoops, reaching for the closest hoodie shaped thing in their heap of discarded clothes, and then.

"You don't have to go, baby," Steve pokes him between the shoulder blades, gentle as a falling leaf. "Please stay."

"You're pissing me off."

"What else is new."

"I'm gonna--"

Steve wraps around Billy like a blanket, cock soft and sticky against Billy's tailbone. His legs are lean and strong, all muscle and good intentions, just like the rest of him.

Billy hates it.

He melts back against Steve's chest, anyway, vision swamped again.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong, or do I gotta beg?"

"Little manners might be nice."

"Billy Hargrove. Please tell me what's got you smelling like a sugar factory caught fire." Steve pets through his hair. Knows how it turns Billy to putty. Has to. "Omega troubles?"

Billy bites down on the inside of his cheek. Tastes blood. "You wouldn't get it."

"I could try," Steve tells him. His lips are soft against he back of Billy's neck, at his ear lobe, on the tense knob of his shoulder. "Please. Tell me so I can fix it."

"You can't," Billy says, traitor voice cracking open, raw, "You can't fix it. It's mine."

My life. My baby.

"Okay," Steve says easily. Kind and good and sweeter than anything Billy could ever deserve, "Stay the night, so I can cook for you before you fall asleep, and again in the morning."

Billy swallows, throat clicking like a dead lighter. Can't breathe, can't--

"It's alright," Steve kisses his neck, "Everything will feel better in the morning."

"We never should've started this bullshit," Billy sits up, heart lurching at the soft, pained noise Steve lets out into the air between them. He can't handle this shit. He can't do this, he can't--

"Billy--

"I'm pregnant," Billy says to Steve's Duran-Duran poster. Can't believe how young he feels, in this moment. Can't begin to wrap his head around the fact that he's twenty years old, and he's in Hawkins, Indiana, and he's going to have a fucking baby with someone who's got such a shitty taste in music, and--

He wants it.

More than he's ever wanted anything. Billy opens his mouth to say it, to scream it at the popcorn stucco, watching like a trillion angel eyes overhead.

But Steve breathes, like an old car trying to start. "You're sure?" He asks.

Billy's shaking even though Steve is a warm, solid weight against his back, burning them up. "Yes."

"How?" Steve asks, full of wonder, and Billy has to get away.

The carpet is heaven under his feet. "I've been. Eating a lot of Burger King."

"Burger King."

"Yeah. Cravings for shit I never liked before. Double whoppers with no cheese," Billy wrings his hands, "And. I didn't have a heat this month, so Joyce took me to the clinic. They said I'm only a few weeks along, but everything is good with her."

Steve makes a wet, heavy sound.

"I dunno. It kinda. Feels like one," Billy rubs a palm over his belly, quick as lightning, "I think it's a girl."

"Billy, please look at me."

Billy does, horrified but swallowing it, one bitter mouthful at a time. He plants his feet and everything bubbles up inside him. This is his life, his body, his baby, and he's going to to this for himself. Steve doesn't have to worry or fork out any cash or put his life on hold just because he knocked up some desperate omega--

Steve's crying. "We're having a baby."

Billy didn't expect this. He falters, mouth working in shocked silence.

But then Steve moves.

He pulls Billy to him, chest heaving as he laughs, high and bright. "Holy, shit we're gonna be parents," Steve twirls them, hooping and hollering like they just won the NBA championship. "Goddamn, your pussy really is magic!"

Billy giggles, in spite of himself. All the other shit melts away, for now, shadows receding under the blinding light of Steve Harrington.

"I can't fucking believe this," Steve says, pulling back to hunt over Billy's face, full of wonder. "Do you think she's gonna have your eyes?"

"I. I don't--"

"I feel like in high school science class we learned something about the brown eyes gene kicking the blue eyes gene's ass? But I would fucking die if our baby comes out looking like you."

"You're not," Billy swallows, choking on tears. "You're not mad at me? Or disappointed?"

"Disappointed?" Steve repeats, his face falling. "Billy, are you serious? No. No, I've fucking. Ever since I met you I've been sitting in this room every night twirling my hair around one finger and kicking my feet because, I--"

Steve's thumb rubs soft, soothing circles against Billy's cheek.

"Billy, I love you," He says gently, "I love everything about you. You're smart and you're hilarious and you're so beautiful--"

"--Steve--"

"--You make my heart feel like it's gonna beat out of my chest. I can't believe you let a loser like me climb on top of you, much less--"

Billy kisses him, eating up Steve's next words.

They don't matter, when Steve leads them back to the mattress. He eats every soft, gooey whimper out of Billy's lungs, swallowing them down and tasting the damp running between Billy's legs.

Makes love to him, while they talk about the future.

Steve only makes one joke about his dick hurting the baby's head, and Billy thinks they should sign up for a class or two.

#harringrove #omegaverse #gave up near the end there #but i hope you enjoyed it #we love soft harringrove

[frostbitebakery]

In the loud au, why did you choose Depa as master for Anakin?

Hm, first of all, I didn’t want Obi-Wan to be his Master in this verse. Obi-Wan’s task in this is to have enough time on his hands to uncover Palpatine’s plot, instead of being run ragged by the war. A Padawan would’ve foiled that.

But also, Anakin having another Master and still ending up as a flame broiled double whopper is self-fulfilling prophecy which I’m a fan of. No matter what anyone does, it always ends the same, is just very heartbreaking.

Though it does go differently, precisely because it’s so different in situation. What I want to express is that everyone made mistakes which Palpatine profited from, while also having Anakin being in possession of his agenda. Despite knowing better he made choices that harmed a lot of people.

It’s a bit nature vs nurture.

Honestly I didn’t want to dive too deep into Anakin’s character at first. (I simply wanted to draw very high boots on Obi-Wan and things escalated quickly) But I’m trying my best.

Now to Depa. I thought about who could be the other weight on balanced scales. Depa seemed to fit the description. A few years older than Obi-Wan, and with that comes a bit of a magical settling down into your own skin once you turn 30. I still want to make her fun because adults are made up of multitudes and lecturing Anakin on the art of pranking and the art of not getting caught while also possessing a backbone when it comes to Anakin (sorry, Obes) seems like the right choice.

She’s protective, she takes no shit, she listens.

#loud au #she seemed fitting for the role! #I’m still figuring out why I thought that XD #it’s a gut feeling and I have to live with the consequences

[magdelanesingerin]

Milk Duds Are Terrible Candy

Geralt comes into the kitchen to find Jaskier leaned over the counter, rifling through an enormous, open bag of Halloween candy with a focused expression. Beside him on the counter is a pile of little yellow boxes. 

He’s momentarily distracted by his boyfriend’s costume–the sparkly silver mini skirt that shows off his long legs hugged by white stockings, the matching bra, the platform shoes. The straps of his garter belt disappear under the fabric in a way that is extremely distracting indeed. It’s barely 5pm, though; there are many hours to go before Geralt can peel that costume off him, so he tears his eyes away and tries to focus. 

“What are you doing?”

“Picking out all the Milk Duds,” he says without looking up, tongue sticking out in concentration between darkly painted lips. Geralt is almost afraid to ask, but he can’t resist.

“…Why?”

“Because I hate them, Geralt,” he says as though it’s obvious, and continues to jiggle the bag around, peering into the brightly-colored depths to pluck out any hiding boxes. “It’s right there in the name: these little bastards are DUDS. Gross tacky caramel, too sweet, they stick in your teeth…ugh. And this is our bag of Backup Candy, and if we don’t wind up needing to dig into this bag, I don’t want to risk getting stuck with a whole heap of little boxes of disappointment that will sit around in the pantry for six months before I throw them out. Soooooo, I’m pulling out all the shit candy and adding it to the bowl.”

Geralt blinks. “Why not just buy a bag without Milk Duds then?”

Jaskier huffs and rolls his eyes like Geralt is the one being unreasonable, tossing the poofy white wig out of his face. Geralt can’t help the fond smile that breaks over his face watching his ridiculous boyfriend. “Becaaaause, this is the bag that has the Reeses Pieces and Whoppers! But those great candies come at a price, and that price is Milk Duds. Thus, my very smart plan is to ditch them in the bowl for the trick or treaters.” 

“Sure. For the kids.”

“Kids are stupid, Geralt, and have notoriously bad taste in candy.” Jaskier dumps a double handful of Milk Duds over the top of the pile of candy in their biggest mixing bowl, then stands back with his hands on his hips and regards it skeptically before leaning back in to stir up the contents a bit and disguise his candy crimes among miniature Snickers and little packages of M&Ms. “As long as it’s sugar, they’re happy. They eat Smarties, for fuck's sake. And candy corn. Hell, I used to eat those black and orange taffy things with the chalky peanut butter in the middle when I was a kid, and those are only barely candy.”

Geralt shakes his head at the rambling, smiling helplessly, and picks up the big bowl of candy to take to the porch. Jaskier snags a Twix out of the bowl as he takes it away. This is their first year living together, and somehow, despite knowing each other for a decade and dating for two years before moving in together, it’s still been a journey of discovery sharing these little moments with Jaskier. He loves it.

“Stop eating candy, Jaskier. You’ll make yourself sick. Eat some real food.”

Jaskier squawks indignantly. It's one of Geralt's favorite sounds. “I’ve only had, like…three pieces!”

“I can see the pile of wrappers in the trash. Unless Roach has been eating chocolate? Do we need to go to the vet instead of handing out candy?” he asks dryly as he leaves the room.

“No. FINE, I’ll eat some cheese or something.” He can hear the pout in his boyfriend’s voice. It’s adorable.

“Put on the ears, Geralt!” Jaskier calls after him. “And the tail! Without them you’re just wearing all black, and that is not a costume.” Geralt rolls his eyes and groans, but snags the cat-hear headband and the long tail off the entryway table on his way outside anyway. Despite his grumbling, he loves giving out candy to the kids in his neighborhood, though he’s never dressed up before. He plops into one of the chairs on their broad front porch and settles the cat ears onto his head with a soft smile, ready for trick or treaters.

on ao3 here

#a bit of fluff for Halloween #Geraskier #the witcher #geralt #jaskier #Do you recognize Jaskier's costume?

[fishsticksloser]

A hc of reader sister (little sister) who loves using memes sound effects to communicate with the family instead of her talk like " bruh " or " why are you running? ".

And it's fun because it makes everyone laugh.

Meme!Younger Sibling

RotTMNT & gn!reader

Warnings: swearing, platonic fluff, what you say is in green

A/N: They are meme connoisseurs, Raph doesn't understand, but is supportive. Coloring the words took way longer than I thought... I have a 6 hour car ride to the hospital so ask away!

Previous  |  Next

You got your taste in memes from your brothers

Leo and Donnie definitely have the most knowledge in memes

"Tight! So let me be, I'm here to give you customer service. and I'll set you free! (right)"

"Reese's Puffs! Reese's Puffs! Reese's Puffs! Reese's Puffs! Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up!"

It's almost completely random

They've learned not to ask what you're doing...

"Hey, what are you doing Waiting for them to play Gangnam Style..."

Mikey and Leo participate the most

At one point you were really into Bully Maguire memes

Raph was terrified of you

"I'm gonna put some dirt in your eye... W-What!? What did I do?"

Remember that video of the country guy standing on his truck with Nunchaku?

Yeah... That's a you and Mikey staple

"Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top. Sunkissed so hot it'll melt your popsicle!"

You, Leo, and Donnie are the most chaotic about it

Raph and Mikey are a little annoyed by the meme bond you guys have

"I got a plane! I got a plane! I love the fame! I love the fame! You know my name! You know my name!"

Being the 2 youngest, though, you and Mikey have something you will never have with the others

and that's having unlimited meme potential

"It's wizard time, motherfucker! Fire Ball!!"

Raph was very upset about this... ^^^

You are probably the only one allowed to chill in Donnie's lab because of your shared love of certain memes

He vocally stims in his lab and I have a feeling a lot of those are memes

"Wow... Your raps are too wack to handle. Let's do this like we do on the Discovery Channel!"

Leo is the one you go to if you want to recreate some dance you saw on TikTok

And he's very good... It should be a crime

Leo also quotes the Pedro Pascal edit that went around...

"How would you like to ride home on a real cowboy? I got a 6 pack of cold ones all nice and my roomies out all night, so you can scream my name as loud as you need to, sugar."

Is anyone surprised by that though?

"Aren't you excited? You're going to the airport tomorrow! Ehrpohort? I'm not going to the ehrpohort."

Although Raph isn't that knowledgeable in memes, he does know some

"Excuse me, brah. You're excused.... But I'm not your brah..."

Just random things they'd quote:

"I'm almost proud of you... That's the most proud of me you've ever been!"

"Give me back my gamer girl!"

"Material girl!"

"Just got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome... Now I take Adderall!"

"Ugh, you can't sit with us. Actually, Leo, I can't sit anywhere, I have hemorrhoids..."

"Look at all those chickens!"

"Is this an internal dialogue? I can't see the end of the horizon... Hastune Miku!?"

"Its really cute how you're going to defeat me with the power of friendship, but again, I am da Devil... From da Bible..."

"Hey~... What's up... It's me!"

"Whopper. Whopper. Whopper. Whopper. Junior, Double, Triple Whopper. Flame Grilled taste with perfect toppers. I rule- I rule this day!"

"You're an asshole, Leo. You are what you eat, Donnie." I'm so sorry...

"Freddy, you're supposed to be on lock down... VanessaAAAAAA!" When he's been working in the lab too much

"Nah, nah, nah nah. Nah, nah, nah nah, yeah. You're are the music in me! You know the words 'once upon a time' make you listen... There's a reason!"

"HOLD ON! HOLD ON! SO HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT!? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO... I'm gonna stab him..."

"Laloyd? That's right! It's me, your son! And it's Lloyd, Dad! No. L-l-o-y-d. I named you. You ruined my life! How can I ruin your life? I wasn't even there!"

#rottmnt #rise raph #rise leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise disaster twins #rise donnie #rise donatello #rise mikey #rise michelangelo #tmnt donatello #donatello #teenage mutant ninja turtles donnie #donnie tmnt #donnie hamato #tmnt michelangelo #michelangelo hamato #leonardo teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt leonardo #leonardo hamato #tmnt raphael #raphael hamato #{fish answers•°} #{snipersiniora•°}

[cupidsdescendant]

Mercs X Sweet Tooth G/N!

Hey yall! It’s been a while since I wrote a short head canon list for the mercs and so I decided to write this! I really have been getting into writing actual one shot stories instead of lists so that’s why my posts have been so slow  ^___^ I’m thinking about making a version of this one for the creepy pasta characters to go back to fanfic roots ;-; anyways, g’day! Mwah XOXOXO

Scout:

-Very happy

-“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite one? Really! Mine too!” He takes out your favorite candy in response 

-You both like staying up at 3 am eating random sweets

-The sugar rush hits both of you SOOOOO hard. Running across the fort, double, fuck it, triple jumping all around and screaming violently.

- You both literally laugh at almost every thing the mercs say even if it’s not funny or relevant and both laugh at each other laughing so hard. Your laughs become even wheezier when you both cannot speak and it’s both of you mumbling and laughing and your mumbling.

-Just as much as the rush gets you the crash hits harder than the market crash of 2008. Both of you are literally so tired you guys can’t even get up. Eyes sore, legs weak, body tired, everything hurts after literally sonic speeding everywhere. You both wake up holding each other or spooning <3.

-Instead of a hot steamy cup of coffee in the morning you wake Scout up by sitting on top of him and feeding him lemon heads and sour gummy bears. 

-You like to throw gummies and candies into his mouth during fights just to play around and it helps with a speed boost 

-Although Scout loves candy his favorite is of course: B o n k 

-And you both drink it religiously! At this point you both have it in an IV put up into your veins. 

-Scout and you have so much fun with candy. You both go to candy stores together and have fun picking out candies and sodas. Once you both get home you guys would eat eat eat, lose your mind and sleep for the rest of the night ^___^

Soldier: 

-He doesn’t eat a lot of sweets, but once you give him one he goes a little crazy 

-Once, you gave him a chocolate bar and he rocket jumped to space and didn’t come back for at least 3 days

-Soldier finds you alone eating a 12 pack of mini cupcakes to yourself and he gasps “Dear god!” 

-“mfwhaht-?” Y/N said mouth full of white cake and frosting. CANNIBALISM!!” He screams pointing at you in horror

-“HoW!?” Y/N yelled out, Soldier ran over and ran his hand on Y/N’s chin “My cupcake is eatin’ a cupcake!”

-He loves a good ol' fashion American Cherry pie

-Coke is his favorite drink

-He mostly enjoys milk chocolate and whoppers

-Always makes sure they're made in America

Pyro:

-you know em, Pyro is a maniac for that typa shit. Way even more than Scout

-Give them a jolly rancher and he'll spend half of the time rolling around in circles laughing and banging his head on the wall

-her brain is already filled with sunshine and rainbows but once you add candy- it's full blown candy land

-they like to make you dance a lot when he's hyper on candy! Always spinning you around and around <3

-He likes hoping around too. He acts kinda like a little bunny ;w;

-Pyro and you basically just run around setting everything on fire without a care in the world

-His favorite candy...? All of em! Lollipops and sour-sweet ones are his favorites.

-They propose to you with a ring pop

Demoman:

-he can handle some sweet things but he's not a big fan

-But when you mix a sugar rushed Y/N with a drunk Demo it's alllllllll chaos.

-You both love doing karaoke when you're out of yall's minds, screaming violently to songs or crying to sad ones

-Probably have a super duper upper crazye rap battle too

-When you both crash you find each other on the other sides of the rooms but when you both wake up you go and cuddle.

-You both try and get sober from your addictions but fail and the next weekend is the same lol

-Like I said, Demo doesn't really like candy. The only ones he'd eat is going to be mixed with alcohol or root beer ones

Heavy:

no comment. these are his favorite

Engineer:

-being from the south, he loves moon pies and other pies in general

-Engi loves maple taffy and whenever it's winter time he makes them with the mercs or just enjoys them by himself

-He loooves taffy and Rocky Road!!

-Pie is also his favorite, Pumpkin pie specifically. He always likes to eat it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

-All of the sweet things he eats are always warm and relaxing and so you both like to cozy up together and eat together

-Engineer always has to hold you down when you get a little hyper and he has to tell you to relax

-Gets overwhelmed trying to calm you down and eventually gives up but you decided to sit next to him when you can't find him

Medic:

-always warns you about cavities and tells you not to eat so much sweets

-He usually hides the fact that he eats soo much candy.

-Considering Medic is German he eats mostly German candy and chocolates but he's afraid to admit he likes American candies a lot

-He likes to eat sour candies but his taste in things is a lot more "luxury" and so he eats mostly dark chocolate

-Def the kind of guy to say he's not eating chocolate or candy and have stains all over his clothes and mouth

-Medic's manic-ness and your hyper-ness when you're on a sugar rush is. terrifying. Both of you don't stop and you both cannot.

-Both of you go on the most crazy adventures. Once you both woke up with your limbs detached and the other time you guy's switched bodies

Sniper:

-Sniper doesn't eat sweets. periodt.

-He usually just watches you go coo coo through his rifle and chuckles to himself

-even though he doesn't eat anything sweet he think it's so cute that you love sweets so much

-He goes out his way to always buy you candy when he has the time and his favorite part is holding it while you chomp into it

-Once he saw you eating oreos and he called you cookie monster and you didn't know how to feel

-He's very neutral with everything tbh..

-You always try to convince him to eat it but he just can't do it

-So he'll eat something savory while you eat something sweet so he can interact and hang out with you

Spy:

-He loves chocolate croissants...okay sorry for the french joke lmao

-seriously though he's french! France has the most bomb fucking sweets and desserts ever

-He loves Macarons, Éclairs, Profiterole and crepes

-He also really loves to tell you the history of those desserts and loves sharing his culture with you!!! <3

-He tries to calm you down whenever you have a sugar rush and usually forces you to sit down and eat desserts while he reads to you

-Loves to wipe off the cream or frosting off your face and say some horny french bullshit

-You alwaysssss beg Spy to make French pastries and he reluctantly agrees

-You both spend hours in the kitchen making food together and flirting. It's a really cute moment.

-During breaks or lunch you both eat your pastries together <333

okay so it's been a while since I posted. Hey yall! Hope you like this one <3 stay cute! Mwah xoxoxo

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress 2 scout #team fortress 2 medic #team fortress spy #team fortress sniper #team fortress engineer #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 soldier #tf2 heavy #tf2 headcanons #team fortress headcanons #tf2 oneshots #tf2 pyro #tf2 demoman #fanfiction #tf2 fanfiction #team fortress two

[wavy-gorl]

did not realize there was a community for this, but this is the internet i should've known

hi i was born with a cleft soft and hard palate, i didn't have a cleft lip or anything else (still tagging this because i wanna reach anyone who understands), my mom told me that i also have the thing where you have a really small chin combined with a cleft palate but i don't remember the name of the condition

i've like literally never been able to talk to anyone else who's had one and i mean my friends all know about it and i love them, but like they don't fully understand bc they haven't experienced it, you know how it is

but uh yeah i've always felt really weird labeling myself as like disabled or anything like that because i've always felt like my cleft palate wasn't enough but honestly my entire life has kinda revolved around it so i feel like i should

here's the part where i'm going to dump in a list all of my super specific experiences in hopes that someone will relate because i am so serious when i say that i've never talked to someone who relates before:

tw: idk medical stuff, ed mentioned (arfid specifically), mildly graphic i guess (just complaining about medical stuff i've had to deal with)

i've had 11 surgeries (feeding tube, adenoids removed, palate repairs, and ear tubes)

i have this sick as fuck second belly button and honestly sometimes i forget that most people only have one and i have to do a double take when i see other people's boring abdomens

i have a list of foods that i cannot eat because they taste like general anesthesia (including but not limited to: whoppers, onion rings, cranberry juice, blue candy hearts, and wintergreen life savers)

i was diagnosed with arfid recently, but i've had it my entire life because i had a feeding tube for the first year of my life and so i just cannot handle most food textures

i have really bad social skills and low self-esteem because i got bullied when i was younger because people couldn't understand me because my voice was really weird, this got better with surgeries but it didn't fix my lack of social skills

I HATED SPEECH THERAPY, like 14 years of it did not make s sounds easier to pronounce

i need hearing aids but i can't get them because i have holes in my ears and extreme drainage, but the holes are good because they allow my ears to drain but the fact that there's drainage is still bad and ahhhhhh

i'm 19 but i still have to go back and forth between the children's hospital and the regular one when it comes to palate stuff and it's honestly annoying sometimes (everyone's nice though so it's fine)

eating is awful because nose stuff i don't want to go into detail but iykyk (don't make me laugh while eating)

i don't have a uvula and when people find out, it's suddenly the most interesting fact they know about me and i don't get it

not even i know my full medical history it is so incredibly complex

i have a collection of my wristbands

the worst fucking thing in the world was the stupid nasal endoscopy, like early covid brain-poking tests were fucking nothing compared to that stupid camera going up my nose

mouth breathing

i have random vocal/breathing tics (i guess tic is the right term?) and they are annoying but yeah

every goddamn time i went to the orthodontist, he would always say every FUCKING TIME "don't let your mom tell you that you have a big mouth because i'm here to tell you otherwise" LIKE I GET IT

when i got my teeth pulled, the laughing gas didn't work because 1.) that shit's so weak and 2.) i had to breathe it in through my nose exclusively (mouth breathing point), but they didn't believe me and went along with the procedure anyway and after experiencing that, hell has nothing on me

my role model growing up was lentil bean, the cleft palate dog

the only piece of media i ever related to was Wonder, but even that one contributed to me feeling like i hadn't gone through enough to consider my cleft palate a big deal

i am a musician (singer and percussionist) but i can't breathe, hear, or speak properly and so i bet you can imagine how hellish that is

i had to quit dance when i was younger because i kept missing entire seasons because of my surgeries (since recovery was like 4 weeks sometimes) and i really wish that i didn't have to

ok yeah that's all i can think of please someone relate to me god please

#cleft palate #cleft lip #craniofacial #cleft chin #cleft palate and lip #fuck i don't know how to tag this #please someone see this #like i swear i am trying to tag the shit out of this so that literally anyone can get me

[marvelmaniac715]

Things Chucky Does To Annoy Nica In Their Shared Brain (Nica still has hands):

Recounts the plot of the latest South Park or Rick and Morty episode he’s watched (he watches a LOT of tv when he has the body, when he isn’t killing that is)

He pulls up the most embarrassing memories he can find in Nica’s subconscious and painstakingly analyses them like he’s writing an essay on that particular memory, he doesn’t stop until Nica begins to cry

Complains about various things that annoy him, loudly and obnoxiously until Nica is hitting herself in the head with a pillow to shut him up

Brags about his kids and brings up the fact that Nica will never see Alice again or have her own kids, this upsets her more than it annoys her, but Chucky takes great enjoyment from it

“Junior double triple whopper” basically the whole thing over and over again until Nica calls out to Tiffany so she can get a distraction from it

Tries to recall the plot of Peter Pan and tells the story to Nica, constantly interrupting himself to say that he really resonates with Peter yet can understand Captain Hook’s motivation, because kids are annoying and he too would kill them

Ranks his top ten favourite murders, either by him or by serial killers he admires in extreme detail

Delivers a monologue length autobiographical account of his life,  being sure to linger over the months he spent with Nica’s mother and sister because he knows it annoys her

Sings songs (badly) there’s a lot of Queen, and a lot of Meatloaf, he particularly enjoys Bat Out of Hell

Chucky: Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes!-

   Nica: I wish you were!

   Chucky: Not happening!

Chucky believes heavily in conspiracy theories (you can’t tell me he doesn’t) so he explains to Nica (entirely seriously) about the dangers of the Illuminati and that aliens are going to invade, so tinfoil hats are humanity’s only defence

Rants about Andy Barclay, this isn’t specifically intended to annoy Nica, he just gets really angry whenever he thinks about Andy, and this inadvertently annoys Nica because he rants for a while

Tries to convince Nica to get into killing, because he knows she’ll never agree but he thinks it’s fun to watch her squirm

Chucky used to be good at art, and in the rare moments Nica draws or paints to pass the time (or when Tiffany gives her art supplies as something to do) he criticises everything she does, sometimes taking control of her hands to erase the lines she drew and start over

Recites memes that he learned when he had control of the body, specifically Family Guy and South Park quotes (he loves “Dancing, walking, rearranging furniture”)

Sometimes when he’s bored, he forces Nica to play I Spy, but the things he ‘spies’ are always obscure and random, like the tiniest speck of dirt on the floor at the other end of the room, and he won’t stop until she guesses, it can take hours

#chucky #childs play #bride of chucky #seed of chucky #curse of chucky #chucky series #charles lee ray #nica pierce #sarah pierce #barbara pierce #alice pierce #tiffany valentine #glen ray #glenda ray #horror #headcanons #crack

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Dracula Daily: May 24

Dr. John Seward

Lunatic asylum man

Strong jaw

Good forehead

Nervous nelly (sat on his hat, could definitely use a fidget spinner)

Madly on love with Lucy; it's a one-way street (if he wore a fedora, he would tip it here, "friendzoned again, m'lady")

Quincey P. Morris

'Merica!

Don't mess with Texas!

Young

Fresh

Too young and fresh to possibly have been on as many adventures as he claims (spinner of tall tales, teller of whoppers; he really IS an American!)

Sounds like a dude-bro; lies to impress the ladies

Educated, exquisite manners, makes up fake American slang because it makes Lucy laugh (he's definitely playing up the Texas schtick)

"Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?"

Lucy feels worse rejecting him than Old Man Seward

*tips cowboy hat* I done been corralled into the friendzone like a lonesome steer, I tell you hwat

"Can I kiss you, little girl?" "Sure!" Texans are weird...

Arthur somebody

Number three

Also there

"I'll tell you about him in a second," never tells

If it wouldn't make her a heretic, Lucy would join a polycule with all three men (Quincey is from 19th century Western America, he knows about the Mormons, he'd be down to clown). We don't know much about Arthur except that Lucy loves him most; she spoils the Bachelorette Game by saying that Arthur is her fiancé before she even mentions her other suitors. Doc McForehead and Cowboy Quincey never stood a chance.

#dracula daily #lucy westenra #lucy #john seward #dr seward #quincey morris #cowboy #texas #merica #quincey #arthur

[cryptidcircusco]

Thing’s we’ve heard from the back (9:04 AM)

“We can’t touch dicks that makes it GAY!!”

“Bro is that for real your peanits. Did you get sprongled. By freddy five bears.”

Gunshots.

Screaming.

“Whopper whopper whopper whopper junior double tripple whopper”

“Grooming minors whopper whopper”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP”

“Did you drink water”

“Have you talked to Dad lately? I think he’s pretty alright.”

Breaking sounds.

Corvus cussing people out. (she is hungover)

Jay asking about something stupid.

[projektnomad]

“Uh, I’ll have two McGriddles, a McGriddle large, 40 nuggets with extra dip, a Grand Mac, two McLegends, one with cheese, and a large Coke.”

The screen informs you that your order has been accepted and you roll your car forward to the payment window. A hugely thick arm extends from the window to present the card reader to you. You’re still trying to get your card out of your pocket, sweating and breathless from the exertion. The woman holding the card machine looks like she’s about to pass out herself, all 600 pounds of her wedged painfully into the window bay. You finally get the card out and onto the reader, she mumbles something but it’s hard to make out with the fries in her mouth. You get to the next window and two hugely obese men are daisy chaining the multitude of bags to you. You manage to cram them past your bulging chest, pressing the horn a couple of times by mistake. You’d have said thank you if you weren’t gasping for breath.

As you drive away your McWatch buzzes to remind you that its time for brunch, asking if you’ve tried the new bacon double egg and triple sausage quad cheese bagel and you pull over into the car park to enjoy your bunch break. You park your car in between two other brunchers who are indulging in equally gargantuan meals. You notice the woman next to you is surreptitiously eating a salad. You roll your window up in disgust at the sight of green leaves and she notices the contempt on your face, hangs her head in shame and starts her engine. She drives away sucking on a milkshake, her eyes welling up from the embarrassment.

You can’t quite lean forward enough to see it in it’s entirety, but a skyvert for the new KFC quintuple stack deluxe mix bucket with seven cheese coleslaw is making your mouth water, even as the burger sauce and grease drips down your chin from your 5th burger.

You feel claustrophobic from being crammed into your tight SUV and you think you’re getting chest pains again. You try to adjust your seat, but it’s already gone back as far as it can. You notice your belt buckle is digging in so far it’s almost engulfed by your massive belly. You attempt to undo it but your fat fingers can’t get in between the fat rolls at this angle. Beginning to panic, you notice the chest pains are getting worse. You down half a gallon of coke to try to ease it but the sugar buzz has just given you a thumping headache and soon you’re getting that telltale tingle in your left arm. Gasping for breath, you reach into the glovebox for the defibrillator and give yourself a few volts just to get your heartbeat back to normal. You’re not really sure it helped but you feel better and are able to finish your brunch.

You notice someone else a few cars away clearly has a flat battery from over using their defibrillator, as two portly paramedics and an RAC mechanic on a mobility scooter have shown up to help them out. The guy is so busy worrying about how he’s going to get to the hospital if he can’t fit in the ambulance that he hasn’t even noticed his Deliveroo guy standing there waiting to hand over a delicious looking grease stained bag of Five Guys.

Beep beep. You fumble for your phone, the grease on the cracked screen showing up in the sunlight. The Burger King app shows you a notification. Your weekly loyalty reward has come through, a double triple stack XL mega cheese whopper is free if you buy a large double triple stack XL mega cheese whopper meal and any dessert. You look at the time, it’s almost lunch and you know how busy that drive through gets. Better get moving. You might even get there faster if only you could feel which pedals your feet are on.

[loominggaia]

Is the trolls practicing fattening up their wives into immobility thing still canon? Cause it’s not on the article anymore? I’d still like to figure out more about this feedism practice though like where it originated and what it symbolizes in troll culture?

This is still canon, I just removed it from the main troll article because it's not really a species-specific thing, it's more of a cultural thing. Not all trolls practice this.

All of today's trolls descend from just two ancient groups: the Skadgrik (of Halostira) and the Hukus (of Wokina). This fattening practice originated with the Skadgrik.

As the Skadgrik travelled away from their native land, they brought their culture to new lands and introduced it to other trolls. The Skadgrik immigrants kept their ancient traditions alive over many generations, and so these traditions spread throughout different trollish societies on Looming Gaia. Their strange wife-fattening practice left a big impression on all who witnessed it, so it became a stereotype of all trolls, even though many troll societies have never done this.

So, why did the Skadgrik fatten their wives in the first place? To answer this, I have to talk about their native homeland first. The Skadgrik come from a frozen island off the coast of Halostira. There is very little food in this region except during migration season, when thousands of walruses use the island as a breeding ground. This season is a time of feasting and abundance for the Skadgrik, who hunt the walruses and preserve their leftover meat in the ice to carry them through the rest of the year.

Hunting and preparing these animals is hard, dangerous work, which is done exclusively by male Skadgrik. In this culture, males are valued by how hard they work and females are valued by how hard they don't work. The Skadgrik believe that for every meal a male eats, he should feed his wife at least double that amount. If he can do this, then he's considered a good provider by his tribe. If he can feed her more than this, then he is exceptional.

So, Skadgrik husbands scramble to feed their wives as much as possible, because the fatter she gets, the more respected he is. Fat, lazy wives are a status symbol in this culture. Many of these trollesses get so fat that they become immobile, and then it becomes her children's duty to care for her while her husband is out huntiung more food.

This tradition may seem strange and cruel to outsiders, but the Skadgrik trollesses are proud to be this big. It's a status symbol for them as much as it is for their husbands. If a trolless is too thin, it gives other Skadgrik a bad impression of her and her family. They think her husband must be a lazy bum, or she's a difficult woman and not worth the hard work, or that she has somehow alienated her children and they refuse to care for her.

Of course, being this big does lead to extra challenges in life. These trollesses don't live very long, usually dying from obesity-related causes like high blood pressure, heart attacks, and diabetes. It also makes them sitting ducks in emergency situations, as they're unable to escape disasters fast enough. They're also prone to devastating falls, bone breaks, and even suffocating under their own weight.

In "Flopper and the Whopper", a Halostiran troll named Xydoz explains what kind of tragedies can happen when their wives get too big. Check out this excerpt:

--

One of the yaks tried to stop and graze. With a whip of the reins, Xydoz urged it back on the trail. Once the laughter died down, Glenvar asked, “Come on, how did ya really get here?”

     “Real answer not interesting,” the troll admitted. “Trolls wait until winter when water freeze into bridge, then walk across.” He paused. “Only one time interesting. Heavy troll make ice break. Then swallowed by whopper, gone forever.”

     “Is that a joke?”

“Not joke.” Xydoz’ grin faded. “Was Xydoz’ wife, Iiab. Xydoz bad troll, not save Iiab fast enough.”

     Glenvar’s grin faded too, curving into a frown. “Oh. I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

The troll lowered his horned head with a small nod. “Iiab was fat, sweaty troll. Smell like a thousand dead fish. Collect most flies in Toraag.”

     A slight smile returned to his craggy lips, doleful eyes above. “Iiab so beautiful, Xydoz kill all Iiab’s brothers and father to have wedding.”

“You killed ‘em? Why?” Glenvar flipped over on his belly, resting his chin on his fists.

     Xydoz replied, “They not give permission to marry. Say Xydoz not have enough pigs!” His nostrils crinkled. “Xydoz come to Halostira for fortune. One day buy pigs, return to Toraag and marry again. But no troll replace Iiab, lumpiest, foulest, meanest of trolls.”

--

This snippet also gives some insight into trollish beauty standards. Trollish men like their women fat, lumpy-skinned, mean, and smelly! The Skadgrik and their descendants just happen to value weight above other things because food was such a scarce resource for their ancestors. Food didn't come around often, and when it did, they had to risk their lives battling a horde of rutting walruses on a godforsaken chunk of ice to get it.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #asktroll #askculture #askhistory

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation and mix:

This Is Strictly Rhythm, Volume 2 1995 House / Garage House

OK, so, for those that don't know, Strictly Rhythm was, at some point, pretty much New York's premier house label. They're still kicking around today, but I honestly have no idea what the current house landscape is like, so I don't know if they're still held in the same high regard that they were when this double-disc compilation/label sampler mix combo came out in '95.

With that said though, this awesome comp/mix actually wasn't released by Strictly Rhythm themselves; SR had their own series called This Is Strictly Rhythm, but so did German label ZYX Music, and this is Vol. 2 in ZYX's own series.

*BUT,* these tracks also aren't just *strictly* Strictly Rhythm tunes; a couple of them come from a Miami label called Groove On, which was an offshoot of George Morel's, a guy who happened to be a higher-up at Strictly Rhythm at some point. So, there's something of a tangential connection there, but officially, not all of these tunes actually come from Strictly Rhythm.

Both discs of this release make for an excellent snapshot of just how good Strictly Rhythm was in '95 though. It's not a retrospective sampler, so you're not getting the best tunes that Strictly Rhythm had released since its 1989 inception, but rather only tunes that came out around '94-'95. So, if you want a good, ephemeral helping of some sweet mid-90s house tunes from one of New York's greatest labels to ever serve it up, this is well worth a listen.

Ironically though, the most remembered track from these discs isn't even really a house track. It's the one that kicks things off, Josh Wink's "Higher State of Consciousness (Tweekin' Acid Funk)," which is a spectacularly wigged-out, acid-chirping, classic mid-90s breakbeat whopper. When Wink released this song on his Higher State of Consciousness 12-inch, I don't think that he intended for it to be the one to blow the doors off (it's the last track on the B-side, for fuck's sake), but that's ultimately what happened. And it happened on a house label, no less; one that he'd never release on again. Go figure!

More dopeness: Jason Nevins, under the moniker of Soundstation, before he topped charts all across Europe with his famous remake of Run-D.M.C.'s "It's Like That" in '97, delivers maybe the best house track on this release. It's got literal frog ribbits in its rhythm, folks! Just wait for the drums to come in and then tell me you don't love this shit! I dare you!

Also, two great offerings from Chicago house legend DJ Pierre are on here as well (check out my long write-up on how he and the rest of his trio, Phuture, pioneered acid house with the genre's first-ever song, "Acid Tracks"); one as Timewarp and the other as Photon Inc. Both tracks employ a hard and heavy kick drum and a high string, but they definitely go in different directions besides having those two elements in common.

And disc 2 of this release just so happens to be an unexpectedly excellent mix by Germany's Hans Nieswandt. I say unexpectedly because it's never an easy task to do a label sampler mix. Your selection pool is so limited since you can only choose from the output of a single label. And Nieswandt was limited even more by only selecting tracks that were released between '94 and '95. But he really pulled it off here anyway. It admittedly takes a little bit of time to warm up to, but once he gets to around the halfway point with Maurice's "Got Me Burning Up" (DJ Pierre's brother), his set really hits its stride. It's an expertly blended and well-varied house trip that includes some of the tracks from disc 1, some different mixes of some of the tracks from disc 1, and a few tracks that aren't on disc 1 at all, like that aforementioned Maurice joint. And as far as label sampler house mixes go, this might be the best one I've ever heard. No joke.

A superb journey back to 1995 to experience some tasty offerings from legendary New York house label, Strictly Rhythm, by way of Germany's ZYX Music. I unfortunately don't have a link to Nieswandt's disc 2 mix, but feel free to PM me. Plus, if you're in the US, you can currently purchase both discs from Discogs for under $10, and that includes shipping. Well worth the price, in my opinion, considering all the gold that's inside 😁 .

Highlights:

CD1:

Wink - "Higher State of Consciousness (Tweekin' Acid Funk)" Manhattan Progression - "Pray (The USA Anthem mix)" Soundstation - "The Deep State of Sound (State of "Dope")" G. Funk - "Misused (The Underground Network mix)" Timewarp - "A Feeling I Know (W.P. II)" 1-900 - "Keep Him on the Phone (Spero's Deeper 'n Deeper dub)" Photon Inc. - "Project Blast (Wild Style mix)"

CD2:

"The Mega-Strictly-Mix" by Hans Nieswandt

#house #house music #garage house #garage #garage music #dance #dance music #electronic #electronic music #music #90s #90s music #90's #90's music

[theyovngveins]

I used to love Jack :(

I thought he was really funny and I always loved it when he was in vlogs I quoted “do you want a whopper” for months with my friends and then slowly I started drifting away from sbi and adjacent cc and started leaning more towards dtkq+ not because of any particular reason but I would still watch Jack and Tommy and Wilbur from time to time

and then April happened and I haven’t watched any of jacks videos since lmaooo💀 oh well I don’t even find him that funny anymore George is funnier then him lol

yeah :/ like he was my 2nd or 3rd most watched streamer of last year like i rlly was a fan of his and then like. him doubling down on misogyny and trying to spin it as him doing nothing wrong and it actually all our faults and we have internalized misogyny was so fucking gross!!

#i never found his whole gogy bit funny bc it always read to me as making fun of stans at best and homophobia at worst #but after all of that it made it a million times more unfunny bc it made it very clear it Is making fun of stans #who he percieves as all being teenage girls #ask

[unitedbydevils]

Match Review: Coventry City 3-3 Manchester United (2-4 on penalties)

It's a game of two halves... unless you're Man Utd then it's a game of four halves and penalties because YOU BOTTLED A THREE NIL FUCKING LEAD \skjgvblrkehdbkvbrzd dickheads.

For all people think hey, United were 2-0 up at half time... the game didn't start particularly well. It was slow to the point of being irritating, because these are professional footballers and I think me at 34 with asthma, a ligament injury, and the need to lose 2 stone in weight could probably have pressed the fuckers.

That said, United took an early lead through Scott McTominay moments later because the man who has no positional discipline will always lose himself, and thus any marker, to crash into the box and bang in a true poacher's finish. Shame he does fuck all else.

We then doubled our lead late in the first half through a banger Harry Maguire header from a corner. Everything was going well...

Maguire, in fairness, had a very good game (bar one whopper pass to Coventry for absolutely no fucking reason). A goal was well earned and he did his job well overall. Strong in the air, robust in challenges and duels, and didn't go to ground willy-nilly ala Casemiro. Nice. I will say that he's a big part of our issues on the ball, because he's not a ball-playing CB. He's too slow to take touches and make decisions. The way round this is to partner him with a ball-player (Casemiro) and a good receiver with mobility/agility/scanning (Mainoo) which is why things worked until Mainoo went off. Then it was Eriksen (ruh roh) which forces passes to... Casemiro (slow), AWB (out of position), Eriksen (slow), McTominay (oh wait he's not where he should be).

The problem is that United then went and bagged a third in the second half, a deflected effort from Bruno, and we're thinking fuck... this could be a rout. United haven't given a team a good slapping in a while.

LOL only joking. Sub off our one disciplined midfielder in Mainoo, on comes Christian 'No Legs' Eriksen (why the fuck is McTominay still on?), and then watch as our game control jumps out the fucking window. Unreal.

Don't get me wrong, Eriksen is a smart player - ala Juan Mata - but legs matter at this level. He hasn't got them. He can't be a passenger in our team. In a Man City side, sure. He'd be the right football intelligence and Pep would use his squad depth and talent to compensate for the inclusion. Manchester United ain't that dog.

Cue the comeback of all comebacks.

Then Coventry got a second. The crowd is FERVENT.

THEN THEY FUCKING EQUALISED LADS.

Extra time rolled around and honestly, either side could have won it; Bruno cracked a shot off the underside of the bar and back out - nice - and then Coventry ran all over us for a while until it was time for penalties.

Erik Ten Hag has my support in principle, but his in-game management is really hard to defend because he's treating decisions as if there's no consequence. I don't mean that in the sense of job loss, I mean in the sense of game change. Antony on did fuck all. Eriksen on did fuck all. McTominay bar a goal did fuck all (but he scored - fuck off, he just floats around aimlessly, bellend).

Then, late into the tie, on comes Amad for a seemingly injured Rashford. He then proceeds to dribble better and make better movement and create more space than any of our other wide men. Nice. Maybe sub him on earlier?

So yes, penalties. Up steps Casemiro and... wow. He really did that. Hand in your boots, your Carrington ID, and don't come in for work. Take it as garden leave and just chill until we sell you in the summer, you useless mercenary prick.

Luckily, our other penalty takers in Dalot, Eriksen, Bruno and Hojlund all know how to score, and Onana was able to save one whilst the Sky Blues captain aimed for the sky as he blazed his take over. United win 4-2 and go through to the final. Cue every United fan old and young proceeding to search for more spirits to drink than is legally safe in the strained hope of blotting this from our collective memories because FUCK ME WAS THAT POOR.

You can blame ETH for his poor subs and not respecting that Coventry > our squad depth. I can and I did. But you also have to recognise that players being shit is on them. Antony should be tearing Coventry a new arsehole. Same for Rashford. McTominay should own that midfield. Hojlund missed a sitter, the sausage (I can't hate my boy, not yet).

I feel sorry for the fans. I feel sorry for the chap above most of all. Imagine making that effort to see what he saw. We won, we're into a final, it's another City v United derby at Wembley, and it was another all-time memorable tie for United... but fuck me that was painful and embarrassing.

For Sir Jim watching, surely even he can see the problems? No LB, no ball playing CB (Case really doesn't count), no true RW, no alternate CF, no midfield pivot, no fucking clue.

I'm not entirely sure United's players are dense and clueless morons, mind. I think most of them are weak-minded; they let the fear takeover and their heads drop too easily and they should be at "lesser" clubs where the pressure's off a bit - like Andreas Pereira at Fulham. Took a step down, now he's flourishing. Some people aren't cut out for the limelight, and it seems most of United's squad fit the bill there. Another rebuild is needed, but maybe INEOS can do what others couldn't before them...

#manchester united #man u #man united #man utd #manchester reds #erik ten hag #marcus rashford #casemiro #alejandro garnacho #andre onana #coventry city #fa cup semi final #wembley stadium #itv sport #penalty shootout #diogo dalot #bruno fernandes #kobbie mainoo #mufc #ccfc #Youtube