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oh-snapperss · 1 year

Text

you once held my hand

hi guys! the resistance au is BACK. thanks for getting etho through round four! this is a cowrite between me and @babygirlbdubs:)

now go vote etho round five<3

Words: 2540

CW: None other than being emotionally heavy

Read on AO3!

Note: if you haven't read the rest of this series, you can do so here.

Inhale. . .

The air is damp and cold as Etho sucks in a sharp breath, waking from troubled nightmares— or... did he even dream at all? He blinks the sleep from his eyes, lifting a hand to rub at them in the hopes of clearing his waking haze.

Rolling over onto his back, he stares at the ceiling, letting his senses awaken and take in the world around him. It's dark, save for the low flicker of a lantern reflecting on the deepslate walls and ceiling. Just enough light to see the cracks and striations he's memorized.

drip... drip... drip...

As his hearing returns, that's the first thing to wash over him. The endless methodical drip of time. Sometimes he marvels at how finely tuned it is to count the seconds. This morning— is it morning?— he doesn't think about it at all. Not when the soft sound of someone else breathing catches his attention next.

With a jolt, he sits up on his cot, the thin blanket pooling in his lap as his eyes seek out whoever has surely been watching him. Ren? Scar?

No.

His eyes fall upon something lush and green and... glimmering with diamonds.

Bdubs.

Etho glares at the kingmaker, his upper lip curling beneath the mask. Bdubs shivers in his sleep, curling the cloak tighter around him with a soft whimper. Etho considers waking him for a moment, demanding to know why exactly Bdubs is even here. Why he's sleeping outside his cell.

Of all the dumb places to fall asleep...

But the prisoner remains quiet, watching his captor in silence.

I wonder when the last time you got to sleep even was.

Sighing softly, Etho settles against the wall, eyes trained on Bdubs. The cloak causes something in his stomach to churn, each diamond reflecting the flickering lantern— calling attention to the lavish gifts the king has bestowed upon his architect. Etho can’t help but tear his eyes away to stare at the wall instead.

He should wake Bdubs. He really should. Bdubs has no place down here, and it’s clear he’s freezing. Yet… There's a part of Etho that is glad to see Bdubs resting.

You’re an idiot.

With a sigh, he listens to the drip…drip…drip… from the corner and the soft sleepy breaths of the man outside the bars. If he closes his eyes, there's something familiar about it. It's almost like the soothing tick...tick...tick... of a clock on the nightstand, and the rise and fall of Bdubs' chest as he curls in Etho's arms. It feels like a lifetime ago that he held Bdubs like that. He shouldn't long for it, not when Bdubs has betrayed him like this. And still...

He lets himself get lost in the memory, submerging himself in the warmth and comfort of a soft bed and an endless love. It's almost enough to blanket the chill of his cell.

...

"Etho...?" comes the murmur.

Etho jumps to attention, sucking in a sharp breath as his eyes, wild, dart to the source. Bdubs is sitting outside the bars, twisting to look blearily into the cell. Pulling a leg up to his chest, Etho glares at the kingmaker. His hand reaches up to check that his mask is still properly covering his face. Silence hangs between the once-lovers until Bdubs decides to speak again.

"You, um... You were humming." He stares at Etho as if trying to read every subtlety in his half expression. "Woke me up. I'm not complaining, though, hah..." A half-smile tugs at his lips, though it weighs with insecurity.

Etho's brows furrow and his eyes narrow. He doesn't know why Bdubs would lie about that, but he hadn't meant to hum. He hadn't even realized he'd been humming like he used to. The bit of hope in Bdubs' eyes makes Etho's stomach churn.

Now isn't then.

He won't hold Bdubs and softly sing gentle melodies anymore. He won't lull him to sleep or soothe away his nightmares. This is them, now— a set of thick iron bars between them.

"What are you doing here, Bdoubleo?" he asks, tone sharp. There's a bit of satisfaction in the way that hope in the kingmaker flickers.

Bdubs shifts, moving to stand and properly face Etho. "Can I not visit?" The challenge is weak and falls away as Etho scoffs.

"You didn't get my message?"

"I did, but—"

"Then you know I don't want you here."

Bdubs shifts his weight between his feet and glares at the floor, crossing his arms with a huff before looking back up at the prisoner. "Well, I can go where I please!"

Etho groans in frustration, tilting his head back against the wall as he drops his leg back down, foot stomping against the deepslate floor. "Why are you here?!" he snarls, glaring at the moss-laden man.

He sees the way Bdubs flinches at the snap, but where he expects there to be that fiery anger he knows so well, there's just hurt.

"It's a full moon," Bdubs offers quietly.

Etho glowers at him for a moment. "Right." He hauls himself to his feet, standing in the middle of the cell, staring out at the man he would've given everything for, once. "And you... what? Needed to come sleep in the cold prison? Needed to know I was locked behind bars?"

"Etho—" Bdubs sounds shocked, and his expression says the same. "You-You know the moon..." He glances away again, and Etho crosses his arms. drip...drip...drip... "I wanted— I needed—"

"Needed what?"

Bdubs falters, looking at Etho with hurt in his gaze. He takes a soft breath and mumbles, "I needed you."

Etho lets out a sharp breath of laughter, the words feeling far too sweet for all that Bdubs has done to him. He supposes he shouldn't expect anything better, considering it's what Bdubs has done all these years.

"You needed me?" he asks, though it sounds more like a condescending statement than a question.

"Of course," Bdubs mutters, as easily as he ever has.

Something clicks in Etho as he stares at the kingmaker, decorated in diamonds and loyalty.

"It's always just whoever can give you what you want, isn't it?"

Bdubs stares at Etho, and something in Etho feels satisfied at the clear hurt on Bdubs' face at his barbed words. So he digs in. Twists them with all his own hurt and fury, just to get it out— to get it somewhere other than where it curls tight and festers in his chest with every moment he's alone.

"Right now, you want whatever you think I can give you." He gestures to Bdubs' cloak. "But it's clear what you really want, isn't it, Bdubs?" The grit of the floor crunches beneath his boots as he crosses the cell to wrap his hands around the bars. There's a new kind of coldness to his gaze as his most recent realization plays over like a mantra in his head.

He never loved you.

"You want power, and riches, and attention. Diamonds. The ear of the king. To be his treasure."

Bdubs flinches, opening his mouth to cut in, but Etho keeps going.

"I think I've finally figured it out— the real Bdoubleo. You go wherever someone can buy you. It took me a while to realize why you ever kept me around if that was the case, but I figured that out, too." His grip tightens on the bars, and for a moment he feels like a caged animal. Maybe he should. "Everyone else leaves you when they're done with you. Once they run out of things to give you, or they've gotten bored, they leave you. Scar did it, Ren certainly will.

"And then you come crawling back to me because I'm there. Always waiting for you to decide I'm good enough again."

Something sparks in Bdubs' eyes at that, and Etho knows he's hit a sore spot. Good.

"If you think you can come here now and expect me to comfort you, you're wrong, Bdubs. I trusted you. Do you realize that— really realize it? I trusted you based on nothing but your word." A cold, single-syllable laugh cuts through his mask. "Stupid, huh? I should've known it was all a game years ago."

"It's not a game—"

"Oh, stop pretending, Bdubs!"

The pair stare at each other for a moment, Bdubs' face twisting into something between disbelieving hurt and bitter anger. Etho's face only matches the icy cold freezing his words over.

"All you do is pretend! You pretended to love me, you pretended to care, you pretended you would ever keep your promises. Why should I believe anything you've ever said to me?" He shakes his head, the words almost snarled as he continues. "And now you come back to me about this damn moon. You've been on about this all season, just to make me feel guilty, and for what? If you want comfort, go to Ren, I'm sure he'll hold you while you pretend to cry."

Bdubs is crying even now. Quiet tears rolling down his cheeks as he stares at his prisoner. Convenient, Etho thinks. Letting go of the iron bars, he takes a half-step back.

"Stop crying. You never needed me. Get over it."

The pair stare at each other, the tension between them taut until Bdubs finally speaks.

“Are you-are you kiddin’ me?” Bdubs feels a shattering in his chest, and realizes he’s shaking all over. “Etho, I-”

He swallows back a sob, before it wrenches out of him anyway. He can feel Etho’s incredulous stare–he doesn’t care he doesn’t care Bdubs was alone he hates him–and he can’t help but see the way Etho’s hands are steady.

He deserves this anyway.

“I waited for you,” Bdubs whispers, and with each word he can feel his heart twisting into a thousand pieces.

Etho scoffs. “Don’t-”

Bdubs cuts him off, months of frustration and fear and heartbreak rising to the forefront of his mind. It’s a full moon outside–it’s no surprise memories of a dance alone are his first thoughts. “I did!”

Etho’s mouth snaps shut, although Bdubs is pretty sure he’s stopped speaking more from fury and an inability to speak from indignation.

Because how DARE Bdubs be upset? How DARE he feel hurt from Etho’s actions, even though….

“I waited for you, and you weren’t there.”

Silence.

“End of the world, and… and everyone else left. They tried to convince me to go,” Bdubs chuckles without humor. “They told me, they said ‘Bdubs, get outta here! There’s nothin’ for you!’”

Deep breath.

“But I said ‘no! No, I better stay here, I’m sure it'll be fine!’ and they all thought I was goin’ crazy, but what could they do?”

Etho scoffs, one hand running through his hair in frustration. “That’s-”

He’s not finished, and he doesn’t let Etho start again. “Tango knew the truth. I… he tried to save us. End of the world, and he was tryin’ to save it anyways. I told him not to come back. Moon was way too close ‘n all.”

There’s a heavy silence. Bdubs sniffles and hates how pathetic he feels.

“And they told me to leave, they said to get out of there an-and…”

Etho’s shaking his head, pulling away from the bars and Bdubs’ desperate, pitiful recount. He paces the cell, before dropping back to the floor of the cell, knees to chest as if to protect himself from Bdubs’ words. Just like when Bdubs needed protection too.

“But I didn’t! I waited! I said, no, no, Etho’s comin’ home and I gotta be here!”

Etho said to stop crying.

So he squares his shoulders, and stares directly at Etho. “Because you promised me. And I trusted you, and waited, and waited. And the sky.. The sky started to fill up with that damn rock instead of daylight and I stayed anyway, cause you promised you would be there, and… and yeah, I knew you wouldn’t be, because you never are, but I was really hopin’ that just this once you would keep your word.”

This time, Etho makes no attempt to interrupt. Maybe he’s not even listening.

“I dunno why. Because you-you’re never here! You always just take off and come back as you please, and I-”

Stock still, Etho shows no sign he’s listening save for the slight incline of his head.

“I needed you.” While Bdubs takes a breath, trying to calm himself, comfort himself, he hears a familiar drip, drip, drip not unlike the ticking of his clocks.

It steadies him more than he’d like to admit.

“I danced.”

“What?” Etho finally responds, voice scratchy.

“I did, I put on our song and everything. Thought it might help, or distract, or anything, really?” It’s hard not to lose control again, and cry all over his cloak. “I thought… figured if you weren’t gonna be there, I could at least pretend, since that’s all I had.”

(He ignores the fear and panic rising at the mere memory.)

“And them the moon came crashin’ down, and it hurt, but I tried… I just thought about you.” His face is burning under Etho’s gaze, and part of him wonders why on earth he thought baring himself like this to Etho was a good idea when Etho so clearly doesn’t think it hurts him.

And yet, Etho actually… he seems as close to breaking as Bdubs does, eyes glimmering in the way Bdubs has only seen in moments recently. For every shuddering breath Bdubs takes to keep back the tears threatening to fall, Etho’s chest rises steady, too uniform to be anything but forced control. When he speaks, it betrays him.

“Go upstairs, Bdubs.”

Before Bdubs can stop it, a single rogue tear falls down his face. It’s as if he were split in half–one part of him begging to stay anyway, to only be with Etho, or maybe stay from spite. The other half…it’s what Etho wants. And he doesn’t deserve your presence anyway.

“Fine.” He turns on his heel, gathering his cloak to himself and decidedly not imagining it to be Etho instead, in a kinder lifetime.

He doesn’t look back, not even as he trudges up the steps and faces the cold moonlight above.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Etho sleeps fitfully after that, dreams of a moon larger than life bearing down on him. The apocalypse was always said to be terrible, but part of it is beautiful, if only in the way all endings are. Somewhere in his dreams, a jukebox plays, a melody created for him and–

“Bdubs!” he calls, and even as the world explodes into fire around him, he thinks he catches a glimpse of his lover in the distance, dancing alo-

“Etho, wake up!”

He blinks, the cold cell quickly coming into existence around him. A rock juts uncomfortably in his back, and he starts to squirm away from the offender, when he realizes who is standing before him in the dim light, hand outstretched. “Come on, let’s get you out of here!” Grian grins wickedly, spinning a ring of keys on his finger. “I think a certain resistance–which I’m not part of, definitely not–wants you free.”

#ethubs #etho #ethoslab #bdubs #bdoubleo100 #hermitshipping #ethubs resistance au #hiiii guys #VOTE ETHO.#been a while and i have NO excuse

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