#honest to god i hate loud noise a lot of the time
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S!!! kinky subby anon here. I gotta tell you about my latest experience cause hot damn.
so, I've been overstimulated before by being fucked (penetrated, toyed ect) a lot in the span of certain time but with hands and I really wanted to do it with a machine because previously I had use a doxy wand and I just could never keep it after I had reached my orgasm. it was too much but I really wanted to try it so last night we set the camera, we invited two of our friends and!!!, we got a Sybian, no we didn't buy it, they're expensive but we got one for a little bit. In our house we already have the structure for me to be tied to the ceiling so somehow we put the Sybian in a table and I sat on it (we tried in the bed but to be honest, it didn't feel good because you're not putting your whole body weight in it and I reeeeally wanted to feel it. so I sat on it, my hand tied above my head, tits clamped, collar on, spider gag on and I was ready to go. by the way! it turns on the Sybian has a lot of different shapes you can ride, we chose two: the double penetration and the biggest dildo one, I first rode the double one, it was good but it wasn't so big so we changed to the biggest dildo in less than 10 minutes I think, I'm just so used to be full now, so anyway we changed and holy shit. I can tell you I don't remember much of that,I do remember reaching my second orgasm and I was drooling and shaking. I did tell my boyfriend to not get me out of there even if I was screaming, I really really wanted to experience that over stimulation but I knew I wouldn't like it at the beginning because as i said, I've tried before. so I'm there riding the thing and our make friend goes behind me, outs hid fingers in my mouth while his girlfriend was sucking on my tits and then he pushes my legs down to get my clit even closer (was that even possible?? apparently yes) to the thing, holy shit S.... everybody should try that thing at least once, it was wonderful. as I said I remember perfectly reaching my second orgasm and I remember I was screaming, I was screaming so loud that my baby decided to change the spider gag to a penis shaped one so nobody would think I was being murdered (lol).after that everything got fuzzy but watching the video was surely an experience, I ended up masturbating at seeing myself drooling and with my eyes rolled in the back of my head, no I wasn't unconscious cause I'd open my eyes and so but my eyes were a mess. I think I saw myself cumming another 3 times or that's what it appeared to be. our friends and my boyfriend kept on touching me and that was actually cute to see. everything ended up so wet, like if I had taken a shower right there. when my boyfriend decided it was over and he pulled me out of that I was just a mess, I remember opening my eyes and I couldn't even get my fingers to even brush my vagina at all. everything was swollen and red-ish but my clitoris specially hated me (which is okay cause I loved it). I couldn't even take a bath for the upcoming 3-4 hours because I couldn't touch it. in conclusion it was amazing, it was more than I expected and to that one anon who had sent you an ask about Seb riding a Sybian? yeah... he should! and everyone should to be honest 🙈
I can't find that ask right now, ugggh, I wanted to link it lol
Hey, sweetheart!
Immediately I have to say OH MY GOD, that sounds like a hell of a fucking time. A good fucking time.
I feel like I say it every time, but I'm just speaking the truth, lmao--you're out there living the fucking 🤌🏻dream.🤌🏻 The kinkiest, best dream.
The sybian. The big dildo. The gags. The camera. The multiple people. The overstimulation. The drooling. The haze of it all.
All 👏🏻 of 👏🏻 it 👏🏻
Good for you! I am fucking cheering you on from the sidelines; I love reading the play-by-play.
Also, yeah, your poor neighbors--they most definely thought someone was getting fucking murdered, lol. Although, is it really that good of a time if you don't get a noise complaint, don't make your neighbors bang on the door/wall because you've pissed them off, or something of the sort? 👀
That, 10000%, sounds amazing. I'm thrilled for you, I'm thrilled that you had such a good time! And yeah, your first-hand experience certainly vouched for everyone to try it (including and especially Sebastian. Wanna see that pretty face all fucked out and hear all the pretty little hoarse whimpers he makes when he's screamed himself raw 😮💨😮💨)
Thank you as always for being willing to share!
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More Nikolai Thoughts? No problem!
I think he tends to cum too early sometimes. You know how excited he gets when he has one of his quizzes for people, like Mushi or Atsushi? And then he gets so excited that he spoils the answer? That definitely happens during sex too, him being so excited that he cums too quickly…kinda hot tho
He’s so tall, omg I just wanna face-dive into his chest and wrap my arms around him *kicking my feet*
I wanna see how he looks without his clown outfit…not naked, but without the hat, the shoes, the card on his face…
I still wanna see him naked tho :)
HE’S SO TALL!!! I’M A SHORTIE, I WANT HIM TO PICK ME UP AND CARRY ME AROUND
I bet he loves to give piggyback rides, running around, carrying you on his back ;))))
His lips are so pretty (Fyodor’s and Sigma’s too, but this isn’t about them)…I want to make out with him so badly, I bet he’s an amazing kisser…
I like to believe that he’s a virgin…let’s be honest, most people probably found him creepy in his past, which is why he never got intimate with anyone
I can’t believe he’s TWENTY-SIX??? Like??? Huh????
Dudes who manspread in public (like on trains) make me wanna kick them between the legs and crush their balls, but Nikolai manspreading makes me drool…I want to lay my head down in his lap, kiss his thicc, juicy thighs suck his dick and let him caress my hair
I want to peg him and make him scream (your recent ask about what noises he makes in bed…ughhhhh)
I wanna know where he got the scar on his left eye from…
He. Is. So. Cute. When he first met Atsushi and leaned forward and held his hand up to his mouth, you know what I mean? He’s just so adorable!
I want to take his gloves off with my teeth
H A N D S *moans*
H-his c-chest…fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to grope and palm his dick through his pants
When he closes his eyes and looks so calm and peaceful…*butterflies*
I think he actually has a crush on Fyodor
He gives me either “neglected youngest child with plenty of siblings” vibes or “neglected only child who spent most of his childhood alone” vibes (I smell angst…)
I think he can actually be quite gentle and romantic in bed, just always very excited. But I don’t think he’s always mean and sadistic and teasing
I think he loves to be teased tho
I think when he gets close to his orgasm, his breathing gets rapid and fast, a lot of loud gasps and the loudest, high-pitched moans and protracted whines…
I’m down so bad for this man…I just want a s/o like him
~🍒anon
HIS CHEST AND HANDS‼️‼️‼️ I WANT HIM TO SQUEEZE MY CHEEKS AND THEN SQUEEZE ME BETWEEN HIS CHEST!!!! AS FOR THE SPOILING HELP, THAT'S THE THING I RELATE TO HIM FOR, I CAN'T KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT EVER AND I SPOIL EVERYTHING (WHEN I HAVE TO BE QUIET ABOUT SURPRISES AND SHIT GOD FORBID, TAPING MY MOUTH AND DON'T SPEAK TO A PERSON 4-7 BUSSINES DAYS BCS I WILL SPOIL IT FROM EXCITEMENT)
also real, i hate when men do a manspread on the bus or wherever, i literally want to chop their legs off but nikolai?? he can spread anything anytime he wants mhm mhm :3
him being a virgin also suits him a lot!! i was always thinking given the fact he is very versatile/flexible person yk that he is able to contain himself from his silliness lmao and that he is a little experienced freak :3 but him being a virgin and showing you how big of a freak he is...completely wild and unhinged..mhm :3
also him cumming really early on is hot!! i like to imagine it as well and he enjoys it too i believe, just having multiple orgasms each time :3 i wanna peg him too mhm mhm <3
also i agree!! i think he can be quite gentle, romantic, worshiping, all that yk and he definitely enjoys teasing!! i mentioned before how he would be easy to "rizz" up lol but definitely enjoyes the teasing, uncertainity, sort of like playing between two of you yk :3 and he definitely enjoys being teased in the bedroom and in general, i think it provides him great excitement hehe
i wanna see him in regular clothes too omg :3 just being all chill and..big...and...yeah...ugh and I agree with him being either youngest neglected but i also see him being the only child who was neglected/often left alone by his parents and that's why he became the way he did yk, he had to entertain himself all the time and it was a way for him to cope but i also see him growing up in those circuces that go in different towns and perform!! :D
he definitely has a crush on fyodor :3 i don't make the rules
i agree with his orgasm, he gets loud, loud, l o u d and just chokes out breaths and you can hear whimpers literally getting stuck in his throat so it comes out like a broken whine mhm mhm :3
AH I FORGOT!! I THINK HE INJURED HIMSELF ON PURPOSE TBH, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED
also!! him being 26...yeah....ranpo is 26 too.....poe is 28...and kouyo is 28....bsd ages shock me
#stinkyanswers#🍒 anon#I LOVE NIKOLAI THOUGHTS!!!#HE IS SO DKDKDLDLLSS#THANK YOU FOR SHARING DEAR ANON!! :D <3
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freeman's mind noted part 5, e21-25
e21
images just come to him like a prophet for an angry god
a lil scared of big blue lobster out in Power Up
could solve all his problems by exploding things with his mind
wants marshmallows....
FUNNY NOISES. "HERE'S JOHNNY". MANNNN
thinks headcrabs would make cool lawn ornaments
"rubble rumble rubble rumble rubble rumble" he just likes saying words real quick together
he thinks he's a good liar
doesn't want green slime on his suit :(
not amazed at the orange HEV suit but admits it's good otherwise
THE SUIT DENTS WHEN YOU SHOOT IT SO STOP SHOOTING IT
(not sure why the formatting is doing this.)
e22
"pyew!"
has seen The Terminator
"what's the point of being an honest citizen if I'm just gonna get shot at anyways" FUCK THE TROOPS
has seen Rambo
concerned about accessibility!! :D
"lasers!" Said in the samw done in laser/caution
urgh the electron measurement nonsense. I hate that. Particle and wave. Depends on what you know about it
new sport? Houndeye killing?
Gordon I don't think the soldiers care about fixing the generator
had an old apartment where the basement got flooded because he did a cannonball so sick his bathtub sunk into the floor
"bbbrrrrrrp!"
"NYYYAAA"
hey if you survive the electricity you'd have a sick scar
high five Death!
e23
yes the military is incompetent we all know this
doesn't know how to play guitar
is very polite asking people to not kill him
thinks the radio chatter is dissing him
stresses to the soldiers that he graduated from MIT
seems less bothered by having killed a bunch of people now. Interesting difference from earlier
beepbeepbeepbeepbeep
"I don't like to beep too much" YOU HAVE BEEN BEEPING. ALL SERIES
thinks radios are how The Man finds you
grey map? Haunting.
smushing more words together without proper words to put them apart,, man after my own heart
smuggling an elephant almost wouldn't surprise him
would love rubber on the HEV.
cheery about leaving behind the dying guard
he is not happy right now
e24
may believe cavemen had to deal with gargantuars and HECU. May be ironic
wants to go up
he's a CAT. (meows multiple times) (hisses)
says out loud that he's scared
straining noises,,,
karma strikes him often
thats why the dinosaurs went extinct! Him!
expert in atomic level electricity
has frequently had to sit through family members shitty photo albums
one of the perks of killing everyone: no one can yell at you
he's in great shape! and has been exercising all day! please give this man some food!
likely not forklift certified
would like henchmen throwing switches for him
would sacrifice minions for good parking
threatens someone and then says he won't actually do it because it's be gross
wants to hit the clubs after a good shower
slur count four.
e25
could climb over the concrete but wants a nice ride
thinks a train derailment (shakes violently bnsf derailment-) would look cool
talks about some story about one teacher of his asking if crashing a motorcycle into a haybale or concrete divider is more dangerous at 60mph. My bet is on the haybale. Lots of little things that'll run you through. Nasty stuff. Straw impales telephone poles sometimes. Wear a helmet.
if he were a conductor killing his passengers would be his idea retirement
since no one can see him confused he's still a genius
barnacles now dubbed "string things"
he's covered in BLOOD again
cant emulate turtles and hide in his bright orange shell
expects to find a cult in On A Rail. string theory crowd......
ongoing commentary about if the aliens are demons or not
percussive maintenance does do wonders
pro slavery. not racist somehow. Gambling instead?? I have no idea where he gets these ideas from.
there are just. Unholy screams btw. in the background.
doesn't have a bandolier :'(
hey a switch!
poor guy is Not getting paid for this. Community service.
continues to be grossed out by the barnacles. Reminds him of the summer he worked fast food
"QUIT BEING METAL"
If he were a wizard he says
#freeman's mind#gordon freemind#every time i have to tick up the slur counter i wail in despair#rmanotes#mindverse
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Got bored and didn't know what to post for a seriously long time- so I decided I would share some interesting stuff. My favorite animals!!! RAHHH okay I seriously love dogs. I can't imagine someone who doesn't. (Part 1 I guess)
Dog breeds??? THERE ARE SO MANY !!! I'm gonna infodump the hell out of you
I have the tendency to love dogs that look unusual, you know- skinny dogs, big dogs, dogs that make you think "damn why he built like that." Same with cats. Animals are amazing and tbh how in God's name could anyone choose just ONE favorite?
This is an appreciation post for bull terriers, first of all. That big football-shaped head of theirs is PERFECT for kisses. Those little triangular shaped eyes (Uniquely extravagant to their breed) are ridiculously tiny. The pinkness that shades his eyes and nose is absolutely unmatchable. There was surely some comedy and thoughtfulness when this dog was made! Sweet! (I have a favorite type too, the pure white ones.) I can't believe there was a time where dogs like this were expected to tear your lungs out if you came too close to someone's property.
Here you can see this bull terrier's adorable smile!!! Ready to eat your sofa cushions and 2 entire layers of bathroom drywall, but lovingly. (Your lawn decorations too)
I also appreciate BORZOIS AND GREYHOUNDS!!! Greyhounds have these goofy, long limbs and ridiculously tall, skinny bodies. They seem like the type of dog to run around making weird noises at nothing. That's a lot like me! Borzois look just like greyhounds, but bigger and 50× hairier. They are also particularly memed often for that super long nose. It's the wacky features that make these dogs all so amazing to me. I've watched videos of them running around, and they are a playmate I would love to have.
Greyhound to Borzoi comparison...
Speaking of dogs with unusual bodies- we could literally never leave Great Danes out of the equation. Come on, if it was convenient and easy to manage, you too would love a dog in your house who is bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger. They look like titan dalmatians, and the size of those feet for crying out loud!!! Imagine being that huge! Just remember, never rent an upstairs apartment if you buy one, I would hate to have this bad boy fall through onto my dinner table! To be honest, his adoption fee alone probably costs more than what it would take to buy your own place. And for good reason, there's a big price for great enjoyment.
Of course- being a pitbull also has a scale- playgroup bestie to Heath Ledger. I think these were the very first dogs I learned to love!!! PRECIOUSSS 💕💕💕
Bewr with me I'm getting technical on these next breeds-
Also shout-out to all those other pretty dog breeds! Popular or lesser known! The Bulbenbeisser (extinct sadly), Drevers, Norwegian Elkhounds, Boerboels, Dachshunds, German Shepherds, and Tibetan Mastiffs!
The no longer existent yet still beautiful Bulbenbeisser, next to a Norwegian Elkhound! The bulbenbeisser is distantly related to the modern boxer dog, and is also known as the German Bulldog. When it was around, it was known for being very agile and strong, such abilities were used for things like boar hunting.
The Norwegian Elkhound is a special dog, used for various things such as hunting, herding, and protecting. It's name makes its origin and main use clear, they come from Norway and are good at hunting down Elk! They look like little huskies to me.
Second Row is a Drever dog, known also as a Swedish Dachsbracke! They are used to hunt deer, and descend from another dog of a similar name. They look just a little bit like beagles if you think about it.
The third row dog is a massive Boerboel, colored a very cute tanned brown. It's not well recognized, but is a large guard dog from South Africa. They are on average 50 pounds heavier than a Cane Corso, another favorite breed of mine.
The final row is an ancient breed, a Tibetan Mastiff. Very big and fluffy! Actually, very big is a massive understatement. These dogs are absolutely enormous and are used to hunt bears!
Hope you enjoyed me hyper fixating on dogs for like a whole hour I will do it again probably like 30 times
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Pst- hey if it’s ok with you before the floor swallows me can I get some more Houston angst
Absolutely!! I actually had one written last night or so when I was Going Through It(tm)
Also i felt the "floor swallowing me" thing, hope it passes soon <3
Would He
The silence isn't as welcoming as it used to be.
Over the months turned to years, Houston has grown comfortable with this odd position he holds in the gang. He's the shadow standing in the corner, and a punching bag for a man with more rage than his mind could cope with (the betrayal of being replaced and abandoned still sparking in his eyes every so often). He's the skeleton from the Chief's closet, following him close, waiting for a moment to catch his attention.
Time didn't heal wounds. It just became easier to tend them.
Off in the main room of the safehouse, the majority of the gang watches movies, celebrating a month of good work. Sangres and Jiro had gone off on their own after the first movie, Jiro deciding to head to bed for the evening, and Sangres just tired of the stuffy air. Houston had attempted to talk with his brother, but Dallas- always more focused on things that weren't Houston, had brushed him off.
Houston gave up and returned to the balcony. His fingers had gone to light a cig, but the desire wasn't there, and he’d put the lighter back in his pocket.
He jumps when the door behind him slides open.
"The 'ell are you doin' out here?" Hoxton asks, the door shutting behind him. "Hate fun?" The Brit pulls out a cigarette, and Houston absentmindedly hands him his lighter.
Hoxton blinks, then cautiously takes it. When he returns it, it's with a quiet 'thank you'.
The silence is the closest to comfortable it can be. Before Hoxton had come out, it was suffocating Houston. Too loud.
Now, it just was.
"Hey, Hoxton." Houston starts, his voice low. He waits for Hoxton to grunt. When he does, the mechanic continues. "Would Dallas… be sad if something happened to me?"
The surprised flinch is unnoticed, and Hoxton turns to him. "What'd'you mean?"
"Would he care?"
The Brit grows somber and looks out off the balcony, standing next to the other man in contemplation.
Eventually… "Do you want an honest answer?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know." Hoxton looks remorseful, worried. "Why?"
Houston stays silent, a part of him not wanting to burden Hoxton with his woes. He shrugs, staring at the ground.
"You two aren't close." Hoxton says.
"No. Were when I was really little, but otherwise, we don't talk." Sighing, Houston rests his head on his hand. "Was just… thinking. Don't worry about it."
"Well, now that you've said that, I'm going to." A sad smile appears on Houston’s face, but it fades quickly.
"I just wonder, y'know. If he would care if I died."
Hoxton makes a noise, wanting to say something. Instead, he pats Houston’s shoulder. It's awkward, not forced, but uncomfortable. "A lot of us would."
Houston nods. Hoxton goes to say more, but a crash inside, followed by incoherent Swedish and a frantic sounding Jimmy, alerts the two. They turn to look in the door, neither eager to go investigate.
Until Wolf starts calling for Hoxton. "Ah, I better-"
"Yeah, probably."
Hoxton opens the door, turning once to Houston to speak, only to be interrupted by Jimmy. More crashing and yelling.
"Oh my God, what did you do?" Hoxton shouts, rushing to the two.
Houston shuts the door, shaking his head. Eventually, he sits with his back against the wall.
He's not sure how long he's out there for. By the time the door opens again, he's gone stiff, body aching.
"You alright?" Jimmy asks. Houston nods.
Jimmy plops down next to him. "When I worked for Akan, I wondered, you know, if anything I did mattered. I was always in pain, and watching everyone around me. I'd go up to the roof sometimes, think about if it'd matter if I died, or vanished, you know."
"Yeah."
Jimmy stares at the sky. "If I had, then I wouldn't have gotten to meet you lot. Never would've stopped Akan." He turns back to Houston. "Out there… there's somethin' for ya. I'm sure of it." Jimmy claps Houston on the back and stands. "I mean it. And if you ever need to chat, you know where to find me."
Houston stares, watching as the man heads back to his bar. Wolf and Hoxton are asleep on the couch, Dallas throwing a blanket over them.
He should sleep, too.
Houston gets up, stretching as he steps back in, closing the door. Dallas turns to him. "Were you outside all night?"
The younger Steele nods, pulling the curtain shut.
"Are you…" Dallas shifts. "Are you okay?"
"Mhm." Houston walks past him, refusing to look.
A quiet sigh, almost a whimper. "Hey, Derek… I-"
"Don't. Just… just don't." Houston snaps. He keeps walking.
Behind him, Dallas's outstretched arm falls to his side.
He watches as Houston walks away, before turning and going his own direction.
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life update #12
hi void i am back for another free therapy session
today i wanted to talk about some things i've spent a lot of time reflecting about over the last two-ish weeks so today's content is gonna be a mish mash of different things
1)
a deep, swelling void inside of me that's been there for as long as i remember - i think i just hate people. but i love them at the same time. let me explain.
growing up i was actually very much extraverted. i was so chatty, i loved talking to people, i loved making jokes and making other people laugh. i used to yell and scream and be loud. and then, i moved to america. i was around 5-6 around the time. i didnt know the language, but i could read expressions and hear the tones - people didn't like me. i was odd, and i looked different. suddenly, i felt as if my mouth had been sewn shut. i couldn't open my mouth and make any noise without feeling like a fool. i couldn't finish assignments because i didn't know, i didn't understand anything. and this, this was the first time that i developed such an affliction for other human beings.
because do you know what kids do to people that are different and odd? kids don't have empathy. there was a wall there where true connections should have been formed. but what about the adults? who, my immigrant mom and her parents that she felt was a good idea to bring along with her? the ones that also didn't speak the language and were emotionally constipated, abusive, and trapped in their own world? another wall. my immigrant dad that couldn't get a job, couldn't secure an america visa, tried again in canada and started an affair even when he had a wife and child waiting for him? another wall.
everywhere i looked: wall. wall, wall, wall wall wall. and me - listen, to be honest at this point i don't actually truly believe anything was ever wrong with me. i mean look at me - i busted out here with 10 fingers and 10 toes, tall and sturdy. i even have some nice traits, like nice boobs! and a tenacity for life, an absolute rejection of failure kicking and screaming. i fought for my life back then. i really did.
so what happened? everywhere i looked i was rejected, shot down. i felt like a little god sometimes, looking around my house. i thought: "did anyone SEE that? look! it happened again! why is no one else seeing what i'm seeing?" i saw everything and understood everything, but it seemed like the adults couldn't see anything. i saw myself crying so hard that i would sleep and wake up with my eyes swollen. i saw myself shutting the fuck up in a room full of kids. i saw my parents screaming at each other. it seemed like no one else could see what i saw back then.
so why do i hate people now? i hate them because they cause me pain. every glance, touch, exchange of words is no longer a shower of candy on christmas morning. people are a void. would you toss your car keys into a void? how about all the money in your pocket? would you throw your jacket, your shoes, your jewelry, your hand into the void? would you throw your time and love and patience and empathy and kindness into a void? a void is a void, like a tree is a tree and a rock is a rock. and people are all, all voids.
so why do i love people? i don't know, why do you love air? like i said - i don't believe anything was ever wrong with me to begin with. i think i believed something was wrong because there was something wrong, but just not with me. i still want to be your neighbor. i still want to bake you banana bread and share it with you on your porch. i want to go to target with you and hold you when you need to be held. i was born like this, and this has never changed.
but the thing that is so hard to get other people to understand is that they are all hurting me - to an unimaginable degree. it feels like i'm losing air every minute i spend with anyone, friend coworker acquaintence whatever. i suffer so much, but i fight tooth and nail for you because i love you. i can't get to everyone. sometimes you'll leave thinking that i'm standoffish and can't hold a conversation. but for one or two of you, i can be a little more than that. i wish it could be fair, but i have to pick the ones that are more kind, empathetic, and understanding to min/max my efforts. i wish i had more room for all of you, i really do, but i don't have the capacity.
does anyone understand? i just don't want to keep living with all this guilt and shame. i'm out here begging to hang out but i'm completely shut down after like two hours. and yeah i can go to your meeting and i can do this task and i can look into this problem for you, but like ... you're on thin fucking ice buddy. no you didn't do anything wrong but i hate working with you because you clearly don't know what i'm going through right now but i still have to put on this face like everything is good and right. no hate -- but hate. you know what i mean?
2)
i can't fight that i'm growing up anymore. every time i'm confronted with my growth i cry inside because it feels like a death. it's like the child inside me is dying but i never even got a chance to be a child. it feels unfair, like why do i have to grow up now? are you telling me that that's IT? like, finally i have some money and mobility and autonomy and now you're telling me "time to hand in your keys the lease is up" like?? come ON dude.
i think that's what i've been feeling lately - a mourning. i'm mourning the death of the me that once was. and i'm genuinely really sad that she didn't live a good life. i've carried her for so long that she felt like a friend, chiming in and commenting on every major life milestone. but she doesn't belong here anymore. she's dying. and i have to let her go.
before she goes i feel like she deserves one more little celebration. i feel like i've been pretty down and negative lately, thinking about all the bad things that happened to me. maybe i would feel better if i took the time to celebrate all the brilliant things about me that survived instead of resenting the parts that were burned away. she was incredible, to be quite honest. no one knows about what she's done, the times she picked herself up and moved forward into darkness and voids. she threw everything into the void, even herself. that is a kind of courage that i don't think i could even muster up today. she did well. really well. and she deserves to rest in peace.
3)
i feel like i was born into this world thinking that true empathy grew on trees, and everyone was getting it except for me. i don't believe this is true anymore. i think some people are just less sensitive than others, and for them their cup already runneth over. but other people like me are just bottomless pits.
4)
doing things - this, living, breathing, working, hoping, wondering, wishing - makes me feel like a baby crying into the void, hoping, wishing someone would come pick me up. sometimes, no one comes. so i continue crying and hoping and wishing.
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Hi, i hope doing good. Can i have a Marvel matchup please 💐
I'm genderfluid, bisexual with male preference.
I'm Turkish, i have long black wavy hair. I have thick black eyebrows, brown eyes. I always have rosy cheeks. My body is curvy with very big chest and little tummy. Also i'm 173 cm.
I'm Libra, a infp. I always have poker face. Those who know me for the first time describe me as cold, quiet, and distant. I'm only close to two or three people. They describe me as cold, soft inside, calm, resourceful and knowledgeable. They say I make clever jokes and I'm the mom-friend. And i hate phsyical touch. My love language is words of affirmation.
If I talk about myself, I've always been on my own. I have family problems, I was never close with my father. Even though we are side by side with my mother, we are distant. I'm just my own mom and dad. That's why I've always focused on academic achievement for salvation. And I think I'm very good at it.
My hobbies are drawing, sewing, writing and researching, especially about mythology, cultures, history, fashion. I always wear my headphones and listen to music.
I like silence, soft colors, being alone, flowers (especially honeysuckle), spring and breeze.
I don't like crowds, noise, children, loud talkers and shiny things.
I always wear colorful clothes with floral prints. I also wear interesting earrings and different printed socks.
And finally, I don't really have an ideal type. I love every person. I like the fact that there are different people.
Been a while since I did one of these
Bruce banner
To be honest the first time he sees you he’s both intimidated and very attracted to you
He does though think your cheeks are extremely adorable
Bruce is a good listener and would take his time knowing you and discovering what’s under that poker face of yours
He would love your jokes, he tries to joke around too but god bless his heart he can’t land a decent punchline
Bruce doesn’t need a lot of physical touch just reassurance
His love language is acts of service, kept him to randomly find something that reminded him of you like a necklace or a book and get it to you or even send a cute video he knows you’ll like
He respects you academy goals and willing to help you if you asked him of course {no pressure}
Since you love researching a lot he will most likely share with you his own research and you two can work on it together
Try reaching him how to sew, he’ll low key find it entertaining
You’re welcome to his lab anytime you feel like you want to be alone and he wouldn’t bother you either
I can see him learning how to DIY some stuff in his free time and gifting them to you when he comes to visit
Btw he loves printed socks and buys them all the time so he’ll get you a pair whenever he has the chance to go shopping
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im too big of a coward to play normal on my own i cannottttt do it my role is vital and i cant play it alone!!! my role is resident paranoid and by god i play it well 😁😁 my friend is very. LOUD, they only use the fuckin chainsaw to cut down trees. EFFECTIVE YES, BUT LOUD!!!!! so i need to stand back and watch very very closely to see if anything comes for us. IM SCARED TO BE SNUCK UP ON AGAIN so now im just. my paranoia has tripled in that game and hey! i havent gotten snuck up on since! so id say its technically a win (ramble)
thats something thats different with sons of the forest, yesterday i was alone for like. an decent amount of time when we played and i didnt feel hardly scared at all. GRANTED, it wasnt mutant spawning time yet but even in the forest im scared day 1 to day 100 baby. no, it was relaxing even. SOTF is just. rgRGgrrg
because the forest is an older game its less? i mean sons of the forest is just better like better graphics, better ai, etc etc etc which is great, its a more fulfilling experience in a sense? the game is fucking gorgeous!! the cannibal ai is really interesting, the animals are better ETC like idk to me its just more tranquil and im relaxed more often then not
WITH THE FOREST THOUGH? existential dread all the way through. the beginning week is fairly easy, we usually have some kind of base by then ofc, but after that week passes? im not the man i used to be 💀 i get quieter because i need to listen for mutants, im CONSTANTLY looking around. ive learned that if i see one, i need to be super clear about it (unlike my bestie who literally just saw girl mutant behind me and booked it 😁) im a lot quieter about being startled in that game until something starts chasing me MAINLY so i dont accidentally scare my bestie cuz like.
the forest entire ATMOSPHERE is a little desolate, like i love this game, but god i feel. ITS LIKE YR JUST WAITING TILL SOMETHING GETS YOU IT FEELS REALLY AWFUL SKFJSF for me it honestly has similar vibes to squirrel stapler???? not good KSFJS
anyways no it kills me the amount of chest pain and shaky hands the forest has given me, youd think i just faced god bro
nope! good ol johnny boy and armsy pretty much exclusively? IDK WHY THAT IS.. virginia isnt very loud so i have a hard time hearing her but i tend to see her way before she gets close, and shes not super hard to fight for me? lure her to the water and have her charge into it 🙄 easy peasy. cowman a little harder, they are sporadic and they turn on a dime which is not good! theyre huge. but the charge into the water thing can work on them too. me and my friend need to kill one of those actually, we have all the other mutant heads on our wall except that one 😔
armsy cant really be lured like that? everything about armsy is just. my nightmare. huge, loud, fast. not cool!! we can kill them fairly easily but even still like. IM STILL SCARED EVEN IF I KNOW THERES BIGGER THREATS its so personal between us bro
also i heard if you use the???? rage thing the ANGER BALL you can attract like. a group of SIX MUTANTS, fuck all that noise. i want the peace ball actually thatd be so dope
overall its just. horrible to be honest, and specifically like I CANT HANDLE LIVING ANYWHERE ELSE THAN WHERE WE ALWAYS LIVE (which is where markiplier made his base in the more recent forest playthru 💀) cuz its fairly open?? AND EVEN WHEN ITS OPEN IM STILL SCARED
imagine the fear when we have to go deeper into the forest for any reason 😀
unimaginable, downright painful i know this game has taken years off my life at this point. ITS JSUT SO AWFUL MANN because now that the trees are thicker, you've taken one of my vital senses away which is sight! i am now afraid and have to rely on my ears alone! (cicerocore tbh)
its. SICKENNING I HATE IT SO MUCH RGRGAGR even though i know im strong and i fuck up those cannibals like no tomorrow, even the mutants we dont struggle that much with (besides maybe the blue variants) its still SCARYYY no i hate it. my friend always makes me go with her like okay time to loot cloth from the village cmon bestie lets go :]]
. okay. like I WANNA BE THERE WITH HER BUT no i do not, i just. theyre CARELESS my MC instincts kick in cuz theyre careless in minecraft to and im like. constantly jumping forward in dark caves to kill whatever is in front of us so it wont kill her and leave me alone KSJFS so its like that but worse! i need to listen for both our sakes its exhausting 💀💀 and most of the time there is some kind of mutant in the forest, like only ONCE WE WENT and there was no mutant at the village
ironically despite that run through being flawless, no cannibals no mutants, i was still completely petrified like there was, it was so. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN THE FOREST its just waiting for when something inevitably jumps out at you. but nothing did and ive never felt more uncomfortable in my lifee it was horrible. that one time was directly after we were dealing with girl mutant too, awful vibes the forest like
THATS THE EASIEST WAY TO SUM IT UP, the forest gives absolutely RANCID vibes truly terrible. sons of the forest is pretty and relaxing at times and just nice and the forest?? no its horrific its just terrible awful energy, i love it. this game is gonna kill me but i love it!!
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I’m gonna start tagging as like journey when I talk about stuff related to me and things I perceive about myself since I was diagnosed as autistic + ADHD. Anyways I want to talk about the senses. From I noticed in what bothers me about each sense.
Touch: I this one I don’t struggle a lot with, but I can depending on what it is.I don’t like being touched by strangers or having contact not initiated by me when I’m with people I don’t know that well, but I’m super okay and appreciate contact from people I’m close with (family and besties). When it comes to things considered more romantic (like kisses, or the usual hand on thigh, waist, etc) I will short wire, mostly because I’m not used to being touched that way, but it’s not something I don’t welcome (unless is if it is with someone I don’t like). Good thing is with those touches I am able to express like “hey tone it down” or “it’s fine if you touch me here”. Not the biggest fan of hand holding and for god’s sake do not touch my shoulders and specially, do not hold my neck. Seriously I have having ANYTHING close to my neck. I’m only welcoming necklaces on my life again cause now I can ask my mom to take the pingent and put it on a longer cord. Also even if I do like rings, I’m not much of a fan of wearing them and I don’t like bracelets (or even tying hair ties around my wrist). Earrings are the best. There’s a few texture I don’t like touching but they don’t bother me that much to be honest. Also hate the feeling of things on my face, which is why I don’t wear makeup, I don’t use my glasses as much as I should and why masks where a terror to me. If something on my face is bothering me, I’ll feel an uncontrollable “itch” on my forehead.
Taste: Definetly where I’m most sensitive. if I have a problem with texture, it’s definety with food. I can handle not so great but familiar tasting food but if the texture is off, I. just. Cant. Also foods that are too flavorful (idk how to explain this better) I can’t handle ( legit the reason I don’t eat pizza is because of the tomato sauce, it’s too strong for me). I can tell by just a small bite if I will like something or not, which is why I told my parents to not try and fool me by changing how they make my food because I will notice it.
Smell: Another sense that doesn’t interfere much. Usually a small needs to be really strong for me to feel like, so if you only sprayed perfume once, I likely won’t notice unless I get really close. Bad smells usually at easier for me to smell and they can make me real nauseous. Once I passed close to a small place that made crepes with Nutella in it and the smell was so strong and not to my liking that I legit got nauseous right away.
Sight: Really depends on the day. Some days the light is too bright and other it’s just fine, though walking in the sun without sunglasses often hurt (doesn’t help I got green eyes tbh). Mostly what can bother me is too much movement if I’m static. Like, just this year, the two times I remember getting sensory overload was when I was just standing normally and there was someone constantly moving next to me, it irritated me very quickly. Bright colors don’t bother me much. I do struggle sometimes with flashing lights and if there’s light when I’m trying to sleep. If I’m too tired, it won’t really matter, but if I’m just trying to fall asleep, I will like press something around my eyes so I can sleep (I used to have an eye mask but I lost it).
Sound: This one is slightly complicated. Loud noises don’t bother me like, like at all. So loud music in an open space, the continuous sound of heavy rajn and the sound of my AC or vent working don’t bother me. However, it’s the small continuous and non-rhythmic sounds that bother me. So water leaks are my terror, as well as cricket sounds. I can legit loose sleep if these types of sounds are around me and I will get frustrated and cry (which means that yes, the water leak falling in the bucket in my ceiling is driving me nuts. Good thing is that the sound of the AC is loud enough to cover it). Sudden loud noises, like a buzz going off, also bother me and I cannot have any sound going on if I’m trying to sleep, so putting music to sleep if a big no no to me. Seriously, it’s like I’ll close my eyes and I’ll even feel relaxed but as long as the music plays, I feel like I can’t actually fall asleep (it has happened on rate occasions where I was sleep deprived and other sounds were bothering me). Also I hate ASMR, it makes my skin crawl and makes me want to tear my skin away, seriously I hate it so much. Nowadays it doesn’t help much, but a few years ago, I listened to a lot of classical music while reading and it helped a lot with concentration.
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Restore
a Han Yu short
after the events of Nights of Payne Town
The worst is over. The city is safe. Before he can lie down and rest, Han has one last thing to clean up.
This story features characters created by other players in the City of Mist game I played in, and they belong to their respective creators.
I.
The trees were thick, so thick Han didn't think an arm's reach could hug one. They were tall, so tall they punctured the night sky, the jagged fingers of their canopy holding back the light of the dimming twin moons. Or were they suns? Whatever they were, their light was like lanterns swaying to careless winds, shadows jerking through the branches when the half-formed monster in their celestial bosom thrashed and turned like a nightmare was disturbing its slumber.
Viscera half human, half alien strewed about the trees, lodged in branches, pierced by jagged rocks, and squashed tall grass, the blood seeping from them wetting the soil into slippery mud everywhere.
Han stepped on a liver, which exploded into a squelching mess. Lance made a disgusted noise behind him.
"Sorry," he said, keeping his eyes on the moons. They must be where the heart was; the rivers of mud and blood flowed to where they hung. It made sense: blood comes back to the heart. "To be honest, I was expecting the world of my soul to be a festering sewer maze, not all of this wilderness."
"It's alright," Lance said behind him, wiping some of the mud from his face, looking like he wanted to throw up, which he did a few times already. "It could have been, you know. Sewers. But looks like Abhoth hasn't won. It's trying to, though." He looked at the moon womb in the sky, whose slumber seemed to have calmed.
"Yeah, looks like it knows what we're here for," Han said, picking up his pace. "Come on, the quicker this is done the faster you can take a shower."
"Why not the Panacea, though?" Lance said. "The Grail could have granted anything, or Sydney had willed so for all of us. Kinda uncharacteristic of him if you ask me."
"I don't think so. He's loud and explosive, abrasive even, but he has a select few on his list of people he cares about."
"Are you saying he cares for me?"
Han looked at him. "I think it was a split second decision, and in that moment he chose the team as a whole over individual conflict."
"He still hates my guts is what you're saying."
"Yeah."
Lance chuckled. "You're not answering the question, as always."
"What can I say? I work the black market. But… " Han snapped a dry tree branch before him in half, handed one to Lance, and started dislodging what looked like a rotten deer torso blocking their path.
Lance tapped his shoulder and waved this hand back, gesturing for him to step back. With a snap of his fingers, the smug fucker incinerated the carcass into fine ash.
"Show off," Han muttered, but started walking again. They must be on the right path: the blood rivers were running thicker and wider now. He could hear the body parts making mushing sounds in their currents, jostling, dragging against riverbeds of forest mulch.
Han spoke after a while. "Yes, I wanted the Panacea. Or… I did. Riah got Bumpy back from the gods themselves, and since Marc agreed to withdraw from the city, I just… don't feel the drive for it anymore.
"Eradication of disease itself is a… change on a cosmic scale. It's a decision I don't believe should be in my hands, or in anyone's hands. It will drastically alter the landscape of the world, setting off so many chain reactions, and… I think we've subjected the world through enough of that already.
"Working with you lot through the past year, no, working as the Sewer Doctor in the last decade made me realise I'm not built for this much responsibility. I'm teetering on the edge enough as it is. I will break soon if I don't stop, and that would be a mercy I don't deserve, because I won't be around to even witness the consequence of my action, let alone suffer it.
"With Marc gone and the hospital back in the City's hands, I think… I can do a hospital. I'm tired of burning like firework, and if there's one thing this past year has taught me, it's that I don't have to. I can be a candle. I can do a lifetime of that, really. It would be nice."
II.
They broke into a clearing, no, a wasteland of gore. Here out of the thicket of the forest, they could see the moons clearly, inside a wound in the sky itself. They looked like a pair of globular, luminescent cancerous cells, bleeding a trickling waterfall of gelled blood from the starless heavens, a thick column of crimson ooze that had overflown into a lake so vast, but not endless: Han could see trees and mountains on the horizon. The half-formed god inside the moons writhed again, thrashing.
Han tried a hand out before him, and indeed bones and organs rose from the mud and blood. Rats, vermin, human heads and ribcages formed and broke apart by the second, apparitions of flesh squirming before his very eyes.
"This is it," Han said to Lance, looking at where the gigantic bloodfall from the sky pooled onto the earth. "This is the heart of it all."
"Are you ready?" Lance asked, frowning. "You don't have to do this."
He shook his head. "No. I'm not ready, and I don't have to do this. But I want to. Let's get this done and over with."
He parted the mud into a thin path, revealing the dry grass beneath as he paced to the end of the bloodfall.
Where he stood drenched in the viscera and blood.
No, not him, but a thing that looked like him, planted knees deep in a mound of writhing flesh. It had on a pristine doctor's coat, despite the gore it was being showered in. Those scalpel-fingered hands, though, were as bloody as the lake of abominations they were in. Shimmering silver chains weighed down its wrists, and its eyes burned a hateful yellow, which locked on Han as soon as he could see it.
"You," its mouth opened, but the bloodfall shook as the voice rang from around them, the malformed god above jerking its head against the moons that encased it, rippling the night sky. "You are just as wretched as they all are. Spineless. Coward."
"Maybe," he said, his heart still. "But that's alright. No one has to be brave all the time."
"Banishing me will change nothing, you know that right, doctor? Blood was on your hands. Blood will always be on your hands."
"It was. It will. And I would love to deal with that on my own terms, free of your interference, please."
"And now you've come to kill. Kill me. Planned. Premeditated. Is that what doctors do?"
He held a breath, for so long, but when it broke so did a dam. Pain and despair flooded his head, but he could see under their dampening weight, if barely, a glimpse, a promise of release.
A hand touched his shoulder. Lance said, "it won't be killed. It's not how this works. The Myth will be sent back beyond the Mist, that's all."
He touched the back of Lance's hand, nodding, but he did not take his eyes away from this bleeding mirage of himself before him. "Even if this is murder, may it be the last I will ever do."
He got from his own coat a scalpel.
The thing struggled against the shackles, and the moons shook, the bloodfall turning heavy, pouring. Monstrosities rose from the mud, a howling circle closing in around them.
"Lance, please turn away. This is for my conscience only."
As Lance held back the monsters that closed in, there were screams. Human screams, before Han, and sounding just like him, begging, desperate, but Han did not stop. Then they came from the night above, wild and guttural, booming like wet thunder, a bestial swansong that went on and on and just would not stop.
Then in a flash of brilliance, the bloodfall exploded. The night itself broke apart as if blown away, and dawn broke.
In place of false moons were the sun, the actual sun, not the fucking disgusting sky fetus but a sun that shone bright and hot and it was raining, raining, raining. It was pouring not blood, oh god it was not blood, just water, really just water. It tasted so clean and fresh, and as far as his eyes could see Han saw none of the mud on the trees and they were fucking green and clear rivers were forming around him and he could hear birds? He could fucking hear birds and Han laughed truly, for the first time in a long time. He could smell the soil and it was intoxicating and he took in lungfuls and couldn't stop laughing, nor did he want to. He grabbed Lance into a hug and into dancing silly dances under the cleansing rain that drenched them. He couldn't smell the foul copper anymore, and surrounded by resurgent wild, dancing in the centre of his soul, Han finally stopped resenting that his own heart was still beating.
III.
"Will you please! Stay still!" Han pleaded to unlistening, moist ears as Perk, the plecostomus-dog hybrid, slipped away from his arms and flopped onto the concrete sidewalk, fins that were alarmingly dry already padding with determination towards the gate of Bumpy Roads Petting Zoo. It was late afternoon, but the sun was hot enough to make the pavement potentially unsafe. Han sighed and kneed the leash, and five seconds later his own face again got slathered by a tongue wide enough to taco-wrap his head.
He attempted to palm some moisturising lotion, which Perk, again, tried to lick off his hand. "Just… for all the parasites that you must have given me from your questionably legal diet, just GIVE ME a MINUTE to put this on your skin! Then you can waddle wherever you want and not tear these fins!"
His defences were for naught, as Perk licked his hand clean and swallowed, then—Han dodging in time—promptly projectile vomited onto the sidewalk.
Riah chuckled; Han turned to see the man standing by the gate. "Oh thank god," Han said, exasperated. "Please will you help me get him under control? I'm not doing very well with his first time out of the sewers."
With a snap of his fingers, the smug fucker got the animal Han had been struggling to tame for the past hour rolled on his back asking for belly rubs.
Well, it wasn't Riah's fault Han gave up his powers.
"Thanks," Han said finally, and started putting moisturiser on the damn fins, "for that. And for the time. He got too accustomed to eating vermin and I don't know how to get him to switch to something more accessible. Like supermarket dog food or something."
"It's alright," Riah said in a gentle voice, also now putting lotion on Perk's other fin. "You take care of the humans, leave the animals to me."
A roar came from across the street. Shouting ensued, and then a very angry woman in a black blazer stormed out of Garmesan's Grill, pointing fingers while a man in a leather jacket tried to console her. A jet of smoke shot out from the door and the man, too, started shouting. Another jet came out, this time with a lick of fire. The couple stormed away.
A group of maybe university students stopped, though. They looked at each other, and slipped into the restaurant.
Han frowned. "Are you sure it's a good idea? It doesn't look like a very… relaxing venue."
Riah had resumed rubbing lotion on Perk's back, who had flopped over onto his side, apparently deciding that lotion was cool now that Han wasn't doing it, the jerk. Riah shrugged. "I mean Garm runs the place, and so by proxy Lance, and so by proxy the Council trio, so it's as safe as anywhere in the city can be."
"Someone literally just got singed by the hair."
"It's part of the experience, like those chef shows. Also, the trio runs it, so it's free."
"I don't think that's how it works. Or that the invitation says it's free."
Riah winked at him. "It doesn't say you have to pay, either."
Han smiled. "I don't think that's how that works, either."
"Guess we'll just have to find out."
This easy laughter, the both of them each in their coats of possibilities. It was like back in uni, in a way. They were separated, but they were here now, standing on history but unshackled. Free. At peace. He can do a lifetime of this.
Han cleared his throat. "So how long will this training take?" The plecodog had decided to take a nap on the concrete sidewalk, of course he did.
"Can pick him up after the dinner. Speaking of," Riah stood and glanced back at the zoo. "Agatha has held the Wingleheimers hostage at the ice cream circus. Gonna be there for a while."
"How is that an actual sentence and why does it make sense?" Han shook his head, scooping Perk up in his arms. He was snoring, the adorable jerk. "And I think the Council trio are at City Hall doing Council stuff until Garmesan's."
"Fancy a tour, then? It's a petting zoo after all. My petting zoo."
"Will there be rice bowls?"
"There are always rice bowls. And sushi. I made sure of it."
Yeah. It would be nice.
fin.
In a darker universe where the twin suns held the inner sky…
"…You ungrateful git," Marc gritted the words through his teeth before the bed where Cameron laid frozen. "You can be set for life! Running your stupid Frankenstein shop for decades! Now you come back here and spit on my face. How. Dare. You."
Han would have cowered, at least, a lifetime ago. But a lifetime ago he also fought back, and their paths splintered then. "I didn't. I'm asking you in exchange for my services, you return the hospital to the City, and withdraw Wander Pharmaceuticals from Payne Town. It's cheaper than what you're willing to pay."
"I was born here. This is where my legacy started."
"Or it's a hotspot of Mythic activity that your experiments depend on, and the proprietary medtech that is the heart of your wealth depends on their continuation?"
Marc seethed, but stayed silent.
"You didn't find me by coincidence, did you? The Council doesn't know you, the layer behind the layer and all that. But the rats speak, Marc. And they speak to me."
Han glanced at Cameron behind Marc, a stitched amalgamation of artifice with a spotless exterior, and shook his head. "You seek peace and resolution, do you not? Please, leave this place, so I can find mine, too. Run the rest of the world somewhere else. Just not here, not this city. That's all I ask."
"The offer is off the table," Marc said, rage bubbling behind his eyes, going for the door. "The city has always been mine, and you have the nerves to try. Leave. You will suffer, mark my words."
The door would not budge. Instead, mud dripped through its hinges.
Han could feel the stillness in his heart breaking. It was not calmness, not truly, but more a dam as artificial as the reconstituted corpse on the bed, now crumbling, bursting at the seams.
He walked over to Marc, their faces inches from each other. He did not know what he looked like, but for a second Marc looked terrified.
"Give up the city, Marc," Han said, his voice straining, trying to hold back something he had abhorred for so long, but what exactly, he didn't know. It was difficult to remember why he even struggled. "For once in your life care for something other than you and yours. For once, step down and off the broken backs of those you deem lesser. For once, just once, Marc, do something good."
The conqueror shivered, but pride is an eternal sin. "Over my dead body," Marc spat on his face.
Which melted, falling off like mud. Marc stared on as blood fled his face, and screamed.
"Then may this sin be my last."
It was not the last.
As the waves of the blood ocean consumed the fallen king, his corpse cut open, so was the threshold to the abject beyond, flayed into tatters blowing to unseen winds from the rippling void.
As his mind crumbled, fragments subsumed by a hatred beyond words, Han heard his own voice singing, torn vocal cords croaking discordant notes of a mad symphony.
I finished what I started
I finished what I enabled
I finished, now I shall become.
As the twin suns split, the blood ocean stilled into a vast mirror. Even the squirming lieutenants beneath the waves stopped in reverence.
I finished life, now death may die
I finished death, now our Lord may rise
These hands of grace now handle demise.
As one half of the binary stars withdrew from the cosmos back to the darkness beyond, the night grew even darker, unshackled from the blasphemy of starlight. In their place, from the ascendant void, skinless angels without numbers descended, joining what was Han in hymnal praise that vibrated the world.
Hail, Womb of the Midnight Sun
Hail, oh dark sacrament
Bless us with the honour
of divine delivery.
The Midnight Sun stirred, the cosmic embryo opened His eyes. May the majesty of their jaundice glow be the only light this world deserves.
Hail, the Enemy of All That Live
Hail X'chll'at-aa.
#short story#original writing#urban fantasy#lovecraftian#gay fiction#city of mist#nights of payne town#ttrpg#ttrpg fiction
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403.
Have you ever felt like you were dreaming even though you were awake?
Yeah, a few times.
When was the last time something just seemed too good to be true?
I honestly don’t remember, maybe the weather yesterday ha. It was supposed to chuck it down with rain all day and miraculously it stayed dry until my last walk when Copper and I got absolutely soaked.
Do you believe eyes are like windows to the soul?
I mean, I don’t believe in souls but yes, I think you can tell a lot about someone by looking into their eyes.
Has someone ever whistled at you while you were walking?
Yeah, always by men. I don’t know why they think it’s flattering.
Are you guilty of texting while driving?
Nope, it’s illegal here - six points and a fine if you’re caught.
Have you ever caused a lot of noise in a library?
Nope.
Do you complain a lot?
I’d never complain in a restaurant or something but I complain to Mike a lot, hahah.
Have you ever been to a music festival?
Yeah, but not a huge one. My university used to put on a small outdoor festival every summer and I always went to that.
Are you a competitive person?
Yeah, but not in a serious way. I just don’t like to lose, hah.
Have you ever been in a relay race?
Just in school sports days.
What cereal tastes so good that you always eat more than 1 bowl?
Crunchy nut is the only one I really like. I’m not really a cereal person, to be honest.
If your life was a movie, what would it be rated?
I have no idea, maybe a 15 for bad language.
Are you more of a talker or a listener?
It depends on the situation, but I’m probably more of a listener.
Have you ever called in at a radio station & dedicated a song to someone?
No. I have requested songs before, though.
Would you ever go to a protest or be involved in a protest?
No. All those crowds and loud noises would be an absolute nightmare for me.
Have you ever tried to walk on a foot that fell asleep & then tripped?
Yeah, normally in the middle of the night.
When playing rock, paper, scissors which do you usually pick?
Rock.
Have you ever tried to write a book?
Nope.
Don’t you hate it when people blow smoke in your face?
I’ve never met anyone who’s done that on purpose.
Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail?
Yeah, I just got hailed on yesterday as a matter of a fact. It’s the right time of year for it around here.
Do one word text messages annoy you?
It depends on the message? I mean, if a one-word answer is all that’s needed, it’s fine.
Do you have high standards?
Yeah, for some things - like cleanliness, tidiness and manners, but for other things I really don’t care all that much.
Have you ever had something to say but you couldn’t get the words out?
Sure.
Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
Yeah, normally after school on the way to other places, or on road trips. I even do it now with work if I’m too hot or I’ve gotten soaked on a walk.
Did you ever have your brothers or sisters clothing handed down to you?
I don’t have any siblings, but I used to get some of cousins’ old stuff when I visited them in Australia.
Do you have the same routine day by day?
Yeah, pretty much. I find it quite comforting though.
Would you ever go on a walk to raise money for cancer research?
Sure.
If you were treated unfairly at work, would you go on strike?
I mean, I work for myself lol but I’ve been there before in other jobs - I ended up leaving as in my experience, it never gets better.
If God were standing in front of you, what would you say or do?
I mean, God doesn’t exist, so I’d assume it was some kind of practical joke.
Would you ever try any extreme sports?
How are you defining “extreme”?
Do you know how to snap your fingers?
Yeah. My dad taught me when I was younger.
Do you plan your outfits for the next day or just randomly choose?
I plan them in advance so I can spend longer in bed in the mornings, lol.
Are you a bossy person?
I can be. I like things “just so”.
Do you control your attitude or does it control you?
It depends on how annoyed I am, hahah.
Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another?
No.
Would you ever give blood? What blood type are you?
I can’t give blood - every single time I’ve tried, they’ve never found a vein. I don’t know my blood type, though.
Is there anything that you believe should be banned for any reason?
Donald Trump. <--- haha, yep.
Do you share a bed with anyone?
My husband - plus the dog, and often several cats during the day too lol.
Do you ever try making your dream up before falling asleep?
Yeah, it works sometimes too.
Do you get angry easily?
Hmm, not really angry, just frustrated.
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never needed // colby brock
A/N: so fun fact about this fic is that i came up with it last year back in november. it was around the time me and my ex best friend stopped being friends. i was really in such a rough headspace, and i think the concept shows it. i just finished writing it today and wow... i still feel this way to some extent, but not fully (thank god). also i literally cried while writing it today so there’s that. hope yall enjoy this one. i'm trying to post a bunch of fics since this coming week is my bday (the 14th). no guarantees, but i'm trying my best to put out at least six things. let me know what you think of this one. see yall later :)
prompt: colby has been ghosting you for a while, just when things were starting to get good between you two. after a week of ignoring you, he’s finally ready to talk. || fem!reader x colby brock
trigger warning: angst, cursing, heartache, crying, honestly this one is really sad so sorry about that, happy ending tho
word count: 2331
~~~~~~~
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I groaned to myself, staring at my phone.
Colby was still ignoring me, something I had grown accustomed to this week. He had ghosted my calls and my texts. He turned his read notifications off too, so I had no clue whether or not he had even seen my messages at all.
Everything had been going great between us. We had met a couple years back and hit it off as friends right away. I always thought he was attractive, and our friendship was always really flirty; so much so that fans thought we were together. And then finally, something clicked a couple months back. I wasn't sure if it was the accidental drunken kiss we shared, or just a built up of feelings, but we finally decided that maybe we should test out an actual relationship.
We promised each other we would take it slow, both of us still heartbroken from our previous relationships and our general trust issues. But these past two months, we went into overdrive, actually taking the time to feel each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend.
And for the first time, I felt happy. Genuinely happy.
A week ago, we had even gone on a cute little date, something we had started doing regularly. We were in the middle of our conversation; I remember I laughed hard at something he said. It was loud enough that some of the patrons in the restaurant stared at us. And when he tried to shush me jokingly, a silence had fallen over us.
His face dropped suddenly, he became super serious and quiet, and then he asked if we could go home.
He told me the next day that he thought he got food poisoning and it just hit him in the restaurant. I didn't think anything of it and was fine with going home early.
But now, I wonder if he was lying.
I looked back down at my phone, reading over my messages from the past week to him.
Was I taking this too far? He could have just been busy. I don't wanna come across as clingy.
"Ugh, fuck that." I muttered out loud to myself, rolling out of my bed to get a drink.
I didn't care if I came across as clingy. I had a right to know why he was ignoring me. If it was work related, he would have told me. He had done that in the past before.
This was different, I just knew it.
Tomorrow, I planned to go over and see him. I would have done it tonight, but I knew he wasn't home. He was out with some friends at Saddle Ranch. Like a fan, I had to watch his stories on Insta, since that was the only way I knew where he was.
"Don't expect too much from him." Sam said.
I shook my head at that memory. When we got together, everyone was happy for us. But I could feel a certain tension in the room, a certain caveat that wasn't being mentioned. Later that night, Sam and I were by ourselves, and he asked me if Colby and I had really made our relationship official. I told him we hadn't gone all the way, but that we were taking it one step at a time.
"I'm happy for you guys, really. I just wonder..." His voice trailed off.
I cocked my head. "Wonder what?"
"Look, I love you both, but I don't know if Colby is really ready for a relationship. There's a lot of things he still needs to work through." He stated.
"We're not that serious." I laughed.
"Yeah, yet. If you plan to be, I just don't want you to get your heart broken because he wasn't ready." Sam admitted.
I patted his shoulder lightly, smiling. "Relax, Samuel. Everything will be fine."
"Alright. Just... don't expect too much from him, okay?" He mentioned, his eyes narrowing on mine.
That had been two months ago and... I think I should have heeded his warning.
A loud knock at my front door brought me out of my thoughts, scaring me. I grabbed a knife from my kitchen, striding over to the door. I glance through the peephole to see who was there.
Colby's face stared back.
"Y/N, it's me. Can you open the door?" He called.
I scowled at him through the peephole. "Sorry she's not home right now. Maybe you should try responding to her texts.”
“Look I'm sorry, but that's why I came over. I wanted to talk in person.” He replied.
“Damn, that’s a shame. Too bad she’s not home!” I exclaimed angrily.
“C’mon now, don’t be childish.” He remarked.
I swung the door open, holding back from yelling into my hallway. “Childish?!”
He smirked at me. “I knew that would get you to open the door.”
“You’re not funny.” I deadpanned, glaring at him.
“Can you please let me in? I seriously want to talk.” Colby responded, his eyes landing on mine.
“No, Colby. It’s one o’clock in the morning, I don’t feel like talking, and you’re drunk.” I jeered, resting my hands on my hips.
He scrunched up his face dramatically. “No, I’m not. I only had like two drinks.”
“Oh my mistake. I figured a person that randomly comes over to talk at the ass-crack of night is usually drunk,” I quipped. “Don’t you have better things to do, like be at Saddle Ranch?”
He stepped back, raising an eyebrow. “How’d you know I was at Saddle Ranch?”
I could feel my cheeks heat up. “Because… I watched your stories.”
“Nice to know you pay attention to me,” he uttered under his breath. “Please let me in.”
“No. Fuck off, Colby.” I hissed.
He rolled his eyes at my comment. “If you don’t let me in, I’m just gonna make noise out here in the hallway until you do.”
“Bet.” I huffed.
“What was your favorite movie again… ‘10 Things I Hate About You’?” He questioned, stepping back further into the hallway.
I blinked. “Yeah, so what?”
He looked up at me, giving me a devilish smile. “…You’re just too good to be true.”
My face dropped at his voice. “Colby.”
“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” He sang, pointing at me.
“Are you really-” I started.
He cut me off, running his hands down his body. “You’d be like heaven to touch.”
I hushed. “Seriously stop-”
“I wanna hold you so much.” He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself.
I grunted, smacking my hand towards him. “Colby, it’s one in the morn-”
“At long last, love has arrived.” He opened his arms wide.
“Shut the fuck up!” I whisper-shouted.
“And I thank God I'm alive.” Colby praised up towards the ceiling.
I retorted. “You’re fucking embarrass-”
He spun in a circle slowly. “You're just too good to be true.”
“I knew giving you the code to my apartment was a bad idea.” I grumbled.
“Can't take my eyes off of you.” He winked, pointing at me again.
Colby took a big inhale, ready to start singing the music, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my apartment.
I slammed my door shut, locking it quickly. “Next time you do something like that, I’m gonna kill you.”
“That’s not very- why do you have a knife?” He motioned toward the knife sitting on my side table.
“What-? Oh, I thought you were an intruder.” I explained.
He lightly smiled, his dimples appearing. “You think an intruder would knock?”
I snapped, annoyed. “Aren’t you here to apologize?”
“Right, right,” he cleared his throat, his demeanor changing. “Y/N, I’m deeply sorry.”
“Sure.” I narrowed my eyes, walking towards my kitchen.
He followed me. “I know what I did was fucked up. I should have responded to you.”
“You completely ignored me for over a week.” I informed him, resting my back against the counter.
He nodded. “I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “…were you busy?”
“No, not really.” He divulged, dropping his head.
“So, you purposefully ignored my calls and text…” I could feel my hands shake against my arms.
“You make it sound bad-” He mumbled.
“It is that bad.” I emphasized, stopping him. “Colby, you wanna talk about being childish? That shit was childish.”
He agreed. “I know it was.”
“Obviously not since you keep joking about it.” I argued.
“I’m not trying to joke,” he protested, running his hands through his hair. “Do you wanna know the honest to God truth?”
“Of course I do.” I answered, furrowing my eyebrows.
He exhaled, glancing at me. “When we first got together, even though we were taking it slow, I was terrified to date you.”
“Terrified?” I puzzled.
He swallowed hard. “Yes. Scared shitless.”
“Why?” I questioned.
“I thought it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But then… at dinner,” his voice lowered, his shoulders dropping. “I realized it was more than that.”
I shook my head, confused. “What are you ta-”
“I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” He confessed.
His words made me step back, my breath hitching in my throat.
I choked. “What?”
“When you laughed really hard, and did that cute snort thing you do, I remember we looked at each other… and all I saw was you,” his eyes bore into mine, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. “No one else in that restaurant existed. And in that moment, I wanted to tell you I love you.”
I stammered out words, unable to think clearly. “S-so… you-”
“When I felt it, I knew I had to go home. Because I was just so shocked at the feeling. I haven’t felt that way for anyone in a long time.” He sighed exhaustingly, “and… I apologize that I ignored you. Every time I saw your messages, I knew I should have responded. But my body, my mind, wouldn’t let me.”
I frowned. “Because you love me?”
“Because… I’m scared to love you.” He admitted.
A heavy silence fell over the apartment. I shuddered out an exhale, not even noticing I had been holding my breath in for so long. Colby closed his eyes, twisting up his face, and turned his back to me.
“Why are you scared to love me?” I gulped, scared of his answer.
His shoulders tensed as he gripped the counter. “The last time you felt heartbroken… did it leave you feeling empty? Because that’s how I felt… for so long. It’s not even the empty feeling that bothered me. It was the fact that I knew something used to be there… and now it’s gone. I miss who I was before.”
I opened my mouth, but no words escaped.
“I have this deep, guttural feeling that you’re gonna realize I’m not worth loving, and that there is someone else out there that is, and you’re gonna leave me.” His voice trembled as he spoke, “everyone… always leaves me.”
I gasped quietly. “Colby-”
He turned back to me, his face becoming red. “I just feel like no one ever needs me, you know? Like some people only keep me around because they don’t have the heart to just tell me they don’t care anymore. Even Sam has someone else.
I consoled. “That’s not-”
“And I know it’s selfish to want everyone around me to only want me. I don’t really feel that way. I just… don’t feel like anyone really needs me as much as I need them,” his chest quaked as his breathing began to speed up. “And when you realize it too… I don’t think I can live through that fall out again. I don’t think I’m gonna survive it.”
“Wait, Col-” I murmured.
“At that dinner, I had this gut-wrenching anxiety come over me; a voice in my head that said ‘she’s gonna leave you too’ and… I’m just so sorry.” He panted, his eyes welling up.
I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing his body into mine as hard as I could. He buried his face into my neck, his body almost going limp against mine.
I couldn’t help my own tears spill as they landed on his shirt. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way before?”
“I was ashamed. I should be stronger than this.” He fumed through his tears.
I rubbed his face lovingly. “Who said that? You are strong. Expressing your emotions is strong.”
He nodded, croaking. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Can you forgive me?”
“Of course. How about tonight you stay over, and then in the morning, we’ll talk about this more? Okay?” I suggested, resting my hands on his forearms.
“Yeah.” He whimpered.
I smiled brokenly. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
I lightly grasped Colby’s hand, pulling him slowly into my bedroom. He stumbled along, his head remaining down.
I sat him down on the bed and slid off his jacket, placing it on my dresser. I cupped his face, tracing his jaw with my fingers. His eyes finally landed on mine as I tilted his head up.
I leaned down and kissed his lips, resting my forehead against his.
“I’m not gonna leave you, Colby.” I stated, gazing into his eyes.
He begged in a hushed tone. “Please don’t.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I reassured, kissing his forehead.
I walked over to the other side of my bed and laid down. Colby kicked off his shoes, taking his belt off and pulling his jeans down. After getting undressed, he slid into bed with me, laying his head down softly on my chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his head into my neck again, sighing against my skin. I ran my fingers through his hair, a light hum falling from his lips. I ran my other hand up and down his spine, feeling him shiver under my touch.
“We’ll be okay, Colby.” I whispered.
#colby brock#colby brock fanfic#colby brock fic#colby brock fanfiction#colby brock oneshot#colby brock x reader#colby brock one shot#colby brock angst
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Russo the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Billy Russo x Reader
Summary: Billy Russo - who hates the whole Festive Season thing - gets drawn into it by his new neighbour. Billy POV throughout.
A/N: A little belated Xmas present for any Billy Russo fans out there. Set in my S1 Punisher AU which does not follow canon. It’s mainly fluff with a tiny twist of lemon zest 🍋
Warnings: Some drinking & swearing.
(My photo edit)
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
Billy heard another ‘thump’ outside his apartment door, and eye-rolled dramatically. Since he’d moved into his penthouse bachelor pad a year ago he’d been the only one occupying the top floor, but now the other apartment had obviously been rented out.
When all the banging and crashing around had started earlier in the day, he’d sneaked a quick look through his cracked-open door and seen some guys dressed in removal company overalls bringing furniture out of the lift and carrying it into the apartment opposite him. He’d sighed. How he hoped it wouldn’t be a complete asshole moving in there as it would be difficult to avoid him, being such close neighbours.
Now it was several hours later and they were still bringing stuff in. There was an extra loud bang but actually against his door this time and he leapt up, racing over and flinging the door open, yelling “Watch what the fuck you’re doin’!” as he did so. Three faces immediately swung round towards him, eyes wide and mouths agape in surprise. One of them - oh - was a woman, he noticed, and she was not dressed in overalls.
In fact - Billy’s eyes did a swift recon - she was dressed in a classy dark blue top, navy fitted trousers and ankle boots. He found himself thinking that if she had been dressed in overalls, she’d’ve looked a helluva lot better in them than the two schmucks who were also still staring at him, a bookcase suspended in the air between them.
Embarrassed, he decided he’d better rein in the language a bit. “I mean… can ya be a bit more careful?” he backtracked, then looked down at the scrape in his door which had lifted off the top layer of paint. “I’m gonna have to get that repainted,” he grumbled. The woman stepped forward, holding out her hand and saying her name, so he shook it and muttered his own name back to her. She was extremely easy on the eye he was thinking, but perversely was still annoyed at the damage caused to his door.
She replied, “Nice to meet you, Mr Russo. I’m your new neighbour and I’m really very sorry about your door! I’ll arrange for that to be repainted and pay for it to be done, of course.” Somewhat mollified, Billy said that he’d be able to do it himself but it was kind of her to offer. He nodded and backed into his apartment, closing the door.
A woman?! He’d been sure it would’ve been a guy moving in. Not sure why but… he supposed he’d always thought of these apartments as being kinda… well, masculine, with their clean lines, open space, exposed brick walls and picture windows. Didn’t women like more… soft and frilly types of places? With cosy small rooms? He mentally shrugged, maybe not all women then.
The noise continued for about another hour or so but thankfully there were no more attacks on his door. He’d taken refuge in his bedroom while it was still going on but after about ten minutes of silence, he sighed with relief and settled back down on his sofa, picked up his half-full beer bottle and went back to the movie he’d been watching earlier. It had been pretty crap anyway if he was honest, so he hadn’t really missed out.
His mind started zoning out after about half an hour. He’d never had a woman as a neighbour before. Oh god! Was she going to have lots of parties? He wasn’t averse to partying or anything, but he considered his apartment to be his sanctuary - he never held parties there. He’d either meet up with his friends in a bar or club or someone else in the group would host a house party.
Billy’s thoughts began to make him feel a little unsettled. While he didn’t want to turn into one of those ‘banging on the walls’ kind of neighbours, he definitely wasn’t going to stand for loud partying in his vicinity. He was determined that his peace would not be disturbed - here was the only place he got a chance to properly relax, after all.
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
He managed to avoid his new neighbour for the next three days. He’d repaired his door one morning after he heard her leaving for work (he assumed). That had meant he’d got to Anvil later than he’d planned which put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Frank had insisted they work out before they left as he’d noticed Billy’s grumpy demeanour, and as they showered after a gruelling round of the gym equipment in Anvil’s basement, he questioned him as to why he was in such a bad mood.
“New neighbour,” muttered Billy, towelling himself dry, “it’s a woman.” He’d felt better after their workout but this conversation was now bringing back his irritated feelings. Frank laughed, “I’da thought you’d love that, Russo?! Or is she not up to your high standards?” Billy scowled, “She’s attractive, to be fair - but she might start having loud parties.” “What makes ya think that?” Billy shrugged, “Don’t women always have parties and girly sleepovers and things?” Frank laughed again, for even longer, “Some do, some don’t! When she move in?” “Two days ago.” “Aw give her a chance, Bill! ‘Fore you write her off as the noisy neighbour from hell.”
Billy had merely grunted and started getting dressed before grumbling, “Yeah, whatever.” Frank shook his head, “Bet ya won’t have any trouble with her!” Billy buttoned his shirt and tucked it into his trousers before zipping up, “She dented my door.” Frank’s head appeared as he pulled his sweatshirt on and he was laughing again, “What? Was she that desperate to get to ya, Bill?” “Ha ha Frankie, no - her removal men scraped my door with a piece of her furniture. Had to repaint it this morning so that’s why I was late in.” Frank nodded, “That explains your shitty mood today then,” and ducked as Billy threw his wet towel at him. The two of them laughed and made their way back up to the main floor, before they went their separate ways.
“Try and put a smile on ya face tomorrow, Russo!” yelled Frank, as he climbed into his SUV. Billy flipped him the finger, grinning at his friend as he got into his own vehicle. It was an SUV too, as he’d left the Wraith in the underground car park at his apartment that morning - the weather had been pretty awful and he didn’t want his precious baby getting splashed with dirty New York rainwater.
When he got home and pulled into his other car parking space next to the Wraith, he was horrified to see a large scrape on its rear bumper. He couldn’t get his seat belt off quickly enough and jumped out, walking swiftly to the back of the Wraith and squatting down to view the scrape up close. A stream of swears left his lips and he stood back up, brain working overtime. He’d get the CCTV footage from the condo management, he’d find out who fucking hit his fucking beautiful car, he’d make them pay for the panelbeating and the respray, no fuck that, he’d just fucking kill them instead. He beeped the remote key fob at the SUV and it beeped back at him and as he turned away to head to the lift, he spotted a note under the Wraith’s windscreen wiper.
He walked back and grabbed it. Neat writing stated….
“Dear Mr Russo, I’m really sorry but I dinged your car’s bumper! - someone nearly crashed into me and I had to swerve. I will pay for the repairs. Please call and let me know the cost. Apologies once again about this accident.”
….and there was his new neighbour’s name and phone number.
Her!!! Holy hell, thought Billy, what is it with this woman and her apparent need to damage my property?! Is she maybe trying to get my attention? He whipped out his phone then and there and dialled the number on the paper. It rang but went to voicemail.
He heard her message start to play. “Hi, if I haven’t picked up I’m probably flying. Call you when I land if you leave your name and number. Bye!”
Flying? thought Billy. She a fucking angel or something?!
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
After making himself be as polite as possible on the message he left, he said that he certainly would let her know the cost of the repairs to his car.
Then he headed to the security desk, explained what had happened and asked the guy there if he could view the CCTV footage from earlier that day. He had a good relationship with the security people here, mainly because he was in the same business - well, more or less - so was shown the relevant footage without any argument. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her… well okay, no, he didn’t believe her. He would bet anything that she was just shit at parking and had reversed carelessly into his car.
But much to his surprise, his slightly misogynistic take on things was completely wrong. The security guy searched through the digital video files until he found the images Billy wanted to see. She had made it partly out of her parking space (right behind his) when another resident had pulled out of his space next to hers seemingly without checking his mirrors, and had nearly smacked right into her car. She’d whipped her steering wheel round and avoided the idiot heading for her but had - yes, just as she’d said - dinged his bumper in the process.
Billy suddenly felt very guilty. He’d assumed she’d lied to cover up the fact that she was totally to blame.
Then his jaw dropped as he saw her get out of her car to check the damage on his.
She was dressed as a pilot. Even had the hat.
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
He heard the muted ‘ting’ of the elevator later on that evening. Taking several long strides to his door, he opened it to see his neighbour across the hall, about to open her own door. She was still in her uniform.
“Er, hi,” he said, and even he could hear a sheepish tone in his voice, “I left you a voicemail.” She turned and looked at him, “Oh, hi. Yeah, I did get your message. Sorry again about that. As I said, just let me know how much and I’ll pay it.” Billy shook his head, “No. it wasn’t your fault.” She smiled, “Look, it was my car which hit yours, so let’s not argue.” “I’m gonna speak to the guy who nearly crashed into you - he can pay.” “Good luck with that,” she scoffed, “he just drove off this morning, not a word or anything.” “He knows me,” said Billy, somewhat menacingly, “he won’t argue with me. He’ll pay up.” She looked amused, and he felt compelled to add, “I usedta be a Marine sniper y’see, and he knows it.”
She nodded, smiling, “Ahh, did you now? Well, I guess he will probably pay up, then! Well, thanks for being so understanding, Mr Russo.” “Billy.” “Okay… Billy. Well if anything changes, just let me know.” Turning back to her door and putting her key in the lock, he said quickly, “So… a pilot, huh? I wasn’t expectin’ that, I can tell ya.” She looked over her shoulder at him, “Ah I see… did you think I was a bank clerk? Or a secretary or something?” He heard her chuckle. “No… no,” he replied, “I…err… just didn’t think of you bein’ a pilot, that’s all.” “Well I suppose there aren’t that many of us women flyers out there, so I’ll let you off.” “Who do you fly for?” he asked, “Commercial?”
She turned back to him, “Business. I fly private jets.” “Ooh, nice,” smirked Billy, “any chance of you taking me for a spin?” “If you’ve got the money,” she laughed, “they don’t come cheap.” Moving into flirtatious mode, he drawled, “Yeah, I got the money.” She reached into her blazer inside pocket and took out a business card, handing it to him, “Here you go. If you want to book a flight, call the office and they’ll sort it out for you.” “And I can book a flight with you as the pilot, can I?” Now she smirked, “Well, it depends on my schedule. You might have to make do with one of my male counterparts.”
“Nah, wouldn’t be the same,” said Billy, giving her a flirtatious look, “it’d need to be you.” She laughed, turning back to her door and opening it, “Well, we’d just need to see at the time. G’night, Billy.” She smiled at him as she closed the door in his face.
Well, thought Billy, I always did like a challenge.
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
A couple of days later, Billy had called her again. He’d managed to speak to the jerk who’d nearly crashed into her and had intimidated him into paying for the car repair. The guy hadn’t argued at all when he’d been caught in the obsidian glare of Billy’s dark eyes.
He wanted to call and tell her that he’d sorted it out and had decided to use this as an excuse to ask her out for a drink. His new neighbour had been on his mind more and more, and had decided he really wanted to get to know her better. And if she had a boyfriend hanging around in the wings.
If there was no other guy on the scene and she accepted his invitation, he’d take her to his favourite local bar. It was now mid-December but they thankfully didn’t indulge in too much of all that Xmas crap - no tinsel, no same damn stupid songs playing all the time.
Billy was really not the least bit invested in the so-called Festive Season. Probably because of his childhood. Not quite the same, Xmas in a children’s home. So he dreaded this time of the year, if he had to be honest. Brought back too many melancholy memories for him, and he covered this with a veneer of complete boredom and disinterest.
Hearing her voicemail message again, he smiled. A pilot. He could hardly believe it. Found it exciting, in fact - and if he ever got that flight booked with her, he’d ask her to hand over to her co-pilot and see if she’d like to join the Mile High Club with him. Not that he knew if private jets actually flew that high but she’d know what he meant, he was sure. His smile got wider as he began thinking about the luxurious leather seats they had on board those jets and how good they’d feel against his naked butt. He almost forgot to start speaking when the beep sounded.
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
She’d called him back later the same day, leaving a message on his voicemail and laughing as she answered the first question he’d asked in his message to her. No, she wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment but had too many flights scheduled to go out with him right then, but said that in three days’ time she was planning to take some vacation time and they could meet up then.
However he was surprised to get a call from her the following day, and she sounded super-excited. “Billy! You can get that flight tomorrow if you like - free of charge!” He’d sat up straight at his office desk, “Really? That’s fantastic! How d’you manage to swing that for me?” There was a small silence at the other end of the phone. “Ummm… there is just one tiny string attached.” “Uh oh,” said Billy, with a quiet laugh, “what is it they say? No such thing as a free lunch?” He realised that Frank, over in the corner of the office, was now staring at him and swivelled his chair to the side so that he couldn’t see the enquiring look being sent in his direction.
“We’re taking Xmas presents to under-privileged kids up and down the Eastern seaboard! I’m so excited - it’s been in the works for a while but it’s finally all set for tomorrow. We’ll be taking them to children’s homes and hospitals.” Billy felt his stomach lurch. Children’s homes? Oh lordy. But then he shook off the thought - he’d have loved it back then if he’d had a present delivered by private jet. And he was sure these kids would too. She’d still been speaking, but he’d zoned out for a few seconds and only heard the tail end of what she’d been saying. “So what size will I get for you?”
“Huh? Sorry?” he asked. “Your Santa suit! What size do you need?… not unless you want to dress up as an elf?” she said, laughing. Realisation dawned on him, “We’ve gotta dress up?!” “Yes! Weren’t you listening, Billy?” “I, uh, guess I missed that bit.” He heard himself saying “Okay, then,” and gave her his chest and waist measurements. She said she’d drop off the suit to him that night and rang off.
Billy swivelled back round and met Frank’s stare. “I’m… uhh, I’m gonna be playing Santa tomorrow, Frankie… can you handle that meeting on your own?”
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
Billy leaned back in that luxurious leather seat he’d been thinking about a couple of days ago; he wasn’t naked liked he’d imagined but he did take his Santa hat off and ruffled his fingers through his hair. He looked out of the window next to him; the plane was at cruising altitude, flying smoothly back to New York.
It had been such a long day, really early start and now it was well after midnight. He was shattered, but the look on those kids’ faces…. it was all worth it.
They’d been brought to whichever was the nearest airport to their location, and given special permission to go airside while the private jet landed and taxied to where they were lined up, waiting to see who was on board and wondering why they’d been brought to meet them. When they saw the crew and volunteers (including Billy) coming down the plane steps dressed as Santa and his elves, they’d been so excited - jumping up and down, yelling and screaming at the top of their voices. They would quickly distribute the presents amongst the kids and then it was back on board, off to the next destination.
If they were visiting a children’s hospital, the crew would remain with the plane and the volunteers were driven to the hospital, more excited kids, presents given out and big smiles all round. Then once again, they’d jump into the cars and head back to the airport for the next take off.
Now they were done, having visited several locations up and down the coast and Billy admitted to himself that he’d been feeling very emotional all day. He kept thinking he caught fleeting glimpses of his younger self in the sea of excited faces in front of him. Yeah, it had definitely been emotional. He put thoughts of the time he’d spent in children’s homes out of his mind. That was then, this is now… and he’d just spent a whole day bringing happiness to kids who were just like he’d once been. Those were the thoughts he had to hang onto to.
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
He was aware of something soft hitting him in the face. He jumped, realising that he’d dozed off. Oh - it was his Santa hat. He removed it from his face and saw her leaning down towards him, “Sleepyhead!” she laughed. He stretched, “Hey, I’ve had a busy day, y’know!” “Yeah, yeah - I’ve just been flying the plane of course!” She sat down opposite him, smiling at him, “Well, some of the time anyway! Split the flying time between me snd my co-pilots of course, as we cant exceed our flying hours.” He smiled back, “So have we landed?” “Yes, and very smoothly too if I do say so myself!”
“So I’ve missed the opportunity to join the Mile High Club, then?” he asked, grinning devilishly at her. She burst out laughing, “It’s overrated, Billy, believe me!”
He was aware he was staring at her, but he couldn’t stop himself. She did look like some kind of angel to him at that moment. I think I really like her, he thought. Not just find her attractive… like, really like her. “What?” she asked, as he’d just kept on staring. “You’re beautiful,” he said before he could stop himself. “Why thank you,” she replied, and he could see that she was blushing slightly. She stood up, “Come on, sleepyhead, let’s get ourselves home.”
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
Standing outside their respective apartments, opening their doors, they both suddenly turned to each other at the same time, with Billy managing to say, ”D’you wanna…?” just as she started saying, “Do you want to…?” They both started laughing.
“I’d love to offer you a drink,” said Billy, “why don’t you come over to mine and you can change into something more comfortable?”
She looked puzzled. “Don’t you mean I should change and then come over to yours?”
Billy took a couple of steps towards her, sliding his hand onto her neck and moving even closer to her. He leant down and tentatively kissed her, running his long fingers up to the nape of her neck, gently stroking her skin. When she didn’t resist, his kisses became more urgent. His other hand began slowly undoing her uniform blazer, button by button.
His lips next to her ear, he whispered, “Ma’am… I love a woman in uniform.” Another, slower kiss.
He drew back and gazed into her eyes, a mischievous smile playing over his lips.
“But I love her even better out of it.”
»»————————————-———- ⚜ ——��————————-————-««
@blackbirddaredevil23 @omgrachwrites @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry @odetostep @supernaturalcat7 @obscurilicious @strawb3rrydr3ss @bruxa0007 @aleksanderwh0r3 @theshadowkingsqueen @bat-luna-cat @carlywhomever @paracosmenthusiast
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»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
#billy russo#billy russo x reader#billy russo fanfiction#billy russo imagine#billy russo fanfic#ben barnes
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—𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄—
⌕ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Lara Tybur from aot (x reader)
⌕ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut warning, mention of mommy kink, cum, hair pulling, semi public sex…
⌕ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: hi guys <3 since you may know, Lara tybur is my new obsession… she’s just so pretty and mysterious, I’m in love. I always wanted to do a nsfw alphabet and I don’t think anyone made one about her already so here I am!! Reblogs are very much welcomed since she isn’t very popular in the fandom :(
—𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐓 - 𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐀—
⊹₊ ⋆A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
The sweetest creature. She always takes her time with you, no matter who was in charge during intercourse. Most of the time, she runs a bath for both of you; she then sits behind you, her hands all over your chest protectively. She takes her time and helps you wash your delicate skin. After that she just goes to sleep on her bed, her body all over yours or, sometimes, she holds you in her sleep, just to feel even closer to your warmth.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Lara’s favourite part of her body is probably her breasts. They’re very soft, plump, and delicate, painted by the angels themselves. She loves when she finds the tip of your tongue all over them, your lips wrapped around her pink nipple, adoration in your eyes.
She probably prefers your face. Out of everything. She just loves it, the way your lips curve into a small smile at anytime of the day, the way your eyes shines when you notice something adorable, or even the way your gaze gets lost in hers whenever she’s talking about anything.
But also the way your features feels under her touch when her core is all over your face, when her mouth is agape, eyes watering thanks to the stimulation you’re giving her, legs fragile and almost trembling.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
She’s such a dirty girl but she hides it very well. So, at first, she’ll pretend to hate it when you come undone all over her stomach but, too bad for her you had already noticed a glimpse of excitation in her eyes. Oh she loves it. So much. That’s why she adores when you ride her face, she can then have your wet pussy all over her mouth without any complaints.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Public sex. Or at least, semi-public sex. She loves the thrill of it, the excitation of feeling like you both could get caught in a minute if anyone opened the door, if anyone decided to turn in this poorly lit street… maybe that all she wants, someone seeing you and her like that.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
I don’t think she’s very experimented. Her family is one of a kind. They're very strict and severe about her education and forbade her any misbehaving, including romantic relationships. But it’s for the better, now you can experiment everything with her.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Face riding like I previously explained, she loves feeling your entirety beneath her, feeling your warmth and all your wetness, being the cause of your pleasure. The view is pretty nice too.
Missionary, this goes without saying, very basic but she just loves feeling you close to her at such a vulnerable moment, whenever it’s you or her on top. She may have a preference for when she’s under you, just so she can tease you more, caress your cheeks with her fingers or even digs her nails into your back when her pleasure is too much for her.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Serious, as always. But she likes when you tease her a bit and try to make her smile and laugh. Okay maybe she isn’t that serious.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Well trimmed. I think that she doesn’t really like when there is nothing down there but she doesn’t like a bush either. So yeah, she keeps it well trimmed and obliviously her hairs are dark brown/ blackish.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
She loves whispering sweet nothings in your ears. Little “I love you”s hidden between two loud whimpers… Her lips are always all over yours, and her hand is always finding its way to yours too. She just feels better like that, her baby close to her.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Oh, she used to do that a lot in her little bedroom. Since daddy and mommy never allowed her to do anything, she has to do it herself. But that was before you started sneaking in her room at night without her family knowing. Now she doesn’t need her fingers anymore, why would she? Yours are so much better.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Hair pulling, she’s always wearing this stupid bun, so you just love ripping off the hairband and grabbing all of her long dark brown locks in your fist when you hit from the back.
Mommy kink. The word probably slipped out of your mouth and you thought that it was the most embarrassing shit ever. No. She just smiled and continued what she was doing, calling you her little baby in your ears.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Bed. Yeah it’s basic but it’s her favourite. Comfy and convenient, any positions or almost are possible and she just feels better there. Or just her bedroom in general because she likes when you fuck her on her desk when she’s overworking <3
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Her motivation is the little praises that escape your mouth when she fucks you to good as well as your melodious moans when she goes down on you. Nothing better for her than hearing all of that, feeling that she’s pleasuring you.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Anal. I really don’t think she’s into that at all. Or she’ll try maybe, if you really want to, but just once. An anal plug is her limit.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Oh God she loves giving. She’s very good with her mouth too, she relies on your pretty noises to know if she’s doing good or not. But don’t get her wrong, she also loves when you do it on her too, especially when you use both of your tongue and fingers.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Most of the time, she is slow and sensual. She likes taking her time on you, touching all of your soft skin, admiring your face when she’s on top…
But if you’re a bit rougher on her, she doesn’t really mind either, in fact, she secretly loves it.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
She isn’t a big fan of them to be honest, like I said she prefers when things are unhurried, sensual etc.
It doesn’t mean that she’s totally against it tho, she loves when you grab her thighs to put them on the kitchen counter before playing a bit with her body <3
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Except for public/semi-public sex, I don’t think that she’ll do too many risky things. Maybe she likes when you place your hand around her neck too.
Oh God yes and also she secretly likes when you threaten her to say everything to her parents (the fact that you sneak in her bedroom at night just to fuck her stupid) if she isn’t obedient. She’s a very well behaved puppy after that !
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
She can last very long, we may forget it but she’s very well trained, she’s a Titan after all… So yeah no stamina problem for her, she can go for a lot of rounds.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
You’re the one who introduced toys to her, showing her proudly your pretty collection. She loves them, really. Her favourite is the strap on, of course, especially when you use it on her little pussy, she’s so sweet, all delighted to open her legs for you <3 She also likes using it on you, she likes penetrating you with a dildo when she eats you out.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
She likes to tease but not that much. Most of the time she’s doing it very very discreetly in public, sitting on your lap and moving her thighs together slowly just for your to notice, when she bends down to pick up something she has “accidentally” dropped just in front of you just so you can see the curve of her ass and a bit of her white lace lingerie.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Aw, she was so timid at first, too embarrassed to make any noises in front of you. But after some nights, you told her and taught her that it was okay, that you really wanted to hear her pretty moans. She was very happy and now, you have to be the one to remind her to keep quiet when she’s too loud.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
She loves when you fuck her with her clothes on. When you just lift her skirt and slid her pantie to the side because you’re too excited to penetrate her. Bonus point if you do that on the wall, floor or anything that isn’t her bed.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
I imagine her with very plump and round breasts, roseate nipples, and a toned stomach thanks to all of the training she had to go through. She doesn’t have a tiny pussy tho, it’s very cute, her inner lips are a bit long, only half covered by her outer lips.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Not too high nor too low honestly. She’s kinda needy when you don’t touch her for more than two days tho. She just loves doing it with you, she can’t get enough.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Very very fast, once both of your bodies clean, she goes back to her bed and falls asleep. If you’re staying for the night (she always begs you to and honestly, how could you resist her.) she’ll try to stay awake a bit longer just so she can talk to you before you leave her the next morning.
#attack on titan#snk#snk x reader#aot imagine#snk fanfiction#aot#aot headcanons#shingeki no kyojin#lara#lara aot#lara tybur x reader#lara tybur smut#lara tybur#Titan warhammer#aot smut#aot x reader#lara aot x reader#attack on titan x reader#smut aot
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Episode 73: Koala Chlamydia Is A Problem [My Brothers, My Sister and Me Excerpt]
[MBMSAM AU] [First Installment] [Podfics!] [Ao3 Link]
[COVER ART BY THE FANTASTIC LITTLESMARTART]
Jin Zixuan: Do we want another question?
Qin Su: Sure, yeah, got one right here. 'When I was younger, I was really skinny and weak'--hey! Hey, now, negative body talk, much! That's super judgmental of yourself!
Mo Xuanyu: And of us people who are skinny and weak right now! [teasing] Right, Yao-gege?
Meng Yao: [calmly] I'm not affiliated with you.
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [cackles]
Qin Su: 'When I was a kid, I was really skinny and weak, so I made it my mission to get as jacked as possible so people would take me seriously. I put in a lot of hard work, changed my exercise routine and diet and it worked. But now, as an adult I'm a 6 foot 7 dude--'
Jin Zixuan: [incredulous] 6 foot 7 ?
Qin Su: Just a mountain of a man. '--6 foot 7 dude with serious muscle mass--'
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [sotto voce] Good God .
Qin Su: '-- and a pretty intense resting face. I routinely make children cry just by existing and everyone shoots me nervous looks in the grocery store. It gets to me sometimes. I’m not a bad guy! I just look scary. What are some ways that I can make myself less intimidating?’
Mo Xuanyu: Huh.
Qin Su: I mean, let’s see...puppies are unintimidating. Can you devise a system where you carry a few around with you at all times? Maybe in some saddle bags, everywhere you go?
Mo Xuanyu: The movies, the gym, on dates… .
Jin Zixuan: Sure, until they start pissing down your legs. Then you’re not just unintimidating, you’re the guy no one wants to stand next to at the bus stop.
Meng Yao: I mean, it still does the job, doesn’t it?
Mo Xuanyu: You could get a butterfly tattoo, like, directly on your forehead.
Meng Yao: Okay, please explain to me your thought process on how exactly that would make anyone more approachable.
Qin Su: They still want to be able to navigate human society, A-Yu.
Mo Xuanyu: Ew, why?
Jin Zixuan: Let’s see...what makes someone approachable….Who is the least intimidating of all of us?
Qin Su: [immediately] You.
Meng Yao: [affirming] Mm.
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [incredulous] What?
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: Oh yeah, you’re like...you’re like a poodle. Or a--
Jin Zixuan: [highly offended] Excuse me! I'm the oldest and definitely the tallest one here!
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [ill concealed snort]
[crosstalk] Qin Su: [pityingly] Oh, da- ge .
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: Or a golden retriever.
Qin Su: Please don't tell me you think that being tall translates into you actually being scary. You’re tallest by, like, 3 inches. At most, that’s just part of the equation of being scary.
Meng Yao: And the rest of Zixuan’s equation is just filled with collared polo shirts. Which absolutely tanks the intimidation ratio.
Mo Xuanyu: That doesn't tank yours, though.
Meng Yao: I wear button downs. It’s not the same. [Vaguely disgusted undertone] Collared polos.
Jin Zixuan: Excuse you, polos are weekend wear and there is nothing wrong-- I can be intimidating!
Qin Su: [doubtfully] Ehhhhh…
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [badly stifled snickers]
[crosstalk]Jin Zixuan: I can! Just because I’ve never had to intimidate you --
Qin Su: Let's just say; citation needed
Mo Xuanyu: Please, jiejie has you beat.
Jin Zixuan: [indignant] Wha--
[crosstalk] Qin Su: He's right, gege; an unopened jar of mayonnaise has you beat. And I'm no unopened jar of mayonnaise.
Mo Xuanyu: That shit is opened .
Meng Yao: That’s a Tinder profile quote.
Qin Su: What? 'Spicier than mayo?'
Mo Xuanyu: [half singing, half chanting] ‘My mayo brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like-- [normal voice] this is really underwhelming.’
Meng Yao: [musing] ‘Saltier than soy sauce, spicier than mayo….’
Qin Su: Why do we always come back to food? Are our Skype calls haunted by starving Victorian ghost children? Are we possessed?
Mo Xuanyu: [mournful, high pitched, bad British accent] ‘My name is Bartholemew and I’m starving. Please, spare some mayo.’
Meng Yao: It’s your own fault if none of you bother to eat before we record. You all had the schedule.
Mo Xuanyu: [crunches loudly near mic]
Meng Yao: [falsely happy] Hey, thanks! Thank you so much, A-Yu, love the level spike on that one. Editing mouth noises out of our podcast makes my day brighter.
Jin Zixuan: [under his breath] Just...unbelievable….You all….
Qin Su: [smiling] I think we broke him.
Meng Yao: [laughing] Zixuan is limping behind the conversation indignantly, brandishing his cane….
Mo Xuanyu: [sympathetically] Awww.
Jin Zixuan: I--! I am a high powered businessman! I am trained in martial arts and archery and swordsmanship --
Mo Xuanyu: [mouth full] Oh please, gege, you’re a pod caster.
Jin Zixuan: [forcefully] I am a CEO--
[crosstalk] Qin Su: [ignoring him] I think Yao-gege is somehow the most and least intimidating out of all of us at the same time, if we're all being completely honest with ourselves and our place in the world.
Mo Xuanyu: Aww, I thought I was at least a contender!
Qin Su: Honey, you're feral. There's a difference.
Mo Xuanyu: What does a kid have to do around here to be intimidating?
Meng Yao: Learn how to chew with your mouth closed, for one.
Jin Zixuan: [indignantly] A-Yao? Are you not going to deny this?
[Brief silence]
Meng Yao: [calmly] I don't think I'm scary.
Qin Su & Mo Xuanyu: [instant uproarious laughter]
Jin Zixuan: Oh, come on! He's like...a little koala bear or something! How is that scary!
Meng Yao: [offended] Excuse me--
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [still laughing] I’m gonna pee --
Meng Yao: -- koalas have smooth brains and eat poisonous leaves all day. Are you calling me a poisonous idiot bear?
Qin Su: [wheezes] Only in private.
Mo Xuanyu: [laughter trailing off] Wait, wait, hold on. Don’t all koalas have chlamydia or something?
Qin Su: [renewed laughter]
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [startled laugh] What?
Mo Xuanyu: Chlamydia! I think that I read--!
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Oh my god, I think I’ve actually heard that. The plague, the bubonic plague, isn’t it? Or that--Some sort of--that disease people used to get where bits of you fall off?
Qin Su: Beheadings?
Meng Yao: [voice strangled from laughter] Yes, A-Su, that ancient disease the French Revolution that all koalas have--
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [snickering]
Mo Xuanyu: [loud and close to mic] LEPROSY .
[crosstalk] Qin Su: Ow--
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Holy shit--
Mo Xuanyu: It’s leprosy and you’re thinking of armadillos, da-ge.
Jin Zixuan: [muttering] Aren’t we all….
Qin Su: [solemnly] Armadillos and guillotines. Every damn minute of every damn day.
Mo Xuanyu: And I googled it, I’m right; koala chlamydia is a problem.
Meng Yao: And we’ve just found the title of this episode.
Qin Su: If most koalas have chlamydia, I feel like they have other problems they have to deal with.
Mo Xuanyu: Those pesky, promiscuous koalas!
Qin Su: Get them some damn sex ed! Use those eucalyptus leaves for protection!
Meng Yao: [pleasantly] That’s just about the worst thing I’ve heard all day.
Mo Xuanyu: Eugh, that menthol, though. Like Vicks for your dicks!
Meng Yao: I hate it.
[crosstalk]Jin Zixuan: [pained] PSA: don’t do that. Ever.
Qin Su: The voice of experience?
Jin Zixuan: I don’t think you actually want an answer to that, meimei.
Meng Yao: You people make me hate learning and also knowing things.
Mo Xuanyu: Also I've been looking it up and mountain lions are the ones that can have the bubonic plague.
Meng Yao: Choose your fighter; chlamydia ridden koala, leprosy ridden armadillo, or mountain lion with the Black Death.
Qin Su: Well, at least the mountain lion could inflict some damage. Use it like a poison delivery system, like an anthrax letter to secretly infect people.
Meng Yao: [patient teacher tone] ‘A mountain lion is to an anthrax letter, like a koala is to a…?’
Qin Su: [mock frustration] Oh, man, I know this one….
Mo Xuanyu: 'I can't come into school today, I got attacked by a mountain lion.'
Qin Su: [acting concerned] 'Oh my God, are you okay? Are you gonna have scars?'
Mo Xuanyu: 'Worse. The Plague .'
Jin Zixuan: Okay, glad we got our animal infections all sorted out--back to what we were talking about. So, riddle me this--
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [delighted, Riddlemancer voice] Rrrriddle Me Piss, kids--!
[crosstalk] Meng Yao & Qin Su: NO!
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Oh my god --
Mo Xuanyu: [laughing] I don't actually have anything today--
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: A blessing .
Mo Xuanyu: --but I'll get you next time.
Jin Zixuan: No, I need to know, genuinely, this is not a bit-- why do you think A-Yao scarier than me?
Qin Su: I mean, what's not scary about a smooth brained bear full of toxins and chlamydia?
Meng Yao: [disgruntled] Uh huh.
Mo Xuanyu: Technically, they’re not bears, they're marsupials! And I think Yao-gege is more of an armadillo--hard on the outside--
[slight crosstalk] Qin Su: --And full of leprosy on the inside.
Meng Yao: [further from mic, keyboard tapping] 'And to Mo Xuanyu...and Qin Su...I leave... absolutely nothing, except...this bag of dog shit and...spiders…..'
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [laughing]
[crosstalk] Qin Su: Awww, A-Yu, we're being written out of his will again!
Jin Zixuan: Listeners, am I wrong? Am I crazy? He’s the size of a toddler--
[slight crosstalk] Meng Yao: [still away from mic, keyboard tapping] ‘And to Jin Zixuan...I leave--’
Jin Zixuan: He looks like a sugar glider baby that got turned into a human man--
[slight crosstalk] Meng Yao: ‘This box...of useless...tetanus filled screws….’
Qin Su: Da-ge--
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: ‘--that i...encourage him to use…--’
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [snickering]
Meng Yao: ‘As acupuncture needles.’ There. Sent to the notary. Now, what were we talking about, again?
Qin Su: Da-ge, all those things might be true--
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [flatly] Wow.
Qin Su: But here’s a test. What would you do to someone picking on A-Yu in school?
Jin Zixuan: [immediate, sounding businesslike and slightly aggressive] I would contact their parents and set up a meeting with the school officials and make it very clear that they are never to do that again.
Qin Su: [grinning] Okay. Yao-gege, what would you do to someone picking on A-Yu in school?
Meng Yao: [calmly] Absolutely nothing you could prove in a court of law.
Mo Xuanyu: [bursts out laughing]
[crosstalk] Qin Su: I mean--
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Uhhhh--
Qin Su: You see? Also-- [quick sing-song voice] 🎵 This is a joke, for legal reasons, this is a joke 🎵 [normal voice] He’s got that--that--
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [lingering laughter] Yeah, it's that menace. Da-ge, you’re like--you’re like if a duckling--okay, you remember when I brought you to Hot Topic? You were like a duckling at a Death Metal concert.
Jin Zixuan: [defensively] The music was so loud--
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [pityingly] Oh, Zixuan.
Qin Su: You're like if a golf course got turned into a human.
Meng Yao You're what would happen if you gave mac and cheese a social security card and keys to a lamborghini.
Jin Zixuan: [unamused] Okay.
Mo Xuanyu: [laughing] You're the lightly salted almonds of people.
Qin Su: You're like a wholesome Hallmark movie fucked the concept of the suburbs.
Jin Zixuan: [unamused] Sure. Sure.
Meng Yao: You emanate the peril of a box of lethargic kittens.
Jin Zixuan: Wow. My own family. This is coming from the physical manifestation of a My Chemical Romance song--
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [smug] You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Jin Zixuan: -- and the woman who cries at the Land Before Time every time she watches it. I think this is a case of glass houses, here. Let ye who are intimidating...
Qin Su: Oh, so we’re not roasting Yao-gege back?
Meng Yao: Not sure how me being compared to a STD riddled marsupial for about 5 minutes straight escaped your notice, A-Su, but alright.
Jin Zixuan: I feel that you are all being...heinously short sighted, here. Are you seriously trying to tell me that A-Yu is scarier than me, a full grown man?
Meng Yao: I would certainly be more warranted in my concern about him stabbing me than I would about you.
Mo Xuanyu: Oh my God, gege, that was like 5 years ago and I already said I was sorry--
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [loudly] What--
[crosstalk] Qin Su: Did we actually help this person? I mean--
Mo Xuanyu: We always help, jiejie.
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Hold on--
Qin Su: We learned a lot about exactly how disturbing the animal kingdom is, but….
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: No, go back--
[slight crosstalk] Meng Yao: Dress like a middle aged accountant, share minion memes on Facebook, and buy your son a puppy so you have an excuse to talk to the dog and not people. There you go. Done.
Jin Zixuan: No, rewind--Xuanyu, you stabbed our brother?
[brief silence]
Qin Su: [brightly] Well, that's going to do it for us today, folks--!
Jin Zixuan: A-Yu!
[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: It was only a little!
Jin Zixuan: How can you stab someone a little ?!
[crosstalk] Qin Su: Thank you so much for listening in this week--
Jin Zixuan: With what ? Why?!
Mo Xuanyu: It honestly wasn’t that bad, he made it sound like--
[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: That's not an answer --
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [begins laughing]
Jin Zixuan: A-Yao--!
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [still laughing]
Qin Su: [brightly] We hope you enjoyed our enlightening romp, here! We want to thank Sister Sledge for the use of the song We Are Family. A-Yu, how about that last Yahoo?
[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [farther from mic, clearly grinning] Ohhh, boy.
Mo Xuanyu: Okay, okay--anonymous Yahoo Answers user asks….[exaggerated, desperate voice] ‘I can’t afford a freezer. Where do I put my deer meat?’
[Outro music begins quietly]
Qin Su: [laughs] I’m Qin Su.
Jin Zixuan: [sighs, disgruntled] I’m Jin Zixuan.
Meng Yao: [grinning] I’m Meng Yao.
Mo Xuanyu: [sheepish] I’m Mo Xuanyu.
Qin Su: And this has been My Brothers, My Sister, And Me! Thank you to everyone, see you next week and remember; send your trash dad straight to jail!
#my stuff#my fic#mbmsam#au#modern au#jgy#jzx#mxy#qs#text#ALSO THANK YOU LITTLE-SMARTASS FOR THE IDEA FOR THE THEME SONG I added that on the AO3 version because I FORGOT
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I think it would be really interesting for leo and sirius to talk ab how they both didn’t go to college and how they both joined the nhl at 18 but had v different upbringings
Ooo, I like this one! I’m always down for some Cap and Knutty bonding. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!
TW for mentioned bad parenting
“Kinda weird, isn’t it?” Leo said, breaking the nighttime silence after many long minutes of just their breathing. Sirius hummed in question. “Starting all this so young.”
Sirius made a noncommittal noise and Leo shifted, never taking his eyes off the sky. There was too much light pollution to see the stars properly in Gryffindor, but the roof of the rink didn’t have a bad view; the planes flying overhead brought pinpricks of brightness to the indigo blur.
“Was it hard for you?”
He heard Sirius’ coat move. “Was what hard?”
“Starting the NHL at eighteen.”
There was a long beat of silence. “Sometimes.”
“I didn’t know if I would make it,” Leo confessed, still barely above a murmur. Nobody else was around, but it didn’t feel right to talk in normal voices. The whole world was muted, save for the noise of the city below them. “There was just so much to do.”
Sirius laughed softly. “I hate to break it to you, rookie, but that doesn’t change.”
“How do you deal with it?”
“Before, or now?”
Leo thought for a moment. “Both.”
“Before, I would go home and shoot pucks until I was too tired to stand up. Sometimes I would read.” It wasn’t a secret, but it still made Leo’s heart hurt to remember. Nobody as kind and hardworking as Sirius deserved that. “Now, I make myself some food, take a shower, and steal Re’s softest hoodie.”
Leo could hear his smile in the dark—it echoed his own. “Nothing better, huh?”
“Nope.”
“Finn’s fit me best,” he mused. “But Lo’s smell better.”
“Ah, he finally discovered deodorant?”
“Shut up,” Leo teased, elbowing his ribs. Sirius laughed a little louder; in the light of the streetlamps and the absence of his granite-hard focus, it was easy to remember that he was only 26. Leo had worshipped him as a kid, but now he just saw Sirius for what he was. His captain, who guided him through the playoffs even when his personal life was crumbling apart. His older brother, though Sirius certainly wouldn’t think of him that way. His friend.
“Really, though, it’s important to have those connections,” Sirius said when they both calmed down. “Being alone is good, but only if you know you have people to talk to when you need them.”
“Was it easier when you weren’t living with someone?”
“No.” The answer was immediate.
“Sometimes I want the apartment to myself.” Leo lowered his voice unconsciously, then sighed. “It’s not because I don’t want them there. I just need to be alone. Wash the dishes. Clean my room. Call my mom.”
“You should tell them.”
He turned his head slightly; Sirius was still scanning the sky. “Is that what you did?”
“It took a couple hiccups, but yeah. If one of us needs some alone time, the other will go to the grocery store or take a walk, maybe hang out with friends. You just have to make sure your boys know that it’s not personal.”
“You’re freakishly good at sage advice.”
Sirius snorted. “Merci, rookie.”
“I’m not a rookie anymore.”
“Yeah, you are.” He raised his hands, as if outlining a marquee. “The Eternal Rookie, starring Leo Knut.”
Leo stuck his tongue out, feeling rather petulant about the whole thing. “Watch it, Cap, I’m gonna sic Dumo on you.”
“My own father?” Sirius gasped dramatically. “How could you?”
“Did you ever get homesick?”
The question was out of the blue—he didn’t blame Sirius for faltering. Honestly, Leo was kicking himself for asking in the first place, though he had been keeping it in for ages. Unspoken rule of the Lions #1: Don’t ask Cap about his childhood.
“I…” Sirius fell silent once more.
“I’m sorry,” Leo apologized, and he meant it. “That came out of nowhere.”
“I missed Regulus,” Sirius continued carefully without acknowledging him. “But no, I didn’t get homesick. I didn’t have time, or a real reason.”
Alone in a new city, finally out of a horrible living situation, but desperately missing the little brother he left behind… Leo couldn’t even begin to imagine going through it when the NHL by itself was already overwhelming to his teenage brain. He scooted an inch closer until their shoulders touched. “I get homesick every couple of months.”
“You have a kind family.”
“Have you even met them?”
“At the party.” Sirius’ smile was practically audible. “Your mother was very excited to see me.”
“Oh, god,” Leo groaned. “What happened?”
“She—“ He broke off with a laugh. “She was very nice, I promise, but I think I surprised her because she squeaked when I said ‘hello’.”
Leo shook his head. “Did you sneak up on her?”
“I’m six two, I can’t sneak up on anyone!”
“You walk like a fucking ghost, dude! It’s creepy!”
“Okay, rude.”
“I swear, you and Loops need to be belled like cats,” Leo huffed.
They lapsed back into comfortable quiet for a few more minutes as a train rattled past on one side and the metro busses rolled down Main Street on the other. It had taken Leo a long time to figure out Gryff’s layout, and even longer to get used to the sounds of the city.
“What does it feel like?”
Leo blinked, unsure if he had heard correctly. “What?”
“Being homesick.” Sirius shifted again and folded his hands over his stomach. “I didn’t notice much of a difference in practices when I started the NHL, and going back to my parents’ house wasn’t my exactly a highlight of my year.”
Curiosity overrode his tact and reasoning skills. “You never asked Logan?”
“Non. It was different, with him. He had already left to go to college before I knew him, and spent four years away from his family.”
“Right.” Leo forgot about that on occasion. That Finn and Logan might be five years older than him, but they had only been rookies a year or two prior. Not everyone went straight from their city select team to an official draft. “It’s hard to describe.”
Sirius made an understanding noise, but he couldn’t entirely mask his disappointment. Leo licked his lips and tried again.
“It’s like a piece of you isn’t where it’s supposed to be. And it keeps tugging on your chest, but you never know when it’s going to start and stop so you just… deal with it. You ignore it some days and you think about it other days.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “The hard days are when you remember you can’t go back to the way things were before. I don’t even call my mom sometimes, ‘cause I know it’ll make me sadder.”
“The way things were before?”
“Yeah, like—like all my classmates are in college, and I’m laying on a roof with one of the most famous hockey players in the history of forever.” That drew a light laugh from them both. “I’m gonna go back to my reunion in a couple years and have literally nothing in common with the people I used to be friends with.”
“Sometimes I wish I went to college,” Sirius said. “But I would have missed so much if I did. I don’t think I would have been happy there.”
“Finn and Logan get weird about college.” Maybe he shouldn’t be talking about it, but Leo had the feeling none of their conversation would leave the rooftop. “It was hard for them, with all their shit.”
“Re does, too.” He recognized the sad edge in Sirius’ voice; it was the same as his own. “For a different reason. It started good, and ended bad.”
“I’m glad I missed out on that,” Leo said, biting down the urge to scream at the universe for putting their significant others through so much hardship at an already-difficult time. None of them deserved the pain they went through. “Besides, it’s not like we need degrees to play hockey, and we’ll have plenty of money afterward.”
“I never thought about my life after hockey until my ankle.”
“My parents always pushed me to make sure I wanted to do the NHL instead of more school.”
“You’re lucky to have them.”
“I wish you did.”
The words hung suspended between them before Leo could swallow them back down, somehow dangerous and calming at the same time. It wasn’t like he had never thought about it before; he just hadn’t said it out loud. The first time he had seen Sirius’ parents across the rink had given him a case of the heebie-jeebies so strong he had to shower twice. All the times after that just made him angry.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Sirius’ voice was quiet, but not upset. “You’re not the first person to say it. I’m glad you feel like you can be honest with me.”
Leo frowned. “Well, yeah. Obviously.”
“I try really hard to not be an asshole captain, so it actually does mean a lot.”
“I don’t think you could be an asshole if you tried.”
The barking laugh that split the night startled Leo so bad he nearly jumped out of his skin; Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth, though he was still snickering. “Sorry, sorry, I just—holy shit, I forgot you didn’t know me before. Mon dieu.”
“You weren’t that bad,” Leo protested. “Pots said you used to be grumpier, but that’s it.”
Sirius shook his head, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. “I was such a dick. There’s not a single picture of the whole team where I’m smiling for about two years and I was such a stickler for the rules.”
Leo gaped at him. “You followed rules?”
“To the fucking letter. It was awful.”
“What happened?”
Sirius shrugged. “I got friends. Idiot friends who did things like showing me the easiest way onto the roof. Pots used to drag me up here every Friday.”
“Really?”
“Ouais.” Mischief flitted over his face. “He skipped date night with Lily once on accident, and she tracked us up here like a bloodhound. It was terrifying.”
“What did you do?” Lily was one of the nicest people Leo knew, but he knew better than to get on her bad side.
“Lied to her face while James hid behind that strobe light.”
“Did it work?”
“Are you kidding?” he snorted. “She called me a liar and suggested getting a better best friend. That was after she told James he’s better have something nice planned for their next date if he ever wanted to get in her pants again.”
“And yet you didn’t listen to her.” Leo tsked. “Of all the people on the team, you chose the hot mess.”
“Trust me, rookie, James had his whole life figured out compared to me.”
“Did you…” Leo trailed off and but his lip. He had pushed his luck a lot already; who knew if one more question would be the tipping point? “Did you ever think about coming out? Even just to Pots.”
Sirius didn’t hesitate. “After every single game.”
“For seven years?”
“Up until the day those pictures were leaked. Even more after Re and I were together.”
“How old were you when you knew?”
“13. You?”
Leo exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure. I think I had an idea of it as a kid, but didn’t really get it until I was in high school. My parents were even more worried about the NHL after I told them.”
“They worry a lot about you.”
“Only child, and I was going for a wildly unstable career path with no guarantee that I would ever see the ice.”
“They’re proud of you. More than you know.” Sirius’ watch beeped. “It’s ten o’clock. Are you supposed to be home?”
“I should probably make sure my boys haven’t burned down the apartment.” Neither of them made an attempt to move. “Can we do this again sometime?”
“Of course.”
You’re like a brother to me, he wanted to say. I don’t know who else I can talk to like this. “Thank you.”
“Any time. We don’t have to do extra practice beforehand, either.”
Leo nudged him gently. “You’re the best captain ever.”
“You’re the best rookie, rookie.”
“I’m not a rookie.”
“Yeah, you are.”
Yeah, I am, he thought as they laid side-by-side in silence once more with the past behind them and the future ahead. And if I end up like you, it means I did something right.
#leo knut#sirius black#coops#oknutzy#finn ohara#logan tremblay#sweater weather#lumosinlove#my fic#fanfic#friendship#cap and rookie
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