#how are some of the short stories so good when the others are SOOOOO BAD

[thewondelandifulcafe]

Leona with an s/o who gets worked up pretty easily about things they don't think make sense.

Example. The first time they met, and they found out about his plan, they started slapping the wall and yelling, "HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE!? IF YOU'RE NOT CONFIDENT THAT YOU'LL WIN, WHY NOT PRACTICE!? WHY PROJECT ONTO EVERYONE ELSE!?"

Very analytical, and WILL stress about small things if they don't understand it.

Often questioning higher ranking people because "Why do you do this?"

Even gets mad at historical figures and different events. Will yell in class as they ask the teacher why said figure thought that was a good idea.

Basically an irritable analytical s/o who hates how life is set up

Title: Irritable and Analytical

Menu: Twisted Wonderland 

Beverage: Thai Bubble Tea

Main Dish(es): Macarons

Side Dish(es): Pie: Pumpkin Pie

Spoilers: For Book 2

Trigger Warning: None: Please tell me if there is one

Summary: Leona with an s/o who gets worked up pretty easily about things they don't think make sense. 

Notes: You sure do love Leona. Don’t you? Can’t stay I blame you. But I should start writing for the other fandoms and characters. As always Y/N is G/N since it is not specified. I decided to give you scenarios cause I couldn’t tell if it was headcannons or short story so you got both. Honestly this is like a part of my personality. Is it bad that I think you’re calling out Leona for his stupidity. 

Leona Kingscholar 

Leona can be very intelligent or very dumb. There’s no in between. Especially when it comes to his schemes. He has good one mind you but the rest. Um not so good. Scar would be embarrassed. Leona left almost everything to Ruggie (I don’t quite remember if he did) You knows he’s lazy but come on do something.

The reason is so damn stupid. Why make a scheme to win because of your current skill level why not practice? I can guarantee you Malleus was not born knowing how to play. Why not learn. YOUR A PRINCE FOR GREAT SEVENS YOU CAN AFFORD CLASSES BY THE BEST OF THE BEST!

Leona is scared of you since you can be very kind and sweet. But when one thing does not make sense. YOU BLOW. You yell at the teachers when they talked about Jafar. “JAFAR CLEARLY COULD HAVE FOUND ALADDIN EARLIER WHY WAIT SO LONG!“ The Enchantress from beauty and beast. “ADAM WAS LIKE 12 WHY DO YOU THINK HE OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU!” This did bother me actually.

While Leona cuddled you, you kept ranting on about how some of the historical figures in your world made dumb decisions that could’ve changed everything! Leona is just begging for you to stop so he can nap in peace. 

First POV

      The herbivore scares me and I know shocking. But they’re terrifying especially when something doesn’t make sense. When we first met they started slapping the wall and yelling, "HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE!? IF YOU'RE NOT CONFIDENT THAT YOU'LL WIN, WHY NOT PRACTICE!? WHY PROJECT ONTO EVERYONE ELSE!?" They kept yelling about how dumb it was. Sure two months later I can see why they yelled. Still calm down a little. But how did I fall in love with them. It was when they were calm. Actually calm, they were kind, sweet, caring, the list goes on. They were still terrifying. But as time went on I guess I got used to it. It’s still annoying how mad they can get over the smallest thing but I’ve learned to live with. Their points do make sense once you get the full story.

A/N: Soooo I did this I’m proud of it but I do have a story idea after a movie I saw. Sooooo be on the look out for that possibly tomorrow?

@queen-shiba that’s for the request it was fun to write!

#twst #leona kingscholar #twisted wonderland #leona #twisted wonderland x reader #twst headcanons #twst x reader #kingscholar #leona x reader

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 12

Hi friends!!

I read a certain dark romance book this week and then also spent some time trying to catch up on all my lovely mutuals' fics (and there were many), so the rec list is only like 9 fics this week. I guess that's still a lot? It's no 27 fics though.

If you tagged me in a fic this week, I'm planning to get to those soon I promise. The actual spreadsheet with all my recs can be found here and the masterlist for my fic recs can be found here.

Anyway recs below the Pedge

Adversity a Frankie/Ezra series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

This combo... okay I'll just start with how unreasonably HOT this is. Like you got Ezra: protective, talkative, wild, a little feral, definitely likes to use his mouth, lean and impeccably dressed with that dumb little blond patch. Then you have Frankie: Established Canon Pussy Eating King, def talks you through it, broad shoulders and a cute belly, patchy beard you'd just die to have between your legs, broody boy. So obviously, I'm already about to pass out. And then!! Their relationship with each other makes me feel so many things. The way Ez pulls Frankie out of his fucked up head and the way Frankie settles Ezra UGH. And then!!! and then!!!!!!! The way they take care of reader and the way they all love each other and balance each other out!! The hints of the other TF boys in there is v fun also. I know this series is old, but I am dying for it to be added to. Every glimpse into this wonderful lil throuple was wonderful. <3333

i've got headaches and bad luck but they couldn't touch you - a Joel one shot by @tremendum

Brat tamer!Joel is sooooo fucking hot. This is filthy and I love it!

warmth - a Joel one shot by @grippingbeskar

ooooh i love how at first this is just a sweet lil fluffy thing and then you put *you can stop reading here if you aren't a whore. however, i am, so i will continue* LMAO. I'm obviously a whore so I obviously kept reading. This one is for my thigh riding girlies <333

the worthwhile fight - a Marcus P one shot by @swiftispunk

So glad you decided to write some sweet angel baby Marcus P!! And I love the lil twist with reader being the protective one, because.... I actually cannot see Marcus punching anyone. Like I'm sure he would if he had to, but in my head he's such a soft boy I can't. The smut, as usual, was just absolutely immaculate. Looking forward to more marcus from you maybe...???? (please)

Sparks fly - a Joel one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Ok listen... This is the second anal fic I've read in as many weeks that made me have emotions other than filth... How do y'all keep doing this to me. The story is adorable, I love it!! And then they eat each other's asses and it's hot and it's a good time. Honestly I'd still give this a shot if you're not into the idea of eating Joel Miller's ass bc there's a bunch of super cute interactions and some smut before that happens... If you're a freak tho... this is the one

Just a little taste - a Din one shot by @jksprincess10

I fucking love inexperienced!Din and I love when he tastes pussy for the first time and just goes absolutely nuts. This was so hot ugh.

Fire a Din one shot by @jksprincess10

Din Djarin Fluff Supremacy

Hungry Hearts - a Joel series by @atinylittlepain

Young Joel... in booty shorts... playing baseball??? Being a gratuitous flirt and a total asshole in the most frustratingly charming of ways?? Ok and then... he's also a MECHANIC... Slutty Joel is everything. Oh but let's not stop there! We also get girl dad Joel being the most stereotypical softball parent ever. Sarah and Ellie being so very Sarah and Ellie about the whole thing. Also like if you needed more incentive for some reason Joel gets hit in the balls while being a douchebag. I feel like I'm not selling this as well as I should be, but I don't want to give too much away. It's delightful. Read it!!

Peace - a Joel one shot by @swiftispunk

As a former John Green novel SIMP, I love the living eulogy thing. It has a special place in my heart and I refuse to apologize for that. This fic had me tearing up bc like... Joel Miller deserves to hear how good he is and how much he means to people and he doesn't really ever get that in canon. Not really. I am going to have a literal breakdown bye

----------------oldies but goodies----------------

The Appreciation of Fine Liquor - an Ezra one shot by @write-and-buried

poor baby - a Joel series by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Just a little game - Javi P one shot @walkintotheriveranddisappear

quickie (boyfriend's dad!joel x reader) - a Joel one shot by @joelscruff

𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆, 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 - a Dieter one shot by @psychedelic-ink

warm up - a Dieter one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Dieter Bravo x Library AU - a Dieter one shot @fuckyeahdindjarin

Bouquet, Bloom, Blossom - a Dieter series by @mypoisonedvine

----------------------------------------------------

Happy Reading

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction

[fukin-shortass]

@an1d10t LORE FOR YOU(tw ahead for sh,su1cide and just yucky things in general sorrryyyy)

okay so

This is gonna sound so weird in some parts but I'm half asleep sooooo

Jamie *had* a daughter, Maeve, who ended up killing herself via slit wrists because of her abusive boyfriend. Decades later Jamie and Vova got in a huge fight over something bad Vova did, he tried to kill one of her friends while he was in a fit of rage. He ended up getting sent to a dimension called Deaths Hallway. That dimension is basically a never ending forest with deadly creatures and other demons. He was stuck in there for 200 years (my poor boy). During that time, Jamie adopted her daughter Gia, and Gia ended up adopting a child named Maggie.

Now, Gia is a special kind of demon, a reincarnated one. Her and Lilith were originally in an army together, lead by Lilith herself, in a war against Heaven. Gia ended up realizing how fucking bonkers Lilith was with her strategies, or lack of, and left the army to be reincarnated as a human, forgetting all she knew and all she was. Lilith saw this as betrayal and swore revenge.

Gia as a human ended up getting murdered by her husband via poison, and went back down to hell because reincarnated demons go back to hell when they die, no matter how good or bad they were. Then Jamie adopted Gia yadda yadda yadda Gia adopted Maggie etc etc.

NOW. Maggie ended up getting killed in a house fire, and Gia is now burnt on the entire backside of her body from the fire. Decades later Lilith finds out about Gia being back and decides to strike revenge now. She ends up shape-shifting into an "older version" of Maggie and ended up convincing Gia that she was actually her. Uh oh secret gets revealed and Gia tries to kill Lilith, fails miserably, almost dies herself(L) and now everyone's trying to kill Lilith.

At this point Azzy ended up meeting Vova in Deaths Hallway and they're really good friends now, she convinces Jamie to let him out, and she agrees partially because he could be of use to kill Lilith.

Anyway, Vovas free, they find Lilith, Gia almost dies again, but Jamie lands the final blow on Lilith, slashing her across her body, and now as a ghost, and when she's undead, she has black and purple roses all around her body, especially where she got cut.

NOW LILLY

Lilly has two sisters, Oli and Penni.

They're vampires, once angels of Heaven. Lilith resents her siblings, especially Penni, and she's very abusive to both of them. Anyway long story short Penni has enough of her bullshit and kills her. Oli and Penni bury Lilly and burn her corpse.

NOW. FINALLY TO WHERE JAMIE GOES SILLY.

Jamie has been getting obsessed with defying her sisters, Life and Fate, and decide to try to revive someone(VERY BAD‼️‼️)

So she goes to Oli and Penni, and ends up reviving Lilly. It goes horribly wrong and now Lilly is essentially a zombie vampire thing, flowers in her chest, burnt skin in a lot of places, and barely holding onto any sort of control of herself. Jamie sees this as a win and goes on a spree of reviving Lilith, Maggie and her daughter Maeve. Despite Vova and Azzy begging her to not, she does it anyway. All of the undead are in pain and just want to be put to rest again. Then, Lilly ends up chompin someone, cue apocalypse.

Now Vova, Gia, Maggie, Maeve, and Azzy are trying to find a cure. Jamie herself is almost fully undead from how much reviving she's done and very much isn't helping the situation with zombies.

Lilith is very rarely helping out, trying to find a cure herself, and Yuni is every once in a while helping as well, especially with supplies.

There's an ending, but we're still working on it.

OKAY BYEEE

#oc lore #lore #Everyone's in so much pain lmao

[noctualagenaria]

what is your fave ship >:D

...im going to live up to my url here

short answer: baizhu and diluc from hit game genshin impact bc im diluc and i adore baizhu to an Ungealthy level

long answer:

diluc was a character i wasnt privy too at first he felt like a boring 'grumpy' character to me but after doing the story quest, revealing he is basically batman and after reading his character stories i learned more and more about him and oh fucking shit i R e l a t e too much stop that, stop being me so im a diluc main and kin now as well as memories for some reason ( i know the reason orz) aaannnd when i did the liyue archon quest for the first time, fawning over zhongli a little bc voice h o t, dr baizhu made his entrance

baizhu weraring a snake around his neck and the best eyeliner known to man as well as the Fruitest Voice in the game to date STILL !! i legit fell in love with a fictional character, the pixels on my screen i know i have the illness ( autism) Bad.,,, but anyways at this point i was like oh wow that guy could Do things to me and id thank him, that guy could breathe in my presence and id thank him im Oh So Gay for this Guy i love him he is my favorite now forever and mwah mwah the more i knew about him the deeper i fell

sooooo bc of this i thought huh,,, both baizhu and diluc are busy in their respective nations what if they wrote letters to each other and then what if feelings developed like that and baizhu started getting flirtier and flirtier and diluc Likes it (fuckint rare for him hes never fallen this badly for someone) but anyways baizhu sends flowers (violetgrass specifically) to diluc and diluc Collects each one he recives from the letters, diluc has a stash of lil dried up violetgrass in his bedside table drawer. he keeps his letters short and to the point whilst baizhu always has his frivolous and flowerly language but his message is still crystal clear even if diluc is focused on the gay or not ( not much can be said for baizhus handwriting it is,, a Mess but still readable to diluc! considering dilucs handwriting used to be dogshit too its fine ejdjend)

baizhu Hates being vulnerable as he is a literal doctor so the more he smiles for Others the more thag makes him happy hes done something good for them, now this slightlt fades with those he Really Really trusts, like diluc!! baizhus fine being vulnerable in front of diluc bc diluc (as much as he also hates it) is a lot more vulnerable in front of baizhu they Really trust each other and that is saying a lot considering dilucs views on trust and how many trust issues he Has its hard for him to let go of those issues for baizhu but he does! he learnt how for him aaaand im rambling abt headcanons again whoopsies

#tdlr: they are perfect for one anothee and i do not CARE that they are a rarepair i know what they are #i could think of a more professional answer but really when it comes down to it i go “hehe sillieessssss” #do u want my picmixes of them :>? #my arts of them :>? #my fics of them tho only a few finished on ao3 under the name satansgay :>? #asks.txt #thew1tness #cool url btw #derangeddiluc.txt #<-- new tag for when i ramble tismly #update i added media of the them i have on my phone as im on phone rn #a bad idea #most of my better and more recent baizhluc arts are on my pc im jus sleepy rn oh so sleepppyyyyyy #gn catboydiluc nation

[imsailorpluto]

Island, episode 6, what the hell?

tw: Eunwoo appreciation post :P

Literally, why ?! Why making the 1st part finale one large heartache after another? Stripping all of those happy characters' hearts bare and turning them into stones, one by one. Leaving us all in the dark. Not knowing anything. What's going to happen with pretty priest Johan now??? Fine, he isn't the strongest, but weaker ones survived way worse scenarios in other shows, and maybe his powers could even evolve after this extremely traumatic event.

Heart. F*cking. Broken. I can't. But I still feel like they will just kill him sooner or later and I can't- (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Long story short, Chan-hyuk's (Johan's) brother dies within a day of their reunion. Not only does he die, but he begs Chan-hyuk to kill him, as he is infected with the lust demon. Since Chan-hyuk can't perform the exorcism efficiently and the demon within Chan-hee has only one goal (killing Mi-ho), poor Chan-hyuk stabs his own brother with the holy sword and kills him. Of course Gungtan is behind all this chaos, he knows how to choose his victims, it was all carefully planned.

Dark Lord Voldy vibes much? Anyone?

In the meantime Van is clearly losing it already.

Even though I wanted to fight Van at this point, at the same time I can't blame him at all, and here's why.

For starters, his brother is a powerful sociopath who keeps destroying everything he touches. Van can't kill him.

Then we have Mi-ho or rather Wonjeong who isn't waking up at all, that is, she isn't regaining consciousness of her past life nor control over her powers.

Not only that but there is a serious possibility that Van might overuse his demonic powers and won't be able to transition out of the demon mode anymore. Especially now that he's been around Mi-ho so much. So it's pretty reasonable he's done with all the crap that's been going on and wants to just wrap it all up and be done with it.

In the final scene we see a whole clan of Gungtan's followers as Gungtan approaches his throne. And that highschooler who asked for help earlier, Yeom-ji, addresses Gungtan as uncle.

Disturbing. Plus my knowledge of Korean is so bad that I have no idea about the intention. Is it like calling an adult in a polite manner or does she mean that in literal sense? Even though I see people writing things like omg he's really her uncle and that means Van is her father... bla bla...

But, then I remembered when Gio made fun of Van, questioning him about his age and how to address him. And along teasing him being a grandpa he says something like:

Sooooo obviously the emphasis was rather on that kid being a part of Gungtan's gang and not on her addressing him as uncle

But that's the least of my worries here, I've never liked her, even though she was the only one sticking for her friend Suryeon. It's just that she is so rude every time Van eats at her grandmother's.

So what I am expecting of the next season is seeing the mighty trio, Mi-ho, Van and Chan-hyuk beating Asmodeus' and Gungtan's asses. And actually all three of them staying alive doing so! Ok Van and Mi-ho will surely survive the horrors, but priest Gio? Hmm.

I'm fearing the worst.

Part 2 is coming out very soon. And seeing the trailer and that Gio's scene in a split of a second awoke some worries, but let's see. Maybe it's just something they did on purpose.

Let's leave it to Gio as he's the one who knows how to take care of us with his hope and faith and hopefully good sense of fashion and humor in the next season, byeee and till next time

(⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

#kim nam gil #kang chan hyuk #priest yohan #priest giovanni #cha eun woo #cha eunwoo #lee da hee #won mi ho #gungtan #sung joon #tving island #kdrama #kdrama review #imsailorpluto #priest gio #island kdrama

[lala3244]

I am not good with titles so another short story ... Well, of Duskwood obviously....

(Yes, I am bored...)

(Warnings: Some spoilers//Some consumption of alcohol// Some bad words?)

I decided to go another way... And it is after episode 10 as I can't seem to think of anything that could have happened during the other episodes...

================================================

It is a few weeks after Hannah has been saved and we knew who the man without a face was. I kept in touch with the group, texting them often, especially Jessy. I kept myself busy after the incident of the mine. I started running. I hate it but the pain I feel when I run makes me forget about the betrayal and the fact I haven't heard from Jake since he told me I love you. There is a nice lake where I live, I run there alone. Always alone. I make a point to run every day even if it snows or rains. I hate it so much it makes me feel good, somehow.

So this morning, I drive myself to the lake. It's a nice morning, a bit cold but it doesn't matter, it makes the run even more painful especially at the beginning, it makes forgetting all my problems quicker. I don't know what's wrong with me, that's not how I usually deal with my feelings. It actually is the opposite, I stay home under my cover and I don't move for days... Maybe because I had worst in my life. I lost the love of my life a few years ago and part of me went with him. I guess I don't care as much as I should...

I run for an hour, punishing myself and pushing myself more than usual who knows why?

I come back home. I am welcomed by my cat, I don't know what I would have done without him. He is such a sweetie and so affectionate, my heart melts every time I look at him. I go up the stairs, followed by my cat, to my bathroom and take a shower. After that I get dressed and put my hair in a bun. I don't care what I look like, I won't get out of my house today anyway.

I grab my phone from my bedroom, I always leave my phone home when I run, and I see that I have a missed call and a text message

Good morning, this Alan Bloomgate, with Hannah still in jail, we still need your statement. When do you think you will be able to come over here?

Regard

Alan

I sigh. I have no idea if I wanted to go. I want to meet the group of friends but I am really nervous about that. Well, scared would be a better word. What if they don't like me? What if I make them uncomfortable with my awkwardness and my weird sense of humour? What if...?? I keep asking myself the same questions over and over again. I growl and shake my head to get these stupid questions out. I start typing a message to Alan but I don't really know what to say.

Good morning Alan, I am sorry but I don't think I will come to Duskwood any time soon.

Have a good day

I send the text and I wait. I don't have to wait for long 30 seconds later I have a new text message.

Thank you for your reply. If you can't come then I guess we can do that via video chat. Would that be an option for you? It will be recorded so we have some traces of your statement.

When I read the message, I am a bit surprised. I guess my deposition is really important. I think about it for a few seconds and I decide that it's not a bad idea.

Yes, a video chat will be ok then. I understand that it will be recorded, that is not a problem. Can you tell me when and what time? I am free anytime, any day. Just say the time and it's agreed

He answers quickly again. I guess he is not busy.

I can do this afternoon. 2pm. It gives me the time to set up everything.

I reply with a short answer and lock my phone. It is time to eat. As I don't like cooking I make myself some scrambled eggs and some toast, boring but sooooo good!

After eating, I wash the dishes up and go back upstairs to the bathroom. I look at myself. I don't look that tired for once but I need to do something about my hair. I styled my hair a bit and put on some light make up. I want to look presentable for the video call even though it doesn't really matter.

2pm arrives. I am not going to lie, I am a bit anxious. I wait impatiently with my phone in my hands, shaking. My phone rings, it startles me and I almost drop it. My heart constricts in my chest and my hands are sweating. I answer the call and I see a man in his mid thirties and quite attractive. He introduces himself. I am left speechless because I didn't think someone as young could be a police chief. He asks me to tell my full name and then different questions about Hannah and the others, how I came into contact with them... I hear him type on his computer while I talk. After an hour, he smiles. My heart skips a beat. He has a really nice smile, warm and comforting. I only saw a smile like that once in my life and I fell in love with it but now it was gone forever. My chest hurts me while I think about it. I smile back, shyly. But then I understand why he smiles at me. He asks me about the hacker and what I am willing to tell him about him. I frown as I tell him I don't know what he is talking about. I got good at lying about my feelings even though the anxiety is at its peak and I hope my face doesn't betray anything. He nods but this time, he isn't typing. He laughs, I can see he understands that there is no point in continuing this topic. I sigh quietly, relieved that I don't have to think about more lies on the spot. He bids me goodbye and tells me that he will let me know about Hannah. I thank him and hang up. It leaves me exhausted, I grab a blanket, wrap it around me and I lie down on my sofa. My cat comes over to me, rolls onto me and quickly falls asleep. I take him in my arms and follow him in dreamland.

A few weeks pass. The group keeps texting me which made me really glad. I am not prepared for them to stop texting me. I know, it's selfish but for the last few months, they are the air I needed to feel alive again. I still have no news from Jake. That is disappointing but I am telling myself that if Alan asked me questions about him it could mean that he hasn't been caught by the authorities. Talking about Alan, he sends me regular updates about the proceedings but the last few messages he would ask me questions. Nothing too intrusive like how was my day and what I was up to. I don't know why but I answer his questions. I quiz him too and he replies back happily. It becomes kind of our routine. Every day, he texts me a good morning and I answer, giggling. It was nice to have the attention of a man even if it was just friendly. A couple of weeks later, he tells me that he is going to be near my city for a conference in a couple of days and that he would like to have a coffee shop with me. I was stunned! I look at the message and read it ten times before snapping out of it. I laugh. I laugh because I don't know what to say. I guess it wouldn't hurt to say yes. I agree and tell him about a nice coffee that I used to go to a lifetime ago. Straightaway, I video call Jessy, she answers directly. I scream on the phone.

Me: JEEEEESSSSSSSYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Jessy: What? What? What? Tell me

Me: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Guess what?

Jessy: No you tell me! You are downright scaring me!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Alan, YOUR police chief is coming near my city and he wants to have a coffee with me!

Jessy: WHAT?! How come?

Me: We've been talking the past few weeks, well since my interview.

Jessy: Mmh, excuSE-ME?! You didn't tell me?!

Me: I am sorry, I didn't think it was going to lead to that.

Jessy: Well don't make me wait! Tell me the tea!

I laugh and blush at the same time. I don't know if it's a date so I try not to speak about this that way. I explain the sweet messages I received for the past few weeks and how it became an everyday occurrence. She smiles but then the realisation hits her.

Jessy: But... What about Jake?

Me: Yes? What about him?

Jessy: Do you have any news?

Me: No, I would have told you already.

Jessy: Yeah, I guess so.... Do you.... Do you still love him?

Me: Actually, at the moment, I don't feel anything... I guess I never met him so it's easier to put my feelings aside. And with what happened with Richy, I don't know... It doesn't feel real. If I wasn't talking to you right now I think I would have convinced myself that I was hallucinating or that you were dreams that would occur every night. Also, I'm sorry I wasn't there for Richy's funerals...

Jessy: I know you are, you've told me multiple times already. And we understand don't worry about it.

We carry on tchatting till late at night. During the call, I receive a text from Alan telling me that he would love to go to that coffee shop and once he landed and he knew what his days will look like, he would text me the day and the time. I don't answer back, I want to stay focus on the young woman behind the screen who needs to talk, I can see she needs it. I am sure she is the one cheering everyone up. I sigh and smile at her. I wish I was there supporting her. We finally hang up. I read Alan's message again and a smile creeps up on my face. I reply back that I will wait for his text and that I was looking forward to it. He texts back with just a smiley and a good night.

I go to bed and fall asleep straightaway. I am being woken up really early by my cat. I forgot to leave him some food last night. He is hungry but I get to have some cuddles before getting up the best way to wake up! I go to feed him and to make myself some breakfast. I get myself ready for a run. I decide this time to run around town. It's quiet at that time of the day. I run for an hour and come back home. It's the same every day. I run, go home, take a shower and grab my phone but never at the same time though. I watched too many documentaries about stalkers and I try to change my routine as much as I can, especially since the phone calls from the MWAF. I sit down on my couch and I see a message from Alan, he is getting on the plane. He will be in the big city near me later in the morning. I wish him a safe flight and decide to watch TV. The day goes by with me lazing around the house.

I don't know why but I decide to go shopping. It's been a while and I want to wear something nice to see Alan even though I know it's not a date. I drive to the nearest mall, find a few shops to my liking and go inside. I try a couple of outfits in each shop. I find one I like, it's an orange dress with tiny flowers printed on it. I don't do flowers usually but as it's the beginning of summer I wanted something colourful. I pay and leave in my car. While driving, I receive a message, I read it through my car. It's Alan, he tells me he arrived a few hours ago and now knows his schedule. He is free tomorrow afternoon. I smile but I have to wait to arrive home before texting him back.

I park my car in the garage, grab my shopping bag and walk up to my house. I open the door and go straight to the bathroom and put my pjs on. Yes I know it's early! I quickly reply to Alan and tell him that it was okay for me. There is no answer for a while. I go to bed but I can't fall asleep. When I am almost asleep, I hear my phone vibrating. I sigh, but I look at the notification. Alan again with the time we will meet tomorrow. I send a thumb up, lock the phone and finally fall asleep.

I wake up early. I go out, I run, take a shower and get myself ready for this afternoon. I know it’s early but I am not one to wait patiently. I decide to go to the coffee shop early and I bring my laptop with me. I order my coffee and then I sit down at a free table. A couple of hours pass by and I am so engrossed in what I am doing that I don’t see the time. I feel a presence next to me and I look up, startled. I wasn’t expecting someone to be so close to me. The man smiles and sits down in front of me. I recognise that smile from the video chat. It was Alan. To have thought he was “quite attractive” was an understatement. I stare at him but start to blush. So as a distraction and a way to stop my blushing, I close my computer and put it in my bag. We still haven’t said a word yet. He has 2 cups in each hand and he gives me one. I look, it’s the same as what I took earlier. I finally talk and thank him for the coffee. He looks at me warmly and smiles back. It was enough to break the ice and we start talking. After a while, he gets serious, he looks straight into my eyes and I feel a bit uncomfortable. 

Alan: I have something to tell you. 

Me: Yes… Sure… I am listening…

Alan: Do you remember when I was in the mine and I found Hannah?

Me: Well, yeah obviously.

Alan: A few minutes after getting out, I received your messages that, I guess, I couldn’t receive inside the mine as there was no connection. It was also after I realised that the entrance was closed. I’ve read them and I saw that one of your texts said your friend was inside… So after leaving Hannah with someone from the FBI, I tried to find your friend.

Me: Mmmmh… Okay and?

Alan: And I found him.

He is still looking at me, all serious. I nod, I don’t really know what to say or to feel. I ask if he is ok. He starts to tell me what happened, how “my friend” was still alive and hiding under a bush. He got scared when he saw him. He explained to him that as I helped him find Hannah, he was going to help him for me and they found a subterfuge so they could bring him to Alan’s home. For the weeks following the incident, they started to make plans to free Jake. Alan doesn’t want to bore me with the details but he tells me that now it’s been a week since everything panned out and Jake was a free man. I stay silent, my eyes wander away while I digest what he just told me. Jake is alive and free but he didn’t attempt to contact me. I should be relieved and happy at the thought but my heart feels nothing but disappointment… I hear Alan clearing his throat and I look back at him. I try to hide my feelings but I can see I fail as Alan looks chagrined. I wonder why? Alan’s feelings just stay there for a second but I saw it. I smile awkwardly at him and he says that he has to go back. I nod and stand up to give him a hug, he smiles back and pulls away. I watch him leave, my mind racing through a thousand thoughts. He turns around when he is at the door and smiles when he sees me looking at him and waves his hand. Startled,I wave him back awkwardly. 

I am still in my thoughts when I hear my phone ringing. I answer without looking at the ID caller. 

Jessy: SOOOOOO! Tell me! How was it?!

Me: Hey Jessy! How you doing? 

Jessy: I’m not calling about me! Tell me everything! 

Me: It was nice. We talked.

Jessy: Mmmh… That’s it?

Me: Oh no! He told me that Jake is alive and a free man! 

Jessy: I’m sorry what? What do you mean? 

Me: He helped him avoid the FBI and to get his freedom back. I don’t know how… He didn’t tell me. Sorry Jessy but I don’t feel like talking more about it. I am going back home.

Jessy: Of course! I understand. Tell me when you are home.

I get back to my car and sit behind the wheel. I keep telling myself that he is alive and I have to be happy but really I was angry. Couldn’t he just have sent a message to say I am ok… ?! But then I think, maybe, he just doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. My heart feels crushed and tears start to fall on my cheeks. I cry silently at the realisation that he probably just used me and I am nothing to him. After a couple of minutes, I start driving and I am on my way home. By the time I am home, it’s time to eat so I cook some dinner and after eating I go to bed early. I can’t face the day anymore. Before going to bed though, I text Jessy to let her know I arrived home okay. I turn my phone off and fall asleep. 

I wake up and I feel a lot better, I decide that I want to go to Duskwood. I want to meet my friends and I would like to see Alan again. I turn my phone on and I receive a couple of notifications. Jessy replied back telling me that she was happy that I was home and she was also sorry about Jake. The second one was from Alan. He said he was glad that we met up and hoped that we could do it again. He apologised for making me sad about Jake and he could see that I had feelings for him. He felt upset about that, which surprises me to read that. I didn’t know he has such strong feelings about me. I feel bad that I showed him what I felt. I reply back

Good morning Alan! I’m sorry for my late reply. I went to bed early last night and turned my phone off. Yes, I agree it was nice to see you and we might see each other sooner than you think ;). You don’t have to apologise, I am sorry if I upset you. I didn’t mean to. But I wanted to thank you for letting me know about him. Now I know that he got out fine and I won’t keep wondering what happened to him. I can move forward now.

I send the message and lock my phone. I get up and grab my laptop from my bag. I look at where Duskwood is on the map and see the easier way to travel there. I could ask Alan but I want to surprise him. I go on different airlines’ websites to compare the prices and I find a date in a couple of days from today. I don’t usually do stuff impulsively but today I feel like it and I book the ticket before I change my mind. I pay and receive the email confirming my reservation. I take a picture and send it to Jessy. Not even a minute later she calls me.

Jessy: What the…? Does that mean you’re coming to see me!?

Me: Yes Jessy! And I was hoping you could come and pick me up from the airport?

Jessy: You bet your sweet A I can come! YEEEEAAAAH! How long are you staying? 

Me: I haven’t decided yet. I’ll see once I am there. 

Jessy: Great! Are you gonna tell the others?

Me: Yes I will! Well, I have to go. I have to call someone to see if they could look after my cat.

Jessy: Ok! Talk to you later!

I hang up and I scroll to look for my ex sister-in-law. Even if her brother died, we kept in touch for the last two years. I call her and ask her if I can leave her my cat. She obviously says yes and I also ask if her boyfriend can drive me to the airport. Now everything is planned for the beginning of my trip. 

I hang up with my sister-in-law after a few minutes of catching up. I text the group chat to let them know I am coming to Duskwood and they all reply that they can’t wait. They start making plans to meet up and what we can do. I am smiling, happy that they all want to see me. While I read their messages, my mind keeps wandering back to Jake. Am I going to see him? Do Hannah and Lilly know he is alive? Instead of writing to the group, I go to the chat I have with Lilly.

Hiya Lilly! How have you been doing? I have a question to ask you if you have a minute?

Heyyy!!! I am good now that I know you are visiting us! I am SOOOOOO looking forward to meeting you finally! Yes, ask away.

Alan told me that Jake is alive and free. Did you know?

Listen… Yes, I knew… I even met him a few times as he is still in Duskwood and actually living with Alan. I am sorry I haven’t told you but Jake asked me not to tell you. 

He said what? Why? 

I don’t know. I am guessing that he wants you to move on… But know that he asks about you every time I talk to him. 

Is that supposed to make me feel better? I wish you would have told me when you first knew he was fine. I wouldn’t have tortured myself all those weeks. 

I guess you are right. You had a right to know. I am really sorry. 

We will talk more about it when I am there. 

I go back to the group chat. I guess I don’t need to plan anything. All the days are already planned. I chuckle, glad that they were this enthused about my coming. 

The next two days go by in a flash and I find myself in front of my sister in law’s flat with my luggage and my cat. I ring the bell and they let me in. I kiss and hug my cat. I am SO gonna miss him but I know he will be well taken care for with them. The boyfriend takes my luggage to his car and we drive to the airport. We arrive and I thank him profusely. They’ve been really nice to me. It warms my heart. I check in and board the plane. I am so excited to see them that the flight feels like it’s taking forever! We finally land, I grab my luggage and go towards the exit. I see Jessy, her back to me. I yell her name, in case it’s not her I don’t want to feel foolish. She turns around and when she realises it is me, she has the biggest smile I have ever seen. She runs to me and wraps her arms around me. She is crying and laughing at the same time. I drop my bag and put my arms around her waist and bring her closer to me. I guess I missed having some human contact. We stay like this for long minutes, tears streaming on our cheeks. I hear someone clearing their throat as if they didn’t want to disturb us but at the same time they would like us to notice them. I look up and I see Dan. I didn’t realise he was coming but I am overjoyed! I pull away from the red haired girl and hug the big man. He was more imposing than I thought and he hugs me back with a big smile and almost suffocates me. He finally lets me go and takes my baggage and we go towards Jessy’s car. We sit in the car and Jessy and Dan tell me the plan for today. I take my phone as I want to send a message to Alan but before I do I ask the two if I could invite someone to the bar tonight as they planned for us to gather at the Aurora. Phil will be working and he wants to meet me. They nod, looking at each other. I look at Jessy in the mirror and I can see she knows who I want to invite as her eyes sparkle with naughtiness. Dan looks at us confused as I smirk at Jessy. I look back at my phone and start writing. 

Hello Alan! I wanted to know what you were doing tonight? 

Since we last saw each other, we texted even more than before. I suppose he forgave me for my reaction at the coffee shop and still wanted to talk and see me which delighted me. 

Hey, I was sad I didn’t hear from you today. I am not doing anything tonight. Why?

Yes sorry! I was busy (for once :D). Maybe you should go to the Aurora tonight. I’ve heard there was a surprise waiting for you. 

Really? I wonder what it could be? I am intrigued now. What time should I be there? 

Yes, be there at 7pm. Please come even if you don’t want to or change your mind. You won’t be disappointed I promise!

7pm It is! 

I smile, pleased with myself. I tell Jessy that the person is coming which confuses Dan even more. I smile at him and tell him that their police chief is going to join us at the bar. His surprise is shown on his face and both Jessy and I start laughing. He starts to stutter and finally stops, recovering from his shock. He is cute being embarrassed like that! I start to tell him the story so he has time to recover from his initial surprise. He laughs at the situation.

Dan: Well, I am glad you are moving on and trying to forget about hackerman. 

Me: Moving on isn’t the right term. I am mad at him. Did you guys know that he was still alive and still in Duskwood?

Jessy and Dan: No!

They look at each other and it looks like Dan makes a connection.

Dan: I think I know who he is. I saw a few times a strange man around the town. I’m guessing it’s him.

I shake my head and sigh. I lean back on my seat and I press my forehead on the window. I stop talking. Jessy and Dan sense that I don’t want to talk and keep the silence going. I thank them silently. The rest of the journey goes quickly and we finally arrive in front of Jessy’s flat. Dan grabs my suitcase from the trunk and we walk inside her apartment. I look inside and I see the rest of the group in front of me yelling “WELCOME”! I freeze, I wasn’t expecting to see all of them that early but I am so happy about that. Lilly breaks away from the group and she tightly hugs me. I would have never thought she was like that but I hug her back. Then all the others come and we do a group hug. It’s a nice way to say hello to everyone in one go. Everyone pulls away except Hannah who gets closer to hug me by herself. She whispers to me.

Hannah: Thank you for everything. I don’t know how to pay you back. You brought me back to my friends and family and you brought me my brother. 

Me: Hannah. I didn’t do anything really. 

Hannah: You did a  lot more. You kept my friends together and sought help when it was needed. Thanks to you, to your courage you call Alan who came and saved us. 

Me: Oh Hannah…

My voice breaks and the tears start falling. I tighten my grip and then I pull away. I don’t want to cry. It’s supposed to be a joyful celebration not a sad one. I am about to grab my luggage when Thomas comes over and take it from my hand. I follow him to the bedroom. 

Thomas: I wanted to tell you… that… I am sorry that I wanted you to go to the mine. One, I didn’t realise how far you were from here and two, you did enough for us and to ask you to risk your life was selfish of me. Also, I thank you for bringing back my Hannah.

Me: I accept your apologies Thomas. I understand your reaction. Who knows how I would react if I were in your situation. And no need to thank me, I am glad that you and Hannah are ok. 

Thomas: Yes, we talked. It took some time but I think we are getting there. 

I give him a friendly hug and we go back to the others. Cleo made a couple of cakes which are really delicious. They stay a couple of hours and then they go back home. I help Jessy with the cleaning. She puts some music on and she starts singing and dancing. I follow her and for a few minutes we are two children having fun. We finish the cleaning while still singing and dancing and we start to get ready to go to the bar. I have brought a simple black dress, nothing too fancy or sexy but nice enough when you go out. I put on some heels and do my makeup quickly, a bit of concealer, some blush and a red lipstick. Jessy finishes before me and looks at me with wide eyes. I stop, unsure at her reaction and I ask her quietly what’s wrong. She stands there for a few seconds before regaining her senses. 

Jessy: I thought you were pretty without makeup on and with your casual outfit but DAMMMN it’s incredible how a bit of makeup and lipstick can do to you!

I blush at her compliment. I wasn’t expecting her to say that like that. Embarrassed, I thank her and tell her we should go. She smiles cheekily, takes her keys and we leave her flat. We arrive before 7pm. The bar wasn’t too busy which was nice. We walk towards the counter where Phil is standing and talking with a client. He looks at us, a frown on his face perhaps wondering who’s the stranger with his sister. I see in his eyes that he recognises me and smiles. He walks over to us and grabs me in his arms. I wrap my arms around him. Jessy sighs, annoyed at the display of affection from his brother and pushes him off of me. The door then opens and I see Alan. He seems confused and barely recognises me. I guess that little makeup does change my face a lot… But then he gasps and walks towards me with a big smile. 

Alan: So? You were the surprise? 

Me: Yes I am!

His smile gets wider and he closes the distance between us and embraces me, happy with his surprise. I feel great with his reaction. It’s exactly what I wanted. I hear Phil asking what we wanted to drink and we order. We sit at a big table able to accommodate all of us. We talk while the others join us. I can see they are surprised to see their police chief sitting next to me with his arm around my shoulders but they don’t say anything. They just keep glancing at us. I can feel him being tense. After all, he had to interview all of them a few weeks ago and he hasn’t talked to them since then. They can’t really see him as a friend. I look at him and smile while I put my hand on his leg to comfort him. He looks down at my hand then at me and he relaxes a bit. It’s a good thing Jessy is sitting next to me, she is great at making everyone comfortable and with a couple of more drinks everyone seems more relaxed with Alan’s presence. The bar gets busier and Phil doesn’t have time to talk with us. I am talking with Jessy when I feel Alan tensing up next to me so I look at him and see he is looking at the door. I can hear him whisper “The hell is he doing here?” and then I hear Lilly and Hannah scream “ JAKE!”. I look up and see a tall man with black hair and I see the two siblings stand up and run to him. They both hug their brother which he happily gives back. They take his hands and bring him to the table. Lilly starts the introduction and when it comes to me, he looks straight into my eyes then he glances at Alan who is close to me by now. He frowns and nods his head to me. I say a small “Hello”. I didn’t expect to see him tonight, I am breathless because I now see what he looks like and OMFG! He is even more handsome than I imagined. Before Lilly can introduce Alan, the latter stands up and asks Jake to follow him. I follow them with my eyes, wondering what is happening. Lilly and Hannah come sit next to me.

Hannah: Hey, since when Jake and Alan know each other? 

Me: You don’t know?

Lilly: No, What’s happening?

Me: Jake didn’t tell you anything? 

Hannah&Lilly: NO!

Me: Alan helped Jake avoid the FBI back at the mine but I don’t think it’s my place to say what happened. 

Hannah: He really pisses me off keeping secrets and asking other people to keep secrets from each other. I know Lilly told you what he asked of us and now he keeps secrets from us. Did you know we don’t know where he lives?!

Me: I think at Alan’s.

Hannah&Lilly: WHAT?!

Lilly: you’re joking, right?

I laugh at the incredulity of the two sisters and I shake my head to say no. They frown really unhappy with their brother. When the two men come back, the two girls stand up and ambush their brother and start yelling at him. He shushes them and tells them to follow him outside. I am still laughing from earlier and laugh even louder at the situation. Alan sits down next to me with a questioning look in his eyes. I try to calm down, I know there is nothing funny in this situation for other people but I can’t help it. I calm down and explain to him what happened. He chuckles and agrees with me that it is funny. We carry on talking and then I can’t take it anymore. 

Me: Why were you upset that he came?

He shuffles on his seat, uncomfortable, and stays silent for a few seconds. Before he can speak the three siblings come back to the table. They all look angry. Lilly comes to sit by us, Hannah back to Thomas and Jake stands there then he leaves to go to the bar. Lilly starts ranting about her brother and his “mysterious ways”. I smile because that's what I said to her when, a few weeks ago, we had to work together to follow Jake’s puzzles. I see a smile quickly pass on her lips when she sees mine but it is gone as soon as it arrives as she is still mad at him. 

Me: You know Lilly, I don’t think you can really change that quickly. He spent 4 years by himself and I think for him to share anything about him to his sisters is something quite difficult. He isn’t used to people caring about him. You should give him some time and maybe help him get used to it instead of yelling at him in the middle of a bar. 

Lilly looks at me dumbfounded, and realises the sense of my words. She doesn’t say anything but she stands up and goes to her brother, probably to apologise about their behaviour. I turn to Alan. 

Me: So? What were you going to say?

Alan: Do you still love him?

Me:Why?

Alan: You know him well and know exactly how he feels because after a few weeks living with him I saw that he doesn’t know how to get his feelings out properly and if you are not careful, you can get the wrong idea about what he is saying. 

Me: I don’t think I love him but yes I guess I still have some feelings for him and even though we never saw each other face to face, I can read him easily.

Alan: Ok… Thank you for your honesty. He told me he wasn’t going to come tonight even if his sisters asked him to come because he knew you were going to be there and apparently he didn’t want to see you. 

Me: WOW! Ok… Then what changed his mind?

Alan: That you were going to be here…

Me: But you just said…

Alan: Yes, I know but that’s what he told me. I know he still loves you. He denies it when I ask but he always finds a way to talk about you and when I told him I was going to meet you, he was so jealous he didn’t speak to me till I came back from my trip. I didn’t even have time to close the door that he asked me how our date was, etc… If you ask him he will deny everything calmly but I could see in his eyes that he couldn’t contain the excitement that one of us met you.

Me: Mmh I have a hard time believing you. If that were true why hasn’t he texted me? Not even once?

Alan: I think that’s something you two should talk about… if that’s what you need…

Me: Maybe. Well… I don’t think it matters anyway. He made his choice when he decided to stop talking to me. 

Alan: I am not going to defend him to you.

He smiles sadly at me. I don’t really understand why, but I want to comfort him so I put my head on his shoulder. He tenses a bit but then he puts his arm around my shoulders and brings me closer to him. We stay like that for a few minutes. I close my eyes and think about what he just told me but I stop quickly because it just confuses me even more. So instead, I just enjoy the moment and I feel the warmth emanating from his body and his smell. I hear someone sitting down next to us and I open my eyes. It’s Jake. I see him staring at us, a flash of anger and jealousy passes but is gone right away. I don’t move, neither does Alan and Jake starts talking to Alan. I finally move from the police officer and finish my drink. I look for Jessy and I stand up to join her. She is at the bar. She looks at me, smiling and tells me to come over. We do a couple of shots and I go back to my seat with a drink in my hand. The two men are still talking but they are both staring at me. I falter in my walk as they are both staring so intensely that I get a bit embarrassed being scrutinised like that but thanks to the shots I recover and walk more confidently towards the two while smiling. 

Me: Am I that beautiful that I get the two of you staring at me like that? 

They are both shocked by my joke. I sit next to Alan still smiling, he gets closer to me and whispers in my ear, his breath tickling my neck which sends a shiver in my spine

Alan: Why, yes you are.

I blush as it was a joke. I didn't expect an answer. I look inadvertently at Jake and his eyes are icy and I see his jaw working. All his body is tense and I’m afraid that he is going to pounce on Alan. Fortunately, Hannah is watching and sits next to her brother. He reluctantly turns away to her and they start a discussion. Jessy comes back and we three start a conversation. We talk until the bar closes. We all start to stand up. Some of us are a bit wobbly after drinking and sitting down for so long. Alan holds his hand out to me so I can get up and I take it happily. We walk towards the exit still holding hands and Jessy holding my other arm. We say our goodbye to the group and Alan walks with us to Jessy’s apartment. Jessy enters her flat first but before she turns around, looks at me, smiles and then says good night to Alan. 

Alan releases my hand and turns his whole body towards me. I can hear my heart beating furiously in my ear. He looks down at me and smiles. I turn as well and look up. My heart skips a bit as I see a multitude of emotions in his eyes. I bit my lip unconsciously and he closes the gap between us. With one hand, he grabs my hip, with the other, he grabs the back of my neck and he kisses me. I feel myself tensing up but I relax immediately and kiss him back. I throw my arms around his waist to bring him closer and the kiss deepens. A phone rings and we both pull away. It is his phone, he takes a big inhalation so he can breathe normally before answering his phone. He answers and he brings me close to him with his free hand. I comply and I lay my head on his chest. I listen to his voice vibrating through his chest. He hangs up and tells me he has to go. I nod and I start going up the stairs. He grabs my wrist and kisses me again. We pull away again but we have a hard time to leave each other and finally he lets go of my wrist. I smile and I wish him a good night. I walk up the stairs and enter Jessy’s flat.

================================================

THE END

I would like to write a part 2 (I already know where this is going) where we see a lot more of Jake. But I would like to have your opinion on it if you want it or not?

#duskwood fandom #duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood alan #writing #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood spoilers #duskwood jessy #duskwood lilly #duskwood jake #duskwood everbyte

[a-chaotically-small-lunta]

I just realized that I might’ve had a crush on an old friend of mine when we were kids in the weirdest way possible.

So I’m just chilling and thinking about how sometimes you see someone or meet someone and they remind you of someone else or a character from something? You know how that can be a good or bad thing and depending on the character it usually is interpreted in only one way. So anyway, when I met this girl, idk why but my instant thought was “She reminds me of Fiona from Shrek” but when I was young it was still the culture of “women are supposed to be thin queens” so I couldn’t tell her this cause she might take it the wrong way (reminder this is earlier earlier 2000’s like 2006…aka a time where you would be called so many things that most don’t say nowadays, or at least get scolded for saying them, by your fellow 6 year old classmate) anyway but while I knew I didn’t think of it as a bad thing. I only saw the positive parts, she was strong and kind and very smart! She had a caring personality and her smile was beautiful. That’s when it hit me

“Oh my god I had a crush on her” but I didn’t know what being gay was! I was 6!!! And the only time I ever heard gay was a few years later when people used it to insult me and others, and even then I had no clue what it meant! (Neither did the other kids they just were taught it was a bad thing sooooo you know it became an insult)

Years later I accept that I’m Bi but damn I wish I had know sooner cause I don’t talk with that girl anymore (also after some things she did I don’t think I’d feel the same way as I did before but that’s a different story)

Long story short: I realized I had a crush on my friend because she reminded me of Fiona from Shrek in a positive way.

#story of my life #this is now the earliest memory I have of being bi and stuff #like the other time was when I thought ‘what would happen if a girl liked me in that way’ and I just got all giddy #cause like ‘whhhhaaaa a girl liking me?!?! and wanting to kiss me?!?!? ahahhaafbsyxthehsbxg’ #then I got all blush thinking about it #I was 8 when that happened #damnit childhood me #you were too sucked into Catholicism to realize! nooooooooo #anyway thought I’d share cause damn wtf

[almondes]

Just some random things about my WoL that I need to get out of my brain:

They were originally going to be a BKM, but the thought of being able to poke at people with a plastic sword toothpick AND do magic really bought them into RDM

They don't like hugs, but they would accept them if given one. They give the squishiest of hugs- like they would make the squeaky toy noise if possible- which Flow exploits by grabbing them by the scruff of their clothes so that they can't run from his hugs lol

Complains about neck pain a bunch- especially during their time in Ishgard when everyone around them is a tall-af elezen and they are a short-af lalafell...

Speaking of Ishgard, Bell loves Ishgardian weather- the dreary clouds that cover the sky, the crunchy snow beneath their feet, the fog that rolls over every time it rains- anything other than the hot air in Ul'dah is better and Ishgard checks all of those boxes; it's just like the stories they've heard.

They're usually not very talkative, preferring to talk as little as possible- leaving it to Alphie to fill in the empty air.

They have also tried this on Estinien. It also did not go well.

Due to their unfortunate height, Bell has developed a habit of jumping onto a taller friend's back to get a better look at various things. They do this to both Thancred and Flow(bf's WoL) the most often as the both of them feel the most stable when jumping up on(they're both tanks).

They tried it on Alphinaud once as a test and the boy fell ass bsckwards... never again.

In adjacent to that, they also tend to hold on to a stray piece of flowing fabric/loose pants leg on others for comfort; it helps them stay grounded and not lash out during a stressful confrontation(without combat) that requires careful wording- diplomatic stuff really. They hate forced social interaction.

They are prone to snap at others- coming off as rude or insensitive- due to their upbringing and see the worst in people before they can see the good. It took a while for them to really be friendly to a lot of the Scions- especially to Minfillia. They just could not wrap around their head that she just wants to do good, without a bad ulterior motive. It does not help that they(Bell) have a resting bitch face.

However on the flip side, once they warm up to someone, they are more careful with their words- still very curt and blunt, but not as "murderous" as they are to strangers. The rude behavior is a defense mechanism so that they don't get hurt if they get too attached.. A real tsundere if you ask me-

Bell was born and raised in Ul'dah! They were supposed to take on the family business and namesake but instead they ran away from home- stealing a bit of gil from their vault- and hiding in odd places around the Black Shroud until the gil ran out and they needed a job. Sooooo they came BACK to Ul'dah to be a Thaumaturge, all the while they try to dodge any interation with their parents' employees. Fun times :)

Mahi is their longest and most sarcastic loyal retainer, a rather tall elezen man who has journeyed with Bell for a little bit during their stay in Gridania- opting to become their retainer when they decided to go back to Ul'dah. He's also the one who told stories about his time in Ishgard to them.

Unlike their DND counterpart, FFXIV!Bell is just nicer overall. They at least acknowledge their mannerisms are sometimes very prickly and aren't as pessimistic nor actively hostile towards others. They are trying!! To be!! Better!!

Have they fallen in love before? Yes. It started off as a lil tingle in their chest, and grew to quite the size... But when they found out that the person they had feelings for had his heart somewhere else, they smothered it deep, deep down.

To change the topic now, Bell deals with pain in the worst way possible: holding onto it until it makes them collapse :)

Their mannerisms have instead taken hold of how they act around him- like taking glances at him when he's not looking. They don't notice any changes though and will probably not accept it unless locked in a room forced to confess or something.

They won't say a thing about their problems and needs unless they are dying and it worries Alphy so much- pretty sure they have given him too many things to worry about whoops-

Good thing both of their hairs are white so it can hide all the stress

#《I ramble》 #ffxiv wol #ffxiv #there's a lot #theres too many things and i dont think one tumblr post can hold it #that and i have a draft for Freddie as well sooo #idk #if you like reading about my wols then thank you #they have been living rent free in my head #alongside some other ocs #a lot of ocs #I'll make another post for my Azem thoughts when I finish Endwalker #many thoughts...... #shadowbringer spoilers #i dont know if this counts as spoilers #is tank thancred a spoiler? #ill still tag it just incase #oh oh if anyone has any good character prompts for wols please send them to my askbox!!

[halt-kun]

Hunter x Hunter Chapter 214 Results

Back for some liveblogging

After a troublesome birth, the King is born

YES HIM

URGH not this scene

Shaiapouf’s wings may look good I’m not ready

POOF No head, no smoke nor mirror here ladies and gents

anyway

poor kid

At least they didn’t suffer

Even if you strike the heart, death is not instant 

poor kid

ASSHOLE

first you kill stuff and then waste food because of your bad taste

try cooking and using spices first

The royal guards are durable and would be hard to kill even for the King

provided they actually want to resist him killing them which I doubt

Using Gyo isn’t sufficient for all nen users too

Some of them can hide it by controlling their aura flow

Here is a taste of your own medicine

Bihorn is communist too, good to know, he and his comrads shall be safe if he behave, the revolution is nigh 

The chimera ants are also not british, as soon as their queen dies, they abscond : “no : long live King Charles here”

When have you invented misogyny ? Unless you’re terfs and you just don’t like the only cis women who could procreate here ? Like, you only like women with working wombs and if not, they need to be able to fight ?

I have always headcannoned that all of them becoming kings is gender affirming Zazan could become a King too even if it’s not what she chose, she’s truly a trans Queen (literally)

I’m not really up to date in my knowledge of ants. I think most soldiers are usually diploid females (two copies of their genomes like us : thanks mom and dad) like with bees, males are usually haploid.

Most chimera ants appear male and are apparently able to reproduce like the King so by insemination. That role is typically male but not always like in at least one species of mosquitos where female have an appendage that penetrates the male and basically absorbs the semen.

Anyway CA might have some complications due to foreign genetic interference and horizontal transfers might be the reason most of its species workers are male. maybe sometimes it fucks up and you get females or maybe they just appear to have female characteristics of other species.

Most ants should have intersex variations to considering they also have interspecies variations like Leol here who is a mix of a tiger and a lion. In his case sex determination should be quite complementary between different mammals from the same family. Maybe not

Sorry : that’s what doing a PhD on plants sex chromosomes does to you

be careful

though I’d love to get my hands on such a species to analyze 

must be very interesting how sex works in this individuals.

Then leave

especially mantis looking ant right there we’ll never see again

SEE

all of them can become Kings, I bet Zazan is an intersex queen and she chose to be a queen instead of a king

I mean Togashi likes to sprinkle gender non conformity here and there since his beginnings

his wife Naoko Takeuchi does this too

They can be clumsy at times but their attempts to have a diverse and human cast of characters always made me so happy 

I’m still sad Trouble quartet is not a thing

I mean a manga about crossdressing gay footballers (soccer players for our fellow statesians) by Togashi would be fire

Level E is pretty fun too, I definitely recommend it and it has one of the most fire openings out there

Yu Yu Hakusho is just sooooo good and proto HxH, you can see the influence from older nekketsu shounen like DB and Jojo’s but also how it influenced Naruto and Bleach (just the beginning is a bit slow but it builds up like Bleach, with short stories at the beginning ending up in a full tournament arc)

I love Colt

we never talk enough about him, he must have a nice hatsu too, I’d like to see it, we need more out of the box enhancers.

A flying enhancers is already quite an annoying opponent

I hope we see more of him in the future

THE BET

yes Morel bet safely on his own pupils, the safest bet considering Gon and Killua’s strength when he saw them

but Knov likes to take risks

AND THEY BOTH LOST HAHAHAHAHAAH

four of them, not five

That panel is so good too

It’s alright, we can trust Knuckle, he’s a dependable man

but you’re making me tear up Gon

I know how frustrating weakness can be, lack of control, lack of power over your life

CRYING I KNOW

Poor Killua

this means something even worse for him

he can relate too despite being very strong

he’s never been strong in a way that allows living your own life and following your own path

HIS PROMISE TO BISCUIT NOOOOOOO

Killua really tries

he’s gone so far but he has yet to reach a point where he’s confident in himself

it’s alright my boy, Gon also has to grow

You’re 13 damn it

I’m not sure I’ll be able to liveblog again today 

this ended up taking quite some time

Have a nice saturday !

#hxh c214 #hxh liveblog #hxh manga

[teejaystumbles]

about me

I wasn't tagged but @landwriter said anyone should do it, sooooo I will! I don't care if you don't care, but I like talking about myself! (usually don't do that since I'm an introvert irl)

Nickname: don't have one, since they sound stupid mostly, so it's just Tashina (which is my real name)

Sign: Saggitarius, Ascendent Scorpio - gpassionate, idealistic and helpful, yeah I guess that's correct

Height: 176 cm

Last thing I googled: 'astronomy for children - I wanted to get a tiny planetarium model to better show to my daughter how the earth moves around the sun, but the models available are too expensive or time-consuming to build so I didn't buy anything ^^;

Song stuck in my head: God rest ye merry gentlemen >.>

Number of followers: 1740

Amount of sleep: 6 1/2hrs

Dream job: comic artist or art appreciator who simply promotes other's awesome work to the world

Wearing: cotton tights because nothing is as comfortable as a second layer of "skin", a knitted sweater and an oversized floor-length black cardigan for warmth that I'll wrap all around me like a cocoon. Thick felt shoes my husband got me because I literally got blue toes even with three pair of socks and the heating turned up

Movies/books that summarize you: summarize me as in "describe me", or "shaped me"? if we say both then it's The Neverending Story (the book). I am on a quest to find myself and earn forgiveness and insight in the mysteries of why we are even alive and what's truly important, like everybody else. On my bad days I also feel a lot like Dream, but without the convenient vanishing options, so The Sandman.

Favorite song: changes, right now Cassandra by Florence and the Machine, also When the Night is Over by Lord Huron

Favorite instrument: cemballo, gives me Hannibal as well as good medieval vibes, I can choose regarding to mood

Aesthetic: that weird adult that obviously had a goth/rock phase some 15 years ago and didn't throw away any band shirt ever and on some days emerges like trying to look like the cool hipster kids today (I do not use that term correctly probably because I'm old and not into fashion) with oversized shirts and too short jeans, plus fandom things thrown in that are not obvious to outsiders like a blue jacket plus correct shade of converse that Ten wore. currently more goth again because Dream aesthetic for the win, I wanna loiter under streetlights with my black cloak and be all mysterious and stoic

Favorite authors: David Mitchell, Neil Gaiman (obviously), honestly moorishflower because their writing is awesome!

Random fun fact: I am a mother. Does that count? I'm not that good at "knowing" myself or my surroundings, I spend too much time in my head

I tag: whoever wants to do this as long as you promise to @ me so I can be nosy!!!

#about me #meme

[jiminiepabo]

BTS MTL: to cheat on their S/O

MOST

Jimin.

Okay HEAR ME OUT!! Jimin is such a good boy and when he finds the right person, he will be sooooo in love. But ya'll gotta remember how much this man likes to drink. I think after a long night out, there are multiple ways he could end up cheating. A) He mistakes them to be you. If he drinks enough, that boy gets delusional asf and just misses you in general. B.) He gets carried away in the moment. Like most people, Jimin likes himself a hot woman. And this doesn't justify cheating at all, he still loves you so much, and he would feel extremely guilty after the fact. Whether he tells you or not is a different story. If he full-on fucked another person, he would take it to the grave and maybe only tell Tae.

Jungkook

I honestly don't think Jungkook would consciously cheat on anyone. He seems super loyal and all but sometimes he's bad at picking up on other people's intentions. For example, he may not realize that you are serious about your relationship until you tell him, you can't just expect the poor guy to read your mind. That being said, he could also misinterpret moves people make toward him as just a friendly gesture and sign himself up for something he didn't expect.

Namjoon

Unlike Jungkook, Namjoon overanalyzes your relationship. If he likes you enough, I can see him just sitting and thinking about all your conversations, wondering what was going through your head when you looked at him like that which would lead to him convincing himself that your feelings for him weren't as strong as he was thinking. Maybe that "stare" you gave was simply just you diverting you attention to him while he was speaking, or when you brushed his hand, it was just an accident and it didn't mean anything. You see what im saying? Like he's not that insecure about himself in general, but he wants you so bad he can't help but overthink things. So then he'd get all sad and when some girl approached him, obviously wanting something sexual, he would do it just to take his mind off you.

Yoongi

Poor guy. He can be a little short-tempered sometimes, bless his soul. So maybe after a huge fight with you, he'd want to just blow off some steam and not think twice. But after you make up and he's not angry anymore, he'll feel HORRIBLE. Literally might avoid you, can't look at you, can't breathe. He's a mess and will eventually tell you what happened.

Jin

I feel like Jin is the type that if he found out that his S/O was cheating on him, after he talks(probably yells and/or cries) to them about it, he's gonna go and cheat on them too, just to spite them bc he's hurt. And he'd never tell them that he did, he just needs the satisfaction that he made it even to get over the situation. They'd really have to do some bad shit though and the scenario would have to be really specific fo rhim to cheat bc i don't take Jin is someone who would consider it an option.

Hoseok

Beneath all that sunshine, Hoseok is a very mature person. No matter what happens in his relationship, he wouldn't seek a third party to solve issues and would be very conscious about rejecting people that came onto him.

Taehyung!!!!!

This man is absolutely WHIPPED FOR YOU. I don't think another girl, let alone another person in general would cross his mind as long as he has you. He's also constantly taking you everywhere with him, making it clear that your his too. Hand around the waist, holding your hand, hugging, kissing your cheeks, bragging to everyone about how in love he is. Even if someone tried to flirt with him, he would end up talking about you somehow. So yeah. Literally anyone else in the whole world is more likely to cheat than Taehyung.

LEAST

#bts reactions #Jin #Jimin #Taehyung #jungkook #hoseok #bts #yoongi #bts imagines #bts angst #Namjoon #bts mtl

[autisticcassandracain]

Finished Duke’s Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Work/Life Balance in Urban Legends #18!!!

Pros:

Duke’s characterization here is truly great. They’re really leaning into his strong sense of personal responsibility and analytical nature and it really works!! There’s lots of little details in the characterization I really like, such as the short nightmare sequences with his mom, his immediate assumption that Jefferson asking after him is because he needs to improve somehow, his own analysis of his failures during a fight, etc. At the same time, the story does a great job showing how the theoretically positive traits of a duty-oriented, resilient nature are pushed to the limit and become negative due to circumstances. I’m a little mixed on Duke not asking others for help, since I feel like his history in We Are Robin should cushion that particular batfam coping mechanism, but it has canon backing in Batman & The Outsiders and considering current circumstances it makes sense. It really does feel like the writer knows their Duke and paid attention to his previous characterization.

Jefferson snitching on Duke for being on the verge of a mental breakdown to Bruce is so funny it has big ‘I’m calling your parents young man’ energy.

Batman telling Duke not to overwork himself is also hilarious like how’s that apartment in your glass house?? Settling in alright?? Need any more rocks to throw??

I really like that there finally seems to be getting some movement in the plot behind Duke’s mom and I really hope we get some kind of resolution to that soon.

‘Signal and the Outsiders’ makes me ridiculously happy to see for some reason.

SHILO NORMAN DUKE THOMAS FRIENDSHIP REAL I CAN OFFICIALLY START PUSHING FOURTH WORLD CHARACTERS AT HIM WITH CANON BACKING HELL YEAH!!!!!!!

Cons:

I’m a little confused regarding the choice to have Metamorpho as a permanent member of the team rather than Cass? As far as I remember (and I just double-checked albeit it briefly) she didn’t quit the team at the end of Batman & The Outsiders. I know this isn’t the first time she hasn’t been here but I suppose it was just a little less noticeable when the Fear State nonsense was happening so I’m only just now noticing it. I feel like I’m missing something. Was this explained in Batgirls or Detective Comics or something? Am I just forgetting something?

I’m also disappointed to see they’re sticking to their guns regarding just not developing Duke as a daytime vigilante. In the week-long montage there wasn’t any mention of it. At this point it’s almost starting to seem like all we’re gonna get with that is Batman & The Signal and lipservice. It’s a shame because it’s a much more interesting angle for Duke than ‘outsiders member’. Like the choice to apparently remove Cass as an Outsiders member but keep Duke when Cass is much more suited for it both thematically and aesthetically is really weird to me, but whatever keeps Duke appearing in comics, I guess.

Not a big fan of Batman once again appearing in Duke’s stories tbh like we’re out of the training phase, leave him a little room to breathe. I get it and I don’t hate it because it does make logical sense for Bruce to help Duke with detective work, but I really do wish they’d stop coming back to Batman with like half of Duke’s stories, you know?

The art’s SOOOOO bad it’s super funny. The colourist is really carrying the comic here because the actual lineart is atrocious. Shout-out to that one panel of Bruce swinging where I think the reference used was a ragdoll. 

#my posts #duke thomas #infodumping #liveblogging

[merouses]

Books Mero read, 2022 edition

As promised (to myself?) here’s a small review for all books and book series I read this year!

The Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling - This series. This FUCKING series. Its so fucking good. Its sooooo good!!! It’s 7 books in all (plus 1 collection of short stories) and they’re all at least very good. It can be intimidating since it’s a pretty long series BUT they’re all  pretty standalone still. My favourite turned out to be the 3rd book, as it best meshed the adventure and intrigue styles, which the other books tend to stick mostly to one of. My only critiques really are that some parts are really.... unpleasant to read, given the situation the characters find themselves in, and sometimes these parts reeeeally overstay their welcome. Book 4 Im looking at you(....I skimmed over like half of this book for this reason). Regardless of that though, these books are still great, the characters are amazing, and the many many times and ways Seregil and Alec were tastefully described as fucking was 100/10.

In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens - From great to bad. Ok maybe thats a bit harsh but this book is just uninspired and uninspiring, probanbly the most “young adult” of the books I read this year? Like, yeah its cute and all, and the romance is... fine? But nothing happens in this book. There’s one actual good moment that’s when the MC is kidnapped (not a spoiler, it’s in the synopsis) and that chunk of pages was actually engaging, but then... nothing. Or essentially nothing. The ‘mystery’ the book proposes is the barest of bones of one, and the ending absolutely sucked: a sudden problem solved by an even more sudden solution, all in less than 20 pages. Idk maybe this one really was just too juvenile for me, I imagine if I read it at like 12 or 13 I’d have liked it, or at least enjoyed it more.

The Fire’s Stone by Tanya Huff - This is another one that felt ‘young adult’, it’s very much a fantasy adventure book, if that makes sense. An unlikely band of heroes set out to defeat the bad guy, get the thing and save the land, yadda yadda. But... it’s pretty good! The unlikely heroes are all pretty likeable and their dynamic fun, the pacing’s pretty good, the setting interesting... Everything just clicked, really, this was a fun time.

The Last Sun, The Hanged Man & The Hourglass Throne (or, The Tarot Sequence 1,2&3) by K.D. Edwards - The harshest thing I can say about these books is that the author plans 9 of em and only 3 are out. I just. Really really loved these ones, the characters are great, the plots are fun, even if they get pretty dark sometimes (mostly on book 2)... They’re contemporary fantasy and, I’ll be honest, when I first picked up The Last Sun I thought I’d hate it. A lot of swearing, a lot of action-movie action, the mc loves his quips... honestly if I hadn’t known it was gay It’s not a book I’d pick up. But I was wrong! And everything works. The world created (where atlantis had revealed itself to the world and is now a modern day city with it’s own intricacies and conspiracies) is so engaging, it really shows its own culture and how it intertwined with today’s world. And very much today’s world, the 3rd book even brings up COVID. Really... I just can’t wait for the next books.

White Trash Warlock by David R. Slayton - I’m talking about this one right after the Tarot Sequence cause they feel very similar. Not really in terms of plot, but they feel both like offshoots of the same base idea of magic in the real current world, there’s probably overlapping inspiration there. And... it’s fine! I can’t really say why, but even though I liked this book well enough it just didn’t grab me like the other books I enoyed on this list did. Maybe it’s the pacing, maybe it’s my growing familiarity with gay fantasy (this is the last book I finished out of these) but it just... fell short I guess. Or maybe it’s the fact that really this book feels very.... “american”, in the sense that it’s really about some specific american things or experiences, I guess, and I’m not american. I can try and imagine everyone’s accent as described, sure, but it’s not bringing along the baggage that’s there if you know these places first or second hand. Can’t say I enoyed the very brief but unnecessary cliffhanger though ...but I’ll still read the rest of the series, and hope they get better.

Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner - This book is all intrigue, essentially, and I... liked it? I think? It has similar problems to In Deeper Waters, where nothing reeeally happens till it does all at once, but it managed that pacing much better than Waters did, first by having the nothing happenning actually feel like a buildup, slow as it was, and second by having the story be actually about politics and schemes and intrigue, so it warrants its own slowness. Most of these characters are assholes though.

The Watchtower by Elizabeth A. Lynn - Another slow one, but this time a proper slow adventure, rather than intrigue drama, I guess. I.... don’t really wanna talk to much about this one. It’s gay and it isn’t, it flows nicely, and everythings well painted but... it made me feel a lot of conflicting feelings which left me very down for several days, but I think that was because of personal feelings as to what happens here. So yeah. Idk. Can’t really say I disliked it but it doesn’t feel right to say I did, either. The title doesn’t really make a lot of sense though, that’s for certain.

Silver in the Wood & The Drowned Country by Emily Tesh - A duology of short books that can best be described as squandered potential. Man, I liked the first book. It’s short, its sweet, sure the pacings not that great and this  is definetly a fanfic that was repurposed into a book, but it’s good! It has a feel, the way the magic things, the wood itself is decribed is good, its intriguing, it made me think “oh thats a cool way to describe these things that are happenning!”. And then the second book just. Has the same characters, has the same magic things but. Does absolutely nothing with it. The interesting descriptions? Maybe a couple of passages but they don’t make up for the bad plot and pacing this time. There was the opportunity for a great ending, one which would actually made you feel things, but it dropped the ball so hard. Bleh.

A Marvellous Light by Freya Markse - This is the first book I read this year! And really, a great way to start. Its an edwardian fantasy with a veeery interesting magic system, a cool plot, good characters, if a tad tropey. I had a lot of fun reading this one! Part of that may be the posh englishmen suddenly talking about cock, and me getting sucker punched by eplicit sex scenes which I did exxpect. Either way, the sequel just came out and I’m excited to see if it can keep up with the first one. It’s apparently about lesbians, which is fun.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison - I think this is the only properly not gay book I read this year. That aside, I loved this book!!!! Like, a lot!!!!! The worldbuilding is really good, leaving a lot of space open for exploration, but it does lean heavily into fantasy mumbo jumbo, as in, boy does this book have a looot of hard names to remember. There’s a glossary of sorts at the end but most of the times I went to it for help, it didn’t have the word. That aside, it was enjoyable the whole way through. It’s another story of political intrigue and schemig, not a lot of action, but the pacing somehow still feels so fast!! It’s about the youngest son of the emperor, who had no training and no expectations of becoming emperor himself and surprise! The crown lands on his head, essentially, and then about how isolated he feels due to his new position and how he navigates his relations when there are so many epectations of him. Its really good. It almost seemed like unearthing treasure when I later found out that there are sequels and the sequels actually do have a gay main character. Read this book.

Small epilogue: I just got back into reading this year, after not really picking up a new book since around 2019? And man. Reading is great. Ive sincerely started feeling so much better, so much more creative since I got back into reading!! Im surprised I jumped right back into reading a book a week (almost) and honestly? Im surprised at how comfy it feels. Ah, reading. I’m sicerely glad that I did so.

And so the year ends! On to more gay stuff! If you read this, thanks!!

#year in review #merosays

[tillman]

hello yes please complain more about tma. i listened to the entire thing and was bored the whole time, mostly bc of the characters. i had the hardest time remembering anyone's names and god forbid i even try to piece the plot as i went along. it had its merits at some point but before, during, and after it got popular i genuinely could not understand it's amount of success simply bc i've listened to other podcasts with immensely better characterizations, aestheticism, storytelling, and cohesion and have not seen nearly the same amount of hype or fan activity

sooooo true. so true. tma fans are like less annoying harry potter fans like fucking. Listen to another podcast bro. listen to what its trying to be: WTNV or some shit

i listened to a good chunk of it mostly cus it dropped in a good time of my life to listen to podcasts (covid made me go on so many walks) so like i have a . decent understanding of what it was trying to do but i couldnt fucking be bothered to listen to it weekly or whatever the hell. i remember first really getting the "this is lame as hell" when they kept going back to that one story about the house burning down. like they tried so fucking hard to make that something but it was so god damn boring. couldnt tell u a single actual plot event in the series i was there for teh short horror stories and even those were worse than most short scp entries. like let alone the awful racism and shit in some of those, its just bad horror.

hoenstly weird pull but the writing reminds me a lot of john darnelles writing? like not his music his BOOKS. where he tries VERY VERY hard to write this scary thing with soo many looping threads and awesome plot beats and all of them fall on their face so hard it becomes a fucking slog. like its just actively shit writing. thats tma to me. its written by people who think theyre writing the next house of leaves when its just some fucking cheapo 4chan one sentence horror shit.

and like all of this? on a plot they admitted at one point (dont ask me for a souce i dont care enough btw sorry) they changed the plans of the series to keep fucking uh. the annoying one the boring one the one that people try and call guillermo from wwdits (another show that i could talk for ages about how much of a let down boring it is) whatever like they kept him alive cus the dumb ship stuff . like stop hes such a boring character how did u make a character MORE boring than jon.

#it just sucks i dont like tma

[the-blivyverse]

Have I talked about her before? Idk.... Buuuuuuuuuut, I FINALLY have a name for the character I codenamed Artist for a while! Her name is Tess. Mostly got the idea from how younger me was obsessed with that name and wanted to go by it (I don't want to anymore but I still think it's a very pretty name). Her last name has been lost to time and she never really cared about it enough to remember. ... I'm mostly using that as an exuse not to come up with one 👍

So as her code name already explains, Tess is an artist. She's also been dead for a good millenia now if not longer. The place she occupies doesn't really keep track of time sooooo......

One of the solid foundations of my idea for her is that she was a very normal and average person when she was alive but she was happy. Like she lived out on the countryside some place peaceful and nothing big or crazy every really happened to her. She just painted and sketched and maybe made jam and soup. A real cottagecore life right there. She also never did anything with her art. Not to say that's a bad thing. She just drew for herself and made art because it made her happy. She also was very good friends with her neighbors and all that jazz. Bottom line, her life was completely peaceful and overall, not that exciting but she doesn't regret anything and in her eyes, she had a good life.

Now the real juicy interesting stuff happens after she dies. Idk how she dies like idk if I want her to die of old age or have her die youngish due to some tragic accident that was no one's fault. I'll work on that later....

So when Tess dies, something in the afterlife and dimensional continium fucks up real bad and her soul accidently ends up in a place outside reality and the land of the deceased. I don't have a name for it so I kind of just call it the Library but I might end up making that its actual name idk.

The Library is basically like this BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG infinite archive of books that hold the history of all dimensions (when I say all dimensions I mostly mean just information on all my other stories but depending on the context and what I write about concerning the Library it can include information on dimensions and worlds of media I'm hyperfixated on too). And the caretaker and owner of the Library is the Librarian who also still needs a name but Librarian is her code name right now. Literally all I have for how she looks is that she kind of looks like an owl and she has those librarian glasses with the chains on them. I doubt I've talked about her before and I'm too lazy to go and check but she's a god and her godly profession is maintaining the library and recording the events of different worlds and filing said information away. She's also got this observation room where she can spectate on the ongoings of different worlds and it has some mystical big pool or crystal ball or something in it idk she's still a big WIP and I'm still ironing out all the details and you knowwwww.... Long story short, she's one of those beings that has a big archive containing the history of everything and everyone like the Chronicler from The Legend of Spyro. Oh also, important, her library can't tell the future and only the present and the past. She also rolls her eyes at the notion of future sight.

Sooooooo Tess shows up here and she's understandably confused and the Librarian is like "You're not supposed to be here who the hell are you????" so she puts Tess in some room like a kid who was just found wandering lost around a building and has been put in a breakroom while somone goes and tries to find their parents. I don't have this next bit fine lined yet, but she ends up leaving the room and poking around in the books on some world and gets some inspiration for a drawing and draws out a scene from this supposed innocent little book which she doesn't know are actual real events in some world. And the Librarian sees it and is like "... Huh. That's a pretty good drawing actually." and one thing leads to another and Tess is allowed to stay in the Library and she and the Librarian become friends. So now Tess spends eternity keeping the Librarian company and watching/reading events happen in worlds and makes paintings and drawings of them whenever inspiration or motivation strikes. She even has a section of the library for her art gallery.

She also makes friends with the sentinels in the library(basically a bunch of magical securty guards that serve as a defense against intruders) and chats and plays board games with them on occasion when they aren't busy. Board games can range from chess to a whole slew of other games she's learned about from different dimensions. She becomes very skilled at pretty much all board and card games in existence after a while. Not to mention her art skills continue to improve over the thousands of years she's been in the library.

I'm unsure when exactly she starts doing this, but she eventually gets the privelage of visiting worlds with certain restrictions in place. She can't interfere in the plots of those worlds or tell inhabitants of said worlds things they aren't supposed to know about or anything like that. She also has to be careful when visiting worlds because the only places she's able to go are places within liminal space. She's still dead and if she were to wander outside a liminal space while in a world, she'd be at the mercy of the laws of death of that world and the Librarian would be unable to help her as it would be outside her juristiction as a god after that.

It used to just be an idea but I think I most likely will end up making her become a god of creativity, wonder, art, and the joy and happiness that comes with creating at some point. She'll no longer have to worry about getting stuck in some other world's afterlife after that. She'll also be like, the new dawn of creator gods when that happens. I'm too lazy to go into detail on that right now...

#tess #librarian

[fandxmslxt69]

hello beloved!!! <3

13, 18, 26

oh my gosh my love!!! hello dearest <333

13. How many siblings do you have? Are you oldest, middle, or youngest?

UGHHHH. Lmao. Uuuh I have 3 siblings, two brothers and a sister- I'm the oldest!!! Tough tough job let me tell you. It's fun I guess, because I've got dirt on everyone and I'm one less for my parents to worry about. But it's also kinda tragic cuz I feel held to such a standard my siblings see me as enemy #1 because I "get everything I want". I mean YEAH I more or less do but consider: my work really hard to collect enough Parent Points to get my stuff soooo really it's their fault :/ NOT TO SOUND DRAMATIC but its also kinda tragic cuz like between me and my younger sister is nearly a whole lifetime. My youngest brother is in that horrible middle school boy phase, and the older one is so distant I think he'll ditch the family as soon as he can. Also- lmao the anger issues that run in this household!!!

ANYWAY THIS GOT OFF TOPIC (love chatting abt sibling dynamics) but yeah, 3 siblings, I'm the oldest, it's such a blast I would not trade this life for anything.

18. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?

Stares at my bookshelf that has over 3k dollars worth of books. uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmmmmm. I mean, other than my books, my mom usually buys me most of my stuff. Like no yeah sure I go clothes shopping but she's always there cuz a) i cant make choices and b) i cant be trusted with a credit card and c) i dont have my own money ahahaha. So ummm yeah, most expensive thing has to be my books (bought a book once for 30 bucks.) or my computer/laptop/thing (200 bucks, but it was my dad who got it sooooo) I mean I have clothes that were rather expensive like coats and shoes, but I never bought that stuff with my own money (has never worked a real job in her life other than library tutoring) so my books are the #1 i guess.

26. Do you believe in second chances?

Hm. If it's an honest, little mistake, sure. But if it's something bigger? My pride won't let me. My mom drilled it into me pretty young. Funny enough I got pushed around pretty easily growing up, and I didn't really know how to say no (most of that was due to being thrown into an environment in which i a) could not speak nor understand the language and b) i was. well. Not White and thought I had to appease everyone so no one could pick on me). Anyway yeah my mom drilled it into me that second chances had to be earned and only for the right things. STORY TIME!!! Gosh oh gosh okay, so I got pushed back a couple years in school when we first moved to Canada, hence why I'm so behind on everything. When I (finally) hit 5th grade, I remember I made 2 good friends. One of them, my parents were friends with her parents, the other was this nice white girl whom friend A had known for a very long time. I was kindly invited into their group (I'd known them for about a year or so but was never very close) and I tagged along! It wasnt unusual, since we lived in a small area and went to the local school, so pretty much the entire grade knew each other and we (the 20 smth kids) were always in the same class together for a solid 3 years. Anyway, these girls were fun and we had a good time but shit went DOWN and it kind of fucked me up real bad. I still think abt it to this day. Long story short they spread shit abt people in their little diaries and the teachers caught them and they thought I was apart of it but TURNS OUT I was the CENTER of the shit talking and to this DAY, nearly a decade later, my parents refuse to tell me about any of it. I gave them quite a few chances before and after bc we had some fights, and in the end it like just. it humiliated me completely. Anyway lmao um um um yeah, ever since that shit I kind of stuck to avoiding second chances.

If it's not deserved, it's not happening. They're cut from my life immediately. I simply refused to let myself be put in that same vulnerable position again. So no, I don't really believe in second chances. If it was an honest mistake, a misunderstanding, miscommunication or something harmless, I'm okay. It's fine, it'll wash over. But most other shit? Man I can't handle it at ALL. My pride genuinely won't let me. I'll end up burning all the bridges in anger before I even consider it.

UMMM THAT WAS LONG WOW but im tired and idc anymore. WHOOPS

THANKS FOR THE ASK AMPHI i love you :D

#clem talks <3 #thatttt was longgggg #man i still think abt 5th grade #what a shit show #anyway yeah second chances are very rare from me :/