#how certain the journey

[freyafrida]

was rereading this paragraph that i wrote like a full week ago, and SUDDENLY REALIZED i pulled an LMM and forgot about shirley, THE SHAME

#i'm a fake shirley fan 😞 #fic ramblings #how certain the journey #shirley blythe

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[jubileepizza]

Waking up in a cold sweat remembering that the torchwood writers gave us Toshiko and Owen’s backstories, which introduce completely new and significant context to their characters and open so many avenues to explore, one episode before Exit Wounds

#I’m so serious ​what the hell were they thinking #torchwood #they deserved an entire extra season to delve into the consequences of what we learned in fragments #I mean I get it in a way - illustrating how their journeys with torchwood all started just before the end has a certain narrative flair #but I wish we’d been able to see the characters up to date written with that background consciously known to the audience #toshiko sato #owen harper

[trashbag-usa]

it feels like a lot of people have given up on fully connecting ISWM/Engie Mark to the wider lore (aka WKM) since IRL Mark straight up told us he wasn't Actor.

but not only am i a stubborn son of a bitch, but yknow what Mark also said?

"Engineer Mark isn't Actor Mark, but Actor Mark just might be Engineer Mark."

so hear me out, y'all.

preamble; if you saw this in a yt comment section, no you didn't. (that was also me i didnt steal this i prommy-)

i have this entirely insane theory about iswm that Engineer Mark is actually Damien, but only sometimes.

the most obvious places i can spot him is in the abandoned ship with the candles ("captain needs their sleep" and whatnot), as Old Mark (specifically in the empty diner), and most definitely as the "Mark" we see as part of the finale, the one who realizes he was wrong.

Actor is allergic to admitting fault so I Don't Believe That's Him.

this explains the thematic focus on sleep and rest in these scenes, things told to Damien and told to US by DARK several times.

("Don't remember" anyone?)

speaking of Dark, it explains why he isn't there. we DO however see the suspiciously Darkiplier-esqe Ms. Whitacre, which it isn't controversial to say atp is CLEARLY Celine.

that is, until the universe does its final kablooey and Dark as we know him, Damien attributes and all, comes to take the warp-crystal.

and besides, think about it.

given Actor's whole goal in all this, as laid out in the Damien Project, do you REALLY think he would write a story in which all problems arise from HIS OWN NEGLIGENCE? NO!

that would make him a villain, and all he ever wants is to be portrayed as the hero, literally for eternity!

but you know what i think he would do? set up a farce for the most troublesome of his "co-stars".

you, the viewer, want genuine choices? you want to have some real control over the story? some responsibility? FINE.

everyone looks to you, but under your leadership everything goes wrong, no matter what. you don't know why, but you're actively villinized and the harder you try to go back and fix things, achieve an "ending" on your own, the more people HATE you. the more the thought that maybe there IS something wrong with you specifically will stick in your mind as a possibility.

all these options, but none of them "right", creating MORE suffering instead of fixing it just to find that ever elusive end.

damien wants control of the narrative? he wants his old friend, you, the District Attorney to be released from his eternal story and given back to him? FINE.

here's his role back in earnest, given the possibility to engage and choose instead of intrude and twist like usual.

(yes, i do think Damien/Engineer is genuinely going down his own hopeless path while we find our own. in one of the descriptions leading to the final "Hold On/Let Go" confrontation, it says "you're not the only one making choices. you're not alone, you never were".)

he is allowed to fight for the safety of others, side by side with his closest companion, just as they did when they were alive.

BUT, the twist is Damien becomes a genuine villain. in his quest to do the altruistic thing and help at all cost, he is personally responsible for the death of LITERALLY EVERYONE EVER.

this is a personal hell for someone like Damien, as seen from WKM, all he ever seemed to want was help others and guide them towards peace.

for his actions/leadership to fail so unthinkably catastrophically, seems like the exact hell a bitter Actor would want to subject his "old friend" to for meddling. :/

Actor sets the stage for a theatrical punishment game. Mayor and Attorney, together again, taking an impossibly long stay in a personally crafted hell for the horrendous crime of ever even thinking they'd be worthy of ✨️staring roles✨️.

Actor turns you two against each other, and once Damien is brough down to the depths of despair and you have finally learned that true responsibility can lead to catastrophic, painful results, we're brought back to our proper places.

you go to a proper ending, with the Engineer role now being played by Actor once and for all, and Damien once again becomes part of Darkiplier, pocketing the warp-crystal to plant on the box in Heist.

Engineer isn't Actor, it's a role he plays when it suits him and his goals, to make his enemies suffer. he's willing to be Damien's understudy, if only for this purpose.

but at the end of the journey, Actor becomes Engineer to take in the fruits of his labor. ..and maybe invite you to a Heist while he's at it.

BUT HEY, THAT'S JUST A

very long winded """theory""" that is pretty much only insane fanfiction-

#this makes perfect sense in my own head and thats all that matters to me #mark returns to tumblr to tell me personally that im wrong lmao #NO THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY #yall i rewatched the damien film after i wrote this and when he said “aye aye cap'n” my eyes popped out of my head like in a looney tunes #took all of my strength to not add that to my points bc its so flimsy but goddammit if its not in my hcs now #ramblings #markiplier #iswm #iswm theory #head engineer mark #engineer mark #mayor damien #wkm damien #darkiplier #in space with markiplier #yes this relies on other theories like “adventure viewer is the da” but thats basically canon atp #could go on abt how the capns ordeal kinda mirrors the actors journey to do “the right thing” while also fucking everything up at every tur #obviously we're more benevolent. but im certain the actor thinks the same of himself #hes just like “you have no idea how hard it is being so handsome and misunderstood :'( this is just a TASTE of my pain!!” #then i punch him in the face 10 million times #engie mark

[transldpdl]

Louis de Pointe Du Lac 'In Throes of Increasing Wonder'

#ah i was supposed to post earlier but next week I'lll have a better schedule with the queue #ldpdl.txt #vampterview #amc iwtv #iwtv #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #louis de pointe du lac #I always found a certain amount of grace in louis that yk is beautifully displayed in the first episode #tho ofc it continues through the rest of the series #the crossing of legs bein here and then yk in the lil clip we got of s2 you see him doin the same crossing legs but armand is also joining #body language and such if that makes sense oh lil things of how we do not see his face or facial journey when the tape is heard his whole #body is turned away from daniel and the audience and yeah he was bein disrespectful #and its like as we get more pieces of the puzzle the more certain things make sense the more dynamics are just getting crazier #i felt a newer light after rewatching the trailers and lil clip and ik itll just be such an eye opener when we get to see all of s2 (puzzle #anyways im getting off topic my brain goes from x to a louis is just so gorgeous and the way he sits is as a dancer even continuing to in #later eps entrancing like you want to be near him and when he starts the story his laugh its like you know you need to be near him #In Throes of Increasing Wonder

[coldshrugs]

thinking about short hair for 7.0 😳 kinda into it

#io laithe #azia gposes #ffxiv #viera #i just. idk!! #i love her long hair and how representative it is of her journey towards loving herself!! #when she lets go of trying to look a certain way with the straight hair and embraces her natural waves #means a lot to her and to me tbh #but idk if the graphics update is gonna mesh well with crime. i'm SURE the community will be on it within days but #i need an msq look before then 😂 #oh well. many months to think about it #the short hair DOES look so cute on her tho #would be v easy to maintain on the kind of journey this expac is looking like #if this needs a label lmk but i'm not throwing one on for now

[daddy-long-legssss]

The Story Behind The Song: Arctic Monkeys’ early ambitions on ‘A Certain Romance’

Lucy Harbron – Far Out Magazine | January 17, 2024

It was 2006. Mortgages were crashing, and businesses were going bust. Tony Blair was on his last legs in office as the longest-serving prime minister since Margaret Thatcher, and the hangover of ‘Cool Brittania’ was beginning to set in with an unexpected ferocity. Things were bleak when a young Alex Turner sang, “There ain’t no romance around there” through the public’s speakers. Arctic Monkeys were about to write themselves into musical history as the voice of a new generation.

The final song on their debut album, there has always been something special about ‘A Certain Romance’. In 2022, after the release of their seventh album, The Car, Turner seemed to find himself reflecting back on that 2006 track. To the musician, that early cut holds a clue to everything that was to come as he said the piece “showed that we did actually have these ambitions beyond what we once thought we were capable of”.

Coming in at over the five-minute mark, ‘A Certain Romance’ almost feels like the Arctic Monkeys’ version of a rock opera, summarising all the themes, feelings and energy that came before it on their seminal album Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not. It has the cheekiness of ‘Fake Tales Of San Francisco’ and the catchy instrumentals of hits like ‘Dancing Shoes’ or ‘I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor’. Utilising the northern charm of ‘Mardy Bum’, it stands as a final, neatly summarising point on the social commentary found in their early tracks like ‘From The Ritz To The Rubble’ or ‘Riot Van’. Really, it could be argued that ‘A Certain Romance’ is the ultimate example of Arctic Monkeys’ original sound, perfectly encapsulating all the things that made the world listen up and pay attention.

It’s like they seemed to know that, too, always allowing the song a special place. In fact, it was really the band’s opening remark. Years before the offer of a debut album came around, the group were a well-oiled machine with their own local hits. They had the northern live music scene in their hands as their homemade demo CD was passed around like everyone’s worst-kept secret. Beneath the Boardwalk features eight out of the 13 songs that would be on Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not, albeit in a slightly different, lower-quality version. But the opening number, ‘A Certain Romance’, sounds just the same.

It’s all there, from the rolling opening drums to that final guitar solo. Recorded and produced in a rented studio at only age 17, the existence of ‘A Certain Romance’, one of the band’s most explorative and energetic numbers, in this form this early in their career feels like a diamond sitting in a mine. It proves that they were always onto something special.

They never needed any help. In fact, their producer, Jim Abbiss, noted that they even seemed nervous about the help. “I think they were probably a bit weary, like ‘who’s this guy? And is he gonna make our sound this or that.’”

They didn’t want anything to change too much, as the group already had the songs figured out. Turner certainly did, as the track’s meandering narrative about hometown lads, fights, and local boredom is already there. Talking on a podcast, original member Andy Nicholson revealed the story behind the song. “We had a practice room with a pool table in, and we had a party in there, and we invited another band who were friends of ours, and we all had some drinks,” he said. “Then something happened, someone throws a pool cue, someone throws a pool ball, and everyone ends up fighting,” he added, explaining the lyrics, “there’s boys in bands / And kids who like to scrap with pool cues in their hands.”

But the magic of Arctic Monkeys lies in their nuance. What begins as a snooty analysis of his local landscape is a genuinely affectionate take. “Well, over there, there’s friends of mine / What can I say? I’ve known ’em for a long long time / And, yeah, they might overstep the line / But you just cannot get angry in the same way,” Turner sings, looking around at his bandmates and lifelong friends. ‘A Certain Romance’ is not only a time capsule for the group’s beginnings but is an ode to all the people who were there with them. It’s an ode to the hometown that made them and all its various characters.

But as the last guitar solo roars to life, there is an unspoken statement that they’re going to be bigger than what they came from. “I remember when we were recording ‘A Certain Romance’ and having a conversation with the producer about the final guitar solo,” Turner told NME, recalling the moment these songs were reworked for their debut. But they wouldn’t let anyone mess with ‘A Certain Romance’, knowing exactly what they were doing and trying to say with that one. In the 2003 demo version, all the feeling is already there, and Turner wouldn’t risk it.

“There’s something that happens at the end of that track where we break some rules in a single moment,” he continued. What happens at the end of the piece feels even more special, considering how the album was recorded. “These are the songs we wanna do, and I think this is the order we wanna do them in,” Alex Turner told their producer, recounting the conversation in 2007 to RadioX, “And he goes, ‘alright, we’ll try to record them in that order as well.’” As the final song, that last guitar solo is the last thing recorded for the album, standing as a cathartic outlet and a chance for the band to prove themselves.

“We focused on the [emotional] effect of the instrumentals over the words,” Turner reflected on the track, concluding, “and I feel like we’ve been trying to do that again and again since then.”

+

#I could talk about 'A Certain Romance' until I'm blue in the face or a sobbing mess #lucy did a good job on this one #she perfectly encapsulated how this song makes me feel #the moment I heard it I knew that this band was something incredibly special #it is so near and dear to my heart I will never stop singing it's praise #the fact they made this song that is so compelling and takes you an emotional journey from the beginning to end over 20 years ago???? #and how protective they were of it when making the first album cause they knew it was something special #and Alex drawing similarities between 'ACR' and 'The Car' & letting the instrumental moments of the song convey more emotion than the lyri #like he always said they continue to follow the same instincts from the very beginning nearly 20 years later #i just want to write an ode to ACR so i can ramble on about it #but im gonna shut up for now #anyways please enjoy this article LOL #arctic monkeys #wpsiatwin #whatever people say i am that's what im not #a certain romance #alex turner #jamie cook #matt helders #nick o'malley #andy nicholson #far out magazine

[8rujaa]

i feel so happy i have the urge to get on my hands and knees and worship something

#i’m emotional because i feel like recently i’ve been actually like genuinely happy #i thought i was going to feel broken forever. i thought i was going to feel like half a person forever #i’ve made so much progress #looking back i don’t know how i got through certain things i really don’t #i was being traumatized while also being severely tortured daily by my body pain #i hadn’t talked to my family or friends in months #i lost my mobility and i lost my independence and i lost everything i worked hard for #i felt like a dog and my nightmares still make sure to remind me how terrible it was #and the healing journey afterwards was somehow even worst because i was reliving it constantly. i feel like i fought so hard for my peace #i know i thought about offing myself multiple times #i don’t know what kept me alive… #i think i stayed for all the wrong reasons/people…. but either way i’m glad i stayed #i’m struggling with letting myself be happy because life has a way of taking everything from you just as you were getting comfortable #and i know bad things can and will happen wether i worry or not so the only thing i can do it try to savor and enjoy these beautiful moment #as best as i can and maybe these moments are what will keep me alive in the future #this year i don’t ‘want’ anything per say…. i just don’t want to lose anything…. like god i don’t ask for anything else…. just don’t take #anything from me that i love please 😭😭😭😭😭 #brain vomit

[annamaryllis]

I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.

#annabeth🥺 #it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead #it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply #but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad #she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him #sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff #both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways... #but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life #it's really complex and difficult work #and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why #so certain things will never get the best closure #ugh it's all so fucked up #MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO #and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest #like her mother's conditional love #and trauma from her mortal family #and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions #so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter #and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that... #AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months #and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which #should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy #and then he can work through some stuff too down there #HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed #bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely) #the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day #annabeth chase #luke castellan #✏️

[fitzrove]

Started watching a "problem with greek myth retellings" video and it began with a blurb montage like "Condemned by the misogynist guys of history, this is the true girlboss feminist story of [A WOMAN]" and like. brb writing one of those about crown prince rudolf. It's ok he's like a misunderstood girlboss to me<3

#NASJASKSDFKDSLFDGJDFJ #joking. since those retellings seem to be often bad #fun fact i do have ideas for like a black teen comedy series with mary as the protagonist where the ending is like a harrowing twist #like you think it won't go that far but it does and the point is that she had historical agency and her own problems and personal journey #but in the end it spiralled catastrophically due to both crown prince rudolf related events and others #unfortunately writing one would draw the ire of both misogynist rudolf conspiracy theorists (how dare you suggest women have agency) AND a #certain type of feminist media critiquer person: (1) how dare you cover a topic like that flippantly 2) how dare you make rudolf anything #but an inhuman monster of a r*pist murderer gr**mer or whatever in the story #like idk man.. other male characters portrayed as romantic interests in mainstream media are toxic r*pists all the time. like omg i hate ho #'the great' handles p*ter and catherine because i was rooting for them to remain toxic and for catherine to kill him or whatever but then #she starts falling in love with him in s2 and everyone in tumblr is like omg hot sexy toxic romance. like cant we have ONE series where #straight romance doesnt inevitably become the overbearing focus?? i had wlw ships for that show.. they never pulled through... #anyway um yeah. the way i would portray rudolf in that is that mary sees him as this romantic hero which is emphasised in the way its shot #but he's constantly acting in kinda offputting and strange ways and is occasionally pretty pathetic and weird ASHDJFJF #^^ that's never been a deterrent to anyone ever. most rudolf biographers want to [redacted] him this has been proven by the way they write. #the only ones that dont are me (well not a real biographer but a rudolf enjoyer nonetheless) and brigitte hamann /hj #(she actually doesnt salivate over his appearance like frederick morton does xD only quotes 2 contemporary women commenting on it)

[freyafrida]

carl subplot for how certain the journey that was cut for time: carl was planning to propose but the girl he's seeing admits that she never intended to marry him, as his partial blindness would make it hard for him to find work and support her. so he goes west and explores the canadian wilderness to get over her and find himself. publishes some travelogues and guides to the various flora and fauna of canada and becomes a respected nature writer. eventually receives a proposal from a woman who thinks she only has a year left to live and they fall in love for real all while she's unaware that he is secretly her favorite author, john fost-

#kind of joking but not really #i do rly enjoy fic that incorporates themes and character arcs from an author's other work! #but yeah trying to keep the fic fairly focused and not sprawl off into 80 different directions as i am wont to do so cut most of this #sorry carl i am writing a fic that centers on you soon though 👀 #anne of green gables #fic ramblings #how certain the journey #carl meredith

[ssreeder]

Hello :D

I just wanted to say that I just finished up the new chapter and wanted to comment just how AMAZING this story is. I'll be completly honest that this is one of the few fanfics that 1. I have re-read MULTPLE times (honestly in the mood to re-read it again) and 2. Make me actively think about it IRL. It really shaped how I few Sokka and Zuko, and every time I am waiting for a chapter, I eagerly seek out anything remotely close to this sort of story.

It's the kinda fic I would recommend people, if they ever ask me.

Writing is hard, and I saw that you were having a hard time and I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing this. It's an amazing story that your telling and it's even more amazing how dedicated you are to it. As a writer myself, it can be quite a pain so once again thank you. I cannot wait for the next chapter and see where this story goes.

I may be back later to ramble more about the actual chapter, but for now I just wanted to comment this!

-Primal

This is so sweet thank you it makes me feel warm & fuzzy when I think about people rereading my fic lol.

Writing IS HARD, and it’s worse when you put pressure on yourself to meet the stupid expectations you set for yourself. I still love it though, especially now that we are on the last sections because there is so much cool shit coming together & it makes it fun.

Difficult, but fun haha.

I hope you’re having a lot of writing success & just know this ask made me really thankful to have wonderful readers like you so thank you.

#these kind of asks always motivate me #I don’t write for validation #but validation makes the journey SOOOOO much more fun haha #also having people to share the journey with #I can’t tell you how many times I drag my sorry self to my lovely friends telling them to fix my brain #they don’t…. they actually make it worse but in a good way #*eyes a certain friend who makes things worse for the boys then even I do* #she knows who she is #the evil genius #anyway anon thank you #seriously thank you so much #I have 15k of the next chapter and two scenes left #it’s another doozy #but fuck it we do 20k chapters in ITF #it’s how it is #liab #Leaving it all being #ITF #ask

[keepthetension]

still thinking about grief and recovery and support on this show because oh boy did the shows airing this weekend put me in my dead parent feelings i said before i was concerned about how porjai is dealing with her own grief, and this episode we saw her easily talking about rung, and even casually yelling to rung that she misses her! maybe this is me projecting, because i can't do that, but this seems like a pretty healthy place to be, especially contrasted with mhok's relative silence, and i'm glad!

and mhok's silence doesn't come from anger or resentment (which are valid ofc, but i did wonder if imprisonment gave him time to work through this to some degree) but out of protectiveness. i fucking loved this, because it felt so realistic and lived-in. i lost a parent to intimate partner violence, and i NEVER open up about it; people sure have Opinions, and it makes me insane

but day finding out about rung offscreen wasn't on my bingo card, tbh. because we've been with mhok through everything he's found out about day

it doesn't bother me, exactly, but it feels slightly unbalanced, and i suppose what i'm thinking is: knowing what happened to someone doesn't actually tell you how they feel about it, or how it affects them, or how you can support them

mhok found out from that lady sharing personal medical info she had no business sharing about day losing his eyesight in the accident, but he put in the work to understand what it actually meant for day. and in most cases, we've seen day telling mhok about what troubles him in his own words (his crush on auggy, why he was avoiding his friends, etc)

bereavement is probably statistically more common, so i suppose it may not need to be spelled out for an audience? but i am wary, because there have been so many shows where characters are visibly — to me! — struggling with grief and everything else matryoshka-ed in it, but audience reaction simply doesn't factor this in

i'm also thinking about how often mhok tells day a story about himself with the intent of making him smile ("i bought two bracelets just because i had money to spend" "i found this rooftop when i needed to sober up" "my sister called this false rice". i'm certain there are more!). because this is what a caretaker does, or because this is what mhok does, or both?

because this always made me wonder what it would take for mhok to talk about something that wouldn't make day smile, or because he wanted to share. in the former case, it'd have to be something pretty bad!

of course, talking isn't the only way to recovery or intimacy. and mhok going from "i'm breaking up with my devoted gf because i don't want to drag her down with me" to "i'm going to ask you to be my bf" is pretty significant!

but as they navigate the journey from being caretaker and client to being boyfies, the balance has to shift around a bit to them supporting each other, consciously choosing to be there for each other

in this episode what we got was: you only want money to buy that car. and i'm not even mad about this, because this kind of comment is very in line with day's character. but wow. day, i know you're feeling big feelings, but throwing one of the few things you know about mhok's life in his face is. not it!

#last twilight the series #i know this is a “trustworthy” director. and i will happily eat my words! but #it's always bothered me when couples fall into this pattern of ONE person doing the bulk of the supporting and caring and accommodating #and i am HOPING WISHING PRAYING this show doesn't do the same you know? #also like the imbalance makes sense if they're only caretaker and client of course! i'm just SO curious how this will be addressed #thinking a lot lately about characters society puts into a certain box because social status or because they're Manly or Tough or some shit #and there isn't a space for them to be soft and goofy and playful and tender. and people assume they don't need to be cared for #ten from cooking crush and babe from pit babe and top from only friends. for example. #and “there's zero tenderness in you” mhok #and i desperately want to see these characters get to be more than they're “allowed” to be #patriarchy is a curse #oh also i suspect mhok's “healing journey” will come to a head once he buys the car or whatever ends up happening there #ALSO GOD how many people would move the fuck out of that house afterward IF THEY HAVE THE MONEY TO DO SO #and maybe it doesn't feel like this for mhok and porjai but living in the same place afterward can be intensely suffocating #but they can't just move and start over like moneyed individuals might be able to! #recovery and healing simply looks different for the rich #anyway next ep will probably foreground mhok caring for day. and there are not many eps left!! i am wary but still fairly optimistic

[professorlegaspi]

In my special self-indulgent headcanon version of speech gifts, telepathy is a mind gift, but the equivalently difficult Speech gift is speaking in concepts

#so instead of using words you use straight concepts #this is a difficult skill not just because of its technical challenge but because there’s a proverbial language barrier #The way you think about something the way you understand certain ideas is different than other people’s #So communicating in concepts becomes a very intimate act in which you must intrinsically learn to #wrap your head around someone else’s worldview and respond in kind #The way I imagine it when you get to this level of study Speech classes begin to resemble anthropology #for example #what is a woman? What is a house? Are these concepts immutable? #How do those ideas translate across the bounds of culture? How do you specifically conceptualize these things? #One of the final assessments in Speech is choosing a word and defending how/why you conceptualize it the way you do. #You do this in a conversation with a professor that is held entirely in the language of concepts #It’s not just an assessment of eloquence but an assessment of whether you’ve #thought about how and in what ways you want to participate in society #anyways #yeah #I can and will extrapolate about dem sense higher ed and speech gifts and are so fun and malleable #celias journey #speech gifts #worldbuilding

[charlotterenaissance]

this is gonna sound weird considering all i've posted and the things i've said but i think i'm asexual

#i don't know i saw an ace comic and it kinda spoke to me #and i'm looking over my life and evaluating how i feel about certain things and the way i feel about them #and #yeah #it makes sense #i know that may sound odd after posting like. so many posts about how cute i find different people #but it doesn't really go beyond just really appreciating how cute or hot or attractive i find them #so yeah here's to my journey of self-discovery 👍 #personal stuff #asexuality

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

Might be a hot take but a major character’s death is really only as good as the weight and the treatment that the narrative gives it. Sure, any author has the ability to write death as they see fit. But whether the consumer (of any given form of media) is actually able to emotionally connect and resonate with the departure of someone who has occupied a good chunk of narrative space very heavily depends on how it’s treated within the story. If it’s a major character, the narrative needs enough built-in breathing space. As in, the consumer doesn’t have to fill in the blanks as to how the death impacted the plot or the remaining characters. Let the narrative do that for them, and that would actually allow the consumer to better react and relate to that major death (sadness, anger, joy, etc). Allow the rest of the characters (who were impacted by the deceased) to react to their parting. Let them engage with the death in a manner that helps justify the character’s inclusion in the narrative to begin with. Make it clear how the character’s life and (especially) their death relate to the larger themes of the story. Because most consumers aren’t stupid. We don’t want our hands held at every waking moment, but we also don’t want our investment in a story to be insulted just for the sake of a cheap shock. Give us time to breathe and grieve. And respect that we have put in a lot of emotional investment in a story and its characters, and we deserve to have that acknowledged.

#recent developments in a very popular ip have forced me to think about how creators treat the deaths of major or main characters #and the discourse of ~ohh we don’t need to see every single thing~ has got me thinking #like sure we don’t need to be spoon fed everything but consumers have varying emotional investments depending on the characters #a side character it’s passable if we don’t get any fanfare but a MAIN??? #we’ve invested so much into their journey and the themes in their arcs and how they affect the world around them #is it too bad to want that to be actually acknowledged by & within the narrative? #so that whole thing got me to think about main characters whose deaths were well done in fiction #ned stark imo is a really good one because the immediate payoff of his death is the start of the wot5k and long term effect was #that the stark kids now had to fill in their father’s shoes and rise and become leaders in their own right and while we still have twow an #ados we can also tell as shown in adwd that the long term effect of Ned’s legacy is that house stark will be preserved even when it’s on th #brink of extinction #so that’s a well done imo because we also see throughout 4 books just how much his death meant to the kids #his death hurts because we see how his kids are hurting - jon arya sansa bran are GOING THROUGH IT AND IT HURTS! #I’d argue MCU did a pretty good job of showing tony’s everlasting legacy after his death and they did that through Peter who was the proteg #we can love and grieve for tony though peter whom we love and have come to relate to so Tony’s death has a lot of narrative weight #and how it’s handled is satisfying even though we’re hurt that he’s gone #same with sirius and dumbledore in HP - sirius’ especially hits sooo hard because Harry goes absolutely apeshit in ootp and then has to #pick up the pieces in hbp + dumbledore’s life and death is given quite a good amount of narrative space for both harry and the reader #the recent developments in jjk have me worried that a certain someone’s departure won’t be given the narrative weight it deserves #and part of that is gege’s pacing being wonky because oops it’s another big fight that will take god knows how many chapters idk #I’ll wait and see but as of right now….i feel like fan complaints about it shouldn’t be brushed aside because they’re super valid 😕 #asoiaf #harry potter #jujutsu kaisen #mcu #marvel #comics #manga