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ambiguousdisorderken · 3 years

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in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel. Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” // Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23 – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references.

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is).

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

#Anonymous #thanks for coming to my ted talk #im posting this at 2:30 am so i'll most likely reblog it at a more reasonable hour ..in case anon is closer to my time zone #why am i even saying this..im sleepy #destiel #answered #destiel episode guide #there might be number/name mistakes because again sleepish.forgive me #long post

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faunusrights · 3 years

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WIP TITLES ASK GAME

Rules: Share the titles of each of your current WIPs, and, if your followers ask, share a preview of the one that sounds the most interesting. Send this on to mutuals who you are curious what they’re working on.

tagged by @texanredrose who probably dislikes me personally for this HGDFSGHJSDF. tbh i often don't title like ANYYYYY of my WIPs until i have to input them onto AO3, so uh. i am going to have to bullshit some names. also i'm gonna do tex's thing and add a little synopsis if i TRULY cannot think of a title lmao.

note: i am NOT counting WIPs that have at least one chapter posted because otherwise we will be here FOREVER AND EVER so uh yeah. this is just stuff trapped in my gdocs. also it's just RWBY for the sake of keeping it simple, stupid,

anyway uh am tagging @edarzhar (bitch) and @flawedvictori too!!! perish,

(this got long so here's a cut)

Bunfeed Bunsolved: The Valley Walk -- YES this is still happening just very slowly. this is the first cinder/velvet fic of the series and i am SO excited because it gets Weird out there. also it's mostly all about how much cinder likes hiking until she's actually doing it. inspired by the horror movie The Ritual (2017) if you MUST have context,

Ode to Stray Dogs -- it's that guard dog!Weiss/Cinder AU i posted the entire plot for a week or so ago! i love love love this AU and it WILL happen and it IS happening i'm just very slow about it sdhjfghjsgdfk anyway weiss becomes cinder's guard dog. that's the fic. also it's very kinky.

Untitled Velvet/Cinder Fic I -- it's untitled and it's a fic! this one is about, erm... a high-class restaurant/bar/whatever that also doubles as a kinky hook-up joint because you can pay for the servers to let you get freaky with them??? im SO sorry this au legit was so spur-of-the-moment but anyway velvet is there being very hot and cinder, emerald and neo are there like 👀s about it sfdhjsgdfgk

Untitled Velvet/Cinder Fic II -- HAH THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!!! this one is also just a stupid dumb kinky idea but anyway it's about... um... well... it's... [makes vague gestures] i feel like if i try and explain this one people are going to be like 'really' at me BUT IT'S REALLY HOT OKAY I'M JUST!!!!!!!!!!! look if i say it has excessive cum and involves like all the girls of rwby can we just agree to leave it there,

Pâte à Choux -- velvet/every girl. they have sex. every girl. and velvet. i TRULY need to say no more,

Untitled Cinder/Neo Fic -- okay this one is good. cinder and neo gatecrash a mistrali wedding in which cinder talks to everyone to gather just enough knowledge to pretend to be a very distant relative whilst neo demolishes the buffet. they are both dressed terribly and get really drunk and whilst the groom is very suspicious of these two two nonbinary lesbians cinder gives the wife a really expensive gift and so she's like 'do not fucking kick them out MICHAEL' and it's very stupid and dumb. anyway they do this once a week,

Untitled Cinder, Mercury, Emerald, Neo, Roman Fic -- chatlog! been poking at this one for a bit... it's just the CRME + Neo groupchat and it's a disaster also it's cinder/velvet again I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW SHUT UP I KNOW

Untitled GWS!Weiss/canon!Weiss fic -- you know the one. very horny. also very sad???

The Grimmification of Ruby Rose -- here's the bitch!!! this is happening albeit very slowly. in this AU, grimm are actually infected people (THIS WAS BEFORE CANON MADE IT COOL) who turn into grimm over a period of weeks/months! ruby gets infected when she's 15 and decides to kill salem before salem can kill her. currently tinkering with the idea of making it ruby/velvet but don't quote me,

Untitled Faunus AU (aka The Academy of Menagerie) -- a modified version of my Everyone Is A Faunus AU, in which all the cast are faunus and attend the academy of menagerie, which has been invited to participate in the vytal Festival for the first time in its 25 year history. naturally, teams RWBYJNPRCFVY etc show up and wreck shop.

The Misadventures of Blake Belladonna's Silicone Dick -- THIS IS HAPPENING I SWEAR TO CHRIST it's SO funny i have to finish this eventually!!! anyway this is about a non-binary transmasc blake (aka my regular blake) who uses a packer!!! people find out and things get ridiculous. namely it somehow ends up on the roof at some point,

Untitled Snowboarding AU -- this one is one of those horny ones that isn't horny on the surface but is getting there. anyway ruby wins tickets for an all-expenses-paid trip to one of the schnee resorts up in solitas and gives them to blake and velvet who end up there in her stead. they meet weiss schnee, professional snowboarder, and it turns out that when weiss is amped on adrenaline sahe is absolutely 100% down 2 clown... so yeah it's weiss/blake/velvet fhgjsfdj

Untitled Dishonored AU Spinoff -- for Tex!!! the person who inflicted this upon me. it's a little story set in the dishonored au in which we focus on velvet--in charge of the vale rebellion--and cinder, who is a Crime Lady looking to help the rebellion out if only so she can get back to doing crimes all the damn time. its also about velvet strategically avoiding all of rubys text messages as she runs around like a clown. people die!

My Summer Car/RWBY Crossover -- this is another one i'm gonna get to EVENTUALLY. in which taiyang and summer leave for vacation in mistral and yang goes and hangs out in vale for the summer, leaving ruby in the house alone with nothing but a shitty old car for company. probably ruby/velvet. shenanigans ensue.

Sims Medieval/RWBY Crossover -- i've been working on this one FOREVERRRRRRRRRR and it Will happen. it will. ruby is the bardic hero of the kingdom of vale in service to her majesty glynda goodwitch! along with nine other heroes, ruby has to help save vale from an untimely end... but the old queen salem still lingers in the shadows, and threatens to consume all the kingdoms in her great maw. can ruby, armed with little more than a lute and her wits, help save vale? probably not but she CAN play a banging ballad,

Untitled Taffeta/Sienna/Sherveen Fic -- dicks out for milfs that is all

Untitled Ash/Ghira/Taffeta/Kali Fic -- dicks out for dilfs that is all

not as many as tex but then again if we counted all the motherfuckers still in progress................. yikes. anyway here's that. i've probably forgotten a few/ignored ones that are similar concepts to these just in their own little branches (the aufeis fic has like a BILLION snippets in my files i just count em all as the same thing sdhjgf) but whatever. anyway. pass the curse along.

#ask meme #you can still inquire after any of these!#just know that details range from 'very' to 'none'#thanks tex :) yr life is forfeit :)

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nervousmendes · 4 years

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Drunken Haze | Shawn Mendes

Shawn x reader (smut)

a/n: this was a failed attempt at writing smut for the first time. (it's very mild, mostly just sexual tension and making out) do check out more of my work on my masterlist right here

summary: Shawn sees the reader at a bar and makes a move.

warnings: mild smut (making out) and very little swearing

Cez does his fair share of research when it comes to choosing a bar to spend the night at, and when you're in Paris (yes, with a French accent) it's totally worth it. Brian walked in first, Shawn and Cez not far behind. "Man I'm so getting shit-faced in here." he sighed as the three of them observed the fancy lights, furniture and wall hangings, taking in the scent of alcohol and cigerettes suspended in in the warm air of the closed space. Cez being the only bright one in the three, quickly spotted an empty booth in the lounge but Shawn's eyes fell straight on a blond haired women, her black dress hugging her hips so well and her toned legs crossed one over the other while she tipped her head back, letting the expensive wine in the glass she was holding flow into her system.

There was something about her that intrigued him. Maybe it was the confidence she radiated, the way she sat with her back poised, the way her silky hair flowed down her shoulders or maybe it had something to do with how her skin glowed in the dim lighting. He felt the urge to approach her, like she pulled him towards her. And it was as if his legs knew what his heart wanted when they started making calculated steps towards the bar counter that she was facing. His thoughts went every which way trying to figure out what to say as he took the stool exactly beside her's, completely ignoring the five (or more) empty stools on his other side.

"Hey." He internally patted himself on the back for sounding a lot more confident than he actually was.

"Do I know you?" Her face broke into a polite smile, and her thick french accent dripped with the words she spoke out of her red stained lips.

"Maybe?"

Too cocky.

"You don't give me a businessman vibe." She said looking at him from head to toe. Looking. She saw the black denim that covered his toned legs, his satin, white shirt that hugged his broad shoulders and the little scar on his cheek that gave his soft facial features a more rugged look. Shawn watched her keenly. His hand went to his hair, fingers pushing a stray curl out of his eye.

"What makes you think I'm a businessman?" He turned in his stool and rested his arm on the bar counter to make her shift her vision from his face to his forearm that flexed under the thin fabric.

"They're usually the cocky ones." He was searching for what to say slightly taken aback by the fact that someone found him cocky, considering that no one has ever called him that before, not in a bad way. He wasn't offended, just surprised. In fact he liked that the whole 'be confident' thing was working.

"But you seem nice, I'll give you that." She chuckled while twirling the empty wine glass in her small hand.

"Will you let me buy you your next drink?"

She considered it, and almost nodded yes for affirmation but then her brows drew in an L shape. "I think I've already had too much to drink." She was mentally trying to count how many times the bartender filled her glass with Chartreuse.

"So why don't you tell me your name, mysterious, handsome, American man?" She said leaning close to him. The already deep cut neck line of her dress plunged down even further, dangerously low, making Shawn draw in a sharp breath through his mouth.

"I love mysterious and handsome, but I'm actually Canadian." He narrowed his eyes at her with a smirk and she couldn't help but smile.

"And nice to meet you, I'm Shawn. Et toi?"

"I can tell you skipped your french classes often back in school." She broke into a chuckle, making Shawn grin right back at her, his face very close to hers.

"You know nothing about me, but I'm afraid this one's true." He whispered, his minty breath fanning her face. She laughed again while placing her hand on Shawn's toned bicep that was rested on the countertop.

"You're funny." Her gaze burned into him.

"I wasn't even trying." Liar.

"I'm guessing that's a lie." They never broke eye contact.

"For someone that guesses a lot, you're pretty accurate."

"You know nothing about me." She said just like he did a minute ago, her lips almost grazing his making sure to not touch them. What a tease.

"How about," the tips of his calloused fingers went to her bare shoulder, "I start with knowing what those pretty lips of yours taste like?" and stroked the soft, supple skin on her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

"That's a good start." She inched closer.

"So is that a yes?"

Instead of giving him an answer, she touched his lips with hers, hands going to either side of his neck. He covered her mouth with his, tasting the expensive alcohol she had been drinking all night. He nudged closer to get a better angle, his large hands taking purchase on her waist. Their tongues danced with each other's, deepening the kiss. He moaned under his breath when she licked the roof of his mouth, and he used that as an opportunity to suck on her lower lip. Her nails scratched his scalp, tangling her fingers in his long, soft curls and she quickly figured how much he liked it from the way he kissed her harder in response to tugging his hair. She broke the kiss for air, he assumed but then when he pulled her in again, she opened her mouth to speak.

"I live only ten minutes away, let's get out of here." She was breathing heavily. He nodded and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before getting off the stool and helping her down shortly after. He left a quick text to Brian asking them to carry on with whatever they were upto and rolled his eyes at Brian's response telling him to "not bust that nut too quick". They got in an Uber and sat beside each other, lips red and swollen, breath heavy, and their thoughts everywhere. They didn't say a word to each other. They didn't know what to say but they were both trying to reach out for some sort of connection. She cleared her throat in an attempt to gather the right words before she spoke. Her eyes were set on her hands that played with the hem of her dress.

"Is now a good time to tell you.." He looked up at her, signalling for her to go on. She gulped, "that I actually know who you are, and I acted like I didn't because I didn't want you think of me as someone who would see you as an object just because you're a celebrity." She made air quotes on the word 'celebrity', like it was such a weird thing to say, a word that gives a human, with a little fame they never knew was coming their way, the title of an object.

"That is the best decision you ever made. If I knew you knew I'm sure I wouldn't even have made a move. You have no idea how glad I am that you did that."

She finally dropped the hem of her dress and looked back at him through her long eyelashes. That was it, there was no holding back anymore. Shawn's lips crashed into hers and she kissed his mouth back with that much force, curling her fingers into the collar of his shirt. His one hand went around her waist, palm flat against the small of her back, and the other was tangled in her beautiful, blond locks.

Their lips didn't leave other's even while unlocking the door, and just like you see in the movies, they kissed their way into her bedroom until Shawn's legs hit the cot and his butt landed on the soft spring mattress of her bed. She kicked off her heels and threw one leg to his other side, her knees on either side of his legs, straddling him. His hands slid down from her waist to fill his palms with the flesh of her toned bum. He cooed as he kneaded them with every movement she made sitting right on top his hard-on that strained his tight denims. Shawn drew his lips away from her mouth to leave wet kisses down her jawline and along the expanse of her throat. He attached his lips to the spot under her ear and sucked on the skin there, causing a shivering moan to tumble down her plump lips. He explored her neck and her chest with his hungry lips, tasting the lavender flavour of the soap she lathered on herself earlier that evening. Somewhere along kissing and a lot of exploring later, all the clothing they helped each other get rid of were scattered on the floor, sweat covered bodies moulding and crashing to give each other the climax they longed for.

(I cannot write smut for shit so I cut the crap out and got to the point.)

She woke up to the warmth of the sun shining on her golden skin through the half drawn blinds, feeling a mild headache from all that she had to drink the previous night. That's when she remembered him. She jutted her head out of her pillow to see that his clothes weren't on the floor anymore. She shifted under the sheets to find an empty bed beside her and a post it note neatly placed in the centre, exactly where he slept. She took it in her hand, squinting until she could read what it said.

Sorry, I left without saying goodbye. I'm playing a show today and I have to be there early. Last night was really fun. x

- S.M

Her lips formed a shy smile and her cheeks were tinged a shade of red as she recollected the events of last night. She folded the piece of paper in her hand contemplating whether she had to throw it or save it. She looked down at it one more time, and that's when she noticed that something was written on the other side. She turned the post-it around, to find a phone number written on it and under it he'd written, "maybe I'm glad I didn't say goodbye".

She laughed to herself, carefully placing the paper in her journal, already excited by the idea of seeing him again. She met Shawn less than twenty four hours ago and hardly knew anything about him, but there something about him that drew her in, made her want to get to know him better and of course feel that pretty mouth of his between her legs once again.

_______________________________________________

I'm thinking maybe I'll do a part 2 to this so let me know what you think. Hope you liked this one. Reply to this or leave me a message if you want to get added to my taglist!!

#shawn mendes #shawnblr #shawn mendes fanfiction #fanfic #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes imagines #shawn x reader #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes tumblr

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nekoannie-chan · 4 years

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Induced dreams

Pairing: Surprise!

Word count: 1777 words.

Summary: Appearances deceive, Steve and you have come out for a few years, yet on a mission everything could change.

Warnings: A little smut, not very explicit, swearing.

A/N: The text message is in italics and bold.

Flashbacks are in italics.

This is my entry to the @whistlingwillows‘s Hayley’s 1.5K Writing Challenge with the prompt #12:

“I will not die today. The same cannot be said for you”

Also is my entry to the @the--sad--hatter ‘s The Weird & The Wonderful-Challenge with the quote prompt #14:

“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality”

My entry to the @thinkoutsidethebex ‘s Bex’s 600 Follower Writing Challenge with the prompt #3:

“Two heads are better than one”

And my entry to the @waiting4inspiration’s Stay safe, Stay home Writing Challenge with the prompt #19:

“Frankly, my dear. I don’t give a damn”

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don’t steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other’s people. The only exception is the ones I gifted ‘cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Marvel’s characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

You wake up to feel the sunlight that was already beginning to seep into the room that you shared with Steve, in a few days it would be his third anniversary, then on that day he would ask you to marry, he had already planned everything.

If someone asked Steve how you had met or your love story, he could tell it in great detail, he did not forget anything and he believed that he would not find someone to share his life with until he met you.

"Good morning doll" he greeted you when he realized that you had already woken up.

"Hello," you murmured.

Steve started kissing your shoulder, you smiled.

“I was thinking…”

"About what?" You questioned.

"How much I love you," he replied.

“I love you too.”

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, "he said and he kissed your neck now.

"I feel lucky to have you," you replied.

He continued kissing your shoulder and your neck, he lowered a hand to your thigh to start caressing him, you turned around, put yourself on top of him and caressed his face with one hand, he continued to caress your thighs, you kissed him and they began to caress each other increasing the intensity until the mobile phones rang interrupting the moment.

"Right, a mission," you complained annoyed.

You had less than an hour to reach the base and leave for the mission.

Everything is ready

You smiled at the message you had received, you immediately saved your mobile phone, the mission was only for Steve and you, so nothing complicated appeared

"Are you ready?" He asked, standing next to you.

"Always and you, babe?"

"If you're with me, yes."

He kissed you and you got on the ship, you were not going to allow your nerves to take over you, you had to have everything under control as you always had, you couldn't make a single mistake.

As soon as you reached the abandoned base where the mission was, you decided to separate to cover more places and finish the mission more quickly and effectively.

"Y/N, position," Steve asked.

“Coming upstairs and yours?” You asked over the comm.

"I keep checking the first room," he replied.

Suddenly Steve thought he heard a scream, he left where he was and started running towards where you said you were.

“Y/N? Y/N status? Y/N?”

He was worried because he did not receive any response, distressed about what could have happened, he hurried to get to your location immediately, he could not lose you.

As soon as he entered he saw you unconscious and one of the enemies was gagging you.

Right at the moment when he was going to throw his shield, he felt a needle in his back, his body stopped reacting, he couldn't believe it that was not supposed to be possible, and he was supposed to be immune to that kind of thing thanks to serum.

He tried to raise his arm to reach you, he didn't feel it anymore, and he couldn't move, he didn't want to lose you, he needed to do everything possible to avoid being hurt.

Steve in a first attempt wanted to open his eyes without success, he noticed that he was tied to a chair perhaps, he tried harder until he managed to open them, he immediately looked for you, he needed to make sure you were there, you were equally gagged in a chair next to him.

"Doll?" He asked fearfully.

"Stevie ...”

“Are you fine?”

"I think so, I just don't know, I don't understand what happened, I can't get away," you answered confused.

You heard a very heavy door open and footsteps tried to turn around but couldn't, so you waited until the person was in front of you.

"Wow until great Captain America woke up!" Brock exclaimed mockingly.

“Rumlow”

"I thought this would be more difficult, but it was easier than taking candy from a child," said Brock.

He crossed his arms facing you.

"Let her go, she's innocent," Steve asked.

Brock smirked and turned to see you, they looked at each other for a few seconds before you opened your mouth.

"Untie me," you ordered.

Brock approached you, untied you, he gets up, Steve kept his eyes on all the movements, he would do anything to save you, whatever it took, you and Brock saw each other again, you smiled and kissed him.

"What the hell?" Steve asked,

You separated from Brock and you got closer to Steve bending down a little to be at the height of his face

“Y/N, what does this mean?” He asked furiously.

"Oh, Captain America fell in love with me!" You teased.

"And who isn't if you're charming," Brock commented.

“You see Stevie there is something we want to prove because we have a very important mission.”

Steve started struggling to getaway.

"Oh, don't try hard, you won't make it, we made sure to achieve the objective of our mission, it was something simple but slow," he continued.

Steve stopped and stared at you trying to process what he was hearing.

“Our mission? What do you mean?”

“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.”

You got close to his face, you kissed him on the cheek.

"Hail HYDRA," you whispered in her ear then licked her earlobe.

You separated and went to where Brock was.

“What?”

Steve was stunned, he couldn't believe it, it had all been a lie, he had fallen into the trap and he never suspected a thing.

"You're pathetic, don't worry. HYDRA will take care of everything," Brock said.

Steve felt betrayed, he truly loved you, and he had never expected you to do something as low as that.

"Did you really think I was going to change my ten years’ relationship with Brock by being with you?"

Brock giggled.

"If they gave me this mission, it's because they knew I could complete it perfectly," you said.

"I can't believe it, it was all a lie, and I thought you were a good person, you were always so charming."

"Frankly, my dear. I don’t give a damn”

"As soon as I get out of here, I'm going to kill you," Steve said.

You ignored the threats Steve kept saying, Brock saw you again, you moved away a little to go to the table that was in the place while Rumlow watched him, and you took a syringe containing a green liquid.

“You see Steve we need to study you well, in fact, I took care of it as well as the collection of some samples that would be useful, our scientists analyzed them to create some substances that Erskine's serum could not assimilate, then they will subject you to another procedure, believe me, HYDRA has great plans for you.

"You're not as immune or invincible in the end as they made you think Cap," Brock scoffed.

“Everything that you used to tell me was a lie, wasn't it?” Steve asked, his voice sounding hurt.

"You fell so easily into the story that I was a weak girl and I needed that the great Captain America to protect me," you scoffed.

"You bitch, you are going to pay me, I'm going to kill you," Steve threatened.

“I will not die today. The same cannot be said for you”

“I'm going to get revenge, I'll make you pay Y/N.”

"No, you won't, you won't remember any of this."

"Sure, they sent you because they didn't think Rumlow was enough."

He was going to change his strategy, if he could get Rumlow to get close to him, then he could disarm him and escape, he didn't want to hurt you, he would take you hostage and make you confess everything.

“Two heads are better than one.”

You had considered the possibility, so Brock did not move from his place, you approached Steve and injected the contents of the syringe, Steve twisted, the sensation was worse than when the serum was injected, he felt as if his veins burned in the fire.

"How long will it take to take effect?" Brock asked.

"They told me that in a normal person fifteen minutes, in him five," you replied.

“Did they tell you what effects did you inject?”

"He will remember all the things he feels guilty about all his life as if he were there again, witnessing them."

“Wow, you're the best.”

“I know.”

You kissed him again, he began to caress your back, you knew that as soon as you had time he would give you your reward, now only had to observe the behavior that he began to show since it seemed that the liquid began to take effect.

Steve was sweating as if he had a fever, his breathing began to accelerate, he closed his eyes tightly, in his mind, a cluster of images began to appear, it hurt, and he felt a lot of pain.

He remembered his dying mother in the hospital, the months before he got sick he had been working longer to buy his medicines and everything he needed if he had not been so weak, if he had not told him that he wanted to go to university She had not had to try harder, it was her fault that she had become ill with tuberculosis and then she died.

He saw Bucky fall from the train again, it was his fault that his best friend, he must have done something more to prevent him from having that fateful fate, he felt that he had betrayed the only person who was there supporting him after losing his mother.

He could see every single face of the people he hadn't been able to save over the years, he should have done something else.

“How long will it take for our agents to arrive?” You asked Brock.

“Half an hour.”

"If you did what you promised me?" You asked, pretending a sweet voice.

"First we need to make him Captain HYDRA, then as soon as there is a chance we will have the trio that you love so much," he assured you.

"That's why I love you," you said.

"No, you love me because I'm the best," he corrected you.

Both laughed.

“Do you think I should have told him about his best friend?”

"Better find out later, I assure you that by having the two super soldiers on our side, HYDRA will dominate the world."

You sat down to watch the show he was offering as you waited for the rest of the team to arrive.

No mission has ever been so easy before.

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onlycags · 4 years

Text

Movie Night 9 | Çağlar Söyüncü

August: Barnes

- - -

This Saturday’s movie night is dedicated to my girl @chilly-me-softly because this is the first chapter she hasn’t read through completely before I posted it. Enjoy! xx

Alternate Title: Redemption

Çağlar hadn’t wanted to miss July’s movie night; up until two hours before, he had planned on going.

“Söyüncü!” Rodgers had yelled in the changing room after practice. “See me when you’re changed.”

He had followed reluctantly, noting the time on the clock before he entered Rodgers’s office. Even if whatever this meeting was ran over two hours, he would still be able to make movie night easily.

“Sir?” He asked, knocking lightly on the door.

“C’mon in, son. Have a seat.”

Çağlar sat down warily, wincing slightly from the tackle he’d taken out on the field earlier. “You okay?” Rodgers asked, taking off his readers.

“Yes,” he answered automatically, not wanting to admit weakness.

Rodgers shot him a look. “You sure?”

“Yes, sir.” Çağlar started to get up to leave.

“Sit back down,” Rodgers ordered, shocking the Turk into submission. “I was watching your performance during the EuroCup and I got worried, especially with that last match. You got subbed off after the first half and you were playing poorly. Care to tell me what’s been going on?”

Çağlar grimaced, running a hand through his hair. “It sounds stupid when you say it out loud.”

“Do I look like the kind of man who cares?”

“No, sir.” Çağlar took a breath and said, “It’s about a girl.”

Rodgers ran a hand over his face and sighed. “Forget what I just said, Söyüncü. I do care and it does sound stupid when you say it out loud. Spit it out - who is she?”

“She’s, uh, Maddison’s best mate.”

“[Y/N]? The one who comes around occasionally and is always visiting after matches?”

Çağlar nodded, looking down at his hands. “That’s her.”

“What’d she do to you? Is she messing with you? I can get a restraining order, we can take her to court, whatever needs to be done to get this taken care of.” He reached for the landline on his desk. “Hell, let’s get the PR team in here now and we can sort this whole thing out now. She trying to take you for your money?”

“No, sir. Nothing like that.”

“Well, then, what is it?”

“She slept with someone else.” Çağlar blushed and looked away, embarrassed to be sharing such intimate information with his coach.

“Well…fuck.” Çağlar raised his eyebrows at Rodgers’s swearing. “Were the two of you together?”

“Uh, not officially, sir.”

“But you had enough feelings for her that it’s affecting your performance on the pitch.” He sighed again, muttering to himself. “Ain’t that just a kick in the nuts.”

“Sir?”

“Sorry. An American expression I saw on telly - my daughter suggested I start ‘binge watching’ this American Football program called Friday Night Lights because she swears I am, and I quote, ‘just like Coach Taylor’. Needless to say, I am a bit obsessed.” He chuckled. “Women get us to do the craziest things.”

Çağlar nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Now, let’s discuss possible strategies to get you out of your head when you’re on the pitch. You’ve been so good at it before, but I’m betting that it’s because you trained to put certain scenarios out of your mind while you play.”

“That’s right. I always strategized about how I could improve my concentration and minimize distractions. Now, with a new distraction that I have not planned for, it is hard.”

“Let’s go make it easy.”

Rodgers ran drills and plays with Çağlar long after Belvoir’s closing time. By the time he was done, Çağlar was sure he would be able to play and not think about you.

He went home, tired and weary, completely forgetting all about movie night. When he did remember, he sent you a two-word text: I’m sorry.

~~~

He was slower than usual at training the next day, something the lads noticed and teased him about, but Rodgers gave him no flack.

At the end of training, Çağlar and Madders sat in the ice bath, Madders on his phone texting someone a kilometre a minute.

“You okay, mate?” Mads asked, setting his phone down.

“Yes.”

“We missed you at movie night.” A pause. “[Y/N] was there.”

“I am sorry. I was training last night.”

“That why you were slow today?”

“Yes. I was working out ways to get her out of my head when I play so that I am not distracted.”

“That why you weren’t at movie night?”

“Yes. I was running drills with Rodgers until late.”

“Did they help?”

“I think so. We shall see on Saturday’s match.”

“Have you gotten a chance to speak to her?”

“I do not know what to say. I do not even know if she will want to see me.”

“Mate!” Madders sighed, exasperated. “She was looking for you last night. Trust me, she wants to talk to you.” Madders pulled out his phone. “You know where The Ivy Soho Brasserie is in Leicester Square?”

Çağlar nodded.

“Good,” Mads replied, “because you’re meeting [Y/N] in an hour.”

“What?! No - I cannot meet her.”

“Relax, mate. She thinks she’s meeting me. Just show up and talk to her.”

~~~

An hour later, Çağlar showed up at the restaurant, nervous to see you. You were seated at a table in the back, head buried in your phone. You looked up from your phone and your eyes met Çağlar’s. The shock on your face had him wanting to turn and leave but he walked over to you with more confidence than he felt.

“Hello,” he greeted, placing an awkward kiss on your cheek.

“Hi. I thought James was meeting me here?” you asked, looking away as he sat down.

“He wanted us to talk so he sent me instead.”

You shrugged. “Okay.”

The waiter arrived and the two of you placed your orders. You were grateful for the distraction - it was unexpected to see him here and you were still reeling from the kiss he’d placed on your cheek.

When the waiter left, the awkward silence returned. You took a sip of your water and sighed. “Çağlar,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

He reached across the table and grabbed your hand, desperate to touch you in some small way. “Please, [Y/N], can we start over?”

Your heart hurt - you were still reeling from emotions you still processing almost a month later. “I…I don’t know, Çağlar. Did you sleep with her?”

“No,” he replied, shaking his head vehemently. “She tried to, but I stopped her because she was not you. What you saw the day you FaceTimed me - that was her trying to seduce me again. I told her that day that she and I were over and that we would never be together like that again.” He paused, the expression on his face tortured as he said, “We can work past this - I forgive you for sleeping with Jack.

You were openly crying now. “I didn’t sleep with Jack. I kissed him the night before we talked and I almost did, but I didn’t. I wanted to move on so badly, but you’re in my head and I-”

Your food arrived, Çağlar asking for the check and some takeaway boxes. You could only agree, your appetite gone the moment you saw him walk through the door.

The two of you walked to the nearest park in silence. You tried to get your emotions under control, still reeling from the restaurant.

You found a quiet space in the park away from everyone at a picnic table.

“Can we start over?” He asked again.

You played with the takeaway box in front of you, trying to find words. “I want to,” you whispered. “I just don’t know how we can.”

“Come to movie night in a month and we will begin again.”

You hesitated, but ultimately nodded. “Okay.”

The two of you parted ways a short time later. It was going to be a long twenty-nine days.

***

You arrived a few minutes early to Barnes’ flat, wearing your favourite sundress that gave you confidence and let you enjoy the last few sunny days of a Leicester summer.

Harvey wrapped you in a hug the moment you stepped through the door. “I haven’t seen you in ages, [Y/N]!” He exclaimed, his face flushed.

You laughed, pushing Harvey off you after he almost suffocated you with that hug. “Barnes, it’s only been a month! Are you drunk already?”

He shrugged. “A month is too long.” He smiled at you, cocking his head. “And yes, I’m a liiitle tipsy.”

You ruffled his hair, giggling at his outrage. “You silly boy.”

You made your way into the kitchen, setting your six-pack of beer on the counter along with the snacks you’d decided to bring. Just as you were cracking open your first beer, your eyes connected with Çağlar’s. Your body reacted the same way it always did when he was around - you looked away, blushing a bit, shocked at how much it felt like the first time you were seeing him again.

He took his time approaching you, which gave you time to drink him in. His joggers hung low on his hips and his dark t-shirt clung to his muscled shoulders and arms. He smirked when he noticed you checking him out, his eyes going a shade darker. He stopped inches from you and you stopped thinking for a moment as the smell of his cologne overwhelmed your senses.

“Hello, I’m Çağlar,” he said, holding out his hand.

You took it, gasping a little at the contact. “[Y/N],” you said, blushing again.

“Nice to meet you,” he murmured, leaning in.

Just as you were about to say something, a cacophony of noise brought the two of you out of your own little world as Tielemans, Perez, Madders and Chilly arrived.

“Thank god you’re here!” Barnes said, waving his arms dramatically at the four boys.

“Don’t say a word about being us being late,” Madders muttered, rolling his eyes as he walked over to you and Çağlar.

“Hey you two,” he said, pulling you in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, Mads,” you replied, smiling at your friend. “Why so grumpy?”

“Long day - those three kept annoying the shit out of me.”

“Well, Kasper Van Damme should be arriving soon, so he should be able to protect you from the big scary boys!” Harvey called out, cackling.

James reached into a nearby bowl of popcorn and chucked a handful in Harvey’s general direction. “Hey! No throwing popcorn in this flat, Maddison!” Came Harvey’s voice again.

“Sod off, Barnes!” Madders yelled back, making you laugh, accidentally leaning back into Çağlar as you did so.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, putting a bit of distance between the two of you.

“It is okay,” he said, placing a hand on your arm.

Schmeichel, Evans and Vardy arrived shortly before the movie began, Barnes huffing in annoyance, causing the three men to roll their eyes at him.

You tried to figure out where to sit, torn between wanting to sit next to Çağlar and hanging out with Mads. Just as you were about to give up, Çağlar grabbed your hand. You looked up at him, a questioning look on your face.

“Sit with me?” He asked and you nodded, smiling shyly.

You let him lead you to the sofa, automatically curling into his side as Barnes turns the lights down.

The movie opened with a New Orleans jazz scene that was obviously set in the eighties or early nineties. “What even is this?” Madders asked, obviously still in a mood.

“Only the best, weirdest spy movie ever!” Barnes replied. “One of my American friends introduced me to it.”

“What’s it called again?” Perez asked, grabbing some popcorn out of a nearby bowl.

“More importantly: how does Barnes have American friends?” Evans teased.

Barnes shushed everyone, citing the movie night rules. “It’s called Undercover Blues, and I have American friends because I’m a social butterfly,” he pouted, making everyone turn their attention back to the movie.

You were utterly fascinated. It was an American film you hadn’t seen before, which seemed to be rare these days. Everyone seemed to be enchanted by it - even Kasper laughed out loud multiple times. Stanley Tucci, Dennis Quaid, and Kathleen Turner were amazing, the comedic timing off the charts.

“Hey, isn’t that Aunt Petunia?” Chilly asked when the antagonist came on.

“It is,” Barnes confirmed, his expression serious. “Fiona Shaw is a goddess.”

You laughed, snuggling deeper into Çağlar. It felt like the first few movie nights again, the two of you cuddling on the sofa while everyone else watched the movie. You could feel his heart beating underneath your fingertips, enjoying the feel of him next to you.

The movie ended, everyone still slightly confused by nineties-American humour but you had thoroughly enjoyed the movie. “Can I take you home?” Çağlar asked, appearing at your side as you walked out of Harvey’s flat.

“Sure,” you said, butterflies in your stomach as you remembered the last time he took you home.

You sat in the passenger seat, fiddling with your hands. The deja vu was intense, struggling to remain calm as you thought about what was going to happen when the two of you got to your flat.

“Walk me to my door?” You asked, your voice shaking slightly.

“Okay.”

Çağlar walked next to you, silent. He stood behind you as you put your key in your door. You turned to him.

“Would you like to come in for a nightcap?”

“No, thank you,” he said, shaking his head. You tried not to let your disappointment show, but Çağlar wouldn’t let you hide your feelings from him, placing a hand underneath your chin and making you look at him. He tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear.

“Go on a date with me.”

#cags series #movie night series

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shawn-does-stuff · 5 years

Text

Oakland (Night 2) Q&A

Fan: “You mentioned supporting human rights in your tweet about A$AP Rocky, with these things, [immigration raids and the Sudanese crisis] going on, do you plan on speaking out on these topics + using your platform?”

Shawn: “This is really important for me. I want you guys to know that because I say something about something else, doesn't mean that I don't care about other things. I care so deeply about what's happening, especially in these camps with these children right now. To be honest with you, I’ve been researching the exact thing to say. I’m trying to find the perfect article that explains what’s going on, I'm trying to find the perfect charity to donate to, and I’m trying to find the perfect statement to say because what I don't wanna do is go online and say, ‘Look, this is bad guys.’ I don’t wanna say that because everyone else is saying that. I wanna go online and say, ‘Look, this is what’s going on. This is effecting me. This is what you can do to help. These are the people who are helping. If you don’t know what’s going on, read this article.’ But, I’m not just gonna go online and say something vague. When I posted that about A$AP, I had a really hard day that day. I did feel like there are so many things going on that I should be talking about and I’m not. It’s not because I don’t care. If you knew me as a friend, I talk about that stuff almost more than anything. I deeply care in my heart. I’m trying to figure out how to not only talk about it, but to help people take action to change the world. It’s not just about making it known, it’s about the steps to change it. So, it’s coming. I promise you. I’m reaching out to this incredible woman named Brené Brown. I’ve been researching this company that’s been doing this funding for these lawyers going in to these camps and really make a difference. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I want you guys to know that. I care with all of my heart. I’m shaking, my heart’s racing talking about it. It’s so important to me that you guys understand that I don’t wanna go online and say a blanket statement. I wanna go online and use my voice in a way that’s like, ‘Look, this is how I feel. Here’s the information. Let’s change the world. This is how we can do it.' And that's what I'm getting at. Thank you for bringing that up though, I'm happy you did.”

—

Fan: “What's your favorite song by Kings Of Leon?”

Shawn: “I would be lying if I didn't say 'Use Somebody'!”

—

Fan: “What's your favorite part of the Bay Area?”

Shawn: “It's so tourist-y of me, but I loved walking across the Golden Gate bridge!”

—

“I love the Bay Area! It’s so fun here. I really love it.”

—

Fan: “I’m in my first year of college, have you ever felt like you’re stuck? What advice do you have for that?”

Shawn: “I think there’s too much pressure on everyone to have direction. There’s just too much. I don’t know the person who said when you’re 20 you have to know what you’re doing in life! Or you have to know your life’s purpose. The point is waking up every day and that day, being like, ‘What is the most brave thing I can do? What is the most fearless, loving thing I can do today?’ I can’t talk about tomorrow. You’ll watch yourself grow and take steps and then all of a sudden you’ll look behind you and be like, ‘This is my purpose.’ There’s no need to decide. You don’t need to be a brain surgeon today. When I was 15, I didn’t wake up and think that I’d be in Oakland playing a sold out show. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Forgive yourself and it’ll come to you.”

—

Fan: “We've been best friends for like 5 years and-”

Shawn: “Amazing. Back when we were all literal babies. We were so young. I was like a Tik Tok-er back then. I was a viner, but it was equivalent to Tik Tok-er's! I don't know anything! I love Tik Tok-er's, I love viners!”

—

Fan: “If you could be in the audience of a crowd for any performance, which would it be?”

Shawn: “I wish I could do it at the Rogers Centre in Toronto. I wish I could go out and watch Shawn and be Shawn at the same time!”

—

Fan: “Pre-show rituals?”

Shawn: “I used to sing through my songs before the show in my bathroom, but I realized that I was just doing that to check if I could do them, not because I wanted to. I don’t do anything physically. I’ll breathe and do a couple slides. All I do is sit there and remind myself why I do this. Why do I sing? I fucking love to sing. Sorry for swearing!”

—

Fan: “How has the power of music given you special relationships with people around the world?”

Shawn: “It's like a little superpower. So I write something very personal about myself and I release it and every single person who’s heard that song, already feels like they know me. So we skip the part of not knowing each other and every single one of you guys that walk through the M&G, it’s just like I’m already seeing my friend for the first time.”

—

Fan: “What’s the craziest thing a fan has ever done?”

Shawn: “I haven’t experienced that much crazy things. You guys are pretty chill. Everyone thinks fans are crazy and I’m like, ‘They’re not!’ They’re just chill.”

—

Fan: “What makes you stay humble and family oriented after becoming famous?”

Shawn: “I have a million reasons to be humble and I think the first one is that’s the only way to be. And I have the most incredible friends and family around me at all times and they, no matter what happens in my life, no matter how much success, they don’t forget to remind me what’s important in life.”

—

Fan: “If you could go back to any day, what day would you go back to?”

Shawn: “I think I’d go back to the very first show I played with Taylor Swift.”

—

“They’re gonna love you no matter what you say, how you say it... at any time of the day. Nothing I say means anything close to what you say. You’re their world! I cannot possibly come close [to that].” -Shawn as a fan came out as bisexual and asked for a video for their parents!

—

“I’m a parent and I’m going to be honest. From the beginning you already know who your child is. Your parents know in their heart what you are about.” -A parent in the Q&A added on to what Shawn said to the fan.

—

Fan: “What’s the easiest song you wrote on your album?”

Shawn: “I wrote ‘When You’re Ready’ really fast.”

—

Fan: “What inspired you to write ‘Youth’?”

Shawn: “I was in Europe when the Ariana Manchester attack happened, I was in London when the bridge attacks were happening, and I was just really overwhelmed about everything. I was just like, ‘This is crazy, what’s going on right now?’ Then Khalid and I wanted to write a song together and then I remember being in Europe and I texted him ‘Dude, we have to write a song about what youth is, what it means’ and that was it. He said ‘Yes, I’m so down’ then literally fast forward 3 months, we got in the studio and wrote it in an hour. It just poured out of us because it was complete honesty and emotion. To this day, one of my most proud songs that I’ve ever wrote is that song.”

—

Fan: “What is your favorite life quote that gets you through the day?”

Shawn: “I think my life quotes change a lot, but the one that I’ve been saying to myself all the time is ‘Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change’. I love that one.”

—

Fan: “How do you think you were able to break free of the [association with Magcon]?”

Shawn: “I think it's unfair to say they haven’t broken the mold ether. Cause I think they have in their own ways, and I think everyone’s on their own path. My goal was to be a musician from day one. My goal wasn’t just to sell M&Gs and that’s it. I wanted to come and meet you guys and play and sing and be performing for you goals. That was my goal always. So there was never a mold in the first place.”

—

“I love how emotional everyone is today. It’s gonna be an amazing show, I can feel it.” -Shawn during Q&A today in Oakland!

—

Fan: “How do you deal with anxiety?”

Shawn: “Anxiety is so different for everybody. The one thing that makes anxiety worse is when you start to judge yourself because you’re having it. The one thing that always helps me is forgiving myself. When I have anxiety, I literally go to a mirror, I look myself in the eyes and I go ‘Hey dude, I forgive you!’ and then I feel better! I don’t need to judge myself, there’s no one here, it’s just me here! Just forgive yourself, and it floats away.”

—

Fan: “What’s one piece of advice that’s resonated with you since the beginning?”

Shawn: “Oh my gosh, you guys are really going for me today. I love it, this is why these are my favorite things to do! One thing that changed myself was that you never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. You can never assume what they’re thinking. Once I learnt that you can never assume, if we’re having a conversation and in my head I’m like ‘Oh no, she thinks I’m dumb. Oh no, I just said something stupid, she thinks I’m dumb, she’s not interested, she wants to leave.’ And I’d be like ‘Look, honestly, what I’m telling myself right now is that you think I’m dumb, is that true?’ And 99% of the time, the person will say ‘Honestly, I was just thinking you had cool hair!’ It breaks down the wall of crazy voices in our heads that make us believe things that aren’t true. I am brutally honest at all times and it only ever helps.”

(questions and answers from @MendesCrewInfo on Twitter)

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes the tour #Q&A #tour: oakland (2)

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thelowlysatsuma · 5 years

Note

Ramble in whatever form you choose. I won’t be able to be active all the time so if you want to be able to do it whenever you want I’d say text posts but I’ll also try to occasionally ask you about them so there’s some variety

!!! okay! well i think i’ll choose a couple from the list that i haven’t made many posts about before (aka no ts or go) and ramble on here!

oof under the cut bc idk how long this will get

steven universe

oh hon don’t even get me STARTED on su like that shit? that shit is so good? okay first of all i love the cast so much? gosh they’re just all so sweet and cool and sometimes they collab w/ thomas sanders and i love rebecca sugar and im gonna cry they’re so sweet im so soft

okay SECONDLY the show itself oof

okay okay im just? god im so soft?? like the music is so good, i can (and do) watch it w/ my parents, GOD do i wanna cosplay pearl’s new outfit (and rainbow 2.0, if i can pull it off), im in love with the concept and all the fusions and the story and the worldbuilding and god, this made me realize my utter love and adoration of COLOURS like they’re so PRETTY im in LOVE oh my gOD and just

god it has such a good message and such a good plot and such good characters i wanna be steven’s friend i wanna be all of their friends oh man i just can’t wait until my baby cousins are old enough for me to show this to them because i’m going to enjoy that experience so much

ducktales

oh jfc where the fuck do i even start with ducktales okay david tennant as scrooge mcduck makes my fucking life literally he’sthe best goddamn charaacter in the show – well, best besides the triplets (my BOYS), webby (!!! my KID), f e n t o n (god i love that nerd), mark beaks (what an asshole), mrs beakley (i wanna be her when i grow up), launchpad (!!! he!!), and so many others??? this is like serious every character in the show erasure but hot damn duck tales says gay rights and it does so in style (oh yeah also i love lena della donald oh webby’s new friend whose name i forget uhhh herules oh the inventor guy fenton’s boss that dipshit love him uhhh gandra dee who’s voiced by jameela jamil if im not mistaken??????) and yeah it’s a hilarious show but it’s also just a really good one for me to watch whenever i start to like. feel empty inside?? but then like i’ll put on ducktales and i’ll feel better

gravity falls

this show. this show RUINED ME. i started watching it like four years late (aka last year lmao) but GOD, im so in love with it. def another one i wanna show my cousins.

like?? just??? the ciphers and mysteries appeal so much to me and my love of mystery and crime novels, the characters are all amazing, alex hirsch himself is just such a g?? and like. it’s so good. it hurts me so much but then it’s all okay in the end and it’s just. it’s so good.

yeah i sobbed my eyes out when i watched that series finale.

camp camp, which somehow i forgot on my other list

god, is this show hilarious. like, fuck is it funny. it’s so good. it’s so fucking good. i was a little shocked when i saw the first episode but i’m so into it now, and i’m so attatched to all the characters bc they’re just dumbasses trying their best (or worst, in a few cases) and i love them for it. that’s peak fool energy right there and it speaks to me

orphan black

okay okay okay veering now into a much darker type of television, orphan black is??? phenominal???

okay so my best friend @fuck-me-gently-with-a-slurpee got me into it when i was like 14 or 15 i think and i honestly cannot thank her enough because this show is incredible. the plot’s super engaging, i literally cannot say anything about it without giving away spoilers, and the main character has quite possibly the best actor i’ve ever seen playing her

like. you think thomas sanders is good? he ain’t got SHIT on tatianna maslany

mythbusters

you guys. you guys. mythbusters was my childhood. like seriously, i watched that show religiously.

it’s what first got me into science, and it’s what kept me interested in explosions. it’s light and funny and ridiculous and scientifically accurate in the dumbest ways possible. i swear to god the main cast nearly dies once an episode

these guys are my idols. like, i seriously cannot overstate how much i love the mythbusters. adam and jamie, tori, kari, and grant.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mythbuster when i grew up, and god damnit, i still do. they mean that much to me

bill nye

fun fact! i actually had no fuckin clue who bill nye was until seventh grade, when i had to watch an episode of his show for homework because i missed a day of class. it was the episode on static electricity, and i remember sitting at my dining room table in the dim winter afternoon light, squinting at my computer, and thinking “what the FUCK am i WATCHING?”

needless to say, i’ve seen more since then, but that initial what the fuckery is still present and i love it.

not only is bill nye the science guy a flippin fantstic show, but bill nye himself? the coolest guy alive. god, i love him. what a g.

various comedians including but not limited to john mulaney,john oliver, and hasan minhaj

okay, as a gay, i am legally required to love john mulaney, but seriously that guy is so. fuckin. funny that i can’t help myself. his timing is priceless, the way he moves onstage is hysterical, just. god i love his stuff.

literally his comedic timing and style is half the reason people find me funny. i just phrase my sentences the way he would because, you know, i’m good at stealing things, and people laugh, and i go “hey. that actually worked”. and then i keep doing it

next, john oliver. okay, so while i don’t watch his show religiously, i do watch it when my parents do every now and again, and fuck is his stuff funny. like. just. shit.

finally, hasan minhaj’s patriot act is just. one of my favourite current events comedy shows out there. it’s in a similar vein to john oliver’s stuff, just more international, and shit, is he good at what he does. i lvoe it.

hoodwinked the movie (i am dead serious)

okay, while i haven’t seen it in over four years, this is still my favourite movie of all time. it also has one of my favourite villain songs of all times, and some of the best character exchanges just. ever. especially with wolf and twitchy

...god, i love twitchy. also the goat. i’m probably gonna be the goat when i grow up, let’s be honest

one day at a time

i just.

there’s so much to say about odaat. like. it’s so funny. it makes me nearly cry every episode (and makes my mother actually cry every episode). the characters, god, the characters

like. alex is such a cute dumb kid (who’s smarter than he looks), penelope is so salty constantly and i love her but she’s genuinely so cool and such a good mom and i cry??? elena is so amazing like god she’s such a fuckin nerd but she’s also so salty (takes after her mom) and is literally the best????

and then there’s abuelita, whom i adore. like, god, rita moreno is SO cool and SUCH a great actress and has SUCH an amazing sense of comedic timing and GOD, i LOVE HER

can’t forget about syd and doc berkowitz, which like. okay first off the good doc. just. god i love the doc. he’s so sweet and such a genuinely good dude and he’s a bit of a coward at heart but that’s okay because he genuinely cares and does his best and god he’s just such an amazing character im !!!!! and then syd is such a dork and i love them and elena and god, it made me so happy to see not only an actual enby character on a big sitcom, but also just?? like??? it’s not forced but it’s still there??? like there’s one episode where one of the plots is just syd and elena trying to figure out what elena should call them, since neither of them are comfy using “girlfriend” for syd since they’re not a girl, and they finally agree on “significant other” and schneider imMEDIATELY says “dont you mean, SYDnificant other?” and then they use that for the REST OF THE SHOW IT”S SO CUTE OKAY

and finally, schneider. he might be my favourite character in the entire show (which is a damn hard list to pick from!!!), but he’s just. he’s so sweet, he and penelope have one of the absolute best male/female friendships i’ve ever seen (which! never! turns! romantic! ever!!!), he’s actually got surprising depths but he’s also like such a nice goofball that when they get revealed, it hurts, and he’s just this canadian dumbass (heyyyyy repreSENT) with the worst goddamn canadian accent sometimes and he’s a hipster and The Dumb Friend and the weird uncle all rolled into one and GOD, i love him so much

the good place and brooklyn 99

okay, i love these two both so, so much, but i’m lumping them together because a) they’re both mike schur shows with a similar sense of humour, that say gay rights, and with characters who’d definitely love each other if they met and b) my hand is getting tired from all this typing but i still have so much love to go around!!!!

okay so so SO! they’re both so good. they’re so fucking funny and amazing and i was immediately hooked on both of their pilots. their characters are all so genuine and flawed and fucking hysterical to watch, and the ships and friendships are all so amazing and pure and good and soft and they have their problems and they WORK THEM OUT HEALTHILY AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY OKAY!!!

god, i literally cannot overstate how much i adore these two shows. mike schur, you’re a wonderful, wonderful dude. thank you so much

many musicals (top faves include BOM, hamilton, legally blonde, chicago, matilda, and more!)

i’m putting the musicals together because while i do adore each and every one of them individually, i also just have great big deep-seated love of the art of musical theatre itself in general, ya feel?

like, as someone who’s been both performing and viewing them from a very young age, the sheer sense of utter joy they bring is almost unparalleled

not to be That Bitch who quotes musicals, but “and that hop in our hearts as the overture starts lets us know how lucky we are” might be the closest i’ve ever gotten to finding words to fit the feeling when the lights go down and the show begins. it’s simply phenomenal

the others series by anne bishop

okay, OKAY, if you haven’t read this series (first book called written in red – they have terrible titles but god, they’re worth it), then what are you doing with your life? like, not only is there the perfect logicality au to them (just sayin’), but god, it’s such an incredible series

the worldbbuilding is so cool and the characters are all great and god the ships are the damn hill i die on it’s got literally such a good “sort of enemies mostly just dislike each other to reluctant acquaintances to friends to lovers” ship and it deals with some serious issues rlly well and it’s got baby puppies!!!

like, they’re wolf puppies, but still, they are b a b e y

and finally (for now, at least), the mysterious benedict society, by trenton lee stewart

this book series was my childhood. i mean, there are so many other books i could be talking about right now that i utterly adore (the artemis fowl series springs to mind), but gosh, MBS just brings me such absolute joy to read that i just had to have it on here.

i’m not thinking straight at this point in the evening, but i just wanna say that i will never, not ever forget about reynie. about kate. about sticky. about constance. about rhonda and number two and milligan and miss perumal and my absolute son sq pedalian and, of course, i will never, never forget about mr benedict

it’s bright, and it’s bittersweet, and it’s beautiful.

and it’s good. simply, utterly, wonderfully good.

thank you for the ask, anon.

thank you.

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atzdrabblesarchive · 5 years

Text

i’m on my knees begging for requests at this point so here is a little post with a bunch of prompts. just send the number in (sfw or nsfw), which member, and anything additional (extra aus, pronouns, fluff vs angst ) !! you can also include multiple of the prompts

these have been compiled from other lists etc.

sfw

“it’s too cold, come back and cuddle”

“no, i’m not letting you go. it’s too early to get out of bed”

“i’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention”

“sh, you’re safe. i won’t let you go”

“i think i’m in love with you and i’m terrified”

“i’m not going to leave you. you’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, i promise”

“if i could, i would kiss away all of your scars”

“i think i might be falling in love with you”

“your lips are so soft. i could kiss them all day”

“you’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this”

“i’ve had a rough day and honestly all i want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with”

“shh, it was just a bad dream. just a dream, okay? none of it was real”

“i would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm and i didn’t want to wake you”

“i know i’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please”

“i can’t believe i got the first date, let alone a year”

“please don’t leave me alone”

“you’re beautiful”

“this made me think of you”

“when’s the last time you slept?”

“i could never grow tired of you”

“you’re my favorite person”

“text me when you get home safely”

“i wish you could see yourself the way i do"

“i want you to be happy”

“i believe in you”

“i’ll walk you home”

“here, take my jacket”

“where you go, i go”

“nobody could ever compare to you”

“you’re important to me”

“can i sleep here?”

"as long as you’re here i’ll be okay”

“don’t ever leave me”

“stay with me?”

“do you want a hug?”

“can i kiss you?”

"i can’t imagine life without you”

“i left the door open”

“i wish i could take away your pain.”

“could you just hold me?”

“nothing breaks my heart more than seeing you cry.”

“you can use me as a pillow”

“i’ll drive you”

“there’s that beautiful smile”

“it’s okay, i got you”

“you’re not just another face in the crowd”

“if i could give you the world i would”

"we can stay in tonight, if you want to”

“i would never do anything to hurt you”

“it’s like I’ve known you all my life”

“do you want to go out with me?”

“if anything were to happen to you… i don’t know what i’d do with myself”

“i’m here for you”

“i just wanted to hear your voice”

“can you come over?”

“i need you”

“without you i’d be lost”

“you make me feel like i’m worth something”

“you and me, forever”

“it’s always been you”

“i’ll walk with you”

"do you need help?”

“let me fix that for you”

“nothing’s ever mattered to me as much as you do”

“i wanted to say “i love you” for the first time without stuttering, but that failed”

“apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together”

“you make me feel alive. for the first time ever, i feel like i can breathe”

“i fucking love you” / “hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober”

“i really want to kiss you right now” / “do it then”

“are you flirting with me?” / “you finally noticed?”

“i’ve been falling in love with you since the first day we met”

“the worst thing is, that even after all of that, i’m still in love with you.”

“did you at least think of me, when you were fucking her?”

“no. the moment you saw me as a bet was the moment you fucked up.”

“i swear, if you say another word, i’ll leave.”

“if i asked you to stay, would you?”

“i don’t know who you are anymore”

“of course i still love you. but i hate myself for it.”

“we’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

“i can’t have this argument with you again” “but-” “no. i’m done”

“did you just slap my ass?” / “actually, i firmly grasped it.” / “did you just quote spongebob?”

“i’m not a damsel in distress. i’m a damsel doing damage.”

“you couldn’t handle me even if i came with instructions.”

“where have you been all my life?” / “hiding from you”

“shut up with all that soulmate shit”

“i’d punch you, but that’d ruin that pretty little face of yours.”

“sorry, is that supposed to impress me?”

“it’s because i’m so attractive isn’t it?” / “i say this. and i cannot stress this enough. i find you completely repulsive.”

“i missed being with you like this,”

“i’ve been excited to see you all day.”

“you’re my perfect match,”

“no one else can compare to your loveliness,”

“can i at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home,”

“i’ll keep you warm. hold me closer.”

“kiss me again, like you mean it.”

“are you my secret admirer, the one that’s been sending me all the flowers and notes?”

“hold my hand tight. i’ll protect you.”

“can you pretend to be my partner for my friend’s wedding? i told them i’d have a plus one.”

“i’m in love with you.” / “are you finally confessing to me? because i feel the same way.”

“will you marry me?”

nsfw

“bite me”

“choke me”

thigh riding

shower sex

“bend over”

“get on your knees”

“come sit on my lap until i’m finished working”

“seeing you between my legs is so hot.”

“i may or may not have left some….marks.”

“i think we were a little too loud last night.”

“really? you wanna have sex….here? now?”

“the noises you make are incredible”

“we’re just…friends.” / “friends don’t do this type of shit!”

“bite your lip once more, i dare you”

“what you gonna do about it, stud”

“i could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice.”

“god i love your hands” / “let's put them to good use then”

“i know you can be louder than that.”

“come on. i want the neighbours to hear you scream”

“do you like that? like being in control?”

“i’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“try to stay quiet, understand?”

“we’re in public, you know.”

“i didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

“don’t be so rough. there can’t be any marks.”

“don’t smile at me like that, you know it drives me crazy.”

“i like it when you say my name like that.”

“i heard shower sex is dangerous, but right now, i’m willing to take the risk.”

“you’re so much fun to touch.”

“can i at least take my shoes off before you pounce on me?”

“are you sure? once we start, i might not be able to stop.”

“no, i’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

“you can be wearing a trashbag, and i’d still want you.”

“i thought maybe we can do a little more than just kissing.”

“i’m going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants.”

“spread your legs. i want to feel how turned on i made you.”

“you’re so turned on already? that was fast,”

“lay back and touch yourself. i want to watch.”

“do you want to continue this in the shower?”

“you look so beautiful tied up to my bed,”

“i want you to be rough with me, please leave marks on my skin,”

“you say you want me, but your body seems to like it when i tease you,”

“call me ‘sir’ when we’re alone like this,”

“don’t stop, whatever you do. i like that, a lot.”

“i love hearing you moan,”

“blindfolds heighten your senses, maybe that’s why you’re whimpering louder than usual.”

“i was wondering how long you two were going to make out like that before you realize you weren’t alone.”

“sorry, did that hurt?” / “no, i’m just a little sore from last night.”

“i want to hear you beg for it.”

“i’m not wearing any panties,”

“i want to kiss every inch of your body before i fuck you,”

“i don’t have the patience to remove your clothes right now,”

“your pussy tastes so sweet,”

“i can’t wait until we’re alone. there are so many things i want to do to you right now.”

“were you just touching yourself?”

“i love how your body loses control when you cum.”

“fuck me like a starved animal or leave.”

“spank me,”

“show me how you like to be touched.”

“harder, deeper…”

“i want to fulfill that fantasy you’ve always wanted.”

“open up.”

“so fuckin’ needy”

“what did you just call me?” / “daddy” / “shit i think i could cum from just that.”

#ateez scenarios #ateez au #ateez aus #&&. [ masterlist ]

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janiedean · 5 years

Note

It really sucks how judgmental you and some people in this fandom are of anyone who doesn't interpret the text the same way as you or who you deem as intellectually inferior to you. I agree with so many of your ideas about the characters, but I hate how high and mighty you are about those ideas. Someone isn't an idiot if they interpret Jon or Cersei differently than you.

......

lmao

okay anon, thing is: one thing is being high and mighty, one thing is telling you that you’re not reading the text.

like. I read yesterday someone being like ‘omg I read someone dared saying C. abused people and murdered someone before puberty HOW STUPID CAN PEOPLE BE’. it’s textual evidence that a) she molested tyrion sexually and that’s even without taking account my opinion re lann*ncest, b) that SHE KILLED MELARA WHEN THEY WERE TWELVE THROWING THE POOR GIRL DOWN A WELL, which means that whoever said it cannot fucking read the text because it’s black on white that she did both those things and refusing to accept it is Not Reading The Text. that’s not even text interpretation, that’s basic textual reading.

now: never mind cersei who gets a pass for about every fucking shit she pulls because she’s a woman, and don’t tell me she doesn’t because if she got as much shit about robert’s fifteen bastards that she ordered dead without even blinking as theon got for two kids that he’s felt guilty about since it happened then we could discuss it but she doesn’t and that’s not even the beginning of it. now: do you see me tagging my opinions? like, honestly, if I think something shitty about cersei, do you see me tagging it? I didn’t even tag the one time I ranted about the valonqar prophecy with her, I only tagged it with the prophecy/meta/the two characters I thought were the v. and the younger and more beautiful queen, because in the middle I said that imo cersei only cares for herself and I know ppl on her tag aren’t into reading that opinion. so: I didn’t tag it. now: how many people came in my inbox informing me my opinion of c. sucked, was biased and so on never mind lann*ncest never mind actually harassing me for it? well, enough that I had to shut down anon to avoid feeling like shit for two days about it. so like, I’m so high and mighty that I keep my opinions about people I don’t like untagged even if I think that the other side can’t read. but okay.

now, about jonc: listen, fact is, there’s exactly ten people in this fandom that I know of who give a shit about jonc period and three of them are fanartists who show up once in a while. like. exactly TEN. I made peace with the fact that no one gives a fuck about jonc, I 100% embraced that if I want content I have to do it myself, fine, whatever. but what I’m really getting sick of is that every goddamned fucking time I see the jonc tag updating (as in, five times each month if it’s a good month), it’s someone informing us of how selfish, pathetic, useless and dumb he is FOR THINGS THAT ALL OF THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY DO ALL THE TIME and for which fandom at large praises them. or something about how him being in love with R is the most horribly pathetic thing that’s happened to adwd, or how he’s an idiot because he apparently hasn’t understood that aegon is fake because his eyes aren’t the same color as R’s when not even dany’s or viserys’s are, but no one says they aren’t targs for THAT now, do they? and sorry but reading that this dude would treat either rhaenys or jon snow like shit when this is canon:

Last night he'd dreamt of Stoney Sept again. Alone, with sword in hand, he ran from house to house, smashing down doors, racing up stairs, leaping from roof to roof, as his ears rang to the sound of distant bells. Deep bronze booms and silver chiming pounded through his skull, a maddening cacophony of noise that grew ever louder until it seemed as if his head would explode. Seventeen years had come and gone since the Battle of the Bells, yet the sound of bells ringing still tied a knot in his guts.

Others might claim that the realm was lost when Prince Rhaegar fell to Robert's warhammer on the Trident, but the Battle of the Trident would never have been fought if the griffin had only slain the stag there in Stoney Sept. The bells tolled for all of us that day. For Aerys and his queen, for Elia of Dorne and her little daughter, for every true man and honest woman in the Seven Kingdoms. And for my silver prince.

now: it’s there black on white that he feels guilty for BOTH elia’s and rhaenys’s death, it’s not interpretation, it’s what is fucking written in there same as you can’t interpret that ned’s head got cut or cat’s last thought before she died was about ned loving her hair. so excuse me but I’m tired of going into a character who’s in my goddamned top ten and have to always, always run into people assuming he’s a pathetic selfish asshole (and the one time I tried to argue that there’s no way he’s *selfish*, maybe all the contrary to a pathological degree, the answer was basically ‘lol cannot hear you’ and not even a reblog but nvm that) rather than actual content because any of those people who have a obvious hateboner for jonc can’t just fucking tag it with *anti* jon connington. no, they have to use the character name and it’s never *content*, it’s just this drivel over and over again. and since I don’t do it with characters I don’t like, I’d appreciate if I could have the same courtesy spared for this asshole.

that said, the situation is that *one* single person (that I blocked but that’s apparently not enough for tumblr to spare me from seeing them on the tag) has asked that question to multiple blogs which all agree on jonc being shitty which means that it has popped up on the tag a whole lot in the last month and like....... if you don’t like that character why do you care so much, IDEK, but wow, I wrote one post, that I tagged with the character only, saying that ppl don’t bother to read his chapters (btw, one of the people who replied that he’d have been shitty to both jon and rhaenys was someone I ended up blocking because they were on the tag like ‘lololol grayscale I’m sure elia is laughing from the afterlife’ and when I told them it wasn’t funny and if they could avoid tagging that stuff I got told to fuck off but fine I guess, that was me being holier than thou I suppose...) which is true because they don’t, they only base their reading of jonc on that ONE line about elia which is a) obv. proof he’s jealous, b) way less bad than anything cersei and barristan think about her just to say two but lmao I don’t see them getting dragged for it, but everything else? what? two full chapters? do they exist? tyrion’s chapers? never knew them.

like.

anon, tbqh at this point if you wanna think I’m holier than thou just think that because while I like to think I’m not, if there is one thing I know I’m good at is text analysis (okay, last time I said I got two degrees based on text analysis I got told ‘ah okay so if she studies she’s obv. bragging so she knows nothing’ by someone whose main theory was robb stark is the unsung villain of these books but lol I mean having studied this counts for nothing, right???) and it irks me that in a fandom based on books/text analysis I have to read **meta** which is obviously made by people who haven’t read the text and then when given a counterargument ignore it. but even with that, do you see me engaging with it? nah. I can 100% assure you none of the people I would like to see out of the jonc tag actually go on the jonc tag nor follow me, so they will never know that I think their opinion is shit unless they go looking for it. and this because I might have engaged with at least two of them on the topic once - and nicely, not *judgmentally* - and no one gave a shit or reconsidered their stance, so like, excuse me if once per month I write a post on my own blog venting about how imo a character I like gets a shit treatment.

and for the love of god, anon, sorry, glad you like my opinions, but the fact that you’re coming at me assuming I am judgmental when I come from a fucking month and a half of people literally harassing me on anon over my fucking triple-tagged opinions on c/ersei and lann/incest and ignoring anything I said about how uncomfortable it was making me just because I happened to, in the most generous explanation, WRITE A META WHERE I C/P-ED CANON QUOTES WHERE C. WAS AWFUL TO J. WHEN IT CAME TO HIS DISABILITY which GRRM wrote, certainly not *me*, and it happened to get reblogged by asoiafuni, is really, really rich.

like, I tagged that shit to hell and back so people who aren’t interested in jb wouldn’t find it, I made sure to warn every time, I even tag anti-c/antijc posts so they don’t show up on mobile search in case ppl don’t have the anti tag blacklisted because I’m THAT invested into making sure other people can blacklist if they feel like it, but I can’t fucking say on my blog that I think some people in this fandom pull their meta out of their asses and haven’t even read the chapters of the character they’re supposed to discuss? like... really?

also, I’ll tell you a secret: I don’t remember 90% of what happened in dany’s adwd chapters and I don’t remember about 60% of what happened in her got-asos chapters. zero. now: do you see me meta-ing about dany and/or discuss her arc if not in extremely broad terms unless asked? no, because while I don’t particularly like her, I also don’t think it’d be fair for me to meta about her BECAUSE IF I DON’T REMEMBER HER CHAPTERS THEN I’D BE PULLING OPINIONS OUT OF MY ASS, and I don’t go judging anyone’s opinion re dany beyond the basics because mine is that her chapters are so boring I can’t even remember them. at most I’ll discuss the show version and I can swear to you that even if I’m not a fan or anything I’m still more lenient with her than about 90% of people who aren’t fans, and since I don’t pull meta out of my ass for people whose chapters I haven’t read, I would be extremely grateful of the rest of this fandom paid jon connington the same damn bloody effort, especially when he has TWO of them and hating on him that way is like... why would you, just ignore his fucking existence and let us ten ppl into him have a decent tag.

btw, the ONE time I dared say on a post that wasn’t tagged to hell and back to avoid people finding it ‘it’s kind of hypocritical that people fight themselves over bi!CHARACTER headcanons *because asoiaf doesn’t have lgbt POV CHARACTERS* when they ignore jonc exist and he actually is an lgbt pov character so maybe it’d be nice if they cared about the rep’, I got someone like WELL HE ISN’T LGBT REP ENOUGH, and on the other side I’ve had people actually giving me shit for liking him/writing him content because I’m straight so how do I dare writing a gay dude, and like, idk, since I can’t like him in peace in that sense, can the universe allow me to at least not see bullshit on the tag or is that too much to ask?

and to end this rant: anon, not to be that person, but fyi I’m hardly the person who dictates how the wind flies in this fandom unless we count maybe theon/robb fandom as a ship, my opinions aren’t nearly as popular as opinions belonging to ppl who imvho don’t read these books and that’s fine, I don’t particularly care beyond cultivating my garden as voltaire used to say and see if anyone else wants to come and see the flowers and in case they’re more than free to take some, but like...... the idea that me expressing an opinion about the fact that people in this fandom don’t use the same standards when judging characters and some haven’t read the book or forgot it and assume they know anyway is somehow being high and mighty when I also don’t tag that shit 99% of the time (with jonc I do it just because I know no one but me and ten other ppl goes on that tag) when there’s people in this fandom who outright deny what’s written black on white and actually literally harass you on anon for it when I can 100% swear to you that the only times I’ve gone on anon in my entire life were for a) memes that required being on anon, b) sending people headcanon requests, c) sending people I ALREADY KNEW and who KNEW IT WAS ME personal things that I didn’t want ppl to attach to me because I don’t owe 100% of my life history to tumblr dot com and I always put my face to my opinions.

like, glad you like my opinions, but honestly, if you think this is me being judgmental, fair enough but maybe I’m also tired of having to read stuff that’s based on not having fucking read the book.

thank you.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #i mean IDK MAYBE SOME OF US ACTUALLY LIKE JONC BUT THAT'S LIKE TOO WILD TO ASSUME #idek #ch: jon connington #anti-cersei lannister #anti-cersei #anti-lannincest #anti-jaime x cersei #long post for ts #anyway jonc would <3333 any kid of r's thanks for coming to my ted talk bye #Anonymous #ask post

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wateenleventje · 3 years

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The Beginning of Us

I used to write fiction. Nothing really remarkable, yet I enjoy composing fictious character's life and tell how love can change our life. Maybe because I watch too much romantic comedy. When I finally stop writing these type of writing, is I think because it does not give much impact to my personal life, let alone to bigger audience.

I decided to write more based on my real personal experience or share my thought in a blog platform. It feels different, it feels more therapeutic because I can stop bottling up what is on my mind and how I actually feel. It is also nice to have pensieve (Harry Potter vocab alert)!

I sometimes miss the good old days when I soak myself in the story of love. No matter how cheesy the story is, I believe that every person's life worth a once in a lifetime story, especially their journey of finding love. That is why I love watching movie about love story (Earlier episode of The Crown with Elizabeth and Philip's story, Felicity Jones' The Theory of Everything, Sandra Bullock's The Proposal, Hilary Duff's Cinderella Story, Lily Colin's Love, Rosie., Lindsay Lohan's The Parent Trap, Emily Clarke's Me Before You are some of my favorite). I enjoy reading hundred of pages (oh well, thousand? I even guilty for reading the whole Twilight Saga series) of how people's life twisted once love came. I kept quotes of love advice, reading and listening to random podcast, videos and blog post about love story, and I even wrote scientific paper about Long Distance Relationship couple (for my bachelor's thesis).

I have to admit that I even perceive so many things in my life happening in a way of a romantic comedy writer works. As an intro I would summed up that we started off as two strangers meeting in a destined time. We came with our own baggage a.k.a history and current situation on-going, but we just gotta meet that night and get through the labyrinth first. Even the setting could not be anymore "hollywood-like": one night, in a new city, simple hello and cheesy line, and we instantly hit if off.

One thing lead to another, we did not just related, but we keep in touch regularly after that night. It was a memorable night and I was enchanted by him. However, it was on hold shortly after he casually mentioned about his current relationship and became supportive to my situation that time. I was not in my best state at that time, as I took so many careless choices and not focusing on what really matters in life and in love. I think, it was because I was 23 and living on the edge seems like a celebration of getting “my freedom”.

Even when we became busy with our own circle, our own love life, and our routine, we maintain our close friendship. We came to each other naturally but carefully refraining ourselves from diving in real feeling. I somehow sense that I messed up a little too much and with him I just found a safe haven. I became so comfortable showing my actual thought and telling him how I felt, even when he frowned after hearing about it. I have to be honest, even though I was in a relationship with someone else by that time, I enjoyed his constant care (like taking the closest chair or walking beside me most of the time), his abudant encouragement (how he called me "genius" just because I told him excitedly that I passed my exam without caring the grades I have), our sweet personal talk (I remembered how he shared his "wedding theme song" to me when we were just friend), his being protective to me (not letting me out on my own during winter night) and making a big deal out of his spontaneous compliment (telling me that I made the best fried rice--just because I decided not to put chili on it, because he dislikes spicy food). I remembered that we spent so many alone time, one on one talk when our group of friends are hanging out, catching up in a short groceries walk.

By the end of our first semester, I noticed that something change between us. We become overtly friendlier but also trapped in our current situation. I was so consumed by a long distance relationship struggle back then and did not realize that he also getting close with someone else. I still think that he paid that degree of attention only to me and we have different level of closeness, so I got myself so comfortable with him. I was indulged in our special routine: taking time, just the two of us, strolling around the city in dawn, having kebab and soda when I need someone to talk to, watching the first snow shower together, and even had our best-honeymoon-trip-scenario, where he acted as if he helped me to create a honeymoon itinerary for the me and my future spouse while we just filled it with our favorite places.

I had my breakdown that year after a short holiday where we spent far away from each other as I just broke up from a relationship that I actually knew would not survive. Still, it hurts and what I wanted that new year eve was just to returned to our Maastricht and met him. I was delighted that he was eager to meet me and my parents as well, to the point he initiated it. We arranged a short trip out of the city and I can't deny how I felt about him once I found him getting along with my father. I watched them just sync effortlessly and how he made conversation with him all day long while me and my mom getting “busy” shopping. Maybe I was not rational at that time, wanting to escape from my heart break, but I swear I hear myself saying "I think, all these things happened so I can realize that Madeza is the one".

I did not pay attention or simply refute from seeing the signs, I let myself build hope that this might be a start of something new, only to find out that he had a new girl friend. I remembered that night very clearly, I remember the place when he told me casually about it. I felt like a fool and I keep wondering whether it was a plot twist in our story. Anyway, is it quite clear how our love story resembles one of that movie up until this point?

The shock and even worse heartbreak this time, I got angry and tried to find another resort. So, I chose to spend time with someone else out of the blue, making it clear that I tried to escape watching someone I am in love with enjoying a good time with someone else. I tried to run away from the fact that I have to witness them together, because we were in the same group and we lived in a small city, and I need to at least be able to "do what he do to me”. I don’t know if I am so angry at him or at the timing.

Nonetheless, I can’t keep my joy whenever we sneaked out for a meet-up. But our conversation became bizarre as we keep so much from each other. It only took us weeks to realize that our so called friendship needs a closure. We approached each other, talking until dawn and crying and laughing at how ridiculous the situation we got ourselves into. We talked about past, about our feeling, about moments we secretly keep and treasure it. I was told that he actually recognized me before we talked for the first time. He spotted me through a social media posting and he read some of my blog posts.

I think, that moment we were too happy and got ourselves into a bubble, we were too afraid to return to the reality we were in that we did not talk about it. But morning comes and we just have to face the reality we were in. Once or twice we exchanged some difficult conversation, like a passive I-want-you-to-tell-what-is-going-on-between-us and we did not continue in the middle of our conversation because it was too hard just to straightly said how we actually feel. So, we let the distance grow, we did not really exchange news or let ourself start any conversation. It was hard, but I think by that time it was what we need for a while.

I remember the spring was around the corner when we finally reconnected. It started with a random meeting and hang out. It ended up with a text where I confessed that I miss him so badly. Ever since that day, we just know that things are escalating. Although we spend time with our friends, we cannot keep that longing stare off each other. I feel that moment very significant to our relationship because we were so close to hit that point in our romantic relationship, yet we were not so sure where we stood.

One of the most special memory in that period is related with the celebration of my 24th birthday. We did not get to celebrate my birthday together, but we went to the church that morning together. He took me to a birthday brunch and it was a lovely morning. I was not really in a good place back then, I felt a bit disoriented in between what I have not achieved in my life and where I want to walk after this. We talk about future, not as the two of us, yet, but about each of us. We learn about surrender (berserah) our life in God's hands and not give up our situation to the situation at road's end (terserah). I never had that kind of conversation with anyone before, that moment I know how much I want to have those conversations for the rest of my life.

As we only have part of my birthday together, we decided to go for a date to annual spring garden, away from our city. I bought a pinky seed of tulip, we strolled, chatted, and had dinner. He took me to have dinner in a cozy café by the pier called Plek. We stayed there long enough until the crowd dissolved, looking the sky turned black, the lights hanged warmly, and we had the bench by the pier for ourselves. We sit there, looking at pitch black far horizon, just close our eyes in silence side by side. The weather feels cool, but I cant help feeling sad for this moment, as verything is quite blurry even when we can't deny what is hanging the air. He said something though--something that replace the 3 words we have not really dare to say to each other as we just throw the badge of friendship that we used all this time. "If one day I don’t fight for us as much as I do today, please remind me of this place and this moment."

He took my breath away.

For 23 years I was falling and failing miserably, worrying that I wont come up with the love story that as magical as my parents’. I am afraid I won’t ever stop looking until I found my own great love story. Then, I met Madeza that year and I know he is my great love story. It was just the beginning and I already know how it turned out to be, and I love it. I’ve found the one and it is much more wonderful than any love story in the whole world.

#whatalife

#wateenleventje

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myalmostmidlifecrisis · 3 years

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E1: To Botox or Not to Botox?

Transcript from Episode 1: To Botox or not to Botox?

Well, hello there! Welcome to the first episode of My Almost Midlife Crisis. I’m your host Jennifer Mathis and thank you for taking the time to join the conversation today. We’re going to be dipping our toes into the shallow end and we’re going to be talking about what it’s like to be expected to keep looking young, no matter what your age is.

So, I was reading this article the other day and I came across a couple fun facts. If you know me, you know I love me some fun facts so I’m going to share them with you. Did you know that the US represents one of the most valuable beauty and personal care markets in the world, especially when we’re talking about anti-aging.

In fact, in 2020, Americans spent an estimated $14.2 Billion (with a B) in anti-aging products. Now I’d love to see that comparison vs. what we spent in toilet paper in 2020, but still a big number. To put that into perspective, that’s 27% of the global market, with only 4% of the population.

At first, I was like wow! That seems like a lot, we’re way over indexing there. But then I started thinking about it more and I don’t know, it kinda makes sense to me. We get pressure every day to keep ourselves looking young. I mean, men get pressure too, but I’m not a man and I can’t fully understand that. This podcast is more about the woman’s perspective so we’re going to leave that to someone else. I’m not saying men don’t get pressure so get off my back.

I’m saying that women get so much pressure to look young. We get mixed messages. Dress your age. You’re too old to shop at Forever 21, but that outfit makes you look matronly. Go au natural, let your hair grow out but girl you better take care of those wrinkles!

It keeps me thinking, are we just wasting our time trying to turn back the clock? Is it just wishful thinking because it’s a losing battle? Also, it’s expensive! When I look back, I probably started using Anti-aging products about 10 years ago. When I think about all that money I probably have spent, did it work? Who knows! Would I have just looked the way I do now without them? Could I have gone on a couple more trips instead?

In today’s episode, we’ll focus on three areas. There’s plenty more we can talk about but today we’ll bring it down to three because we don’t have all day. Going grey, the ever-increasing skincare regime and finally the question I’ve been pondering for at least the last year To Botox, or not to Botox?

First let’s talk about going grey. For years I’ve seen a strand pop up here or there. Of course, they’re never in the back of your head where you don’t have to look at it or notice it and unless you’re doing a weird selfie of the back of your head (which why would you do that?) you would never even notice it.

Oh no no no. It’s right up front. It’s in the hair that frames your face so every time you look in the mirror, it’s a gentle reminder that your youth is slowly slipping away strand by strand.

During facetime with my friends, they’ll console me and say “Girl, it just looks like a blonde streak, don’t even worry about it. You can’t even tell.” Uh, thanks. But you’re a lying b*tch.

I appreciate it, that’s what friends are for, to build you up. Sometimes I like to believe, maybe they’re right! Maybe I’m just too hard on myself, wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe if I keep telling myself it looks like blonde, I’ll actually believe it. But then I took another selfie today for this podcast and I’m going to be posting it later and I’m kidding myself. It’s grey.

The hypocrisy that men are considered “silver foxes” and women have to “learn to love the transition”. I saw that written the other day. I know you can’t see me, but there were some aggressive air quotes happening there. I keep seeing these articles profiling women that were “brave to embrace their grey”. Brave? Is that what it takes to go grey? Am I the only one that finds the word grey almost insulting to be described as something as simple as going grey? Brave is something like when you go into battle as a soldier or when you’re protesting human rights. It’s not reserved for things like getting grey hair.

But on the flip side, I see some women that are rocking the grey. I mean, big shout out to Diane Keaton. She is adorable! If I can look anything like her at that age, I would be so happy!

It’s not just the women I look up to that are serving up some serious chicness as I’m now labeling them “grey-haired divas”. No no no. It’s now GenZers. Or as I like to call them “the kids” or “the youngens”. I’m sorry if you’re a GenZer and that offends you but as an older Millennial, that’s how it feels. GenZers are purposefully dying their hair grey. Oh no, I wish I was kidding but I’m not.

For those of you that don’t know me, I should digress slightly, I swear it will be quick, to talk about the two new obsessions 2020 has given me. Some are healthy like Peloton.

I was actually having a conversation with one of my Peloton friends the other day, and yes I know how lame that sounds, and it reminds me of every conversation you have around your favorite shows on an OTT platform. Oh hey girl, you should check out Bridgeton, yeah that was really good did you see My Queens Gambit, oh yeah did you see The Outsider on HBO? That circular conversation is the exact same conversation if you have a Peloton except replace shows with workouts and instructors. I’m sure for those people that don’t have Peloton, it’s the most annoying conversation to listen to, but whateves. Anyway...

That’s a healthy obsession, maybe a less healthy obsession (not going to say unhealthy) would be TikTok. I can spend hours on that app. I am totally one of those people that will also text you TikToks. And you know what? Side note: If I text you a TikTok it’s because I watched a video and it made me think of you and I think you would enjoy this. I’m sending this a gift of 15-20 seconds of enjoyment that I thought you would like. So you’re welcome. and maybe you should watch the TikToks that I sent you because I thought of you for it and you can see why I thought of you. And this note is specifically for my fiancé because I know for a fact that he doesn’t watch the TikToks I send him. But I’m going to keep doing it.

So it’s pretty much where I learn about new music and I’m keeping up with the trends. I’m hanging with the youngens and I kinda get what’s going on. While I know that sounds SUPER lame, it’s the truth. So while I can probably do a whole episode on TikTok vs. when I was that age, we’re gonna stick to the grey-haired one for now and maybe I’ll make another episode of that later.

I’ve noticed a trend where they are choosing to dye their hair grey. As an older Millennial I cannot imagine choosing to be grey in my early 20′s! I don’t even want to be grey now, let alone choosing to be at 22? Are you crazy? Grey hair when I was that age was a signal of old age. My Grandma had grey hair but there was no way in hell my mom would have kept her grey hair. I don’t even know if she has grey hair, she’s been dying her hair for as long as I can remember. Who knows what color her hair is at this point? But I can tell you one thing, if there was grey, no way would it be showing.

To actually want to have your hair grey seems insane to me. But at the same time, just to play devil’s advocate, maybe we should be (dare I say it) thanking them. In a way, aren’t they just taking away the power grey hair holds on us? If a 22yo female can have grey hair, then who gives a sh*t if a 40 or 50yo has grey hair? Doesn’t it just become mainstream at that point?

Net/Net, my take on grey hair - turning grey feels weird to me. It’s almost this physical signal that I’m slowly transitioning to a new chapter in my life and honestly? I don’t know how I feel about that. In a way, I could be optimistic. I could be one of those people that say “I’m older and wiser now. These grey streaks are a signal that I’ve learned some sh*t and I should wear it with pride.” Yeah I guess. But let’s be honest, I’m also saying NO! I’d like to think I could pull off a chic grey, but wrinkles? That’s a whole other story. Those a**holes keep creeping up and I am NOT OK with it. But I’m actually really struggling with what is the right approach.

That leads me to the next topic. Skincare and the daily war against wrinkles. If you’re like me, the spending on your anti-aging regimen and my time spent getting ready for bed or in the morning increase. I am constantly googling ways to stop the clock and reading articles about recommended products or natural remedies, which...

You have to laugh when we talk about anti-aging natural remedies. That phrase shouldn’t even be allowed to be written. It is the opposite of natural to try to reverse what nature is doing. That is the opposite. You know what a natural remedy is? A time machine. And good luck getting one of those because Costco has been sold out for years.

As a marketer, I’m an easy target. I’m the target where when my clients ask “how do we find the right target?”, well if you have an anti-aging product, we’re super obvious. We just hold these massive red flags because our digital footprints are screaming that we are desperate to find solutions. Please sell something to me and I have money to spend. Currently, I am an avid sunscreen user, thanks to a couple of years ago. If I had to guess why I got a little bit of skin cancer, maybe it was partially due to the free tanning bed that was in my apartment complex when I was in college in Florida. Yeah, just to recap that, there was a free tanning bed in the Sunshine State because you can’t just get the natural, free sun and tan that God created, we have to go into a machine and just speed up the process of cancer. So I took total advantage of that and then here I am, 20 years later, having issues with skin cancer. So thanks for that.

My current regimen is sunscreen, a sh*t-ton of moisturizer, I currently use skin oil from Scratch Goods which if you haven’t tried it, it’s a local company and they make amazing all natural products. Oh, look at that! There’s a natural remedy! Actually thinking about it, it’s funny I use face oil now, I remember when I was a kid and just starting to needing to wash my face so I don’t get zits. I used to use Neutrogena cleanser – no, not Neutrogena, Noxzema! Noxzema where it tears through your skin so that basically nothing could live, and then I follow that up with Oil of Olay. Remember when it used to be called Oil of Olay? Yougens if you’re listening to this show you probably don’t know what I’m talking about because it’s just called Olay now. The got rid of the oil. I’m sure there’s some consumer insight that said women don’t want to put oil on their face. Well ironic, maybe you should now change the name back because putting oil on your face is back in style.

So I use that, I use anti-aging cream, haven’t tried a serum yet and I have a prescription for Retinol so I can use the hard-core stuff (maybe going back to my Noxzema days) and I put collagen in my coffee every morning. I mean, Jesus Christ. Even just naming all of that is just…kind of ridiculous.

I think I look pretty good for my age, this is me based on I see others online or on TV and I think they’re 35? They look like they’re almost 50! Then of course I get the slight panic moment of wait, do I look like that? Do I think I look young but actually I don’t? Is this like when I was in college and I was under 21 and I was using that fake ID for some 26yo and I was like “I could totally pass for her” which as I got older I’m like, oh girl, you were not passing for that, they just didn’t care and they let you in.

Another fabulous gift from 2020, more fine lines around my eyes. So I’ve been looking at – should I be upping my game? Is what I’m doing currently not enough? I feel like I’m the only one of my friends that has not had a single pinch of Botox in my face. I don’t know, it scares me. Botox seriously scares me. One, it’s this signal or symbol that the over-the-counter stuff is no longer working and you’re starting to lose the battle. Your turning a corner. But also, I hate needles. I can’t even look at needles; I have to look the other way when they’re taking blood. And you’re putting poison into your face, like actual poison. But listen I’m not totally against it.

A lot of my friends look great. It’s clearly working for them. But it scares me because once you start it, you can’t stop. That’s it. You’ve now turned this corner. You’ve made this decision and you have to live with it. Now you’re on that path. It kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and I really wanted to shave my legs because I had long, hairy legs. I had a little bit of an older friend, Tricia if you’re listening, I will never forget, we had a sleepover one night, we shaved our legs and our parents noticed and we were in massive trouble. But my mom was right, you shave your legs and that’s it! Moving forward you have to continue so if that is what Botox is, am I ready to start that journey right now?

Also when I look around, while my friends look great, I’ve seen some real, scary, warning stories. And by real, scary, warning stories, I mean reality TV. I mean, where I find the time to watch as much reality TV as I do should be considered the eighth wonder of the world. I’m not a lazy person. I don’t just sit around and watch TV all day. Even in quarantine, I’m working out, I’m trying to write an outline of a book, I’m actually working and doing my job and now I’m apparently starting a podcast. I’m not like a lazy person. But somehow, I’m able to, very efficiently, watch a lot of reality TV and one of my favorite franchises is The Real Housewives.

Most of these women have been surgically altered, let’s not even lie to ourselves. Very little of them, if any of them at this point, are au natural. And some pull it off real well like Dorit from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I mean, she’s clearly had work done but I’m sorry, she’s hot. If I was into women, I mean she’s gorgeous. Cheers to you. This next statement has nothing to do with you. You’re doing a great job. Whoever your doctor is, keep going and maybe send him my way.

But others scare the sh*t outta me. I’m not going to name names because at the end of the dday these are real people and we have to remember that. I truly believe you are an a**hole if you call out people and talk sh*t about their appearance in public. That is public bullying someone. I know they’re on reality TV. I know you think you can say whatever you want. But keep your snarky comments to your living room, they don’t need to be out there in public. But watching the transformations from season to season are honestly worrisome as I look forward to is this my new reality. I really hope they get some kind of compensation for the damage their doctor has done because Girl, you better go get your refund. There is a fine line between looking younger and taking it too far and starting to look deformed.

Basically, when it comes to looking younger, to wrap up today’s conversation, and dealing with the pressure from outside sources, I just really think you gotta do you. I think the older I get, the more I realize as long as you are ok with yourself, who the f*ck cares what others think. Usually people’s opinions of you have way more to do with themselves and their sh*t they gotta work through. What makes you feel sexy? What makes you feel beautiful? If you can answer that, you’ll give yourself less wrinkles from stressing out about it and you’re going to save yourself some cash. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Your choice. You do you.

Well sadly that ends our time for today. I just want to say I know your time is valuable and I really appreciate you listening to this podcast. I had so much fun recording it. I can’t believe episode one is done already! I wish I could just pop open a bottle of champagne but of course I’m doing dry January (which I feel like is a really bad decision). But it’s been so much fun! I’m new to this. This is literally the second recording I have ever made so your feedback is also appreciated. I’m a big girl, I can handle constructive criticism. Don’t be a jerk, but if you have any comments or thoughts please send them over. And if you have any topics you’d like me to discuss as well, send those over! I would love to hear them! You can read the transcript on Tumblr under My Almost Midlife Crisis, you can find me on Instagram at explorelikeagirl or on Twitter @AlmostMidlife.

Thanks again and until next time!

#botox #skin #grey #grey hair #realitytv #diane keaton #skincare

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weareedsobfg · 7 years

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FLUTTERS: A Mature Ed Sheeran Fanfic Request *REPOST*

Authors Note: I’ve been debating whether or not to repost my Ed Fics for all the new followers I’ve/we’ve been lucky enough to accumulate, so, HERE WE GO! I’ve been in a bit of a writing funk, so hopefully getting my stories back out there will help jumpstart the creative juices! I’ll post over the next few nights, so as not to inundate anyone’s timeline! This one is probably the one I love the most! <3 Any and all feedback/reblogs/etc would be amazing! Love you guys!

FLUTTERS: NC-17 for SexyTimes

“Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, it’s bobsled time! COOL RUNNINGS!”

You cannot help but crack up at the childish enthusiasm that just spills out of your boyfriend every time his favourite movie comes on. The way his clear blue eyes crinkle when he smiles and laughs, and the way that he knows EVERY word of this movie and quotes it verbatim, it’s endearing, really, never mind completely adorable. He takes such pleasure in the simple things.

It’s a dreary, cloudy day, pissing down freezing rain, and the two of you have decided that PJ’s, blankets, movies and your comfy overstuffed couch are your only goals for the day. He’s sprawled back, laying kind of sideways against the cushions at one end of the couch, while you’re sprawled against a pillow at the other end, semi facing him, your legs battling for dominancy of the couch.

You feel a toe poke you in the calf, and you look over to see one invisible eyebrow raised, staring at you with mock indignation. “You laughing at me, woman??” he says with a grin. “A classic film such as this deserves reverence! Respect!”

“The movie? Maybe. Your Jamaican accent?” You poke him back with determination. “Not even!”

His mouth drops and he grabs his chest, feigning betray and horror. “You cut DEEP, love! My accents are renowned, I’ll have you know!” He moves suddenly, swooping over you and pinning you to the cushions with his body, and mercilessly digging his fingers into your ribs, tickling you until you beg for mercy. “EDWARD. I swear to GOD, ED STOPPP!!”

You’ve got tears streaming down your cheeks as you shriek with laughter, and finally he lets up, pure satisfaction on his face as he lifts his hands in victory. You take this handy opportunity to spring up and knock him backwards, straddling his hips and finding his sweet, soft belly in order to launch your own counterattack. His eyes widen as he realizes your intent and his body twists sideways in order to evade your fingertips. His unbridled, joyful giggles may be the best thing ever in all of life, as far as you’re concerned, you cannot get enough of them, and they are completely uncontrolled right now. Your fingers find their target and he’s yelping, offering full surrender as your fingers find their target.

By the end the both of you are gasping for breath, tears in your eyes from laughing. He’s looking at you, that look that is so tender and so special, the one that’s reserved only for you. You smile, almost shyly, and bite your lip. His hand reaches for your face, cupping your chin, and as he pulls himself up to a semi-sitting position, he so softly brushes your lips with his. That familiar butterfly flutters in your belly, and your hands find his beard, fingers running through the soft copper scruff, pulling his face to yours, deepening the kiss. His tongue gently parts your lips, seeking to taste you, and his hand is gently running through your hair. The pads of his thumb skates along the contour of your cheekbone, your jawline, your neck, tracing every inch of your face. Your hands find their way to his silky fiery-red hair, copper locks always in a disarray, and your fingers wind your way into it, loving the way he hums with contentment as your hands work their magic on his scalp.

He moans as his mouth covers yours, deepening the kiss again, and suddenly, you can feel HIM, pressing against your thigh, as he holds you close. You blush as he shifts, feeling it against you, and feeling you stutter, he pulls back just a bit.

You love Ed. Intensely, deeply, and with no hesitation. There were some things though that you hadn’t yet shared. 20 years old, you had grown up in loving, supportive household, but also a traditional one. You had grown up with plenty of love and affection, in a very hands-on household, with very traditional values. Sex was not something you had ever taken lightly. Growing up, you were taught that sex was something to be valued and cherished, a gift to be given to the right man, in love and trust. Not some token to be spent whenever with whoever. You had always taken that to heart, wanting to save such a special experience for the right person. Up until your relationship with Ed, your love life had consisted of a string of cheaters and fuck boys, so there had never really been any temptation. Marriage-Only wasn’t necessarily something you were committed to, but being sure of the right person was.

You and Ed had been together for just under a year, meeting at an industry event. You worked as an event co-ordinator for a major company in your city, and your boss had introduced you that night. You had been so charmed right off the bat, he was just as sweet, humble, kind and funny behind the scenes as his he was in front of the camera and on stage. You’d talked for several hours that first weekend, and nothing had shocked you more when he continued to text you, and your relationship had bloomed. The distance thing wasn’t always easy, but he made every second spent apart completely worth it. Ed wasn’t one for grand, extravagant gestures, he tended to keep it simple, but so pure. So thoughtful. Little things. He knew exactly how you liked your coffee, and when you needed that pick-me-up the most, and would have it waiting for you without a word. After a shit day, he knew your sweet tooth would make chocolate a MUST, and your favourite candy bar would be waiting for you in the fridge (Because Reese Peanut Butter Cups MUST be eaten cold) when you got home. You were weirdly OCD about waking up to a clean kitchen, and he would, without a word, do the dishes and wipe the countertops after dinner while you dozed on the couch. He knew the correct laundry detergent and which pants not to throw in the dryer, how to brush you hair after a shower, and that Jimmy Fallon or Ricky Gervais were the best way to make you laugh. He knew which toilet paper to buy, the exact red wine that capped off your Friday evenings, and not to EVER play Justin Beiber in your house. He even put the seat down from DAY ONE. Until him you had no idea this kind of man even actually existed.

He was kind and thoughtful and cuddly and sweet and funny and gentle and sexy…really you could go on and on. He was a touch-feely kinda dude, loved to wrap himself around you from behind, play with your hair, and cuddle up for days. You LOVED that, he had a way of making you feel so loved and important and valued. It wasn’t something you were really used to. And making out with Ed? It was delicious…his lips, they were so soft, so full, and the way they felt on your skin…The way he’d cup your face, the way his hands would leave trails of lightning over every bit of skin they touched. It wasn’t as though he’d never touched you, his permanently calloused fingertips had the ability to light fires under your skin, and those moments when his hands were cupping and kneading your breasts, flicking your nipples, gently stroking your thighs or squeezing your ass cheeks…they’d almost swayed you a few times. He knew your feelings concerning sex, and never once, in the entire time you two had known each other, had he EVER pushed you or your boundaries. He knew without question that it was your decision, and that when the time was right, well…it’d be right. You hadn’t gone far beyond making out, mainly because in your mind, it felt as though it wasn’t fair to Ed, and you knew it would likely sway you to other things. You wanted to be sure before travelling down that path, and torturing the poor boy didn’t much seem very nice either. It was pretty obvious a few times that he was decidedly less than comfortable when you’d pulled back before things went too far, but his only reaction ever was to breathe deep, adjust himself and pull you close for a cuddle. Never once had he made you feel guilty about your choices, and to you, it made him perfect.

Pulling yourself out of your thoughts, you see his cheeks dimple as he pulls back, noticing your blush. “I love that color in your cheeks, love…” he says with a grin. “Soz if he made you uncomfortable…I keep telling him to behave, doesn’t always work though.” He sits you both up, tucks your hair behind your ear and kisses you gently, while attempting to rearrange himself into a less…confining…position.

“Not trying to make “him” uncomfortable…” you laugh, still blushing. “It’s not like you don’t illicit the same reaction, sir.”

“You’re so beautiful”, he says softly, gazing at you with an intensity that takes your breath away. “And sexy. And you can cook. And you’re funny. And smart as shit. And you always SMELL amazing.” He pauses and scrunches his face up in that way that is so freaking adorable. “How do women do that??”

Inwardly your insides are a melted, messy pool of feels, but you’ve never been one to gush or wear your heart on your sleeve. “Multitasking is our “thing…” you drawl with a straight face. “Being that men can’t even pee and aim at the same time, we’ve got that particular area sewn up, I think.” You crack a grin and giggle at the truly affronted look on his face at the pee-and-aim statement and you drop a quick kiss on his nose before you scramble off him, knowing you might be in trouble for that one.

“I always put the seat down!” he says quite indignantly, chasing after you into the kitchen. “I’ve been trained well! It’s not our fault that the male anatomy acts like a fire hose sometimes…”

“EW. That’s a lovely image, Teddy, thanks for that.” You’re cracking up at the imagery that description has put in your head, but you’re beginning to think he needs to NOT be using your bathroom any longer, if that’s what’s happening. Jeez.

He catches up to you and lifts you up on the counter, hands flat against the underside of your bum, and softly places butterfly kisses all the way up your jawline to your ear, where he stops and nibbles just for a moment. Oh my…the tingles and flutters and lightning strikes taking over your body….it’s amazing what he makes you feel with the slightest touch.

He leaves a soft, slow, lingering kiss on your lips, and then pulls back, a content expression on his face, as takes a deep breath. “The things you do to me, woman” he chuckles softly.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Teddy…” you whisper, gently brushing the silky copper curls from his forehead. Your foreheads touch, and he gently rubs his nose against yours, once, and then again.

The first time he’d uttered the words “I love you” it had turned your world upside down, in the very BEST way. He’d flown in to spend a night with you, a much needed visit, and being jetlagged and exhausted, he’d pretty much collapsed on you and your couch when he’d arrived. Knowing all he’d have had to eat was airplane food, you’d made sure to have his very favourite pizza in the world waiting for him when he arrived, and after he’d fairly GORGED himself on the Calabrese deliciousness, he’d dragged you to the couch, and pulled you into the Little Spoon position and buried his face in your hair. You pulled your favourite blanket over the both of you, so content to just be encircled in his arms, and just when you thought he was asleep, you heard soft words muttered in your ear. “God, I love you…Never go away from me…” Your stomach had dissolved into butterflies and you heart had nearly exploded. It was the first time anyone had ever said those words without wanting something in return, the first time those words had ever meant anything to you. By the time those words had registered, the boy had completely conked out, and didn’t hear you say them right back. It was the first time that you’d ever believed in those words enough to use them, and there was no doubt how deeply you believed them. Since that night, those words had been uttered many times, but the habit you two had developed, the “thing” that said I love you without words, was the Eskimo kiss. It was such a tender, gentle, loving gesture, and one that always spoke volumes when there were no words.

He kisses your cheek, and turns around, stretching his arms out, and surveys the state of the kitchen. There are pizza boxes still stacked up the counter leftover from lunch, and your plates are in the sink. You hop down from the counter and head for the sink while Ed grabs up the pizza boxes and takes them out to the trash. Kitchen clean, you turn around and see your favourite Ginger pawing through your fridge.

“Is there EVER a time you’re not hungry?” you ask him, laughing. “Practically a whole pizza at lunch wasn’t enough?”

“I’m a growing boy!” he protests, “Without enough food, I’d waste away, innit??”

He slams the door of the fridge, and grabs his hoodie from the chair, sliding it over his head. “We need oreos, I reckon!” he says with authority. “Double stuf, if possible. Gonna run to the store, love, a snack run is in the offing! Want anything?”

“All I need is right in front of me.” You smile softly and drop a kiss on his forehead. “Go ahead, I’ll find us a movie for when you get back.”

His hand brushes my cheek, and I feel his nose brush mine. “Dunno how I got so lucky…?” he mumbles, a content smile spreading across his face. You grin and push him towards the door, knowing the faster he goes, the faster he’ll be back.

Once the door shuts behind him, you let your fingers wander to your mouth, unconsciously tracing where his lips have left their mark. You loved him. So much. And suddenly, as clear as day, you knew how you wanted to spend the rest of this dreary afternoon. You’d never felt so loved before, so cherished. The desire to share yourself, all of yourself, with this man you loved so deeply, had been building for some time, and you were ready. Scared slightly shitless, perhaps, but there was no one you wanted to share this experience with more.

The thrill of anticipation zinged in your bloodstream, and you decided you had better do some inventory before Ed got back. Taking the stairs 2 at a time you ran upstairs, locking yourself in the bathroom. Luckily, you’d thoroughly showered that morning, including all necessary manner of shaving and exfoliation. You didn’t quite know what to do with yourself, the nerves you felt were literally causing your hands to shake. You decided fresh breath was a priority, and scrubbed your teeth within an inch of your life, and then dug through the bathroom cabinet till you found your hairbrush, and pulling the elastic from your hair and releasing the topknot, you brushed your long hair till it fell in loose waves over your shoulders. You pulled your ratty old PJ shirt over your head, and with a deep exhale, you examined yourself in the mirror. You were certainly on the curvier side, you’d inherited your mama’s birthing hips, but you’d always kind of liked your hourglass figure. There were actually times you’d thought to yourself that smaller tits would be a blessing, but oh well. All in all, there were some areas of your body you wish were a little more toned, a little flatter, but Ed was always one to tell you how much he loved every inch of you, and loved the fact that you could EAT. You knew he’d appreciate every inch of you no matter what. The thought of that “appreciation” sent a shiver of anticipation and nerves up your spine, and with a little skip in your step you hurry off to the bedroom.

You’re now faced with figuring out what you should (or shouldn’t?) wear. You try on a sexy lace bra and thong, but TOO sexy, too obvious. Just take it all off and lay there?? No chance, you were WAY too nervous to put yourself out there like that. Finally, you settle on a pair of teeny, turquoise soft boy shorts that showed off your legs (minus your panties), and a stretchy, sexy lace cami with spaghetti straps that showed off your cleavage and midriff. You’re awkwardly trying to decide how to position yourself on the bed when something VITALLY important crosses your mind, and you hop back up. You hadn’t exactly planned this in advance, and so you weren’t currently on the Pill or the shot, and there was NO chance this experience was happening without being safe. Ed had always been honest about his history, he’s by no means a virgin, but no manwhore either. He also had always been strict about being safe, and not taking risks, which was reassuring. You notice his backpack in the corner of the room, and you figure it’s worth a quick check. SURE ENOUGH, in the bottom of the side pocket, there’s a packet of condoms. The Sheeran motto apparently was “Always Be Prepared”. You shake your head, laughing nervously, and thank the Gods that that small box was unopened, or he’d have some QUESTIONS to answer.

You grab the box and toss them in your nightstand drawer, and as you begin to contemplate what to do with yourself next, you hear the door slam down downstairs. The sound of the door alone has your heartrate revving like an engine, and the hairs on your arm and neck prickle. You KNOW you want this, you KNOW you’re ready…it’s expressing that to him.

“Love??” you hear that cheery, sexy, British accent echo from downstairs, and you quickly smooth your hair down one last time, and lay on the bed, tummy down, facing the door.

“Upstairs, babe!” you call out, in a tone slightly higher than it probably should be. Your heart is literally in your throat, and you’re not sure whether to giggle, or hyperventilate, or faint. Maybe all three?

You can hear him coming up the stairs, calling your name like a question, trying to figure out where you are. “Just in the bedroom!” you call, crossing and uncrossing your legs, shifting your weight to and fro, and trying to figure out where to put your arm. He pushes the door open and pops his head ‘round the doorjamb, and his face lights up when he sees you.

“…We playing hide ‘n’ seek this afternoon?” he asks with a twinkle in his eye. “Cuz that wasn’t much of a look? Try under the bed next time!” He come fully into the room and sees you’re laying on the bed, and immediately kicks his sneakers off, and launches himself onto the bed next to you. He buries his face against the soft curve of your lower back, and nuzzles at the soft skin there. It feels as though he’s trying to breathe you in, and it’s intoxicating. You can’t help but let out a little sigh of pleasure at the touch of his scratchy cheeks against your skin.

You slowly turn yourself over and gaze him, taking in his beautiful big blue eyes, his tangle of silky orange curls and the way his perfect lips are curved into that little boy smile. It’s ridiculous how PRETTY he is, and you just can’t get enough. You thread your fingers into his beard, and tug him towards you, kissing him softly; his top lip, his bottom lip, and both, trying to put everything you’re feeling into that kiss.

“Mmmmm” he hums contentedly. “I love your lips. More please.” He pulls you in and presses his lips to yours once more, deepening the kiss, winding his hands into your hair to pull you as close to him as you can, tasting every bit of you. His lips linger, drawing his kisses out to the point where your breath is gone but you don’t care. He tastes so good, those exquisitely soft, perfectly pink lips the perfect fit to yours, his hands so strong and gentle at the same time.

The length of his body is pressed up against yours, and wrapped up in the intensity of this kiss you’re pushing your body against his, twining your leg with his fuzzy one, and you can feel peaks of electricity in your blood, like your whole body is on edge. It’s not long before you can feel his reaction, it’s hard against your thigh, and suddenly he’s breaking the kiss and taking a deep breath. His cheeks are pink, and he speaks before you can utter a word.

“Damn, he’s at it again….Sorry, love, we men need an off-switch apparently.” He laughs nervously and pushes his hands through his hair. “Did you pick a movie…? We can-“. You take a deep breath and cut him off before he can get another word out.

“Teddy…” you whisper softly, “I don’t want to watch a movie.” You brush your fingers through the long strands on his forehead, and gaze up at him, trying to convey your message without words. You could literally lose yourself in those sea-blue eyes. He raises an almost non-existent eyebrow and says “Whaddya want to do then? Kind of a crappy afternoon to go anywhere, innit…?”

You stop yourself from giggling, but only just. Why are boys so DENSE sometimes? You take another deep breath, lock eyes with him and cup his cheek. You kiss him softly, and then trace his lips with your fingertips. “No…I don’t want to go out either. I want to stay right here. With you.” You take in every last molecule of oxygen you possibly can, steel yourself, and pull yourself to a halfway sitting position. “I want YOU, Teddy. All of you.” And you exhale, watching for his reaction, your lip between your teeth.

His eyes widen, suddenly realizing what you’re trying to tell him. “Babe…I know I got a bit carried away just then, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this. I love you, and you have my word I’m not in a rush…”

He’s looking at you, such tenderness in his eyes, and an uncertainty that’s so endearing you find yourself falling all over again. Your heart is simply racing, your blood pulsing through your body as you pull yourself upright and gaze into his eyes, wanting so badly to convey what you’d been dying to tell him. Lacing your fingers with his, you press a soft kiss to his warm fingertips and press both of your intertwined hands to your chest, to your heart that was hammering at the expression on his face, and tried to put everything you were feeling into the shaky words that spilled from your lips. You wanted, NEEDED, him to know just how much you wanted this with him.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, Teddy. I love you. So much. I always knew that the first time I had sex, I didn’t want it to be slam-bam high school thing. I didn’t want to “lose it” just to say I’d done it. I wanted it to be with someone that wanted to actually make love to me, not just get laid. I wanted to be sure I was in love and that he was in love with me. And I am. You know me better than anyone, and every little thing you do shows me how much you love me. You’ve never once expected a thing in return, never pressured me, and that makes me want you. It makes me sure that you’re who I’ve been waiting for.” You take a breath, feeling the warmth in your cheeks and look into his eyes, awaiting his response.

The look on his face…it was something you would tuck away and keep with you for as long as you lived. There was such love and devotion in his eyes, and when he spoke, you could hear the emotion. “You’ve no idea just how much I’ve fallen in love with you. I never wanted to push you for anything, because the thought of pushing you away scares the shit out of me. Just holding you, it makes me feel like I have the whole world, I don’t need anything else.” He takes a shaky breath and continues. “I know how long you’ve waited for this…I mean…I- I just want you to be sure.” He’s looking at you, biting his lip and playing with the edge of his hoodie.

You find that all of a sudden, your nerves have died down, and you know without a single doubt, that you’ve made the right decision. You want this so badly, and more importantly, you want HIM. You tip his chin up and catching his gaze, you touch your nose to his, once, and then again. The biggest smile you’ve ever seen spreads across his whole face.

“We’ll take it slow, I promise…” he whispers, cupping your face. “If you want me to stop, you’ve just got to say it.” He gently lowers you back onto the bed, making sure you’ve got a pillow under your head, and slowly, oh so slowly, he lowers his head and begins to place the softest kisses all along your jawline, and your neck, and even your collarbone. You let your eyes drift shut, enjoying the sensation of his lips and tongue worshipping you, leaving what feels like a trail of fire on every bit of skin he touches. He drops one last kiss at the tops of your breasts and looks up at you, wanting to make sure it was okay to move on. You’re not sure you can even speak coherently anymore, so you arch your chest up and breathe deeply, smiling at him and nodding. He climbs over top of you, and you part your legs so he can settle in, wanting every part of him to be as close to you as possible. He shakes his, almost imperceptibly, like he can’t believe this is happening, and lowers himself, supporting his weight with one arm, and he takes a moment just to look into your eyes and gaze at you.

“I want to make you feel amazing…trust me?” he says softly, looking at you for permission.

“Without a doubt.” You say softly. You tangle your fingers in his hair and tilt your face to catch his lips, the need to feel them, to taste them, overwhelming you. Your tongue gently parts his lips, sliding into his mouth, desperate to taste him. His tongue tangles with yours, his breathing shallow, and it’s like he CANNOT get enough of you. It is so sexy. He breaks away from you, and biting his lip he smiles slow and sexy. His fingers trail down your cheek, traces your jawline and run down your shoulder and neck. One hand splays on your bared midriff, and the other catches the hem of your cami, slowly easing it up your body. You bite your lip, knowing what he wants, and you arch your body so he can pull it off of you. You lay back against the pillows, and notice that he’s just looking at you, drinking you in. He has the sweetest smile on his face, and when he notices you fidgeting, looking a bit…self-conscious, he shakes his head and tips your head up to meet his gaze.

“You’re so beautiful. Every single inch of you. I could just sit here and look at you for hours. How did I get so goddamn lucky…”

You blush, and he kisses your cheek softly. He moves himself down the bed, and looks at you with a twinkle in his eye, a small grin playing at his features. He begins at your collarbones, and begins leaving a trail of soft, wet kisses, soft lips followed by his sexy tongue, from one side to the other, and then traces a path down between your breasts. He plumps one up with his hand, and your breath stutters as his lips find your nipple. His tongue swirls around the sensitive bud, alternating between gentle tugs and flicks. While his mouth lavishes one nipple, his other hand is gently squeezing and massaging your other breast. The sensations coursing through your body have you practically panting, your body writhing as he teases you. It’s as though there’s an electric wire straight from your breasts right to your groin, what he’s doing feels SO good and you want more, MORE.

“Ed…God…” you moan, arching your body, trying to press your body into him as much as you possibly can. He’s switching between your nipples; sucking, tugging, nibbling, and it’s driving you to madness. “More?” he asks softly, looking up at you, wanting to be sure.

“Yes….please….” your body is moving of its own accord, needing…what you weren’t sure, but so much more. He pulls away from your breasts, and begins kissing his way back down your overly sensitive body. He leaves a trail of kisses under each breast, and slowly, tortuously, makes his way down to your belly button. His tongue dips into it as his focus shifts downwards, and he leaves feather light kisses from one hip to the other, all the way across. You know where he’s headed, and your brain can barely comprehend what’s about to happen. His mouth had never travelled your body this way, and it was leaving points of fire under every bit of skin he touched. His hand slides under your leg and bends it at the knee, pushing it back gently, and does the same to your other leg, just as softly. You feel utterly exposed in this position, but you’re so worked up that the thought doesn’t last long. He lets the pads of his fingers skate up and down your thighs, tracing the length of your calves, even caressing your feet. “Okay?” he whispers looking at you, and all you can do is nod, your body urging him on.

His lips are on you, his mouth leaving trails down the inside of each thigh, kisses on the insides of your knees. He switches to your feet, gently lifting them and kissing the arches of your feet and OH god who knew feet were sexy and when he’s finished there he begins kissing his way up your legs, slowly, up one side, then he switches to the other leg, loving every inch of that one, from top to bottom. You can feel his warm breath on you as he settles himself between your parted legs, and he gently hooks his fingers inside the waistband of your teeny shorts, gently tugging them down your thighs. You lift your bum so he can pull them off, and he gently tosses them off to the side. He works his way back up the insides of your legs, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake, tingles and jolts of electricity with every touch. You feel his teeth skimming the softest part of the inside of your thigh, kissing, nibbling, and tasting every bit of your skin. He stops, and grasps your thighs gently, pushing them open a bit more so he can have complete access, and suddenly you feel his fingers trace your lips, pushing them open oh so gently. He very gently kisses the creases where your legs met your centre, and with his tongue, gently paints a stripe from the base of your slit all the way to the top. Your whole body lifts off the bed as you gasp from the lightning strikes penetrating your belly, you’ve never experienced this kind of sensation, it’s overwhelming and SO GOOD and why in the hell have you waited this long?

“Feel good, babe?” he murmurs, his face buried in your slit. You manage to lift your head enough to see the look of rapture on his face as he’s tasting you. “You taste so fucking sweet. I’ve wanted to do this for so long…” His tongue is alternating between long, torturous licks and gentle nibbles at your labia. It’s a storm you can barely weather, but God it is SO GOOD and in between trying to remember to breath, you manage to tell him “MORE. Oh my…Teddy, please….!” You’re losing control of your body and you’re writhing under his ministrations, just completely out of control.

“Anything for you, love” he grins, and pushing your lips back, his tongue finds that sweet pink spot. His tongue swirls around and around it, nudging that sweet little pink button, like a piece of delicious candy, and your hands find his hair, that silky soft tangle of fiery curls, and you thread your hands through it, pressing his face as tightly against you as you can, completely lost to the building sensations in your belly. You can’t form coherent words, just gasps, moans, guttural sounds that you had no idea could come from you. His arms, the bright colours of his ink so sexy against the bare expanse of your skin, wrap around your thighs, pressing them to the sides of his head. He’s pulling you closer to him so his face is all but engulfed, the deep, throaty sounds escaping from his throat as he devours you so indescribably sexy. His tongue is thrashing your clit, back and forth, quick and light, over and over and over, and you can’t comprehend the delicious fiery tightening in your belly, it’s SO GOOD, it feels like climbing the highest mountain and you want so badly to jump off that edge, and like he’s reading your mind, suddenly he switches from flicking and thrashing to sucking that little pink bundle of nerves right into his mouth and your mouth is wide open, there’s no words, your whole body is lifted up and your muscles locked, it’s like thunder crashing and lightning striking and like NOTHING you have ever felt before, your body is trying to jump out of your skin and there’s spots in your vision that don’t make sense but OH PLEASE NEVER STOP and he keeps sucking and tugging, helping you ride out this incredible explosion, your hands still in hair, keeping him exactly where you need him to be. Your body is STRAIGHT up off that bed, arching into his mouth, “TEDDY…” you gasp, as you fly off that cliff, riding out the most intense sensations you have EVER experienced in your life. Finally the sensations begins to ebb away, your body sags back against the bed and you look down at the face between your legs, with a sated, disbelieving smile on your face.

He kisses your thighs one last time, and lifts himself up. He crawls up the bed and gently nestles himself on top of you, catching your lips in a kiss, and stroking your hair, your cheek. “That was so fucking sexy…” he murmurs. “Incredible watching you, listening to you come undone….was it what you hoped for?”

You pick your head up off the pillow, and gaze at him, trying to figure out how to put what just happened into words. “That was…Teddy…that was incredible. It was…I don’t even. Holy shit.” Your head flops back on the pillow, and he cracks a little boy grin at your words and dips his face to catch your lips for a kiss.

Your ability to breathe is only just returning to normal, and as you lay sprawled beneath him, all you can think is how you love him so much right at this moment. You bite your lip, and look at him, knowing what you’d like to do next. You kiss him softly, once, twice and run your fingers down his cheek. You pull yourself up to a sitting position, and looking him in the eye, you hook you fingers under the edge of his hoodie and begin to drag it up his body. He grins, and lifts his arms to help you get it off. His shirt follows, and you awkwardly fumble with his belt buckle, trying to undo it. You manage to unbuckle it, and carefully unbutton his jeans and pull the zipper down. He’s watching you, letting you take the lead. You pause, wondering how to go about getting his pants down without looking like you have NO idea what you’re doing. You can see him smiling at you, laughter in his eyes, and he lifts his hips without a word, helping you to peel his jeans off his legs. Once those are out of the way, he pulls you back down on the bed, and finds your lips. His lips, so soft, so full, they taste so good. Long, lingering kisses, deep kisses that you could feel down to the tips of your toes. Kisses full of promise and passion and tenderness.

Your let your hand fall to his hip, your fingers playing with the edge of his boxer briefs. His hands have found your ass, cupping and kneading, squeezing, as he continues to bruise your mouth with kisses, tasting you with his tongue. Your legs are intertwined, and you’re beginning to feel his reaction against your hip.

Your fingers slide under the waistband of his boxers, wanting to explore what was waiting for you. His hips stutter as he realizes what you’re doing, and he pulls back to look you in the eye. “Only if you’re sure, Love”, he whispers.

“Mmm, I’m sure…” you whisper, a smile tugging at your lips. “Just…tell me if I’m doing it right?”

“Trust me Babe…there’s VERY little you could do wrong right about now” he chuckles.

He shimmies his boxers down and you pull them off and WHOA. Wow. Not like you didn’t know what a penis looked like…but, um. It was BIG. How was that supposed to-? Never mind. You’d get there. Right now….you run your fingertips up his thigh, sifting the fuzzy hairs there between your fingers, enjoying the shiver you can feel run through his body. You let your fingers walk to that soft crease where his thigh meets his groin, and then tentatively, you gently let your fingers wrap around his length, and give him one long stroke, letting your fist stop at the head. Wow….so hot to the touch, but smooth. Like silk. A low throaty moan escapes Ed’s throat as his head falls back, enjoying the touch of your hand.

You gently let your hand continue to glide along the length of his penis, from the base to the tip, and judging by the quick, raspy breaths falling from Ed’s mouth, you’re doing something right. You LOVE the effect your touch is having on him, and on the next stroke, you gently tighten your fist, tugging the head and the hiss that escapes his lips is so satisfying.

“Jesus baby….” He just manages to get out. ”You’re gonna be my undoing….”

He slides his fingers into your hair, pulling you close so he can kiss you. Not so tender this time, it’s fierce and passionate, the lust he’s feeling spilling out of him into you. You’re moving your hand more quickly, and you can feel his length thickening and growing as you stroke him. It’s a heady, powerful feeling that his body is reacting this way because of you. Between strokes and tugs, you gently cup his balls, and watch him carefully, afraid of squeezing too tight. “Shit…babe…like that”, he hisses, and you happily pick up the pace, loving the sound of his voice, the way his eyes are squeezed shut, the way his leg is tensed as he braces his body. His hips stutter, and your eyes widen as you notice a bead of fluid roll out of the slit in the tip of his penis, as you’re pumping and stroking. You’re surprised at his how sexy, how pretty, it is. Framed by the same soft, orange strands that adorn the rest of his body, the plush, pink head, the silky soft shaft…it was incredible. You loved how rock hard he was, that you were the one that make it that way. The foreskin was stretched back now, and the breathy sounds coming from his lips are coming fast and you can tell he’s fast losing control. He sucks in a breath and his hand is suddenly on yours, clumsily pulling it away.

“Fucking hell… feels so good,” he gasps, “but…stop. …I don’t want to finish like this, not like this.” His mouth is yours, his tongue is tasting every bit of you, and his body flush with yours. He cups your cheek, and staring at you tenderly. He tilts your face up, and touches his nose to yours. “…Love you so much, baby. I want you so damn bad…” He whispers this, but there is so much intensity to his words, such reverence. It takes your breath away. You push yourself back against the pillows, and wrap your fingers into the sweaty curls at the base of his neck, pulling him close. You press your lips to his and lift your hips to his. “I want you too, Teddy, make love to me.” You take a deep breath, ready to take the plunge (in more ways than one…) when through the emotions and lust you remember something important.

You twist your body and your hand finds the knob on the drawer beside your bed, and you fumble in the drawer, your fingers finding the box. Ed cranes his head, looking at what you’re doing, and then smiles knowingly. “How’d I never notice you having rubbers in there before??” he says with a teasing grin.

“Because I didn’t!” you look at him with a raised eyebrow and a teasing grin, and then purposefully turn your head and motion to his backpack. His eyes widen, and his cheeks turn the most ADORABLE shade of pink. “Um…” he stutters with an adorable innocent boy smile on his face, “Always be prepared??”

“I love that you cared enough to want to be safe, to protect me”, you say, softly kissing his lips. “That and the fact that you left them in there.” you giggle softly.

“I just figured…I mean, I didn’t want you think I was trying to-“. You cut him off. “Teddy…Shut up. No more words, I’m not upset. I love you and I want you. Now. Please, Teddy…” You slide your fingers into his beard and tug him close, looking him straight in the eyes. He swallows hard, his breathing suddenly quicker. “I want you too” he whispers and gently pulls the box from your hand. He fishes out a foil packet, and as you watch with wide eyes, he quickly tears it open and looks at you, his eyes hooded. He quickly slides the condom down over his length, and then you feel his soft hand slide under your ass cheek and he tugs you down. You swallow deeply, your blood tingling and coursing through every part of your body. You shakily exhale; trying to remember to breathe, and let your legs fall open, your heart hammering in your chest. Ed lifts himself up, and crawls up over your body, moving slowly and gazing at you with such love and softness.

“Babe…look at me.” He can obviously sense your nerves, and he brushes his fingers down your cheek, under your chin and drops a kiss between your breasts. “I wouldn’t ever hurt you, we’ll take it slow. Promise…”

He gently grasps your calf and pushes your leg back just a bit, and his lips are on you, lingering and tender and sweet, tugging your upper lip, then your bottom lip, deepening the kiss as he covers his body with yours. Your leg is hiked up, pinned to his waist, and he’s leaning on his forearm, nestled between your legs. He carefully lifts himself just a bit, and takes himself in hand, guiding his penis gently to your slit, and allows the head to just slip between your folds. He makes no move to penetrate, not yet, but just gently slides the head of his dick against your cleft, allowing you to adjust to the sensation, up and down between your lips, allowing the moisture that’s gathered there to lubricate his length so that it glides like silk. Your eyes close tight and your head falls back, GOD, he’s not in you yet but it feels SO good, so intimate, the anticipation is almost too much. It feels like your blood is going pulse right out of your body.

A low moan rumbles from his throat and he lets out a deep breath as feels you begin to surround him. “You’re so wet, babe….It’s so hot. You’re so sexy….” He groans as you tilt your hips up, wanting more.

He stops the gliding motion, and gazing into your eyes, he gently pulls your other leg up so their pinned to either side of his waist, and then reaching down between the two of you, he positions himself at your entrance. He cups your face, and with so much tenderness it nearly undoes you, he touches his nose to yours.

Your heart is so full, you love him SO much, and you want nothing more than to stay with him like this forever. You gasp as you feel the tip of him gently push against your opening, past your sensitive tissues, and your body jerks as you tense up. He gently strokes your hip and you hear him breathe the words “Relax, Love…I’ve got you”, as he kisses your lips. He only pushes himself in a bit, just the head, slowly, letting you adjust to his size. “…Tell me when…” he whispers, letting his fingers run up your thighs, leaving fiery trails behind them. You respond by tightening your legs around him, and squeezing his bum to press him closer. He pulls his hips, back and in one slow motion, very gently, he fills you.

You bite down hard, gasping, oh GOD, you knew it would hurt a bit, but it STINGS. Fuck. Tears prick at your eyes as your sensitive flesh stretches in a way it hasn’t ever before. His voice, it’s in your ear again, soft and reassuring. “I love you so much, babe….I promise it will feel so much better. I won’t move till you tell me to…” His thumbs tenderly wipe away the moisture under your eyes, and he slows his body, and strokes your face. He stays buried inside you, and concentrates on kissing you until you’ve no breath left in you, and slowly you realize your body is adjusting to his size. The sting is dying out, but the feeling of being stretched that way, it’s something you must get used to. He’s not moved, just holding you, caressing you, loving you, and remaining deep inside you while your body adjusts to him.

“Baby…” he half moans, “Let me try-“. You kiss him and urge him on with your hips, and he slowly lifts his hips and slowly pulls himself part way out, not all the way, and nudges his head through your slick folds, bumping up against your clit, and slowly thrusts back into you, gently, unhurriedly. Oh, oh not so painful anymore, it…there’s still quite the sting as you stretch to fit him, but it’s wonderful, the feeling of him filling you up, actually being INSIDE you…The thought pops through that it’s happening, you’re actually having SEX. You push aside the urge to giggle and the thought is extinguished as both his hands find your ass, and he pulls his hips back, pulling almost all the way out but not quite and oh, it’s a surprisingly empty feeling, you want him back and your hands run down the length of his back to the rise of his ass and tug him, beckoning him to keep going, heavy breaths, loud breaths, falling from your lips, and he groans at your reaction, setting a slow, languorous pace, your ass in his hands and he continues to thrust in to you, long, gentle strokes, filling you up. You can feel your walls tightening around him every time he enters you, wanting to keep him inside you. “You’re so goddamn tight….Jesus!” he grunts as you envelop him at every stroke. “You feel so fucking amazing….you alright baby??” he whispers in your ear.

You manage an “Oh…oh… yes….” And you tighten your legs around him, pressing your feet into his back, urging him on. One hand slides out from under your ass, and he moves it up to your hair, his fingers tangling in the long strands falling over your shoulders. His lips are on your neck, leaving a wet trail from your pulse point down to your shoulder and across your collarbones. His breathing is heavy, uneven, and the hand that’s tangled in your hair and cupping your face is pinning you to the pillows, and his mouth frantically finds yours, kissing you deeply, his tongue everywhere, and not once do his hips stop moving, his body is lifting and pressing into you, over and over and it feel SO good, the feeling of him filling you up, every bit of his soft, warm body pressed against yours.

“More Babe…I need…ohh…” you gasp, trying to find the words but failing.

“Oh, love….Yes…Fucking hell!” he grunts, lifting himself up off of you a bit, supporting himself with his hands and forearms, switching his strokes from long, languid thrusts where he’s not even pulling all the way out of you, to quicker, rhythmic, more frenetic thrusts, the head almost all the way out before he plunges back in, and you let one leg drop, using your foot to brace yourself against the mattress, allowing yourself to open to him as much as possible. You’re concentrating on the connection between you, the way your bodies fit together so perfectly, the zings and flutters and sparks that his every movement sends pulsing through your body. The way he’s still cupping your face, caressing your neck, your shoulder, the rise of your breasts, how he can’t help but be drawn back to your lips, his kisses are so full of desire and lust, yet so tender. Like a promise with every touch. It’s so damn intimate. In this moment, with your heart and your body so incredibly full, you know that THIS is why you waited.

He’s gasping with every movement, every thrust, and he’s trying to keep his eyes open, watching you and wanting to take you in, and holy GOD, the desire and drive in his eyes, how his pupils are blown and the way his mouth is dropping open with every sweet stroke, like he can’t control the sensations, it is sexy beyond words. Your hands find their way to the back of his head, tangling in those delicious sweaty curls at the back of his neck, kissing him so deeply you could just about devour him.

“Babe…so close…” he hisses, gritting his teeth and you realize he’s holding back and waiting for you, not wanting to put his needs ahead of yours. You let a hand drift down to rise of his ass cheek, and let the other hand find his jaw, and kiss him deeply, gasping for breath as the sensations race through your body. You realize that all you want is for him to find that peak, to find his release, because the earth shattering climax he gave you with his tongue, that beautiful mouth, it was enough. The feeling of him being inside you, being a part of you, him worshipping you like this? It was enough. You had all the time in the world to explore each other from now on, and right now, this moment was all about him.

His hips are moving in short, messy thrusts as he chases the sensations that are taking him over. “Baby it’s okay…” you whisper, staring into his eyes and wanting him to feel as good as he made you feel. “Let go!” you gasp, as little explosions of pleasure ricochet through your body, it’s insane how amazing he feels, and you pick your hips up and try to match his thrusts, pushing your pelvis against him, grinding against him, wanting every bit of contact you can get. The hand that’s tangled in your hair tightens, his thumb brushing your ear, and he’s got his forehead pressed to yours as he tries to maintain eye contact. You can feel a bead of sweat roll off his temple, and the sounds escaping his mouth are now completely out of his control. Low, throaty moans, guttural noises that you had no idea he was capable of, and you want this. Oh you want this. You hold his face between your hands, and look him in the eyes, a feat, because he can barely keep them open, and kiss him so softly, so tenderly. “I love you….God, I love you.” You whisper to him, caught up in overwhelming emotion.

His eyes are fluttering, and his whole body tenses up, his muscles caging you onto the bed. “Ah ah ah…!” He’s making a concerted effort to lock eyes with you, to keep connected, but that battle is lost as they slam shut, his orgasm taking him over. “Jesus, baby I…Ah…Oh Fuck!” and his whole body shudders as his hips finds you one last time, and he’s pushing your body up the bed, bracing himself against you, trying to keep every last inch of you wrapped around him. His muscles are tensed and shaking, and you can feel him shudder once more, and then his whole body sags, soft against you, and his head falls to your chest.

You’re still struggling to catch your breath, your heart slamming against your ribcage, and the emotion coursing through you is threatening to overflow. Ed, still panting himself, gingerly lifts himself off you, reaches down and hooks his finger into the condom as he gently pulls out of you, assuring it won’t slip off. “Oh…” you breathe, feeling the emptiness. He slides it off quickly, and discreetly tucks it into a Kleenex he grabs from your nightstand and puts it off to the side. He rolls back over on to his side, facing you, and he can’t hide the smile spreading across his face as he cups your cheek and kisses you, over and over and over, with such fervour it almost renders you breathless. He breaks away and a soft smile plays across his features as he just gazes at you, not saying word, just seemingly savouring the moment. He pulls you into his chest, and you savour his warmth, wanting nothing more than to be held.

“Ed…” you falter, trying to figure how to put what you’re feeling into words. “Every time I thought about what this experience would be like….when I thought about what I wanted it to mean? Teddy, this was it. I-“. He puts his finger to your lips.

“I love you.” The way he says this, it’s so quiet, but so full of conviction. “You are everything to me…and it means the world to me that somehow I’m deserving enough that you chose to share yourself with me. That was…fucking incredible. YOU are fucking incredible.”

You smile softly, and run your fingers lazily through his beard. You stretch your arms above your head, and then your legs, and as you go to cuddle your body into his chest, you suddenly feel…something…on the sheets between your legs. You glance down, and oh. Oh God. You knew it would hurt, when he entered you, but you didn’t think about the possibility of THIS. Your face feels a thousand shades of pink, though you know there’s no real reason to feel embarrassed. It’s just some blood, but still…Ed notices your discomfort, the blush on your cheeks, and he looks where you’re looking.

“Love, it’s no big deal…honestly. Happens the first time. I’m not bothered!” He brushes the hair from your eyes and kisses your cheek, a reassuring smile on his face. You swing your legs over the side of the bed, and drop a kiss on his nose before pulling your cami back over your head. You’re suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious.

“Gonna run to the bathroom, baby, clean myself up a bit…” you smile awkwardly.

“Course, Love. Hurry back though….need cuddles from my girl after all that…” he murmurs with a crooked smile. You hurry off to the bathroom, clean yourself up, pee because that seems like a good idea, and run a brush through your hair. You stop for a second, and look at yourself in the mirror, studying your features. You feel different….empowered and well, like a real grownup. You lift your shoulders and feel a grin spread across your face. You finally did it. No longer a virgin! You giggle, flip your hair back and head back to the bedroom. You walk through the door and stop short, staring at your bed. Sweet boy, in the 5 minutes you’ve been in the bathroom, he’s pulled the bloody sheet off your bed, and put fresh linens back on. He really does think of everything. A disbelieving smile crosses your face, and you shake your head slightly, so enamoured with this boy. You feel a strong of pair of arms wrap around you from behind, and you let out a soft sigh of contentment as you let your head fall back onto his chest. Your fingers absent-mindedly begin tracing the colorful shapes on his forearms, and you feel his lips in your hair.

“Best day ever, innit?” he says softly. “Best girl ever too…”

You spin around and look him in the eyes, tracing his cheeks and jaw with your fingers, pushing a few stray fiery strands of hair from his forehead. “You’re not so bad yourself, baby…” you whisper with a smile.

“Mmmmmmm” he hums contentedly, and softly, slowly, he leans in. He touches his forehead to yours, and you feel his fingers tip your chin up, and just when you thought your heart couldn’t take anymore, he touches his nose to yours.

#ed sheeran fanfic #ed sheeran fic #ed sheeran sexy #ed sheeran mature fanfic #ed sheeran smut #Teddy Sheeran #Code Ginger #OBFG #Edward Christopher Sheeran #Flutters #first time with Ed #Ed Sheeran #sheerios

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ameliette · 7 years

Text

0: Prologue - or more of a preface

I'm one of those who likes to ramble and publish the ramble without editing it, so these will be messy!

'prologue' Middle English: from Old French, via Latin from Greek prologos, from pro- ‘before’ + logos ‘saying’.

And before anything is said about the book, I want to give context to this all. I didn't participate in the Hobbit group-read - mostly because I wasn't in this fandom at the time - so I'm not 100% sure what everything should be in these posts. Also I'm very bad at doing actual thoughtful commentary, especially on books. It's easier on visual media, but my "commentary" is still usually half sentences that don't make any sense. I have two hobbit trilogies worth of notes to testify that. - Or, like seen here, I read fifteen levels into each word.

Should be mostly spoiler free, since I don't even know what happens past mid-point of The Two Towers in the books.

Reading this with a close eye (I have to, otherwise I might just skim everything), I noticed the wording "seldom now reach three feet". Hobbits used to vary between two and four feet, huh? So even though the films portrayed the hobbits all about four feet tall (Bilbo's listed as being 4'2'' in the art book so I'm going off that), that was more the upper limit for "normal" height. And then a few sentences later there's this: "[Bullroarer] was surpassed [in height] -- only by two famous characters of old; *but that curious matter is dealt with in this book*." I'm probably reading too much into it, but does it suggest that Frodo and Sam are especially tall for Hobbits, even in their time?

On feet: I'm a writer and research random things sometimes. Last night I was reading through nanowrimo's research forum, checking everything that sounded interesting, and stumbled upon a topic on barefoot running. From what I read, it's more likely that hobbits actually walk more on the balls of their feet than on heels, as it's easier on knees and hips. Not a detail that would get much notice in a book, but could be explored in art. (Maybe not so much in film, given the limitation of feet prosthetics used.) Walking like that consumes more energy than walking on heels, so if they're walking tip-toe all day, no wonder hobbits eat more!

On pipeweed: "tobacco of the Southfarthing play[s] a part in the history that follows" I still don't have the full context for this one (recall my words that I'm in Chapter X of Book III?) but I recall being absolutely confused by this the first time. How could tobacco play a part in world history? Well, I know a bit now, (again, Chapter X) but still not much. (And well I've read portions of the Atlas so that was a few spoilers *shrug* but spoilers are still not full context!)

Given how idyllic the Shire is portrayed in the movies, I'm actually surprised not all Hobbits can read!

"who reached a hundred as often as not" means 50% of hobbits reach 100 years of age, right? I'm no mathmagician, and median is not mean, but does that suggest hobbits have a life expectancy of 100 years? Given the lack of modern technology in Middle-Earth, I'm rather surprised. How long might hobbits live if they lived in modern times? (In visible populations, with modern tech)

On the finding of the Ring: "the party was assailed by orcs in -- the Misty Mountains" nitpicking and grammar-filing, but I actually discussed at length with a friend about the difference between orcs and goblins, since in the Hobbit movies, only the ones under Misty Mountains are called goblins, and Azog and his army are called orcs. Of course it would be repetitive to repeat the discussion here, but I find it interesting that the switch from English 'goblin' to Westron 'orc' was here applied "retroactively" so to speak. (And also, 'goblin' will always say to me 'funny little creature under a mountain', whereas 'orc' is 'dangerous thing do not approach')

"the ring slipped quietly on to his finger" and given what I know of the ring, it was all deliberate by it. Ring wants to go back to its master, and it cannot achieve that goal by staying with Gollum. Making Bilbo invisible will help the ring out of the cave. ... I suddenly wonder if there are fics written in the Ring's POV? (Too bad the ring didn't know Hobbits are not so easily influenced by it) "the ring, secured by a fine chain --" which we never saw in the films! I wanted to see the ring on a chain like a pocket watch!

Regarding the last few sentences of the chapter. (I've quoted so much directly by now that I think I'll pass, esp. for this long an excerpt) I didn't really notice it last time, but this really makes it sound more like a preface to a historical novel than a work of fiction - which was the idea, I suppose, given this is meant to be the English translation of Red Book of Westmarch. In any case, detailing events so far into the book and past the scope of its prose section is certainly a different approach to fiction! (It also explained a few things I was left wondering about regarding movie's Gray Havens scene.)

I also want to detail how I got into this fandom, because it ties into the prologue a bit.

I tried watching the LotR movies back in 2014 (I wanted to watch the Hobbit films, so maybe I could go see BoFA in theatre, but knew I should start with LotR), but kinda fell asleep (or something) during FotR (like I did watch it through but didn't really focus on it) so I let that plan be (even though I had all three films borrowed from the library so honestly I could have just rewatched it the following day), and didn't come back to it until this summer (2016 July in case I someday have a theme that doesn't have time stamps) when YLE (Finnish national radio/tv broadcaster) showed them on tv and they were also available online for a few weeks. Did the traditional method of marathoning all three in a row, didn't finish till 4am. I have a friend who joked about me being the one to learn Sindarin once I'd read the books, but after LotR, I said something to the effect of "well I'm not that much into this" - like, for me, back then, it was still "a film classic I must watch to be a proper young adult" type of deal.

Then I got the Hobbit trilogy from the library, and this is where I need to get into detail. I had a new computer ("new", it's over five years old, but it used to be my brother's so it's new to me), so I wanted to watch the DVDs on that, but I couldn't find AUJ on DVD in the library so had to take Blu-Ray. I swear this is relevant. DoS and BoFA I did get on DVD. So I watched AUJ on tv screen, and then next tday DoS on computer. And half of BoFA.

... Not because of the movie itself. It was my computer that fucked up. You see, it's that old and has a bad processor, so it couldn't handle me watching 4+ hours of DVD straight. Cut it off twice in the Dale scenes. I got mad and didn't get that it was because the computer was overheating. Anyway, now I'm getting to the point.

I mentioned I got the films from the library? Well, I also got FotR and The Hobbit books at the same time, and because I was still in the middle of BoFA, I started with FotR. Can you see where this is going? Well, I had been spoiled back in 2014 so technically I knew, but I had forgotten it, and then "On the Finding of the Ring" had to mention it. Killed my mood for a while, but I pressed on with the book. A few days later I finished BoFA, dug up the hobbit tags of those I followed, started following more people, read basically all meta I could find, and here I am. I'm still definitely more Hobbit person than LotR person (definitely more dwarf person than elf person!), but that may or may not change during this read-though. I'm in the middle of TTT, (After reading through FotR in a month...) so I don't know if I'll continue with that, or just re-read FotR and then have initial reactions to books 3-6. (I read the appendixes a lot for reference purposes so I don't count them here) In either case, this should be fun! It's sometimes scary to be in this fandom because I'm only a very tiny person who hasn't read everything yet, but frick, fandoms should be welcoming, I doubt you're as bad as the old SW fandom was joked to be. (I recall a text post that listed quizzing on Wedge's shoelaces or something)

Said friend? Well, she wasn't *wrong*... I took up Khuzdul.

#mine #text post #silmread #lotr: prologue #/#//#lotr #amy liveblogs everything #long post #for gods sake tumble don't mess up my formatting #shorter post now that i moved the readmore a lot higher

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chelseyroseblog · 6 years

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10 STEPS TO SELF DISCIPLINE

Hi Princess!

Man I am just having a full freaking circle moment right now. I'm currently at home with the house to myself and I've just spent the last 2 hours cleaning, organizing, and planning...and canceling plans for tonight that I actually was SO excited for.

[I was planning on going to FORMA in Santa Monica area with two girls that I used to work with for some BOMB ASS din din, but there were two problems...]

Their menu doesn't really match up with my weight goals right now annnnd

I knew that if I went, then I wouldn't get this blog post done and I already PROMISED myself that 1-2 new blog posts would be going out every week.

So now, here I am, listening to this Spotify playlist, drinking my celcius, and jotting down notes and quotes about success and self discipline.

Then a light bulb went off....mayyybe I should write a post about self discipline?!...GENIUS.

Half the time when I have self discipline, I don't even think about it. Actually I would say that that happens more than half the time, which is nice.

For example when I cancelled my plans for this evening, there were 2 people that looked at me all wide eyed when I told them why I cancelled and said "Wow, talk about self discipline", and "Holy shit I would do anything for that kind if self discipline". Hahah but I didn't even think twice about it.

And then I really started thinking about it and realized that actually a ton of people have told me I have some kind of insane ability to discipline myself. Whether it's walking by the desserts at work and not grabbing any, or only having 1 piece of licorice instead of 12, or when I turn down a day time pool party because I have unfinished shit on my calendar.

Whatever. I gotta do what I gotta do ya know? But as I get older I'm really starting to see that this isn't as common amongst the majority of other people.

When I think about how I developed self discipline I basically just pull out the archive of alllllll the things my parents had me do when I was growing up.

I was in Taekwondo until I was a black belt and I played soccer into high school so from a young age I always had some kind of coach whether it was in school or at home. I think a lot of discipline came from the combination of the two.

If I was hungover at a game then my punishment was playing the entire 90 minutes as left mid in 90-degree heat. (Mainly because I couldn't tell anyone I was hungover and sucked at lying...still do).

If I got a C, I was grounded. If I didn't go to work, I wasn't given money from my parents. If I forgot to take the trash out to to street I was hit with a text that the next time I forgot, the trash would be laid out in my bed haha soooo I didn't forget. ever. again.

That one may have been a bit of a lie on my parents' end but once people start following through with consequences, you start to believe them...quick.

And if I ever wanted anything...I had to work for it. My parents had me paying my phone bill, car payments, gas, and insurance before I moved out at 20 years old and I have never asked them to loan me money since I've moved to LA. And when I wanted to go on a $500.00 S.W.A.T. trip to Tahoe (S.W.A.T. was the BEST. If you know, you know.) when I was 16, I was allowed to go, but I had to work for the money and save up.

The point of all of this is that I was raised knowing that I have to work for what I want, nothing will be handed to me, and If I mess up, it's my ass on the line.

Growing up I wanted to stab someone because I had THE MOST chores out of all of my friends, was grounded the most, and worked the most haha BUT NOW, I appreciate it. Funny how that happens.

Benefits of Being Self Disciplined:

Because I grew up the way I did, and have had the motivation to stick with what I've learned, I've noticed that my self discipline has allowed me to stay focused on my goals and actually REACH them.

BUT even if you didn't grow up with self discipline and feel like it's something you wish you had NOW, then just know that you CAN HAVE IT NOW. It's just like anything else...whether you do it over and over again, or never do it at all, it becomes a habit...you just need to decide which habit you'll practice.

Even for me, self discipline can be hard. Like I said earlier, most of the time it comes naturally but there's other times that I lose it therefore I understand what it's like NOT to have it, and how frustrating it can be and ultimately how big of a set back it can create.

Having self discipline has allowed me to begin growing into the person that I want to be. It's helped me avoid everything from people, food, and parties (not to sound boring haha) at times that my goals were more important to me. Because girl believvvvve me, if I didn't have goals combined with some self discipline, I'd still be partying my ass off.

WELP LADIES.

It's time to PRACTICE good habits and it's time to look inward and start taking care of YOURSELF. Here's 10 steps that I think everyone should practice if they are looking to be a master at self discipline.

10 Steps to Self Discipline

1. Write down your goals

I mean you have to know what you're even being self disciplined for right? When I write down my goals it HAS to be when I'm relaxed, STRESS FREE, open minded and optimistic. Or actually sometimes it could be like the polar opposite haha. If I'm really over my current circumstances then I will think of a few goals that I feel like I NEED to achieve but as far as writing them down and feeling like they're possible, I need to be in a good place.

Either way, make a point to think about them, and write them down. I have my goals organized on a big white board in my office and I swear it makes all the difference. Also - remember to write down a goal for every area of your life. Have a "personal best" goal, a "career" goal, a "fitness" goal, and even a "family" goal. Maybe you don't contact your family enough or make enough time for them and you want to make it your goal to call them once a week. Whatever it is, write it down and this will start to improve your self discipline.

2. Make a plan

Goals are just words until you have a plan behind them and give them MEANING. So what if you want to live by the beach? If you have no idea how you're going to do it, like not even a first step, then I'm not saying it won't happen, I'm just saying it's unlikely. Also, why wait 10 years to see if you might live by the beach when you could just make a plan and get there in a 6 months? Successful people know that in order to be successful you just need to START SOMETHING. Start small, build positive habits, and you'll be on your way to reaching your goals.

Brian Tracy explains that when it comes to making a plan and actually executing it, we need to understand the CROWDING OUT PRINCIPLE. This means that we need to fill our days with HIGH VALUE & MEANINGFUL tasks in order to be successful as opposed to low value, busy work tasks. This way our day is "crowded" with so much meaningful work, that is blocks out time to work on small things that are not relative.

"When it all comes down to it, nothing trumps execution." - Gary Vaynerchuk

3. Develop the right mindset

I am obsessed with how powerful the mind is. It is so crazy to me to hear people talk about everything from a negative perspective ALL OF THE TIME. "I don't have money." "I'll never find someone so I'm just giving up on love, I'm over it". "I hate this fucking job but I have no other way of making money." "I look like shit." "I'm so ugly I don't know why anyone even talks to me."

LIKE WHAT?!?!?

I know it's not EASY to change, and it's not EASY to really go for your goals because it can be scary. The unknown is a very scary place and believe me, I get it. When I moved to LA I knew I was going to be on my own but I made it work. And even right now in my life, I am preparing myself for a HUGE change.

And I couldn't even tell you all of the things that could go wrong because I refuse to let my focus go there. What's the point? If I want this change to happen then no matter how scared I am, I need to focus on all the GOOD that will come from it, and all the ways that I WILL be able to make it work.

You MUST MUST MUST live in a positive mind set in order to be successful and have self discipline.

"Your thoughts are incredibly powerful. Choose yours wisely." - Joe Dispenza

4. Have a daily mini accomplishment

This is something that I started having all of my health coaching clients do. We all know that STARTING something is the hardest part right? We dwell on the idea of it, we feel like we REALLY want to start something but we just don't. It happens to all of us but the best thing to do in this situation and the best way to really start working on the self discipline muscle, is to have a mini accomplishment every day.

But make it towards your goal. SO for example, if my goal is to start losing weight then I would write down "START WORKING OUT 3 DAYS A WEEK" as my goal. I might even PLAN on doing it Monday, Wednesday and Friday but then the MOTIVATION and the right mind set might be lacking. So if I just CANNOT get myself to do it, then a mini accomplishment would be to go for a 10 minute walk. Or to take the stairs everyday instead of the elevator.

And BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for doing it. That's an accomplishment!

If your goal is to start a blog but you've been putting it off for 10 months then have a mini accomplishment by bookmarking 5 blogs you love and make a little list that highlights the things you love about them so that you have a better idea of what you want yours to look like!

If you've been eating like shit for the last 2 months and really want to get your diet on track, start by having a smoothie for breakfast and if you don't change anything else for the rest of the day, at least you can go to bed knowing that you did something different today that put you one foot closer to your goals.

I've found that having my clients do these mini accomplishments gives them the confidence they need to do it again the next day, plus some. And then within DAYS they are miles ahead of where they were. You just need to start.

5. Be obsessed with your "why".

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds then your "why" may be because you're going on vacation, it may be that your family has had health issues that you want to avoid or, it may be that you just realized that you need to either lose weight or go up in your jean size, and that's just not an option for you.

Whatever your why is, it needs to really make an impact, or you're not going to care enough to discipline yourself.

"There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive." - Oprah Winfrey.

6. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

Man oh man. I think when I moved out of my parents house and no longer had a coach that was going to give me immediate consequences for my actions...I felt a little lost. All my friends would be going out so I would want to go, or all my friends would be eating mexican food at 2:00am so I would get some too.

Or instead of working on anything, I would decide to go to the beach all day and then the movies knowing that I didn't have money to be spending. Things like that. So it took me a few months of play to realize that no one was going to be holding me accountable for getting my shit done.

I had to do that for myself. So what started happening was, I had to start saying "no" to things that I really wanted to do. I realized that I didn't have time to be sitting around on my phone all day waiting for the next person to text me and invite me to do something.

And it was kindaaa awkward?

People started telling me that I worked too much and that I needed to spend more time with friends but honestly, I didn't feel that way.

There's so many girls I talk to that tell me that one of the biggest things that gets in the way of their goals is their social life. They don't want to miss out on the fun, or all their friends drink, etc.

I get it! But if you want to work and accomplish your goals and your social circle gets in the way of that, then just explain to them that you have to stop going out as much and your true friends will understand.

7. Be consistent with your motivation

I swear this makes self discipline so much easier. If your goal is to start your own business then you need to wake up every day telling yourself that you're going to start your own business, and you need to be clear about the steps you're going to take to get there.

You can't just write it down in a cute notepad once or twice a year and expect it to happen. The more attention you give it, the faster and easier it will come. I'm a big visualization person so whenever I'm in the shower or when I'm meditating or walking, I literally ask myself "what do you want your life to look like in X amount of years". And the picture doesn't just appear quickly and perfectly...but little things start to come to mind and you start to BUILD a picture which eventually turns into like a mini film in your mind.

BUT you have to take the time to think about it, otherwise we are just lost thinking about all the errands and work we have to do that we never even give ourselves the chance to work towards something.

8. Be equal parts realist and optimist

This may be a good or bad thing but for me, a lot of my self discipline has come from the sad truth that at the end of the day, you can't rely on ANYONE to take care of you...or you shouldn't anyway...in my opinion. If you're waiting for a man to take care of you then that's of course your call but what if things don't work out? What if he leaves you and you didn't do anything to set yourself up to stand on your own two feet?

Not to be negative but really, I just want to honestly ask some women what their plan is. So for me, I don't expect to be taken care of which is part of the reason why I work so hard.

With that comes optimism. I am optimistic that everything I'm working on will set me up for security and I'm optimistic that one day I won't have to work as hard but for now, I have to take care of myself, ya know?

"The biggest risk is not taking any risk ... In a world that's changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks." —Mark Zuckerberg

9. Commit to your calendar

This is one of the best things I've ever done. Us girls looove our calendars and organizing and colored pens and shared calendars and what not BUT I feel like we write for 2 weeks and then forget about it for a few months and then start using it again later right? Haha.

Having a calendar with set days to do things is HUGE if you stick to it. It's one of the best ways to practice self discipline.

10. Truly understand the alternative.

When I think of people that are self disciplined, I think it's fair to say that they know that if they DON'T follow through with what they need to do, the consequences will come in the way they feel, the way they live, or the look.

So be honest with yourself about what would happen if you DIDN'T start accomplishing your goals. Does that mean that you'll be at a job you hate for 5 more years? Does it mean that you'll never lose the weight you've been wanting to get off? Does it mean you'll never know your full potential? For me - I know that if I don't work on being my best self, then I can't give my best to others and that's not an option for me.

I want to be someone who is happy and full of life everyday and recognizes that everyday is a gift and that we need to enjoy the ride. BUT if I lose sight of myself or feel like I'm not appreciating each day, then I can't be that person.

Ugh, I could talk about this for forever but to be honest, I gotta go get my brows done haha.

I hope you guys have an AMAZING day!

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