#i Think i may know what this is for from what lune has showed to me abt yk but maybe i don't and in any case i don't fully know so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atzfilm · 10 months

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— clair de lune. (m) - finale

genre; yandere, vampire!au, reincarnation! au angst, smut

pairing; ot8/f.reader, 21.2k~

warnings; major character death, manipulation, explicit scenes, murder, blood, smut (dubious), gaslighting, prior abuse/assault mentioned, knives, wounds, mass murder mention, blood exchanging, lying, mass delusions

summary; you’ve finally gotten the chance to enter “clair de lune”, a infamous nightclub to see the band hiraeth. but why did you feel like their eyes only watched you?

note: this fic deals with the subject of yandere. with that being said, a lot of the things happening in this fiction will be manipulation, gaslighting, and various other techniques displayed by the characters. if you are not comfortable with that, please do not read.

thank you to my best friend @hongism rereading for me .. <3

Chapter 8:

“He brought her to where Yeosang is,” Yunho says softly, watching his friend pace back and forth. Endearing how worried he seems to be, though they all know the likely end of this. You will never be convinced to become one of them, and their time is slowly ticking down. Yunho himself wouldn’t mind turning you now, so that he may deal with the decades of anger sooner rather than later. The others, excluding Wooyoung, not so much. Especially Song Mingi, biting his lip as he ponders his thoughts.

Though Mingi showed a tough facade to you in the beginning, he has always been softer. Blunt, sure, but his worry seems to supersede everyone else’s. There was a time that it burdened him too heavily for any of the others to pull him out, Yunho barely succeeding at doing so. Seeing him close to what he was like before does bother Yunho, but there is surely some way out of this situation.

“You’re letting this worry you too much, Mingi,” Yunho says, flipping through another page of his comic. He snorts at the dialogue. His gaze moved to Mingi’s feet, seeming to burn a path into the hardwood. Despite wanting to finish the book - he’s lingered on the same chapter for a while - he places it to the side, trying to meet the eyes of his best friend. “Hongjoong won’t let her be hurt.”

“Yeosang gets into these sprees when he’s too overwhelmed. I’m worried he won’t see y/n when he’s there. There's a chance–"

“Nonsense,” Yunho waves him off. “He’ll smell her before anything else. Might pull him out of his rage.”

“Might is not definitive.”

“She will pull him out of it, all right? Mingi, don’t let this affect you so much.”

Mingi closes his eyes for a moment, thinking. “It’s as if everyone else can worry but me. Don’t look at me like that. Nothing will happen this time, not like before.”

Though Yunho doesn’t respond, that only seems to fuel Mingi further. He slowly starts his pacing again, fingers digging into the palms of his hands. It’s not enough to break skin, no, but Yunho watches as he begins to lose himself in his thoughts. Interrupting will only worsen the situation so instead, he waits for him to understand his thoughts, to think it through before saying something. Mingi stops, looking back at Yunho.

“Could Yeosang have been right this whole time?”

“Min…”

“I know,” he holds up his hand. “I know that he’s stuck in his head just like I am. But should we just dismiss his thoughts? Should we let ourselves go through all of this again? She’s died once before Yunho, and it feels like it’ll happen sooner rather than later. We’re taking the same path.”

“We’re not. We aren’t even pirates this time. It’s different, Mingi,” Yunho sighs, rubbing his face. “I haven’t shoved blood down her throat. And I doubt any of us will.”

“You’re not listening to me-“

“What do you want me to say?!” His voice rises as he stands from the couch. “Tell you that I’d rather live another one hundred torturous years than force her to turn? Because that’s not what I want, and I know that’s not what you want either. We don’t want her to die. But if we let her live a full life without attempting to turn her, we all will suffer without her being around.”

“But what if that's what she wants?"

Yunho narrows his eyes. “What?”

“Why are we so selfish to force our ideals when it’s not what she desires? Yeosang has been a shell of himself ever since he turned. Why do we assume that she will be the same as she is now? In fact,” his gaze is glued to the floor. “If she is the same, turning her will only exemplify her emotions. Her hate toward us will turn into pure abhorment.”

“Waiting hundreds of years knowing she’s alive is better than letting her life cycle restart.”

He holds in his horror at his words. Mingi knew that Rose's death affected Yunho horribly, especially knowing that he was the one that forced her to murder in the beginning. But speaking of you as if you're not your own person? Mingi decides it is best to no longer try and convince his friend. “You’re right,” he lets the lie slip through his anger. “We cannot endure this again, can we?”

“Have you not seen us?” Yunho snorts, slowly sinking back into the cushions. “Our self-torture can only go on but so far. It will be all fine in the end, Min. Don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t.”

You’re not safe.

Hongjoong drags you through the front door, ignoring how you try to fight against his hold. It almost seems amusing to him, the slight smirk upon his lips, quirk of his brow. Enjoyment encasing his features. As if he finally has you and won’t let you go.

Your head is clearer now, absolute. Despite how kind any of them are – including Seonghwa, Yeosang, Mingi – they will never let you leave. It’s almost humorous to even think that they would have; each time you stepped a foot out of their gaze it was like you committed a felony. How unwise of you not to notice it sooner. It scares you how easily they’ve dug themselves into every part of your life - taking your home away, your friends. You’re sure there was influence on you applying for employment as well. Taking every escape away from you, keeping you to themselves.

“She will learn her place,” Hongjoong says, the grip on your arm so tight it feels as if he’ll pull it right from its socket. No matter how hard you tug he seems to ignore it, walking calmly pass the other men in the living area. The absence of Yeosang and Mingi is blatantly obvious, but you no longer have the will to ponder it. San and Wooyoung silently look on, quickly averting their gaze when you look at them. Yunho doesn’t, expression blank as he stares. Jongho, of course, does not bother facing you at all.

Seonghwa looks at you with pain. It’s sad how you no longer believe it to be real. Or at the very least, not for you. For the person's soul you've taken.

“We spoke about this, Joong,” Seonghwa starts, following close behind. “We said it would be different this time.”

He only scoffs, ignoring your screaming as he turns a corner. “What will we do then? Let her go on her merry way? You know that’s not possible now.”

“It is not now because you made it so,” he hisses, the two of them stopping in front of your door. Seonghwa crouches down, head tilted as he gazes upon you. All you can see is pity, his hand reaching out to touch your cheek. You flinch as he cups it, turning your head to meet his gaze. “It’s only for a few days. Just so that you get this out of your system, alright? We wouldn’t need to prolong it if there’s cooperation.”

“Fuck you,” you jeer.

"See?" Hongjoong seems to only sigh louder, pushing the door open and almost throwing you inside. You hold your head from hitting the floor, sliding across to the opposite side of the room. You struggle to lift yourself from the floor, body aching from the throw. You glance down at your hands, the blood from the dead in the restaurant dyed on your hands. You wipe them quickly, chest rising and falling.

There were so many dead. So many lives lost. You don’t notice how Seonghwa looks at you, wanting to step in and pull you out of your thoughts. He shuts his eyes for a moment, looking at his leader.

“Hongjoong.“

He holds up his hand. “She’ll learn her lesson soon enough. A few days of isolation will do wonders. Right, my sea?”

You don’t dare meet his gaze, nor try to run out the door. It’ll be foolish in the end, there’s eight of them and one of you. Why didn’t you listen to their advice?

Why didn’t you end it where it began?

It feels as if it’s spring outside; the window cracked just a bit for you to feel the warm breeze rush through. Vastly different from just a few days ago – the windchill almost suffocating, curtains closed as you tucked yourself beneath the blankets. You finally look away from the window when you see one of them appear, slowly making your way back into the cold sheets. Siyoon’s phone disappearing from the drawer only confirms your suspicions. If they are as guiltless as they make themselves out to be, it would still reside inside. Nothing sharp enough to hurt yourself with lying out and about. One of them searched your room when you left with Hongjoong. Now you’ll never know what happened to her. If she even survived her encounter with them.

The night Hongjoong dragged you back into this room is one you cannot forget. The pleas spilling from your lips as you begged for them to let you go, banging on the door. The sympathetic looks they gave you. As if you were the unstable one. As if all of this is your fault. Even Wooyoung, as guilty as he may be, gazed upon you with sympathy, an understanding nod as Hongjoong dragged you back inside, locking the door behind him. It's one of the last times you’ve seen him, and it’s been over a week since.

The first few nights were torture. They sealed your bedroom window, leaving it only open a crack for a bit of fresh air. The windows were coated with some sort of frost, hiding the outside world from your view. It only cemented the fact that no matter what you do or say, you’ll still be stuck in this room at the end of the day.

Now there’s nothing that could change your mind; Rose left for a reason. It wouldn’t surprise you if the two of you ended up in similar situations. Though she was stuck on a ship, and you are stuck in their home.

At least there’s the slightest chance that you can run.

“Your food is getting cold.”

Yunho stands at the door, hands tucked in pockets. He gives you a smile. You don’t have the energy to even pretend to care, shifting your gaze back to the frosted windows.

“No talking now?”

“Let me go.”

“Ah,” Though he speaks to your back, you can hear him run his fingers through his hair. “Eat and then we’ll talk about leaving.”

You roll your eyes, shifting your body to turn to him, “I should have noticed your lies from the beginning. It just comes so easily to you. What are you going to say next? I’m allowed to get some fresh air if I take a bite?”

His grin sticks, “Of course.”

“Go away, Yunho.”

“None of us want you stuck in this room, y/n,” he moves closer to the bed. You tense up immediately at his steps, eyes flicking to his hands. He holds them up in surrender, slowly sitting on the small stool. “We said it’d be temporary and we weren’t lying about that. If you want, you can sit outside and eat. I know you’re tired of looking out that window.” He gestures, dropping his hands. “We never wanted you to feel like a prisoner.”

“What a joke.”

“None of this would have happened if you cooperated,” he shrugs. “So, you want to go out or not?”

“If I say no?”

“Another week, unfortunately,” he frowns.

You slowly sit up, body numb from not moving for several hours. Yunho reaches out to steady you but you shift from his hand, shaking your head. They’ve hidden a lot from you; letting Yunho touch you is not the plan. You’d probably be put under some sort of spell. Of course, your imagination is very much working overtime, but months ago you wouldn’t have guessed that there was an underground vampire band that used to be pirates so consumed by their grief that they latch on to the reincarnation of their former lover.

Saying it in your head makes it even more unbelievable.

“You’re all sick, you know that right?” You murmur, sliding into your slippers. He doesn’t say anything, watching as you make your way to the plate of food. He takes it just as you’re about to grab it. “Yunho.”

“We’re going outside. You’re looking sickly without any sunshine, you should open the curtains a bit more. Light isn’t your enemy.” He steps to the side, gesturing to the open doorway. You’re not sure why the sight makes your anxiety start to rise. But you leave anyway, Yunho close behind you. The hallways are quiet as you step through the home. The back door is already ajar. You can see others just outside. One in particular stands out amongst the rest, sitting idly by the door. You still, causing Yunho to bump slightly into you as you do.

“I want to go back.”

“No.”

“Yunho–”

“I know there’s still a backbone in there somewhere, pretty,” he whispers, “Use it.” He pushes you slightly, forcing you to step further to the outside.

You stumble as you walk through the doors, desperately trying to calm your heart down enough. How have they beaten you down to the point where you cannot function properly around them? One man shouldn’t terrify you so much. You ignore his eyes, feeling them trail after you as you quickly make your way to the bench after slipping into your outdoor shoes, leaving the others to the side. The last time you were here, you enjoyed your time with Jongho. The memory is happy enough to ease your heart slightly, slow breaths escaping you. You sit down, Yunho placing the plate on a small table in front of you, a water bottle adjacent.

“See? Not so bad,” he pats the table, stretching. “I have to run out, but the others will keep you entertained enough. See you later, pretty.”

“Wait-”

He turns and walks before you can say another word. Your fists rest upon your thighs, gaze glued to the plate in front of you. From the quick glances before, you spotted Hongjoong, San, and Wooyoung lingering outside. Your body is too exhausted to think about where the others may be. The sun is bright today, hot against your skin as you slowly take a bite of the food. Your eyes move to the side, San and Wooyoung leaving promptly. You grip your plate, staring at the chest of the man who slowly makes his way over to you. Fear is what drives you now, looking in his eyes too much for you. All you can think of is the way he grinned as blood coated his hands and clothing, the way he laughed as he threw you into the room.

"Nice to see you after a few days, my sea," he sits on the grass in front of you, keeping enough distance for you to calm down slightly. You look back at the plate, unable to respond. "Nothing to say to me?"

"No."

He slowly drops his body against the lawn, hands resting behind his head. You inadvertently look at his face. The same sly smirk rests against his lips, brows lifting quickly when you finally look at his eyes.

You take another bite.

"Have you slept?"

"How could I when I'm in a house with people who want to kill me?" You say, teeth clenched.

"Being a vampire isn't killing you, y/n. It's another life. Extending your human one beyond what you can think of. It's a gift."

"It's a curse," you whisper. "Humans shouldn't live that long."

"Once you turn you're no longer human, so that doesn't really matter, does it?"

You place your chopsticks down, taking a slow breath. There's no use in speaking to him about it. He's lived long enough to twist your words. make it fit into his. And the other you’s probably had this same exact conversation with him dozens of times. “And then what comes after? Eternal suffering?”

“After turning? Anything you desire. You’ll have the world at your feet, just as we do.”

“It must be quite easy for you to assume,” you note, tucking your knees further into your chest. “Assuming that I will decide to live with you for however long I will be ‘alive’–“ you motion quotes with your fingers– “It’s a bit presumptuous to believe that I will never leave your side. And forcing me to will only work for so long. There will be a point when I decide that I’m sick of it and run.”

“You have yet to run though,” Hongjoong shrugs, gesturing to the gate. “It's been open for quite a while now but you lack an attempt to make a run for it.”

Scoffing seems to only lessen the impact of his words. What if you were to make a run for it? You doubt they would let you out of their sight for a moment. You can only think back to when Seonghwa let you go in that supermarket. You’re sure that everything would be in a different shape if you never arrived back home. What if… what if you didn’t show back up? Seonghwa gave you the out. The perfume that hides your smell, pheromones. You had the chance and you didn’t even take it.

Has there ever been a moment where you would have?

“Will you chase after me?”

He only smiles.

“Then what’s the point of me running? I doubt I’d get over the threshold without one of you stopping me.”

“Have you lost your drive to survive?” he raises a brow. “Or have you settled? The sea that I know wouldn’t allow us to keep her here without at least attempting to fight for it. It is only saddening to look at.” Despite his words his grin only seems to widen as he watches you. He’s desired this. He's always yearned for you to be subdued, underneath his fervent whims. Abiding by them only worsens the situation. But you cannot imagine yourself not giving up, fighting through it. You’ve tired yourself out over this year of meeting them. Who knew that the snarky woman at Clair de Lune would allow herself to be broken down into this empty shell? You know now that Rose wouldn’t have settled. She would have probably taken her life long ago.

It’s strange that you have yet to consider that path yourself.

“Who turned her?”

“Excuse me?” He’s mocking you now. "Couldn't quite hear you."

"Who turned Rose, Hongjoong? Which one of you did it?"

"Why do you care? Do you want to reenact it again? I wouldn't mind it, sure. But that's a bit strange even for you."

Oh. Fuck you.

“Wooyoung insists that it wasn’t him,” you start, knowing that this conversation could easily be turned on you. “And I believe him. But what I don’t understand is why her death is being hidden from me. What’s there to hide if she killed herself as you all have said? If it’s true, you could talk about it. If it’s true, you wouldn’t hide it from me.”

“Who are you to tell us what we’re thinking?” Though he still has the teasing grin on his lips, his eyes shifted, more narrowed. “Would it make you sleep better at night, knowing what truly happened to her? Would it change your mind about us, make you see us in a different light? Because as I see right now, you’re completely terrified of being in the same room as us. Pouring gasoline on the fire isn’t going to put it out.”

Though he doesn’t admit it blatantly, you can read between the lines. It’s true; Wooyoung didn’t kill her. He killed Yeosang, yes. But not Rose. And from what you know thus far Hongjoong wouldn’t hesitate to tell you it was him or Yeosang. He’d probably do it on purpose to make you fall deeper into yourself. But why hide it?

What would he gain?

Hongjoong stands, brushing off the strands of grass from his slacks. “I’d love to play with you some more, but we have a show. Mingi is somewhere around to entertain you whenever you decide to leave this spot. See you later, sea.” He waves slightly, leaving you alone outside. You glance at the open gate. There’s no one around that you can see but you know they’re watching. Waiting for you to take a step to it. You close your eyes for a moment, letting out a long breath.

Are you truly stuck here?

There seemed to be silent agreement amongst the men. Averted gazes, stepping out of the room when you enter. Even Wooyoung, as boisterous as he is, avoids you as you walk down the hallways. The feeling is eerie; watchful eyes at every corner, behind every door. The freedom to roam only makes you feel more trapped. More secluded. You wonder if this was their captain’s plan all along.

Your grip on the ceramic cup Mingi slides to you is tight. Lips firm. It’s strange how alone you feel in a house filled with people.

“Are you all right?” Mingi keeps his distance, leaning against the far wall. There’s a bit of a frown on his lips. He’s never shown you mock concern, but that was before you were forced into these walls. Now you don’t think your read of their expressions is accurate at all. “y/n?”

“Fine,” you remain tight lipped, placing your cup on the counter. You lift the coffee pot, slowly pouring it. You pretend not to notice the knives sitting on the countertop, only an arm’s reach away. “As fine as I can be while being kidnapped.”

You wait for him to excuse their behavior, say something along the lines of It’s not like that, we love you. A part of you hopes he does so you can tear apart the argument piece by piece. Instead, he nods solemnly, a sigh breaking the silence.

“It’s inexcusable.”

That makes you stop for a moment and turn to him. He sends you a closed-lipped smile, shrugging.

“There’s not much else I can say but that.”

“Shocked you’re not begging on your knees for me to forgive you,” you admit, placing the pot back down. The warmth causes a shutter through you, hands cupping the coffee. “Or telling me to go see Hongjoong.” Hongjoong told you just before he left that if you wanted to know details, you could just ask him. Alone, of course. Exactly the one thing you'd never do.

He laughs dryly then, “Would you even agree to it?”

“Hell no.”

“Then there’s no use in me even asking.”

“What’s up with you, Mingi?” Though the question is reasonable, there’s layers to it. He’s been off ever since that day the two of you were taken and kept in Subin’s home, or whatever it was. The day that he found out you were slowly being poisoned. It’s as if something shifted with him. Sure, he was annoyed with you in the beginning and it drifted to a fondness. But nothing this odd. He looks as if he’s in neverending pain.

Wait.

No. You’re not about to do this. There’s no reason to be worried for him. Feeling sympathy toward a person who is holding you against your will isn’t smart.

He shakes his head slowly, “I just, I worry for you. I know you won’t believe my words because I’ve broken your trust, but I am scared.”

“Of?”

“What we are doing to you,” his voice is low, eyes widening as he says it. His pupils tremble as they stare at you, full of aversion and panic. “I’m afraid of the past continuing to repeat. It’s frightening how similar it is.“

“You say that and yet here I stand across from you, unable to leave while you look at me with pity. I’ve got to say, Mingi, you almost fooled me.” You snort, ignoring the way your heart pounds. He can hear it, you’re sure of it.

“They’re not home,” he starts. “I’m the only one here.”

“So?”

“I’m the only one here,” he repeats.

You still, gaze moving back to him. “You would let me go?”

“You wouldn’t get far.”

“Mingi, you would let me leave right now?”

Though there is pain in his eyes, he nods. “I’d do anything for you. But you have to hurry, y/n. They’re—”

You don’t let him finish, dropping the cup from your hands and turning down the hallway. There’s no time to grab anything but your bag that hangs by the door. Just as you swing the door open, you meet the eyes of Jeong Yunho. His widens briefly before sighing, running his fingers through his hair.

“Didn’t I tell them that Mingi shouldn’t be home alone with you?” He steps inside, stepping around you. You don’t bother exiting the house, the others slowly making their way up the path. “Running away at the slightest chance. I told them this would happen. They were all worried about Seonghwa when we should have been watching Mingi.”

Mingi swallows slowly, looking at you with sympathy. The others enter the home, talking amongst each other as they step around you. They all wear their outfits from the show, not bothering to clean off the blood of their victims. Most are stained, except Jongho. And again, Yeosang is nowhere to be found. You doubt you’ll ever see him again after what you’ve witnessed. Hongjoong is the last to enter, slowly closing the door behind him. He closes his eyes for a moment, rubbing the space above his brows.

“What was the end goal, my sea?” He asks, turning to you. “Where were you going to go?”

“Hongjoong—”

“Ah,” he holds up his hand, stopping you just as you begin to speak. “Better that I not know so I don’t mess up your little plans, right?” His smile drops when he looks at Mingi, eyes narrowed. “You said you would watch her.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t think she would run—”

“A foolish thought. An even foolisher one that you would let her.” Hongjoong interrupts, eyes flicking to yours. “Yeosang would be hurt that you’d just run away, you know.”

“I don’t care what he thinks.”

“Is that so?” His brow lifts. “Then what about Mingi? Seonghwa? Jongho? You would leave us all without blinking?”

“This is not a life, Hongjoong!” Your voice rises, throwing your hands in the air. “What do you expect me to do? Just sit here and take it? Let you turn me into whatever you want? Generations of my soul didn’t want it, Joong. I myself don’t want it either. I just want to go home.” You can feel your breath quickening, heart beating against your chest. “Why won’t you let me go home?”

“What home, y/n? Your apartment is gone. Or are you speaking of your family? Parents? Oh my beautiful sea,” he tsks, shaking his head. “They don’t want you. They’ve never wanted you.”

“Stop,” you shake your head. “I won’t listen to you.”

He takes another step to you, forcing you to shrink into the corner of the room. The others do nothing to stop him. “You know it yourself. That’s why you ran to Seoul. Because they didn’t want you, remember? You begged for them to listen to your dreams, to accept you as you are. But they disowned you, told you that they were no longer your parents. You pleaded over and over but they only forced you out with one suitcase, and barely one thousand won. Pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t stop it from being true,” he places his hand on your cheek, pressing his lips against your forehead. They feel abnormally hot on your skin. “We’re your family now, y/n. We’ll take care of you.”

No. They didn’t… did they? Your memories begin to jumble. And just as clear as day, you remember the way your father shouted at you, telling you to leave. How you cried, falling to your knees. That’s not true, no. He loved you. He… hated you.

“I’m sorry Rose, it’ll be quick okay? Really quick, I will not let you suffer.” Jongho pushes his hand against your mouth as Rose–you, cry out. Your hands grip his arms, gagging as you accidentally swallow his blood. He pulls away, letting you fall to the wooden boards. You cough, desperate to get it out of your body. Realizing that you cannot, you try to stand, only for him to stand above you, holding a silver knife. His eyes are wide. He is smiling. Smiling as he stands over your body. You've never seen him this terrifying before. You try to speak, gagging at the blood in your mouth.

“It’ll be quick, Rose.” He brings it against your neck as you gasp, your screaming cut off. You feel it sink into your skin, gripping it tightly. Hongjoong moves around him, crouching next to you. His eyes flick over yours, ubiquitous glee radiating from his gaze. He leans down, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead as the pain consumes you.

"y/n! Are you there? Can you hear me?" Jongho’s grip on you is tight. shaking your body over and over again.

Your hands grab his, pushing them off. He looks confused as he moves closer to you, but you cry out, backing up against the wall. The others look at you with worry, Hongjoong conveniently no longer in the room. You touch your face, wincing as your fingers brush against the cuts. When did they appear on your skin? Your eyes flick to Jongho, remembering. He killed you, her. Jongho was the one who did it.

It was never Wooyoung.

You fall to your knees, feeling him quickly move to touch you. "Get the fuck away from me!" Your head whips around, glaring. "Do not touch me, Jongho."

"y/n, I know a lot is happening right now—"

"You," your legs push you farther into the corner, eyes swelling with tears. "It was you all along. I thought it was Wooyoung, I blamed him but it was you. It was always you." The tremors through your body seem to only rise as you push through the thoughts. Your head throbs, eyes shut. "You killed her."

"Please just let me explain."

You shake your head, slowly standing. "She… you all lied. She never wanted to be like you, just like Yeosang. Both of them wanted to be human and you forced them to be like you. Because you're all fucked!" A half laugh, half gasp leaves your lips, thoughts scattered. "Why am I still here? I need to go, I need—"

"Why does every incarnation of you just never listen? Why do we have to go through this every time?" Yunho sighs, rubbing his face. "It would've been so easy if you just cooperated, y/n. It all would be easy." He slowly shuts the door behind him, the grip on his knife tightening. When did he get that? "We could've done it differently this time, my love."

The tension in the room shifts as he speaks. Wooyoung keeps his gaze low, Mingi staring at his friend. He looks furious, fists curled into themselves. “Yunho—”

“Say another word, Song, and I’ll kill you myself.”

"No one is killing anyone," Seonghwa enters the room, barely giving Yunho a glance. He looks at you, a small smile on his lips. "Want to talk? Alone?"

In all honesty you want to be left alone completely, but that will never be the case. Instead, you give him a weak nod, letting his hand slip into yours. Just as you're about to leave the room, you stop him. Whatever is happening between Mingi and Yunho, their friendship is crumbling in front of you. You just have this strange feeling that if you leave them alone something would happen. It's human nature; despite their lack of care for your own life, you care for theirs. Out of fear you avoid Jongho and Yunho's eyes, looking at Mingi.

"Can you come too?"

None of you say a word as you sit in the room together. Your head is tucked between your knees, breath shaky as you try to think this through. None of them will help you, you’re sure of it. Even with Mingi’s attempt, you’re sure he won’t do it as easily as before. Hongjoong might convince him otherwise. How he pulled those memories out of you, you’d never be able to explain. All of it is just so much, so heavily weighed on you. Everything is just too overwhelming.

“Do you need air?” Seonghwa asks softly, crouching in front of you. He doesn’t touch you or hold your hand and you’re thankful for it, emotions slowly taking over.

“I don’t know if I can take this anymore,” you admit, lifting your head just enough to show him your moist gaze. “My friend is dead, my parents disowned me. Seungwoo tricked me into caring about him and he’s gone now too. Yeosang is…” Your voice catches in your throat. “I have no one, Seonghwa. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone. I’m alone.”

Waiting for his reassurances, telling you that you have them, it never comes. He rests his head against the foot of the bed, barely a centimeter or so away from where you rest. Your body shakes, trembling. You wonder if he realizes that there’s nothing he could say that would convince you that you’re not in danger, that you’re safe around them. The more you think about it, he’s a part of the few who told you that they apologize for what they’ve done - despite continuously doing it. It all feels mute now. The more you try to convince yourself that everything is fine, the more you fold into your own thoughts.

Nothing is fine. You’re sure that it never was.

“Was it the change that made him do it?” You ask, “Did turning into this make him unstable? Make all of you not as you were?”

Mingi scoffs, a light laugh escaping him. “It’s like we’re experiencing the same conversation over again.”

“You should have learned from the first time. Rose warned you and yet you made her take her life because she was terrified of all of you. You did this to her, whether you’d like it or not.” All of the visions are beginning to add up. Realizations one after the other. In the end Hongjoong was right; it didn’t matter who killed Rose, or this Cassia that he mentioned. It didn’t matter because your soul would never be free if they continued this cycle. Each time you died was because you rejected one of them. Hongjoong was the first, sure, but whatever poison that infects their bloodstream made all of them the same. All of your thoughts are forming one conclusion.

You have to let them turn you.

The thought makes you ill, body shivers. It makes sense. Every rejection led to death, every single time. Even now, before this revelation, you promised yourself you’d find a way to end your life before living as a vampire. But why let your soul continue the endless torture when you can just stop it? Perhaps you would enjoy your life after this. Maybe, eventually, you’ll learn to love them, enjoy them. You did before all of this. It wasn’t hard. It was strangely easy.

You reach to the side, opening your drawer to grab a tissue. You tense up, remembering that Siyoon’s phone is no longer in its place.

“Did you listen to anything I’ve said?” Seonghwa asks, pulling you away from the drawer. “Are you alright?”

You stare at the blank space, blinking slowly. “Can we have dinner together?”

His eyes widened, looking back at Mingi before standing. “Oh, I can grab a plate for you. I think Yunho was preparing something—”

“No, I want to eat together. With everyone, if that’s okay.”

The room is loud. Having eight people talking all at once, laughter in the air as they speak of different things makes you forget for a moment that they aren’t evil. That you’re not safe the longer you stay here. Your resolution from before begins to crack. Are you truly okay with being one of them? The metal smell of blood seeps through the air, your stomach turning as you watch them swallow it from glasses, mixed with other strange substances. None of them mention Yeosang’s absence, the chair pushed in as they pass around miscellaneous things. You can’t help but focus on it. He’s hated his life for over a hundred years. Your heart feels like it’s sliding through your body, sinking into the old hardwood floors. It’s scary, the effect he has on you. His absence has gone through you, you’ve tried burying the thoughts but they only seem to come back into your shaky hands, consuming every waking thought.

Is this how they feel? You planned this dinner to be an intervention, to question them as to what happened to Siyoon’s device. But all you’re doing is selfishly thinking of yourself and not her. Perhaps you’re not much different from them. It’s far too late to run away. Each part of them already lives there. You wish that you had more time. Your eyes shift to Jongho. Did you love him, despite it all? The way he pressed his hand against her lips, forced her to turn. He did not do that to you, no. But would he? Would your Jongho make you choke on his blood with a tender look in his eyes as your life faded? He seems to notice your stare, round eyes meeting yours. There’s care in them, worry, hurt. Regret. The feelings are so overwhelming that you force yourself to leave his eyes, watching the others. He doesn’t look away. Is this feeling what most want? To have someone unable to look away even when you have?

“Which one of you took Siyoon’s phone from my drawer?” The table silences in an instant. You look up from your cold dinner, sliding your gaze from face to face. None of them speak up, as if you didn’t ask a question at all. You swallow slowly. “Is she dead?”

“Yes,” Jongho speaks up. The tone is careful as he whispers. “But I want you to listen to my words carefully, y/n—”

You should have known. Nothing can be good with them. Nothing. “One of you killed her.”

Jongho shakes his head, “y/n—”

“Stop! Stop making me think I’m some fucking crazy person!” You stand up from your seat, hands gripping the wooden table. Through your anger you can see how Hongjoong sips his drink silently, not saying a word. “One of you took her phone away from me and probably destroyed it before I could read what’s on it. Pretending that you didn’t hurt her in any way to keep me here. Jongho, your lies aren’t going to work this time. Not. This. Time.”

“Would you like her phone?” Hongjoong’s brow quirks. He digs into his pocket, the familiar cases appearing in his hands. Without another word, he stands, placing it in front of you. The familiar pink casing staring back at you. “Be my guest. Fair warning; you won’t enjoy what’s on there. She wasn’t the kindest person in the world.”

You ignore his warnings, immediately entering her password. The table is quiet as you look through the various apps. Nothing is out of sorts, not even her emails. Your thumb hovers over the messages, before pressing the icon. It’s filled with unread messages, most sending their sympathies and condolences. But your brows furrow at one chat, the name of it unsettling.

You open it. It’s a group chat between her and several others, many of whom you recognize as acquaintances you met through Siyoon. You read through it, each message sinking in. Insults in between jokes about you, many of which are from Siyoon herself. Endlessly complaining about you, telling the rest that she was using you for her own gain. Messages that date back to even before you met the men who sit in front of you now. Your vision begins to blur as you control to scroll, stopping at the first message in the group chat.

It was a week after you met Siyoon.

siyoon: think we can use her for better grades?

You close the phone, mouth dry. "Did you kill her?"

"No," Jongho says again. “That night, the night we met. She was with someone, they said. A Jaehyeong? I can’t remember his last name. But they were together, and he…” Jongho trails off. “It was a car accident, y/n. They both died.”

The air feels colder as you think back to the night. Leaving her with him despite the red flags. She wasn’t drunk, nor was he, but there was just something off about that night. You were too involved with yourself to think it through clearly. In fact, you’re sure that you told her to message you when she got back home. Thinking about it now, you’ve never received that text.

You don’t take their word for it, opening the web browser on her phone and typing in their names. It’s the first article of a few, a car accident that killed the lives of two innocent young adults. No alcohol in their systems. The phone slips through your fingers, face down against the table.

“How long did you know?” You ask softly. “How long?”

“Not too long after Seonghwa saw you in the bookstore,” Yunho admits, taking another sip of the drink. “We didn’t know you well enough back then, so we thought you knew of it already. It was a bit of a shocker that you didn’t up to this point. When we found the phone in your drawer, that’s when we realized where you went when we lost you in the supermarket.”

Your head slowly shakes on its own as the information sinks in. Unbeknownst to you, the rest of the men in the room exchange looks over you.

“She’s gone.” You hold your hand over your mouth, tears falling down your cheeks, dripping against the table. Seeing your friend Siyoon, her words egregious, makes you feel all but nauseous. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone, but it hurts knowing she felt that way about you. That you were just a tool in her life, when you thought you were more than that.

You've felt alone before, but the sinking feeling that you have not one person in this world who cares about you is utterly terrifying.

Hongjoong sits on the balcony, Seonghwa and San across from him. He tends to a cup of wine, sipping slowly as he looks out into the surrounding forest. He hasn’t heard from Mingi or Jongho, guiding you to your room once you’ve found out. A part of him forgot that you still had that brief connection with the woman, immediately giving the phone to Wooyoung once he found out about it. He’s thankful that you were too distraught to notice anything strange about the messages, dates and communications slightly off. But it convinced you enough, the device forgotten as you sink into your grief.

He glances at the other two across from him, lids heavy. “Would either of you care so much for a woman who insulted you and used you in your past?”

San hesitates before speaking. “They were friends, Hongjoong. She cared for her. It would be hard not to feel immense grief at the thought of losing someone that close. She will be devastated for a long time.”

He sighs, taking another sip. “Then we have to delay turning her.”

“Is this… not too far?” Seonghwa asks, already predicting his answer. “She has lost her friends, family. You never told us you would manipulate her thoughts that way. Now she believes that her family hated her.”

He merely shrugs, “They would have anyway once they saw their daughter as one of us. Her parents were quite traditional. She hid every relationship from them in fear of their rejection. Ours wouldn’t have been much different.”

“And Yeosang, then? Will we continue to force them apart?”

“Of course not, hyung.” It’s a farce in itself, knowing that Hongjoong is thousands of years older than he is. “Do you truly consider me that mad?” He rolls his eyes. “I told Yeosang to come home whenever he likes. He is the only one preventing himself from entering these doors. He’s afraid of what she might say to him. Not unwarranted — she did see him at his lowest. It would be a bit hard for her to see him without imagining that blood covering his body.”

“I just don’t understand,” San stands from his spot. “How will all of this make her want to be one of us? She’s just brewing in her hurt now. It’s worse than Rose now. There’s no chance she’d agree, or live that long to accept herself.”

“You never think of the bigger picture, San. She is hurting so badly now, thoughts darker and more vulnerable. Now she really has no one but us. There's no need to convince her because she'll come to the conclusion herself." He grins, leaning further back in his seat. "And I will be waiting with open arms."

Wooyoung wipes the blood against his jeans, some of it sticking to the underside of his nails. They haven't killed anyone; their thoughts wiped as they stumble down the street, told to go back to their homes. He slumps himself onto the bench. After being turned he considered himself a less caring man. He knows it, more than the others tell him. But seeing you so defeated… it made him feel filthy. No amount of blood draining helps him forget the distant look in your eyes. You looked so alone. It reminded him of his former life; abandoned and distraught. He knows that if Seonghwa didn't find him sooner, he wouldn't have survived for much longer.

He lifts his hands, staring at his palms. Is this what they've become? Shells of their former selves? Losing you devastated him. He could remember the murder sprees they went on, full of grief. Not caring who or what they killed. So consumed with turmoil for years. He thought that when he saw you again, his peach, it would be okay again. You would love him as you did before with ease, care for him. But it just feels the opposite. That he's trying to convince you to give him a chance.

He leans his head back, staring at the night sky. It's a bit colder now despite the change in seasons, the summer breeze chilly.

He scoffs, rubbing his face.

Maybe he is completely delusional.

Your knees are tucked close to your chest. You're not sure if you can cry anymore, body exhausted from the hours of sobbing. You stare at the door, knowing that even if they're giving you space, you couldn't do anything without them knowing. Their hearing far supersedes yours. It wouldn't surprise you if your heart beat is being listened to. You close your eyes for a moment.

You have nothing. Just them, just their endless and unconditional affection. No friends, no family. Not even a slip of a memory that Rose could give you. Nothing.

It's scary to think about.

"I want to see him." You whisper.

It pains you to even think of his face, but you need to see him. You need him to tell you that he's there. That he won't abandon you when you make your choice.

"Please."

Mingi stands outside the abandoned cemetery. His hand grips the rusted gate, chest tight. It's funny that he could feel it despite his heart no longer functioning at all. All of them know where he went. It's hard not to when they're all so in tune to each other. But here? The place that Mingi avoided with everything that he had. The place they buried their beautiful Rose. He takes a long breath, taking slow steps inside. Her grave isn't too far away from the entrance, but it makes him want to break down the closer he gets. He spots Yeosang not too far off, sitting in a folded chair, eyes glued to her grave.

He wears the same outfit he left home that night. Clothing still stained with dried blood, ripped every which way. Smell putrid, nauseating if Mingi were a human. But he's used to the smell of the dead. It's a smell that appears when they haven't fed or moved in a while. None of them really let themselves get that far into decaying, but Yeosang does quite often. A form of self torture, Mingi thinks. A method that he once used when he let his thoughts take over.

"That's something you and y/n have in common. Never say a word until I speak up," Yeosang says. His voice sounds hoarse. This is probably the first time he's said a word aloud in weeks; deeper tone much more so. He doesn't move though, back still facing Mingi as he makes his way over. "I'm not going back if that's what you're here for."

"We want to make sure you're okay."

"Right. They wouldn't send you if they did care."

"You know we care, Yeosang. Don't start with that," Mingi knows he's partially correct. Hongjoong planned on coming himself but Mingi insisted it be him. Wooyoung was usually the first to break Yeosang. Mingi never really understood how to speak to him. They're friends, sure. Family. But he and Yeosang aren't as close as the others. There's often silence when they're together. Comforting, but quiet. "I wanted to come."

"Did you." A statement, more than a question.

"It's been weeks, Yeo."

“And it’s usually years before one of you decides to come find me.”

Mingi sighs, “You know it’s different this time.”

“Ah yes. This time you have your Rose, and you want everything to be perfect for her. My apologies for messing things up again. Tell Hongjoong I give him my condolences.”

“She’s not just mine.”

“No, she’s his. She’s always been his. Alas, I have forgotten,” He rolls his eyes, “What do you believe is holding us together after all these years? And if there is any answer other than her, it’s a lie. We’ve all desired in different ways, what we would do if she came back to us. And now that she’s here, everyone is only caring about their own feelings. Have you not considered hers? Do hers matter in the grand scheme of things? Do we truly want her for as she is now, or how she was before?

“You think we don’t care?”

“Not necessarily. I think you care for a woman who’s no longer there. What do you know of her now that isn’t something from before? Wooyoung called her peach with such ease, Hongjoong called her his sea. Nothing that we have done thus far is for the woman in front of us now. We have wrecked her life so that we ourselves can live in a falsehood. The only reason we still tolerate each other after decades of fighting is because we have her as the reward at the end. You may consider me wrong, fine. But I’m not deluded into this fantasy that you’ve all formed.”

Mingi looks at Yeosang sitting on the rock. He looks tired for an immortal, eyes heavy, skin paler from lack of blood supply. It’s strange that despite all his words Mingi can tell that he loves her. He was never this passionate about Rose, never this protective over her well-being. In a bizarre way, the man sitting in front of him may love you more entirely. No one fights for a life this desperately without love.

“You adore her, don’t you, Yeo?” Mingi asks softly. His brows seem to furrow in pain at the question, mouth opening and closing. He takes a long breath, gaze on the city in front of them. “What will you do, then? Let us turn her?”

“... I can’t stop it.”

“You’d give up so easily?” Mingi’s brow lifts.

“Have you? You tell me to do something you know I cannot, and complain about me being resigned in my position? And make it into my problem when you're as concerned as I?" He scoffs, sinking deeper into his seat. "Mingi, you've lived long and have known me well enough to not ask stupid questions."

"I'm accepting it because I don't see another way," he admits. "You wish to no longer be immortal, but I can't imagine not being one. I can't imagine being a human again. And I can't imagine losing her because of it. It's horrid, no need to look at me like that."

Yeosang tries to fix his expression, only twisting further into silent disgust. He looks away from his friend. The sky seems more interesting than the conversation they're having. "I'm glad you know how stupid you sound."

"I know. Might be because we're all slowly falling into our madness without you around."

"Shiny words won't make me come back."

"...She needs you, Yeosang. More than you know. I think you're the only one who can pull her out of this."

"Nothing you say is going to make me want to come back—"

"She asked for you."

Yeosang is silent. It feels like a lifetime has passed when he speaks up again.

"Lying is a sin."

"Then my words must make me all the more blessed."

Yeosang grips the railing, "Did she truly, Mingi? You aren't fibbing this time? Hongjoong didn't put you up to this?"

"No. Yeosang, you're a fuck-up just like the rest of us. But she loves you. She wouldn't give up on you."

Yeosang sucks in a breath, turning back to the grave. He lifts his hand, as if to reach out. Instead, it limply falls back to his knee.

"I love her, Mingi. I love y/n, I probably love her more than I've ever loved Rose. And it fucking terrifies me," he runs his fingers through his hair, only causing it to stick up more. "I can't see her because I will break down. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't forgive me. I don't even deserve to be forgiven for killing all of those people. I—" He looks at Mingi, eyes glazed over with a pink tint. "I would try to turn her right then and there to make her forget."

“You wouldn’t.”

“And I would have believed that before everything happened. Now I’m not too sure. It might be what Hongjoong is banking on. Me losing control like I always do. I can’t, Mingi. I can’t see her when I’m like this,” he glances down at himself, thumbing his soiled clothes. “Even more so with this on me. It’ll just remind her of what I’ve done.”

“One, you’re not going to hurt her,” Mingi holds up his hand when he sees Yeosang opening his mouth. “And two, take a shower?”

"Mingi…"

"Prolonging it will only make it worse in the end. Don't be a fool, Yeosang. We already have enough of those around us, including me."

Yeosang turns back to the headstone, a solemn look on his face. "Rose would strangle us all if she knew what we're doing. In moments like this, I cannot help but miss her presence. She was often kind but stern with her words. I am sure all of us would have been scolded to the ends of the Earth."

Mingi's lips curve into a small smile. "We'd leave with burning ears and ringing heads."

Yeosang laughs then, shaking his head. His smile slips again, swallowing slowly. "I'll think about it, Mingi. I know you're not lying, and she requested me. But though she is ready, I'm not. Not yet."

"Then I will stay with you until you are."

"You don't have to do that," he glances at him. "I know you dread this place."

Mingi only sinks to his knees next to his friend, resting against the side of the large rock. Yeosang does not discourage him, allowing him to join as they stare at the stone.

At their Rose.

You can't remember how much time has passed. Sadness burdens your soul, your feet dragging against the tiles, barely acknowledging anyone who passed by. Holding back your tears each time you think of your friend. It's enough that you've broken down in front of them, it would be silly for it to happen over and over again. Your pride speaking, but it's all you have left.

You feel the air shift as you're shifting your blankets on the bed. Your grip tightens when you sense someone standing at the doorway. They've announced themselves each time, but this feels much different. You slowly let go of the sheets, turning around. His hair is in disarray, baggy sweats covering him. Eyes bloodshot, skin paler than usual. Frightened as well, hand gripping the doorway, fingers almost digging into the wood. His body trembles, lip between his teeth as he stares.

"Yeosang?" Your voice is rough, eyes moist.

His smile is slight, swallowing slowly.

"Hi, pretty."

He steps inside, sliding his hand against the wall. He stops when he's on the far opposite wall, glancing around your room. It's in as much disarray as he looks. Clothes thrown everywhere, items in the wrong places. His eyes stay on the window briefly, the bars against it making his brows furrow for a moment, before relaxing.

"I heard about your friend."

You slowly nod, sinking into the mattress. "It hurts, Yeo."

"I know." His head tilts. "It must hurt plenty."

"Unbelievably so," you whisper, looking away from him. "I think… I should be used to hurting. It's happened for a while now. But everytime I think about it I just, I can't. I never got to say goodbye."

"You love her."

You force out a laugh, "Yeah, despite all of the shit I read. I can't help but still love her. I have so many questions I can't ask and it feels like… I don't know."

"A hole. One you can't ever fill because she's gone," he rests his hands above where his heart should be, blinking slowly. "And you relive the moment you last saw her over and over again in your head, trying to make sense of it all but you can't because grief is just too hard."

The familiar tightness in your chest twists inside of you as he speaks. He looks at you, understanding. You can't respond, a sob waiting to escape.

"Tell me where it hurts, pretty. You can point to it if you want."

You hover your hand over your chest, lightly resting it against your skin. Yeosang takes a slow step toward you. He's still trembling, one hand tucked into his pocket. He looks at you before he touches you, a silent question in his eyes. You nod, and he places his hand upon yours. It's quite cold in comparison to yours, the beating of your heart filling your ears.

Kang Yeosang slowly crouches in front of you, gaze and head moving to meet your eyes. "I'm here."

It's enough for the sob to leave your mouth, your hand entwining with his as you let go. You've found it so hard to walk through everyday, you dreaded the moments when you were alone. Your grief grew so heavy inside of you it felt as if you were becoming numb. But he says two words to you with such ease, and you fall apart.

It utterly terrifies you.

Hours must have passed, the exhaustion of your sadness guiding you back beneath your sheets. Yeosang does not dare touch you, but he stays just a couple of feet away, Head resting on his forearm as he watches you from your bed. Neither of you have said a word for quite a while now. You wonder if he is waiting for you to speak up, or will he do it on his own. There's several questions you'd like to ask, but now being with him, you no longer have the will to.

He adjusts himself in the cushion seat, pushing strands away from his forehead. "I could remember the first night that I lost Rose. I was inconsolable. All of them were too stricken with their own grief to help me with mine which I cannot blame. I starved myself over and over again to the brink of becoming solidified, but one of them fed me blood, enough to keep me alive. After about a decade or so… I expressed my grief in a way I hate to speak about. One that you witnessed not too long ago," His eyes shift to yours. "There is no right way to process it, but there are wrong ways. I have taken the wrong path more times than I can count. Sorry wouldn't work in a situation like this."

You can't speak up, the blood covered hall flashing in your memory. You've suppressed enough so that you're able to sleep, at least. "Do you often express extreme emotions this way?" You ask.

He covers his face with his hands. "I haven't in decades. This is… an outlier. I shouldn't have done it, but seeing you there in the midst of it all, it made me realize how far I've lost myself. I let my mind sink into the primal urges. I let myself get that bad, y/n. Forgiveness is not what I can ask of you, and neither could I tell their families I was the one who broke them." He swallows slowly. "I can remember their faces, the glimpses of fear. And it hurts to say that I cannot give much remorse because I know of what they've done. I know the lives that were lost because of their greed. Their faces are burned into my mind. Each and every life I took."

A pause.

"I am the monster I've always thought I was."

Comfort is not what you can offer in this situation, nor forgiveness. Trusting the judicial system is not something you believe in either, but neither is mass murder. You can only nod, shifting your eyes away from him. "You made a decision that you thought was right at the time. I cannot fault you for it." What the hell are you saying? He murdered people. You should be running out that door, not chatting it up. But all your mind could think of is helping him. Letting him know you're not giving up on him.

Perhaps he isn't the only monster in the room.

"I wish I could hate you," you confess. "I really wish I could sit here and say that I hate you and I want to never see you again. And I hate it even more that I can't. I can't hate you, Yeosang," you whisper. "You've lived a life you never wanted, you've done things because of it. It's inexcusable, but it's not surprising given the circumstances."

"y/n…" He starts, but you interrupt.

"All I can think about is that you're safe, Yeo. You're back, and you're safe. And I get to see you again. I don't know what to do about what you've done, but I'm just happy that you're here with me. That you didn't leave me."

"We're both a little fucked in the head, aren't we?"

You snort at the harsh words. “A little is an understatement.”

He leans back, staring at you. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, until he notices you look away, rubbing your arms. He closes his eyes, humming. “Mingi came to me. Told me to come back.”

“Where were you?”

His lip lifts, “At Rose’s grave. We don’t often visit it because of the harsh memories, but I like to. Gives me a chance to clear my head, think things through.”

“You can speak to the dead?”

He laughs, “No. I can speak to a stone though. She’s likely scolding us for how we’re acting.”

“Would she?”

He nods immediately. “No hesitation. She hated when we did stupid things, moreso things like this. I wouldn’t believe alive if she were here. She would…” he paused for a moment. “She would hate what we’ve done to you.”

Your smile fades the same time as his, the room shifting into a silence. It’s not as comfortable as before, his words forcing you to confront what’s happening right in front of you.

“She trusts him.”

“It was broken when she saw him hurt those people.”

“Was it really broken? Do you truly believe that she would ask for him to see her if it were true?”

“Then what do you want me to do, San? Stop them from seeing each other? I’ve done that endlessly, since the beginning. And it’s like it no longer matters because she will find a way to see him again. It’s just as it was before. Trying to separate them will only lead to her end. And I’m not sure if I can handle losing her again,” Wooyoung shakes his head slowly. “I’m not sure any of us could handle it again.”

“What do you propose?” San swallows slowly. Wooyoung doesn’t notice how San’s voice weakens a bit, glancing flicking up before looking back at him. “Joong isn’t going to be happy. He wants there to be difficulty in reconciling between them. But they’re inside chatting it up as if nothing happened.”

Wooyoung glances up from his spot on the bench, the curtains to your room closed. It’s been a while since Yeosang came back, the two of you inside the room for several hours now. Despite having the ability to listen he didn’t this time, knowing that it would hurt you even more. Getting on your good side is hard, but he’s willing to do whatever it takes. And if that means being unable to interfere with Yeosang, then so be it.

“I’m not going to do it.”

“Wooyoung…”

“San, I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t. She already hates me for doing it before.”

“Then this won’t change anything.”

Wooyoung slowly shakes his head, “San…”

“Do you expect her to just forgive you? She’s not going to forgive the man who destroyed her love’s life. You turned Yeosang, remember? You were the one who made him this way because of your jealousy. She saw it in her head. She won’t forget it.”

Wooyoung presses his hands over his ears, nails digging into his scalp. “San, please—”

“She won’t ever love you.”

“Stop!” Wooyoung stands, pushing past his friend and entering the house. He disappears within an instant, leaving him alone to stand outside. San’s express drops, fingers dragging through the loose strands that frame his face. His eyes flick up to Hongjoong’s balcony. Said man stands there, tending to a cigarette. His grin is wide as he looks at San, a light laugh escaping him.

San could only give him a pathetic smile back and enters the house a few seconds after Wooyoung.

The conversation with Yeosang ended there with him mumbling an excuse to leave. You confronted him just as he was about to go, your eyes asking if this were the last time you’d see him. He pressed his lips to your knuckles just then, a soft I won’t leave you anymore falling from his lips before he disappeared down the hall. And he kept his promise since then.

You left your room often now, the others roaming around the hallways. Vastly different from before, greetings exchanged, laughs echoed. It was as comfortable as it could be. You even laughed at something Jongho said to Mingi while they were arguing, and his eyes lit up at the sound. Sure, it was brief and you immediately shifted your gaze, but it was something to him. And if that was the beginning of you forgiving him, he was going to accept it.

Surprisingly, to everyone else and yourself, you slowly began speaking to Hongjoong. At first it was very brief, good mornings and goodnights in the beginning. But now, you let him sit beside you while a movie played in the living room. You even let him serve you dinner. Astonishing, the others knowing that his cooking skills were sub-par in comparison to so many of the other men. Hongjoong took it well, each step in your relationship seemed to build it closer to a good one.

You, of course, did not feel the same.

Each building block is a seed planted in his head. To bring you closer to him, so that he trusts you. Trust you enough to where you can get close.

Close enough to kill him.

The plan isn’t foolproof, you’re sure there’s a part of him that suspects it’s a ruse. There’s no forgetting the dozens of times you’ve told him that you would never be anything to him, that you’ll hate him as long as you live. But maybe if you go slow, if you let a few months pass, you’ll convince even him. It’s a long shot, no telling, but you have to try.

It’s been a couple of months now living with them. You thought you’d hate every moment being there, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. Your laughter and humor is real, the smiles you exchange with everyone are genuine. More often than not you remind yourself why you’re still there, what you’re doing. But most days you forget, enjoying your time spent with them. How easily have you fallen underneath their web.

“Another?” Mingi whines, scrolling through his calendar. “I thought we limited shows to Fridays only?”

“Unlike you,” Yunho wiggles his finger. “Some of us like to feed more than once a week.”

“Then I can stay?” his eyes brighten, only to be shut down by Hongjoong entering the room.

“No, you can’t. Jongho needs someone to guard with him and make sure things are okay while we’re feeding. And you stayed home with my sea last week.”

Mingi throws his head back in utter agony, pout deepening. You watch them, eating your apple. Wooyoung gave up on buying peaches and you’re more than thankful for his change of heart. Hongjoong leans against the wall, glancing at you. There’s something there, something you can’t quite decipher.

“But no one has fed in a while. Any of us,” San points out, glancing around the room. “We should all go.”

“You all can go,” Hongjoong says, shrugging. “I’ll stay with y/n. We have some things to discuss.”

The others look at you, questions in their eyes. You’ve immediately learned their different expressions. These are of worry, and confusion. You don’t trust Hongjoong, you never will… But you know he wouldn’t kill you. At least, not right now. You hope.

“Fine with me,” you continue to eat your snack. “I’ll see you all later, then?”

Mingi’s dragged out of the seat by Yunho, the others slowly disappearing to their designated rooms, getting dressed for the concert. Hongjoong lingers in the kitchen with you, humming. He opens the fridge, tsking at the lack of food inside. “I told Seonghwa to go shopping.”

“No big deal,” you murmur. “I’ll be going out soon enough with him. It was supposed to be today, but I guess it’ll happen tomorrow.” The others pass by again, waving goodbye as they leave. Eventually the two of you are alone, Hongjoong exiting the kitchen.

“Didn’t you want to speak to me about something?” you ask just as he’s about to disappear down the hallway. He glances back, shaking his head.

“I just wanted to be alone with you. A bit greedy, that’s all,” he flicks his brows up, waving goodbye. “Have a good night, my sea.” With that, he exits, leaving you alone in the kitchen. It's an open invitation to follow.

One that you take.

You close the door behind you to his room. You haven't entered it at all. It's similar in size to everyone else's, his bed slighter larger in comparison, a balcony just a few steps away from it. He moves quickly, pressing you against the door frame. Your breath hitches, his lips trailing along the back of your neck.

“Do you even like me?”

Hongjoong’s hand slides up your arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He turns you around. He rests just below your cheek, tilting your head towards him so as to guide your gaze to his. Despite how warm his eyes look, you can see the tightness in his jaw, the resolute tilt of his lips. He blinks slowly, humming as his thumb trails along your face. “Shall I slay every person who has ever looked at you with disdain to prove it?”

You laugh, though knowing the truth behind his words. There’s no doubt in your mind that he would in fact listen if you asked him to do so. But you play it off as if he’s facetious, shaking your head. “I asked if you liked me, not for you to murder in my name.”

“I would give you anything, my sea. Of course I like you.”

You wonder if he believes his own words.

“I’m just waiting for you to say you like me.”

“Unlikely,” you snort, placing your hand on his. You hear his breath hitch, eyes flicking to your touch. You never noticed how easily it was to make him off balance, lose his nonchalance. There has been endless doubt on how much you afflicted Hongjoong, but there is little now. You would just have to persuade him that you do care, even if it is a mere fraction of his. With that in mind you move yourself off the door and walk to the mattress, ignoring the beating of your heart, nerves coating your palms as you wipe them against your thighs. You sit on the edge, his speed quickly. In a moment, he's sitting on the edge with you.

Hongjoong watches you in curious silence. Just as he’s about to leave forward, you lift your leg, straddling him. He looks up at you in mild surprise, lips parting and shutting. Leaving Kim Hongjoong astounded? Perhaps you are good at this manipulation game.

You lean forward, palms resting on either side of his face. Just a breath apart. You stare at his face, taking in each part of him. The scar of his brow, the light moles adorning his skin. The soft curve of his lips. He is beautiful, no doubt.

“I do like you, Kim Hongjoong. Despite how out of your mind you are.”

His hands go to rest on your thighs, lids heavy as he stares at you. His smile rises, gaze now on your lips. “I’ve lived with you for many lives. Each one different from the next. I’ve known your soul longer than you've known yourself. It's fairly easy to know when you’re being deceitful.”

You ignore how your body shivers as his hands travel to your hips, squeezing slightly. It’s a game he’s played for thousands of years, while you’ve only known him for less than a percentage of that. But one thing you do know: you are his weakness.

“How can I prove it?” You ask, leaning closer. Your nose brushes against Hongjoong, a shuddered breath escaping his lips. His grip tightens on your hips, pressing you harshly against him. He presses against your lower stomach, hard against your softer skin.

“You tell me.”

"Have you ever…?" You trail off.

He rolls his eyes. "I've fucked before, love. Just never with you. Something always seemed to get in the way. You dying, mostly. But I have never made love." His lip brushes against your forehead.

"I don't love you," You murmur, and he only laughs.

"Even you aren't a good enough liar to convince me otherwise. But all I ask is one thing from you." He watches your gaze, hand dragging along your body, before touching your face. “I want you to be mine,” his fingers release your chin, slowly wandering along the outline of your jaw.

“All yours?” you breathe.

“Mine,” he agrees with a whisper so low that you feel it all the way down to your pelvis. His hand suddenly slips downward to firmly grasp the back of your neck, pressure light. “Let me be yours.” The feelings that stir in you now as his head tilts to the side and he wets his bottom lip are separate from anything that may be fearful — and that’s the thought that terrifies you. There’s no use in saying that you’re not attracted to him; you always have been. The realization that you're beneath him now, after so long of resisting and fighting the temptation — you can’t deny the frantic pounding of your heart. And you wouldn't be able to fib in the slightest, Hongjoong can feel it as it goes anyway.

“You’ve tortured me for so long,” he leans closer to you, free hand resting on the side of your body, trapping you beneath him. “I have to admit that I’m shocked to see you beneath me this way. Is this unwanted?” he asks softly, eyes flicking between yours. “Despite my desires, I wouldn’t want this to be forced.”

You have an agenda. And a small part of you feels as if he might know what it is. But the way he’s looking at you now, a glimmer of hope shines beneath it.

“No,” you reply. With that, he takes your mouth with his own. His soft lips press ardently against yours, desire spilling each time he slightly pulls away. Your hands slide into his hair, body relaxing into the mattress. You part your lips, his tongue seeking out yours whilst he grabs a hold of your thigh to drag both your legs closer to him He lies himself on top of you, and all the while his darkened eyes never once leave yours, his jaw tensed but breathing heavy.

As Hongjoong delves back in, his tongue rolls inside your mouth and he lets out a low-pitched groan, your body arching up into his palm that begins to fondle your breast through your shirt. He sucks your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging harshly as his hand grips the top of your shirt. Fabric rips and exposes your bra, he scoops your breast from the cup, a relieved sigh escaping him.

“You're so soft.”

“Joong,” you whimper, front teeth sinking deep into your lip, fingers grabbing at the soft white cotton that covers his shoulders.

Hongjoong's face lightens up at the sound of his name escaping your lips, dipping to his head to encircle the entirety of your nipple with his mouth. He sucks, gently circling his tongue around and smiling when you moan.

His warm hand reaches for the opposite side of your chest and cups you, switching his mouth to the other, biting and tugging. Just as you're about to say his name again he presses himself into you, his hardness pushing harshly into your pelvis. He doesn’t stop sucking until you're twisting on the bed.

“In awe," you hear him say. You meet his eyes, “You haven't the slightest inkling how long I've waited for you, my sea. I wish I could spend all night with you. Unfortunate that you have to be somewhere in the morning.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. "Where—"

He interrupts, slowly lifting your shirt up and over your head, hand only giving a slight tug to your pants, the tear echoing through the air as he tosses them to the side. You could only pout, your pile of fabric, one of your favorite sleepwears.

"I'll give you the world, y/n. No need to worry about a couple of pieces of clothing." Unlike the others you have been with, his touch is softer, slowly rubbing the plushness of your thighs, lips trailing delicate, wet kisses against the skin.

“Please,” you moan softly, peering down. Hongjoong looks up with a devilish curl to his lips, his smile to die for.

“Yes?” he replies, mock innocence coating his gaze.

“Please touch me, Joong.”

After having fought against Hongjoong’s yearning for you for close to a year, it feels more than off to let these words escape your lips. Your body is practically on display beneath him, his lids heavy with lust as they take you in. He seems to enjoy the moment differently than you, for many reasons you'd rather not dwell on for long. Hee slides it down to the middle of your legs, hot breath tickling your skin. You can feel how your underwear clings to you because of your arousal, almost forgotten from how his eyes seem to want to take you apart.

“All for me?” he groans as his fingertips slip into you, pressing kisses to the angle of your jaw. “So wet.” Hongjoong traces the outline of you, brushing teasingly over your clit. “I must admit, it feels good knowing this is all for me.”

You say nothing, only meeting his eyes with want in your gaze. He licks his lips, head tilting slightly as he stares at you.

“I know, my sea. I always knew.”

He knows nothing.

He hooks his finger on the fabric lining your hips, a quick tug ripping it with ease. You throb at the act. His body pressed to yours and his fingers hovering so close to you —

How easy it is to succumb to him.

"I've been waiting centuries, lovely," Hongjoong whispers against your skin. "It's made me a bit needy, you know. But I need to know if you want me as I want you. y/n," his hand raises to your face, tilting it so that you meet his gaze. "Do you want me?"

Making the decision to go through with this, to let him take you now — some part of you knows it isn't the wisest decision. It will only make your choice of killing him more difficult down the line. But if this is what it takes to have Hongjoong believe your every word, you'll do it. An even smaller part of you knows that despite everything, you want this. You want him. It feels as if hours have passed of your silence, Hongjoong neither getting closer to the center of you or moving his hand from your face. He waits patiently, just as he has waited for a time incomprehensible to you.

"I want you, Kim Hongjoong."

You see the shift in his gaze in an instant. His brown irises slowly fade, eyes glistening over to a pure white. The sight doesn't scare you as much as it entices you. If you weren't in the heat of the moment you'd scold yourself at how ridiculous you're being.

His fingers slowly rub circles into your clit, pressure increases each time he makes each round. Your hips grind into the movements, a silent plea for him to pick up the pace. He doesn't of course, the devilish grin of his widening as he studies you. You've noticed that he's rarely ever left your gaze, as if memorizing this moment, solidifying this as your choice. And it is, in the end. He's asked several times if you want him. If it's a manipulation technique you aren't the wiser.

You feel his middle finger slip next to the first, lightly squeezing your clit, picking up speed and you let out a low moan, head tipping back, finally breaking the stare.

"All for me," he whispers. "Don't hide your moans from me, my sea. I know it feels good, yeah. Want more?" One of his fingers slips down, dragging around the outline of your entrance. He dips it in barely a centimeter, a stifled laugh escaping him when he sees you clench. "Do you?"

“Please.”

He clicks his tongue, running his fingers back up to your clit, pressing down, hard. You cover your mouth with your hand, unable to control the sounds he pulls from you.

"Ah ah," He moves it away, pressing his lips to your fingers briefly. "If I could listen to the others take you, they can listen to us. They all hear us, you know. Amplified hearing comes with the territory."

Despite how your heart races, you clench at the thought of the others listening, Hongjoong's gaze flicking between your legs.

"Oh, you enjoy that, huh? Enjoy us listening to you have sex with someone else, thinking about us coming to your moans with someone else's cock inside of you?" He presses his lips against your stomach. "Wooyoung and Mingi like it the most. They're probably touching themselves right now listening to us." You clench again. "How filthy of my pretty sea."

"Joong—"

He slips two fingers inside of you. "Tsk, so impatient."

Hongjoong is halfway down the sofa, face placed between your legs. Palms flat against the inside of your thighs to spread you wide, his nose dug deep into, a cry escaping from your throat when his mouth covers your clit. You feel his tongue circle it slowly, your fists tightening. The pleasure is all-encompassing — he sucks noisily at the sensitive nub, your fists unclenching and finding themselves in his hair, pushing him closer into you.

He licks at you hungrily, your gaze flicking to his free hand slipping inside his own pants. “Fuck…” he whispers against you, diving back in as soon as the word leaves his mouth. He groans, the flat of his tongue pressed to your entrance as his face slowly rocks from side to side.

“Please,” the feeling of him takes over, your hips rising to meet each swipe of his tongue. The impending release is near, enough so that you’re not able to warn him. Your body trembles, your fingers gripping his hair so tightly you’re sure you’ve pulled out a few strands, his tongue continuing to lap at your core. It starts to linger into the range of oversensitivity, your hands pulling away from his hair and instead, hips moving away from his tongue. He chases you, pushing himself deeper into you.

“I can’t—” you say, but the words seem to go into one ear and out the other. He continues to lick, lips wrapped around your clit. He refuses to let go even as you lean up, his hands gripping your thighs, unmoving. “Hongjoong—” your eyes finally meet his.

They’re completely white as they stare at you. You can see the lift of his cheeks, smiling into you as he sucks. His hands move from your thighs to your hips, pulling you closer into his mouth. He lifts it for just a moment, enough to say one word. “No.”

The break is brief. Hongjoong covers your clit with his plush lips once more, sucking hard. He continues like this for over a minute, watching as tears stain your cheeks. The oversensitivity slowly molds into pleasure, your hips humping against his mouth. Your chest rises and falls, your peak coming much quicker this time. He pushes three fingers into you in an instant, a scream escaping you. He chuckles into you, his mouth finally away from your clit.

“Come for me, my sea. I want to see you come again for me,” he whispers. He doesn’t touch your clit, fingers pumping in and out of you with abandon, the sounds echoing around the room. “Come on, I know you can do it.”

You feel the pads of his fingers touch the spot inside of you, your breath hitching. He keeps them there, rubbing quickly against the rough patch. In an instant your thighs clasp his hand within you, humping violently as you lose yourself. He leans against your stomach, resting his head against your plush skin, watching you.

“Never thought you would be prettier, but look at you. Coming all over me, fucking my fingers.”

You can’t respond to his words, eyes closed as you try to come down from your high. He pulls his fingers out, the sound of him sucking them alluring, but not enough to open your eyes. He pulls you closer to him, finger dragging back to your clit. You pull back in an instant, eyes flicking open. He laughs, grin stretching across his cheeks.

“Already done?”

“Too much…” you swallow. He moves away from your clit at your words, placing his hand just above your chest where your heart lies. He moves up from your legs, head falling on the mattress, eyesight steady with yours. Despite how blown out his eyes are, despite how you can clearly see how aroused he is by the hardness pressed against your upper thigh, he hums, expression softening.

“Okay?” he whispers. For some reason the way he’s looking at you, the love in his eyes… it bothers you. Not because it’s ingenuine, you can see how real the look is. It terrifies you that the look calms you down, settles your heart. That you yearn for him to look at you again just as softly, as kind.

The voice deep in the back of your mind telling you that this wasn’t the smartest idea.

But of course, you ignore it. Out of selfishness or greed, you're not too sure. Hongjoong’s fingers stroke your cheek, humming when you lean into his touch. “You’re pretty,” he murmurs, thumb wiping the tear that falls down. “Even when you cry.”

He leans forward, lips covering yours. The touch is softer, you can feel the emotion he draws into it, tongue lightly flicking yours, the taste of you filling your mouth. Suddenly it’s sweeter, almost strawberry like as you continue to kiss. You don’t notice how you suddenly take the lead, sucking his lips, entering his mouth. He giggles at your movements, hands moving to pull your hips closer against his.

“Taste good?” he pulls away, laughing.

Your cheeks warm when you’ve realized what you’ve done, pulling away. A string of saliva parting your lips. He pecks you quickly, head back against the sheets. “Hm?”

Realizing he asked you a question, you furrow your brows. “How’d you do that?”

His eyes roll, “I’m a vampire, I can do anything I’d like.”

“You’re so fucking annoying.” You frown, and his laugh is even louder.

“And yet here you are,” he moves from his spot to hover over you. He’s pulled off his pants and briefs before you’ve realized it, the length of him resting against your stomach. He grinds it lightly into you, lip between his teeth. “Here you are under me, wanting me.” Holding himself up with one hand, he uses the other to squeeze himself, the sight making your mouth water.

“Thought you were done?” his brows raise, amusement coating his expression. “Unless you want more?” He moves away from you, sliding off the bed. He holds his cock in his hand, languidly stroking it as he stares at you. “Want to taste me?”

Your eyes flick up from his movements to look at his face. His brow raised, he waits for a response. Seemingly unable to respond, he moves closer, body leaning over so he’s directly in your line of sight. “I said, do you want to taste me, my sea?”

You nod, and he moves even closer, hand cupping your chin. You open your mouth now, “I do.”

He nods, letting go. “Go ahead.”

He moves slowly, steps closer and closer to you. Though he seems to be calm, you can see the way eagerness lines his features. He pulls off his shirt, tossing it to the side. You notice a few scars and tattoos on his body, a belly button piercing shining at you in the lower light. His fingers wrap around the base. He’s longer than you thought, but not as thick as you’ve once experienced. Still, your mouth can’t help but water.

“Open, pretty,” he murmurs. You open your mouth slightly, jaw lax. He rests his head against your lips, bending his cock toward you. He lets it sit there for a moment, his breaths heavy, precum coating your lips. His eyes stare at your mouth as he finally enters your mouth inch by inch, moaning when he finally enters. He continues, stopping when you gag. He twitches against your tongue, your eyes watering as you look up at him. His eyes seem to be glossed over, holding your head as he moves out. He moves slowly, in and out, hips rocking back and forth between your lips. You suck and lick, guarding your teeth to make sure you don’t hurt him, the weight of him against your tongue and angling your throat so that he can enter even more.

He groans, speed increasing. “You take me so well, look so good with my cock in your mouth.” Hongjoong pushes your head against him, your nose pressed to his pubic bone. He moves back a bit as you choke, whispering okays and telling you you’re taking him so well. Your hands wrap around his thighs as he fucks your mouth, your throat burning. You feel yourself clenching around nothing. He moves quicker, grinding into your mouth. Your hand reaches down to touch yourself.

He pulls out immediately, grabbing your wrist gently. He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “Only I get to touch you my sea.” He lets go, lightly nudging you back against the sheets. “Ready for me.”

“Fuck, yes,” you utter, and he only laughs.

“Scream loud for me, so the others know you’re being cared for well,” he grins. Hongjoong’s hips move forward into you without hesitation. Just as a moan tries to escape, he wraps his hand around your throat. His eyes stay on yours, looking to see if you’re uncomfortable. But all he sees is your eyes rolling back, his excitement increasing. He presses his lips against your cheek, moving to the side of your face, just next to your ear.

“Feel good, pretty? You like me inside of you, like me making love to you,” he bites your earlobe, pulling away. “You feel so good, so relaxed for me. Perfect.” Hongjoong eases himself out to slowly to sink back in, moving at a slower pace, the witch of his cock as it glides between your walls. “I’ve waited so long for this, Ca… y/n.”

His hips stutter as he gradually builds speed, grunting each time your hips collide. You reach for anything, deciding on wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He doesn’t resist, his chest pressed against yours, lips meeting one another’s. You’re too consumed with pleasure to notice the slip of tongue. He drives his cock into you, angling his hips directly at your g-spot. He releases your throat, one of his hands reaches for the headboard, driving into you harder, ”You take it so well.”

“Please,” your fingers dig into the back of his neck, piercing his skin. His eyes shift, darkening. The frame of the bed begins to bang loudly against the wall as his speed and force increases. He lets go of the board, gripping your hips and pulling them into each thrust of his. He fucks you harder, hip bones digging into your thighs. He swipes your hand away when you try to rub your clit. Shaking his head.

“You can come without touching yourself.”

“I can’t,” you cry out, trying to reach again. He tsks, pushing it away.

“Come from my cock only, y/n. I know you can do it.”

Your head tips back, the burning of your clit, begging to be touched. You focused on how he feels, how his cock drags against your walls. Just as you think you’re unable to do it, Hongjoong leans forward, teeth grazing your neck.

“Maybe I can help you out, want me to help you out, pretty? Want me to taste you?” His tongue drags against your pulsing vein. You nod without knowing what exactly he means, until his teeth sink into your flesh. You gasp from pain and pleasure,

The head of his cock pushes harshly into you as you cry out, his name spilling from your lips over and over as your orgasm takes over you, you clawing at his biceps in an attempt to hold yourself together. Hongjoong licks your wound, pulling away from you, breaths ragged.

Before you can come down from your high, in a matter of seconds the head of Hongjoong’s cock is inside you once more and you’re being fucked into the mattress, the movement of his hips frantic enough that you know you’ll be sore for several days.

“Fuck,” Hongjoong groans, snapping against you and making you bounce. “Want my come, pretty? Want me to come inside of you?” Hongjoong moans at the feeling of you clenching around him.

“Please, Hongjoong, please,” you gasp.

You hear him groan in response to your words as he presses his chest into yours, and all the while he continues to push inside of you you can feel his cock beginning to throb. His movements begin to falter, his breath heavy against your neck and you screw your eyes shut even tighter as you rock your hips upwards from underneath him to push him to new depths, urging him on. “Joong, please come. ”

“My sea,” he pants as his thrusts become shallow and hurried, his fingertips digging into the mattress to anchor himself, “Fuck.”

Finally, Hongjoong comes,, his hips pressing into you and then staying right there, buried deep within you. His fingers relax slightly from around your throat to allow you to drag in a deep, ragged breath, but Hongjoong keeps his hold. Chest still heaving against yours, you feel his lips come into contact with your cheek to press a soft kiss there, nuzzling your cheekbone for just a second before uttering into your ear.

“Look at me, my sweet sea.”

Your eyes open. His smirk is wide now, eyes crazed. You remember this exact look, one from the visions that you've seen. The one where Rose died beneath Jongho’s hands. Anxiety begins to rattles your body, the cloud of lust seeping away as it only seems to grow more sinister. He leans close to your ear, his soft lips brushing against the skin. It is only six words, but it brings the fear up too high for you to ignore.

"I know."

The stifling hot room suddenly grows colder.

"I know you lied."

His hand slowly wraps around your neck, fingers pressing into the flesh. It’s not enough to cause you to stop breathing, but enough so that you start to panic as he stares down at you. He does a test squeeze once, a breathy laugh escaping his lips.

“Hongjoong—”

“Why would you try to trick me, my sea?” His brows furrow, hurt etched into his features. “Lead me on to think that somewhere deep inside of you, you cared for me? Why plant a fallacy in my mind? Why make me suffer?” He shakes his head. You feel his thumb press into the base of your neck, nail slowly digging. He hasn’t pierced your skin yet, but it’s close. “Speak.”

“To convince you—”

“To convince me that you care?” He finishes, and you nod. “I know you don’t care for me, y/n. I’ve known with each thrust, each moan of my name. I know what you look like when you make love, y/n. And I know what you’ve just done was anything but that,” he leans closer, his tongue dragging along your collarbone. “I know because I saw the others with you. They aren’t the only ones who enjoy the show,” he grins.

“You weren’t there—”

He agrees, humming, “I wasn’t. The good thing about turning, though. Their thoughts are no longer their own, their eyes are mine. I saw everytime someone entered you,” he lets his free hand cup your center, “I felt what they felt.” He slips a finger inside of you, “I saw your eyes roll back for them—” he moves it slowly, squeezing your throat tighter “—I saw you each time you lost yourself in them. Yunho,” he slips in another finger. “Mingi, oh that one was interesting—” his pace increases. “Wooyoung… poor him, he couldn’t even watch.”

He adds two more fingers within an instant, “And how could I forget the last one? Your Yeosang, your pretty, pitiful Yeosang. He’s always wanted you so badly, always wants to save you…” Hongjoong thumb rubs your clit, pace quickening. “He can’t even save himself…”

The door to the room opens, Hongjoong not bothering to turn around to see who it is.

“I didn’t ask you to come in,” Hongjoong hums, pulling his fingers out of you. He grabs the blanket on the side, covering your body with it, hand letting go of your neck. Your chest rises and falls, moving your gaze around him to see who's entered.

San and Yeosang stand there. It's too dark to see what they're wearing, but you're pretty sure it's the outfits from the concert tonight. Has time passed that quickly? You can still feel his fingers around your neck, anger between his words. If they didn't come in… if you weren't so involved… you're not too sure you would have lived.

Yeosang moves closer first, "You're going too far, hyung."

He leans up from the bed, not bothering to cover himself up. San lingers just behind Yeosang, eyes glued to your neck.

"Sad you couldn't join? I never interrupted the two of you, you should give me the same consideration."

"You were killing her, you were going to kill her." Yeosang looks at you, brows furrowed. "I wouldn't let you do that."

He stands, rolling his eyes. He grabs his briefs from the side, slowly pulling it up and over himself. "I was having fun, not killing her. The two of you need to relax a bit. Why would I dare hurt my sea?"

"The blood in her mouth? We can see it on her lips, Hongjoong. We aren't that ignorant."

You wipe your lips, staring at the blood coating your fingers when you pull away. You don't even remember when exactly he did it, or how. Was he going to kill you? Were you so filled with arousal you didn't even think about what was happening? Was that the sweet taste in your mouth? His blood? Your stomach turns at the thought. Hongjoong looks back at you. His white pupils are gone. replaced with the familiar brown. He raises his brow, tongue dragging across his lips. It's there where you see the cut in it.

"Tastes just like strawberries, doesn't it?"

The thought of his blood in your mouth makes you gag, rises from the sheets. You hold the blanket against you, reaching for the water bottle on the side table. Hongjoong grabs it before you do, taking a long drink, emptying it.

"Fuck you!" You yell, anger rising.

"y/n…" San moves closer to you. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

You grab your shirt and slip it over your body, hands trembling against the fabric. San helps you, picking up your sweats from the floor and passing it to you. Yeosang moves closer to Hongjoong, fists tightened.

"You were going to kill her, just like that."

"Don't start to give me a fucking martyr speech, Yeosang. You don't even care about her."

"You—"

Hongjoong reaches out, gripping Yeosang's neck. He slams him against the wall behind him, a scream leaving your mouth. San stands in front of you, hiding your body with his. He looks at Hongjoong with concern, "Hey, isn't this too much—"

"The two of you are a pair, aren't you?" Hongjoong frowns, "So hopelessly involved with y/n. At least she likes Yeosang. She barely even knows San. And here he is, fucking protecting her as if she loves him. As if she cares if he died."

The others soon appear at the door, crowding into the room. The wall behind Yeosang cracks as Hongjoong presses him deeper into it.

"Please stop," you beg, trying to get closer. San holds you back, preventing you from interfering. "He's just trying to protect me."

"If you didn't have Rose's soul he would not give a shit about you, my sea," Hongjoong looks at you, head tilted. "Your soul already saw him die once, it shouldn't matter if you see it happen again."

Yeosang looks down at him, fingers digging into Hongjoong’s hand. Eyes red, denying his words with the curl of his lips. "You'll never understand love, Joong. That's your problem."

"Enlighten me then, my friend."

Yeosang's eyes move to you, softening with such ease it breaks your heart. "Everyone knows I loved Rose, loved her more than she loved me, surely," his eyes flick back to his captain's. "And I loved her Hongjoong. I loved her with everything that I had, and I could barely function when she was gone." His voice breaks, eyes flicking between his. "But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to love again. She was my first love, but y/n…" His eyes move to yours, softening. The look only makes your heart crumble even more. "She is my greatest."

Your hold on San's arm loosens at his words. You love him. You've loved him, with every part of you. You love him to the brink of fear, afraid of the unknown.

"How sweet…"

He lets Yeosang go, wiping his hands on his underwear. He glances at the others around the room, frowning. "I wasn't going to kill either of them."

"Let's go, y/n," San whispers, slipping his hand into yours. Yeosang catches his breath on the floor. He lifts his head to meet yours. As if telling you everything is alright. That he's okay. San tugs again, and you follow him out the room, parting the small crowd that formed in the doorway.

"Do you know if she truly loved you?" It's an appalling question, one that would throw them for a loop. It seems to leave Seonghwa speechless, mouth parting to speak, closing again. "Did she love you?"

It's been over a day since the incident, Hongjoong moving around as if nothing happened. Yeosang does as well, not mentioning it at all. It was enough of a headache for you to ask Seonghwa for a break. The house feels more stuffy than usual. You sit in the park not too far from their business, swinging your legs back and forth. It was silent while you walked here, but you couldn't help but ask. They love her so dearly, so much. You doubt she felt half of what they did.

"She said she did, she told us she did. Why are you asking?"

"Because if this is the way you express that you love someone, I'm not so sure that she did. If she taught you how to love, this isn't love, Seonghwa."

"I feel like if it was anyone but you telling me this, I'd be furious," he admits, a breathy laugh escaping his lips. "If I may be forward, why do you think so?"

"I don't know," you purse your lips. "I don't know how it was for you back then, how the world was. Maybe my thoughts are more modern in comparison, but I don't think love wants to force you into this mold. If we're humans and you told me you wanted to become this, I think I would be upset for a bit, but I wouldn't tell you to stay a human because I want you to. Though back then, monsters were more of a real thought rather than folklore. I don't think it means that I wouldn't care, it just means that despite it all, I believe you'll still be the person I care for."

You glance at him, leaving out the obvious afterthought. This form changed them. You're sure that Rose died because of their choices. Because they changed. And not in a good way. Their "love" twisted into something unrecognizable, cruel, obsessive, greedy. Dangerous. Subin’s descriptions were mild in comparison to how they actually are. How could Wooyoung just kill Yeosang with ease? Hongjoong almost injuring Yeosang, attempting to turn you?

"I'm very careful when I tell someone I love them. Because for me it is an admittance that my care for you has no bounds, that with everything we will go through I will fight my hardest to make it work. I will stick by you. And I don't feel that way for most of you."

It's a lie, it's a filthy, dirty lie, but you let yourself say it anyway.

He nods slowly. His fingers slowly fold, legs crossed. "It is all a pity, then. I tried my hardest for you, doe. But it seems to be a moot end. I promised them that you would admit your love for us. Stubbornness has always been your strong suit, no matter how many years have passed by. I wanted to save you."

You look around the park. It's quieter in comparison to before. Swings empty, older couples gone. Not one soul, not even a bird chirping. It's eerie in itself. You turn to him, and he looks at you with sorrow.

"One word was all I needed."

You stand up, chest rising and falling quickly. "Hwa—"

"It's calming. Different in comparison to how we turned Rose. I hope you understand that this was a unanimous decision, doe. All of us thought this was the best way to keep you from running away."

He stands and you hold up your hands, shaking your head. "This isn't the way to get what you want, Seonghwa. Repeating the past isn't the way, you know that."

He tilts his head, a light pout decorating his lips. "This is me saving you. Can't you see it?"

You ignore his words, turning around. The closest place is the club just across the street. The one they own. Hiding is the last thing you want to do, but there’s nothing else. Maybe there’s something left over from the fight they had there weeks ago. If you could find your way through the hallways and into the back — maybe there’s a chance you can save yourself. Maybe there’s a way out.

"I'll give you a headstart, doe. At least give you some hope. Go ahead," he nods.

You don't hesitate. Your legs move quick as you run across the empty street. The door to the club is open and you enter, locking it behind you. A part of you wonders why you don't question it, but fear drives you now. You run into a side room, grabbing a knife that Subin left hidden, just before they came to save you last time.

"This will kill them," Subin says to you, dragging his finger along the blade. "It is made from the metal that killed their first love. Hongjoong would be much harder to trick, but I'm sure you can do it."

You stare at it, shaking your head. "Subin, I don't think—"

"Start thinking then, y/n. You won't be free. Not unless you accept their obsession with you, or kill them yourself. Your soul will continue to be stuck in the same perpetual nightmare. You have to stop it. You have to, y/n." His brows soften. "For every iteration of you that has died. Do it for them. Do it for you."

It's the first note that makes you stop what you're doing. You hold the knife in your hands, your grip loosening as you stare out into the hallway.

The familiar tune of the piano. Despite the name of the club you've rarely heard it — the group is a rock band, of course. So hearing the soft melody of Clair de lune echo in the dark is more than what you expect. It's a beautiful song despite this circumstance. You used to love it until this very moment — were they here the entire time? Have they watched your every move once you left Seonghwa in the park?

Were you ever truly alone?

The echo of your shoes add to the music, hushed breaths. There's no use in trying to control them, they know you're here just as you know they are.

"Must we play this game with you?"

You stop moving, gaze glued to the darkness. Your fear overrides your sense of the moment. Who was it that spoke?

"Why run? Is it not beautiful for there to be people who already love you as you are? Why would you try to escape love that is unconditional?"

Still, your mind seems unable to figure out who exactly it is. Is it some sort of talent they have, disguising their voices? Luring you deeper into the darkness? You stop moving.

"Pretty, we already know you're there. No need to try and hide."

Pretty? There's doubt that Yeosang would scare you this way, but it isn't impossible. Not after what you've witnessed at that restaurant.

"What can we do to convince you to stay?"

"Let me go," you whisper. "Finally let me go." Clair de lune rises in volume, your heartbeat throbbing in your ears. "Find someone else to love you. I will never be her."

"You are her, my sweet doe. And you always will be."

Doe? Is it Seonghwa instead? Footsteps catch your attention. They're at the far end of the hallways, slowly ascending, closer and closer to you. Risking waiting for whoever leaves the darkness isn't wise. You know that it'll only lead someone to you back in their home. Back in their arms. You slide the knife back into its place, quickly turning on your heels. You haven't had the chance to explore the club, too engrossed in them to figure out every nook and cranny. You push open a door, locking it behind you quickly. Just as you turn around, your stomach falls.

“What are you?” You say softly.

“It’s easy to guess,” Yunho shrugs.

“Shows at night. Hwa drinking blood, our cold skin. Points to only one thing.”

“We're vampires.”

It's the same room you met them. The velvety couches, the bucket of cell phones on the back table. You were full of life back then, though afraid you stood your ground. And now here you are, back in the same place as before. Will it ever end? Is this a sign that no matter what, you will always follow the same path? Your fingers brush against the knife.

Should you end it here?

"I won't let that happen again, doe," Seonghwa enters the room, hands tucked in his pockets. He moves closer and closer to your frozen figure, hand slipping down your side, pulling the knife away. He stares at it for a moment, worried expression hardening. "Who gave this to you?"

"Subin."

His eyes narrow, grip tightening. The silver bends with ease in his hands, crushed in his palm. He sighs, eyes closing for a moment. "It was the knife that killed Rose, y/n."

“Hwa, what did you do—”

“Do you think I’d allow you to hurt yourself? I said we were going to save you, and you try to do something like this?” He sighs. “We’re trying to protect you the best we can—”

“This is not protecting, Seonghwa. Both you and I know you. I expected things to be different with you. I thought you changed.” Was everything a lie? Every step of the way to get you here, in front of him, about to die?

Are you just that stupid?

“What do you want us to do? Let you die, again? We’ve already done that, y/n. I can’t wait another one hundred years for us to go through the same routine.”

“You’re selfish—”

He laughs, combing his fingers through his hair. “And what if I am, hm? It doesn’t matter; once I turn you, once you become one of us… I can make you forget.”

The same blank look in Yeosang’s eyes.

You back up away from him, gaze resting on yours. It’s not sorrowful in the slightest. It’s settling within you; you expected this eventually. The contemptment, the resignation. He will kill you. You’re not leaving this room without spilling blood. “You never believed I loved you, Seonghwa,” you whisper, back against the wall as he moves to you. “After all this time, you’ve never believed it. But I have.”

“Don’t lie,” he mumbles.

“I did love you, so much. Why do you think I’ve often come to you? I trusted you, Seonghwa. I knew you cared about me, not just my soul. It’s pathetic, really, how much I relied on someone that would go against me in the end. It’s even more pathetic that I’m not angry with you. I’m just sad.”

He shakes his eyes, fists tightening. “You’re allowed to be angry.”

“But I can’t be. I don’t think either Rose or myself was ever really angry with you.”

"You will never lose me."

You can barely make out his words, his fingers digging into yours, light sobs falling from his lips. You hold in yours, letting your forehead rest against his. It feels as if you're mourning him when he is right in front of you. The fleeting wish of knowing him sooner so that you may have spent time with him as he is now crosses your mind. And with horror, the small thought of you living as them so you can know them longer lingers.

"I love you ever so much, Seonghwa," you say. "And I will not make you listen to what I want. If this will make you happy, then I will accept your decision."

Seonghwa presses his palms against his temples, his last sincere moment with you crumbling.

“I would not have asked anyone else to be here with me when I die, Seonghwa. Please let me go.” Rose’s blood spilling onto his clothing, between his fingers. His cries echoing around the ship's chambers.

“y/n, please,” he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

Your finger slips into the hole in the wall, the cold metal of a knife resting there feels against your fingertips. Seonghwa’s back is turned to you, and you quickly pull it out, gripping the handle. Despite the fear that overwhelms you, consumes you, you do it anyway. You press it into your chest.

Exactly where the birthmark of the scar is.

The smell of blood hits him before he sees it. The pain is overbearing, your hand dropping from the handle, body limping forward, almost touching the floor. The sound of the door slamming open, wood splitting at the force. The warm touch of hands catching you just before you fall. His grip is tight, blood sputtering from your lips as you look at him.

"No, no…" His grip on your shirt is tight. You're used to the mirrored emotions, the fakeness dripping from his expression. It's nothing like now. The way he holds you, his face pressed against the fabric of your soaked shirt, sobs escaping his lips. Despite the loss of blood, despite it all, you feel your own heart breaking.

"You have to let me go, Joong," you can’t say it of course, the pain too overwhelming to speak through. "You have to."

“I can’t…” he utters. A cold touch of hands pulls you into his lap, Hongjoong letting you go. You can’t quite tell what’s happening around you, but you hear shouting, furniture breaking. Your vision begins to blur, fingers holding you close to their body. His hand covering your mouth, whispering soft words to you. You don’t feel tears against your skin, but you can feel how he holds you, hands trembling. You just wish that you knew who it was.

The knife is slowly sliding out of your chest, the pain enough to make you lose consciousness within an instant.

“It worked.”

“I told you it would.”

“Fuck off, San.”

“Why are you arguing in front of her? Hey pretty peach, it’ll be alright.”

“Still calling her a peach, after everything?”

“You know what-”

You gasp, leaning forward. Hands stop you from moving too quietly, soft words comforting you for the moment. Your eyes flick around, brows furrowed. Mingi, San, Yunho… Yeosang, Seonghwa, Jongho… You continue to circle through the men, one missing. Just as you begin to ask, your head turns to the side. Wooyoung holds you up steady, a sweet smile on his lips. He brushes loose hairs away from your cheek, humming softly.

“You okay, pretty peach?”

You nod slowly, looking down at your hands. They’re free of blood. Wait, should they be covered in blood? “What happened?” you ask.

“One of the attendees at the concert took some bad shit, and you drank from them. It hit you pretty hard and you passed out, but everything is alright now. You’re okay,” Mingi says, nudging Yunho. “I told him to keep an eye on you since you’ve just started this, but he let it slip his mind.”

Yunho rolls his eyes, “I went to the bathroom.”

“Enough arguing, please?” Seonghwa murmurs, smiling at you. “Ready to go to bed, doe?”

You steady yourself off the floor with the help of Wooyoung, thanking him. “Okay.”

Everyone begins leaving the room one by one, Yeosang staying with you. He guides you to the bathroom, asking for permission to help you into the bath. There’s no need to say no, no use for it. He’s been with you since the beginning of your transition since that fateful night at Hiraeth, where you met them all. You sink into the warmth of the water, leaning your head against the side. Yeosang sits there, watching you silently.

“Are you alright?” he asks, thumb brushing against your temple. “You worried us.”

You nod, a smile on your lips. “I’m always alright when I’m with you.”

The expression he gives you back is peculiar. Smile quick, strange. His eyes linger on the scar on your chest. “Okay. I’ll give you some time alone,” his lips brush against your forehead. “See you soon, pretty.”

Just as he closes the door, you lean from your spot. You didn’t mention it even though you should have. Crescents scarred his throat, the imprint of a hand stared at you as he helped you bathe. Your mind told you to stop questioning it, to let it go. But you just couldn’t. The sight looked so familiar, filled you with such fear. Like you were missing something right in front of you, but you just couldn’t grasp it. The eerie feeling began to consume you, clawing at the dryness of your throat, forcing itself into your heart through each beat.

A drum solo makes you stop. Your eyes move to the stage, focused on the man whose drumsticks fly through the air, foot tapping on the bass drum pedal, eyes closed completely as he plays. The crowd screams. But you can only stare. Watch as he expertly plays, lips curved into a smile. Blue hair pulled back with a headband. His eyelids open, immediately looking at you.The burgundy color keeps you in place. He tilts his head, observing you. He hits against the crash cymbal and pulls you away from his mesmerizing gaze.

“...Hongjoong,” you breathe.

He takes out a necklace, holding it between his fingers. “But with the long lives we have lived, it will be unfortunate if someone decided to bring the force of the law against us. I’d rather not spend my days rotting behind a prison cell. Not that we would, of course. But it is helpful, nonetheless.” The necklace drops to the table, a wince from Yeosang catching your attention. “But we didn’t bring you back here to tell you about how San practices law. This piece of jewelry, can you touch it?” Hongjoong slides it against the glass to you. Oddly, it doesn’t scratch at all.

The room grows silent; only the muted music filling the air. You stare at the jewels, the emerald color quite vibrant in the low light. Your curiosity almost outweighs the red exclamation points of danger. So despite it, you only stare at it then flick your gaze to Hongjoong. He tilts his head, waiting for you to respond.

Your hand lingers on the emerald necklace resting between your collarbones, warm despite how cold your skin is.

You remember.

How your soul mourned.

Yeosang pressed his cut hands to your lips just before you died. The others dragging Hongjoong off Seonghwa, barely saving him. Bringing Hongjoong to the brink of death.

When in reality, he was just gone. He disappeared after the night you turned. None of them could figure out where he went. They all simply accepted that he’d never come back. Little do they know what you know.

You held him as you felt his skin grow colder than it ever was. As his fearful eyes lost themselves in yours, and became colder, emptier. You stayed with him, cradling his soulless body tight against your chest. His blood seeping into your shirt, dripping down your leg. The knife thrown to the side; fingers wrapped around the cut on his throat to stop it from bleeding despite how much he tortured you.

The others would tell you how you shed tears for the first time over the man. How your screams were so gut-wrenching, even Yeosang struggled to pull you away. How months later, you woke from your slumber crying out his name. And strangely, how you never recalled any of it at all. They made you believe he’s dead. Yeosang turned you, coerced your mind into perceiving Hongjoong’s blood coating your fingers. You still recollect how clearly the scenery changed around you when you sobbed over his body. Dark background blending into the warmth of the summer dawn.

What a surprise it’ll be when they find out otherwise.

tags: @revehosh@mrcarrots@belletiny@sansblkgirlfriend@hwadump@honeyedtalisman@atzcoke@glitterhongjoong@whatudowhennooneseesyou@marievllr-abg@arkive78@dysftopia@kpopnightingale@wxnderingthoughts @jenniee-tm @hongshines@atinytease @multidreams-and-desires @yla-aira@wommypeaches@avantalem@youre-a-wallflower-charlie@toxicccred@xciiiomwliah@madelinelina@kirooz@a-tiny-teez@tenebrisirae @ageofjade @n0v4t33z@yoongiigolden @jonghoharibo @fl0r4f4wn @gh0stbish @kodsukein @vitrealislux@sarcasticsagittarius1998@spiderrenjunfics@aeoliannie @tannie13@leeknowsalot@xshansimsx@seojonneh @shingene @justconniez@mingi-banana@anushka-k@nightmarej1n@watamotee33@dear-dreamie@the-ghostest-with-the-mostest@jaxavance@malyxsoulpersonal@az-con@charreddonuts@beautysirens@sunukissed@lixpixstix

#fic: clair de lune #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #wooyoung x reader #san x reader #jongho x reader #ot8 x reader #thank you for this journey... love you all <3

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plutoccult · 3 months

Text

HAIKYUU X THE OFFICE AU — EPISODE SIX: SUGA’S GOT A SECRET

pairing: sugawara koushi x female reader

description: now that ukai knows of sugawara’s feelings for you, it’s only a matter of time before the big secret spreads throughout the office, leaving sugawara with plenty of damage control to do.

word count: 6.3k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: tumblr keeps playing games when it comes to this au showing up in tags, which may be because of “foul” language apparently, so i’m gonna “censor” this episode and see what happens. it will be uncensored on ao3 though. if you missed episode five, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ IT. it’s INSANELY annoying how tumblr keeps messing with me, and that’s honestly why i (along with literally every writer on here) press about reblogs. likes don’t do anything, reblogs do. not to sound like a pain in the ass, but how can you expect your favorite authors to feel inclined to write if you’re not helping them get exposure? anyway… i feel really good about this episode creativity wise (as i reworked the original episode a TON), and think it might be one of the better episodes i’ve written along with next week’s valentine’s episode. i hope you enjoy!

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @dragon-slayer5 @femme-lune @jeanboyjean @cowgirlikets @okkoiktoru @darthferbert @kazuchaos @bakagun1312 @beingbrokenfitsus @mumblepingu @daedaep69 @intheewrld @msbyomimi @sukxma @akari-fujikawa @milkteeboba @5sos-wdw @todorokiskitten

taglist form here

for the second time today, you returned to your desk with your teapot full of hot water. it was scorching against your hands, but you had to be careful with your steps in order to avoid any spills. you’ve been doing this practically everyday since the office christmas party, so none of your coworkers were phased by it anymore.

“hot, hot, hot.” you whisper to yourself.

you place the teapot down and let out a sigh of relief before sitting down in your chair. the crew watched as you pour the hot water into a mug and pulled out a dish full of sugar of creamer packets, ones you recently acquired so you could be more efficient with your tea. it wasn’t necessarily the excitement the documentary was hoping for, but they kept the cameras on you in anticipation for something with suga to hopefully come up. unfortunately, nothing spicy had occurred.

you stirred everything together before taking a sip, letting out an “ah, that’s the stuff.”

•••

“i’ve been loving the teapot suga got me for christmas.” you say with a grin. “it gives me an excuse to drink more tea rather than coffee at the office, and not the kind you spill, if you catch my drift.”

you give a wink to the camera, but there might as well be crickets as none of the documentary crew laughed at your joke.

“none of you found that funny?” you pout.

•••

out of nowhere, daichi huffed and puffed as he emerged from the break room. “ugh, who in god’s name spilled coffee in the break room and didn’t clean it up?”

not again, you think to yourself. there was always someone leaving a mess somewhere in the office. it was like working with a bunch of children most of the time. you could almost always point your finger on who was to blame, but it’s not like anyone would admit their wrongs, like tanaka, who was responsible for most messes in the office.

“wasn’t me.” he immediately objected. you almost wonder if he spoke up first on purpose so the suspicion would go to someone else.

“you know i don’t drink coffee.” tsukishima said, which was true. you would find him always drinking some sort of strawberry soda, which you tried once and swore it was the most disgusting drink you ever tasted.

“yeah, and y/n has just been drinking tea lately.” suga spoke up. he immediately regretted saying anything as tsukishima, yamaguchi, kiyoko, yachi, and tanaka all collectively eyed each other. his cover was slipping terribly, but suga couldn’t help but feel the need to defend your honor.

“well, whoever did it needs to clean it up because i’m not doing it.” daichi crossed his arms.

“you know no one is gonna fess up, daichi.” tsukishima rolled his eyes. “this happens every time.”

“and i’m not gonna be stuck with the mess again!” he whined. “it’s like how you all expect asahi to reach everything on the top shelf when we invested in stepladders for a reason. those things weren’t cheap.”

the camera panned over to asahi as everyone quickly turned their heads to look at him. “why… why are you guys looking at me like that?”

“well, some of our coworkers happen to be leprechauns, you know.” kageyama said, evoking gasps out of hinata and nishinoya.

“oh, that’s not—” you began to say before covering your mouth with your hand. it was best if you kept out of this one.

“kageyama, that’s offensive to short people!” hinata exclaimed with a pout. “after everything we’ve been through…”

“my point still stands.” kageyama shrugged.

before hinata and kageyama could break out into a fight for the umpteenth time—one where tanaka would definitely yell out “world star!” and pull out his phone to record—ukai came out of his office in order to investigate what his employees were arguing about rather than actually working.

“something the matter? what’s with all the chatter?” he asked, immediately recognizing his clever rhyme. “oh, i rhymed! that’s bars right there.”

“someone spilled coffee on the floor in the break room and left it there.” daichi explained to him. “as if this office needs any more mess, it’s a disaster around here. we need to do something about the cleanliness of our work environment.”

“hmm… let me think.” ukai stood there pondering for a minute, resembling the thinker. some of you wondered if he was posing that way just for the sake of striking a pose. it definitely wouldn’t be a surprise if he was.

“uh, hello? earth to ukai?” daichi waved his hand in front of ukai, thinking he was frozen.

“i’m thinking.” he muttered, trying to stay as still as possible, down to barely moving his mouth. yeah, he was posing just to pose. typical.

everyone continued to wait for ukai to suggest literally anything, but he stayed in his position for far too long. thankfully, yamaguchi decided to speak up, but he would quickly be shut down by ukai.

“why don’t we all just clean the whole office together—”

“let’s all just clean the whole office together!” ukai interrupted yamaguchi, taking all the credit. “yes!”

“i just said that…” yamaguchi frowned.

“it’s spring cleaning, baby!” ukai clasped his hands together.

“but it’s not even spring?” tanaka questioned. he should know better than to question his boss at this point.

“so? who cares?” ukai shrugged. “don’t make me assign you to cleaning the men’s room.”

“no, please! anything but that!” tanaka begged. ukai instantly found joy in this, giving the camera a sinister, yet also off-putting stare.

•••

“i’m such a genius. if you do your spring cleaning in the winter, then you won’t have to do anything in the spring!” ukai said, praising himself as if it were his idea. “only i could think of such big brained ideas.”

“yamaguchi suggested it before you spoke over him.” a crew member spoke up, having documented it on camera.

“who?” ukai furrowed his eyebrows. it was almost hilarious how he couldn’t remember who he was.

•••

while some were assigned to clean certain parts of the office, others were cleaning out their desks, which everyone was mandated to do today. it seemed like “spring” cleaning wasn’t such a bad idea after all as many found random miscellaneous items, having no idea when they were from. tanaka even discovered why his desk had such an odd odor, which was because of an expired donut. everyone gagged at the sight and smell of it as he chucked it in a trash can and ran off.

as you were cleaning out your drawers, yachi walked up to your desk with a bottle of carpet cleaner and a scrubbing brush.

“hey, y/n. here’s that carpet cleaner you asked for.” she said as she placed it down on your desk.

you look up from what you’re doing and see yachi right in front of you. you had been waiting for your chance to use it as there were limited resources to share. thankfully yachi agreed to give it to you after she was done with it.

“oh my god, thank you.” you let out a sigh of relief. “daichi would flip if he saw the coffee stains under my desk.”

“trust me, i know… we’re desk buddies.” yachi groaned. she wasn’t particularly fond of the seating arrangement around here. at least you had your own little space, one where suga could steal pining glances as much as he desired, which reminded her. “how’s wedding planning going, by the way? did you start yet?”

the initial excitement of finally setting a wedding date sent you into overdrive, your mind racing of all the things that needed to be done to prepare for a wedding. as much as you dreamed of this, you didn’t think you’d be stuck doing all of the planning alone. ryo hadn’t made a single contribution yet, and despite your families expecting you to walk down the aisle, some doubts couldn’t help but brew up in your head.

“oh, uh, i bought my veil recently.” you reply. you hadn’t even picked a dress yet, despite having a long way to go, but picking a veil just seemed easier for right now.

“aw, that’s so exciting!” yachi couldn’t help but feel bad that suga was overhearing this conversation, given his eyes were fixated on you as he waited for you to speak, which wasn’t that hard to notice. “how are you gonna do your hair then?”

“well, i was thinking about wearing it down. kind of like—” you take out your hair clip and let your hair down, fluffing it up a bit to show yachi. “—maybe something like this?”

suga felt his heart still for a moment as he intently watched you fiddle with your hair. he wished he’d seen you like this before as you always wore your hair up at work. why were you hiding such beauty? it pained him to think about ryo always being the one to see your hair untamed like this at home. even if you failed to realize it, you were drop dead gorgeous in suga’s eyes.

“wow, you look so beautiful. you’re gonna make people cry.” yachi said, already able to think of one person without hesitation.

as yachi spoke a little too loud, ukai—being the nosy boss he is—overheard your conversation and decided to butt in. with poor timing, at that. “woah, y/n. why don't you wear your hair like that all the time? it's so much hotter than what you usually do.”

you cringe and roll your eyes as you reach for your hair clip. suga let out a sigh, wanting the savor the sight for a little longer. maybe another time, he hoped.

“man, this must be torture for you.” ukai said as he walked past suga. suga’s eyes widen as he looked around to see if anyone overheard that, and thankfully no one did. everyone was too occupied with cleaning to bother, it seemed.

•••

“yeah, on the booze cruise i told ukai about some feelings i used to have for y/n.” suga explained, albeit poorly. “i was just… feeling nostalgic, i guess, and i decided to confide in the world's worst confidant.”

used to have? even the documentary crew could see right through such a pathetic lie.

•••

later that day, suga knocked on ukai’s office door. as expected, he wasn’t cleaning his office one bit. do as ukai says, not as ukai does, apparently. it wasn’t a shock, to be honest.

“hey, ukai.” suga said as he entered ukai’s office. ukai quickly turned down the volume on his computer—seemingly not doing any productive office work either—and looked up to see what suga wanted. “remember that thing i told you on the booze cruise about y/n?”

“boy, do i?” ukai asked. he had been reeling ever since the bombshell was revealed to him. it was more exciting than the lame reality tv he usually watched at home. “of course i do.”

“well, that was, uh, pretty personal, so if you can just…” suga paused. how could he make this sound the least offensive to his boss? “if you can make sure you don’t tell anyone else about it, that would be great.”

“what? oh yeah, my lips are sealed. like the bangles song.” ukai said.

suga furrowed his eyebrows. he didn’t feel confident in that answer. “that was the go-go’s.”

“just get back to cleaning.” ukai scoffed.

“you got it.” suga nodded. it seemed he just had to take ukai’s word for it, but some worry still lingered.

•••

“suga and i are great friends. we hang out a ton, mostly at work, but the fact that he poured his heart out to me about y/n during booze cruise says everything about our friendship.” ukai said. “and because of that, i intend on keeping that information a secret for as long as i possibly can.”

“are you implying that it will spill out eventually?”

“course not. i’m the best at keeping secrets.” ukai then started to sweat profusely. he cannot keep this secret for long. “is it hot in here all of the sudden?”

•••

while suga was cleaning his desk, ukai emerged from his office with what seemed like the sole purpose of bothering him. his careful tiptoeing towards suga was evident, even if he tried to be sneaky. “suga…”

“yeah, ukai?” he looked up, ruining ukai’s opportunity to potentially scare him.

“whatcha doin’?” ukai asked. “you like football?”

“uh, ya know, cleaning. like you asked me to.” suga deadpanned. “plus, i’m more of a volleyball guy.”

“oh, yeah, makes sense.” ukai said before getting to the real point of this conversation. “so, any news on you know who?”

suga initially wondered why ukai would be bothering him like this, especially in the middle of the day, but now it was painfully obvious. of course it would be about you, but here, right on the open floor? it’s like ukai was asking to publicly embarrass suga. the poor lad had been through enough embarrassment these past few months. the documentary has seemingly only made it worse.

“time and place, ukai.” suga shook his head in annoyance.

“i just want to know more about your love life, suga.” ukai pouted. of course, he had some valid concerns. suga was just crying to him about his dilemma not that long ago, after all, but still, why here and now?

“like i said; time and place.” suga insisted.

“but—”

before ukai could plead his case, tanaka interrupted this conversation, seemingly out of jealousy over ukai newfound closeness to suga. “woah, what’s going on here? you guys besties all of the sudden?”

“um, yeah, we’re besties, tanaka.” ukai replied. suga wanted and scream and say that he was wrong. they would never be besties, never. “we tell each other secrets and stuff.”

“secrets? what secrets?” tanaka raised an eyebrow with a smirk. he instantly thought of one secret only a select few knew of, and suga knew he’d be thinking of it. “i know secrets.”

suga had to get tanaka off his back somehow. the combo and him and ukai would be a total disaster when it came to his secret. “deep, dark secrets?”

“wha… what do you mean?” tanaka questioned. it was hilarious how he was falling for this.

“oh, you know…” suga paused for dramatic effect. “the kind of secrets that could send people to jail.”

“oh my god…” tanaka let out a gasp then ran off like a scaredy cat. maybe that award went to the wrong employee on awards night.

that actually impressed ukai quite a bit. he wouldn’t say it out loud as he always had to be the very best, but ukai was definitely impressed.

“welp, back to work.” suga shrugged. this desk definitely wouldn’t clean itself, and he wasn’t sure if he could trust anyone else to go through his things. maybe he could trust you. knowing you, you’d organize everything by what you thought was worth keeping and what wasn’t, then let him figure out if your guesses were right.

“hey, uh, wait.” ukai said, catching suga’s attention once more. “what are you doing for lunch? i could take you out. my treat.”

lunch? with ukai? suga wasn’t sure if he was all too fond out that idea. free food, sure, but having to deal with ukai alone at a restaurant seemed like a bad nightmare. you never know what could happen in such an event.

“ah, no, you don’t gotta do that.” suga said as he quickly tried to think of an excuse to get out of this. “i gotta… ya know… clean and stuff.”

“what about we set up a picnic in the break room?” ukai proposed. “order some pizza and talk about you know who.”

nope. nope, nope, nope. suga knew ukai was just itching to talk about you. the only feasible solution was to get as far away from the office as possible and go out for stupid lunch. the sacrifices suga had to make for the sake of keeping his secret, well, a secret.

“haha, um… you know what? yeah, let’s go out. that’s a good idea, man.” suga stood up from his chair. ukai jumped up and down, overjoyed, which brought more attention to them. suga figured going right now was the best bet, so he quickly grabbed his coat and briefcase in order to leave right away. “let’s go now, actually. what place you thinking of?”

“oh, i know just the place.”

•••

after an awkward drive, ukai and suga found parking in the city before walking over to a popular strip of restaurants. suga assumed being a boss had its perks as there was no way he could afford to eat like this all the time. thank god ukai was paying for this.

there seemed to be amazing places to eat around here, but suga found ukai leading him to the outside of what seemed like a… maid cafe?!

“ukai, what is this place?” suga asked, hoping and praying it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“it’s my favorite spot.” ukai said, noticing suga hesitate. “i go here all the time. come on.”

“if it’s what i think it is—”

“it’ll be fine!” he interrupted suga. “don’t be shy now.”

suga let out a sigh before he followed ukai inside. it was exactly what he thought it was. he was at a maid cafe.

“no… no, no, no.” suga shook his head. this couldn’t be happening to him right now.

suddenly, a pretty woman in a maid outfit walked up to them, greeting ukai first as he was a regular. “mr. ukai! come, come have a seat wherever you’d like.”

“sana!” ukai greeted her. it was even worse that he knew the employees by name.

“there’s no way…”

•••

“ukai took me to a maid cafe.” suga said through gritted teeth. he was being interviewed outside the cafe, other cameras filming what was going on inside as ukai was being pampered by the waitresses. suga was lucky to have a chance to rant. “he took me to a F*CKING maid cafe.”

“you know you’re—”

“god, i’m tired of you guys scolding us over language. you’re just gonna cut most of this sh*t out in post anyway.” he cut off the crew member. he wasn’t necessarily wrong, but the poor editors had a lot of work cut out for them with the way the employees of japan pulp and paper act. maybe they were better off documenting another branch…

•••

meanwhile at the office, tanaka walked up to your desk unannounced, digging his fingers into the bowl of jellybeans you always had out for everyone. you don’t even wanna know where his hands have been. now that you think about it, does he ever wash his hands? you wanted to gag.

“tanaka, can you not shove your hands in the bowl like that?” you ask with a disgusted look on your face.

“whatever. all the good flavored ones are gone.” tanaka rolled his eyes as he continued to dig into the bowl.

“it’s a communal bowl…” you sigh.

“am i not bestie material?” he asked you out of nowhere. “i thought me and ukai were besties.”

you weren’t sure why he was asking this all of the sudden, but if validating him meant he’d leave you alone, then you’ll do it. “yeah, you’re bestie material, tanaka…”

“would you ever consider me to be your best friend?” tanaka questioned.

now, tanaka was a terrible worker, but he wasn’t necessarily a bad friend. he would definitely do crazy things for the sake of his coworkers. you remember on your first day tanaka told you he kept ninja stars under his desk incase of intruders and he would defend you in an instant. sometimes he was a little dumb, but he had a good heart, shockingly enough.

“sure?” you shrug.

“excellent.” tanaka said before walking away all of the sudden.

while he wasn’t looking, you quickly grab the jellybean bowl and throw away its contents. you stare at the camera for a moment as they’ve captured what you’ve done before panning to ukai and suga returning from lunch. you instantly smile upon seeing suga’s face.

“hey.” you greet him.

“hey.” suga said as he hung his coat up.

ukai eyed the two of you before going into his office. you wondered what that was about, but you shook it off and went back to talking to suga. “so, how was lunch?”

“oh, you know, pretty productive.” suga then held up a printed picture from lunch, one with him, ukai, and a bunch of waitresses in maid outfits posing together. it was worth the money. “got a lot of work done.”

you blink for a moment as you soak in the picture in front of you. never would you have guessed that out of all places. still, it was hilarious.

“you’re the worst.” you say jokingly. “there’s no way.”

“ah, but there is.” suga replied. he blushed as you began to uncontrollably laugh. it was adorable. he found it to be one of his favorite sounds in the world.

you manage to control your laughter after a few deep breaths. no more joking around. “pretty sure you’ve got more cleaning to do.”

“yes, ma’am.” he jokingly saluted before going back to his desk.

suddenly, kiyoko stormed up to ukai’s office. you couldn’t remember the last time anyone ever saw her so angry like this. you even feared steam would come out of her ears, and since she was knocking on ukai’s door, you knew it wasn’t anything good.

“ukai, takeda and i need to talk to you.” she barged in.

ukai raised his hands defensively, acting as if he were getting arrested. “i didn’t do it, your honor!”

“what?”

“…what?”

kiyoko didn’t have time for nonsense. she was livid. “ugh, come on. you’ve got some explaining to do.”

before ukai could try to protest, kiyoko dragged him away from his desk and led him to takeda, the last person ukai wanted to talk to right now. it didn’t matter what the matter was, he hated talking to human resources.

“specs, what do you have the female specs dragging me here for?” ukai groaned as kiyoko forced him to have a seat.

“uh, a new charge appeared on the corporate credit card—” takeda began to say as calmly as possible.

“you spent a hundred bucks at a maid cafe! you didn’t even get approval for this!” kiyoko interrupted him, yelling over takeda. if there was any good cop, bad cop action happening, it was clear who fit which role.

“it was a business lunch!” ukai argued. “who said i needed approval?”

takeda let out a sigh. there was a reason ukai couldn’t be trusted with anyone’s money, even his own, for that matter. he felt like he had to treat him like a child, despite ukai being the one in charge.

“ukai, you just got your corporate credit card back.” takeda scolded him. “do you really want me to take it away again?”

“what am i, a five year old? this is ridiculous!” ukai exclaimed.

“corporate is gonna be so angry!” kiyoko argued with him.

“look, suga needed a relaxing lunch.” ukai explained. “he’s been depressed and it’s been affecting his productivity. how is that not work related?”

kiyoko froze. now she’s wondering if ukai knows what she knows. does he know what she knows? takeda didn’t seem to budge by ukai’s explanation.

“he seems fine to me.” takeda shrugged.

“you're not his friend, you don't know what i know.” ukai said. “he is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged, so just cut me some slack, okay?”

unbeknownst to them, nishinoya overheard the whole thing as he walked by. “are you talking about y/n?”

no way that just happened. ukai is at a loss for words, same with kiyoko. he messed up big time.

•••

“this is bad. so bad.” kiyoko said frantically to the camera. it was safe to say she was freaking out. “did suga tell ukai? or did he figure it out? god, suga! you’re such an idiot! i can’t stand this madness!”

•••

thanks to ukai’s big fat mouth, suga’s secret had spread throughout the entire office like the plague and he had yet to figure it out, but he would soon enough.

the first person nishinoya told was asahi, who didn’t really have much of an opinion on it as he was merely a temp. once word got to hinata, however, that was when the train really started rolling. suga had no chance to swear nishinoya to secrecy, so his secret was finally spilled to everyone. well, everyone except you… for now.

hinata rushed to kageyama’s desk. had he gone any faster, he would’ve crashed and knocked over all of kageyama’s things, even his computer. it certainly wouldn’t be fun having to pay for a new one.

“jesus, hinata!” kageyama jumped out of his chair. “what are you tryin’ to do to me?!”

“nothing, nothing!” hinata exclaimed. “guess what? suga has got it bad for y/n.”

woah. even kageyama couldn’t pass up hearing such juicy information. he was rather impressed in suga’s taste in women too. you were a rather attractive woman, after all. “what? really? not bad, suga. not bad…”

ukai walked by as hinata spilled all the beans to kageyama. as hinata noticed ukai’s presence, he just had to get his opinion on the matter. after all, it was ukai’s fault the secret was revealed to everyone.

“hey, ukai. do you think suga is gonna try to break up the wedding?” hinata asked.

ukai was put off by such an outlandish question. he felt so guilty about this, as shocking as it was. suga actually put his trust in him, and he blew it in less than a week. some boss he was.

“hinata, suga is my friend, so the only people that this crush really concerns is suga and y/n...” ukai said. “and also me.”

of course, ukai had to make some of this situation about him. no surprise about that.

as suga tried to get some cleaning done, he felt as if there were more cameras on him than usual. to test the theory, he got up to go to the bathroom. the crew dared to follow him, but suga stopped before entering. there was no way he could let them film him doing his business.

“did the production value go up or something?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “what’s going on?”

before the crew could respond, nishinoya appeared, asking suga the last question he thought he’d have to hear. “suga, why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on y/n?”

his heart dropped instantly. it’s happening.

•••

suga had to carry out this interview in the calmest way possible. he was livid, sure, but there also was a bit of relief. the burden of his secret was so hard to carry most days. but the only way he could make it out of this alive is if he played it off like he used to have a crush on you.

“well, the cat’s out of the bag. i used to have a crush on y/n and now i, uh…” suga hesitated. “don’t. how thrilling...”

the poorly fabricated lies continued.

•••

now that suga got that dreadful interview was over with, it was time for him to talk to you about the newfound elephant in the room. as he discovered everyone was talking about this crush behind your back, suga decided he was better off confronting you about it. besides, it was either you find out through suga himself or ukai.

suga found you alone, knowing this was the only time and place he could get through this conversation. he didn’t need anyone else hearing in on this.

“hey.” suga spoke up. you look up and see his face, your calming smile putting him at ease.

“hey.” you say. “did you find anything good in your desk?”

“oh yeah, i found a coupon for a free sandwich.” he said. there had to be a way to bring up his crush somehow. “it expired in august, but i did find my phone charger from two years ago.“

“wow, big day.” you reply. big day was quite the understatement.

“i don’t even have that phone anymore.” suga chuckled.

“even better.” you grin.

“yeah.” he blushed.

thinking that was the end of the conversation, you began to leave the room, but suga quickly stopped you. this was his only chance, he couldn’t let it slip away.

“hey, uh, listen…” suga said as you stop in your tracks. you look up to see what he has to say. shockingly, this was harder than he thought it would be. “um, i told ukai on the booze cruise—it’s so stupid—but uh, i told ukai that i had a crush on you when i first started here.”

you felt your heart skip a beat. he had a crush on you when he first started here? now your mind raced back to suga’s first day at japan pulp and paper. he seemed so nervous, so you were the one to welcome him with open arms as you had only been with the company for less than a year at that point. you knew what it was like to be the newbie, so you wanted suga to feel more at ease. you didn’t think anything more of your kindness back then.

“oh…” is all you manage to muster out. you can’t believe you were so blind to it all. now you felt silly for only just now developing a crush on him within the past couple months. it was wrong on so many levels now.

“well, i thought that, uh.” he stumbled with his words. “i figured you should hear it from me rather than, you know, ukai of all people…”

“right…” you nod. even you could agree with that. that would result in a much more awkward interaction with your boss.

“and seriously, it's totally not a big deal, okay?” suga insisted. “and when i found out you were engaged, i mean, you know…”

right, of course. that cursed ring on your finger. no wonder he didn’t see you that way anymore, right? at least that’s what you thought was the case.

“no, yeah, i get it. i mean, i kind of…” you pause. lie, just lie, you thought to yourself. “i thought that maybe you did when you first started.”

“oh, you did?” suga questioned. now he felt a little stupid.

“well, i mean, just cause we got along really quickly…” you shrug. it was the best excuse you could think of on the spot, really. you clicked with suga faster than you did with anyone else. maybe there was a reason to that, now that you think about it.

“oh, so you saw right through me, great.” he forced a laugh.

“yeah.” you giggle. you were thankful suga fell for your sham, him feeling the same. “so are you going to be like totally awkward around me now?”

“oh, yeah, yeah... hope that's okay.” suga replied with a hint of sarcasm.

“mhm.” you nod.

“and y/n?“

“yeah?”

“it was like three years ago, so i am totally over it.” suga said. even if he was far from over it, he had to lie for the sake of saving face. he didn’t want to give up since ukai told him not to, but suga couldn’t let you know the truth just yet. this was merely dipping his toes in the water.

“yeah, cool.” you say before finally leaving the room. suga figured he kept you for far too long, anyways.

“alright, cool…”

•••

“so… suga had a crush on me, huh? emphasis on had, i guess.” you shrug. “more reason to move on from my own silly crush, right?”

the crew share a collective look. you wonder what they’re all thinking. was there something you still didn’t know?

“right..?”

•••

suga was thankful his conversation with you went rather smoothly. all he had to anticipate now was ukai’s explanation for the mess that’s been made. who knows what ukai will manage to do, he was so predictable yet unpredictable at the same time.

ukai jumped when he heard suga knock, even worse when he saw his face. he knew exactly what this was about, so ukai had no choice but to motion for him to come in.

“hey.” suga said, closing the door behind him. no way could anyone else hear this right now. suga would lock the door and board it up if it had to.

“i know, i know, i know.” ukai sighed. “i messed up.”

it was actually a surprise to suga that he was owning up to his mistake. he figured he should go a little easy on ukai for the time being, depending on his future responses. “yeah, i was kinda wondering what happened with that…”

“i um… you know, expense reports.” ukai said, frantically trying to explain his way through this. “and then stupid specs! he’s such a goody two-shoes, disgusting. he got all on me about our lunch—”

“the one at the maid cafe.” suga interrupted him. the puzzle pieces were coming together.

“yes, the one at the maid cafe! said corporate was gonna be mad about it, and…” ukai began to tear up, not even trying to fight back his emotions. “i ended up spilling the beans! it was an accident, honest! god, i hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, suga!”

wow. and to think suga was just crying to him merely days ago. now the tables have turned. suga didn’t know whether this was sad or hilarious. would it be wrong to think it’s both? he sure thought of it to be both ways.

as much as suga wanted to totally flip out and scream his head off, he just… couldn’t. for one, he’d probably lose his job, but this situation was inevitable. secrets can’t stay secrets forever, no matter how much you want to hold them close. they always make their way out of your grasp somehow.

“hey, hey, hey. relax, man.” suga tried to calm ukai down. “it's… it’s not a big deal.”

ukai wiped away snot and tears, which was quite disgusting. “it’s not?”

“yeah, it’s fine.” suga let out a sigh. “it was bound to come out one way or another, i guess. everything’s gonna be alright, okay?”

“yeah… okay.” ukai nodded. he was thankful to not be on suga’s bad side, which he‘s never seen at its fullest potential. no one has, really. suga is far too patient for this disastrous company.

“good… good.” suga said. “see ya.”

man, ukai was such a violent crier.

as suga left ukai’s office, he eyed you for a moment, seeing you were walking over to where he just was. you would have no choice but to see ukai crying like a toddler, which no one should ever have to see in their entire life.

“good luck.” he quickly whispered to you as you walked past him, confusion written all over your face.

huh?

shrugging off suga’s random comment, you head into ukai’s office anyway, not even bothering to knock as the door was already open just a bit. nothing seemed out of the ordinary to you yet, as if ukai isn’t unordinary anyway.

“hey, here's your schedule for next week.” you set the paper down on ukai’s desk before noticing he’s wiping away tears. “woah, are you okay?”

“yeah, i'm fine.” ukai sniffled. “look, about you and suga—”

“oh no.” you shook your head. was that what he was crying over? woah, did suga make him cry? nice. “ukai, you don't have to—”

“no, i feel like it's my responsibility as your boss and also your friend.” he cut you off, but you didn’t see any need for this. you and suga cleared the air already, right? plus, ukai considering himself your friend was quite a stretch.

“no, really, it's okay.” you insist. “i know that suga had a crush on me when he first started or whatever. but that was a long time ago, so…”

“what? no. it wasn't that long ago. it was on the booze cruise.” ukai said.

what the heck could he possibly be talking about?

“suga had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?” you furrow your eyebrows.

ukai very quickly realized he messed up once again. he figured he was better off shutting up for once in his life. “ahh… yeah… i’m just gonna… shut my mouth. i’m clocking out.”

“oh… okay.” you say quietly as ukai stood up and walked out of his office so he could leave for the day. it was about five o’ clock, after all.

you follow ukai on his way out and see suga packing up, putting his coat on before grabbing his briefcase. he can detect your presence, even when leaning over for his briefcase as he could see your mary jane’s in his vision. black and shiny, just the way they always were. you never, ever left them scuffed.

“you need a minute?” he asked as you walked by.

“yeah, just need to get my coat on.” you reply.

suga waited for you to pack up before you walked out together, both heading towards the elevator. you and suga enter, just the two of you, stealing glances while the other wasn’t looking until your eyes inevitably meet. you can’t even deny how often he makes your heart race, it was almost a nuisance.

you didn’t know how long this song and dance would last, but you needed this feeling to go away before june. it simply can’t go on any longer.

66 notes · View notes

mtdthoughts · 4 months

Text

The Twins' Ethnicity (Migi & Dali Observation)

One thing that I haven't really seen talked about is the question of Migi and Dali's ethnicity. Of course, this is probably not important and likely has no bearing on the overall story and its greater messages. But I could be wrong, so who knows.

tl;dr: The boys are likely of French descent from their mother's side.

Below, I will elaborate and provide evidence towards this claim. Do note that *spoilers* from throughout the story will be mentioned.

One thing any reader/viewer will notice almost immediately is that the twins are not like the other people around them. Not only due they have blue eyes (which only Eiji shares), but they are also blonde (no, Youko doesn't count since she wears a wig). This is not surprising since the story takes place in Japan, and these traits are quite uncommon. In Chapter 1 of the manga, Youko takes note of this fact:

Later, it is confirmed that Migi and Dali were the result of an affair between their mother Metry and Akira Ichijo. Assuming that Akira is mostly or fully Japanese given his name and appearance, it's likely that the twins are half-Japanese and that their "foreign blood" comes from Metry, who strongly resembles them.

To begin, it should be safe to assume that Metry is most likely of European origin. However, based on clues from the story, we can make a stronger conclusion, that Metry was French, and so the twins are likely half-French and half-Japanese, or something like that.

The biggest clues should come from the Ichijo house in which the twins were conceived and born in. After all, Reiko hired Metry to be her housekeeper, so it wouldn't be surprising if Reiko had an affinity towards Metry's culture.

Without further ado, here's the evidence I could come up with:

Based on the left/right meaning of the twins' names, it is likely that Metry is short for "symmetry" or "symétrie" in French. It's possible that Métrie was actually how her name was to be spelled.

The "Water Flea Song" that the twins remember when they were staying in the Ichijo confinement room was actually the song Clair de Lune, which means "moonlight" in French, and was composed by the French composer Debussy.

In Chapter 19 of the manga, the Ichijos have breakfast, which consists of croissants, and I think that a French omelette may have also been shown. There's also something about the Ichijo dinner table that just screams "French" to me, though I can't quite find the right way to describe it. I'm sure that someone with a better understanding of French cuisine can.

When Eiji asks for a kiss from Sali (Dali), he uses the word baiser, which means "kiss" in French.

When Eiji tries to send Reiko away so that he can talk to Sali (Migi), he specifically asks her to buy pain de campagne (a French sourdough bread) from Descartes (a bakery with a French name).

When Reiko discovers Sali (Migi) in the attic, she attempts to attack and later chases Migi with a baguette.

Not a clue, but there's just something about Dali's timeskip appearance that gives me "French intellectual/mathematician" vibes. I can't really find the right way to describe it.

Dali mentions that Migi's art is a form of cubism, whose origins can be traced back to Paris, France.

The final shot of the anime shows a tribute to Nami Sano, which is written in French.

In the sequel manga, Dali is seen reading what appears to be a Japanese translation of La Preuve, which was originally written in French by the Hungarian writer Agota Kristof.

Hopefully, this is enough evidence to support this seemingly silly hypothesis. I do wonder if there are any particular reasons why Sano references French culture, but for now I can't really think of anything.

#migi and dali #migi to dali

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dyrewrites · 2 months

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Before Deluca -- pedantry at the penny university

He winked and took my arm, but said nothing as he led us into what looked—to my small town eyes—like a very large tavern. But it smelled like no tavern I’d ever been in. There were competing scents of roasting coffee beans—some of which smelled too sweet, others like burning hair to my nostrils—and tobacco and sweet pastries and unwashed men.

And I couldn’t tell you whether I cared for it or not, but I did enjoy walking into the crowded building with a beautiful man on my arm and not having everyone stop and stare. They didn’t notice us and as Lucient noticed how wide my smile became at that, he huddled closer.

“Do they have booths,” I whispered, wanting to hear my voice in all the commotion around me and all the languages it was in, most of which I didn’t understand but oh did they sing.

Around us were tables of men, mostly men, as far as I could tell—but Lucient informed me that women occasionally dressed as men to sit undisturbed in the coffeehouses, so there may have been a few. Some were in the midst of debates, heated, lively, close to shouting. Others were lecturing in front of their own captive audiences. Still others were whispering and peering around the spacious room with narrow eyes and tense expressions.

Lucient, clearly intent on making his language part of the melody enchanting me, spoke aloud but kept to a whisper, “Qui, mon tresor. But we check in at the bar first.”

A small set of stairs led us up to the bar, and while there were plenty of fanciful things to attract my eyes…the mirror took all my attention. Because I was in it, as was Lucient, yet none of the mirrors on the ship—or those we ran by in the manor—showed us. He smiled at me, reflected so perfectly and I gawked at myself, at us. I was paler, but not by much, complexion yet fairly bronze in color and a delightful contrast to his porcelain tone.

You’re wondering how, he asked me—while his breath was busy ordering our coffee—and that smile never wavered, silver, treasure. We are reflected in all but silver.

Then how, I checked. I checked the mirrors in the ship, in the manor, I did, every one I did, hoping to see myself…see what he had made me.

La Lune Royale is a magnificent vessel, fitted with all the finest delights my Mistress could afford, he explained, nodding to the man behind the bar, “My partner here is new to the city, I think your café has enchanted him.”

The man nodded, smiling at the compliment, and went about preparing our coffees. While I continued to stare at my face, how all the little lines I had were smoothed away, my eyes were a deeper brown—almost red, it bothered me, that. Yet not so much as my ears. Lucient tugged me from the mirror, toward a booth, and I allowed it, but I fiddled with my ears. I knew they’d changed, felt they were different, and his were a tad pointed so I expected it. But it was strange to see it.

“You’re still beautiful,” he assured me, sitting across from me in the booth and trying to take my hands across the table, “More, perhaps.”

“Did you know?” I kept fiddling with my ears, the points were small—unnoticed by most—but they were different enough to alarm, to make me other. Never mind the teeth, which I couldn’t check with all the eyes in the room.

Lucient smiled, as he managed to get my hands, “Yes, treasure, I knew. But we had no mirrors to prove it, and, to be perfectly honest…I thought you’d catch your face in the water.”

“Instead I had to wait until you invited me to a coffeehouse halfway across the continent,” I sighed, laying my head back on the cushioned bench.

And Lucient took his hands from mine, adapting a chill snap to his tone, “Café, and you can’t be upset at me about this. You’re the one who made assumptions.”

I didn’t wonder it in any manner he could hear, but I did wonder if he was trying to pick a fight, and played along out of…well, pedantic need perhaps, “Coffeehouse, and I am allowed to be upset,” he was smiling, and it inflamed me, burning all too easily with the sun throbbing its heat in my veins, still I looked around, still I leaned closer as I hissed, “You knew what I assumed when I looked in that fottuto mirror, and you said nothing against it.”

He leaned as well, close enough to kiss across the table if he chose, but he only whispered, “Café, we are in a café and there was no reason to correct you at the time, treasure, because once again, I had no mirrors to prove my assurances.”

“Your word would have been enough,” I said through a smile, accepting the tight grip he took of my hands before I snipped, “and we’re in a coffeehouse.”

Tighter that grip and I matched it, chuckling at the crease in his forehead at my greater strength, still he hissed, “Café.”

“Coffeehouse,” I did not hiss, smile too comfortable with how it wrinkled him.

“You want me to make a scene, don’t you, right here in the middle of this café?” He tried to coo, I think, but it came out more of a snarl.

And I adored it, “Depends, my dream, what sort of scene are you planning to paint in this coffeehouse?”

Our coffee arrived in time for us to startle the young man who brought it, but he spilled nothing but a spoon from the tray as he caught the scene. Lucient released my hands to take my jacket in both of his and nearly yanked me across the smooth wooden tabletop before he shoved his tongue down my throat. I heard a few gasps and murmurs before the debates and lectures returned to fill the second of stunned quiet.

So I grabbed his jacket right back and fell into those icy lips as all of Lucient’s irritation was forced into me through the veritable war his tongue waged on mine.

That was the sort of scene he always meant. It was his manner of dealing with any emotion he didn’t care for. He didn’t seem to like feeling, or perhaps…perhaps he simply lacked experience being allowed to—he would, eventually, learn—and I took advantage of it, stoked it. And I would again; being the wretched thing I was, so eager for his touch, I would do it far more than I should be so comfortable sharing.

The young man that brought our coffees set the tray down, still gawking at us and, in a very quiet voice said, “We call it a ‘penny university’.”

We remained locked in our kiss, but both of us slid our eyes to glare at the poor boy, withering him before he backed away from the table—then ran.

#writeblr #snippet #writing #novel #before deluca #when i tell you i will write this forever

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valiancenodel · 6 months

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So, OCs...

I has them. And now you'll suffer them, mwahahaha.

(Under the cut, that is)

FF14

My WoL and main character is Valian Cenodel. Take into account that when I originally created the character in-game, I didn't know the naming rules for elezen. Her name comes from a long tradition of drow-like characters sharing the name Valian (mostly, both my PSO and my PSU characters were all drow-like newmans going by that name)

I could fill entire pages with the headcanons I have of her. Let's just leave it at the fact that she is a White Mage, Red Mage and Dragoon (and in the near future, a Paladin), and that she has enough trauma to fill several lives. Also, I pair her with Aymeric because... *looks at the Vault* well, reasons.

Baldur's Gate 3

Technically, this is a character that I created while getting ideas for what I call “mat characters” (as in, they are the mat I fall on when my other character dies) while playing a D&D 5e campaing. In this case, this is Luned Veladorn, a paladin of Eilistraee. Because now that there are no alignment restrictions for being a paladin, like hell I'm not making one. And since that campaing kinda... died, I put her in the game.

Luned was the daughter of a peasant couple in Menzoberranzan and she hadn't even reached ten years when her mother sold her to slavers for coin. The slavers travelled all the way to the surface, but when they were going to reach their destination, they were assaulted by a priest of Eilistraee and her entourage. The priest adopted her and gave her a new name (the one she carries to this day)

(I have a few more characters from the Forgotten Realms, if anyone is interested XD)

Genshin Impact

Because of the nature of this game, I have SEVERAL OCs, but these are the two that are more fleshed out. Images are not how I imagine them, just the nearest I could get with the generator I used.

The first one is Tamura Ouka, a young woman from Inazuma that fled the country the night before the Vision Hunt Decree started. She knew that the moment their parents thought there would be no consequences from stripping her from her Vision, they would do it. So she escaped, went to Sumeru, saw the crap that Akademiya was pulling, and left to join the Rangers.

The second one is Maurine (family name Adhelmar) who happens to be a Fontainian defense attorney who usually works for people who have been falsely accused. She is extremely good at her job and some of the tension that helps her cases is her supposed animosity towards Neuvillette (in reality, her hate is towards the Oratrice and the justice system, but hey, people can think whatever). Her backstory is that her abusive father commited a crime and promtly made it seem like her mother was the culprit. The mother was comdemned, and Maurine was put into her father's custody. She ended up demonstrating that her father had been the criminal, but by that time her mother had died at Meropide. So yeah, she's not a happy person.

(I'm still fleshing out my OC for Honkai Star Rail. Half the time she's the female version of Wanderer and the other half she's some kind of space oni)

I have OCs for other videogames and series, but I would probably scare the crap out of my few readers so... I'll leave it at that. Feel free to ask anything about the characters or about any show/game you may think I have an OC for.

#ffxiv #ffxiv oc #ffxiv wol #bg3 #bg3 oc #bg3 tav #genshin impact #genshin impact oc #genshin oc #i have more ocs than you may imagine #i'm an old geek #you'd be surprised #don't expect me to draw crap #because i'm horrible at it

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forabeatofadrum · 1 year

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🌈💝🍭

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

See here!

I mean, I'd like to think I work hard on all my stuff, not only Call Me Maybe, but I also feel appreciated, ya know? I don't think people don't notice, apart from what I mentioned about Call Me Maybe.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Probably Ebb & Flow. As the host of the 321 Prompt Bang you've probably seen my many, many breakdowns over that fic. And as a result, once it was out in the world, I had a "thank fuck it's over" moment and because I may or may not have projected my insecure feelings on that, I was shook that people actually liked it. I mean, Beth, you know that this fic was weird for me, and you know that I also kind of hate to bash it, since I wasn't the only one who made it. You were the original prompter! But as usual, I wanna reiterate that I love your prompt and I love Judas's art, but man the writing. But yeah, I also say that Ebb & Flow also shows how much positive feedback like comments and kudos work. I always say that the fandom really lifted this one up for me. Heck, I actually reread parts of it yesterday and I had an another "you know what, this is fine" moment. It will probably never be my favourite fic and a part of me will always go "ah, yes, that happened, huh?", but it has some good stuff and I'm glad people showed me that.

(On a smaller tangent, I do get a lot of joy when I play Splatoon 3 and I keep thinking about the Ebb & Flow world while doing so. The other day I got absolutely KO'd by a Lunar Blaster and all I could think of was "alright, okay, this is why I let Blaine main that one".)

🍭why did you start writing?

Fic writing? "Officially" around 2013. Cory was still alive. Weird to say, I know, but that's how I remember it was 2013. I wrote all of Just The Way You Look Tonight in one day on a campsite during summer. But even before that I technically wrote fic without knowing what fic was. I once rewrote all of Harry Potter from Ginny's POV. I borrowed all the books from the library so that I could match it perfectly. That's fanfiction. And before that, I always had so many ideas for Winx Club stories in my head.

And I now see that I misread the question. I thought it said "when did you start writing" BUT ANYWAY this answer still sort of tracks: I just loved playing around with other people's characters and worlds. I wanted to expand on it. My mind was filled with all of the things I wanted to see. I did write original stuff when I was a kid. I probably still have a notebook with my original stuff somewhere, because I am oldschool and grew up in the 2000s and wrote everything on paper. And same can be said here. These characters were my own, but I just liked having a creative outlet. I love making stories, even for non-writing. Look at my good ole 10 generation long family on the Sims 4. Or now with Stardew Valley, I get so lost in making a farmer OC (Lune and Abby just got a second child and I am over the moon!) up to the point that I want to buy another copy of this game so that I can make 5 more!

#ask #quizasvivamos

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peridotglimmer · 6 months

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For the WIP titles ask game...

marble statues sing in a minor key

(or if someone beat me to it, then False sandwich. Because I adore your False. <3)

Sharo! ❤️

@klm-zoflorr asked False sandwich, here ^-^

As for marble statues sing in a minor key:

First of all, the title is inspired by the lines Tout en chantant sur le mode mineur (...) Les grands jets d'eau sveltes parmi les marbres from the poem Clair de Lune by French poet Paul Verlaine (trans.: Singing all the while, in the minor mode (...) The tall, slender plumes of the fountains among the marble sculptures) which is the poem that inspired the composer Debussy to compose his Clair de Lune. poem text here | music here

It's a Greek mythology inspired Hermitcraft AU, False/Cleo (who else ^.^°), with True Symmetry as the sarcastic peanut gallery sidekick. I originally started writing the fic for a previous fandom (Timeless), but realised along the way that it worked way better for Hermitcraft. False and True are psychai, for now, though I may change that in future.

I've written two intros to this fic that I'm still trying to wrangle into one, so I'll just give you both for now!

One:

"Are you sure it's here?" False Symmetry asks her sister as they approach a nondescript brownstone. "This doesn't exactly look like what you described." True laughs, pulling her along.

"Underground clubs don't have signs and bright lights, False. Come on; it's around the back. Evil X showed me last time. It's legit, I promise." The two sisters walk around the building, two pairs of heels clicking against the pavement, until they reach a door. True presses the doorbell and smiles at the camera lens. A soft buzz, then the door unlocks, and the older Symmetry sister can finally lead the other down a set of stairs, and into the Hermitage.

“Hey Hels!” True greeted the young guy standing by the door. “This is False, my sister.”

“Ma’am,” Hels replied while nodding at False. “Welcome to the Hermitage.”

“We’re practically the same age,” False responded, “so you can drop the ‘ma’am’.” Hels smiled and nodded.

Soft piano tunes reached False’s ears as True led her further into the establishment. Dimmed lights and just the slightest amount of smoke turned everyone into silhouettes, except for the stage. A redhead stood behind the microphone, while a masked man played the double bass, flanked by the saxophone player. At the far edge of the stage, a pianist played the accompaniment to Mack the Knife.

“That’s Cleo,” True explained. “And Etho, Stress, and the pianist’s Ren. Iskall is dating Stress, over there, and Etho might court the bartender, Bdubs, once he gets his head out of his ass. Cleo doesn’t do relationships, as far as I know, but she has fucked every single person she’s ever laid eyes on.”

“Including you?” False asked, eyeing the singer.

“I plead the fifth.”

"True!"

Two:

Soft tones reach her ears as alcohol soothes her soul. The singer, a redhead, fills the room with the G major of Fly Me to the Moon. False could lose herself in this. It feels tempting. She only came here so her sister had a wing woman, but she’s starting to feel more relaxed than she had expected. It’s presumably due to the three drinks she’s had in probably much too short of a time span, but the bartender hasn’t cut her off just yet -- perhaps that’s because of her sister’s ongoing assault of unapologetic flirting. The other option is that the singer is a siren. False hasn’t crossed that possibility off of her list just yet.

“She’s not a siren,” Evil X comments as they walk past False.

“Stop reading my mind.”

“Stop thinking so loudly!”

#belle writes #hermitshipping #belle answers questions #wip game #sharo-maneru

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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8 may 2023 Monday lunes getsuyoubi moon🐮🌗🌘🌒

heinous zipper on pillow covers I laid on it literally has peaks that are sharp spikes and I thought I was not laying on it and I pulled it probably have big deep scratches now. 8:56 pmpt

sobel westex. Whoever made the zippers are probably part of the child rapist rings and s*x trafficking of minors. Bcz hospitals have gynecologists who checked if they’re virgins or not so they can sell to millionaires. Liam neeson. Taken movie. Hospitals profit off of heinous zippers. 9:02 pmpt

9:04 pmpt the intrinsic value? Of a car is to “drive for miles and miles” and wind up at any door you want. Anyone who wants a car should know this already. The audience for she will beloved 🎶🎼🎵🎤 would know it. This isn’t a kids song introducing them to a car like the wheels on the bus go round and round. This is an adult song. So, why write I drove for miles and miles? Is it code for.. maybe... more than the usual trip to the grocery store or errand? Is this mystery beauty queen of only 18, like a rapunzel who was significantly far from his residence? 9:11 pmpt

“Brendan” lied to me about his age and he lied to his girlfriend about my age. People can get their license when they are 16. So, it’s a big deal to drive for miles and miles. And how do we know that she really was 18 years old? Why 18? Bcz his father was formerly a lawyer, and 18 is legal. But that don’t mean that she really was 18. 9:15 pmpt Jane I think was a grade or 2 younger than the incubus (incubus has been burning my ears 😖😭😫😩 9:16 pmpt). I read on Wikipedia Fred was a lawyer. But I couldn’t find it again recently. 9:17 pmpt incubus also worked on a tv show? Melrose place? I don’t know much. Something about coffee. 9:18 pmpt I read online back in 2017? That the incubus went with Jane to New York. She wrote it herself. But now I can’t find it. 9:20 am pt in early 2017? I think the day cold music video was released he did an interview, wearing a dark green knitted sweater with other colors like red on it? That she will beloved was written about a pair of friends. I read probably online b4 that interview that at least one line per song was written about someone he knew? Probably can’t find it anymore. Does he have any fans who can confirm that they found what I found? 9:23 pmpt

9:24 pmpt why was it important for him in 2017 to say this? After he got my attention? Bcz he had actually came to my place and showed me his face b4 I moved at the end of 2005 from blossom hill San Jose? Did he actually drive to my place in 2001? Is that why he failed guitar class? Why would a guy who played guitar in karas flowers with a record deal, FAIL guitar class? Bcz , he was absent. He probably flew to San Jose to see me. 9:28 pmpt FUZE? FUSE? YouTube interview. I posted screenshots and the link to the video here. 9:28 pmpt 9:29

9:33 pmpt (acid throat pain) also I think it was probably September 2005 my first real boyfriend broke up with me. And I had missed my period sometime b4 that. We never had unprotected s*x. I also missed my period once when I was 16 years old and I was a virgin until I got with my first real boyfriend when I was 19 years old. 9:35 pmpt so it’s possible that I was stressed out or if we believe in the Virgin Mary, maybe immaculate conception? With surrogacy. 9:37 pmpt 9:37 pmpt (acid brain pain).

9:39 pmpt vag acid pain. Incubus likes to fake me out. He hurt me a lot. So it’s highly probable that I’m only a decoy for someone else close by, like Q. 9:40 pmpt

9:43 pmpt and why would he lie about Jane being in oberlin Ohio? Why would he hide that he went to New York to be with Jane? 9:44 pmpt

9:57 pmpt a lot of my bones have been chipped away. And since 2017? I’ve heard a voice called me a b*txh. And I saw a sign that they were calling me trash. 10 pmpt

10:13 pmpt I think the incubus miñion broke the refrigerator as revenge for calling him a rapist of children. Garrido? Demon angels? It’s what you do duh people know you NOW! 10:15 pmpt the person who arranges for the crime to happen is as guilty as the person hired to commit it. Coordinating for the police to omit searching the sheds proves that god the demon lord incubus coordinates it to happen. 10:16 pmpt

10:19 pmpt I have seen it in past fictional tv dramas. So you think you can put smart me demon angel? Think again! 🤬😡 10:20 pmpt

11:21 pmpt so I guess those crimes child rape and human s*x trafficking of minors are actually forgiven by the rich 🤑 and famous Bcz David Scott cano is their king 🤴 and incubus demon lord god allows it and justified for it to happen? And they are all only virtue signaling. Also starving kids who were promised free lunches and breakfast 🥞 at schools 🏫. Hence Oklahoma and hot pockets (which formerly was very good/yummy) in the Bay Area. 11:24 pmpt the medical 🏥 professionals and police 👮‍♂️ are part of the s*x trafficking ring , I suspect, Bcz they bow 🙇 down to cano, I suspect- the link would be the Sierra LaMar case. 11:26 pmpt bone 🦴 saws 🪚 reeady video on his YouTube channel and he put me in a chokehold without choking me, in 2007 in the middle of making out with him I think 💭 on the side of road next to a forest 🌳. 11:28 pmpt

11:47 pmpt doctors 🥼 only care to do stuff for investors. People with money 💰. Cream with tang shirt 👕 incubus wore in the making of a music 🎶 video cold 🥶 ? Cash 💰 rules every thing around me. 11:49 am pt

11:51 pmpt Scott’s dad was an architect. Probably designed hospitals 🏥. Who knows. 11:52 pmpt

People at the hospitals 🏥 ignored my breathing problems intentionally. A person at the hospital 🏥 came to me when I was alone outside trying to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ and she told me I should hang myself. 12:02 am pt

1:30 am pt February last year was very hot in the Bay Area. Strange. Is all the ice melted in the North Pole? What are we going to do? If there aren’t two spots on the earth 🌎 opposite each other is ther going to be a big hole 🕳 bigger than a volcano 🌋 on one side? Is the earth 🌍 going to devour itself? 1:32 am pt like in the 2012 John cusack movie 🎥????

1:51 am pt abc news 📰 showed it’s going to get hot 🥵 again in the Bay Area. 1:52 am pt

2:17 am pt I don’t have friends and I don’t have a husband and I don’t have children 👶/offspring.

2:19 am pt they put stuff in my life to trick me. When I was a kid 👧 I had a laser disc movie 🎥 of mark twain clay mation with Adam and Eve and huckleberry fin and Tom Sawyer and Becky. And then there was Rachel Leigh cook Jonathan Taylor Thomas movie 🎥 I’m recalling now. 2:21 am pt is this bread crumbing? 2:22 am pt

2:25 am pt and when I was 7 years old sleeping 🛌 beauty was my favorite Disney movie 🎥. 2:26 am pt

A lot of psychological scam games they play. I understand now that they lied 🤥 to me to let me down. Build me up 🆙 to let me down. 2:28 am pt

2:38 am pt I wonder 💭 why Q went to a maroon 5 concert 🎵 in 2007 w/ ep and saki? Was he there? And she photoshopped my heaaad to look 👀 large in 2 photos? “Music is my boyfriend” on MySpace. She mentioned indirectly that she had s-X but didn’t say who. Mentioned referred to her light green eyes 👀 as “hazel.” Hazel eyes 👀 we were wasting time it was always you maroon 5 song 🎵 . Sam, Liza, gio.. they probably don’t look 👀 like me. Wishful thinking 💭 on my part. I guess my head got too big psychologically to even believe for a little while. 2:44 am pt I got beat up 🤕 so bad after I posted those picture links. (Breast pain 2:45 am pt I think 💭 they made those smaller in the last 24 hours.) 2:46 am pt feeling raw.left ankle pain.

3:09 am pt incubus demon lord, his family and friends and associates and assistants demon angels all don’t care when innocent people are falsely accused of crimes they didn’t commit. It fits into capitalism. Bcz then more lawyers get jobs. It aids in turnover which is part of capitalism. 3:12 am pt.

3:14 am pt his incubus magic 🪄 also gets rid women. Trick them into doing unnatural things. Trick straight (acid throat pain 3:15 am pt) men into doing unnatural things. 3:16 am pt these days incubus can get away with rape of autistic women and say that they are schizophrenic. It was in the news 📰 scientist 👨‍🔬 found autism linked to schizophrenia. In time for Shannon Ruth and maybe me? (Acid brain 🧠? Pain. Stabbing groin pain 3:19 am pt) convenient for doctors 🥼 medical 🏥 professionals and incubus to get away with rape and s*x trafficking of minors. 3:20 am pt

3:49 am pt no one cares about the Sierra LaMar case. Or me. Seems like nothing has changed. Who is reading 📖 my blog? 3:50 am pt 3:51 am pt incubus is having fun 🤩. Carter is having fun 🤩. Scott is probably having fun 🤩. I’ve been celibate for too long. And now it looks as if I’m going to lose it all. 3:53 am pt it’s like that s*x and The city 🌃 episode with the nun and breast cancer ♋️. 3;53 am pt

4:01 am pt the rich 🤑 and famous don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️ about child 👶 rape and s*x trafficking of minors. 4:02 am pt they pay 💰 off hospitals 🏥 and cops 👮‍♂️ after they commit their crimes. 4:03 am pt

4:11 am pt I saw slum dog 🐶 millionaire. Was there prostitution of an 11 year old girl 👧 named cherry 🍒? Ick 4:13 am pt

4:26 am pt I might have been told by a white lady that she went ton a date with a 25 year old white man 👨 when she was 14 years old. She admitted she was too young. I wish I could her ask her again about it so I can make certain about it. 4:28 am pt guys try to get away with all sorts of things.

5:09 am pt I was tricked into doing things and I would regret anything and everything I ever did immediately afterwards and feel shame and remorse everyday of my life and look 👀 down on the ground before and almost every day of my life after getting punched. And all the kids in elementary school 🏫 wrote to me saying I am so quiet and shy 🙈 were their observations of me. 5:13 am pt

I felt that way all my life. And I am still punished. Even though I already punished myself. 5:14 am pt repenting I thought 💭 meant feeling ashamed and sorry. But I guess I found out too late that it don’t. 5:15 am pt

5:18 am pt Adam Noah Levine is a liar 🤥 he’s like all the other animal 🦔 guys. Bold faced liar 🤥. He really looks like a thug with that phohawk. 5:19 am pt

5:20 he’s a bully to Jane Herman. Oberlin ohio. Seriously 😐?! 5:21 am pt

5:49 am pt oh he’s trying to be sly and doing quotation marks with his fingers. I still read that Jane wrote something I read that n 2017 that isn’t up anymore that he went with her there and that they were in love 🥰. 5:51 am pt

5:53 am pt I thought 💭 he got the dove tattoo 6 days after 9/11 Bcz he was there when it happened. Why go to New York if it wasn’t for Jane ? She graduated from a New York college in 2002. It’s too much of a coincidence. No. He went there for Jane Herman. He’s trying to be tricky and give me anxiety. *********~>|€~^{€~^~^<€ I’m trying to imitate how people cuss online. 5:56 am pt

W6 am I also found something online that they dated in 2001.

8:41 am pt if Q is really the incubus’ wife and behati is her surrogate, then maybe incubus has a very small d*ck. Left arm pain. Bcz obviously 🙄 he hates me. All those photos are probably photoshopped. The ones showing his crotch. And a lot of people question the people who likes the incubus’ voice. It’s not really maroon 5 itself as a band. It’s his voice. 8:44 am pt

8:45 am pt we don’t know if all his fans are under an evil 🦹‍♂️ wicked spell (head pain 8:46 am pt left hip bone 🦴 bone 🦴 pain) to like his voice and to think 💭 his crotch p*nis is big when it’s really not. 8:47 am pt I tried asking Maryka how big it was Bcz he sent her dick pictures. “Brendan” told me on the phone ☎️ that he is 6 inches long. Maryka never answered and blocked me. 8:49 am pt

8:52 am pt “Brendan” also said he wanted 4 kids. And I tried to wrap my brain 🧠 around the idea 💡 of being (left ankle pain 8:54 am pt) of being pregnant 🤰 4 times.

8:56 am pt I believe that Adam Noah Levine is not a good person. I don’t see it anymore. All I see is him lying 🤥 and acting 🎭 all the time. So it makes the part that seemed gentle and nice look phony now. All I think now about all the times he insulted people and hurt me. 8:58 am pt and scared me. It looks like he’s phony. Pretending to be nice. 8:59 am pt 9 am pt that’s the only way I see him now. And that everything else is a public relationship stunt.

9:01 am pt he has a lot to cover up for for example demon angels telling men to rape 6 year olds and 11 year olds and 14 year olds and s*x trafficking of minors possibly Sierra LaMar and others like her and “Brendan” with me. And to cover up 🆙 with me he wants to make me feel and think 💭 I’m crazy but torturing me peeling my bones 🦴 away. That’s his way of covering for s*x offenders. Bcz the s*c offenders matter more to him Bcz he is one of them. 9:05 am pt and it’s never going to change. He tries to cover up 🆙 by having girls and campaigning himself as a girl dad. Pretty pretty princess 👑. 9:06 am pt and he’s vilified me so everyone helps get rid of the evidence. 9:07 am pt you all are accomplices of child rape. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how many more ways I can say it. 9:08 am pt vag stabbed. Ow 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵

10:51 am pt anyone who screws people over are whores duh 😒 10:52 am pt but all the whores won. I’ve been celibate for too long.

10:53 the miñion made me sick again and is still hurting me a lot. He has motive to kill me Bcz he’s a rapist of children 👶. Same team as the demon angels who coordinated Jaycee dugard’s rape. Same tactics. 10:55 am pt

not going to ever stop saying it nope. 10:55 am pt I have no reason to. I have so many reasons to keep going. Brendan Lean. “Brendan” . Brendan lean’s cousin in San Diego who is probably heather Hampton. Which is why she is maroon 5 princess 👸🏻 maroon 5 queen 👸🏻. Too many connections. All roads lead to incubus = Adam Noah Levine. 10:57 am pt 10:58 am pt everyone, who profited off of covid get used to your new name and isn’t be in denial anymore: whores and child rapist accomplices. S*x offender accomplices. Bcz that’s what you are when you desolated anyone who could have been a child rape victim or a victim of a s*x offender. 11 am pt that’s what the symbols mean that are tied to my birth. That’s the only purpose of my birth is to be a victim of s*x offenders. And incubus is the biggest s*x offender but he has the power and money 💰 to dictate to people what to do including ignoring victims. It’s the same thing again but he’s sophisticated: he vilifys the victims . Isn’t that what all villains 🦹‍♂️ Do? What other motive they have? To do cruel things? Maybe someone’s dog 🐶 bit someone’s kid? And then someone shoots or kicks the dog 🐶? I didn’t bite! But Scott bit me. He can movie men permission and magic 🪄 (date rape drugs) to rape people. What a wicked way to have s*x. And you all stand by carter and people like him? Incubus admits he’s incubus. He gave me signs 🪧 he is incubus. In 2001 he gave me signs he’s incubus. And he made me sick 🤕. We don’t have children together. But he used me like a whore. 11:07 am pt I was too nice to him. He is a d*ck. 11:08 am pt you stand by and watch me deteriorate and you stand by carter? You’re all accomplices of s*x offenders. Horrible people. He said any part of me thats nice/kind came from him. How do we know that ain’t carter too? That all I’ve (incubus changed words again: nice parts 11:22 am pt) parts came from him. And all mean parts came from carter? 11:10 am pt. I’m frustrated with all of you. I wish he would cut off my head. I don’t want to be a slave of this economy. My life sucked socially and I was always in discomfort. One way or another. 11:11 am pt

11:23 am pt you all stand by your excuses Bcz you’re all guilty of profiting off of destruction of children 👶 including child rape. You act nice to their faces but during the apocalypse you are all saying bad stuff happened to them Bcz they’re all and so you choose not to be sorry but to their face you say sorry. 11:25 am pt

12:13 pmpt I didn’t like what I read about husbands making wives drink dirt. It was on a website about polygamist Jewish husbands. 12:14 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if it’s true. It was the first time I tried to look up stuff about Jews and marriage.

12:16 pmpt if someone hurts me naturally I am going to hate. 12:16 pmpt at least I felt remorse and mortified after I made mistakes. 12:17 pmpt

12:24 pmpt I NEVER 👎 grabbed anyone’s vagina!

12:25 pmpt trump’s verdict is on the news 📰. He is liable of rape. He went to a store 🏬 and ordered a woman 👩🏼 into the dressing room for privacy and she was stupid to trust him. 12:27 pmpt

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persephoneflouwers · 2 years

Text

The meaning behind the Moon

A nonsense non-fiction, by me.

First things first, whatever comes from this post wasn’t meant as an explanation. It would be so bold of me to pretend I know stuff because I don’t. Really, I don’t. This is me just showing off, let’s say it. I like finding meanings in things, even if they are not official you know? Also… this turned out to be very romantic at the end, so… there’s your warning!

The really smart people in this fandom figured out the meaning behind Pierrot Lunaire and some others linked Pierrot to a short film by Anger, “Rabbit’s Moon”. Of course it was shot under a blue filter, of course. (also here and I’ll add mine, kinda cocky of me sorry lol)

«The plot revolves around a clown, Pierrot, his longing for the moon (in which a rabbit lives – a concept found in both Japanese folklore and Aztec mythology), and his futile attempts to jump up and catch it.»

We also know how strong Bowie influence is on Harry. I only read this by @bluewinnerangel on the matter. I know nothing about Bowie. So my apologies for any incorrect statement I make.

«Bowie’s Pierrot narrates and shows the tragic end of a hero reduced to madness, to depression, chained and forgotten in the stellar lands. This image adopts the new meaning artists started giving Pierrot as not only the clumsy fool with a one way crush for a beautiful girl.»

That’s the modern concept of clown, isn’t it?

Now let’s dig in some literature cause I LOVE IT. When I think about the moon, I can’t not think of the “first” person on the moon. Now, you may not know him, but let me introduce you “Astolfo sulla Luna”.

Astolfo is the narrator in the poem “Orlando furioso” by Ludovico Ariosto. A classic. Italian poem from the XVI century, I don’t think I can sum it up because it’s sooooo long. Just know that Orlando is a soldier who loses his mind out of jealousy, because the woman he loves, Angelica, runs away with Medoro. They look disgustingly in love and Orlando can’t bear it: he throws away his shining harmor and lays on the floor for DAYS, until Astolfo, riding his hippogriff, flies to the moon, where he finds Orlando mental sanity in a little ampoule. This is the Platonism of the poem. Plato, again (I talked about it linked to coacoac here). The moon (hyperuranium for Plato) becomes the place where you can find all the things that men lose on the Earth: wealth, fame, tears, love, unfulfilled dreams.

My question was “what’s up with the moon for Harry and Louis now?”. No need to mention the “Louis is the sun and Harry is the moon” thing, do I?

First the fact that the moon has always been referred to as she. I don’t know much about English/American literature. I can think of Sylvia Plath (‘The Moon and the Yew Tree’ (1961), she refers to the moon in the sky as her mother) as an example. In Italian literature, poets used moon as something to project their loneliness, their emotional sore, their insecurities. Leopardi wrote the most beautiful poems to the moon. The moon stands there, absent, cold, untouchable like the women in his life (he was rumoured to be gay, too but that’s not the point). I was wondering… what if the moon is his feminine side and Harry chose Pierrot cause Pierrot wants to reach the moon so much? You clearly see all the efforts Pierrot makes to reach the moon in the short film. He is jumping around until he falls tired on the floor. What if that’s also Harry’s attempt to finally embrace his feminine side? I don’t know maybe I’m going too deep here, sorry.

Secondly, we had 369 merch. It’s chaos, I talked a little about it here too.

The sculpture is called “et si ma bille était la lune” and I found the translation here on tumblr. I interpreted it as a story of a “little wise guy” who’s in their dark room and struggles to sleep. There’s no light whatsoever and even if they could open the window to let the moonlight in, there’s no moon in the sky. It’s a moonless night, but the little wise guy is determined to change this. They take their cute little ladder and their only treasure, which happens to be a marble, and climbs till the top to use the marble for a moon.

Hello, though the dark…

When the night is coming down on you, We will find a way through the dark

Hello, ready to run…

I don't wanna get lost in the dark of the night, This time I'm ready to run

It’s just— Pierrot is jumping aimlessly trying to catch the moon in the sky, right? he is making a fool of himself and presumably he is gonna end up with his heart broken, you know? And do you see what that little wise guy does? HE TAKES A LADDER AND PUTS HIS LITTLE MARBLE IN THE SKY??? HELLO?? IM AN EMOTIONAL MESS!

Whatever you do, don’t think about Louis doing anything he can do light up the fucking sky for his boy, okay? To give his boy his moon, what he misses, what he wants. I mean… they are the “I would give you the moon” couple, aren’t they?

“Does the little wise guy with the marble and his ladder know that Pierrot Lunaire is in love with him?”

Can we make this a thing? Thank you.

Thanks for joining this absolute mess of a class. Till next time. Baci baci

#pierrot #the moon and the sun #h&l parallels #maybe i am on drugs please forgive me or ignore me #I felt like I could share my thoughts with the class #harryween night 2 #harry and gucci #once you see this 369 stuff itms over #369 #also…#louis is the literal sun of this worl #little wise guy and pierrot

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astrxealis · 1 year

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OMG APOLLO!!!! Hello really Super . Um random question & all (i was supposed to sleep but it suddenly went over my head now i wanted to ask you this before forgetting it lol) BUT UM what are your two favorite colors??? and Does your wol (am i right the player character in ffxiv is called warrior of light right?? And wol is like the short ver ..) have any head accessories?? Like yk some hairclips, a hat?? Or a headband or like anything even cat ears i will accept it!!! AND YEAH WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER or like plant if you dont like flowers but im 100% sure you like them bcs when i was on anon back then you said that you really really Really Like flowers OR MY MEMORY BE PLAYING WITH ME AHHHHHHH??? omg im sorry for asking so so so So many questions!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME im sooo chaotic right now i just felt a rush of sugar in my blood (For research purposes i swear & all . Or maybe not hehe its a secret and all) BUT YEAH GOOD DAY TO YOU and always remember that you mean so much to me!!! /Srs and that i genuinely adore you and appreciate you from the bottom of my heart No sugarcoating involved (real) so please have a good good day!!!!! Asking for consent for hugs and KITHES (ㆁωㆁ)

YORI HELLO !! apologies for the day late reply ?!!!??!?! it just turned dec 11 so idk how long this has been in my askbox omg :(( <//3 BUT OMG OKOK HI HELLO. my two favorite colors i'd say are ... light peach and gold !! if light speech is pretty specific tho for a color i'd say brown (generally) ^___^ AND MY WOL OKAY UHHH TBH I'M UNSURE NOW BCS I MIGHT CHANGE IT but she wears this specific 'pink cherry blossom corsage' aka just a small collection of pink cherry blossoms on a side of her head >;D BUT ALSO YEAH as a miqo'te she does have the miqo/cat ears >< and omg YEAH DW I REALLY SO LOVE FLOWERS i did mention that then yes hehehe UHM TBH IDK WHAT'S MY FAVORITE FLOWER ... starflower ?? or hyacinth or sunflower <3 OR A CHERRY BLOSSOM. sorry i am unsure but starflower/cherry blossom i think most <33 PLS DW I LIKE BEING ASKED QUESTIONS TBH (<- never wants to shut up LOL) also idk. what time you were up but if this was like early morning I HOPE YOU GOT ENOUGH REST AFTER >;(( and okay if you say so i'll believe you i guess /lh JEWBJDNWJS !!! AND GDAY TO YOU TOO it is the weekend have a good weekend fr and thank you so much genuinely ... :(( been feeling a Little bad lately fr so T___T (which. you might know from seeing my vents HELP IF YOU HAVEN'T GOOD BUT IF YOU HAVE I'M SO SORRY .....) i did have a good day even if i did. wake up 4 pm sobbing and wasn't all good but YK still a good day <3 hugs and kithes ACCEPTED AND ALSO RETURNED (WITH CONSENT) <33333

#I ONLY SAW THIS RN IM SAUR SORRY . BUT YEAH <3 #i Think i may know what this is for from what lune has showed to me abt yk but maybe i don't and in any case i don't fully know so #WAIT NVM RIGHT just research purposes. right. >;)) WHAHAHSGSHDH OKAY OKAY ANYWAYS TY AGAIN MWA TAKE CARE REST WELL #⋯ ꒰ა my galaxy ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა letters of stardust ໒꒱ *·˚#tag later #i love these new headphones BUT AS A GLASSES USER THIS IS SO PAINFUL I HATE THIS TOO ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay back to. school work <//3

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scorpiosanssexy · 3 years

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Pick a Card Reading: Who is your Soulmate

If you are a hopeless romantic like myself and you wanna know some traits, what your relationship will be like and even a possible meeting place you are in like with this pick a card reading.

Below are pictures of some Haikyuu Team banners, look at each one and decide which one you feel most drawn too (it could be the messages or just the colours) once you have decided scroll down and read your reading.

The banners are in order from 1 to 5 (left to right). I would suggest only picking 1 or 2 banners in order to get an accurate reading . The waltzes are taken from waltzing in a ballroom by Lia Wang on Spotify.

I hope this resonates and have a wonderful day

Carla

Itachiyama (Pile 1)

Personality- what type of person is your soulmate

8 of Cups- your soulmate is always on the go, their life is anything but stagnate and they constantly always on the lookout for a new adventure (which they will happily let you join them). BIG TRAVELLERS, they wanna see the world with you, take some cute couple selfies all that jazz. Cups represent the element of water so I think this person can be quite deep and introspective and is constantly trying to become the best versions of themselves. Will 100% go backpacking with you

The Lovers- this person definitely has an equal split between divine masculine energy and divine feminine energy, being good at logic and emotions. I also got the impression that this person is extremely romantic, like a scene that popped into my head is in the Addams Family where Gomez and Morticia declare their love for another and he (Gomez) kisses her arm, that’s the kind of person they are. The lover’s card shows up in readings when you are asked to be your authentic true self so I feel they are naturally themselves, no persona. Also, they have 100% cried whilst watching the notebook and if they haven’t seen it they will in the future.

Ace of Pentacles- very opportunistic, if they see something they just go for it (including you wink). I feel like they have been very lucky in regards to wealth in their life, either they were born into a rich family or are just very strategic with their money. They may swap careers often in their life or just love the idea of a challenge however what I can confidently say is they are pretty damm cunning and resourceful, leave the money-making to them because they have a natural knack for manifesting wealth and abundance into the physical world. Some people may describe this person as lucky however that is not the case they just know which opportunities to capitalise on. Work smarter not harder energy, just very savvy

Astrology Notes - Gemini in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) with some water and earth influences

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them?

The Devil- I promise you they are not the devil however they might as well be because of how much they will spoil you. In tarot, the devil is represented by Capricorn (aka the sugar daddy of the zodiac) so of course they have to indulge in their baby girl/boy. I feel like they low key become obsessed with you not in a creepy way but whenever you are not with them they always find themselves thinking of you or dropping your name subtly into conversations. They want to provide for you, make you comfortable, in their ideal world they do not want to make you lift a finger. Also think you are the most attractive thing to walk on this planet like they get flustered at the thought of you, low key a very big simp. Incredibly passionate in and out the bedroom, I feel like in the beginning stages of your relationship they will try and suppress their desire because they are worried they will scare you off.

If you wanna find out more I suggest reading up on Capricorn Venus because I highly suspect that they might have it in their chart.

How you meet- pretty self-explanatory

Page of Swords- out of all the piles I found this pile to be the vaguest in regards to this question. The energy from this card is new ideas, collaborative work and just general communication. You may meet one another simply through a friend of a friend or maybe you are working on some sort of project together. I decided to have a look at the bottom deck to see if I could find any clarifies and drew the Hanged Man, this could maybe be a passion project (not one for work) in which you meet one another whilst embarking on it. The Hanged Man indicates rest so a time in your life where you are taking a break from the world around you, just having fun and socialising with friends. You will meet when you are feeling care free and feel like you no obligations- a spontaneous outing.

Advice

: Blue Moon - “Believe in the Impossible”

You never know what can happen, the universe may be giving you a rare opportunity in regards to your soulmate

Make sure you believe in it, believe that you are deserving of love

Miss the chance and it might not come back soon

What happens may happen once

Believe in your dreams

The person you are inquiring about is a rare find

Affirmation: I am lucky

Your Waltz: Mystery of Love by Hanah Stater

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Aoba Josei (Pile 2)

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

The Lovers- this card has come up in ⅗ piles which suggest that many people seeing this reading are destined to have very passionate soulmates. I have always the lovers card to be grandiose and romantic so I feel like this is a primary characteristic to sweep you off your feet. This card is ruled by Gemini so your soulmate is gonna be one smooth mother fucker, mr steal yo girl energy. The lovers is a combination of both divine masculine and divine feminine energy so your soulmate is both very good at being logical whilst tapping into their emotional intelligence. They are naturally themselves and are proud of who they are

10 of Cups- this card aka the happy ending card, I think your soulmate has an idealistic stand point on the world , the image that came to mind was Sugawara from Haikyuu shouting Negativity begone. I think this person radiates calm energy, I just imagine them to have a very soothing voice. This is the kind of person you could confidently bring home to meet your parents (in which they would automatically love them). Also I feel like family is very important to them, mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl vibe, I can imagine they are also extremely good with kids too and maybe have some career which involves this. Very protective of their loved ones honestly as I am writing this i am literally gushing, this person is the sweetest bean alive.

3 of Pentacles - all I could think about when I drew this card was how incredibly hard-working your soulmate is. Pentacles is all about the physical world so your soulmate definitely has one hobby they are super passionate about (sports or something creative) which they love to spend time on. This card is an indication of teamwork so your soulmate is a huge team player, making sure that everyone is alright before checking themselves, they naturally bring people together and perhaps others view them as a leader. Also not a procrastinator by any means, they love the feeling of completely goals and ticking off their to-do lists in which they encourage friends and lovers to do the same.

Astrology bits: Gemini in their big 3 (Sun, Moon or Rising) with some cancer and earth influences

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them?

Judgement- I promise you that it does not mean they are going to judge you actually I do believe this is the exact opposite. The judgement is a very heavy card in the sense that it represents spiritual awakening and revolution, your soulmate 100% believes you were the missing piece in their life. You have changed their life for the better. I feel that this soul connection is based more on deep emotional understanding rather than physical attraction. Your romance is that 50k word slow burn fic with the friends to lovers, mutual pining and comfort tags. I know that you cannot see it but on this card you see two people looking up towards this beautiful angel and I am can confirm that this angel is you. Your soulmate views as the person that set them free as you offered them new life perspectives. Perhaps your soulmate uses the pet name “angel”. If I could describe this relationship in one word it would be Ethereal.

This person may have a Scorpio venus or venus-pluto aspects in their chart.

How do you meet?

10 of Wands- The image that I first thought of when drawing this card was like cramming for a final week or something and you both meet one another at a library or something however this might not be for all of you. I can tell you however you will be meeting them under a time of great stress, perhaps you accidentally volunteered to do more overtime or you have a presentation due very soon, you are most likely going to be in a state of fatigue (and be very flustered) when you first meet. Just from their nature, I imagine they will help you carry the wands or in this case the ever drowning work. 10 is the number of completion so you may meet them in a point in your life where you have nearly completed a goal (them being that final push to do it) or it could represent month number 10 like October.

Advice

Waxing Moon - “the energy is gaining momentum”

The Situation is full of potential- your soulmate may be near

You may need to take more action on your part

Keep moving forwards

Universe has given the green light so just go for it

Your dreams can come true

Affirmation: I know I’ve headed in the right direction

Your Waltz: Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy

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Inarizaki (Pile 3)

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

6 of Cups- this card in tarot represents nostalgia and familiarity, I feel your soulmate definitely likes their home comforts, perhaps preferring to have quieter dates rather than over the top ones. For some reason I just imagine them being a hoarder of some kind, like any little trinket you get them they will keep it or they might be into scrapbooking. They love to keep their memories close. Again I feel like they are really into history and would love to take you to a museum or perhaps a historical castle, they give me dark academia vibes. I feel like your soulmate had to perhaps grow up too quickly and perhaps through this connection they hope to find their inner child again (which I believe you will definitely bring out in them)

Queen of Pentacles- not be a simp or anything but your soulmate is one of the most caring and nurturing people ever. A scene that plays in my head is that after a really long day you come home from work or whatever and they are just there cooking you your favourite meals and being like “welcome home sweetheart”. Whilst the Queen is a caring figure we do have to remind ourselves of the Pentacle energy. Your soulmate does prefer the finer things in life, taking you to bougie restaurants or having a mini spa day together. They do like to live a luxurious life and believe you should too, never settle for anything less. Your soulmate is definitely a tidy person and knows how to keep their life nice and orderly and finds joy in organisation, also probably quite a private person. Even though the Queen court card represents feminie divine energy I feel like your soulmate has an even split of both masculine or feminine energy they are good at both logic and emotion.

Page of Cups- this is one of my favourite cards in the deck, the page of cups represents someone who perhaps sometimes has their head in the clouds and can be a little bit innocent. Your soulmate is naturally very creative and takes inspiration wherever they go, for some reason I pictured them being into to photography but that might not be the case for all of you. Also I believe they may refer to you as their muse, you know the anime duos where there is the light and the shadow, the shadow helping the light shine and getting inspiration for them to keep going (think Akaashi from Haikyuu or Kuroko from Kuroko no Basket), I feel like your soulmate is your shadow helping you cast you light into the world. I feel your soulmate does have a hard time to express their emotions so doing so using a creative medium really helps them. The type to make handmaid gifts for their friends on their birthday.

Astrology Notes: Taurus in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) with some water influence

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them?

The Chariot- this is not the most romantic card in the pack however there is one thing I can tell you about your connection your soulmate is devoted, they are the CEO of long term commitment like your relationship gives me the same energy as Carl and Elle from Up, just very pure and filled with love and support. The Chariot represents self-control and focus and a funny scene that popped into my head was your soulmate being kind of prudish at first when it comes to the more physical aspects of your relationship, they get easily embarrassed however I feel like their love language is acts of service. You will 100% be their focus in their life, they do love to spoil you rotten with attention and want to be your protector. They may be a little bossy but they just want to see you thrive, like they may leave little notes to remind you how much you love them. The kind of people to make an itinerary for a date because organising things for you is their love language. Overall, a very sweet relationship based on kinds acts of service, the married couple before being married.

Your soulmate might have a Cancer Venus or Venus-moon aspects so if you want some further detail you can read up on those

Where you will meet- pretty self explanatory

The Hanged Man- Because this is a major arcana card I feel you meeting your soulmate will be quite a significant event in your life. The Hanged Man represents a time for letting go and a time of delay, perhaps you will be meeting your soulmate during a time where you are letting go of the past, this could be getting over an Ex, letting go of negative thoughts or even changing careers. I also got the image of you both meeting when you are volunteering, doing something for the community as this card is ruled by the planet of Neptune. Maybe be relaxing and doing something creative could be potentially when you meet them, ie: dancing, singing. I do know that it is during a time when you are moving on from something or your life has entered a limbo stage, nothing exciting happening. I wanted to see if I could find any clarifiers to this because I thought it was too vague and the bottom deck was the Devil Card, perhaps when you start to let go of limiting beliefs about yourself your soulmate may finally appear or perhaps getting over an addiction of some kind. The devil is ruled by capricorn so perhaps a creative project more for work may be potentially another place.

Advice

: New Moon in Leo - “Confidence is the Key to Success”

This is your time to shine so show off your talents

Be proud of yourself, you have come so far

Spoil and pamper yourself because you have earnt it (just like how your soulmate does)

It’s your turn in the spotlight do not shy away from it because you deserve the success and recognition

Make sure you work on your self esteem first before seeking romance

Make time for fun

Affirmation- “ I am compassionate towards myself as well as others

Your Waltz: Once upon a December by Emilie Pandolfi

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Dateko (Pile 4)

Personality- what is kind of person is your soulmate

The Lovers: this card has come out in ⅗ piles today so you may have been drawn to more than one school banner. With the lovers card I can definitely imagine your soulmate to be passionate and romantic and wants to recreate all those cute couple things you see in the movies. They have a flair for the dramatics and can be naturally creative people. They are smooth operators when it comes to flirting so you might have a couple of pickup lines thrown your way (which by the way are actually good) this is because the lovers card is ruled by the zodiac sign of gemini in which are renowned to have silver tongues, teasing might be there love language. For some reason whilst writing this interpretation all I could think about was the character Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club so perhaps your soulmate kins him.

4 of Pentacles: whilst the other 2 piles containing the lovers card are very authentic I feel like this person sometimes uses their flirty persona as a mask, to protect themselves. Your soulmates are very possessive. I can imagine they have only a select few people who they are really close with and hold them near and dear to their heart. However a good thing about the 4 of pentacles is that this is the card that indicates it’s time to save money so as you can probably guess your soulmate is very good at saving money they may even be a money saving expert (martin lewis is that you). You can bet they know where to get the cheapest things from so if you ever need to go bargain hunting they are your person. I can imagine them being really good at DIY as it is a way to save money. I feel like in the past they may have had low self esteem, you may have also been drawn to Shiratorizawa pile because 4 of pentacles feature in this one too. Probably a tsundere

9 of Pentacles: Your soulmates tagline is confident, independent and self-sufficient. I believe they were 100% the gifted child at school and are naturally very intelligent, and may have a tendency to brag about this too. I feel like this person can maybe be a little high maintenance and perhaps they are perfectionists also. With the number 9 it means not quite completion (seeing as number 10 represents completion), this means your soulmate is always striving to achieve more. Looking at the three personality cards as a whole I think that missing thing in their life is an emotional connection, they are extremely talented in whatever field they work in however they do find it difficult to make friends because they may be slightly above average in lots of areas of life (High IQ or plays a high level of sports). Whilst they may be show offs when in a relationship with you my goodness do they love to brag about all your amazing qualities. Words of affirmation may be their love language

Astrology Notes: Gemini in their big 3 (sun, moon or rising) with some earth influence

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them

The Hierophant- this card may represent the strict teacher figure however for you, you will get to see their much soft side. They honestly want you to have all the success in the world and will be your number one cheerleader. With none of the other piles I never really specified ages and such but for this one I get a clear picture that this person may be a bit older than you, they have more life experiences than yourself. The Hierophant represents tradition so of course your soulmate will court you in the proper manner making sure to always respect your boundaries, a true lady/gentlemen. At the beginning stages of your relationship I feel like your soulmate used to excuse of “study dates” to be able to have a proper chance of getting to know you (as we already have established they can be a bit of tsundere). Your relationship is incredible strong and steady, others may describe it slightly mundane however it is the simple things which make this connection really work (every saturday day nights, cuddling whilst watching netflix and honestly the amount of flowers they buy makes your home look like a garden centre). They want to show you the world and want to be relied upon as it boasts their confidence when they can help you with a task.

I suspect that they might have a Taurus Venus

How you meet

The Emperor- This card being here for me makes a lot of sense just by looking at your soulmates personality (over achiever and incredibly witty). It is also a major arcana card so this meeting will have a great impact on your life or it will be a vivid memory. The emperor represents organisation, structure and achieving your goals. I can definitely see the pair of you meeting in a work setting in which you may both have to do collaborative work. You may meet your soulmate in a time in your life where you are trying to organise it and come up with a long term plan, maybe at a point where you have to pick your college major or perhaps a lots of job offers have just come in. They may even give you advice. If you are planning on going to grad school then maybe you may meet them there. What I can tell you is that your meeting will not be a relaxing one as the Emperor is a bit of a workaholic so after your first meeting it may be weeks before you both have a proper time to wind down and relax. I also got the image that perhaps you see them as the emperor figure when you first meet them, like they could be your boss or a co worker who is top of the class sort of thing.

Advice

: New Moon in Virgo- “A time to give rather than take”

Gradual Improvements are coming in regards to your soulmate

Be of service to others and abundance will follow

Your soulmate is very reliable so try not stress too much

Make sure to stay organised, eat and drink plenty and have a proper sleep schedule

Pay attention to detail

Affirmation: “I am capable, hard-working and ready to complete my goals”

Your Waltz: The Great Fairy Fountain by the Video Game Music Box

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Shiratorizawa (Pile 5)

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

King of Pentacles- Ambitious, protective and calculated, these are all words to describe the King of Pentacles and in turn your soulmate. Your soulmate is somebody who is extremely driven and has lots of success in their life however this didn’t come from blind luck. They are a very responsible figure and are definitely involved in some leadership role most likely to do with their career. The king is a generous provider so I’d imagine your soulmate has an abundance in wealth, sugar daddy/mummy vibes, gift giving may be their love language because I do feel like they have a serious and aloof disposition. Do not be alarmed by this, they are very caring people however they do an “image” to maintain but if you are close with them you may see them in a more real light. Whilst I was typing this description all I could think about was Kyoya Ootori from Ouran High School Host club so perhaps your soulmate kins him in some shape of form.

5 of Cups- This isn’t exactly the happiest card in the deck but one that means disappointment and having trouble letting go. I feel like your soulmate in the past has been disappointed by people, perhaps they have left them or betrayed their trust, looking at both of these cards I feel like it might have been because they found it hard in their childhood to form emotional connections. This is not to say they cannot do this I believe it just takes time with this person, however you know what they say- slow burns are the best. A message popped into my head when thinking about this aspect of them, I believe they have a hidden creative talent in which they learn to express their emotions through that, the piano was a striking image but it could be art or any other form too. I feel likethey are perfectionists but only because they believe you only deserve the best from them, very touch starved like please give them a cuddle it will make them melt. I feel like over time and as they have grown up they have a realistic kind of approach to the world. Whilst writing this I felt incredible sad for this person, my heart goes out to them

4 of Pentacles- aka the tsundere card, this card makes sense in this in the personality part. This person is incredible protective and loyal to their loved ones as I believe it is hard to get to know them at first but once you do you have one very loyal “bodyguard”. These people are very money savvy and for some reason I can picture them having a career in finance or economics. Can perhaps be a bit frugal with themselves and don’t like to treat themselves often but love to pamper others. This person likes to be in control in all aspects of life and has a very commanding aura about them (which I think is incredibly hot), I believe it brings them a sense of comfort. Lastly whilst they may find it hard at first to be more open more emotionally they are the most helpful souls on the planet when it comes to career, education or even just general organisation, I believe it gives them great joy to help others out in this area as not only does it boast their self-esteem but they love seeing the smiles on other peoples faces.

Astrology Notes: Capricorn in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) and may lack water placements in their chart

Relationship- what is your relationship like?

They may have Aquarius Venus or Venus-uranus aspects so check those out for more info

The Fool- the minute I drew this card I literally squealed and had to take laps because this card compared to the personality spread were just so opposite. To but it briefly you make them act like a bit of a fool (not in a bad way), like they are very blushy towards you and at the beginning stages they would get so flustered if you held their hand it is simply adorable. Looking into this card, the fool represents new beginnings, adventure and idealism. You bring new hope into their life, you know those soulmate AUs where everything is black and white until you meet your soulmate and the world turns to colour. I feel like emotionally that is what happened to them forming a union with you. You bring the fun and zest into their life, offering them a chance to relax instead of doing work all the time which they are forever grateful for, you definitely make them feel young again. Not to be sappy but I do believe you have turned their life around, the fool represents new beginnings so your connection will be a massive turning point in this person’s life. Of course, the fool represents fun too so this relationship will be filled with adventures and lots of funny memories, I feel like the pair of your friendship groups will get on really well and that you too will love to tease one another or even give the other a playful kiss. I just sense an incredibly low maintenance light hearted energy and I believe that is a great way to sum up this connection. You free them.

How will you meet

The Tower- looking at this card with the fool card they both make a lot of sense seeing as once rules Aquarius and the other rules Uranus. Whilst the Tower does represent chaos I believe it doesn’t mean bad chaos in regards to your meeting. The tower is very random bringing in live events which change your life, I believe you will meet your soulmate in the place you least expect it the most, like the most random location you could possible think of, a couple that came to my head was the Supermarket, in a Bank or at bagage reclaims (these were just some random locations that pooped into my head when writing this). However this card can also be an indicator of you meeting this soulmate at a time in your life where you are having a massive change, like you could move abroad to a random country, start a completely new career or just when you do something that is a little crazy. Perhaps you are going through something that is chaotic and your soulmate helps you sort it out. With the tower card the possibilities are endless but what I can tell you is that you will very shocked (in a good way) and it will be a meeting you will never forget

Advice

: Mutable Moon - “Nothing is set in stone”

Staying adaptable is the key to success

Make sure you have not become too distracted in your day to day life, stay focused

Stay with it ( don’t lose hope)

Don’t let others lead you estray, your intuition is high listen to that gut feeling

The situation is far from being finalized you have the power

Affirmation: “ I know the best will unfold for me”

Your Waltz: Merry-go-Round of life by Nuvo Orchestra

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