i struggle to talk about this sometimes cause i feel like i sound like an entitled and spoiled piece of shit, but i think these are real problems that happen when ur life stops being a dumpster fire and its important to talk about how to navigate them
because my life right now is extreamly stable. i have a home i dont have to worry about ever being evicted from, i dont have to work in order to affort to live, i have the time, space, freedom, and support to do absolutely anything i want right now
and yet i find myself doing absolutely nothing. im so used to using stress and external threats, the threat of starvation, homelessness, abuse, being kicked out or fired or flunking, to motivate me that now that those things are gone and im in a safe environment that asks nothing of me, im just at a loss. i struggle to even wake up everyday without some kind of big consiquence as a motivater
and even when i do have ideas or inspiration as to what i want to do with my now endless hours of the day, i just. dont really know how to execute them. i dont know how to do things if its not in a crunch time manic haze.
i think my big goal this year is going to be to try and figure out how to navigate that and retrain my brain to be able to set more long term objectives and then follow through on accomplishing them. because i can feel myself becoming a more flakey and unreliable person who gets nothing done and just kind of Exists with no real reason or purpose and i reallyreally hate that
i finally have a life i dont want to kill myself to escape from and i just feel like im wasting it by not actually being present in it, u know?
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What is first war Delphi’s biggest fear then?
It was horribly loud.
The little witch jumps up, she and the elf both startling at the bang. Violent voices are quick to follow, booming down the corridors. An eerie magic descends upon the estate, something Delphini has never felt before. It surrounds the castle grounds as though keeping something out - or someone in.
“You stay here, Mistress Delphi. Tippy will go check on the visitors..” The house-elf disappears in a pop.
Something isn’t right. More screams follow, deafening bangs as if furniture is being strewn about.
The little witch takes a few hesitant steps backwards. The noise seems to be getting closer, frantic footsteps echoing down the hall. There’s another bang, this time right against the door.
Delphi darts, hiding behind the expansive desk papa had just sat at days ago. Mama left to go find him… To make sure the bad guys didn’t have him... She’d left Delphini alone with the elf late last night.
The little witch peers around the desk, watching as the handle to the door abruptly turns.
“Delphini!”
It’s Mama!
She’s up and running to Bella in a flash. Quickly, her mother slams the door shut. Delphini can still hear the echoing shouts of Uncle Rody, the screams of other wizards she does not recognize.
“Mama!” She yelps, catapulting into anxious arms. She has so many questions but is far too frightened to voice them. There’s banging again, someone else is trying to get into their room.
Her mother’s wand is hot from use, perched protectively against Delphi’s back. Bellatrix smells like smoke, her magic buzzing around her more frantic than Delphini has ever felt it before.
Mama’s scared.
Delphini doesn’t know what to do.
Hastily, Bellatrix surges forward towards the large windows. She’s favoring her left leg. Delphini notices blood seeping down the back of her robes. Something is very wrong.
“There’s wards!” A gruff voice shouts just on the other side of the door.
Delphini is locked in her mother’s arms, head tucked against a slender shoulder as she watches with wide eyes as four wizards barrel into their rooms.
The bad guys…They found us!
She’s frozen in fear but mummy is not. With a wave of mama’s wand the windows along the back of the room shatter, it’s a steep drop to the grass below. She thinks mama is about to jump but something stops her. Before Delphini can process it, a wave of red flies by, Bellatrix twists them out of the way just in time.
“There’s a child!” One of them screams, her mother’s hold is near suffocating. In a flash Bella's wand is raised and ready, eyes bouncing from one Auror to another. Several more of them begin to funnel into the room.
“Don’t you move, Bellatrix!” A new angry wizard screams - he only has one eye. More wands than Delphini can count are pointing at them now. “There’s no escape - the manor is surrounded, there’s an anti-apparition ward cast over the entire estate. It's over.”
Her mother is panting, heart racing so loud Delphini can hear it. The little witch’s eyes immediately fill with tears, so gripped with fear she can’t manage a sound. Slowly she turns in her mother's arms to get a better glimpse of these monsters. Bellatrix reaches up to shield her face, turning to try and hide her from view.
“There is no record of a Lestrange child… We weren’t briefed on this.” The youngest of the bunch speaks up, his teeth sharp.
“Put that girl down.”
Another steps closer. Bellatrix flinches away, arms protective around Delphini. She grips her mother’s robes tightly in return, her own arms shaking around Bella’s neck.
“Put her down, Bellatrix. No one else needs to get hurt today.”
Her mother responds with a savage curse.
Two of them are on the ground before Delphini can catch up, the rest on the defensive. A stray hex manages to slip through her mother’s shields, cutting along her sleeve and leaving a line of blood in its wake.
“You can’t duel her! There's a child-”
The one-eyed Auror growls in response, quickly sending another of her mother’s cursing spiraling back at them. Bella ducks, bringing them to the ground. The curse shatters a different window, glass spraying across the room.
Delphini sobs as shards rain down upon them.
“Give us the girl, Bellatrix!”
Mummy is crying too, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
The only thing standing between them and the near infinite number of Aurors is her father’s large ornate desk.
Time stops, no one is sure how to react. Bellatrix lets out a shuddering breath, her hold around Delphini strengthening.
She’s up again, a powerful curse soaring through the study and slamming into three of the closest Aurors. She's turning, a perfect blockade of defensive spells cast to protect their exit- Bella’s back leg gives out on her. The seeping blood from earlier now pooling beneath mummy’s robes. Another sob.
The next thing to go flying is her mother’s wand. It almost happens in slow motion, Delphini’s eyes following the arc of the wand before it lands in one of the wizard’s open hands.
“It’s done, Bellatrix.” Before she can try and run again they have her ankles bound, knees crashing against the floor Delphini had just been playing on. She gasps, still clinging to her mama, shielding her tears against Bella’s collarbone.
This can’t be happening.
Angry feet hurry forward. She can feel mummy’s nails digging into her back.
“Don’t touch her.” Bellatrix spits, her arms impossibly tight. Delphini is too terrified to look.
“Hand the girl over.”
Delphini feels a strange hand probing her shoulder, Bellatrix twists, freeing her daughter from the man's grasp with a vicious snarl.
“No!” Several more step forward, rough hands along her mother’s shoulders. “No!” Wandless magic sends one of them backwards, slamming into the ornate desk. “No!” Delphi isn’t sure who is screaming, her or mummy. “No!” One has Delphini by the back of her dress. “Please - don’t!”
“Mama!” She shrieks, little hands tearing at Bellatrix’s robes as she is ripped out of her mother's arms.
Her mind refuses to process it, arms still stretching out, reaching as hard as she can for mama. Slowly, she sees the horror creeping into her mother's eyes. Bellatrix looks as terrified as Delphini feels. Vaguely, she feels an unfamiliar arm wrap around her stomach.
The world comes crashing in on her all at once.
“NO!”
The little witch thinks she might be screaming but it seems so hard to hear anything at all.
Distantly, she's aware she's wailing against the wizard who is still struggling to get a grip on her. Slamming her little fists all over him, sharp nails and harmful bursts of magic wherever she can reach.
Delphini has never been so frightened.
“Don’t you touch her! She belongs with my father! With Cygnus Black! You take her to him - he’s her legal guardian!!”
Her mother’s tormented voice is just about the only thing she can process amongst the chaos. Tears stream down Delphini’s face so aggressively she can hardly see.
She thinks she might be screaming for Bellatrix - for her father. She might just be screaming.
Her captor is walking them towards the door, away from mummy, away from their rooms.
Delphini turns, horrified eyes desperate for Bella. Seven Auror’s are holding her mama back. She watches as one of them kicks her mother hard in the stomach, the witch finally doubling over.
“She’s a ward of the Wizarding State now, Bellatrix.” The Auror abducting her declares. Delphini almost doesn’t hear him over the ringing in her ears. “The Ministry will be charged to oversee her placement following your trial.”
Her mother’s screams are the last thing Delphini will remember.
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