#i am so good at being alone by now

[dreamingofspring]

Oh Sklonda's righteous fury hits so hard, as a kid who WAS taken advantage of in many ways by her friends when she was in school, and whose mom tried to tell her they were being unkind and who didn't believe her until she got kinder friends

#christina liveblogs #for me it was middle school so i know we've all grown up #i wish those people nothing but the best in life #but absolutely time and again my generosity was taken advantage of #i got teased for my naivety #my mom loaned a friend $20 when she said she lost it as we were driven to the movies #she found her cash and instead of giving my mom her $20 back we went to the mall with $40 #i sat alone at a friend's house while they went to smoke weed in the garage bc i was Very much not the stoner i am now #and when we got to high school and i made friends with kids from my theater class #THEATER KIDS!!! #my middle school emo friends got upset bc i was being 'normal now' #they were not always good friends to me #and i was just like riz insisting it was fine i loved them they werent doing anything wrong #sklonda is right to be pissed and i love her for it #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 spoilers #d20 #fantasy high #sklonda gukgak #riz gukgak

[couch-house]

something thats been in my head for a long time abt vulnerability and comfort and echoes of the past

#shadow the hedgehog #rouge the bat #team dark #shth #sth #sonic the hedgehog #maria robotnik #fanart #id in alt text #dont tag this as ship idk why you would but pls dont #anyway hi the semester started and its kicking my ass immediately #threw the frog in the boiling water #ive wanted to do this for a long time tho so nows as good as any #something something reconciling 'i want x character to seek and receive comfort' #vs 'waht is reasonable comfort for him to seek?' #so he just doesnt like being alone sometimes. he used to sleep on her floor until she was like #'shadow knock it off and sleep in the bed i can make room' #she just throws her arm at him so he knows someones there. its plenty of comfort for him #anyway. shadow standing in the doorway at 2 am rouge i frew up

[alchemania]

Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.

Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!

It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.

#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand. #i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed. #so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING. #she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone. #and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do #she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself #her worth isn't decided by her power yk?? #i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be #or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!! #i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone. #anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug #and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better #4.2 spoilers #genshin impact #furina

[catgirlcrisis]

its actually so crazy how the writing team was like “lets make grief and loss important themes for alisaie as a character” so in BCOB she learns about making peace with her grandfather’s death to live life on her own terms, for her own sake. she goes out herself to explore eorzea. and then emery dies while shes powerless to do anything about it. and then she almost dies believing that urianger was going to betray her and the scions. and then she watches the same tower her brother was supposed to be in get bombed not knowing if he escaped in time. and then she watches the people she loves be picked off one by one, physically present but spiritually gone, while being powerless to help them. and then she loses contact with alphinaud (again) not knowing if he’s okay. if he’s safe. and then the next time she sees him immediately its his limp body being carried by a stranger. and then she begs the warrior of light to not leave her alone. and then she watches tesleen die powerless to do anything about it. and then she watches the warrior of light nearly succumb to becoming a sin-eater, risking dooming not only the fate of the first, but the source. and then she finds the cold bodies of licinia and her sister, ultimately more victims of their despair than anything else, people who she’d been trying to help. and then s

#why do they keep DOING THIS TO HER #does anyone else obsessively think about this or am i just fucking crazy #her begging the wol to not leave her alone and then later on in ew again going to the wol and being like #'so hey things are crazy right now but please dont do some stupid self-sacrifice thing' #like basically 'dont kill yourself. stay alive please' #i just think a lot about how like #not in an infantilizing way #but the twins start the story at 16 #and are like 17-18 throughout the end #id say shb/ew #and its like. Wow you guys really are going through it huh #to be fair im also the same age learning that this is just what being 16-17-18 is like #but . jesus #NOT TO UNDERMINE ALPHINAUD EITHER #its just crazy how both of the twins are like #so committed to their goals and their ideals #and they keep being like kicked down #and in alisaies case shes like No fuck off I love everyone #and alphinaud is also like beat with the trauma stick 26787422 times #but is like 'that sucked but i still believe the world has a lot of good in it' #like FUCK YES LITTLE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS #ffxiv #endwalker spoilers #shadowbringers spoilers #idk what else to spoiler tag uhm #stormblood spoilers #in case anyone needs that. i guess

[kkoct-ik]

guess whos 20

#kostik speaks #lord what a mental health pit i am in rn. but i believe #havent died yet #i should heat up my cake. but my teeth 😭 #yaaayyyy #im so old now #goodbye 19. goodbye teenagerhood. good lird #hello 20s #im celebrating by being alone in my room on my phone with my laptop (just closed disco elysium) #this is a new era for mehood. i believe

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: MARS (PART 1)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Maj. Kaidan Alenko, Lt. James Vega, and Dr. Liara T'Soni Sophie, I don't know what you are- or who. Not since Cerberus rebuilt you. For all I know, you could be their puppet- controlled by The Illusive Man himself. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #shenko #james vega #kaidan alenko #sophie shepard #liara t’soni #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #priority mars? more like priority shenko! #she’s a 2-parter bc there were too many good scenes to gif i literally couldn’t not gif all of them tbh #like mars is just peak shenko content even if it’s not canon to me #the expressions the conversations the glances the PINING it’s everything to me #the way shep looks at kaidan when they talk about what they’d lose if they fail 🥺 #bioware i am in your WALLS over that scene in particular #‘is this what they did to you?’ sends me to ANOTHER DIMENSION and i need to write a whole ass fic off that line alone #bc it’s so good and there’s so many emotions tied to it #like the entire conversation between the two of them there is literally emotional damage for me and even if it’s not my canon it’s so GOOD #also PV with the see through visors saving my life on the elevator ride too?? like the expressions are so good #and cleric’s gorgeous shadow broker guardian set too like??? #the fashion is just top notch for all these emotional moments #on a side note s/o to james for literally being in the middle of the most awkward couple’s spat in existence and being so casual about it #he’s everything to me tbh #him and kaidan are my loves #james vega and kaidan alenko men that you are #i’ll stop ranting in the part 1 tags now ✨

[shivunin]

Hi, I just wondered what your favourite part of the Fenhawke romance was? Like, a scene/moment that really made you fall more in love with him? I love your writing so much!!

Oh, that is very kind of you to say! 💗I'm glad you enjoy the things I've written. I've really been enjoying writing for this ship, especially the past few months c:

As for your question...

Man, that's tough. I have a hard time picking one thing---I mean, *gestures to all the fic* you know? But I can narrow it down to a couple of scenes/elements:

The fact that a romanced Fenris still calls you "my friend" even after the act 2 romance scene. This is just...the bedrock of their relationship to me. Yes, that night went very poorly (understatement, I know), but at the core they are friends and he trusts Hawke in a way he's likely never had the cause or opportunity to trust someone before. I believe he never stopped loving Hawke, and it was a matter of laying those feelings out and understanding them one at a time. Romantic love not replacing platonic love or eclipsing it, but building or twining together is just... *chef's kiss* that's the good stuff.

The moment during the romance conversation in Act 3 when you can see Fenris go from hoping (painfully hoping!) that there is still some way he and Hawke can be together to actually believing it will happen. There is a shift in his body language that I could watch (and...have) over and over.

The element of choice? This is not going to be coherent, but the fact that he is learning for the first time what it means to have options and preferences, and he spends a lot of time exploring and understanding himself...and after all of that, the thing he keeps coming back to is Hawke. I think it's gorgeous. A song with refrains of pain or fear and choruses of decision and hope. He's loyal to a fault, in many ways, but understanding how much of himself exists to share and then still choosing to share it is just...man. I said this wasn't going to be coherent lol, so there you are. "If there is a future to be had..." like he doubts its existence but he's willing to chance it for Hawke. Man.

But, honestly? I've played DA2 a lot of times and never romanced another character, even though I've played through multiple romance storylines in each of the other games. I can't shake the Fenris romance. Every time I open a new playthrough, I tell myself that this is the time I'm going to romance Isabela, and every time Fenris rips that dude's heart out and I just......alright, yeah. Okay. Here we go again.

#and okay yeah one more thing actually #when he is like 🥺 at hawke after he kills danarius and hawke says he isn't alone #i know people joke about it but it's about the capacity for immense violence and aching tenderness #the parallel of meeting him when he rips some guy's heart out and him being finally free to make a life for himself after the same #it's about the cycles. the repeating story #and now he is truly not hunted anymore and he can make some kind of home #could i pull this into a more coherent analysis? probably yes #but here it is nonetheless #i *do* love him actually. he is just so very himself. unbending and harsh as it is sometimes he is always himself #long post #da2 #fenris #ask response #goodness this wound up longer than i'd expected #thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble anon 💗 #i hate that the tl;dr of it all is just 'fenris being fenris' but. i am a simple woman

[bluesidedown]

Gratitude time

#today im doing it because it's easy and im overflowing with thankful things #very often i do it because it's hard #probably good to remember it CAN be easy #anyway #thankful for my team im gonna be travelling with and the enciuragement they are #its good to remember i am not on this ceazy ride alone #thankful for a genuinely good rich fulfilling day of class/prep #and the stories of God’s amazing provision from an incredible middle eastern guy who shared with us #and for the moroccan lady i met who now somehow is cooking us lunch tomorrow so now i get to try moroccan food #and her hospitality #and for a good comfy bed and the gift of a private room this qeek #and wifi cuz hey that's a bonus (not to be taken for granted this next month) #and a remarkable number of solutions for dumb lil problems #and for the fact that my goodby with The Boy tonight (the big goodbye. for 8 months) #which both of us were dreading because yknow the Big Sad #didnt actually hit either of us emotionally while we were together #which was such a gift. we got to spend 3 hours together just being peaceful and present and having good conversations #and thinking about how to do dating well this year #and praying together #and it was just. so good #and i am so so glad i get to date him this year and share this crazy thing with him even though itvis gonna be really really hard sometimes #and he made me a bracelet to take with me 🥺

[lesbianleonardo]

read the michaelanglo macro issue and ohhh my fucking god ojhhhhh my god

anyway. this page was really cute

#I HAVE. SO MANY THOUGHTS. #so wooo ramble in the tags #how splinter talks to leo actually makes me so ill #also ​the way the three of them try to justify the children in the foot clan is so interesting #raphael saying how it would be good for self defense because he was on the streets knowing Nothing and had no support #the children being a part of the foot is awful but at least they won’t be on the streets alone #and then donnie and leo knowing there’s no where else with resources and they just Can’t say no to splinter #i got my jenny crumbs too. i’m so excited to see more of her #and godddd just everything about mikey. i really enjoy the amount of love and care idw puts into his character #he misses the father he knew and he’s not afraid to stand up to the man he is now #‘you’re Worse than shredder’ OUGH. #and then his brothers cheering him on after winning :) he did what they couldn’t do! #i’m so excited to see what splinter’s future holds. i really hope this gets through his head that he need to change (i am coping and hoping) #ok ramble over #idw #idw mikey #idw leo #tmnt idw #idw tmnt #tmnt #turtle talks

[coconurt]

i hate this i hate everything i hate being alone

#vent #tw vent #i finally found someone who i really like and is GOOD to me #and i foolishly thought i wouldn't have to be alone anymore #but i was wrong and now they're being taken away from me #why does this have to hurt so bad #am i really going to cry for an hour every single night from now on when they're gone #this is just cruel #and i'm not even ALONE alone #my dog just came to me for scritches #but without them i FEEL alone #why #why does everything have to be so bad right now #i just want to be healthy again #i want my best friend back #i just want one more night with them the way things used to be #just one more #i promise i won't take them for given again #when will this nightmare be over

[fereldanwench]

i've been considering resuming job hunting again but i think I'm still, like, traumatized from what i went through in 2021 lmao

#i keep getting in this cycle of 'well my current job lets me do pretty much whatever i want bc they trust me to get shit done' #(which honestly is really nice bc i am neither a team player nor a leader and i like being left alone lmao) #and 'my current job is otherwise unfulfilling in every way possible also it's for an awful company I'm ethically opposed to and i want out' #and my salary is garbage #esp as someone with 12 years of experience #and they dont even do cost of living adjustments #in theory they will give you a raise if you go above and beyond but i did that for a year and just got a thank you #which i dont need your fucking gratitude i need more money #but god i just cant do interviews anymore #i used to be such a good BSer in interviews #and now i just... cant lmao #so many places are all into the 'be your authentic self' shit these days #my authentic self is not employable lmao #and then i think about pursuing my creative passions for income and I'm like nooo i dont wanna do that either #bc that will make me hate what i love #i am so protective of my hobbies just being hobbies #idk whatever!!!! #t: wench.txt

[gregoftom]

why they always putting tom’s bpd ass on blast like this smh

#tomgreg #LIKE ITS RIDIC AHKJASADHAHA #now that i think about it all the signs are there pretty early on but s4 they just went fuck it. bpd time #from him being like YOULL DO THAT WITH MATSSON BUT NOT WITH ME?? :((( he's so hurt greg would refuse it with HIM but not matsson #even though it's nothing to do with greg's feelings for the person; he did it with matsson to stay on his good side/get info #tom is like RAARRR NO FRIENDLY. ONLY GET INFO and greg is like but i Need to to get the info. tom: NO TALK. ONLY SPONGE #anyone else to greg: h tom: no #and THEN making him take it like CMON CMON i am Not taking this alone! my favourite person is doing it with me! >:( #do it with me or i'll kill you haha :) #also greg doing coke from tom's wrist bye. Bye that was Really Something. h. hhhhhh. dog to his master's hand. #sigh. sigh. sigh

[hypodermicfroggy]

I wished for a Bioshock movie for Y E A R S

but now that we're finally getting one I don't want it

I do not have faith this is going to be a good adaption, I'm sorry, maybe 10 years ago this could have been a great passion project (especially if Gore Verbinski had been involved like originally planned) but I just know it's going to be an over-actioned, improperly funded (since it's a Netflix production they're absolutely going to either dump too much or not enough money in it then write it off as a failure if it doesn't 'perform' well enough), CGI-laden slop fest that doesn't even acknowledge or properly handle half the themes present in the series.

#Bioshock #Bioshock Movie #bonus points if it only focuses on the first game and doesn't include ANYTHING from the tie-in novel or BS2 #they're going to cut Sophia Lamb's role from the plot I just fucking KNOW IT #like she was fucking important! she was the one who actually STARTED the class war! Fontaine literally just took advantage of it! #hell half the problems with BURIAL AT FUCKING SEA could have been fixed if Levine wasn't a shit and hadn't refused to use ANYTHING from BS2 #like is BS2 as good as the first? no but it's still fucking better than that shitshow you call Infinite! #and the tie-in novel actually quite skillfully blended both games together to help account for certain plot errors between the two #(a novel that Levine also REFUSED TO READ) #like you could tell it was written by someone who wanted to do the series justice which is more than I can say for most tie-ins #if this movie ends up actually being good I'll fucking eat my words but considering this director's body of work includes #the Will Smith I AM LEGEND and the last three* Hunger Games films #we are not batting 1000 for quality here #I say this as someone who likes the Hunger Games movies #but they are not really the best adaptions of the novels and really downplay a lot of the more horrifying aspects for action scenes #and I fear the same will be true for Bioshock's film as well. #like the Little Sisters alone should elicit nothing short of visceral disgust and pity but I just know they're going to be so boring #they're just going to be like pale girls with glowing eyes instead of proper blood-guzzling corpse-looting parasite hosts calling it now #croak.txt #reblog.wank

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[deeisace]

..

#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much. #like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols' #they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot. #basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it? #and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually. #if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)

[skunkes]

If you were truly an abandoned project like you say. You wouldn't care so much. Even in your comic you mention you being worse for "the next person" you already are thinking of another person. That's not a bad thing. You're young. And by God you have some fire in you. I hope you become happier with yourself. I hope good things happen to you and the people around you will cheer for it. -💛🦭

thank u... im actually flopping between it rn... though i know i dont have the actual power to decide to be done with it, bc life is full of unexpected events, and i am young, but my line of thinking was, well because it would be so much more of a hassle for a next person, its best to just remove that hassle from the "market" completely lol...

but its out of my hands in either direction. i already wasnt expecting much as just the one time was such a rarity. now its just made the whole ordeal much much more difficult for all parties...aroo...anyway thanks again

#skunk mail #Anonymous #ykwim...i keep wanting to make ''good luck getting in now !'' jokes but they dont work #because well who's even going to bother. took long enough the first time #and also because what a gross thing to say and assume. that anybody would deal with me. ykwim... #and FINALLY because even despite being so sucks ive come out of this even more unrealistically picky despite already #having severely limited options. like ok man have fun with that. #best to just continue to isolate until i can fix myself which has been set back a LOT after recent events #this isnt fantasy romance nobody is going to be patient with me. i have to do it alone and the work will never be done. so...why bother #hope tht makes sense...! #i keep climbing out of the pit and convincing myself i do deserve it! i am kind i am loving im so good at loving #but i fall back into it bc the issues outweigh all of it. all of it. too much bad in me