#like she was fucking important! she was the one who actually STARTED the class war! Fontaine literally just took advantage of it!

[hypodermicfroggy]

I wished for a Bioshock movie for Y E A R S

but now that we're finally getting one I don't want it

I do not have faith this is going to be a good adaption, I'm sorry, maybe 10 years ago this could have been a great passion project (especially if Gore Verbinski had been involved like originally planned) but I just know it's going to be an over-actioned, improperly funded (since it's a Netflix production they're absolutely going to either dump too much or not enough money in it then write it off as a failure if it doesn't 'perform' well enough), CGI-laden slop fest that doesn't even acknowledge or properly handle half the themes present in the series.

#Bioshock #Bioshock Movie #bonus points if it only focuses on the first game and doesn't include ANYTHING from the tie-in novel or BS2 #they're going to cut Sophia Lamb's role from the plot I just fucking KNOW IT #like she was fucking important! she was the one who actually STARTED the class war! Fontaine literally just took advantage of it! #hell half the problems with BURIAL AT FUCKING SEA could have been fixed if Levine wasn't a shit and hadn't refused to use ANYTHING from BS2 #like is BS2 as good as the first? no but it's still fucking better than that shitshow you call Infinite! #and the tie-in novel actually quite skillfully blended both games together to help account for certain plot errors between the two #(a novel that Levine also REFUSED TO READ) #like you could tell it was written by someone who wanted to do the series justice which is more than I can say for most tie-ins #if this movie ends up actually being good I'll fucking eat my words but considering this director's body of work includes #the Will Smith I AM LEGEND and the last three* Hunger Games films #we are not batting 1000 for quality here #I say this as someone who likes the Hunger Games movies #but they are not really the best adaptions of the novels and really downplay a lot of the more horrifying aspects for action scenes #and I fear the same will be true for Bioshock's film as well. #like the Little Sisters alone should elicit nothing short of visceral disgust and pity but I just know they're going to be so boring #they're just going to be like pale girls with glowing eyes instead of proper blood-guzzling corpse-looting parasite hosts calling it now #croak.txt #reblog.wank

[jewelleria]

I don’t usually talk about politics on here, if ever. But it’s been almost six months since the conflict in the Middle East flared up again, and I’m finally ready to start. Here are some of my thoughts.

I say ‘flared up’ because this has happened before and it’ll happen again. Because, even though what's currently going on is absolutely unprecedented, those of us who live in this part of the world are used to it. Let that sink in: we are used to this. And we shouldn’t have to be. 

But I use that term for another reason: I don't want to accidentally call it the wrong thing lest I come under fire for being a genocidal maniac or a terrorist or a propaganda machine, etc., etc.—so let’s just call it ‘the war’ or ‘the conflict.’ Because that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter which side you’re on, who you love, or who you hate. 

This post will, in all likelihood, sit in my drafts forever. If it does get posted, it certainly won’t be on my main, because I'm scared of being harassed (spoiler: she posted it on her main). I hate admitting that, but honestly? I’m fucking terrified. 

I also feel like in order for anything I say on here (i.e. the hellscape of the internet) to be taken seriously, I have to somehow prove that a) I’m “educated” enough to talk about the conflict, and b) that my opinion lines up with what has been deemed the correct one. So, tedious and unnecessary though it is, I will tell you about my experience, because I have a feeling most of the people reading this post are not nearly as close to what’s happening as I am.

How do I explain where I live without actually explaining where I live? How do I say “I live in the Red Zone of international conflicts” without saying what I actually think? How do I convey the fear that grips me when I try to decide between saying “I live in Palestine” and “I live in Israel”? I don't really know. But I do know that names are important. I also know that, due to the various clickbaity monikers ascribed to the conflict, it would probably just be easier to point to a map. 

I haven't always lived in the Middle East. I've lived in various places along America’s east coast, and traveled all over the world. But in short, I now live somewhere inside the crudely-drawn purple circle. 

If you know anything about these borders you probably blanched a bit in sympathy, or maybe condolence. But in truth, it’s a shockingly normal existence. I don't feel like I've lived through the shifting of international relations or a war or anything. I just kind of feel like I did when COVID hit, that dull sameness as I wondered if this would be the only world-altering event to shape my life, or if there would be more. 

I've been told that, in order for my brain to process all the horrific details of the past six months, there needs to be some element of cognitive dissonance—that falling into a sort of dissociative mindset is the only way to not go insane under the weight of it all. I think in some ways that’s true. I have been terrifyingly close to bus stop shootings when my commute wasn’t over; I have felt my apartment building shake with the reverberations of a missile strike; I have spent hours in underground shelters waiting for air raid sirens to stop. 

But. I have also gone grocery shopping, and skipped class, and stayed up too late watching TV, and fed the cats on the street corner, and cried over a boy, and got myself AirPods just because, and taken out the trash, and done laundry on a delicate cycle, and bought overpriced lattes one too many days a week. I have looked at pretty things and taken out my phone because, despite it all, I still think that life is too short not to freeze the small moments. 

So I'd say, all things considered, I live an incredibly privileged life—compared, of course, to those suffering in Gaza—one filled with sunsets and over-sweetened knafeh and every different color of sand. One that allows me to throw myself into a fandom-induced hyperfixation (or, alternatively, escape method) as I sit on the couch and crack open my laptop to write the next chapter of the fic I'm working on. 

But there are bits of not-normalness that wheedle their way through the cracks. I pretend these moments are avoidable, even if they’re not. 

They look like this: reading the news and seeing another idiotic, careless choice on Netanyahu’s part and groaning into my morning coffee. Watching Palestinian and Jewish children’s needless suffering posted on Instagram reels and feeling helpless. Opening my Tumblr DMs to find a message telling me to exterminate myself for reblogging a post that only seems like it’s about the war if you squint and tilt your head sideways. 

These moments look like all the tiny ways I am reminded that I'm living in a post-October seventh world, where hearing a car backfire makes me jump out of my skin and the sound of a suitcase on pavement makes me look up at the sky and search for the war planes. They look like the heavy grief that is, and also isn’t, mine. 

Here's the thing, though. I know you’re wondering when the ball will drop and my true opinion will be revealed. I know you’re waiting for me to reveal what demographic I'm a part of so that you, dear reader, can neatly slap a label on my head and sort me into some oversimplified category that lets you continue to think you understand this war. 

No one wants to sit and ruminate on the difficult questions, the ones that make you wonder if maybe you’ve been tinkered with by the propaganda machine, if you might need to go back on what you’ve said or change your mind. We all strive for our perception of complicated issues to be a comfortable one.

But I know that no matter what I do, there will always be assumptions. So, while I shudder to reveal this information online, I think that maybe my most significant contribution to this meta-discussion spanning every facet of the internet is this: 

I am a Jew. 

Or, alternatively, I am: Jewish, יהודית, يَهُودِيٌّ, etc. Point is, I come from Jews. And, like any given person, I am a product of generation after generation of love. 

I'm not going to take time to explain my heritage to you, or to prove that before all the expulsions and pogroms, there was an origin point. If you don’t believe that, perhaps it’s less of a factual problem and more of an ‘I don’t give weight to the beliefs of indigenous people’ problem. But, in case you want to spend time uselessly refuting this tiny point in a larger argument, you can inspect the photos below (it’s just a small chunk of my DNA test results). Alternatively, you can remember that interrogating someone in an attempt to make their indigeneity match your arbitrary criteria is generally not seen as good manners. 

Now, let’s go back to thathateful message (read: poorly disguised death threat) I received in my Tumblr DMs. I think it was like two or three weeks ago. I had recently gained a new follower whose blog’s primary focus was the fandom I contribute to, so I followed them back. I saw in my notes that they were going through my posts and liking them—as one does when gaining a new mutual. Yippee! 

Then they sent me this: 

I tried to explain that hate speech is not a way to go about participating in political discourse, but the person had already blocked me immediately after sending that message. Then, assured by the fact that I surely would never see them complaining about me on their blog (because, as I said, they blocked me), they posted a shouting rant accusing me of sympathizing with colonizing settlers and declaring me a “racist Zionist fuck.” Oh, the wonders of incognito tabs.

Where this person drew these conclusions after reading my (reblogged) post about antisemitism…. I'm not actually sure. But I greatly sympathize with them, and hope that they weren’t too personally offended by my desire to not die. 

For a while I contemplated this experience in my righteous anger, and tried to figure out a way to message this person. I wanted to explain that a) seeing a post about being Jewish and choosing to harass the creator about Israel is literally the definition of antisemitism and b) that sending a hateful DM and refusing to be held accountable is just childish and immature. But I gave up soon after—because, honestly, I knew it wasn’t worth my effort or energy. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to change their mind. 

But I still remember staring at that rather unfortunate meme, accompanied by an all-caps message demanding for me to Free Palestine, and thinking: the post didn’t even have any buzzwords. I remember the swoop of dread and guilt and fear. I remember wondering why this kind of antisemitism felt worse, in that moment, than the kind that leaves bodies in its wake. 

I remember thinking, I don’t have the power to free anyone.

I remember thinking, I’m so fucking tired. 

And before you tell me that this conflict isn’t about religion—let me ask you some questions. Why is it that Israel is even called Israel? (Here’s why.) Why do Jews even want it? (Here’s why.) But also, if you actually read the charters of Islamist terrorist organizations like ISIS, Hamas, and Hezbollah (among others), they equate the modern state of Israel with the Jewish people, and they use the two entities interchangeably. So of course this conflict is religious. It’s never been anything but that.

But I do wonder, when faced with those who deny this fact: how do I prove, through an endless slew of what-about-isms and victim blaming, that I too am hurting? How do I show that empathy is dialectical, that I can care deeply for Palestinians and Gazans while also grieving my own people? 

There's this thing that humans do, when we’re frustrated about politics and need to howl our opinions about it into the void until we feel better. We find like-minded souls, usually our friends and neighbors, and fret about the state of the world to each other until we’ve gone around in a satisfactory amount of circles. But these conversations never truly accomplish anything. They’re just a substitute, a stand-in catharsis, for what we really wish we could do: find someone who embodies the spirit of every Jew-hating internet troll, every ignorant justifier of terrorism, and scream ourselves hoarse at them until we change their mind.

But, of course, minds cannot be changed when they are determined to live in a state of irrational dislike. In Judaism, this way of thinking has a name: שנאת חינם (sinat hinam), or baseless hatred. It's a parasite with no definite cure, and it makes people bend over backwards to justify things like the massacre on October seventh, simply because the blame always needs to be placed on the Jews. 

So when a Jew is faced with this unsolvable problem, there is only one response to be had, only one feeling to be felt: anger. And we are angry. Carrying around rage with nowhere to put it is exhausting. It's like a weight at the base of our neck that pushes down on our spine, bending it until we will inevitably snap under the pressure. I’m still waiting to break, even now.

I wish I could explain to someone who needs to hear it that terrorism against Israelis happens every single day here, and that we are never more than one degree of separation away from the brutal slaughter of a friend, lover, parent, sibling. I wish it would be enough to say that the majority of Israelis (which includes Arab-Israeli citizens who have the exact same rights as Jewish-Israelis) wish for peace every day without ever having seen what it looks like. 

I wish I could show the world that Israel was founded as a socialist state, that it was built on communal values and born from a cluster of kibbutzim (small farming communities based on collective responsibility), and that what it is now isn’t what its people stand for. 

I wish the world could open their eyes to what we Israelis have seen since the beginning: that Hamas is the enemy, Hamas is the one starving Palestinians and denying them aid, Hamas is the one who keeps rejecting ceasefire terms and denying their citizens basic human rights. Hamas is the governing body of Gaza, not Israel. Hamas is responsible for the wellbeing of the Palestinian people. And Hamas are the ones who are more determined to murder Jews—over and over and over again, in the most animalistic ways possible—than to look inwards and see the suffering they’ve inflicted on their own people. I wish it was easier to see that.

But the wishing, the asking how can people be so blind, is never enough. I can never just say, I promise I don't want war. 

When I bear witness to this baseless hatred, I think of the victims of October seventh. I think of the women and girls who were raped and then murdered, forever unable to tell their stories. I think of the hostages, trapped underneath Gaza in dark tunnels, wondering if anyone will come for them. I think of Ori Ansbacher, of Ezra Schwartz, of Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali, of Lucy, Rina, and Maia Dee, of the Paley boys, of Ari Fuld and of Nachshon Wachsman. I think of all the innocent blood spilled because of terror-fueled hatred and the virus of antisemitism. I think of all the thousands of people who were brutally murdered in Israel, Jews and Muslims and Christians and humans, who will never see peace.

My ties to this land are knotted a thousand times over. Even when I leave, a part of me is left behind, waiting for me to claim it when I return. But when I see the grit it takes to live through this pain, when I see the suffering that paints the world the color of blood, I look to the heavens and I wonder why. 

I ask God: is it worth all this? He doesn't answer. So I am the one, in the end, to answer my own question. I say, it has to be. 

Feel free to send any genuine, respectful, and clarifying questions you may have to my inbox!

EDIT: just coming on here to say that I'm really touched & grateful for the love on this post. When I wrote it, I felt hopeless; I logged off of Tumblr for Shabbat, dreading the moment I would turn off my phone to find more hate in my inbox. Granted, I did find some, and responding to it was exhausting, but it wasn’t all hate. I read every kind reblog and comment, and the love was so much louder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍

Source Reading

The Whispered in Gaza Project by The Center for Peace Communications

Why Jews Cannot Stop Shaking Right Now by Dara Horn

Hamas Kidnapped My Father for Refusing to Be Their Puppet by Ala Mohammed Mushtaha

I Hope Someone Somewhere Is Being Kind to My Boy by Rachel Goldberg

The Struggle for Black Freedom Has Nothing to Do with Israel by Coleman Hughes

Israel Can Defend Itself and Uphold Its Values by The New York Times Editorial Board

There Is a Jewish Hope for Palestinian Liberation. It Must Survive by Peter Beinart

The Long Wait of the Hostages’ Families by Ruth Margalit

“By Any Means Necessary”: Hamas, Iran, and the Left by Armin Navabi

When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them by Bari Weiss

Hunger in Gaza: Blame Hamas, Not Israel by Yvette Miller

Benjamin Netanyahu Is Israel’s Worst Prime Minister Ever by Anshel Pfeffer

What Palestinians Really Think of Hamas by Amaney A. Jamal and Michael Robbins

The Decolonization Narrative Is Dangerous and False by Simon Sebag Montefiore

Understanding Hamas’s Genocidal Ideology by Bruce Hoffman

The Wisdom of Hamas by Matti Friedman

How the UN Discriminates Against Israel by Dina Rovner

This Muslim Israeli Woman Is the Future of the Middle East by The Free Press

Why Are Feminists Silent on Rape and Murder? by Bari Weiss

#palestine #israel hamas war #israel hamas conflict #hamas #on war #essay writing #personal essay #rant post #stop terrorism #israel #writing #palestinian lives matter #jewish lives matter #jewish and proud #jewish identity #jewish muslim solidarity #on grief #on religion #antisemitism #anti zionisim #purim 2024 #chag purim sameach #judaism #israeli palestinian conflict #am yisrael chai #kvetching #jumblr #mims on middle east #המצב

[expectopatronum81]

Unpopular opinion

Ron and/or Hermione should have died in the deathly hallows. And I say this as someone who loves these characters (probably Hermione more than Ron), but here me out

Now let's be fucking real, I really like ron, but he really wasn't skilled or prepared enough to fight in a war against voldemort, be it magically or mentally. And that's ok! He's still 17, he's not meant to be fighting a war. And to some degree he probably knew that the chances of him actually making it were pretty slim too. But he still stuck with Harry anyways coz there's no way he was going to let his best friend go through with this alone. Because that's who ron is, he'd rather die fighting beside his best friend, for his family, his muggleborn gf and for the cause than play it safe and hide.

Now coming to Hermione, things get a tad trickier here. Yes, she is very skilled and powerful and quick on her feet. But is she powerful enough to take on an army of adult DEs who've trained for years and have experience from the first wizarding war? To win against the darkest wizard who ever lived, who's said to be worse than Grindelwald, who's the most powerful wizard in the whole world after Dumbledore? No, I'd say she isn't. Because she's also fucking 17, she's not even done with school yet. But I think she'd live longer than Ron, or that there's a better chance of her making it out alive. But if she did die it would be extra heartbreaking coz a) Harry (and the readers) just lost 2 of the people who had been there from the very beginning, b) Hermione's parents would live on in Australia, not remembering that they had a daughter, not knowing that their daughter gave her life in hopes of saving her friend and creating a better world.

I majorly have 2 specific reasons for being this sadistic. The first one is the fact that the plot dumbs down it's main villain and his followers just to make the kids win. Voldemort (during Harry's time) is probably the dumbest villain ever written, he doesn't live up to his hype. People have already discussed how stupid his gof plan was. In ootp, during the DoM fight Lucius says that voldemort can't come get the prophecy himself coz the ministry is filled with ppl and he would risk revealing himself. But it's possible for 6 mostly dumb teenagers and an army of DEs, (who hv just escaped azkaban and are sought after by the ministry) to enter in undetected? Doesn't 👏 make 👏 any 👏 sense. The supposedly feared DEs who were trained by voldemort himself can't win against a group of teenagers. It's surprising how long it takes them to take the kids down in the DoM battle. The thing is though, this is out of character for ALL of them. It seems like they were dumbed down just so the MCs could make it out alive. Voldemort during the first WW started out as absolutely no one to having the highest class of the wizarding society obeying his every command. The whole wizarding world was so afraid of him that they wouldn't even say his name. The DEs picked out member after member of the original ootp, mostly coz they were outnumbered but also coz they're fucking death eaters. And ur telling me these guys can't fight kids? Pathetic. Also it doesn't make sense that most of the adults from the first war are dead but all the kids live. Like did the war become safer or sm shit? Instead i would have loved it if the trio got away with things in the first few books, but then realised what a war against voldemort actually means later on. But they won't back down, and they'll still stick with their friend and fight for each other and the cause anyways, and that vil have real, legitimate consequences

Now, the second reason is that it would have been an amazing but heartbreaking callback to book 1. Ron sacrifices himself in a game of chess and Hermione says that there are more important things than books and cleverness, like friendship and bravery. Ron's line of "It's you who has to go on Harry, I know it! Not me, not Hermione, you!" would have also come full circle. Back then they were still 11, so they could still get their happy ending. Now they're in a real war and the stakes are higher, but they'll stick to what they started anyways. Ron sacrifices himself so the other 2 can move forwards, Hermione's intelligence gets her further but she still needs to part with Harry. Harry needs to leave them behind and face voldemort alone because that's how it was always meant to be

And finally, it would have given us a more bittersweet ending to the series instead of that vanilla 'all is well' epilogue. Harry has lost almost every one he loved. But there's still life, there's still hope, and he lives by cherishing their memories and making their sacrifice have meaning. Kinda like the ending of the hunger games. Ik this is a kids book, but Harry Potter as a series is incredibly deep and deals with a lot of fucked up shit, so I think it could handle it if it was written well.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

#harry potter #hermione granger #ron weasley #golden trio era #voldemort #death eaters #mauraders #marauders era #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #lily evens #severus snape #regulus black #first wizarding war #all these characters are SO much more skilled #but they ALL die while no one from the second generation does? #makes no fucking sense #hp meta #hp au #anti jkr #anti jk rowling #romione

[mike-haters-dni]

GIMMIE THE FUTURE MIKE HCS I BEG

oh boy here we go time to dig through my adopted oc's lore

The first thing you notice about post-coming-of-age Mike is that he holds his face a lot more softly. The teenage angst has burned away and revealed the tender, affectionate (and sometimes vaguely sad) core it was protecting. Make no mistake, the judgy bitch will still come out if the situation calls for it, but he no longer approaches every social interaction assuming the other person is going to hate him. Turns out he can actually be pretty charismatic when he doesn't feel the need to be a dick in preemptive self-defense.

The low self-esteem never completely goes away but it does diminish to the point where he can occasionally believe people actually like him and maybe he deserves to be happy. He even gets to the place where he can accept most compliments, except if you specifically imply he is either kind or attractive, which he will reflexively scoff at. The two things he can never truly believe about himself 😔. El finds this endlessly frustrating ofc.

During high school, Mike is the first one to get a car (birthday present from his rich parents) so it becomes his job to carpool everyone to school, as well as drive El anywhere she wants to go at any time. idk anything about cars but its black and pretty nice (Karen is absolutely treating her kids after they almost died in a monster war) and Mike lowkey mostly agrees to favors because he likes driving it around so much.

Actually no one else but Lucas gets a car bc why go through the hassle when you can just barge into Wheeler residence at any time and guilt Mike into driving you. He does have a driving toll however, and that is maintaining full control of the stereo, which he uses to blast hair metal.

(El fucking hates hair metal but she's too nice to admit that to Mike, who eventually figures that out on his own after seeing her visibly tense up whenever he plays it. She never fully admits to hating it but she also doesn't really deny it when he says that she obviously does. This also applies to 90's Mike getting into grunge)

The only reason El graduates high school is because Mike absolutely insists that she can and acts as her personal (unrelenting) tutor for the last half of 12th grade (love her but she's really not good at school), despite her best efforts to persuade him to just let her give up because "Did you know that you can legally drop out of school at 18?" ("Yes, but having a GED is really important if you want any opportunities in life." "…See I don't even know what that is." ":/") Luckily, Mike is a talented and very passionate Explainer of Things and took all the classes she's in last year (he's in AP classes now obv) so it all works out, though after she passes her last final she makes him swear to never ask her another math problem again.

After high school he tries to go to college for writing but ends up mysteriously losing the ability to focus on anything or be creative, which causes him to not do any assignments so he starts avoiding going to class out of shame. He rationalizes this as him being tired of school and not needing to go to school for a creative endeavor anyway haha (true), and he ends up dropping out. (Unfortunately, this is just the start of the college/post-college plot line, which is the gang all getting hit full force with the ptsd induced by the Everything upon entering adulthood but uh we don't have to get into that here hehe)

After (attempting) college, Mike and El (who get married at 18 ofc) move to Chicago and Mike gets a boring job as an editor or something just as an attempt to get a career going, but soon quits that as well bc if you're keeping up with the lore you'll remember that El is getting paid restitution by the government so neither of them actually have to work and he really doesn't like working a boring job just to attempt getting a career going. He then spends the next few years working ("working" sometimes) on personal projects, the main one being a sci-fi novel and, eventually, dming at a local game shop, where he becomes a bit of a local geek celebrity for his excellent dming skills and being a generally cool guy. His original campaigns and one-shots are particularly popular, and people keep suggesting that he start distributing them or maybe even sending something to TSR? Hmmm... not something Mike ever thought about doing but he does have the easiest time and most fun coming up with dnd stuff...no way that could be a real career path could it...hmm.....

Seriously tho Mike is like a master dm. You can ask him any obscure question about anything in the game and he can answer instantly with perfect accuracy. And like any passionate gamer he has many Opinions about the editions and a whole set of house rules he runs his games by.

I wasn't originally going to have him and El have kids but then I imagined Mike telling interactive bedtime stories to his 5-year-old daughter and idk man I think that has to exist. Its not until they're like early 30's tho. Also her name is Ava.

#phew i did it #this is a pretty long post but i still feel like ive barely scratched the surface idk #hes a vivid entity in my mind what can i say #ty for asking btw :) i very appreciate the excuse to Post #mileven

[noorhelming]

“What are you doing?” 

“Just writing, or trying to write an article for my Norwegian class.” 

“But you can't concentrate because William is all you can think about? What's going on?” 

“What's going on is that I'm in love with him. Like, seriously, madly in love.”

“Mmm.”

“Don't you ever feel like getting completely wasted and hooking up with people?”

“Sure.” 

“And what holds you back, then?”

“My faith is stronger than my lust. It just feels more important to me than drinking and hooking up.” 

“That's exactly it. There is nothing that feels more important to me than being with William, even though I know there should be.” 

“So why aren't you with him?” 

“Because he is a bad person.” 

“Why is he a bad person?” 

“First of all, he's very controlling.”

“In what way?”

“He tells me what I should say, do and feel.”

“And you don't dare to speak up?”

"Yes, yes, of course I do...”

“Does he get angry when you disagree with him? 

“No, not really. He just keeps arguing in such a way that I can’t come up with any counter arguments.”

“So what's the problem? That he's smarter than you?”

“No, that he tries to change my opinions.”

“But ... your opinions won’t change unless you think he's right.”

"Yeah, but I'm trying to be strong and independent! I can’t... Should I change my way of thinking for a guy, then?” 

“You're strong and independent when you know you can change your mind, no matter if it’s a guy that makes you change it. There is nothing wrong with him challenging the way you think. If you're not afraid to say what you think, then you don't have to worry about him controlling you.”

“He's violent though, he smashed a bottle on that guy's head.”

“Yes, okay. But why did he do that?”

“Because he has these fucked up ideas, that the world is driven by wars and violence. We're completely different. I am against war.”

“That's not why he smashed that bottle. He did it because he was angry and scared. Why was that?”

“I don't know.” 

“You didn’t ask him?” 

“No...”

“Okay. I think it's interesting to hear you say that you're against war. Wars don’t start with violence, they start with prejudice and misunderstandings.”

“Yeah... So?”

“If you say you want a world full of peace, you should at least try to understand why others think and act a certain way. You should accept that not everyone sees the world the same way you do. You can’t just believe that you alone have all answers to what’s right or wrong. If you haven't even made an attempt to understand the one you love, then that makes me pessimistic on behalf of the whole world. I'm not saying you have to be with him, but you can't make a decision without even trying to understand him.”

“There is Vilde, though.”

“Oh, Vilde.”

“I'm really afraid that she’ll be devastated.”

“I think you underestimate her. Vilde is the toughest of us all. She’s actually the first person I’d take to war with me. Just tell her, she'll be fine. After all, she knows William isn’t hers. Deep down.”

“Deep down, indeed.” 

“Deep, deep, really deep down, in the innermost cell of her body, there is an atom. In that atom, there’s a proton. In that proton, there’s a small sealed box. In that box, there’s another small box. And inside that box... that’s where she knows. Good luck with that. Seriously though, Noora. If nothing in the world matters more to you than being with William, at the very least you have to try to make it work. It doesn't necessarily means it will, maybe it all goes to shit, but that's life! You never know, unless you have a magic hijab like mine. In that case you know.” 

“And what does your magic hijab say about William and me?”

“It says, “Insha'Allah.””

“What does it mean? Is that a good or a bad thing? 

“Impossible to say. Could go either way.” 

“Okay. Who would have thought? Sana has a soft side.” 

“Don't you fucking dare tell people that!”

#Skam #Skam Edit #Skam OG #Noora Amalie Sætre #Sana Bakkoush #the way Sana understood William... #I've always wanted this friendship #s2 #2x08 #as always if you don't like Noorhelm don't 'hate' reblog this please and thank you

[moonflwer-gutz]

Mark and Cesar headcanons of all possible AUs of yours?? Please?? 😄

im only gonna talk about finding eden bc thats the only one where their dynamic with each other truly matters (poor unfortunate soul, only really mark is important and tmc spidey au they aren't fleshed out that much yet)

Oh they're brothers they are so brothers

Close as close can be and then some

Even though she was only really young at the time, Cesar took to talking to Sarah in Spanish. The plan was to get her to learn the language and grow up bilingual, yknow so she could broaden her horizons. But yeah that all stopped at the age of 5 because...you know. (she and her parents did still try to keep her at it with Spanish classes in school, though! she still knows enough to get by but doesn't use it much because it was something they shared. that was theirs. their clunky half-understandable half-incoherent conversations whenever he came over. Now there's no one to share it with anymore.)

Cesar actually was religious, just not as much as his mom or Mark.

Cesar's father was a Vietnam war medic vet who died when Cesar was around 10-11 years old due to post-war-related health complications that had been going on for years. Before he died, though, he was able to teach Cesar a lot of useful first-aid and medical stuff. Because of that, Cesar was usually the first person Mark would go to when he fucked up bad and got hurt. He has saved Mark from many an infected wound, extreme bleeding, getting shit stuck in wounds, and all that. The guy always has some small first-aid kit on him, and the second Sarah was born he started keeping fun little stickers and band-aids in there because he knew that he'd be taking care of scraped knees and the like.

Mark and Cesar became friends shortly after Cesar's father had died and it really helped Cesar from going down a dark path. They had known of each other because they went to the same church. The Heathcliffs also stopped by to pay respects to Mr. Torres since they had been acquaintances with Mrs. Torres (again through church), so Mark and Cesar caught glimpses of each other there too. Cesar would've been a really troubled kid had he not met Mark, I think. Mark really held him together through a lot, and vice versa.

Mark spent his final days absolutely cursing himself for letting something so terrible happen to Cesar, even if it wasn't his fault. He didn't even really know if Cesar was dead, just that this Alternate had taken his place and that he wasn't there to help. After all Cesar had done for him, all the physical and mental wounds he had helped patch up, Mark wasn't there when Cesar probably needed him the most. He died praying not only for the safety of the rest of his family but for the forgiveness of Cesar who he truly believed he had failed.

#finding eden au #fe mark #fe cesar #tmc au #tmc #moonflwer answers #moonflwer writes #mark heathcliff #cesar torres

[yeehawpim]

My long-winded love letter to D20

When I was in grade three, I didn’t think much about stories. I was a voracious reader— it was quiet and engrossing, all that could be asked of a kid at home. I walked the shelves of the city library in summer with eyes flitting from spine to spine, too excited about the possibilities now that it was summer reading club time, and my mom had to bring me there. I even wrote an endless stream of unfinished stories for class, the half-nonsensical kid stories that didn’t have endings.

But I never really thought of them as real. Not that the stories I read were real in the literal sense, but when I would later learn that people thought of themselves as going to Hogwarts, it was a concept completely foreign to me. Stories existed in a space apart from my little existence, where everything seemed to happen to other people. I wasn’t sad about it until I was older, when I couldn’t connect that my loneliness had to do with my tendency not to participate. How do you interact with friends when you’d rather watch them play video games than join in? How do you talk to people about the things you enjoy and what you feel when you don’t know that’s a thing you can do?

I have a mom who loves me, but would say “be careful” before she said “be kind,” and my parents almost never joked or played with my brother and I. We weren’t taught to look out for each other, just to get along and focus on school. How do you be around people who make you happy? How do you be kind for kindness’ sake, and not because you’re afraid any stranger will hurt you if you’re not polite?

I think the answers were always there, even if I didn’t see them. I read so much as a kid, Percy Jackson and Harry Potter and Bone, and even before that Geronimo Stilton and Captain Underpants and World of Wishes. They probably did teach me things, even though at the time all I was thinking about was fighting boredom.

But I don’t think all that really important stuff didn’t hit me until the past year or so, when I finally felt myself climbing out of the terrible time I was having after secondary education. Without getting into it, I was collapsing under a lot of stuff I didn’t understand as things I hadn’t processed started catching up. I finally scrounged up the energy to get actual counseling. I started to make friends I felt like I could go to if I was in trouble. 

One of my friends introduced me to D20, which I’d only been aware of through a single episode being played in our university dorm common room two years ago. It was the first episode of Fantasy High, and I thought it was good then but I didn’t go seek it out after. High school stories haven’t ever really clicked with me, I think because my own high school experiences were so different. (Don’t kill me, it’s totally a series I’ll get to someday. Someday. First I need to watch Pirates of Leviathan. And Coffin Run.) I found Bloodkeep on Youtube for free though, and after hearing there was a behind-the-scenes on Dropout immediately paid for it after finishing the series.

Then I heard Crown of Candy was like Game of ThronesXCandyland, and I had to see that. And then I saw a clip of Mice and Murder on Youtube with Rehka’s incredible nat 20 (you know the one, the one that fucked all of Brennan’s plans), and went to see that too. And so on and so forth.

For a long time, I enjoyed it pretty much the same way I enjoyed all media. It helped me when I was sad and didn’t have the energy to do anything, it was there to fill up the empty spots of boredom. Sure, I watched The Seven even though I wasn’t big on high school stories and immediately cried in the first episode. Nothing had even really happened yet. The PCs were just such good friends with each other, in a way I realized was what I desperately wanted to be at that age. Sure, when Ravening War came out I watched every upload and wrote fanfic, the most I’d ever managed to write anything since I was 12. Never mind I’d felt unable to create anything except for brief stints and mandatory school projects since high school, never mind that I was actually waking up excited to make something. 

I watched Dungeons and Drag Queens and was on edge for the first few episodes off my own fear of being watched while learning new things. By the end I was getting through whole episodes in one sitting because I needed to know what was going to happen. I cried like hell at the finale. The me that gets critical about plot holes shut the fuck up and it only mattered that the characters and the players were doing their best to be kind.

I know it’s a funny haha improvised show. I know obviously it’s a performance on screen, but I think somehow without me noticing it, D20 has given me stories that feel Real. Maybe because all the intrepid heroes and Brennan really are friends having fun even as they’re working. I think I saw them and all these stories and realized at some point that that’s actually possible. It feels obvious, of course it’s possible to laugh and joke with a group of friends and share something you all care deeply about. Of course, that’s a way to be happy with the people you love. Of course choosing kindness is the most radical thing you can do, of course it’s not stupid to care about things and try your hardest.

It all feels like stuff I should’ve fully absorbed as possible way sooner than now, already at 23. But I’m learning to be better to myself, and I’m glad that I got here and I’m still alive to think and write about it. I’m glad even though I don’t entirely know yet why I’m feeling better, I am able to feel like the things I make matter, that the things I do can make a difference even if it’s just to the one or two people that like my fanfic.

Maybe it wasn’t fully because of the silly little actual play show that I turned to for a smile when I was down, that’s probably too much to put on any piece of media. But D20 was definitely there through it with me, and it was there when I woke up at 5am today, unable to go back to sleep, wondering am I a person who believes in things now?

So I want to thank everyone who produces it, everyone on the art team, the intrepid heroes and Brennan, any guest star who was ever on it (incredibly special scream to Aabria and her Wuvvy and Karna, my beloveds. ALSO ERIKA AND DANIELLE.), literally from the deepest sincerest part of my heart. From someone who thought they wouldn’t make it alive at some point in the foggy future, thank you for making something that was there when I was in some of the worst times of my life and there for when I started to climb out.

I’m participating in the D20 zine jam now collabing with the friend who introduced me to D20, and I hope we can help raise money for WWRAP (Women’s Reproductive Rights Assistance Project)! Please go check out all the fan work that's coming out in August!!!

#dimension 20 #d20 #d20 zine jam #a crown of candy #the ravening war #the seven

[youngsamanda]

currently re-reading the hunger games trilogy and am on catching fire, these are my thoughts:

the rebellion would not exist without rue who is the INITIAL mockingjay it’s mockingjays being relevant to rue and the agriculture in work with that little tune signifying safety in the fields that then translates to katniss

the movies feel a little ... white savior-y with the obvious change of katniss being played by a grown white woman in the films like this is a sixteen yr old who ... realistically? is probably indigenous like it grinds my gears that she is white in the movies bc there is this whole point of the mother being a white woman who was shit on for marrying a coal miner who definitely WAS NOT A WHITE DUDE 

the racism and class differences between not only the capitol vs the districts but the districts themselves w the seam mostly being populated by people who are not described to be the fair skin blonde haired blue eyed people that are katniss’ mother and peeta’s family

the importance of knowing that just bc peeta’s family is better off in the stature of like having food they still are neglected as poor people in district 12 

madge should’ve been in the movie like what the fuck was that about it’s such a small role but so important to symbolize solidarity between the people in twelve which again!!! so important bc the capitol is always trying to turn them all against each other which is why the districts who are not rich and so easily brainwashed (in an effect of ignorance and also perhaps plato’s cave type bullshit bc they don’t actually see what’s going on in other districts) whereas in twelve we do see tht solidarity between them!!! is it great absolutely not but like gale even brings up this point

gale represents fighting/rebellion/war whereas peeta represents peace etc etc this is important in the aspect of the love triangle but also why the FUCK did they make gale just miserable in the movies he’s basically like completely downgraded as a character who wants to leave his horrible position but won’t try and make a run bc of his family into this friendzoned annoying ass dude 

i’m not even a gale defender im here for gale slander but whyyy

peeta was so funny and snippy in the books like you can’t tell me josh hutcherson wouldn’t have ate that shit up! 

peeta represents peace in the same way prim does and that’s where the dandelion symbolism comes in bc both primrose and dandelions are delicate flowers and peeta is soft and gentle and the exact type thing the capitol would want to break it does make me upset

peeta not loosing his leg in the movies is so stupid???? like???? it’s very important to the plot and so is katniss’ hearing getting fucked up and then fixed too well by the capitol it’s why she knows where the forcefield is in the catching fire arena and can hear the hum of the electric fence being on bc she was defeaned in one ear and the capitol tried to fix it like omg this makes me sooooo heated!!! not only is it disability rep but it also in peeta’s case shows how the glamorous capitol cannot fix everything and its the start of the victors still visibly being damaged from the games even when they scrape them all clean and pretty for the cameras

the absolute nuance of knowing that the careers are antagonistic but not villains they are children who are brainwashed into thinking this is their life purpose i will say cato’s speech was a nice addition to the movie but it really does drive me nuts how easily glossed over them being children is like yes!!! cato is very big and hulking and scary but he literally doesn’t know another purpose in life

cato holding clove as she died!!! again!!!! THEY ARE CHILDREN!!!!! NOT THE ENEMY #1 HERE!!!

the one scene with katniss and thresh where he establishes respect for her/her taking care of rue in her death yeah i cried what about it 

there’s so much more but yeah i only finished book one and am at the beginning of catching fire right now and it’s been a decade since i’ve read these and i have so many thoughts 

#kisses to finnick odair i love u #this is my ramble of the day

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Marlene thought Dorcas was a pretentious bitch. Just like the rest of her friends. They were brainless girls who only talked about makeup and boys.

Marlene hated what Dorcas represented. Such a superficial princess. None of them cared about important issues. They thought they were better than everyone else just for having money. Marlene's family was considerably rich too. But she didn't walk around bragging about it. Marlene's friends were different. They cared about deep stuff.

But what Marlene hated the most was that Dorcas was so pretty, it was annoying.

Marlene wasn't a beautiful girl. She was funny looking and sometimes she hated what she saw in the mirror. She was skinny and flat.

So it was annoyingly funny how Dorcas was effortlessly pretty.

Most people at school agreed it was Alice the prettiest girl. But Dorcas had her appealing too. And God! Marlene hated to think that way.

She had to stop herself from looking at her now and then. Sure, she had beauty but she surely had nothing in her brain.

For Dorcas, Marlene McKinnon was an interesting person. Marlene was loud and funny. She was chaotic and said what she wanted when she wanted. She was strong. She was nothing of what Dorcas was. Sometimes Dorcas wished she had the confidence Marlene had. She wished she could tell everyone to fuck off and be more herself. She wished she could tell her mother what she thought, what she wanted.

Sometimes Dorcas admired Marlene from afar. Especially when she jumped to defend one of her friends, or claim something that wasn't fair. Dorcas sometimes found herself biting her lip to not smile at Marlene's funny comments.

But no. Maybe Dorcas' friends were right. Marlene McKinnon sometimes thought she could change the world. But someone had to put her in her place. Someone needed to shut her up. Sometimes Marlene McKinnon was annoying. Dorcas was jealous and angry because Marlene was everything she wanted to be.

Comically, they had to compete in the atheism test that morning. The two groups of girls had chosen Marlene and Dorcas to represent them. Marlene had trained rugby practically her whole life. And Dorcas trained ballet ever since she could remember. They both were in good shape.

Before Madam Hooch blew the whistle, there was a fatal war being prepared. The two groups were killing each other with their eyes.

"This would be easy. You are totally gonna win!" Mary whispered in Marlene's ear.

"Are you sure?"

Dorcas was stretching already. Marlene couldn't look away.

"She is a dancer... What does she do? Flip and turn? You play rugby. Bet you run faster"

"Of course this is not an actual competition. Just a P. E class" Lily smiled.

Mary rolled her eyes.

"Fucking destroy her, Marly"

"I believe in you, Cas" Alecto was telling Dorcas in the meanwhile "You totally have this"

"Of course I have this"

"Marlene plays Rugby" Alice intervened "She is good at running"

"Al! What side are you on?"

"I am faster than her" Dorcas said side glancing at Marlene. She was sure of it. She wanted to be faster.

"Show those ordinary bitches who rules this school" Alecto snorted at her own comment and crossed her arms confidently.

"We believe in you, girl" Joss added, popping her bubblegum.

Dorcas smiled. Marlene was sweating everywhere.

"Places, girls!"

Dorcas and Marlene walked to the start line. They shook their bodies and streched for the last time. Their respective friends cheered for them.

Both girls wanted to look at each other. But none of them dared. Anyway, both Dorcas and Marlene had thrist of a sweet victory and see the other's face when they lose.

"Ready?" Madam Hooch announced.

Dorcas and Marlene adopted the start position, with their eyes determined on the front.

As soon as Madam Hooch blew her whistle, both girls began running as fast as they could. So fast that the girls' cheerings stayed way behind.

They were both very good. They were running at the same speed. Very close to each other.

Marlene was the one to look first. Just for a second. Dorcas' concentration face made her smile. She was red already. But not in a bad way. She was still pretty. Her hair perfectly combed in a ponytail. Marlene probably looked terrible.

"Nice speed, Meadowes..." Marlene commented "For a ballet dancer"

That comment made Dorcas lose focus. She was suddenly very angry. No one got it. Ballet was a very hard sport. It required more discipline than any other. Even rugby.

Dorcas' desconcentration gave Marlene advantage and she left Dorcas a bit behind, very pleased with herself.

Dorcas got even more furious. She wanted to pull that girl's hair. And push her to the ground.

That determination made Dorcas run faster. Marlene was smiling relaxed when Dorcas reached her. Dorcas pushed her a bit too hard before running past her.

"Hey!" Marlene protested.

Now it was Dorcas' turn feel a momentary triumph. She smiled to herself. But Marlene was just behind her. She pushed Dorcas as well. As sweet revenge.

But it wasn't a small push. Dorcas actually dropped to the floor with a shriek. Marlene stopped smiling. And she stopped running. She hadn't pushed her that hard, had she?

"You pushed me!" Dorcas yelled indignated.

She was grabbing her arm now. It was bleeding. Dorcas' face was full of dirt. And her hair wasn't so perfect anymore.

Marlene felt guilty.

"You freaking pushed me!" Dorcas shouted louder. Just in time for Madam Hooch to hear her.

"What is going on?"

Madam Hooch looked between the two girls. Dorcas was furious. Like she wanted to kill Marlene. The latter just shook her head. Perhaps in shock of what had happened.

"Come on, Miss Meadowes" Hooch said, understanding what had happened and helping Dorcas get to her feet "I'll take you to see Pomfrey"

Dorcas groaned as she stood up, helped by Hooch.

"You'll have to visit Dumbledore's office" Hooch said looking at Marlene.

"She pushed me first!" Marlene protested "She is a cheater!"

Dorcas glanced at her furiously.

"I wasn't the one to push you to the ground, you beast!"

Marlene got furious. She hated when people called her an animal or a beast. Sometimes she didn't feel delicate enough.

"I'll show you how much of a beast I am!" Marlene snapped coming closer, willing to hit this girl or something. But Madam Hooch out herself between them.

"I meant both of you, Ladies" she tutted "You didn't have to be this competitive"

Oh but they had to. This was more than an athletic exercise. It was about dignity. It had been years and years of hating each other. Of their groups being rivals.

They both stared at each other with hate.

Brainless vs Interesting. Marlene thought.

Brutal vs decent. Dorcas thought.

************''

After a heated argument at Dumbledore's office, Marlene defending she only pushed Dorcas because she pushed her first. And Dorcas calling Marlene wild and reckless.

"I thought P. E. was supposed to be safe. But she almost killed me!"

"Oh please pretty princess" Marlene rolled her eyes "You just broke your nail or something"

"My arm literally bled!"

Marlene gasped "I didn't know plastic dolls could bleed"

Dumbledore wasn't angry. He mainly laughed at Marlene and Dorcas' bickering.

"I think these two need some time alone..." he said "To get to know each other better and make all the misunderstandings go away" he winked "Don't you agree, Rolanda?"

Madam Hooch blinked.

"Oh yeah, certainly"

Dumbledore smiled.

"You can decide the punishment"

At the end, Marlene and Dorcas had to arrange the sports cellar which was actually a mess to begin with. Balls, sports equipment, and some old smelly uniforms were everywhere. But the worst part was spending two hours with each other. Yeah, Madam Hooch gave them TWO HOURS!

"Please don't kill each other in the process" Madam Hooch said. Both girls had their arms crossed staring to the other side.

"Or break anything..." Hooch added "I'll be back in an hour to check up on you"

Madam Hooch left not before looking between two girls. She was afraid they would get into more trouble.

Nor Marlene or Dorcas spoke after Hooch closed the door. They were both furious. Then after a long silence, Dorcas spoke first.

"Let's just get this over with" she sighed as she grabbed her hair in a ponytail "The faster we do it, the faster we can go"

Marlene smiled.

"I am not planning on moving a finger!" Marlene snapped "I didn't do anything wrong"

"You literally pushed me to the floor!"

It was cute how Dorcas put her hands on her hips when she was angry. She looked like a pissed mother about to scold her child.

"Only because you pushed me first!" Marlene snapped "And come on! I didn't push you that hard... Are you that delicate, princess?"

Dorcas didn't want to admit that perhaps she had exaggerated all of it. She had been furious and scared that McKinnon might win. And her mother had taught her to be competitive. Her arm bled but she could've kept on running. She had hurt herself a lot of times during ballet.

"Look!" Dorcas took a deep breath "I didn't come here to discuss with you. I am here to serve detention. If you don't want to work, fine. But so you know, I will tell Madam Hooch about it"

It was that air of superiority that drove Marlene insane. She hated Dorcas for that. She hated all of her friends for that.

"Fine!" Marlene exclaimed and sat down on a box.

"FINE!" Dorcas snapped back and turned to work. Not before adding. "You bitch" under her breath.

At first Dorcas started moving some balls reluctantly. Marlene began singing a song and looking at her nails in a relaxing way. She could be a bitch if she wanted to.

Dorcas rolled her eyes every two seconds. Marlene had nothing against her. She was actually sorry that someone so pretty would hate her. Wait what?

It wasn't until Marlene saw Dorcas trying to move a heavy equipment and failing that she decided to help. Dorcas' arm was hurt anyway.

"Let me..." she said as she approached "I have stronger arms"

Marlene started moving the equipment.

"I have strong arms as well" Dorcas snapped "But one of them bled because you pushed me!"

"Only because you pushed me first!"

"You know what, McKinnon?" Dorcas said "Everyone was right about you. You are a crazy phsyco bitch that would do anything to have whatever she wants"

"At least I do something! You don't even use your brain" Marlene smiled poking Dorcas' head "Hello? Is there a tiny braincell alive?"

Dorcas pushed her hand away. And Marlene giggled. Dorcas didn't, she was determined to stay angry. Marlene found this hilarious.

They were interrupted by Dorcas' phone ringing. She took it out from her pocket and cursed before picking up.

"Hello?"

Marlene could hear screaming from the other side of the line. Dorcas closed her eyes in frustration.

"It was not a big deal, mum!" she tried to say over the yelling.

"I'm fine! I didn't hurt myself!" Dorcas added as Marlene pretended to clean a shelf but she was paying attention to the conversation.

"I am perfectly fine for practice!" Dorcas continued "No! I told you it is not neccesary for you to come here. I am fine.... No... I don't know the name of the girl..." Dorcas eyed at Marlene "It is okay. It wasn't a big deal.... No one needs to be expelled..."

Woow... Expelled?

"Okay mum.... I know... I know...." Dorcas rolled her eyes "I have to go... I will call you later"

Dorcas hung up indignated.

"I see where you get that exaggerated personality from, princess"

Dorcas sighed.

"Just thank I didn't tell my mum how you almost killed me"

Was that a smile on Dorcas' face?

"That's what I am talking about... Exaggerated..."

"She is constantly scared that I would damage  her investment..."

"Her investment?"

"Me... My body..." Dorcas explained "I have to become the ballet dancer that she used to be. Even better... So she has my future all planned out so she is scared that by not taking care of my body, she will lose everything"

"Dude... You just bled a little bit"

"Only that gets her nervous" Dorcas shrugged.

Marlene was reminded of her brother Adam. And how her father wanted the same from him. Marcus wanted for Adam to be the next rugby star. Just like he used to be. So he pressured him a lot.

"Sometimes I feel like my mum doesn't care about me. Just about the potential dancer I could be"

Marlene noticed the sadness in her words. So she said:

"My dad does the same with my brother... Adam..." Marlene took a seat.

"I know all about your family... I know who your brother is" Dorcas took a seat next to her.

"A whinny twat?"

Dorcas giggled at that. Marlene realized it felt nice to make her laugh.

"Adam is a wanker but my dad pressures him a lot sometimes... He forgets he is his son"

What Dorcas didn't know was that sometimes Marlene wished she was in Adam's position. To feel good enough and worth it to be trained by her father. But she was a girl. And for Marcus McKinnon girls weren't good enough.

"My mum pressures me a lot as well" Dorcas added "Sometimes I feel like I need to be perfect all the time and it is exhausting"

Dorcas hadn't told this to anyone but somehow with Marlene it was easy. Or perhaps it was her constant need to compete, this time about whose parent was worse.

Marlene was trying to settle her feet in a gym ball. Dorcas smiled.

"I need to have the perfect grades and be perfect at ballet... No alcohol or drugs... No junk food... And there's also this pressure of being a cool teenager who has friends, drinks and gets high at parties..."

"Damn..." Marlene said "You sound even more stressed than my mum... And her job is so demanding that she has to work on the weekends"

"Sorry..." Dorcas bit her lip.

"It's okay..." Marlene smiled "Now I feel bad for pushing you. That was crappie of me"

Dorcas chuckled "Yeah it was"

"But you pushed me first!" Marlene added smiling.

Dorcas smiled too.

"Okay, McKinnon, I pushed you first"

Marlene giggled. Now her feet were playing with the ball. There were silent for a while. Dorcas touched her bandage. And Marlene felt guilty again.

"You don't only think about boys and makeup, right?"

Dorcas looked at her.

"Ha?"

"You're not just a plastic doll, yeah?" Marlene added "I just... I thought you were different... I got you all wrong"

"I'm not a plastic bitch..." Dorcas tutted "Neither are my friends..." she added "We are more profound than you think, you know?"

"Oh yeah?" Marlene raised an eyebrow "Even Alecto?"

Dorcas giggled "Even Alecto"

"I mean she cried the other day because one of her nails broke"

Dorcas snorted "She has been spoiled her whole life. Her father adores her... I mean he bought her another phone the other day because the last one was a bit scratched..."

Marlene giggled "No..."

Dorcas laughed too.

"And Joss keeps one of those little bottles of booze in her purse just in case she needs to have fun"

"What?"

"She never drinks it anyway..." Dorcas giggled.

"They amaze me by their intelectual brains!" Marlene said sarcastically. Dorcas laughed. Marlene couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Can I ask you something?"

Dorcas nodded.

"Is Josephine's gum made of... Marihuana?" she whispered the last word.

Dorcas chuckled.

"What? No!"

"It is just that she chews gum all day and there are a lot of rumors running around"

Dorcas shook her head and laughed a bit more.

"It is regular gum...." Dorcas said "I think"

Marlene giggled.

"They are my friends and I like them though" Dorcas added "Alice too"

Marlene thought about Mary and Lily. She would do anything for them. She loved them.

"I know what you mean" Marlene nodded.

Dorcas smiled. Marlene did too. They weren't so different after all.

************

"I heard you want to be Team Captain next year"

They decided to get to work finally. It wasn't that bad. They got distracted by conversation. Somehow it was easy to tell each other stuff. As if they were the bestest of friends. Dorcas was enjoying the little smiles Marlene gave her each time she helped her with something heavy.

"Oh yeah..." Marlene answered embarrassed "It would be cool"

"Everyone just assumed the Captain for Gryffindor would be James Potter"

Marlene rolled her eyes.

"That wanker is confident about it and that pisses me off"

"I think it is cool" Dorcas smiled "You would be a good Captain"

Marlene blushed. She didn't know why. She wasn’t used to people complementing her rugby skills. Her friends didn't care about sports and the boys supported James.

"Thanks..."

"So what's the plan?"

"The plan?"

"Yeah... To win the spot from Potter"

"I was going to bribe him with a date with Lily..." Marlene said and Dorcas chuckled "But Lily was not willing to help me so..."

"Can I give you an advice?"

"Yeah"

"Just show everyone how passionate you are about rugby. How you actually care about the team"

It was actually good advice. It sounded so simple. But Marlene was scared to not be good enough.

"I thought you would want Slytherin to win the cup" she said curiously "Why would you give me advice?"

"Because I would love to see a girl Captain at Hogwarts"

Marlene smiled.

"Have you ever thought about playing rugby?"

Dorcas shook her head.

"Rugby is not my thing. Ballet is" Dorcas explained "But I enjoy watching people play"

Marlene smirked "I think ballet is really cool... I mean I would look ridiculous dancing it..."

Dorcas chuckled.

"But it is nice... You definitely do a great job at it"

Dorcas blushed. Only because she adored when people complemented her dancing. She was constantly putting herself down.

"Uuh!" Marlene approached happily, with a mischievous smile on her face. Dorcas couldn't help but smile.

"What if we exchange lesson for lesson?"

Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"I will teach you about rugby and you teach me about ballet" Marlene shrugged.

But she was smiling, very excited about the idea.

"That would be cool" Dorcas nodded "I would love to see you dancing, McKinnon. Something tells me you have two left feet"

Marlene gasped "Excuse me?"

Dorcas laughed.

"They say I move my butt very smoothly, thank you"

"Very smoothly?" Dorcas teased.

Marlene laughed. Dorcas was smiling.

"No but really..." Marlene took out her pinky "Promise?"

Dorcas grabbed her pinky with hers.

"Promise"

They laughed in a silly way. But they didn't move their hands away. They stayed like that for a second, with her fingers intertwined and giving at each other shy looks.

"I guess... You're not a brainless bitch Meadowes..." Marlene whispered.

"And you're not a Reckless beast, McKinnon" Dorcas whispered back.

Marlene chuckled at that. Dorcas giggled. They still hadn't moved their hands.

They only did it when Madam Hooch crossed the door.

"Girls..." she said with a smile "I see you have become great friends"

"Friends? Nah... I hate her ass" Marlene said sarcastically.

"And she is so annoying... God..." Dorcas added with the same tone.

Madam Hooch smiled.

"Well, you had one hour left and you didn't finish cleaning.... But I decided I will let you guys go..."

"God, really?" Marlene asked.

"Yeah" Hooch nodded "But behave nicely"

"Come on, Hooch... You know me..."

"Get out of here, McKinnon"

"Okay"

Dorcas laughed as she followed Marlene outside. Once they were out of that shed, they realized they had come back to the reality. A reality in which they belonged to different worlds. Rugby, Ballet. Gryffindor, Slytherin. The Knights, The Marauders. Would it be possible for them to be friends? Both of them wanted to hang out and see each other again. Was that pathetic?

"I will..."

"Yeah"

"See you around"

"Of course..."

They both smiled.

"Bye McKinnon..."

"Bye Meadowes"

And they both walked away in different directions.

#marauders #maraudersera #muggle au #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #dorlene #rivals to lovers #dorcas x marlene

[divinekangaroo]

I’m loving your new fic w the pov being from the Doctor’s— to see Tommy’s life from the outside. You mentioned darling Lizzie quite often, and to see her and Ada in parallel pushing Tommy to therapy or whatnot because they are the only two with hope left in him :

“‘My sister,’ Shelby said. ‘And my wife. They encouraged it. I never told them much. The people who love us have a habit of laying on labels that are unwanted and often not true.’”

Him acknowledging Lizzie’s love for him (and Ada’s) i would imagine is a big turning point— however then he mentions that his wife needs to have clothes and jewels worth twice as much as the ones the women wear who step into his foyer. Which makes me think of her more as property, arm candy. But then I see this;

“…and beneath that dress she wore her old boots, like a Cossack on the run.’”

And i think of lizzie and her humble roots and i love her lol. And i think that grounds her to a post with tommy as well.

“I sometimes fuck my wife. I once fucked other women, but I don't fuck other women no more.”

The instance of him saying “no more” twice in the fic is so important to his character.. i feel like he tries to be so posh to a point and this is so not. But on the quote itself, what do you believe was his reasoning behind this, and when did he stop fucking other women? Does he know make love to his wife in his head, or is lizzie to fed up with him to even want to fuck? Or is she in this last stage of trying so hard to “fix” their relationship that it might even feel like making love to him?

Thank you for your feedback! I'm so glad all the little details are being enjoyed and love hearing how they're interpreted.

The language structure Tommy uses in the show absolutely fascinates me as to what it means to his state of mind. I don't know if it's the scriptwriters or CM's layer, but the switching from Tommy's almost-proper English into deep working class grammatical structures, and then whatever the hell was going on in S6 which was almost archaic -- I try so hard to embed that into the writing. The "no more" was from his final conversation in Michael in S6 and it's stuck with me. I use it with very specific intent. So am very pleased this comes across.

Onto the question when did he stop fucking other women?

My rambling headcanon mixed with aspects of canon:

He stopped hiring prostitutes in S4, after his Christmas Eve fail!prostitute (he didn't even take his reading glasses off; he looked at that woman partially naked and shook his head and paid her to leave, and she was all, dude I might even do you for free Xmas special, and he nearly had a traumatic flashback to Lizzie and sent her off and went back to his book).

During the rest of S4 getting prostitutes was noted as difficult (needed vetting to avoid an italian assassin) so I imagine he didn't bother. But meanwhile, he was reaching out (Jessie, Lizzie, May) for some kind of meaningful connection.

End of S4, all the deferred trauma of Grace's death that he couldn't acknowledge because he had to get through S3 and then S4, catches up to him. And this is crushingly compounded by how he never dealt with the war trauma in the first place. And his brother's death. So now he has combined childhood, war, brother and wife trauma.

Post S4 and before S5 is about 4 years after marrying Lizzie. Here I imagine monogomy by default - he was too busy with trauma repression and learning how to be an MP and drinking and opium addiction and actually having a wife ready and available to seek out other women. But also, opium kills libido (desire) and erections (actual physical capability), so even with a wife ready and available they probably had mostly crappy sex. It would have started ok, warm and desperate, as I do think marrying Lizzie was him partly using her to try to address the trauma, and declined over time as his addictions and unstable behaviour increased. Imagine, Tommy swinging between a week of crazy all-night drunken marathons and then weeks where he initiates nothing because he can't even get hard, and Lizzie's quietly burning up next to him, assuming he must be spending it on other women because all that lust doesn't just...go away, right?

I also think he never thinks 'i am monogamous now because I'm married' because 1) he feels he has the right to be non-monogamous and 2) he's confident he'll break monogamy at some point, as his father did, as Arthur did, as John does without care. But, he sort of doesn't want to, because it's just another 'fated to bad things' / 'fated to be bad' sensibility; he won't think 'I am monogamous' because it'll hurt him when he breaks yet another promise, but he behaves monogamously because it's no extra skin off his back to do so, if that makes any sense?

S5 starts, and there he is, monogamous by default or laziness for four years after marriage, while his relationship with Lizzie is deteriorating for other reasons to the point of divorce. He then reconnects with Jessie; he looked like he was trying to work himself up to having sex and got so plastered, similar to how drunk he was with Tatiana. Then he self-sabotaged any sex: deliberately offending Jessie in so many ways, ending with his (hilarious) lurching/looming across the table proposition, and she leaves in disgust. And he went back home to Lizzie and they had that super interesting 'here are my conditions where I will accept your infidelity' / 'i own you but will also let you into my head (give you intimacy) sometimes' scene. I picture him telling Lizzie in anger he was going out that night to fuck Jessie, and when he came home early, Lizzie realised he didn't, therefore offered herself/her conditions for her staying with him.

Then there is S6 which has the S5 trauma load added on: Polly's death, his fear of fascist war, and his failure with Mosley. The failure with Mosley is also a sexualised kind of thing (literally in my AU, but canonically) with how Mosley has attacked Tommy's wife, Tommy's symbols of power and Tommy's territories, making Tommy feel impotent. So it looks like Tommy's honoured his deal to 'let Lizzie in sometimes' because he has a much more intimate relationship with Lizzie in S6, but it's still broken, this broken-carer relationship. He is pouring so much energy into restraining his impulses and addictions, I cannot imagine a very good sex life. Immediately post his detox, I imagine he goes through a period of feeling like he's got to do better, and being better/more intimate with Lizzie is part of this, but I imagine across four years it declines downwards until we reach that point in the season where Lizzie feels like having sex is a box he's ticking off on a list.

During those S6 years, I shift into the headcanon which is: he has Lizzie's conditions where infidelity is acceptable, and yet still doesn't indulge because he's tired from too much self restraint, because maybe abiding by Lizzie's conditions might not hurt her but breaking his marriage vows (behaving like this father) would hurt him, and so. I frequently have him think about fucking other women, including 'fuck this, I'm going to a hotel and getting that escort', because he also has that mentality that it's his absolute right to do that, but just not doing it and not thinking too hard about why he's not.

He does have the prostitute he has sex with in America in S6, but I'm contemplating MAYBE writing what I think happens there, so will pause that thought. It's definitely weighted by what I think was at least four months of a trade mission. So maybe once or twice in America. (In my fic, he's yet to leave for America so he can say he's not fucked other women.)

So, it's always fucking in his head, not making love, but I don't feel like this is derogatory or bad for Lizzie, because in my head she also thinks of it as fucking. I don't think either of them with their pasts put any weight in 'making love'. But I think over time there is an ease to it between them, and sometimes sex is very comforting or very intense, in a way that having someone long term can be; an ability to be more intimate and exposed, to do things like talk about sex (liked that, didn't like that).

I think I remember writing Lizzie thinking most of their sex was like having a mutual wank except with bodies, and that to me is their main married couple mode. Which, alas, is not super interesting to write, which is why I'll write the all-night marathon instead...

[hella1975]

i was recently thinking about how absolutely Formative taob was for me as a young writer. like obviously there's kanut, some of my first ace rep and objectively a fantastic character (non-magical war medic in a magical setting that for some reason speaks like a snarky Northern British person? absolutely brilliant even without the character arc that makes me go balls to the walls insane) and there's tovah who i vividly remember losing my shit over when the chapter came out revealing she was a White Lotus and there's tomkin and nanook and every beloved oc. but there's MORE! your use of extended metaphor makes me cry, scream, shake a stick at god, etc. i was like 15, maybe late 14 when i started reading taob and now im 17 and taking my first Real Smart People AP English Language class and when i tell you i would NEVER understand how to analyze motifs like i do if it weren't for taob? shoutout to you for singlehandedly freeing me from the hell of covid-era american school system "English class". you're still one of my top favorite writers of all time, but when i had taob brainrot like no other, you were THE example of "write exactly what the fuck you want and make it good and someone will find it meaningful" which is like the most important lesson a young writer needs to hear. like, actually, Hella. your work is so meaningful. i still think about the Northern Lights scene and the Library Murder scene (oh my god the way you wrote that murder as a tragedy committed to protect someone younger (zi se) and the way Lee's death was also a tragedy committed to protect someone younger (tomkin nanook and the kids). yeah.) and the scene where zuko and sokka go out in the rain. and the zuko saves chena from lightning scene. maybe i should reread taob. oh my god when i started reading taob i was still a girl, that's fucking hilarious, shoutout to zuko for transing my gender. anyways

this is such a crazy ask to receive like once i was 15 maybe late 14 needing to see and hear all of these things and now you're telling me that when you were 15 maybe late 14 i was the one to do that for you. im staring at a wall rn

#ur gonna make me CRY #ask #taob asks

[romanarose]

hello, how are you? 👋 :)

can i get letter Q with any of the moon boys? 😊

Hi! I am.... stressed with school lol. But, it's Rosh Hashanah so I'm trying to look at it as a fresh start. thanks for asking!

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Steven: Steven remembers everything, fuckers got an encyclopedic memory, it's insane. It's funny, he used to think his memory was shit, missing chunks of time. Now that he knows why that is, he realizes he has a great memory, and he puts it to use for you. He remembers your class and work schedule so he doesn't call and bother you (he could never bother you, but thats beside the point), what foods you like and dont like, he knows exactly where on your back always seems to hurt so he can rub it while you watch tv. He might not always be the most observant of them: maybe he won't notice that you aren't a fan of green beans, bc you always eat them don't you? well of course you eat them, he made them for you! it's not that he doesn't notice bc he's not paying attention, he's just so in love, sometimes he's distracted. But if you tell him you don't actually like green beans, he'll never make them again.

Marc: oh marc, he tries. He really does. But you don't go through everything Marc went through and come out with fully functioning brain power. What he does remember, however, he remembers in detail. Remember the room filled with all the people he's killed? Marc's the kind of person who remembers the name of your 8th grade best friend who fucked you up but not remember that you can speak french. He remembers he big stuff though, anything to do with your safety or happiness. He knows what you don't want during sex, and any allergies you have and he knows what triggers or upsets you. His struggle with the small things just makes it all the more sweet when he remembers your favorite movies or songs. it just means he put extra effort into remembering. Marc does, however, notice everything (i bet you're on the blog from that fic, arent you?) and if it's important enough, he'll maul over it until it's in his long term memory

Jake: Observant son of a bitch. Thats his whole thing. Observing. If you read SSSB, Jake doesn't front much, and he prefers it that way. During Christmas, he spent a lot of time just observing everyones different dynamics and little details. Jake is the one who knows everything, he knows you like rye better than pumpernickel and can list the star wars movies from your favorite to least favorite, although he doesn't even like them. Being the one who previously only showed up rarely, he had a lot of time to just.... think. You know those people in english classes who get really focused on character analysis? thats jake with everyone in marc and steven's lives. That's he fell in love with you, the small things. When Marc went under the table to grab a pen he dropped, you covered the corner of the table in case he hit his head. And for those reading SSSB, despite Jake's initial reservations, he came to love Sam as a friend because of how she cared for Marc and Steven.

send me a letter and a character from moon knight or star wars!

#moon knight thoughts #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley

[inkwardspots]

Thank you to my wonderful friend @racfoam for tagging me!

For mine, I'll tag @deardiary17, @loupettes and @gingerteaonthetardis and whoever else wishes to join!

Now, let's get started:

Rules:

post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

and your number 1 favourite line you've written this year!

5 WORKS

home is where the hearts are (and my hearts are a universe away)

OR: 10K worth of the Doctor being an angsty mess (as usual) with Martha along for the ride.

I spent nearly a whole year on this one. So darn long, and yet it left me the most fulfilled. It's one of those ideas that have niggled away in my head for so long and took so long to refine that I felt the greatest relief when I posted it.

This one, I can say for sure, is a labour of love.

all she knows is how to survive (but, tell me, how do you die?)

Harry Potter, The Girl-Who-Lived-Twice (or is it thrice?) and Dark Lord Defeater, is a bit fucked in the head. Dealing with PTSD and being classed 'mentally unstable', trying to convince Andromeda to let her have a life with Teddy and now having to parent the baby of her arch nemesis is not how she imagined she would be spending her twenties (or her thirties, actually).

Watch as she deals with parenthood, PTSD, a career as a Hogwarts Professor and with being thrust back in time face-to- face with her daughter's Dark Lord father and her slightly-less-unhinged but equally terrifying just-married mother.

This one, though fun to write, can be very mentally and emotionally draining because of its heavy nature. A lot of the description here I love; I think its very vivid! I also love writing not only the moments of Harry's weaker and more vulnerable moments but also the moments of friendship between the golden trio as they help her pull through after the war. The reason this can be so tiring and overwhelming to write sometimes is because it pulls on a lot of moments from my mental struggles, so although it is hard, I think this story is an important one to tell.

the world is small (but my heart is large)

Harri James Potter's world is small.

It focuses on her mum, her tiny council flat, her crap school and the library where she hides away.

She does not want a Hogwarts letter.

She does not want a soulmate.

(Too bad she gets that and more.)

I didn't expect this to get as much attention as it did, but I enjoy writing it! It's fun to delve into Harri's mind and explore a Voldemort-Wins world. The reason I'm most proud of it is that it's one of the few multi-chap fics that I have been continuously writing for and because multiple people have told me it's their comfort fic! That makes me incredibly happy, that these silly characters in this silly world with their falls and their triumphs are able to comfort readers in their times of sadness!

The Stronger Her Hearts Beat (The Faster Fate Unravels)

Jenny is supposed to be dead. But, unfathomably, she is alive.

Her hearts beats for her family and she relishes each day - loves the adventure, the mishaps, the mayhem. And yet, sometimes her hearts can't take the loving and losing. Sometimes she wonders why her dad looks so sad and smiles so wide. Sometimes, she feels something is missing and her hearts twinge at the name 'Rose' like a confusing familiarity - one she knew so long ago but now can't recall at all.

She can't put a face to the name, and yet, she soon might.

This one is - theoretically - the closest of all my fics to one day be marked 'complete'. I enjoy writing the Jenny and her comforting her dad, but also all the plot twists and AU's within this AU to come! That is, if I could only write it down...

i have fallen through the weaves of time (only to happen upon you, the purveyor of my heart)

Hydrangea Jamie Potter does not mean to travel through time. Nor, in fact, does she intend to befriend Abraxas Malfoy with his snotty attitude after saving him from a night time excursion with ghosts. She doesn't, actually, want to befriend Orion Black either, seeing as he always seems on the edge of madness and yet can't help but endear himself to Hydra.

She especially doesn't want the curious (and frankly creepy) attention of fifth year Tom Riddle or of a younger, less eccentric Professor Dumbledore who seems to be on to her. She doesn't want any of this, but she has it.

She has it and she hates it - she just wants to go home after all, and yet, as she watches Orion tease Brax and battles Tom Riddle for the life of Myrtle Warren, she realises it may not be so easy to leave after all.

She is trapped here, after all, and so is her heart.

Ahh, another time-travel fic! As you can see, I have a preference...This one is the most interesting two write in the terms that I don't have wait for the time travel bit because Hydra's already plunged head first into it during the beginning of her third year. It's one of my more fast-paced fics, which I'm proud of seeing as I always seem to create tense, long-fics, haha!

4 WIPS

human nature au with nine

basic premise based on a tag game:

After an encounter with the Family of Blood, The Doctor decides to take some drastic action and erase his memories with a contraption called the 'Chameleon Arch'. He says its the best way to save the both of them, but Rose isn't so sure, certainly not when the TARDIS malfunctions and plops them in right in the middle of WW2...

John Smith is an admirable schoolteacher, especially in the midst of war. He's stern, smart, and academic and veteran himself; he's much adored by the residents of Farringham School for Boys. With patriotic movement calling to arms the loyalty of every man, woman and child, the school and it's village sees John Smith as a man of honour. However, not all is as it seems, especially when despite being fit for service, he does not register himself. Whilst during the day he is questioned for his patriotism, by night he is plagued by dreams of a blue box and visions of aliens in hiding, flashes of war and destruction, giant, talking pepper pots, a red lit sky and a woman who keeps disappearing into a pool of golden light.

As he grows closer with the newly appointed librarian Rose Tyler, enthralled by her shining mind and warm heart, as well as the fact that she is not afraid to challenge his own ideals, whispering of German spies within the small village stir, and as the evidence mounts itself against her, John Smith wonder how Rose Tyler, temptress of the mind and heart, is in anyway involved.

black and white tomarry soulmate au

Dora Black has lived twenty-four lives in monochrome, all except the first where she was 'Harry Potter'. She is racy, obscene and dangerous - nothing like her pureblood father Arcturus Black wants. The minute she gets back to England to train for the Woman's Quidditch World Cup, the knows her father will be her like a hound, ready to shack her up with the first greasy and willing pureblood ready to take a twenty-seven year old wife. Her chance encounter with Minister of Magic-candidate Tom Riddle is by pure chance by her iota, but by his? Not so much, she's sure. A year till the general election, his campaign is full speed ahead. No mishaps are allowed, especially not like last time when he got saddled with his young daughter Delphi. And so, he proposes the perfect ruse: "Court me, Miss Black, until my campaign is done and dusted and your training is over. No father after your neck, and no enemies after mine."

And, well, who is Dora to refuse such a perfect offer?

The Royal Tinkerer AU

ninerose au where Nine is the royal inventor, Rose is a visiting noble and foster-sister to his royal majesty Jack Harkness. As they prepare for his coronation, His Majesty's distant relative Prince Harold Saxon arriving earlier than expected, can Rose and Nine - who seem to be getting increasingly closer - stop whatever treason that Prince Saxon seems to up to?

Twiyor post-hijacking of bus fic

A fic that will explore Loid and Yor's reactions after they find out that Anya's bus has been hijacked by the Red Circus. Expands of off this post.

3 BIGGEST IMPROVEMENTS

Using different sentence types instead of just long ones.

Having natural conversation and flow with dialogue.

Able to allow the reader to feel more 'in the moment' with the characters by using description.

2 RESOLUTIONS

Don't be afraid to stand your ground! No matter whatever you post, the person you are writing for first and foremost is yourself. These are your characters, your story - a polite no of discouragement is more than enough for a pushy commenter.

2. Write a little everyday - even one sentence goes a long way!

1 LINE

“Yes, yes!” The Master - Koschei - cheers, laughter resounding. “Think of that name,” he says, “Because that is the name of the person I’ll tear apart, Doctor. Gallifrey is no more. The Time Lords are no more. No one, absolutely no one, can stop me! Why take over this tiny planet, this universe, when I can have two? I’m going to rip open a hole - I’m going to rip open time and space and the seams of reality and conquer what those Cyberman and Daleks could not! And while I’m at it, Theta,” he draws a breath, quick and raspy and eager, “While I’m at it, I’m going to rip open your hearts and your lungs! I’m going to devour those hearts of yours, flesh by flesh, vein by vein! I’m going to feel the blood against my tongue and the flesh against my teeth! I'm going to compress the air out of your lungs, I am! – And what better way to do it than by devouring - by destroying - the one person - the one human - that makes you whole? That makes your hearts beat?

“What better way to do it than destroying Rose Tyler?”

from home is where the hearts are (but my hearts are a universe away)

#this took me like an hour to do... #tag game

[mylordshesacactus]

I know you're a DM but if you've got a bard, 1 15 27 for them. If you don't have a bard, then the druid, the wizard, or the fighter.

I have my own d&d characters as well! And i DO have a bard!

1: Why did they choose their class(es)? Their subclass(es)?

Benny is a bard because she's a) a tiefling b) who became an adventurer mostly by accident; what she actually intended to be was....well, a bard. As in, a travelling minstrel.

That's where College of Lore comes in as well; her whole thing is that she just...she fell in love with music (her mother taught her to play the hammered dulcimer as a kid, and she taught herself to play the bagpipes, which, the fact that she is alive is proof of how much her parents love her). So she became a travelling performer, and the adventuring is something she sort of stumbles into from moral imperative rather than because she started out as a mercenary.

15. Do they trust their party? why or why not?

So, obviously I'm not currently playing her so I can't give specifics, however: Benny is a really good example of how I design characters with the philosophy of 'your strengths are your weaknesses and your weaknesses are your strengths'.

Benny has a complicated relationship with trust! She grew up in a small village deep in the middle of nigh-impassable monster-infested mountains--she's used to being physically isolated from others and not relying on outside help or resources, but at the same time, her family has a VERY close relationship with the other villagers; you have to rely on your neighbors, when there's no one else.

That being said, her family are also like....the only cash-crop farm in the village. Her parents retired there from being evil overlords to grow.........uh, poisons, but. Valuable rare herbs. Spell components. Etc. They put a lot of genuine effort and energy into forming good relationships with their neighbors, because their farm doesn't feed them on its own! And part of how they did that was by providing a LOT of free healing, enchantments, 'asking for a favor' by 'renting' a neighbor's mule and paying gold for the privilege, that kind of thing. So...help is something she's used to giving, not receiving.

She'll step in without a second thought if someone else needs help, but she's not used generosity being offered to her and isn't always comfortable with it. To be clear, I don't play this as false modesty or insecurity or a sense of 'unworthiness'. It's pride and paranoia, and it's holding her back!

And then she left home and it was just her, a young, female, tiefling, bard, alone, travelling with a massive hulking war mastiff because she's a young female tiefling bard travelling alone. Over the years she's gained what I affectionately call a 'nasty and suspicious mind'. She was raised VERY political, which I've talked about, hyperaware of power dynamics and exploitation; sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes it fucks up her social relationships because she'll think of the worst possible reasoning for someone's behavior and then take steps to protect herself just in case that reasoning pans out.

27: How do they mourn?

There's a reason we so often play bagpipes at funerals. No better instrument in the world for when you're filled with a grief to great to contain in yourself and you have to release it in a way that shakes the world in order to let it out without destroying yourself.

That being said, she hasn't lost anyone really important to her while I've played her yet.

#d&d #askmeme

[calyssmarviss]

Spoilers for Obi-Wan Kenobi part I

Ok let’s go

Yeah, let’s put in a recap just in case the Prequel Trilogy doesn’t haunt you

“Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi,”

featured in “the top ten sentences that break my heart”

So Hayden being hyped for this was just preparing me for how this is All About Anakin Again

God they were both so hot in RotS

Pun non intended for once

HAAAAA LETS GO

show Order 66 as many time as possible challenge

Yeah those kids are dead

Bye kids

SAND TITLE CARD you’re so sexy

Wait i have a great idea: every opening should be another Order 66 scene i want to see all over that Temple as it falls down

SPACE SHIP SHADOW my beloved

Idk why space ships, especially big ones, make me incredibly excited and a not insignificant part of why I’m a fan of this franchise comes from the fuck you big ships it has. Yes i did like the Last Jedi a lot. ‘cause it had the biggest ship.

Inquisitor Squad! I spent like 2 hours earning them all in GoH a couple weeks ago now I’m gonna see if their attacks are accurate lmao

Another reason why I’m a fan of star wars is that the villains know how to dress

Yeah my dudes, you get why the dark side is fun

“You know who we are.”

“Yeah bro, you’re all dressed like an evil elite force and not the ones wearing red.”

Hehehehe evil monologue let’s go

LOL

THIS FIXATION WITH KENOBI WELCOME TO THE CLUB THIRD SISTER

What is that.

I don’t wanna say Krayt because i don’t know much about them besides that they’re dragons on tatooine and at least some of them are black but Krayt? 👀 (please it’s important to me because of themes)

ARE THEY PROCESSING IT

That meat looks good tho

HE’S HERE

HELLO THERE

OH I MISSED YOU SO

you look good with a knife ngl

scratch that he just looks good in general oh my god i need to find a pirate version of this i want to take all the screenshots

The Obi-Wan Show Episode1: Obi-Wan starts an union

Meat Wars reborn but this time it’s Meat Workers War

No i not will elaborate, know your crack

He’s so beautiful i missed him so much i wanna die

@forcearama i know your pain

SAD MAN IN A CAVE TIME

SMELLY MAN IN A CAVE 😂

Jawas are the best actually. Love how they talk.

They sound like sped up anime characters

“I’ve heard the Jedi are all but extinct.

Courtesy of my best friend.”

Anakin is so bad for business.

Welcome to the stinky wizard club Obes.

He’s still dreaming about him 10 years later no one touches me.

*makes miserable noise at Anakin laughing in the speeder and then the i hate you*

LISTEN

I KNOW ALL THAT ALREADY

WHY IS IT HITTING ME SO HARD

Part of me is like “answer the phone Qui-Gon” the other is like “no that’s good i don’t want to see him anyway and also Obi-Wan needs to be alone and miserable because i love angst”.

Baby Luke!

Oh that’s hitting him hard

*claps gleefully* yes more pain

It’s like he’s paying for child maintenance after his divorce

Oooooh he called him master of course he knew him everyone knew him

“You were once a great Jedi”

Yeah 😭

Is that Alderaan?

Yes!

Tiny Leia!

“Try to not make anyone cry”

lmao that’s daddy Vader’s girl

And that is Anakin and Padmé’s girl <3

Do they have binary classes or did she just learn to interpret by having a droid around from a young age

I’ve got to read up on that it’s important for fanfic reasons

Leia and Lola

Don’t give promises you can’t keep babygirl

You know when we used to talk about a Kenobi movie all i wanted from it was seeing Obi-Wan be sad in the desert and today I’m being finally fed.

Owen vs Ben

“Like you trained his father? Anakin is dead, Ben. I won’t let you make the same mistake twice.”

Might as well stab him in the heart it would hurt less.

Cut off hand count: 1

Is Reva’s Force sense tingling?

Hate to break it to you Reva but Owen’s not dying for nine more years.

Today in Everyone Hates Tatooine

Today in Everyone Wants Obi-Wan

What did he do to her lol

“What I’m owed.”

Like what? Revenge? (Cause her name is Reva) Loads of credits? A promotion? Darth Vader’s attention?

“I didn’t do it for you.”

I knew you would say that you dumb fucking farmer (affectionate) guess what he was probably not saying thank you for himself either

“I didn’t come here to end slavery”,

said most people in Star Wars.

“Then i guess i don’t need manners when I’m talking to you” nice burn.

“You’re not even a real Organa” nah she’s a Skywalker, which is worse

She’s reading your mind cuz

“You have to rise above Leia”

wait til the third trilogy she’ll rise alright

She’s so dramatic i love her

I wonder if her cousin gets blown up with the planet

See, promises she can’t keep

“I know who she’s like”

me too

Bounty hunters?

Who you gonna call?

He’s our only hoe after all 😌

“I’m not who i used to be”

why, because you lost your sparring partner?

Great now i have to go and look up the travel time between Alderaan and Tatooine to know how long it takes for Bail to arrive

Yeah it’s something like 4 days give or take

“You couldn’t save Anakin”

here’s your daily reminder

“There is no one i trust more with my child than you”

hey that’s a sentence I’m sensitive about

Funny how it doesn’t hit the same at all tho 🙃

Ewan has really pretty eyes

A whole army no but I’ll do you one better

Is he

IS HE

digging for his lightsaber?

Did he find it by pinging the kyber?

Oh man i keep pausing on shots of Ewan looking hot that’s not good for my psyche

I’m going to have so much fun drawing him in something else than beige.

I mean come on he has LEATHER GLOVES i love drawing that shit

Ah shit no he was digging for his Jedi robes i hate this show

Bro do you actually wanna get arrested

They really do be hunting themselves

#well those were two intense hours #calyss watches star wars #the obi wan show #obi wan kenobi #star wars spoilers #obikin #(written with goggles on) #my god i still have a whole episode available to watch #sorry for pinging you for this forcearama but i want you to know your not alone in your suffering

[lapeaudelamemoire]

Client with ADHD and who struggles with it telling me that it costs them 8 spoons per email that they write on average when I told them about spoon theory and honestly it hasn't left my head since. Especially as I spent hours today writing them an email with some resources on ADHD. Like. Same though for real.

I spend hours on my emails sometimes or even often because I'm just like. In my head all my professional communications and clinical notes I write as if they are legal documents. Because they are, basically. If I ever need to show or use them in a legal setting I want to know that they are exactly what they say and will hold up in court. I'm slightly more prone to being less formal in Teams messages but even then it's just mood and tone indicators via emojis or little chats, but many of them remain relatively formal.

Anyway I started writing this post because I wanted to say that my brain is very fried but I'm also going to take the opportunity to list the things I have done today, which was:

- Went to get a stat dec done by going to the library and printing that out, filling it out, then getting it signed by a pharmacist.

- Sent it to the profs I'm requesting an extension from via email.

- Finished all my clinical notes for my clients, which I didn't manage to yesterday because of the mad running around trying to sort out the group supervision stuff and my own assignment extension requests, which I have not received a final response for;

- did all the little outstanding client-related admin tasks pertaining to communications for client care, and tying up loose ends;

- sent my client a resource email as mentioned above;

- started work on my assignment that was due tonight that I tried to put in an extension for but haven't yet heard back about,

- worked a little bit more on other assignment I got extended till Friday for.

I think I've done a lot, actually.

Also managed to watch some donghua and cried both times. So I am Tired.

I am doing better today. No dry heaving on the washroom floor before bed, and somehow slightly less anxiety. I mean - fuck it. My mental health is more important than assignments. I'll work through them as they come.

Everyone else I know is also having a Time with trying to get everything done in time, and putting in extension requests or starting them within the week or on the day, missing class to do it; and even my supervisor said she won't have find to look at my draft in the next week even if I submit it. So I might try for an extension on those grounds too for that one.

-

Husband is lying in bed next to me again and I am thinking how lucky I am that I live in this time and age and place and this life that's mine given all the things going on elsewhere in the world right now and also what things were like in the past in a different time and era and place. I am incredibly lucky that where I am there is no war; I am not being shelled; my family are not under siege. I am very lucky that my husband is laying next to me asleep and whole and that my biggest stress of the day and week in my immediate life is assignments and documents. There is a lot of them but even then probably not as much as my supervisor or her peers.

There are many things to be grateful for, despite me finding things hard to keep up with. We can only keep going; do what we can, as my supervisor said today.

#personal