#i cant really do anything for myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bloomvalyria · 1 year

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will i ever go 3 days without a migraine again?

#I’m in constant pain #and I’m incredibly depressed #BECAUSE I’m in constant pain #i cant write #i cant edit #i cant really do anything for myself #i just go to work #suffer #then go home and crash from exhaustion #then get up to go back to work #it’s soul crushing #not my gif

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inkskinned · 1 year

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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

#hobbies #writeblr #what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog #although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person #i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally #writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like #it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like #i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me #bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must #also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself #to make it RIGHT #and im like ... idk i only have an hour #so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing

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buggachat · 9 months

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the FUNNIEST thing by far about the miraculous movie is that, despite spending a lot of its time/songs on the premise of "no, marinette! believe in yourself! you CAN do it! you SHOULD be ladybug! you should acknowledge the power you have!" etc etc, the resolution of the conflict of the movie actually only hinges on "Chat Noir Loses". Like, as long as Chat Noir loses, Hawkmoth gives up doing evil things and sees the error of his ways. This is how the movie is resolved. Ladybug, as Chat Noir's partner who helps Chat Noir to Not Lose, actively pushes back the resolution of the movie. If Ladybug never showed up and Chat Noir was left to fight Gargoyle alone, he probably would've lost, and then Hawkmoth would've seen his identity and stopped what he was doing, and the entire movie could've been resolved in only one akuma and with less destruction of Paris. Every akuma battle thereafter only exists because Ladybug showed up to the last, and all of them leave destruction in their wake because she doesn't even cast miraculous ladybug on any battle except the final one. Ladybug's presence in the movie actually actively harms Paris. Even in the final scene, Marinette is battered and beaten and detransformed on the ground, and Tikki encourages her "come on, Marinette! you can stall the resolution just a little bit longer!" and then Marinette tackles Chat Noir away from Hawkmoth in a scene I literally forgot happened until my rewatch because it doesn't impact the story at all beyond stalling the resolution another 10 seconds. Marinette was right and should've just stayed home, actually. In this essay I will,

#ml movie spoilers #ml movie #ml awakening spoilers #ml awakening #i promised myself i would stop posting takes about the movie because overall i think it's a fun bit of side content and i #don't want to come across as some hater or anything or hurt people's enjoyment of it #but i had to point this out because i legitimately do think it's really really funny and i cant stop thinking about it

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send-me-a-puffalope · 1 month

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just watched the new ghostbusters movie with my friend and truly, awkward teenage lesbians will both end and save the world.

#guys i have a type #blonde girls who are manipulated due to/by family and end up fighting for the side of good anyways #i saw melody and her Issues™️ and got attached to a dead girl #her whole thing with phoebe was gay as fuck tho you cant convince me #they did the thing that natasha did in what if to peggy where she looked back at Phoebe longingly and then stepped into the light #truly a tragedy that she was. yknow. dead and her whole arc was moving on into the afterlife #so she couldn’t have a sapphic little relationship with mckenna grace #some of the writing was kind of weak and it felt like a lot of fan service cause a lot of the characters didn’t do anything during #the climax of the movie or i just didn’t care for their story #but it’s really fun as a movie itself and i highly enjoyed myself so honestly that’s all that matters to me #ghostbusters frozen empire #phoebe spengler #melody ghostbusters #nat’s rambles

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lunarharp · 9 months

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if i just told you i love you would this world change

#witch hat tag #orufrey #these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was #some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that #like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god #aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it #ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this #the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings #“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want #to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you #maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me #i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life #until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to #NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*

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puppyeared · 5 months

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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

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sylvieserene · 5 months

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Fixing history using the power of editing and my editing skills!!

For today we have, New Titans (1980) Issue #100

✨ Wedding Special ✨

@robstarblog @robstaryeah pinging yall just in case so that this doesn't get lost in oblivion (It'd be painful since I worked 5 hours non stop on it lol)

I think the most time was taken by the final panel and adding in the finishing touches since I pretty much had to change everything to the pixel level, quite literally lol (I'm serious, I did)

Welp I hope the results were worth it! And with that, another one gets a good ending!!

I kinda didn't add sleeves in the first two panels of the final page because it didn't look good and looked janky with how I was editing it so yeah please ignore that-

#teen titans #robstar #dick grayson #koriand'r #starfire #dickkory #Changing history #using the power of editing and my own skills!#giving the good ending to characters who truly deserve it #it took me 5 hours to complete all the editing to the miniscule level #i paid attention to every detail to match each panel #it took a lot of effort but it was worth it!!#but damn man there have been so little dickkory content that I really had to search hard to get myself a suitable pic to edit out of #we have a lot barbara content with dick but barely much with Kori honestly #anw hope this is nice #self editing #also #Donot remove my watermark while reposting otherwise I'll consider it as stealing >:(#dont steal #that damn priest took so much time to edit like holy cow #I really went above and beyond to get all the details right and consistent throughout #I let my perfectionist nature manifest #but yea #now Dick and Kori can have an uninterrupted happy wedding <3 #im so happy #I may try another one of these fixie thingies if I find anything^^#this was really fun to work on #i fixed canon #but fuck the actual canon #cuz most comic writers cant even do just one job right

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peasantexchangeprogram · 1 year

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no yeah it must really suck for you how nazis "reappropriated" mythos and history that would not have been remotely as mainstream as they are today without white supremacist revival. where the modern perspective and perception of them the very "aesthetic" of them is inextricably tied to white supremacist eugenist ideals im so sorry you cant wear relatively historically uncommon symbols in public without people thinking you believe that they, their family, community, and the mere idea of their existence should be wiped from the face of the earth. that must be so hard for you.

#ppl being annoying abt my dogwhistles post #nazism ment #im really teasing staff rn arent i. i still cant reply/dm #thats why im very very VERY careful w every media/creator/person in general whose interested in hellenic/roman/norse mythology #and yeah ik im describing myself but i do some kind of inspection of that person/media to see if theyre. normal abt it #like i was v hesitant w ac odyssey and im kinda. 🤨 abt the new gow i need to research it a little before i decide if i can play it #ANYWAYS #mine*#^btw when i saw the statues in ac were painted i knew it was good #not that i dont have anything to say abt that game racism-antisemitism-wise #i got things to say abt idk how to call it. 'gender equal' revisionist storytelling but alas

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thatskynews · 18 days

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Hello! I hope this ask finds you both well.

So, I mostly wanted to ask, what is you two's opinion on sky making most items iap lately? There's been very few igc stuff since some seasons ago and it's been disheartening for a lot of players. I don't see tgc acknowledge this in any way (if they did, you can show me, i often get things wrong)

Anxy: Thanks, I hate it (*hides the money reserved for said items*)

But I agree. It was actually one of the complaints that I wrote in the survey. Sky is getting more and more expensive and it's not looking good in the long run. I only convinced myself that this is better, buying something that you will get with 100% certainty, than wasting my money over gacha with little probability (*also hides the money reserved for genshin's welkin*)

Ymir: I also hate it! I understand why they do it, but I... hate spending more money on games than I need to. The last time I bought anything from sky was the little prince pass I think, and even then I was barely getting by.

Sky's current model is off of probably a push from investors ngl? but also just sucks for most people since they are leaning into pushing for people to either candlerun burnout orrrrr buying the candles straight up. I've used up many candles over the years on friends! I was a social little guy when I was most into sky!!

honestly the price going up pattern has been fairly steady since prophecy(as much as I hate to say it :( ) and I doubt it shall go fix itself entirely anytime soon... but I do miss the ability to just get everything I need in the seasons with weeks to spare... and the inbetweens being fairly long (I think they used to be about.. nearly 3 weeks?). I'm hoping TGC changes things around- I remembered when the iap having only one item without any other rewards deal first occurred and how upset everyone got. I love sky, but I can not deny the fact it has negatively affected me multiple times because of this specifically :(

I typically do complain to tgc when given the chance though, because of these changes are the reason I didn't play sky for nearly a year straight... and why I still struggle to actively play as much as I did.

#I'm a hypocrite if you cant tell -anxy #but i got my habits under control by looking at beta and weighing my wants - anxy #I am a strict 'if I dont find myself using it often.. I dont need it' type of person usually with spending on things -ymir #I do also play gacha games... but I honestly care more for the storylines. and play only really 3 of them? -ymir #my self control is... I grew up thinking anything over 5$ was expensive if it wasn't a need. and it still is for me ngl. -ymir #if I want to go mess around with the iap items: beta time I shall go once more -ymir

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet!#here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress!#you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better'#i Immediately started doing Worse!#i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now!#okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um.#i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually.#love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me.#perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that!#with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!!#gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

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lemongogo · 4 months

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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

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tizzymcwizzy · 2 years

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everything i ever knew was shaped by you, my god, my guide, my family, my leader, too, but as the heavy hand came down, time and time again, i held my breath and stopped my tongue and wondered when

when would these bloody breathing walls fall and set me free, when would i be let to fly and get away from thee

just thinking about my personal headcanon for why hunter wears gloves... hope it's not too sad for you dhdhhdfh :')

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silenthillbunni · 8 days

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lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it