#i did this in less than a week which was a Bad Choice bc i am now wiped out. but it's done in time!! whoo

[lucky-numberme]

happy heart day from everyone's favorite eldritch office comedy podcast

[ID: A series of 10 Magnus Archives themed valentine cards. They're all done in a cartoony style in rich jewel tones, and accented with hearts.

1) Mikaele adjusts his glasses with one hand while posing with a suit jacket slung over his shoulder. he smiles flirtatiously at the viewer. text reads, "You're a rare treasure Xoxo Mikaele"

2) Jane Prentiss poses inside a cut out heart, winking at the viewer. her hair and dress are flowing, and her worms are numerous. text reads, "you'll never be lonely again. love, Jane"

3) Agnes sits with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug of coffee that is spilling onto her arm. she smiles vacantly at the viewer, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. Text reads "You make me feel normal, Valentine. Love, Agnes"

4) Manuela Dominguez stands in front of a dark sun and holds out a hand to the viewer, smiling sweetly. text reads "let's do unethical darkness sciences together. love, Manuela"

5) Oliver turns back over his shoulder and smiles a little sadly at the viewer. he's surrounded by tendrils of darkness in the shape of a heart. "Loving you is inevitable. (heart symbol) Oliver"

6) Michael Distortion curls lazily in a door frame, a rainbow spiral behind him. text reads "I'm lost in you. (heart symbol) Michael"

7) Mike Crew falls through the air, cocking an eyebrow at the viewer. text reads "I'm falling for you, Valentine. xoxo Mike"

8) Gerry's ghostly form rises out of an open book. They hold a lighter and look up at the viewer with heart eyes and a slight smile. text reads "Burn me up, Valentine. xoxo, Gerry"

9) Helen Distortion hangs upside down from a door frame, pushing herself through slightly. she grins at the viewer. "You make me spiral, Valentine. Xoxo Helen"

10) Gertrude stands with her arms crossed and turns sightly to look directly at the viewer, scowling deeply. A glowing eye is on her forehead. There are no hearts anywhere. Text reads, "No." End ID]

#tma fanart #tma valentines #the magnus archives #magnus archives fanart #tma avatars #why is Mikaele first you ask? bc I have a big gay crush on him. next question #i did this in less than a week which was a Bad Choice bc i am now wiped out. but it's done in time!! whoo #uhh sorry now im gonna tag all of them no more thoughts hidden in these tags. no more honor beyond this place #long post #mikaele salesa #jane prentiss #agnes montague #manuela dominguez #oliver banks #michael shelley #mike crew #gerry keay #helen distortion #gertrude robinson #little museum

[waywardsalt]

i have planned to write a pseudo-essay or some kind of detailed look at linebeck in phantom hourglass and how he can be interpreted as autistic but thats not going very well right now so here are some autistic linebeck headcanons

He has low empathy and as such has a hard time responding very well to emotional situations, but he can take advantage of his lower empathy in situations where empathy could make things harder, like tending to wounds or rationally handling emotionally-charged situations

His coat is a comfort object and he made it specifically to act as a very slight accommodation; it’s heavy and barely lets any light through it, and he can keep all kinds of little things in pockets sewn into the inner lining, but larger objects do make it more uncomfortable to wear at times. It’s mostly good to carry around things to fidget or stim with and can be helpful in trying to recover from overwhelming sensory experiences

He doesn’t usually stim in public, but taps his fingers on tables quickly and tends to rhythmically snap his fingers when excited, and on his ship is more vocal and more willing to stim, even if around others. One of his main stims that he’ll do for no particular reason is that he’ll hold his arm or back of his wrist/hand up to his nose and mouth for the smell.

He masks frequently to please people. His default mask is that arrogant and brave front he puts up for islanders and other he may come across. Usually, if that mask doesn’t work, he tends to double-down because it usually works and, in his experience, dropping the mask has usually gone badly (non masking he’s rude and blunt but more outwardly excited about adventure and his ship and all of that, i consider it where overseas in the game is when he usually isn’t masking. this shifts his arc to be about him learning to stop masking and feel comfortable being himself)

His special interests could include stuff related to treasure hunting but it could really range from stuff about adventuring or the ocean or engineering (relating to his ship) to stuff not at all touched in the game like music. He really enjoys music, listening to it, playing it, and writing it. He also enjoys and is fascinated by shellfish.

When busy or otherwise occupied, he doesn't usually notice when he's hungry. He doesn't have as much of a problem noticing thirst or exhaustion, but feeling hunger is a problem for him, and often leads to him going a long time without eating. On the other hand, he doesn't mind eating the same thing repeatedly and is perfectly fine with blander foods, so handling food supplies for when he'll be overseas for a long time is easy for him.

He knows he's autistic, he's known for a pretty long time, and he has books on it; he also knows that Link is autistic, but doesn't say anything about it and instead waits until someone else tells him. Until (and after, I suppose) Link actually learns that he's autistic Linebeck just makes sure to keep note of what accommodations he might need and if there are any textures or tastes or smells he can't stand. He doesn't have much of a problem helping out during sensory overloads, even soon after meeting him. It's more out of understanding how it feels to not have your needs met and a sort of solidarity rather than actual friendship.

#loz #legend of zelda #phantom hourglass #linebeck #OBVIOUSLY he experiences some nasty rsd and he's a bitch about it that's like. basically canon so i didnt mention it #a lot of linebeck’s autism is based and referenced off of my own with some extra additions #which is why i have an easier time writing him as autistic than link #kindness is a choice and having low or no empathy does not in any way make someone heartless but linebeck does abuse his own low empathy #to be a mean bitch with minimal emotional consequences #i think linebeck would call link a dipshit to his face and then not feel bad about it for like a few weeks until he starts caring abt him #linebeck stimming by smelling his arm is actually my main stim. its probably why i sit all fucked up bc i sometimes do it w/ my legs lol #the masking bit does kinda fuck some stuff up but i personally enjoy that take on him #one of his comfort objects is an old orange cat plushie named copernicus and if you know what that is specifically from thank you im sorry #linebeck being way into music has no canon backup i just like the idea of him playing piano and composing some form of his own theme #piano is a mad sensory experience btw i dont yet know how to really play it but when i did keyboard in pit it was a fantastic feeling #bangin' out the tunes. it was a really good sort of stim if i was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the new tech and music too #salty talks #not entirely an autism headcanon but he thinks gender is a sham and less identifies as a man and more specifically considers #his gender identity to be 'real man of the sea' which is initially kinda silly but kind of a fucking gender move tbh #i dont think he's explicitly trans or nb he's just having fun fucking with his own gender and doing whatever he feels like doing #he isnt a man but he is a man. kind of like how im a dude but also not. yeah. #these were initally going to be call 'quick' headcanons but you can see why i uh. didn't end up going with that

[doberbutts]

Curious about something you mentioned in your post last week, you said that in your opinion all drugs should be legal and I’m curious about how that would be a positive at all? Like I get weed bc it’s pretty harmless but when I think of drugs I think of cocaine and heroin, which have destroyed so many lives. If it was widely available wouldn’t that end up hurting more people than helping? That’s just my opinion but I’m curious on the other side

I do think all drugs should be legal. This is said knowing that addiction runs in my family and that the only reason my older sister is my *sister* is due to drug use and addiction. Otherwise she'd be my cousin.

Making drugs illegal does not stop people from getting high. It does not stop drug related crime. And it certainly does not stop drugs from tearing families apart.

Addiction is a symptom of a larger problem. Solve the problem and the addict problem goes away. Solve the addict problem and drugs stop ruining lives and destroying families and creating massive amounts of drug related violence. Places that have roled out decriminalization strategies effectively have seen an overall reduction in crime rates across the board, a reduction in recreational drug use, and a reduction in bloodborne illness like HIV. Creating safe needle exchanges as well as safe places to get high with medical staff onhand has also created a locale where very few people die from overdose.

Most people hear "decriminalize all drugs" and think I mean a free-for-all. I don't. I think the drug market should be regulated. I don't think you should be able to get ketamine or heroin over the counter at a walmart like you can get asprin. But I think it's time to stop putting people in jail for getting high.

My aunt tore her life and her family and her health apart for years while she was addicted to heroin. My sister, her daughter, needed to be removed from her care due to the amazingly bad choices she made as a mother due to her addiction and her prioritizing drugs over the health and safety of her daughter. My aunt has had multiple heart attacks from the damage the constant drug use did to her body.

My aunt is more than a decade sober and do you know why? It's not because she got a wakeup call when her daughter was taken away, because at the time she willingly and freely signed her over to my parents because that got her "out of [her] hair". It's not because she had a heart attack, because she went right back to it the moment she was out of the hospital. It's not even because she spent time in rehab and prison, because the moment she was out she was using again.

No, my aunt got sober because her life changed. She was put on a better pain management plan. She got out of her shitty marriage to her shitty husband. She completed some education to make her more hireable so she didn't have to rely on less than safe means of paying her bills. She reconnected with my sister and reforged their relationship once she was 18. She bought her own house. She found love with someone who didn't give a shit about her past and brought out the best in her.

My aunt was a deeply unhappy person. Heroin made life more tolerable for her. Until she couldn't tolerate life without it. Until she'd do anything, anything, to get her next high.

A lot of addicts are addicts because they are self-medicating for something else and their drug of choice has chemical properties that makes their brains crave it more. If you fix the "deeply unhappy" part, you create a healthier environment for that addict to take control over their life again. Without it, they are far more likely to continue to relapse.

Knowing this, why would I then want to add the threat of prison and jailtime- life-ruining things themselves- to an addict's list of concerns?

Look up rat park sometime. In the rat paradise, drugged water was freely offered, and occasional a rat here or there would take a hit or two, but rarely enough to even get high and almost never habitually. Addiction literally didn't exist even though the rats were taking addictive substances. But the rats in cages, seperated from each other, with no enrichment, crammed into small spaces and stressed to hell? Those rats took hit after hit after hit until they overdosed and died. The addict rats were deeply unhappy. The drugs were their only escape. The paradise rats had to be lured in with sweetened drugs to even consider and even then they rejected them. The caged rats did not need sweetner, even though the drugs made the water bitter.

If we can see such a stark difference in rats having their needs met vs rats experiencing isolation and stress, what would happen if we showed human addicts the same consideration?

I think a lot better results than continuing to jail deeply unhappy and desperate people for doing the only thing they can think of to cope.

[hezuart]

I’m just gonna leave this here bc this left me baffled.

(What does this mean for the timeline viv jfc)

Yeah that's not the same. That's a contextual retcon.

"I can't believe you slept in our bed with an imp! You wanted to go to a motel with him like a plebian?! You're a goddamn embarrassment! I'm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, imp sucking face!"

Stella mentions nothing about a divorce, she only speaks about Stolas sleeping with someone else (which is weird because she and Stolas don't have a sex life according to the new episode). She makes no indication about a divorce. Stolas himself makes no indication of a divorce.

"You want to sleep with this imp too?!"

"No! of course not!"

What do you mean 'no of course not'? You and Stella haven't slept with each other in what I'd assume years. She doesn't know who Blitzo is; frankly, Stolas doesn't either. Weird choice of words if this character is supposed to have been gay this entire time. Unless there's an odd joke in here about being Blitzo-sexual ..... that's your childhood friend you haven't seen in years bud... I know you're drunk but.... I mean does this make Stolas demisexual?

Also I don't know how things work in hell, but you don't need the other party to agree to a divorce. Granted, it's a lot more work and legal stuff in court to deal with, but you can get a divorce by default through a judge if your partner won't agree to it.

Why would Stolas be so vocal about a divorce all of a sudden if Viv is also trying to claim he only stayed with Stella and kept his bad relationship with her a "secret" from Octavia to give her a "normal life"? Octavia walks in and Stolas doesn't even realize she's there and he's like "good morning, did you sleep well? : D " As though he and Stella haven't just been screaming all morning about what Viv now claims is a divorce. He's not even concerned about the ramifications of his divorce, where he could potentially lose custody over Octavia. He just goes about his day as though everything is "normal", as though nothing happened.

Octavia also wakes up to Stella and Stolas screaming, and immediately gets annoyed and blasts her music, indicating she is used to this occurring, meaning their relationship has been obviously bad to Octavia PRIOR to Stolas sleeping with Blitzo, when Stolas hasn't done anything to actually warrant any anger from Stella.

~

The Timeline is as follows, according to Viv:

-Blitzo sleeps with Stolas and steals his book.

-THE NEXT MORNING, Stolas wakes up, proclaims a divorce with Stella, and then Stella marches up to their house and has a fight with him.

-Stolas then proceeds to call Blitzo to be his bodyguard at Loo Loo Land.

We have several issues here. Loo Loo land is the SECOND time Blitzo and Stolas ever meet after their 20+ years apart. So

A, Why did they act so friendly with each other in Loo Loo Land as though they had been screwing for weeks when they've allegedly only had a one-night stand? B, how on Earth did Stolas know Blitzo's phone number? Blitzo never told him where he worked, and Stolas did no research prior. Blitzo also seems to have Stolas's phone number, since he knows immediately who called him even in episode one prior to their "fucking" deal; which makes no sense. Why did Blitzo have Stolas's phone number prior to him stealing the book? (This indicates they had been fucking for some time before Blitzo had stolen the book, especially since Stolas says "I've been meaning to follow up on our last conversation regarding my Grimoire-, I've been permitting you to use it less than legally for some time now..." Stolas and Blitzo never had a prior conversation about his Grimoire unless they had been fucking several times prior to Blitzo stealing the book!) however, according to season 2, they haven't spoken to each other in 25 years. (which, again, is illogical!!!!) C, in the first episode, Stolas calls Blitzo while he's taking a bath to forge their exchange agreement. When in the hell did he have time between the minuscule timeframe of him waking up from the one-night stand to yelling with Stella, to inviting Octavia to Loo Loo Land with him? There IS no time. And Because of the episode release, Stolas makes that deal with Blitzo in episode one, meaning the one-night stand and Loo Loo Land happens AFTER episode one??? But that is simply not possible. Would Viv try to claim that episode two is actually a PREQUEL to episode one?! This is a mess!

This was definitely not planned from the beginning; it is a retcon & messy timeline that Viv is either embarrassed she forgot (or never properly established in the first place), or she just changed her mind about the story and is trying to cover it up.

It's not a huge deal I guess, but her defending this and trying to twist this around to being something it's not is a bit concerning. A lot of authors like to lie about "this was my plan all along!"

The truth is they either made a mistake or changed their mind. It's like JK Rowling saying "Hermione can be black because her skin color was never stated" when no, her skin color was clearly stated, she was a white girl. The reality of the situation is JK Rowling wrote a book about a bunch of white kids, and because fans were disappointed in the lack of diversity, they latched onto Hermione and race bent her for fun and to relate to her better.

Rowling saw what fans were doing, and to try and get diversity points, she made it so Hermione and Rose were black in the Cursed Child play. Diversity is great, inclusion is great, but lying about this being the case "all along" is not great. Just say "I saw the black community was attached to Hermione and I thought, why not? Harry Potter could use more POC." or simply "Black Hermione is great! The actors do such a great job with her character." Fans wouldn't have been frustrated with her if she had told the truth!

Obviously, this situation isn't the exact same, but it's just concerning when you start to see a writer lie instead of admitting they made a mistake or simply changed their mind and wanted to retcon something to better fit their narrative (and hey, if she wanted to do that, then fine! But at least be truthful and let fans know!); because they can start to spiral and lie about more things in the future, making their word untrustworthy. I've unfortunately had experience with people like this.

I've worked with writer liars before. They lie about far more than just writing, I'll tell ya that. Things can get real bad and real messy when you start not only lying to fans of a project, but to your fellow coworkers about things as well.

Viv has already had a lot of allegations against her, (some false, but some proven) so if she turns out to be a liar on top of that, it won't exactly be surprising. But it's really disappointing. She was supposed to be a mascot indie animation studio for future generations. But she's gone half corporate herself, plays favoritism, doesn't support indie voice actors that attracted everyone to her project to begin with; prefers famous EXPENSIVE broadway actors instead, and may not even work for Hazbin Hotel anymore. It's really sad. Indie animators are in way over their heads than I think they realize.

#Helluva Boss #stolitz #vivziepop #Hazbin Hotel #long post #ask #text post #viv has some good ideas but is really poor at executing them #especially by herself #season 2 episode 1 messed everything up

[whoblewboobear]

I am glad you said something I was going tomorrow say something similar this afternoon. Cirie is not a bad player but her game is not what her fans are making it out to be. She is not even the one keeping herself off the block this week. Where is the mist they mentioned? It is lacklustre and not the slam dunk win they are trying to sell.

Agreed. All season I’ve wanted to see more from her and it just kind of went no where. She’s good at repositioning herself and has laid low post Izzy and Jared but at the same time, she became less of a threat to the house without them so they overlook her anyway. But it’s like… of course they’re overlooking her with two duos right there. So can we really credit that as a move or as the nature of the house rn?

I think my issue is that I don’t mind a passive player in bb but at some point there has to be something else we (everyone in the house and us as the audience) can point to and say “that’s was a great move that benefited her game!” And I don’t think I’ve personally seen that from her so I’d love to hear her talk more about it. If she makes it to final two I think her answers and speech could provide some clarity.

When I think of the first half of this game, she had all the control and fumbled it by targeting people that could’ve shielded her core three and gave it up on a whim. Which was fun to watch but it ended up biting her in the butt now. She did recover Felicia but planting the seeds against her so early and almost out of nowhere was.. an unnecessary choice. It’s a miracle that she got her back on her side.

I just can’t call her a good player when she came in with a huge advantage of having Jared there (which became a huge disadvantage and was frustrating to watch,) had a super fan willing to die on the cross for her (completely unintentional,) and made a bunch of messy alliances just for it to get out (moves she had complete control over).

This house is full of messy gameplay and full of people that can’t lie or keep secret for more than five seconds. She can, so she has that going for her and outwardly it seems more impressive.

It’s like when a queen from drag race goes on all stars and I didn’t watch their season so I just.. have nothing to go on until I see how well they do or don’t do on the current season. That’s the camp I land in with Cirie. I don’t doubt that she’s a god tier survivor player but that doesn’t and hasn’t guaranteed that she’s also a great bb player and she doesn’t have to be. I feel like a lot of her fans can’t take her bb game for face value and admit that’s it’s just fine. Also the stan wars this season are insufferable so some of that plays into how I feel about her just like the people that don’t like Cory & America bc of the shippers.

But overall Idk if complaining about it is me just being over this season or if I’m harping on shit that doesn’t matter but it’s day fucking whatever of this long ass season and I desperately hope we get a good winner out of this cast bc it has to be worth it or Mr. CBS is gonna get it.

#I missed the Cirie boat and that’s okay #idk if there’s anything that could convince me outside of a final 2 speech and hopefully a comp win #I’d like to see what she does with an hoh #bb25 #anon

[thatgirlwhokeepsreading]

[I am fine I am just saving people who don't want to see my covid venting]

Listen, for complete transparency I am behind on my covid boosters + still way more lax about masking than I should be, but I do have my reusable N95 + N99 masks that I wear everywhere bar my desk at work, students' houses*, or at home. We got the HEPA filters running 24/7 at home**. I STAY HOME WHEN IM SICK. I also remain very boring and masking in public aside I also really don't go to places where I'll be around strangers bar attending theatre (which is my JOB).

I am primarily concerned about covid, but to avoid people feeling the need to grill me I will sometimes swerve to say that my PhD advisor has bad lungs + is immunocompromised and so I'm actually not able to see her if I have ANY respiratory infection (which is also true). But also people look™️ at me in public and will sometimes directly challenge my masking, and sometimes (especially in theatre settings) I will get really pissed by this and actually grow a spine about it and talk about how not only are people dying and being disabled but also the theatre industry in Australia COLLAPSED and in order to keep my Fucking Job I NEED us to make it safe to gather in person. (Also I'm working in disabled theatre rn so... y'know... let's not kill our fellow artists y'all!!)

So this established, yesterday was the second time in less than three months that my brother's gf has come over while symptomatically sick. Last time she was fucken putting her toothbrush touching mine and everything so both myself and my brother got sick. I haven't been sick since early 2021, I suspect largely because I mask (which rocks imo), but then she comes over for a visit without telling my brother or anyone else she's unwell bc she's turned a negative RAT (it was negative RAT tests from all involved the whole illness so inshallah not covid).

That time she knew she was sick sick, and so even though she says yesterday she thought it was just hayfever that honestly doesn't win her much credit with me bc it clearly doesn't actually matter to her. And now she has turned a positive RAT and I am just apoplectic with rage. (My brother is also pretty fucken put out because she is apparently consistently not telling him if she's ill before they meet up, including when he goes over to hers.)

I am angry enough that I am waiting until I'm calmer to make it an official call, but honestly I am considering just banning her from our house. Ma'am you work in allied health what's not fucking clicking???

Like she's very apologetic and I appreciate that and MAYBE I'd be a bit more forgiving (given her symptoms were pretty mild and she does have my sympathy about trying to differentiate hayfever and illness) if I hadn't already been made "week in bed" sick by her THIS SAME FUCKEN RESEARCH QUARTER.

I also know that I'm extra mad bc at the moment she's acting as a symbol for my brain of all the people who should know better but don't even try, for the government policy that is going to kill the presence of the artform I love in this country and also like.... SO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE. Like she did not individually do that. But what she has done is at best risked and at worst transmitted this fucking virus to me and my housemates, after ALREADY making 2/3 of us sick less than 90 days ago, and I'm angry I'm so so so angry.

*this is probably the really risky choice

**which has also done wonders for the asthma so that's a nice bonus

#it me #delete later #maybe?? #if i cool down and think this is cringe idk #I'll put the tag so I can at least find it

[jesterguy]

Saddest news ever yall

I've had to take out my smiley piercing :(

All day Monday my mouth was sensitive and felt Wrong- I have bad teeth, this isn't weird, so I wrote it off. As the day went on the sensation started to focus on my front two teeth, which are never problem teeth for me, and I started to become hyper aware of the metal scraping against them as I just kind of lived my daily life- something I'm not used to.

Closer examination has revealed genuine lines on my teeth where the enamel has been scraped off. Thinking about and typing that out makes my body tense and sends shooting sensations down my spine lmao

Well that was the final straw so I took out the piercing on Monday night and the immediate relief has been undeniable ever since... smiling feels odd without it and I feel like too much of my front teeth are exposed when I do though.

This is especially sad bc this is the most... core "me" piercing I've got. I pierced my own nostril when I was 16, but I did a bad job of course and had to have a professional redo it. My smiley was my first successful self piercing less than a year later, and I've had it for 10 yrs now. My high school didn't allow piercings and I was always wearing it anyways, being told to take it out, getting mad when it grew over, and repiercing it again the next week. Again and again and again. This piercing is so much a part of me I'm not quite sure how to make my mouth into a smile without it. I feel stiff and not like myself. I've lied to multiple employers throughout the years that it was permanent, or not removable for any variety of reasons, so that they couldn't make me remove it. I'll remove my lip and nose and tongue piercings, and wear plugs instead of tunnels, but you can't take away my smiley.

At least it was my choice I guess :/

I'm out of nose studs, I lost them all and haven't been able to replace them... my tongue stud has been missing its back for over a year and I haven't been able to find a replacement... I can't find another in the right size. So now I'm down to my lip and my septum. I don't really count my ears. I feel naked and not like myself.

Heavily considering a medusa piercing to replace the smiley but that will be a good while... and getting some new nose studs will help me too but I don't have the money yet. So im just naked for now, and if you have to look upon my face in the coming months don't look too close at my smile lmao

#this is rambly journaly im just so conflicted and sad #cam talks

[omo-queer]

if this is too far, I apologise and just ignore this ask, but I just find it so impressive that your able to keep edging yourself. It just kinda shows how strong you are when you can go so long without getting off and it's going to be so worth it when all the weeks are up and you finally get that release. I've tried edging myself but I can't do it, like everytime I maybe last once before I just can't restrain myself and just the neediness. Which makes me all the more impressed by how good you are at denying yourself, I might have to try harder next time. :)

- 🦊

it's definitely not too far! thank you for sending this in!

i definitely haven't always been this good at edging myself. as soon as i understood the idea of orgasm denial, it was really appealing to me, maybe literally my favorite kink. but when i was less experienced with it, i would struggle just to edge, go to sleep, and then not immediately get myself off when i woke up.

but a big thing about me is that i will make self-control as much as i need to if i want something bad enough. and funny enough, not getting off is something i want pretty damn bad. so with practice i did my first week, and eventually i made it a whole month. that was a while ago, and then i took a break from doing denial longer than 72h just bc i wasn't feeling it—i had a lot of other stuff going on and i just didn't have the time or mental bandwidth to be like. so horny i start to shake a little twice or three times a day.

but then i got back on board with it a couple months ago when i started this blog, and i figured i would try out letting tumblr notes decide when i get to come, which turned out to be 1) way hotter and 2) even more motivation not to go over. it turns out your body can do some incredible things when you don't have a choice in the matter... i do sort of wish i knew someone in person who i could have this sort of dynamic with, because i think that might be even hotter still.

i don't really have sex dreams and i haven't ruined yet so it's been a really high intensity period of absolutely no release... so i can't exactly say it's easy, but it is surprising to me just how doable it feels to just keep edging.

another consideration is (and idk if anyone else thinks this way. lmk if you do!) when i'm denying myself it's almost like my body is the submissive entity and my mind is dominating it? i rationally know that my brain and my body are one thing, but it's sort of the dominance of my conscious mind over all the pathetic needy stuff my body tries to do to go over the edge. maybe that's weird, but it seems to work for me pretty well. i think this is a big part of why i don't get much subbier when i deny myself—if someone else were denying me, i could be submissive to them about it, but i'm basically just denying myself. and in that scene i'm at least as dominant as i am submissive.

there was a blog on here a long time ago, i think it was significantly pre-purge, where the person running it would deny her followers but she also did long-term self-denial. and she never framed her own denial as submissive, even though everyone she kept denied was very submissive to her about theirs. some part of me wants to be like she was—knowing what it's like to be denied helps better get into the heads of submissives who themselves are denied.

anyway! big thanks for the ask, it was a good one... if you do deny yourself, let me know how it goes! especially let me know if you're ever edging to my posts. maybe i could even help push you a little bit further than you've gone before, if that's something you're interested in.

#denial #🦊 anon

[jennibeultimate]

Personal recap Skate Canada 2022 - Women SP

I think this SP was much better than that at Skate America, more clean skates! This is quite an open GP on who will win because many skater have good chances. It's still anyone's win here somehow...

I kept the starting order...

Yuhana Yokoi ❤️ is quite a special personality - full of energy and iconically funny (I had seen her react closeup to her fellow skaters a few years ago and she was just as much fun off ice than on ice) I really have no clue what makes her struggle on her jumps so much. It wasn't a particularly bad program for her, but still she used to lack in PCS not TES when she turned senior and now? I really want her to shine!

I missed Rika Kihira's skating so much. Like Brian Orser said after her program: "It's a start" She jumped 3-3 which is already a success on its own considering her injury and how she is still not fully recovered. I love the program and am glad to see it again. ❤️ Let's stick to the positive here! (I hope she can fully recover and return to her old arsenal of jumps without pain!🙏🙏🙏) (why were there 4 coaches listed? One of them still Mie Hamada? So is she still coached also by Hamada? 🤔)

Gabby Daleman - the most pleasant surprise of the day (night for me) So happy for her! Clean program and I have hardly ever seen her so joyous after a program! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Rinka Watanabe did really well! 👏👏👏 I think she lacks a bit of fire for that program (I mean I compare it to Yuna Kim's from 2007 what probably isn't really fair bc she slayed back then) Poor Rinka waited an eternity for her score 😭 Though I think she has some work to do on her components, the score seemed quite low. I mean Rika with two mistakes and easy jump layout got only 3 points less than her, the TES being only 4 points apart. (I haven't seen the protocol but this seems iffy)

Ava Marie Ziegler - clean program, lovely but generic the program but suits her. I liked her hairpiece to the costume.

Eliska Brezinova - quite the opposite of generic program for Eliska and a cartwheel that looked implemented into the program done effortlessly, that's how I like a cartwheel! Love the program for her. Mistakes on the jumps but still I think it's not too bad for her. Good job! 👏

Starr Andrews - love love love that costume on her ❤️🔥 Superb skate for her! 👏👏👏

Lindsay Van Zundert - I like how she skates and performs her programs, but this program is a bit boring. Good SP for her! Yes there was an UR on the combo but she only started doing 3-3 in competition a while ago. It's amazing how far she has come! 👏

Niina Petronkina - it's a program I like, but the custume I don't. I like the concept, the music and the idea of the arm movements. It's standing out. If she now can show a bit more expression that would turn into one of my fav SPs of the season. And finally a clean skate at her 3rd competition of the season. They have been really harsh on her in the scores. I dunno why her TES dropped that much, the jumps looked rotated. She deserved better. 😤

Madeline Schizas - Swan lake is overused but I love the music so I don't mind it that much. Expression on point for the program and cleanly executed too! 👏👏👏

Linsay Thorngren - the pop was very costly especially in a field were most delivered optical clean programs. She is a lovely skater but I kind of have the same problem with the program as with Isabeau Levito's last week, she can't sell such a difficult music yet. The movements fit but the expression doesn't. I mean in her case it's also the mistakes that made her performance fall flat, but I dunno if this is a good choice for such a young girl. She seemed really sad already during the program.

I would have considered Young You the heavy favorite but with a SP like that she couldn't lead like she could have. I like the attitude in her program and the step sequence was really 🔥 🔥 🔥 I would still consider her the one to beat because she has the highest difficulty with Rinka for the free skate, but she can't afford more mistakes like here.

I am really interested in the protocol, I don't understand how some scores were so low with the same jump layout as some who had higher scores. The close standings make it all the more exciting but it doesn't seem that equally fair to everyone tbh.

#figure skating #skate canada 2022 #rika kihira #madeline schizas #gabrielle Daleman #personal recap

[ebiemidnightlibrarian]

🌹🌹🌹Lemme see ‘em all!!!

*excited noises* Uhhh three roses!!!! Hope you like!!!

First, this is from "Shiver" a John Tyler one-shot that is in my drafts for AGES.

He gripped the wheel tightly as he thought of Mary, of her arrogance and contempt for him. The way she treated him when he did her the favour of revealing the loopholes he knew so well that left women so exposed, so vulnerable to him. John hated the way she didn't even consider his proposal, his help.

There was a gulf between Mary's behaviour and what he had just witnessed. There was a pure, almost angelic kindness in how the nurse — Thomasin, he remembered — acted. The care and zeal she had for a dying old man who probably didn't have more than a few measly weeks to live. For a moment, John envied the attention the old man received from the young woman. John had noticed the affable familiarity between them. He wanted that for himself, that…affection.

John didn't even realize that he had already returned to the Twin Cities hotel, only when he parked the red vehicle did he realize how interested in the nurse he was. The lapse of the immaculate sparkle of the young woman's smile flashed in his mind. Something seemed to snap inside him, as if a key had been turned, or a switch pressed. John sighed in another attempt to calm down. A slight discomfort below the waist gave away something he already knew.

It would be a long night of meditation.

Second, a lil snippet from "Young American", my haimgruder short-fic, also lying in my drafts for some time now, it is staring at me from the docs page so here it is.

Sitting up, Eden took a deep breath, her well-cut nails painted beige as opposed to the usual cobalt blue, tapping against the zipper of her cheap little black leather bag that rested on her lap. If she was honest, and she always was, it wasn't not getting the job that scared her, but being surrounded by close-minded old men who most likely wouldn't be content to just stare.

Linda warned her about this.

Linda was her neighbour, friend and former owner of the position she applied for. She knew that Eden was in need of a job, especially after what happened, she thought about it a bit and they both talked about the possibility. Linda had told her that her typing skills would come in handy.

Oh, if Linda had known what she used to use those abilities for, she wouldn't even have suggested that her friend work with them.

The truth was, Eden March spent her mornings helping an old friend of her father's — an Irish gentleman who had lived in the US since being exiled as an unfaithful guerrilla ex-member of the IRA — named Declan. He owned a small bookshop, which at first looked like an ordinary bookshop owned by a nice old man, but which contained one of the most magnificent collections of books on Communism, Socialism, Bolshevism, and Marxism that Eden had ever seen. Declan had a space in his attic where he would meet with some young revolutionaries, and together they would run a newspaper column on social democratic politics.

That's where Eden's typist skills came in.

Working almost full time as a writer for a small left-wing newspaper was rewarding, she loved it, learned a lot, lived a lot, and it was great while it lasted.

Then Nell got sick.

Her sister needed her full attention, just like her nephew, and she had less and less time for her work as an unpaid pseudo-journalist. Too bad, she still wasn't able to take care of Nellie. Nell was gone, and she had no choice but to take the reins of someone else's life but herself.

The rustling of some sheets of paper brings her back to the present.

Inhale. Expires. She remembers Linda's advice.

And as a bonus, because I know you have a AMAZING Brice fic in progress, I'll share a piece of mine as an offering, bc you inspired me sm to improve my writing skills. This is from "If I Give My Heart to You".

Autoimmune encephalitis, the doctors said. Two misdiagnoses later and the disease was already in its final stages. Make her comfortable, stick around and say goodbye. It was the advice given.

Experimental treatments were considered, but the Catledge siblings didn't want to inflict any more suffering on their poor mother.

Brice felt the corners of his eyes sting with the memory of Grace's final days. He moved her to his room, where he could keep an eye on her. A desk by the bed and stacks of papers to sign. A cheeky tear slipped down the waterline of his eye. Many bad memories were made during the worst periods of the illness, but without a doubt the hallucinations she had with his father were the ones that shattered his chest the most.

On the last day, after a particularly severe seizure, Brice lay awake most of the night, sitting in an armchair beside the bed, trying to bring down his mother's fever with cold cloths, when she suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer. Brice recalled with a shudder the lack of sparkle — of life — in the indigo of her confused eyes. Grace repeated disconnected phrases deliriously, babbling half-words, calling him 'Harry'. He said nothing, just leaned over, and gently held his mother's wrinkled hand, whispering sweet words each time she looked scared, or confused.

Later, just before sunrise, she fell asleep with heavy eyes and slow breathing, and he knew that this time, she wouldn't wake up again. So he hugged her and cried. He cried the hardest of his entire life. Until his eyes stung, and his throat itched, until the blue sleeve of Grace's nightgown was soaked with his sweat and tears, until the only things he was able to feel were the hot trails on his cheeks and the stinging pain beneath his sternum.

Icy splatters hit his skin, and he stared at the gray sky. The pouring rain drove him off the porch, as if it mourned him or was just tired of watching him grieve.

I hope you've enjoyed those! I'm working to finish them, now that I finally have the free time I needed! Thank you for the ask 💜, beloved!!

#nice people 💙 #taylor!! 💜 #ebie's wips #ebie talks #ebie answer #ebie asks #thanks for the ask 💙 #john tyler #tmys #brice catledge #haimgruder #hamfam #brice catledge x reader #john tyler x reader #ebie's writing

[grimeybones]

Weekly Rotation

Gonna post what I’m listening too every week bc I like music and why not share it with 5 people

🕸️ Johan Von Bronx by The Voidz

My boyfriend introduced me to this band and now I think I like them more than him, probably why our relationship is so strong bc we both have the same taste in music (not-so-humble-brag).. Julian Casablancas deep voice turns me on and makes me question if I wanna be him or fuck him, I say this after just stating I love my boyfriend but he feels the same, we would both fight for jules love. Anyway enough hypotheticals and onto the music review. This song is 100% going to be my most listened to track this year. It is deliciously evil in its booming bass and erratic guitar. It has such a deep, dark, sick and twisted sound but in a way that makes you feel like the villain. Every time I listen to this song my mind goes to a different version of myself, one where I can harm everyone who I did wrong and get away with it. A real “good for her” ark. This song is for you if you’re deeply angry inside, love alt goth music and just wanna listen to something fresh

🕸️ Pacific Telephone by Papooz

So this one’s a different turn from the last song. This is a funky, French European post pop track that has a slightly more tame femme fatale feel. The lyrics discribe a women envying another women called Lucille, as the song advances this envy turns to violence and she ends up choking Lucille out on a beach (not a bad way to go out tbh). It has a retro feel but it puts a new spin on it which you get from a lot of French pop music. The bass, synths and guitar create a great feel and the accented vocals only adds to the cherry on top of this very bad ass track.

🕸️ Tahiti Hungry Jungle by Dumbo Gets Mad

This is once again another European song but we’re heading over to Italy for this amazing duo. The whole “Quantum Leap” album is great i always play it when I don’t know what to put on. This song was actually sampled by Azealia Banks of all people, this track is very different than her 212 song though. It feels like you’re in a psychedelic jungle and nothing feels real, it’s memorising and whenever I put it on while I’m walking I instantly get a complex going, it’s just a cool song really just give it a listen.

🕸️ The Modern Age by The Strokes

I’m pissed they won’t show the first album cover here (it’s an ass) but another Julian Casablancas song. This track holds a special place in my heart bc every time I listen to it I think of my closest mates, every Wednesday we go and drink together and it has to be my favourite part of the week as it’s basically group therapy ( @st-rx read this n cry). It’s such a nice nostalgic track, just classic pub rock and if you haven’t listen to the “is this it” album yet just listen. I am shocked The Strokes didn’t get clumped in with the 2014 tumblr crowd.

🕸️ After Hours by The Velvet Underground

This song is just a classic, always put it on when I wanna gush about my partner. Even if you don’t have a partner is a nice song, the fact it was made in 69” and not 2010 by an indie gal is surprising. It’s just a nice acoustic song what more to say.

🕸️Rock ´n’ Roll Suicide by David Bowie

I hadn’t heard this song till I saw the recent Bowie documentary (even if you’re not a fan of Bowie you will be if you watch this movie it’s so good) it’s the song I put on when I’m feeling like a doomer bc I wanna be an ArTiSt and it’s not taking off well. So I listen to this song often. Makes me feel less alone with my dropkick choices, just the line “your too old lose it, too young to choose it” uh gets me every fucking time. If you’re an artist just the thought of abandoning what you love just hurts and the older I get the more that fear increases. I’m literally 20 so I should shut up. Anyway enough of the tangent if you want a gateway bowie track listen to this.

🕸️Take Me in Your Army by The Voidz

Oh wow another jules song we get it. Ok last track. this song has similar energy as Johan Von Bronx but it’s a bit more subtle and more electronic, it is still dark in tone and it has a great haunting feel to it. The track is about how jules was not every content with how fast he rose to fame. The lyric “I was not ready for the podium yet, just the stage” sums that feeling up well. He of coursed love playing in the strokes but the fact that their record label and the media put so much pressure on them to make new music was fucked. The Voidz exists as a way for him and the other members to express issues and make music that they wouldn’t have otherwise been able to make back in the day. It’s so corny to say this but I genuinely believe they are the future of music and one of the last bands that is capable of making unique music AND make political statements without playing it “safe”. I could go on forever about this band and I might write an essay only to hope and pray that jules reads and critiques it.

That’s it listen to the songs if u like, tell me what you think, or if you have any songs you’d want to recommend to me commet or DM!!

#Spotify #music #music rants #music review #music recommendation #playlist #the strokes #the voidz #the velvet underground #dumbo gets mad #david bowie #bowie #julian casablancas #croquette #waif #gaslight girlboss gatekeep #girl blogger #girlblogging

[eviltwin76]

Is there liiiiike a storyline for moth Taylor? All I've really seen about that au is What The Fuck He Gets So Moth and that it Sucks so I am cuoriouose about it

OK this is probably gonna be another long one though it's much less serious lol ^^;

so this au began bc it was just a cutesy thing to look at and byona loves drawing characters as cute bug people btw etc etc. so the story around the "onset" is a little weak. but here's how everything developed in my head:

One Day (inciting incident tbd) taylor started feeling ill and wrapped himself in a comforter cocoon and more or less went comatose for like a week (rel, his roommate, thought nothing of this) and when he popped out he had little baby hawk moth wings and antennae and a higher than average amount of pale green fuzz.

obviously he was terrified and had no idea why this occurred. he confided in rel and sly but if anyone else knew he was sure that the government would snap him up to be imprisoned and experimented on for his whole life, so he avoided being in public and always put on heavy hats and coats when he had to.

as with all these "oc become a cute animal person" aus there's like a week where they all just dick around and have fun finding out about the funy animal features, like the attraction to lamps, addiction to honey and sweet nectars, vibrating in the night etc. he also gets a very small amount of future-vision on account of mothman reference, but not for anything hugely important, like knowing when an object is going to fall, when a car is coming, where satellites are in the night sky etc.

then the fun and games come to a stop when they suddenly realize he's shrinking. panic ensues as they realize the transformation is still ongoing, albeit at a slower rate. there's a middle part of the story here where idk what really happens but they go around investigating trying to find out why this happened and how to stop it.

at some point doc, laa, and mod are let in on the secret. taylor's heightened mothman Insight actually lets him see laa's zombie features for the first time (send another ask if u don't know about the "laa's screw & stitches are invisible" gag/plotpoint). mod offers to amputate taylor's unwanted parts (he covets unusual body parts) and taylor is seriously tempted but eventually dissuaded by sly.

taylor finally figures out that this transformation was triggered by the activation of dna that was implanted in him when he was a child and he was visited by a kaleidoskull (mine) that he thought was an alien (it is, just a bit More). again somehow through Plotpoints Yet To Be Determined he finds it and is able to enter two-way communication with it on some kind of a Plane.

he tries to convince them (begs really) to reverse the effects, remove the dna and turn him back into a regular human. unfortunately it turns out they did that to him because they thought it was really funny and clever, and they are still finding it really entertaining for him to slowly turn into an entire hawk moth and die in like a week. taylor tries to change their mind using logic and moral arguments, but fails desperately because they don't have the same moral values as humans whatsoever.

luckily for him, sly came along, and, fueled by rage and desperation to save his partner's life, and surprising everyone present, drew a fucking handgun on the thing. taylor was shocked and quite upset, but the kaleidoskull immediately burst into laughter. they were not at all threatened, but found the idea of being threatened with a gun by a human so absolutely fucking hysterical that they had no choice but to reward them with one wish and acquiesced to their demands.

and so taylor was saved and restored to his original body! thus ends the moth boy arc. and just to be clear, my kaleidoskull isn't evil, they just have highly alien morals and are mostly motivated by what they find funny, entertaining, or delightful, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad for humans. they probably don't see death as a bad thing because they know what lies beyond, or maybe we're just like bugs or pets to them, who knows.

#yayyyyyyy thank u for asking!! #asker #lemonverse #textual entry #LV #taylor

[sanstropfremir]

wait tell me more about your undergrad thesis play you did

ok i can't actually say too many details because it will doxx me (the play was deeply specific to the city i went to undergrad in) but i have to lay some groundwork first:

i did not actually choose to do this play. if given actual agency i would not have done this play, it was a bad play

hilariously, not every design program grad actually got to do a final/thesis show. our program only did three shows a year, which meant that a maximum of 3 students per discipline (set/costume/lighting) got to do a show. and usually it was less that that bc there were graduate students and occasionally a professor stepped in if the student crop was weak (it usually was). this is how you obtained a final show (for set design):

duking it the fuck out in a no holds barred semester long competition IN the set design class where the prof pits you against each other in every critique to see who can design the best show according to the director's specifications.

no i am not joking

i was not particularly enthused by any of the show selections in my graduating year (the season is picked in advance by a committee of staff+directors) but i sure as hell am ambitious so i decided i was gonna do preliminary designs for every show. and also interview to try and get a costume design slot, but the department literally stepped in and told me i couldn't design two shows in a year.

anyways. i go above and beyond building prelim models for these three shows, but again i get sidestepped by the department and told that i can't design more than one show, so i have to pick which one i want to do, so i went with the show that would become my final show bc the director was very adamant about working with me.

the play is a REWRITE of the government inspector by nikolai gogol, and that rewrite is being done by the director herself. the rewrite is set in the literal city that my university is in, part of it revolves around a very famous historical landmark

all of this happens a year in advance to the actual show (second semester of my third year, the show's run dates are late second semester of my fourth year), so i have the entire summer and all of the first semester to tidy up the prelim design and get it approved etc etc. here are a select few of some of the insane stories than happened over the time it took to make this show:

the director does NOT finish the script until about a week before rehearsals start

the director invites me to a 'design meeting' that actually turns out to be a private meal at a very expensive sushi restaurant and possibly the most expensive meal of my entire life. the director treats me to some extremely expensive fish and two bottles of sake, which i drink all of. i should point out that i am 21 at the time and the director is anywhere between the age of 65 and 85, no one actually knows. also the director IS LITERALLY MY PROFESSOR

the director will not decide on what she wants on the floor (has to function as both indoor and outdoor space, the floor is also a nearly 30ft diameter turntable (not my choice) so any patterns HAVE to match a circle) and when we finally settle on a mandala pattern she makes me draw FORTY DIFFERENT MANDALAS over a three week period before she decides on one.

i make the props department order over a thousand dollars of fake plants. it takes up a third of my budget, but they are most of the set pieces 🤷‍♀️

the head of shop somehow gets the actual city council to lend us real actual city lampposts. like real real ones made of aluminium and glass and shit. they get wired up with portable dimmer packs and put on small platforms so they both actually for real light up AND roll around the stage

there's a fuckup with the scenic painting class + the rehearsal schedule (the rehearsals are running behind and there are not enough scenic painters) so the mandala painting has to happen in only two days AFTER 10pm. i end up painting most of the mandala myself in those two overnight shifts that go until 4am

oh and there's also a fuckup with the new set design prof that's coming in so i'm literally left without a supervisor for an entire semester while the show is in pre production.

#there are so many other stories the whole year was a fucking nightmare sldkfjsdlf #the costume designers (there were two in an effort to try and make it 'fair') literally shat the bed with the costumes #so much so that they had to redesign outfits after technical rehearsal. aka WAY TOO LATE in the game #the turntable ended up getting cut from the fucking show bc an actor sprained their wrist being stupid #so all of that perfect symmetry point mandala work was for NOTHING (except a gorgeous floor im actually still very proud of that floor) #in addition to all those fake plants i had the poor first year grunts make over 100 custom giant ivy leaves #and when i say giant i mean 1.5ft across #in the final show literally half of the scene changes were just moving huge potted ferns around sldkfsdljf #oh and one of the costume designers tried to throw me under the bus at a production meeting by saying i didnt give them the colour palette #when i literally hand made booklets of paint chips and fabric swatches for BOTH of them #it was a right fucking mess #i was also designing another (smaller thank god) show at the time that literally opened on the same day #so if you ever wanted to know what theatre school is like: it's like that! #plus like at least ten more ethics violations. that school was a fucking mess #text #answers #non kpop questions

[vengefulcooking]

Made a sweet n sour curry variation— it was meant to be a pineapple chicken, but I had a few missing ingredients (namely uh the chicken) and so I played around with it a bit.

No chicken to coat and cook, so instead I threw in boiled potatoes and sweet potato. I'm really becoming the boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew potion concocter, eh! But I'm moving next week, so this was less of a 'let's go get ingredients!' thing, and more of a chance to use up what's in the fridge so I have to carry and move less stuff.

So we made the sauce as is:

Base:

Sauté chopped onions: heat them in oil on low heat until they're a bit soft

Add spices to it: garlic powder, whatever else your heart fancies in small doses: I used some cinnamon powder and some cayenne. Your salts and peppers.

The sweet n sour bit of the sauce:

Pineapple juice (loads), brown (or w/e) sugar, vinegar, soy sauce (all in equal quantities) and some flour (about half of the sugar, etc.). Technically, the recipe called for cornflour, but if you give it a good five minutes to cook properly, flour is okay.

I also used some of the sweet potato boiling water because it's also kinda sweet and I didn't have as much pineapple. Chicken broth would also do, but like I said. No chicken in my fridge rn.

Keep whisking as you add each bit in so you get an actual sauce without lumps of flour/sugar or stuff settling in layers.

Pro tip: if the flour is the last thing you add, you can taste the proportions as you add stuff. Too sweet? Add more soy. Too much vinegar? More of everything, sorry, you're fucked

Cooking:

Into the base of sautéd onions, add the boiled (and cut, because I'm not a heathen) vegetables: for me it was potatoes and sweet potatoes, but I also had some frozen veg so that went in. Bell peppers n stuff is lovely with this. My pot's (potatoes; this did not look like I thought it would in my head) were soft enough from boiling so honestly I sort of ended up just coating them.

Then add in the sauce, keep stirring, add more broth of choice if you like. If you've got too much pineapple sweetness, then actually do add non-sweet broth. How much is really you vibing it and sizing up your onions: the minute you've got too much water and not enough onion, you will taste the water; the unfortunate truth of cooking is that water is cool, but water is not food. If you want more quantity of food, you uh, need more quantity of food (this was for me, I am bad at proportions).

If you'd like a thicker, more jam-like texture, then firstly the stickiness of pineapple juice from a pineapple helps with that (I got one of those pre-cut ones from the grocer's, they tend to release juice over time). Secondly, go for less liquid, but also remember to account for the fact that some will evaporate because you're cooking.

Sorry if you're smarter than this; if you check the premises of this blog (pinned post) this is basically cooking for dummies. For idiots. For vengeful, low-skilled bastards that want to make something so good, it makes everyone in their life who has doubted their cooking re-think their whole life so far. Such idiots are often so focused on the revenge part of this dish that we forget little details. Like. Water boils when you heat it and then there's less water.

I ended up also adding a finishing sweet and sour (possibly Thai; I can't remember bc it is 2 am) sauce I was enticed to buy at the grocer's even though it was 10 days before I move house. How we all fall. So anyway, I must use the sauce, and in lieu of just coating cooked chicken/shrimp/other meat or veg, I just kinda threw it into the sauce.

Again, this is all optional because it's cupboard-emptying stuff, but I threw in some flax seeds on top, and honestly, when serving, I have also enjoyed it with a dollop of mayonnaise and a small cut of a cheddar cheese slice, but I don't really think using mayo in everyday cooking is a great idea? But also, I had soft-boiled eggs, which also did a fantastic and really fancy-looking job of drizzling into the stew at the very end ('plating', if I may be so bold (<- sucks at plating)). That's vengeful cooking, baby!

And of course, me being me, I finished it with rice. My whole existence is stews for rices. I bought a 3 kg pack of rice because it was 1) long grain (my mum nods in approval) and on discount. But. 10 DAYS BEFORE I MOVE. So yeah, rice bonanza. I am having so much rice. Living a real regal life out here.

And that's the dish! Revenge may be best served cold but please for the love of god have this while it's still hot and mmm so yummy.

Pics tomorrow maybe (though it'll be of a reheat) because it was mmm so yummy that I never took a picture.

(Quick rice tip: water : rice 2:1, + maybe a quarter glass of water extra to keep it from burning if anything fucks up, 18 mins on the timer, start at high heat, when you hear the boiling, turn it down to medium (that's like a 5 on a numbered stove, think 6 o'clock) and then just taste and monitor when you've got around 4 mins left. People say rice is hard, please, rice loves you and it's very easy give it a chance.)

Update:

With some sesame sprinkled because why not. Extra flavour. Lovely eh?

#cooking #vengeful cooking #food #recipes #sort of #sweet n sour #stew #stew <3 #rice

[coccyodynia]

things:

this one is gonna be all over the place bc there's a lot of things i haven't dealt with yet or even acknowledged but i need to do something with them so weird tumblr post it is!

i haven't slept well in months for a number of reasons (ornery cat, back pain etc) and its really catching up to me

my health is still very much in flux but i am very very broke and cannot afford my health insurance and/or co-pays so i've basically stopped pursuing any kind of treatment/appointments for now, just trying to deal with the pain as much as i can :/

i am still without a dayjob and thats gonna become a problem very quickly :/

im getting back into the habit of making art on a more regular or consistent basis, which i am happy about!!

since i quit my job i've had a noticeable improvement in my moods, overall outlook and depression symptoms. a lot of people around me (therapist, parents, grandma, friends) have made comments about how they've noticed this

i've been working really hard on my coping skills and other inner-work to improve my life and relationships and it's really working i think, so i'm happy about that

my apartment is looking a lot better, usually when my depression/moods are really bad my kitchen becomes pretty much unusable, but since i've been more free to focus on things in my life i've been keeping it cleaner and i'm happy about that too

the semester started a few weeks ago, and im enjoying my class/students! im really excited about the rest of the semester and to see what my students make

i had a tarot reading that kind of blew my mind last weekend and i'm still sort of reeling from it tbh

she spoke a lot about my inner turmoil and the past, and being content with a found family (at least that's how i interpreted it) in my future, while having a strong support system presently

interestingly she never said much of anything at all about relationships outside of that, which i took to heart

i've sort of always believed i would never have a life partner/long-term relationship, but instead the universe would continue passing people through my life on timelines appropriate to how these relationships serve me

i think people like lillian and kym will always be around for sure, but my life has shown a pretty consistent pattern of people being introduced to my life at a time when i desperately needed someone and slowly removing them from my life when i learned what i needed to learn (mannie, reid, michael, justin, henry, so on and so forth)

i know that this is what's happening with justin and on one hand i'm understanding of that, on the other hand i'm very upset about it

i really dont know where he and i stand right now, he's in a new job and trying to spend more time with his kid, so he's less available to talk/hang

it really hurts, because he really did save my life in some form or fashion, and to have that comforting presence slowly disappear has been incredibly difficult

i've really been avoiding talking about this with anyone, like my therapist and closest friends because i am not sure how i will handle the grief once i let myself really accept it/deal with it

last night Lil asked me "how are things with justin?" and i gave some weird vague response like "not sure, i'll tell you when i figure it out"

her followup question, after a slight pause, was: "are you okay?"

i had to laugh because obviously no i'm not okay with this but i dont have a choice, so i'm handling it as well as i can - but i told lil that i probably am not handling it as well as i should

i got very drunk the other night and had an incredibly bad time, sobbing hysterically and screaming basically, bc i am so tired of people just coming and going from my life

my notes app on my phone is just full of one-liners about this bullshit and i feel like a stereotype, moreso than usual

one-liners include:

"people would rather leave than extend the grace i offered them from the start"

"it only hits me sometimes, but i feel it every fucking day"

"found rotten at the root, i am being picked clean"

"people just move on, they move on and forward at a clip and im still here - still here still here still here - no matter how far i move, im still stuck here"

so im not in a great headspace about all of this

but i am at least doing better handling it than i might have been 6 months ago tbh

literally anyway...

last night i had a dream that featured reid and erin and cobb

we used to be the 'dream team' back in high school & college

the dream was weird and i don't fully remember the plot but i do remember waking up very sad and confused

i dont associate with them at all anymore and that might be for the best

but somehow reid keeps coming up in my dreams, i had one the other week where they asked me "is this separation working for you? it's not working for me" basically asking to come back into my life

my response in the dream was "i dont think about you at all anymore" which isn't entirely true obviously, but i've definitely moved on quite a bit

it's almost exactly 2 years since they left my life (sept 24), so i'm sure that's why this is coming up in my dreams

but that also means it's been almost exactly 2 years since i last self harmed (oct 3) and i'm glad about that

when i reached 1 year clean from SH back in 2022 i told justin that i wasn't sure who to talk to about it, since the person i usually told was the reason it happened in the first place

and justin was very very supportive, kind and reassuring

i'm really sad that i'm not sure he would be anymore

i have a little more capacity to handle these kinds of things now that ive quit my job that made me suicidal

but i still want to have that extra support, extra care and i don't know how to have that need met, if that makes sense

idk im just low-key sad underneath everything and all of the progress i've made. its just that im not using drugs or self-medicating to deal with it

idk bye

#things