#i didnt realize id be so upset about this but i also didnt realize it would be this fucking bad

[eepybogboy]

so i had heard that some of the newer releases of Monster High dolls were being made with a different type of hair fiber and that a lot of people were upset about this.

i did not, until last night, realize exactly how bad it is.

i had some of the original MH dolls as a kid, but i wasnt able to tap into the collecting hobby until i had become an adult, years after my old toys had already been donated (a tragedy, but not really the point) and before the new reboot was launched. so my doll collecting hobby really began with Rainbow High. i loved that they came with a second outfit, they had long, soft, styleable hair, and they had substance to their bodies! unlike barbie dolls, RH has curves and weight in your hand when you hold them. i thought that was awesome.

anyway. i knew that RH didnt use the saran hair that barbie often used, and that mattel used for MH back in the day and in the reboot. being new to the concept of different types of hair, it didnt matter much to me. i could see the pros and cons of both saran and the type of hair RH used.

now, recently, i tried to buy Skulltimate Secrets Draculaura for my roommate for their birthday, and amazon let me wait a whole month for them to ship it before saying, just kidding, we dont have it, heres your money back. RUDE AS HELL!

well fine. now the SS Fearidescent is out, so ill just get them that one instead. i see in the reviews that her hair type is different, they voice disappointment but ultimately shes still cute and theres not a lot that we, as consumers, can do about it except maybe complain.

and im thinking, whatever, im used to RH hair anyway, and yeah its more staticky but its still pretty soft, so how bad could it be?

well, she came in the mail yesterday, and we were pretty disappointed at just how bad it could be.

ive come to realize that RH hair is not made of polypropylene, the new material theyre giving MH as of this line (ive heard that theyve given g3 clawdeen this type of hair before, which is a whole other can of worms that isnt one of the points of this post), but for rainbow high they generally use Nylon (correct me if im wrong) which is still cheaper and less authentic to real hair than saran, but is still generally pretty soft.

ive never had a doll with pin straight hair (and almost no styling product) feel this BAD in my hands. its coarse, lightweight, and easy to frizz, just from a quick finger comb. i soaked her in hot water and conditioner, and shes only a little bit softer.

i had my partner, who, besides being supportive of my hobbies and listening to me talk about it, knows next to nothing about the differences between types of dolls, feel the difference between the first g3 Drac, RH Karma Nichols, and Fearidescent Drac. on a few quick comparative touches, they noted that saran feels the most like real hair, while RH nylon feels kinda soft but not quite as nice. then they touched new Drac, and all they said was, "ah. depression."

i didnt have my hopes up at all but my expectations were still shattered. i legitimately didnt realize it was this bad. the downgrade is Immense. ive seen people rag on RH hair, and this is WORSE. i seriously cant believe how much worse it is. i didn't think mattel would make a $30 Beloved Brand Name doll with all those accessories and give her DOLLAR STORE KNOCKOFF HAIR, but i guess thats on me for holding a corporation to any sort of production standard in 2023 🙃

anyway, all this is to say, hair fiber snobs, im so sorry and i get it now. this shit sucks.

#my only hope is that MAYBE mattel will see everyone complaining about it and realize they can't keep getting away with it #but people are obviously buying them anyway so who knows #if the monster ball line has poly hair im gonna be so fuckin mad legitimately #why would they do us like this #the SS drac i wanted originally has saran hair #but EVERYONE wants her so she's been at scalper prices on amazon CONSTANTLY and i cant find her at target at all #if this shit continues ima have to go back to my Discount at walmart. fuck. #im not shelling out $30 for a doll they cut corners on. #playing with their hair is half the reason i like having dolls #the other half is the clothes #but petting their hair is a sensory stim for me and they literally ruined it #the straight haired RH dolls are my favorites because theyre so silky #even if they do get staticky if i brush them too much. at least the fibers are smooth #i didnt realize id be so upset about this but i also didnt realize it would be this fucking bad #anyway. #monster high #rainbow high #dolls #mh #rh #monster high skulltimate secrets #monster high fearidescent #draculaura #monster high draculaura #doll collector #📝

[scoreplings]

also helpful for remembering that my ex is a shithead im better off not having in my life is the fact that whenever i tell anyone how our relationship ended theyre horrified by the way he acted.

#am i embarrassed i put up with that as long as i did? yea #does it make me soooo happy im not putting up with it anymore? also yea <3 #helllppp a coworker asked me about it the other day so i explained it to him #and like a half hour later he put down the dishes he was washing and was like. dude what the FUCK i cant stop thinking about how messed up #that is #LOL yea dude i know. #n i wanna say hes evil but hes not really no one is. he just refuses to be accountable for what he does and makes selfish decisions. #he did not wake up and say ‘today i will make Aj soooo so sad and hurt him’ #he woke up and said ‘i want to date this guy but dont want to stop fucking this other guy. i will simply keep the boyfriend a secret from #the guy im fucking because i know they wouldn’t be okay with it. its a good thing im doing because they’d be sad if they knew!’ #or something along those lines. #dwelling on it is not good i think i am abt to go to sleep instead #makes me sad tho. good part of me hopes he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes he should treat the people who care about him better #selfish part of me hopes he ruins every relationship he has for the rest of his life and dies alone. (<- i dont actuslly want this id be so #sad. i am just mad because i am angry) #dwelling for 1 more second actually LOL he didnt even just keep the boyfriend a secret he lied to my face about it and spent six months #telling me he didnt even like the guy and wouldn’t date because he’d never want a relationship to get in the way of what we had. teehee #and that even if he did like the guy he’d never date him because he didnt want to hurt me like that. and he loved me. LOL. #after he told me he ghosted me for a week and when i finally got him to talk he said he regretted nothing and couldnt understand why i was #upset. hahaaha. and that i should keep it to myself and be happy for him. and that he was just with the guy because he was ‘more available’ #than i was. #teehee. sorry. i am dwelling again i just cannot get over how fucked it all is #and the boyfriend was my other best friend. teehee. and they are still together even though i explained what my ex did. <3 #i cannot wait to move oh my god i need to not see this mf every day at work or im gonna never stop thinking abt it. #whateverrr. i kiss my bf in two days 💚

[skyeateyourdonuts]

yumyumyum

#i SWEAR no more #its just easier bc idk tags feel non permanent #im so!!!!! overwhelmed!!! #im also rlly hungry but gabby has bare minimum food #and i still have an urge to attempt saving food #im so upset rn and yes it is also cause im hungry but also hhhhh #theres so many things!!!! #my laptop updated so ofc it doesnt have wifi again #plans were made and no one listened to me when i told them NO #so theyre dtill trying to follow through and i said no!!!!! the whole weekend i said no!!!! #PLEASE LISTEN TO ME 😭😭😭 #im overwhelmed by how much i need to get done #that i feel uh whats it called choice paralysis or smth? #idk it feels impossible to get anything started #im worried about my hw but my fucking laptop 😭😭😭 #im so upset i didnt even realize i was like sobbing but!!! i cant help it!!! im fucking upset!!! #and my body hurts from yesterday and i cant do my hw in my room but i Dont want to see anyone #i dont even know what i need help with but my brain is going 'u need help from someone to do smth' #but i cant!!!! im all socialized out and id have to talk to someone and #im worrid abput my dumb fucking brother but also he didnt listen to me one bit so #im so pverwhelmed!!!!! #rverybody pls slow the fuck down and let me catch up its too much i have go go slower than this in life #i cant do this please just give me a break please pleaseplease please #gata #this is a little pathetic but im just im so upset please

[chaos-coming]

My aunt and cousin dont understand why my sister and i are fucked up, bc our parents abused us and did not make decisions based on our wellbeing, only their own. But my aunt was not abused by her parents the way that her brother (our dad) was, so she isnt fucked in the head like our parents are, and so in turn she did not abuse her son (our cousin), and neither of them can comprehend just how badly our parents treated us in comparison to how she raised her family. And it makes it really hard for me to see how my aunt did everything so that my cousin would have good experiences and grow and learn and explore, while our parents did everything to make their own lives easier, and their children were just a nuissance that gave them anxiety and whom they disposed of at the earliest convenience (lock them in the house) or else needed micromanage because they had too much anxiety and no desire to view children as humans instead of housepets who obey orders and produce academic successes they can brag about, and never have needs of their own or want to leave the house. My aunt took my cousin travelling all over the country, we were taken to the house and dropped off like luggage, forbidden to leave or interact with anyone. To say that i'm jealous my cousin had a childhood that didnt come straight out of a shrink's notebook would be a wild underexaggeration. I resent our parents so much for being shit at being parents and my aunt and cousin have zero clue how terrible they were and all they can say is stop being so negative not everything is your parents' fault. Which is super frustrating and invalidating bc its like if YOUR parents had abused you the way my parents did and their parents did, then youd understand just how thoroughly and deeply abusive parents can fuck your life up

#also hes an only child so hes not used to sharing. anything #which becomes really obvious every time we travel together as a family #and also like my aunt will be like stop asking ke every 5 seconds if im ok or mad at you #and the time i accidentally sbapped the handle to her tote bag bc it got stuck in the car door and i didnt realize #then was so so scared to tell her i broke it and apologized profusely for like 5 full minutes #and she was like calm down its not a big deal its a plastic strap #and im like np you dont understand if this was MY mom id get a 20 minute scream-lecture about how i was a bad person for breaking it #and not taking care with her things amd how upsetting it was that the strap was broken and its my fault and now i need to make it up to her #if this had happened when i was a kid i would have been punished and screamed at for at least 30 #min #(not even getting into the fact that my mom is autistic and very very emotionally attached to inanimate objects #and they must be kept in their perfect original condition or she would tell her kids that they are a bad person) #(and also she is so mentally ill and literally made of anxiety that the idea of any permanent alteration to literally anything makes you #a bad person #basically doing anything except being an inanimate object makes you a bad person #and a problem child #and because im therefore a problem child it justifies the abuse #now in all fairness i dragged them to fsmily therapy for a year (well my dad got kicked out halfway for being uncooperative. #there is no salvaging an ego that big and hes an academic to boot. completely intolerable.) #but at least they were forcibly told in session that they were abusive parents and i think they kind of see it #at least reflected in how fucked up their kids are. my sister is literally nonfunctional and so volatie that we #cant be around her for more than a few hours at a time. max. #but my aunt doesnt understand amy of this she thinks its completely unnecessary to do family therapy and that im just trying to blame them #for all my problems. bc she only ever heard their perspectives for 25 years and also never saw how her brother was abused bc she was spared #its like no you dont understand i got shit parents and my upbringing was hell. you did such a wonderful job raising your son tjat #you literally cant comprehend how shitty our childhoods were #you put your son first but our parents put themselves first and if we were miserable nonfunctional and traumatized it wasnt their problem

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for yelling at my friend when i found out he had sex in my car?

i (26f) lived with my friend John (26m) when we were in college. John didnt have a car, but i did so i did most of the driving when we needed groceries/whatever we needed to go out for (it was a college town so it was mostly walkable, so we didnt need to drive every day). i have issues with other people using my car, especially when im not there (if anything goes wrong id rather it be my fault than have to deal with someone else totaling my car). but John had a girlfriend (Sarah) who also didnt have a car, so he would sometimes borrow my car (with my permission ofc, he never took it without me knowing) to take her on dates. when they were gone, i would constantly be nervous that something went wrong. there would be times they would go to a movie, then they would be gone for longer than the movie's runtime and i would get so anxious that something happened, then find out that they had just gone shopping/to dinner/etc after the movie ended. i never bothered saying anything because i didnt want to seem like a control freak saying "you can only borrow my car if you tell me exactly what you're doing and when you'll be back"

anyways, fast forward to now. i got a new car a couple years ago, John and i no longer live together (not because of any problems, we just got our own places after we graduated), and he is still with Sarah. one day John, Sarah, a few of our other friends, and i were all hanging out.

then at one point, Sarah made a joke about having sex in the car after Yesterday (the beatles movie from a few years ago). then i said "hold on, didnt you guys borrow my car to see that movie?" and everyone got really quiet. i turned to John and said "you had sex in my car???" and he tried to laugh it off but didnt deny it. and i got MAD. i was yelling at him and admittedly was pretty harsh (like calling him insensitive for violating my trust & property)

he said something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but it was a long time ago and theres nothing i can do to change it, and you dont even have the car anymore" and i realized he was right, and that screaming at him wasnt going to accomplish anything, but i was still mad so i left and went home

i asked some of my friends that were there if i was being crazy, and they basically said that it was understandable that i was mad, but yelling at him in front of everyone just made them uncomfortable and killed the vibe for the rest of the night, and there was nothing any of us could do about it now. no one told me how Sarah reacted, but she has really bad anxiety so knowing her, im guessing she didnt take it well that i got mad about something she said, and i do feel bad about that (though, in fairness, i assume she knows common decency and would know that having sex in someone else's car is wrong)

anyways, i dont think im the asshole because i think i have a right to be upset about that, and even though it was a long time ago i JUST found out about it so it wasnt that long ago for me. but i know i might be the asshole just because i yelled at John in front of our friends and made everyone uncomfortable over something that he can't do anything about anymore, and since i dont even have that car anymore, it has no impact on my life

tldr: my friend had sex in my car years ago and i found out about it and tried to fight with him about it in front of a bunch of our other friends, and it made everyone uncomfortable. so, am i the asshole for getting angry years after my friend had sex in my car? 🚗

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[jaemified]

major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

-

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

-

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

#kpop imagines #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #jake sim #niki enhypen #niki x reader #nishimura niki x reader #nishimura riki #riki imagines #enhypen niki #jungwon x reader #enhypen imagines #niki x you #nishimura niki #riki au #enhypen riki #enhypen reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #park sunghoon #heeseung #yang jungwon #jungwon #jungwon imagines #nishimura riki x reader #enhypen jay #jaemified

[safetycar-restart]

Ive been thinking about this for so long but dont know how down you are for semi angst, more like hurt/comfort headcanons... what are the boys apology styles like, say they say something they dont mean, i think of little charles just immediately bursting into tears as soon as he realizes what he saud, i see him as always sort of on the precipice to being little so i inagine when hes overwhelmed and he upsets mommy it just gets so much worse 😭

Little max on the flip side i see not being willing to admit what he did, i almost think of him as someone who just walks away, feelsbad and tries to silently make it up to you.i see his dom/mommy making him hold himself accountable though. I think it would honestly be a trauma response to his dad where he would just try to not stir the pot and move on, he also probably learned it from him cause i dont see that man apologizing... basically just like unlearning those behaviours so they can be healthy and happy together.

Id live to hear your thoughts on anyone else. i just dont have as certain feelings about the others in my head as these two ... exceot fir lando, hes a brat that takes ot too far repeatedly and then is a crybaby qbout it

I don’t know if it’s different people asking this style of question with littles or the same person but either way, I would die for you all of you I love this type of thing so much.

CHARLES:

All Charles wants, whether little or big, is to make his mommy happy, that's it. He tries so hard, but when he's little he's just so small and so vulnerable and there are so many things he can't do. He gets so overwhelmed very quickly, and it can lead to a meltdown very easily because the poor thing just doesn't know what to do.

He doesn't mean to be rude to his mommy, but everything is loud and scary and he doesn't know what to do and the next thing he knows, he's pushing you and away and yelling at you to stay away and curling in on himself. He doesn't mean it, he just doesn't know what to do or how to cope.

The actual meltdown doesn't matter the moment he's realised what he's done. Then he's having a whole other meltdown, crying his little heart out and begging for forgiveness, promising that he can be good boy, that he will be a good boy.

Of course you just hold him close and comfort him, promising him that you know he didnt mean it and was just overwhelmed. He sticks to your side for the rest of the day, like he's scared you might actually leave him if he can't see you at all times.

GEORGE:

I know you didnt mention George, but I want to talk about him because I think he would actually only apologise once he's in his adult headspace again?

He's so small when he regresses, mostly too small to even speak properly and far too small to realise that he might have hurt you with something. He can be quite fussy sometimes, especially when he's overtired and he just cant settle. He doesn't realise he's being difficult, and he really doesn't mean to, but he's just too small and can't express himself properly.

You two always get there in the end. And within an hour or two he's cuddled up in you arms, napping or listening to a story and being your sweet little boy.

But once he's back to his adult headspace, he'll remember how fussy he was and how much more work than usual he was and he'll come to you with his tail between his legs and apologise. Every single time he tells you that he understands if you don't want to be his caregiver anymore, which is absolutely ridiculous because that will never happen.

He'll often bring you flowers or chocolates or a book to say thank you for dealing with him, and he just loves you so so much.

MAX:

I definitely agree that Max really struggles to work through whatever he's done wrong. And yeah, it's absolutely a trauma response from his childhood. When max was younger, the only option when he made a mistake was punishment. That's it. There was no talking it through, no trying to understand or making it better. It was just instant punishment and being screamed it.

Because of this, max learned to hide whenever he had done something wrong because he didnt want to be punished like that. He would just try and make up for it in some other way.

Of course this usually fails because he cant properly take care of whatever has happened on his own. He's too small to clean up the milk he spilt or fix the picture he ripped or wash his dirty clothes. He needs you to do those things for him.

You can always tell when max has done something wrong or made a mistake, because he'll hide from you. Usually, max always wants to be with you. Not necessarily on top of you or even next to you, but he always wants to be able to see you and know you're close by. So if more than a few minutes have gone by with Maxie in a different room... then you know something has happened.

The first few times, max just starts sobbing instantly, so bad that you actually worry he might make himself sick. And it's over something that honestly doesn't warrant that reaction? He spilled some milk and now he's sobbing on the floor.

However, unlike Charles, you can't just clean up and comfort max, because he'll continue to feel bad and guilty and not let himself enjoy his time with you because he doesn't think he deserves it.

I think natural consequences would be best for max? He split his milk, so he doesn't get anymore milk. He had an accident, so he must help you clean up and then be in diapers, etc. You always talk it through with him very nicely and very slowly, praising him for being so good about it and helping him work through it all.

You're so proud of him the day he comes to you and tells you that he knocked over his sippy cup and now there is juice all over the floor, because he finally understood that he wouldn't be punished the way he was when he was younger.

#little!driver/rider #little!george #little!charles #little!Max #cl #gr #mv #f!reader

[girlwithfish]

sorry idk if u literally wanted someone's opinion so if not u can ignore this:

imo he's mostly in the wrong but i can see where he's coming from to an extent? not that i condone his behavior or words at all, bc it seems pretty shitty and tone deaf of him from what you've revealed. rather i think it's bound to be messy to rush into a relationship directly after ending a previous one, especially an abusive one. from his perspective i can see that it's probably a lot of responsibility and pressure for a partner to take on so early in the relationship. like u guys are still just getting to know each other, u know what i mean?

but i think that kinda falls on him and he should've known better, bc it seems like he wanted to move things very quickly and rush into gf/bf territory knowing your recent past and vulnerability. and now he is getting annoyed bc it's not the cake walk he thought it would be. i believe u mentioned he's older too which makes it worse. i can't help but be confused by how he's acting... like i agree w/ u that he is unnecessarily making it about him and expecting you to magically get over your trauma after only a few weeks. what did he think would happen?

i wouldn't blame u if u broke up with him bc i think u deserve to be drama free and heal and live ur best life rn. wishing u the best and i hope u don't mind this message.

thanks for the input! yeah i was actually asking haha. just weird bc ive been pretty transparent and open about still dealing w stuff and not being "over" my trauma. i feel like hes underestimating the effects of abuse and thought id "get over it" even saying he thought id get over my ex the more i was with him which is weird. especially in the beginning when he seemed understanding and presented himself that way. and i think that hes conflating me not being over trauma w not being over a typical breakup which is strange to me and i felt he hasnt been very empathetic toward me. i get its a lot of responsibility but idg why he wanted to date me then or he thought itd just be easy.. just weird mixed signals from him and lack of understanding. like him suddenly being upset w me for sleeping when hes repeatedly told me he doesnt mind. and i feel im not asking him for much or i dont use him as emotional support much or really even talk about my trauma or ex this month (in the beginning we both talked abt our past relationships a lot but stopped) besides the one time a few days ago when my exs mother reached out to me and i was upset for maybe 30min to an hr when we talked abt it and he offered his input which i found unhelpful Idk. and this was triggered all by him asking how i am ystrdy and i said im not doing the best but im getting by and said i didnt need to talk abt it tho and then he said hes seeing me decline bc i still ruminate over trauma and said some weird stuff abt how he feels hes contributing and idek i said im just in a weird place rn and im working through it and then also brought up relationship stuff btwn us how i feel hes not putting as much effort to show he cares and he kind of blamed it on my sleep schedule then went on a whole thing abt me and my trauma and how hes realizing its serious trauma i "need to sit with" and idk i dont feel hes being very kind or understanding and just presumptuous about my own situation. if he didnt wanna be w someone in my situation he shouldn't have dated me and acted like he wants a relationship and "loves" me when he barely knows me. also hes the same age as me

[ankhisms]

realizing that my very close friend who id known for almost 10 years stopping talking to me for no reason and only really talking to me recently to basically say "im at a party with my new friends who are better than you" has in fact had negative effects on my mental health

god i need to get a diary/journal i know i could benefit from one bc theres more personal stuff i dont really want to get into online/stuff about my body image and self esteem issues that i dont want to post about online but i dont have money to get pne and dont have any empty spare notebooks lying around to use so anyway. realizing that since he suddenly stopped talking to me (again, for no reason. ive wracked my brain trying to figure out ANY possible reason we were not fighting we did not have any disagreement everything was normal our relationship was normal he just stopped responding to me one day and wouldnt respond when i asked him if he was ok bc i was genuinely worried we talked every day for years and didnt respond when i asked about what was going on) my paranoia regaurding people i know secretly hating me or becoming very angry at me very suddenly and wanting me dead or just wanting to ignore me and never talk to me again has gotten a lot worse. and it sucks because i struggle with paranoia about other things that i wont get into but it feels like this specific paranoia can be the hardest for me to shake off because it stems from how my abuser treated me and my unstable home environmeny from past toxic friendships/situations where people i was around werent necessarily abusive but they certainly were toxic and fucked me up from how they treated me. so when i try to soothe myself theres a part of me that goes. but its happened before. it happened before and it can happen again. and now with this my brain is like SEE! IT HAPPENED AGAIN. IT HAPPENED AGAIN WITH THE FRIEND WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS GOING TO BE IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER. IT HAPPENED WITH SOMEONE WHO STILL MEANS THE WORLD TO YOU. and then i feel bad about being mad about it on some levels because i still want to give him the benefit of the doubt but also its like. we are both 24 fucking years old we are adults. if you are mad at me or if you have an issue with me you need to bring it up to me. i am not a mind reader if youre upset with me i want you to actually TELL ME so we can work things out. i respected him enough to be ready to do that if he upset me and i expected the same from him. and its just like im too tired to deal with people who arent going to tell me when theyre mad with me or to be upfront about an issue they have with me. im too tired. it also fucks me up that like. he knows about all my issues just like i know about his. and he knew about these specific paranoias i have and knows about how much it hurts me to be ignored and he still did this all. anyway tldr i am trying so hard to not freak out ❤️ thanks if u read this all mwah

[menalez]

i feel so bad for you with the callouts about you faking being a lesbian bc of posts you made when you were a young teen

i just found writing from when iw was 12 of me pretending to like men and it hurts so much and its so fucking stupid it was kind of like your old posts at least it was completely private

the way it was written was like me trying to force myself to feel those ways and i even remember researching like most attractive man ever to try and find a guy to act like i was attracted to all while looking at them and feeling nothing at all... and id search for like hours trying to find a boy that i felt anyting for to pretend to wajt as a boyfriend.... i never even found one! my friend told me maybe i was 'aesthetically gay'when i was like "soo im totally straight but i do not find any men attractive at all"

i just have no idea how i didnt realize earlier i wasnt attracted to men with all that bfjdmfjd

i feel u 😭 the wildest part is that post was made to paint a certain image. there’s no emphasis on the posts being primarily from 2013-2014. nothing highlighting the fact that i was literally like 14-16 in ALL of the posts (and that the person who was calling me out is calling 15 year old me a whore / slut for what r obviously jokes. if i as a 15 year old managed to have sex 500 times with 420 men while in an long distance “relationship”… wouldn’t that be indicative of something rly insidious? like they’re obviously not legitimate numbers & were me exaggerating ridiculously bc i didn’t want to answer such questions. i didn’t know if my rapist / rape counted. i was dissociated through a lot of it). the wildest part is she intentionally ignored all the posts highlighting what ive been saying: i was literally on substances a lot of the time when in that guy’s vicinity. i considered him a friend and didn’t want a relationship but then gave in after he kept insisting we were together & facing other pressure and he was giving me substances to get my guard down & be able to do things to me. i even made posts back then saying “idk if i like guys at all or if im into girls or if i like anyone” and talking about how i don’t understand attraction and don’t feel love. i talked about the guy making me cry all the time (& would then downplay it and act like i cry over everything) and there’s hints that i was attempting suicide and on sedatives the day our “relationship” started (which was the day he decided we were in a relationship. i repeatedly said i don’t want it) and drunk + had repeatedly tried to kill myself the day i lost my virginity (if that even counts. maybe the time i was raped is when i lost it? who knows.). and when asked why i won’t leave or when id defend him it’s almost always “he’s the only person who’s there for me” “im scared”… never “i love him” or “im attracted to him” or anything of the sort. i was baffled going thru the blog bc i didn’t realise there were so many hints that it was unwanted. etc etc etc. no wonder when i finally ended it and refused to back down (had to do it repeatedly for like 6 months) he immediately said “is it bc you’re a lesbian?” 😐.

also yeah sadly the only diff between me and the Real Lesbians trying to argue im lying about my sexuality is that their closeted shenanigans isnt available for everyone to look at and analyse and pick apart. their trauma isn’t there on display for people to call them liars and partake in abuse apologism with. but this whole thing has only confirmed to me that my truth remains my truth & my story. it was pretty upsetting seeing how i was somehow so aware of my lack of attraction to men but so in denial of it at the same time. and it made me realise that that whole portion of my life might’ve been even worse than i remembered. i remember the suicide attempts but i didn’t realise how often i was out of it.

ALSO anon that’s such a mood. i did a lot of the same stuff 💀

#anonymous

[lord-shitbox]

ok whole ask game have fun

SPOILERS! readmore cos its long

Favorite main 6 omori character?

Hero :)

Favorite side character?

Brett, the ankylosaur cashier at dino's dig. fishboy also

favorite songs from the OST?

All the deeper well OSTs, Bready steady go, GOLDENVENGEANCE, dear little brother, it means everything, world's end valentine are Most of them i think....big fan of carrot113's remixes

favorite bosses?

i like spaceboy/boyfriend/exboyfriend/husband/exhusband. and mutantheart

favorite photos from Basil's album?

picnic one is good

Favorite area in headspace?

orange oasis & deeper well

favorite area in black space (1 or 2)?

the watermelon & mewo rooms are messed up. <3 just realized i didnt go into black space 2 actually..

favorite area in faraway town?

didn't poke around in here very much tbh. basils house is pretty cool

do you prefer headspace, black space, or the real world? why

black space fucks severely

favorite omori ships (if any)?

not super into omori shipping. kel/sunny fanart is usually pretty swag tho

do you kin any of the characters? who?

no i gender envy hero tho

favorite route & ending of the game?

true route/ending

any headcanons?

mm i think sunny actually didn't want the violin his friends got him & eventually broke it in frustration, which is what caused his fight with mari at the top of the stairs

(citations: the "present" item in the game inflicts Angry ("it's not what you wanted...") & in one of the lost library scenes sunny is upset he has to miss out on saturday morning cartoon time to practice, + the broken violin at the bottom of the stairs before their fight)

favorite moment in the game?

memory lane was pretty cool. + black space watermelon. i like the messed up stuff

What stood out to you the most?

hero's "you have to trust that we'll forgive you" line

favorite in-game items, skills, or moves?

veggie kid charm is cute. I like combining kel's Tickle with omori's Red Hands & aubrey's headbutt/beatdown/last resort

favorite boss fight?

humphrey is creepy. it got to me the first time so it's very good

most annoying part of the game?

rerunning it for achievements...actually finding berly's ball was hard screw that shit

what do you dislike about omori?

took me a while to figure out how to figure out where to go/what to do. isnt always easy to figure out how to start a new day either

something you wish was different in the game?

i dont tend to think of these kinds of things

if you could change something about the game, what would it be?

nothing in particular. id like an "ignore all minor enemies" mode to just blast through areas if ive got somewhere to be but it takes some of the point away

what was your initial reaction to the true/good ending?

oh boy

to be real my initial reactions are always dimmed it takes me several hours to process anything

what was your initial reaction to the bad/neutral endings?

underwhelmed, ngl

scene in the game that scared you the most?

see below i think. i enjoyed it greatly

what do you think is the scariest thing/event in the game?

the hands cat in marina's area of humphrey (experiment 667)

do you own any omori merchandise

nope

How did playing omori change you (if it did)?

hmm..i think my perspective has been expanded. really liked the nonsensical aspects of the game

Have you made any new friends after playing the game?

a little! got closer with an ig mutual who likes it

has playing omori introduced you to new games or hobbies?

very vaguely. theres a sort of "if you like undertale youll like omori" attitude that finally got me to try it

why is omori special to you?

has a lot of the things i like. good ost, visually interesting & appealing, surreal/nonsensical elements, funny, fucked up shit, scary shit, plants, dinosaurs

do you want to high-five Kel?

don't see why i wouldn't

#asks

[mint-yooxgi]

Jackie, my dear, omg- you updated while i was at work and rough day but like- i had been thinking about this since i saw the notification adn my god you had me oon the edge of my seat yet again- as always- such an icon T^T

so first off, OC is a BAD-ASS. Miyeon is batshit crazy and needed to touch hella grass (or devour that shit into her non-existent soul). I loved, LOVED that OC just took her insults and the pains and slaps but didnt fight back unless it was any of the boys' things being threatened/harmed. Its so very clear how much they love her in these things she is protecting, and its also so clear how much she loves them that these things, the dress/violin/paintings mean more to OC than her own life in these moments.

That said- i have a prediction about that. While I know, KNOW the boys are going to be upset about the broken things, the dress/paintings especially, i feel like OC is probably going to break down and apologize for not being able to protect what she could and just- the whole moments are going to bring so flipping emotional cuz like of course the boys are upset but she means more to them than that obviously. (Yunho is probably going to lose his shit if she apologizes for it- especially when he realizes she got hurt trying to protect his art- like my HEART)

second prediction- she definitely gets on their ass about making sure Kuroo is okay. as someone else pointed out the whole Hwa opening his mouth to say something haha

third prediction- the ones to go berserk: Hwa, Joongie, and Jongho especially. Yeosang is 50/50, but i have a feeling he wont want to touch her, he'll see it as her still getting what she wants. Nah, he gunna be savage to the very end, not looking at her, acknowledging her, probably muttering to mc like "my poor baby, that little pest really threw a tantrum huh?" like just down right degrading Miyeon and really pushing how she is absolutely nothing to him, and will always be. (at least thats what id do xD) anyways- i think its 50/50. he might go berserk, but he also might show concern for his love more than anything.

Wooyoung also has the potential to go berserk, probably talking shit to her the whole time about how she is nothing and MC is a fcking goddess period. Yunho definitely is at MC's side. San is also at Mc's side, and so is Mingi considering both of them care more for others than themselves usually, and would be far more concerned with keeping mc alive rather than seek vengance.

i also like the prediction that mc is going to be so gone that healing her turns her into something less human, and that she gets to have a badass moment too <3 she'll either beg to have a hand in Miyeon's death then, or have them wait. (if they wait i have a feeling Miyeon might get saved by her pets ope. but if they dont, and Miyeon dies- then her pets are going to still continue out her rebellion solely to avenge her)

Anyways- I love you and this story so much thank you for another emotional roller coaster that I adored beyond words being able to describe T^T

Im off to go build my #deathtoMiyeon fanclub now!!

First of all, thank you so much!!!! You literally don’t know how much I appreciate this message omg, I really appreciate you taking the time to write this and send it to me!!

Second of all, I'm literally so glad you said that!! (”its also so clear how much she loves them”) because YES!!!! Everything will be explained in due time, but even if OC isn’t aware/doesn’t want to acknowledge it at this point, she does love all of them in her own way so I'm so glad that came through!!!

And yes!!!! YES!!!!! Exactly!!!! Oh, literally one of my favourite parts about writing is when you guys are able to correctly predict certain aspects of scenes before I write them based off your interpretations of my characters. It means I've written them well and they’re being interpreted the way I'm hoping they are!! OC will apologize at some point, and be prepared for when that happens, cause it’s going to be emotional~

Kuroo is plenty fine, don’t worry!

Hmmmm, interesting hehehe very interesting~

Oh yeah, Wooyoung can be just as violent as Joong at times, he just hides it better around the OC lmaoo

I’m so excited for you to see what I have planned, I think you’ll all be pleasantly surprised, but also shocked ehehehe

Thank you for reading!! ❤️

#ask #the sweetest #omg #thank you so much #!!! #i love this so much #hehehe

[raid3r-r4bbit]

someone broke into my apartment. I havent been on because the only thing i have that i can access the internet on is my work computer ( i can get into trouble for using even spotify on that) and my switch ( just got it last monday. in another situation id be ecstatic about getting a new game system, but right now im just glad i didnt leave it out in the open)

Firstly, sorry if the formatting weird, im not used to my new phone yet.

Secondly im sorry for the people who wanted drawings from me, im gonna try my best to recreate them and post them.

Thirdly, this is really fucking long, tldr, someone broke it, let one of my cats out stole my tablet, phone, and a bunch of my games so thats why i was gone. read for details? I guess? I wouldnt lol.

also fuck you theres typos, of course theres gonna be typos.

SO…

small town does not equal no crime. After the (insert wherever the power comes from) was fixed, it has some issues and shut down again a few days later. idk why. My rm and i decided to walk to the gas station for lunch, they had power, music, cold drinks and food, and bathrooms that have functioning lights. Our landlord said it would only be a few hours, so we used our backup battery packs ( yes the ones we’re only supposed to use for work or incase of emergency) to power a fan and opened a window (the little net thing closed) for the cats and left.

because we were only going to be away for an hour, i left my phone (by accident) and tablet on the couch. in plain view of the window.

well, we have a lot of college students who walk directly by out porch ( i even had a girl threaten to call the cops on me for smoking… on my own fuckin porch) and two other girls who decided it was public chatting place and were upset that interupted them wheni asked them to leave.)

we dont know if it was a college student, or someone else, called the cops and got it all sorted there wasnt much they could do ( figures)

they came in through the window, and we think they either left it open, or that Patches, one of my cats, got out when the opened it, because she was gone when we came home, and she liked to hang out by the window. Thankfully, miso hates going outside, and katsu is scared of everyone and hides when people come over. we still havent found patches. im not worried about her, she didnt really like us, she isnt declawed, and she was orginally an outdoor cat anyways. we left out food and water and liter for her, but if she comes back she comes back. ive lost enough animals not fret over it. (tbh if it was on of the other two id probably sob)

but whoever broke in stole a bunch of my game stuff. we dont think they even went into out bedrooms, cause nothing was out of place. it took me realizing some of out stuff, the cat and the askew window (what the fuck is that thing called??) to realize we’d been robbed. ( well me actually, my roomate keeps all his stuff in his room which is fair because other than HBO i pay for all the streaming services, and i (thankfully still have) 4 consoles, which wont fit in my tiny ass room.)

they took my phone and tablet. (not worried about the phone, it was some dinky burner phone) a package off our porch ( it was mario kart, i got a switch like last monday, and the only game i have is animal crossing. very fun. thankfully, id left it on my desk.) they also took a few of my games, thankfully i have duplicates of most of the ones they took and digital copies.

ironically, the version of TLOU and FO4 (i have 4 copies of fo4 including the digital copy) were the scratched up versions, they did take my copy of infamous for the ps3. and they also took my unopened copy of RDR2. so like, pricey items but the only thing im upset about are my tablet and my cat.

for those wanting the drawings i promised, i will still get them to you, thankfully i had a warranty on it and its getting replaced after the police finish whatever it is they say they do. ( doubtful) so it may take a hot minute.

however it also means i have to completely restart my issue 2 of my comic, as i hadn't saved the final pages and the wips anywhere other than my phone and tablet. personally, im frustrated, but it gives me a chance to change a few wee details and try out a style ive been thinking on.

so im probably not going to be super super active for the next few (idk how long, im sorry) but i will draw what i said i would.

As for patches, i told my mom if she comes back pregnant ( again -_-) that we are going to yeet her into a rocket to live with the martians, and get a new cat. (or if she doesnt come back. we work best with a three cat ratio) if its boy we are probably going to name him garbanzo. (this is mostly a joke, but she was intended to be temporary as a friend of mine couldnt keep her anymore and we had been looking for a home for her. surprisingly, nobody wanted a super chill calico who enjoyed nothing but food and sitting directly on your trachea.)

anyways, im tired. ill be patiently waiting for my new tablet and trying to make my ACNH island as destroyed and apocalyptic as possible. (new squared? i got the other one for my birthday last year, so its been almost a year exactly. my birthdays on the 28th <_< >_> if anyones interested in knowing.)

sorry if this is a ramble. im high af and somewhere in between pissed off, depressed, and overly happy about tiny little animals and bells.

#ps #cant stress enough #wherever she is #im 100% sure patches is ok #shes a hardy take no shit cat #i feel nad for not getting her spayed but she came to us pregnant #and the vet hasnt had an opening for spaying

[goof320]

random goof ramble omg,,,

i hope whatever the valve deckard is is its Good and the same price as psvr2?? but i also dont care about new vr,, i only want valve deckard or new valve vr headset or whatever because it means they'll come out with a new game at the same time

half life alyx was *so* good and i dont think there's been a vr game to come close to how good it was and still is 2ish years later. i think half life 3 coming out with their new, not super expensive (~$500 please valve) headset would probably bend over and spank the other 5 billion standalone vr headsets coming out. half life 3 should *not* be only vr, fucking Obviously, but if it didnt have native vr support id be pretty upset because holy shit the end scene of hl:a ***you were HOLDING the fucking crowbar*** i need that for a 10-15 hour long campaign

valve,,, if yoy use tumblr,,, please.,.,.,.. youd make so much money hl3 wouldn't even have to come with the headset it could be $70 and youd be PRINTING money for the rest of time PLEASEEEE

also, it'd be really cool for a new valve game that's not a tech demo,,, i dont think hl:a was a tech demo for vr, but it.. kind of was? a really really good tech demo, but they probably wouldn't have made a spinoff half-life game if not for New Cool Technology. im pretty sure all of the recent valve games have been glorified tech demos. which i like them!! they're fun!!!! i adore hl:a and aperature desk job. and their vr game with the minigames is cute. the aperature game with the hand robots is cute, too. im probably missing one but all of them have been cute fun lil games.

hl3 tho,, new full valve game not just for a specific new tech thing? wooh.,.,. works on their new (and old) vr thing, steam deck, and a normal pc? Wooh,,,,, money printer right there.

more deckard rant... i hope to got its not a standalone.

maybe a standalone that doesn't play games.. hear me out wait hold on

valve doesnt like splitting up steam im pretty sure. if it was standalone, itd run on the xr2, an ARM chip, whereas all of steamvr is x86 because fucking duh yeah its for computers. i don't think valve is gonna have that thing running proton and like.. box86 or whatever. itd be TERRIBLE!! and theres no way in fresh hell they're putting the steam deck chip in there, or any other x86 thing, because it'd SUCK!!!!!! but if it was like... xr2 without steam. you can stream from your desktop, play those games wirelessly (or with displayport pls valve) or just look at your monitor in vr and browse the internet Whatever. i do wonder if a valve standalone with ARM would run linux ARM or android... knowing valve i bet it'd be linux. something thatd be SO fucking cool is- ok hear me out again this is a long one

steamvr home is cool... it sucks right now because valve hasn't done anything with it forever, and it just tanks your computer the second it starts, and there's.. not much to do BUT WHAT IF there was... what if it was like.. steam home (corny idc) and-

hello. i just spent 10 minutes describing neosvr. i deleted all that because i realized, i want valve to buy neosvr and put it in steam. just, right in the client. the whole thing. share media with ur friends, have a home world u can do Whatever the Fuck you want with and custom avatars and whatever you Want. neosvr is in a weird spot and if valve just fucking swallowed them whole and rebranded it as a Steam Home thing id ascend into the 6th dimension. neosvr is so fucking cool.... it makes me very sad though because again its in a weird spot and im sure they'll figure it out but Eeeeee,,,

anyway as i was saying... neos but in steam .. u start ur Valve Deckard or whatever its called.. new shiny vr ... and you sign into your steam account and ur put into steamvr+neos. its some new home lobby, there's a desktop sitting somewhere that you can boot up and its just fucking. linux arm with kde. because that'd be insane. or u could set it up to stream your big beefy desktop (maybe a vr headset modeled sitting next to it u can physically put onto your head to turn on the streaming as long as ur pc is accessible on the network). but also you could go outside or maybe just open a menu and go into whatever public world and do social vr things and neosvr things. please. itd be so cool,,, all the deckard could run would be steam home 2.0 and game streaming but itd be So Cool.... kind of a tough sell to people without computers untill vr cloud streaming becomes viable but i think people with computers (already valve's main demographic lol) may consider it.

#half life #valve #vr #hl3 #hla #i havent actually beaten half life episode 1 and 2 #i just beat hl2 last night and i thought it was really cool #i will bootlick valve till the day i die #im not ashamed to admit it #they are my comfort corporation /j #neos #neosvr #ramble #awesome #words

[spikeinthepunch]

Whenever I play a new thing that inspires me it's hard to Not talk about the thing a lot. But something thats been on my mind for a bit since starting my game jam game and now playing Lisa is the idea of exploring tough and dark subjects. I really held back on some ideas for Penrose because I was nervous about the potential reactions. I wanted to make it a cult, with some fantasy elements added in to slightly detach it from reality at least. Even so I am still "censoring" a lot of the events and situations within the concept i want to work with- and to some degree they aren't relevant/things i need in my characters/stories, but also i know some i skip bc deep down i know they feel like 'too much'.

Regardless of what feels necessary in my story, playing Lisa really hit me again with that obstacle I face of writing dark subjects. I experienced a lot of things, stuff that would be considered "dark subjects". But even so I hesitate on telling a story with any of it. But then here I am playing a game like Lisa and I'm just like. Right. You can do that. And people can like the game. if anything, people may even praise it for tackling it in a way that isnt done with intent to offend.

one of my first really 'dark' stories with hard subjects i was going to make was Cryptolalia actually. with Theo. I made him when i was 15 or so, and he reflected much of my initial reactions to realizing trauma. but when i got older i felt like i didnt want to tell it like that. it felt way too revealing, which i think is important to recognize with telling something that reflects you! but i had also gotten nervous abt doing it because i had kinda heard too much about people being upset at triggering games due to subject matter (with the false mindset that triggering people is bad at all), people arguing a lot about whether or not you meet criteria to tell those stories, lots of back and forth about what people may consider is romanticizing, or people getting very subjective about stories with dark subjects to where theyd really fight that it was done poorly, etc.

and well, on a personal end- i have also come to realize i have dismissed/avoided much of my issues id want to retell in a therapeutic way-- over the years and after taking that out of my stories (which is still for good reason), some of that anxiety also just comes from putting those subject back in. regardless of the reason, i obviously dont think every story need that- i dont really think i plan to put in a ton of horrible things into Cryptolalia, but also the story worked in many places because of that, and i think it may be the one reason i felt so held back on some story elements. when you write as aspect with a concept in mind, then you take part of that out then... well, it doesnt really work again.

in my head i say to myself that tackling and writing about a lot of these tough subjects is fine and good, i have opened up way more than 15 year old me. yet despite all my open mindedness and change in perspective, i kinda fail to apply this to myself as much as i want to. honestly i have been sitting here with two OC stories for almost a decade and i have felt stuck for a variety of reasons. the reason isnt this 100%. but i feel like i have spent way too long avoiding the idea of doing anything related to this, and i need to really stop if i want to actually keep creating anything that comes to mind.

#was in the middle of typing this in my bed last night #and then my fire alarm started blaring at 1am #bc it was dying #anyways #yeah basically i do think that not leting myself even retell my own 'dark' expiriences stunted a lot of my ideas and OCs #i do think 15 year old me would have told it HORRIBLY #but im an adult now #and i have seen a lot of stories i LOVE bc they do this well #but then i just dont do it even tho i see these stories and i am so inpired to act on these concepts

[sleep-deprived-lesbian]

HADESTOWN THOUGHTS BC IM STILL VIBRATING

-one of the guys who works at the theater told me this building was chosen specifically bc the mural on the ceiling is of roman gods and. hrgh i just think thats neat

-t oliver reid manages to be just as gay as andre de shields which is the highest compliment i could give anyone ever and hes somehow even more chaotic?? at one point during livin it up on top he just bursted into hysterical laughter and it was great

-jewelle blackman...... ilysm..... shes not as chaotic as amber but in the second act. holy shit. she seemed so elegant and put together in act one and then in our lady of the underground she is a WRECK and its so impactful

-tom hewitt is just. everything i expected tbh. just as good as patrick page but hes a little more dramatic. in videos id seen his voice wasnt as deep as patricks but on stage i really couldnt tell the difference, still very intimidating

-sayo oni is my new favorite orpheus. he just is orpheus to me now. id never heard of him before but hes SO GOOD. he legitimately has the voice of a fucking angel and he takes reeves adorkability level to a 100. he kept randomly hugging eurydice and the way he did it was just really cute?? idk how to describe it but it looked autistic somehow. orpheus is autistic but this orpheus is especially autistic

-jessie shelton!!! her eurydice took the emo level up which i love. evas eurydice is pessimistic and skeptical but still pretty gentle. jessies eurydice is just like. "life sucks asshole deal with it!" shes a lot more rough and it kinda reminded me of the concept album eurydice. she legitimately seemed mad that she fell in love with orpheus lol

-the fates are even more mischievous than i expected!!! i dont remember when but at some point one of them cackled really loudly it was great. every once in a while they would fuck someone over and just go >:3c

-during the first few songs when persephone and hades were on the balcony they were like? playing chess or something? there wasnt anything on the table but the way they were miming made it seem like they were playing some kinda board game. idk i just thought that was funny

-in wedding song when eurydice is like jeering for him to sing and she goes "you wanna take me home?" she seductively pulls down her jacket for a second lmao

-goddd the lighting is so good. i love how in way down hadestown it was flashing red and orange which made it feel ominous yet jaunty at the same time? like both hellfire and a sunset. i wasnt really sure how it was supposed to make me feel and i think that was the point!

-persephone seemed genuinely excited to go back and see hades again! she only got upset when she thought of how shed have to leave everybody else behind

-THE CELLO SYNCING TO HADES STEPS

-i know everyone gushes about the stage shift but. god. the stage shift.

-hermes was the only one onstage who didnt sing during why we build the wall and it was really striking bc he was standing opposite persephone but he just looked really sad the whole time

-persephones dancing in our lady of the underground..... maam do you like women.....

-flowers. oh my god flowers was just amazing it was so emotional

-HADES LAUGH IN PAPERS. IT WAS SO GOOD. evil laughs are so hard to execute well but he was great. he made it sound intimidating and unhinged while also sounding genuinely amused

-if its true just. agfhfhgggb. sayo is fucking amazing. idek what to say about it hes just amazing

-i knew the lights flicker after "i conduct the electric city" but i was still not prepared

-PERSEPHONE CRIED WHEN HADES SANG THE LA LA LA TO HER. she looked so so happy argtrhtrghgf

-for some reason hermes made "and you know what they did?" sound suggestive which. was certainly a choice

-orpheus turning was just. so subtle and soft. like he didnt realize what he did for a second. oh my god

-normally the shifts up and down were pretty slow but they just fucking pulled her down there huh

-im pretty sure hermes was crying during road to hell reprise. same bro

-i didnt actually cry which i was kinda disappointed by but i did come close! i dont usually cry at fiction i just scream

-special shoutout to the guy behind me as we were walking out of the theater who yelled "hades can GET IT"

#hadestown #long post