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tchallasbabymama · 3 years

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The Temple- Chapter 3

Taglist: @nahimjustfeelingit-writes, @quietstorm-73, @ladymac82

Read Chapter 2 if you haven’t already, and let me know if you want to be tagged. Don’t forget to check out my Masterlist!

CW: smut

Word count: 4231 “Hello, my prince. I am Aisha.”

The words sounded like a prayer on her lips. Aisha.

“N’Jadaka.” The prince gingerly grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it, causing her to giggle at the tickling feeling.

“I am aware. This is your first visit?”

“That obvious, huh?”

Aisha full on laughed this time, a melodious siren call. He wanted nothing more than to let her drag him into her waters and keep him for eternity.

“Painfully so. No worries, I’ll ease you into it.”

N’Jadaka’s ears perked up at her forwardness.

“‘It’ being…?

“The reason we were called to each other.”

He leaned in to whisper into her ear, just loud enough for her to hear him over the crowd.

“And what reason is that, beautiful?”

The prince’s arm went around her waist, and he felt her place a kiss just under his collarbone. N’Jadaka just about melted right then and there, so Aisha grabbed his hand and led him through the crowd in the opposite direction from the entrance. Instead of another large door, this part of the temple was only separated from the rest by an ornate purple curtain, and when she drew back the curtain his eyes travelled to the winding staircase before them. Vibranium lit the halls as his eyes took in the artwork on the wall, some different stories of Bast and others scenes of sexual pleasure featuring the oldest Daughters of Bast from thousands of years ago. After staring in awe at his surroundings, the prince’s eyes fell to Aisha’s ass. It was by no means the biggest ass he had ever seen, but it was the perfect size and shape for his hormones to go crazy.

“How much farther?” He asked, pulling her back towards him and placing his nose in the crook of her neck, taking in her sweet natural scent.

“Not much farther, my prince. I promise.”

“I like when you say that shit.”

“My prince?”

N’Jadaka grinded his erection into her lower back and she reached back to grab him by the balls, making him release a whimpering sound in her ear.

“Not yet...my prince. There is much we must do before I let you experience Bast’s blessings.”

He pulled back and tilted her face towards him, staring into her light brown eyes.

“What else is there?”

Aisha chuckled darkly and pulled him along once more, hand never moving from her warm cradle between his legs. He followed with his bottom lip wedged perfectly between his teeth, trying not to bite down as hard as he wanted to.

__________

He swore the temple was bigger on the inside, or maybe it was just his raging hormones making the walk seem impossibly long. Once they arrived at what N’Jadaka assumed was her door he felt like they had been walking for forever. She opened it and motioned for him to enter.

“After you, your highness.”

N’Jadaka stepped in and took in his surroundings once more. The room was dimly lit and the lingering smell of incense greeted him before anything else. The only window was stained glass with a large kaleidoscope pattern that N’Jadaka was sure would look amazing in the sunlight. He took note of the massage table in the middle of the room, and then he noticed a bed as well as a chair over to the side. He could barely hear faint instrumental music playing in the background.

“So you’re a masseuse, too?” N’Jadaka asked Aisha.

“We are all well-versed in many physical arts, including massage.”

“So you’re good with your hands?” he asked with a devilish smirk.

Aisha smiled knowingly.

“Yes your highness, I am.”

“Well let's get to it then.” He rubbed his hands together and walked towards the massage bed, He stopped when he noticed the hole near the middle.

“Wait, is that for my dick?”

Aisha giggled.

“Yes, my prince. Some find it uncomfortable to lay on an erect penis during a back massage, and others enjoy it as part of a kink. We will see which one you are. Either way, you will be receiving a full-body massage in every sense of the word. Would you care to lay down?”

“Yes ma’am.”

N’Jadaka laid on his stomach, awkwardly placing his dick through the opening.

“Feels weird just hanging like this…”

“It always does at first, but if you wish you do not have to utilize it.”

“Nah I’m curious.”

“Are you ready to begin, my prince?”

“Uh yeah, let's do this” He said, trying to mask his nerves. He was instantly calmed down when she placed her hands lightly on his head to feel his energy and slowly trailed them to his feet, touching everything in between and acquainting herself with his body.

“Lavender or eucalyptus oil?” Aisha asked the prince. He pointed to the lavender bottle and she pumped some into her hands before rubbing them together.

When her hands came up to knead at his tense shoulders, her strength surprised him. He had never felt anything like that before. Her thumbs beat the shit out of his tension and the heels of her palms ran it out of town.

Aisha’s hands moved to his lower back and he let out a moan that he wasn’t expecting, before clearing his throat.

“It’s ok, you know? Moaning, expressing yourself in that way. If it feels good it feels good.”she told him.

N’Jadaka nodded slowly, not trusting his voice at the moment.

Her strong hands made their way to his backside and he giggled.

“Sorry, I guess I’m ticklish.”

“Plenty of people are, it’s a very sensitive area.”

She continued to knead his glutes and he tried to speak through his giggles.

“So- aha, how long have you be-been doing thi-sss?”

“Just two years. I got the call young so I started studying anatomy, massage therapy, reiki, and acupressure. When I hit adulthood I began my training to be a Daughter of Bast, and after three years I was able to officially call myself a Daughter.”

Her hands moved to the backs of his thighs, which was no better for him sensitivity-wise and he felt a stirring in his loins. He could feel his dick hardening and being pulled down by gravity herself the more it grew.

“Three years? That’s a long time.”

Aisha smiled at his attempt to make conversation.

“Yes, but it flew by. It takes time to learn the physical arts, even with my background.”

“I like that y’all call sex ‘physical arts’”

“Not just sex, my prince, but intimacy. What we are doing now is intimate, yes?”

“Hell yeah it is,” he said with a smile.

“Everybody comes here for different reasons,” She began as her hands moved down to his calves. “Some require sex, some just need us to lend an ear, some need the relaxing environment, some need to be held...it varies from person to person.”

“Makes sense. So what do I need?”

“Everything I just mentioned. Life was not kind to you, and that much loneliness doesn’t just disappear with talk therapy. Humans require intimacy not just for survival, but for our mental state as well. And I don't mean just in terms of sex. No, I mean familial relationships, romantic and platonic relationships. Even the intimacy that comes from community. That love and support and closeness can come from anywhere, you just have to be open to it. But it is difficult if you’ve never been given that chance before. After all, a child not embraced by their village will burn it down to feel it’s warmth.”

A lump formed in the prince’s throat as he thought back to the scorched Garden of the Heart-Shaped Herb.

“I’ve heard that somewhere before.”

“I’m sure, it is a very old proverb.”

Aisha massaged his feet and he felt his body respond to her touching the corresponding pressure points. He felt a rush of blood and his dick immediately jumped.

“How are you feeling,” Aisha asked, already knowing the answer.

“Relaxed and horny. Yo this upside down glory hole is kinda nice though, I might have to get a bed like this...”

“May I pleasure you like this or would you prefer a different position?”

N’Jadaka froze as if he had forgotten why he came here.

“Uh yeah, this is good…”

Aisha crawled under the massage table and sat on a pillow, cross-legged under his raging erection.

“If it pleases you, I will start with my hands.”

“Oh, it pleases me…”

She pumped some unscented oil into her hands before bringing them up to his dick. It was sensitive to her touch and he winced as she grabbed the base with one hand and massaged the tip with her other hand.

“My prince, there is no pride or ego here. When you feel the need to release you do so. Do you understand?” “Yes.”

“I did not hear you.” She said as she squeezed a little tighter around the base.

“Y-yes!”

“Good.” Aisha smirked and her focus returned to the task at hand. She used her fingertips to tease the underside of his dripping dick, watching with joy as it tried to twitch out of her grasp only to be pulled back in by her soft hand sliding up and down his shaft. His foreskin pulled back more and more as his dick grew in size and thickness the more she worked it. When she reached for his balls again he nearly lost it, letting out a loud guttural moan.

“Looks like I found it,” she giggled to herself.

She added more oil to her hands and coated his sack with one hand while working just under his head with the other, causing the vein under his dick to throb more and more until he released on her face with a growl. Each time his hips jerked, more spilled out and Aisha couldn’t help but get a taste. She swiped her finger across her face, gathering his cum, and brought it to her lips to sample the salty goodness. She brought the flat of her tongue to the underside of his already sensitive dick and ran it along the length to the tip, pressing her tongue into the still-leaking opening of his urethra hoping to catch every last drop. When she took him into her mouth, the prince stopped her.

“Hold on babygirl, I want to watch you suck my dick.”

Aisha crawled out from under the table and he stared at her cumstained face in awe. She looked even more beautiful than before. He slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the table before looking around the room.

“We doing this here, or…”

“Where do you want me, your highness?”

Aisha watched his dick twitch at her words and smirked at her power over him.

N’Jadaka motioned to the high-back leather chair near the stained glass window and she grabbed his hand to lead him over to it. He sat down and she stood between his legs. They stared into each other's eyes before he pulled her in for a sloppy kiss, not caring that her face was dripping with his essence. Their arms snaked around each other and she caressed the back of his neck while he gripped her ass tight. He pulled back to admire her body, taking in her deep brown areolas, and bringing his tongue out to taste the sweet saltiness of her skin.

His tongue worked one nipple while his fingers kept the other company. He alternated between the two, lazily tonguing and sucking and nibbling her erect buds causing Aisha to let out a moan that was more music to the prince’s ears. It was one of those deep, low moans that starts in the gut and travels up the spine before loudly breaking free. Her nipples were extremely sensitive to his touch and as she came down from her high he peppered light kisses around her chest.

“My prince…” Aisha said between breaths.

“Yeah, beautiful?”

“It’s your turn again.”Aisha said while sinking down to her knees before him. She began to drool at the sight of his already hard and leaking dick, throbbing because of her. She stuck out her tongue and opened wide before taking him inside her mouth to the hilt, tongue swirling around the bottom of his ever-thickening dick.

“Fuck! Girl y-you better suck the fuck out this dick.”

Aisha swallowed and sucked his dick like her life depended on it, cheeks hollowing and spit dripping down her chin.

She removed herself from him with a loud pop, and a thick string of saliva connected her lips to his bulbous head. She traced her tongue along the underside of his dick from his frenulum to his ballsack. She brought his balls into her mouth one at a time and worked them on her tongue while lightly suckling on them. Her hand never left his dick, pulling back his foreskin and stroking along his shaft.

“Babygirl, if you keep that up I’m gonna come.”

“No holding back, remember?” She took his balls out her mouth and looked at him with a devilish smirk before placing her lips around his head, and hollowing her cheeks to suck him hard and sloppy. Her tongue came out to massage his dick and he let out a stuttered moan before he burst inside her mouth.

Aisha made sure to clean her plate, sucking him dry and licking up anything left behind. He grabbed her by the chin and pulled her closer, smacking a kiss on her juicy, cum-covered lips. He loved how he tasted on her.

“Do you have one more for me, your highness?”

“Of course babygirl, how do you want me?”

She didn't answer verbally, choosing to push him back and straddle him instead.

“Oh so it’s like that?” He secretly loved her brief flashes of dominance.

Aisha lowered herself onto him, sliding all the way down until they were connected pelvis-to-pelvis.

“M-my prince, you are v-very big.” She struggled to get the words out, distracted by the way his dick stretched her out.

“Yeah and you got that tight, pretty pussy babygirl. Lean back, lemme watch your pussy swallow my shit.”

Aisha did as she was told and planted her hands on his thighs before leaning back and allowing him a view of her treasure trove.

“Ooh, fuck. That’s right, take my shit deep.” N’Jadaka.

“Your highness, it’s so deep.”

“You like that shit?”

“Mmm, yes sir.”

“Bounce on it then” He said as his fingers dug into her ass.

Aisha used her thighs to lift her body, then gracefully slid back down his pole with her hips circling like wind in a tornado. He was caught up in her storm, eyes intensely glued to hers. Her hand came up to grab his chin and hold him in place while her other hand sneaked into his messy dreads. Without breaking eye contact, she leaned down to kiss him and lightly snuck her tongue in his mouth. The kiss was soft and sweet as she grinded her hips slowly into his. They moaned into each other's mouths and climbed towards their peaks together.

“Mmm you feel so good your highness. How do I make you feel?”

“Like I’m on cloud nine babygirl. You got some strong juju in this pussy, I can feel it.”

Their foreheads leaned against each other and she picked up her pace, slamming her ass down on his lap.

“Keep that up and Im cumming in that pussy”

“Please, my prince. Cum inside me.”

At her command, his body convulsed and he released his seed deep inside her. She pulled up and only rode the tip of his dick, making him release a whine-like moan into the crook of her neck while his dick throbbed once more, pushing out the very last bit of semen his body could provide. Aisha’s pussy clenched and she let loose a deluge of her juices onto the prince before sinking back down and relaxing onto him. Their bodies still connected, they stared into each others eyes and took deep breaths in and out until they calmed their heart rates down.

“How do you feel now, my prince?”

“Call me N’Jadaka.”

“Alright, then. How do you feel, N’Jadaka?”

He paused to think about it, leaving them in silence for a minute. Still inside her, his fingers aimlessly traced patterns into her hips while her fingers lightly ran through his hair. She laid her head against his chest and he placed his chin on top of her head. He had never been held like this before. So calm, so close.

“Lighter. Open. Tired.”

They both laughed at that last one.

“Lighter and open how?”

“I don't know how to explain it, I just- don't feel as heavy and closed off in my spirit.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“Yeah, I just-,” N’Jadaka began to tear up and Aisha brought her hand up to wipe them away as they fell. She gave him the time to let it all out. When he was able to talk again, he cleared his throat. “I didn’t know it could feel like this.”

“How what could, N’Jadaka?”

“Living.”

She pressed a kiss to his forehead and they continued to talk for a few more minutes before they finally parted. Aisha walked N’Jadaka back though the temple to retrieve his clothes and when they said goodbye neither wanted the other to leave.

“I am sure I will see you again, my prince?”

“Come on with that ‘my prince’ shit.” he said with a smile, causing her to send him one right back. He pulled her in for a hug and they both took in each other's scent.

“Be safe getting back, N’Jadaka.”

“I’ll see you around.” He kissed her cheek and turned to leave, nearly tripping over a black ball of fuzz.

“Isa? Hey lil mama, what’s good?”

The cat purred and rubbed on his legs.

“It looks like she likes you. You know what that means?” Aisha leaned down to pet Isabis, too.

“Nah, what?”

“You’re pure of heart-”

He looked at her and his eyes got misty before he noticed a smaller black fuzz ball making it’s way over to him.

“-and she finds you worthy enough to care for one of her babies.” Aisha answered with a smile.

“Aww, Isa.” He said as the cat moved to lick the kitten on it’s head before turning back to the prince. He reached out to greet his new friend but was beat to it by the kitten jumping into his large hand.

“It looks like she’s happy with her mama’s decision.” Aisha looked on with pride. This man had transformed right before her eyes and she couldn't be happier for him and his progress. “Do you have a name for her?”

He looked at the little black kitten intently.

“Nah, she’ll tell me what it is eventually.”

The two smiled at each other and exchanged kisses on the cheek once more before the prince was off to the palace with his new fur baby.

____________

“Someone seems to be in a good mood,” Shuri teased the moment he walked in the door.

“Hello to you too, beanstalk.” N’Jadaka threw it right back at her, and fully expected her to make some jab at his scars but the kitten distracted her.

“Bast, she’s adorable! Where did you find her?”

“The temple.”

“Ohhhhh, I’ve heard they have kittens everywhere!”

“Yeah you still got a couple more years before you get to visit all these cute little guys. Isn’t that right….” N’Jadaka paused, thinking a name would come to him. “Damn, nothing.”

“What's the problem?”

“I can’t think of a name. I don't want to just be like ‘hey cat come here’, you know?”

“I get it, but once she shows you her personality it’ll be easier to name her.”

“Name who?!” Nakia rounded the corner with a scowl on her face.

Without a word, the prince held up his new kitten and her face softened. She immediately grabbed the kitten and sat down with her on the couch.

“She’s the cutest! Did you get her from the temple?”

N’Jadaka cleared his throat, not necessarily wanting to go into details with these two. Especially with Shuri’s young ears around.

“I did. There’s a cat that fosters the kittens-”

“Isa? Oh how is she?”

He chuckled at Isabis’ popularity.

“She’s fine, she pushed this one on me and now here we are.”

“I understand, T’Challa and I have two that run our lives. Once this baby gets here I fear we will be outnumbered.”

“What’s T up to anyway? I want him to meet his new little cousin.”

“He’s in his office getting some work done”

“Bet. Can I have my child back please?”

Nakia kissed the kitten’s head and reluctantly handed her back to N’Jadaka.

“Thank you!” He waved goodbye as the kitten climbed up his arm to lay on his broad shoulders. Neither of the three of them could contain their ‘awww’s.

The prince made it to T’Challa’s office on the business side of the palace. The guards saluted him and after he saluted back he noticed their ear to ear smiles. He felt a tug and realized they were smiling at his kitten trying to play with his hair.

He walked in, interrupting what appeared to be a meeting on the screens in front of him. He recognized several of the faces as Avengers.

“My bad…”

He tried to slip back out the doors, but T’Challa stopped him.

“Nonsense, you should join-” The king paused at the adorable sight before him. “Actually, meeting adjourned. We can pick this up tomorrow.”

As the Avengers screens went black, N’Jadaka sat in the chair across from his cousin. As soon as he got close, the kitten leapt from his shoulder to the king’s desk.

“So I take it your time at the Temple was fruitful, umzala.”

“Fruitful? Nigga I almost fell in love and I came home with a child.”

“Love?”

“I mean, I know it's nothing because they do this all the time but damn she was something else.”

The kitten had taken to T’Challa, naturally, and began to climb up onto his shoulder.

“You’re correct that they are professionals, but that doesn’t mean a spark wasn’t felt. Our grandmother was a Daughter of Bast. She chose to leave the temple when she married our grandfather, but that was how they met.” The king explained while play-fighting with the kitten on his shoulder.

“I didn’t think that was possible...so they're not married to Bast or something like that?”

“No, they are free agents. Some of them stay Daughters after marriage or children. Several leave and come back. Bast is the goddess of pleasure, and how unpleasurable would it be to force everyone into the same box?”

N’Jadaka nodded slowly, trying to wrap his brain around the new information.

“So have you named her yet?”

“Nah, I figure it’ll come to me. I can already tell she’s a handful.” He said as they watched the kitten jump down and begin chasing her tail, falling over in the process.

“So back to the temple. Who did you see?”

“Aisha.”

“I can’t say I know of an Aisha, I haven’t been in so long. Every time I go, Isa tries to push more kittens on me, and I hate denying her.”

N’Jadaka chuckled at the thought of Isabis and the king’s interactions.

“So this Aisha, are you planning on seeing her again?”

“Hell yes. How soon is too soon to go back?”

“You can go back whenever, but I would suggest waiting until you feel it is the right time.”

The prince thought over it for a moment before responding.

“I saw her before I met her. In a daydream. Then when I saw her in person I felt this warm pulling in my stomach like-”

“Like a chain pulling you towards her. Yes, I am familiar.” A goofy smile appeared on T’Challa’s face as he thought of his wife.

“So you get it?”

“I do, but does she?”

_______________

On the other side of Wakanda, Aisha lowered herself into a fragrant bath and thought over her day. She had told herself it would be an off-day, but then when she saw the prince she felt something in her gut tell her to go to him. When he kissed her hand ‘hello’ she nearly melted at the touch of his skin on hers. She wasn’t used to experiencing those feelings from patrons.

When she caressed and massaged his body, she could feel the pain melt away. When she rode him she could feel his soul opening up and she gladly stepped through the door. She could feel his emotions and she opened herself to him, allowing him to feel hers. When they came together, she saw constellations in his chestnut eyes.

She stayed in the bath, daydreaming about Prince N’Jadaka until the water ran cold. When she emerged from the water, she air dried her body and covered herself in cocoa butter before lowering herself to the floor for her nightly prayers to the goddess.

Aisha pulled back her sheets and slid in naked. She laid there for an hour, mind racing over all the possibilities, before sleep finally took her in for the night.

Next Chapter

#cecewritessometimes #the temple #n'jadaka x oc #n'jadaka #erik killmonger #black panther fic

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nightlovechild · 5 years

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Bad Habits - Anxceit

Summary: Dimitri remembers his love on the darkest day wrapped in their memories and more. Virgil can’t let him go through it alone.

Warning: Deceit, little angst, blood, stealing, slight dubcon

Note: Deceit’s name is Dimitri

Part 1: Bad Habits Part 2: Bitter Part 3: Boyfriend #2

'Where did it go? I left it right here!' Virgil thought to himself as he dug into the bottom of his closet for the third time. A pair of pants and a forgotten notebook flying over his shoulder as he tossed the items out of his way.

"Wow. Clean much?" Roman remarked from the doorway.

"Shove it, Princey." Virgil bit back as he turned back to searching under his bed. Unexpectedly giving Roman a great view of his ass.

"I would. But fucking you in this mess is a huge turn off. Summon me when you can see the carpet under all the clutter." Roman laughed as he dodged a balled up shirt being flung at him. "Maybe light a candle or two." His voice trailing down the hallway as he left.

Virgil sat back, face red over Roman, but mind still lost over where his old jacket could be.

~☆~

Fingers traced the black plaid fabric by muscle memory as Dimitri laid in bed listening to his favorite musical. All his blankets tossed to the floor since it was too hot in his room with the hoodie on. Dimitri would burn every piece of fabric in his room before taking off the hoodie. His hoodie.

The old black jacket still smelled like him. Even though he had stolen it months ago. Well, stolen it was a harsh term. Was it really stealing if the item was no longer in use? It was more like Dimitri recycled it. Yes, he had recycled Virgil's faded, torn, cigarette burned jacket from the bottom of anxious side's closet.

It had been forgotten. Tossed away. No longer needed for warmth and comfort. Just like himself.

As the last notes of the melody died away silence filled his room. It was as oppressive as an hot night in August. Dimitri responded by pulling the soft material tighter around his frame as he curled onto his side. The stillness pushing all the memories closer to the surface. He couldn't find the drive to get out of bed to hit the play button again.

Wincing when his fang drew blood from his own lip as he bit at his sore lip. Licking the blood away, Dimitri popped the frayed string into his mouth. The plastic stopper at the end long gone from the hoodie string. His bad habit of biting objects when he was stressed had seen to that.

~☆~

Grinding his teeth together, foot bouncing Virgil sat on the counter island separating the kitchen and dining room. Trying to remember the last time he had seen the old jacket. At first it was nothing, but as the date approached closer the need to find it was looming over him. Driving him a bit mad about it.

“You know it’s the thought that counts the most.” Patton said as he set the table.

“Instead of the sentimental gifting of the jacket you could always write a simple note and be done with it. Pointlessly fretting over a past breakup is beyond me.” Logan added from the couch.

Virgil threw up his hood and crossed his arms over chest, hating the fact Patton and Logan worked out the reason for his current moral dilemma.

"It's okay, Kiddo. Why don't you make up another another one? Or if you're struggling with the details you could always ask Roman. Bet he'd love to." Patton said as he went back into the kitchen.

"No!" Virgil shouted. "Umm… I mean… Ro, he wouldn't understand."

"We're all parts of Thomas. When one of us hurts, then Thomas hurts. Roman would never want that. Go. Go on, mister." Patton shooed Virgil off the counter.

"Fine."

Virgil mind played back all the words and touches they had shared as he climbed the stairs, pushing him on.

~☆~

Flashes of that day looped inside Dimitri's brain driving him mad asleep or awake it was always the same on this date. June 1st. It was always hell to Dimitri. As he jerked the zipper up and down; the metal teeth clicking rhythmically reminding him were he was. Confirming he wasn't standing in that room even though his mind wouldn’t let him think of anything else. Realizing that he was losing his buddy, his love, his Virgil.

Sucking in a sharp breath as the zipper caught on his thumb. Cursing a line that would make the devil blush, Dimitri stomped into his bathroom. Swinging open the cabinet and getting the band aids out. The bright lights bringing out the dirt smudges on the arms, a food smear or two across the front as well as the wet teardrop marks. Dimitri did everything without looking into the mirror. He could continue lying to himself, that he wasn't crying if he didn't see it.

There was no way he was going anywhere so he gave up the charade of needing clothes. Struggling out of everything, but putting the hoodie back on. Dimitri crawled back into bed grabbing a blanket off the floor. Dimitri pulled the hood up and wished the day would hurry up and die already. But the clock still read 8:30pm.

"Fuck today. Fuck him for walking away. Never want to ever see his dumb stupid…"

The knocking sound interrupted his dramatic build.

"Virgil, my love."

~☆~

Knocking on the sticker covered door, Virgil fought the urge to run. The sounds of footsteps then crashing sounded before the door whipped open.

"I wasn't you expecting you." Dimitri said in a smooth voice leaning seductively against the frame.

"Pants."

"What?"

"This conversation requires pants, Dee." Virgil stared at the ceiling while Dimitri rummaged around for his discarded pants.

Many bad words and a stubbed toe later, Virgil sighed and clicked his fingers. A pair of soft cotton leggings with a yellow snake print going up the sides clung to Dimitri's legs.

"Thanks."

"Yeah. I figured you… Hey that's my jacket! YOU had it the whole time? Do you know how long I have been looking for that? It's been driving me crazy! I even had to have Ro make another…" Virgil stopped as the quiet tears started rolling down Dee's face. Wringing the remade jacket in his hands.

"You always had a bad habit of losing your stuff."

"Yeah, but not as bad as your habit of driving me crazy, taking things and not even taking care of it. Did you even wash it? Looks filthy."

"It wouldn't smell like you if I did." Dimitri said in a whisper. Hugging the material closer to himself.

"Here." Virgil offered up the newer jacket. But when the other didn't move, he braved the disastrous room and stood in front of him. “You can’t keep wearing this. It needs to be washed. You never take care of yourself very well. Always took me taking a shower with you to get you clean when you got like this.” Virgil recalled with a smile.

Placing the remade jacket over his own shoulder. Virgil's hands paused at the top of the zipper waiting for permission. A slight nod and the hoodie was open and falling off Dimitri's shoulders. Softly Virgil changed it out for the new one.

"You took up smoking again?" Dimitri's fingers played with the burned circular holes near the pockets.

"No, figured I keep the authenticity of the memory. Keep the lie going you know?" Virgil zipped the hoodie closed. His hands lingered as Dimitri leaned in. His chest ached with need, he couldn't move away.

Their lips crashed together. A passionate kiss growing as Dimitri moved closer. His hands wrapping around Virgil's waist like they had been wrapped around himself all day. Holding his love was so much better then any memory or heart wrenching dream. When the kiss broke Virgil stood back with a love drunk look on his face.

“You always did keep your promises. ‘You’ll never be alone even on your worst days.’ It’s really Roman of you to think that you leaving me was one of my worst days.” Dee slipped his hands in Virgil’s hoodie’s purple pockets. Keeping him close.

“I could feel you getting worse. Being anxious over an upcoming event is kinda my department. I couldn’t not notice. I wanted to help even if me being here makes” Virgil’s words turned to small moans as Dimitri’s lips pressed against his. Virgil’s hands naturally traced down his former lover’s body to grab his ass. Dimitri jumped up, wrapping his legs around Virgil’s waist.

"See. Wasn't that easy? You belong here, with me. You always had the bad habit of coming back to me, huh, baby." Dimitri pushed the fringe out of Virgil's face. But something shifted inside Virgil's eyes.

Shaking his head, Virgil knew he had been in the deceitful side’s room too long. It was easier to live the lie in here. That life was just about them. That keeping everything shrouded in lies and panic made life animalistic therefore basic and easier. But when they forced Thomas to lie about his sexuality at a Pride event.To lie even when Thomas was in a safe caring environment that was a step too far. Virgil left that night, but his heart couldn't abandon Dee.

Being the deceitful side was a hard life, a lonely life, that's why Virgil want to give him their jacket to keep warm on the anniversary of their split. But Virgil couldn't live this way anymore.

Dropping Dee on his bed and walking out. Looking over his shoulder.

"Some bad habits were meant to be broken."

#virgil sanders #deceit sanders #tw:blood #Tw:slight dubcon #Break up and still caring #sanders sides #Thomas sanders #Anxceit #virgil x deceit #deceit x virgil

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dredshirtroberts · 4 years

Text

Naming and Other Fun Things You Can Do With Your Trauma

Below will follow my journey to where I am today with my sexuality and romantic attraction levels and kind of be a look at where I might be with it all at this time. Because I want to figure shit out about myself for me, not because it actually matters right now, and I think taking a look at The Shit™ I’ve put myself through romantically will be a good jumping off point.

I might get TMI, as a warning, because I’m not good at keeping things to myself online. So be aware of that.

Alright so...how far back to I go? Do I start with the most recent endeavors or do I end with them? How do we accomplish this task.

Let’s start with actual romantical feelings I guess. I had a crush on the same guy for 7 years. There were other crushes during that time, one of which extended well past the end of my crush with the first guy. The 7 Year Crush was a guy I knew from church. He was a whole year older than me and he was Cool™. He had the cool guy haircut, everyone at school knew him, his parents were well known in the area, he played guitar. I liked him from age 7 to age 14 with no breaks. I finally got over him but it took a long time.

Now We’re Best Friends was fun. I acquired that crush around 10 or 11 or so - another church kid, again around a year older than me. They’re non-binary now, and one of my best friends. My crush on them was like...at least 10 years long. Again, there were some others that came and went during that time but I was a bit obsessed. They’re still really fuckin pretty but I’m at least aware they’re not actually my type and we would have been super incompatible so thanks to the universe for steering me away from that one.

The David Incident was...an attempt to get away from Now We’re Best Friends. I was 16 (going on 17, dahdah dee dahdeedaahhh). I knew him through some of the people we hung out with (ironically, NWBF was one of those people. I had a very small circle I interacted with - I’d say I was friends with them but they turned out to not be very good friends so, yeah...). We’d hung out at a couple of “parties” our mutualest friend held. I went to my sister’s dance recital for the dance school that same mutualest friend went to, so The David Incident was there watching her perform I guess. I never questioned why he was there I just knew he was. Why was he there? They weren’t that close.... huh.

Anyway, he complimented a necklace I’d gotten from my Nana that year for my birthday that I was wearing to the event (cause you dress up nice for your lil sister’s dance recital. Especially because the entire family shows up). We texted a bit and he asked me out on a date. We hung out pretty regularly for about 2 weeks. Mostly watching documentaries and making out, honestly. He tasted like doritos. It was kinda gross. He was also, I would later find out, a conservative neckbeard, so dodged a fucking bullet when he left me for his ex girlfriend he wasn’t over yet. They broke up again three months later and he’s married now to someone he met in college through the military program at the school.

I’m jumping over the Really Bad Choices I Made At Church Camp because he was technically too old for the event, I knew him for a total of 3 days, and he proposed to me after a week of text-only conversation. He also went into the military. This...actually this does become a theme. All my absolute worst decisions went into the military. Hmm.

Anyway where was I...

Okay so Really Bad Church Camp Choices, The David Incident...

And then I was on my own until I was in college. I’m going to count this next one as a contributing factor even though the entire relationship was completely platonic with no intention of going further (except..did I want it to? We’ll go into that I guess).

I Should Have Known Better is what I’ll call this one. This is the only relationship I had with a woman that will be listed on here because most of my relationships with women are friendship only. But this was...a lot more intense than just friendship. And I at one point wanted to be more than friends with her.

We met in class while I was in college. I had just come back from the deep south and was high on Megachurch Neo Baptist Doctrine and also whatever the people in the parking lot of the school were smoking during breaks between classes. It was probably weed. We struggled with the class because the class was shit and taught by someone who could not teach and would not recognize her own failings.

I Should Have Known Better was the first person since I’d started attending college courses to talk to me about things that weren’t class related. She invited me to hang out - she was 3 years older than me, lived on her own (with roommates, but it felt like she had the place to herself), she had a dog, and she did Grown Up Things like drinking and she sometimes smoked weed and my tiny freshly converted and c-sectioned out of the womb of attempting to be born again heart was all a pitterpatter at the thought that I was an adult and I could do that. She got me involved in online dating, we went to Disney together where I footed most of the bill (this is also where my financial struggles started up, though there was a nice long period where I was doing very well by my standards which are low but not bad). We decided to move in together because we were able to stand being around one another all the time and enjoyed it. We talked about becoming even adultier adults and moving into houses right next door to one another, where we’d have our husbands and we’d hang out all the time and it’d be great. There was one point shortly after our move where she had a pregnancy scare, and I was prepared to become the dad of that baby because the potential father was Not Good. Thankfully it was unfounded, but that’s how invested I was with her.

The place we moved into we shared with 2 other girls. These girls did not mesh well with I Should Have Known and this is where the name comes from. She didn’t handle the conflict well, none of us did, because none of us were over the age of 24. But I knew I Should Have Known and I knew it wasn’t her fault that all these other girls didn’t like her, they were just bitches who were immature because that’s what she told me they were. I never really knew the other side of the story.

Anyway we were 4 months into our lease and ISHK wanted the two of us to break the lease and move out. I couldn’t afford moving out and potentially owing 2 rents. The landlord wouldn’t let us out of the lease just because we (she) didn’t get along with the people we moved in with. They were all unwilling to try a subleasing agreement, and I had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to owe rent at 2 separate places. Mind you, of the two of us I was the only one with a steady job and I was able to make rent and bills and feed 2 people. That was it, that was all I was able to do. I couldn’t afford her rent on top of mine - her dad was helping her.

And the thought that I could move in with her somewhere where it would just be the two of us and I might have to cover my rent (an unknown at this point), the rent at the place we were currently living, our food and bills, and potentially part of her rent if her dad wasn’t willing to help with 2 separate rents? I couldn’t do that. I consulted the cards, I freaked out and went to my family that she’d been slowly working on pitting me against for the past year or so of knowing her, went back to the cards, and spent the entirety of Thanksgiving break just in the worst state. I have always bitten my nails, especially when things get stressful. That was the first time I drew blood and it happened on more than one finger. It was bad.

I told her I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave the apartment. After the lease was up I’d be more than happy to change locations because it was only one year. She...didn’t like that. She told me that staying would ruin her mental health which was already bad, she told me that it would kill her to stay, that living with these two other girls was signing her death warrant.

That was the first time I didn’t just let someone talk me into something I didn’t want to do. Thinking about it is kind of giving me some really shitty reactions in my chest, but...but I did it. I told her I wasn’t going to leave. I sat through her reaction, I planned for her to tell me to never speak to her again, to give her back all the things she’d ever given me or lent me or anything. I sorted out my laundry so I could have her items separate. I was planning on losing my best friend because she couldn’t live with two other people.

The argument that caused all of this, by the way? Dirty dishes. I was the one who ended up cleaning them, as a side note.

ISHK ended up inducing vomiting in the shower after our major blow out about it, while I was sorting through the items she’d given me. I don’t know if it really was that she was crying so hard that she vomited or if she did it on purpose. She told me when she was done that she didn’t want to lose me as a friend, and that she’d stay with me because she couldn’t leave on her own, and also because it wasn’t fair that I be subjected to these two evil girls by myself. She had me clean the bathtub after her, and I did it. I was just glad she wasn’t angry at me and wasn’t leaving me.

Things were strained. She met a guy online, they hit it off over winter break. She’d gone to be with her parents during that time so it was literally just me and one of the other girls in the apartment for nearly a month. Learned some of the other side of the story on that one.

She comes back, she brings the guy with her to hang out. We smoke weed together, he seems alright. They plan on making brownies. You know, special brownies. In the communal kitchen.

She has me go to the one other girl - the one I spent time with during the winter break because it was just the two of us in the apartment - to make sure that it was okay. Even though no matter what the answer was, it was going to happen anyway. The other girl was not pleased, because our agreement was that she and I could smoke but we kept it to our wing of the apartment.

Thankfully this other girl did seem to recognize that I would not do something that directly went against what we’d all agreed on if the other party said no had ISHK not been there. The cops were called, only ISHK got in trouble (she could have lumped me in with her, but she was trying to keep her new boyfriend out of trouble. She didn’t have to, I guess). This did not help relations with the other roommates, of course. She was convinced it was the one who I’d stayed with over the holidays that had caused all the trouble - when not only was that kind of a projection, but also inaccurate because the person who hadn’t been doing their dishes in the first place was the 4th roommate who has been relatively unmentioned due to the fact that I barely spoke to her.

She moved in with her boyfriend when the lease was up, they eventually got married. She did a volunteer stint with a group who she later introduced me to. I feared losing her after the November Incident and let her use me like a doormat a lot more after that. Through the volunteer group I met my next mistake, but we’ll get there. She actually pushed me into trying to have a relationship with him, but I’ve now learned that I should probably not date people who identify as heavily armed and armored combat vehicles so at least there’s that.

I became so attached to this woman that I wanted to be in a more romantically inclined relationship with her and her husband. I never brought this up specifically but we were entirely too codependent on one another. She required me to build herself up and validate her worldview. I required her because I felt I had no one else.

Through the volunteer group I learned that that’s not how healthy friendships or relationships look for the most part. There were aspects that weren’t so bad, of course. I wouldn’t have been her friend for four years straight otherwise. But we were not healthy together. She may not have been abusive necessarily but she and I were toxic together.

And I should have known. At least that something was wrong earlier than I did. Because of her I moved away from my hometown. The intention was to be closer to her. Everything was finalized and then...I had to make a decision. It was her or the new group of friends who didn’t require me to be anything more than myself. I could explore my boundaries and enforce them in a safe and healthy environment and they would be respected. I had people who supported me and loved me and didn’t mind that I was a little strange because they were all a little strange and I loved them for it. Still do, by the way. <3

So my choices were someone who made me choose between being financially stable or potentially ruining everything I’d just set up four months out of my parents house and got mad at me when I made the right decision because it wasn’t what she wanted. Someone who tried to turn me against my family and very nearly succeeded - whether it’s what she intended or not that’s what she was doing. Someone who when I told her I shouldn’t have to choose because 1) it really wasn’t as big a deal as she was making it out to be and 2) I shouldn’t have known ANYTHING about the situation, specifically the things that were supposed to be confidential between her and the main person she had an issue with (who happened to have a very dominant personality - this was a theme), she told me she felt like killing herself.

And if she killed herself because of this it was my fault.

That’s what she told me. Thankfully for me I was at work an hour away and could not drop what I was doing and rush to her side. I would have, if my dad hadn’t stepped in and said “if she were really honestly going to do it, she wouldn’t tell you like that.” Which, yeah might be a shitty way of putting it, but also was true.

I chose not her. I didn’t necessarily choose the volunteer group because for me that’s not the choice I was making. I was choosing to be beside her for another however long it was, alone with no one but her, because she didn’t want me to have anyone else, until she decided she didn’t like the way things were going and pulled this shit again - or not any of that. Of being responsible for only me, emotionally, financially.

I was also beginning a relationship with The Warzone and I couldn’t separate him from her from the volunteer group.

Those next few months were rough for me. When she finally calmed down from everything, she tried to get back into my life. I requested she wait until I contact her again because I was still working through my thoughts and feelings and I didn’t need her influence in that process. I knew it would not be helpful. She would give me about a day, maybe two, before texting me again. This reset everything for me because I could not deal with her and with my still conflicted - and very hurt - feelings about the situation. And I asked her again to please respect my request. This happened several times and I finally stopped responding to her altogether.

There were only two terse emails after that, where she had me come collect my things from her house and leave my key while she was not there. The exchange happened quickly and quietly and I didn’t hear from her for several years after that.

I was with The Warzone for the summer. Considering my longest lasting romantic relationship to this point had been about 2 weeks, this was a novelty to me. I was convinced this was it, this was the time I’d done something right, after all my bad choices this was a good thing.

He had some troubles, and had things that had become roadblocks but he had a job, he had his own place, he had a direction he wanted to go in. So I’d just graduated college and he was still in college life? I was still roughly the same age as his friends, I could still hang and party. My life wasn’t that different.

Our major struggles were mainly that we lived about an hour apart, and we didn’t communicate very well. Or at all, really.

I was anxious and terrified. I hadn’t started working through all my shit yet. I didn’t even know there was shit to work through. I was grieving the loss of my best friend and I had no idea that was even happening. 2 best friends, actually. NWBF had moved really far away and I was still crushing on them super hard. I eventually told them I couldn’t be friends with them until I figured my shit out. That was hard.

I was going through a really rough patch and self medicating with alcohol and more weed because I apparently had found another pothead in Warzone.

Warzone was also my first partner I’d ever had sex with. I don’t regret Warzone necessarily, but I do regret that I invested so much in the relationship, to the point that I blatantly ignored several signs that this was not going the way I wanted it to. His own struggles led to him realizing he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. I still am fucked up over the phrasing he used, because no one wants to be described as a roller coaster the other person doesn’t want to ride on anymore.

And he did this before we were set to hang out with people through the volunteer group. I am incredibly, incredibly thankful for the people who allowed me to lean on them while I was there, who knew the situation. We kept our PDA in the group to a minimum anyway so if you didn’t know we were together, you wouldn’t know unless we told you. He showed up high about an hour after I’d gotten there. I’d showed up early because I’d had to leave after he broke up with me, and I had a nice long tantrum cry in my car in a small parking lot downtown and couldn’t be alone anymore.

My roommate at the time treated me to drinks, helped me get set up on a dating website after some wine on a different night, and was generally supportive throughout the process. I think her change in behavior towards me should have clued me in about The Ex a lot sooner, but oh well.

Because of the dating apps/sites I signed up on, I met The Ex. That whole debacle played out through my posts on here for the most part because this is where I process everything, so if you’ve been with me for a while you’re pretty familiar with my mental state while I was with him. I was constantly justifying his behaviors and actions and no one who loved me liked him but no one said anything either.

They all have carte blanche to tell me when they don’t like someone I’m dating from here on out - not that I plan on doing that much in the future, but I wanted them aware of it. After ISHK and The Ex, I need outside input to show me I’m not making good decisions with the people I’m choosing to keep in my life despite the fact that they treat me like dirt.

ISHK laid the groundwork for The Ex to fully isolate me from my family. Not only was I farther away from them than I’d ever been in my life, but he took me from the job that allowed me to see them regularly. He encouraged me to skip family events. I missed nearly 5 years of my family’s lives because of this man.

When I left him, I was already emotionally done with him. So I thought I’d be ready to try again. It may have been compensation for my loneliness, for my isolation, still so far away from my family even though they at least were aware I was struggling. I couldn’t let myself rely on them yet.

Still can’t.

So I turned back to the dating apps. And I met The Pittsburgh Mistake.

He was nice, charming. I’ll admit when I met him a gaydar went off - the one that says “Oh, this might be a trans guy”. You know all the signals we queer folk give off to one another to say “Hey other queer folk guess what I’m one of you please don’t let me be alone”? There were multiple that read as trans guy.

He was not. I wish he had been. But no he was a redpill, conservative nightmare. And he was abusive as FUCK. We went on an outing and he didn’t tell me the plan was to stay overnight somewhere. He just had me drive him around and we finally got up there and he was like okay let’s go get a room for the night.

That was the first sign.

Then he was like “Hey I gotta go back to Pittsburgh to get all my things so I can move down this way, wanna come with me?” Thinking it was going to be another overnight, maybe a 2 night stay maximum, I said sure.

We were there for almost a week. He’d driven so I couldn’t just leave. He didn’t seem to have any intention of actually doing anything to move his stuff, or sell it, or anything. He flirted with other women nearly the entire time - which I didn’t have an issue with him seeing other people, but I wasn’t, I don’t think, prepared for him to do it while I was with him. Like out with him. On things that other people might have considered dates. I’ve mentioned, however, that he took me to a huge museum and I nearly did forget that I had no idea how long we were going to be up there, I had no spare clothes - just one outfit, he would actively ignore me to flirt with other women, and he wasn’t doing anything to move the situation along with his move.

I’d picked back up on smoking while I was with him. I’ve smoked cigarettes a few times in my life. I can quit cold turkey pretty easily and that’s not an issue, it’s just...I shouldn’t do it. It’s bad for me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that my mom’s family has a tendency to acquire rare lung cancer that’s exacerbated by smoking. The other is that I have a penchant for getting bronchitis, like, all the time. But I was smoking a lot more heavily than I had previous times, even when I was smoking a lot of weed daily with ISHK, I didn’t smoke nearly as much as I did with The Pittsburgh Mistake.

The other thing that was a huge major red flag I should have been more cognizant of is how he made it my fault if he couldn’t keep it up or get it in during sex. I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t good enough or prepped enough, even though he’d done literally nothing to help things along. It was be ready to go whenever he wanted it, or be told I was worthless and useless and I must not really like him if he couldn’t get it in.

He got really drunk and wouldn’t know what he was doing, and he got really uncomfortable to be around while he was drunk. He claimed he wasn’t an alcoholic but i know he was using it as a crutch for whatever was going on in his brain. He projected his issues onto everyone else. It was everyone else’s fault, not his. They were crazy, not him.

When he started talking about being godlike in a decidedly blasphemous way, I figured there was definitely something wrong. When he continually invited his other girlfriend over while I was still there, despite the fact that both of us had been vocal about it being uncomfortable for us, I knew I needed to get out.

When he broke a window right next to my head because I was trying to leave because he’d invited her over again without saying anything to either of us until he’d already made the decision, and he was drunk enough to not remember it even as it was happening, I knew I needed to run and never come back.

I gave him one last chance. I asked him if he knew why I was upset, and he said something bullshit I don’t even remember. I told him about himself and he accused me of gaslighting him. Which??? Telling you you’re an asshole and that I am uncomfortable when you bring your other girlfriend over and haven’t discussed it with me, especially since I’ve told you multiple times I’m incredibly uncomfortable in that situation is not gaslighting. But he thought he was a genius and so smart and so close after The Ex who had a god complex and thought he was a genius and so smart, I knew I needed out and fast.

He literally sent me a text with a screen shot of a bible verse saying “I am a jealous god” yadda yadda and something about I’ll end up dying alone if I continue being however I was being. Like, thanks, but no thanks I don’t even believe in the Christian God, I’m not going to believe you, some random redpill douche who literally broke a window because I wasn’t putting up with his bullshit anymore, is a god either. I’m very proud of my response.

“LOL, okay bye.”

Like, sorry, bro. You gotta feed me a way more intricate story than just that you think you’re god incarnate. The Ex at least told me he could travel through alternate dimensions and universes and pulled me through along with him at some point from another universe - not his, but a different one, because he loved me so much. You gotta try a lot harder on the god complex in order to top that one, buddy.

yeah I wish I was kidding about the above. I also wish I was kidding when I tell you I believed it.

I’m still working on not believing it. I don’t feel like i belong in this universe a lot of the time, and playing into that did not help. And it’s especially not helpful when I’m super depressed and feeling mildly suicidal. So that’s been fun to deal with since I’ve gotten away from him.

Anyway, those are my relationship mistakes. Warzone almost doesn’t count because it wasn’t necessarily a mistake, but I shouldn’t have been in a romantic relationship so soon after the ISHK incidents.

And through all of this, one of the weirdest things for me is realizing that when I was in relationships? I didn’t necessarily feel any draw to be any sort of way with people. Like, I was with The Ex for 4 1/2 years, and while I loved him I wasn’t romantically in love with him. Which I didn’t realize until I was on my way out of loving him at all because he was treating me poorly. I was physically attracted to The Pittsburgh Mistake, but I knew that wasn’t a long-term deal from the outset. But I wasn’t necessarily sexually attracted to him. I have a high sex drive that sometimes clouds my judgement and I know that was a part of it, but he wasn’t *sexy*. Neither was The Ex. I found him attractive, aesthetically, but he wasn’t *sexy* necessarily. I told him I found him sexy because he didn’t understand otherwise and I thought I was helping. I was actually making it worse but I didn’t know. I felt giddy around The David Incident because I was 16 and was excited that I was finally dating someone because I’d never really done it before. I was just downright stupid with the Bad Choices I Made At Church Camp and that one I will own, but again I was 16 and lonely. Now We’re Best Friends has been the only one that worked out and I think honestly it was the LGBT+ flocking instinct.

I Should Have Known was the only one I feel came closest to romantic feelings and honestly I think that was more stockholm-obsession than actually anything romantic.

So while I’m a sucker for a good love story, while I love the thought of being in a loving romantic relationship, I’m not sure I’m actually romantic? Like?

There was a post the other day that was like “I’m in love with being in love, but I’m Aro-spec" and I was like??? That’s a thing???

And then I was listening to someone else who said they were cupioromantic and I looked up what that meant because I don’t know the aro-labels as well as the asexual labels and I was like???? That’s a THING??????

So, I’m still figuring myself out. I thought I was nearly there and then I remembered I don’t make anything easy for myself. I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum. My sexual attraction is very limited to what I definitely have zero chance with and that’s because it’s safe. Also it’s very aesthetically based, not powered by my genitals or hormones. As to whether or not I’m Aro as well? We’re still working on that.

But this was apparently more about me processing my trauma more than figuring out my labels since that’s what happened. I’m still working on my labels. I may never figure it out. It might change and then I’ll be really fucked which’ll be fun.

So anyway...did you really read this far down? Holy fuck this is so long, well done. You deserve a cookie or a glass of water or at least stand up and stretch like goodness you must be exhausted. Thanks for supporting and loving me and for being here with me while I try to figure out what the fuck is going on in my life.

I love you.

#the captain rambles #this is incredibly long and very personal but I wouldn't post it if I didn't mind y'all reading it #It's mostly about the shit I've gone through over the years as relating to my personal relationships with those outside my family #and then at the very tail end is me pondering labels and what they mean to me #I just really like coming up with fun names to call the crazy shit that happens in my life #because it makes it seem less terrible than it sometimes was #because there've been some shitty things that i've gone through #but hopefully we're moving towards a better place now

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kondo-hijikata · 5 years

Note

“I sleep better if you’re around.” Please for Toshisami.

Pairings: Established Kondo/HijikataRating: TSummary: Sometimes, he says the right things. Sometimes, he says the wrong things. Sometimes, he can’t say what’s really in his heart. Luckily, Kondo understands Hijikata all the time. Aka they kinda fight and then make up. [AO3]

.*Inarticulate*.

In seiza at the center of the room, Kondo made quick work of rifling fingers through a small packed bag while remaining keenly aware of the disapproving eyes burning into him from behind. After inventory was taken, his lashes fell in kind with the slump of his shoulders and he exhaled, a breathy prelude to trying his hand at last minute diplomacy. “…I know.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Those words may have been neutral on their own, but the tone with which they were delivered was most certainly not.

It was silly to presume the strained atmosphere looming from last night might dissolve without reason, though Kondo would sometimes allow himself an optimistic daydream or two. Alas, reality was reality; they’d shared the futons without sharing much of anything else, the Vice Commander bundled in his own covers and facing away with a reserved indignation that was anything but silent. In fact, Kondo doubted Hijikata even realized how loud his displeasure could resonate in the absence of spoken language, and if it wasn’t the source of snap-impending tension at present, it might’ve been impressive.

The much ado about nothing, the aloofness through being clearly affected, the appearance of calm on the outside at odds with the in: all of these components harmonized into a classic Toshi-is-upset tune that Kondo would need to gracefully dance his way about. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on the viewpoint), it wasn’t the first he’d heard this song over the years, and by now he liked to think he more-or-less knew the steps.

An old adage touted that one should never go to sleep upset, otherwise dawn would crack a crimson morning. And since Hijikata had put himself to bed while Kondo discussed trip plans with Sannan, a legitimate attempt to soothe his persistent ire needed to happen prior to the fast-approaching farewell. Battlefield red painted a proverbial sky; if irascibility could stew this much in just a few hours, the consequence of it continuing to do so for days was an unthinkable situation.

Thus, fingertips braced against the tatami and Kondo rose with a pivot to face his plaintiff directly. The display awaiting him matched his expectations sans failure—Hijikata standing stiff with crossed arms, his mouth not exactly pulled into a frown but the corners indeed drooping. He stood dark and brooding before the gentle glow of morning sunlit shoji, so out of place surrounded by this aura and yet so himself that Kondo could barely prevent a fond twitching of his own lips at the sight.

Apologetic glances rife with sincerity conjured an effective antidote against quarrelsome intentions, and that remedy was one Hijikata knew damn well he possessed a weakness to. It was evident especially now, with the averting of his eyes as Kondo approached. He was a stubborn one, this man, but perseverance was a trait they both possessed, for better or worse.

“Toshi…” The name fell in a pleading half-whisper, warm hands cupping lean biceps and thumbs rubbing little circles into purple fabric. “Come on, I don’t want to leave with you angry at me.”

Finely manicured brows raised with the sarcasm in the room. “Then don’t.”

“Hey.” Lifting his hand to the side of Hijikata’s jaw, Kondo attempted—and failed—to coax him into turning his face. He exhaled and relented, trading the silver-tongue for candor. “Please, let me try doing things my way for once, okay?”

At that, their gazes finally met. “I don’t know what you want my approval so badly for. You’re not interested in what I think anyway.” Oh, the petulance.

“You know that’s not true,” Kondo insisted.

“No? I already told you I don’t agree with your plan, so you tell me.”

“Is that…my plan, or do you mean his?”

“Tch. This conversation’s over.” Hijikata made an abrupt turn for the door, but a hand latched carefully to his elbow to keep him in place. He peered at it and then cast a glare over his shoulder.

“Toshi, the ice is already so thin. We both know that.” Kondo offered a forlorn shrug and small shake of the head. “With Aizu, with…Serizawa-san and his followers, and—”

“Obviously!” Hijikata snapped and jolted himself free, whirling to meet him at full attention. “That’s why going on some misguided Ronin-hunting trip is completely asinine! The Mimawarigumi’s already pissed that we even breathe in our own territory and now we’re gonna just barge our asses into Osaka without leads? If we had something to go on, then fine but we don’t. It doesn’t make any damn sense.”

Kondo understood, really understood, the logic of Hijikata’s argument because it was comprised of viewpoints he shared in full himself. There was rationality to his own thinking as well, however. “You’re completely right in that regard.”

“So right that the second Serizawa tosses the plan out, you’re on board, huh…”

“Toshi, we need to unite this group before it completely rips apart at the seams. That’s all I’m trying to do here.” Stepping back to give space, Kondo refused to take the argumentative bait and instead folded his arms with a pensive glance to the floor. “Look, every time he proposes something to us, we challenge him.”

Hijikata laughed beneath his breath. “I wonder why.”

“Of course. Again, you’re right. And in the end, it doesn’t make a difference what we say to him because he just goes and does whatever he wants.” With a quick lick of the lips, Kondo’s arms slipped away from each other and he once more sought the eyes still pinned to him. “Don’t misunderstand me. I agreed to his idea for this trip because I want to attempt building some semblance of rapport, not because I think our patrols here are useless.”

“He really did say that,” came the interjection, but it went ignored in favor of staying on topic.

“Bridging the huge gaps between us is the only clear path forward that I can see for our livelihood in the long run. Otherwise…” There won’t be a group at all, Kondo chose not to add but he knew the message was understood. With another shake of the head, he pressed on. “Anyway, you’re always telling me that I’m the leader and how I need to put Serizawa-san in his place. Any time I start taking the reins though, it’s never the right step forward. So, I don’t know, Toshi, maybe the real question here is if I’m actually the right one for this job or not.”

There was a clear shift in Hijikata’s expression then, the harshness in his demeanor morphing into surprise and then finally beginning to soften at the edges. “Kat-chan, that’s not fair.”

“It’s not?” Kondo’s palms opened at his sides and raised a touch. “Am I missing something, then?”

A strained noise came deep from the back of Hijikata’s throat and he glanced off to the left before sighing. “I just don’t like the idea of you going off with him for some shot-in-the-dark reason. He’s got an instinctive talent for getting us into the shittiest situations and it’s never his name that takes the damage.”

“I know. That’s why I’m taking so many of the guys with me. I can count on all of them, Souji especially.” Kondo’s chin fell in a nod. “Between all of us, I’m confident we can keep him in check.”

“All right.” A contemplative beat. “Let’s be clear about something, though. Serizawa’s the one I don’t trust, not you.”

“Toshi, I know. I don’t trust him either. And clearly, he’s of the same opinion when it comes to us. We need to start somewhere to fix this mess, though, so…” Rubbing the side of his neck, Kondo pursed his lips. “I’m sorry you think I’m ignoring your judgement or that I don’t want your input. I do. I’m just…trying my best to do what I feel is right. But if you really think we shouldn’t go, then—”

“It’s not—” Another inarticulate sound followed and Hijikata’s head cocked while his lashes fell for a beat. “Kat-chan, it’s not that.”

And that was all he needed to say.

Kondo closed the space which separated them and pulled Hijikata into readily accepted arms. They remained like that for several moments, entwined in another thoughtful quietude before Kondo nuzzled and mumbled into dark hair, “I’m not comfortable with this either. I want you with me.” He drew back only far enough to allow their eyes to meet. “I need to take Sannan-kun for the sake of Niimi-san’s support, though.”

“Aa, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I know, but I wanted to. Actually, I wanted to say all of this last night, but when I came back to find you already in bed, well…” Hijikata’s mouth parted at that, but Kondo just smiled and brushed long bangs behind an ear. “It’s all right. It’s in the past now.”

Their lips met in a kiss all too sweet and much too short. Upon its breaking, Kondo unfastened the clasp at the front of his haori and let it slip from his frame. “It’s been a…really, really long time since we’ve been apart.”

“Yeah…” Hijikata agreed while the garment swooshed about him and settled on his shoulders. “You’re not wearing—?”

“I’ll put on another. This one stays with you.” Kondo turned to retrieve the piece in question while he continued, “Hang it up or fold it, if you want. It’s just…personally, I know that I sleep better if you’re around, so…”

It was endearing that they’d been together for so many years by this point and Hijikata still had the urge to avert his eyes at overt displays of affection. “…Right. Yeah, uh.” He slid the haori off. “Let’s hang it, then.”

Kondo grinned warmly. “Sure.”

And hung it was.

Between the Yagi and Maekawa residences, the troop formed and departed. Saito and Nagakura took point with Okita and Inoue in the flanks and Shimada and Yamazaki at the rear; protected by their blades were swordsmen who needed no escort—Kondo and Sannan, Serizawa and Hirama—and yet Hijikata breathed easier at the presence of such a large accompanying guard.

He watched until the group reached the corner, his eyes catching golden ones wandering back to his. Kondo nodded once, his lips twitching, and then they all were gone.

After a quick dispatch of orders to Toudo, that had inexplicably turned into a heart-to-heart confidence boost for the younger man, Hijikata drifted his way back inside with intent to finish drafting the monthly report. It was a lie he almost believed. His hand pushed the shoji along the track and he paused in the entrance.

Late spring brought mornings of sunshine and warmth that crept slowly upward until afternoon, yet…the door closed again when Hijikata stepped inside. He walked with purpose to the haori hanging neatly, took the garment in his hands, and brought it to his face with a deep inhale.

Poetry could flow with ease from his brush to writing paper, but when it came to actually speaking what was buried deep within his heart…that was an entirely different thing.

Nosing the fabric, Hijikata mentally filed through all the things he’d wanted to say, all the things Kondo had probably needed to hear.

I believe in you. I don’t want you to go. I’m going to fucking kill him if something happens to you. I know you’re the right one to lead us, because you were born for it. The next three days are gonna suck and I don’t know if I can sleep well without you either. I hope this plan works out and the next, because each is one step closer to you becoming a daimyo.

…I wish I could tell you how much I want to make up for last night, for everything I was unable to articulate.

But most importantly of all…

“Come back safely, Kat-chan,” Hijikata whispered and breathed in the scent he loved most once more.

…And in the middle of a dirt road less traveled, Kondo suddenly felt the urge to smile.

Okita peered over at him with amusement. “Kondo-san?”

“Just a passing thought, Souji,” he replied and cast his gaze toward a cloudless blue sky.

#sabinasanfanfic #asks #toshisami #hakuouki #t1 #writing on plaid paper #long post

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cutegirlmayra · 5 years

Note

Recalling when Sonic called off his race with Tails just to get eggs for Amy, I can't help but think that maybe their relationship developed into something of slowly going romantic where they'd act couple-y without even realizing such as when Sonic fetched eggs for Amy like the "good boyfriend" would or a hypothetical scenario: Sonic wants to taste something Amy is eating, so Amy hands it to him and Sonic just bites it down casually. How's that for a headcanon? Or is it too far-fetched? XD

Please remember that Prompts are on Shutdown! Do not send me any! Sorry! I still have a lot to do!

Prompt:

“W-woah!” Amy was attempting to shimmy across the thin, tree-plank that led to where her and her friends were adventuring to retrieve a valuable artifact disturbed by Knuckles’s antics. While trying to move across, she saw a bug and lost her usually perfect balance.

“Amy! Take my hand!” Sonic, just ahead of her, stopped and reached back. She immediately, while moving left and right on one leg, grabbed it and sighed, seeing him lift it up to the rope above their heads.

“Thanks, Sonic. B-but now-!” the rescue caused a shift in the rope as well, shaking as Amy placed both hands on the rope.

“Grrr…” Sonic judged the situation quickly, biting his teeth down as he looked around him. “Okay.” He nodded, then lowered Amy’s hand that he was holding so they were down in the middle of them. “Just use one hand to cross, I’ve got you.”

“Alright.” Amy nodded seriously, and the two continued to scoot across the branch.

Sticks narrowed her eyes behind her, “Hmmmrrmmm…” she seemed to be sizing up their activity…

-Later~-

Sonic was in the market place, looking over things before seeing something shiny and pink. “Hey! It’s a bracelet!” he looked it over before a goofy smile skimmed his cheeks. “I bet Amy would like this.” He placed it in his chart, and on the other side of the market place, Amy was eyeing a blue watch that made racing car noises. “Haha!” she giggled into her hand, “Oh, Sonic would love this!” she placed it in her basket and walked on.

Sticks, popping her head out of the ‘expired/no good’ waste bin dumpster growled once more, narrowing her eyes at the two…

-Another time~-

“Oh! These cookies just don’t look right.” Amy frowned, wearing the pink bracelet as Sonic was fiddling with the blue watch, making it create car engine noises.

“Hehehe…” he giddily fixated on it’s endless fun, but Amy’s sigh suddenly drew him away and he looked at her cookie tray she had placed out of the oven. “What’s wrong with it? It smells great!” Sonic sat more upright, lowering his knee that was up a moment ago and turning more directly to Amy.

His eyes stayed glued to hers as she spoke, “Oh, it’s just that… well, the picture made them look so good… I hope they’re okay… I was going to give them to those poor, sweater-less orphan penguins but…” she put her hands to her hips, “I can’t give them these!”

“What about these?” he picked one up, “Ow! Hot, hot, hot!” he shook his hand, burning his glove a little bit on some melted chocolate on the side of the cookie.

“Oh no! Here…” Amy reached over, about to bite on the gloved-finger to get the chocolate off.

“Hey! This chocolate’s mine!” Sonic immediately withdrew the hand and sucked on it himself. “I went through all the hard work of getting it!”

“Oh, but it would have burnt your finger!” Amy protested, but he just shook his other pointer finger at her, as though telling it ‘nuh-uh, this one’s all mine!’.

Then, his eyes widened. “Emmm~ These are good!” he went in for another, taking a bite. “Amy! You can’t give these to the children!”

“H-huh? Why not! I thought you said they were good!?” Amy quickly took the tray away, holding it back from him and examining them. She placed it by the window as he continued-

“Because they’ve got to be all mine!”

He laughed, thinking himself funny but Amy just rolled her eyes, “You really like them? I mean, I guess I could add some ‘flare’ to them, that way, their presentation is a little more decent…”

“I say let the kids have them the way they are!” he relaxed back, smiling brightly to her in comforting optimism. He placed his hands behind his head, closing his eyes, “They’ll be shoving them in their mouths before ever having the time to look at them!”

His cheeriness brightened up her insecurity, “Ohhh… You!” she jumped over the table to hug him, disorientating him a moment as his arms flailed out from her sudden affection.

“H-hey! I was only stating my opinion here! Ames!”

“Hehehe~ And I encourage you to state it as much as you want!”

“Well, that’s a first.”

Amy laughed. The two were distracted so much, they didn’t see Sticks’s camouflage into a plant’s top-level foliage as she growled and reached in, grabbing a cookie and ducking back down into position.

-Tails’s place, again, at a later date-

“I don’t get it, Tails. It’s like a conspiracy… but it isn’t.” Sticks gripped the table, looking angry for some reason.

“Is this about aliens and the government again?” Tails didn’t even bother looking up from his inventions, but Sticks just snarled on the side of her mouth.

“Grraawwwhhhh… It’s not about the government, Tails!” she flung her arms up, “This is of a whole new caliber of lies and deceit. It’s been right under our noses… no… this has to do with a company… a friendly sort of company of friends… friends who can’t even noticing how deceptive they’re being towards each other and their other friends!” she gripped her head, showing her own confusion as Tails’s ears finally perked up.

“Sounds like corruption in the market, if you ask me.” He thought she meant a literal company…

“Ugh.” She shook her head, seeing he wasn’t getting it. “Whatever, I’ll keep eyeing the two before I make any further assumptions. But I’m tellin’ ya!” she rose a finger up. “Something fishy is going on with Sonic and Amy! They’re all giggly lately, talking about each other from across the way, trying out cookies recipes and the like!” She threw out some words that made Tails finally lean up, away from his gear.

“Wait… you mean… they’re not fighting or anything, right?” Tails seemed concerned on her second comment.

“What? No! I said giggly! Weren’t you listening to me!?”

“D-don’t get offended! You said they were talking about each other behind their backs… I got worried.” He put his hands up, covered in black gear-gunk to try and calm her down.

“Oh. I said across the way! Not behind their backs!” she defended, “Just come see for yourself.” She started to waddle to the door, looking more ticked off than ever before…

Tails finally followed her, giving her to her ‘spying’ ways and saw the two walking down the street.

“They just look like they’re talking.” Tails seemed a bit skeptical, hiding with Sticks in a bush. “Doesn’t this invade their private friend-life?”

“Ohhhh, it’s far from being started yet, Tails.” She passed him the binoculars. “Destruction of trust between friends in 5….4….3…2….” she pointed as suddenly a puddle came out in Amy’s way.

“Oh no!” she flinched her foot up, but Sonic bowed graciously and suddenly dived backwards, turning at the last moment with Amy’s gasp to push himself up and create a bridge over the puddle.

It was so extra, it made Amy giggle girlishly, covering her face a bit from her blush and walk over him.

It was a terrible idea though because even though Sonic was showing off his strength and chivalry, it also caused discomfort walking over his quills that poked or scratched up against Amy’s ankles.

“Ow, oh, ee!” she passed and then smiled down to him as he got up and looked over at being separated from her by the other side of the puddle.

He could have easily spin-dashed over it, but to be dramatic, he pretended to reach for her, throw more rocks in the water to create a bridge, and then hopelessly despair as Amy continued to laugh at his jokes.

Tails’s mouth hung down as Sticks’s anger peaked, tapping her finger on her folded arms. “They’re so adorable… it’s like they lied to our faces and then each others!” she was about to jump out of the bush. “YOU TWO ARE LIARS-!” she was thrown back into it by Tails.

“No, Sticks!” He held her down as she tried to struggle back up from his grasp.

“Let me at those lying, good for nothing-!”

“Calm down, Sticks! They probably don’t even know what they look like!”

“How can they not know how it looks like!? If they’re together, they should at least have the decency to tell their most trusted friend ever—that is to say me. But instead, they lie to our faces and continued to call each other ‘a good friend’. If THAT’S a good friend, I want to know what they think a dating dance looks like!” Sticks gestured furiously over to them, showing she didn’t buy that crap for jack!

Tails sighed, shrugging with his shoulders slightly. “Honestly… I’m glad they’re getting along so well. It wasn’t always like this… They probably just don’t want to ‘rock the boat’, so to speak.” He nervously twiddled his fingers a moment, blushing. “I-I kinda get that, you know? When the friendship’s going so well… you don’t really want to disrupt it by asking something kinda embarrassing like that.” He smiled over to Zooey, working daintily at her stall.

“I-I-It might ruin the great, wonderful… charming interactions you already have with each other…” he melted as the red on his face grew brighter. “Y-you know what I mean?” he looked around, seeing Sticks had disappeared suddenly. “S-Sticks?”

“Move, loser. I have some so-called ‘friends’ to bust.” She tried to move around a dude holding flowers out in front of her.

“B-b-but-!” the poor boy was ignored completely as she side-swiped around him and dashed to Sonic and Amy, his arm held out to her as she took it and they walked towards a movie theatre, just chatting excitedly to each other.

Sticks shook her fist, “GET BACK HERE-! YOU TWO ARE MESSIN’ WITH MY SANITY AND THIS MUST END!”

“No! Sticks!” Tails took off after her, “Oh, pardon me!” he maneuvered around the boy, before seeing how disappointed the stranger looked and realized…

Sonic and Amy weren’t the only ones who didn’t notice blossoming romances that were right in front of their noses…

The stranger nervously ran behind a wall, “Phew, that was close! If Sticks knew who I was then…” The boy took off his covering, revealing his intern-self. “Then I’d have to introduce her to my mother. And after all the times she’s come to Meh Burger and asked for extra fries… I don’t know, man. My mom might think it’s serious!” He clutched his head in fright.

Ever since that plane ride, her asking to ‘get closer’, he’s never looked at her the same way as all the other customers…

But that’s a misconstrued story for another day.

#sonamy #sonic boom #sonicxamy #sonic and amy #sonic boom prompt #sonamy boom #boom!sonamy #dave the intern #tailsxzooey #sticks the badger

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friendlyneighborhoodborg · 5 years

Text

Marc Appreciation Week 2019| Day 6: Collab| “Working Together”

Okay, this is actually late. It is past midnight, technically Day 7.

I am actually posting Day 7 later today, hopefully before the week is out.

Anyway here’s the 6th day, and the only chapter in the dumpster fire to actually follow the prompt given.

Disclaimers were in Day 1.

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

AO3 Link

(~3200 biddling words. Why do I do this to myself?)

Marc didn’t know what he was. Today was weird: he didn’t feel girly anymore after last night, but at the same time he didn’t think the “he” suited him today. He realized this must have been what Alix was talking about before, about non-binary gender.

Being something that wasn’t a boy or a girl was trippy. Marc had felt it before, probably, but knowing what it was (which felt obvious now, considering… well, everything he was currently feeling) made it… something. For all the words he knew, he couldn’t peg one for the experience.

It occurred that he ought to have been surprised by how quickly he had taken to reconsidering his pronouns. But then, that’s what his gender did, didn’t it? Didn’t he always know that his gender did that? Hadn’t that been such a large source of his anxiety for years?

And now he was just rolling with it.

That morning, he had glanced at himself in a mirror, per his usual routine. His old adjectives, “Not him again” and “Could be worse” were absent this time. Instead, he had felt heavy. Overdressed, perhaps, only in his own skin.

But he could live with that.

It still stank, because French didn’t have a third-gender pronoun. That meant that, regardless of his actual self, he had to use male pronouns.

So, he comfortably got dressed, did up his face in a way he thought would suit him, and left for school.

Something was different that afternoon. Alix wasn’t in for some reason, which automatically meant the art teacher (he still kept forgetting his name) was more relaxed. Juleka and Rose were separated, for once. Rose was sitting in a corner, feverishly scribbling down notes in her pad. Juleka was in the opposite corner, reading a horror novel, and her ankle was shackled to a protruding pipe.

He approached Juleka cautiously, eyeing her restraints warily. “Did, uh…” He glanced up at the teacher, making sure he wasn’t listening. “Did Alix tell you?”

“Yeah, she got your text.” Juleka glanced up meaningfully at her girlfriend, by herself in the corner. “Lucky someone in this club has their head on straight.”

Marc chuckled. “I don’t know if we can say that, there’s like one straight person in this club.”

Juleka smiled for a second, then went back to reading her book. “And where was she, huh? Crazy overworked, fixing up stuff our last class rep neglected. Notice she couldn’t drop by all week?” She calmly flipped the page she was on. “Once again, Chloé got us into another fine mess that Marinette’s gotta pull us out of. Again.”

“What?” said Marc. “No, I meant… wait, Marinette’s straight?”

The musician shrugged. “So she claims. It is impolite to assume.” As normal, her expression and tone betrayed little.

“Biggest shock of my week,” was Marc’s jested reply. “But I was talking about Nathaniel.”

“Hm? Oh yeah.” She pulled up one hand to do finger-quotes. “‘Straight.’ That’s definitely an adjective that can describe him. Marc, have you seen the way he draws Chat Noir?”

“Of course, what about it?”

“Well, maybe you’re both blinded by the superhero’s skintight leather, but the boy is not that ripped.”

Rose hummed loudly. Juleka glanced up at her.

“I’m not trying to push anything, unlike some people,” she protested. “I’m merely pointing out that he should have already noticed by now, in a manner he will not pick up on for purposes of dramatic irony.”

“What’s going on?” he asked. “And what’s with you two?” He looked at the chain. “And… that?”

“She’s on probation,” explained Juleka. “Until she realizes what she did was wrong.”

“Probation of what?”

“Getting to run my hands through that soft, dark hair,” Rose replied for her, rubbing her fingers over the pages of her lyrics. “Holding her close to me, closing my eyes and breathing in her clove-scented perfume. Feeling the warmth of a heart matched beat-for-beat with mine.”

Marc looked back at Juleka. She was nose-deep in her book, but her forehead was sweating, her knuckles were white, and she refused to look anywhere near where Rose was sitting.

“Is that why you’ve chained yourself to this pipe?”

Juleka whimpered a little before answering. “It’s funny, in a tragic sort of way.”

“So, what’s holding Rose back?”

“Pity, mostly.”

“This isn’t about the makeup thing, is it?” questioned the writer. “I don’t blame Rose for anything that happened. I mean, it worked out, sort of.”

“Yeah, no thanks to me,” sniffed the poet. “If I’d have known…”

“Hey.” He approached her and offered his hand. “Hindsight is 20/20.”

“Still.” She rubbed the brimming tears from her eyes. “I was such an idiot, and you had to go through all of that because of me.”

“You’re still the first one who listened. Let’s be honest, that could have gone a lot worse.”

“I overreacted.” She looked down and continued to write, though it was mostly an excuse to avoid Marc’s eyes. “I thought I knew what was happening, and I thought I could help. I was wrong to try and do it by myself without seeing a second opinion.” Sniffing, she closed the notebook. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh…” groaned Juleka. “So close, Rose. Come on, I know you can do it.”

“Do what?”

“We aren’t be allowed to touch each other until she figures out exactly where she went wrong. She’s got most of it, but I’m not allowed to tell her the last one.”

“Okay, but why are you doing,” he gestured wildly at both girls, “this?”

“Because I don’t have the key and Rose is really trying, bless her.”

He looked between the two of them a few times, both of them equally miserable. “I get the feeling this wasn’t your guys’ arrangement.”

“It was Alix’s,” admitted Juleka. “We both went along with it. The chain was my idea, though. It’s the cruelest and most elaborate punishment ever devised, who do you think dreamt it up?”

“I mean,” Marc disputed, “I wouldn’t have pegged her specifically.” Particularly not after their little heart-to-heart yesterday.

“Never tick off someone with a small body-mass-to-temper ratio,” Rose advised. “Especially if everyone in her family is an ancient history buff.”

“What’s that got to—”

“Look, she knows a little something about torture.”

“Ah,” Marc commented, thoroughly confused and only pretending to understand. “You two look like you’re busy, I’ll leave you to it.”

He quietly took his seat at the back of the room, leaving the two to sort out their issues in peace.

All things considered, life was pretty good.

So why was Marc still feeling so anxious?

Nathaniel crept in through the door with his head down, answering the question.

“Nathaniel,” Juleka said. “Unlock me. I need to go use the bathroom.”

“Sure thing.” Nath approached her, holding something else up. “Brought your headphones, too, you left them in class.”

“It won’t work. She’s stuck in my head.”

Rose cast a saddened, dramatic gaze towards the writer in the back. “Pray you don’t become like us, Marc.”

Marc blushed. Of course Rose figured it out. She probably told Juleka, too.

Yet another thing to watch out for.

‘Wait, so is Nathaniel straight or not?’

Nathaniel joined him at their usual table once Juleka had been freed. “Hey.”

“You know,” Marc bet, “one has to wonder if that’s some sort of metaphor for something.”

The artist burst out laughing, but quickly shut himself up when he realized he was making noise. “Yeah,” he confessed. “Probably. But they’re good for each other. Rose helps Juleka’s self-esteem, Juleka keeps Rose grounded.”

“Yeah. They really are kinda fun to write. Speaking of…”

“Right! Back to work.”

“If we end off our comic there, Rose is never going to forgive us.”

“I know,” expressed Nathaniel, glancing over at the person in question. She was the only other student who hadn’t gone home yet. Volume up high in her earbuds, she wasn’t even looking at them. “But this story is way too interesting for one issue. With a cliffhanger like that, she’ll keep breathing down our necks to make more.” He blushed, realizing he had gotten ahead of himself. “I mean, if you’re okay with… I’ve really liked working with you and I want to—”

“Yes!” Marc blurted with a blush of his own. “I mean, um, yes. I would… I would love to keep working with you.”

“Okay.” He turned his attention back to the work. “So, if we end the issue with Princess Fragrance’s reveal, then that’s going to take a full-page panel.” He drew a border inside another blank page. “Right, so we’ve got that planned out. Now to just get cracking on those last few pages.” He surveyed the pages of blank boxes in front of him, each with a little note of what went in each. “And we know what has to be said at each bit, so if you want to edit specific dialogue, now’s the time to do that.”

“Cool. I’ll get on top of that.”

Marc’s brain suddenly took a dive, and he hastily tried to delete the previous sentence from his brain.

Each of them had the plans for everything, so they didn’t see a reason to talk much, a silence Marc respected even if he himself wasn’t comfortable with it. If it made Nathaniel more comfortable, he could swing that.

His brain needed to stop it immediately with the double-entendres.

The two of them worked for another few minutes, with only the sound of their pens scratching their paper.

Nathan, surprisingly, was the one who broke the silence. “So… last night you were a girl.”

Marc exhaled nervously. He wasn’t wrong, but it still felt weird to acknowledge the elephant in the room. “Uh, yeah.”

“Earlier yesterday you were a boy.”

“Yep.”

“So…” Nath bit his lip, which Marc had to avert his gaze from. “I don’t want to just assume, in case I get it wrong. What are you now?”

Marc had been stewing this over while he worked. Truth be told, he found he didn’t actually care as much today. He knew he wasn’t a boy, and he wasn’t a girl, but… he wasn’t really much of anything else either.

“I don’t think I’m anything right now.”

“Really?”

“Nothing, right now.” He shrugged. “I’m just… nothing.”

“How does that work?”

“Search me.” He shrugged once again. “I don’t have much of a gender today, I guess.”

“So…” Nathaniel paused. “It’s like there’s no… asterisks.”

“Asterisks?”

Nath winced. “Sorry. I was trying to be poetic, y’know, like you? You have this great, flowing… your words are just, they click. Does that make sense? It probably doesn’t make sense, forget I said anything.”

Marc smiled at the compliment, going back to his journal. “They’re just words.”

“They’re not, though, alright?” he declared. “They’re not just words, they’re you! The way you get words to line up, only you can do it that way. You’re so… smart, and creative, and… your writing style is just great.”

“Th-thanks.”

“I mean that.” Nathan looked away, holding his arm sheepishly. “You’re great, you’re really…” He shut his eyes. “Forget it.”

Marc blinked. “What was that?”

“Never mind. Where you at? Panel 9-g, the security guard is revealed to be possessed, Ghostlight comes out, and we need a good, punchy line to start the fight with.”

“No…” Marc closed his journal. “This can wait. What were you going to say?”

“Nothing important.”

“I doubt that.” He reached over the table and took his hand. “Nath, whatever it is, it’s important. You want to say it, say it.”

Nathaniel blushed. His mouth opened and closed, flopping like a fish, and he started to sweat.

Marc looked down and realized oh wait, he was actually holding Nath’s hand. He instantly let go, which seemed to shock Nath back into coherency.

“I can’t,” he told him.

“You can’t?”

“No,” he restated. “I’ll just mess it up, just forget it.”

“I’ll listen.” This gave the author pause. “I’ve been keeping up with you for the last week. I’ll understand what you’re trying to say.”

His face had determination etched into it. He opened his mouth and began.

“Oh!” Rose said suddenly, breaking his momentum. “Look at the time, I have to… go make an excuse.” She scooched off of her seat and sashayed out the door. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she called back, leaving the door ajar.

Both collaborators stared after her. The art teacher glanced in her direction, then he, too, left the room.

Nathaniel and Marc were alone. Nathan, only a little deterred, summoned back what little courage he had left.

“You…” He stopped. “You’re my friend, right Marc?”

“Yeah,” was the immediate, nodding answer. “I hope so, anyway.”

“And… I’m your friend, right?”

“Of course.”

“You… you’re so much of a better person than I am.” The boy gulped. “No matter… who you are. And today, it’s like… I’m so glad I get to see you happy.”

“Uh…” Marc nodded again in appreciation. “Thanks.”

“I mean, look at you, you’re happier, even if you’re still the same person who’s come in to help me with this stupid thing—”

“Nathan, it’s not stupid—”

“It is, though, and sometimes it feels like we’re the only people here who care about it. Only now you’ve changed, and you’re so much more relaxed now, and… And it’s good for you, right? You get to be so much more confident. Like just now, when you said you had no gender, you said it and you were sure.”

“I’m still not really sure.”

“You sounded sure, and that’s better than I can do. With pretty much anything. I’m not strong or witty, but you are. There’s just so many little things, here and there, and I can’t concentrate right. There’s just so many things about—”

The sudden halt from the speed at which Nathaniel had been talking gave Marc whiplash.

Marc looked at him, expecting him to finish what he was saying.

“I can’t…” he mumbled. “Just… that’s it, then. I don’t know how I was going to end that.”

“You feeling okay, Nathan?” queried Marc. “I don’t think I’ve heard you talk so much in one go.”

“It’s…nothing.” Nath took a deep breath. “I’ve been trying to… think of things I wanted to say—” He got out of his seat, turning away. “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

“No,” Marc stated, standing up behind him. “You’re not. If you need to say something, just say it.”

“I think—”

“Go on.”

“I think you’re—” Nathaniel swallowed his tongue and hunched over, covering his mouth.

“Nath!” Marc rushed to his aid. “Breathe slowly, okay? Are you alright? You look like you’re going to puke.”

“I didn’t say anything, just…” Nath’s voice broke. “Please, just drop it, I don’t wanna…”

Marc couldn’t believe it. Nathaniel, whose creativity knew no bounds, was censoring himself.

That could not happen.

And Marc needed to know.

“What if I don’t want to drop it?”

“Marc, please…”

“What if I don’t want you to be afraid to talk to me? What would you say if you could talk to me?” He looked into his icy-blue eyes, piercing through with his warmth. “What if you were about to say what I thought you were going to say? What if it’s that important that I hear how that sentence was going to end?” He snatched Nath’s hands from where they had covered his mouth and cradled them in his own. “And what if, by some miracle, I cared about how you felt and what you thought?”

Nath stared back at him, and both of them reeled from the shock of Marc’s outburst.

Then Nathaniel slowly started shaking his head.

“Don’t do this… don’t do that to me,” he murmured. “Stop doing that, you’re going to just regret it.”

Marc tightened his grip. “Just say what you wanted to. Stop putting up all these filters in your head.” He grasped at something. “Do the thing about the asterisks. What did you mean by that?”

Nath took a deep breath and tried. “Well… right now, you’re… no gender. No asterisks. No added stress. You’re just… Marc. Pure Marc.” He scowled. “I mean… that’s not good, is it, that’s not clever. Cause you’re not just genderless, are you?” He wrenched his hands from Marc’s ironclad grip. “Look, you could be a girl and I’d… you’d still be you. Same for if you end up a boy. You just get to be you. And… I like it when you’re you.” He stopped, looking to Marc for criticism.

After a moment, Marc smiled warmly. “That was pretty poetic.”

“Y-you do it so much better than me.”

They both smiled.

“C-can I—” Nath gulped, shutting himself down.

“What?”

“N-nothing.” He shook where he stood. “Forget it.”

“No chance.” Marc wasn’t sure where this courage was coming from, but he didn’t shake it away. “You don’t have to filter yourself. I won’t judge anything you say from here on out, you hear me? It’s the least I can do for what you and Alix have done for me.”

Nathaniel drew closer suddenly, his hand touched Marc’s cheek, and their lips barely touched. For a single half-second, their lips brushed against one another, and then Nathan drew back like Marc was a burning stove.

Both creators were left in a state of shock.

“Oh… my… God.” Marc gaped. “You…”

“Cute,” Nathaniel muttered. “I was gonna say cute. Before.” He looked down. “I’m… sorry, I’ll just…” He made his way to his bag, tripped on a chair, and started to bolt for the door.

Seeing Nathan start to panic and run away triggered something in him. He suddenly found a good reason to raise his voice.

Nathaniel had given him strength. Now he had to return the favor.

“Hey, get back here!” Marc called out, and the artist stopped. “I’ve had a crush on you for over a full month now. You get a do-over.” Marc surged forward, turned him back around, and kissed him again, this time much more solidly.

A few seconds passed and they separated. “You have a crush on me?” Nath said, confused.

Marc laughed a little at his expense. “There were times, even just this week, where something you did just completely killed me, stone dead.”

Nath blinked. “Do you want to go out sometime?”

“You see, this is what I’m talking about.” He pulled him close and hugged him tightly. “Son of a gun, yes, but don’t give me heart attacks like that.”

Nath’s arms awkwardly returned the embrace. “I, uh… I’ve never had a… an actual date before. What’s the, uhm… protocol, here?”

“Are you serious?”

“Half-serious.”

“Well don’t worry. It’ll be a learning experience for the both of us.”

We have always belonged together!

Nathaniel tore away from the embrace, turning sharply towards the door. “Rose, what the hell!?”

The little pink devil held the phone up high, volume turned all the way up. We will always belong together! Just keep moving on!

“Sorry,” Rose giggled. “My hand slipped.”

The collaborators looked at each other. Nodding a silent agreement, they chased after Rose together.

Okay. I don’t have much else to say right now, so... *shuffles away*.

#Marc Appreciation Week #marc anciel #nathaniel kurtzberg #juleka couffaine #rose lavillant #nathmarc #julerose #fanfic

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dimensiontripperhibiki · 7 years

Text

A Heavy Heart (7/?)

Here’s the next chapter of ‘A Heavy Heart’. Hope you guys enjoy!

“Are you sure this is okay?” Nozomi asked nervously as she plodded along after Kanan. The tank on her back was distractingly heavy but Kanan didn’t seem to be having a problem with hers. “It’s fine, this part of the aquarium is closed off for now. Temporarily.” Kanan said as she turned to Nozomi. Nozomi had to admit that Kanan looked cute with her goggles resting atop her head and her snorkel hanging around her neck. “And it’s definitely safe, right?” Kanan laughed at the question and stepped closer to Nozomi, gently grasping her shoulders to turn her around. She checked her gear once more to be safe and made sure the bun, which she’d helped Nozomi tie her hair up into earlier was secure. “I’m not taking you into a tank of sharks, Nozomi. Relax.” “Sharks?” Nozomi squeaked, slightly alarmed.

“God, you’re cute.” Kanan let Nozomi turn back around. “No sharks. Dolphins. That’s a lot better, right?”

“I guess. As long as they don’t bite.” Nozomi said uncertainly, drawing another laugh from Kanan. “I’ll protect you.” Kanan teased. “You’ll need to put your goggles on before we get into the water. And then take a breath before we go under and put the snorkel in your mouth, alright?” “Alright.” Nozomi echoed as Kanan led her to the side of the tank. She watched Kanan put her goggles on and fumbled to do the same. When Kanan put took a deep breath and put the snorkel between her lips, Nozomi did the same. Kanan seemed like she knew what she was doing so Nozomi figured it was best to follow along. She flinched slightly when she felt a hand grab her own but it was just Kanan, lacing their fingers together. She looked up, finding Kanan counting down on her fingers. 3…2...1. Understanding what that meant Nozomi jumped forward at the same time as Kanan, albeit not as gracefully. She panicked for a brief moment as she was submerged in the water but Kanan was still there, still holding onto her hand. Nozomi felt a hand touch her shoulder and found Kanan in front of her. The girl gestured to her snorkel, a somewhat questioning look on her face. Nozomi gave a thumbs up to let Kanan know she was fine and then the girl was pulling her forward, turning her own body so that she could swim but she didn’t let go of Nozomi’s hand. Nozomi was glad of that at least. She swam along with Kanan, glancing around the tank she was in. It was dimly lit but it was beautiful underwater. Like she and Kanan were in their own world, separate from the world outside. Kanan drew to a stop suddenly, stopping Nozomi with them due to their joined hand. She pointed ahead and Nozomi followed her finger, her eyes widening when she saw something swimming through the water. She felt Kanan give a gentle squeeze to her hand and then they were move again, slower this time toward the animal in the water. She was surprised when Kanan stopped again and turned to her. When Kanan reached up, taking her snorkel off, Nozomi startled in alarm and almost reached out to force it right back to Kanan’s mouth. Kanan was smiling though and she allowed herself to relax as the girl carefully took her snorkel away too. Kanan leaned in and tilted her head a bit more than she usually would to avoid Nozomi’s goggles before she kissed her firmly, letting go of her hand in favour of wrapping her arms around her waist instead. She felt Nozomi kiss her back, her hands grasping at her shoulders for balance. Pulling away, Kanan took Nozomi’s hand again and guided her back to the surface. They emerged from the water, gasping for air and Kanan grinned over at Nozomi. “So what do you think?” “I think your technique needs work but overall you’re not a bad kisser.” Nozomi teased, earning herself a splash from Kanan. “I’m kidding! It was amazing. Thank you, Kanacchi.” Kanan smiled warmly at the response and moved closer, her arms going around Nozomi once more. “Are you cold?” “A little.” Nozomi said honestly as she carefully pressed closer to Kanan. She kissed her once more, her lips lingering this time. “Maybe we could get some hot cocoa?” “I would love to.” Kanan replied, unable to wipe the smile from her face. “Though I was thinking we could stop by the shark tank fir-” She was cut off as Nozomi lightly shoved her. She swam backwards, giggling loudly. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” “You’re lucky you’re so cute.” Nozomi said with a roll of her eyes. ---- “Kanan-chan. Kanan-chan!” “Huh?” Kanan jerked to attention as a hand was waved in front of her face. She blinked rapidly, finding Chika standing in front of her. “Oh, sorry. What’s wrong?” “You seemed spaced out.” Chika said in concern. “Is everything okay?” “Oh. Yeah, I was just thinking.” Kanan said, her gaze shifting back to Nozomi and Mari who were standing in the kitchen. She didn’t know what they were talking about but they seemed to be getting along just fine. Maybe too well. She could only imagine the mischief those two could cause given the right situation. She quickly turned her attention back to Chika. “Sorry, what is it?” “I was just asking if you think Honoka-san is going to be here.” Chika said, clearly trying to sound calmer than she felt. “Or Maki-san.” Riko piped up from Chika’s side. “Um...I don’t think Honoka will be.” Kanan answered uncertainly. Honoka didn’t often drop by Eli and Nozomi’s apartment. “Maki might though. If she comes back with Eli. She actually lives next door.” “REALLY?!” “Whoa there, Chika-chan!” You caught Chika around the waist as she bound toward the door. “How about we stay in one apartment, hmm?” She sighed and looked around, finding Mari in the kitchen still. “Um...where’s Dia-san?” “Shit, she’s probably…” Kanan looked over at Eli’s bedroom door, finding it open. “Dia, get the hell out of Eli’s room!” Dia appeared in the doorway a moment later, a disgruntled look on her face. “I wasn’t doing anything.” “Yeah, right…” Kanan muttered. She looked back to Mari and Nozomi in the kitchen and felt her face flush when Mari laughed at something and pointed toward her. She noticed immediately when Nozomi’s eyes flicked toward her chest. “MARI, STOP TALKING ABOUT MY BOOBS!” “What?! But they’re AMAZING!” Mari called back. “I SWEAR I WILL SUE YOU!” “I have money to win.” Mari countered loudly. “Besides, I’m just telling her all the sweet spots. You should be grateful!” “MARI!” Kanan felt her head begin to throb. Already she regretted asking Nozomi if it was okay to invite her friends along. She looked up as the door to the apartment opened and Maki stepped inside. “Kanan, are you okay? I heard…um…” Maki froze where she was, looking around at everyone in the apartment. “Who the hell are you guys?” “Maki-chan, no cursing!” Nozomi exclaimed. “Bite me, Nozomi.” “Oh my god, it’s MAKI-SAN!” Kanan’s eyes widened as Chika bound over to Maki. “Ah Chika, be careful. She’s…” “What the hell, get away from me!” Maki exclaimed, dodging out of Chika’s path. “Socially awkward.” Kanan finished with a sigh. “Oh wow, she’s like a cat!” Mari exclaimed loudly as she wandered closer to Kanan. “Just like Dia.” Dia glared at her in annoyance. “I am not, Mari-san. Beha...ELI-SENPAI!” “Ehhh?” “Whoa, stop!” Maki stepped in front of Eli to keep Dia from tackling the blonde. She gave the girl a light push back, causing Dia to scowl at her. “Stay back.” “Um…” Eli looked around the apartment. “What’s going on, Nozomi?” “Kanacchi’s high school friends were in they city so she invited them over. I said it was fine.” Nozomi answered with a shrug. “I tried to warn her they’re fangirls.” Kanan said quickly. “But Nozomi insisted.” “Great.” Maki muttered sarcastically as she fumbled behind her for Eli’s hand. She ended up gently grasping her wrist instead and tugged her away from Dia, further into the apartment. “Maki-san is different to how she is on TV.” Chika whispered to Kanan. Kanan nodded and responded, keeping her voice low. “The real Maki is socially awkward and still believes in Santa Claus. She can be kind of...bratty too.” “It’s kinda cute.” Chika mused with a small smile. “Chika, no flirting.” Kanan ordered quickly. She could only imagine that being disastrous. “I won’t, besides I don’t want to scare her. She’s just kind of cute with Eli-san though.” Chika glanced at Riko who was frowning at her. “A-And I have a girlfriend! W-Why would I flirt with anyone? Hehe…” “Smooth.” Riko muttered with a roll of her eyes. Nevertheless she didn’t resist when Chika put her arm around her waist and drew her close. Eli couldn’t help but smile at Maki’s refusal to move from in front of her. They settled near the kitchen and as they took in what was happening Eli leaned back into Maki. Maki stood firm, her hand going to Eli’s hip as the blonde leaned her head back against her shoulder. “You okay?” Eli asked softly. “Maki-san is so tall.” You marvelled in wonder. “She’s taller than Eli-san.” “I’m fine, I just don’t like people being all over...me.” Maki said hesitantly. She knew that wasn’t what she was annoyed about, nor was it the reason she was still glaring daggers at Dia. “Maybe we should go back to my apartment.” “Um…” Eli hesitantly glanced toward Kanan, grimacing slightly. “I want to. But I feel like I should make an effort with Kanan’s friends. I mean she’s my roommate and I want to be her friend so...I should make an effort, right?” “I…” Maki was about to disagree but Eli tilted her head back against her shoulder so she could look into her eyes and Maki found herself unable to. “Sure. I guess. Do you want me to hang around?” Eli nodded quickly. “We’ll go to your apartment after.” Maki flashed a small smile at that. At least when she got through the impromptu gathering she would get to spend the rest of the evening with Eli. She looked down, fighting a blush when she noticed Eli’s blue bra strap. It seemed the white blouse Eli was wearing was looser than Maki had first though. “I-I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” “Huh?” Eli stumbled back slightly when Maki walked away, effectively taking away her support. She frowned as she watched Maki hurry off to the bathroom. Figuring she should talk to Nozomi, she glanced around but found her best friend busy talking to Kanan, Mari and the others. “Uh...hi.” Eli looked forward again, finding the dark haired girl from before standing in front of her. “Hi…?” “Dia. Kurosawa Dia.” Dia filled in with a small smile as she shifted from foot to foot. “I’m sorry about earlier, it’s just...you’re my idol. Um...I’ve always looked up to you a-and…” Eli smiled as Dia trailed off, blushing. She had to admit the girl was cute, in a way. She got the impression that Dia wasn’t usually the type to act so bashful around people. “I-I have a favor to ask you!” Dia exclaimed quickly before Eli could say anything. “It’s going to sound a little strange.” “What is it?” Eli asked warily, raising an eyebrow. “Um...w-well I was wondering...can I kiss you?!” Dia’s loud exclamation had Eli’s eyes widening and You who was on her way to get a drink from the fridge froze in place. “”Please? I-I don’t want to take your first kiss but um…” “I already had my first kiss.” Eli said automatically. Dia brightened at the comment. “So it’s okay then, right? I don’t mind giving you mine.” “Uh….” Eli grimaced at the thought of that. “Don’t you want your first kiss to be with someone...important to you? I mean...someone you actually know?” “It will!” Dia exclaimed brightly. “A-And I feel like I know you. Please, Eli-senpai?” “Ah, I-I guess it’s fine then.” Eli said, realizing Dia wasn’t going to take no for an answer. At least without a lot more argument. She closed her eyes in preparation and a few seconds later, warm lips pressed against hers. It was soft and not at all bad but she didn’t feel anything like she felt when Maki kissed her. Maki walked out of the bathroom, freezing in place when she noticed Dia kissing Eli, the blonde pressed against the counter behind her. White hot anger coursed through her and she growled under her breath as she started over to the two of them. You, who had seen Maki coming and noticed the look on her face, tried to step in the way but Maki pushed her lightly aside. “Ugh, Kanan is gonna kill me…” Maki grabbed the back of Dia shirt and pulled her away from Eli. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Dia frowned, finding herself face to face with an angry redhead. “What? She said it was okay!” “You…” Maki turned to Eli and gritted her teeth. She grabbed Eli’s hand and pulled her quickly toward the door and out of the apartment. “Dia.” Kanan sighed, rubbing her temples. “Seriously?! I told you not to do this!” Dia shrugged her shoulders though she did look a bit sheepish at her own behavior. “You can’t blame her, Kanan.” Mari piped up with a shrug of her shoulders. “You know Dia doesn’t get romantic cues as well as most people.” “Huh?” Dia frowned. “Maki likes Eli.” Dia’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh no…” She put her hand to her mouth, her eyes prickling with tears of shame. “I just destroyed a relationship.” “It’s not that bad.” Mari quickly went to Dia’s side to comfort her but the brunette was beside herself. Sighing, Mari shared an unusually serious look with Kanan. “Where’s your bedroom?” “Uh...over there.” Kanan pointed to her bedroom and watched as Mari guided Dia into the room, shutting the door behind them. She turned to Nozomi, a guilty look on her face. “Sorry, Nozomi. I told you this was a bad idea.” “Don’t worry.” Nozomi answered with an easy smile. She stepped closer to Kanan, subtly taking her hand. “It’ll be fine.” ----

As the apartment door slammed shut behind them, Eli drew her hand away from Maki’s and backed up a bit, putting some space between them. “She kissed me. I didn’t kiss her back, I swear. That girl is just stubb-” Eli paused at the angry look on Maki’s face. “Why do you care who I kiss anyway?” “I don’t KNOW!” Maki exclaimed loudly, running a hand through her hair in frustration. “All I know is that I don’t like her touching you. At all. I don’t like her kissing you or her hands on you or...argh!” Eli stumbled back a step as Maki stormed toward her, pushing her onto the couch. It didn’t hurt but it took her by surprise when Maki landed on top of her. “M-Maki, come on…” Maki stared down at Eli’s swollen lips, annoyance pulsing through her veins. That girl should never have gotten to kiss Eli. “Damn it…” “Maki, you’re scaring me.” Eli whispered when Maki didn’t answer her. She didn’t know what was wrong with the redhead but she looked nothing short of wild. Out of control. Her hair was a mess from her sweeping her fingers through it and her eyes burned with something Eli didn’t recognize. “I’m sorry.” Maki said, her grip on Eli’s hands lessening. “I’m just so confused. And frustrated. Seeing her kiss you, I just want...I just want to…” “Y-You’re not drunk.” Eli stuttered, her eyes wide with surprise. “But you’re saying you want to...kiss me?” “More than that.” Maki admitted quietly, her cheeks warming at the admission. “Lately I’ve been...craving you. Your warmth, your body. Lately it seems like cuddling isn’t even enough. B-But I don’t want to ask you to do this without you wanting it too. I don’t want anyone else touching you like that. I want to be the only one.” “Maki.” Eli swallowed thickly and nervously licked her lips. She wanted to say yes but everything Maki had said made it seem like she just wanted her for sex. “You know I’m...a virgin, right?” “Of course I do.” Maki said quickly, her eyes widening. “That’s why I don't want to force you into anything or...just stay friends. Ugh I suck at this.” "You really do suck at relationships.” Eli said softly, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I KNOW that!” Maki exclaimed sheepishly. "I-I know I'm being a possessive brat but I just, I-I I just don't think your first kiss or...that should be from a random girl. A crazy fan no less. It should be with someone you trust. Someone you like...are friends with or in love with or…I-I'm just gonna shut up now.” Eli couldn’t help but giggle at Maki’s awkwardness. Maki blushed. "S-Stop laughing at me!" "But it’s cute.”

"I'm not cute!" Maki retorted. “This is serious, Eli!” Eli raised an eyebrow. “Well you’re not making it serious.” Maki gently grabbed Eli’s cheek between her thumb and forefinger and Eli felt her breath hitch as the redhead leaned down. Maki’s breath didn’t smell like alcohol. It smelt like coffee, overshadowed by mint. “Eli, look at me.” Maki said softly, her tone deadly serious. “I’m serious. I want to sleep with you.” “Sleep with me.” Eli echoed. Maki felt her heart race before she realized that wasn’t an invitation. In fact the blonde sounded disappointed. Hurt almost. “I knew it. I’m going too far. I’m just so comfortable around you but at the same time...you make my heart skip a beat. I was just thinking...maybe if I kiss you I would know the answer. Why my body...and my heart is craving you.” Eli briefly looked away from Maki. The look in the girl’s eyes was soft and sincere. “Alright. Kiss me then.” Maki felt a surge of disappointment. “Eli. Look at me. Please? If I’m going to kiss you I want to look into your eyes first.” Eli took a deep breath and finally looked back toward Maki. “Do you feel the same?” Maki asked, brushing her fingers against Eli’s cheek. “Do you want this?” Eli’s chest swelled with the need to tell Maki that she did want it. She had since high school. She’d loved her since high school. But it seemed like Maki wanted her for sex and that was all. “I want you to be happy. And if you want to kiss me, that’s what you should d-” “No, i-it’s fine. I didn’t want it to…” Maki was cut off as Eli leaned up, pressing their lips together without warning. Her eyes slid shut as she instinctively leaned into it, her hand going to the back of Eli’s neck. Eli’s lips were just as soft and warm as she had imagined. And they only left Maki wanting more. As Eli leaned back, Maki went with her, deepening the kiss as she did so. For the most part, Eli was still, letting Maki take the lead but Maki could feel hands gripping desperately at her shirt. Worried, she drew away. “Eli?” Eli took a shuddering breath. “So what you think?” “Um...I-I liked it. It was...nice, I-I don’t know.” Maki took Eli’s hand and gently led it to her chest, pressing it over her heart. “Do you feel that? It’s for you. Only for you. I’ve never had this reaction to kissing anyone else.” Eli clenched her jaw, feeling Maki’s heart pound against her chest. As much as she wanted to believe it was real, she couldn’t imagine Maki wanting her. She’d managed to convince herself that Maki never would and eventually she’d have to move on. She drew her hand away from Maki’s, letting it fall to the couch at her side. “You believe me, don’t you?” Maki asked softly, her voice small. “You don’t seriously think I would lie to you about something like this.” “I-I can’t give you what you want, Maki.” Eli forced out through the lump in her throat. She was already in over her head with Maki. If she slept with her she could only imagine her feelings growing more intense. “I can’t sleep with you. I’m sorry.” “Oh.” “It’s not what you think.” Eli said hastily. “I don’t want you to think I don’t like you. Listen, I’m…” She gave a shaky laugh, her eyes prickling with tears. She was going to say it. She had to. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you since high school.” Maki inhaled sharply, her eyes widening. Nobody had ever said that to her before. “It killed me to watch you with her, you know?” Eli said shakily. “Knowing that if you’d seen me, I could have been better for you. I know I could have. I would never have hurt you like she does. S-So that’s why I can’t sleep with you. I’m trying to be okay with you as just my friend but if we do anything, you’ll just end up breaking my heart.” “W-Wait Eli, I….” “I need to go, I’m sorry.” Eli slipped out from under Maki and quickly left the apartment. Maki watched her go before she sank back, grasping her aching chest. She didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever confessed to her like that before and she could tell that Eli was hurting. She didn’t want to make it even worse for her. She buried her head in her hands as tears slipped free from her eyes and wondered whether she was really falling for her best friend. It certainly felt that way. ----- “Come in.” Kotori called upon hearing a knock at her door. When it opened and Honoka slipped inside, Kotori flashed her a warm smile. “Hey. You ready?” Honoka nodded, adjusting the silk bathrobe she was wearing. Kotori noticed that her hair was dry but she didn’t seem to be wearing anything under the robe, suggesting she must have gotten out of the shower not too long ago. “Where does Umi-chan think you are?” She asked as she went to rifle through her closet in search of what she had made for Honoka the previous day. “I told her you were helping me get changed for our date!” Honoka said brightly as she made her way over to Kotori. “That’s what you’re doing, right?” Kotori chuckled under her breath. “Yeah. I didn’t think you’d just tell her that though. I thought this was meant to be a surprise. Here, put this on.” “It is but it’s normal to get my best friend to…” Honoka trailed off as she looked into the bag. “What is this?” “Lingerie.” Kotori said with a roll of her eyes. She turned Honoka by her shoulders and pushed her gently into the walk in closet. “You want to seduce her, right? Bring the excitement back? Hurry up and put it on so I can adjust it for you.” Honoka grumbled as she walked into the closet. She glanced out at Kotori who had turned her back before she sighed and took off her robe to dress. “So where are you going?” Kotori called over her shoulder as she waited. “Did you ask her out or is she taking you?” “Ah, I’m...taking her out to dinner.” Honoka answered as she fumbled with the lingerie Kotori had instructed her to put on. “I had to make a reservation a week ago.” “You’re going all out then. Do I want to know where you got the money for this?” Kotori asked. Honoka’s sheepish laugh was all the answer she really needed. “Are you almost done?” “Yeah, I’m done. I think.” Kotori turned as Honoka emerged from the closet. She’d been trying to prepare herself for the sight but her eyes still widened. “I-It looks good. I think I need to adjust it a bit though. Um...wait a second.” Kotori turned and went to get some bobby pins, her face flushed red. She picked up her sewing needles and some stitches too before she made her way back to Honoka. “How does it feel? Is it tight anywhere?” “N-No, it’s actually a bit loose. The panties are, I mean.” Honoka said sheepishly. “I need them hugging me, right?” Kotori frowned as she knelt down at Honoka’s side, placing her things carefully on the ground. “I used the last sizes you gave me too. You must have lost weight since.” “Uh...I haven’t really been in an eating mood.” Honoka said sheepishly. “I guess being stalked isn’t good for your appetite.” Kotori sighed at Honoka’s attempt to joke. “You need to eat, Honoka-chan. Or you’ll get sick. You’re too thin already.” She looked up at Honoka’s washboard stomach, her face warming again. Umi must have noticed how fit Honoka was. She would be an idiot not to. Clearing her throat, Kotori looked down at the floor. “Is it okay if I go ahead?” “Sure. You don’t have to ask my permission, Kotori-chan.” Kotori exhaled slowly, trying to fight back the old feelings that welled up once more. “Alright…” She got to work, noticing as she leaned closer that Honoka’s skin smelled like cocoa butter and something else. Coconut maybe, she thought. Honoka was silent for a few minutes, letting Kotori work. Looking down, she giggled at the sight of Kotori with bobby pins between her lips, her expression intently focused. “You look cute when you work.” “Mmm?” Kotori looked up, noticing Honoka grinning at her. “You always look so serious when you concentrate.” Honoka reached down, brushing a finger over Kotori’s furrowed brow. “It’s cute, that’s all.” Unable to answer, Kotori shook her head and went back to what she was doing. After a couple of minutes, she finally spoke. “So how’s that?” “Better. Thanks.” Honoka smiled as Kotori got to her feet. “Um...I think everything else is fine too.” “Good.” Kotori said, her eyes drifting to Honoka’s breasts, perfectly pushed up and framed by a black lace bra with red trimmings. “You look good.” “Good? I’m meant to look hot.” Honoka pouted, looking down at herself. “You don’t think it’s too much, do you?” “No, it’s perfect. If Umi doesn’t want to jump you when she sees you in this she’s crazy.” Kotori teased, trying to draw her attention back to Honoka’s face. “You do. Look hot.” Honoka blushed at the praise. “Hey, you did get me a dress too, right? I swear I’ll pay you ba-” “Honoka.” Kotori laughed at the assumption. “I didn’t get you anything. I made you a dress. I know what you look good in, remember? But um...I just need to adjust this again. Especially the chest. Is that okay?” “You don’t have to ask.” Honoka said for the second time. She spread out her arms at her sides. “You’re the expert, Kotori-chan. I’m at your mercy.” Kotori grumbled under her breath as she stepped forward to adjust Honoka’s bra. She figured that the straps just needed a bit of adjustment. “Uh…” She hesitated, not sure where to start. “This might be a bit awkward.” “Why? We’ve taken baths together before.” Honoka said obliviously. “It’s fine, Kotori-chan. If it makes you feel better I’ll close my eyes.” “That doesn’t help…” Kotori muttered as she stepped closer. She took another breath to calm herself before she carefully began to adjust the straps of Honoka’s bra. Being so close to her she could feel the warm emanating from her skin. Every time Honoka inhaled her chest would brush lightly against Kotori’s forearm, briefly distracting her. “So what else are you going to do to me?” Kotori silently cursed Honoka’s innocence. “We have a while before you have to leave so I’ll do your hair after this then we’ll get you into your dress, okay?” Honoka finally opened her eyes, beaming at Kotori. “Thanks, Kotori-chan. Do you think it’ll work? Umi-chan hasn’t really…” Her smile slipped and Kotori felt her chest tighten at the sight. “Lately I’ve been thinking she’s maybe not that into me anymore.” “Hey, stop.” Kotori lightly placed her hands on Honoka’s shoulders. “Umi-chan loves you. Everyone knows that. Now come on, let’s finish this up, okay? And you can tell me tomorrow that I’m a genius when this works out.” Honoka managed a laugh at that and allowed Kotori to guide her to her dresser. ---- “Maki wants to sleep with me.” Nozomi almost choked on her tea. Eli had sat down next to her at the table where she was studying and she hadn’t said anything for the past ten minutes so Nozomi hadn’t been expecting something. But not that. “W-What?!” “She wants to sleep with me.” Eli said again, slower this time. “After that girl kissed me yesterday she was angry. She said she didn’t like anyone else touching me. So she pinned me down and...well said she’s attracted to me. And kissed me again.” “That’s great!” Nozomi exclaimed brightly though the look on Eli’s face caused her smile to fade quickly. “Or not?” “I told her I’ve been in love with her since high school. And that I can’t do anything with her.” Eli answered, her shoulders slumped. “And then I ran.” “Elichi!” Nozomi lightly hit Eli over the head. “You’re such an idiot sometimes. The girl of your dreams wants to be with you and you said no?!” “The girl of my dreams wants to sleep with me!” Eli corrected, a little annoyed. “And then probably toss me aside. She doesn’t like me, Nozomi.” “She DOES, you idiot! How can you not see her cues? She may be dense but her body isn’t. She does want you!” “S-She said she craved me. That her heart craved me…” Eli mumbled, recalling what Maki had said to her. “Elichi, she’s basically spelling it out to you!” Nozomi groaned and turned more toward Eli. “Look just...tell me what happened when she said that, okay?” Eli stared down at the table. “She picked up my hand and pressed it to her chest. And...she said that. And that she’s never felt this way about anyone kissing her before.” “Damn it, Elichi. Why would you run from her?” Nozomi asked, at a loss. “She put herself out there, she told you how she feels. And now you’ve probably broken her heart by running away like…” “Like you?” Eli interjected sharply, anger tainting her tone. “You have no right to call me a coward, Nozomi.” Nozomi fell silent at that. She supposed she deserved it. “I’m no coward anymore, Elichi. I told my crush I like her. You’re the only one who’s running now.” Eli gritted her teeth together. Slowly she rose to her feet. “I stood by you when you did. I said we’d do whatever you need, remember? I didn’t call you an idiot, I didn’t force you to…” Nozomi frowned as Eli’s voice cracked. “Eli, I’m on your side. I’m always on your side, you know that. We’ve done this for years, haven’t we? We got used to hiding behind our friendship because it was easier than putting ourselves out there. But we can’t anymore. I have Kanacchi. And you could have Maki if you let her in. You’re just scared.” “Of course I’m scared!” Eli yelled, her voice thick with emotion. “W-What if she just wants me for sex?” “She doesn’t.” Nozomi reached out and took Eli’s hand in her own. Tearful blue eyes locked with hers. “She doesn’t. She just wants someone to love her. Sakura never loved her. She’s starving, Eli. She’s starving for you. For your warmth, your kindness, your care, your love. Both me and Kanacchi see the way she looks at you.” Eli’s lower lip trembled. “That’s not the only thing I’m afraid of, Nozomi.” Nozomi smiled softly even as she felt her own eyes prickle. “I know.” She said quietly, feeling Eli’s grip tighten on her hand. “You’re not going to lose me, Eli. Not just because we have other people now. It doesn’t work that way. I’ll still be here. We just won’t be hiding behind each other anymore. I felt the way you feel now too, when I was figuring out my feelings for Kanacchi. But you’re not losing me. You’re like the sister I always wanted, Elichi. I’m always going to be here for you. And you’ll always be here for me. I know that.” “But I’m just…” Eli trailed off her whimpered protest as the door across the room opened. She looked over, half expecting Kanan to walk in but it wasn’t. It was Maki instead. Maki paused in the doorway, looking between a tearful Eli and Nozomi who looked like she might cry herself. Her gaze inevitably slid back to Eli as the blonde quickly wiped her tears away. “What happened…?” “Don’t worry, Elichi and I were just having a moment.” Nozomi said, letting go of Eli’s hand. “Nothing’s wrong though. You know she’s a softy at heart.” “I see.” Maki said, looking away from Eli. “So how was your aquarium date yesterday, Nozomi?” Eli felt her heart sink as Maki changed the subject. It didn’t even seem like she wanted to look at her anymore. She sat back down at the table, her lip caught between her teeth as she listened to Nozomi answer. “It was nice. Kanan took me scuba-diving. With dolphins, in one of the tanks closed off to the public.” Nozomi answered brightly. “It was pretty romantic.” Maki gave a slight smile. Sakura had never done anything like that for her. She glanced at Eli, noticing the hurt look on her face. It mirrored how she herself felt. Nozomi frowned, noticing Maki’s cheeks were tear-stained. “Maki-chan, did you get any sleep last night?” Maki hesitated before shaking her head. “I had a nightmare.” She lied. She couldn’t tell the truth. That she’d been up all night, in floods of tears after what happened. Every time she almost calmed down she remembered that she might be losing Eli. Someone she was coming to realize was more important to her than she’d known. “You should have come over!” Nozomi exclaimed. “I-I didn’t want to bother anyone.” “You never bother me.” Eli said hoarsely as she looked up. As much as she wanted to stay quiet she couldn’t let that one slide. “What?” Maki looked directly into Eli’s eyes, her own watering. “I violated you last night! I took your first kiss. And I wanted to sleep with you. How am I not a bother?” “Maki, you...took my first kiss a while ago.” Eli said with a shrug of her shoulders. “You don’t remember because you were drunk but it doesn’t matter. It was yours to take. I wanted…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. I just want you to know you can always come here.” “W-Wait, what?!” Maki shook her head, trying to comprehend the idea that she had kissed Eli and she didn’t remember it. “Fuck, I forgot I’m a flirt when I’m drunk. I’m so sorry. I just...wait, you wanted to be kissed that way?” “W-Well not that way but...by you, yeah.” Eli said, wide eyed. “I’ve never imagined my first kiss being with anyone else…” “Go out with me!” Maki blurted out. Nozomi leaned back in her seat and sipped at her tea. “Well that escalated quickly…” “Huh?!” Eli exclaimed. “Go on a date with me.” Maki repeated as confidently as she could. “We’re going to do this properly. You deserve a date, not a drunken make out…” “Eh?” Eli gaped at Maki. “B-But what about...we can’t. When would we even…” “Tomorrow, 8pm.” Nozomi interjected quickly. “Be ready Maki-chan.” “Right!” Maki answered, relieved Nozomi had stepped in. “I-I’ll be here. Tomorrow.” “W-Wait, Nozomi. Maki…” Eli trailed off as Maki hurried from the apartment. “What just happened?” “You’re welcome.” Nozomi smirked smugly. “I’ll get Kotori to see if she has a dress your size. Well...now that I think about it, you should do that. I think Kotori is still pissed at me for…” “Nozomi, why did you do that?!” Eli exclaimed, looking a bit panicked. “I told you I can’t!” “Yes you can. Just calm down.” Nozomi said with a small smile. “Think of this as a thank you for matching me up with Kanacchi. You’ll be fine, I promise.” ---- Kotori wasn’t surprised to find that Umi was the only person awake when she shuffled out of her bedroom, glad in her pyjamas and a sweatshirt of Nico’s. It was still early in the morning. Much too early for people to wake up on a Saturday, but she had some work she needed to finish. “Good morning.” “Good morning.” Umi echoed, glancing up briefly. “I made coffee already if you want some.” Kotori mumbled her agreement and went to the coffee maker, pouring herself a cup. She turned back to Umi, frowning when she noticed her friend seemed to be wearing Honoka’s shirt. She looked more relaxed too, suggesting the date had worked out. She was happy for them but it was hard sometimes to watch Umi with the girl she used to pine for. She noticed a bite mark on Umi’s neck. “I guess your date went well. You knocked her out?” “Huh?” Umi looked up sharply and blushed when Kotori pointed at her neck. “Ah, um...yeah. I guess. I guess I had some...pent up feelings maybe. I just wanted to touch her without worrying and...she seemed to like it so…” Kotori hummed in response and turned to put some sugar in her coffee. “You topped her good, huh?” Umi shrugged sheepishly. “I like being on top.” Kotori laughed softly. Umi had gotten a lot more confident in talking about sex since high school but she knew she wouldn’t be able to push it much longer. “Oh, Umi-chan getting aggressive.” “Shut up.” Umi mumbled, feeling her face warm further at Kotori’s teasing. She looked up as Kotori sat down at the table a couple of seats from her. “The um...clothes were really nice. Honoka said you made them for her. It must have taken a while…” Kotori nodded. “She was worried that you weren’t interested in her anymore so I figured I should help.” Umi frowned down at the table. “I love her, Kotori. I want a future with her, I want to...marry her someday! I mean…there’s nobody else for me. I know that. Only her.” Kotori forced a small smile. “She loves you too. I should know, I’m the one who got her to confess to you.” Umi got up and went to hug Kotori, surprising her. “Thank you. I know it must have been hard.” Kotori shook her head, relaxing into Umi. “She wanted you. My feelings for her were always going to be one-sided. Besides, if it hadn’t happened like that I wouldn’t have Nico-chan.” Umi smiled as she let Kotori go and straightened up. “Nico really loves you. It’s obvious.” “Yeah…” Kotori murmured softly. “I don’t know what I would do without her.” “You shouldn’t worry about Nozomi.” Umi said, sitting back down, closer to Kotori this time. “Eli gave me the heads up that Nozomi is dating their roommate now. Or she likes her, at least.” “I know.” Kotori answered with a sigh. “I’m just worried that Nozomi-chan dating someone will trigger Nico-chan. She really liked her, back in high school.” “That doesn’t mean she’ll do anything, even if she still likes her.” Umi pointed out logically. “I mean you wouldn’t do anything with Honoka, right?” “Of course not, Honoka is your girlfriend.” Kotori looked appalled at the thought. “And I’m in love with Nico-chan, I wouldn’t throw that away because of...oh.” She blinked at Umi who was smirking smugly at her. “Our group really is complicated, huh? At least Rin-chan has it easy…” “Rin’s a workaholic.” Umi said with a fond roll of her eyes. “She doesn’t have time for romance.” Kotori chuckled at the comment. It was true enough. “I can’t wait for her to visit again. Muse hasn’t been together in so long.” “She’ll be here for winter break at least.” Umi reminded her, thinking back to what Raven had said. “It’ll be nice for us all to be together again, at least for a while.” “What are you two talking about?” Kotori and Umi looked up in time to see Honoka walk sluggishly into the kitchen. When she was close enough Umi reached out to grab her shirt and tugged her down into a soft kiss. “Morning sleepy head. You still sore?” “Too much! I don’t need to know that.” Kotori exclaimed though they both ignored her. “A little.” Honoka mumbled, a bit pitifully. She sat sideways on Umi’s lap, burying her face in the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. “I need some coffee…” Umi smiled as her arms went around Honoka. “I’d have to get up to get you some.” “I’ll get it.” Kotori said, getting up. She caught Umi’s grateful look as she made her way to the coffee maker. It seemed those two were back to their usual sickly sweet selves. The date must have worked. “I have class today…” Honoka muttered despondently. “I don’t wanna go.” “Do you want me to give you a piggy back ride?” Umi kissed Honoka’s cheek. “You would do that for me?” “Of course I would. I love you.” Umi answered softly though Kotori could hear every word. She rolled her eyes at the two of them. “I love you too, Umi-chan.” Kotori turned just in time to see Honoka nuzzled Umi’s neck with a soft sigh. She looked content, Kotori noticed with a hint of relief. Not worried like she had for the past few days. She set the cup of coffee down in front of Honoka. “I should get dressed. I have some projects to work on so I’ll see you two later.” “You don’t have to go.” Umi looked up, a bit concerned. “It’s fine, it’s fine.” Kotori said, waving a hand. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” ---- “I’m not saying, I want to stop working. I’m just saying I need to slow down.” Nico said for what felt like the tenth time. Her agent was nothing if not persistent. “The past few months have been hectic but it seems to be slowing down anyway, right?” On the other side of the phone, Nico heard Keiko sigh and she rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I’m quitting, I just need to slow down like I said.” “Right. For personal reasons?” Keiko replied skeptically. “Since when have you ever wanted to slow down with work?” “I have...I have bigger things to deal with then work right now.” Nico faltered at a crossing, glancing both ways before she jogged across the road. “Yazawa-san, you can’t stop.” Keiko firmly insisted. “You’re climbing higher with each shoot. Before you know it you’ll be on television. Acting. This is only the beginning of your success. This could really help you and your family.”

Nico chuckled at that. “Ah, low blow…” Kei answered with a soft laugh of her own. “I want to help you, Nico. The moment you came into the agency I knew you were going to become something big. I’m glad you’ve trusted me through this journey, I just need you to keep trusting that I know what’s best. This is show business. It ain’t easy. Once you start climbing, you can’t stop.” Nico gave a heavy sigh. She had promised Kotori outright that she would take more time for her. But when her agent put it like that… “Fine, Kei. I’ll do the next shoot. And the cover shoot and interview for the one after that.” She relented reluctantly. “Good.” Keiko sounded nothing short of relieved. “This interview is going to be what will break you from the rest of the models, Nico.” “Yeah. Thanks.” Nico faltered, spotting Nozomi ahead. “I have to go, I’ll speak to you later. Bye.” She hung up, barely catching Keiko’s response and slipped her phone back into her pocket. She was just mustering up the courage to go and talk to Nozomi when she spotted Kanan duck out of the restaurant Nozomi was lingering in front of. She stopped short and ducked into a nearby alleyway, not wanting to be seen. She watched as Nozomi seemed to brighten at the sight of Kanan and reached out to take her hand. Kanan said something Nico didn’t quite catch and then leaned in, pressing a gentle, fleeting kiss to Nozomi’s lips. Nico felt her chest twinge but it was nothing compared to what she used to feel, before she had Kotori. It still hurt a little bit to watch but mostly it just made her want to go back home to Kotori. Especially now that it was the case that they might have even less time together than they had before. She knew that her girlfriend understood and that Kotori was being as patient with her as possible but she knew that could only last so long. Kotori didn’t deserve Nico putting her work before her all of the time. But to Nico, her work was important. Nico let out a growl of frustration as she watched Nozomi and Kanan walk into the restaurant, hand in hand. She wished everything could be as simple for her as they were for Nozomi. It wasn’t fair. Sighing, she continued on her way down the street, shoving her hands into her pockets. TBC.

#EliMaki #HonoUmi #KotoNico #KotoHono #NozoNico #NozoKanan #Fanfiction

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kazuliancosplay-blog · 7 years

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Evie Frye Masterpost

I’ve had many questions about this costume. Combine that with the fact that I’ve been meaning to get this tumblr page up and running, I finally sat myself down and made a masterpost for my Evie Frye cosplay. It’s about the one year anniversary of when I started making this cosplay, so it’s not a bad time to finally get this thing posted! Let’s get started.

Materials

Shameless plug here, but I work for JoAnn Fabrics, so I bought all of my materials from my workplace. (The employee discount didn’t hurt.) I’ll link everything I can find while I list it.

Quilted Faux Leather (1 YD)

Red Twill/Red Faux Suede (reverse side) (3 YD)

Black Vinyl (1 YD)

Leather Trim (10 YD)

Black Patterned Denim (2 YD)

Black Bull Denim (5 YD)

Eyelets (silver)

Rivets (also silver)

Silver D-Rings

Ruffle Elastic Trim (0.5 YD)

Black Faux Leather (0.5 YD)

Silver Jewelry Chain

Floral Applique

Now that that’s over, let’s start at the inside and work our way out!

Jerkin

Because I honestly don’t know what else to call it. It’s a long, glorified jerkin.

I wore a store-bought white blouse under my costume, and the black jerkin over that. The pattern I used is Simplicity 1299.

I created a weird hybrid between coats A and B, using the length of coat A and the back ruffle of coat B, extending it down to create the V-shape that Evie’s back ruffle has. I had to modify it a little so that the front of the coat was shorter than the back, and more open at the front. The whole thing is made of bull denim, and there aren’t any sleeves because I knew I’d be wearing a coat over the top of it. (It was the middle of February but I didn’t want to risk melting??)

I also cut two large triangle shapes that followed the side seams of the coat and pinned back at the center seam. They’re held in place by two rivets with metal prongs, and look...kinda badass? This pattern also has built-in pockets. So there’s that. The hood is also attached to this under layer, because it didn’t work with my collar on the coat. It’s lined in red, and has black floral applique all along the left side of the head. (pictures farther down.)

Belts

Let’s talk about belts for a second. Belts are...yikes. I’m gonna be honest with you guys, I didn’t finish all of my belts in time to wear this thing for Katsucon. Evie has one belt with a classic Victorian buckle that I just couldn’t get to work for me. I tried to carve it out of clay, but it wasn’t looking very good with the paint on it. I ended up trashing it before the con and hoping no one would call me out on it (no one did, thank god, since no one cares as much as my dumb ass about that stuff). I did get the other belt done though, and I like how it looks! I’m no leather worker, so I made it out of my leftover bull denim, and it’s super comfortable.

I forgot to include belt buckles in my materials list. Eh.

I made the woman’s belt in the picture. It’s a wide belt with double buckles that I layered over a simple red sash (because what is an Assassin’s Creed character without one?) made from the red suede I used on the coat. (More on that later.)

Tying a knot in my sash would cause unnecessary bulk under my coat. I made it to fit my measurements and attached it with velcro instead.

Coat

Oooooh boy, here we go. The pièce de resistance. This coat took me four months to make, and weighs in at almost five pounds. I kinda hate myself.

The first thing I did. THE FIRST THING. Was to make a mockup of the top part of the coat. I used McCall’s 7456 and modified it so the zipper was centered. Mostly, I was interested in the princess seams and the huge collar. I made this thing, tried it on, drew all over it in sharpie, tried it on again, drew on it some more, made lines showing where to cut and extend pieces, sketched out details, and finally labeled everything with cutting directions before cutting it along the lines into my new pattern.

Neat.

Here’s a color-coded guide to which fabrics went where on this costume. I spent like twenty minutes making this thing. You’re welcome.

Key:

Teal - Black bull denim

Purple - Faux leather

Pink - Black patterned denim

Green - maroon faux suede

The top part of the coat was the toughest part for me. Getting the pattern to look like the character but also fit correctly is a challenge and a half. I recommend studying this costume thoroughly before making it, and sketching out what you’re going to be making several times first. I truly think it’s the best way to familiarize yourself with every part of the costume. I looked at this coat for like a month, trying to make sense of it, before I even bought fabric. Through the building process it gave me nightmares. Get familiar with this coat first, kids. Do not make my mistakes.

I feel like we know each other pretty well by now, so what’s a picture of me in my dorm in pajamas amongst friends? This is where this ridiculous coat started. The collar is faux leather (vinyl) on the underside, and quilted faux leather on the upper side. Evie has these two huge lapels on either side, and her collar is lopsided, so one side of it lines up with the top of her lapel (on the wearer’s right side), and the other is totally separate. The next thing I made were the sleeves.

First sleeve, done! It’s a long sleeve pattern, cut in half just above the elbow to allow for two different fabrics. The top of the sleeve is denim with a leather accent, and the lower part is actually a stretch faux leather from Yaya Han’s collection. I wanted the sleeves to be comfortable to move around in, so they’re made of a fabric that’s lighter and more flexible. The piece that joins the two halves of the sleeve is a ruffled elastic trim that we sell at JoAnn, which I can’t seem to find online. (Which is a damn shame. Because it’s literally perfect for this.)

Not shown: the pleated trim that goes underneath the elastic ruffle. I forgot about it when making my first sleeve and had to go back and redo it. (I like to suffer I guess.)

Here’s the coat and jerkin layered together on my dress form. At this point, I had added the leather trim over each of the seams on the top of the coat (a horrible and tedious task) and added the next piece of the coat: the long square pieces between the bodice and the coattails. This was pretty easy, so I don’t know how to go about explaining it...I sketched the pattern freehand on my fabric with marking chalk, measuring the hem of my bodice so the length matched the top of the patterned piece. Basically just made sure they’d line up and slapped them together.

The red was trickier. For the coattails, I used a red faux suede because I really liked the color. The only thing it, Evie’s coat is made of canvas. To keep the color and eliminate the texture of the suede, i simply turned it inside-out and used the reverse side. Everything I made using suede, therefore, had to have two layers so the suede didn’t show on either side. This was actually super helpful in hemming my coat, because I just cut my fabric on the fold and sewed the raw edges into the seam with the fabric above. No hem required!

Protip (not really) - the red is pleated a little at the top. I tried it several different ways but I liked the look best when I ruffled the fabric along the seam. This gave it some more body as opposed to sewing it on straight.

Detailing

There are ten eyelets on either side of the open back portion of Evie’s coat. This coat is so ridiculous in part because it opens and the front AND at the back. The back of the coat, however, is laced together like a corset. I used faux leather along the edges to reinforce the fabric, then hammered eyelets through three layers of fabric before threading some leather cording through them. There are five rivets on either side just outside the eyelets, and the lowermost rivets on either side hold the silver back chain in place. The corset lacing loosens a little bit toward the bottom.

Do you know what time it is now?

If you guessed “time for more rivets,” you are correct.

There are five down the front. Four on the wearer’s left side, one on the wearer’s right side. (See reference picture.) These are also strictly decorative, except for the top one, which I sewed a large snap closure to the back side of. That industrial-sized snap is the only thing that I use to hold my coat closed at the top. I’m a little surprised it works so well, considering the sheer weight of this thing when it’s got the cape and everything equipped.

This little guy is the real hero.

Tired of rivets yet? Too bad. We’re adding strips of faux leather to the raw edges of the red coattails, front and back. Nine on each side! 18 on the front, 18 on the back. (Pretty riveting stuff, huh? I’ll see myself out.)

Cape

Uh-uh. Don’t look at me for this one. My cape absolutely sucks. The weight and drape and size are all things I’m really happy with, but I didn’t get my assassin symbol applique on and I don’t have the trim along the bottom. To see how I made what I have of mine, hop on over to ErynMarie’s blog and check out her Evie Frye Cape Tutorial. Pretty sure this thing literally saved my life.

It’s about one AM here and I’m going to have to post this before I die, but I will continue to update it as I remember things I’ve left out. Until then, happy sewing, assassins!

#evie frye #cosplay #kkcos #tutorials #assassin's creed #masterpost #ac syndicate #image heavy

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snow-okki · 7 years

Text

Messiah Akatsuki ‘LIVE’ reaction 1/?

There’s no meaning whatsoever to make a review/impression since Akatsuki’s already an old news by now, but I’m making it anyway.

Why?

BECAUSE I’VE WATCHED THE FREAKING THING FOR ALMOST 29 TIMES.

So you see, I have this super slow internet connection that basically finishes downloading at most 2/3 parts per day (the entire 24 hours). This impatient me decides to join every single part that I can get. It works, and I can watch the stage till the part that I’ve downloaded, but the video becomes corrupt. As a result? I can’t speed forward anything. No jump cuts, no fast forwards, heck only a handful of app can open the incomplete video without crashing.

And therefore I have literally sit through the entire thing for almost 29 times, more than enough info for me to comment on every single thing that happened on the scene. And yes that means I have listened to Mamoru’s sexy panting for almost 29 times.

So below you’ll find me tsukkomiing commenting on every single scene, pointing out tiny things that you might not catch on your first watch, and maybe sometimes not really making sense.

Note: Split it in parts because THE DOWNLOAD IS STILL NOT DONE AT THIS POINT TToTT

Before opening:

Mamoru’s sexy panting

Camera takes a long time to warm up. Many odd shots during Mamoru’s fight which ended up highlighting Tomoru’s not top notch action skill.

But Tomoru’s ability to fall onto the floor is top notch

Kagami’s lack of sensitivity is top notch

Ariga immediately removing his gloves once he heard that Mamoru was safe is a very nice touch

Ichijima’s: “There’s no plan to retrieve you.” “Your messiah’s life or death is unknown.” *leaves* ASSHOLE

You can see a bullet of sweat drop as Mamoru was forced to deal with said asshole

Adore Dr THREE’s “Jikan wa muda da” expression and way of speaking for some reason <3

Intro pace is very rapid, then very chill. Feels like you’re suddenly teleported into an accelerating car, but said car suddenly decelerate to a snail speed in the next instant.

Mamoru I get that you’re very unhinged with Yuuri’s disappearance but holy hell those eyes look like they’re going to pop out.

Opening:

HOLY CRAP THAT SYNC AT THE BEGINNING IS SO COOL

AND THEY HAVE CHARACTER NAMES INTRO–OH GOD THOSE BLUE BLOCKS WHY

Mamoru introduced himself through rolling on the floor

Kagami’s hidden smirk is so freaking cool (props to camera)

Yugi’s super wide stance and super recoil vs firing a tiny gun

Kogure you missed your glasses

Kogure was fighting an enemy before he was thrown to the front in a kneeling position then the 3 seniors took their position standing as if to cover for him at the centre of the stage. Yugi and Miike were at opposite sides of the stage. The position feels symbolic somehow.

Ariga and Mamoru firing at each other’s direction (covering), Kagami in the centre. Hmm…

I see they’ve changed the narrator of the SAKURA rules–THAT’S RYOKI! OHH IT’S THE CADETS NARRATING NOW! (I can only catch Okki & Ryoki’s voice, and maybe Mamoru’s)

Izawa having a recoil so huge from firing a sniper, you can see him bending his knee

Kogure what is wrong with your stance are you incapable of moving your top half separately from your lower half

Holy crap that Yugi kick is so damn awesome!

Now here Mamoru is in the middle and Ariga-Kagami are at the sides

Right after that is blink-and-you-miss-it ArigaMamoru moment lol

Salut not really nailing the slow motion part

Dr TEN totally nailing the slow motion part

*Kuroko came in* *smack smack* two bodies

*Amane Guen Shogo came in* *bang bang* two bodies

Then the old guys appeared, on top of a ‘sea’ of bodies. IT’S SYMBOLIC

Ichijima freaking flipped his badass coat as he walked away

Poor Kogure got to fight in the furthest (deepest) part of the stage you can’t even see him

Kogure drew his gun slowly, Yugi drew his gun rapidly, Miike just shoot.

Mamoru looks super dead as he picked up his gun and shoot

I kinda miss the old opening, but this one’s pretty good too. I’m torn.

Intro of Gen3 cadets:

Miike-Yugi vs Mamoru:

Italy~~–oh wait it’s Miike. His voice is lighter than I expected. Kinda like dark chocolate Italy

Mamoru looking dead tired from all the previous action scenes + dead because of Yuuri

Okki being in super serious mode. Surprisingly it’s very different from what I’ve seen from him so far. Pretty nice.

During the fight, there’s a lot of moments where Yugi and Miike clash. It’s not because they can’t work with each other but rather because they won’t. Yugi immediately shoved Miike aside, preferring to fight alone. Miike passed his gun to Yugi (like 'hold my things for me’) and proceeded to fight alone.

Miike’s doing Echizen Ryoma’s Split Step.

Okki seems a bit hesitant at times, but when he didn’t hold back, pray that he doesn’t accidentally hit you. It’ll be like the 'pat’ he gave to Isogai Ryuko, with 100x more speed.

There was an opportunity for them to fight together, but Miike realized something and decided to step back (just as Ariga was explaining how Miike knows who Yugi is but not the other way around)

Oh so that’s how Miike ended up being on top of Yugi…Huh they did this 20 times… :D

Compared to the footage from the dress rehearsal, Yugi sounded a lot more concerned with Miike’s lack of courtesy, and Miike sounded like he’s more murmuring to himself rather than chiding Yugi.

Wonder why Yugi wasn’t bothered with Miike calling him 'Kotaro’ when he chided Miike for being too casual with the senior Mamoru.

Absolutely love Kagami’s “Baaaka. Senpai namen'na yo.”

Miike’s insensitivity may rival that of Kagami’s. Amazing how Ariga out of all people is the only sensitive one here.

Mamoru looked so fed up with life. Not even in Shibi had he looked this miserable.

Ariga’s ‘Shuuryou da!’ sounds off. Does Izawa have problems with enunciating ‘r’?

Kogure & Ariga-Kagami:

Kogure being plot device to fill in background information on Mamoru and Yuuri. Poor Kogure.

SAKURA still uses pictures from the Shibi days.

Kagami looks like a toy poodle waiting impatiently for his master to play with him on the side of the road.

I’m seeing Izawa rather than Ariga. I wonder if it’s because Ariga’s becoming more human.

Kagami looking so impressed at Kogure’s hacking skill like a kid getting his christmas present.

Kogure hesitated before asking about Ichijima, saying that his question is not something he can find in the server. Wonder why the hesitation…

Kagami weren’t you there in Polor Night (note: I still haven’t watched it as of writing this) when the whole thing with Mamiya happened? How could you still ask Ariga that you insensitive brat#1.

Kagami’s riddle: #1) insert 4 number passcode #2) the pattern unlock thing in android phones #3) slide to unlock

“Ojisan…!” Says Kagami looking happy, confused, shocked, in disbelief, and vengeful all at once.

Kuroko Mamoru scene:

The Church now has an AI. Awesome!

Mamoru’s heartfelt scream is beautiful.

Kuroko: “Kamikita sa~n” vs “Ichi”, and yet the distance between him and Ichi is further than with Kamikita sa~n.

Kuroko’s male voice is also beautiful.

I wonder if Kuroko did a mini ad-lib here by changing his 'prince charming’ question every time.

Mamoru Ichijima scene:

Asshole Ichijima still does that lil fist pump whenever he brought up the graduation mission.

Ichijima seems unusually pissed off. “You have no right to refuse!”

I miss ‘Kuroko’ already.

Ichijima: “It is said that night is the darkest before dawn.” This asshole really has a way with words goddangit.

The first mission scene:

James is so beautiful <3

Okki you’re holding such a tiny gun so far away from you it’s not like the gun’s going to explode on your hand

Romano Salyut totally trashed the Gen3 cadets

MiikeKogure moment#1: Kogure slid on the floor to go and cover Miike.

Kuroko being kinda useless in fighting is a nice touch. He might be one hell of a person before, but he’s trying his best to tame himself, and it’s slowly taking over. It’s very realistic.

Kuroko’s fight has to have the most sound effect (in terms of Kuroko gasping with every single attack)

Also I think Kony is not really made to do action.

The underling guy that got possessed can act pretty well. He’s adorbs.

MiikeKogure moment#2: Kogure went to save Miike who was caught by the enemy.

Kagami being thrown and caught by Mamoru. Kagami being thrown and caught by Izawa. Never knew it’s a three way thing.

Yugi trying to judo flip the enemy and ended up flying. Imagine a pair of ice skater, the one who is being lifted up by the waist. Like that.

Eww Araken guy you’re giving your used lollipop to Salyut–oh ok thank god Salyut didn’t eat it

The only person in this team who will spare a glance at a fallen comrade (Kagami) besides his own messiah is Yugi

The only person who will yell out people’s names in battle other than their own messiah is also Yugi (“Shirasaki-san!” “Ariga-san!”)

KogureMiike moment #3: “Bring the bodies” *Yugi went to carry one body* Kogure: “Miike-san” Miike: “Eh?Ehhhh…”

Now I want to see more KogureMiike moments

Ariga Izawa-Kagami scene:

Sugie can really pull off that fake smile really well

Ariga: “Izuzu…” Kagami: “'Isonson?’ Sounds like first and last name” Ariga->>>Izawa Kagami is very amused by Ariga’s transformation

Kagami: “Call me Itsuki” Izawa: *ONIGAWARA*

Shikura-Guen scene:

Guen’s eyes are permanently as big as Mamoru’s at the opening

Also Guen can totally be Kuroko#2

And he looks like a puppy daww~

Shikura-keibikyoukujichou(?) is such a long title. “Ichijima kakarichou(?)” is already long enough.

Doctors-Mamoru scene:

Kuroko trying to feed microchip into Dr THREE and apologized profusely after that.

Dr TEN: “Sometimes science can be about fantasy” Dr THREE: *Frown + Raised eyebrows*

Dr THREE: “Inside Shirazaki Mamoru’s head, it’s full of Yuuri Kaito” *KUROKO SMACK*

Btw that slipper has some kind of pink ribbon or heart on it

Kuroko doesn’t even normally wear slipper in his caretaker costume so why on earth is he bringing it around

Ichijima can’t deal with Kuroko’s antics lol–oh of course he can by being an asshole as usual

Ichijima really likes to remind those who have lost their messiahs of said fact

With Kamikita, Kuroko feels like an assistant. With Ichijima, Kuroko becomes another Sakura cadet.

During that serious Kuroko moment, keep in mind he still has the pink slipper in his gun holster

#Messiah Project #Akatsuki no Toki #Will refine this with pictures once I can speed forward things

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hopefulsapphic · 7 years

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this is my @feastoffortuna2017 gift for @omegas-m! it’s ~1.6k words and it’s a jercy soulmate au in which the name of your soulmate appears on your arm on your 18th birthday.

(i’m gonna apologize now because i know you asked for n s f w, but i can’t do that so you get some dumb slow burn fluff instead i’m really really sorry)

Ever since the grocery store down the street closed down and became a gym, this has been their thing. At least once a month, Jason and Percy meet there for a little friendly competition.

Now Jason’s watching as Percy adds more weight to the machine. If he can do 15 leg extensions at that weight, he’ll beat Jason and take the lead.

Percy counts out loud just to rub it in, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...8….9...10...11...12...13...14…...15! Yes!”

Jason's a little distracted today, but he manages to roll his eyes and say, “There's no way you're beating me the day before my birthday. We're doing pull ups next, I'm the best at that.”

“We’ll see about that,” Percy said with a grin that always tempts Jason to grin too

It's Percy's turn to go first, and Jason has to force himself to pay attention. If he lets his mind go, he’ll start worrying too much. He doesn’t to worry, he just wants to focus on having fun with his best friend.

“50!” Percy announces, “Beat that!”

Okay so Jason had let himself drift off a little, but Percy's voice brings him out of this thoughts. “What did you say?”

“50,” Percy repeats. A slight look of concern appears in his eyes and he says, “You've been kinda out of it today...You okay, man?”

“Yeah,” Jason says quickly, “I'm just thinking about...I find out my soulmate’s name tomorrow, my 18th birthday.”

“Oh yeah…” Percy says and his grin is back, “Try not to worry about that too much, I'm sure you'll get some sweet girl...like Piper maybe. What you really should be stressing about is if you can do more than 50 pull ups.”

“That, I'm not worried about,” Jason retorts. But this time he does smile as well. Somehow his anxiety seems illogical now after Percy spoke.

Half an hour later, their day at the gym ends in a tie, which neither of them are upset about. The two of them laugh and high five before going their separate ways

That night, Jason goes to bed with his mind clear, any anxious thought being driven out the the echo of Percy's voice. “Try not to worry...I'm sure you'll get some sweet girl…”

Still, when he wakes up the next morning he lays there for a while, enjoying his last few moments of ignorance. From now on, whether he likes it or not, he's tied to whoever’s name is written on his arm.

Eyes still closed, Jason lifts his arm over his head so that when he opens his eyes the name is all he sees. The black letters are a part of his skin now, spelling out the name of the person who is destined to become like a part of him: PERCY

Jason has to read the name a total of three times before it hits him. Percy. As in Percy Jackson. As in Jason’s best friend Percy Jackson, whom he'd just spent the entire previous day with. Percy is Jason's soulmate.

This is weird. This is really, really weird. Jason had never been opposed to the idea that his soulmate could be a dude, but the fact that it’s this dude in particular...Jason can’t wrap his head around it. His mind is swirling with thoughts and questions:

But he's my best friend.

I've never thought of him like that, right?

But could I?

How am I going to tell him?

Should I tell him at all?

He’ll find out on his own in a little over a month anyways.

Jason decides not to say anything. Not until he can work through his own thoughts.

Less than a minute later he gets a text from Percy saying ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO’ to which he responds with ‘thanks!’ But when the next message is ‘sooooo...who's your soulmate?’ Jason leaves him on read.

+++

For the next month or so, Jason wears long sleeves in the heat of the summer and spends way too long analyzing his thoughts and feelings whenever he's around Percy.

Sure, the other boy is definitely attractive, with his messy dark hair and playful grin that lights up his sea green eyes. Plus his personality is loyal, and kind, and funny. All good things, Jason thinks. But those are just the thoughts.

As for feelings, well, Jason has always felt safe and comfortable around his friend, but now he pays extra attention to how his heart reacts whenever Percy laughs or smiles or tells a joke. He notices the way it jumps a tiny bit and wonders why he's never noticed it before or if it's a newer thing.

He tries to imagine what it would be like to kiss Percy...or more. It’s less difficult to picture than he originally thought. And it’s not bad. It’s not bad at all.

And all the while Percy is still trying to get Jason to spill the name of his soulmate.

Today they'd run into each other at a McDonald's and decided to stay and share a thing of fries together. And somehow Percy always manages to bring the conversation back to Jason’s soulmate.

“It's like, 100 degrees outside and you're wearing a sweater, so it's gotta be someone gross...” Percy theorizes. He pauses for a second then snaps his fingers, “Is it Drew?”

Jason almost chokes on a French fry, “No, it's not Drew.”

“Hmm…” Percy looks up in thought, “Is it….no, I've already gone through all the girls we know…”

An amused sort of smile spreads across Jason's face as he raises his eyebrows and shakes his head.

“Oh, is it not a girl, then?” Percy realizes, “Well that opens up a lot more possibilities. Is it….Nico?”

“Nope,” Jason says.

“Leo?”

“Not Leo.”

“How about -”

Jason cuts him off, “I’ll tell you once you know your soulmate too. We can reveal them together.”

“Alright,” Percy shrugs, “I guess I can wait another week and a half.”

A week and a half. A week and a half until Jason can't hide behind long sleeves and silence anymore. That week and a half goes by way too fast, in his opinion.

+++

It’s August 18th now and Jason wakes up to the sound of his phone going off. It’s ringing so much, he can’t tell whether it’s a bunch of text messages or phone calls. With a sigh, he reaches over to grab his phone from his nightstand.

13 unread messages and 4 missed calls, all from Percy. Of course. Jason opens the messages:

Hey

Jason

I know who your soulmate is

It’s me isn’t it, it was my name that you were trying to hide

I’m right, aren’t I

Of course I’m right I can see your name on my arm

Jaaaaasssooonnnnnn

Answer me

We need to talk about this

Come on bro

Wait should I even call you bro anymore?

Check your damn phone dude

As Jason reads through the texts, another one comes through.

Don’t you dare leave me on read again, I see you

For some reason, that message causes a small smile to flicker across Jason’s face, and he shakes his head to himself. He responds to Percy with ‘ok, let’s talk.’ and the immediate reply is ‘I’m coming over.’

Percy shows up less than ten minutes later. His short-sleeved t-shirt leaves the name on his arm exposed and clearly visible. It’s the first thing Jason sees when he opens the door - his own name on his best friend’s arm, written in big black letters. This is real.

Jason glances at his own arm as he opens the door wider to let his friend in. He’s not covering his with his sleeve either, there’s no point in hiding it anymore. Percy glances at it too and he says, “How did you feel when you first saw that?”

“Confused.” Jason replies honestly, closing the door and moving into the living room, “I didn’t know what to do or how I felt or how I should’ve felt.”

Percy follows, lounging on one of the couches like the atmosphere is still comfortable and easy. And it’s strange because it is, despite the awkward conversation topic. “What about now?”

“Now…” Jason hesitates as he sits down as well, trying to find the right words, “Now, I’ve gotten used to the idea and I feel...like it’s not a bad thing.”

“Not a bad thing, huh? Alright, I’ll take it.” Percy grins and raises his eyebrows, “I mean, I think it’s a pretty great thing, but then again I have liked you for a while now.”

Jason blinks, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“...Wow…”

Neither of them say anything for a little while, and for the first time there’s a tension between them and the air is thick with the awkwardness of it, like there’s something that needs to be said, something that needs to be done. Jason recognizes what it is first, or at least he’s the first to speak. He laughs and immediately the air feels lighter.

Then he looks at Percy and says, “Why did we even need to talk about this? What else do we need to say? We both kinda like each other...we’re soulmates for god’s sake, can’t we just start this and kiss already?”

“Finally.” A grin is back on Percy’s face as he sits up.

It’s hard to tell who initiates the kiss first as they both surge towards each other at the same time. Their lips crash together and there’s no room for softness or hesitancy. They both want this, want each other, and they’re not holding anything back.

#fof2017 #feast of fortuna #jercy #pjo #jason grace #percy jackson #my writing #ignore me i'm just gonna...vent in the tags real quick -#i'm super insecure about this actually??? i feel like it's the opposite of what you wanted and i feel horrible!!! i'm! sorry! !!! !!!!!!! !!

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blaperile · 7 years

Text

HOMESTUCK MAP UPDATE

Oh boy, I just saw banditAffiliate’s post on the Omegaupdate forums linking to the Homestuck map...

If that's what I think it is... MAP UPDATE?!

Wow... that's been a long time since it was last updated. God, we've had so much time to speculate on what the remaining Act titles would be, it's kinda crazy that we're finally finding out the real canon names now!

I made a speculation post once about what I thought the different act names would be, but I don't remember where I posted it.

In any case, my favorite guesses are: "there's no place like home" or "F1X TH1S" for Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 4, "why is everything always so wonderful" for Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5, and "THANKS FOR PLAYING" for Act 7. Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 3 and Act 6 Act 6 Act 6 will probably be named as GAME OVER and Collide respectively. And I imagine that Act 6 Act 6 Act 5 will be "The Masterpiece" or something like that.

For the others I didn't have a really good idea what it could be, but let's find out!

Also, I wonder if the Credits flash will be indicated on here too?

I doubt this is the "thing" Andrew hinted to be working on to release along with Hiveswap though, exciting though it is. :P

*goes to the page*

Oh boy, I already immediately spot a difference!

"Side 1"! That's new! Before this, we just had Part 1 and Disc 1, now we've got another distinction! Hah, it has the Fourth Wall as a symbol! So, probably to differentiate pre-scratch from post-scratch! Makes sense, seeing as that's close to the halfway point through the comic! Heh, so for side 2 it'll probably be a broken fourth wall symbol then, starting from Act 6! Even fits with the title of Act 6 Act 1, "Through Broken Glass", haha! :D

I like how the "Parts", "Discs" and "Sides" all have their own unique symbols to differentiate them.

Also, I just realized that means we'll have a "Disc 3" (AKA the Act 6 Act 6 cartridge) as well on this.

I wonder if there are any other differences to the map, I mean, uptil Act 6 Intermission 5? Eh, probably not, I'm assuming this will be the only difference, for the Acts that were already on it.

Still really curious how the remaining Acts will be handled on this map though!

*scrolls down*

Yup, Part 1 ends at the end of Act 5, and Part 2 starts with the broken window! Awesome! :D

I kinda forgot those were the images for Act 6 Act 1! I guess it's been too long since I last checked the map. :P

*scrolls further down*

Hehe, I forgot that for Act 6 Act 3 there were those two images of B2 Jack Noir right next to each other. Pretty funny, before and after his murder on the poor innocent regulator. xD

What with the pseudo-symbols the act acts of Act 6 have, I wonder if the act act acts (and/or act act intermissions) of act 6 act 6 will have any pseudo-symbols? ...Maybe they'll just be a Caliborn head every time, like the ones from the Act 6 Act 6 cartridge like plainWonder suggested to me just now. xD

Now we're getting into the really interesting territory, time to see what the names of the remaining intermissions and acts are!

Also, I'm kinda curious if Part 3 continues all the way until the end, or not? plainWonder has an interesting suggestion that Act 6 Act 6 onwards will be a separate Part 4! Let's see.

*scrolls down more*

>:O

Oh hell yes, I almost didn't expect it, but Part 3 DOES end together with Act 6 Intermission 5, along with Disc 2 obviously.

And now... time for the most exciting part!!!! Act 6 Act 6 onwards, including Disc 3 (Cartridge 1? :P) and Part 4 (oooh boy! Which player symbols will be used for that? All Kids plus the Cherubs plus the main Trolls?)!

Also, I first suggested Side 2 to go all the way to the end, but I'm kinda wondering if it's gonna turn into Side 3 when the retcon happens?

HERE WE GO!!!!!!

*scrolls down*

PFFFFFFFFFF, "split Act 6 Act 6", just like with Act 6 itself. Genius.

And yup, Caliborn's dark green colour to contrast the bright green colours from before, makes sense!

Oooooooooh, there's Act 6 Act 6 Act 1! Homosuck as the title! Yeah, that one was to be expected (though I forgot to mention it at the top of my post :P).

Apparently the symbols associated with Part 4 are the Cherub cheeks! I was kinda surprised by that, but yeah, it probably signifies both the predominated Caliborn as well as Alternate Calliope! Pretty clever!

Heh, looks like Caliborn's cheeks are the pseudo-symbol of Act 6 Act 1, and possibly of the next Act Acts as well.

I like that the Act Acts have their own separate panel symbols beneath them, that's great!

Niiiiiiiiiice, "Stardust" as the title for Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1! I like it, short but sweet! The idea that it would reference the glitches seemed reasonable to me before, but somehow I hadn't thought of the possibility that it would, quite simply, be titled "Stardust", haha. :D

And I really like that Grimbark Jade is the symbol of that Intermission. She did quite heavily appear during it, after all!

And heh, there's "Supercartridge", pfffffff. It's like Caliborn himself put the "super" in front of it, haha.

Ahahahahaha, I love the panel images chosen for this intermission. I'm especially cracking up about the fact that the John kissing John panel is included, ahahaha.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 2 = LOSHIT! Yup, seems about right, haha! :D

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, THE SHITTY HORSE AS THE PSEUDO-SYMBOL OF IT. HELL YES. I'm pleasantly surprised that it's not the Caliborn cheeks again! Though on the other hand, maybe I shouldn't have expected that seeing as the pseudo-symbol of each act (act (act)) is always unique, it seems.

Hahaha, all those John faces as the panel symbols.

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 2 = theres problems! Oooooooooooooooh! Oh man, yeah, that title makes A LOT OF SENSE. That IS the perfect fit. I mean, that basically describes the entire Intermission AND it's a nice quote from the comic itself. I love it.

Also, man, I really like that Crockertier Jane is the symbol of this Intermission while Grimbark Jade was the symbol for the previous one! I wonder if the Condesce is going to be the symbol of any of the upcoming Intermissions or Act 6 Act 6 Act 6 (as an alternative for Lord English)!

Once again I think the panel images to represent the Intermission are really well chosen!

Something about those two Gamzee images right next to each other cracks me up though, I'm not sure what. :P

Act 6 Act 6 Act 3 = GOD'S GIFT TO THE YAOIS. PERFECTION. THAT'S ALL THERE REALLY IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER. ESPECIALLY THE COPYRIGHT SYMBOL AS THE PSEUDO-SYMBOL. BRILLIANT.

Hehe, yeah I was expecting his self-insert to be a panel image here, haha.

Oooooooh, look at Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 3! I'm pretty surprised that the image shows John VS Caliborn and not Aranea VS Condesce. On the other hand, I guess that's probably the least spoilerful image you could use from the flash while still giving a good depiction of it, haha!

I'm especially a great fan of how the rectangle around it is a little part green (to signify the John VS Caliborn parts), and a big part gray (to signify the Intermission parts)! That's pretty clever!

....Oh! So there are separate panel images for this Act! I didn't expect that, what with how there weren't many pages in it.

And uh, nevermind what I said about the lacking Aranea VS Condesce part and spoilerful stuff, haha.

Act 6 Act 6 Act 4 = DARK NIGHT OF THE FEELINGS... Yup, sounds about right. And so is the image next to it. xD

Also, calcoins as the pseudo-symbol, haha! Yeah, I can dig that! It even fits with the other "c" symbol for the previous act act act. And it also fits in with how the earliest acts had grist symbols, which are also a kind of currency!

Gotta love the panel images for this act act act. :p

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 4 = F1X TH1S. CALLED IT! :D

Oh hell yes. Yeah, that's the best description for what that intermision is about!

And oooooooh, Echidna as the symbol of the Intermission is unexpected but pretty sweet!

Oh wow, plainWonder has a good point how a "Just" and "Heroic" screen have now both featured as panel images here.

Ooooh, I like that those images that Shelby drew are also featured as panel images here!

Ahahahaha, I love the John hugging Dave as panel image, with John from the panel image right next to it similarly looking over all like "dude what are you doing" xD

Once again, really, really great panel images! Like plainWonder said, row 5 is the greatest. :P

The last image reminds me of how at some point I'd also considered "She's 8ack" as the title for this Intermission, hehe. I mean, I guess it could also work as title for Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5? Though seeing as those are words from the Intermission prior to it, probably not.

And yup, as was to be expected, "MASTERPIECE" is the title for Act 6 Act 6 Act 5! I love how little clay Caliborn is the pseudo-symbol for it.

And those symbols for it! I love them, ha! Especially how those last two images are basically: LORD ENGLISH. CONFIRMED.

At first I'd thought the symbol for the [nostrike][S][/nostrike] MSPA Reader: Mental breakdown would have been the MSPA Reader himself, but I can deal with this one. xD

Ooooooooooh, so the title of Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5 IS "She's 8ack"! Huh, pretty surprised about that one! I mean, yeah that's basically a big part of the Intermission, but those arc words are rather from the Intermission before it. Eh, whatever! :D

I love the combination of that title and the image for it though. SO SMUG. xD

Also, I guess "why is everything always so wonderful" probably would have been too long a title.

Oh hell yes, I'm happy to see that Jasprosesprite^2 and Davepetasprite^2 get their own panel images! And even GCatvrosprite!!! I like how Jasprosesprite's first image fits with the Dave/Dirk image next to it, hehe.

A lot of images of people sitting down here. :P

Pfffffffff, then there's a whole row of pictures of the sprites in the B2 session, and then the image of pre-retcon Tavros with the ghost army right between it like he's awkward to be between all those sprite images. xD

Wooooow, and those epic images of the Matriorb, Terezi and Vriska hugging, the Condesce being pissed off with right beneath it the epic Lord English image...

You know, I think Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5 is my favorite one out of all the new ones on the map (so far)! I really love everything about this one, the image, the title, all the panel images... awesome.

The only blasphemy about this is that there is no image of the hug between Arquiusprite and Davepetasprite^2, the best moment in Homestuck history. :P

Oh wow, PM's victory as the image for Act 6 Act 6 Act 6!!!! ...Can't say I saw that coming, but I'm not complaining here. xD

Hehehe, that pseudo-symbol though.

Ooooh, I like how those panels from just after Collide are also featured as panel images here. Niiiiice! :D

Aaaaaaand end of Part 4! Doesn't look like there's a Part 5 starting though, hehe.

....

OH.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH.

OH!!!!!!!

ACT 7 IS THE RAPTURE

WELL THAT WAS A MYSTERY WE THOUGHT NEEDED SOLVING

AND DANG IF IT DIDN'T JUST GET SOLVED WHEN WE LEAST EXPECTED IT, SO NICE JOB.

That's the biggest surprise out of this entire map!!! I mean, I definitely wasn't expecting this confirmation, but I'm really glad we did get this! I was like 99% sure the title was just going to be "THANKS FOR PLAYING".

And hell yeah, I like the fact that the white house is the pseudo-symbol for this.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, oh hell yes, I'm glad the Credits receive their own part in this! "Post Canon" as the title, hehe.

Hell fucking yes.

Okay, this entire map was an amazing ride from start to finish, I'm so happy that Andrew finally got around to finishing it!!!

Amazing choices for act titles, symbols of the acts, the panel images... there's nothing I don't really like about it, it's just AWESOME! :D

Boo. Frickin. Yeah.

#Homestuck #map #Act 6 Act 6 #Act 7 #Credits

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