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jjklvr9 · 3 months

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𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮

⇢ " 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨; 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴, 𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 "

18+ minors dni !!

pairing: heeseung x older fem!reader (by a year)

genre: smut, slight romance

warnings: slight praising, mentions of blood, fingering, cursing, unprotected sex, do let me know if i missed anything!

wc: 5.3k

a/n: my first ever heeseung fic !! i have not been writing in a very long time so i'm kinda rusty and i'm trying a little different style of writing ;_; but! i still hope you all enjoy it <3

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You often wondered if there was more out there for you. Something that would make your mind and nerves twist in excitement, something that’d make you yearn for more. Something that would never make you think twice about, something that wouldn’t obscure your thoughts with uncertainty and ‘what ifs’.

A deep sigh escapes your lips as you shake your head, aiming to clear your mind. It's time to focus on getting that pending work done so you can relish in the relief of passing in bed. It was a Friday night after all.

It’s been a year since you graduated from university and the momentary happiness of completing a goal you’ve set flushed away when you began your first new job. The pay wasn’t too bad and it was the only way you’ve been guided to headstart on a career. Head start your life more so. You were beyond glee when you read the acceptance email, calling around your family members and best friends to tell them the good news. Yay! You’re finally earning money and doing something. The excitement didn’t last long, for the first two weeks on the job already took a heavy toll on you. The countless meetings, paperwork, overtime. Not to mention the commute home on the bus was dreadful after a late night. It became a routine you despised, slowly killing you from the insides and sometimes it showed on your face.

Your life beyond the confines of work bore a striking resemblance. The majority of your friends were entangled in their own busy lives and careers, leaving little room for regular meetups. Furthermore, your family resided inconveniently in an entirely different city, making it impractical for you to freely come and go as you pleased. Not that you’d have the energy to do so anyway. On most of your days off, you found yourself indoors, indulging in the solace of leisurely idleness. There was nothing better than being able to sleep without the expectation of an alarm blaring to wake you up too early in the morning for your liking.

But it was also getting dull. You couldn’t deny that life was pretty dull. You were grateful most times, having the security of a job and home was everything that was enough. Though occasionally, you longed for more. More to feel what life and this world could present. Even for the tiniest second, you desired to feel something different.

9:30 pm. Finally, you turn your laptop off for the night and raise your arms to stretch the extremely tautened muscles straining your shoulders. You’ve been working non-stop since your lunch break ended, dinner didn’t even occur to you till small growls churned in your stomach. Packing up your things, you decided to head down to the convenience store in the building before leaving to catch your bus ride home. Maybe some onigiri or a bento box would suffice.

Treading into the well-lit store, the cashier welcomes you with a smile along with the rush of the cold draft from the air conditioner hitting your skin at once. That woke you up a bit, forgetting how cold it would be in actuality outside of this building. It was winter after all. Your eyes survey through the food section, set on that last tuna mayo-flavoured rice ball before extending your hand to pick it off the shelves; when another hand seemed to beat you to it. This interaction caused you to jolt a little on your feet, waking you up fully now as your eyes dilated slightly at the man standing beside you. His hand was still next to yours by the shelves, only his successfully holding onto the onigiri.

“Oh, sorry. Did you want this?” he asks softly, or rather he seemed, apologetic with his eyes staring back into yours. “It’s fine...I’ll just..” you trail on, glancing back at the array of rice balls before aimlessly picking another. “take this one.” The man blinks instantly in surprise, you can tell, but what about you weren’t sure. “Y/n?” with your name slipping out of his voice, your eyes widened once again and this time you were surprised. What?

“You are..?” Not wanting to confirm straight off the bat just in case it was a stalker danger situation or something, you crease your eyebrows in question. “It’s me, Heeseung. From the basketball team.” Heeseung…Heeseung? Oh. Right. Heeseung. Once his facial features registered in your fatigued brain, recollections of university life played in your mind like a movie trailer. Were you truly this depleted that you didn't recognize this earlier? Unbelievable.

You knew him briefly through your group of friends who were also part of the basketball team, glimpsing him in the socials and games you attended, merely ever acknowledging each other with “heys” and greeting smiles. Heeseung was a year younger than you but it was hard to tell with his domineering height and build. Despite his rapport with your closest friends, you two never seemed to escalate the acquaintanceship. Yet, there was always a subtle exchange of prolonged glances between you two. You often notice his gaze and you'd find yourself looking back at him. His captivating charm and attractive features were no secret to anyone, and you were well aware of the magnetic allure he possessed around people. Well, those glances held no deeper meaning; they were just moments, fleeting and devoid of any significance, or so you believed.

“Ah…Heeseung. I didn’t realise it was you with your hair all black now. Sorry, my brain is kind of fried..” you convey with a slight smile, mixed with comfort and apology. It had only been a full year and a half since you last saw him, at one of the parties the basketball team threw before a big game. It was apparent he changed; grew a few more inches and his shoulders looked larger too. Black strands covered some of his eyes now, which differed the most drastically from the blonde he used to have. He looked really good even sporting in just a hoodie and sweatpants, you couldn’t refute that. Heeseung lets out a chuckle, taking the onigiri from your hand and strides his way to the cashier without another word. “Oh?” was all you could say, flickering your eyes in surprise as you followed him. “You don’t have to! I should be the one buying.” He chuckles once again; never realised his voice sounded temperate either. As he thanks the cashier and hands you the plastic bag filled with the tuna-flavoured rice ball you wanted initially and an extra orange juice, a smile curves up his lips. You thanked him quietly and showed a smile back, both of you now walking out of the store into the cold air of the night.

The darkness encompassed your surroundings, yet the glow of the streetlights and moon shine compensated for the lack of clear sight. “Hey, you didn’t have to..you know. But thank you again Heeseung. I should pay you back though..” The man looks at you with the same smile still plastered on his face, his hand pushing back his hair slightly. “Instead of paying me back, why don’t we grab a bite sometime?” Did he just ask me out? No, he’s just being friendly.

You weren’t certain if you were more exhausted than you thought, but you sensed a slight leap in your heart. You weren't exactly unnerved by the inquiry, but it certainly deviated from the norm for you, especially now that you're fully engrossed in the corporate grind. Work accumulated on too much of your life and mind, as well as on people around you that nobody ever had any time to do such things. Sure, you’ve been asked out for lunch and coffee, sometimes even dinner with a colleague but this felt different.

“Oh, yeah, okay.” you weren’t sure on how to react, nodding your head along with your words. You were shy. Heeseung chortles once again, noting this obvious expression from you. “Tomorrow sound good? Here, give me your number.” He says, passing you his phone. Was he always this straightforward? He did seem the type to be but encountering it first-hand was heating your ears and cheeks. You hope he doesn’t realise this, assuming it was from the cold. Nodding slowly in agreement with his suggestion, you take the phone from his hand and fill in your contact information. For some reason, your phone number seemed scrambled up in your head, causing you to doubt if you're even keying in the right digits. Saving it and handing the phone back to him, you retained your eyes on his. The sound of the bus huffing to a stop nearby broke your gaze, realising it was your ride home for the night. “Okay well I um, I have to catch that.” you tried not to sound awkward, pointing at the bus a few steps away as you took some in that direction slowly. “Ah, alright, I’ll text you!” Heeseung graced you with yet another warm smile, this time radiating even more brightness than before. He watches as you get on the bus and settle on a seat in the back, waving slightly when your eyes look out the window to him. You wave back as the bus drives off, his silhouette gently fading away into the obscurity of the night. It had been quite a memorable evening for you, as the sight of an old familiar face reignited something within you, much like the gradual lustre of a dried-out candle; and indeed, the flames do begin to flicker and glow anew.

As sunlight sifts through the curtains and gently tickles your face, its warmth prompts a soft, contented whirr to escape your lips as you continue to slumber peacefully. If that wasn’t enough to wake you, the buzzing sound of your phone sure did. It was a quiet Saturday morning, or rather, afternoon, considering the clock struck 12 pm. At this hour, the stillness persisted, and you were expecting a respite from incoming messages. Everybody was either too occupied catching up on their sleep and lives, but you’d forgotten there was a new number soon to be added to your contacts. Seizing it from the side table, you open one eye to take a peek at the notification illustrated on the screen before opening both in surprise. Perhaps even excitement, reading the words out loud in your head.

“Good morning Y/N :) Heeseung here.”

A bashful smile began to play on the corners of your lips, and your cheeks blushed once more at the mere thought of the text. The fact that he probably just woken up too to text you ‘Good morning’ at this hour; the fact texting you was the first thing he did when he woke up. You swiftly replied, not forgetting to replicate the smiley face he added to his good morning text. Within a few minutes, your phone buzzed again, leaving you no space to bask in the joy of having received that initial message.

“I hope you rested well :) What are your plans for the day?”

There's that smiley face again. Why did he have to message you like that? Such simple words yet they made your smile grow bigger. You turned your body to the other side, back facing the window now with your legs wrapped around the bolster. It felt like reliving high-school days being a young girl in love, smiling and giggling as you read the exchanged messages between you and your crush. You weren't entirely certain if your feelings for this boy amounted to a crush just yet, but there was an undeniable sense of something growing within you.

Heeseung was sweet, and he was really funny. It’s around 5 pm now, having been texting each other the whole day with a dinner plan for the night, you found yourself giggling once again as you read the joke he made this time. All you managed to do today was eat lunch and take a shower, with half the other time spent typing your fingers away on your phone. Over the course of a few hours, the bond between you two clicked instantly and deepened, ease and comfort settling enough for Heeseung to have flirted a little bit here and there. You did appreciate his gestures, noting his flirtatious manner, which leaned more towards showering you with compliments and engaging in innocent teasing. Glancing at the time once more, you figured it was time to get ready for the dinner he had planned for the both of you.

Gazing at your reflection one final time in the mirror, a smile graces your lips as you adjust your flared-sleeve top and skirt to perfection. The sound of your phone ringing caught you off guard, stumbling a little as you hurriedly put on your jacket and picked it up. “Hey, I’m outside.” Heeseung sounded like he was smiling over the phone, the hint of excitement couldn’t be missed from his tone. An involuntary smile finds its way to your lips, peeking through the window to see him standing outside with his back resting against his car; dressed handsomely in a pair of loose black pants, matching it with a black collared shirt and jacket. God, even in simple clothing or dressed up, Heeseung always looked good. Despite hours of conversation, a flutter of nervousness still lingered within you. Heart beating louder and quicker with every step closer you took to him, the sight of his glinting eyes seemed to relax you.

Breathe. It’s just Heeseung.

“You’re so pretty.” He blurts out as you become clearer in his line of sight; and with the subtle reddening of his cheeks, you discern that he hadn't intended to express it so candidly. He blinks slowly as if he was coming back from a daze, clearing his throat. “Come on, let's go.” the boy says, opening the car door with one hand and the other leading you to get in. What a gentleman.

“Y-you look really good too.” Did you just stutter? Pursing your lips in embarrassment, you tried to save face by giving a small smile. Cute, he thought and as usual he chuckled in response. The ride to the restaurant turned out to be less awkward than anticipated, and as the night unfolded, you discovered yourself becoming more and more comfortable in his company, easing into the evening with each passing moment. Engaging in conversation, you delve into the recounting of shared experiences in university and reminisce about mutual friends, weaving a tapestry of memories and connections. Diving deeper, you navigate through a multitude of topics, slipping past the surface to explore more facets of each other's lives. Amidst soft laughter that punctuates the conversation, you discover that there's an inexhaustible well of things to talk about with each other.

In that fleeting time, everything felt perfect and your heart did the leap once more. Whenever there was a minute of silence between the two of you, Heeseung would look up to you with a smile, reaching his hand out across the table to hold onto yours. You found yourself pondering whether he might be experiencing the same nervousness as you, despite his outwardly composed and confident demeanor. Yet, every now and then, you caught a slight flush creeping up to the tips of his ears, offering a glimpse into his inner thoughts.

Nothing could’ve beat the night you had, if you had to compare it with all the others you spent rotting alone at home in your bed. With everything running smoothly, what could go wrong? It felt like you two grew closer not just emotionally but physically as well, being cosy enough to hold hands as you walk out of the restaurant together now.

“Oh shit, I think I left my phone on the table.” Heeseung says, patting down his jacket and pant pockets a few times, apologising to you as he hurriedly walks back in. You giggle a little at his clumsiness, standing at the side of the restaurant waiting for him to come back. It was getting later in the night now, the cold air tingling down your skin making goosebumps rise. No amount of clothing or jackets was enough for the temperature that drops at night.

Bits of the evening kept replaying in your head and you couldn’t help but smile a little to yourself. It was yet to end until Heeseung sent you home but you were already reminiscing the time you shared. He surprised you in a way; with how effortless it was to talk to him, to share with him the things you’ve always had in mind. He made you feel accommodated and heard; like he really wanted to know you. Like he really wanted you to know him. There undoubtedly was a paradoxical sense that you and he had an enduring connection as if your souls had been intertwined for eternity. What took you so long to finally talk to him? It made you excited, knowing there would potentially be more of him in your life after this.

“You alone?” a slurred-out voice pulls you out of your thoughts, surprising you, even more, was the tall man standing in front of you now. He didn’t look too old, nor did he look too young, but he did look wasted. You were seemingly scared and decided not to pay any mind to the stranger, hoping he’d just walk away and stop bothering you; but to no luck, the man remained there. Pestering and being persistent in having a conversation, he started to annoy you. Annoy more than how scared you felt before. Annoyed about what's taking Heeseung so goddamn long to come back. Before you could muster the words to dismiss the man, he unexpectedly takes hold of your wrist, as if intending to lead you away. “Come, let's go get some drinks!”

“Let her go.” Tone harsh and low, Heeseung was evidently angry at the stranger bothering you. He made sure to be delicate, grabbing your waist to pull you off from the man’s grip and fall back close to his chest. “Who the fuck are you?” The stranger retaliates, puffing up his chest as if he were trying to scare Heeseung off. It would take more than just a little show to get him to back down from guarding you, not even a mere attempt at a punch in the face could. Heeseung scoffs in spite, unfazed at the hit; his own fist curling up to show the man how it was actually done. You gasp softly, being pushed to the sidelines as Heeseung lands his hard knuckles on the man’s face. It clearly did the damage he meant to, seeing how the man was now wincing and scurrying off in pain and curses. You felt a wave of relief wash over you as the dispute came to an abrupt end. “Heeseung, are you okay? Y-you’re bleeding!” A small red hue illuminates from the corner of his lips, quickly being licked off by his swift tongue. Though the bleeding continued to slowly seep through. “I’m fine if you’re fine. Let’s get you home.”

You weren’t going to lie, besides the worry you felt for Heeseung getting into a physical altercation, the sight of him all strong and protective like that kind of made your insides turn. In a good way. Never mind that he was younger, the fact he was protective towards you and even took out a hit for you; ten folds attractive in your eyes. The whole ride home remained shrouded in silence, with a subtle tension lingering in the air. His hand held yours firmly as he drove, a silent reassurance amidst the quiet unease. Caressing your hand with his thumb, indicating he was worried for your well-being and this soothed you immensely. Pulling up to your driveway, Heeseung turns to face you, hand still firmly clasped with yours.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” He starts, hanging his head down low as if he was ashamed to meet your eyes.

You give his hand a little tug, signalling him to ease up. “It’s okay. You’re the one who got hurt though..” unconsciously (or not, you weren’t even sure yourself anymore) your lips form a small pout, eyes wide focused on Heeseung’s face with slight glances at his bleeding lips. He notices this, and instead of wiping them off, Heeseung slowly leans his face closer to yours till your noses brush against each other and he pauses there. His breath wandered around the air near you, the warmth emanating from his body exuding into your skin and creating a calming closeness. His scent was undeniably pleasing and so close, the black strands of his hair softly poking on your own cheeks. Electrifying, both heartbeats getting louder and louder you could almost feel it claw its way out. You held your breath at that moment, fearful that any wrong move might cause the enchantment to disperse. You’ve never felt like this before, and you’d do whatever it takes to keep feeling it.

Your thighs seemed to rub against each other, warmth burgeoning in your stomach and extending downward. In one brisk second, Heeseung plants his lips onto yours and immediately you reciprocate. It felt tender and pacifying, radiating sincerity and solace.

You could feel the speck of passion pouring into your heart, flowers blooming as the garden grows. It grows, wilder with a pinch of fire now, as Heeseung pushes for more with how deep and harsher his lips felt. Your sanity erupts into a chaotic symphony, overwhelmed by the intensity of it all. His hands had seemed to find themselves on your bare thighs, gripping them like his life depended on it. Fingers tracing up your skin till it reaches the hem of your skirt, you feel it daringly push the fabric away and climb higher. With the soft touch of his finger on your now-soaked underwear, a soft moan escapes your lips. Your hands encircled his neck, drawing him nearer, the desire for more amplifying with each lingering touch of his piers. Heeseung pushes his tongue in at the brief parting of your lips, licking your cavern wet and continues to weave both of your tongues together, sucking on them ever so roughly.

Breaking the kiss, now messy and sloppy with saliva running down your jaw, you somehow felt your lips still parched. As if it were insufficient, leaving an unquenched longing for his flavour. Tracing your tongue on the edges of his crimson-covered lips, you sniffle a moan at the taste of him. Despite the tempting urge to nibble more onto them, you resisted, mindful of not wanting to inflict any more hurt upon him than he had already endured.

Inclining into him again, his finger resting on your underwear has started to make its movements; nice and slow. He rubs them in a circular motion; wanting to tease you a little bit more. You moan in between kisses, your own hands now gripping onto his shirt to tug and pull him closer, bodies pressing against each other. With that eagerness coming from you, Heeseung holds your underwear to the side with his thumb, pushing two fingers into your folds without breaking the kiss. You gasped at this, unconsciously biting onto his lower lip a little bit too hard than you intended. It created a little bloody mess, but nothing you couldn’t fix.

You tenderly murmur a soft apology, delicately licking away every trace of red left on his lips, seeking to soothe any discomfort.

“You’re such a good girl, cleaning up after your mess. My good girl.” the man coos under his breath, fingers pushing themselves further into you, accelerating the pace as the seconds go by. My good girl. There's that heart leap again. A fleeting moment of uncertainty crosses your mind as you ponder whether he expressed those words in the heat of the moment

or if he meant it, but the way he handled you and kissed you earlier seemed to pivot the pendulum towards it being honest. At least, that's what you wanted to believe.

The muffled sounds escaping you grow more pronounced, escalating in intensity with the hold on his shirt tightening within the grasp of your fingers shortly before they sneak downwards to the growing mound in his pants; gently but firmly grasping its contours. This prompted a hiss from him, his lips pressing even deeper into the yours than before.

You've never encountered such an exhilarating feeling like this, as Heeseung's firm fingers gradually heighten the vigour of euphoria seeping up your senses. "Ah, more..more."

The man smirks in response to your desperate plea, forcefully pushing his fingers deeper before withdrawing them completely. Dismayed at his retraction, your eyes fluttered as you leaned back from him, gasping for the breath you had momentarily lost.

"More what? What is it that you want, baby?"

With a raised eyebrow, he questions, attempting to suppress a grin that you catch in his expression. Ignoring the blush taking shape on the apples of your cheeks, you briefly scrutinise him; his shirt bore a charming dishevelment, his tousled hair adding a touch of allure, making him exceptionally more attractive in sight. The burgeoning bulge beneath your clammy palm subtly twitches, drawing your focus to its presence; making it known to you of his equal excitement at what you're about to say.

"I want you to fuck me, Heeseung. Please."

A groan escapes his lips in response to your words. Without uttering another sound, he withdraws from you and begins lowering his pants and boxers down to his thighs; springing out his ever-so-eager cock free. Damn, what a sight. Heeseung clearly overpacked on your anticipations in this department.

How much more pleasure could he bring you now, considering the sensations his fingers alone prompted? Your insides ignite further at this view, body flushing with heat and throat drying at the mere thought of how he would taste and feel inside of you.

"Like what you see?" With his grin no longer concealed, the man wastes no time in pushing his seat back to create space, pulling you up to straddle his lap, facing him. A loud grunt breaks free past his lips at the pressure, sending a thrill of giddiness through you. Each time his subtle noises reached your ears, it professed that you were doing something right, eliciting a sense of satisfaction for the pleasure you were giving him. "It's not even in yet." you giggle softly, pulling your own underwear down to your thighs. "Someone's impatient." Though he started with the tip of his erection gently brushing against your clitoris, he swiftly proceeded to thrust himself inside your entrance.

"Fuck."

Both of you utter the same word, yet in two distinct tones – yours emerging as a whine of pleasure, and his as a gratifying groan. The folds of your clit envelope him completely, with every quickening thrust he pushes in constricting yourself around his cock.

The strands of his hair, once framing his face, now clung damply to his forehead, hooded eyes barely peering through them yet intensely staring into your orbs. Countless thoughts inundated your mind under the weight of his intimate gaze, leaving you unable to focus on any single one. In this moment, concentration eluded you entirely; even the disbelief that Heeseung was pounding you out in his car right now. This is crazy. I'm crazy.

"Damn, you feel so fucking amazing." his hands wander underneath the back of your skirt, grabbing the flesh of your ass ever so roughly as it bounces up and down his stripped thighs. “Oh fuck me-faster please..!” you squirmed in painful ecstasy as the wetness of your gushing clit slides his erection in and out of your tightness with ease. Heeseung accelerates his pace even further, seemingly preempting your unspoken demands. With your hands wrapped around his neck, you pull his chest closer to brush the tip of your hardened nipples beneath your top, and that causes you to moan out his name. The heated boy buries his face in the crook of your neck now, leaving soft brushes of his tongue against your skin and sinks his teeth into them rough enough to leave distinct marks.

"You taste so fucking good too. You're just perfect." You hear his raspy voice mutter under his breath, face still grazing on the skin of your neck as if he was savouring your scent. Feeling the tip of his cock pushing itself exactly into your right spot, you whine out his name repeatedly. The back of your body arches, your toes curling at how hot the air stands; all sorts of emotions strike you at once as your sight goes blurry, mind growing hazier by the second.

"Mmhm..faster Heeseung. Your cock feels so good in me.” this time, you moan even louder, indicating that you were on the brink of reaching the climax of your high very soon. Heeseung took notice of this, quickening his thrusts as he was about to reach the same destination.

"Cum with me, baby. Together."

Hoarse, low groans escaped from his lips with each accelerated movement; the cry of pleasure lamented out both your breaths the moment he blew in one final deepened jab at your spot. A surge of warm fluid cascaded through you, blending seamlessly with your own essence, propelled by the sheer bliss you've just shared. The air was filled with the sounds of heavy, hurried breaths, your lungs working overtime. Your eyes remained fixed on Heeseung's face as you endeavoured to recover composure and catch your breath. Finally, a sense of clarity returned to you as your thoughts regained focus. Did that really just happen? Everything seemed surreal, as if plucked from a dream.

Somehow it appeared like he could read your mind when he laughed at your countenance, his hands now accommodating on your waist to pull himself out of you slowly. As you lean in, finding comfort by resting your head on his chest, the rhythmic thumping of his heart surrounds your ear. The sound was loud and hastened, almost palpably carrying the nervous anticipation in its rapid beat, reminiscent of your very first kiss together. Well, you've done so much more than that now. Freeing his hands from your waist, Heeseung tenderly cradles you with one arm while the other softly strokes your head, radiating care and affection in his touch. He showers your forehead with soft pecks, each one a tender expression of adoration, accompanied by whispered sweet confessions that linger in the air.

"You're really beautiful, I've always thought that."

You both stay like that for a while, reluctant to disrupt the intimacy you shared. However, the reality of your semi-nude state in the confines of a car eventually nudged you both to acknowledge that the moment couldn't last forever. Not right there. The unexpected series of events that unfolded tonight, stemming from your fateful meeting just the day before, had taken a turn you hadn't even considered viable with him. In retrospect, those exchanged glances at the parties and games back then seemed to carry a newfound meaning now. Life wasn't so dull anymore.

Gently disentangling yourself from his embrace, you meet his eyes once again before placing a tender kiss on his cheek. "Let's go inside." you chuckle, sliding off his lap and back to the passenger seat while fixing your clothes. In sync with your decision, Heeseung follows suit, concurring with the idea of heading back inside your house; as the rest of the night evolved with an abundance of conversation and lots and lots and lots of cuddles.

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elliemontana · 2 months

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Ruin the friendship.

Ellie Williams x Female reader

Summary: Ellie and you are best friends since you were teenagers. You never kept a single secret from her, and you have “helped” each other out to get the girls you’ve been interested in… but she has been lying to you. So, one day, you guys get stoned, and she blackmails you to fuck her. Could you ruin the friendship?

WARNINGS: dom¡ reader x sub¡ Ellie, strap mention, weed usage, oral, dirty talk, fingering, begging, degrading (slut, whore), edging, pet names (good girl, princess).

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Ellie and you are best friends since you guys were 13 years old. You met in school and immediately clicked once you found out you were both into soccer and started practicing together.

It has never been a secret that you like girls, you told Ellie about your first kiss story the second day you met. And she also confessed you that she has always been into girls. Being queer is one of your favorite topics to talk about.

Ellie has always had game, and also you. You usually help each other out to get girls. If a cutie catches your eye, you immediately tell Ellie about it, you can’t keep your mouth shut around her, and she’s always happy to help you grab the courage to talk to them, and viceversa.

Today is gonna be a good day. It’s Saturday, and both of you were invited to the quarterback’s birthday party at 9 pm.

You check the hour in your phone. It’s 7:30. “Fuck. I’m gonna be late.” - you mutter. You’re wearing pijamas, because you’ve been laying in bed all day, watching tiktoks, and wasting your time.

But you have to pick Ellie up. You’re late.

You quickly dress up, putting on your black worn out jeans, black converse, black T- shirt and a Leather jacket. Full black is never a crime.

You pick up your keys and rush out of home, not saying goodbye to your parents.

You get inside your car and speed up to get to Ellie’s house, so you decide to call her.

“Waddup els? You ready? I’m on my way.” - you say as soon as she picks up.

“You have to be kidding me. I forgot.” - She mutters through the phone, with a low tone and a sleepy voice.

You frown.

“What the fuck Ellie. Are you sleeping or something? Get the fuck up. I’m literally 4 blocks away.”

“Shit. Wait.” - She says, and like that, she hangs up. She always does that.

You throw your phone in your backseat, and arrive to her place.

You get out of the car, and knock on her door, loudly.

“Ellie!!!!” - You yell.

“I’m coming!” - She yells back from her window.

So you wait, until she’s ready, right outside her door.

And just like that, after waiting for 15 fucking minutes, she opens the door.

“Hello there.” - She says, smirking. She’s wearing a green flannel, blue jeans and a black beanie.

“You made me wait too much, I thought we’d agree you’d be ready by 8 pm. But let’s go.” - You say and she nods, following you as you hop in the car.

You start driving and look at her again. She never fails to look amazing. She has this weird ass smile and look in her face. But she looks pretty cute.

“You look good.” - You compliment your friend.

“And you look like shit.” - She says back and laugh.

“Can you stop messing with me for one second, Ellie?” - You say, as you roll your eyes.

“No. How could I even do that? Besides…admit that I look better than you right now. I’m gonna get all the bitches for sure.” - She says, with a cocky smile on her face.

“Bye.” - You reply. “Bet I’ll get more girls than you but okay…”

She rolls her eyes. “We’ll see.” - She says and keeps looking at you.

She has always thought you were pretty attractive though. She has always liked the way your lips form a smile, and your glances, and your style, and your beautiful eyes, and your hands…even more when you guys are playing video-games…and the way you’re all focused, and get pissed when you lose. She loves that.

She’s a total tease, and loves to mess up with your mood, just for fun…because she’s your best friend.

She looks at you while your eyes are focused on the road. Her eyes travel to your hands, and how they squeeze the wheel. She bites her lip. She can’t help but squeeze her thighs. She imagines the things those hands do to other girls.

And suddenly she’s frowning.

Damn…why is she thinking about her best friend like this?

“You good? You’re too quiet.” - You say and that makes her flinch out of her thoughts.

“Yeah yeah. Are we almost there?” - She asks, as she clears her throat.

“Mhmm.” - You say.

You see all these random people getting inside of the birthday boy’s big house and you park somewhere near the house.

“C’mon els.” - You tell her and she walks with you.

The place is too crowded. There’s too many people, and they’re already drinking like there’s no tomorrow. The whole place smells like smoke and weed.

“God…I hope I can smoke some weed today.” - She says loudly, but you can still her through the music.

“Yeah? You brought some?” - I ask her.

“No. But I might know someone that has that.” - She says and winks.

This is gonna be fun.

———————————————————————-

The party keeps on going. You don’t know what time it is, but you’ve had a few drinks and you don’t care.

You and Ellie have been dancing together the whole night, jumping around, and laughing.

“Fuckkkkkkkkk….” - She says. “I’m having so much fun right now.” - She confesses, laughing.

“Me too!!” -You say smiling. “We haven’t even been on the pretty girls around.” - I joke.

She stops smiling.

“Yeah. Right.” - She says.

Suddenly, I see a pretty girl, looking at me. She’s drinking, and dancing with her friends, but she’s smirking at me. She’s wearing a tiny little black dress that reveals a little, and leaves a lot to the imagination.

Ellie makes me come back to reality.

“What are you looking at?” - She says, standing in-front of me with her arms crossed.

“That girl is cute, ain’t she?” - I say, pointing at her and she waved at us.

Ellie rolls her eyes.

“No, she’s not.” - She blurts out. She’s drunk.

“Oh c’mon Ellie! She’s so our type.” -You tell her, expecting a smile or a laugh from her but she just stays serious.

“Not my type.” - She says, grabs my hand and starts dragging me to the kitchen.

“Um…since when are you not into hot fems…” - You say, weirded out.

She ignores your comment, and takes a little bag out of her pocket.

Joints.

“Holy fuck. When did you get that?” - I ask her in surprise. You were next to her the entire time….Maybe she bought them when she went to the bathroom.

“Don’t ask. Want some?” - She says, and takes a puff out, as she puts the little bag in her pocket.

“Yeah.” - I say and try to grab the joint out of her hand, but she grabs my wrist tightly.

“No. Not here.” - She says, too serious. Her eye contact is too fucking intense.

“Well…where then?” - I ask. “We’re literally in somebody else’s house right now.”

She doesn’t say a word and grabs your wrist to drag you somewhere again.

“What the-“

“Shut up.” - She says, and takes me to somebody’s dorm room in the house.

“Um…” - You say, and she lets you go to close the door behind you.

“Wanna smoke with you. But not in-front of everyone.” - She says as she sits on the bed and you sit on a chair, that is close by the bed.

“Come closer.” - She says, and takes the lighter out of her pocket to light the cigarette.

You get up and walk towards her to sit next to her as she takes the first hit. She looks like she’s really enjoying it, inhaling the substance and looking directly in your eyes while she exhales it.

“May I?” - You say, putting your hand on her hand, to take the joint.

“Mhm.” - She says, and you take it out of her mouth, and inhale. She’s looking at how you take your time smoking it.

“Why are you so serious Ellie?” - You ask her. “You mad or something?”

You feel certain tension between you two. Something you haven’t felt. Ever.

-“No. ‘m not.” - She says as she looks at your hand, offering the joint back to her. “Why would I be mad?” - She says, and inhales.

“Um…I don’t know. You tell me. Have I done something wrong?” - You ask, concerned. You care about her. “Was it because I rushed you to be ready when I picked you up?”

“No.” - Is all she says.

You look down. She’s definitely acting fucking weird.

“Tell me Ellie.”

“No. I’m good.” - She hums.

“Was it…because I had more game than you today?” - You smirk, remembering the cute girl that was looking at you and expecting her to react somehow. But she doesn’t.

“Don’t bring that shit up.” - she says.

“Oh so it’s that…” - You say, and take a hit.

She stays quiet.

“Talk Ellie. Fucking talk.” - You say, now getting a little bit annoyed.

“Yeah. It’s about her.” - She says, making eye contact with you the entire time.

“Fuck…you like her or something? Ellie, I would never get in between you an-

“I don’t want her looking at you.” -She cuts you off.

What.

“Um.” That caught you off guard. “I mean…is she mean? Or is she a bad person? You’ve never been worried about who I mess around with…” - You say and she chuckles.

But that little laugh sounds sassy as fuck.

“I just don’t want her around you.” - She confesses.

Deep inside she feels like she’s saying too much, but she doesn’t really care anymore. She admits to herself that she has been swallowing her jealousy when you bring a girl into the conversations. She’s been trying to “help” you, while she threatens the girls you like, only for them not to call you back, or show up in the dates.

She’s been trying to fucking cockblock you, and you have no fucking idea why every girl you flirt with has been ignoring you after having sex.

“She might just be like all the girls you know?” She says, smirking. “And leave you waiting.”

That hurts your ego.

“Shut the fuck up.” - You say, a little pissed.

“You should listen to me, and stop fucking with all these girls, if they’re gonna keep leaving.” - She says, hiding her true intentions with you.

“You’re a fucking bitch for bringing this up. They like me!” - You reply.

“Do they?…” - She pauses. “Maybe you just don’t fuck them good enough.”

Oh.

“The fuck did you just say?” - You say. You’re mad and that has her smirking like crazy. She’s playing with you, and you have no fucking idea.

“You heard me angel.”

That makes your head ring.

“Maybe you just don’t fuck them good enough. Your stroke game is weak? Maybe you don’t have them squirming beneath you like you should, and that’s why they go…” - She teases.

You cross your arms.

“Fuck you. I fuck them real good.” - You say and that makes her clench her fists.

She doesn’t like the thought of you fucking another girl. Making them squirt all over your strap, making them scream your name in pleasure. She swallows her feelings and says:

“Talk your talk. But I’ve heard them talk.” She lies. “Poor you, thinking you actually made them cum.”

“Fucking shut up.” - You say.

“Or what?” - She replies, and smirks.

Oh my god. She’s insane.

If she wasn’t your best friend, you’d probably be fucking her dumb like a slut right now, and proving her wrong. But she doesn’t mean it like that…Does she?

I mean, She’s fucking hot, but she’s not really your type….

Masc lesbian? Dominant in bed? A fucking tease?

Nah…you like pretty, bratty, submissive girls.

You flinch when you feel her hand on your thigh, and you look at her tattooed arm, and how she starts tracing circles with her thumb on it.

Fuck.

Why did that make your fucking pussy throb?

How could you fuck her? You could never ruin such a beautiful friendship like this, could you?

“What are you doing?” - you blurt out. You can’t think straight. Your best friend is literally touching your leg right now.

“I don’t know. What am I doing?” - She teases, with her hand still on your thigh.

“Ellie…” You start saying but she cuts you off.

“You know what? Maybe you should just..,get your reputation back, you know?” - She says and you raise your eyebrow.

“What?” - You say, truly confused.

“Yeah…you know…maybe I could tell them you can actually fuck.” - She says looking at her own hand on your thigh now, as she brings it closer to your crotch.

The way she’s touching you has your pussy clenching. And you hate it.

Or do you?

“Yeah…you should tell them that…” - You hiss.

“Mhm..” - She says. “But what will I get in return?”

Woah.

“Uh…what? What do you mean by that Ellie?” - You say, when I’m the back of your head, and by the way she’s touching you, you know what she wants.

“Fuck me.” That’s it for you. “Fuck me good, and I’ll tell everyone that talks shit about you that you’re a god in bed.”

She’s fucking lying. Everyone says you’re good in bed, but she just needs you so bad. And she knows your ego is easy to hurt. She’s gonna get what she wants.

“You’re…you’re out of your fucking mind Ellie.” - You say, but then you feel her hand on your crotch. Touching you the way you’ve never thought you’d be touched by her.

And it has you fucking aching.

“Yeah? Am I? I’m just saying…If you wanna get your stupid reputation back…you’re gonna have to fuck me.” - She says, confident.

You look at her green eyes, the way her lips form a devilish smile and you wanna throw yourself at her.

What’s wrong with you?

“Fuck it.” - You finally say, as you grab her face and kiss her.

She moans into the kiss, and hums as she puts her hands on your waist.

You deepen the kiss, forcing your tongue inside of her mouth and she gladly takes it. Making out with you.

This feels good. Too fucking good, you’re a soaking wet mess, and you just wanna know if she is too.

You move your hand to her jeans, and quickly unbutton them, with one hand. Sliding your fingers inside of her boxers.

She’s soaked.

“Fuck.” You mutter on her lips. “Fucking wet already? Huh? Wanted me to fuck you so bad?” - You say and she nods in response.

“Don’t pretend like you aren’t fucking drenching for me too, bitch.” - She talks back.

“Oh yeah? You wanna talk back huh?” -You say, as you slide a finger inside of her with no warning, and you start plumping them in and out of her.

She moans in response and throws her head back.

“Cat got your fucking tongue huh? Gonna make you shut the fuck up.” - You say.

You enjoy being rough with her, and by the way she’s clenching your fingers, you can tell she likes it too.

You throw her on the bed and take her jeans off, leaving her with her boxers on.

You get on top of her kiss her neck, and all of her body.

You trail little kisses on her cleavage, down to her stomach and she’s a whimpering mess.

“Want me to taste you?” - I say.

“Lick my fucking pussy already.” - She replied boldly.

Alright.

You lick her perfect belly, and position yourself in between her legs, and you decide to keep teasing her. She deserves it.

You pull her boxers down a little bit, revealing her little clit, and smirking at how wet she is.

“Fucking whore. You just wanted me to fuck you dumb didn’t you?” - You say, and before she can say anything, you put your tongue on her clit, and start tracing little circles with it, you flick your tongue all over it, and suck on it like a pro.

She feels like she’s in heaven, with your mouth pleasing her, and her only. But the thought of you with other women, with their legs spread open for you hits her again.

The thought of that fucking pisses her off, so she grabs your hair, and presses your head against her center, forcing you to suck rougher on her pussy.

she’s using your mouth like a fucking toy, and groaning in pleasure.

“Suck on it bitch, c’mon. Fuck.” - She cussed out, smirking as she thrusts her hips onto your mouth.

That catches you by surprise, but you make sure to tongue fuck her, just to hear how loud her moans are getting.

“Oh fuck yeah…just like that.” - You look up at her, and she’s a moaning mess, her grip on your hair is now weak, and she’s shaking.

You grab her thighs roughly, and slap them.

She immediately flinches.

“You think you can just use my mouth like that, huh?” - You slap her clit and she moans, hands gripping the sheets. “Trying to make yourself fucking cum? Oh no, princess…you’re gonna have to beg for it.” - You say, as you slide a finger inside of her.

She’s a fucking mess. She wanted this for so fucking long, and now she’s getting it. Her best friend is fucking her pussy so good, she feels like she’s about to cry.

“Holy fuck!” - She says.

“Yeah? You like it don’t you?” - You say, and you can’t handle the ache between your legs. It’s even painful. The way your finger goes in and out of her so easily from her soakness blows your mind, and has you creaming in your boxers.

“Fuck yeah. Please…” - She says, not giving a fuck about begging, even though she doesn’t even know what she’s begging for at the moment.

You add another finger, and slide them in and out roughly, feeling her clenching on them like crazy.

She’s about to cum.

“Fuck yes yes yes, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me just like that.” - She begs.

“Don’t you dare fucking cum yet, you filthy slut.” - You command, and she rolls her eyes in pleasure.

She definitely likes when you call her like that. She never imagined she would like getting dominated and degraded by another woman, but everytime she was alone, she fucked herself thinking about how good you’d take her from behind.

As much as she wanted to do the same to you, you’re too much for her too handle. She’s so close to cumming all over your fingers right now.

“Oh my fuck- fucking god!” - Your fingers keep going in and out of her pussy, and you lick her puffy clit while you finger-fuck her.

You lick it up and down, flick it slowly with your tongue, leave little kisses on it, own it like a fucking pro.

“Who fucking owns this pussy? Huh?” - You ask and she can barely talk. She’s too drunk in the feeling of your sweet licks.

“You. You do.” - She confesses as she starts clenching your fingers, she’s close again.

“You’ll cum when I tell you to fucking cum okay?” - You say and she nods. “Good girl.” - You compliment her.

“If you can take my fingers this fucking well, like such a fucking whore…imagine how good you’d take my cock.” - I say and she puts her hand on her mouth, to cover her moans and i quickly slap her thigh clit again.

“Don’t fucking cover your mouth. I wanna hear you.” - She nods and puts her hand on my head, now caressing it. “You like that don’t you? The thought of cumming all over my cock, milking me fucking dry.”

“Holy fuck. Let me cum…please let me cum, I’ll do anything, please.”- She says…And I feel her walls biting my fingers…

“So desperate.” - I smirk. “Fucking cum baby, cum like you’d cum on my dick.” - I tell her and she cums so fucking hard, i even hurts my fingers. But I like it so much, I’m edging myself so good to this.

“That’s it baby, good, good fucking girl.” - I praise her and press little kisses on her clit, with my fingers still inside of her.

“Fuck…oh my god.” - She bites her lip and runs her hands through her hair.

I pull my fingers out of her and get on top of her to kiss her lips softly.

“You did so good.” - I praise her, and lay next to her. She looks at me and smiles. “You fucked me so good, just like I thought you would.”

I chuckle.

“Yeah? You gonna tell them girls I’m good in bed now?” - I tease her.

“No. You’re mine.” - She says. Suddenly serious again.

What?

“I actually lied to you, they never said you suck in bed. They always say you’re too good at eating pussy.” - She confesses and rolls her eyes. “They brag about it all the time. But the truth is…that I’m jealous.”

“They don’t talk to you after the first link because…I threaten them not to get near you…I tell them I’ll put drugs in their backpacks and get them expelled.” - she confesses.

Holy shit. She’s fucking Evil.

All this fucking time? She has been ruining your dates?

Why? Does she like you? She just said she’s jealous. But jealous as a friend or…

“What the fuck. And you lied to me right now?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I just…I just wanted you so bad. I’m…I like you. A lot.” - She says, looking straight into your eyes and you’re suddenly weak.

Your best friend, the girl that was screaming your name beneath you a few minutes ago, likes you.

Oh my god…

I’ve been so stupid.

You remember all those times she has frowned when you have mentioned those girls to her, that one time when she almost kissed you when she was drunk…that other time when you found her diary, and your name was written all over it.

You thought she just really cared about you as a friend…but after this?

What could happen?

Could you ruin the friendship?

#lesbian #lgbt #lgbtq #tlou #wlw ns/fw #ellie x reader #wlw post #tlou fanfiction #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie #ellie x fem reader

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unforth · 6 months

Text

I had a day off yesterday.

And I can already practically hear the assumptions that such a statement is prompting the reader to make. Those assumptions are wrong. I don't mean I didn't work. I did, for about 8 hours. That's not at all what I mean.

I mean my wife took the kids out at 9:30, spent the night with her mom, isn't back yet the next morning.

There are things I NEED people on this website to understand about parenting. And I've talked about it before, and I'll talk about it again, because honestly the way that Tumblr as a cohort talks about parents makes me sick. Multiple polls have shown that only about 2% of people on here are parents. We're a huge minority, and we're constantly talked over, ignored, or accused of being bad parents (like, personally, I have had people reply to my comments or come on to my posts and tell me I shouldn't have my kids). In my case, being a parent means I'm almost 41, I'm married to @ramblingandpie, and our children are inching up on being 8 and 6 years old.

My entire day, and therefore my entire life, revolves around them. I'm up most mornings at 5 AM, because that's the earliest they're "allowed" to wake up, and so my brain just defaults to being awake around then - better to wake up before them, at least then I get a few minutes in the morning. Between 5 and 7, I sit with them, do my social media, work on side blogs, study Chinese. Then it's helping them get ready for school, then my wife or I or both get them on the bus, and then I work until the last possible minute, which is either when I need to go pick them up for an after school activity or when I need to go down and meet them off the bus. My afternoons are after school activities, chores such as washing the dishes and cleaning up toys, talking with them, working with them, playing with them. Their bedtime starts at 7:40, and my son gets scared if I leave before he falls asleep so I sit with him until about 8:15. As soon as he's asleep, I go fall on my face, sleep as best I can, then wake up and do it again. Overnight, it's hard to sleep deeply, because about once a week someone will wake up in the middle of the night and need help. That could be as minimal as a hug or as complex as having to completely change the bedding on a bunk bed at 2 AM while also comforting a child who is afraid they'll be in trouble, or afraid they're sick, or afraid of their nightmare, or, or, or. Further, if a child is awake, there is always noise. I usually study Chinese with two or more competing sources of noise. I read the same way. My life is loud, and active, and consists of constant interruptions.

I adore my family, and I love my children, but this is terrible for me.

I do all of this as an neurodivergent introvert. My clinical depression is at least medicated, mostly because post-partum depression after I gave birth the first time nearly drove me to suicidal in under a week (we were expecting this and were prepared, fortunately, getting help was as simple as a phone call). The constant noise and interruptions and forced socialibility are about the worst combination of home-life I could be subjected to. I spend far too many early mornings just breathing deeply and gearing myself up to be subjected to the wall of Loud, Boisterous, Needing-My-Attention that is every minute when anyone else in the house is awake.

So what did my day off look like?

I helped get the kids ready to go and did some morning chores. I'd been up at 4:30 AM so I also had already social media'd and studied. Then, while my wife finished the preparations, I started work, and I worked from about 8 am to about 4 pm, straight. I didn't get hungry so didn't bother stopping for lunch. No one interrupted me, no one asked me to look at anything they'd built, no one broke my concentration, no sounds could be heard except those I'd chosen myself.

I'd been out the day before at a local shopping street and listened closely to the things the kids said they wanted, so at 4 I grabbed a couple orders I needed to ship for work and drove to our local downtown, dropped the orders in a post box, then went back to the shops and did some Christmas shopping in the 45 minutes or so before everything closed. I think I'm basically done with what we'll get them - other bigger things will be left to grand parents - so that's a load off, I literally had a stress dream earlier this week about it being 12/24 and having forgotten to do the shopping and having to go to (oh horrors) the mall on the day before Christmas. (Reminder: I'm a Jewish atheist. It's just virtually impossible not to Holiday in the Culturally Christian Hellscape that is the US. Also, my wife is Christian. So.) Found something cute for my wife, too, even tho I already know the main thing I'm getting her. Then, I realized - one of my favorite restaurants is on that block. So. I went there. I sat by myself at a table, only the indistinct restaurant hubbub around me. I read four or five chapters of my book, and ate a savory crepe, and drank lovely fruit tea, and got a scone to-go that I'll eat for lunch today. It was more than I probably should have spent on myself - about $25, including tip - but fuck it. I only get maybe a handful of days off all year, and I'm allowed to indulge a little.

Then I came home. There were no lights on. There was no noise. I had considered doing some more merch work while watching TV on the actual television (my kids are too young for subtitled shows, so usually if I want to watch My Shows I either have to do it on my computer when they're not around, or put them on and read all the subtitles aloud while trying to keep up and process the actual meaning of what I'm reading). But when I got back, the quiet and dark was so goddamn NICE that instead I curled up on the couch and read more of my book. I did that until bedtime - still about 8:15, because I'm exhausted. Then...I went to bed. And I slept long and deep, knowing that there was no chance I'd be interrupted and woken up, I didn't have to be, even in sleep, alert to every noise and possibility that I'd be needed.

I'm still exhausted and burned out, but even one night to myself felt really, really nice.

Saying "Tumblr does X" as a universal statement is doomed to failure, but generally speaking, the parenting posts I see on Tumblr, the ones with tens or hundreds of thousands of notes, speak what's apparently widely seen as a truism on here: that unless someone wants to spend 24/7 with their kids, to be 100% emotionally available at all times, is always kind and patient and perfect, they are a bad parent, maybe even abusive. I remember when covid started, there were multiple posts actively mocking the "oh god, my kids are now home all the time, how am I supposed to do this?" attitude that a lot of parents posted in despair. WhY dId YoU hAvE kIdS iF yOu DoN't WaNt To SpEnD tImE wItH tHeM?

Look at what my usual day looks like.

Look at what my day off looked like.

Do you really think I don't want to spend time with my kids? Do you really think I don't love my kids?

But I'm not a fucking MACHINE. I'm a PERSON. That's what people on Tumblr seem to forget. PARENTS ARE PEOPLE. The same tumblrinas who post ~uwu be kind to yourself rest if you need to, you should forgive yourself for that mistake you made~ will turn around, with zero sense of irony, and post "you're a bad parent if you ever raise your voice around a child."

Expecting parents to be perfect means expecting parents to be inhuman. It also means that a parent can't be poor (can't spend all your time being the perfect parent if you have to work multiple jobs or weird hours!), can't be introverted (can't be a perfect parent if you're not completely emotional available, god forbid socializing is exhausting for you), can't be on the ADHD or autism spectrum (what do you mean you forgot to get your kid to a doctor's appointment once? what do you mean over-stimulation can make you angry? how dare you get angry at a kid!), can't be depressed (gotta get out of bed every single day, gotta always be upbeat, patient, happy, or else that's Evil), can't be (like my wife) physically disabled (what do you mean your hands hurt too much to hold a child's hand? are you denying them touch?? CRUEL). And when the only answer you can offer to that is, "if you can't be that perfect you shouldn't be a parent," then you're saying people who aren't middle class to wealthy, people who aren't neurotypical, people who aren't physically able, shouldn't have children.

And honestly...what the fuck is your problem?

I'm not perfect. I tell my kids to just leave me alone sometimes. I raise my voice, especially when one of my kids starts punching the other, but also sometimes just cause I'm exhausted and Can't Anymore. I've forgotten an appointment by accident and felt like a total fucking idiot, and I've skipped an after school activity because I just wasn't up for taking them. I've served them more unbalanced, unhealthy meals than I can count. I've made many, many mistakes, but I've also done my best, and I love my kids, and I hope that when they grow up, they'll still love me even as they recognize that I wasn't perfect, just as I've come to accept my own parents' short-comings while still loving them very much. They're people, too, and the older I get, the more I understand where they were coming from.

When I fuck up, I apologize.

When they tell me they're unhappy with something I've done, I apologize, and I try to do better. Sometimes I even succeed.

This shit is hard, yo. And it's getting harder every year.

I'm BEGGING Tumblr: you need to start seeing parents as people. The way y'all talk about parenting on here is toxic, and genuinely harmful, and frankly exhausting. You have no idea what the reality of raising kids is like, and you need to shut the entire fuck up.

I had a day off yesterday.

I might get one more before the end of 2023.

I already can't wait. I am so, so, so tired. sigh

(if you actually read this whole rant and even a single word of it resonated for you, please reblog it. I'm tired of never seeing positive posts about parenting while I see negative ones with a bajillion notes.)

#unforth rambles #parenting #momblr #nothing prompted this #i just think about writing posts like this all the time #because the low-level background buzz of how much tumblr hates parents is a constant stressor tbh #and every once and a while i tip over the line end up Writing the Thing #and so here we are again #god i have so much to do today and instead i procrastinate with this #oops

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