#i had a convo w my family and this is what i wish i had said

[celestie0]

Hi love! idk if you'll ever take pregnancy/parenting route in any of your stories, nor is this me pestering you to go down that road, but if by some miracle you do please make gojo a girldad. Idc about the boymom gojo agenda it's a propaganda set out by gaygay to brainwash us all. He's a girldad and all the more better if his daughter is a fire sign like him (I absolutely do not mean a dynamic like his and nobara's. What do you guys even mean where did that even come from. 🙄 /s)

It'd be the funniest thing ever if at first during the infancy stage, the baby is just calm as fuck, sleeps all day long and throws zero tantrums and everyone is like...awww. thank fucking god atleast personality-wise she takes after her mother.

Then the talking stage sets in and BOOM. Owari da. That's genderbend gojo 2.0. Never stops yapping and gojo indulges her nonstop so he's obviously her favourite person to walk on god's green earth. They both dote on reader so while she does end up exhausted with their constant banter, it's still her family that she'd 100% kill for. Man gojo just screams girldad 🥲 he'd call reader and his daughter "my favourite girls" ykw my brain is melting at this point let me just stop.

Anyway girldad gojo for the win forever and always.

OUUU MY GOSSHH I AM SO SOFT FOR ALL OF THIS PLEASE 😭🙏🏼💕 i SO agree w you, i lowkey think if gojo had only boys he’d be SO sad ☹️ obviously he’d love his kiddos anyway but he’d so secretly wish for a baby girl 🥺💕 naw bc the way he be w megumi and yuuji like he’s soooo rowdy and even endangers them at times LMFAOO like when he dragged yuuji out w him during his first fight w jogo and him roasting megumi when he was holding himself back w his lack of confidence in his cursed technique

BUT WITH A DAUGHTEERRRR?? 🥺☹️😩😍🫶🏼 please he’d be SO soft that girl would be so spoiled to a fault LOL and i can so see the baby being super chill n sweet disposition in her first few years but then becomes gojo 2.0 as a toddler n kiddo ✋🏼😭 and then he’d start to get a lil more lax n playful w her but she’d still be a lil girlie girl and want her hair braided n nails painted im literally gonna sob i cant :”) his favorite girls <3

aaa idk if there will be baby content in kickoff since it’s college au, i can see including in some post series content 🤔 i wanted to write kickoff couple baby making smut like waaay down the line in their relationship like late 20s or sumn eheheh

BUT in ihm, gojo has a little niece that’s like five yrs old and he ADORES her, plus ihm reader has babysat her a couple times when gojo couldnt so the lil girl calls her auntie xD so ihm gojo def wants a baby girl someday ✋🏼😭 i can totally see ihm couple having convos ab kids n babies n having a cute lil family post series <33 except in ihm, i feel like reader is more of a menace than gojo at times xD so if their daughter takes after him AND her…………..god bless their souls HAHAH

omg thanks sm for sharing thiss im so warm n fuzzy inside aaa <33

#im tagging bc ppl need to see anon’s headcanon #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru headcanons #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #gojo satoru fluff #fluff #gojo fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #asks #anon #kickoff #in holy matriphony #gojo x reader fluff

[vampire-cathedral]

People, especially settlers, have a lot of misconceptions about the idea of land back, most relevantly about the phrase "from the river to the sea". It is not calling for Jewish genocide or Jews to be forcibly removed via genocide from Palestine. When we say "From the river to the Sea, Palestine will be free" it means exactly that, a Free Palestine, and that means getting the Israeli government out. NOT the Jewish people, but the occupying State of Israel. So many Jews and Palestinians have stood together in solidarity against State violence and colonization. Historically, they regarded each other as friends and neighbors, watched each other's kids. But how can you regard people who take over your homes, imprison and slaughter your people and raze your lands and burn your olive trees as neighbors?

As an American and an anarchist, I understand hating a state but loving its people. That is where I learned about Land Back, this concept of native sovereignty. There's this fear amongst settlers that colonized people will do everything to them that they did first, they're afraid of revenge. But indigenous peoples want justice, peace, things everyone wants bc they are people. We are all just people. And as an anarchist, I don't believe in states and borders, but in collaboration.

#free palestine #now and forever #i had a convo w my family and this is what i wish i had said #land back

[boarwinds]

OP i beg you tell me everything about the phantom of the opera/parent trap au, i need all the details.

Here u go:

What if CSLG never have that 3rd person convo, they still go to the cabin n CS gets rid of the guns.

u where cslg split amicably (as amicable as a split can be w cs being involved). Cs never brings up the 3rd person, they still go to the cabin, and cs still gets rid of the guns. Atp he starts realizing he can go back to d2/the capitol without worry n rly, lg has no use for him, he'll only slow her down. He doesn't worry abt lg betraying him bc who'll believe her over him? Either way she can't tell anyone, going back to d12 is a death sentence for her.

He makes promises he knows he can't keep, like how he won't let anybody hurt a hair on her head despite not having the power to guarantee her safety. The effort he's putting into this performance is a flimsy excuse to say he tried to keep them together. He knows she knows, n he's counting on it, for her to say it's no use so they can split n he won't have to feel guilty abt leaving her.

Only he needs to know that the next time they meet, he'll be in his rightful seat at the top of the capitol social/power ladder, he'll sweep her off her feet n she'll be so grateful. He'll rise to power n ask for forgiveness later.

Just as he predicted, lg tells him they're not in the games anymore, they won't get lucky again, he can't protect her in d2. So they stand in silence in the cabin nobody making a move, bc they know the only one she can make is to leave. Lg comes to the conclusion that they've made use of e/o, they've reached their end. She goes. He's back in the capitol in no time.

(He waits a while before going back to 12 to give her enough time to escape before the peacekeepers are alerted. Cs heads to the covey where he personally let's maude ivory know lg is gone. He just let's her cry n punch into his chest.)

Meanwhile lg continues further into the wild.

Back in 12, a new mayor is elected, but the real power lies w the new commander. He's strict but not overly cruel. Don't get in his way n everything will be alright. He's young n handsome n has managed to charm most of d12, it makes it easier for everyone to fall in line. Maude ivory doesn't like who he reminds her of.

A few months pass n the new commander goes out patrolling the outskirts of 12. He's overseeing the construction of the barbed wire fence to be set up around the perimeter n wants to see for himself before it happens. He stumbles upon a lake w a cabin. Inside is a person, silent n still, face down on the floor.

(After yrs in the wild) lg is dying. She knows it. She's made her decision. She's going back to 12 to see her family one last time, she doesnt care if she's caught. Whether it's illness or a hanging that gets her, it doesn't matter, life in the woods alone without family isn't a life for her. On her worst days she wished she had come along w cs.

He realizes she's still alive when she starts to cough n rushes to her side. He starts to pick her up to bring her to the infirmary. Even w the grime n dirt on her face he would recognize her anywhere, the songbird who won the 10th games, the one he couldn't look away from back in the capitol. She opens her eyes n the only thing he hears is "...c��ri○|@nus? What did u do to ur hair" as she reaches up to his face n passes out.

Lg wakes up in a hospital in 12. She thinks she's hallucinating when she sees cs sitting by her side. She says "c○ri○|@nus" again n panics n starts to pull at wires connecting her to diff machines. The man notices n tries to calm her down, hands up like shes an untamed horse, "my name is William H. Bonney. I'm the commander of d12. You can call me billy."

(Referring to billy boy as billyb from here on out) billyb knows who cs is. Ever since his face was plastered all over the capitol bc of the games, all he's heard was how much he looks like him. He's heard the rumors of cs running away to 12 to be w his victor, his lover. He guesses those weren't unfounded. He shakes his head at how cs could ever leave a woman like her behind. How had she ended up in the woods half dead n him on his way to be president.

When lg wakes up again billyb have to restrain her. Billyb is so close to her, his eyes are exactly the same, he's telling her she's safe n she's transported right back. He has to tell her he's not cs, to look at his hair. He tugs at it to show her "see the roots?" It wasn't the hair that convinces her, billyb has a mole cs does not. He tells her "Idk what he did to u but I promise ur safe"

Over time billyblg develop a friendship. Lg has a hard time looking him in the face but sometimes she catches herself staring. Billyb feels her stare n let's her. Sometimes he stares right back w a smirk or a wink to catch her off guard. Lg feels ridiculous for blushing.

Billyb opens the hob back for lg n the covey.

Idk where it goes from here 🙂

Side note:

Cs had been working behind the scenes to keep d12 mostly lax for lg, removing the bounty for her, technically the reason billy was sent to 12 as commander

#ask #I actually wrote this entire thing down on my notes app at 3 am #it was fueled by delirium n my friend who kindly listened for hours #phantom parent trap au

[lillonvia]

— happy new year, from your dearest lili.

first off, i want to thank all of you guys for making my 2023 such an incredible rollercoaster !! ure all v silly n fun n adorable i js wanna grrRRAAA SMOTHERS ALL OF U WITH AFFECTION TAKE MY FUCKINH LOVE RAAAAHHHH 👹 I LOVE INTERACTING W ALL OF U IT ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE N GIGGLE LIKE AN IDIOT HEHEHEJFN 🤭🤭 

@idyllic-affections ꒱꒱ ADDIII MY ELDRITCH DEITY N LITTLE SIBLINGGGG 🥺🥺💕💘💖💖💗💘💘💕💝💗💝💖💘💖🩷💘💗 u were my v first moot on this site n ill never forget the fun convos n memories we’ve made over the months <33 ure v dear to me n i herkehehdbd *vibrating uncontrollably* I LOVEEE talking w u n DONT U DARE APOLOGIZE FOR REPLYING LATE RRRRRR 👹👹 /lh ur works always leave me feeling delulu n giddy n i end up imagining different scenarios w certain character nd AAADJFKFKFB I LOVE U SM WAAA

@soleillunne ꒱꒱ ALYYYYY !!! LYSSA !!! UUUU HI BELOVEDDDD MWAHH 😍🥰 i dont feel like weve been talking a lot bUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, IM ALWAYS WILLING TO WAIT FOR U UWAAA ure soso precious to me n i js wan give u A BIG KITH N HUGGIE bc i love u vm n u deserve it !!!! 🫶🫶 i hate the fact ure stressed w education n i wish i cld do more for u to help u feel better :((( but if ure ever in need of some form of comfort my discords always open for u n ill do my best for u <33 💖💕🩷💝💘

@fatuismooches ꒱꒱ SMOOCHES MY LOVE HI HELLO !!! ure so fun to be around N NOT TO MENTION URE ALSO ONE OF THE SWEETEST PPL IVE EVER MET WAAAA 😩 i had so much fun when we were both brainrotting so hard abt our dragon otter neuvie EHEHHEHR I WAS SOOO GIDDY THAT TIME BC NOT ONLY BC IT WAS NEUVIE BUT ALSO BC IT WAS U I WAS TALKING TO !!!!! 🥹🥹 YIPPEEEEE

@areislol ꒱꒱ REIREI MY CONFETTI CREEPER OMG !! m always so happi whenever we talk bc ure SO sweet n adorable n amazing !!! 🫶🫶🫶 i remember feeling shocked when u followed me n dropped by my inbox bc OMG !!! ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE WRITERS !!! FOLLOWING SILLY LIL ME!!!! UJWJEKRKSJANABA 🤭 

@mondaymelon ꒱꒱ the silliest watermelon to ever watermelon in existence !! interacting w u n seeing the silly things u say never fail to make me laugh BWJERJRKRKIFG m so glad i was able to work up the courage to be moots w u bc lets js say. I DONT REGRET IT 😋😋 ure so lovably unpredictable ND UR ART IS SO NOMNOMNOM DEVOURED N DIGESTED TEEHEEE JSJSKAKAN UUUU i love u 💝💕💕💗

@https-furina ꒱꒱ AAAAAAA FINA FINA FINA !!!!!! UWAAHDHHRHF NSJSJ YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE MY BELOVED POMERANIAN UUUUU RUNS AROUND IN A CIRCLE AROUND U we havent been mootsies for v long BUTBUT OMGG I ALWAYS HAVE THE FUNNEST TIME W U BC UWAAHH URE SO PRECIOUS N ADORABLE AAAAAA !!!! 🥺🥺 i still cant believe we ended up rambling to each other abt liyue hell family for eight hrs straight BUT IM NOT COMPLAINING BC IT FED N SOMEHOW SATIATED MY INNER ND OUTER DELULU 🫶💕💝💗💖🫶💕💝🤭💘 i love talking abt ocs w u HEJEKEJRH UR CHARACTERS R ALWAYS SO INTERESTING ?????? WHAT IS YOUR SECRET ???? /lh I WANNA GROW EVEN CLOSER W U IN 2024 MWAH MWAH LOVE U ALWAYS <333

@umgatochamadopercyval ꒱꒱ CLARACLARACLARA !!!! the cutie patootie sweetheart herself, in the flesh !!! sunshine in human form !! u have such an incredibly kind and beautiful soul UUUUU CRYING SOBBINH /pos I LOVE YOU SM love ur cat too btw JAJAJJAJ IM RLLY HOPING WE CAN INTERACT MORE OFTEN NEXT YEAR UWAAAHHJJH

to all my other moots who didnt make it on the list, M SO SORRYYYY DJJFN I JS NEED TO IMTERACT W U MORE SO I CAN HAVE MORE POSITIVE OPINIONS ABT U 😭 ITS NOTHING TO DO W U GUYS I PROMISE 🙏🙏 but w little conversation we have, i still appreciate each and every one of u 🫶🫶 KITH KITH MWAH once again, thank u sm for such an amazing year !!!! 💕💗💘🩷💝💖💖💕💗💘🫶🩷💝💕🫶

#W H E N I T E L L Y O U A L L I W A S V I B R A T I N G W H E N I W A S W R I T I N G T H I S #the shogun’s familiars.

[risetherivermoon]

I WANNA HEAR YOUR CROUCH FAMILY THOUGHT GIB GIB FEED MOIII!!!

snail ur amazing, also yes i shall :)) im always happy to talk about them oh my godddd, some of this will be a mix of general thoughts and just convos me and Leo ( @lostforgottenspaces ) have had abt the crouch family, specifically for our fic SFTDWD (Sing For The Damage We've Done) be prepped for a long ass rant!!

anyways, i feel like people don't talk about their canonical story as much as they should because they're so interestingggg,

Snr being in the ministry and not w/ the deatheaters?? Barty getting involved with them through his time at hogwarts??? The trial flashback??? Bartys own trial??? Mrs. Crouch sacrificing herself for her son??? Snr openly hating his own son??? Snr locking Barty away for decades in his childhood home??? Barty killing Snr?? Barty going back to the deatheaters?? like helloooo????

the angst potential there is so good i wish people used it moreee,

in my mind i view their dynamic as; Snr meeting Bartys mom/Laura (I usually name her Laura so I'll probably just use that here) in Italy when they are young, probably around 18-19. Laura had been homeschooled as a witch there with her family, and she meets Snr and they actually have a very happy love story,

but as time goes on, Snr's drive for success within the ministry pulls the couple a part. Snr believes he knows Laura fully, and that she's an angel, which is not true! Laura is human person who makes mistakes, but Snr sees her as someone higher, so when she does makes mistakes he loses it. They have a child because of a societal expectations, Snr never wanted kids, he believes them having a child will only hold him back.

Barty is born, Snr doesn't pay him much mind, though he tries to get past his negative feelings to be a father to his son. He attempts to be a better father than his own father was to him, but as time goes on he starts to care less and less. I imagine something happens in the ministry, maybe he gets demoted, and he starts blaming Barty for those problems, as well as Laura too.

Barty attempts to get his fathers positive attention for most of his childhood, though he never gets it. His father uses curses on him, especially the imperius curse, to get him to leave Snr alone. Laura tries to get Snr to stop, because she loves Barty, but Snr won't.

Another thing I like to note is because of Snr's cruel treatment of his son, Barty is much closer with his mother. Though he, as well as Snr, start to see her in this perfect light, and is confused when she does something that is more siding with Snr than with Barty. I think it adds depth to the two of them, being similar like that, and it makes Laura quite the tragic character imo, so yk 🤭 i love tragedy

anywho, Barty isn't allowed to leave the house much as a child, his only way of refuge is books and studying, so thats what he does. He reads and takes notes, etc. This is one of the reasons why he decides to take on all of his OWLs when he's in Hogwarts.

id imagine Barty slowly gets involved with Deatheater stuff simply by association with his classmates, hearing them talk, being a part of things like that. He'll join the deatheaters with them, secretly.

when he turns 18 and graduates, he gets a job at the ministry per his fathers request, while still being in with the deatheaters. A year passes, and at only 19 he gets exposed during Karkaroff's trial, his father is shocked and so is his mother. During his own trial, (along with the Lestranges) he gets sentenced to Azkaban, both his mother and father are present.

his capture soon weakens Laura's health, and she becomes weak. She tells Snr her last request, which is to save her son from a life in Azkaban. Snr begrudgingly helps her with this, and she switches place with Barty. Barty resists at first, though his mother tells him everything will be okay, because his father will keep him safe. Laura doesn't know what Snr will do afterwards to keep Barty out of the Deatheaters and Voldemorts company.

Barty still remains a prisoner, although now one in his own home, his childhood home. He's barely 21 at the time, and he spends around a decade there. Snr mostly ignores him, only hearing of him from their house elf, Winky. She becomes Barty's caregiver, bringing him food and keeping him company. Barty would ask her for the current news, for books to keep him entertained, and simply just to be around. Though, Winky wasn't allowed to talk to him mostly, she would follow his requests, and would stay around sometimes.

Barty was the one to convince Winky to bring him to a quidditch match, she then convinced Snr, who begrudgingly accepted after being prodded quite a bit. Then...well yk most of the rest of the story, blah blah he escapes for a second, blah blah...yk the jist.

I also like to think that Barty talks to Moody while he's being held captive in the suitcase thingy. He doesn't have anyone else to talk to and he hasn't been out of captivity in a while, which is one of the reasons why people think Moody is acting so weird, as he's being freakishly antisocial and unaware of things. But Moody knows like a shit ton about Barty and his life, just because I think that would be fun lol,

Barty then kills his father finally in an act of revenge, something that had been replaying in his head for years...he'd been imagining that moment since forever. He finally kills the man who tormented him for his whole life, and he relishes in the fact of seeing that Snr is terrified of him now, bc finally Snr gets to feel the same way that he had made his son feel for Barty's entire life.

And then, Barty loses his soul from the dementors kiss, and he's all alone...yk i love that fact so much. Especially for those Slytherin Skittle fans, Barty dies last out of all of them, and he's all alone.

another thing id like to note is Barty's involvement with the deatheaters. I think that it was a mix of him being with the wrong crowd, as well as basically seeking them out. He's being abused and neglected by his father, and it causes him to act out more, and he finds these kids who are basically doing the same thing, so he joins them, and then follows them. He's just a child when he does, he's ignorant obviously, and i think that's what really gets to me about his character.

Barty is practically still a child when everything happens to him. He and a lot of the deatheater characters in the marauders era are just victims of being looped in as a child, if childhood ignorance and abuse. Even though the crouch family isn't involved in the deatheaters, Barty still seeks comfort in it because he can't find it anywhere else, which is just fkin heartbreakingggg,

i love this family so much, they're so goddamn interesting to me, i love barty angst and just his character in general, i would love to see more people explore it, and i will always continue to throw my bbg around like a ragdoll!!!

anyway, thank u for the ask!! i love talking about them, so i will actually die for anyone who asks me abt them,

#marauders #marauders era #harry potter #hp #dead gay wizards #barty crouch jr #bartemius crouch junior #barty crouch sr #bartemius crouch senior #mrs crouch #the crouch family #me rambling #me rambling like hell #winky the house elf

[quirkle2]

HELLO ermm i love ur zombie au and i have a few questions about it i came up with while scrolling thru the tag if thats fine !!!!

ritsu and mob arent quite the same after being cured and all, but what about teru and reigen and tome?

By the moment mob gets cured, is the apocalypse also coming to an end?

how did teru and reigens adventure while searching for the kagebrothers go?

how did reigen and teru react to meeting tome?

why were the kagebros and teru with reigen? where are the kageyamas' parents?

HOPE THESE ARENT TOO MUCH I LOVE TJIS AU BYE

hello!! im glad ur likin it so far :]

this is a lotta questions (which, dw, i am stoked about) so this gets kinda long. tome backstory inside of a mini tangent tho so<3

(i talk abt the typical zombie au stuff but Also there's child and parental death here so be careful)

all of them are affected pretty greatly by this—it's an apocalypse after all. reigen is probably a bit hyper vigilant about keeping the kids in his sights, since last time he failed to do that, they got separated for like 2 years, mob got turned into a zombie, and ritsu gained trauma <3 he became quite protective over teru as time went on, since the kid was rly all he had left. it's actually a point of minor tension between him n teru; that is, teru being tired of his constant worry. reigen generally does a pretty good job at hiding those worries, but as time goes on that ability to mask it slips from his hold

he makes a strict rule that if they're going somewhere, they are using the buddy system and reigen Needs to know exactly where they're going. you can imagine a group of teenagers that want privacy have a bit of an issue w this sometimes, but they mostly understand

teru is very lucky to stick w his adoptive father for the whole journey (he'd.already adopted teru by the time the apocalypse rolled around) and he's very aware of that. he's no doubt run into plenty of dangerous situations with a plan that he does not bother to inform reigen abt, and therefore has given reigen approximately 16571651 heart attacks, and most likely has traumatized himself as well. teru is generally better at keeping a good mindset in situations like this, but it does indeed get to him sometimes. he's still just a kid, and it all feels kinda hopeless to him, bc even if they Do find ritsu n mob, what then? even living in a settlement doesn't guarantee your survival

teru seems to stick closer to people after everything—he hates being alone and gets kinda scared when left to his own devices. he likes hearing people talk around him; prolly a product of reigen constantly talking to him during the journey to keep their minds off of the Horrors. he cannot deal with silence

^ i WISH i had more to say about reigen n teru as a whole but unfortunately the main gang gets all of my attention and brain power . whyam i like this

tome is pretty hardy, and even though she lost her original family and ended up walking away from her adoptive one at the settlement, she rarely lets people know that gets to her other than a convo or two here and there with ritsu. she Is a little paranoid after everything, and it's a bit of a mix between her own paranoia and trauma getting to her along with ritsu's contagious vigilance. they both look over their shoulders for threats and sleep with their weapons—when tome joined ritsu n mob, she was targeted as well, so she's adopted some of those prey instincts

sorry if i go on a tome tangent here, but a theme w tome throughout this is that she never quite fits in anywhere. she never feels like she's somewhere she was Meant to be, and she's just kinda wandering from group to group searching for something that can replace the hole her original family's deaths left

i don't have a set-in-stone scene in my head for how it happens, but i've always imagined tome has a sister, either older or younger. in this au she's younger, and she unfortunately becomes a zombie. whether it was tome's fault or not, she Believes it is, and she did what everybody had told her to do—tome "mercy" killed her sister.

the Reason she joins ritsu n mob is because she sees a way for her to "redeem" herself—ritsu didn't go through with that choice. ritsu chose to spare mob, and take care of him, no matter How hard it got, and she feels like if she helps out w this, and aids in keeping somebody's beloved sibling safe, then she's still a good person. she doesn't rly do it for Him, Or his brother. she does it for herself (and sometimes she wonders if she's even More horrible for that)

she finds a purpose through ritsu and mob, but i wouldn't say she fully feels at home there. to delve into another question a lil bit, reigen n teru reacted well to tome, and reigen and her got along just like they do in canon. she becomes good friends w them, but there's times when she feels like the odd one out—because she is. she's the new person trying to meld into this group that already has a history and strong bonds, and even if she gets along w them well enough, she doesn't rly,,, sink right into it like it was made for her, yaknow?

she feels a little distant from everybody when mob is cured, too, bc their History is shining through and they're laughing and crying and hugging him and tome doesn't rly know how to intervene, or if she should, so she kinda hangs back and lets them have their moments of victory. and she quietly wonders if this "redeemed" her or not. she doesn't know. she doesn't feel like it did.

ANYWAY SORRY tome tangent over. is everybody still here [empty auditorium] excellent

to answer ur question about the apocalypse ending, no not rly ! it's certainly Slowing Down now that a solid cure has been created, and it will continue to do so for years, but i think it'll be ? a long while before zombies are a thing of the past for them. society was Wrecked by this shit so the kids will feel the effects of this well into their adult years

teru and reigen's adventures were generally ????a lot safer than ritsu's, since they were able to stay at settlements regularly, but they still ran into some trouble. the most fun parts about it to me are when they come across areas where ritsu n mob have been before

at some point they arrive at the settlement were tome was from ! and like clockwork, they Always ask—has anybody seen two kids, both with black hair, about yay high? one's got a bowl cut, the other spiky? names are ritsu n shigeo kageyama and they Finally get that spark of recognition in somebody's eyes. they ask the Head Guy of the settlement this and he goes "oh wow yes i Have seen ritsu, u must be the family he was lookin for! he was brought in here just a month ago... he was very sick,,he seemed better when he left with tome but i woulda liked him to stay a little longer, he still looked pale. no sign of that other kid tho... he did mention a brother" and they. ooookay. 1) ritsu was alive at least a month ago .holyshit.this is the closest to proof we've ever gotten, 2) the fact that ritsu was "very" sick has them concerned tho, and 3) He Wasn't With Mob ? uhm.

i rly am so sorry; reigen and teru tend to get the backburner spot in this au so i don't spend nearly as much time and energy fleshing out their story bits. they feel so shallow rn..,, ill hopefully fix that soon

aaaaand ritsu and mob were with reigen n teru bc their parents died. the only "good" detail abt this is that they didn't have to go through becoming zombies. ritsu was sleeping over at a friend's house when the worldwide panic set in, and the kageyama parents and mob were on their way to pick him up when they got into a crash in the crazy state of the roads. mob obviously survived w some wounds, but their parents weren't that lucky. teru and reigen were in the process of fleeing the city as well when they found him by the crash site by chance, and they picked up ritsu afterward in their mad dash to run. mob was the one to tell ritsu their parents just died—you can imagine how well that went

#qktalks #anon #zombie au #child death #parent death

[tarisilmarwen]

Ahsoka "Fallen Jedi" Liveblog

Let's go let's go let's go let's go let's goooooooooooooo!

Oh I'm so excited for this I already know there are Developments.

Hype hype hype hype.

Oh we're starting off with complete silence are we? Okay.

Sabine trying to raise Hera. :(

Ahhhh yes it's the "Ahsoka and Sabine butting heads about saving Ezra versus stopping Thrawn" convo Sabezra fandom predicted.

"Can I count on you?" Low blow Ahsoka, recalling Ezra's own words.

"I know how much Ezra means to you." *falls into this line, dies*

Oh don't let Huyang get shot, come on now, you already had him get blasted once.

Buncha trailer shots in this episode I'm guessing.

"Stay together. You always did better that way, in my opinion." Ha ha ha this would be a sweet line if we had ever actually SEEN Ahsoka and Sabine working together. *grumbles*

Hera going off by herself to go help Sabine and Ahsoka lolol. That little face she makes when she says, "Watch me."

Baby Jacen is still super precious.

The GHOOOOOOOOOOSSST!

This sequence would have been the perfect spot to drop Zeb in, you know. Just saying.

Go girls go, go, go, you need to get on that ship before it leaves!

And it's my favorite new villain couple.

If Shin could have a bit more personality she'd be more interesting but "feral" is wearing thin.

OH AND NOW WE HAVE A TICKING CLOCK DEVICE.

There were people complaining that this moment where Ahsoka wipes Marrok was lifted from "Twin Suns" but in context... no it's just Dave's usual thing for cool samurai finishers.

Oh wow Shin looks extremely unnerved at Marrok dissipating into green Nightsister mist.

Did... Morgan take all the guards and droids with her? Just leaving Baylan there by himself to handle Ahsoka huh? What a bitch.

"One must destroy in order to create." Nooooooooo they really don't Baylan, that's grade A horseshit.

And stinks of Empire and Sith apologism.

The map is gorgeous. Wish they'd turn the saturation and contrast up just a smidge more so the colors could POP.

Oh this music cue is great!

YES! LET BAYLAN CUT LOOSE. Man is a beast.

Ahsoka's trying to disengage long enough to get the map. :((((

Ha ha, nice. Mandalorian trick.

Ooooof the map burned Ahsoka's hand?

Ahsoka where's your shoto blade?

Right, like Sabine's dinky little blaster is gonna do anything to that map, sure Ahsoka. You just burned your hand on how super overheated it was and all it was doing was generating hyperspace coordinates for a cross-galactic jump, you think a shot from a small firearm is gonna pierce it?

Oooooh that angle-back closed-eye look from Baylan... he's telepathically reading her like a book isn't he?

"Your family died on Mandalore because your Master didn't trust you." WELL I'M JUST GOING TO PATENTLY IGNORE THAT BECAUSE NO FILONI, YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THAT IN LIKE THAT.

Getting real tired of character motivations being reveals and not outright stated from the start.

ALSO WHAT EVEN THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT???!???

THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY NICE TO ACTUALLY SEE, OR YOU KNOW, TALK ABOUT BEFORE THIS MOMENT.

Anyway as I said, excising this bit entirely from my personal canon, Clan Wren is fine, they're just in hiding like all the other Mandalorian clans.

"And I... to serve a greater good." Ohhhhhhhhhhh I see what you did there, nice paralleling Baylan to Thrawn.

SABINE CHOOSES EZRA.

(I mean I knew it was coming because I was spoiled but still.)

Sabine, Sabine, my poor heartbroken babygirl, this is such a human choice, it's not the choice a Jedi should make but then Sabine isn't a Jedi, I maintain that this is all still playacting and cope that Ahsoka is indulging.

Sabine is falling into the classic Attachment trap but also there are no good choices here. She could try to destroy the map, but I seriously don't think it would work, and then Baylan would just kill her and take the map back anyway.

Maybe she could run but with their ship damaged she wouldn't make it far, she'd have to hide in the woods and avoid Shin and Baylan and whoever else she's stranded and fight them all off by herself for who knows how long until maybe Hera gets there. And she has no way of knowing if Hera's coming.

Oh ouch, I thought Sabine was having a "What have I done?" reaction to handing Baylan the map, but no, Shin is just choking her.

HERA MADE IT.

See it takes Baylan deliberate sustained direct contact with his lightsaber blade to destroy the map, no way was Sabine's blaster gonna do shit to it.

SABINE DID NOTHING WRONG, I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Again, guys, this would have been the perfect sequence to have Zeb in.

Uhhhhhhhhh I would move away from the ring if I were y'all.

HO JEEZ.

OH BOY.

WELP.

Chopper sounds really unnerved.

THE WORLD BETWEEN WORLDS. THE STAR VOID.

Unless it's a weird-ass Force vision lol. Which is still possible.

Yeeeeeeeah I'm going with Force vision, Anakin should be blue and glowing, shouldn't he? Unless things work differently in here.

The Imperial March is not reassuring.

Okay well... that was a thing.

I'm starting to wish Deborah Chow had been showrunner for this, Filoni is doing... okay-ish (not really) but I really think this story needs and deserves a director willing to go all-in on the emotional resonance and beats of the story.

Which isn't to say the Kenobi show didn't have its problems (ho ho boy could I list the nitpicks and writing issues I had with it) but Ahsoka isn't quite reaching the highs it needs. Everything is way more subdued that I think it should be. I don't know how much of this is the writing, how much is the short mini-series format, how much is the cinematography or the directing.

THAT BEING SAID I AM HERE FOR SABINE MISSING EZRA SO MUCH SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF AND THE MAP FOR THE CHANCE TO FIND HIM.

See everything about her motivations makes so more sense if she's in love with him, sorry Filoni, the ship is still sailing.

Baylan got a bit more characterization here and got marginally more interesting, while Shin just... continues to be wet paper. RIP Marrok we hardly knew ye. Hope they explain the green mist shit soon.

Natasha's shoulders must be sore from carrying this show lol. Someone please let Sabine hug Ezra, she will feel so much better.

#i'm late i know #and have been spoiled to hell #but i am so here for all of this #well... some of this #star wars #ahsoka show #liveblog #spoilers #sabezra

[frankiebirds]

started binging criminal minds, i was gutted when elle left & now watching the next couple of s2 episodes i really felt her absence. especially in 'the last word' when a women has to pretend to be dead so they can catch one of the serial killers (they so needed to have a frank convo about making elle relieve her trauma + this couldve been a great intro to that). i read your post, i agree it did make sense why elle left considering her background as a sexual offence specialist & what she says to reid but i found the writing lacking. her exit felt rushed + not final bc she only really shared scenes with hotch. also she also seems the type to not wanna give up the bau bc that would mean the fisher king wins + is a determined person so it would've been better to see her slow realisation she cant do the job she desperately wanted in s1. also the fact her relationships with the rest of the team + their reactions weren't fully explored is annoying since she was quite friendly with everyone particularly close to morgan, reid even gideon. especially since gideon inadvertently caused her get shot as he didnt want to follow the rules then said elle would understand?? so a confrontation w gideon similar to the one w hotchner wouldve been nice. i miss morgan's fun bantery friendship with elle in the later eps when she wasn't there to partner up with him (idk they seemed to be a go to partnership to me) & the elle/morgan/reid trio is sorely missed. ive largely enjoyed everything so far (just finished 2x09) but i wish they'd more deeply explore the characters' history. like the inclusion of reids mom was interesting & really liked how garcia respected reids privacy to keep her illness a secret. it was a missed opportunity i felt not to see elle & morgan not bonding over losing their cop dads or hotch and gideon talking about fatherhood when hotch is missing out on his babys key milestones (ik there was that bit in s1 when hotch tells gideon to get in touch w his son but more of those moments wouldve been nice). whilst i feel the team all like each other and there's some interesting/fun friendships (reid&gideon , garcia&morgan etc) id be nice to have some downtime scenes showcasing them as a makeshift found family (sorry i love that trope & c'mon they spend more time with each other than with their acc families). anyway sorry for the long rant this show is eating at my brain lord my brain mass will be equivalent to a pea by the time i finish this show. <3

thats fair and i get what you mean! there are definitely moments when i felt elle's absence and there are definitely things about her leaving that i would change if i had the power—i absolutely agree that the reactions from the rest of the team to her leaving and the actions leading up to it were sorely lacking, and a slower realisation that she cant do the job anymore would have been very cool to see, although i think the latter was less due to writing problems and more to the fact that elle left the show because lola glaudini chose to leave (ie they couldn't write a fully fleshed out leaving arc for elle because it was driven by out-of-show events and therefore not planned/they had limited time to execute it). the lack of reaction from the team is a writing problem though, so again i very much agree with that!

i hope you enjoy the rest of the show and get some of your wishes, and if you dont, you can find some good fics to fulfill them <3

#dont worry about long rants #thats My Shit. send me your thoughts Anyone i love to see them. agree with me disagree somewhere in the middle. ill eat your thoughts w/e #i also particularly miss elle and morgan for the same reason as you #especially because (SPOILERS ANON FOR 2X12/MORGAN BACKSTORY IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY HAD THAT SPOILED !!!) #not only did they both lose their fathers (who were in law enforcement) #but morgan was canonically sexually abused and there are some things in early episodes that imply a similar backstory was also intended for #elle and then dropped #not fic #criminal minds #asks #elle greenaway

[8000000cherries]

i think i just dont feel safe or secure w either of the guys im talking to and its my fault i think. guy 1 it's mostly because it's long distance so i see him like once or twice every couple of months but weve talked since july but we dont even text that often anymore but we call like twice a week or smthn like that and i like talking to him it's just not enough and i feel like something is lacking or like it's not indepth enough even tho i know i hold myself back a lot but i just dont feel comfortable expressing affection to him even tho it's what i want ig thats the only thing i miss abt my ex is we would say i love u to each other pretty often and i didnt feel awkward saying it but yeah.. i dont think im inlove w him tho but idk i just like him a lot and i think he knows it we would say it more in the summer but i wish i could say it more but i feel like i cant until he says it first i guess. but also i knew it wasnt going anywhere cuz he lives across the country and i only see him when he comes home to visit his family so any time hes back hes gonna prioritize seeing his family and friends which is understandable i cant expect a committed relationship from him but i just like him a lot and we get along well and he makes me laugh so hard but i think i built him up in my head for soo long. guy 2 i think is leading me onnnn but ive had a crush on him for like 2 years and we were friends before and i told him i liked him but dont trust him and it made him cry but he said he cares alot about me but never said he likes me back so it makes me insecure lol lmao. it feels like we're dating but also he isnt super affectionate or anything when we're in public and i think thats fine but i think if i were to be in a relationship w someone i would like some small forms of affection but also i think im self sabotaging and wont let myself be forward w him or tell him what i want whcih is my fault i think . but also why do i have to be the one that brings up the convo.. like about exclusivity and intentions and what not.sooo dumb. i guess i thought it would be like a fwb situation and i didnt wanna get my hopes up but i did so its dumb of me. he definitely is talking to other ppl i dont blame him we arent exclusive. dont even really know what we are. i want a relationship but i just dont know hes the right person for me i have that feeling in my gut but my brain tells me nothing is wrong and its fine and i still wanna talk to him and miss him. just have a feeling he doesnt really want me and he'll fuck me over. i wish things werent so complicated and i wanna communicate better and wish i knew how i felt really and how to not be scared of everything. i dont think im ready to love but i so want it and probably from the wrong people.

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

there are a million reasons i hate dealing w shit at home but right this second, the worst is that i'm already dragging my feet on a comm and i'm super anxious about it BUT bc i had to deal w shit, all my brain power is going to unpacking that first, at 11pm. my entire shower was fuckign dedicated to this. no wonder i have fucking tmj and my hair is coming out again

i was laughing at the italian music they used for the advertisement for pasta's goal tv thing and my mom was like "well u don't see italians calling to complain" and i go "huh?" knowing full well what she's fucking saying

then she goes into how she thinks italians experience racism and i tell her they do not BUT can see people experiencing discrimination for being immigrants, having accents, even if someone had a darker skin tone, even if that's not racism towards white ppl/italians/etc

knowing that's she trying to say "well white ppl experience racism and u don't see us complaining about it" which. they don't experience racism AND if it were as big of an issue as you say it is, why wouldn't you let them complain about it. oh, it's because you don't think it's an actual issue or source of hardship but want to label yourself as both oppressed AND "above" having an issue with it

and not only does she get mad when i explain things bc she's like u keep going on and on! like. i'm explaining it as clearly as possible to ur fox news fried brain and giving u examples to try and get u to understand that that's not racism AND IM EVEN TRYING TO TELL U THAT WHITE PPL CAN EXPERIENCE ISSUES--JUST NOT RACISM BASED ON BEING WHITE (and lord knows we'll never have the convo abt like. if a white person has a feature--such as darker skin--and experiences certain types of racism for it, it's racism towards the nonwhite people whose features are being insulted and degrated--not because this is somehow racism bc this person is white)

but then she's like well i don't agree w u and i'm not going to agree w u so stop talking abt it

like you started the conversation and i'm not sure how you're mad at me for engaging in the conversation and disagreeing w u when u knew i would. you put yourself in this position and i literally don't understand why u keep doing this

and i'm sorry you wish i was quiet like when i didn't have adderall bc i couldn't form coherent thoughts half of the time

and i'm sorry you hold the same annoyance towards me talking this much at all when it's not even a disagreement bc u don't care enough to listen. she has literally gone into the other room to mock me to my sister's face when i'm engaging in what i think is friendly conversation

but it's strange to me that in her tirade against white racism, she's ignoring the actual issues an italian or other white person might face? it's like when ppl try to say irish people experienced slavery when they didn't. it's incorrect to say that they did as it takes away from those who've actually experienced slavery BUT it also takes away from the realities of what they did experience bc you're not actually discussing them. you think intentional famine and genocide and indentured servitude and the opinion that the irish are subhuman all aren't serious enough so you call it slavery because you think that's worth paying attention to

you hold the opinion that it doesn't matter enough unless you call it something it's not. you don't care to discuss the realities of what ppl experience bc it's not the buzz word you want to use. you ignore the possible experiences of your family members (my great grandma being an italian immigrant for example) bc u don't care abt what they experienced enough to define and discuss it correctly--you just want to be able to say it's racism

and you want to be able to say that, by extension, you experience racism for being an italian--even though you've never faced any of the possible anti-immigrant issues they had

you want to pretend you experienced the possible hardships someone else did so you can slap a label on your life and experiences and think it puts you above everybody else

[ashtrayfloors]

a journal entry comprised entirely of excerpts from letters & postcards written to friends

(@belialjones and @endreal - don't peek if you don't want spoilers!)

I remember in one of the letters you sent me, you asked what my current inspirations are, and even though they've changed since then, I thought I'd reply. What's inspiring me right now is: the photography of Nan Goldin, the art of Tracey Emin, the novels of William T. Vollmann, John Waters and David Lynch films, and the poetry of Cynthia Cruz, Forough Farrokhzad, and Alexis Rhone Fancher.

I'm currently on a little vacation with my family, up on the peninsula of Wisco. I've been reading a lot and hiking in the woods and going to the beach.

...

My vacation has been great. I've been reading poetry & eating pizza & watching the Perseids meteor showers.

...

I accidentally broke my own heart the other day. I had my 'on repeat' playlist on shuffle and what songs played back to back? Paul Westerberg's "Got You Down," followed by R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming." Fucking oof.

In general, I've been going thru a bout of nostalgic melancholy. What else is new? Haha, but really though. You know, I'm writing about all this stuff for RC #27, and reminiscing about one era of my life inevitably turns into reminiscing about others. And then I was up in Door County, driving down old familiar roads, listening to old familiar tunes, and remembering driving those same roads, listening to those same tunes, getting stoned with my friends circa 1997-2003, and I don't even miss getting stoned but I do miss those friends. I try to have a positive attitude about things changing, but I still get sad driving past places and thinking about what's gone—and more than that, who's gone. And I was thinking about the summer of 2013. And then I was thinking about the summer of 2012 and how that summer I was all nostalgic for the summer of 2006 and how it seemed impossibly far in the past, and then timeghost showed up and was like: "Oooo...2012 was closer to 2006 than it is to nowww, ooo..."

I realized that my whole life, I've been trying to get back to this mythic Perfect Summer that didn't really exist. Right now, I'm missing 2013 & 2012. In 2012, I wished it was '06. In '06, I wanted '03. In '03, I wanted '00; in '00, I wished it was '97, and on and on.

Other than that, I've been having feelings about small towns and Americana. It's kinda weird. On the one hand, I'm a deviant radical queer artist. On the other hand, I love so much Americana. But I think you get it.

...

I've been having hella zine/zinester nostalgia. Next year marks 30 years that I've been making zines. I'm thinking about putting a book together of the best stuff from my first 30 years of zines, and then having a release party w/ local bands n' stuff.

I've been particularly nostalgic for the early '00s Chicago zine scene. I'll never forget that time you and I went to Kinko's late at night to make Xerox art. 22 years ago, what the fuck? I also recently found my Loop Distro/Al Burian Totally Wants My Ass shirt. Oh man.

Recently I was having a bit of an identity crisis. See, I've always thought of myself as someone who gets crushes easily, and as a slut (in spirit, if not always in practice—meaning, even in a monogamous relationship I still have the desire to fuck lotsa people even if I don't act on it). But for a while I hadn't gotten a proper crush on anyone, and didn't really even think about hooking up w/ anyone but my partner. And it was weird! I was like, who am I, if I'm no longer the totally crushed out slut? But then after that, I had a couple sexy online convos w/ queer cuties, and got my flirt on IRL w/ a punk rock fella who lives in my neighborhood, a Scottish fiddle player, and a gorgeous redhead girl w/ a tattoo of a fox, and I was like: Oh. Guess I'm still slutty and crushed out, after all.

#ashtrayfloors #dear livejournal #letters #inspiration #vacation #door county #music #nostalgia #melancholy #we get one real summer #only one in our time #zines #zine life #chicago #identity #crushes #sluttiness

[iamsuchi]

Oof where do I start from? Ok so the last year was a pure hectic for me and so many bad things happening and the thing is that I didn't recover from things that happened last yr but now I have alot of new problems to worry and cry over .I just want to go to my old self who was happy, confident , inspired, knew what she wanted, didn't care if others tried to discouraged or didn't even care abt the freaking circumstances. I'm so tired tbh my friends are so toxic and all my friendships are one side its always me putting the efforts to carry the convo I lost so many funds too ...I just wanted some nice people and some good relationships and people that I can trust blindly... tried to take advice but it made things worse .things r so bad rn Idt they will ever improve will they ? Mental health was bad too so I wasn't able to focus on my goals or just be in rt state and recently I got rejected by my desired school ..feels like I don't have any reason to live for . I had fight w my bff but she was the one who was wrong and now she is pretending 2 be the victim and ignoring me

WOW, I AM SO SORRY ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU NO ONE DESERVES THIS! If you need a friend I am here my inbox is ALWAYS open, send me a DM if you feel the need. Trust me I need what this is like it's a hard mindset to live with there's so much to unpack here... I want to explain it to you in the best way possible without sounding like victim blame because I don't want you to feel bad or blame yourself any further. The best way I can say this is that your assumptions leading up until now that what's happening to cause all of this and I am assuming that it's probably a happening on an unconscious or subconscious level. PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF HERE, THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION IT IS NATURAL FOR SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO US AS HUMANS AND WE GET INTO A BAD THINKING PATTERN OF THINKING ONLY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO US - BELIEVE ME, I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE. A FEW YEARS AGO I DIDN'T WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE. I HAD TO DO ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT OF MENTAL REPROGRAMMING BY MYSELF ONLY WITH THE AID OF A FEW VERY CLOSE FRIENDS AND BY FEW I MEAN MY BEST FRIEND AND LIKE 2 OTHER PERSONS. MY FAMILY DOESN'T TAKE MENTAL HEALTH SERIOUSLY SO I HAD TO DO IT ALONE. AT THAT TIME I DISCOVERED PEOPLE LIKE ALAN WATTS AND NEVILLE GODDARD AND THAT'S THE CATALYST FOR ALL THIS TODAY AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I AM STILL NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE EVEN MENTALLY, WORSE I AM STILL IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE I DONT REALLY FEEL HAPPY IN. LITERALLY, MY ASSUMPTIONS ARE CARRYING ME DAY TO DAY MOST TIMES. I KNOW THAT HORRIBLE FEELING AND I WISH IT ON NO ONE SO PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME IF YOU CAN WE NEED TO WORK ON THOSE ASSUMPTIONS WE NEED TO BACKTRACK THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS, LIFE IS WORTH LIVING EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL THAT WAY RIGHT NOW! TELL YOURSELF IT WILL GET BETTER, IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER, I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE THAT IT WILL! IT IS WORTH THE FIGHT YOU'RE ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON, THIS IS YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE YOU CAN MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL ONE! YOU CAN BE THAT BEAUTIFUL CONFIDENT PERSON YOU WERE I BELIEVE YOU STILL ARE THAT AND MORE MAYBE YOU JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH GETTING THERE AND I AM HERE FOR YOU! I AM REALLY SORRY AGAIN THAT ALL THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REACHING OUT! PLEASE DM ME IF YOU CAN IF YOU NEED A FRIEND I AM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately not all the people we meet in our lives are there to benefit us and it sounds like you met some real messed up ones and again I'm sorry about that but there are good people out there, I'm sure there others like me who would love to see you flourish in life. So please don't let the few assholes you've met so far stop you from meeting even more amazing people out there. (GUYS IF YOU READ THIS FAR AND YOU CAN - PLEASE ADD SOMETHING ON TO THIS ASK PLEASE LET THIS PERSON KNOW THEY AREN'T ALONE - WE ARE ONE GUYS! YOU ARE ANOTHER ME - WE ALL SHOULD WANT HAPPINESS AND A WONDERFUL LIFE FOR EACH OTHER.)

Also please mental health is veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery important, if you need to cry let it out don't bottle up your emotions, AND PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF YOU ARE HUMAN YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL AND EXPERSS YOUR EMOTIONS - LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES BUT I BELIEVE YOU A RESILIENT, YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS! take some time for yourself, try doing things that make you happy - watch funny vids, eat your favorite food, take a nap and if you can I'd recommend speaking with a therapist or licensed professional when it comes to your mental health. I am sending you so much positive energy and all the love and support I can from where I am, things will get better I believe they will.

#asksuchi

[theglitchos]

spent almost three hours talking with my aunt tonight

started out with homeschooling, like what i’d wish had been different or enjoyed n stuff

and somewhere about an hour in it started morphing into religion and why i stopped going to church and stuff?

i’ve kinda been more open with her about it in the past, like all my family know i don’t go to church anymore but i think she’s the only one who knows i describe myself as agnostic theist

but it was good to just. express how i feel about the differences between me n my family, especially those of a religious nature, to someone who's related to me and also religious?

like, she’s still christian but it's like a different kind of christian y'know?? i said at one point how i felt more comfy talking with her about it than i'd be with my family cause she's not evangelical christian and she kinda laughed at me and said "what makes you think i'm not" or something to that effect, which, -shrug- but y'know my family is of a vv conservative facet of evangelical christianity while my aunt has always been more.. loose

it was kinda cool that my aunt wanted to ask me questions and hear my perspectives on things? but it was even more amazing to me that she actually listened to me? and like kinda read between the lines of some of what i didn't say about my family

like, i haven't ever felt like it was ok to talk about how i sometimes feel like my family's vv similar and religious n stuff and i'm.. not. with relatives? maybe a bit with my other aunt last year, but we got interrupted by my sister so we never got to finish that convo 

and she seemed ok with the fact that i felt like christianity isn't what i need or want rn in my life? like sure she went a lil bit in the "i'd encourage u to read the bible" but it genuinely felt like she listened and was interested in hearing me and wasn't judgmental? 

the part that hurt the most was her saying she'd wanted for years to have me over more often cause of things she'd noticed w/me and my family?

anyways this was like a three hour long convo that started with homeschooling tips while we were making cookies and ended with us both on the couch and me crying a lil 

and now it is almost midnight and i should heckin crash

#glitch rambles #glitch vents

[unearthlydream]

im sad and can't focus on work so instead time to scream into the fucking void so it at least looks like i'm trying to write this story thats due at the end of the day.

i keep finding myself thinking "i wish things were normal" and wishing i could go back to pre-Oct 31 and how things were before all of these things happened. but i don't think there is a noraml to get back to and i think that this is just what my life is now. and idk how to cope with that tbh lol ijust wanna jump off a building

i want to be able to see my friends and talk to people and work on craft projects but instead all i do is sit at home in silence after work dissociating into a game or a tv show because i don't have the energy. i can't lie and mask my way through life anymore and i feel uncomfortable w the fact that i can't have a conversation with anyone without them inevitably asking how i am or what i've been up to. how can i even engage with people when i have nothing positive to share and most of the convos just end up with "i'm so sorry, let me know if you need anything"??

my mom has been on and off dying (thankfully off for good now i think? long recovery process) since december. i've cared for my grandpa from oct 31-dec only for him to now be on palliative care. my family is being so normal and cool about it and i'm the youngest one and being forced to deal with all of their issues because my aunt and uncle can't be not self centered for once in their lives-- and obv my mom is dying and my grandma is grieving and helping w my mom so like who else is gonna take care of things and manage people's emotions and be a shoulder to cry on?

so i'm actually doing horribly and don't have the capacity to make up lies anymore. and what have i been up to? spending tons of time in hospitals and then getting various illnesses because people can't seem to mask up in a fucking hospital of all places!!! i don't have the energy to lie anymore bc i'm funneling everything i have into just waking up in the morning and doing thebare minimum to make sure i do'nt die and my household is clean enough that it's not a danger to my cat.

and even when my friends and partnersask like 'how can i support you' -- idfk put a bullet in my brain??? like no one can do anything to help me. i'm alone andhave always been alone and will always be alone and forced to be the mommy in every situation and i'm so tired. i just don't want tot hink. but then when i say 'it stresses me out that you're waiting on me to make the plans for groceries or doing laundry and i just need you to get it done,' i hurt peoples feelings and i'm being too rough.

i'm just so tired. i'm so fucking tired and i wish my brain didn't go from zero to "just kill yourself" so quickly. i wish i knew what i needed and how tomake it better. i feel like my stupid ass needs to be committed. i'm worried about self harming again as i already relapsed late last year amidst all of this. i'm worried one day i'll be so lcose to the end of my rope that i'll act on one of my impulsive thoughts and make things worse for myself.

i don't wanna worry anymore but i think that's just what's in the cards for me. which is like... doubly scary bc of the genetic lottery i've already won (mom had a stroke in her 40s and now is dealing with all of this which like.... most of it is caused by stress and not taking care of herslef and i'm falling down that same rabbit hole without my consent which is so cool and funky fresh).

and the worst part... i don't even think things would be easier if i died. the guilt of knowing what i'm leaving behind won't even let it in the realm of possibility.

this is so long. i might delete this later. but like holy fuck. a bitch needs a fuckin break. a bitch needs a resource officer or somethnig like hold fuck.

#personal

[mistergoddess]

tbh i think like. i have frankly not had much therapy at all in the grand scheme of things and considering how severe my mental health problems have been thruout my life, and i've had a lot more exposure to things like institutionalization, medication, and idk more intense things like hypnosis, ketamine, and emdr than i have regular degular therapy so maybe my meh feelings towards classical therapy are a bit unearned but i also think that comes with like. the times i have tried to access it, have been times where i've been in such crisis that it's not the appropriate treatment so of course it's failed and i've given up on it very quickly. i think where i'm at now where my mental health could be better and i definitely still have some low grade depression and anxiety and just ye olde ptsd and the shit that always does, i'm really like. doing quite well compared to most of my life. and my main issues are more the kinds of things that would be helped by counseling, like relationship/socializing shit and loneliness and motivation and work, life changes and planning and hopes and dreams... really just having someone to talk to about my feelings and stressors! like i'm in a place rn where i'm good and i don't need crisis intervention or anything intense, that just regular therapy and literally just having someone i can talk to about daily life problems, could actually be extremely lovely and helpful and give me some great forward momentum...

i'm also pretty interested in gender therapy tbh because i'm really over the moon about starting transition but i do still have issues w the social aspects of it and definitely family stuff and i have some pretty gnarly trauma related directly to transness and the abusive relationship with another trans person i was in as a teen when i first sort of identified myself as trans, as well as trauma related to transphobia in school and stuff, all of which. kept me in the closet for a lot longer than ideal and is why i'm so proud and amazed that i'm still transitioning and coming out now... and like just general growing pains and the interesting funky mental aspects of going thru puberty again and watching urself change ! and the general fucking all consuming terror of doing this shit in the south in the current climate! and self advocacy and stuff! it's all just... i think gender therapy could actually really really be amazing for me

but i feel like there's also a weird personal stigma i hold of like. oh gender therapy is only meant for people who are questioning to like "explore their identities" and "figure out if transition is right for them"? and i don't want like my identity or transition to be put into question at all... and i think that's kind of a sad stigma to have come to mind when i think of gender therapy and i'm sure it could be true if i didn't shop carefully and find the right person who sees the broader needs that could be met by gender therapy but idk. i think. the options locally are prob pretty fucking sparse but it may be worth me asking around at the local lgbt center and trans ppl in the lil queer group i've been hanging out with a bit the past couple weeks and see if anyone knows what's good. in general i just wish i had ppl to talk to about transition and coming out shit bc i do feel really alone and not knowing where to ask questions or get answers and advice and i know it's all online out there somewhere but it's just very broad and overwhelming to figure out where to even start there like... idk... might fuck around and join reddit again?????????? lol... but itd be nice to find other local trans ppl who are willing to have it be a main topic of convo wahh

#shitpost.txt #ventyyyy about mental health n gender shit love and light <3

[crowhyun]

omg guys lemme tell you abt my saturday night

so, the minute i stepped foot on this west coast soil (or should i say sand), i’ve been feeling in my element

ppl here are so chill and down to have a convo w you at any time, and ppl have been complimenting me SO much like omg!! I feel pretty here, seriously.

So, like, i’ve been talking to people more, making friends, flirting with people and what not

i also feel like i’m acting this way bcs my parents and family is no where is sight lol, and i feel more like an adult bcs they baby me.

but anyways, about my saturday night. After class, me and my classmates decided to go out to a karaoke bar!!! I put on a cute dress, did my makeup real cute (front desk guy said i looked good 🤭) I remember walking to the lobby to meet my friends and receiving gasps and screams bcs of how i looked LIKE YALL IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE THIS MOMENT

then we went out, and ofc i’m not legal drinking age yet (only one more year to go 😔) so me, and the only other classmates that were younger than me and one that was 21, all went to the gas station right beside the bar and bought these buzz balls? We chugged that shit within 2 minutes then went back to the bar and y’all, it HIT after like 10 minutes, and we were all dancing, screaming, kissing each other, hugging LMAO it was fun

two of my friends kissed each other on the lips and i was like DAMN i wish someone would kiss me on the lips >:(

one of my classmates is SOOOOO fine, like he is fucking gorgeous and he looked so hot that day, i was ready to get on my knees and suck-

he’s gay though. so…yeah 😔 he did say “everyone’s at least a little bi” so 🤩🤩🤩 do i have a chance LMAO i kissed and hugged him so much that night (not on the lips, even though i was drunk, i was too scared to do that)

but yeah i got a lil too drunk and they took me back to the hotel LMFAO

but y’all, i’m kinda jealous though…my classmate also got front desk guys number and was planning on sleeping w him that night, but she decided not to bcs she was too drunk. I mean, he’s not my boyfriend, so i shouldn’t get mad, but like, damn, he just be giving out his number to EVERYBODY. This is why i said libras are whores >:(

but it don’t matter bcs i matched w this guy on tinder, y’all he is SO FUCKING FINE OMG he had liked me first and i was like :o rlly??? ME??? it might’ve been a mistake though, he hasn’t messaged me since i matched w him…we’ll see, I guess…