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#i have so many feelings abt her

kyoukoswife · 6 months

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you ever think abt what if you gave a girl your whole life but she didnt even want it? you gave her your life to protect her and she threw you away?? what if even after that you still took care of her the best you could???? and then when you next see her shes not even her???? because you gave her your whole life to save her but you couldnt protect her?????? wouldnt that fuck you up?????? wouldnt that be so painful????????? you ever think about that?????

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lovesickeros · 7 months

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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]

{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]

This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.

She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.

But it'd been almost a week since then.

The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.

That counted for something.

Not much, but something!

..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.

There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.

She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.

So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.

Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.

Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.

Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.

She really didn't like it.

There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.

She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.

She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.

That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.

Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.

But he wasn't.

He was out running her nation, instead.

And what was she doing? Nothing!

She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.

Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.

Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.

..She wasn't ready.

What was she supposed to say?

Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?

She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.

For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.

Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.

Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.

It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

"Focalors?"

The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.

She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.

"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"

The silence is deafening.

She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!

"Lady Furina?"

Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.

"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.

Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.

Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.

"Why aren't you killing me?"

The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.

She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.

"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."

The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.

He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.

..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?

How unfair.

"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"

She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.

..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.

She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.

For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.

Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.

For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.

Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.

She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.

She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.

She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.

"Again."

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #neuvillette #focalors #furina #dont ask what happened here idk #this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up #got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story #focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her #what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell #neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all #ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions #using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS #constant anxiety and panic 24/7 #will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry #compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more #i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY #i want 2 put them under a microscope #watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving #anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days

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comradekatara · 5 months

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i've been thinking about the significance of toph's feet as the crux of her power against/alongside the practice of footbinding. considering her role situated within (an analog for) tang dynasty nobility, thinking through that cultural practice poses direct relevance regarding the overarching theme of how she transcends imposed boundaries, in terms of gender roles, class expectations, and of course along the axis of her disability. i can only gesture to these ideas because i lack the historical framework to construct a legitimate argument, but i'm wondering whether anyone more knowledgable regarding these historical contexts (@atlaculture comes to mind, but of course no pressure!) would like to extrapolate from these ideas.

#a couple weeks ago i did go down a footbinding rabbithole and started reading various sources #but i still feel like i'm not particularly qualified to make this argument #since i lack a background in how to construct arguments w/in historiographical discursive practices. just like. in general #although i suppose i can still gesture towards it by compiling sources & moments from the text #in like. a 'web weaving' way #though that might take more work than i have the bandwidth for atm lmao #i already have so many drafts and absolutely no time for postin #so i would love it if someone else could take the wheel here #should they be so inspired #again @atlaculture i rly admire your work but no pressure #and/or anyone else who feels qualified: please feel free to expand on this!#toph #i think abt poppy beifong specifically a lot actually #(sidenote: her name being poppy is quite loaded?)#she barely says a word. and yet she communicates so much...

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densitywell · 6 months

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i do hope this whole thing compels Fearne to start speaking up more about her wants and needs. we can talk about how the Hells don't check up on her as often as they could or should, and I'd agree, but she also rarely advocates for herself or shares what's she's feeling. it makes sense given her lack of experience with everything mortal, but this proves she's not the only one getting hurt by it: what Ashton did was not at all her fault, but if she had told the witches or Orym her fears about taking the shard during their respective conversations, it almost certainly wouldn't have happened!

even in the best of circumstances, the people who care about you can't read your mind (or they can, but they're trying really hard not to in order to respect your privacy.), and the Hells are very very far from the best of circumstances. they're relying on Fearne just as much as she's relying on them, and so the need for better communication extends to her as well. hopefully she can start to put that into practice next time by kicking Ashton's ass.

#critical role #cr spoilers #cr #fearne calloway #bells hells #this whole thing is so crunchy i love it. truly such a good culmination of so many of both fearne and ashton's flaws and virtues #their wholehearted desire to protect their friends. their nonexistent relationships with consequences. ashton's secretiveness.#and fearne's not having even the most basic of understandings abt how to talk about her feelings. its so good #crposting #remember when fcg and imogen were talking about im giving in to ruidis and fearne snapped at them? that was so sexy need thst from her

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senorscotty · 9 months

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there's so much to expand on wrt helena's day job being a public school teacher and the role adding this tenderness to a character whose seeming roughness gets read as uncontrollably violent (a convo for another day). the huntress to helena is fueled with so much inner strife, part of it is putting a tangible mask on something she was doing throughout her teenage and young adulthood, going from protecting herself to protecting the vulnerable. her choosing to be a teacher further roots her in the community that she aims to protect and allows her to become the helping hand she needed as a kid. her being a teacher makes her character so much more compelling, marking her compassion and desire to be there for children esp., as a trait that exists beyond the mask. (imo this also allows a deg. of character development with what the mask is to helena; moving between a means of revenge, idealization of her strengths, to a tool to be there for when blood cries) although bat editorial has never fully understood her (some of that misunderstanding is played up solely to rehash conflict between her and the other bats), there is something about the lack of “screentime” helena’s day job gets and desire to have these figures protecting gotham but no desire to tell the stories of the people/communities that make up gotham.

#even though huntress vol.1 was incredibly dark/disturbing and has got a good couple parts that didn’t age well. it provided #so many sub stories abt the people in nyc. those who could and couldn't stand up and it made for nuanced stories and for helena to have thi #interesting origin #even the robin stories she was in afterwards!#displaying helena as a teacher provides this heart i feel like we haven’t seen in a while #also on a surface level i miss the quips she made during nightly stakeouts about grading papers. cause like saur true.#and it makes vic feeling bad about not doing something about helena’s job so much more 🥹🥹🥹🥹#him identifying it was something important to her and grounding her…yeah #helena bertinelli

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 4 months

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yazs faith in my fic mostly amounts to no alcohol and vegetarian jelly babies and vague religious anxiety on occasion, partially bc i dont know a lot about islam so i dont really have a lot to work with and partially because the show doesnt really give us a whole lot to work with either

but i do kinda like how, especially in this current fic where i give her a sort of explicit eating disorder past, that like, the main ways that god ends up playing a role in her daily life this way is through what she puts in her mouth or not

if the doctor is restrictive, emotionally psychologically nutritionally, and the master is excessive, yaz sort of hovers in the middle, pulled at from both sides

seduced by restriction vs seduced by excess. swallowing your anger vs spitting it out. desire and consumption and the way the human and the holy meet in the fallible body. you can become the doctor by acting like the doctor. you can make yourself holy by Doing The Right Actions