#i just want to live normally i guess

[pansear-doodles]

ive been venting too much on my personal account. thats a sign i need to go on hiatus from social media.

i hope yall understand.

#thoughts #this was before the thingy earlier btw but i just feel shittier after that #ofc it is my fault. maybe i shouldve been a bit more patient and thought it out more. but i did not think hard enough. #im sorry #i always want to show support for people but its just not the right way sometimes. #and in turn being mean to myself isnt good either #i dont know. i dont want be narcissistic #i just want to live normally i guess #i havent been feeling normal lately. just disconnected. #maybe thats why ive been tired all the time #and the meds

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[fumifooms]

Dad always said I was like him

Meijack and Chilchuck Tims Dungeon Meshi, Ryoko Kui

^ 1: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 2: Bug like an angel, Mitski / 3: Woodtangle, Mary Ruefle / 4: The Third Hour of the Night, Frank Bidart / 5 & 6: FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK," IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK,", Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 7: Batman: Year Three (1989) / 8 & 9 : FROM THE MAKERS OF […], Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 10: Wilt, CJ the X / 11: How Do We Forgive Our Fathers, Dick Lourie / 12: Milk and honey, Rupi Kaur / 13: / 14: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 15: Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong, Ocean Vuong / 16: untitled, joan tierney v 17: Drunk, The Living Tombstone / 18: unknown

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it, and still you stand next to your mother just as silent and just as stoic as her during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight, out of mind. And he’s never really been there, even when he was there, after all.

#It’s ok they do get in touch again and he prob at least lives to 40 #Alright I’m ready to be normal about chilchuck again #Spoilers #I guess? #dungeon meshi #chilchuck tims #meijack #chilchuck’s family #meijack chils #Web weaving #alcoholism #cw alcohol #webweave #A couple more i liked are a rearview mirror we’re not as close as we appear line and this french one from #Kristina Gauthier-Landry that goes like hands full of trout running up to you / look what i caught look / how much you love me #And this other one about chocolate coins that a dad arriving from work in middle of the night gives the happy little daughter running up #And it’s so anticlimatic and about transactional relationships and oughh ough it’s a good book #I am Chil is a complex absentee father truther sorry. Idc go see my analyses if you want don’t argue w me here #posts for which i am the target audience #Oh oh another one : So were we close? Or was it just the big things that held us together and the small things that let us fall apart? #The word father rotted in my mouth #Bc it’s left there to rot get it get it……….. #Sigh. Like father alike daughter #I’m a truther that she’s more like her mom demeanor wise

[aardvaark]

i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun

hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-

parker: i dont know

hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?

parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?

eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?

parker: that’s what i said!

hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now

sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?

hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.

sophie: …….july 12th

hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?

sophie: ………… (guilty silence)

parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison

hardison:

hardison: what the fuck guys

#leverageposting #wren speaks #leverage #parker leverage #alec hardison #nate knows his birthday i guess so i didn’t include him. if he was watching the whole time he would probably say ‘idk’ to mess w hardison #they’re having this convo in nate’s apartment but it’s like 3am & he’s asleep & they’ve all broken in to hang out #parker doesn’t know either bc of her ridiculously neglectful foster parents or bc she’s parker & her priorities are simply different to most #people. her birthday is irrelevant to thievery. and sadly probably not related to fun happy memories anyway. #sophie obviously is a good enough grifter to answer confidently but she feels a little bad abt lying to her family by now #meanwhile hardison had a normal foster nana who would have known his bday. most kids aren’t safe-surrendered like eliot so assumably #hardison would have a known bday. and he likes birthdays! #and he wants to throw parker a little party even if it’s a very unconventional parker bday that involves rappelling & jumping off buildings #but he is once again thwarted by the leverage team members having the strangest possible lives #he IS gonna give them each birthday parties tho. even if he has to make up some dates & stuff #sophie’s can be the fake date she gives if that’s what she rlly wants. nate’s real birthday is on file somewhere even if he’s being annoying #rn so hardison just has to do some basic hacking. eliot would have an approximate bday such as the day he was surrendered that his parents #would have celebrated throughout childhood. and parker’s would be april 1st bc that’s alice whites bday (and YOURE ALICE!!!) #as in it’s canonically in the online info abt alice white shown in the juror no.6 job & obvs that’s april fools so it’s funny :) #and hardison has a NORMAL bday unlike SOME ppl and yes he DOES expect presents you heathens!!

[lucalicatteart]

 sculpted a strange shimmery two headed snail, speckled with wild flowers on it's shell~

#sculpture #snail #fantasy art #I have never sculpted or even drawn a snail before #so hopefully the anatomy is not incredibly off #(though if so.. I guess it could also just pass as further Strange Magical Mutations lol) #It doesn't show up as well in the photo but the shell has some irridescent eyeshadow on it so it kind of alternates a little warm #red and teal as you move it. #Made for an art contest on a game that I play lol (I wouldnt normally think to sculpt a snail on my own if it werent part of a #prompt) but I do kind of like the way it came out.. sort of.. #Perhaps a real creature that exists in Nanyevimi (my worldbuilding setting) in some capacity then.. hrmm #also in relevance to this blog i DO STILL WANT TO finish the story with the little adventurer... goursh I have just had so much going on.. #all of my little side projects like that have fallen away for so long. I really want his advneture to reach a tiny conclusion though #And shout out to that one person that always reblogged them and left nice comments in the tags also.. :'3 #Poll Adventures.... not over... simply was on temporary evil hiatus due to Me Feeling Sick Constantly All Summer and so on and so forth #aughhh.. woe and agonyyy *dramatically drops to my knees in the middle of a rain storm like some tragic movie scene #kneeling into the cold earth as i cradle the half-living bodies of all of my half-finished creative projects in my arms* #ANYWAY... lol..... erm.. snail time

[strawberrywindow]

I couldn't stop thinking about an AU where Daniel resorts to gathering vitae again, this time to 'cure' Hazel, after his Brennenburg adventure💫, thoughts all mainly derived from this loadscreen text that tells us that Hazel is still in hospice care by the time the game's story began.

As much as I love Daniel, I don't think he really learned all that much from his experience even in the most charitable ending towards him in which he saves Agrippa. I can very, VERY easily see him slipping back into old ways if it meant saving Hazel. The most he seems to approach viewing torture as bad is when he realizes he himself no longer counts as an innocent so he can't justify killing others to save himself anymore. But killing no good, horrible, bad people to save HAZEL? Now, we're cooking with gas 😀 💀

#amnesia the dark descent #daniel of mayfair #hazel amnesia #fan art #frictional games #curing hazel AU #is what i'm calling it 🤣 i have a lot of other ideas i've been brainstorming #i'm considering this a title page i guess idk 😐 i kind of want to make this a larger project i work on but we'll see how that turns out 😅 #also the lighting here is only for the drama💫 i don't think hazel would actually drink bright blue tea even if daniel gave it to her 😂 #other things i'd like to explore in this au maybe: daniel and hazel reuniting/daniel taking her to live with him in london #the orb coming back into the picture wouldn't it be funny if the shadow brought it back like 'here you forgot this' lmao #obvs not SAYING that but the vibe💫 #daniel being a bad scary man again which is highkey heartbreaking to imagine 🥲 #daniel almost getting caught by authorities and giving them the orb like 'here's all the info you need 😊' knowing damn well he just marked #those men for the shadow now rip #hazel living a 'normal' life not knowing what daniel be up to #hazel being healthy 🥲 #hazel meeting the mandus she meets that is oswald's great grandfather? #i have IDEAS #and i know most of them probably won't get drawn which is why i'm word vomiting them into the tags 🤣

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

having a really old dog is just repeating the mantra to yourself "i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let him go i will do so gracefully. i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let wait why are you not pooping normally WHAT IS GOING ON WHY WON'T YOU POOP ARE YOU DYING" and then calling the vet in a panic, being told actually he's fine but give the probiotic some time to do its thing and then let us know if anything changes, and then you take a deep breath and go "cool. yeah. obviously he's fine. anyway. i am grateful for the time i've been given and

#listen i got this dog when he was already 7 years old and i was 22 #never in a million years did i think he'd still be here EIGHT YEARS LATER when i'm THIRTY #tbh after all the shit i've given him for pooping inside he WOULD go out because of some constipation #like ''fine you don't want me to poop inside? i guess i'll never poop again'' #which is why i was so worried because this just felt like something that would happen #but the vet literally didn't bat an eye when i called lmao #she was just like ''oh yeah that sounds totally normal'' #so this geriatric menace gets to live on #me #dog death cw #not really but talking about like. the inevitability of it #HONESTLY i'm glad i've had so many scares because it's almost like it's bracing me for the real event #not to be. excessively morbid or anything #ANYWAY #DOG IS FINE HE'S JUST HAVING HIS DIGESTIVE SYSTEM RESET

[hood-ex]

Having a Homer Simpson "d'oh!" moment because I missed/forgot some pivotal information on the Zur situation that happened a few issues ago.

Zur created Failsafe and erased the memory of how to stop him. He also created a batcave under Bruce's batcave. (Batman #127 / Batman #136)

Bruce literally mentioned that Zur "poisoned the well" and put doubt in Bruce's head and heart. Bruce questioned, "What else has he done?" (Batman #136)

Bruce locked Zur away in his mind, and they were at odds with each other because Bruce didn't want Zur taking over, and Zur wanted out because he perceived Bruce's insecurities and doubts as his mind being "under attack." He wanted out to fulfill his purpose. (Batman #136)

In a flashback, Zur took over Bruce's body without Bruce even knowing. One minute, Bruce was trying to solve a case, and in the next, Zur was doing his own thing. When he gave up control to Bruce again, Bruce simply carried on with his previous thought as if he hadn't been personality swapped at all. (Batman #136)

Zur tried to tell Bruce what to do. Bruce snapped and yelled at him, reminding Zur that he (Zur) was in a cage. Bruce reassured himself, "He's in a cage. I'm in control." (Batman #137)

Now there was a moment in Batman #136 where Bruce started to panic because he couldn't see the future or whatever, so he didn't know how he could save everyone he loved, and he wondered how far he could go before it all burned away.

And then in Batman #137/Catwoman #57, Bruce realized that he no longer owned the manor, and he kinda started spiraling and talking about how even if he lost the manor/his wealth, he wouldn't lose his soldiers.

"They can't be bought. But they can be saved."

Notice the fact that Bruce used the term "soldiers." Because guess what? In Batman #127, Zur referred to Tim and the other members of the family as soldiers, and Bruce angrily corrected him.

"And Tim isn't my soldier! HE'S MY SON!"

SOOO. Do you see where I'm kinda going with all this? Bruce not knowing when Zur takes over? Zur being able to erase memories? Zur using "soldier" in his own dialogue color, and Bruce using the term "soldier" in his own dialogue color? Bruce saying that Zur "poisoned the well."

AND NOW, in today's issue, Zur forcibly took over to try and kill Joker again. And you know what was said?

Bruce: No! I'm in control! I'm--

Zur: You're not in control, we (Zur) are.

BRUCE CANNOT CONTROL ZUR. HE CANNOT. He thinks he can, and he thought he had it under control, but Bruce doesn't have shit under control!

#MAYBE i got it right that first time #the only doubt i have is that zur and bruce do have separate dialogue colors #but if zur is just idk poisoning bruce's mind (like dick or jason or whoever implied) then it would make sense that #we would have bruce's dialogue color but have zur's crazy ideas actually be behind it #like we (readers) are being tricked into thinking everything is bruce's idea but it's actually not #ON THE OTHER HAND... bruce's freak out over his family's safety in 136 does fit with bruce's rhetoric in gotham war #about wanting jason to live a normal life. he wanted to save jason. he wanted to save the family from this whole lifestyle #so that's why i also have the doubts about zur being fully in control during that jason thing #BUT ON THE OTHER HAND--zur wants the family out of the way so that bruce will ONLY be batman #AND GUESS WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF AS JUST BATMAN?? ZUR!!!! #Bruce Wayne #Zur-En-Arrh #Batman 139 spoilers #Gotham War

[desultory-novice]

[Trimming for length...!]

...Mechalor Anon, how dare you take my attempts to give them a vaguely implied happy ending and convince me (challenge level: super easy) to turn this into something Truly Horrific... ANYWAY!

Snowflake!Noir and Adeleine, aka...**** ****...

Adeleine, as always, takes up art. She's more unsure of herself, so she's been experimenting with different crafts, trying to find the one that fits...whoever she is now. Noir waits tables at Kawasaki's while learning how to cook from him. He's stuck with his collar but the encroachment seemingly stopped with 02's defeat so...that's good.

[This timeline MUST have a Happy Ending. See? They're even smiling!]

They have a home at Castle Dedede when they're not out...enjo... sorry ENJOYING!! Dream Land; the soft cuddle bear penguin king unable to NOT care about these two in every reality, apparently ^^

Overall, they're not fine. All that shock and trauma in rapid succession, followed by being in communion with a dark power, letting it gently infuse their souls for decades to help escape their awful waking life, only to be very psychically available as it was destroyed and then waking up in a perfectly ALIEN situation that only pushes the two of them closer together is totally not fine though!

Today was another good day...

[Warning: horror, body horror, original attempt at biblically accurate Kirby last boss, semi-realistic eyes, no salvation, character death]

-

:Adeleine smiles wide, hopping onto the large bed where Noir sits:

Adeleine: "Ready?"

Noir: "Only if you're ready to lose two bucks."

Adeleine: "No way! Today was a good day! It's going to work!"

:Adeleine gears up to pry at Noir's collar, trying to break or otherwise remove it from him. It still refuses to budge:

Adeleine: "...Nghhhhhhh!"

:Noir wryly shakes his head:

Noir: "Ready to call it quits?"

Adeleine: "...Noir, are you sure you didn't accidentally glue this thing to you and you've been too embarrassed to tell me the truth?"

Noir: "Says the girl who sewed the shirt she was wearing TO my apron when I asked you to fix the ties on it for me. I didn't know you hated being apart from me that much, Adeleine!"

Adeleine: "No~ir!!"

Noir: "Anyway, no, I didn't and that's two bucks you owe me."

Adeleine: "...I don't have any money. They don't even use it here. Why do you keep betting me? What would you buy, anyway?"

:Noir replies with mock seriousness:

Noir: "...Chiropractic work for all the neck damage you've given me trying this thing every single day."

:She pouts before finally letting a little laugh slip through:

"...Adeleine, listen, it's okay. You don't need to worry about me..."

Adeleine: "It's not okay though! Dark Matter's supposed to be all gone now. Everyone said so. So...why aren't you better, Noir...?"

:A faltering smile to match her growing sadness:

:Keep lying to your sister, boy. You're an expert by now:

Noir: "...I am better. We're both better. Right...?"

"I mean, isn't this place a lot better than home? You're out there painting and sculpting and sewing and building and who knows what else and I'm...making less guests sick at Kawasaki's every day!"

:He laughs a hollow laugh. She doesn't laugh with this time:

"...Just cause this stupid thing is still stuck to me doesn't actually MEAN anything. It's just a boring hunk of metal. Nothing more."

:It doesn't still whisper to him. A thousand lost souls crying out to be one again:

:She crawls into his lap:

Adeleine: "Still...I'm...scared, Noir. I'm scared for us. Nothing feels right anymore... What if, the next time I go to sleep...I wake up someplace new again? What if...it's someplace without you...?"

:He hugs her tight, their shivering bodies fitting together perfectly:

:Why do you shiver, children? It is not cold here. It is too warm:

Noir: "C'mon, snowflake girl. That's not gonna happen anymore. We've stuck together so far and we're going to keep sticking. Right?"

"...And anyway, today was a good day. You said it yourself."

Adeleine: "Yeah..."

Noir: "We just have to keep having good days. Don't let the little things get to us. We've still got each other. ...We can do this..."

:Back to sleep. In sleep, we are safe. Only in sleep. Though... ...They ask us to wake up here They worry when we do not wake up:

--

:Outside the door to their room:

Meta: "...Your majesty."

Dedede: "Whaa?! It's not what it looks like!!"

Meta: "I have no idea what you're implying."

Dedede: "So, uh, what brings ya here, Meta Knight?"

Meta: "The same reason as you, I would suspect. To check on the status of our guests from Shiver Star. How are they?"

:Dedede points inside, where the two siblings sleep cradled in each other's arms, akin to how they were found. Though, it's a little uncanny to see them continue to sleep that way:

Dedede: "See for yourself. Sleepin' peacefully. At least, I hope so..."

:A bit of worry makes its way onto his face:

"...Adeleine's right, Meta. We beat Dark Matter. Twice. Hell, maybe more! Sure, we've had a host of problems since then but Noir's..."

Meta: "Do you believe that, my liege? That we have defeated it?"

Dedede: "What do you mean by that?"

Meta: "...When you look at those siblings, what do you see?"

:Dedede looks back inside the room:

Dedede: "I see two kids. Quiet. Respectful. Scared of trouble but they don't cause any. They mostly stick to each other but I seem 'em out there slowly trying to make friends with the others..."

Meta: "...You are a good man, my liege."

:Dedede balks and puffs up his chest:

Dedede: "That's 'Great' and get it right!"

Meta: "......Then I take it back."

Dedede: "Hey!"

:Meta fixes him with a fierce, burning gaze:

Meta: "Look at them again, sire. Not with your eyes."

Dedede: "......"

:Dedede can see it, their matter is locked in a twisted spiral, Soul and Dark feeding each other, tightly intertwined, and growing still:

Meta: "Do you see it?"

Dedede: "...No. I don't see nuthin'."

:Dedede turns away:

"And before you ask me to look again, I don't WANT to see it. They're just two kids, Meta! Just two small kids! They haven't hurt nobody!"

Meta: "...In the beginning, it was just the boy. He was sick with Dark Matter. I didn't know how he was still alive. He could have easily been a threat to the kingdom and not just because of that sword."

:Meta shuts his eyes, regretting his lapse:

"I...had hoped the presence of his sister could alleviate that some. But Dark Matter is not so easily tamed. It has grown fast, feeding off the two of them. It is already more than twice what a normal member of their species should be able to handle without being consumed."

Dedede: "...Right. That doesn't sound good. How do we stop it?"

:He sees Meta Knight's expression and rephrases:

"...How do we save 'em, Meta?"

Meta: "I believe, my liege..."

:His lowered eyes go to Galaxia's handle:

"...the answer will depend on your definition of 'save'..."

...

Meta Knight's words hung heavy on him.

King Dedede shut his eyes and decided to continue along as if it was nothing. Just...keep making the place as comfortable for the two as he could. Maybe the knight was wrong? Maybe it wasn't too late?

It wasn't long after that. The trigger was something forgettably small, as simple as a thoughtless suggestion or an accident; one of them gets hurt, bleeds a little, maybe. It only needs to be one of them, so inextricably are they linked that the resonance of the other's echoed pain races across Popstar like a sonic boom. Dark clouds swirl in, covering the whole planet, blocking out the star's brilliant light.

King Dedede rushes out. He doesn't want to know-without-question what is the cause this time. He wants it to be something unknown. A new invader; not his familiar tormentor, the foe he knows so well.

But he knows exactly what it is because he is already mouthing the words to a waiting Meta Knight. "The kids! Where are they...?!"

"Look up..."

It is a cruel joke to him. Always, Dark Matter had a way of getting inside him. But every time, it had been his body. Never had it succeeded at invading his heart.

He wishes this one would take his body.

...Take me instead...

But the two violet eyes are not looking at him. They arc laterally with rapid movements, back and forth, back and forth, stretching to the edge of their vision, looking for their other half they know to be there, felt through the comforting grip of tightly twined fingers and hinted at in the reflection of wings like the points of a snowflake...

...

......

-ZERO THREE-

" " yI at kH Ou er Bt ls lN 'o ti Ir " " | " " Dt ol nu ta LF ey aM vl el MA es Ai ls oi nh eT " " | " "It Ji um sm ta WD ad no tG Tp oU Ds rU ee ak ma FW ou ro FY od ri eD vy eh rW" " | " "Hr ee lH pe Hv ia mS" "

"...Give them back..."

"GIVE THEM BACK!!"

" " ...eK di en dg eD De gd ne id Ke... " "

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

...He will not get them back...

-

ZERO THREE's dialogue reads:

"It Hurts Noir / It'll Be Okay" | "Don't Leave Me Alone / This Is All My Fault" | "I Just Want To Dream For Forever / Why Did You Wake Us Up Godammit" | "Help Him / Save Her"

...The last one you can probably guess...

-

Mechalor Anon's full post below. Sorry I took the worst possible ending choice you offered and SOMEHOW MADE IT WORSE!

Noirs Saved: 2 (Gijinka, AU AU) Noirs Failed: 1 (Snowflakes)

#Apologies AU #Kirby #cw: body horror #A true mixed media post! XD; #I really just wanted to show off the Zero Three thing but it required all that setup to explain how it happened #Guess you CAN'T just go from 'about to get gunned down in the spaceport for the crime trying to survive' to... #...'Welcome to Dream Land where food grows in flowers cause the trees are mean! Also our monarch is a penguin!' #They tried. They tried to go back to living normal lives... #And they really DID like everyone. They didn't become Dark Matter out of hatred or anger. It was just... too much... #Like Mechalor Anon said... they weren't prepared. #Noir's encroachment was 'stalled' because all their negativity was suffusing Adeleine's native Soul Matter instead #Soul + Dark Matter is not just good for creating Dream matter... it is ALSO the perfect recipe for creating another Zero #If left to their own devices ZERO THREE would go on to draw more planets into “their” personal dream world... #long post #King Dedede #Meta Knight #Adeleine #Noir (human form dms)

[lloydfrontera]

if i think too long about the ending making lloyd leave the home he worked so hard to save behind along with the new found family he sacrificed his life for so he can move to a place he has no emotional connection to where he only knows two people (one of which is actually following him from the aforementioned home) in order to make him get a standard "have a wife and children" 'happy' ending i start wanting to bite people not gonna lie

#i talk a lot <3 #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #it is. such a sucky ending i hate it i'm sorry i cannot stand it #i love charlotte with all my heart and i truly do like alicia #but jesus fuck that ending #the one thing lloyd wants is to have an easy relaxed life surrounded by the people he loves #and then the ending has him become the royal consort to someone we know likes to use people to their best potential #and living permanently away from his parents and all the people he came to care about #except for javier and alicia. and javier is only there because of lloyd anyway. #i just. i hate heteronormative endings so much man. #he didn't need to marry! he could've found his happy ending without having to be romantically involved with anyone!! #there's this whole thing about lloyd thinking to himself that his happy ending will be settling down with a wife and have kids #and then there is this one moment. where he talks about what he really wants. his one true wish. #and he talks about how he just wants a family. a normal family. a family that welcomes him after a day's work. a family that lives a normal #life without worrying about nothing much. he doesn't want big territories or power or an army. he just wants to have a family that loves hi #and enough to keep them safe. #AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT HE GAINS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE NOVEL #GUESS WHAT THE EMOTIONAL CORE OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS #A FAMILY. PARENTS AND A BROTHER AND A BEST FRIEND THAT CARE FOR HIM AND WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND HIM DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP #THEM SAFE. AND HE DOES. EVERYTHING HE DOES WAS TOO KEEP THEM SAFE AND SOUND AND HE GETS HIS WISH. #DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!! #HE DIDN'T NEED TO MARRY BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAD HIS WISH. HE ALREADY HAD HIS HAPPY ENDING. I'M SO MAD KASHDKA #tged

[abutterflyscribbles]

when a character says 'I can't live without you' I often think it would be more powerful to say, 'I don't want to live without you'. Life will go on, the world will turn, but a light has gone out of it that cannot be replaced even if new ones are lit. I want to be with you, I'm choosing to be with you, I could live without you but I would be losing something incredibly precious that brings a certain richness that nothing else ever will.

'I can't live without you' sounds kind of coercive to me. I can't live without you I don't have a choice so you don't have a choice unless you want to destroy me, do you want to destroy me? Without each other we have nothing, are nothing.

#a butterfly scribbles #ideas #prompt #prompts #someone else please say this better #I mean if you want to write about characters that can't live without each other that's your prerogative #I get tired of how it's supposed to be the ultimate romance or even normal and healthy and just thrown into stories willy-nilly #like in pride and prejudice darcy is all 'I'm in love with you against my will and better judgement' like there's no choice involved #elizabeth is unimpressed 'too bad so sad' #and guess what? his life goes on. in some ways it gets better as he improves himself #it wasn't a plan to win her back. whether or not they ended up together I think he would have ultimately been okay #I think that's great #my life is good but you would make it so much better please be a part of it #I shouldn't write when it's past my bed time

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me

[oscill4te]

deviantart changed their search engine so that you cannot look up art just by searching up a person's username. this sucks and means if your account(s) was banned over a decade ago, you're probably not going to be able to access that art or those old journals anymore, unless its archived already. dayum =[ ive gotten banned so many times due to not being 13+ lol, they rightfully enforced that rule very well.

#its okay though. its not good to ruminate in the past anyways!! #not extensively at least. #if i could go back in the past id ask younger me to archive her art and journals. save the notebooks #but its okay. again. rumination isnt good. ive been doing that a lot recently. time to live in the present. #im drawing some old ocs to idk. get over that loss i guess. #i wanna draw the ones i remember before i forget completely one day #i dont know why it matters so much to me. they are just technicolored animals drawn on ms paint; no? #well. it does matter to me. so XD #i should be happy with what i have archived. i did do a bit of archiving as a teen and it genuinely its nice that i did that for myself #the internet will never reliably back up your stuff. devices break. notebooks get lost. bwah. :p loss is normal. #if i ever visit my parents i want to hunt for my laptop.. its lost in a sea of.... :( hoarding #it might not even work anymore. it could be gone even #its not as sad as im making it out to be lmao. i guess i just forget what i was like in the past sometimes #even in therapy an event that happened when i was 17 came up.. i barely remember who i was at that age. lots from that time is gone. #i guess i dont have to remember. who ever i am -now- matters more than a hypothetical past me........... #but that past me got me here. and im so thankful. want her to be find peace for once. i want to at least know her. all versions of her. #divided sense of self = lmao. this all sounds so woo

[quietwingsinthesky]

still thinking about how gadreel blew up. lmao.

i still think he should have cut his own grace out and fed it to cas. feels like a better conclusion to his arc. fucked it all up for humans trying to do the right thing, fucked it all up for angels trying to do the right thing, he's been trying to martyr himself since at least Dean and Sam captured him, but fuck that. live, bitch. lose part of yourself that both connects you to your trauma but also to everyone/thing you love. give it up to save someone else. and then go live at the bunker as a human guy while sam is at his most fucked up because dean just died <3 it would be so awful for both of them <3

#but no i guess he just. blew up. #i dont even like him i dont *want* to see more of him but at the same time even im like. he should have been forced to live with all the #hurt he caused for at least another season. there's no redemption in supernatural we know this. his ending is eventually going still be wha #every other 'evil and now good' character's is. die for the winchesters. no way out of that. #but make that guy linger. make him deal with being a human. make sam deal with him living in his space while he tries to find dean. #you know. normal things. #gadreel spn #spn

[theygender]

The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃

#rambling #for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to #estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone) #and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments #and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms #it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me #(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲) #and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately #like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related #dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me #but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially #as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess? #like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally' #and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder #thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance #dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone #typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis) #and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself #and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex' #and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭 #tmi #request to tag