#i mean he's a pastor so i'm honestly not surprised

[icwasher]

My sister was on a youth retreat (in which she said her name was thee Darkling at a Chick-fil-a and the serving man called her Ms. Darkling) and she was talking to a friend about said event and our youth pastor goes, "Oh, I've seen Shadow and Bone." So my sister asks who his favorite character is and he says, "I don't really remember much of what happened, but I liked the goat. And the little spy girl, because she had morals."

#i mean he's a pastor so i'm honestly not surprised #grishaverse #six of crows #leigh bardugo #youth group #pastor

[ofthecaravel]

Heaven In Time

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Bleeding Hearts, Angel Voices

Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Summary: The last supper. Or is it?

Tags: Religious trauma, hella guilt tripping/mentions of religious upbringing, internalized homophobia, sliiiiiight slut shaming, sibling fighting, slight sauciness

Words: 10k

A/N: As promised, here's the playlist, as well as the last chapter of this little series. Thank you all so much for being so sweet about it and I'm so happy you liked it!! Tell me all your thoughts!!! OH also, I'm aware that only Catholic priests really wear clerical collars, but I decided to include it because Josh is dramatic and would think it looks cute. Okay enjoy

~~

“This is it?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. Somewhere along the way you failed to mention that it’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“It’s practically sinking into the lake, Dan.”

Already crabby, Sam really wanted to be able to trash the house looming in front of them. But for all its ghosts and lonely corners, Sam couldn’t write off the fact that his childhood home (and Jake’s new permanent place of residence, apparently) was and had always been a sight to behold. It wasn’t particularly flashy with its modest white paneling having been frayed by weather and stained with mildew, and it certainly wasn’t modern by any means. However, with the silver maples conspiring around it and a lakeside view from the bottom of the hill it rested on, the house with all its flaws and farmhouse style charm was enough to make Danny’s eyes widen. 

“I didn’t know my parents had moved,” Sam noted softly, heart racing as he observed his brothers’ cars in the driveway and wondered where his dad’s station wagon was parked now. 

“I’m sure Jake will fill you in on everything,” Danny assured Sam as he parked next to Jake’s crappy Volvo. He cut the engine and studied Sam’s apprehensive expression out of the corner of his eye, selfishly hoping that Sam would call the whole thing off and they could drive off towards the loving embrace of Danny’s own childhood home just beyond the state border. He knew his parents and sister would absolutely adore Sam, but he wasn’t sure that Sam’s brothers would welcome him as readily.

“Okay,” Sam blurted, smacking his hands against his thighs and letting out a fast exhale. “Quick overview before we go in.”

“Right,” Danny nodded. Honestly, he could use a refresher. It was always a struggle to get Sam to talk about his family like this.

“Josh is the oldest,” Sam started, beginning his list of points by marking them on his fingers. “Technically. He’s older than Jake by, like, I don’t remember, a couple of minutes. Super friendly, loud as fuck, took up my dad’s pastoral duties after he got deep into the televangelist bullshit that I’m sure he’s still doing now. He was a natural, of course, given that there’s nothing he loves more than the sound of his own voice.”

“Harsh.”

“Dude, trust me. You’ll get what I mean. Anyways, you’ve met Jake. Sort of. He’s very…passionate, which you’ve seen. Kind of hot headed, very one track minded. He basically runs the whole ministry from the shadows, even when Dad was still pastor. Josh gives the go ahead, but Jake’s the organizer. He’s busy 24/7 and has been since they were, like, 12.”

“Doesn’t sound very sustainable,” Danny commented. Sam let out a laugh and shook his head.

“It is not,” Sam agreed bitterly. “But he likes barking orders and playing puppet master, so I guess it works for him. And, I mean, school and youth group pretty much taught us that there was no other way for us to live other than doing church shit all day every day, so I can’t say I’m surprised he turned out this way.”

“Pretty relentless, huh?”

“Yup. Especially when your dad’s running aforementioned church and giving you shit for doing anything, I don’t know, childlike? Or for just enjoying stuff?”

“Definitely explains why Jake was such a dick about your cute ‘fit,” Danny said. “Those values trickle down if you let them, I guess. I still don’t think you had to change, by the way.”

“I definitely did,” Sam muttered, looking down at the plain jeans he’d pulled from his suitcase and the thin flannel he’d buttoned over his chest after their backseat tryst. “Josh would’ve lost his shit. No way he’d go full ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m a man of God and that means I get to preach with corporal punishment’ route, but he’d sure as hell think about it if I showed up in those shorts.”

“Baby,” Danny lamented, heart sinking as he watched Sam fiddle with a button while wearing a sullen expression. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Sam insisted, reaching for Danny’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For, you know, closure.”

“Okay,” Danny relented, still hesitant but trusting in Sam to know when enough is enough.

“Okay,” Sam echoed. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.”

Sam pulled Danny in for a quick kiss of courage, bounced once in his seat, let out a nervous sound and then threw open the door and climbed out. Danny chuckled and got out, locking up the truck and watching with adoration as Sam shuffled towards the peeling front steps. 

-

“One second!”

The voice came booming through the rattling front door after Sam had given it a timid knock to the beat of three. Almost instantly, Sam’s nerves flared with electrifying panic and he spun to face Danny.

“Actually,” Sam declared in a rushed, reedy tone. “Fuck this, let’s go.”

“What?”

Before Sam could drag Danny down the stairs and bail harder than anyone has ever bailed before, the door swung open with a melodramatic bang and then there was Josh. Danny could immediately see the startling resemblance between him and Jake, but there was something particularly unique about Josh that immediately set him apart. Danny assessed his tidy curls and the clerical collar nestled snugly at the base of his neck and knew it must be these physical differences, but he stood there puzzling nonetheless. Josh’s face was lit up with a plasticine cheer that seemed to be his resting expression, but at the sight of his deserter younger brother turning to him like a deer in the headlights, his face morphed into uncharacteristic shock. Once again, Danny stood in awkward silence as the useless mediator. This time around he had the good sense to step to the side before the situation devolved.

“Oh,” Josh said simply, his graceful hands rising to cup at the sides of Sam’s face with practiced theatrics. “Oh, praise be to God. Sammy. You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Sam repeated, already faltering under Josh’s fiery gaze. “Hi.”

“I can’t believe it,” Josh breathed, tears glittering in his eyes as he shook his head with wonder. “I just can’t even believe it’s really you. It is, right? Or are you some agent of the Lord sent to test my faith in His protection of you?”

“Pretty sure He’s not worried about your faith, Josh,” Sam muttered, grasping Josh’s wrists and lowering them. “I’ve been protected just fine. It’s me, I swear.”

“Thank God,” Josh blubbered, throwing his arms around Sam and pulling him into a crushing hug. Despite it all, Sam accepted it gratefully, crossing his arms behind Josh’s back and holding him just as hard. This was the reunion he’d been dreading the most, but his shame was temporarily assuaged in the comfort of his brother’s embrace.

Danny kept his silence as they hugged, but eventually Josh caught his eye and appeared to register that there was someone on the porch other than Sam for the first time.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude,” Josh began after he let Sam go, wiping a tear with the heel of his palm and presenting his other hand to Danny. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Danny,” Danny introduced himself, giving Josh a firm handshake and smiling nervously. Even though so few words had been exchanged, Danny had to admit that it was enough to feel that Josh’s presence could quickly become overwhelming.

“Daniel,” Josh grinned, pleased. “I assure you our home tonight will be no den of lions.”

“Of course,” Danny smiled, completely disbelieving of Josh’s sentiment. “Pretty sure that was revealed to me in one of my many visions. …That is what Daniel did in the Bible, right?”

Josh’s laugh erupted out of his chest and he clapped Danny on the arm with an approving grip. Sam shared a look of surprised amusement with Danny, whose shoulders flickered with a shrug as Josh came down from his laughing fit.

“Good man,” Josh wheezed. “Ah, that’s funny. Am I right in assuming you’re Sammy’s companion in the travels I’m sure he’s had? The travels I simply cannot wait to hear about?”

“Correct.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Josh beamed, flashing his wide smile back on Sam. “I knew this would happen, you know. That He’d send you a guardian angel to watch over you. I prayed for it.”

“I’m truly blessed,” Sam agreed, giving Danny a private, bashful smile while Josh became temporarily distracted by propping open the door.

“That you are,” Josh professed, gesturing into the house as he crossed the threshold again. “All of us are, really. Now I don’t want to keep you waiting on this drafty old porch, please, come in, come in.”

Josh went in first, flying ahead of Danny and Sam as the door closed behind them and the house swallowed them whole. 

“Here we go,” Sam whispered, nearly inaudible. Josh guided them, humming and singing under his breath as he reached to graze his fingers against the walls of the hallway lined with crosses of all sizes and finish.

“It’s going good so far,” Danny whispered back. “He likes me.”

“Wait ‘til he finds out what kind of guardian angel you are,” Sam murmured. Danny flushed and snaked his arm behind Sam and gave him a pinch on his side, only inches away from the situationally appropriate angel wings messily inked on Sam’s lower back. 

Sam bit back a muffled squeak and smacked Danny in the arm. He was ready to send another flirty whisper his way, but when they emerged in the kitchen, Sam froze up once again at the sight of Jake stationed at the stove. Jake’s hair had been relieved of its outdated ponytail and skirted over his shoulders in messy waves, swaying with motion as he tended to a pan.

“When you said surprise guests, I was certainly not expecting a surprise like this!” Josh cried, shaking Jake by the shoulder. “You drive me nuts.”

“You drive me nuts, it seemed only fair,” Jake smiled. “I’m surprised you saw me come home acting the way I was and didn’t immediately know Sam had something to do with it.”

Sam let out an offended little exhale from his nose and Jake finally regarded him and Danny, renewed tension stretching between them all as he gave them a curt, impersonal nod.

“You really came,” Jake noted plainly, gaze lingering on Sam before turning back to the stovetop, pushing sizzling green tomatoes around the skillet.

“You invited us,” Sam reminded him, cautiously approaching and watching him work. “Enthusiastically, actually. Is this Grandma’s recipe?”

“Yup,” Jake answered flatly, still refusing eye contact as the oil snapped and leaped when he flipped the tomatoes.

“It smells divine,” Danny piped up. Jake gave him a side eye that Danny honored with a nervous, polite smile, but Jake ultimately shut him down with empty air. 

“It’s all divine in this house,” Josh followed up dreamily. 

“Well, hopefully it doesn’t taste like ‘disappointment’,” Jake muttered pettily, bringing up Sam’s words from the gas station. Sam sighed and took a step back from Jake, who filled his space by moving from the pan to open the oven, poking noisily at a covered tray. 

“Come on, Jake,” Sam groaned. “We come in peace. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“And I don’t want this catfish to char,” Jake countered. “Scoot.”

“I’ve scooted, thanks,” Sam frowned, taking another step back. “Why are you acting like we’re showing up uninvited? You literally asked us to come.”

“Hey, what has gotten into you two?” Josh interjected, finally absorbing his twin’s clipped tone. “We should be celebrating. And we have company, so if you could save us all the trouble of picking apart your rude semantics, that would be lovely. I mean, honestly.”

Jake let out a huff and continued working to pull dinner together, plunging the kitchen into icy silence as Sam sneered at the floor to prevent any tears from creeping up on him. Danny wanted nothing more than to hoist him up and carry him out of the house, but he watched helplessly as Josh came over to Sam and gently pulled him out of the room.  

“You two can hash it out later, okay?” Josh whispered, and Sam nodded as they crossed the threshold into the wood paneled dining room. The dining table was set with four crisp placemats, all of them centered in the middle of the table under the flowering hands of the chandelier. It was odd for Sam to see, considering he’d never known the table to be set without a placemat at the head of the table for his father. 

“Sorry,” Sam apologized, falling into old habits. “We ran into Jake at a gas station and it ended…weird. You know he can be kind of-”

“Snippy?” Josh finished for him, pulling out a bundle of cutlery from a drawer. “Righteous? Yes, he can be. Lord knows I know. He’s working on it. Been working on a lot since you left, actually. Some days I swear he out prays me.”

“When did Mom and Dad move?” Sam asked, changing the conversation while robotically accepting and laying down silverware as Josh handed it to him.

“Two months ago,” Josh replied nonchalantly. “Turns out Dad’s broadcast made its way to Nebraska and amassed a following there, so they picked up to be closer to his flock.”

“Nebraska?” Sam exclaimed, nearly dropping the bundle of forks in his hand. He swallowed the revelation with a shiver of relief and an equally strong wave of grief, no doubt felt by the lonely little boy he carried inside him. Sam realized with blank shock that there was a very good chance he would never see his parents again.

“So, what, they just up and left?”

“Yeah…”

“For Nebraska?”

 Danny walked in then, unable to withstand Jake’s angry clanging for another minute.

“What’s in Nebraska?” Danny asked innocently. 

“Our parents,” Josh explained with a weak smile. “I trust Sam’s told you about our Dad’s post preaching venture?”

“A little,” Danny lied. He’d heard plenty about what the Kiszka patriarch had been up to since retiring and passing on the torch of preacher to his oldest son: good ol’ American televangelism, complete with the incensed ramblings and an addiction to being on screen. From what he heard from Sam, this came at the cost of quality time with his family. Sam had assured him the blow was softened significantly considering they’d all been fruitlessly clamoring for his affection for their entire lives and were long accustomed to the scraps they’d been dealt.  

“I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised,” Sam laughed flatly, shooting Josh a knowing look. “Lord knows Dad has the means to afford it.”

“Oh, here we go. I don’t want to hear your conspiracy theories, Sammy,” Josh replied sternly. “I have faith that every drop of his viewer’s donations go right to the Convention.”

“Right,” Sam muttered. “Just like the college fund did.”

Josh stiffened, bright eyes suddenly cast in shadow as he set a glass down on the table. Danny’s eyebrows silently rose in curiosity. He’d never heard mention of college.

“Always the firecracker, Sammy,” Josh said with a brusque laugh, recovering with shocking speed and slipping his cheerful mask back on with ease. Sam rolled his eyes and carried on doling out glasses and napkins, but Danny found Josh’s abrupt mirth disturbing and studied him from where he leaned in the doorway. Danny had felt quite certain in his assessment of Jake when they’d met, but with Josh, he couldn’t quite pin what it was about him that kept Danny’s attention.

-

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, much to the surprise of everyone at the table. There was a bit of a rough start when a chilly direction from Jake had Danny positioned at the seat farthest from Sam, one that also conveniently faced the portrait of Jesus on the wall. But after they’d all sat down, Josh had led them in a tearful round of grace praising Sam’s safe return and then insisted on hearing every single detail of their cross country journey. Knowing that “every single detail” would send both his siblings into cardiac arrest, Sam had regaled them with only the most entertaining stories. Danny felt his heart swelling in his chest watching Sam settle into his natural element, rolling his wrists in the air and grinning like a madman as he detailed engine mishaps and eccentric motel squatters. The biggest surprise of all was Jake slowly warming up as the conversation rolled along, never contributing more than a few words at a time but eventually offering up the smallest of smiles and persistent eye contact as his little brother rambled away.

“I just can’t believe it,” Josh noted brightly at the tail end of one of Sam’s stories. “You’re so bold now, Sams. I remember when you were such a little scaredy cat too scared to get the communion wafers from the back room by yourself. Now you’re out there roughing the wilderness and pushing cows off the road.”

“Trying to push cows off the road,” Daniel corrected with a smile, remembering how hard he’d laughed watching Sam push with all his might against a cow where its herd had blocked the road somewhere in Texas. “Emphasis on trying.”

“I pushed that big one with the brown spot!” Sam argued. “You saw! He went running!”

“He felt bad for you, Sammy.”

Jake let out a snort that set them all off into their own fits of laughter, save for Sam who open mouth scoffed and mouthed threats to Danny across the table. Despite his faint indignation at Danny poking fun at him, Sam felt a great rush at the light hearted mood that had settled over the room. For a split second, he thought of a world where they could eat dinner like this on a regular basis, but he held himself back from indulging in that hope and laid it to rest in a far corner of his mind as quickly as it had risen.

Sam found it to be a wise choice when the laughter died down and Josh, completely unknowingly, killed the mood.

“Is it a hassle to find churches near motels?” Josh asked with sincere interest. “Or is it nice to settle for one day a week when you’re always driving around all willy-nilly?”

Jake let out another snort and Sam and Danny made awkward eye contact across the table.

“They don’t go to church, Josh,” Jake answered for his brother. Josh blinked and Sam bowed his head, suddenly very interested in tearing at the seedy heart of the tomato at the end of his fork.

“I suppose we can be few and far between,” Josh nodded. “I don’t think it’d hurt to peek in on a general Christian service, though. It’d do the job if the Baptist radio stations don’t reach wherever you end up.”

“They don’t want to go to church, Josh,” Jake continued. Sam kicked him under the table and Jake shot him a snotty look, raising his eyebrows haughtily as Josh turned to Sam.

“Is that true?” Josh asked, sounding a little hurt. 

“Did nobody here read the note I left?” Sam mumbled childishly, keeping his eyes down as Josh sputtered and looked between him and Danny. Danny couldn’t muster anything more than an embarrassed cough, also looking down but keeping his eyes firmly glued to Sam.

“I did, about a thousand times,” Josh insisted, shifting his entire chair to face Sam. “But I figured you’d, you know…well, maybe I don’t know.”

“I bet there’s a lot we don’t know,” Jake added, kicking back when Sam kicked him again. 

“What are you, 12? Stop it,” Josh snapped, adding his own kicking leg to the fray. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should’ve seen what he was wearing when I saw him,” Jake said conspiratorially.

“Jake, shut up!” Sam hissed. “You’re so fucking prissy.”

“Woah, language!” Josh scolded, throwing his hands up. “Everybody take a brea-”

“He was practically naked. From where I was, I actually thought he was a girl.”

“Okay, Jake, give it a rest,” Danny snapped, anger finally giving him the courage to speak up.

“I’ll “give it a rest” when you stop necking my brother in broad daylight, how about that, Florida?” Jake snarled, tossing his fork on the table with a furious clatter and crossing his arms. Danny’s mouth clamped shut at the same time Josh’s fell open. Sam let out a strained howl, staring daggers through his brother’s skull as Jake sent them right back.

“God, Jake, you’re so, so,” Sam stammered, insults piling in his mouth. “You’re so fucking jealous!”

Jake didn’t reply, but his eyes fluttered from the sting of Sam’s words. Sam had hit a nerve with sharp precision and they both knew it.

“What on God’s green earth is Jake talking about?” Josh asked, eyes glued to Danny where he wilted in his chair. Danny drew in a breath like he was about to answer, but they all found that the silence he gave instead was just as clear as if he’d spoken. 

“Sam?” Josh asked, a little desperate. For some reason, he didn’t sound as deeply disappointed as Sam had imagined, and certainly not as mad as he’d feared. 

“I hate you,” Sam whispered across the table to Jake, ignoring his other brother searching his face for something he’d missed entirely. “I said I didn’t want to fight.”

“Are we fighting, or am I just saying things that are objectively true?” Jake countered with eerie calm. “You don’t go to church. You dress like a girl. You’re screwing a total stranger. Anything else you’d like to add? Is he paying you, perhaps?”

Sam’s chair scraped loudly as he got to his feet and sent it banging against the wall. He crumpled up his napkin and threw it in Jake’s face before storming out of the dining room, leaving behind another frustrated cry that was cut off by the metallic clang of the front door. Josh turned to Jake with his own expression of genuine anger. 

“Do you want him to leave again?” Josh growled, glaring him down before casting his eyes on Danny. “Daniel, I am so sorry. Please, forgive us.”

Jake’s face grew cloudy and sullen at Josh’s fury, clueing Danny into whose opinion he must value most in this world. He sank further in his chair when Josh breezed past him and followed Sam’s warpath out of the home, leaving Jake and Danny to sit side by side in their private rages after the door had slammed for a second time.

-

They sat there for a very long time. Danny wanted to run to Sam (he was always running to Sam, and he thought maybe he always had been) but knew that Sam needed Josh more than him. As much as he was not enjoying this trend of being left alone with Jake, he sat with the storm cloud beside him and did his best to steal glances and collect information without Jake’s knowledge. When they’d first encountered him, Jake had seemed so eager to fly Sam back home to the nest. He’d seemed almost understanding, or as understanding as someone like him could be, but it’d spun out within seconds. Danny was trying to figure out the exact moment that had turned him into a cold shouldered teenager so desperate to cut Sam down. 

 When slyly sliding his eyes to try and gauge Jake’s expression, Danny startled slightly to find that Jake’s focus had shifted from the wall to him. When he followed the low trajectory of his tired gaze, Danny saw that Jake was staring at…Danny’s scuffed cowboy boots. From the looks of it, he was tracing the stitchings in the brown leather. Lost in a daydream, maybe? Danny considered with a note of private amusement that Jake might be looking at his boots and tucking himself into a fantasy of cowboys and fast horses. Maybe that was something he and Danny both did; escaping into an idealized reality when the one at hand was too much. 

Then, with a jolt, it clicked. The way Jake had grown cruel when Sam had defended his new look and new life, no doubt shattering Jake’s pre established perception of his baby brother. Inviting him to dinner and cooking what Danny knew were some of Sam’s favorite foods, only to spoil it all with appetite stealing jabs. How he had shrank under Josh’s disappointment. How he sat now, staring at Danny’s boots like he wished they were his. 

Like he wished he could run.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” Danny blurted. Jake jerked at the sudden sound and regarded Danny with wide, confused eyes. He blinked once before his face crumpled, perplexed.

“For what?” Jake asked, all bite gone from his voice. He sounded almost friendly. He sounded a little like Sam, actually. Danny used that familiarity to gather his confidence.

“I’m sorry Sam didn’t invite you to go with him. That must’ve really hurt.”

Jake’s expression held its dumbfounded composure but Danny could see the emotion shift from confusion to something akin to being completely crushed. He barely blinked and Danny watched his eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jake hissed, his voice wobbling slightly as his lip curled in feigned disgust. “You two are going to die out there, one way or another.”

“You must be a masochist, then,” Danny accused, continuing to find his nerve. “Because I’m willing to bet that Sam wasn’t too far off when he said you were jealous. I’m really not trying to be rude, I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what? Why I hate your guts?”

“You don’t hate my guts, Jake. And I sure as shit don’t hate yours.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

Ah. There was another puzzle piece clicking in place for Danny.

“That’s another thing I’m sorry about,” Danny said honestly. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like that. It’s just - and this isn’t an excuse, it’s just an explanation- it’s just that I’ve spent the past year trying to get Sam as far away from what he was running from. And, well, you’re a part of all that in one way or another. But I should’ve understood your circumstances the same way I do Sam.”

Jake was quiet for another beat, swallowing and sniffling before letting out a sigh.

“I guess I shouldn’t have shut you down like that either,” Jake admitted. “And I guess I should thank you for keeping him safe and, well, alive. It’s just so weird to see Sam like this. He’s so…”

Jake’s lip trembled in a particularly Sam fashion and his eyes drifted off into space as tears began to roll down his ruddy cheeks.

“He’s so happy,” Jake breathed, in awe. “He was right, he was never happy here. I pushed him too hard. Josh was too wrapped up in his own crises. Our parents never gave him a second glance. And now he’s so free. He got out. You two have done so much and gone so far that it just makes everything at home feel even smaller. I guess I didn’t realize until I saw him again that there was something to ‘get out’ of.”

“It’s okay,” Danny whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on Jake’s arm. “Hey, breathe, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Jake wailed, fully swept up in his hysteria now. “It’s not okay. This is supposed to be a place people flock to, not run from. And, shit, if it was so bad that he had to run, you’d think he’d have the decency to at least tell me and Josh. You’d think he’d ask if...”

Danny thought he’d be more distressed watching Jake completely spin out, but he was actually pretty calm. He supposed this was par for the course in a place like this. Another holy man laid to waste by a betrayal. Another brother struck down by his brother, laying still while the other wandered. In some twisted way, there was something divine here, but not in the way that any of them wanted. Danny suddenly felt even closer to Sam, and he shivered a little with the understanding and satisfaction of it despite the gaunt atmosphere over the entire estate. He kept a steady hand on Jake’s arm when he crossed his arms on the table and buried his face shamefully, the lean crest of his back shivering with an unruly sob. 

“You should go, Jake,” Danny whispered. “I mean, you should leave, too. You can’t be happy here.”

“That’s not an option for me,” Jake laughed, his face still hidden by his periwinkle sleeves. “There’s too much here for me to leave behind.”

“Josh?”

“Josh,” Jake repeated, voice wobbling. “Always gonna be Josh. As much as I’d love to have a week to myself without having to set up a million church activities or food drives or buying a trunkful of candles, I know he can’t handle the responsibility all on his own. It’s just easier if I do it so he can focus on writing sermons and doing confessions.”

“What happened to having faith in each other?”

“He doesn’t want to handle the responsibility on his own,” Jake corrected. “That’s another thing. In all honesty, I always thought if any of us were going to make it out of here, it’d be him.”

“Really?” Danny asked. From what he’d heard, Josh was more than happy with a microphone in his hand and adoring congregants standing at the ready to harmonize with his gospels. 

Jake calmed slightly, resurfacing from his arms to rest his chin and catch his breath. His round face was still flushed with emotion and Danny resisted a very genuine urge to brush his hair back from where it lay lingering on his cheeks, kept there by stray tears. 

“Josh…” Jake trailed off, his gaze finding comfort counting the slats in the blinds. “Josh struggles. I mean, we all do, but he…I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me much. I just know something keeps him convinced that he’s not worthy of being the pastor. Which is ridiculous, in my opinion.”

“Really,” Danny repeated, slightly more somber as he thought back to his first impressions of Josh and the immediate recognition whose source alluded him. It came to him in a wave, then, along with the fond ache of understanding.

“No one is more deserving,” Jake continued. “There’s no one as kind or as devoted as him. I think it’s just the church, well, the Convention, really, that has certain ideas that make him feel…unworthy, maybe. There’s an expectation he thinks he doesn’t live up to.”

“He’s..?” Danny trailed off, testing the waters cautiously in case the conclusion he’d jumped to was entirely wrong. 

“He’s my brother,” Jake said firmly, finally looking Danny head on. “And my best friend. That’s all that matters to me.”

Danny sat back in his chair, a long held breath (of relief?) escaping his chest as his understanding of Jake finally crystallized. He wasn’t really a sharp tongued, verse slinging Bible thumper with a million little hills to die on. Jake was a man who was first and foremost devoted to his family, and he was willing to forego all of his wants for their needs. He was a brother, and he feared for how the world would treat his brothers, both inside and outside his little world. And at the end of it, he’d withstand feeling forgotten if it meant they felt seen. He had never been angry, not really. Just hurt.

“You’re a good brother, Jake,” Danny insisted, flashing Jake a smile. “You and Sam should have a chat before the night is through. And I still believe you should think about leaving. Both you and Josh, actually. There’s a lot of world you’d really like to see. Obviously it’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I do think it’d help.”

“You’re probably right,” Jake agreed. “And thank you. Sorry for, you know, everything.”

“It’s no problem,” Danny said genuinely. “I’m happy to help.”

“You are, aren’t you?” Jake laughed. “I’m surprised you’ve stuck around this long, honestly. Especially since you’re not religious. But I guess if you’ve put up with Sam for a year and not jumped overboard, you must be accustomed to some nonsense.”

“I don’t ‘put up’ with him,” Danny asserted. “It’s a privilege to get to spend so much time with him.”

Jake watched him with an arched, amused eyebrow, finally straightening in his chair to smooth his hair back and settle with his arms crossed. 

“So, what, I’m gonna wind up being your brother, too?”

“I mean…in a way,” Danny laughed, heart racing. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jake answered, shaking his head slightly. “I figured. I mean, after he hit 21 and had no dating prospects or interest in dating at all, I assumed he was gonna forgo it completely. I just guessed he was more interested in his commitment to the church, like Josh.”

“Seems they both had their reasons to stay away from girls,” Danny noted.

“I suppose they did,” Jake said with a light laugh. “And still do. But, wow, Sam really does light up around you. I’ve never seen that with him.”

Danny smiled, blushing with warmth again as he tried to recall Sam’s expression when he was around. He’d always been smiley and wide eyed when looking at Danny, complete with pupils blown wide and overtaking the honey brown of his iris while he mapped Danny’s face. Wasn’t that how he’d been before they met? Apparently not. 

“You’ve got good intentions?” Jake interrogated, nudging Danny’s knee with his own. “You treat him right?”

“I do, I do,” Danny insisted, crossing his own arms and grinning. “I sure try. He’s easy to love.”

“You love him?”

“I…yeah, I do,” Danny affirmed, certain of his answer. “I didn’t even mean to say it like that, but, yeah. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Jake smiled, yet slightly subdued. “Just…be careful, okay? At least as long as you’re in Alabama. Especially in Shady Grove.”

“I know,” Danny said softly, a little more morose. “Sam warned me about that. Another reason he left.”

“Another reason we should go,” Jake replied reluctantly. “Right?”

“Right. Believe me, nowhere is going to be perfect, but I think you’ll like the version of Josh you’ll meet when he can be himself. I’ve loved watching Sam come out of his shell.”

“I wish I could’ve been there for that,” Jake whispered, choking up again. “He’s probably out there right now telling Josh how much he hates me.”

“Don’t say that.”

-

“I fucking hate him.”

“Sam.”

Sam had bolted the second he was out the front door, but Josh had known where to find him. Ever since Sam had been young enough to start throwing the tantrums that had made him so intolerable to their parents, he always fled to the dock at the bottom of the hill. Ever the mediator, Josh had spent his fair share of time on the rotting wood planks listening to Sam vent his frustrations as they plunged sticks and rocks into the murky water, eventually advising him with echoes of affirmations he’d heard from the mouths of older congregants. But they were adults now, and as Josh sat on the dock with Sam curled into his side, he realized with a faint panic that there were no more words to borrow but his own. 

“I do,” Sam insisted, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder as he glared out over the blurred surface of the small lake. “I really do. I’m done with him.”

“No, you’re not,” Josh sighed, throwing an arm around Sam’s shoulder and rubbing his arm. 

“Whatever,” Sam grumbled. “I want to be.”

“You don’t have any kind of hate in your soul, Sam,” Josh told him. “God takes it from you and leaves you even more kind and enduring.”

“Josh, stop,” Sam whispered, sending an embarrassed thorn right into Josh’s side. 

“Stop what?”

“The God stuff. Please. Just, not now, at least.”

“The ‘God stuff’ used to make you feel better.”

“No, it didn’t. I just didn’t say anything.”

They sat without speaking for a minute. Without their voices, the rushing rain sounds of the mayflies and the hush of the surrounding trees filled the void between them. 

“You could’ve said something,” Josh murmured. “Especially if it would’ve stopped you leaving.”

“It wouldn’t have,” Sam answered. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I think I would’ve left no matter what happened.”

“Oh,” Josh said, sounding small. “Did you know that before you left?”

“To some degree.”

“...I would’ve liked to know that, too, Sammy.”

Sam swallowed a guilty lump in his throat and sulked further against his brother. 

“Sorry,” Sam whispered. “It was selfish. It’s just…I was scared if I told you, you’d tell Jake, and then he’d tell Dad, and then you’d all hatch some master plan to keep me here.”

“I suppose that’s not an unfounded fear,” Josh admitted. “Remember when Jake had his little Sunday school girlfriend? I didn’t see him for, like, three days after Dad got wind of it.”

“Exactly. And then you would’ve written up some elaborate, guilt trippy sermon and sat me down in the kitchen and made me talk about my feelings for 2 hours minimum.”

Josh laughed a little, drawing a knee to his chest against a cool breeze that rolled off the lake.

“I’m pretty predictable, huh? Goodness.”

“And that wouldn’t have worked because if I talked about my feelings…”

“What?”

“...”

“What, you wouldn’t want to hear my feelings about the whole thing?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s too late for that now. And that’s not-”

“I haven’t even told you how I felt,” Josh pointed out. 

“I know how you felt,” Sam murmured, tears searing his waterline again. “Maybe it’s you and Jake with your creepy twin telepathy, but I felt you both the whole time, even all the way out in California. It’s horrible. Some days I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I could feel the disappointment two thousand miles away.”

Josh felt tears of his own threatening to spill over hearing that. It had never occurred to him that a lifetime of observing at the sidelines would’ve made Sam so accurately attuned to his family’s emotional patterns.

“Sammy,” Josh exhaled. “It pains me to listen to this. You don’t have to feel so guilty about everything.”

“Neither do you.”

Josh bristled slightly, lifting his cheek from Sam’s hair and looking down at him.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked gently. 

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor.” 

“Well, I love it now.”

Sam pulled away from Josh and crossed his legs under him, staring out over the water before staring Josh in the eye with a look so sincere and cutting that it made Josh lean back slightly.

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know,” Sam said evenly. “It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“What do I have to be upset about?” Josh teased, pushing Sam’s bony shoulder. “I live in this beautiful little town and get to spend my days with its beautiful little people talking about what I love. Plus I just got my baby brother back. I’d be a fool to complain.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Josh, cut it out,” Sam snapped, grief fizzling into frustration. “You sound like Dad at his worst. Why can’t you just drop the act for 2 seconds and admit you hate it here?”

Josh’s eyebrows flew up and he let out a reflexive laugh, anxiety coloring his tone as it fluttered cautiously out of him. Sam looked at him pleadingly, grabbing his brother's hand and gripping it tight.

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor,” Sam repeated firmly. “I know you wanted to go to college. And I…I know you’re gay.”

Josh immediately froze, falling silent as Sam stared into his eyes and what felt like his soul. 

“And that’s great,” Sam continued on, a tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek. “It can feel amazing if you’d just let yourself feel anything. Trust me, I know. You’re not trapped here, dude. You can still go to school and be yourself and be happy. You just have to put yourself first for the first time in your fucking life.” 

Josh, struck dumb, couldn’t do anything but breathe as his heart burned in his chest and pushed up hot tears that blurred his vision of his brother. His brother, who was undressing his façade with effortless impatience that made Josh begin to wonder just how transparent he truly was. Or was it only Sam, who was part of him in so many ways, that could see how blind Josh was? When he spoke in dizzying circles of hell and damnation, were his congregants shaking their heads in pity with the knowledge that all Josh was really doing was scaring himself back into submission?

“If you’re really okay with how your life is turning out, tell me now and we can never talk about it again,” Sam promised. “I swear to God. I will leave it alone.”

Josh hesitated further, pulling his hand from Sam’s and letting out a slow breath. Looking down at the cloudy water swaying underneath them, he wondered how big of an inhale of it would take for him to sink right to the bottom. 

“You’re right,” Josh confessed, his voice as soft and as uncertain as Sam had ever heard him. “I didn’t want any of this. It’s too much pressure. And the more I read the Bible and listen to the sermons from out in Texas and Georgia…the more I lose faith in what I’m supposed to be telling people.”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered, finding respite in Josh’s honesty. “I never really believed we were all born sinners.”

“I still kind of do,” Josh admitted. “But now I’m thinking there’s no amount of trying that’ll change that. I do all of this praying and writing and confession but I’m still…”

“It’s not sin, Josh. How you feel, how we both feel. There’s nothing to be saved from when it comes to that,” Sam insisted with quiet urging. “Seriously.”

“Maybe,” Josh whispered, picking at the skin around his nails as a dark coil of shame slithered in his stomach. “It just isn’t natur-”

“It’s like this,” Sam started, trying to put something into terms that would get through to him. “God is everyone and everything. Maybe that’s something I still agree with. And when you stop dedicating yourself to trying to get him to pay attention to you, you start to see Him or whatever “He” really is everywhere. You realize that you’re honoring Him by honoring yourself and doing what feels right to you. I don’t know if that’s something we’ll get rewarded for in heaven, but the reward of it on Earth is enough for me.”

“‘Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it’,” Josh recited with a nod. “Hebrews.”

“Sure. Yeah, actually, yeah. What I’m trying to say is you should live for yourself, Josh, not God or Dad or anyone. And if you still want God, you’ll find that without even trying.”

“Did you find Him with Danny?” Josh asked quietly. “In Texas?”

Sam blinked in surprise. He’d never thought about it like that, but…

“I guess I did,” Sam breathed, a smile drifting onto his face as he thought fondly of Danny. “At the start, at least. Now it’s all just him, no capital H.”

Everything was Danny to him, in complete honesty. Even though Sam only half believed the whole speech he was giving to Josh, he couldn’t deny the divinity he felt in the presence of his boyfriend. His best friend.

“I want that,” Josh murmured. His throat closed with emotion as he forced the words out, but it felt good to say. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d expressed wanting out loud, and based on the look on Sam’s face, he realized it may have never happened before.

“Go get it,” Sam said fiercely, his grin growing wildly when Josh’s eyes lit up a little at his encouragement. “You wanna come to Florida with us? We can find you a nice, alligator hunting boy.”

“Slow down, slow down,” Josh laughed, holding up his palms in surrender. “One step at a time.”

“Just Florida, then. We’ll ask Danny.”

As if summoned, there grew the sound of hushed voices and the sound of shoes on the wooden steps down to the deck, bodies hidden by the trees and the dark. Eventually they emerged, Jake hopping down from the last step that had been laid too high, bending at the knee from the impact as long legged Danny casually stepped down beside him. Sam and Josh turned to face them, leaning back on their hands and giving little waves. Without any words, they all knew the night’s battle had blown over, and Sam reached for Jake as he sat down between him and Josh. Jake received him with a hug, both of them bent into each other awkwardly as they murmured brief apologies to the other. Josh, unable to stay out of anything ever, leaned into their embrace and struggled to wrap his arms around both of them. Danny laughed as he settled next to Sam, their knees bumping as Sam attempted to wiggle out from the hold Josh had joyfully trapped them in.

“I’m just so grateful,” Josh wailed with phony passion. “I love my family!”

“You’d hug Mom and Dad like this?” Jake asked incredulously.

“...I love my brothers!”

All 4 of them laughed again as Josh finally released them, immediately proceeding to chastise Jake in a low voice as he fiddled with the frizz his hair had accumulated. Sam teetered backwards and landed with his back to Danny’s chest. Danny took advantage of the twins getting distracted and planted a kiss on top of Sam’s hair, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment at the consolation of Sam back in his arms after the whirlwind day they’d had.

“All good?” Danny whispered in Sam’s ear, smiling when Sam nodded and tilted his head to grin up at him.

“You?” Sam asked, humming when Danny mimicked his own nod back to him.

“Jake said we can stay the night in your old bedroom,” Danny informed him, repeating what Jake had said in the conversation on their way out of the house. “But he won’t make us breakfast.”

“Fuckin’ liar, he will,” Sam laughed, reaching a hand up and lovingly stroking Danny’s cheek as he utilized his other hand to smack Jake’s thigh. “What’s this about no breakfast? You want me to burn the place down trying to make toast?”

“I’m just not babying you anymore is all,” Jake announced, smacking Sam right back. “Danny agrees it’ll be good for our relationship.”

“Traitor,” Sam complained, smacking Danny on the cheek and squealing when Danny scoffed and smacked him back. Jake let out a brash cackle and Josh a defeated groan.

“You’re like the Three Stooges,” Josh whined. “Also, coming from you, Sam? That’s a bold accusation.”

“Wow!”

“Look who’s finally growing some balls,” Jake continued to cackle, hooking his elbow around Josh’s neck and pulling him into a side hug. 

“The state of my balls are none of your concern,” Josh muttered, which made Sam and Jake let out identical barks of laughter. The three of them got whipped up into a frenzy of bickering and Danny watched with a grin and a bloom of warmth flowering in his chest at the sight. There was something being healed here, he thought, and he could almost see the misguided little boys they’d once been as they tussled and giggled on the groaning dock.

It was strange to think how differently he had felt just a few hours ago. With Sam in Danny’s life, it seemed like things changing at the drop of a hat was something that Danny was going to grow well accustomed to as long as he was around. After that night, even with Sam squirming out of his grasp to try and push his brothers into the lake, Danny knew with complete certainty that he wanted Sam to stick around forever. It was time he told him that.

-

“How was your shower?”

“Arctic.”

Danny laughed and opened up the wing of the sheets and comforters to welcome in Sam, who came rolling in with his hair still wet. He was clad in linen pajamas from his teenage years that fell slightly too short on his wrists and ankles, while Danny lay under the blankets in only his boxers and socks. Even though Sam’s skin and hair was freezing cold from the shower and dampened his own skin, Danny pulled Sam against him and struggled with the blankets to bundle them together as best as he could. 

“There, now we��re a proper burrito,” Danny smiled, kissing the tip of Sam’s nose.

“I’ve never had a burrito,” Sam whispered in a hushed, secretive voice. Danny gasped.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not!”

“Well, that's okay, we'll remedy that. Plus, they’re not half as good as this,” Danny mumbled, using his grip on Sam’s back to pull him further into his bare chest and tuck Sam’s head into the crook of his neck. “Was the water really that cold?”

“Sub-zero,” Sam promised with a shiver. “Those assholes hogged all the hot water, I bet. Typical.” 

“I’ll warm you up plenty,” Danny purred, sliding his hand up Sam’s shirt and tracing his fingers along his cool skin with featherlight touch. Sam shivered again and giggled, nuzzling deeper into Danny’s neck.

“Not in my childhood bed you won’t, pervert,” Sam murmured against Danny’s skin, which seemed to be radiating great waves of heat like he were a human furnace. 

Said childhood bed had been a source of poorly hidden smiles from Danny, who finally admitted through a smothered laugh that the entire room looked like his grandma’s room back in Florida. No doubt done up and never redecorated for the daughter his mother had been expecting and never received, the wallpaper was pale, flowery and hung with silver crosses. Picture frames held stitched psalms that sat cheerfully on the vanity facing the bed. The double bed barely fit the both of them and, as Sam admitted through laughs of his own, the sheets and comforters that surrounded them now did, at one time, belong to his granny. When they’d first walked in, Sam had felt the loving ache of being remembered upon finding that the bed had been made and the room had been tidied for his return.

“How about some sleep, then?” Danny offered. “We’ve had a long day.”

“No kidding,” Sam quietly agreed. “I’m glad what happened did happen, shockingly enough. I really thought it was going to be a trainwreck. I should’ve had more faith in them, I guess.”

“You’ve got just the right amount of faith,” Danny hummed, eyes drifting open and shut as he grew sleepy from the perfume of Sam’s shampoo and his natural sweetness. “I’m really proud of you, baby. I know that was a lot for you. You’re a tough cookie.”

“I’m your tough cookie,” Sam murmured, tickling Danny’s neck with his nose and planting a lingering kiss on the pulse thrumming violently under his lips. Danny let out a breathy groan and gently dug his fingers into Sam’s back as Sam mapped a sleepy path of kisses along Danny’s neck.

“Easy, cookie,” Danny raggedly chuckled, smoothing his palm up and down Sam’s back as he fought in vain to stave off the growing pressure in his boxers. “I thought being in this bed was a no go.”

“It is,” Sam doubled down, lips dragging against Danny’s skin as he whispered. “Just saying thank you real quick.”

“You and your fuckin’ ‘thank you’’s,” Danny smiled, eyelids fluttering fully shut as he tilted his head back and gave Sam more area to cover. “This is like that first night all over again.”

“I was so embarrassed,” Sam giggled, his breath fanning out in warm bursts over the thin layer of saliva cooling on Danny’s skin. “I thought I’d gone and fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Sweetheart,” Danny cooed, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Sam refused, pressing his cheek into the hollow of Danny’s collarbone.

“Yes, you absolutely are, my little California love.”

“Even after today?” Sam asked, sounding more uncertain than he wanted to. “I can’t think of a single other person on Earth who could’ve sat through all of that bullshit and still liked me at the end of it. Like, I really can’t apologize enough. Especially for Jake’s crazy ass.”

“Especially after today,” Danny insisted. Sam lifted his head from Danny’s chest and looked up at him with an unconvinced sneer, their noses brushing as Danny raked his fingers through Sam’s damp waves and searched for the fortitude to say what he felt. These were the moments where Danny felt it the strongest; Sam burrowed into him with his eyes as wide and wondering as the day they’d met. This was what love was to him.

“Sam,” Danny whispered sincerely, voice low and breathless. “If it meant I got to keep you by my side for 10 extra minutes, I’d live today over and over again. Do you understand? There is nothing you could put me through that I wouldn’t stick around for. Not when I’m this ridiculously in love with you.”

Sam’s already wide eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets at that, pupils expanding slowly as a nervous smile wound its way onto his flushed face. Danny smiled at him, feeling a flush of his own beginning to heat his body from his heart outwards. 

“You’re what?” Sam asked, leaning back slightly to look at Danny properly. 

“You heard me,” Danny teased, pinching the rosy apple of Sam’s cheek. “What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re crazy,” Sam laughed, shimmying in their cocoon of blankets and limbs to readjust his arms to wrap around Danny’s neck. “And may have been dropped on your head as a baby.”

“How did you know that?”

“It’s the only rational explanation as to why you’d go and say that,” Sam flouted breezily. 

“Is it really so hard to believe?” Danny asked, making a pitiful face that made Sam’s heart flutter. “You make it very easy to be in love with you, as a matter of fact. I don’t have to try at all.”

“I love you,” Sam murmured, in awe. It’s not like he was stupid, he knew Danny had to have loved him for them to have gotten as far as they had, but it still felt entirely unexpected to actually hear it. After a year of being startled awake by Sam’s sleep talking, patiently listening to stories of the worst of Sam’s childhood punishments, even sleeping sitting up in a jail cell in New Mexico when Sam’s newfound chutzpah found purchase with a rowdy biker, there was Danny at the end of it all. Patiently awaiting what fresh hell Sam would drag him into next. 

“I love you, too,” Danny assured him. “But are you in love with me?”

“Fucking obviously,” Sam blurted. “I'm so in love with you, Danny, fuck. I didn’t realize I even had to clarify that.”

“Of course you did! How else would I know?” Danny laughed, eyes glittering with glee and relief at Sam’s confirmation.

“I thought I had made myself plenty clear when I followed you across the country with zero hesitation. Twice.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Also, I mean, you popped my cherry, so.”

“You weren’t gonna give that up for just anyone, huh?” Danny laughed, his freckled nose crinkling. 

“Nope,” Sam smiled flirtatiously. “I was saving it for truuue looove.”

“Is that what this is?” Danny asked softly, his smile paling with uncertainty as he searched Sam’s dark eyes. 

“I hope so,” Sam breathed, his heart racing just as fast as it did when he was still learning to look at Danny without feeling faint. “Do you think it is?”

“I do,” Danny said sincerely, cupping Sam’s jaw. “Let’s say it is and go from there.”

“Works for me,” Sam agreed, nervously tilting his chin forward and melting from the inside out when Danny met him with a fiery kiss.

Sam was no stranger to the possessive pressure Danny preferred to apply when kissing, but there was something fierce behind this kiss that left Sam feeling utterly and completely loved. Lying in the same bed just over a year ago, Sam recalled how he’d bundle the blankets into a wall to press his back against as he slept, pretending it was someone to keep him steady and wake him in the morning. He thought of how that was something he didn’t need to dream about anymore. He thought of how lucky he was. How blessed.

“I’m starting to think Josh may have been right,” Sam sighed against Danny’s mouth, now tucked under him with Danny’s loose curls tickling his cheeks. “I think you’re my guardian angel.”

“You’re the angel here,” Danny insisted, thinking of Sam’s tattoo and feeling his thighs tighten unconsciously on either side of Sam’s hips. “Never gonna let anyone clip your wings ever again.”

“I’m serious,” Sam whined, twining his fingers in Danny’s hair and pulling him closer. “You’re the real deal.”

“Maybe Josh did get one thing right tonight.”

“Speaking of Josh…how do you feel about another passenger on our way to Florida?”

“He’s going to have to share the backseat with Jake if that’s the new plan, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I convinced Jake to pack up too.”

“Family road trip,” Sam sang. “I hope your parents don’t mind.”

“No, they’ll love a full house,” Danny answered. “And my sister will love peer pressuring them into doing stupid shit.”

“I can’t wait to see them drunk for the first time,” Sam confessed with a laugh. “They’ll be fucking ridiculous.”

“I don’t know if you’ll want to see them like that if they’re anything like you were the first time you got drunk,” Danny teased, nipping at Sam’s earlobe. “I’ve still never heard you talk like you did that night.”

“Stop that,” Sam giggled, muffling a squeak when Danny kissed the sensitive skin under his ear. “I don’t even remember half of that night.”

“Your brain is protecting your dignity,” Danny joked, his voice low and warm against the shell of Sam’s ear. “You were kind of a slut.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked weakly, panting slightly from so little. Danny tended to do that to him.

“Oh, yeah. Big time. You cried when I wouldn’t put it in.”

Sam immediately slapped a hand over Danny’s mouth and shushed him theatrically, attempting to smother him when Danny laughed hysterically and tried to lick and bite at his fingers.

“What if they heard you!” Sam hissed, his wrists now pinned beside him as Danny held him down with visible triumph.

“Then I’ll apologize!” Danny laughed, jostling as Sam tried to wrench himself out from under him. “You’re the one making the mattress squeak all suspiciously. This is a Christian household, Sam, I mean really.”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I hate you,” Sam declared quietly, sharp eyes trained up at Danny with a glimmer of mischief dancing at his waterline. Danny smiled fondly and lowered himself so their chests were pressed together. He cocked his head, looking Sam over with his hazel eyes lush with emotion.

“And I will love you ‘til the day I die, Sam Kiszka,” Danny announced, pressing his lips to Sam’s with careful appreciation and keeping them there for the hours that followed. 

In the morning, they’d clamor and argue and shed tears before pulling out of Shady Grove with a body in every seat of Danny’s beat up little truck. They’d follow the fate line to Florida to settle and heal and wander from the path like they always did. But that night, they had nothing to do but lay under the blanket of the whistling Alabama sky and love each other.

They’d find in the years and decades that followed, it never got much more complicated than that.

~~

Taglist: @holdingup-fallingsky @milojames16 @spark-my-nature @bladenotblaze @currentlyfangirling10

#i struggled so hard to finish this BUT im proud!!!! #theyre so fucking cute #gvf #greta van fleet #danny wagner #sam kiszka #sanny gvf #greta van fleet fanfiction #greta van art #karoufiction

[papirouge]

I never was told to leave a church group before but I had left one, the last one I went to, because they were.. ew

It seemed well in the beginning. No issues until the church let go of the old pastor and this new young guy came in. Single and would sometimes sprinkle in weird incel talk about how single women were the worst parts of Gods kingdom for disobeying his commandment to be fruitful and multiple. Like? What?

Then the sermons got very political. Old people that never had issues before and were pretty nice had become a lot more mean and racist. I saw less women in general? Trump this. Trump that. Democrats are working with the jewish elites and muslims to destroy our Godly nation (I’m living in the US), it was so BIZARRE to hear this being said with no irony or anything and people legitimately believe it.

I left when I attended a midweek meeting that talked about church issues. And it started by discussing how the Catholic Church is a horrible institution for defending pedophiles while others called out how the victims were mostly boys and “priests should have been women the whole time then those boys would be called men, not whatever beta victimhood they want to be” -cue snickers from mostly males- Then the subject was to abortion where some believe it’s a crime against *the state* ie the government because abortion takes away 1 solider from the military and others chimed in with “we’re already below replacement levels, we need more babies!”

And I, being not white, and not caring about white people panicking over being a minority was just really bored of it all. But I did look at a few others didn’t really react who looked at me and we just knew this is just stupid.

And I also, being someone who couldn’t care any less about the american military industrial complex, was bored of the panic people feel about abortion needing to be banned ONLY because the military requires bodies is honestly dystopian to say the least.

Yeah the rest of that meeting went by terribly. I know these people are not representative of anything, but I cant stand how a lot of churches now are becoming mini political centers.

Also, one of the higher up guys in the church quietly left before I did when he was outed as a gay man for sleeping with married husbands. But some people blamed the wives? God was a trash fire that place was.

There were so many good times and a lot of good people though too, like I got to know this old lady who knitted sweaters and scarves for people for free if you asked and all she would ask in return is for you to hang with her �� she used to work as a nurse in the 50s, she couldn’t have her own babies so, she told me, “I ended up for a time as a volunteer to cuddle babies in the hospital!” she was such a beautiful person. She also donated a lot of money to domestic abuse shelters for women.

I'll NEVER understand why Christians fundies act like not having children is a sin/"multiplying" is a commandment for ALL of us. Jesus was a celibate - yet he never sinned. Why can't they make the logical conclusion off of it?

When God told Eve and Adam to multiply it was while they were still in the garden of Eden, and yet, they started conceiving/multiplying only after they got kicked out of the garden. Were they sinning for not multiplying humankind while still in the garden? eating the forbidden fruit is the only and first sin they committed out there - not their lack of offsprings. Breeding kink christians should get their facts straight.

I'm absolutely not surprised by this new generation of young pastor matrixed by red pill content. It was bound to happen. I think it's yet another sign we have to stop relying on "regular" church assemblies and build our own communities.

I really don't get whenever a male get exposed for being a pedophile people go like "oh but if roles were reversed!!" Like- do those people see men reaction whenever boys get abused? They are the one acting like the victims were grownups and how "lucky" they were from discovering sex that turned them into men. Women are the ones consistently frowning upon sexual abuse.

US Evangelicals should really pipe down with their mocking of catholic Priest pedophile when they have no problem handing over their 13 y.o girls to middle age polygamous scrotes. There's a documentary floating around on TikTok of a man who married & impregnated girls as young as 13, their sisters, mom, cousins, etc.

Bless that old lady. Wherever they are, women are the only hope to elevate the bar somehow. I'm glad you're out though. How much time did you stay in that cesspool of a church ? I think documenting crazy church drama from an actual/authentic Christian perspective (instead of a whiny uwu church trauma uwu one) could be the subject of such a cool documentary. Made by Christians FOR Christians, and to warb them off the lunacy of modern churches.

I thought about it but I'm in France and most church are catholic so very geriatric but chill/unproblematic. The evangelicals ones are those were the mess is. They're mostly African too 👀 (I'm from Congo and Congolese pretty much 'own' the network of evangelical churches in France and Belgium lmao) A few months ago a Christian teen rapper got exposed having several gf (in the same time)/having sex with them - they all exposed him on TikTok 💀. They said he was adamant having sex with them with Christian music in the background 😭

If i was around your church I would do an interview of that homewrecking gay dude and expose their husbands. JUSTICE FOR THEIR WIVES. I can't imagine the horror of discovering your husband is cheating with a gay man... Double betrayal. And let's not forget the STDs.... They all should be put to jail IDC

#answered #Christian

[hatepersonals]

New Age -> Christianity

Regard this as an open letter, a personal testimony, and an invitation.

I recognize that when an individual first starts on the spiritual path, they encounter many bad faith actors, that whether for monetary gain, or misguided intentions, lead people astray onto a path of confusion and deceit. Acknowledging the existence of such bad actors, I lay before you my sole purpose and motive in writing this.

I followed new age spirituality, it constantly confused me, lead me astray with false teachings and because I had such a bad experience with Christianity, I refused to go anywhere near it or believe other people when they pointed me towards it. Finally after being lied to, I came to Christ in the most personal manner I could. I read the bible on my own, because I didn't want my family to "right" I came to my own personal decisions, and asked for God to show me a sign so that I know I'm going in the right direction. He showed me a sign and I didn't believe it, so I asked for another, then he showed me another, then I asked for another sign, and eventually after 7 or 8 signs I finally got the memo. I believed in him, read his word so that I could understand him, and I truly believe it saved my soul. I'm writing this to offer that same thing to you.

And because clarity is my main and only objective goal here I'd like to make something as clear as possible, and answer some super common questions in the most upfront manner possible.

"I've seen hundreds of signs, or my tarot reading/mystic stuff has been spookily correct. How am I supposed to believe that stuff wasn't real?" - I don't deny any of the stuff you're saying, witchcraft isn't denied in the Bible, in fact it's existence is mentioned multiple times. However, none of it, no matter how fascinating or interesting, is going to save your soul.

"I grew up in the church, but it never felt right for me and all this stuff feels like it makes a lot more sense/I've had such a bad experience with "Christians" that I have religious trauma, and this stuff makes me feel much more comfortable." - Was the exact same way, but I'd only come to know Christ through other people, or through long boring church services which I'd rather eat dirt than sit through. Waking up early Sunday morning and forced into a pew to listen to a pastor talk about all the bad ways your living your life and calling you a sinner, when you're just 10 years old and want to go back to bed is a shared experience. It's just as awful for me as an adult as it was then. A quote I heard once goes a long the lines of "I'd rather be in the mountains thinking about God, then in the church thinking about the mountains." and while I don't claim to have God's actual input, I'd imagine he feels the same way about worship, he is the God of love. For the second questions, yes for me it felt much more comfortable, it was fun doing tarot readings and I honestly enjoyed them, but when I came to God I still wanted to do them, and I decided to ask his opinion, because, yknow, he did create me and everything. What I came to realize is all of those practices are actively inviting other spirits besides God into your life, call them demons, call them spiritual entities, regardless, he is a jealous God. Not that he gets mad at you for doing it and punishes you, but more so that he's very protective of those he loves. And none of the spirits you let in through these things have any type of good intentions, no matter how fun and inviting it looks. Here's some scripture that might help you understand that this is nothing new;

2 Corinthians 11: "Does this mean that I do not love you? God knows it doesn’t, but I am determined to maintain this boast, so as to cut the ground from under the feet of those who profess to be God’s messengers on the same terms as I am. God’s messengers? They are counterfeits of the real thing, dishonest practitioners, “God’s messengers” only by their own appointment. Nor do their tactics surprise me when I consider how Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is only to be expected that his agents shall have the appearance of ministers of righteousness—but they will get their deserts one day."

We see that our adversary, or Satan, will masquerade as an angel of light, or imitate the divine in an attempt to mislead you. But I promise you, that path only leads to confusion, doubt, and deceit.

With those out of the way, here is where I'm going to give you some of the hard to digest statements. Whether you've been in spirituality for a long time, or are new to it and just curious about stuff, when coming to Christ, there's a few really hard to digest truth's. I say this because I didn't believe the people who told me these things and had to learn myself the hard way.

Crystals, rocks, tarot cards, spells, talking to spirits, necromancy, familiar spirits (burning sage to cleanse aura's/driveaway bad spirits) are all forms of witchcraft/sorcery/idolization, again not because we hate them but its for your spiritual protection. The same way no matter how upset a dog gets, we still don't feed them chocolate because we love them, God is the same way. Those practices open up doors for spirits with very bad intentions. I love rocks, I love crystals, you can certainly have them, but it's when you belief or through having faith in these things that those doors open.

Now, onto manifestation which is a big question. I'll give you my best opinion on it, and relevant scriptures that helped me come to my conclusion.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

As you can see, this is certainly no new concept. Modern day manifestation is sort of a cheap knock off version of Christianity. A reoccurring concept you'll start to notice is the devil loves to do knock-off's or imitations of God's good things. But in the same way you "manifest" something and a lot of times it comes with some price tag or you get it, but it ends up hurting you in the long run. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it” so while it may not feel as quick or that it takes longer (which it really doesn't most of the time, God's pretty quick, he's been doing this thing for awhile) when you're gifted it, it has no extra attachments. That is, it's only for your good, and is carefully timed so that it arrives at the very best possible time for you.

And God's not some big snatcher of fun or in any way against being spiritual, in fact he's entirely the opposite;

"But if you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh."

Also, he gives us spiritual gifts;

"word of wisdom, word of knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, working of miracles, prophecy, distinguishing spirits, various kinds of tongues, and interpretation of tongues."

Besides just this, he's also known for being very generous with wisdom, and that may sound boring but trust me, a little bit of wisdom from God himself, helps you out more than you could possibly think.

Also, one of the best things that he does is gives you easy access to his word. If you have a question, look around in the bible, no matter how obscure or stupid it might sound, I'm willing to bet he's probably got a neat little solution in there for whatever problem.

One of my personal favorites is "2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" so basically, if you're ever scared, worried, confused, anxious, or any of the above about something or someone, we know that God doesn't give us that spirit, so if it's not from God, then it's more than likely from the devil. And, last I checked, we don't really listen to the devil, he got kicked out of heaven, and he's also after your soul, so don't take advice from someone you wouldn't take criticism from.

Also, just as interesting, is this

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you”

God's no stranger to questions, nor to doubt. If you're ever not sure about something, or have a question feel free to pray and ask. Also, when you're doubting anything, even if it feels silly, just ask him. The devil want's you to feel bad for doubting God's existence or God's goodness, but God won't get upset or mad at you for being not sure. That's when you get closer to him, if you start getting upset or feel like he's not there, or listening, that's some of the best times to let him know how you feel. While he does know all your thoughts, he wants to hear them from you, and how you think about it. Always remember, that God understands whatever situation you're in much better than you even do, no matter how silly or confusing it is, just pray and ask for clarity or a little bit of help. Often times he'll shine a light on something you forgot about, or overlooked, and put a good thought in your head to point you towards the right direction.

If you've been using tarot cards, or any other forms of future telling, you probably have a divination spirit in you, it's through that spirit that you've been "future telling" or other things of that nature. But, it's basically the knock off devil version of the holy spirit, which literally knows everything, can guide you in ways you can't imagine, and all the other gifts as well. It's a piece of God's very own spirit that he puts in you, free of charge, to have direct connection with him.

"Okay, I like all the things you're telling me, but what's the catch? And what's up with Jesus, why haven't you mentioned him?"

One of the most important things Christians believe in, is that our God is a god of love. We consider the entire Bible a love letter from God so that we can know him better. Through the bible we learn his character, how he is, and why certain things are the way they are. The old testament was during a pretty rocky time with our relationship with him. Much more on our part than his. But God doesn't give up and wants his people to know him and for him to be known by them. It's a testament to how much God loves us even at our worst. Throughout it, multiple prophets and people point towards the coming of a messiah, or a savior. That through him, God will be reunited with his people.

Since we recognize all the gifts and miracles the holy spirit gives us, it also performed a miracle in the virgin Mary. Conceiving within her, Jesus. After his birth, he led a perfect life, that is, because of his attachment to the holy spirit, he embodied the closest thing to God in human form. Even with all this power, instead of using it maliciously or to gain anything, he decided to serve instead. In all of his action lowering himself so that he could help other people, and in a society where power was defined through wealth or status, he flipped that entirely on it's head. Instead, he said that true power came through serving other people, and being a living example of that. Through miracles and signs, he showed not his power, but the power of God working through him. He was crucified however, even though he was entirely innocent, but in doing so he bore the weight of all sin. Essentially, giving access to God through all people that believe in him, and that by doing so, he washes us of our sins, and allows God to see us as he saw him, holy and blameless.

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Now the catch? Imagine you're hunting, and you come across a dead deer. You're not going to shoot at it and it's not what you're after. That's how the devil views you. To him, he's already got you. He's pretty upset that he got kicked out, so he's trying to take as many people down with him. Whenever he sees you he gets that kick of satisfaction knowing he already cut you off from your inheritance. But when you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, he hates it. Not that he'll target you super specifically, but he'll mainly start targeting that belief essentially asap. Whether sending doubts and worries or things like that, but like when you see bad guys in a video game and you know you're going the right way, that's one of the best signs that you've done the right thing and use it to strengthen your faith.

Okay, so if you're still with me, you've checked everything out, and you've made a personal decision to come to God, here's the best course of action I can recommend;

Your first step is simply to believe, really think on it though, study as much as you need and come to this decision on your own, don't just believe me, look through the bible and see if it's something that you're interested in, again you don't have to have perfect faith, all it requires is the faith of a mustard seed. If you can give him that much, and open your heart to it, then he's really good at doing the rest.

The moment you believe and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior, most people say it out loud or to yourself or pray. An easy one goes like this "Dear heavenly father, I accept Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. I pray that you gift me your holy spirit, to guide me in my walk with Christ, and show me a (pink rose, elephant, yellow square, etc..) to strengthen my faith it would be greatly appreciated, in Jesus name I pray, amen."

Patience, persistence, and faith are some good things to focus on. Try to read the bible as much as you can and be in a state of gratitude. The holy spirit is given to you essentially the very second you've accepted Jesus as your personal lord and savior, and now you need to give it some room to breathe. Listen to worship music that you might've heard, and honestly, you have to unharden your heart and be willing to look silly. The best way to come to God is not extremely mature and will all your wisdom and stuff, but just open your heart and tell him how you feel. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you"

Now, just pray from there. Ask God to help you read the bible and understand certain things, research it and just delve into it. Really, go full in. You have nothing to lose, but also be willing to be convicted by the holy spirit. That is as you read through the bible you might notice some of the words seem to sting a little bit because they apply to you, don't take it personally instead realize that God wouldn't chastise you if he didn't love you. It's basically direct advice from the creator of the universe on things you can be doing better, what better person to get guidance from?

#christianity #jesus christ #thoughts

[raspberryconverse]

IDK why, but for some reason I decided to read my old Blogger blog and just read the tagged posts about the boy I dated when I was 21.

Oof.

I do see why that one person was team [him], even when I started blogging again on LiveJournal 2 years ago. He'll always be the one who got away.

Don't get me wrong, I am so fucking happy with my spouse. I honestly don't know if he hadn't left for grad school that we would have fared better. I just got to the point where we actually broke up (even though we were trying to make it work long distance) basically because his family didn't like me. I mean, they didn't dislike me, but they most certainly didn't want their son to marry me. And considering parents usually love me (my in-laws do, for sure), it was such a blow.

He actually described it as we were a good dating couple, but not a good courting couple. We're obviously not talking fundie-level courtship, but southern religious vibes for sure. His dad was a Methodist pastor (I used to say he was a WASM - white Anglo-Saxon Methodist as opposed to a WASP, though I guess Methodism is technically Protestant, but hell if this atheist knows how any of that shit works) and they were from the Atlanta suburbs, so it was a very different world from my Midwestern divorced agnostic upbringing. I mean, his sister wrote him a multi page letter expressing her disdain for us taking a nap together when I visited him at his parents' house whereas my mom let us take her bed when we visited my family one weekend. We came from very different worlds, that's for sure.

I actually forgot what kick started our relationship. We had met a month or 2 prior while volunteering at The Neo-Futurists. Oddly enough, I kinda got to know him one night after some event when he, my college best friend, my soon-to-be ex and I ended up at a table together (I've been trying to find the context, but I honestly don't remember other than it was something Neo-Futurist related) Then, a fellow volunteer called me because his car broke down and he couldn't make his volunteer shift and asked if I'd be willing to cover. So we ran into each other again. It was his first time volunteering for Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind and afterwards, I made an offhand comment about being hungry and only having Easy Mac at home, so we went to IHOP.

A few weeks later was my 21st birthday. I had invited him to my birthday gathering, but he had to decline because he had to finish some stuff up at work. Then, he surprised me. After we left the bar, he suggested we get booze at the grocery store and drink at his place instead. My college best friend told me later that she was going to suggest going to another bar so she could basically pull a Stevie and leave so we could have a chance to connect.

Eventually, we need to go home, so he walked us to the el. Before I went though the turnstile, he hugged me goodbye.

And kissed me.

I think this is why I have to watch this part of "Grad Night" every night before I go to bed. It was my birthday and it wasn't supposed to end up this way. He wasn't supposed to be there. But then he was.

It will never not be magical. That moment of, "I'm feeling something here, so I'm just going to go for it."

It has literally been over a decade and a half (yes, I'm still being cryptic about exactly how old I am because this site makes me feel really fucking old sometimes) and I still get butterflies when I think of that night.

One thing that is kind of helpful when I get nostalgic is look at his Facebook and notice he did not age well. Shallow, I know, but aside from being so much heavier than I was then (it's actually pretty disgusting how disordered my eating/weight management was back then, especially when I would complain that I had gotten up to 140lbs and I'm at least 50lbs heavier than that now) and a few gray hairs (and I was dying my hair back then too so that's not really a thing), I look pretty much the same.

(obviously rounder face because I'm significantly heavier, but I don't think I've really aged that much)

And FWIW, I'm definitely happy with how my life turned out.

It's nothing like I thought it'd be, especially reading my old blog, but I don't think I'd have it any other way.

#is this what marriage is? #nostalgia #the one that got away #exes #moving on #college #schitt's creek #schitts creek #ep: grad night #tw weight

[kmclaude]

Sometimes it’s weird to step back and remember the Teifers as a deeply broken family trapped by and failed by countless systems in 1960’s America. They had grade school teachers, grocery clerks, pastors, police officers, and god knows who else choose to look the other way while their personal tragedy played out and ate them alive, catching countless others while they flailed their bloody limbs out of the maw.

yeahhhhhh and that's why honestly i wanna poke at the relationship tiefer had with his priest, fr. michaud, who he also wound up working under/caring for/taking over for -- because tiefer was a server in the 40s and michaud knew he was funny (considering he had propositioned him at all of what 13? 14?) and also knew things were not well at home (emilein tiefer would never say outright but kids didn't just offer to get on their knees and there was an exhausted nervousness about him and an almost gratefulness to not be home and the small snippets that were revealed in piecemeal, well, it came as no surprise when he showed up at the rectory one night with blood on him and scared and shaking and smiling, asking for help, asking for an out) but besides being a shelter away from whatever was going on and offering an out (because emilein was actually good at being a server and seemed interested in the priesthood and it was good for people who were a little different than the world expected) it was a....passive help. the help that says "i'm here" but won't act without request. and there's a helplessness there. and a sorrow there and a rage there in what that relationship means...

of course everyone knew that émile was a piece of work (and if anyone had concerns about him and his young blossoming daughter well those concerns weren't spoken about) and carina, bless her soul, was so sweet and simple bless her but you could count on your hand the days in a year she was sober and wasn't it just awful that poor girl annemarie had to raise a baby on her own that weren't even hers, naturally she was going to struggle a bit...

and of course annemarie had her spin on things -- her brother was trouble just like his daddy, anyone could see that, he always fought other boys and didn't get along well with most, constantly disrespected her and his teachers and most authority, she tried soooooo hard -- and annemarie was good at charming folks, especially men (even fr. michaud who never really had much interest in either sex would have to be blind not to see so) and even those who gossiped to each other about the kind of woman miss annemarie tiefer was and the sorts of company and attention she kept would be lying if they said they didn't feel some kinda pity for her unfortunate situation -- so of course by the time tiefer would've been able to say a damn thing, if he even wanted to, who'd have listened?

(and if word got back that he was making up stories about his sister having done that?! he'd be dead -- or wishing he was. and if someone made the connection, someone who could do something about it, what would it mean for the boy at the other end of it if he didn't have a shield?)

and those that saw more, those with hands in the pot -- like their daddy, like some of the worse men annemarie brought home -- why would they tell? why would they listen? why would they help? it would implicate them.

(and who would want to think of such things? yeah there was always a family member you kept kids away from, secrets that got whispered down. yeah nobody liked émile much but that? his own kids? and sure annemarie was messy, but surely she wouldn't. better not to pry...)

#character stuff #kmclaudereplies

[deliverydefresas]

moving step by step (together)

second and last thing i posted on wp that i haven't posted here ((i think)) feel free to ignore if you've read this on wattpad already, as i'm just posting it in case i need to refer to it later.

(not proofread. it never is)

prompt(?): domestic!simbar deciding to move in together (toanothercountry)

When her day began, she didn't imagine it'd end up the way it did. In fact, to Ámbar the day felt like an endless nightmare.

Between her washing machine breaking, one of her kitchen cloths accidentally catching on fire when she was making her breakfast, her car not starting and thus being late to her first class, forgetting an important paper at home and losing 1/5 of her grade for one of the toughest classes in her semester; Ámbar just wanted to call it a day and forget she even had to endure it.

"The professor told me he'd let me turn it the paper, as long as I added 10,000 words more; and hear this: he won't give me the 20% of the grade, but a 15%, tops." She still needed to get her laundry done, so she'd opted to come by Simón's loft (and Nico and Pedro's too) when her classes had ended. While she waited for it to be done, she'd grabbed a glass of wine while venting her boyfriend's ears off. "So now I need to find something to write about that's worth 1000 words of coherency, otherwise I'll be lucky to even have a 10%. And God knows I need it."

Simón kissed her head sympathetically, adjusting her head - previously leaning on his shoulder- a little bit closer to his neck. "You will, little gem. You're the smartest one in your class, I'm sure you'll find something and, it's penultimate semester, you can do it."

She groaned, "I wish it were as easy as that." He kissed her cheek this time, and she snuggled into him a bit more, needing his support to make her feel less stressed. "Enough of me, how was your day?"

He chuckled, "not as interesting as yours, I'm afraid. Did a little songwriting, had a video-call with a magazine, changed my sheets..." he winked at her, making her laugh.

"Aw, do you want me to give you a gold start? Maybe I should call your mom, tell her her little boy is a nice young man who makes his own bed." Simón leaned in to bite her cheek, causing her to and almost spill her wine all over the couch, and to prevent this, the red liquid ended up on her shirt. Technically, it was one of his, since today's clothes had been thrown in the washer with the rest of the laundry, but still, spilling wine on her clothes wasn't nice. "Simón!" she scoffed him, which only made him laugh at her. He told her to grab another of his old shirts, while he refilled her glass.

She stood up then, cursing him all the way to his room to grab one of the 'pajama' shirts he kept in his top drawer. Ámbar heard him call to her once she had put it on; "hey, is tacos okay with you for dinner? Or do you want me to order you something else?"

"What are the guys having?" she questioned, to prepare herself in case the others ordered less than what their stomachs wanted to eat, and later lead them to steal her food.

"Pedro's staying at Delfi's and Nico is out with his fling, so nothing." Simón answered her, entering his room with his cellphone at hand.

"Then the usual." She told him simply, her boyfriend nodded. "Hey, can I use your laptop to check my e-mail? My phone died."

Simón nodded again. "Sure. Hello? I would like to order two pastor gringas..." he left the room again, not before pointing at his desk, where his laptop was sitting on. She quickly turned it on, taking it to the living room to wait for Simón to finish the call.

Her boyfriend was one of those people who didn't put a password on the device itself, but on the archives in it (which were mostly lyrics, tracks, and unreleased songs), so it didn't take long until she had the browser opened.

Ámbar tried to ignore whatever Simón had open in his last tab, but the images displayed caught her attention.

No, it wasn't porn, nor was it anything compromising. At least not in that way.

Her boyfriend had a Real Estate website open, showing apartments in sale. However, that wasn't what surprised her – he'd talked about finding his own place before-, but that all the options listed Mexico City as their location.

He'd never mentioned moving back to Mexico. They'd planned vacations to his hometown Cancún, sure, but somehow in all their talks about the future she'd had assumed their plans took place in Buenos Aires, close to her family instead of his. She could deal with him going on tour for weeks – she didn't bear months as well as she did weeks, and for this he always flew her in- but to live in two different countries? How was their relationship supposed to work in that scenario? Would it even work out? Sure, she was almost over with her degree, but-

"Little gem," her eyes snapped from the screen to where Simón was standing, by the kitchen's door, "I ordered you an almond horchata, is that okay?" she kept staring at him. "What? Is my laptop giving you problems? Your mail?"

She sighed. "No, I actually haven't opened my mail yet." He gave her a confused look.

"Then what's it? You've been staring at the screen for at least two minutes."

"When were you planning on telling me you're moving to Mexico?"

His mouth shut, his eyes showed surprise and an underlying regret. "Uh... soon?"

"So it's true, then? You're moving there?" Ámbar didn't want her voice to sound as hurt as it did, but she couldn't conceal it, either. After all, this was her boyfriend, the guy she was in love with, and who she'd loved for years now... to imagine him living so far away from her, it hurt her deeply.

To find out like this, instead of from his own mouth, was like salt to the wound. Her already shitty day was turning for the worse.

Simón sighed, his demeanor showing he was ashamed of it. "It's an option." He pursed his lips slightly, walking over to the couch, taking the device off her lap to turn her body towards him. "I was planning on talking to you about this sooner than later, I promise."

"When? When you had already bought it? Or when I had to say goodbye at the airport?" she couldn't help but dab at him, her temper was talking for her right then, "and what do you mean with 'it's an option'? You're looking for a place already, surely it's more than simple 'option'."

Simón let out a sigh, a sign he wasn't sure how to explain it to her, "I- have you noticed how most of our label meetings have been taking place in México?" She nodded, it was hard not to. The boys and him didn't really leave the city unless they absolutely had to, which could be summed up in three reasons: touring, vacations, and meetings. She'd always frown a little when those meetings took place, because she couldn't really understand why they had to leave when their label had offices in BsAs, but never really dared to ask Simón, afraid she'd come out as clingy for not wanting him to leave her for a couple days.

"I just assumed all the 'important' people chose to meet there instead of flying down here."

He scratched his nape. "It's a little bigger than that. Their HQ has always been up there, and their offices here have worked on a smaller scale for years; however, they've wanted all their more... 'recognizable' artists to be closer for a while now."

"So, they're making you move there?"

"Yes and no. They've been nagging us since the beginning to move to Mexico City, but it's only now we've – well, I've- considered it as an option."

"Why? Don't Pedro and Nico want, too?"

Simón grimaced. "They've already been considering it for a couple of years." Oh. Now that she thought about it, Delfina had hinted multiple times over the months 'the possibility' of working in another country. She'd always assumed she meant taking international jobs for a short period while Pedro was out on tour too, but now she guessed she'd meant for her to imagine that possibility, too.

It seemed like she'd assumed lots of things, and it stung to know she'd been in the dark far longer than everyone else. Even Delfi – who'd been dating Pedro a considerably less time than she'd been with Simón- knew of this before her.

Which made her ask him once again. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because you're still in uni, little gem, and I didn't want to move somewhere else while you were here; I still don't. I had a plan, honestly; I was going to wait until you neared graduation to slowly get you used to the idea, and, well, I also wanted to wait in case we didn't work out." She pursed her lips as she was still mad, but knew he had a point. He always did.

"You could've talked to me sooner, though. We could've planned this way sooner, make it easier for both." Ámbar sighed out, trying to get her anger out with it.

"I know, I get it now, and I'm very sorry." He apologized sincerely, grabbing one of her hands to kiss it. "This in no way is me telling you I'm moving tomorrow and leaving you here, little gem, I'd never do that. Hell, I don't even think I could. It's just..."

"An option." She finished for him, sighing again. "I guess I- I don't know, maybe I could start looking at internships in CDMX? When- when would this take place anyway? And I have to talk to my mo-" her eyes widened, "God, my mom! What do I tell her if we go? She'll be all alone here!" Her voice sounded panicky even to her.

"Hey, it's okay, there's no hurry. We've already postponed this for years with the boys, another year or so won't change anything, in fact, we'll need all we can get to get papers and stuff in check. And your mom can always come with us if you're worried about her, no biggie." He told her, as if the three of them moving countries wasn't a big deal, or, y'know, extremely expensive.

"Do you seriously want my mom living with us, Simón?" she snapped at him, and immediately felt bad to do so. He was just trying to help her and then here she was, bitching on his offers. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just... overwhelmed, sorry." He shrugged it off.

"I was actually thinking of you two getting your own apartment but since you're oh so kindly offering to live together..." Her eyes widened once more, shocked. She hadn't realized she'd implied that. "... I guess we can either buy or rent one for ourselves and rent another for your mom."

"That's not what- I mean it's not necessary. An apartment for my mom and I would be okay if she even agrees to move."

Her boyfriend started pouting. "Are you saying you don't want to move in with me?"

"No, no, that's not what I mean-" she stopped talking once she saw a teasing grin on his face. "You're messing with me."

He shook his head, silently laughing as he reached out to sit her on his lap, hugging her waist tightly. "I'm not. I'm actually happy you asked me to move with you, so I don't have to when the time comes."

"I didn't ask you." She felt the need to point it out. "You just assumed I did."

"Because you assumed we'd live together. It's okay; if it were up to me I'd be living with you in a heartbeat, I've thought about it for a while."

She gulped. "You have?"

"Yeah, but since I'm living with two dudes and you're living with your mom... it just isn't viable." That got her thinking.

"Why haven't you gotten your own apartment yet? Any of you?"

Simón shrugged, leaning into their coffee table to grab their glasses. "Rent is cheaper when you divide into three, and all of us have been saving up to get our own pads for when we moved to CDMX."

"It was never a matter of 'if', was it? It was always a 'when' you moved." She already knew the answer, of course, so she didn't wait for him to answer. "What took you so long to do so? I'm sure you could've done so years ago, and now you're waiting for Delfi and I, I guess, but before? What held you back?"

He pondered it for a minute, didn't speak immediately. "Something always came up. At first, we didn't have enough money saved, then Nico's mom had an accident, Pedro wanting to stay until his little sister finished high school... then you. My guess is the universe was waiting for us to meet to let me leave the city." She couldn't help but laugh at this.

"You're such a corny guy."

"Only for you, little gem, only for you." Ámbar took a sip of her wine before snuggling closer to his chest, earning her a kiss on her hair. "So, are we doing this?"

She pushed the anxiety of the unknown to the back of her mind, she knew that if she overthought about it she'd find reasons not to. Instead, she took a deep breath, intoxicating herself with the smell of soap and lotion that lingered on her boyfriend all the time.

"Yeah," she sighed, "but we're doing this together."

"Together," he repeated, giving her hand another kiss. "I like the sound of that."

#soy luna #simbar #simón álvarez #ámbar smith #my simbar ff #my sl ff #mine

[going2go-away4-awhile]

This isn’t What I Wanted: Chapter 1-Arrival

Summary:

Waking up in a hospital is always alarming, waking up in Hope County Hospital is terrifying. Suddenly thrust into a body that isn't hers and knowing nuclear fallout is on the horizon. Adaine must gather supplies while she can before the big day happens, and trying to stay clear of a radical cult is easier said than done.

Hi and thank you for clicking! I'm very nervous to be writing again, I haven't written fanticion since 2013. So please be patient with me if things don't seem right or if there are mistakes. I hope you enjoy reading!

    Also, I do know there is no real hospital in Hope County, but I’ve based this in Faith’s region near the jail.

FInd the story also on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25543036/chapters/61978045#workskin

TW: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Death, Description of dying, Car crash, Slight body Dysphoria.

Her name is Adaine. She loves her mom, likes animals and gardening, hasn’t found a real spot in life to settle into, and relaxes with a good game night with her friends.

(Adaine dies but at the same time she doesn’t. Nothing could have prepared her for this. Nothing in the world.)

_______________________________________________

Blearily waking to the sounds of quiet machines, voices murmuring faintly out of ear shot, and faint alarms going off in the distance. Her thoughts were slow, her whole being ached with a dull pain. Opening her sleep crusted eyes to a hospital room was surprising, given she knew the probability of her surviving a 50 foot drop off was astronomically low. But she needed answers, ‘How did you find me? Is my family coming? Where am I?’ Reaching for the call button was painful, but so worth the relief of seeing another person.

_______________________________________________

    Adaine had been out for 3 days, massive head trauma, a cracked rib and a broken foot. The Doctor had joked that she was lucky to survive the crash, but she didn’t survive a car crash. Last thing Adaine remembers was hiking and taking a tumble down a drop off, explaining this too the staff was met with gentle pitying tones of “Oh honey, your mind is blocking out the crash, it was a traumatic accident.”

    But it was all wrong, she had gone for a nice day walk on the Appalachian Trail in Kentucky and taken a nasty fall. How she ended up in bumfuck Montana after a car crash was nerve wracking. The staff had at least managed to get her phone, but everything in her phone was wrong. Her mother’s number was wrong, she didn’t have her best friend's contact info and all of her pictures told a different life than the one she led. Her social media timeline was off, her job wasn’t her job. Her mother’s number didn’t work. Having a major panic attack made the doctors take her phone rights away, sighting it was “detrimental to her health for the time being, we should focus on rehab for now.”

    Being stuck in a hospital for weeks was awful. The food was bland, the local accents were different, she didn’t have anyone here. She felt as though she was in a horror movie, when she looked in the mirror something was just off; her hair was longer, the mole she’s had all her life was gone. She was missing scars or the scars had simply moved a inch or so in another way. She had a million questions and no answers, ‘Where did the old Adaine go? Had her and her counterpart swap bodies? Why was this Adaine going to Montana?

When she tried contacting her family there was no answer and when she tried with friends, most claimed they had only met once or had never known her. The loneliness of the situation finally hit, Adaine didn’t get a good night's sleep for the rest of that week.

_____________________________________________________________

        Adaine had finally found the reason the old Adaine was in Montana. Apparently her great aunt had died and left her property and possessions to Adaine, the only family member she deemed “Smart enough to know what was really going on”. Whatever the fuck that meant. But, she felt a spark of love when she thought about the old woman, either from the old Adaine’s consciousness or the gratefulness she felt because this meant she wasn’t homeless and had a source of income for the time being. The property was 40 acres which had a house, river access at the back of the property, and a fallout bunker. Adaine felt a great sense of loss looking over the paperwork sent to her by her great aunt’s lawyer.

Hospital got marginally a little better every Friday, a small group from a local church would drop by and bring well wishes to those who were sick, and most importantly for Adaine, a chance of company. Adaine sometimes invited them in, but other times the thought of company was too overwhelming. She even met the Pastor of the church, Jerome Jeffries, a nice man who sat with her and talked about his own experiences in the hospital. However, every time he left, Adaine had a small voice ringing in her head.

You know him 

_____________________________________________________________

        Adaine could have jumped for joy, if she didn’t have boot on her foot, when she was cleared to leave the hospital. On the count she didn’t currently have a vehicle or that there wasn't any taxi service in such a rural area, Pastor Jeffries had offered to drive her to her new home.

“Pastor, I honestly can’t thank you enough.” Her voice breaking the quiet interior of the old pick up truck. She’s so nervous and excited, her stomach now housed butterflies and her heart had moved to her throat. Peering into the bed of the truck, where her measly belongings that survived the crash were stashed, she looked back at the normally soft spoken man driving.

Turning his expressive dark eyes to glance at her for a brief moment before he spoke, “Think nothing of it Adaine, I’m always happy to lend a hand to those in need.” His lips turned into a warm comforting smile, but warmth of the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. His hands tightened on the worn steering wheel, before relaxing once more. Feeling as though she had misspoke or had bothered him, she turned her head to look out the window. She could understand why her great aunt had moved out here, it was beautiful. Tall evergreen trees covered the landscape, roaming hills and valleys that were cut by crystal clear water of slow rolling rivers. She rested her head against the glass and let her mind wander.

_____________________________________________________________

    Her thoughts were broken when Pastor Jeffries spoke, “I’m sorry for your loss, I personally didn’t know your Aunt very well. Most folks who live up here tend to keep to themselves, hell I’m pretty sure there’s a good chance that i’ll never meet 15% of the population who lives here.” He waved at a passing car on the small dirt road they had taken, his attention once again back on Adaine. “Do you plan on living here? If you don’t mind me asking.”

    “No I don’t mind, I’m planning on staying here for a while at least. I’ve got to clean the house and the bunker before I’ll make a decision.” He nodded and hummed in understanding, before gesturing to her broken foot.

    “That's going to be a problem for you, I can give you a number to call for some help. He’s a good kid, his family is-was part of my congregation, name is Jackson Wilson. I would like to help but… there are some problems I need to deal with.” His lips tightened into a small frown as he talked, and when he finished his brow had furrowed. She couldn’t tell if his mood was downed talking about the family, his inability to help her, or the problems within his own life. 

Adiane offered a small grateful smile to him. “I would love to have some help around the house. Thank you again for helping me out, it really means a lot. And, if you ever need any help please let me know.” He nodded and smiled as they pulled onto a small dirt road with a rusty mailbox at the end. 

“Well this is the address.” A little ways from the main road sat a large old white house, the flowers her Aunt had planted were being strangled by tall weeds, paint chipping off the window shutters, and a rusty old pick up truck sat in the driveway. 

….It was a fixer upper for sure.

Carefully stepping out of the truck, Adaine took in a deep breath, her ribs twinged at the notion, but the smell of the forest surrounding her senses was worth it. Helping the Pastor Jeffries take her stuff out the back of the truck and lugged it to the front door, she fished out her keys and slotted it into the door. It opened with a small click, and she released a sigh of air she’d subconsciously been holding in. They placed her things in the foyer and took in the sight of her new home. Books, magazines, and mail were pilled here and there, dust covered the majority of the windows and end tables, and an old ratty blue rug greeted them.

    Coughing into his elbow, Pastor Jeffries took a step back out the door. “Well, it's a diamond in the rough.” His eyes darted from the overgrown garden to the inside of the dusty house. “A lot of rough.” He pulled out a cellphone from his back pocket, “Here let me give Jackson’s number.”

    Exchanging numbers with Pastor Jeffries and an introductory text from Pastor Jeffries for her, and an exchange in goodbyes. He moved to walk back to his truck, but stopped and took a few steps back toward her. The same frown he had had before on the car ride was back on his face.

    “I don’t want to seem rude, or God forgive me if I’m just being petty, but I think you should know something about Hope County.” He took in a deep troubled breath, “Recently there have been...disturbing allegations about a local religious group. It’s called Eden’s Gate, and I just want you to be careful around these people. It's run by a man named Joseph Seed and his brothers, I just don’t want you walking in blind, but I'm sure it’s nothing. I need to be heading back now, hope to see you later Ms. Adaine.” Adaine stood in stunned silence as Jermone Jeffries drove off. Ice cold fear shot through her body, she could feel her heartbeat in her ears like a rapid pace drum.

Eden’s Gate.

Project Eden’s Gate.

The Seeds.

Far Cry.

How could she be so oblivious, the familiarity of Pastor Jermone Jeffries, Hope County a name that she should have known. God she was so stupid.  Shaking hands grabbed the door frame to support her body from collapsing. The bombs, there was going to be a nuclear fallout and she was stuck in place that would become ravaged by a lunatic cult. Adaine sucked in a deep breath before her knees collapsed under her and her mind was overcome with fear.

_______________________________________________

    His body was slammed into rapidly passing trees, he clawed at the steep rocky ground. He had to stop. Why wasn’t he stopping? As he tumbled, he got a fleeting glance of a large piece of wood jutting out of his abdomen. Fear gripped his heart as his head came crashing down on a rock.

    A jolt of movement and suddenly he was driving a car swerving into a large forest. Fuck, fuck, fuck, turn the wheel! Jerking the wheel, caused the car to flip and the last thing he knows is his head slamming into the steering wheel.

    Jolting awake clutching his head, Joseph stumbles out of bed, barely making it to the bathroom before he vomited violently into the toilet. Resting his face against the cool floor tile, Joseph gets the last bits of the vision.

    Groggily waking up in an unknown place. Pain. His body is Pain. This isn’t right. Nothing is right. Sadness. Loneliness. Why doesn’t someone come for him? All alone. 

    Flashes of a face not his own in the mirror. Wrong. Things are wrong. 

    Strength. This will not break me, move on you must move on. 

    A trembling smile comes onto his face, finally you were here. He’s waited so long.

#far cry 5 #far cry #far cry imagine #far cry 5 imagine #joseph seed #john seed #jacob seed #joseph seed imagine #jacob seed imagine #john seed imagine #self interest #chapter 1 #tw death #death tw #tw anxiety #tw anxiety attack #tw car accident #tw car wreck #tw car crash #tw body dysphoria

[felishaaa]

story time; SEP

Hi y'all it's story tiiiime.

It was started 6 months ago when my cousin invited me to join this event. I didnt know about SEP whatsoever which to me- kind of surprising once I found out what the event was all about.

SEP; Sekolah Evangelisasi Pribadi, is a private evangelization school which was found by Pastor L. Sugiri van den Heuvel SJ back in 1988. Long story short, I attended this event and there we talked about a lot of catholic stuffs and christianity. It helped me much to grow and learn myself better spiritually. I can see myself developing in the process of the whole event, I am now calmer and happier than I can ever be. I am much more of a grateful person. I also learned a lot about having faith not only in Christ but also myself.

Honestly, the first time I came to the class I was feeling insecure cuz I didn't have friends at all, I know no one there. And everytime my cousin picked me up for the classes I just didnt wanna go but I forced myself to go cuz I didnt wanna disappoint her. I kept thinking that it was a waste of time. I have to come on Wednesdays and Thursdays just sign a paper of students presence. I could've spent my time on more youtube videos or twitter.

But after the a month and two, I started to make friends with a lot of people and surprisingly they were like v v cool and fun people which is great. I started enjoying every single classes I attend. I didn't even recall the days when my lazy a** self wanting to just stay home and eat chips. I feel like I have a brand new fam and they're all lit. I never ever ever regret the time I've spent cuz bruh I spent it w my fammmmm.

Edit:

✨ here's an appreciation post for all the people above✨

Cik Nindy (the girl in the 1st pic)

SHE👏🏻 IS👏🏻 A👏🏻 MOM👏🏻. She's a sister. She's a friend. She can be everything to me basically. She's just as random and weird as me. Yes, she is. We're like sisters. I'm grateful for knowing her. She is my life saver everytime my mom was too busy to give me a ride to Shekinah (the place where all the classes are held). She's the kindest and also the craziest.

Ko Goldi (the guy in the 2nd pic)

It's my brain he got in his head. We have a bunch of similar ideas of jokes. We can literally tell the same joke at the same time and that's super weird but also kinda amazing. I mean we'll always have each other to laugh at each other's joke. LMAO

Ko Hanunk (the guy w the baloon)

OK so this guy is my brother for real. He acts like a brother to me more than my brother does. He sucks at times but he is the wisest, smartest, yet the craziest. We shared a lot of thoughts on basically everything. He's got this beautiful gf which acts as craycray as him lol. Music? We got the same tasteeee ayeeeeee. 🔥🔥

Cik Benita (the girl in the 4th pic)

She's married. That's it. JK LOL. She is the most straightforward person I've ever met. She speaks her mind. She is the BOSS. Yes, she is. And you can't complain. She can be really cute yet she can be as cold as the north pole I swear. She's fun tho.

Ko Risal (the guy in the last pic)

He's Cik Nindy's bf haha lovebirds haha. Cinlok gitu. He's my ride ehe. He's so kind and so fun to be around. But he can be really suck sometimes. And just like Ko Hanung, his closest buddy, he's the smartest at life and the wisest. He buys me a lot of dinners lol thanks for that k Ko I really appreciate it.

So yeah, that's that. I'm very thankful for them all. And hoepfully we'll stay in touch and be together as a fam forever. Love y'all!

#family #friends

[ghostheadcanons]

Papas and Copia having dinner with their s/o and s/o's very Christian parents? (Bonus for a "Yes hello I'm fucking your child" type moment) Please and thank you. I just wanna say I really love how you write I have on notifications instant favorite❤

Thank you so much, anon! It’s an honor!

I just wanna say: This isn’t meant to offend anybody who is actually Christian and not an asshole about it (though let’s be real, if you were easily offended, you probably wouldn’t be into Ghost, am I right?). As a Christian myself, I can say this isn’t a potshot at the religion itself! 

Just some of the jerks who practice it. :P

 So for the sake of this ask, we’re just gonna say the parents are the absolute worst type of Christian, and the reader doesn’t have/want a good relationship with them. You all know what I’m talking about. Anon, if you want kind and understanding parents who also happen to be Christian, please send an ask for that and I will absolutely write that!!

That being said….let’s get into it, lads. >:)c

–

Your parents were surprised when you told them you’ve been doing a lot of church work lately, and even more surprised when you told them you were seeing someone working there! 

You never told them what KIND of church it was….

Mostly you told them that to get them off your back, but that backfired spectacularly. Now they want to meet him over dinner…if you don’t relent at some point, they’re going to keep bothering you forever about it and guilt-tripping you. 

Might as well get this over with.

Papa Nihil:

When your parents see what looks like the pope getting out of the car in their driveway, they’re a mix of awed and thrilled! 

…until he gets up close and they see the skull makeup. 

He is very happy to meet your parents–vigorously shaking your father’s hand, and placing a delicate kiss upon your mother’s knuckles. Your mother looks like she wants to die. 

“I can see where my cara mia gets their good looks from, now.” Wink. Subtle, Nihil. Subtle.

Insists on saying grace instead of your father. You keep one eye open as Papa Nihil says his infernal version of grace to find your father staring at him like he wants to kill him. Your mother might actually faint. 

Your father would pull you aside and demand to know what the hell is going on, who have you brought into their house?! 

Papa Nihil is left alone with your mother. “You have a lovely home.”

The two of you end up having to leave early because your boyfriend said it would look even better with a picture of Lucifer on the wall instead of the cross hanging there, and your mother burst into tears. Nihil doesn’t understand why they got so upset–it was an honest suggestion! 

Papa I:

Isn’t wary at all going to see your parents. On the contrary, he sees it as an opportunity to get some new converts! It’s never too late to have a change of heart, after all. 

He dresses modestly, greets them respectfully, and isn’t phased by their faith. 

Your parents love him. 

That is, until he starts going on about what a wonderful student of the dark arts you are. 

“Truly, I have never met such a studious disciple of our lord Lucifer,” he praises as your father chokes on his mashed potatoes. “and I am honored to have them by my side.”

He takes your hand in his and smiles softly at you. You smile back, and kiss him, right there, in front of your parents. It’s pretty chaste, but you still have both parents glaring daggers at you from across the table. 

Papa I would want to debate Christianity with them, but neither your mother or father would let him get a word out, talking over him and raising their voices. His brow furrows–truth be told, he’s a little annoyed. But he never yells; he just keeps talking. 

Like Nihil, you have to leave early. Papa I sighs. He can’t say he expected any differently. But at least the two of you got dinner out of it.

Papa II (slightly +18!):

Doesn’t want to go. He’s vocal about that. “Yes, that’s how I want to spend an evening–being condescended to about my religion.” You’ve told him how awful your parents are, he knows what he’s in for if he says yes.

You beg, though, and eventually agree to do That One Thing He Likes the next time you’re alone together if he’ll come with you. That gets him to relent.

Wears a nice suit for the occasion (and he left the sunglasses at home!), and is polite enough when meeting your parents. You can tell both of them are judging him for how ‘worldly’ he looks, but it doesn’t seem to faze him. 

Rolls his eyes when grace is said. 

Does that thing where if you say “Dad, please pass the salt?” both your father and he reach for it. II always gets it first, passing it gently over to you. “There you go, caro.”

Papa II lets you do the talking and figuring out how to describe the church services. He would legit start feeling you up under the table while you’re speaking, not seeming to notice your little squeaks and reddening cheeks. 

The whole time, he does not break eye-contact with your father. It’s a power move, plain and simple. This child is not one of you anymore. They are ours. Mine.

The nail in the coffin is when you don’t stop Papa’s hands, in spite of how angry you see your father getting. You can’t deny the little thrill you feel at seeing the man who made your childhood a nightmare so furious.

The pair of you make yourselves scarce pretty quickly after that. You sit beside him in the limo, red in the face while Papa sips a glass of champagne.

“I think that went well, caro. You should invite me more often.” 

Papa III (slightly +18!):

Unlike his brother, Papa III is ecstatic to go and meet your parents! Even knowing how they are. You get the sinking feeling that he’s planning something (which he absolutely is). At the same time, though, you’re curious as to what he has in mind…

He’s dressed like a youth group pastor when the two of you go to dinner, and is a proper gentleman when greeting your parents. 

…then dinner gets started, and they start asking him questions like where you two met. 

“Oh, I saw them across the room while I was conducting a black mass, and I couldn’t take my eyes off them!”

Your mother chokes on her chicken, and your father gapes. You nudge him in the ribs, hard, but he continues. 

“Il mio tesoro is so devout…so eager to get on their knees and take communion…” he purrs, wrapping an arm around your waist. 

“Papa….!” you can’t help but giggle. The two of you kiss, and it is considerably less chaste than Papa I’s.  Both your parents are staring at you like you just stabbed the family pet. 

It all goes downhill from there. The breaking point is when everyone is washing up and Papa III passes your father, whispering something offhandedly as he goes to do his part.

“Your child calls me ‘daddy,’ too.”

Ten minutes later he’s nursing a black eye in the back of the limo, and you’re putting ice on it as one of the ghouls drive you home. But Papa III is laughing his head off, and honestly? You’re smiling as well. 

“Did–did you see the look on his face, carina? Oh! It was priceless! Hahaha!”

“I hope you enjoyed that…this is definitely going to bruise…”

“Worth it.”

Cardinal Copia:

He’s very nervous, honestly. Copia is painfully aware of your parents’ expectations, and that Christianity and Theistic Satanism do not mix well!

But you tell him not to worry so much. You’re just going so they get off your case for awhile. He doesn’t have to impress them. 

Dresses impeccably, greets your parents awkwardly but respectfully, and even bows his head during grace (while internally apologizing to Lucifer and hoping He’ll forgive him). 

He manages to be vague enough on his job and what he does that your parents don’t catch onto him. Honestly? They don’t hate him, which is saying something. 

They don’t think he has a great personality, but he is a Cardinal…a respectful position. Copia can live with that.

It’s when they start picking at you that he has a problem.

Listening to your parents make sly jabs at you and nitpicking about everything you do infuriates him. Lucifer help them if they get started on your weight. 

You learned a long time ago to just grit your teeth and bear it, but it still hurts. And Copia can see that. 

It gets to the point where he begins to speak up when they do it. “Well, I think mio topolino looks fine the way they are.”

“I think they’re at just the right size.”

“Wasn’t there something in the Bible about not judging others?”

You gape when he pulls that one out. His voice is sharp, his eyes are narrow, and the levels of passive-aggression are off the charts. 

It startles the hell out of your parents, too. Your mother would weakly claim they’re just trying to help, only to be cut off by Copia again.

“No. No, no no. You are not helping. You are being condescending.” 

He’s trembling, but glaring at the pair of them. He doesn’t stop there.

“This person is the most kind, wonderful, loving angelo I have ever met, and they are not enough for you? You don’t even deserve to bask in their presence!”

He slams down his silverware, making everyone at the table jump.

“Come, topolino.” He gathers you in his arms and escorts you out the door. “We have better things to do.”

By the time you’re in the car, Copia is breathing heavily running a hand through his hair, and you’re staring in awe at your boyfriend. 

“…holy shit…” you murmur.

Copia nods, gulping.

“Copia…you…you didn’t have to say all of that for me…”

“Yes. Yes I did.” He looks over at you, looking you right in the eyes. “I meant every word. Tu sei il mio mondo, topolino.”

An overwhelming wave of love for this man washes over you. You pull him into a deep, passionate kiss, one that he readily reciprocates. 

He means the world to you.

#ghost #ghost bc #ghost headcanons #ghost bc headcanons #papa nihil #papa i #papa ii #papa iii #copia #cardinal copia #religion #silly #parents #headcanons #Anonymous #i can't readmore it because readmore is being a DICK right now

[docgorpywrites]

God had Flowers in His Hair

They lay, the pair of them, in a small patch of wildflowers far away from the doctor's mansion, across the creek on a rowboat and up a hill behind a smattering of trees and a large boulder. As far away from prying eyes as they could muster.

Merriell was lazily picking the petals off a flower, the stems of those he had finished with lay on his exposed stomach. His shirt was open and on his chest formed beads of sweat. It was a hot summer afternoon in the middle of July. A cigarette hung limply from his mouth, the ash was getting long, almost threatening to drop down onto him and burn his skin. He continued his work.

Eugene lay beside him, puffing on his pipe. His mouth was full of smoke as he warned Merriell about the blister he could get if he didn't flick the ash off his cigarette properly. Merriell, being very much himself, ignored him. Eugene took it upon himself to remove the cigarette from his mouth and stub it against the boulder.

"Light me anotha, will ya, Sledge," was all Merriell murmured back.

Eugene scoffed, but obeyed all the same, he took a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket. He didn't even know why he still had them on him when he already had his pipe, but looking towards the man on his left, he remembered. He took one in his mouth and lit it. He brought the lit smoke to Merriell's own mouth and the man hummed in appreciation.

"What'cha doin' anyway?" Eugene finally asked.

"Countin' Japs," was the curt reply. Eugene raised a brow, looking Merriell square in the face, to which he just laughed. "I'm kiddin', don't worry ya pretty lil' head none, boo."

"If you say so." Eugene knew better than to probe him any further. Sometimes Merriell did things for no reason at all.

He got off his elbows and sunk back into the wildflowers. The sun burned his eyes so he shut them, his shirt stuck to his chest so he opened it up. The relief it brought made him comfortable enough to fall asleep.

He was woken up, minutes later, by a heavy load on his stomach. He almost threw whatever it was that was on top of him into the boulder behind him in defense. His eyes adjusted, thankfully, before he could even get a strong enough grip on Merriell's shirt. Eugene squinted up at him, rays of the sun streamed past him through his hair and the thin material of his shirt.

"The fuck's a'matter with you, Snaf? Tryin' to give me a heart attack?"

Merriell reached wordlessly with both hands into his pockets and let loose a flurry of flower petals down onto Eugene's wild-eyed face. Eugene's gaze softened at this, but his confusion still stitched his brow up into furrows. A petal landed on his lips and Merriell leaned down to blow it away, with his breath came out the smoke from his cigarette. A kiss was planted firmly onto his lips. Eugene felt his blood rush to his ears, his hold on Merriell's shirt tightened. Merriell lifted himself off of Eugene, breaking the kiss abruptly.

"You sure know how to rile me up, don'tcha?" Eugene laughed up at him.

Merriell stared into his eyes, not smiling back, not bothering to close his mouth either, huffing. "Sorry, just checkin'."

Eugene's smile faded, "For what?"

"Checkin' to see if you're the real thing, is all."

Eugene collided up into him and switched their positions, now he was the one on top, his legs to the side and his arms resting on the grass at either side of Merriell's shoulders. Flower petals swirled around them, some of them still stuck in Eugene's hair. "'Course I'm real, the hell you on about?"

"How can I even begin to believe that, what with ya sittin' there all pretty lookin' with flowers in your hair." Merriell finally laughed, gazing up at Eugene like he was some kind of god. Maybe he was.

It had taken Merriell half of spring to find a Eugene Sledge in Mobile, Alabama. He had set out one April morning, once he had gathered enough money for the train fare. Being a war veteran did little for him by way of financial supplementation. He had regretted leaving Eugene on the train home the moment he woke up, barely the next day, and Eugene wasn't there to comfort him while he suffered from a particularly excruciating bout of the shakes. He sat there, shell shocked, as copious amounts of sweat dripped down from his brow. His bed was wet with sweat and tears, and everytime he tried to close his eyes, he was in hell again. That was it, he looked for a job that same day and didn't stop working until he had enough money for a trip to Mobile.

Merriell found Eugene at the end of May, showing up at the Sledge Household right before Memorial day. Eugene had answered the door with dirty hands and equally dirty denim overalls. He was wiping his face off with a lace handkerchief, laughing, "I'll get it, ma!" He had yelled into the foyer.

They both stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, until Merriell broke the silence.

"Sledgehamma."

"Snaf—" Eugene's voice cracked and he took a second to clear his throat, "—what brings you?" He finally managed.

"Sleep." Merriell answered honestly. "Haven't been gettin' any since."

Eugene looked fixedly at him before confessing, "Me neither."

Merriell hadn't left since. The good doctor and

Missus Sledge were kind enough to put him up in the  best guest room in the house. 'Anything for a war veteran and a good friend o' Gene's.' But the guest room was barely used. They spent the summer sneaking around at night so they could sleep in one bed, it was the only way they could get a good night's sleep. This arrangement brought to light several unanswered questions that had arose during their run in the war, and after, for that matter, when they served together in China. There was always something between them, but the brutality of war and the general stigma around such a relationship between two men—two Marines at that, left little for those questions to be answered. Now, they had all the time in the world, and nobody to judge them but themselves.

When Merriell settled down from his laughter, Eugene leaned in for another kiss. He was blushing by the time he pulled away, just one thought ricocheting around in his head.

"Marry me." It had slipped out of Eugene's mouth like butter on a hot pan, but he wasn't ashamed.

Merriell simply looked up at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips, the corners of his shocked open mouth twitching up. There was happiness along with reluctance in the way Merriell stared at him, not really knowing what to say. Eugene was red from the tips of his ears all the way down to his chest, and was searching Merriell's eyes for an answer.

"O'course," he finally got out, "but how? Ain't no pastor or preacher a thousand miles from here gonna marry us. Especially not in the South."

Eugene couldn't help but kiss him again, more deeply and more fervently this time, nearly crushing his face between his hands. Merriell hung on for dear life, tangling his tan fingers up in Eugene's copper hair. They parted, and Eugene smiled down fondly at him, brushing a flower petal stuck to Merriell's forehead away.

"Oh, we'll find a way. We always do."

They got married one cold autumn morning, a week before Eugene's birthday. He regarded it as the best birthday present he'd ever gotten, since Deacon anyway. Eugene knew a former soldier up in Washington County who had become a preacher man. He had fought in the war with Edward Sledge Jr. and was more than willing to officiate the wedding. It was not legal in any sense of the word, but the papers they signed and the small, beautiful ceremony (with Dr. and Mrs. Sledge, Edward, and Sidney Phillips in attendance), made it real enough for the both of them.

The attendance of Eugene's folks was not achieved without screaming and crying and maybe a bit of roughing up, however. When Eugene told his parents, he put his mother first, to break the ice. Lord, how she cried. But she admitted nonetheless that she had had an inkling about his preferences as she watched him growing up. Eugene held her in his arms after she finally gave them her tight-lipped blessing. If her son was happy, she would be happy.

His father was another story. Doctor Sledge was not a violent man by any means, he had never lifted a hand on Eugene in all his twenty-two years, except on that day when his son had told him that he was going to marry a man. Eugene had earned himself a heavy slap to the cheek, which surprised him. Not because of the pain or the fact that his father had hit him, but because he had expected more. It might have been the fact that he had spent the previous years being thrown around violently across numerous battlefields, by explosions booming left and right. Regardless, Eugene didn't retaliate, he merely touched the back of his fist to his stinging cheek and apologized to his father. The good doctor had gripped the edge of his desk, white-knuckled and red-faced, breathing through his nose and restraining himself.

"Father," Eugene had pleaded with him. "I love him."

His father bristled at his words, but then relaxed after a few moments of bated breath for Eugene. Doctor Sledge turned to face his son, and finally offered his hand to him, much in the same way Eugene had offered his own when his father finally allowed him to go to war. Eugene saw tears in his father's eyes, took his extended hand and pulled his father in for a loving embrace, the first since he was a boy. His father had whispered over Eugene's shoulder that he was proud of the man he had become, and that he deserved to be happy, however and with whomever he pleased. 

Edward and Sidney couldn't care less, and were just happy for him. But of course, their general acceptance and congratulations did not come without the standard issue, run-of-the-mill teasing that came with being military servicemen. Edward had quipped, "I'm fine with it as long as you lemme be your maid of honor."

Not one to be outdone, Sid had contributed, "I for one, would like to be one o' them pretty little flower girls."

As happy as Eugene was with how generally well-received his news had been, Merriell was not as lucky. Letters he had sent home to Louisiana about the announcement (not without much coaxing from Eugene and his mother), had gone unreplied, not even an angry letter back, which Merriell had first anticipated. In the end, with a tone of surprise from everybody who was there to witness it, Doctor Sledge had stood up from his place on the large armchair in the living room, poured three glasses of the finest scotch he owned, passed them around, and said to Merriell, "I'll give you away, son." 

The two young men, hardened from war, stood there, reduced to a sobbing mess, embracing each other, embracing Eugene's father, to which the old man just chuckled jovially at. Merriell was so bold as to even plant the tiniest bud of a kiss on Doctor Sledge's cheek, which was received by Doctor Sledge with a reddening of his face. The tips of his ears had flared up, and Merriell suddenly knew where Eugene inherited his easily flushed complexion.

The day finally came, Merriell was all gussied up in his dress blues, Eugene had donned a simple but handsome suit, making good on his promise to himself not to wear a uniform ever again. Merriell had put flowers in Eugene's hair, just like the day he proposed. Everything was good and beautiful and wonderful and finally right in the world, and Merriell would never lose sleep again.

#sledgefu #eugene sledge #snafu shelton #merriell shelton #sledge x snafu #the pacific fanfiction #the pacific #hbowar #docgorpywrites

[coffeeman777]

Are you absolutely sure being gay/trans is a sin? I'm only asking because I don't want to go through life with this belief and get hated by everyone unless it's absolutely true

I am absolutely certain. The Scriptures are very clear on the topic, despite what some false teachers may tell you.

Honestly though, if it weren't homosexuality and transgenderism, it would be something else about Christianity that would earn you the world's hatred. Being a Christian means signing up to be hated. Jesus warned us about this (John 15:18-25). The world hates Him (the real Jesus, not the fake one you often hear of who's super cool with everyone's sin).

Pastor Mark Driscoll put it this way:

"Jesus is not like a salesman who gets you to commit to all the benefits and conveniently overlooks all the fine print of obligations.  He shows up and says, 'I'm God.  If you want to follow Me, people are going to hate you, and you might die.'  That's the cost of discipleship."

So be ready for it, and don't be surprised when it happens. Having Jesus is more than worth it.