#i struggled so hard to finish this BUT im proud!!!!

[ofthecaravel]

Heaven In Time

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Bleeding Hearts, Angel Voices

Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Summary: The last supper. Or is it?

Tags: Religious trauma, hella guilt tripping/mentions of religious upbringing, internalized homophobia, sliiiiiight slut shaming, sibling fighting, slight sauciness

Words: 10k

A/N: As promised, here's the playlist, as well as the last chapter of this little series. Thank you all so much for being so sweet about it and I'm so happy you liked it!! Tell me all your thoughts!!! OH also, I'm aware that only Catholic priests really wear clerical collars, but I decided to include it because Josh is dramatic and would think it looks cute. Okay enjoy

~~

“This is it?”

“Yup.”

“Wow. Somewhere along the way you failed to mention that it’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“It’s practically sinking into the lake, Dan.”

Already crabby, Sam really wanted to be able to trash the house looming in front of them. But for all its ghosts and lonely corners, Sam couldn’t write off the fact that his childhood home (and Jake’s new permanent place of residence, apparently) was and had always been a sight to behold. It wasn’t particularly flashy with its modest white paneling having been frayed by weather and stained with mildew, and it certainly wasn’t modern by any means. However, with the silver maples conspiring around it and a lakeside view from the bottom of the hill it rested on, the house with all its flaws and farmhouse style charm was enough to make Danny’s eyes widen. 

“I didn’t know my parents had moved,” Sam noted softly, heart racing as he observed his brothers’ cars in the driveway and wondered where his dad’s station wagon was parked now. 

“I’m sure Jake will fill you in on everything,” Danny assured Sam as he parked next to Jake’s crappy Volvo. He cut the engine and studied Sam’s apprehensive expression out of the corner of his eye, selfishly hoping that Sam would call the whole thing off and they could drive off towards the loving embrace of Danny’s own childhood home just beyond the state border. He knew his parents and sister would absolutely adore Sam, but he wasn’t sure that Sam’s brothers would welcome him as readily.

“Okay,” Sam blurted, smacking his hands against his thighs and letting out a fast exhale. “Quick overview before we go in.”

“Right,” Danny nodded. Honestly, he could use a refresher. It was always a struggle to get Sam to talk about his family like this.

“Josh is the oldest,” Sam started, beginning his list of points by marking them on his fingers. “Technically. He’s older than Jake by, like, I don’t remember, a couple of minutes. Super friendly, loud as fuck, took up my dad’s pastoral duties after he got deep into the televangelist bullshit that I’m sure he’s still doing now. He was a natural, of course, given that there’s nothing he loves more than the sound of his own voice.”

“Harsh.”

“Dude, trust me. You’ll get what I mean. Anyways, you’ve met Jake. Sort of. He’s very…passionate, which you’ve seen. Kind of hot headed, very one track minded. He basically runs the whole ministry from the shadows, even when Dad was still pastor. Josh gives the go ahead, but Jake’s the organizer. He’s busy 24/7 and has been since they were, like, 12.”

“Doesn’t sound very sustainable,” Danny commented. Sam let out a laugh and shook his head.

“It is not,” Sam agreed bitterly. “But he likes barking orders and playing puppet master, so I guess it works for him. And, I mean, school and youth group pretty much taught us that there was no other way for us to live other than doing church shit all day every day, so I can’t say I’m surprised he turned out this way.”

“Pretty relentless, huh?”

“Yup. Especially when your dad’s running aforementioned church and giving you shit for doing anything, I don’t know, childlike? Or for just enjoying stuff?”

“Definitely explains why Jake was such a dick about your cute ‘fit,” Danny said. “Those values trickle down if you let them, I guess. I still don’t think you had to change, by the way.”

“I definitely did,” Sam muttered, looking down at the plain jeans he’d pulled from his suitcase and the thin flannel he’d buttoned over his chest after their backseat tryst. “Josh would’ve lost his shit. No way he’d go full ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m a man of God and that means I get to preach with corporal punishment’ route, but he’d sure as hell think about it if I showed up in those shorts.”

“Baby,” Danny lamented, heart sinking as he watched Sam fiddle with a button while wearing a sullen expression. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Sam insisted, reaching for Danny’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For, you know, closure.”

“Okay,” Danny relented, still hesitant but trusting in Sam to know when enough is enough.

“Okay,” Sam echoed. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.”

Sam pulled Danny in for a quick kiss of courage, bounced once in his seat, let out a nervous sound and then threw open the door and climbed out. Danny chuckled and got out, locking up the truck and watching with adoration as Sam shuffled towards the peeling front steps. 

-

“One second!”

The voice came booming through the rattling front door after Sam had given it a timid knock to the beat of three. Almost instantly, Sam’s nerves flared with electrifying panic and he spun to face Danny.

“Actually,” Sam declared in a rushed, reedy tone. “Fuck this, let’s go.”

“What?”

Before Sam could drag Danny down the stairs and bail harder than anyone has ever bailed before, the door swung open with a melodramatic bang and then there was Josh. Danny could immediately see the startling resemblance between him and Jake, but there was something particularly unique about Josh that immediately set him apart. Danny assessed his tidy curls and the clerical collar nestled snugly at the base of his neck and knew it must be these physical differences, but he stood there puzzling nonetheless. Josh’s face was lit up with a plasticine cheer that seemed to be his resting expression, but at the sight of his deserter younger brother turning to him like a deer in the headlights, his face morphed into uncharacteristic shock. Once again, Danny stood in awkward silence as the useless mediator. This time around he had the good sense to step to the side before the situation devolved.

“Oh,” Josh said simply, his graceful hands rising to cup at the sides of Sam’s face with practiced theatrics. “Oh, praise be to God. Sammy. You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Sam repeated, already faltering under Josh’s fiery gaze. “Hi.”

“I can’t believe it,” Josh breathed, tears glittering in his eyes as he shook his head with wonder. “I just can’t even believe it’s really you. It is, right? Or are you some agent of the Lord sent to test my faith in His protection of you?”

“Pretty sure He’s not worried about your faith, Josh,” Sam muttered, grasping Josh’s wrists and lowering them. “I’ve been protected just fine. It’s me, I swear.”

“Thank God,” Josh blubbered, throwing his arms around Sam and pulling him into a crushing hug. Despite it all, Sam accepted it gratefully, crossing his arms behind Josh’s back and holding him just as hard. This was the reunion he’d been dreading the most, but his shame was temporarily assuaged in the comfort of his brother’s embrace.

Danny kept his silence as they hugged, but eventually Josh caught his eye and appeared to register that there was someone on the porch other than Sam for the first time.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude,” Josh began after he let Sam go, wiping a tear with the heel of his palm and presenting his other hand to Danny. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Danny,” Danny introduced himself, giving Josh a firm handshake and smiling nervously. Even though so few words had been exchanged, Danny had to admit that it was enough to feel that Josh’s presence could quickly become overwhelming.

“Daniel,” Josh grinned, pleased. “I assure you our home tonight will be no den of lions.”

“Of course,” Danny smiled, completely disbelieving of Josh’s sentiment. “Pretty sure that was revealed to me in one of my many visions. …That is what Daniel did in the Bible, right?”

Josh’s laugh erupted out of his chest and he clapped Danny on the arm with an approving grip. Sam shared a look of surprised amusement with Danny, whose shoulders flickered with a shrug as Josh came down from his laughing fit.

“Good man,” Josh wheezed. “Ah, that’s funny. Am I right in assuming you’re Sammy’s companion in the travels I’m sure he’s had? The travels I simply cannot wait to hear about?”

“Correct.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Josh beamed, flashing his wide smile back on Sam. “I knew this would happen, you know. That He’d send you a guardian angel to watch over you. I prayed for it.”

“I’m truly blessed,” Sam agreed, giving Danny a private, bashful smile while Josh became temporarily distracted by propping open the door.

“That you are,” Josh professed, gesturing into the house as he crossed the threshold again. “All of us are, really. Now I don’t want to keep you waiting on this drafty old porch, please, come in, come in.”

Josh went in first, flying ahead of Danny and Sam as the door closed behind them and the house swallowed them whole. 

“Here we go,” Sam whispered, nearly inaudible. Josh guided them, humming and singing under his breath as he reached to graze his fingers against the walls of the hallway lined with crosses of all sizes and finish.

“It’s going good so far,” Danny whispered back. “He likes me.”

“Wait ‘til he finds out what kind of guardian angel you are,” Sam murmured. Danny flushed and snaked his arm behind Sam and gave him a pinch on his side, only inches away from the situationally appropriate angel wings messily inked on Sam’s lower back. 

Sam bit back a muffled squeak and smacked Danny in the arm. He was ready to send another flirty whisper his way, but when they emerged in the kitchen, Sam froze up once again at the sight of Jake stationed at the stove. Jake’s hair had been relieved of its outdated ponytail and skirted over his shoulders in messy waves, swaying with motion as he tended to a pan.

“When you said surprise guests, I was certainly not expecting a surprise like this!” Josh cried, shaking Jake by the shoulder. “You drive me nuts.”

“You drive me nuts, it seemed only fair,” Jake smiled. “I’m surprised you saw me come home acting the way I was and didn’t immediately know Sam had something to do with it.”

Sam let out an offended little exhale from his nose and Jake finally regarded him and Danny, renewed tension stretching between them all as he gave them a curt, impersonal nod.

“You really came,” Jake noted plainly, gaze lingering on Sam before turning back to the stovetop, pushing sizzling green tomatoes around the skillet.

“You invited us,” Sam reminded him, cautiously approaching and watching him work. “Enthusiastically, actually. Is this Grandma’s recipe?”

“Yup,” Jake answered flatly, still refusing eye contact as the oil snapped and leaped when he flipped the tomatoes.

“It smells divine,” Danny piped up. Jake gave him a side eye that Danny honored with a nervous, polite smile, but Jake ultimately shut him down with empty air. 

“It’s all divine in this house,” Josh followed up dreamily. 

“Well, hopefully it doesn’t taste like ‘disappointment’,” Jake muttered pettily, bringing up Sam’s words from the gas station. Sam sighed and took a step back from Jake, who filled his space by moving from the pan to open the oven, poking noisily at a covered tray. 

“Come on, Jake,” Sam groaned. “We come in peace. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“And I don’t want this catfish to char,” Jake countered. “Scoot.”

“I’ve scooted, thanks,” Sam frowned, taking another step back. “Why are you acting like we’re showing up uninvited? You literally asked us to come.”

“Hey, what has gotten into you two?” Josh interjected, finally absorbing his twin’s clipped tone. “We should be celebrating. And we have company, so if you could save us all the trouble of picking apart your rude semantics, that would be lovely. I mean, honestly.”

Jake let out a huff and continued working to pull dinner together, plunging the kitchen into icy silence as Sam sneered at the floor to prevent any tears from creeping up on him. Danny wanted nothing more than to hoist him up and carry him out of the house, but he watched helplessly as Josh came over to Sam and gently pulled him out of the room.  

“You two can hash it out later, okay?” Josh whispered, and Sam nodded as they crossed the threshold into the wood paneled dining room. The dining table was set with four crisp placemats, all of them centered in the middle of the table under the flowering hands of the chandelier. It was odd for Sam to see, considering he’d never known the table to be set without a placemat at the head of the table for his father. 

“Sorry,” Sam apologized, falling into old habits. “We ran into Jake at a gas station and it ended…weird. You know he can be kind of-”

“Snippy?” Josh finished for him, pulling out a bundle of cutlery from a drawer. “Righteous? Yes, he can be. Lord knows I know. He’s working on it. Been working on a lot since you left, actually. Some days I swear he out prays me.”

“When did Mom and Dad move?” Sam asked, changing the conversation while robotically accepting and laying down silverware as Josh handed it to him.

“Two months ago,” Josh replied nonchalantly. “Turns out Dad’s broadcast made its way to Nebraska and amassed a following there, so they picked up to be closer to his flock.”

“Nebraska?” Sam exclaimed, nearly dropping the bundle of forks in his hand. He swallowed the revelation with a shiver of relief and an equally strong wave of grief, no doubt felt by the lonely little boy he carried inside him. Sam realized with blank shock that there was a very good chance he would never see his parents again.

“So, what, they just up and left?”

“Yeah…”

“For Nebraska?”

 Danny walked in then, unable to withstand Jake’s angry clanging for another minute.

“What’s in Nebraska?” Danny asked innocently. 

“Our parents,” Josh explained with a weak smile. “I trust Sam’s told you about our Dad’s post preaching venture?”

“A little,” Danny lied. He’d heard plenty about what the Kiszka patriarch had been up to since retiring and passing on the torch of preacher to his oldest son: good ol’ American televangelism, complete with the incensed ramblings and an addiction to being on screen. From what he heard from Sam, this came at the cost of quality time with his family. Sam had assured him the blow was softened significantly considering they’d all been fruitlessly clamoring for his affection for their entire lives and were long accustomed to the scraps they’d been dealt.  

“I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised,” Sam laughed flatly, shooting Josh a knowing look. “Lord knows Dad has the means to afford it.”

“Oh, here we go. I don’t want to hear your conspiracy theories, Sammy,” Josh replied sternly. “I have faith that every drop of his viewer’s donations go right to the Convention.”

“Right,” Sam muttered. “Just like the college fund did.”

Josh stiffened, bright eyes suddenly cast in shadow as he set a glass down on the table. Danny’s eyebrows silently rose in curiosity. He’d never heard mention of college.

“Always the firecracker, Sammy,” Josh said with a brusque laugh, recovering with shocking speed and slipping his cheerful mask back on with ease. Sam rolled his eyes and carried on doling out glasses and napkins, but Danny found Josh’s abrupt mirth disturbing and studied him from where he leaned in the doorway. Danny had felt quite certain in his assessment of Jake when they’d met, but with Josh, he couldn’t quite pin what it was about him that kept Danny’s attention.

-

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, much to the surprise of everyone at the table. There was a bit of a rough start when a chilly direction from Jake had Danny positioned at the seat farthest from Sam, one that also conveniently faced the portrait of Jesus on the wall. But after they’d all sat down, Josh had led them in a tearful round of grace praising Sam’s safe return and then insisted on hearing every single detail of their cross country journey. Knowing that “every single detail” would send both his siblings into cardiac arrest, Sam had regaled them with only the most entertaining stories. Danny felt his heart swelling in his chest watching Sam settle into his natural element, rolling his wrists in the air and grinning like a madman as he detailed engine mishaps and eccentric motel squatters. The biggest surprise of all was Jake slowly warming up as the conversation rolled along, never contributing more than a few words at a time but eventually offering up the smallest of smiles and persistent eye contact as his little brother rambled away.

“I just can’t believe it,” Josh noted brightly at the tail end of one of Sam’s stories. “You’re so bold now, Sams. I remember when you were such a little scaredy cat too scared to get the communion wafers from the back room by yourself. Now you’re out there roughing the wilderness and pushing cows off the road.”

“Trying to push cows off the road,” Daniel corrected with a smile, remembering how hard he’d laughed watching Sam push with all his might against a cow where its herd had blocked the road somewhere in Texas. “Emphasis on trying.”

“I pushed that big one with the brown spot!” Sam argued. “You saw! He went running!”

“He felt bad for you, Sammy.”

Jake let out a snort that set them all off into their own fits of laughter, save for Sam who open mouth scoffed and mouthed threats to Danny across the table. Despite his faint indignation at Danny poking fun at him, Sam felt a great rush at the light hearted mood that had settled over the room. For a split second, he thought of a world where they could eat dinner like this on a regular basis, but he held himself back from indulging in that hope and laid it to rest in a far corner of his mind as quickly as it had risen.

Sam found it to be a wise choice when the laughter died down and Josh, completely unknowingly, killed the mood.

“Is it a hassle to find churches near motels?” Josh asked with sincere interest. “Or is it nice to settle for one day a week when you’re always driving around all willy-nilly?”

Jake let out another snort and Sam and Danny made awkward eye contact across the table.

“They don’t go to church, Josh,” Jake answered for his brother. Josh blinked and Sam bowed his head, suddenly very interested in tearing at the seedy heart of the tomato at the end of his fork.

“I suppose we can be few and far between,” Josh nodded. “I don’t think it’d hurt to peek in on a general Christian service, though. It’d do the job if the Baptist radio stations don’t reach wherever you end up.”

“They don’t want to go to church, Josh,” Jake continued. Sam kicked him under the table and Jake shot him a snotty look, raising his eyebrows haughtily as Josh turned to Sam.

“Is that true?” Josh asked, sounding a little hurt. 

“Did nobody here read the note I left?” Sam mumbled childishly, keeping his eyes down as Josh sputtered and looked between him and Danny. Danny couldn’t muster anything more than an embarrassed cough, also looking down but keeping his eyes firmly glued to Sam.

“I did, about a thousand times,” Josh insisted, shifting his entire chair to face Sam. “But I figured you’d, you know…well, maybe I don’t know.”

“I bet there’s a lot we don’t know,” Jake added, kicking back when Sam kicked him again. 

“What are you, 12? Stop it,” Josh snapped, adding his own kicking leg to the fray. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should’ve seen what he was wearing when I saw him,” Jake said conspiratorially.

“Jake, shut up!” Sam hissed. “You’re so fucking prissy.”

“Woah, language!” Josh scolded, throwing his hands up. “Everybody take a brea-”

“He was practically naked. From where I was, I actually thought he was a girl.”

“Okay, Jake, give it a rest,” Danny snapped, anger finally giving him the courage to speak up.

“I’ll “give it a rest” when you stop necking my brother in broad daylight, how about that, Florida?” Jake snarled, tossing his fork on the table with a furious clatter and crossing his arms. Danny’s mouth clamped shut at the same time Josh’s fell open. Sam let out a strained howl, staring daggers through his brother’s skull as Jake sent them right back.

“God, Jake, you’re so, so,” Sam stammered, insults piling in his mouth. “You’re so fucking jealous!”

Jake didn’t reply, but his eyes fluttered from the sting of Sam’s words. Sam had hit a nerve with sharp precision and they both knew it.

“What on God’s green earth is Jake talking about?” Josh asked, eyes glued to Danny where he wilted in his chair. Danny drew in a breath like he was about to answer, but they all found that the silence he gave instead was just as clear as if he’d spoken. 

“Sam?” Josh asked, a little desperate. For some reason, he didn’t sound as deeply disappointed as Sam had imagined, and certainly not as mad as he’d feared. 

“I hate you,” Sam whispered across the table to Jake, ignoring his other brother searching his face for something he’d missed entirely. “I said I didn’t want to fight.”

“Are we fighting, or am I just saying things that are objectively true?” Jake countered with eerie calm. “You don’t go to church. You dress like a girl. You’re screwing a total stranger. Anything else you’d like to add? Is he paying you, perhaps?”

Sam’s chair scraped loudly as he got to his feet and sent it banging against the wall. He crumpled up his napkin and threw it in Jake’s face before storming out of the dining room, leaving behind another frustrated cry that was cut off by the metallic clang of the front door. Josh turned to Jake with his own expression of genuine anger. 

“Do you want him to leave again?” Josh growled, glaring him down before casting his eyes on Danny. “Daniel, I am so sorry. Please, forgive us.”

Jake’s face grew cloudy and sullen at Josh’s fury, clueing Danny into whose opinion he must value most in this world. He sank further in his chair when Josh breezed past him and followed Sam’s warpath out of the home, leaving Jake and Danny to sit side by side in their private rages after the door had slammed for a second time.

-

They sat there for a very long time. Danny wanted to run to Sam (he was always running to Sam, and he thought maybe he always had been) but knew that Sam needed Josh more than him. As much as he was not enjoying this trend of being left alone with Jake, he sat with the storm cloud beside him and did his best to steal glances and collect information without Jake’s knowledge. When they’d first encountered him, Jake had seemed so eager to fly Sam back home to the nest. He’d seemed almost understanding, or as understanding as someone like him could be, but it’d spun out within seconds. Danny was trying to figure out the exact moment that had turned him into a cold shouldered teenager so desperate to cut Sam down. 

 When slyly sliding his eyes to try and gauge Jake’s expression, Danny startled slightly to find that Jake’s focus had shifted from the wall to him. When he followed the low trajectory of his tired gaze, Danny saw that Jake was staring at…Danny’s scuffed cowboy boots. From the looks of it, he was tracing the stitchings in the brown leather. Lost in a daydream, maybe? Danny considered with a note of private amusement that Jake might be looking at his boots and tucking himself into a fantasy of cowboys and fast horses. Maybe that was something he and Danny both did; escaping into an idealized reality when the one at hand was too much. 

Then, with a jolt, it clicked. The way Jake had grown cruel when Sam had defended his new look and new life, no doubt shattering Jake’s pre established perception of his baby brother. Inviting him to dinner and cooking what Danny knew were some of Sam’s favorite foods, only to spoil it all with appetite stealing jabs. How he had shrank under Josh’s disappointment. How he sat now, staring at Danny’s boots like he wished they were his. 

Like he wished he could run.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” Danny blurted. Jake jerked at the sudden sound and regarded Danny with wide, confused eyes. He blinked once before his face crumpled, perplexed.

“For what?” Jake asked, all bite gone from his voice. He sounded almost friendly. He sounded a little like Sam, actually. Danny used that familiarity to gather his confidence.

“I’m sorry Sam didn’t invite you to go with him. That must’ve really hurt.”

Jake’s expression held its dumbfounded composure but Danny could see the emotion shift from confusion to something akin to being completely crushed. He barely blinked and Danny watched his eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jake hissed, his voice wobbling slightly as his lip curled in feigned disgust. “You two are going to die out there, one way or another.”

“You must be a masochist, then,” Danny accused, continuing to find his nerve. “Because I’m willing to bet that Sam wasn’t too far off when he said you were jealous. I’m really not trying to be rude, I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what? Why I hate your guts?”

“You don’t hate my guts, Jake. And I sure as shit don’t hate yours.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

Ah. There was another puzzle piece clicking in place for Danny.

“That’s another thing I’m sorry about,” Danny said honestly. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like that. It’s just - and this isn’t an excuse, it’s just an explanation- it’s just that I’ve spent the past year trying to get Sam as far away from what he was running from. And, well, you’re a part of all that in one way or another. But I should’ve understood your circumstances the same way I do Sam.”

Jake was quiet for another beat, swallowing and sniffling before letting out a sigh.

“I guess I shouldn’t have shut you down like that either,” Jake admitted. “And I guess I should thank you for keeping him safe and, well, alive. It’s just so weird to see Sam like this. He’s so…”

Jake’s lip trembled in a particularly Sam fashion and his eyes drifted off into space as tears began to roll down his ruddy cheeks.

“He’s so happy,” Jake breathed, in awe. “He was right, he was never happy here. I pushed him too hard. Josh was too wrapped up in his own crises. Our parents never gave him a second glance. And now he’s so free. He got out. You two have done so much and gone so far that it just makes everything at home feel even smaller. I guess I didn’t realize until I saw him again that there was something to ‘get out’ of.”

“It’s okay,” Danny whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on Jake’s arm. “Hey, breathe, it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Jake wailed, fully swept up in his hysteria now. “It’s not okay. This is supposed to be a place people flock to, not run from. And, shit, if it was so bad that he had to run, you’d think he’d have the decency to at least tell me and Josh. You’d think he’d ask if...”

Danny thought he’d be more distressed watching Jake completely spin out, but he was actually pretty calm. He supposed this was par for the course in a place like this. Another holy man laid to waste by a betrayal. Another brother struck down by his brother, laying still while the other wandered. In some twisted way, there was something divine here, but not in the way that any of them wanted. Danny suddenly felt even closer to Sam, and he shivered a little with the understanding and satisfaction of it despite the gaunt atmosphere over the entire estate. He kept a steady hand on Jake’s arm when he crossed his arms on the table and buried his face shamefully, the lean crest of his back shivering with an unruly sob. 

“You should go, Jake,” Danny whispered. “I mean, you should leave, too. You can’t be happy here.”

“That’s not an option for me,” Jake laughed, his face still hidden by his periwinkle sleeves. “There’s too much here for me to leave behind.”

“Josh?”

“Josh,” Jake repeated, voice wobbling. “Always gonna be Josh. As much as I’d love to have a week to myself without having to set up a million church activities or food drives or buying a trunkful of candles, I know he can’t handle the responsibility all on his own. It’s just easier if I do it so he can focus on writing sermons and doing confessions.”

“What happened to having faith in each other?”

“He doesn’t want to handle the responsibility on his own,” Jake corrected. “That’s another thing. In all honesty, I always thought if any of us were going to make it out of here, it’d be him.”

“Really?” Danny asked. From what he’d heard, Josh was more than happy with a microphone in his hand and adoring congregants standing at the ready to harmonize with his gospels. 

Jake calmed slightly, resurfacing from his arms to rest his chin and catch his breath. His round face was still flushed with emotion and Danny resisted a very genuine urge to brush his hair back from where it lay lingering on his cheeks, kept there by stray tears. 

“Josh…” Jake trailed off, his gaze finding comfort counting the slats in the blinds. “Josh struggles. I mean, we all do, but he…I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me much. I just know something keeps him convinced that he’s not worthy of being the pastor. Which is ridiculous, in my opinion.”

“Really,” Danny repeated, slightly more somber as he thought back to his first impressions of Josh and the immediate recognition whose source alluded him. It came to him in a wave, then, along with the fond ache of understanding.

“No one is more deserving,” Jake continued. “There’s no one as kind or as devoted as him. I think it’s just the church, well, the Convention, really, that has certain ideas that make him feel…unworthy, maybe. There’s an expectation he thinks he doesn’t live up to.”

“He’s..?” Danny trailed off, testing the waters cautiously in case the conclusion he’d jumped to was entirely wrong. 

“He’s my brother,” Jake said firmly, finally looking Danny head on. “And my best friend. That’s all that matters to me.”

Danny sat back in his chair, a long held breath (of relief?) escaping his chest as his understanding of Jake finally crystallized. He wasn’t really a sharp tongued, verse slinging Bible thumper with a million little hills to die on. Jake was a man who was first and foremost devoted to his family, and he was willing to forego all of his wants for their needs. He was a brother, and he feared for how the world would treat his brothers, both inside and outside his little world. And at the end of it, he’d withstand feeling forgotten if it meant they felt seen. He had never been angry, not really. Just hurt.

“You’re a good brother, Jake,” Danny insisted, flashing Jake a smile. “You and Sam should have a chat before the night is through. And I still believe you should think about leaving. Both you and Josh, actually. There’s a lot of world you’d really like to see. Obviously it’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I do think it’d help.”

“You’re probably right,” Jake agreed. “And thank you. Sorry for, you know, everything.”

“It’s no problem,” Danny said genuinely. “I’m happy to help.”

“You are, aren’t you?” Jake laughed. “I’m surprised you’ve stuck around this long, honestly. Especially since you’re not religious. But I guess if you’ve put up with Sam for a year and not jumped overboard, you must be accustomed to some nonsense.”

“I don’t ‘put up’ with him,” Danny asserted. “It’s a privilege to get to spend so much time with him.”

Jake watched him with an arched, amused eyebrow, finally straightening in his chair to smooth his hair back and settle with his arms crossed. 

“So, what, I’m gonna wind up being your brother, too?”

“I mean…in a way,” Danny laughed, heart racing. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jake answered, shaking his head slightly. “I figured. I mean, after he hit 21 and had no dating prospects or interest in dating at all, I assumed he was gonna forgo it completely. I just guessed he was more interested in his commitment to the church, like Josh.”

“Seems they both had their reasons to stay away from girls,” Danny noted.

“I suppose they did,” Jake said with a light laugh. “And still do. But, wow, Sam really does light up around you. I’ve never seen that with him.”

Danny smiled, blushing with warmth again as he tried to recall Sam’s expression when he was around. He’d always been smiley and wide eyed when looking at Danny, complete with pupils blown wide and overtaking the honey brown of his iris while he mapped Danny’s face. Wasn’t that how he’d been before they met? Apparently not. 

“You’ve got good intentions?” Jake interrogated, nudging Danny’s knee with his own. “You treat him right?”

“I do, I do,” Danny insisted, crossing his own arms and grinning. “I sure try. He’s easy to love.”

“You love him?”

“I…yeah, I do,” Danny affirmed, certain of his answer. “I didn’t even mean to say it like that, but, yeah. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Jake smiled, yet slightly subdued. “Just…be careful, okay? At least as long as you’re in Alabama. Especially in Shady Grove.”

“I know,” Danny said softly, a little more morose. “Sam warned me about that. Another reason he left.”

“Another reason we should go,” Jake replied reluctantly. “Right?”

“Right. Believe me, nowhere is going to be perfect, but I think you’ll like the version of Josh you’ll meet when he can be himself. I’ve loved watching Sam come out of his shell.”

“I wish I could’ve been there for that,” Jake whispered, choking up again. “He’s probably out there right now telling Josh how much he hates me.”

“Don’t say that.”

-

“I fucking hate him.”

“Sam.”

Sam had bolted the second he was out the front door, but Josh had known where to find him. Ever since Sam had been young enough to start throwing the tantrums that had made him so intolerable to their parents, he always fled to the dock at the bottom of the hill. Ever the mediator, Josh had spent his fair share of time on the rotting wood planks listening to Sam vent his frustrations as they plunged sticks and rocks into the murky water, eventually advising him with echoes of affirmations he’d heard from the mouths of older congregants. But they were adults now, and as Josh sat on the dock with Sam curled into his side, he realized with a faint panic that there were no more words to borrow but his own. 

“I do,” Sam insisted, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder as he glared out over the blurred surface of the small lake. “I really do. I’m done with him.”

“No, you’re not,” Josh sighed, throwing an arm around Sam’s shoulder and rubbing his arm. 

“Whatever,” Sam grumbled. “I want to be.”

“You don’t have any kind of hate in your soul, Sam,” Josh told him. “God takes it from you and leaves you even more kind and enduring.”

“Josh, stop,” Sam whispered, sending an embarrassed thorn right into Josh’s side. 

“Stop what?”

“The God stuff. Please. Just, not now, at least.”

“The ‘God stuff’ used to make you feel better.”

“No, it didn’t. I just didn’t say anything.”

They sat without speaking for a minute. Without their voices, the rushing rain sounds of the mayflies and the hush of the surrounding trees filled the void between them. 

“You could’ve said something,” Josh murmured. “Especially if it would’ve stopped you leaving.”

“It wouldn’t have,” Sam answered. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I think I would’ve left no matter what happened.”

“Oh,” Josh said, sounding small. “Did you know that before you left?”

“To some degree.”

“...I would’ve liked to know that, too, Sammy.”

Sam swallowed a guilty lump in his throat and sulked further against his brother. 

“Sorry,” Sam whispered. “It was selfish. It’s just…I was scared if I told you, you’d tell Jake, and then he’d tell Dad, and then you’d all hatch some master plan to keep me here.”

“I suppose that’s not an unfounded fear,” Josh admitted. “Remember when Jake had his little Sunday school girlfriend? I didn’t see him for, like, three days after Dad got wind of it.”

“Exactly. And then you would’ve written up some elaborate, guilt trippy sermon and sat me down in the kitchen and made me talk about my feelings for 2 hours minimum.”

Josh laughed a little, drawing a knee to his chest against a cool breeze that rolled off the lake.

“I’m pretty predictable, huh? Goodness.���

“And that wouldn’t have worked because if I talked about my feelings…”

“What?”

“...”

“What, you wouldn’t want to hear my feelings about the whole thing?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s too late for that now. And that’s not-”

“I haven’t even told you how I felt,” Josh pointed out. 

“I know how you felt,” Sam murmured, tears searing his waterline again. “Maybe it’s you and Jake with your creepy twin telepathy, but I felt you both the whole time, even all the way out in California. It’s horrible. Some days I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I could feel the disappointment two thousand miles away.”

Josh felt tears of his own threatening to spill over hearing that. It had never occurred to him that a lifetime of observing at the sidelines would’ve made Sam so accurately attuned to his family’s emotional patterns.

“Sammy,” Josh exhaled. “It pains me to listen to this. You don’t have to feel so guilty about everything.”

“Neither do you.”

Josh bristled slightly, lifting his cheek from Sam’s hair and looking down at him.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked gently. 

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor.” 

“Well, I love it now.”

Sam pulled away from Josh and crossed his legs under him, staring out over the water before staring Josh in the eye with a look so sincere and cutting that it made Josh lean back slightly.

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know,” Sam said evenly. “It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“What do I have to be upset about?” Josh teased, pushing Sam’s bony shoulder. “I live in this beautiful little town and get to spend my days with its beautiful little people talking about what I love. Plus I just got my baby brother back. I’d be a fool to complain.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Josh, cut it out,” Sam snapped, grief fizzling into frustration. “You sound like Dad at his worst. Why can’t you just drop the act for 2 seconds and admit you hate it here?”

Josh’s eyebrows flew up and he let out a reflexive laugh, anxiety coloring his tone as it fluttered cautiously out of him. Sam looked at him pleadingly, grabbing his brother's hand and gripping it tight.

“I know you didn’t want to be pastor,” Sam repeated firmly. “I know you wanted to go to college. And I…I know you’re gay.”

Josh immediately froze, falling silent as Sam stared into his eyes and what felt like his soul. 

“And that’s great,” Sam continued on, a tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek. “It can feel amazing if you’d just let yourself feel anything. Trust me, I know. You’re not trapped here, dude. You can still go to school and be yourself and be happy. You just have to put yourself first for the first time in your fucking life.” 

Josh, struck dumb, couldn’t do anything but breathe as his heart burned in his chest and pushed up hot tears that blurred his vision of his brother. His brother, who was undressing his façade with effortless impatience that made Josh begin to wonder just how transparent he truly was. Or was it only Sam, who was part of him in so many ways, that could see how blind Josh was? When he spoke in dizzying circles of hell and damnation, were his congregants shaking their heads in pity with the knowledge that all Josh was really doing was scaring himself back into submission?

“If you’re really okay with how your life is turning out, tell me now and we can never talk about it again,” Sam promised. “I swear to God. I will leave it alone.”

Josh hesitated further, pulling his hand from Sam’s and letting out a slow breath. Looking down at the cloudy water swaying underneath them, he wondered how big of an inhale of it would take for him to sink right to the bottom. 

“You’re right,” Josh confessed, his voice as soft and as uncertain as Sam had ever heard him. “I didn’t want any of this. It’s too much pressure. And the more I read the Bible and listen to the sermons from out in Texas and Georgia…the more I lose faith in what I’m supposed to be telling people.”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered, finding respite in Josh’s honesty. “I never really believed we were all born sinners.”

“I still kind of do,” Josh admitted. “But now I’m thinking there’s no amount of trying that’ll change that. I do all of this praying and writing and confession but I’m still…”

“It’s not sin, Josh. How you feel, how we both feel. There’s nothing to be saved from when it comes to that,” Sam insisted with quiet urging. “Seriously.”

“Maybe,” Josh whispered, picking at the skin around his nails as a dark coil of shame slithered in his stomach. “It just isn’t natur-”

“It’s like this,” Sam started, trying to put something into terms that would get through to him. “God is everyone and everything. Maybe that’s something I still agree with. And when you stop dedicating yourself to trying to get him to pay attention to you, you start to see Him or whatever “He” really is everywhere. You realize that you’re honoring Him by honoring yourself and doing what feels right to you. I don’t know if that’s something we’ll get rewarded for in heaven, but the reward of it on Earth is enough for me.”

“‘Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it’,” Josh recited with a nod. “Hebrews.”

“Sure. Yeah, actually, yeah. What I’m trying to say is you should live for yourself, Josh, not God or Dad or anyone. And if you still want God, you’ll find that without even trying.”

“Did you find Him with Danny?” Josh asked quietly. “In Texas?”

Sam blinked in surprise. He’d never thought about it like that, but…

“I guess I did,” Sam breathed, a smile drifting onto his face as he thought fondly of Danny. “At the start, at least. Now it’s all just him, no capital H.”

Everything was Danny to him, in complete honesty. Even though Sam only half believed the whole speech he was giving to Josh, he couldn’t deny the divinity he felt in the presence of his boyfriend. His best friend.

“I want that,” Josh murmured. His throat closed with emotion as he forced the words out, but it felt good to say. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d expressed wanting out loud, and based on the look on Sam’s face, he realized it may have never happened before.

“Go get it,” Sam said fiercely, his grin growing wildly when Josh’s eyes lit up a little at his encouragement. “You wanna come to Florida with us? We can find you a nice, alligator hunting boy.”

“Slow down, slow down,” Josh laughed, holding up his palms in surrender. “One step at a time.”

“Just Florida, then. We’ll ask Danny.”

As if summoned, there grew the sound of hushed voices and the sound of shoes on the wooden steps down to the deck, bodies hidden by the trees and the dark. Eventually they emerged, Jake hopping down from the last step that had been laid too high, bending at the knee from the impact as long legged Danny casually stepped down beside him. Sam and Josh turned to face them, leaning back on their hands and giving little waves. Without any words, they all knew the night’s battle had blown over, and Sam reached for Jake as he sat down between him and Josh. Jake received him with a hug, both of them bent into each other awkwardly as they murmured brief apologies to the other. Josh, unable to stay out of anything ever, leaned into their embrace and struggled to wrap his arms around both of them. Danny laughed as he settled next to Sam, their knees bumping as Sam attempted to wiggle out from the hold Josh had joyfully trapped them in.

“I’m just so grateful,” Josh wailed with phony passion. “I love my family!”

“You’d hug Mom and Dad like this?” Jake asked incredulously.

“...I love my brothers!”

All 4 of them laughed again as Josh finally released them, immediately proceeding to chastise Jake in a low voice as he fiddled with the frizz his hair had accumulated. Sam teetered backwards and landed with his back to Danny’s chest. Danny took advantage of the twins getting distracted and planted a kiss on top of Sam’s hair, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment at the consolation of Sam back in his arms after the whirlwind day they’d had.

“All good?” Danny whispered in Sam’s ear, smiling when Sam nodded and tilted his head to grin up at him.

“You?” Sam asked, humming when Danny mimicked his own nod back to him.

“Jake said we can stay the night in your old bedroom,” Danny informed him, repeating what Jake had said in the conversation on their way out of the house. “But he won’t make us breakfast.”

“Fuckin’ liar, he will,” Sam laughed, reaching a hand up and lovingly stroking Danny’s cheek as he utilized his other hand to smack Jake’s thigh. “What’s this about no breakfast? You want me to burn the place down trying to make toast?”

“I’m just not babying you anymore is all,” Jake announced, smacking Sam right back. “Danny agrees it’ll be good for our relationship.”

“Traitor,” Sam complained, smacking Danny on the cheek and squealing when Danny scoffed and smacked him back. Jake let out a brash cackle and Josh a defeated groan.

“You’re like the Three Stooges,” Josh whined. “Also, coming from you, Sam? That’s a bold accusation.”

“Wow!”

“Look who’s finally growing some balls,” Jake continued to cackle, hooking his elbow around Josh’s neck and pulling him into a side hug. 

“The state of my balls are none of your concern,” Josh muttered, which made Sam and Jake let out identical barks of laughter. The three of them got whipped up into a frenzy of bickering and Danny watched with a grin and a bloom of warmth flowering in his chest at the sight. There was something being healed here, he thought, and he could almost see the misguided little boys they’d once been as they tussled and giggled on the groaning dock.

It was strange to think how differently he had felt just a few hours ago. With Sam in Danny’s life, it seemed like things changing at the drop of a hat was something that Danny was going to grow well accustomed to as long as he was around. After that night, even with Sam squirming out of his grasp to try and push his brothers into the lake, Danny knew with complete certainty that he wanted Sam to stick around forever. It was time he told him that.

-

“How was your shower?”

“Arctic.”

Danny laughed and opened up the wing of the sheets and comforters to welcome in Sam, who came rolling in with his hair still wet. He was clad in linen pajamas from his teenage years that fell slightly too short on his wrists and ankles, while Danny lay under the blankets in only his boxers and socks. Even though Sam’s skin and hair was freezing cold from the shower and dampened his own skin, Danny pulled Sam against him and struggled with the blankets to bundle them together as best as he could. 

“There, now we’re a proper burrito,” Danny smiled, kissing the tip of Sam’s nose.

“I’ve never had a burrito,” Sam whispered in a hushed, secretive voice. Danny gasped.

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not!”

“Well, that's okay, we'll remedy that. Plus, they’re not half as good as this,” Danny mumbled, using his grip on Sam’s back to pull him further into his bare chest and tuck Sam’s head into the crook of his neck. “Was the water really that cold?”

“Sub-zero,” Sam promised with a shiver. “Those assholes hogged all the hot water, I bet. Typical.” 

“I’ll warm you up plenty,” Danny purred, sliding his hand up Sam’s shirt and tracing his fingers along his cool skin with featherlight touch. Sam shivered again and giggled, nuzzling deeper into Danny’s neck.

“Not in my childhood bed you won’t, pervert,” Sam murmured against Danny’s skin, which seemed to be radiating great waves of heat like he were a human furnace. 

Said childhood bed had been a source of poorly hidden smiles from Danny, who finally admitted through a smothered laugh that the entire room looked like his grandma’s room back in Florida. No doubt done up and never redecorated for the daughter his mother had been expecting and never received, the wallpaper was pale, flowery and hung with silver crosses. Picture frames held stitched psalms that sat cheerfully on the vanity facing the bed. The double bed barely fit the both of them and, as Sam admitted through laughs of his own, the sheets and comforters that surrounded them now did, at one time, belong to his granny. When they’d first walked in, Sam had felt the loving ache of being remembered upon finding that the bed had been made and the room had been tidied for his return.

“How about some sleep, then?” Danny offered. “We’ve had a long day.”

“No kidding,” Sam quietly agreed. “I’m glad what happened did happen, shockingly enough. I really thought it was going to be a trainwreck. I should’ve had more faith in them, I guess.”

“You’ve got just the right amount of faith,” Danny hummed, eyes drifting open and shut as he grew sleepy from the perfume of Sam’s shampoo and his natural sweetness. “I’m really proud of you, baby. I know that was a lot for you. You’re a tough cookie.”

“I’m your tough cookie,” Sam murmured, tickling Danny’s neck with his nose and planting a lingering kiss on the pulse thrumming violently under his lips. Danny let out a breathy groan and gently dug his fingers into Sam’s back as Sam mapped a sleepy path of kisses along Danny’s neck.

“Easy, cookie,” Danny raggedly chuckled, smoothing his palm up and down Sam’s back as he fought in vain to stave off the growing pressure in his boxers. “I thought being in this bed was a no go.”

“It is,” Sam doubled down, lips dragging against Danny’s skin as he whispered. “Just saying thank you real quick.”

“You and your fuckin’ ‘thank you’’s,” Danny smiled, eyelids fluttering fully shut as he tilted his head back and gave Sam more area to cover. “This is like that first night all over again.”

“I was so embarrassed,” Sam giggled, his breath fanning out in warm bursts over the thin layer of saliva cooling on Danny’s skin. “I thought I’d gone and fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Sweetheart,” Danny cooed, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Sam refused, pressing his cheek into the hollow of Danny’s collarbone.

“Yes, you absolutely are, my little California love.”

“Even after today?” Sam asked, sounding more uncertain than he wanted to. “I can’t think of a single other person on Earth who could’ve sat through all of that bullshit and still liked me at the end of it. Like, I really can’t apologize enough. Especially for Jake’s crazy ass.”

“Especially after today,” Danny insisted. Sam lifted his head from Danny’s chest and looked up at him with an unconvinced sneer, their noses brushing as Danny raked his fingers through Sam’s damp waves and searched for the fortitude to say what he felt. These were the moments where Danny felt it the strongest; Sam burrowed into him with his eyes as wide and wondering as the day they’d met. This was what love was to him.

“Sam,” Danny whispered sincerely, voice low and breathless. “If it meant I got to keep you by my side for 10 extra minutes, I’d live today over and over again. Do you understand? There is nothing you could put me through that I wouldn’t stick around for. Not when I’m this ridiculously in love with you.”

Sam’s already wide eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets at that, pupils expanding slowly as a nervous smile wound its way onto his flushed face. Danny smiled at him, feeling a flush of his own beginning to heat his body from his heart outwards. 

“You’re what?” Sam asked, leaning back slightly to look at Danny properly. 

“You heard me,” Danny teased, pinching the rosy apple of Sam’s cheek. “What do you think about that?”

“I think you’re crazy,” Sam laughed, shimmying in their cocoon of blankets and limbs to readjust his arms to wrap around Danny’s neck. “And may have been dropped on your head as a baby.”

“How did you know that?”

“It’s the only rational explanation as to why you’d go and say that,” Sam flouted breezily. 

“Is it really so hard to believe?” Danny asked, making a pitiful face that made Sam’s heart flutter. “You make it very easy to be in love with you, as a matter of fact. I don’t have to try at all.”

“I love you,” Sam murmured, in awe. It’s not like he was stupid, he knew Danny had to have loved him for them to have gotten as far as they had, but it still felt entirely unexpected to actually hear it. After a year of being startled awake by Sam’s sleep talking, patiently listening to stories of the worst of Sam’s childhood punishments, even sleeping sitting up in a jail cell in New Mexico when Sam’s newfound chutzpah found purchase with a rowdy biker, there was Danny at the end of it all. Patiently awaiting what fresh hell Sam would drag him into next. 

“I love you, too,” Danny assured him. “But are you in love with me?”

“Fucking obviously,” Sam blurted. “I'm so in love with you, Danny, fuck. I didn’t realize I even had to clarify that.”

“Of course you did! How else would I know?” Danny laughed, eyes glittering with glee and relief at Sam’s confirmation.

“I thought I had made myself plenty clear when I followed you across the country with zero hesitation. Twice.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Also, I mean, you popped my cherry, so.”

“You weren’t gonna give that up for just anyone, huh?” Danny laughed, his freckled nose crinkling. 

“Nope,” Sam smiled flirtatiously. “I was saving it for truuue looove.”

“Is that what this is?” Danny asked softly, his smile paling with uncertainty as he searched Sam’s dark eyes. 

“I hope so,” Sam breathed, his heart racing just as fast as it did when he was still learning to look at Danny without feeling faint. “Do you think it is?”

“I do,” Danny said sincerely, cupping Sam’s jaw. “Let’s say it is and go from there.”

“Works for me,” Sam agreed, nervously tilting his chin forward and melting from the inside out when Danny met him with a fiery kiss.

Sam was no stranger to the possessive pressure Danny preferred to apply when kissing, but there was something fierce behind this kiss that left Sam feeling utterly and completely loved. Lying in the same bed just over a year ago, Sam recalled how he’d bundle the blankets into a wall to press his back against as he slept, pretending it was someone to keep him steady and wake him in the morning. He thought of how that was something he didn’t need to dream about anymore. He thought of how lucky he was. How blessed.

“I’m starting to think Josh may have been right,” Sam sighed against Danny’s mouth, now tucked under him with Danny’s loose curls tickling his cheeks. “I think you’re my guardian angel.”

“You’re the angel here,” Danny insisted, thinking of Sam’s tattoo and feeling his thighs tighten unconsciously on either side of Sam’s hips. “Never gonna let anyone clip your wings ever again.”

“I’m serious,” Sam whined, twining his fingers in Danny’s hair and pulling him closer. “You’re the real deal.”

“Maybe Josh did get one thing right tonight.”

“Speaking of Josh…how do you feel about another passenger on our way to Florida?”

“He’s going to have to share the backseat with Jake if that’s the new plan, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I convinced Jake to pack up too.”

“Family road trip,” Sam sang. “I hope your parents don’t mind.”

“No, they’ll love a full house,” Danny answered. “And my sister will love peer pressuring them into doing stupid shit.”

“I can’t wait to see them drunk for the first time,” Sam confessed with a laugh. “They’ll be fucking ridiculous.”

“I don’t know if you’ll want to see them like that if they’re anything like you were the first time you got drunk,” Danny teased, nipping at Sam’s earlobe. “I’ve still never heard you talk like you did that night.”

“Stop that,” Sam giggled, muffling a squeak when Danny kissed the sensitive skin under his ear. “I don’t even remember half of that night.”

“Your brain is protecting your dignity,” Danny joked, his voice low and warm against the shell of Sam’s ear. “You were kind of a slut.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked weakly, panting slightly from so little. Danny tended to do that to him.

“Oh, yeah. Big time. You cried when I wouldn’t put it in.”

Sam immediately slapped a hand over Danny’s mouth and shushed him theatrically, attempting to smother him when Danny laughed hysterically and tried to lick and bite at his fingers.

“What if they heard you!” Sam hissed, his wrists now pinned beside him as Danny held him down with visible triumph.

“Then I’ll apologize!” Danny laughed, jostling as Sam tried to wrench himself out from under him. “You’re the one making the mattress squeak all suspiciously. This is a Christian household, Sam, I mean really.”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I hate you,” Sam declared quietly, sharp eyes trained up at Danny with a glimmer of mischief dancing at his waterline. Danny smiled fondly and lowered himself so their chests were pressed together. He cocked his head, looking Sam over with his hazel eyes lush with emotion.

“And I will love you ‘til the day I die, Sam Kiszka,” Danny announced, pressing his lips to Sam’s with careful appreciation and keeping them there for the hours that followed. 

In the morning, they’d clamor and argue and shed tears before pulling out of Shady Grove with a body in every seat of Danny’s beat up little truck. They’d follow the fate line to Florida to settle and heal and wander from the path like they always did. But that night, they had nothing to do but lay under the blanket of the whistling Alabama sky and love each other.

They’d find in the years and decades that followed, it never got much more complicated than that.

~~

Taglist: @holdingup-fallingsky @milojames16 @spark-my-nature @bladenotblaze @currentlyfangirling10

#i struggled so hard to finish this BUT im proud!!!! #theyre so fucking cute #gvf #greta van fleet #danny wagner #sam kiszka #sanny gvf #greta van fleet fanfiction #greta van art #karoufiction

[neurotypical-sonic]

I feel so so bad that I havent been able to finish writing anything in like ten billion million years so heres so snippets from various wips. please keep in mind that they're unedited and ranging from a week old to idk almost a year old??

#egg.txt #fic posting #one day soon ill finish something im proud of #i am. struggling. with every day life stuff yhat makes it hard to function but im hoping thatll get better soon and I can write more!! #delete later maybe #most of my drafts arent actual writing just notes so i had to really scavenge for these shdjd

[captain-fanattic]

and so with nowhere else to go, it circles back around

#agrippa #my art #begging u to look at this because i struggled so hard with my mental health while working on this #im proud of it but it took me like well over 10 days to finish because i just was so sad LFSKJFNKf #idk if this post is broken or if my computer just isnt loading it. frick me ig ill cehck back latgretklgd

[grimmthorne]

made a phone call to secure a summer job position today that i thought i might not be able to do, finished high school which i also didn't think i would be able to accomplish, and MCR just released a new song.

#im proud of myself even though its hard to be happy sometimes #being able to finish high school is huge for me. its been a struggle to get myself out of bed for a long time. #im not processimg this right now because my brain is so fried but :) i guess things do work out

[mobbu-min]

☆ cat, kitty, cat (3) ☆

summary: In which an alchemy lesson went wrong, and your favorite housewarden is turned into a kitten. Now your tasked with caring for him.

a/n: finally finished all the dorm leaders! I had a bit of trouble writing for idia, so he might be a little ooc ^^: also he was incredibly hard to find photos for, like i struggled so much. on another note, someone recently requested a vice housewarden version, so that will come out soon, but also we hit 700+ followers a little while ago! Im incredibly happy and over joyed, really thank you all!

So i'm thinking about doing a little event. I'm at a crossroads between doing one of those alphabet prompts or just regular prompts. with both, i think i'll include different genres (like fluff, yandere, angst maybe nsfw???) but those are all just thoughts.

if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them! it's greatly appreciated :)

included: Vil Schoenheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

!warning! cursing, ooc!idia? my horrible attempt at a country accent

*you can find the other parts here! -> one, two

Vil Schoenheit <3

This was it.

 The moment you were going to meet your demise. Overblot after overblot, you stayed strong and survived. The boys that bullied you for being magicless wouldn’t even come close to the dread you faced. Nor did Grim’s rage when you ran out of tuna.

 No, the pure rage you were about to face made all those things minuscule.  

 You wished you could go back in time and stop yourself. Stop yourself from doing the unthinkable. How you wished you weren’t that naive.

 But no, you couldn’t.

 You had to face the fact that you accidentally followed Neige LeBlanche back on Magicam. Had to acknowledge your misdoings. And most importantly, giving in and liking his top post. A cute photo of him in a flower field holding up a little puppy. You couldn’t resist. He tempted you with his ridiculously charming smile and bright eyes.

 And now you had to face the rage of the one and only housewarden of Pomfiore, Vil Schoenheit.

 You could picture it now. Standing in the garden of Pomfiore, the sun’s glow basking the four of you in golden light making the shadows all the more ominous. All the more formidable. You could see Vil’s picturesque frown, red lips in a straight line. Eye makeup done to perfection. Rook’s amused, yet unforgiving, smile. Lastly, Epel’s sad frown, blue eyes glimmering with tears.

 You could feel the poison he’d give you slid down your throat. And it won’t be an ugly death, no a death that Rook would praise, a death Vil would be proud of. You’ll lay on the grass, head tilted to the side taking in the setting sun for the last time. 

 But it won’t be the last thing you’ll see, no, you’ll be blessed to see Vil’s face, pretty eyes and soft locks touching the skin of your cold face. His hands softly holding your chin and with the softest voice, he’ll whisper, “You should never go against your Queen.”

 And that will be it for you. 

 Nothing more than another victim to Neige’s looks and Vil’s unbridled hatred towards the other. 

 Opening the doors to Pomfiore, your suspicions were only confirmed. No one was in sight. Not the overdramatic students that attempted to fight you and no harsh glares sent your way from the more stuck up ones. Not even Rook, who always greeted you with a hug, was there. 

 I guess this is the end. You sighed, shaking your head with a heavy heart. 

 The further you walked into the dorm the darker it grew. Lights slowly dimmed until you were following the lit candles down the hall, up the staircase, down another hall, ultimately ending in front of Vil’s door. Gulping, you leaned your head against the door, hearing nothing by silence. 

 Maybe I should just turn back? Yeah, my death can wait. Patting yourself on your back, you turned around to leave. But fate had other plans for your poor soul.

 In an instant a hand dragged you through Vil’s doors. Another clamping down on your mouth to prevent your scream from alerting others. The door shut with a harsh bang. Panicking, you squirmed in your captor's hold. But he was strong and easily prevented you from elbowing his chest. 

 You froze the moment lips brushed against your ear. A low whisper echoed in your ear. “Welcome, my trickster.”

 Immediately, you slouched in Rooks hold and did the first thing that came to mind. 

 Licking his hand.

 He instantly retreated his hand. A gleeful, amused chuckles escaping his lips. Fixing your sweater, you glared up at him and asked, “Was all that really necessary?”

 “Why of course, trickster! I find the way people tense up and squirm quite beautiful.” He winked.

 Shuddering, you shoved him lightly and muttered, “You sure are weird.”

 “Tell me ‘bout it.”

 “Hey, Epel.” You waved, pushing Rook away from you. Sitting on Vil���s stool for his vanity, you asked nervously, remembering why you came in the first place, “S-so what’s gonna happen to me?”

 Epel looked at you in confusion. His lips puckered lost at your question. Tilting his head, he mumbled, “What’cha mean?”

 Playing with your fingers, you whispered, “W-well about my misdoings?”

 Again, Epel looked at you like you grew two heads. Glancing at his lap, then to you, then his lap again, he said confused, “I don’t think ya’ did this?”

 “Did what?”

 Rook stood beside Epel and held out the fluffy kitten towards you. Irritated violet eyes stared at you. Its small body rocking from Rook’s movements. Its fluffy tail swaying languidly. 

 “This, my dearest trickster!” Rook said dramatically, bringing the calm kitten up to his face. Squishing it against his cheek, “Our dearest Roi de Poison has turned into a kitten!”

 Like glass, you fell to your knees and grasped your shirt. A relieved sigh escaping your lips. Realizing that you’ll get to live another day. “Oh this is so much better than I originally thought.”

 Vil came saunting towards your lap and looked at you expectantly. Chuckling, you softly scratched behind his ear. He purred in response. 

 Epel came to sit beside you and asked, “what in tarnation was goin’ through ya’ head?”

 Settling Vil on your lap, you chuckled softly at his content purrs. Shrugging your shoulders you answered “I thought I was going to die.”

 Epel made a noise of surprise and worried. 

 “I know. But it’s not my fault I liked one of Neige’s posts. It was too cute.”

 Everything seemed to stop. Silence enveloped the room. No more purrs. Epel’s wide eyes stared at you in shock. Even Rook had nothing to say, but alas you stayed oblivious and continued to talk.

 “I thought Vil was gonna have my head for not only liking his post, but following him back on Magicam, haha! I sure do have a- guys, why are you staring at me like that?”

 A low hiss caught your attention. Looking down at Vil, you smiled nervously at his narrowed eyes and claws. “Haha, Rook, come get– AHHHHHHHH!!!”

 “Oh! Seems like Roi de Poison is angry!”

 “Ya’ think?”

 “GET HIM OFF ME!!!!”

☆☆☆

⋆ Epel and Rook at to pry, and I mean pry, Vil off your face. He was seething, Rook was laughing, Epel was tired and you were crying. You left with a red scratch up face and an ice pack to help the swelling.

⋆ Vil is your stereotypical cat. Aloof, prissy, high maintenance, knows that he’s better than everyone, basically he’s just himself. And he’s just so fuckin pretty and fluffy. Literally, his fur is so soft, so silky. His is a warm white, with really soft light brown accents on his face, tips of his tail, ears and paws. And the prettiest violet eyes that practically allude mystery and confidence.

⋆ After Vil’s anger, he finds himself hanging by you a lot more. You’re warm and soft, and your hands even more so. Also he knows for a fact that you’re the one making sure Grim looks his best, because Grim sure as hell isn’t putting any extra work into his appearance. So he trusts you to keep up with his new maintenance.

⋆ It’s so much work, and I mean so much work. The water has to be perfect, the towels need to be freshly washed, etcetc. Anything he does for his regular self, needs to be done to his cat self. No you can’t argue, no you can’t give him to Rook to do it for you. He wants you to do it, and only you.

⋆ Don’t even entertain the thought of feeding him tuna, especially tuna from a can. Vil will stick his nose in the air and swat at the food. In the end, you’re like ‘and what am I supposed to feed you, Vil? I’m not exactly made out of money.’

⋆ He comes back an hour later with his credit card in hand and dumps it on your lap then goes to sit on his ledge near the window. His eyes blinked expectantly at you. In the end, you’re buying high quality meat for not only him by for yourself and Grim (or any food really)

⋆ And don’t even think about even setting him on the ground. He vehemently refuses to set foot on the ground. Vil will claw at your arm and clothing to prevent it. Hissing like a madman (mad kitten?) he makes it look and sound like your murdering him.

⋆ In the end you either hold him in your arms, cradling him like a baby, or he’s wearing little booties that you bought/made for him.

⋆ He may walk with those on, but he still refuses to sit on anything other than your lap. And you can’t say otherwise.

⋆ He’s one the few cats that will allow you to dress him. Vil loves the way you coo and gush about how adorable he is. He’ll proudly wear whatever you bought/made for him. Not only does he get to feel like his normal self, but your whole attention is on him and solely him.

⋆ Doesn’t nap a lot, but when he does: Do Not Disturb Him.

⋆ Vil also makes you sleep when he sleeps. Especially during the night. If you have a bad sleeping pattern, he’s fixing that. Vil will sit on your chest or stomach, make himself comfortable and will not move. If you attempt to move him or get up, he’s sticking his nails into your skin as a warning. He wants you to get sleep, it's the least he can do after everything you’ve been doing for him.

⋆ Overall, Vil displays the very typical cat behavior but he gets a pass because he’s pretty (and he’s paying your food bill)

“No wonder you look tired all the time. The time you sleep is outrageous. Hmm? Grim keeps you up? Well why don’t you just sleep here? We have an extra room. Or would you perhaps prefer to sleep alongside me? (chuckles) Spudling, no need to get so flustered. I was only teasing you~”

Idia Shroud <3

 “Hey! Ortho! You called me buddy?” You said, walking into the Ignihyde dorm. You shivered at the cold air blasting through the ac. Rubbing your arms, you walked towards Idia room, knowing that Ortho was probably there with his brother.

 Knocking on the door, you waited patiently before saying softly, “Idia? Ortho? Is it okay for me to come in?”

 Shuffling could be heard on the other side. Ortho’s voice was the only voice you could hear followed by the scampering of paws. Frowning, you knocked again. “Ortho? Buddy, are you alright?”

 “Yes! I’m fine! You can come in!” He called.

 Opening the door, you walked in casually. Taking note to help Ortho to clean up Idia’s mess. Leaning against a dresser, you watched Ortho who was currently looking underneath the bed. His hands stretched out trying to get something from underneath.

 Crouching down behind Ortho, you asked, “So…whatcha reaching for?”

 “Idia.”

 “What?”

 His answer was blunt, straight to the point. A very Ortho response.

 Sitting on his knees, he tilted his head and pointed to the bed, “Idia’s under there. Take a look.”

 You stared at him questionably. Ortho’s not one to play pranks, and when he does, his pranks are harmless. Shrugging your shoulders, you leaned down to stare into the dark abyss. Slowly your eyes adjusted to the darkness. It smelt bad, but you ignored it the best you could and held your breath.

 Seconds ticked by. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. Just as you were about to come out for air, a swishing of a tail caught your attention. Staring harder, a pair of bright yellow eyes stared at you in fear. 

 Without thinking, you caught the creature before it could scamper away. Coming back up you took a deep breath of air and held up the screaming kitten. 

 “Big brother!” Ortho exclaimed in delight. Taking the kitten from your hands, he cradled Idia in his arms. Murmuring how scared he must have been and how he shouldn’t run away like that.

 You merely watched Ortho snuggle into the kitten with amusement. This isn’t the weirdest thing that has happened during your time in Night Raven Academy. You could only assume it was an alchemy assignment gone wrong. Though this was so much better then last week when Ace turned his entire arm into a crab claw. You still had bruises from that.

 Reaching your hand out, you scratched Idia behind his ear, “Damn, Idia seems like your an anime heroine for once.”

 He meowed in response.

☆☆☆

⋆ Idia, much like his human counterpart, hates being around others. He’s so incredibly shy, but this time it’s so much harder because he’s so quick to hide underneath couches and beds. It’s a miracle he hasn’t gotten smushed.

⋆ That being said, you and Ortho take turns watching Idia. Idia feels comfortable enough around you that he won’t immediately be running to the hilltops.

⋆ Taking care of Idia is definitely the easiest. Besides his hiding problems, he’s not incredibly clinging or high maintenance. All he needs is a place to stay low, food, and a screen.

⋆ Like Leona, he’s pretty long, and like Riddle, he’s incredibly fluffy. If there’s one thing, Idia has over the others, is the fact his eyes look like they glow in the dark. You’re positive that’s not how cats should work, but at the same time cat’s shouldn’t talk (i’m looking at you, grim) nor should they have fiery ears and tail. And no, that's not only a jab at Grim, but also at Idia. Idia’s ears has the fiery flames like Grim and his tail has a little flame at the tip. Grim won’t admit it, but you know he’s jealous.

⋆ You know those pictures of cat’s fitting in the smallest of places? Yeah, that's Idia. In cups, little cracks in the wall of Ramshackle, your shoe to prevent you from leaving. Anywhere that’s empty, expect Idia to be there.

⋆ He sleeps a lot during the day. So he’ll hang out in your sweater or bag, but he much rather prefers to stay in your room.

⋆ During the night, he’s a menace. You know he’s trying to be quiet, but he fails miserably. He’s constantly knocking things over, falling from high places, jumping onto your stomach. It’s a mess, but you can’t really get mad at him. Not when he looks up at you with the widest golden eyes that screams ‘Please don’t be mad.’

⋆ Kitten Idia pretty content with affection. He loves when you scratch behind his ear or when you cuddle him close to his chest. Idia’s purring so damn much, it’s all like damn okay, touch starved much?

⋆ Definitely the chillest kitten you could have. Though beware, he hates bath time. Even more than Grim.

“S-stop staring at me like that. Y-your making me nervous. Huh!? You m–mean that I was…i was…cute! (quietly passes away)”

Malleus Draconia <3

 It was calm. 

 Something that you were having increasingly difficulties in finding these past few days. Staring up at the starry sky, you sighed blissfully. Even though you weren’t familiar with the constellations and such in the dark abyss, you still found beauty in it.

 “Is that what Rook means about finding beauty within things?’ You asked out loud. Taking a seat on the grass, you let yourself flop down. Fingers intertwined with the thin threads of grass. Inhaling the cool night air. Admiring the sparkling night.

 It was perfect. You felt at peace.

 Meow

You blinked, once, twice. You waited for the noise again.

 Meow 

 It was closer this time. Turning your head to the right, you watched as a small black kitten emerged from the thick foliage of the bushes. Said kitten looked all around until its pretty green eyes settled onto you. Jumping, the kitten meowed again and rushed towards you. Falling a few times in the process.

 Sitting up, you caught the kitten in time before it could fall onto its face again. Holding it at arm's length, you laughed softly at the kitten’s meows of delight. “And who are you?”

 Bringing the kitten closer, you admired its silky ebony fur. Holding its paw between your fingers you melted at its little pink toe beans. The kitten purred in happiness. 

 “You’re the cutest thing imaginable. Yes, you are.” You cooed softly, cuddling your cheek against its tiny head. The kitten proceeds to nuzzle its nose with yours. You practically squealed in happiness. So cute!

 Setting the kitten on your lap, you laughed as the kitten got comfortable on your lap. Staring up at you with its mesmerizing emerald eyes. Scratching behind its ear, you murmured softly, “Y’know, you remind me of someone I know.”

 It blinked.

 “His name is Malleus. He has black hair like you and the prettiest green eyes I’ve ever seen. And I mean, pretty pretty. No joke.” pinching its cheek, you murmured playfully, “But he’s not nearly as cute as you.”

 The kitten meowed. 

 Closing your eyes, you fell back on your back and brought the kitten to your chest. Letting it rest on you. Pawing at your chest, the kitten soon settled on you and purred softly.

 “I think I’ll call you Malleus Jr. How about it?”

 Meow

“Fufufu, I thought the term jr. was given to a child?” 

 Looking up, you smiled at the bright magenta eyes that twinkled with amusement. “Good evening, Lilia.”

 “Hello, little one. I see, Malleus is keeping you company.” Lilia mused, taking a seat beside you. Petting your head, he chuckled, “He was so eager to find you that he disappeared.”

 “Lilia, you make no sense.” you breath out, slowly getting up and setting the kitten between you both. 

 The kitten proceeded to stumble towards Lilia’s outstretched gloved hand and purred loudly. An amused smile on Lilia’s youthful features. Glancing up at you, he grinned, “My child, you really are as oblivious as the rumors.”

 “Rumors?! There’s rumors about me?” You gasped, your hand covering your agape mouth.

 Chuckling, he nodded, “Tons, but that's not why I’m here.”

 “No no, Lilia you gotta tell me now. You can’t just say stuff and not spill.” You pouted.

 Placing a finger to his lips, he smiled, “How about we talk about it over a cup of tea?”

 Stretching out your hand, you nodded your head, “Deal.” He shook your hand, and you asked another question, “So why are you here?”

 “To retrieve Malleus of course.” Lilia said simply. His eyes twinkled in bliss. Pointed to the kitten that suddenly clung onto your hand, he said, “But it appears Malleus has no intentions on leaving his human any time soon. Ah, young love.”

  “Wha- Malleus?” 

 Green eyes glossed over with wonder. With a nod, Malleus jumped onto your lap and made no signs to move.

 Sighing, you stared at Lilia and deadpanned, “You’re paying kitten support.”

 “Fufufu, why of course~”

☆☆☆

⋆ Okay, I am biased when I say Malleus is probably the best kitten to take care of.

⋆ He’s calm, full of curiosity, incredibly gentle, just really really sweet. Like he’s ten times smaller than you, but still treats you like he’s at his regular height. He’s careful not to hurt you with his claws, careful not to jump too hard on you. Its like he’s the one taking care of you and not the other way around.

⋆ Also, he’s really pretty. He’s like in the top three of prettiest kittens (vil and leona following behind) As mentioned, he has black fur because obviously, with the shiniest, brightest green eyes. Just down right beautiful. Also strands of fur that stick up on the tips of his ears that swoop up that emulate his horns. The cutest.

⋆ He’s ecstatic that he gets to spend time with you. Since he’s a kitten, he gets to go places with you that he normally couldn't. (much to sebek's dismay) Malleus attends class with you, sitting at your side or on the desk. He loves lunches, because he gets to experience what it's like to be a regular student (as regular as you can be as a kitten), to see you, the braincell trio, plus Jack or Epel, all goof around and talk about how hard a test was. He loves seeing your large smile and laughter. Also that head scratches he gets from Deuce or Epel is a plus.

⋆ There's never a dull moment with Malleus, you soon find out. Because this boy is so full of wonder and curiosity, that you can’t help but indulge him. Malleus loves to sit in the basket of your bike, he loves the way the wind pushes through his fur. Most of all, he loves the way your laughter sounds so joyful and bright.

⋆ Malleus, although likes to walk with you, also loves to sit on your shoulder and stare at everyone. Seeing everyone’s emotions and expression. Since every reaction he seems to get in his regular form, are ones of fear and total obedience. So it’s intriguing to Malleus to see all these different emotions, ranging from happiness to despair to rage to nonchalance. Malleus grows a deeper fastiation with humans after.

⋆ He doesn't really take naps, but will if you want to take one. Loves to cuddle into your side or chest.

⋆ Malleus in a very simple way to put it is incredibly gentle and curious. He wants to know so much more about the world, about the people around him and most importantly you. That he’s willing to drink as many kitten transformation potions to be able to experience what it's like to be a regular student and to be able to experience the warmth of your hands on his head once more.

‘My child of man, what do you think of going to Briar Valley with me? Hm? ‘Why’ you ask? Well, to put it simply, I learned a lot while I was a small kitten and that’s because of you. You allowed me to experience the highs and lows of a normal student life. I only want to repay you by allowing you to experience more of the world. Afterall, this campus is quite small.’

#vil x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #idia x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #vil headcanons #idia headcanons #malleus headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst hcs

[ipseitydelrey]

Could you maybe do a fic about Carmy and the reader where they dated all through high school and carmy asked the reader to marry him and she says no bc she doesn’t want to hold him back from going to NYC ?

THIS TOOK SO LONG IM SORRY

as they go by ☆ c. berzatto

ship carmen berzatto x fem!reader

warnings angst with an ambiguous ending (sorry babes <3), slight manipulation?, a hell of a lot of arguing, possible break-up (choice is yours), not beta-read

word count 1.5k

summary initially, you were fine with having a long-distance relationship with carmy while he was in new york city. after all, you’re just his girlfriend; you were happy with that, and that’s how you want it to stay when he’s gone.

a/n this took so insanely and unnecessarily long and i am so sorry for postponing this fic. took a while and it was difficult to write, but i felt determined to finish this. disclaimer: not my best work but i legit tried

The proposal came as a shock. You were sure it had been many seconds, maybe even a minute or two since Carmy had uttered the words “Will you marry me?” as if it was a common phrase, thrown out into the open.

To be fair, you both did discuss the possibility of marriage in the future. But you were naïve high schoolers, merely seventeen and blind to the problems you’d have to face in your personal and shared lives.

You weren’t annoyed or angry that Carmy had gotten the opportunity in New York City; on the contrary, you were happy. It’s a great thing for his career in the culinary world, and seeing him be so excited about the prospect made you feel so proud to see how far he had come.

Granted, maintaining your relationship while he was in New York and you stayed in Illinois would be hard. You told him to expect a lot of phone and video calls, as well as a bombardment of messages, but you didn’t know at the time that he would be gone for a year at least. Still, you both agreed to try.

You could handle being a long-distance girlfriend, but being a long-distance wife?

“I don’t know,” you default to as no other words could come to mind.

Carmy looks at you confused. “You don’t know?” he parrots. “What do you mean?”

You open your mouth, but no words come out.; you don’t even know why you couldn’t just say a simple “yes” or “no.” It’s hard to look him in the eyes, especially when an argument is now inevitable, so you keep your eyes glued to your fidgeting hands in your lap.

“Well, um,” you stammer, struggling to find your verbal footing, “I don’t…wanna move to New York.”

Although you only see a blurred version of him through your peripheral vision, Carmy nods slightly and purses his lips. “I know that already.”

You sigh softly, thinking of what to say next. “I’m comfortable here — I like it in Chicago. It’s just…I don’t know if we can make a long distance thing work if we’re married. I’d be busy and I’m sure you would be too, I don’t know how we would be able to see each other in person if our schedules are so full.”

He sighs; you don’t know if this is actually how he feels, but you swear that he’s annoyed that you didn’t say yes. “Is that it? Y’know, I can just stay here if it worries you—”

“No,” you’re quick to cut him off as you snap your head to look at him. “I don’t want you to give up on an amazing opportunity just because of me.”

“There’s other Michelin star restaurants in Chicago,” he reasons. “I can apply to one of them and stay here.”

“But New York!” You didn’t mean to say it that harshly, so you breathe and try to regain your composure. “I don’t know why you would want to give up being a chef in New York just for me.”

Carmy buries his face in his hands, but his mouth is still exposed. “I’m not…giving it up; I’m just relocating, that’s all. Why are you trying to put my career ahead of you?”

You scoff at the notion. “I’m not.”

“But you are,” he counters exasperatingly. “Why?”

Your lips form a line and you look down. The words are hard to conjure, but they come eventually. “You’ve just loved to cook for so long…and now you have a really good offer and I want you to take it.”

“I’ve loved you for longer.” You can’t really argue when it’s kind of the truth. But then again, he’s always had a interest in cooking — and you’re sure that he developed an interest in you after that.

Knowing that you won’t win this portion of the argument, you sigh, and try to change the topic…sort of. “There’s also another thing,” you mention, and he looks at you again. “I don’t think I’m ready for that sort of thing.”

His tone has a tinge of frustration. “You mean marriage?” he asks sarcastically.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You’re starting to grow annoyed at his stubbornness; of course you knew he could get like this, but he’s really not letting this conversation go for another day. “You know I didn’t mean like that.”

“Well it’s the implication.” The hell does implication have to do with anything right now? “You’re saying it like it isn’t important for our relationship.”

“You couldn’t have waited until you got back from New York to pop the question?”

“I’ve waited and I’m impatient.”

“Carmen.” The nickname is no longer effective. It’s clear to him now that you’re genuinely pissed with him and have had it. “You’re not listening to me; I’m not ready. Please drop it.”

“Last time we talked about this, you were excited,” he says. “What changed?”

“Well, for one, age,” you retort. “We were, what, seventeen? It’s just teenage talk, and we were too young to be thinking about marriage already.”

You tiredly sigh, looking down at your hands again. “There’s more, isn’t there?” He doesn’t ask it like a question, but instead he says it like a statement for you to confirm.

Hesitantly, you nod. “Just— I’m not ready now, but that doesn’t really mean that I don’t want to get married ever,” you try to grasp at any rational explanation you can, struggling to try to explain why. “If you loved me, then you’d wait, y’know.”

Your eyes shoot wide at the realization of what just slipped out of your lips; did you really just say that? It sounds as if Carmy is thinking that exact same question. “I didn’t mean—”

“You think I don’t love you?” His voice carries a sliver of anger and insecurity as he asks that.

“No, Carm—”

Your words force him to look away from you, his brows furrowed and his nose scrunched. He breathes once through his nose deeply before abruptly getting up from the couch and making a beeline towards the bedroom. Worried, you follow his path and find him harshly opening the closet door and pulling out an old suitcase.

You stand there, a few feet away from him, realizing what he’s doing. “Carmy—”

“You want me to drop it, I’m dropping it.” He doesn’t even so much as glance at you as he tosses the suitcase on the bed and starts to grabs his clothes. “You want me to go to New York, I’m taking the fucking offer. I know you don’t want me here anymore; that’s fine.”

“That’s not true.”

The way he packs is haphazard, rushed and angry; much like how he tends to cook when he gets too emotional. He doesn’t even take the time to fold some of the clothes, opting to instead stuff them in and hope they fit well enough to get the zipper closed. “You have all these excuses and you keep delaying it. It’s clear — you’re fine with marriage, but not with marrying me. You keep saying that you’re not ready, but you’re just too scared to say no. And now I have to do it for you.”

He does manage to close the suitcase and he’s fast to collect it and move past you. “Carm, please,” you turn to follow him, the initial annoyance from earlier flowing out of your body and being replaced with some sort of anxiety bubbling up in your stomach. “Let’s talk about this.”

“We did.” He’s white-knuckling the handle of the bag and he looks at you for only a second. You see a flash of anger, disappointment, and something else you can’t quite put your finger on in his eyes. He unlocks the front door.

“Carmen—”

And you’re interrupted by the abrupt slam of the door closing and the absence of him. Just like that, he’s gone; not even giving you a chance to change his mind or even explain what he means to you — what he meant to you.

You’re supposed to cry, but you can’t even try to force any tears out. You’re just numb and bewildered at how fast the situation unfolded.

You consider for a moment about chasing him like the end of an early 2000’s romcom, but you know that this isn’t like a movie. This isn’t fiction, it’s reality; he wouldn’t just accept you back into his arms like nothing happened, he’d be bitter and loathsome, even more so than he usually is.

You’re not sad. You can’t bring yourself to be sad over him, especially when he couldn’t try to understand how you felt. No, you’re…angry? Would that even be the right word for how you feel now that he’s gone?

You don’t need to think about that; you don’t want to right now. Instead, you drag yourself back to the couch where this all started and you fall onto its cushions, tired of him and tired of this.

The next step to take isn’t clear to you at the moment. You could call Carmy, you could wait, or you could not speak to him ever again. The choice is yours to make, but you don’t want to choose right now. Your eyelids grow heavy, and so you let yourself fall into a cold sleep.

would y’all want a part 2 or not? i’d only write it if y’all wanted it.

#✩ ⊹˖ ꒰ carmy ꒱ ୨🎧୧ #the bear #the bear x you #the bear x reader #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #jeremy allen white

[kookiesbuckethat]

he makes you insecure

Yoongi x f!reader

Genre: angst to fluff, hurt/comfort

WC: 3.5k

<series masterlist>

taglist: @awinkies @wedarkacademia @yiyi4657 @astralandcosmos @scuzmunkie @mooonlitstars @manchuria @joondiary @ygimsgw @royallyjjk @yoongititss @mwitsmejk @kitty-kair @blissedjoon @vrittivsanghavi @kimahnjung98​

tw: unhealthy eating habits, bad body image

nothing too detailed but just bc this can be a very sensitive topic to some!! that being said, im not trying to romanticize unhealthy eating habits or anything like that. as someone who has struggled with these things, fics like these hit a little close to home. but that’s what makes them all the more comforting to me and i hope this fic will have the same effect for anyone that also may also relate. plz be kind to yourself and your body, it’s beautiful and does so much for u!! lots of love, take care 💜💜

Coming off the stage, the soreness of Yoongi’s shoulder becomes harder to ignore as the high of finishing yet another successful concert starts to wear off. After the long hours of practice and leaving it all on the stage, it all seems to catch up to him all at once as he keeps his head down to hide his grimace.

As soon as Yoongi steps foot backstage, he’s immediately knocked back a few steps as you run into his chest. “You were amazing!” you breathe out as you wrap your arms around his neck, engulfing him in a warm hug. Wrapping his good arm around your waist and hiding his face in the crook of your neck, Yoongi grits his teeth and breathes in your comforting scent to help him bear the pain.

Handing him a water bottle, you gently brush his sweaty hair away from his forehead as he gulps down the cool liquid. “You work so hard,” you tell him with a gentle smile, “I’m so proud of you.” For a while, the pain in Yoongi’s shoulder is pushed to the back of his mind in your presence. He practically purrs as you gently play with his hair, closing his eyes and subconsciously leaning into your hand.

Basking in your attention, Yoongi’s moment of peace is interrupted when the maknaes come running over, wanting your praise as well. Your attention is stolen away from Yoongi as you turn to the maknaes, showering them with compliments and giving all of them pats on the head. No longer having your touch to distract him from the pain, Yoongi brings a hand to his shoulder and rubs at it while nobody’s looking.

When you all arrive back at the hotel, you decide to get started on dinner while they go on V-live to talk to ARMY. Just as you set the last plate on the table, they all burst into your and Yoongi’s hotel room. “Mmmh!” Jungkook exclaims, “It smells good!” You giggle as his nose guides him to the food, his eyes going wide when they land on the table.

Taking a seat, Hoseok looks up at you in amazement, “Wah, it looks so delicious!” Laughing as you wave off all their compliments, you suddenly feel an arm wrap around you as Yoongi comes up behind you, giving you a slight squeeze in thanks before sitting down next to you. Thanking you one last time, they all dig in, moans of satisfaction filling the room. 

When everyone finishes up, you refuse all their help to wash the dishes. “You all worked so hard today, the least I could do is wash the dishes!” you insist. “But you already cooked-” Seokjin starts to argue but you interrupt him. “No buts! Out of the kitchen! You guys need to rest,” you stand your ground, pushing him out of the kitchen and towards the door.

Sighing in defeat, they thank you one last time before wishing you goodnight and heading back to their rooms. Closing the door behind them, you walk back into the kitchen only to find Yoongi by the sink. “And what do you think you’re doing?” you ask, an accusatory tone in your voice as you place your hands on your hips and frown at him. “Washing the dishes?” he answers as he reaches for the gloves.

You grab the gloves before Yoongi can, defensively holding them behind your back and out of his reach. “When I said you guys need to rest, that included you too,” you tell him, a slight pout to your lips and a small furrow in your brow that he found absolutely adorable. Knowing better than to argue with your stubborn nature, Yoongi raises his hands in defeat as he backs away from the sink.

Letting out a small “Hmph,” as you put the gloves on, you turn your back to him as you start washing the dishes. But you freeze when you feel his lips press a kiss to your temple. Yoongi’s not the most affectionate guy as he prefers to show his love in other, quieter ways, so moments like these always catch you off guard.

“Cute,” he breathes out as he chuckles at your blushing cheeks and ears. “Hurry up and go shower already,” you mumble, willing your face and ears to stop burning. With a grin on his face, Yoongi finally leaves you to wash the dishes. Listening to his retreating footsteps, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. No matter how long you’ve been together, Yoongi always manages to surprise you and make your heart flutter.

Flicking on the lights, Yoongi steps into the hotel bathroom, closing the door behind him. Taking a deep breath, he takes a moment to brace himself before attempting to undress. Letting out a hiss of pain as he raises his arm, a few curses escape Yoongi’s lips as he pulls his shirt over his head. Dropping it onto the floor, he lets out a breath of relief. The hardest part was over.

Discarding the rest of his clothes, Yoongi steps into the shower. He rolls his shoulder as the hot water streams down his body, relaxing all his muscles. He realizes that without your comforting presence, the pain in his shoulder is more apparent than ever, and he can only hope you finish doing the dishes soon so you can hold him in your arms.

Your heart has calmed down by the time you dry the last plate, placing it back in the cupboards before hanging the towel back in its place. You enter the bedroom just as Yoongi exits the bathroom, lazily rubbing at his hair with a towel. You silently reach out to him, asking him for the towel. Placing it in your hand, his head drops forward to rest his forehead on your shoulder as you gently dry his hair.

Nearly falling asleep with how exhausted and relaxed he is, he lets out a whine and wraps his good arm around your waist when you start to pull away. “Yoongi,” you giggle when he pulls you flush against him, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. He was being more affectionate than usual today, not that you were complaining, but you had to shower. 

“What’s with you today?” you ask curiously as you pull away enough to look at his face. A groan is the only answer you get, pulling a breathy laugh out of you. “I have to shower Yoongi,” you tell him as he reluctantly lets you go, “I’ll only be a few minutes.” Walking over to the bed, Yoongi closes his eyes as he lays down, counting the seconds until you return to him.

Coming out of the bathroom freshly showered, you spot Yoongi laying on the bed with an arm thrown over his eyes. A mischievous smile forms on your face as you quietly creep up to his side of the bed. Jumping onto his unsuspecting form, you giggle as you hear Yoongi let out an “oof,” at the impact. “You’re so heavy,” he groans, weakly trying to shove you off with one arm.

Your smile falters for a second at his comment, but you’re quick to brush it off. Yoongi’s always been a complainer, and you take his seemingly half-hearted attempt at pushing you off as a sign that he doesn’t really mean it. You laugh as you lay your head on his shoulder, wanting to indulge in the affectionate mood he seems to be in today. 

“Seriously, get off. You’re crushing me,” he says coldly, all the playfulness gone from his voice. It feels like you’re hit with a bucket of cold water, scrambling to get off of Yoongi as if his touch burned you. His eyes are shut tight as his face turns into a grimace, quickly turning away so you can’t see his pained expression. But he also misses the way your face crumples, tears quickly welling in your eyes.

You stare at him, wide-eyed as he leans on one elbow, turned away from you so all you can see is his back. You couldn’t see his face, but you could imagine the angry expression he must be wearing if he can’t even look at you. Yoongi was never the type to yell, so you know you must have really messed up to reach the end of Yoongi’s usually never-ending patience.

In reality, Yoongi is holding his shoulder with one hand, biting back a curse because of the shooting pain in his shoulder. He isn’t mad at you, he could never be. And he would never say such a thing so carelessly, he wasn’t even fully aware of what he said because, in the moment, the only thing he could focus on was the pain in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know-” you cut yourself off, not wanting to even finish the sentence. I didn’t know I was that heavy. You were comfortable in your own skin, especially because Yoongi never failed to make you feel loved. But body image is a fragile thing that can be broken just like that if you’re not careful with your words.

Suddenly feeling sick, you clamber off the bed and run into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you can’t stop the tears that start falling from your eyes as you suddenly see a million things you don’t like about the reflection in the mirror.

When the pain finally starts to subside, Yoongi rolls back onto his back, letting out a breath of relief. He patiently waits for you to return to him, snapping in and out of consciousness as he tries his best to stay awake and wait for you.

Splashing your face with cold water and taking a few breaths to calm yourself down, you do your best to avoid looking in the mirror as you make your way out of the washroom. When you climb back into bed, Yoongi already has his arms open, waiting for you to snuggle into his chest like you always do. But this time, you don’t. You lay about an arm’s distance away-which is much too far for Yoongi’s liking-with your knees pulled to your chest. 

Yoongi’s brows furrow in confusion at your strange behaviour and he can’t shake the feeling deep in his gut that something is wrong. But he’s exhausted from the concert and knowing that he has another one to perform the next day, Yoongi decides to leave you be for now, not because he doesn’t care enough but because that’s simply his nature. He never makes you feel rushed or pressured with his infinite patience, always willing to wait as long as you need. 

As the days go on and the concerts continue, it’s become routine for everyone to crash at your room for dinner, not that you minded. They never failed to make sure you knew how much they love and appreciate your cooking, and watching them enjoy your food just warms your heart.

Yoongi takes his usual seat next to you at the dining table, grabbing some food and cutting it up for you before placing it in your bowl. It was his was one of his silent forms of love to make sure you’re eating well. But your appetite has been lost ever since Yoongi made that comment about your weight, and suddenly the food doesn’t look that good to you anymore.

Yoongi’s hurt and a little offended when you take the pieces of meat he cut up for you and place them into Jungkook’s bowl. But he’s more concerned about how much of it you’re actually eating compared to how much you’re giving to Jungkook. Yoongi’s very attentive to you and your needs and he has a pretty good idea of how much you usually eat, but you haven’t even eaten half of what you usually do.

Yoongi watches you out of the corner of his eye as you place your chopsticks down, signifying that you were done eating even though there was still food left in your bowl. “Not hungry?” he mumbles as he raises his eyebrows in question. You shake your head as you give him a small smile. “I was snaking while making dinner,” you lie smoothly, chucking sheepishly to make the act convincing.

But your answer doesn’t ease Yoongi as much as it should because he can feel that something is off. Not wanting to press in front of everyone, he accepts your answer for now but he takes note of how the amount of food you eat becomes less and less.

Arriving at the hotel after the final concert, you all head up to your room as usual where the guys will crash in the living room while you head into the kitchen to start cooking. But you’re pleasantly surprised to find the table already filled with food-you’re favourite food-when you walk in through the door. “You’ve worked hard too and we wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for us,” Namjoon explains.

“You guys didn’t have to,” you tell them, touched by their actions. “But we wanted to!” Hoseok insists. “Now come on,” Seokjin says as guides you to the table, pulling out a chair and gently pushing down on your shoulders to make you sit down, “Let’s eat. Yoongi got all your favourites.”

Jungkook and Jimin run to get the kitchen to grab plates and utensils while the rest open all the food on the table. You excitedly kick your legs under the table, your eyes practically sparkling as you excitedly look at all the food. Pulling out the chair next to you, a small smile appears on Yoongi’s face as he watches you fondly.

But his expression melts into one of confusion when your face suddenly seems to fall and all your excitement comes to a halt. “Is something wrong?” he asks gently as he accepts a bowl from Jungkook and places it in front of you. Your head snaps up to meet his eyes, not realizing that he was watching you. “Oh, no, everything’s great! Thank you for this!” you shake his worries off, plastering a smile on your face.

The food smelled and looked so delicious and you were just so excited to eat all of it. But then you remembered that you were trying to lose some weight and you couldn’t eat as much as you wanted to. And of course, Yoongi noticed that one moment you let your expression fall.

You begin to sweat under Yoongi’s intense stare, feeling like he can read you like an open book. But then he’s suddenly looking away, reaching for your favourite foods and placing them in your bowl. “Eat, you must be hungry,” he says simply. Picking up your chopsticks, you bring a piece up to your mouth, chewing slowly and making sure to savour each bite as a lone tear escapes your eye, but you’re quick to wipe it away before anyone can see.

“I’m so full,” Hoseok says as he leans back in his chair, patting his stomach. “Me too, Hyung,” Jimin agrees, pushing his bowl away because he can’t eat anymore. Jungkook happily takes Jimin’s bowl and finishes what he couldn’t, making sure no food goes to waste. You all watch fondly as the maknae eats to his heart’s content, making an angry face because of how good the food is. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing your loved ones eating well.

“We better start packing, we have an early flight tomorrow,” Seokjin says as he stands from his chair, starting to gather all the plates and bowls. “Don’t worry about that,” you say as you stand from your chair as well, holding your hand out to take the plates from Seokjin, “You guys go pack, I’ll clean the dishes.” 

But he holds the plates up and out of your reach as he shakes his head at you, “You’ve done the dishes every time, let us do it for once.” You’re about to protest when Hoseok takes the dishes from Seokjin and heads for the kitchen, “It’ll be done faster if we all help anyway.” Pouting in defeat, you’re about to follow them into the kitchen when Yoongi gently grabs your hand and pulls you away into the living room.

Wordlessly, he lays on the couch before pulling you down to lie on his chest. Panic washes over you as you try to keep your weight off of him but your arms start to grow tired so you attempt to get off of him. But this only causes Yoongi to wrap his arms around you tighter, pulling you close until there’s not a centimetre of space left between you two. “Relax,” he tells you, gently stroking your back to try and help you calm down.

Reluctantly laying your head on his chest, your heartbeat slows as your heart starts to beat in sync with Yoongi’s calm one. You listen to his heartbeat in one ear and the chaos going on in the kitchen with the other. You can hear Seokjin and Hoseok yelling as the maknaes laugh, no doubt starting a water fight while washing the dishes. “Come on! How old are you?” you can’t help but giggle when you hear Namjoon whine. When they finally finish, they let you know the dishes are done and that they’re leaving, wishing you two goodnight before you hear the door shut. 

You and Yoongi lay in peaceful silence, simply enjoying each other’s presence after such a busy time. Suddenly, Yoongi’s deep voice rumbles through his chest. “You’ve gotten lighter,” he simply observes, giving you an opening to let out whatever’s on your mind, but only if you want to. It’s a simple but caring gesture and before you know it, your eyes are brimming with tears.

Hiding your face in his chest, you let your tears fall and soak into his shirt as he simply holds you. “I just wanted to lose some weight,” you admit, voice watery. You hadn’t realized how much it was taking a toll on you until it all became too much for you to hold in. “Why would you want to do that?” he asks gently, not in a way of judgment, but simply wanting to understand you.

You shrug your shoulders at his question, “You said I was heavy.” Yoongi’s heart clenches at how small you sound and he curses himself for being so careless with his words. You were his light on his darkest days, his safe space, and just your comforting touch could wash all his pains away. You were his everything, and Yoongi will never forgive himself for making you feel like anything less, for letting you forget just how much he loves you; all of you.

He tightens his hold around you, hoping the action will help you understand just how precious you are to him. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into your hair, “I never meant it like that and I shouldn’t have been so insensitive.” You shake your head at his apology as you snuggle further into him to communicate your forgiveness. Yoongi was the softest and gentlest person you’ve ever met. He’s never once raised his voice at you and you know he would never say anything with malicious intent. 

“Don’t go on a diet. I don’t want a single gram of you leaving this Earth,” he says gently. “So cheesy,” you mumble into his chest. “Whatever,” he grumbles as he sits up to hide his burning cheeks, “Come on, I was able to grab some of your favourites before Jungkook could eat them.”

And you can’t say no as he secures his hands underneath you before standing up and carrying you to the kitchen where he places you on the counter. A fond smile forms on your face as you watch Yoongi move around the kitchen, silently heating up and plating your food with care. He may not be a man of many words, but you’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words and Yoongi’s actions spoke volumes.

You’re so enamoured by him that you only snap out of your trance when Yoongi comes to stand between your legs, his large, warm hands gently rubbing up and down the tops of your thighs. When Yoongi sees that you’re back with him, he picks up a piece of food with some chopsticks, holding his hand underneath as he lightly blows on it. 

You accept the piece he holds out for you, letting out a sound of contentment and happily kicking your legs as you finally allow yourself to really enjoy it.  Yoongi’s heart is full as you happily eat every bite he holds out for you until the bowl is empty. “I’m so full,” you breathe out as he places the bowl down. “Good,” he says as he once again wraps your legs around his waist and lifts you off the counter, “The best time to go to sleep is when you’re full.” 

Carried back to the bedroom by Yoongi, you quickly fall asleep with your heart and stomach full, and Yoongi’s arms full of you, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

#bts fanfic #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #bts x reader #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #bts #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts angst #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #suga fluff #suga angst #bts hurt/comfort #yoongi hurt/comfort

[clovenhoofedjester]

jellicle lineups; part 4/4

I FINALLY FINISHED THESE

grizabella | 🌃 🥀 🍂

i really wanted to mix revival and older replica for this one. the thigh-high boots, sparkly, tasseled dress, and generally the wig are all revival inspired, but the curly fur stays and the makeup is old because i really do like the very dramatic, gothic grizabella looks. her coat is also heavily 2019 inspired with the length and stripey purple fabric

i also was not sure how i wanted to do her hair other than it covering one eye (SHOUTOUT TO THE FANART I SAW WHICH HAD THAT. I CANNOT REMEMBER THE URL) esp the color so i did a gradient of light grey to dark brown, which i REALLY liked ! it also helped me decide that shed be chocolate smoke instead of a tabby

idk. ijust like her

i very much want to emphasize the "proud" and "indomitable" of her character in my portrayal of her; think betty buckley. i think shed be 61 in human years.

jennyanydots | ⏰ 🧶 👠

HER DESIGN... is very similar to her replica one because.... i really like it. very heavy emphasis in how her makeup is sometimes done with the HUGE lower lashes and squiggles. she also gets a cute little pink nose and blue eyeshadow

very 2019 inspired also. the hat, tasseled jumpsuit and bejeweled tap shoes stay ...... but i did want to give her the vest and collar from 2019. i just like that. shes also fat because yes

she remains sweet and nice yes. but i think warsaw was onto something when they made her Like That. shed be 56 in human years

jellylorum | 🎨 💐 👒

i ORIGINALLY drew her design a month and a half ago with the headcanon that shes gus' caretaker but bro. that jellylorum & asparagus jr. & gus family angst potential was too great. so i redid her as looking closer to gus. :3

idk why but i decided to go with a 1940s inspired formal look for her.... i quite like the hat and think it helps her to stand out, so i'm comfortable in that decision. her fur design is also mostly replica inspired. enjoy her neapolitan ice cream makeup too

she also gets a pink nose and her collar from the 2019 version. idk why the collars went so hard in that movie

i LOVE one of her 3 words being practical... yes, she is THE practical cat. i think shed be 59 in human years

bustopher jones | 🌹 🤍 🍛

VERY replica inspired.... with notes of other productions. opera populaire had full glasses bustopher which i liked. an older makeup look also had stripes which i also thought looked nice (and makes him look more related to mistoffelees) ! there are also multiple bustopher designs that have the moustache and beard 2 for 1 dealio..... and decided to incorporate that as well

he also gets the fishbone hanky crevat thing and a fishbone brooch. i almost made his rose white but i liked the contrast of the red. enough that i decided to give him lipstick too . and youd best believe that he has a giant fucking pipe that he smokes out of

i love the idea of him being the older generations' tugger in his time. i believe it. i think hed be like 55 in human years

skimbleshanks | 🚂 🎆 ⏳

I COULDNT RESIST BASING HIM OF THE MOVVIEEEEEE im not sorry that was peak skimble. the whistle and chains, the MATCHING conductor hat and pants, the moustache, the tap shoes..... truly, it was too good. my only regret was that i couldnt show the suspenders in this design because i wanted to keep the vest

i did keep the makeup/fur pattern very similar to his replica design though. idk. its just good. emphasis on the brown in his tail, the brown of his clothes, and the bell

anyone else get handsome gay silver fox vibes from him? anyway [being rushed out the door] i think hed be 56 in human years

asparagus jr. | 🧷 🎲 ⛲

lets go babey asparagus jr. inclusion ! i Really struggled with the clothes because i wanted to include the weird yarn poncho but didnt want to make him look hippyish (hippies are cool it just wasnt the vibe i was going for).... so it is reincarnated as this strange tassel-y scarf shawl thing. idk

he also gets a collar similar to jellylorum's because i like the idea of them living in the same house :^3. his makeup is also pretty different from how it appeared in the 98 version because i wasnt really feeling it. i like stripes. so stripes he shall get

hes also wearing a corset thing. idk what my propensity for designing men with a slightly feminine touch says about me (IM A FEMININE QUEER MAN)

not much notes on his personality other than i think he really looks up to his father (enough that he took on his more dignified name). hed be 57 in human years

gus | 📖 🌌 🔭

MUH OLD MAN... i love him. very much based on a bunch of different replica designs for him. he gets a beard and sideburns because i think i really do love the costumes w facial hair, and i think it just fits. he also gets glasses

he gets the coat and handkerchief (now a scarf) that typically hides the growltiger costume... which has a crisp formal outfit underneath. maybe he takes the coat off during his number to signify having moments of clarity and humor during his song

i do think in my interpretation hes well enough to joke around during his number and play the rumpus cat but like. damn you can tell this cat is old. hed be like 93 in human years

old deuteronomy | 🌕 🍮 ⭐

i have fully abandoned replica deut. say hello to haute couture resplendent transgender old deuteronomy. fit with a gigantic white coat, velvet dress, and gigantic fluffy hat. and yes, she did have 99 wives

she also gets the pendant that she was drawn with in the concept art for the 2d animated movie.... what was up w/ that....

ANYWAY YEAH UH. shes very different from the replica deut and other nonrep deuts mostly thanks to judi dench, with her saying that her version of deut was a transgender woman, and her complaining about not looking regal enough in the movie. here you go girly. the nose freckles/dots from some replica makeup get to stay though

she gets a lot of design notes from her children. the grey from munkustrap, macavitys white eyelashes, eye and mouth makeup, and tuggers cheek heart. shes also a light grey to kind of reflect her appearance in 2019

not much to add here other than i love her. i think she would be 88 in human years

AND THERE YOU GO. AHHHHHHH ITS DONE

#grizabella #jennyanydots #jellylorum #bustopher jones #skimbleshanks #asparagus jr. #gus the theater cat #old deuteronomy #cats the musical #chibi #character design #sfw furry #my art

[stainedstardom]

Chad x reader where the reader is stressing about school (me fr) and Chad makes them take a break and just some cute fluff cause we love softie Chad!!

softie chad is the best chad because he's so cutesy and so bf. so nonnie thank you for this. also I'm listening to a chad playlist while I write this 🤭

STUDY BREAK

chad meeks martin x reader!!

you had been staring at the screen for the past five hours trying to understand this assignment but you mentally couldn't. how did mr.taylor expect you to understand this.

i mean its english, pure english but he wants you to explain why he did what he did and what the future is too hold in a 1000 word essay when you could say it in 200 words max. you didn't get it, it was also the fact that you hadn't even gotten to that point of the story yet.

it was now 11;30 pm and you were tried. chad laid on your bed as he stared at you. sometimes he liked to stare at you, watch you work, see the way you concentrated but now he just saw how you were struggling and he didn't like it.

"how long have you been staring at that screen for?" chads voice broke you out of the trance you had been in.

"not that long" you lied easily through your teeth.

"liar, be honest" he said and you groaned out.

"like five hours but this is due tomorrow and I don't fucking get it. i mean its english i should understand but i got nothing" you told him and he softly cooed.

"alright baby, well you need a break so come here" he said and he opened his arms. you didn't fight against him, you stood up and walked over as he pulled you down into his lap and ran his hands up and down your back.

"im proud of you , ya know. you're truly trying and no matter how hard it gets for you, you still try" he said into your neck as he kissed it up and down. you sighed

"its just too much" you told him and he nodded.

"i know baby but im here for you, you need breaks and you get breaks" he stated as he kissed your forehead, your cheeks, your nose and then your lips.

"cuddle me, i miss you" he said on your lips as he fell back on the bed and you fell with him. he wrapped his arms around you as he held you close and you listened to his heartbeat. it felt good, nice. you didn't want to move.

"go to sleep babe, you need it" he whispered into your ear and you fell asleep. sure you needed to finish the assignment but this felt nicer and better.

all you needed was a study break

a/n: hes so cutie

#chad meeks martin angst #chad meeks martin x you #chad meeks martin x y/n #chad meeks martin x reader #chad meeks martin #mason gooding #scream 6 smut #scream #scream fanfic #scream 6

[seobstarr]

ON THE COURT— 015: WOAH.

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His body struggles to move through the crowd of bodies as he makes his way to her, constantly trying to squeeze between people. “Found you!” He chuckles, taking a deep breath from all of the pushing and shoving.

“And you wanted me to dance…” She scoffs playful as the red cup lifts to her lips, Theo’s body leans swiftly over the countertop they both rested against, his forearm grazing against hers.

After a couple of minutes of painful silence his eyes dart to the ping pong table, where their classmates were. “Do you wanna go play?” He nudges her slightly to catch her attention and her head whips to focus on the activity he pointed at.

“Beer pong?” Her voice questioned

“Yeah, it could be fun!” He hoped to god she didn’t reject him, considering how all she’s been doing was sitting and observing everyone at the party

“Hmm, sure why not” Theo sighs in relief when she agrees to the offer with a light shrug and smiles, his hand interlocking with hers (making sure he didn’t touch the still wrapped one from the coffee incident) and leading her through the crowd.

Her body tensed as he gently guides her through the crowded living space, his hand tightening when it was too hard to push through the bodies. The blood rushes to her cheeks and her smile starts to become more prominent.

“Hey, Theo! Was wondering where you were” Keeho, who had just got done missing his turn, swung his arm around Theo in a childish gesture.

“Had to do something first, my bad.”His eyes dart down to the locked fingers between the both of you then goes back up to link with Theo’s nervous eyes “Hm, I see now…:

“Manager” Keeho smiles

“Hey, Kyo!” Y/n fastly waves back with her free hand

“Are you guys here to play?”

“Yeah, thought we could give it a try” Y/n says again and Theo nods.

“Cool, we just finished this round so you guys get next. Y/n, you’re on Sumin’s team. Theo, you’re on mine,” Keeho explains and Y/n quickly unlocks her hand from Theo’s grasp to walk over to the right side of the table.

“Y/n, right?” Sumin points.

“Yeah! You must be Sumin?” She nods from the introduction.

“Yup, glad to meet you! I think we have a class together, no?”

Y/n’s brain racks at the thought of her, at any familiar feeling “Introduction to Philosophy?” She questions back, the lightbulb in her head brimming with inquiry

“Yes! You sit in front of me most of the time!”

“Right, it’s good to see you!” Y/n says back, giggling a little. “These are my friends! They’ll be on our team.” she nods in solidarity as Sumin hands her a ping pong ball.

prev | m.list | next

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tags🍰: @inthesunnn @captivq @nini-04 @hopeless-romantic-mentality @222brainrot @therealbobbyshloby @miyukisv @jilxe

(pink couldn’t be tagged)

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keb notes!: BYE IM SORRY FOR SLOW UPDATES LOLLL IM SORRY YOU GUYS HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR CHAPTERS

:( but senior year is NO joke (i’ve been watching one piece instead of working, i made it to timeskip :p) but i promise things will pick up from here 🫡 alsoooo after this i think i wanna make a sequel with riize, smth ab sungchan since i made him bitchless in this smau😭 AND AND AND proud to say that riize and stayc WILL be main characters in this story starting from here on out !!!

#kpop #p1harmony #kpop imagines #p1harmony fanfic #p1h fluff #p1h theo #p1harmony fluff #p1harmony intak #p1harmony jiung #p1harmony keeho #p1harmony soul #p1harmony jongseob #p1ece #kpop group #fantiction

[synthaphone]

long post talking about making neopets style art, but not in a way that's useful or coherent or proofread

idk why of all the things that i struggle to do, the thing i keep coming back to trying to pull off is 'imitate the neopets art style circa 2004-2007'. i'm really proud of the stuff i make in that style, but i've always got a nagging feeling about how there's like, very few applications for this very specific skill i'm building, and i could be spending this time improving at anatomy or perspective or anything else. i guess that's just the power of 'wanting to learn something really bad' combined with, critically, 'believing im really close to figuring it out'

there's something about the line weights on a lot of old pets that's really hard for me to capture, and i've gone through a bunch of different ideas of why that is- like, maybe its easier to do in flash, or its something about the way i have the pressure sensitivity set up on my pen, or maybe the official artists also carefully shaped and weighted their lines while scaling the drawing down every so often to make sure they 'feel right' on a small scale (lol), or maybe its that shit that artists who've been inking shit for a long time learn how to do intuitively that i'm just not at the level of yet.

i'm looking at this smug bastard like. how do they decide which lines should be thick vs thin. my instinct is to go thicker on the corners of points like the ear tips, but this artist went thinner, and i think weighted the lines heavier on the undersides of shapes where the shadows are? neo artists aren't immune to stuff that frustrates me when i'm making pet art either, almost every pet has some part of their lineart that makes a weird tangent with the damn Circle. the linework on the hands straight up isn't clear at all, but i can tell what the pose is from how the shoulders are positioned and the expression of the character, so i guess that doesn't really matter at the end of the day

im pasting the lines i'm working on next to existing pets with varying levels of detail, but it might be too early to tell if they have the right level of clarity. i'm also i'm back in photoshop because that's easier for me, but maybe i should have tried flash again- doing the art in vectors does give the finished image that hard to detect Crispness that i'm always chasing

in order, these were drawn in photoshop in 2019, photoshop in 2022, and Flash in 2024. i was going to be like 'oh god, the Vully DOES look sharper than the centibyte, it must be Flash' but honestly i got the halloween one to look pretty close?? maybe i scaled down my photoshop images differently in 2019............ i think i've also gotten better at mimicking the lineart style, so it could also be that, but that doesn't account for why the top one looks kind of blurry in comparison. am i crazy. is it visible to anyone else.

anyway ive gone off on a tangent. for some reason this is what i'm obsessed with doing so i'm just gonna keep on trucking until something else seizes my attention instead i guess

#i'm not trying to put down my own work here #i am proud of the neostyle art i've made #i'm talking about that feeling of like. #knowing that there's a few things i don't quite grasp and wanting to figure them out #i need a text post tag #neopets

[bingoboingobongo]

task force 141 + finals

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

Warnings: none

A/N: bc what screams christmas like hours of studying? and yes this sorta turned into academic headcanons but idc

simon "ghost" riley:

alright so maybe this a surprise maybe this isn't

but simon's secretly really smart

definitely got all a's on his finals (or whatever the british equivalent is idk)

and he probably didn't have to study that hard for it

ofc he still studied

he's a firm believer in being prepared

but even without he could've easily scored in the high eighties/low nineties

he was super duper into reading as a kid so that stuff came easy to him

and he's a stellar problem solver so math was pretty simple too

only subject that gave him trouble was biology

but even then he still did good

off topic but i feel like after high school he started going into college and working part time at a butchers

but then ofc after 9/11 he joined the military so he had to stop his education

but i like to think that after a certain point, maybe when he returned to sorta check up on his family and stuff, he finished up the rest of his schooling and got his degree

he has his bachelor's in english literature

what can i say he's a book worm at heart

john "soap" mactavish:

so unfortunately soap is not as academically gifted as simon

he was definitely sorta like the class clown

and he didn't really try much during finals or really just school in general

im pretty sure that tracks since im like 99% sure i read somewhere that he lied about his age to join the army (either that or scotland has a younger recruitment age so he joined at 16)

but yeah in general his finals were not the highest scores ever

he studied a little and would usually score around the high seventies/low eighties range

he knows that if he studied more he could probably hit the high eighties/low nineties range but the knowledge is enough for him and so he doesn't bother studying

i mean i don't think i need to say this

but he was definitely the class clown

i don't think he ever went back to school after the military though

he's just not a fan of the program what can i say

but just because he's not academically smart doesn't mean he's dumb

i mean he definitely has his moments

but for the most part he actually has a lot of "street smarts" and little random facts that come in handy

john price:

alright so price actually graduated from the royal military academy

and imma be fr with y'all i have no idea what that means

but he also joined the military at sixteen so that's a thing ig

price usually studied for his finals though

but he didn't study "hard"

he did the reviews and stuff and that was pretty much it

he uses common sense and logic to get himself through those tests

that being said he usually did pretty good

his score range was usually in the mid eighties to nineties

he didn't really take school to seriously but he also didn't completely slack off

he just wasn't really interested in academics

he was more interested in getting into the military and serving

definitely was insane at math though

what can i say he loves puzzles and he's a problem solver at heart

and math was really just like a giant puzzle to him

kyle "gaz" garrick:

alright so gaz was actually a pretty good student when he was in school

he was a humanities student through and through

absolute history buff too

and he's very proud that he's never scored below a ninety on his finals

he never had to study for english because like ghost he's been reading since he was a kid so that was in the bag

and he did study history but it was less to review and more because it was just interesting

now when it comes to stem subjects

gaz definitely struggled with that

he likes the sorta loose, open to interpretation, nature of humanities subjects

so having rigid rules in stem was kinda hard for him

he definitely had to study a lot for those

but he's always down to boast about how he got a perfect score on his calculus final

gaz also strikes me as the kind of guy who went to college

idk if it lines up with his age/timeline in the games but whatever

he got into a nice university and then majored in british history

he's always considered the idea of going back and getting a master's or phd too

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

alright so yk that "trope" of smart guy has no common sense?

well that's pretty much rudy in a nutshell

he always did really good on his finals

like mid to high nineties

although that was due to a lot of intense studying on his part

but sometimes he's lacking in the common sense department

but honestly same rudy same

he actually took school pretty seriously growing up

and the idea of being in the military didn't really occur to him until alejandro brought it up one day

he was always more artistically inclined than academically inclined which is why he had to spend a lot of time studying

he would try to get alejandro to study with him too with varying levels of success

also he was actually surprisingly good at sciences

ofc he ended up enlisting right after he graduated

but he did take college classes online for a while until he could get his degree

honestly i can totally see him majoring in like mexican art history (is that a real major? idk)

alejandro vargas:

alright so alejandro never really tried to hard in school

he was sorta similar to soap but less of a class clown and more of a popular kid

he was smart enough to get himself through finals without studying tho

but he was always on the cusp of failing

think seventies range

that was fine with him though because he's known he wanted to be in the military since he was young

so he never really was too stressed about school

sometimes rudy would try to get him to study with him but he would always mess around instead

honestly before the military i feel like alejandro was a real goofball

and a real heart-throb too let's be honest

strangely though, rudy convinced him to take college online and get a degree

it took alejandro a while to warm up to the idea

but eventually he did and he majored in polisci

and he actually did pretty good in college too

#bingoboingobongo.com #bingoboingobongo's christmas extravaganza #ghost x reader #soap x reader #gaz x reader #john price x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #rodolfo parra x reader #ghost fluff #soap fluff #gaz fluff #john price fluff #alejandro vargas fluff #rodolfo parra fluff #ghost cod #soap cod #gaz cod #john price cod #alejandro vargas cod #rodolfo parra cod #call of duty #cod #modern warfare 2 #mw2

[emilio-the-dumb-wrestler]

<a href="https://tight-stories.tumblr.com/" style="text-decoration:underline;">tight-stories</a>: <p>Hey bro! I wanna be a proper nasty pig of a man...but now im a gainer in real life I just want more. Nasty socks and stinking armpits. A beer gut, bald head and a beard! Whatever ya wanna do as long as it gets me closer to the pig I am innit ;) </p><p><br></p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="960" data-orig-width="720"><img src="https://64.media.tumblr.com/1ccbce0c55257ab62a43dd70bf35a954/fb137d23fc37589f-82/s640x960/78efc959b16f857b4c1fe2fa5f876511679be40c.jpg" data-orig-height="960" data-orig-width="720"></figure>

Now that is something I can definitely do for you. Anything to bring you closer to your ultimate pig status is going to be done. I questioned your dedication to this only once but then you were so adamant about your goals. And everything was sealed when you said “I’m a nasty fat fucking pig” while sitting on my couch. Sweat began to bead down your chest and from pits as you instantly smelt of bo. It’s as if you haven’t showered in weeks. Your work clothes never being cleaned as they dirty themselves beyond belief. Your socks get crusty and yellow from never being changed and being the only pair you own. “Well…is that all you’re going to do? Come on meet going ..” I encouraged you. You got up from the couch and I gagged at the horrible smell coming from you. You chuckled proud of the smell that you had stuck yourself with. Everything about you was soo dirty now. “I am completely bald and I have a beard !” And instantly as you said the words they became true. You hair falling from your head in clumps leaving a shiny dome while you started to scratch at your face as a thick beard started to grow. “You’re starting to look like a proper filth pig. But you’re still missing something…” and I dropped my eyes to your stomach where you were still as slim as before. As if the light bulb hours off i your head you put both your hands on you stomach “I have a massive beach ball beer belly. That’s rock hard and limits my movements. I’m a nasty fat fucking oinker !” This time the change brings you to your knees and your breathing becomes more labored. Each breathe you take seeming to make your gut get bigger. You have to lean back against the wall while sitting down. Moaning in ecstasy while your most recent affirmation forces a massive beach ball beer belly into your frame. Rock solid. A thick double chin forms as your neck slowly disappears ears and you develop moobs that rest on the massive gut you just gave yourself. Your nose points up into a human like snout. Breathing now sounds like pig noises for the fat fucking pig you are. When your gut has finish expanding you struggle to your feet. Instantly hard as you wished for every bit of this. Being limited by your new size.

Just standing it’s obvious you’re gotten shorter from massive gut you now have pulling you down. Your shoes split open on the side as your feet have gotten extra wide from the massive weight constantly on them. “You know what filthy fucking pigs already feel ?” I ask. “I AM ALWAYS HUNGRY!” You shout. Loud groans from your enormous gut could be heard. You’ll always be stuffing yourself stupid now like the pig you are. Never full. Always large. Constantly stinking. You sit down at the table and the seat groans as you pick up a gallon of whole milk and begin to chug it. Rubbing your massive gut I just smile. “That’s a good pig. Now what else are we going to do to you?”

March 13th, 2022 9:13pm

[111angelstheme111]

Im struggling to stay motivated and actually care about school and other things. By nature I usually give my all for everything I do and stuff but it seems like nobody else does. Like all my friends are so so apathetic and they do everything just because. And it sucks because 1 they don’t really share the same energy and 2 it makes me seem like a try-hard when I do my assignments on time or submit them early. Like today we had a really really important assignment due and I was like one of the 10 out of 100 students that actually did it?? And when I told some girl(who didnt do it) that I finished she just laughed and was like “obviously you did”. Now I do not care if people call me a nerd or whatever but it’s so hard to stay motivated when nobody else is.

I totally understand how you feel cuz I used to be around these kinds of friends and they do in fact have an effect on me. And the only thing I can say is you could befriend other classmates who are on the similar level of mindset as yours.

It might sound harsh but these friends are not going to help you in any way to reach your goals. You could start having boundaries with them like saying no sometimes if they’re asking you to hang out over the weekend instead of studying. It’s not wrong to have these kinds of friends but you would need some sort of self-discipline around these them.

Really focus on your own goals and what you want to achieve. You’re not a “try-hard” for doing your best; you’re just being more responsible about your future than your friends. And remember, your commitment to your education is something to be proud of, and it will really benefit you in the long term.

#ANGEL—replies #girlblogger #girlblogging #that girl #it girl #self care #self growth #self healing #self help #self improvement #self love #studyblr #study motivation #studying #motivation #studyspo #academia #growth

[adriennebarnes]

Hi, could you write an Ajax Petropolus x latina!reader angst but a very fluffy ending where the reader is very much a perfectionist academically due to generational/ being a daughter or granddaughter of immigrants. And she feels in some way she's disappointing them or doesn't think they're good enough

Hey again! Of course I can write this, especially because I am the daughter of immigrants so I have felt the same way, especially in college since I’m on scholarship, this hits home.

High Achiever, Don’t You See?

Pairing: Ajax Petropolus x Latina!Reader

Summary: Y/N struggles with academic perfectionism, especially because her parents came to the United States and worked hard to give their kids the best education so Y/N thinks if she doesn’t get good grades, her parents’ hard work would have been for nothing.

Warning: I will probably be self projecting because it has happened to me and might still happen starting the spring semester, spelling errors like always

Y/N was lucky enough to have a dorm room to herself because she would spend most of her time studying and doing her homework until 3am, maybe even 5am, barely getting sleep. In her dorm, she had a desk with her laptop, a printer, and there was a hot plate with a moka pot to make her Cuban Coffees for the caffeine boost. Right now, she was finishing up a research paper, she written it in MLA format (I use APA because I’m studying health science), she’s checked for grammatical errors, her citations, it was all in order. She printed her paper and placed it on a folder. The paper was due next week, but she wanted to get it out of the way. After going over some information that her teacher was going to ask questions about in class, she went to bed around 2:45am.

The next day she woke up and made herself another Cuban coffee. She did her routine and out on her uniform so go downstairs. Someone touched her shoulder and she jumped.

“Hey, calm down, it’s just me.” Ajax said.

“Ay, papito, Don’t scare me like that.” Y/N said.

“I’m sorry, mama. Let’s get some breakfast, okay?” Ajax said. Ajax wrapped his arm around Y/N shoulders to walk to the cafeteria to get breakfast. They sat down after getting breakfast and Enid sat down with them.

“Good morning! How did you sleep?” Enid asked.

“Not well.” Y/N said.

“You’ve been having trouble sleeping for weeks, are you okay?” Ajax asked.

“Yeah yeah, im fine, sometimes I have trouble sleeping, it’s normal.” Y/N said.

“Okay then, after class you need a nap.” Enid said.

“Yeah sure, whatever you say.” Y/N said. After breakfast, they went to their first class.

Y/N was answering almost every single question that the teacher had to say “anyone besides Y/N” when asking questions. Almost all the classes were like that. However, midterms were in 2 weeks, and unlike her normie school, all her studying would have to be done in the library with books. When she went to her dorm room, she decided to video chat with her parents, something she does every Friday.

“Hola mami, hola papi!” Y/N said to her parents.

“Hola amor! Como te ha ido esta semana en clases? Has estado practicando tu poder (Hello love! How were your classes this week? Have you been practicing your power)?” Her dad asked.

“Me puedo transformar en un mapache, panda, a Shakira, Eugenio Derbez, hasta a un par de calcetas, practiqué muchísimo (i Can shapeshift into a raccoon, panda, into Shakira, Eugenio Derbez, even into a pair of socks, I’ve practiced a lot).” Y/N said.

“Y tus clases, princesa? Que cuentas (How about your classes, Princess? How were they)?” Her mom asked.

“Pues me ha ido bien, siempre saco 100 en mis tareas entonces me está yendo bien (Ive been doing well in class, I always get 100 on my homework so I’m doing well).” Y/N said,

“Esa es mi hija! Estamos muy orgullosos de ti, sigue esforzándote, sabemos que puedes, hablamos luego, hija (Thats my daughter! We are so proud of you, keep doing what you’re doing, we know you can do it, we’ll talk later)!” Her dad said hung up. After he hung up, Y/N took her backpack to go to the library and started pulling out all the books she needed for her midterms. She’ll go class by class, writing notes on anything the books explain further than what she has learned in class.

Meanwhile, Ajax was having lunch with his friends.

“Have you seen Y/N? I haven’t seen her since the bell rang.” Ajax said.

“I saw her go to the library.” Wednesday commented.

“Again? She been skipping lunch and dinner a lot recently, maybe something’s wrong.” Ajax commented.

“Maybe she’s not hungry, Ajax, don’t overthink it.” Bianca said. Maybe she was right, maybe Ajax needs to stop overthinking, Y/N will get food when she’s hungry.

He was wrong, the rest of the day, Y/N was in the library until one of the teachers told her it was late and that she should be in bed. Y/N missed her hunger cues the whole time, she was just drinking water while ready and taking notes. She lacked up her stuff and went to her dorm room and she saw Ajax, holding a takeout container.

“Whats this?” Y/N asked.

“I got Uber Eats, you haven’t eaten since lunch, that was 9 hours ago, you need to eat something, love.” Ajax commented, giving Y/N a spoon so she can eat the fried rice he ordered for her,

“I love you Ajax,” Y/N said,

“I love you too, I’m going to sleep with you tonight, okay? That way I can make sure you’re getting sleep, you’re worrying me.” Ajax said,

“You shouldn’t be worried Papito, I swear, I’m perfectly fine.” Y/N said, but Ajax being worried for her made her want to cry but she held it in,

“But i am so eat, out on your pajamas, do your nighttime routine, and get to bed. We’re going to watch TV while you eat.” Ajax said, Y/N nodded while she began eating the rice, she didn’t realize how hungry she was.

“Thank you.” Y/N said. She finished the rice in 20 minutes, changed in her pajamas, and brushes her teeth and did her nighttime skincare routine. When she was ready, she sat on her bed and hugged Ajax. “I love you, papito.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. I’m gonna change and then we can go to bed because you seriously need sleep.” Ajax said, kissing her forehead. When he came back in his pajamas, he got under the covers with Y/N and spooned her so they can go to sleep,

Ajax was a heavy sleeper so he didn’t notice that at 5am, Y/N got out of bed and sat at her desk to go over the notes she wrote. This information should be ingrained in her mind. Ajax woke up and he started to feel around the bed to see if Y/N was there but she wasn’t. He rubbed his eyes and saw her drinking coffee, going over her notes and doing homework.

“Y/N, It’s Saturday, what are you doing?” Ajax asked with his morning voice.

“I’m studying and doing homework, love, go back to sleep.” Y/N said.

“That’s what I’m supposed to say to you, go back to sleep, what time did you wake up anyway?” Ajax asked.

“I woke up at 5am to get a head start.” Y/N said and Ajax checked his phone.

“It’s barely 10, Y/N seriously, you need a break.” Ajax said, trying to pull her away from her desk.

“I Don’t need a break Ajax, I am fine, I can handle it.” Y/N said.

“Y/N, you don’t have to study 24/7, you can take breaks, have fun, it’s Saturday, let’s go have breakfast at the Jericho diner.” Ajax said.

“I Don’t need breakfast, I’m perfectly fine, midterms are in two weeks, I need to have all this information absorbed in my brain if I want an A.” Y/N said, going back to her desk but Ajax stopped her.

“You are putting yourself under too much pressure, if you keeping going on like this, you’re going to burn out, what are you trying to prove here?” Ajax asked her.

“I am trying to prove to my parents that I am not wasting their sacrifice, okay!” Y/N shouted and then plopped on the floor, like her legs gave out. “My parents left their home countries to come to the United States, they knew little English, they left EVERYONE behind, my grandparents, my aunts, uncles, cousins, all of them are in their countries. They came to the states with nothing, they had to do jobs they didn’t like to get by, stayed at friends houses until they had money to get an apartment, my dad took college classes to get a degree so he can get better jobs, they sacrificed so much for me and my siblings that if I don’t get good grades, I feel like I’m disappointing them because literally my only job to do as their daughter is be a good student and if I don’t do that then…” Y/N ranted while crying and she started hyperventilating, Ajax got down on the floor to hug Y/N.

“Breathe in and out, okay, focus on my heartbeat, it’s only the two of us, listen to my voice, you’re doing so well.” Ajax kept whispering positive things in Y/N’s ear until she calmed down. She pulled away from Ajax and wiped her tears away. Ajax then grabbed her face softly so she was looking right at him. “You are doing so well, you are at the top of your class, trust me, I know, Yoko overhears everything. Your parents would be so proud of you, but you need to give yourself breaks too. You can’t be all work and no play, that’s not good for your mental health. These past few weeks, you have been skipping meals, losing hours of sleep, been drinking so much cuban coffee, baby, you have dark circles. And not your normal hyperpigmentation eczema dark circles, the ones caused from lack of sleep, they’ve gotten darker. You need balance in your life. How about today we go into town, we get breakfast, no coffee for you, we go to the park, maybe shopping, we’ll spend the whole day in Jericho, does that sound good?” Ajax asked.

“That sounds great, thanks Papito.” Y/N said, hugging him tightly.

“Anything for you, mama. It would be so much better for you to get sleep but you had a little bit too much caffeine.” Ajax said.

“I live off caffeine, i Don’t even think it affects me anymore. But let’s get dressed and we can walk around Jericho,” Y/N said and Ajax kissed her softly.

The End

Hope you like it, sorry of it turned out short and rushed, SEND MORE AJAX REQUESTS, OUR FAVORITE GORGON NEEDS CONTENT!

#ajax petropolus #ajax petropolus x reader #wednesday #hispanic reader #latina #georgie farmer

[yanderelovlies]

Based on true events minus Jack. I needed the comfort.

Today started out brighter than the day before. You even woke up with a smile peppering kisses all over Jack's face. Wanting to give you a great breakfast to top your morning off Jack offered to make breakfast while you got ready for the day.

This is where it seems things took a turn for the worst. You showered, put on makeup, and started getting dressed in your clothes for the day, all the while listening and singing to one of your playlist. As if something happened, it grew quite eerily so.

At first, Jack had hoped maybe you were done getting ready and just coming to have breakfast, but after a few minutes, you never came out, and Jack began to grow worried. What really tipped him off was the fact that your cat wasn't around. Usually, the little fur ball was around the house, causing a bit of trouble, but Jack hadn't seen him around.

Worried Jack turned off the burner, removing the pan to a burner he wasn't using before making his way to your shared room. The closer he got, the cleared sniffles, hiccups, and soft meows could be heard. When he got to the doorway, he saw sitting on your bed, no pants, and your cat trying to push his head under your hand, licking your palm when you do.

"Sunshine.... what happened?" Jack walked up to you before sitting beside you. He waited for you to speak, but as soon as you opened your mouth, you began to cry this time, not bothering to hide it. Instead of pushing you, he simply pulled you onto his lip to hold you while you sobbed into his chest. After twenty minutes, you finally calmed down. Jack didn't ask again he just held you as your cat slowly made his home on your lap purring.

It wasn't until you nearly fell asleep again did he asked you again, "What happened, sunspot?'

You were quiet until your breath hitched a sign that you were gonna cry again. "You remember those cargo pants I've been working so hard to fit into?" He nodded, letting you continue. "I put them on because I thought i was ready.....I've been feeling great in everything I've worn....."

You stopped again, taking a deep breath to keep yourself from crying again. "The zipper broke three times.....it feels like all my hard work was for nothing." Before he could respond, you began to cry again, making your cat push for you to pet him again.

"Your hard work wasn't for nothing, y/n. I can see the changes in and on you every day. Zippers are faulty for sometimes no reason at. Maybe that's it." He began to pet your hair while kissing the top of your head. "You're doing amazing sunshine, and im so proud of you."

.

The rest of the day was rocky at best, but Jack was there for you every step of the way. Giving you words of encouragement and holding you when cried again. However the biggest obstacle was dinner.

It was a struggle to get you to eat all day, but the two of you finally comprised on fruits throughout the day. Jack wasn't letting you do that with dinner. You needed to eat at least one meal, and that was gonna be dinner.

At first, you refused simply stating you weren't hungry, but when Jack came back with a plate with small portions, you knew he didn't take that excuse. This was looking up when you took a bite, but as soon as you swallowed, you stopped as if frozen before crying again and leaving the table. The second time, when better than the first, with you finally finishing the plate.

"Thank you, Sunshine. I'm so proud of you for doing this.....come on dead, let's get you in a nice warm bath, and comfy clothes.'

#sunny day jack #swwsdj #something's wrong with sunny day jack #x reader #yandere x reader #sunny day jack x reader #something's wrong with sunny day jack x reader #swwsdj x reader