#i myself am into things in fiction that i find horrible in real life. why wouldn't i extend this same logic to proshipping?

[kaeyapilled]

So with the hangout.. do you think that settles the issue of mistranslation or not of Kaeya and Diluc being brothers?

is it even possible to settle it? i feel like there must be some insane cultural difference between me as a western person and chinese people when it comes to adoptive siblings because, i honestly don't see how the biological son of the guy you consider your adoptive father isn't, by extension, your adoptive brother; how would that relationship not be familial? even when you bring in the "sworn brothers" trope as a means of queercoding, which is a concept ive had explained to me more than once – like, okay? i agree that it's true you can't properly translate/localize that, but. how else did you want them to translate it? even if the word brother was never used once in the eng translation, how do you make it so that kaeya and diluc calling the same guy "father" doesn't imply some uncomfortable things if he and diluc are romantically involved..? but then, who knows, maybe i just don't have enough knowledge about how censorship works in china, how they do queercoding over there, how they deal with adopted relationships, whatever. it's fine. different cultural upbringings, no? it's funny when it's the western side of the fandom discussing this, though. because you'll have these extremely white people arguing with you about the intricacies of chinese BL media. as if either of us knows what the hell we're talking about. anyway, none of this matters in the end because most klc shippers just... like the incest. and the day we stop arguing about mistranslations and simply accept that people either 1) see this relationship in a different light due to their cultural background or 2) are a little bit of a freak online is the day i will finally know peace as a kaeya fan

#i dont think this will be settled until we stop asking if it's settled. what if we just don't speak about it anymore #me: no i dont do discourse. sorry. *five minutes later* #first and last time i will spend this many words on this topic #and i hate the ''it's just fiction'' argument because yes. it is just fiction. #im not gonna come here and say this has an effect on real life. of course it doesnt this is gacha game yaoi #and i wont say that people aren't well within their right to engage with this sort of content either #i dont think it necessarily means anything about the moral values you apply to reality #i myself am into things in fiction that i find horrible in real life. why wouldn't i extend this same logic to proshipping? #doesn't change the fact that it's something i find weird and uncomfortable. #and that it's something that a Lot of people are going to find weird and uncomfortable #and that acting like this is just a regular pairing between two random guys is.. frankly really dumb #if you're gonna be weird about it at least own it! admit you're just into things society perceives as very gross #and tag your thing correctly so i can filter it out and block me so i never ever have to interact with you in my life #Okay. that's out of my system now. i apologize for posting discourse #complaining tag #askpilled #discourse

[sallyastral]

@miss-d-tiare Answering here because it wouldn't fit in a whole comment.

So, let's recap: I made a post expressing my opinion about Sylki, and you reblogged my post and commented on it saying I am a drama queen and that I should get myself a real problem, and when I answered you answered too once again this time not reblogging (mh, maybe because I told you it's just free notes for me and you are giving me visibility that way, mhh...)

Anyway, since I don't want to drag this conversation forever, I'll answer all of your points and quit this once and for all.

Dude, you have never experienced the pain and suffering of a one-sided crush? He likes her so much that, maybe for the first time ever, he's behaving like a normal person would do instead of just taking everything he wants like the spoiled and childish god hengrew up to be. This is a new level of rejection that actually impacts on him, and that's why he looks miserable.

Yes, I had one-sided crushes, more than one, and yes, they do make you miserable, but for different reasons. And the people I had a crush on didn't try to kill me or hurt me.

It's not the first time he falls in love, he said it himself in Episode 3 Season 1: he's had partners, but they didn't last that long. Furthermore, I would highly recommend you rewatch Thor (2011) and all the movies where Loki appears, because he has never been a selfish person, he says it himself (again) many times: when he tells Thor that he doesn't want the throne but wanted to be his equal when he tells Sylvie that he didn't want the throne but just wanted to see her safe and sound… So no, Sylvie is not the heroine who saved him and is changing him, he was like that already from time but was misunderstood by everyone else. And she is no exception because for the entirety of Season 1 (especially in Episode 6) and Season 2, she's still doubting and even said it openly that he still only wants the throne, and keeps refusing to fully understand him.

And let's not forget that IT IS A FICTIONAL SHOW!!! Some conflict MUST happen, or else people would complain it's too boring. The only character who could be so important to Loki besides of his brother is Sylvie, anyone can see that's only logical that the plot conflict involves both of them.

First of all: are you aware that movies and TV series are made to entertain people? Are you aware that social media just like Tumblr are made for people to express their opinions about things? So you saying "It's fictional!1!11" is just stupid because almost everyone here on Tumblr is here to talk about what they like on their blogs, you are doing it by responding to my posts. Since movies and TV series are fiction we shouldn't talk about them at all, by your logic. I am a psychology student, so I like to do psychological analyses of characters and give my opinion, you are completely free to agree or not, I don't care. But you can't come to my blog and tell me that I'm a drama queen and that I have to find real problems, that's just plainly disrespectful. And I already have my problems in my life, thank you very much.

This is not about conflict and entertainment: this is about Marvel making horrible decisions. You can create excellent conflict between characters without romanticizing abuse and domestic violence. And all of this wouldn't have happened if the directors of the series hadn't insisted on Sylki being a romance. If it was a friendship we'd probably be all quiet and just shrug it off with a "Sylvie is a horrible friend". But since this is romantic, well... some of y'all need to understand IT IS NOT OKAY for someone to be violent towards the other partner in a relationship. Romance + violence = ABUSE.

And if you don't understand where the abuse is, I suggest you read this post from @shadow-turtle-234 (forgive me for dragging you in </3).

People should definitely stop treating the relationship between FICTIONAL CHARACTERS as an example of real life human interactions, ffs! They're complex in their own way, and appealing and all but in the end they're not real so stop being drama queens and calling two fictional characters "toxic" 🤣🤣 get yourselves a real problem instead of making one up

Breaking news: fiction is based on real-life dynamics! Even more breaking news: fiction can influence real-life dynamics! Romanticizing abuse and domestic violence is awful, especially on the part of Marvel, a franchise that is also followed by very young people who could get the wrong message. It could also cause someone who has suffered or suffers from abusive situations to suffer even more seeing that someone suddenly decided that hurting the person you "love" is romantic.

My life isn't all about Tumblr, as I said I have my problems outside of social media, so if I express an opinion I don't think it's an issue. I'm just expressing my thoughts, did it suddenly become forbidden?

Do I like, need your permission or smt to alter and post a text I wrote? What did I miss?? 🤨🤨

Nah, that was just a fun remark I made, of course, you don't need my permission. I just found it funny how you both commented and reblogged, giving me free notes and visibility. Good for me I guess.

And the double standard is where, exactly?

Double standards exist because Marvel already has problems with writing female characters. Since they don't know how to make a decent strong female character anymore (aside from a few exceptions like Peggy Carter and Jane Foster), Marvel just thinks belittling the male counterpart's trauma and actions is enough to show how strong and smart the female counterpart is. And with Sylvie, they brought this to exaggeration, because not only she belittles Loki's trauma and treats him like shit, but keeps trying to hurt him and even attempted his murder several times. But since she's a woman Marvel thinks is okay, and a lot of people think that too.

But imagine if it was Loki to belittle her, insult her, attack her, and hurt her in any way. Y'all would be screaming and yelling at Marvel because "Oh em gee, they romanticized abuse, omg!1!!!" since he's a man. Domestic violence against men is rare, but it exists too, but apparently, it is considered "girlboss" and "cool" for a woman to hurt a man.

I keep maintaining it's all freaking fiction and that it doesn't work like resl life, you really should stop reading so much into it, it's not healthy pal 👍🏻

What I do with my blog and my life is none of your business.

In conclusion: I said what I had to, and I no longer intended to keep entertain this conversation with you.

#one more insult and the blocklist welcomes you #sylki is abusive #anti sylki #anti sylvie x loki #anti sylvie #loki #loki series spoilers #loki series #loki series 2 spoilers #loki season one #loki season two

[pinkkinoko]

A note I hope you read

Hello everyone! How are you doing? I have passed a little over 500 followers on here, I couldn’t be more grateful for all of you. Every lovely Billy fan out there, every kind mungrove lover who’s jumped into my inbox, who’s added notes on my posts, I could name you all individually, even those who know nothing of stranger things! I could shout out those special people who have influenced me in such a deep and impactful way, but I think you know who you are, trust that the gratitude I have expressed to you is genuine. There are many things I could share to celebrate 500 followers, like make a big art piece, or open up a poll, I could even try my hand at a giveaway, but those don’t feel like things I would do. I am, naturally, a very private person. I like to keep facts about myself to a minimum, I like to separate my online persona from my real life, and sometimes I think I may come across as a bit professional or insincere when I interact online with you all, but know that I only do that because it’s what makes me feel safe, and my affection for you is earnest. So, in celebration of what you have given me, I want to share a small part of myself with you.

Dear Billy, and truly mungrove, fandom,

Do not let someone tell you that you cannot ship something, or that you cannot love a character. Yes, I have indeed made my own posts and remarks about disliking certain dynamics or ships, but to truly hate someone for what they love isn’t in me. I’ve seen how horrible people can be about ships, about characters, and especially in the Billy and stranger things fandom there’s been such an intense amount of vitriol poured out, perhaps that is also why I like to keep my own details private. But whether you relate to Billy’s story, or to Max’s experience, or even if you just think Billy’s really damn attractive, I wish dearly that you know it is never necessary to explain yourself. I’ve been on tumblr for so long now, I have seen how much things change and I wish you know to never let something you love become something you hate because of others. You have all made my experience as a creator so very fulfilling, and I wish only to do the same for you.

A few months ago, I lost my own Billy, perhaps someday I will have the heart to sit at their grave and read my own letter. You never know who is affected by the things you write, the notes you post, or the comments you send. Be kind to those around you, be loving, and if all else feels impossible, simply be respectful. Some people may never understand what it’s like to resent someone so strongly and yet love them so dearly, to see how broken they are and still be cut by their shards. As I’ve said before, you can love characters for any number of mundane reasons, they are fictional; sometimes they are conduits for healing, sometimes objects of desire, sometimes they are simply intriguing.

I wish to be here for you all for a long time to come, and even if we someday go our separate ways, I wish you’ll take this as a fond memory. Thank you, for coming along with me this far, for in some way showing me that the small dream I saw as a child of doing something with my art was not impossible, and for allowing me to give the Billy in my own life some form of happiness they perhaps could never find.

All my love,

-PK

#billy hargrove #stranger things #fandom #pk's mushroom patch #let’s get along from here on out too #apologies again for the scarce content right now I have a lot going on

[stranger-rants]

I can't imagine how many people who were still actively being abused and some who still are must have seen season 4 and how Billy was treated and how fandom treats him and feel hopeless or more isolated. He deserved to have people who care and to get help and you all do as well.

So, I want to share this with you.

Our students had to analyze the results of a "life needs" survey a month ago in their classrooms and compare it to a larger data set on the "life needs" in their city to come up with a project idea. We did not end up focusing on this issue in our projects, but I want to highlight this question and the comments on this question.

The question says "Do you have any family members who make you feel unsafe?" There were 15 responses from this class. 93.3% said No, they don't feel unsafe around their family members. However, a small percentage of 6.7% said Yes, they do feel unsafe around their family members.

This is in 2023.

Some of the student responses to this include:

1) It's sad that this is a problem at home, but I hope they can get out of that situation without anything happening.

2) Some people should find a way to get some help.

3) It's sad that there's a small percentage of people that feel unsafe around family members.

4) It's kind of sad people are not even safe around their own family.

5) Speak up about it.

There were other notes from other classes saying similar things. I appreciated the sympathy that our students were willing to show for other students who felt unsafe in their homes. I hope people see that and realize that they are deserving of help, because pretty much everyone agreed that you should feel safe around your family.

I do want to talk about how people have a tendency to stop and start with "that's sad" and "you should get some help," though. Now, these are teenagers. I don't expect them to have all the solutions, but I do think adults, especially adults profiting off of these narratives, can do better at showing young people in these situations that there's a safe way out.

Billy's story is a tragedy, and that's a valid story to tell. However, it's also ruined by the near constant villainization of Billy as an abuse survivor. Ignoring the impact of his father and letting him get away with it. Repeating the same phrase "human villain" over and over when there are far worse people in the show. Not letting Billy rest in peace after a life full of trauma and a horrible death. Etc.

That's why people don't get help. That's why people don't speak up. I don't know who expressed that they felt unsafe at home because it's an anonymous survey, but I do know that some of our toughest students are also living in unsafe environments. All survivors deserve to recover but there are so many barriers to helping survivors who aren't timid or nice or begging for help.

Stranger Things is a popular show. I see people wearing ST gear all the time. People loved the last season. I don't know how my students feel about the show, and I honestly I don't want to know. I keep my interests private for the most part. However, I do worry about how media influences young people and I don't want anyone to think that they're unworthy of getting help or that their past mistakes should damn them.

Of course, I am passionate about this as a survivor of abuse myself. I, too, felt a lot of pain from the way people talked about Billy back in 2019. That's why I'm here... but I've had difficult conversations with students who have gone through hellish situations who similarly don't see a way out of what they're experiencing and I don't want anyone to feel like they are doomed.

Billy may be fictional, but the attitudes that people express about him are real and they reflect how people actually feel about abuse survivors.

#asks #abuse tw

[againtodreaming]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

@lyloneliness you send the first ask but also @mavr4xx @vinylbiohazard @ghostsinacoat @yumaisbored you also asked this too and omg i love u all but also, why do you do this to me 😭😭😭 i was already struggling a lot to think of 5 things with the first ask (and i still haven't even gotten to the tag game of this), and now I have to think of TWENTY-FIVE?!? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ (plus 5 more if I end up finding the tag game again plus the ability to think of 5 more...)

Anyways, thank you so much for the asks (´,,•ω•,,)♡ ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊♡ (even if they are the hardest asks I have done in my life 💀) (it was interesting and fun tho 🌟) you are all awesome 💖🌟💞 now here we go:

(25 things here in the same post bc…not sure I just started doing it after @ all of u and I am doing this draft in my phone and separating this in the other asks i still have to look for is too much work) (apologies for the length, the further i got, the longer some of the answers became😅)

1 - My hair (used to be really thick and my mom used to make this amazing hairstyles almost every day when I was a kid—there was one that was a huge rose made of braids or smth, the hairpins were awful and it took so long but it was so pretty, I think my mom even made it for the wedding of one of her friends, anyways I lost maybe more than half of my hair when I was like 15, stress probably, and then I decided to cut it even below the shoulder—first time in my life it was so short—bc I was so mad with it but also bc I had zero energy to even try to take care of it by that point. Grown back until like my mid-back—used to have it like waist length before—by now and now I got maybe a little more than half of the hair that I used to have at 13 which is a lot better than it was at 15 and hopefully it gets back to what I used to have in a couple of years more, but for now it's enough to start playing with it and doing braids)

2 - Open-mindedness

3 - Creativity

4 - Patience

5 - That I'm an older sister

6 - Uf, how do I explain this one—like, empathy? kindness? feeling things deeply? putting yourself in the other person's shoes and being considerate of that? being too sentimental? which can be really annoying too but I wouldn't trade it so...

7 - That I can talk really fast

8 - Being expressive

9 - Always thinking things through

10 - Confident in my likes? (okay, so this one feels complicated, but for example, when I was a little kid, 6 or 7 years old probably, I loved superheroes, but my classmates in my all-girls school were like, that's for boys 😒, and I felt horrible bc that was just another thing in that i didnt fit in with everyone else and i always wanted to fit in, but somehow—which looking back feels weird bc who even knew i could be surprisingly confident in some aspects—was that i never thought i was in the wrong for liking superheroes? Like, yeah, I always wanted to fit in and I felt bad that I didn't, but even with all the social insecurity I was constantly plagued with, I never felt like I was in the wrong for being myself or that I should change myself or pretend to like stuff I didn't just to fit in (that strategy didn't even cross my mind until I was…can't be sure, it was somewhere in the last few years in this country, it was either a documentary, fiction, or the group therapy, but the idea of actual people in real life doing smth they didn't agree and had no purpose except to fit in was like: 🤯!?!!?!?!) (I didn't handle it that well either to be fair, if I wasn't with my friends i just decide to hide during recess and/or to not speak at all with anyone, until I changed schools) (I liked the 2nd school better). I assume that in my head I was like: "shame that I'm not like all of you but what can you do, I'm me ╮(╥﹏╥)╭ "

11 - I'm usually also all or nothing with almost all things? Like, for example, math. I don't like math, it has always been the class I struggled with the most and all my math teachers in Peru were really strict and thank goodness that my dad loves math and really good at it or I would have been lost without someone to explain it to me. But last week, my parents got an email from my math teacher who was telling them how proud she was of me and how I always strove to understand everything and there was some implication that I did it bc I liked what I was learning, which like, I mean, I like geometry a lot more than algebra bc it's simpler, and I don't exactly hate it, but I certainly wouldn't do it for pleasure. At all. And yeah, I ask her about everything I don't understand (she insisted to the whole class to please ask her anything if we needed help, so i had permission; if she wasn't available tho, I just would have asked my dad or a friend who is good at math to explain it to me) and ask her to show me exactly what I did wrong and what would be the correct answer but all of that is bc well, if I'm going to do well in the class, I need to understand what I did wrong in order to fix it, and like, math classes always build on each other, so if I don't smth I will later have problems with it, and also like, I'm already stuck with the class whether I like it or not, if I'm going to do smth, I'm going to do it well. Which is smth my mom has complained a lot of times, especially during last school year when I had a lot of late assignments bc I was too anxious about doing any of them bc I was afraid of doing it wrong or bc I didn't have the energy to think clearly so I wouldn't be able to do my best so like yeah…I ended up not doing the assignments at all (this is the part that I hate about this all or nothing thing with me, but let's focus on the positive side right now). Or with projects, I once stayed awake until like 5 am like several nights straight to do a project for economics class which like…I decided to make my own illustrations for each slide of the ppt to illustrate the information on top of doing the reading and answering the questions stuff…and I was already in a hurry with it bc I didn't know the school put assigned summer readings in the school's website (it was my first year in this country and nobody had said anything about it the year prior, plus it was quarantine time) and the teacher gave me a few extra days bc I still needed to hurry up in reading the book so yeah, I should have done smth more simple and fast to just submit it and get a grade but it wouldn't have been doing my best, not even near my best and I was already compromising on some stuff to not take too long since there wasn't too much time for my initial ideas so…yep. The teacher loved my project tho (and gave me a 100 even tho it was one day late) and asked if she could use it for her class of next year soooo…totally worth it. But yeah, i was sort of confused that Geometry teacher thought to send an email like that when I have only been trying to understand the concepts I am assigned to learn?

Thinking, thinking, thinking….you know what, I want to put my height in here just annoy my sister (she would be all dramatic annoying fake pitying dramatic gasp about it and would drag the younger ones to her side of the argument) but she wouldn't even see it plus I don't actually care about heights (I just care that she's annoying about it almost daily) so that would also be a lie so another thing….you know what, i already got 11 in one morning, coming back to this later

12 - Okay, so I hate all my health problems, absolutely hate them, so annoying and expensive and restricting and confusing BUT—how do I word this…it has 2 parts…umm…okay, so I'm really familiar with the clinic in Peru I used to go all the time and, okay I hated having to go to the clinic so many times, especially towards the end, but I liked being familiar with it? Like, the people, the sense of a community, the building, the routine. It was probably more familiar than my schools since I changed schools a few times while the clinic was there ALWAYS (until we moved countries and I never expected to miss the fucking clinic but it happened which wtf but also makes sense which also omg mila (ノ◇≦。) but also, the medical system was definitely easier and less expensive than whatever the fuck they have going on here, plus not having all our usual doctors, so there is also a practical reason aside from me unreasonably missing everything that was familiar including things I didn't even like much). That's the first part. Second part is that it has brought…lessons ig. Like, idk, it's been a huge formative part of my life. About health and food and family stuff and experiences. Like, I hate having the health problems (they are A LOT better now than when I was younger as long I do some things to keep it that way, but yeah, really grateful for that) but also, I don't really know who I would be without those experiences? Changed the whole family too so like…idk, it's weird but felt worth mentioning.

13 - That I'm really curious and like learning.

14 - Sense of style

15 - Loyalty—to people (like, even swallowed down all my shyness and anxiety to try to reconnect with some childhood friends I hadn't talked in forever bc moving countries and depression thing) (going well, really happy that we are talking again) but also like to interests and values ig? Like, most of my likes (superheroes, anime, drawing, maybe writing but not sure about that one, all started before I even turned 8 y/o) and like, aside from maturing and a couple of things, I don't think I've changed much at all. I have never stopped liking smth I used to like anyways.

16 - Openness ig? Like, I never want to be a bother so it depends on the person and the history i have with them and sometimes on the occasion, but I never really had any problems asking for help or speaking about my problems or feelings

17 - My handwriting when it's not written in a hurry

18 - My attention to detail

19 - Not getting mad easily—which is you know good with being an older sister too bc like...my dad is really annoying (but like jokingly annoying) and a lot of times bc of it (or some other times other family members) my sister and my mom get mad about some small comment they take seriously and then they get angry and leave the table or living room or whatever and then it's like all awkward bc the mood got broken (which also, a little hypocritical especially bc the sister also loves to be annoying in purpose with everyone of us) but unlike them, the middle sister and me like...we don't really care much about it? We are usually the ones that get more teased by the others but it's like, smth one therapist didn't understand, which was so annoying wtf did setting boundaries had to do with my siblings being annoying, I don't care that they are annoying bc it's like, we usually get along well (presently; there used to be constant fighting between 2 of them we were little but they are better now) and they have always been annoying but it's like, a game, I know they are not serious about the matter. I can be annoying back if I feel like it and it's all in good fun. The only times I don't like it it's when it's actually serious, with you know, intention to hurt or being passively aggressive mad about smth, stuff like that. Point is that yeah, it's also good for sibling diplomacy bc I'm rarely the one getting mad with the other ones.

20 - That I like dogs

…I can't think of 5 more. Uf, let's see…okay, getting desperate here but—

21 - That I'm Peruvian

22 - Good at cooking

23 - Good at planning

24 - My self-awareness

25 - That I like to be more positive and hopeful about things in general I think? (myself is usually an exception) Constant argument with my sister bc she can be so pessimistic sometimes. Like, life is already hard enough as it is, having fun and connecting with people makes things more enjoyable, so why not try to focus on the bright side whenever possible and make things better. She thinks I'm naive, I know I can be naive, but also, if I have to live I'm going to enjoy it bc what's the point otherwise. Generalizing things doesn't help. I think.

OKAY!! DONE!! 25 THINGS!!! FINALLY 😭💖

Thank you again and I hope you are all doing well <33

#please nobody ask me this again/lh #i had to resort for a strengths list quiz they made me do in therapy for ideas #u know for at least half of these #i had several negative counterpoints that i refrained from adding and shut the mental door on them to dismiss them #be proud of me for that #the good side of having to do 25 of these things is that I don't have to struggle anymore in choosing only 10 followers lol #but also #love this game #it's really a great way to spread positivity and the idea is just so nice #glad that it exists and that u all thought of me to send it to <3 #brightens the day and it's a good exercise #i just will die if I have to think of even 2 more things anytime soon 😂 #mila habla #asks

[rainbowcolored7]

I'ma say something about The Situation and it might be a bit harsh but hear me out:

Not everything have to be a fandom activity. Flat.

This is a case that involves actual criminal acts, that's not for fandom to engage with, parse, or involve itself with. This is something for everyone to sit back and not take part in like a spectator sport waiting to see who "wins". Because no one wins in a situation like this; not victims, not fans, not the cast, not the crew, no one. It's sad and it's tragic and it's completely beyond us as fans especially international fans who really are getting all our information second and third hand from non-journalistic sources. This is simply not a space for fandom. This isn't fiction, it's real life and there is no fandom for real life. There shouldn't be fandom for real life. We do not know these people, they are strangers to us. We have no place in their lives, especially during situation like this which are damaging and intimate and emotional.

So I'm not involving myself in this. I'm making not assumptions, I'm not forming opinions, I'm not taking sides, and I'm not engaging in any rhetoric especially the victim blaming kind. This is a situation that does not involve us as individuals, we need to remove ourselves from the equation we are not important here. What's important is for the authorities and legal teams involved to find the truth at the very least, and justice if there is to be any found.

This is beyond the show itself, which is a separate entity. If people can't make peace with the taint of this and that ruins their enjoyment, that's valid and I mourn that for them.

But ultimately, this isn't about us as fans. Fandom shouldn't be as involved as it is with any of this. This is not a space for fandom.

Hey nonnie, apologies for the delay in responding to this. I've been caught between debating whether or not I wanted to answer and publish this, and also trying to find enough spoons to give it a proper response (the depression has been hitting me like a semi-truck).

Putting the rest under a cut 'cause it's long. And before anyone reads this and feels the need to come into my asks or dms just know I will not be responding to any more in relation to, as nonnie put so well, The Situation.

Whatever the evidence, allegations and/or outcome, Build and Poi deserve their privacy. This is not a circus, show, reality tv. This is real, they are real people, and they are strangers and it is frankly none of our fucking business.

Anywho. First off, I want to actually thank you for coming into my inbox with this, because you're absolutely right. I was already debating stepping away from fandom for a bit when this arrived in my inbox, and it helped me to take a step back and use my brain for a moment. Because it is so easy to get wrapped up in the lives of the actors who helped give us such an amazing and unforgettable show. They helped give life to these characters, and I love them with my entire heart for that. The actors are not their characters, obviously, I am quite clear about that, but their faces, their voices, their love and support toward those characters are not nothing and are very intertwined in their real lives. This alone is why I believe so many people are having such a difficult time with The Situation, as you put it. That and the brain rot of what social media is nowadays, strangers believe they have a right to someone's private life, and if it's not openly shared then you must be a horrible person etc. etc.

I think, initially for myself and a lot of others, it was just the complete shock of the situation that had us all scrambling within the fandom. I've since taken a step back and decided to not engage in any speculation or Build related content because, as you said, these are real life people whose lives we do not know, and they deserve their privacy to be respected while things get worked through the legal system. Does that mean I'm not interested in what the final outcome will be? No. I would like to know, just so I can be certain I'm not supporting an abusive person (and hopefully nobody will twist my words here to mean I am supporting either of them now because I am not because we do not have all the information and what we do have can easily be misunderstood due to translations etc.) But I'm not going to be holding my breath or waiting around or deep diving.

This fandom, these actors, the show, the community, all of it has brought me so much joy and I want it to continue doing so. I'm fully aware therapy is the ideal option, but having KP and all that comes with it helped keep me from completely losing myself after my father past away. It's been my joy, my escape, my love and my peace. KP renewed my creativity and got me writing and drawing (and posting them, not keeping them hidden away) after TEN fucking years! So, yes, I spun a little like a crazy person when everything first started, and I am still trying to find a better balance, and trying not to look at Pete and see Build. It's hard, but I'm getting there, and I think everyone should seriously consider everything nonnie has said.

Okay, I'm all sweaty now. Much love, and please everyone be kind to each other. This is not worth losing friends or setting the entire fandom on fire. It's just really not. 🙏🏻❤

#answered asks #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #build jakapan #daemi #poi patchayamon #tw sa #tw domestic abuse #tw domestic violence #tw assault #okay now nobody else talk to me about this i really really do not want to engage with this situation at all #i want to enjoy kp and the tour and the rest of the cast #i refuse to let this sour my view of everything

[unstabull]

TW victim blaming, mis-gendering in screenshot

TW personal mentions of my own abuse /trauma

warning for a long post

So I was going to just block and move on but considering @bcbdrums decided to post a screen shot with my username and tag the whole soul eater fandom in an attempt to, I dunno, shame me? I feel I need to at least say SOMETHING on my own behalf. I am trying to learn I matter and can stand up for myself and I think this is a good time to practice that.

So when the original post was made, in my head I was thinking to myself "I didn't tag or say who said the thing, I simply made it known the thing was said, so I could give my own opinion" and although I was a bit nervous in the end I decided this is my blog and I am allowed to have and even share an opinion.

I am a nervous mentally ill trauma survivor myself hence why I love Crona in the first place, so when I first even noticed the comment on my original post I was filled with immediate fear, because I had already openly disagreed with this person before. Now after some hours of panic and my mate waking up, so they could tell me what the comment said in the first place, (I was too frozen with fear to even go on the app), they suggested I not delete my post (which was my immediate reaction) and instead just block and remove the comment.

I did this because one I wasn't looking for an argument or a discussion, if I was I'd of reblogged the original post where the original thing was said. Two the reply itself was talking about how "the quote in that book meant adult child relationship-" I literally addressed this first thing by saying that no adults, in the universe in which we are discussing, are offering that help. So by starting with that they were ignoring what I already said. Three if you innately hate Crona why are you even near my blog? Personally I hate soul x maka and I could go comment on everything to do with it, but guess what? I don't, because I don't need to.

Now, when I was shown parts of a post, you ask why no one will talk to you about this ship, and instead they block or ignore you. From just a small search from back at our first interaction, I found many posts proving it would of been pointless to try discussing anything with you. One of the most concerning to me was this one:

you clearly hate Crona (and misgender them). In this post, you victim blame an abused child saying that they're willing in their actions? "Dont care if (their) mom was horrible that's no excuse" You are blaming an abused teen for doing what their abuser tells them they must, this kid is 15 and been groomed since day one of its life, and you're calling them cold blooded and willing? meaning they feel nothing no remorse and want to do these things? that's literally not true you are just insanely bias by your hate. If you actually understood what abused kids go through and feel you would know Crona had no options and deeply truly felt it had no choice. Even Maka understood this.

Now I'm not gonna continue about that or even go out of my way to pull any "evidence" for you on why Crona was clearly unwilling, because of posts like this:

"Crona should have died" like why the hell should anyone even attempt talking to you about this subject, when you're saying stuff like this? "It would have made Crona's story meaningful" you've obviously made up your mind that Crona is some heartless monster undeserving of forgiveness, and will forever be guilty in your eyes, so the idea you really believe you are capable of discussing this topic is ridiculous. And I'd like to stress again, you are talking about a mentally ill, abused 15 year old in the above post... fictional or not, I find your hate towards this abused teen disturbing. I really can't even imagine how you would view and treat real victims of abuse. I mean again even if it's fiction, you openly think a teenager deserves to die because in your eyes its the only way they can, what? "repent"? Like honestly that's pretty ableist in my opinion. The fact you can't accept that Crona is worth helping and deserves to be saved shows just how little you got out of this series.

Now I am going to discuss more personal topics and down to why I felt I truly needed to say something in the first place.

As previously stated I am an abuse and trauma survivor myself, I have been through a lot, and my first abuser was my older brother, and therefore I could not get away from him. Having a family member abuse you from day one and constantly be in power of you, and above you, and stronger than you, is extremely detrimental. I had him bullying me almost 24/7 growing up until I was finally about 11 or 12 when he went to live with my bio father. I was SO relieved he was leaving I cried with relief and couldn't wait till he left. And It wasn't until a couple of years later when I was about 14 that he came back. I was terrified. Now here's where people assume I should have said something or done something or perhaps even isolated completely to get away from my abuser (I did that near the end).

Well as a survivor of abuse I tend to always blame myself by default, and back then I had no confidence, I was pretending to be cishet, and also hiding that I wasn't "normal". So when my brother came home I was subservient to him almost immediately. I kept his secrets, I played the role assigned, I was his punchline, I was his errand boy.

Like Crona I felt I had no options and my best choice was to protect myself and to do whatever my abuser wanted and keep them appeased. Even if that meant hiding everything and pretending we were close. Yes Crona is fictional but their character means a lot to people who have been through or are going through abuse like that especially familial. And your comments that Crona is a willing participant and guilty because they do what their abuser says, really is insensitive to people who have been in a situation or are still in a situation in which they must do what an abuser wishes, or believe they must do it.

Now another point you keep bringing up is how "Crona needs therapy" an argument that is moot because no one in the universe in which this character lives is offering such help. And even if they were openly offering therapy to Crona it's still not the only thing mentally ill abused people need. Especially ones that have gone through childhood trauma and continued abuse.

I first went to therapy when I was about 15 or 16, because I was young I was treated as if I had no need to depressed or struggling in the first place. My first counselor not only taught me that masking was best so that I didn't make others uncomfortable, she also would talk about other cases she was working on. I decided to find another. Again because I was young I was not taken as seriously, and because I had learned to mask so well from my last counselor my new one didn't recognize any signs and after a year she "graduated" me. I've tried a few others throughout the years and all to no avail. It took me a bit more than decade from my first counselor to finally find one that knows what they're doing, has been through trauma, and is actually helping me.

"Go to therapy" isn't the magical fix neurotypicals think it is. And asking us to completely open up to strangers in a system that could possibly lock us up and harm us for our thoughts and feelings is such a ridiculous request. Most mental health providers I have met are not trust worthy.

Now that doesn't mean I have said anywhere that therapy doesn't work, or should be avoided or disregarded. But I am also not going to pretend like it's all we need either. I am a mentally ill, trauma survivor and I am so tired of people telling me what I experienced, and what I need. I know exactly what I needed, I was there. And I know what it's like asking adults for help and looking to adults for help and getting none. I don't need to have someone come at me on my private blog trying to convince me that I'm wrong and that I don't know what I'm talking about when I have literally been through a lot of what I discuss. Also I don't need someone framing it like me posting on my personal blog about a book on trauma and a fictional character is "spreading misinformation" that's ridiculous. I have done nothing wrong.

As someone with experience being abused and being through trauma I know for a fact if I had, had someone near me, near my age to befriend me, and that I could trust, that would have done me a lot of good. Not because they would have "fixed" me but because I would have gradually started to learn that I am capable of being loved, and that I deserve good things. A very important step for those of us with trauma.

And in conclusion I want to say this whole thing has been quite ridiculous. The fact there was even a need to publicly post the screen shot with my username included in the first place, along with adding the tags to the main fandom to, again I can only assume, try to shame me? is just weird to me in general, and all this because I blocked someone for my own wellbeing. This is all I have to say on the matter, I felt I should stand up for myself, and after seeing a screen shot of this person saying they "really want it to be explained to them" I decided to give the reasons why I don't bother discussing topics with people like that, and people who think in the ways shown in the above screen shots, there is nothing to be said, because they are never going to listen. I hope this marks the end of whatever this has been, I have said what I feel I not only have a right to say but honestly should say.

I want to thank whoever reached the end of this post I appreciate your time, and if you agree with either of the screenshots above we should now part ways.

#UNSTABULL #mental illness #mental health

[dryams03]

Unheard voices.

This is a vent of both admins. Please take your time to read.

A witter's voice.

Well, how do I start this? I call myself a writer. I am an amateur of course, but it pleases my soul when I say it, not because I want other people to see me like that, but because I am full of powerlessness. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve hated this world, nothing real gave me that feeling of joy that maybe everyone else feels. Ever since I was a kid, fiction was my world: Series, movies, anime, comics, anything that could give me a sense of escape. That’s what made me start to create my own fantasy world, no, bigger, better, my own universe. A place where I could make all the rules, a place where everything was possible in a way or another. I called that place Nix, as the Greek goddess of night.

When I was a teenager, the fantasy was over. I face a new world, a new system, like every other teenager I was at the middle of the balance between childhood and adulthood. I knew what I didn’t want to be, but nothing else. I didn’t want to be that name on the paper, that face on the mirror, that voice flying through air. I found myself at the bottom of the abysm. I regret life sometimes, I tried to do horrible things to myself, and then I met her.

She was brilliant, she was something from out of this world, she was from another universe, she was fantasy, and such magical being told me something I will never forget. It was something one could find tiny but for me meant everything. “You talk like a writer”, she said and just like that I saw a new possibility. I started to dig deeply looking for that old fantasy universe I thought was lost forever and I found it. I feed it like my son, I made him stronger, better…I think. I took a cloak, a mask and a name and I called myself Sander.

I thought that was the answer, I thought Sander was my savior, but I couldn’t be more wrong. I was still in this damned world, attached with its rules, and I started to live to lives. Then I fell once again when I faced adulthood, my dreams were crushed, reality was more than just that, dreams. But my former self died with those failed tries. I became something more, something…maybe useless. I don’t even know why I’m writing all this. I call myself a writer but I do not see myself as one. Some people tell me I have a gift, I have the creativity of a kid, I can create a long story with anything, an object, a name, an animal, a thought. Any tiny detail gives me countless ideas. But I do not see that as a gift, I do not know how to see it.

I wrapped myself with this coat to feel cold and safe, outside is too hot, makes me feel I’m burning in the fire of this cursed society. I wear masks because I don’t want to see my inexpressive face, I wear those masks to hide my fear from myself. I try hard, I am trying hard to fit in this world with my dreams, I am fighting for them, we are. But I always feel it is not enough, although I fight for this dream, to make every piece fit with the others, to write in English even when it is not my native language. I try hard to do the best and still I am afraid I cannot enjoy what I do anymore…

When I’m in front of the blank page I start to write gladly, feeling free and alive. But then suddenly all the dark thoughts came from that abysm I am trying to escape from. My dream, is bigger than one could think. Of course, I want it to maintain my life, to not end on the street. But my dream is to give other people a new option, as a kid, a teenager and now, I had this option, Nix. A new escape option, maybe on the future people doesn’t have to go through the same I went, maybe kids won’t feel they don’t have place on this world if they can find inspiration in the Nix. But the bad feeling that haunts me every night gets in the middle of the road, “I am not a good writer, I am just a clown, a Peter Pan, it is just a matter of time before I find myself lost forever”. I am scared.

I don’t even want fame, not for me, not for fill my ego. If I’d wish to have fame it would be only with one reason, show the Nix to more people easier. When I work on Nix I do it with my inner boy in mind. The truth is I am failure, as a son, as a brother, as a kid, a teenager or an adult. I’ve been a failure my entire life. I always wondered why is it so easy for me to talk about my life but so difficult to simply take off my mask? Obviously, I won’t give up, not now, I guess I’m just sharing how I feel because I have no friends. I just…I don’t know how to feel about myself, about my dream, about my Nix, people say I have a gift to create and write, but I cannot believe that. It is like when your mom says you are beautiful, maybe you are but, she won’t say you are ugly if she loves you. I wish I could believe I have that gift; it would be easier not to feel like a failure.

I just want to be free…

An artist's voice.

"You can be anything you want" she said me once. And she was right. Like I were a shift shafter, I melted myself once again to fit in every single spot I should be. I always should be. I never want to be. All my wants were buried under a huge pyramid of tasks. I took the risk to reach the top, but now that I'm here, everything is tasteless, I'm to tired to enjoy my own little lie. Then he told me with an illusion I couldn't understand "I want to get known you better. I wanted to meet the real you" I felt scared. Who was the real me? Who was I anyway? I saw myself as a mixture of public opinions and failed "what I'm supposed to be". I panicked. Who am I? I never cared about myself.

Then I realized I was a failed artist. I always ran away from failure. Still, I was a failure myself. Perhaps that was what were happening at me. I was running from myself. And now that I accepted my own truly being, that I found the reason why I was hiding for. The only thing I want is escape. Is to be free. If I'm an adult, why I don't feel myself free?

Perhaps it's because I'm still a child. My art makes me feel free, but what's the point in doing art if every single time you hold a pencil you feel pity or guiltiness?

Once I had wings and now I have left only hands and feet, to run or create. But if the times flies from my hands and I'm not fast enough to reach it.

What's the point in keep myself suffering for a dream I cannot chase. I have no wings to reach the top of the sky.

Still, I'm here. Building castles in the air, planning a stairway to the moon and I'm still incapable to make it. Perhaps I wasn't able to do anything from the mere begining.

I only want to fly away, I want to take his hand and fly away from what hurt us the most: reality. And hide myself on him, on his world, that one he always told me is mine too. I want to paint my own imaginations, make them real.

And then recover that child that was in me and take care of her. As she always had to keep everything inside. I want to be free. I want to be me.

#vent #artist's voice #writer's voice

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

(Not hate) okay so about that one controversial fic. I’m not gonna say anything bad about but I’m actually just genuinely curious why you decided to write something like that? Considering that there’s way less controversial things to write about, why did you decide to write that?

i think i answered something similar a while ago, but it got lost on my blog bc i am incapable of tagging things properly lol i can never find anything

i am a person that likes to be challenged. i like taking an unusual or controversial concept and exploring it (one of the reasons i invented and did kink!week, where i challenged myself to write abt unusual/odd/misunderstood kinks and tried to make it genuinely hot, even if i personally wasn't necessarily into it). truth is, i got bored with the fanfic community and the type of content that was preferred, and i was honestly bored with it for a while before writing this fic. no hate to fandom writers -- i think there is a place and an audience for everyone, but i craved a different type of content, both to read and to write. i felt like i was expected to throw out fics that are basically all a variation on the same concept, and i felt i'd go nuts if i read one more larissa x teacher!reader self-insert fic. i felt like the content was just used for self-insert gratification and porn with little to no plot or actual character exploration/development. and honestly, nothing wrong with that, but i was hungry for stories with substance, or even slightly more imaginative smut, if we're talking smut (and let's be real this is a very horny fandom lol).

so one morning i was scrolling through the Webbed Site, as one does, and i stumbled upon a larissa x wednesday fic by a person whose username i honestly don't even remember, but they were not a popular or a known creator. and i was like, what the hell, let's see if this is cringe and if it is i can be Outraged with my wife later. and while Some of it was cringe, i felt like there was actual substance to the story and that their dynamic made sense, even if there were bits that i disliked and the grammar was very poor. and i was like, wow, that actually felt refreshing to read, even with its many flaws. at least it was original.

so i started to wonder -> under which circumstances would these two characters actually make sense? how do i create a world in which that relationship would work? i love to challenge myself as a writer, and i thought about it until i came up with a narrative that could support my idea!

i am honestly surprised by how many people are appalled by the concept of ageing up a character? that has been around for as long as fandom exists. i didn't think it would be *that* controversial, and if you read my story i honestly don't think there is anything Outrageous in it. in fact, i think it's much, much tamer than MANY popular fandom works. i expected some backlash bc people are generally close-minded online and have very Specific ideas abt what is Moral and what is Not, but i didn't expect people to go *this* nuts lol. i am better prepared for next time, i guess

and even if my work was like. Immoral and Horrible, it's fiction. if you don't like it, don't read it. i feel we encounter a genuine problem when people try to control and police other people and the type of content that gets written and posted -- a lot like young people trying to erase "problematic tags" from ao3. i am not saying certain things aren't problematic, but there is a distinction to be made between fiction and real life. people are allowed to write about whatever they want to write about, and it doesn't make them criminals, murderers, pedophiles, or morally corrupt and evil.

i honestly think most people who have accused me of promoting pedophilia wouldn't recognise sexual abuse if it was happening before their eyes irl lol. and besides, i never said oh go fuck your former teacher, that's a great idea!!! (i know fandom people who have bragged abt doing that though lol) i have simply written a story about two characters that are both consenting adults, and you can take it or leave it.

i am, in fact, writing a new fic that does deal with pedophilia, ephebophilia to be precise with my terminology, sexual assault and cycles of abuse -- how and why they happen and whether they can be broken and how. it's a very personal story and i pull a lot from my own life experience with sexual abuse as a minor. it's, obviously, not a romance or a ship story, but it *is* set in the wednesday universe -- and i am SURE i will get another bout of "kill yourself" messages, to which i say, i don't give a shit. i think people who send that type of shit are sad and deranged -- and tbh, you can send me those day in and day out and i would still i post whatever the fuck i wanted. i got angry with all the ignorance and hate that i witnessed after i published "particular" and i now feel the need to write what people think they witnessed in my story.

all that being said, i am also a person that likes to poke at the status quo. my answer to "why" is "why not?" so you can take that as you will. i am not harming anybody and i don't see why i should be apologetic about writing a fic that i wanted to write.

i appreciate you asking a genuine question and not hiding behind anon! this is my genuine answer, and i hope it's somewhat satisfying -- if not, that's too bad bc it's the only one i've got.

#i got an ask! #particular tag

[luciehercndale]

I want to say that I relate to the part about feeling insulted when someone insults a character I like, it feels like they insult ME. Well for me it hasn't necessarily happened with fictional characters but with other things I loved. For example, I had this favorite band a while ago and one of my friends would sometimes say rude things about them, like how she couldn't understand why they were so popular and that their music wasn't that good. I felt like my taste and by extension me were getting insulted. It took me a while to understand that a) she did NOT mean it like that, it was just that the band wasn't her taste at all, and b) even if she did think people who like the band have horrible taste, I should not let that make me feel bad. People like things others find bad all the time because taste and opinions are diverse. No one will ever like or respect everything you like, and you will never have everyone like or respect YOU. And you cannot let that ruin your day. Easier said than done ofc, especially when you strongly identify with something, but you cannot go through life forever needing everyone, especially strangers, to feel and act a certain way in regards to you.

I will also say that it really depends on WHO says the hurtful things. I had another friend who insulted that same band but she clearly did it to make me feel bad about myself and my taste. So in that case I had a reason to feel insulted bc she was actually insulting me. But most people are not like that.

I generally believe I felt offended because a) I'm passionate about my interests and b) I would never speak badly about other people's interests and c) also because I'm an insecure person tbh.

I didn't really do anything (i.e. distancing myself from my interest in order to feel better), the interest simply went away at some point, so I don't really have any tips in that regard. But stepping away for a bit might be a good idea. You can always come back if you want.

Sorry I can't help more, I just thought I'd share and I want you to know I understand you <3

Thanks for answering 🥺 that's probably what I'll do. I don't want to go for good but I can manage my time here (do the pomodoro technique lol) so I have a healthier relationship with this site. I will still love these characters, I just need my obsession to wean off a bit because that is the problem... the hyperfixation and too much identification to the point the lines blur. At the end of the day, they are fictional and I am a real person.

#posta

[one-abuse-survivor]

first i want to say, i know you won’t be able to remember or find it because i didn’t sign it or anything, but a long time ago i vented to you about the abuse and trauma i was enduring, and i wanted to let you know that i’m in a much better state of mind now, and i’ve learned a lot of coping skills that have helped me emotionally regulate to the point i can function. thank you for listening to me during that time and being so supportive, it really helped a lot.

now comes a content warning: [mentions of abuse, physical assault, violence, rape]. i’d like to ask your thoughts on something new. i’m a young adult now, been one for years, i’m working on building my own life and everything, have a healthy romantic relationship now and all that. not everything is perfect, but things are pretty good compared to how it used to be. recently, i started having frequent vivid nightmares. it’s not just general scary stuff. i had a dream that a boy i’ve only talked to a few times raped me. he’s never done that in real life. the dream still felt real. i’ve had multiple nightmares about my dad physically and emotionally abusing me and my family. there’s lots of hitting. last night, i dreamt that he was physically assaulting us, and he even choked me out. i thought he was going to try to kill me. the dreams about my dad have relevance to real life, as he has abused us in real life, though not to the level of violence that my dreams have. i thought the nightmares might be part of trying to finally start to recover from long-term trauma. but some of the dreams don’t have anything to do with trauma i’ve endured. they’re always traumatic, but not trauma i’ve had in real life. i really don’t know what to think or to do. i’ve never had nightmares this bad before, not even in the midst of my real-life trauma. it makes it hard to sleep. i even feel afraid to sleep sometimes, like if one wakes me up in the middle of the night, i might try to stay awake because i’m afraid of what else i might experience when i fall back asleep. on one hand i want to know why i’m having so many so often, so that maybe i can use that information to help relieve myself of them. on the other, i want to know how to cope with them. i know they aren’t real, logically speaking, but i am having real, painful emotional and cognitive experiences, so the knowledge that it “isn’t real” doesn’t really help me. i wanted to ask your thoughts on this. thank you again for listening :) i hope you have a great day ♥️

Hi, nonnie! I might not know what your previous ask was, but I'm really glad to hear from you again and to hear you're doing well. I'm really glad to have been of help ❤️

The nightmares you've been having sound horrific, and I'm really sorry you're going through this :(

I can tell you that it's not uncommon to develop new symptoms of (C-)PTSD years after the traumatic events have stopped. So yes, the nightmares only recently starting up can be a PTSD symptom, even if they never happened during the time you went through the trauma. But I'm not a professional, and I can't really tell you why you're having them so often. I can theorise, and say that maybe as you've progressed in your recovery and have started to feel safe in your real life, your subconscious is feeding you horrible traumatic scenarios in an attempt to keep you prepared in case anything bad happens again, like it doesn't want to let its guard fully down yet. But that's just one possible reason this could be happening.

Also, although I've never had a phase of frequent nightmares as severe as yours, I have had many trauma nightmares over the years, and I've also dreamt about my mother doing things she never actually did in real life. So, you're not the only one! And I personally think it makes sense. Dreams aren't coherent or rational, and they naturally tend to mix reality with fiction, at least for me. So I personally don't worry too much about my trauma nightmares being an accurate reflection of the abuse I endured.

As for ways to cope with the nightmares, I'm afraid I also can't be of much help. I can tell you that certain habits can make us more prone to vividly experiencing/remembering our dreams. For example, if you consistently don't get enough sleep, your brain might sink directly into the deep sleep phase when you go to bed, and that can make you more aware of what you're dreaming. On a different note, one thing that used to help me years ago (not with nightmares, but with insomnia) was to fall asleep while reading the most boring books I could find, and not stop reading until I fell asleep. Maybe this could work as a distraction for you, to keep your mind away from replaying your previous nightmares in your mind as you fall asleep.

Is therapy an option for you currently? It sounds like a good therapist could give you some guidance on how to cope with the nightmares, and could also dig deeper into why this is happening and maybe give you some outlets or exercises to work through what's causing them.

I hope things get better soon. Sending all my support your way ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Rape tw #Sa tw #Physical assault tw #Violence tw #Nightmares tw #Ptsd tw #Physical abuse mention #Choking tw #Abusive father tw #Abusive father

[bloody-wonder]

Thank you for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), who are your top 10 favorite characters from all of the books (fiction) that you've finished? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks...

thanks for asking! i love making lists and rankings so this is some awesome enrichment for me :D i didn’t manage to come up with a definitive top 10 favorite bookish faves list but while i was thinking about it i realized that almost all of my faves can be sorted into certain archetypes so instead i will break down those archetypes, explain why i like them and highlight one or two characters in each of them that i do consider to be my all time faves :))

*i’m sorry but this is gonna be mostly a sausage fest bc female characters who embody these specific archetypes are few and far between🤷‍♂️

**i will only mention what book the character is from if you can’t find it out by googling

***the obligatory disclaimer: i don’t condone any of this irl, fiction and real life are different things etc etc. most of these guys are horrible people so it’s a good thing they’re fictional and can’t hurt you and the staff i say about them is just dark humor and sarcasm etc etc🤡

****some are not from books but i had to mention them

welcome to my evil blorbo empire! >:)

nasty incel, thinks he deserves to get the girl, murders people about it: the phantom, severus snape, frollo, father konstantin (the winternight trilogy), joe goldberg, heathcliff (don’t remember if he actually murders anyone but otherwise he fits). disgusting irl, fascinating in fiction. this one’s probably the most controversial on this list and i have psychoanalyzed myself for a long time trying to understand why i’m drawn to reading about these guys. the answer probably is that i find relatable wanting something which you don’t deserve and which can never be yours and can vicariously live out the dark fantasies of obtaining it by any means no matter how vile. “be mine or you will burn”. as i grew older and learned about misogyny, objectification, male gaze an so on, i learned to enjoy this kind of stories more critically but still an obsessive friend-zoned maniac makes me go👀 it’s especially fun if he has something else going on as well: the phantom’s shtick for example is the whole tortured monster genius thing and what i love about snape is his,, let’s call it dedication lol. seriously the guy never moves on, it would’ve probably been better for everyone including himself but nope. he said i’m gonna stay right here in this puddle of anger, guilt and self-loathing and make everyone around as miserable as i am. relatable.

queer swashbuckler, trickster, possibly outlaw: francis crawford of lymond, captain jack sparrow, lock lamora (not queer. yet.), seregil i korit, yan wushi (technically not a swashbuckler but a wuxia equivalent maybe?), savonn silvertongue (the magpie ballads), robin loxleigh (the gentle art of fortune hunting - the regency era equivalent), eugenides the thief (not sure about this one yet). i love adventure stories, i love queers with swords, i love sassy conmen, i love gay evil wizards. lymond fits several categories on this list but i feel like this one describes his archetype the best. won’t say much more about him, he’s the love of my life💖 jack sparrow is not a book character but i couldn’t leave him out of this bc he’s the first character i was ever obsessed with and even now he would definitely make my top 5. you may ask how is he queer and i will tell you to rewatch the potc trilogy with an open mind and behold his vibes🙌

slytherclaw schemer, conniving politician, often mean bc people are stupid: the entire lannister family, laurent of vere, sherlock, dr house (both are from tv shows but had to include them bc they’re the embodiments of the douchebag ravenclaw archetype which i love), the littlefinger, margaret lennox (the lymond chronicles), jin guangyao, shen jiu, phil burbank (he’s kinda a mix between 1 and 3, definitely doesn’t want a girl tho lol), tom irwin (the history boys), milady de winter, seiji katayama, marquise de merteuil, aramis, bai rong, john childermass. brainy is the new sexy. reckless bravery is out, thinking ten steps ahead and manipulating people is in. sure, this isn’t very nice of you but don’t worry bc the narrative will assign you a gryffinpuff friend or love interest who will love you no matter how mean you are to them😁 (unless you’re the antagonist, then ofc you don’t need friends). maybe there’s something to be said about being kind and patient irl but fiction is for living out the fantasies of being the smartest bitch in the kingdom who makes people scared and horny. laurent is the epitome of this and i have already talked about why i like lymond jr at length (1, 2). and tyrion lannister has a tragic love story and daddy issues to boot, so as someone who has a tender spot in her heart for cripples, bastards and broken things i just couldn’t walk past. in this category we also finally have some ladies who have done nothing wrong ever and i love them😌

queercoded murderous sociopath (basically 1 but queer): tom ripley, hannibal lecter (queercoded in the show), xue yang, the mystery protag of gentlemen and players, graham reid malett, henry winter (the secret history), oh sangwoo (i do think he’s straight, it makes the story juicier), yoon seungho, dorian gray. listen, my tastes are depraved but they are also classy. this is about the quintessential queer experience of not knowing whether you want to be them or to be with them and solving the dilemma by beating them to death with an oar and drowning the corpse in the sea. or pushing them off the roof. or blinding them. or eating them. or breaking their legs. lol by now you must’ve realized i have lots of bottled up rage and zero social skills and take to characters who help me channel this condition into fictional psychosexual stabbing. i don’t think there’s a *fave of all time* in this group of fucked up guys but if i had to choose their union representative it would probably be xue yang. either you can fix him or he stabs you and sleeps next to your corpse for eight years, it’s a win-win👍 

feral bastards & drama queens, mostly not straight either: andrew minyard, neil josten, kevin day, wei wuxian, howl pendragon, yashiro (twittering birds never fly), jinx, henry “monty” montague, boris pavlikovsky, francis abernathy, cardan greenbriar, aiden kane, the gentleman with the thistledown hair. *takes all of the aftg mcs, slaps the feral drama queen label on them*😅😅 anywho. kevin’s personality is probably the most similar to mine and neil might be my favorite pov character but andrew joseph minyard is an Experience. i can talk forever about why his story and canon characterization is important - as i did two years ago, you can still find those asks on my blog - but the reason why andrew would probably take a spot on my top 10 is bc he’s just so. entertaining. to observe. much like laurent or lymond or jack sparrow he’s larger than life and steals almost every scene he’s in. he’s smart, he’s funny, his dialogue is just exquisite, he’s seemingly effortlessly competent and at the same time so relatably apathetic. neil’s the protag of aftg but andrew (who, ironically, hates the game) is the soul of it. these books just wouldn’t be the same without him and my life certainly wouldn’t either😌

“not good enough”: jiang cheng, theon greyjoy, robin stewart (the lymond chronicles), aaron minyard, the hound, rodion raskolnikov (certainly wasn’t good enough to get away with murder hehe). always overlooked, always second best, always in someone else’s shadow... the only remedy - stabbing people.. lmao but seriously isn’t this the most relatable shit? feeling acutely that you’re not the protag of this story but an unremarkable side character at best or a secondary villain at worst😒 all of these guys are neat and their anger at not getting enough pets and treats is very amusing but the real star of this category is definitely uncle sourgrape aka jiang cheng. his story just hits different bc it’s about the biggest aroace fear - your bestie promises you will be together forever and then elopes with his crush (well he also kinda dies and gets resurrected in between but that’s not important! it’s not about him!!) and then you find out that all this time he’s been doing what’s best for you and so you don’t even have the right to complain that he broke his promise. and everyone acts like you’re evil bc you refuse to forgive and live love laugh >:( maaan did jc & wwx just destroy me😭 i don’t think i’ve ever encountered a non-romantic fictional relationship so ripe with tragedy and insurmountable conflict. can’t even talk about it anymore here have this post and this character study fic😢

she's a heinous bitch and she can step on me: marthe (the lymond chronicles), madam yu (she can step on me twice), attolia, claire zachanassian, captain zamira drakasha, daenerys targaryen (not a bitch in the books. yet.). finally, a ladies’ corner👩🏼‍🤝‍👩🏻💅 there’s very few specifically female character archetypes i like bc even nowadays, although women are hardly a minority in fiction anymore, the archetype of so many of them is just “token girl”🙄 or “love interest”🤮 progress has been made but i have yet to encounter a female lymond. speaking of whomst - marthe, the light of my life, the apple of my eye. dorothy dunnett tried to *spoiler* only to *spoiler* *spoiler* (katie, this is for your benefit😅). anyways, if you’ve read this far and know any fictional ladies who would fit one of the above descriptions please tell me how to find them👀

neurodivergent king (gender neutral): lan wanji, jean baptiste grenouille, murderbot, jahir seni galare, peter gordon (the power of the dog), mr norrell. this one’s pretty new! i’m still exploring this side of myself but i’ve become really interested in characters who interact with the world in ways different from the norm. this is obviously a very mixed bag bc these guys share no traits except for being nd in one way or another but that happens to be what i like about them and find interesting or relatable: grenouille’s unchecked obsession with his special interest, lwj’s trademark poker face and brevity of speech, jahir’s touch-aversion, murderbot’s... everything. also, funny how all of them are either queer and/or killed people. they do have more traits in common after all😅

nlog (affectionate): brienne of tarth, felicity montague, jude duarte, vasya (the winternight trilogy), tatyana larina, sophie hatter (turned herself into an old lady, other girls don’t do that), naomi novik’s heroines. we don’t stan “femininity” in this house. some “femininity” is okay but if a girl isn’t a heinous bitch i like when she has “masculine” pursuits or “male coded” character traits or in some shape or form doesn’t perform the kind of female gender identity the society wants to see. looks like nowadays women online are reclaiming the other girl “slur” and embracing femininity but this is my personal preference🤷‍♂️ no all time faves in this group either but ngl nothing will make me connect to a ya heroine faster than saying that she doesn’t like dresses and baking😅

depressed, byronic, tortured by the ghosts of the past: eugene onegin, most gillian flynn heroines, athos. tbh nothing better and nothing easier to incorporate into your story than a brooding character with a dark past. they’ve seen some shit, they’re tired of life and honestly aren’t we all? lol this positive message concludes my shamelessly long post thanks for reading

#i'm the piper of hamelin and these are my rats #book tag #asks

[marshmallowprotection]

I don't know why am I like that but I always feel so emotional about V. Whenever I think about his fate in different routes, about his complicated love, about the way he thinks and feels, his suffering, his pain, his broken relationships and life; about the way people hate him in the fandom, the harsh words they say... everything.

I love him so much but loving him for some reason always means feeling pain. Whether from reading a certain AE or a hateful comment on the internet or even seeing his absence on a new CG.

I know it all sounds pretty stupid. I know he's not real, but these feelings just don't go away. They eat at my heart very very painfully.

I just want to shield and protect him from all the cruel things thrown at him. I want to hug him from behind, bury my face in his back and cry, whispering "Please, don't betray me. Please, don't leave...".

That's when I remember MC's quote from his route: "Stay. Stay and find a new path". Part of me starts to feel better, remembering his route, his happy or even normal ending, but then I remember it's the only timeline where he is okay and I feel that gnawing pain again.

I can always say to myself that MM is an otome and every route can be a true one depending on who plays the game, I can imagine different scenarios in my head or read fanfics, but it never seems to ease that pain. I don't know why.

God, I feel so stupid. Pathetic even. But I guess that's the price I have to pay for indulging into fictional character's story TOO much.

Sorry for such a long and cringey message. I got too much into explaining those complicated feelings. I wanted to ask whether you experienced something similar. And if yes, any tips how to deal with this?

It's not stupid nor is it pathetic. You care greatly about your favorite character. That's not a problem. Don't let anybody tell you it is. A lot of people are super passionate about the characters that have helped shape the way they are. He feels like an extension of yourself in many ways, I guess. So, if somebody insults him, it almost feels like they're insulting a piece of you because he is a huge part of you. It stings, and it’s not silly to admit that. You don’t want him to hurt horribly when you know he’s capable of change and shaping his life into something he’s deserving of.

It comes with the territory of liking complicated, complex characters. You’ll get a lot of discord and disdain when you really just want to enjoy yourself. It’s a real shame, too, because Jihyun Kim is a character rich with opportunity and chance encounters. The more you learn about him, the more you realize he’s smart and unbelievably capable. So, never feel pathetic, silly, dumb, or stupid. Don’t think of calling yourself those things because you’re not that way. V would never want you to insult yourself. Not now, nor ever.

You inspire him to want to be better. You helped him remember what he wanted as a child... as a young man... and as an adult. That’s freedom to figure out the best way to smile and he has it thanks to you. No matter where he is or where he goes, your heart follows.

#ask #anon #mod kait

[jokarlekin]

Présentation

Nice to meet you, I am Jokar - but you can call me Charlie too ! I joined Tumblr to post my art and chat about my hyperfixations, do not expect a lot of any other kind of creations at the moment :]

I wrote a little might-be-frequently-edited post to make a clean presentation on this app. Let’s start now~

🌱 Who am I ?

Artist (Procreate/Traditional), writer, VisualNovel coder (Ren’py) and beginner musician (GarageBand/LMMS)

Any pronouns work for me <3

Nature enjoyer, huge fan of rainy days, vegetal caves and misty forests ! Space fascinates me too 🌌

I dedicate my life to bats and deers 🦇🦌

High anxiety level, married with a low social battery and the attention span of a 5 years old. Sorry in advance-

Not a native english speaker, I may make a lot of spelling errors or anything language related, feel free to correct me !

I want this account to be a little bubble isolated from the real world 🫧

(Alas do not be fooled, I love angst and sensitive themes in fiction. I will try to warn such content properly when it comes 🫂)

Current hyperfixation : Genshin Impact (Collei my child 🌱) - Aaand a bit of mahoako/Mahou shoujo ni Akogarete !

🌱 What do I do ?

As already stated, I’m an artist, aaaand I hyperfixate a lot about fictional subject/stories. I love to create content of what makes me happy, and on Tumblr I will mostly post fanart, stories or even create alternate universes of my favorite book/game/etc. One day I maybe will talk about my own creations, but we will see what future is made of !

By the way, I am also a serial character creator, and I deeply cherish all of my original characters. (Well almost all of them, I don’t support the horrible things some of my absolutely-not-kind children do, but eh, I need them for some stories-)

🌱 Where to find me ?

Want to find me on another social media ? There you go, have my simple carrd ! 🌱

🌱 Which are my tags ?

These are my personal tags to find my stuff easily. I made it to organize myself because my memory is short, but feel free to navigate with them too! They’re also tagged under that post~

• Subject :

#jokar art (Jokar makes art, so Jokar will tag it) ⋆ #jokar writes (When I post my (probably angsty) texts) ⋆ #jokar rambles (For whatever batpoop I want to say) ⋆ #jokar news (*Gasps* Important stuff I have to say !) ⋆ #jokar reacts (…I will drown you in whatever subject keep my attention hostage)

• Content :

#jokar character (When one of my imaginary children is in the post) ⋆ #jokar refsheets (I make reference for characters, mine or redesign of canon characters) ⋆ #jokar sketches (I’m the kind of person with a hundred work in progress and never finish them, so take some sketches and wips!) ⋆ #jokar fanart (I do fanart, mostly that on my tumblr) ⋆ #jokar received a request (Someone proposed an idea, I accepted it and drew it <3) ⋆ #jokar art trade (When I post an art trade I made with someone, feel free to ask by the way!) ⋆ #jokar hyperfixates (Eat my hyperfixation, world!) ⋆ #jokar-headcanons (I have fan-ideas, so why not sharing them !) ⋆ #jokar question (Got a question ? I answer !) ⋆ #jokar character question (Same as before, but with one of my character) ⋆ #jokar character talk (Did you ask about random info of my characters ? No, but I enjoy myself very much ehe !)

🌱 End note !

Thank you for reading this ! Take care of you now, do not forget to drink water and breath some fresh air <3

Au rêveoir/Goodbye !!

#jokar art #jokar writes #jokar rambles #jokar news #jokar reacts #jokar character #jokar refsheets #jokar sketches #jokar fanart #jokar received a request #jokar art trade #jokar hyperfixates #jokar headcanons #jokar question #jokar character question #jokar character talk

[worldofroma]

March 22 2023, Wednesday - 9:00am

Wednesday. So funny how I’m known to be the Wednesday Addams of the family yet I hated the show. I didn’t even really like the movies either, they were bland but they were ahead of their time I’ll give them that. The show was nothing compared to the movies, I couldn’t get passed the 20 minute mark. Isn’t it rather astonishing how much of an impact fictional characters and movies and shows and any kind of media like that can make such a drastic impact on our lives? This may make me sound crazy or silly or even cringe, but I think I find most of my comfort within these fictional worlds that I don’t receive in real life, which could easily be the reason I Maladaptive Daydream. I’ve wrote and am still in the midst of writing several different stories, all different plots and storylines, but all containing the same characters that somehow end up being the same in the end of each of them. Friends with the same people, families I’ve created for them always being the same, even relationships are the exact same throughout them all. Why is that? Why is it that I find comfort in the same few characters while the rest I assume to be boring or bad?

Another odd thing I do is resonate mostly with those you’d consider “bad guys” whenever I see any type of media. I don’t consider myself to be a bad person, but it’s always the bad people with the most relatable stories. Besides, they always have some kind of motive for the thing they do and I can’t say I don’t have a motive for doing horrible things to horrible people. But I’d never do that.

However, that is a thought that’s constantly at the back of my mind. The summer I turned 13, something happened to me. Nothing traumatic happened from another person, but something mentally. Something I can’t even define to this day. I had thought about it all day, I wasn’t myself. I went to hang out with a friend for the day before leaving around dinner time and walking home. But I didn’t go home. I went to one of the highest places in town that situated a small lookout to be able to see across the entire town and I sat there. My mother called me several times, asking where I was, but I never answered. Why? I don’t know. I didn’t want to be found. But eventually, my friend was contacted by her and I gave in, knowing there was no reason for something like that to turn into a huge issue. My mother said when she found me and took me back home, my eyes were cold. They had no emotion. I don’t know if they’ve ever been the same since because she’s never looked at me the same way. I lived with my grandmother for at least a week after that but when it was about time dealt with the issue, nothing was really dealt with. We sat outside and I tried to tell my grandmother and mother the most reasonable answer - that things had just been building up for too long and it was a cry for help. But that wasn’t true, I had no clue why I did it. I just did. My mother told me that she didn’t understand me, she never would anyways, and that I had no reason to be acting out the way I did. I was sick and tired of being ridiculed by her, having her always assume she knows every little thing about me and telling me how I should be acting, and gave up trying to figure it out. That was that. It’s been 4 years since then and I still think about it from time to time. To this day, I have no idea why I did such a thing. Maybe what I was saying about having built up issues really was the truth and I just couldn’t see that, but I don’t know. One of the most common thoughts I have around that topic is how do I know that won’t happen again? Clearly, I did it without reason or a reason I can’t recognize, so theres at least a 50/50 chance that it’ll occur again. If so, when will it be? Will I do the same thing, or will I really run away this time and never come back? Will I do something worse? Will I hurt myself or someone else? I don’t know. All I can do is hope to God I’ve got a grip on my brain better than I did when I was 13.

#journaling #literature #aspiring writer