#i think i may have done the symbol a little bit wrong? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simply-wlw-kpopstan · 23 days

Text

6. letters

⚠️ Spoilers ahead, drug overdose is mentioned

The next morning you woke up before your alarm. As you say up from the bed your eyes fell on harin's sleeping body. Maybe she could let go of the past, make things right step by step. Jaeun would forgive her bu the rest ? You understand why she wants to transfer but the thought of letting her go after yesterday hurts you.

It was 5 a.m so you still had an hour before you had to leave for school. You got up and went to the kitchen to prepare some coffee and breakfast. Sharing that room together had some perks because now you know what she likes to eat. As you're preparing the food harin walls in the kitchen yawning. She walks up to you without a word and hugs you from behind, placing her head on your shoulder and watches what you're doing.

"good morning, I made some coffee if you want some and breakfast will be ready soon" you turn your head when you're done talking and planted a kiss on her cheek. She hummed as a response and tightened her hold on you, "What's wrong"

"I woke up and you weren't there."

Oh. You fought back a ridiculous big smile and turned around in her arms, "i'm sorry. I thought you would be asleep for a bit longer, My plan was making breakfast and then waking you up."

harin's eyes focus on the fruit and pancakes you had made. "it's okay." she leaned down stealing a kiss before sitting down on one of the chairs at the kitchen island. She poured coffee for the both of you and grabbed some food. As you're sipping your coffee you notice her demeanor change slightly, "I can't come to school with you. I need to go home and take care of some stuff."

"will I see you again if you transfer?" you hoped she would just go to another school nearby but the news of the school was everywhere.

"no. I'd have to go international. My dad had mentioned an ivy league school but I didn't want to leave back then." back then. When everything was under her control and nobody knew. " I have something for you." she took a piece of paper out of her pants and slipped it to you," don't read it yet."she quickly said as you were unfolding the piece.

" when do I open it? " you raised an eyebrow.

" later. I'm going home and if I don't show up tomorrow you can read it."

" why wouldn't you show up? What are you going to do? " you got worried at the thought of her getting hurt.

"Things go fast with my family. For all I know they could put me on a plane the moment I say the word transfer." she finished her plate and got up from her chair, walked around the island and kissed you, " i really have to go before my parents leave for work. The sooner this gets sorted the better. "

You pull her in again before she can pull away. If this is the last time you can kiss her then you will make sure it's better than a quick peck. You cup her face as your lips moved against one anothers, your thumbs softly caressing her cheeks and her hands on top of yours. "I love you" you rest your forehead against hers as you said it for the second time to her, " no matter what happens you remember that okay? You'll always have me." she pulls away from you and makes a move to the door but you couldn't just let her go, "wait! Give me just a second, I have something for you too" you stood up and ran to your room to find a bracelet you had made weeks ago. you run back and motion for her to give her wrist, "I know it's not your usual designer bracelets but I made this a while ago and I want you to have it."

She looks down at it as you clasped it shut, "i love it" she twirls it around and you see her smile at the little symbol. "really? A pyramid?"

"what? It could be a regular triangle?" She glares at you and you laugh, "fine it is. I may not have liked the game but it's kind of the start of our story. I want you to have it, so you can think about me whenever you see it. To remind you, you're never truly alone. I'll always be there."

She smiled at you and pulls you in for a last kiss before leaving your place. Just like she said harin didn't show up at the end of the day, you wanted to believe that maybe she was running late so you waited one more day. At school rumors started to fly around about jaeun and suji being involved in a fire somewhere but you didn't really believe it unless they say something themselves. It wasn't until they added harin Into the rumor that you started to pay attention. Having enough of the doubt you made your way to the roof and we're lucky enough to see jaeun standing alone.

"Hey, I know this might be weird but there have been rumors about you and suji. Do you know about that?" you leaned against the ledge as you looked over the school grounds.

"yeah, it's true." she nodded, "harin had texted me to come there, she told me why she did what she did and I had to watch what happened to her." jaeun sighs as she looked at your confused expression, " she took opiods, a lot of them. I-I think she was planning to overdose."

"no. No she wouldn't!" you shook your head, "she came to me and- she was going to transfer to another school. She asked me to come with her. but she- she went home to talk to her parents. She wouldn't"

"That's what happened. The Fire department got us out and took us to the hospital, that's the last time I saw her."

"you didn't ask about her? How she was doing? If she was-" your voice cracked, "I have to go." you mutter and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind you and splashed some water in your face. Going over everything that happened the past few days, you try to find any clue and that's when you remembered the letter. You took it out of your bag and fiddled with shaking hands to get it open.

Y/n

I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do. I never wanted to hurt you and I failed to protect you from dayeon back in Busan. I'm on my way home to ask my parents for a transfer and I'll ask for the paperwork for you too just in case you change your mind. I understand that you can't drop everything for me and It was unfair of me to ask you. There are a lot of people I've hurt and i need to settle things once and for all.

Last night was perfect and I'm sorry for leaving like this. You're the most amazing person and I need you to know that I love you. I know I didn't say it back last night but I do. I was scared that if I told you I wouldn't be able to do what needs to be done. No matter what happens you'll always be my first love, the only person who saw the real me.

Remember that I love you and I'm deeply sorry for taking the coward way out instead of telling you all this in person.

Harin

The coward way out? So she actually was planning to overdose? Or was she just talking about writing it instead of telling you? Where is she now? You put the letter back in your bag and left school to go to her house. They could tell you more about how she was and if you could see her. It didn't take you too long to get a cab and drive towards harin's house. You buzzed at the front gate and a female voice answered.

"hello miss, I'm... I know harin and I heard about what happened with her. I was just wondering if she was doing okay?" You bit your lip as the other side stayed silent.

"she isn't here and she won't return."

"why? Can I get an address then? I really want to see her and make sure she's okay."

"I can't help you sorry. Now leave before I call the police." with that the line cuts and you're left standing at the gate of the mansion. The hospital, that's the only place she could be right? You open your phone to get another cab and once at the hospital you ask for harin but they say there's nobody there with that name.

"she has to be here. She was brought here with two other girls a few days ago, they were at the orphanage that catched on fire?"

The women starts typing in her computer and humms, "two of the girls were discharged and the other girl got transfered to a psych ward."

"can you give me the name and address?"

"no, I can not. It's a closed facility, no visitors and everything is classified."

You thanked the woman and sat down in the waiting room and looked up psych wards in the area. As you were scrolling the TV was playing softly, you turned your attention at the mentioning of Baekyeon Group and that's when you saw it was harin's parents. You watched them talk about her actions and how they were revoking the adoption. How could they do something like that? She's a person, a human being and not some item you can return to the store! You needed to find harin and quick but how? Yewon! You could ask yewon to hack the hospital for harin's file. You grab your bag and once again get a cab to return to school. You find yewon at the back of the library and sat down next to her.

"I'm going to ask you something and you can't tell anyone I asked okay?" She nodded her head and got closer, "can you hack into a hospital? I need to find someone and they said it's classified."

"I can who are you looking for?"

"that's the thing, they didn't know who she was so she's registered as a Jane doe. They told me she was transferred to a psych ward."

"I'll see what I can do." she smiled, "Just write down the hospital so I know where to go. I'll try to go this weekend." you wrote all the information down and were thankful she didn't ask any questions about who it was. Something in you told you she wouldn't help if she knew it was harin and you wouldn't blame her. In the end harin did hurt a lot of people but she didn't deserve to be all alone. She didn't deserve to be thrown to the side by the family that made her the way she was and you would make sure everyone knew what they did. They can't get away with this.

You go back to your class and took out your books when you noticed another paper with harin's handwriting.

If you're reading this things didn't go as planned today. I know you must have a million questions and are disappointed in me for what I did but I had to do it. To be honest I don't know what will happen after today but i need you to know the truth.

I didn't lie when I said I was going to talk to my parents, I left your place and went home. I asked for a transfer but my parents said it was too late now,My grandmother told my dad to get me out. She didn't look at me like before and I knew I couldn't leave it like this, she expects me to take care of this so I am. This thing between me and jaeun has been going on for too long, After tonight It stops.

I didn't write this before because I wasn't sure yet, I made the decision the day after I left. That's why I'm writing a new letter to you. You're in the art studio right now, I passed by and you were working on something but I couldn't get myself to walk inside. It's beter that you think I already left since I didn't show up yesterday. I can't make you happy to just crush you the next day. You deserve better than that, better than me. I'm sorry if I hurt you again, that I broke your trust again.

Harin

masterlist | next

#baek harin #baek harin x reader #pyramid game x reader #pyramid game

96 notes · View notes

1moremilgram-enjoyer · 6 months

Text

MeMe and Control over One's Own Destiny

Alright I've been holding off on talking about Mikoto until Double releases, but I saw he was on a train and my brain went Silly. Don't you understand how crazy the symbolism is?! (<- Mentally unwell)

So now I have to talk about how MeMe handles the concept of destiny and the control the alters have on the system's future, because it's honestly so interesting to me.

CW Murder

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert on DID, feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong

The first big connection between MeMe and the idea of destiny is obviously the recurring theme of tarot cards. These are used for divination, meaning the practice of trying to learn about the future through supernatural means. In other words, they're deeply tied to the concept of destiny, of future events that will come to affect us, and the ways we may influence it. What's important to take away here is that, regardless of whether or not you believe in it, reading tarot cards is a way for people to try to understand their future so they can take try to take control of it.

Once you make this little connection, a lot of the imagery in MeMe starts to get interesting. To give you an example, one of the opening shots is of a bunch of tarot cards all scattered in water.

So, their future is scattered, it's uncertain, it's messy, etc. You get the idea, I don't think I need to elaborate on why Mikoto's life is a bit of a mess.

However, I think there are two scenes which are particularly interesting in this regard. When Aokoto (host) draws a blank card in the first chorus, and when he gathers the cards in the deck at the start of the third chorus.

So first, we can be sure this is Aokoto because the lyrics not only use 'boku', but also express confusion at the situation, which only really fits the host.

Why am I [boku] here? It must be a mistake? Take a good look at me [boku], until you find me The truth will come to reveal itself I won't forgive you if this is happening to me even though I'm right

Why am I [boku] here? It must be a mistake? Take a good look at me [boku], until you find me

(Note: If there is no clarification on which pronoun is used when I put lyrics here, it's because the Japanese doesn't actually use any pronouns)

What's happening here? As stated, the tarot cards are a representation of destiny and their future. By drawing a tarot card, Aokoto is trying to understand his situation and destiny better. And by stacking the deck up neatly, he's trying to take control of his destiny, of his future. The desire to be free and be able to control his life is a very important part of Aokoto's character:

(T1) Q14: What will you be doing in 10 years? M (Ao): I'd like to work independently and make my own design company. That way I'm free to do what I want.

(T1) Q8: What are your reasons for wanting to work for your current job? M (Ao): I work at an advertising company that's at the top of the business world, you know? Just being able to get to that position is something to be proud of. I worked really hard to get hired there, too.

Aokoto places high value on the work he's done, because that shows how committed he is to having control over his life and his job.

(T1) Q12: How do you get to work? M (Ao): I ride a road bike. It's a hobby of mine, and it's good to exercise too. I don't need to worry about missing the train, but that can either be a good or bad thing.

I've seen this answer interpreted a few different ways, but personally I believe what Aokoto's implying is that the freedom of not having to rely on the train is both good and bad. Essentially, he doesn't have to stress about missing it, but there's also no guarantee that he'll get to work in time without the reliability of the train. However, he still prefers the bike, because it gives him more freedom.

... Foreshadowing is a narrative device-

There's also the matter of the tarot spreads which appear in that "blank card" scene. There are two distinct ones:

Now, the whole mess is too complicated to get into here (and I actually am holding off from analysis until we get extra context from Double for that reason), but I believe one of these spreads belongs to Aokoto, and the other belongs to Midokoto (Secret Third gatekeeper alter). Which is which doesn't matter, because the card I want to focus on is the card in the "Hopes and Fears" position (EXTREMELY long story), which is I - The Magician (upright) in both of them. The Magician represents (among a fuckton of other things because tarot cards are frustratingly ambiguous by design) power, potential, basically the ability to achieve your goals. Thus, in the "Hopes and Fears" position, it would mean Aokoto wants to be able to control his life and fulfill his potential, and is afraid he might not be able to.

There is also the "Present" or "Self" card being the reversed XII - The Hanged Man. The Hanged Man upright represents (among other things) patience, the hope that as long as everything continues the same, things will turn out okay. Thus, reversed, it could be read as implying the querent is trying their best to change their situation, but are failing at it.

And this is where we get to the second part of the scenes I pointed out before. Because when Aokoto draws a card by itself, it's a blank card. In other words, no matter how much he wants to, Aokoto doesn't have full control of his future. I mean, obviously, right? He himself can't control his destiny when the other alters are also doing pretty impactful stuff. Depending on what theories you subscribe to, he may have ended up in Milgram without even murdering anyone, which is what I believe.

The same can be seen when he tries to put the deck back together. You might notice the deck there is actually thinner than the other time we see it.

He tries to "fix" or "arrange" his future, but he's "playing with half a deck", he's only half in control of his future. In this metaphor, the other alter(s) would have the rest of the deck, would control the rest of the system's destiny. Does that make sense?

Which gets us to the other alter who does tarot reading.

Notice the red mannequin there? The way 0 - The Fool's pouch of food is now a skull? And you can see this alter, heavily implied to be Orekoto, reads a Celtic cross spread with the Fool in the "querent" or "present" position.

Thus, The Fool represents Orekoto, and he too desires control over their future. That's why he's reading the spread, the same way Aokoto previously tried to draw a card to check his future. And I think it's pretty safe to say Orekoto must have killed or attacked at least one person, which is his way of trying to secure a better future for the system. Protector alter and all that.

[Timelines] Mikoto (Ao): Can you hear me talking like this? If you can hear me, then answer me. Why are you doing such horrible things? Hey. It's your fault things have become like this. ……Answer me!! Mikoto (Ore): Ah, ahhh!! Because, I did it for my/your (Boku's) sake…! Because I/you (Boku-ga) would break apart!!

(Translation by Maristelina)

Plus all the other reasons to believe that.

That spread is a bit odd for many reasons, but one thing we can pretty much be sure of is Orekoto's "Hopes and Fears" are represented by VII - The Chariot.

The Chariot (among other things) represents strength of will and control, basically think of it as a more forceful version of The Magician. Thus, Orekoto also hopes he can take control of their life, though he does it through force, and he fears he might be getting too forceful.

If I could laugh, if I could go back I'd play dead even though I'm alive right? If I could end, if I could stop How long would this dream go on?

Assuming it is Orekoto singing here (no pronouns so), it seems he doesn't want to kill, but sees himself cornered, like he has to kill. If he could stop, he'd "go back and play dead even while alive", he wouldn't kill anymore. But when he feels "boku will fall apart", he tries to save him through any means he can, which is likely murder. The exact reasons are as of yet unknown (someone stalking them, stress, could be a lot of things), but that's the idea.

However, you tarot enthusiast might notice a few interesting differences between this Chariot card and the actual Chariot card. This is important, because the meaning of these cards comes from the images, so when the image differs (apart from stylistic choices obvs), the meaning differs with it.

First important difference: the real Chariot has lions, MeMe's Chariot has bikes. This again relates bikes to the idea of freedom and one's own will.

Foreshadowing is-

Second; MeMe's Chariot has the protagonist swinging around a mace, which the real Chariot just has a wand. I frankly don't think this means anything other than MeMe's Chariot explicitly references murder rather than other, non-physical forms of strength and force.

Third, an important part of the real Chariot is that the man doesn't hold a leash on the lions, he controls them through force of will, apparently. Meanwhile, the mannequin in MeMe's version does hold chains to control the bikes, which again I believe simply implies a more forceful and direct version of the meaning. Orekoto doesn't trust his destiny to guide the system in the right direction as long as they're strong enough, he feels he needs to have more direct control.

And finally, the lions in the real Chariot are fine, but in MeMe's version, one of the bikes is fucking exploding.

So what the hell is up with that? Well, let's keep in mind what I said before. Aokoto also wants control of his life. So I believe in a way these bikes represent Aokoto and Orekoto's actions. One of them Orekoto has direct control over (he controls his own actions, after all), while the other is getting hurt by Orekoto's control. Orekoto may want nothing more than to protect the system, but the way he does it is harmful to Aokoto and destroys the control he wants to have over their life. I mean, it landed them in Milgram (according to some interpretations), and it's not like Aokoto likes the murder.

(T1) Q6: Tell us what you hate. M (Ao): Staying up all night working / reptiles / violence

[Double Preview] Hey now, I [ore] saved you right? So why in the hell are you crying?

(I will use the preview as evidence, watch me)

Temporary CW for abusive relationships and rape (Mono Poisoner)

This idea of "love" that hurts the other is also implied by Mono Poisoner, their Trial 1 cover. Though to be clear, Orekoto is not anywhere near as awful as the protagonist of Mono Poisoner, since he isn't intentionally hurting the rest of the system, and obviously isn't actually abusing the other alter(s).

“She belongs completely, entirely to me!” Kissing, sleeping together, everything beyond that too No one can hope to cut this connection between us

After brandishing that poisonous desire to monopolize and having erased YOU completely, It seems like it can be easily embraced, the entirety of that heart “YOU best not get carried away!”

Taking out the really violent and abusive elements out, this does vaguely fit the idea I'm trying to get across.

Temporary CW over

Anyways, the point is that Orekoto wants control over their life, but is accidentally harming Aokoto by taking away his agency.

There is more symbolism of this ‘drive to control destiny’ in the moon which consistently appears throughout MeMe.

As you can see, it’s in the first quarter phase. This is halfway between the New Moon which represents the beginning of a journey and the Full Moon which represents the end or rebirth, and because of that, it can represent a difficult time where decisions must be made, a point where strength of will is necessary. This again fits both of Aokoto and Orekoto, since they’re both making important decisions for their future. Hence also why the moon is half and half, the future is being decided half by Aokoto, half by Orekoto.

Alternatively, you could read it as only Orekoto making decisions, with the other 'half' being "left in the dark" because Aokoto doesn't know what Ore's doing. That would explain why the moon only shows up in relation to Orekoto in the internal world and the murder scenes.

Heavy speculation incoming (more than before anyways)

But hold on a second. I said before the upright Hanged Man, the card on Mikoto's shirt through most of MeMe, is about patience and not doing anything to change their situation. This is somewhat contradictory to The Fool, which is all about new opportunities and taking new risks (long story), and is obviously contradictory to the reversed Hanged Man because that's how tarot cards work. Because of that, and everything else I've been saying, it feels like the upright Hanged Man doesn't really fit either Aokoto or Orekoto.

Which is why it's so convenient we have a third (plot-relevant, there may be more) alter who does want their life to continue as is, isn't it?

The minus energy that I swallowed Hugged me [boku] Maybe it's okay to try to keep on living Split in half, Make that heart beat

This scene is very clearly connected to the aftermath of a murder, and shows an alter that has accepted the "negative (minus) energy" of violence. However, the use of 'boku' rules out Orekoto as the singer. Thus, we have ourselves our favorite Secret Third Alter, Midokoto. And Midokoto says, filling in the blanks, that ‘maybe it’s okay to keep living [like this]’, as long as they ‘split in half’ to ‘make that heart beat.’

Before we continue, I have to address that yes, I believe Midokoto is represented by the upright Hanged Man, even though he’s the only alter who’s never seen wearing the shirt. Either his back is turned, he’s shirtless, or straight up has a completely different shirt. However, I actually think this makes perfect sense.

It’s widely accepted that if Midokoto exists, he’s likely a gatekeeper alter who co-fronts most of the time, meaning he’s still aware of everything that’s happening even while he isn’t controlling the body (<- simplified version, read more if you’re interested [alter roles] [co-fronting]). Therefore, he’s a constant in Mikoto’s life, and it makes sense for him to always be present in some way as long as any alter is on screen. He’s on the shirt when the other two are there, so when the shirt isn’t there, it’s because the ‘upright Hanged Man’ is the one controlling the body. Does that make sense?

I should note, Mikoto’s version of The Hanged Man includes a bunch of eyes on the background.

Which fits the idea of Midokoto overseeing everything in the others’ lives, and for the inverse in Aokoto’s case could also be interpreted as societal pressure, long story.

Yes, Midokoto's celtic cross spread has the reversed Hanged Man in the middle of The Wheel, but let’s just say that means ‘present’ rather than ‘querent.’ Yes, there’s a Fool portrait in the background of that one scene, I swear there’s an explanation but it’s too long to get into here.

Point is, he’s the one who wants their life to continue as is, and thus the one who fits the idea of ‘patience’ that The Hanged Man (upright) embodies.

But make no mistake. He still has The Magician as his “Hopes and Fears” in the spread which represents him, meaning he does yearn for some control and fears not having the means to achieve it.

However, I believe the type of control he’s looking for is different from the other two. See, while Aokoto wants freedom and control over his life in a more conventional way (good job, free movement, independence), and Orekoto wants control in a ‘no one will stop “I/you” from achieving what “I/you” want’ kinda way (aka safety), Midokoto wants control over the system, not the rest of their life. He wants to keep Aokoto and Orekoto ‘split in half’ because that’s how they can both live as they please, it ‘makes their heart beat.’

That’s why the moon that represents decision-making is split in half. That’s why there’s only two bikes in The Chariot card. That’s why Midokoto never bothers to read a single tarot card. Because the ones deciding where their life moves are Aokoto and Orekoto, all Midokoto does is keep things running smoothly. Though of course, this is all just my interpretation.

In fact, you can even tell based on what we believe each alter to do. Aokoto does the day-to-day work, making sure he has the opportunity to achieve his dream of working independently in the future. Orekoto deals with threats until the system as a whole is safe, which includes throwing away evidence so they don't get arrested. He does a dogshit job at it, yeah, but he's trying.

However, once they get into the apartment, when the external threats have been dealt with, the one who bathes to make sure Aokoto doesn't learn of Orekoto's actions, the one who keeps their lives metaphorically 'split in half', is Midokoto.

Heavy speculation kinda over

So, where were we? I said this was inspired by the Double thumbnail, didn’t I? Well, yes, even if I have very little to say about it in relation to this post. You could say I kinda, uh, went off the rails a bit (<- I am immensely unfunny)

As I said, he’s on a train. And with all the stuff I mentioned before about how bikes are associated with freedom for him and stuff, it makes the imagery of being stuck on a train with the victims (I assume that’s what the mannequins represent, I’ve seen other interpretations) a lot more interesting.

Think about it. When you get on a train, you made the decision to enter it, but you don’t have control over where it goes. And that’s what’s happening here: the alter on screen is in for the ride, and he feels there’s nothing he can do to alter the course. It’s like a railroad.

Aokoto didn’t get on this train. Obviously the scene is metaphorical (otherwise who left their mannequins in the goddamn public train), but we know Aokoto doesn’t use the train. However, he’s on it now, alongside Orekoto who is probably the one fronting here? I assume, given the red light in the background. In my mind it would make sense for the thumbnails to be Aokoto T1 -> Orekoto T2 -> Midokoto T3, but that doesn’t have to be the case.

What I’m trying to convey is the symbolism of the system being stuck in a set path, a set destiny, caused by a decision not made by Aokoto. And if Orekoto is really the one fronting or being represented here, he’s miserable because of the path his actions have landed him on.

If I could break it, if I could change Can I do it, I wonder from when I started to give up

He’s ‘given up’ because he’s accepted he’s ‘on the train’, his path is already set and he can’t change it (“if I could change”). Yes, give me that Orekoto angst!

Anyways, please keep in mind this is all my interpretation of the symbolism and all of this is extremely subjective, especially with how confusing Mikoto's entire story is. I hope you forgive my brainrot at seeing a guy take a train. Take care!

#milgram #milgram theory #mikoto kayano #meme mv #do i tag the alters?#why not #aokoto #orekoto #midokoto

83 notes · View notes

transmascutena · 3 months

Note

Hey hey, I forget if you've ever posted about this, but one thing that fascinates me about Utena is the food side of everything. How Akio bakes, how Anthy basically only successfully makes shaved ice, and how Utena talks about the food going bad from lack of refrigeration. How it's not the job of the Rose Bride to cook. How Wakaba being able to prepare food makes her a good wife. I have thoughts about this, but I'll avoid saying too much because I wanna hear what you have to say too

i have gotten an ask about anthy's cooking before, where i talked about the ability to make food as a symbol for agency/freedom/independence, and how anthy can cook certain things like festival food, shaved ice, rosehip jam, the cantarella cookies, but not really anything that counts as a substantial meal (the curry is a bit of an outlier here. i guess it shows that her agency is mainly expressed through messing with nanami?) anthy says she wants to get better at cooking, and i'm inclined to believe her. i think she has the potential to be good at it too, but that akio has.... discouraged her from trying, as a way to make her more reliant on him. although, i actually can't recall if akio ever does anything in the kitchen other than (allegedly) bake that cake to impress utena, so maybe i'm way off. or maybe that's another piece of symbolism i haven't quite figured out.

you bring up a good point about gender roles here in regards to wakaba too. cooking is traditionally a woman's role in a lot of cultures, which makes it interesting that anthy, who as the rose bride is supposedly meant to be the ideal bride/wife not only cannot cook very well, but, according to touga, should not cook at all? i guess that ties back to the agency thing, though. but does wakaba have a lot of agency? she has a certain degree of freedom, at least, that comes with not being tied up in the main narrative most of the time. i'm not sure. i think food and cooking is one of the (many) things within this show that does not have one specific meaning that can be used to interpret everything related to it. i suppose my conclusion is that cooking can be both a limiting role if it's forced on you (in the sense of "you need to cook well to make for a good wife which is of course something you should want to be"), and something liberating if you do it for yourself. it's also just kind of a necessary survival skill, which is why it's so telling that anthy doesn't have it.

surprisingly enough i've never really posted about utena's food talk in episode 33 or how it may or may not play into this symbolism, so i guess i'll take this as an opportunity to do that. first, during the othello game, she talks about messing up measurements when cooking, and about the flavor coming out wrong. "you can't undo it once it's done." this shows her worries about what is happening/what will happen, and is already hinting at her regret afterward. it's a metaphor, but it also kind of ties into the agency symbolism. it tells us that utena is not very good at cooking either, and hints at the similarities between her and anthy. later she talks about what to make for lunch the next day. she's rambling, trying to distract herself, dissociating, and i don't tend to read a lot into what specifically she's saying. that's not really what's important. however, i do think it's signicant that she's bringing up anthy, for one, but mostly that she's talking about something urgent she needs to do that isn't here. she's making excuses to go home, to stop. if you buy the cooking as agency thing, utena's worry about the food going bad could once again reflect her worries and doubts about the whole thing. is there symbolism to the fact that she specifically brings up salmon and eggs and asparagus and sandwiches? maybe. but i think it's too easy to get caught up in all the little details and miss or ignore the bigger picture of what actually matters (very vaguely referring to an analysis of this scene that i hate. if you know you know.)

#hope it's okay that this is just me rambling about 3 different vaguely connected things and not a super coherent analysis #would love to hear more thoughts on all this #analysis #anthy #akio #wakaba #utena #asks #m

46 notes · View notes

helianthus-tarot · 2 years

Text

CHARMS: What will be going through their mind when they first see you

I... actually did the wrong topic. I mean, I should have done a topic about your personality or something because I wanted to check whether this charm reading would work or not. Alas. I didn't know what I was thinking lmao. Do let me know if it matches any previous readings you have got or if it matches the vibe you give off to people in general.

This can be applied to whoever (romantic interest) you are thinking about, past person, current or future, tho this is mostly done with future spouse in mind. Don't think too much about the photo because I didn't haaha.

Disclaimer: Here | Instagram: Here

Instructions:

Think about your person and focus on the topic. Take your time. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to or that you can’t stop looking at. Trust your intuition. May the message resonate. Let me know which pile you choose!

Like my readings? Tip here!

Mysterious. Intriguing. They will be like someone who has just seen a walking mystery. They will feel stunned a bit. You are like their wish come true? Your beauty and vibe will stand out; quiet in a crowd but loud to them and they won't know why. Hence the mystery. Their mind will be preoccupied with the type of beauty and vibe that you exude; enchanting, mysterious, deep, distant. They will notice your clothes, you guys may be wearing formal or traditional clothes that day; they will think that you are classy and exclusive. They will be intrigued definitely, like seeing a forest nymph. They may also think that there may not be many chances for them to see you again; or meeting you is not an everyday occasion, so they will wonder if they will meet you again, some of them will subconsciously hope for it.

For many of you, this person will be telling themselves to chill the fuck out. This Caduceus symbol is traditionally a symbol of Hermes aka Mercury. The symbol now is a symbol of medicine, but since it is also associated with Hermes; I think your person will be thinking of ways to 'get' you iykwim. They will be hooked and felt the urged to approach you, to just start a conversation, to persuade, to use whatever means necessary to just start something. Like you are the elixir to whatever they will be dealing with at that time so they have to have you. You may also look healing to them, but some of you may also come off intimidating and ready to call out their bullshit; like a calm volcano.

They will have a little crush on you, a quiet crush. They will probably be watching from afar and try to remember how you look like. You will come across as someone who isn't easily available, but at the same time they will sense something nurturing about you. This feeling may subconsciously give them the impression that a relationship with you will be emotionally fulfilling and stable, that you will be a reliable partner whom a person can grow together with. They will think that you nurture people around you. I feel like they may not approach you the first time they see you, simply because despite you looking warm, they won't want to risk ruining things between you two. They may also think that a lot of people depend on you; or they may see some people relying on you that day. Grounded, stable.

They will notice your uniqueness, your individuality or the differences between you and them. They will think that you have a unique blend of masculinity and femininity; maybe many of you guys are gender nonconforming. Some of you may be non-binary or have a balanced feminine-masculine energy, so you look comfortable with both sides and they will think you have a nice blend of both strength and peace, of collectivism and individualism. If you are a part of the LGBT community, this person may wonder about that too when they first see you; they may also be a part of that community. They will think that you look confident and stable in your own individuality. Whatever stands out about you doesn't stop you from shining, it helps you shine instead. Angel wings here reminds me of that one story about people having been born with wings but the wings were clipped by their parents/society during childhood, so many people were left without wings to fly. You may be giving off the vibe of having 'wings' to go after your dreams, to be who you are.

They will think that you look cute, childlike, innocent in some way. It could be your face, or they may see you talking animatedly. For some of you, they may think that you have a good talent for art or music; it depends on your specific situation. If you like to play music, then they will think you enjoy playing a musical instrument or you play it well. If you like to sing, it is possible that you guys will meet when you are singing to yourself and they will think you have a good singing voice. If you like art, this may influence their first thoughts about you. For some of you, your person will be the one who feels like they have to be extra to attract your attention. They will think you have some rosy-ness to you; your cheeks, or your lips. Something like cherries, Sakura flower, that 'anime scenery' vibe. Feminine. For some of you, they will think that you are playful. They may also notice your clothes that day, maybe they will think that your clothes look interesting or have an interesting design.

Ooff. Intense. They will think "this person means business". You will look like you are too busy to even pay them any attention but at the same time they wont be sure if you are that unaware either, since you will be looking alert that day. Alert but busy. They may be thinking about how intimidating you look like, they may think that you don't want to be approached or bothered. Especially with 'gym mode' here, approaching people at the gym is a bit anxiety-inducing for some people; people don't know if they can do that or if it is a transgression to approach someone at the gym. So it will feel like that to this person. They may assume that you are strong-headed, someone who does not bend easily. They will think that you look like you know what you are doing. They will wonder if you are in a leadership position at work, or if you have a leader-like personality; they will think that you have your shit together.

Anyway these three monkeys are three wise monkeys a.k.a the "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". It originated from Japan or China (I don't know mannnnn people were influencing each other thousands of years ago, it's hard trace back who was the first person). Ok so there are many meanings to these three monkeys, but I think the meaning that applies to your reading is the positive one. That your person will see you as someone who puts effort to focus on the right things, to not "dwell on evil thoughts" or follow your baser instinct. Maybe you will be dealing with a mistake at that time, or you will be berated by someone and you will be controlling yourself well at that time. For some of you, you may be defending someone else instead-- someone who has just made a mistake-- calmly and assertively. They will think that you are handling the situation as best as you can. They will think that deep inside you are a strong person, and not to be mistaken as someone who is submissive. They may also wonder if you are holding back your anger.

They will wonder if you come from a family with good social standing. Regardless of your gender, this is giving off the vibe of a feminist who is educated and bold but who also has some privileges like a strong network of people around her to help her succeed-- she does good with her success tho (i.e helping people, contributing back to the community, using her privilege for good). They will think that you are people's leader, you come off regal to them. They may be thinking to themselves that "there's no way" they can approach you or "there's no way" it will work. Negative thoughts, pessimism, basically. They will see your kind nature, that you are loyal to people you care about. But because of how you carry yourself or what you will be doing that day, some of them may also secretly wonder if you are arrogant, or high maintenance or tough to deal with, and they wont be sure if they want that.

#pick a card #pick a pile #charm readings #divination #tarotblr #tarot community #divination community

522 notes · View notes

midorisudachi · 5 months

Text

"We are ridiculously awesome!" - Zevran Arainai (after winning a battle)

Happy December, loves! How are we already at the end of the year? I have felt incredibly scatter-brained this entire year, due to how fast it has been flying by. I feel as if I didn't get anything (that I had planned to do this year) done. Does anybody else feel that way? I had all these ideas in my head to drawn Dragon Age Inquisition characters every other Monday until Dragon Age Day...which was December 4th...and I did not accomplish my goal! Life catches up to you, ya now?

Zevran is absolutely delightful in Dragon Age Origins. He has no shame in what he says...zero filters with his words! Ha ha! He has the best conversations with the characters and I love his bantering. He's my favourite bisexual elf! I had decided to draw him in a heavy armour...I think it was the "Ceremonial Armour".

Some of my favourite Zevran quotes:

"Elves plant these trees to remind themselves of who they once were. And then they pee on it. Charming symbolism, really." - At the vhenadhal tree.)

"How did I get here? What happened to all those luscious wood nymphs?" - After waking up from the Sloth Demon tricking him

"Hmm... Anyone up for a little bit of naked cliffdiving? No?" - At Redcliffe

And the best one:

Zevran: Might I offer you a bit of advice, my good friend Alistair?

Alistair: I like my hair the way it is, thank you.

Zevran: Truly? As you wish... though my advice is regarding something else completely. It has to do with your recent... exertions with your fellow Grey Warden that I overheard.

Alistair: My...? Oh.

Zevran: It did seem as if you just got going when all grew quiet. You are... feeling all right, yes? Perhaps you are tired?

Alistair: We aren't talking about this, are we? Did I hit my head?

Zevran: I have some roots from home that you may chew if you need energy. As for volume, perhaps you ought to try arching your--

Alistair: Whoa! Whoa! Awkward!

Zevran: You Fereldens are so finicky. How will you ever learn how to pleasure each other unless you talk about it?

Alistair: Not listening! La la la la la!

I hope everybody likes this fan art! Notice the date on it? Yes! I drew this a year ago. Why did I not post it on Tumblr before? *Facepalm* Really though...I hope this is well received & enjoyed. This year I have felt like a failure when it comes to art, for it honestly seems like people prefer digital art over traditional art. Is this so? I love traditional art...I don't want it to die out. Even worse is that some people prefer AI "art" (more like ART THEFT!) over real artists. It can be hard to be an artist sometimes. Don't get me wrong. I love digi art, too. But often my heart yearns for more traditional artwork, as it often gets tossed aside. I feel that is one reason why I had not done well with my art on Instagram. From now on, I will only be posting art here on Tumblr. Thank you to ALL of you who have liked and shared my artwork. You mean a lot to me and I appreciate you in supporting me. PLEASE let me know if you draw Dragon Age fan art, too! I'd love to see it.

Drawn with Sakura Pigma Micron pens and then coloured in with a mix of Copics and Ohuhu markers. White accents done with a gel pen. Background was done in Photoshop Elements.

Zevran Arainai & Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware & Electronic Arts

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age zevran #zevran #zevran arainai #dragon age rogue #dragon age elf #dragon age fan art #dragon age origins fan art #zevran fanart #zevran arainai fan art #dalish #bioware #electronic arts #ea games #fantasy art #elf art

38 notes · View notes

mochiwrites · 1 year

Text

last life au

in light of third life turning two years old today, I offer a wip I've had sitting in my google drive since february! if any of you remember this post I made a while back, all you need to know is that third life!grian has swapped places with last life!grian somehow. without further ado, here's my very unfinished and very rough last life au wip (pls don't judge it too harshly LOL)

happy two years to the series that changed me as a person! :D (edit: now posted on ao3! read here)

if you enjoyed, please reblog! reblogs do more than likes <3

To Grian, the desert was once a home.

It wasn’t perfect, not really. Perfection is nearly impossible in a game of death, but what he and Scar had came close. The desert was the farthest thing from a good location, all things considered. The days were hot, far too hot, and the nights were so cold that it left Scar and Grian curling up close for warmth. There was nothing but sand for miles, which made gathering materials a constant challenge.

But they had their home. Their tower, their place of respite. Dogwarts was a constant threat barreling down their door, but together they made it work. Their home was far from perfect, but it was theirs and that’s what Grian came to love about it.

Except now, as he stands in a ring of cacti, he has destroyed his home.

His home is filled with lava and craters, a reminder of what they did to survive. Their desert was ruined days ago in what they had hoped to be the final showdown with Dogwarts and The Red King. They blew up their desert for a win they never achieved.

Maybe that was the first sign that things were going wrong. Their desert, their home, their small temporary sanctuary in this hellish game was blown apart.

Ends justifies the means, no?

After all, to Grian, their home was more than just the desert. Their home was with each other. The desert never mattered much to him, not when he had Scar, and vice versa. The desert was a symbol, more than anything. Of Grian’s debt, his guilt. He’ll never admit it, but it felt a bit liberating to destroy it.

And maybe that’s why things went oh so horribly wrong.

Maybe that is why his fists are shaking, knuckles raw and covered in blood. Maybe that is why he stares down at the bloodied corpse of what was once his partner, his other half. His insides twist and turn, creating a mangled mess of emotions within him. The sun beats down on him, sweat and blood mixing together as one. His hair is in his eyes, but he doesn’t care much. His tank top feels like too much but also too little all at once.

His knuckles ache, his body is sore. He’s hardly covered in bruises and scratches, and yet he still feels like he’s just been beaten half to death anyways.

He can’t bear to look at Scar, to meet his gaze and see his own brightly shining eyes reflected in lifeless, empty ones.

“For everything you’ve done to keep me alive this long, you may slay me and take the enchanter.”

Scar’s words ring in his head, accompanied by his laughter. Grian puts a bloodied hand up to his mouth as a wave of nausea rolls over him. He doesn’t pay any mind to the copper twinge that fills his mouth. He tears his gaze away from anywhere remotely near Scar, instead turning and looking over the mountain.

Their home is in ruins. Their home is gone. The last of their home has been destroyed by his own two hands, killed for the sake of winning some pointless game.

His victory feels hollow. Empty.

He had wanted to win together. Winning without Scar felt… wrong. It feels wrong. After all they’ve been through, after establishing something between them, winning alone just… didn’t look as appealing anymore.

“I’m getting you! I’m getting you good!” “I don’t think you are!”

His hands ache. His chest feels tight, as if his ribs have been coiled tightly around his lungs to constrict his air flow. He takes a slow step back, as if trying to escape the scene of the crime. His legs shake from the weight of both his body and his actions. Grian takes a shaky breath.

“Can we win together?”

He stumbles as he walks backwards, his world dipping and tilting.

Grian won alone.

He doesn’t feel like a winner.

He doesn’t even want that title.

The guilt is eating at him. Why? Why is he the one that survived? The point of all of this was so that Scar could win! That’s why Grian stayed with him!

(He won’t admit to himself that there’s more to it than that. He won’t admit to himself that somewhere along the way his feelings changed. No longer was he staying by Scar’s side out of guilt or obligation. Without Grian even noticing, Scar grew on him. Scar broke through his walls with his ridiculous yet charming nature, and Grian found himself wanting to stay with Scar because he wanted to see him win. Because somehow, somewhere, Grian’s heart had been swayed and stolen. Somewhere, he had fallen in love.)

For a moment, he’s angry. He’s angry at the blood lusting ghosts for demanding a final fight. He’s angry at Scar for letting him win, for making him win. Frustrated, bitter words lay on his tongue as he turns around to admonish the man, emotions getting the better of him.

Only to turn and be met with his corpse. Blood pools around Scar’s body, bruises littering his face and chest. Grian had been throwing punches wildly.

His stomach lurches, and he covers his mouth again. Copper fills his nostrils, heavy and thick. “Oh… I don’t feel good,” he mumbles, but there’s no one around to hear him.

He tears his gaze away, instead surveying the desert around him. His blood is rushing in his ears, making it hard to hear. His head swims as he stands still, looking over at the rivers of lava throughout the desert.

Grian’s eyes settle on the cliff face.

This desert isn’t a home anymore. It’s vacant, empty. Pointless. His home doesn’t exist, not without Scar.

He walks toward the cliff.

“Scar, I’m so sorry!”

“I’m sorry too!”

The desert is unfamiliar, morphing and twisting into something dark and unwelcoming. It has become a monster of Grian’s own creation. It has become something that Grian has ripped apart with his own two hands. Something that once brought him warmth is now cold and barren. The desert is a shadow, a weak imitation of what it once was.

He stands on the ledge.

He wonders what was going through Scar’s mind during all of this. What was he thinking? Does he hate Grian for being the one to survive? Is he at peace, having been the one to die? Does he hate Grian for killing him? Does he hate Grian for ruining their home? Or is he happy with the way that things have gone? Grian supposes he’ll never get to know.

He shuts his eyes and jumps.

-----------------

Muffled noises surround him.

He can’t quite make out what the noises are, not when it feels like his head has been submerged under water. One by one, his senses return to him and huh, that’s weird. He’s dead, yet he can feel his body? That… shouldn’t be normal. Granted, Grian has never been permanently dead before. Do most dead people still feel their body? Is that even possible?

The next thing he feels is something soft underneath him. Now Grian knows that isn’t right. The last thing he remembers feeling is his body slamming into the hard ground below, shattering his bones. The pain had only lasted a few seconds before Grian fell unconscious, but it had been excruciating while he could still feel. Darkness had come to claim him quite swiftly.

But whatever he’s laying on… it feels nothing like the harsh sand. It’s softer, almost silky. Plush. It only serves to confuse Grian more, seeing as once more, he isn’t sure if feeling things still is normal for a dead person.

Ever so slowly, Grian slowly opens his eyes. His eyes are met with a stone ceiling, which… is that supposed to be there?

Grian had a few ideas of what the afterlife would be like – if he even has one. An empty void, or maybe the End. Perhaps he’d return to the wasteland that was once his home and haunt it as a ghost. (A kinder part of him had hoped that he’d reunite with his friends, and they could all cry and hug one another. And maybe he could see Scar again, and shake him around for making Grian kill him, and then hold onto the man so that he’d never lose him again.)

Experimentally, he wiggles a finger or two. Yup, there’s still a body attached to him. Alright. Though to his surprise, he isn’t in any sort of pain. Maybe that shouldn’t be surprising, all things considered.

Something wet touches his hand then, and Grian leaps up with a shriek. He pulls his hand back and looks at whatever touched him, finding a dog sitting on the ground. “Huh?” He looks at the dog, seeing a red collar around its neck. “Why is there a dog here?” The animal simply tilts its head to the side in response.

It’s then that Grian actually takes the time to look around at where he is, and he pauses. The first thing he notices is that he’s laying in a white bed. There’s a chest and a crafting table in front of the bed, and there are dogs just about everywhere. Ah, so that’s what all the noise was. A furnace is set on the floor against the wall, and Grian finds himself feeling very confused.

This is… definitely not the afterlife, that’s for sure.

Did someone rescue him? How? Grian was the only one left on Third Life, everyone else was…

Lips curling in a frown, he moves to slide off of the bed. Just as his foot touches the ground, he pauses, recognizing the extra weight on his body. Looking down at himself, Grian finds iron armor on him, which only worsens his confusion. Why is he in armor?

Standing from the bed, he looks around at the room. He’s certain that he’s underground, if the walls of stone and dirt are anything to go by. He watches as one of the dogs (a pup) clambers onto the bed and circles the pillow before curling up and laying down.

It leaves him feeling very confused.

He casts a glance around at the stone box he’s in, looking at each of the dogs. Some of them don’t pay him any mind, and others are staring right at him. Who’s dogs are these? And why are they here, wherever here is. They seem friendly with him at least, but Grian doesn’t know if that makes him relaxed or more nervous. He remembers Joel’s pack of wolves.

While looking around, he spots a ladder tucked against the wall leading down. He doesn’t go toward it, in case it’s trapped. Instead, he looks at the pickaxe he has on him and uses that to cautiously dig a little staircase up.

It takes him a few minutes to get to the surface, considering he’s trying to dig out and also listen to his surroundings. When he finally pops his head out from the dirt, he does so carefully, peeking out to look around him. There’s no one around him besides trees and mountains. He sighs softly in relief. Though he still has to remain vigilant.

Climbing out of the hole, he covers it back up with dirt (just in case if he was saved by someone, they won’t immediately notice he’s gone). Standing at full height, Grian takes a look around. The first thing he notices is how the landscape is completely different to Third Life. What is this place, he wonders. The terrain all looks different.

Lips dipping in a frown, he sets his hands on his hips, “Definitely not in Kansas anymore…” he mumbles to himself. If this is the afterlife, it’s quite odd, that’s for sure.

While looking around, he catches sight of something in the distance. It looks like some kind of cobblestone building with roofs of dark oak. From where he is, he can spot four of them. One is at the very top of a mountain, being the most visible.

The idea of approaching it leaves Grian hesitant, but maybe a little investigation wouldn’t hurt. He’s going to have to check it out if he wants any answers as to what this place is. So he makes a journey toward the direction of the towers. Trekking through the trees, he uses the branches for coverage.

And when he gets to the big entrance of the four towers, he pauses.

Grian stares at the front entrance, watching as pistons move up and down in front of him. Watching it, his eyes follow the movements curiously. Surrounding the entrance are walls of dark oak and cobble, wrapping around the base completely. He considers walking inside, maybe exploring whatever this new structure is. There was nothing inside the chest within the bunker for him.

His inventory is an assortment of different items, none of which Grian knows what’s important and what isn’t. By now he’s ascertained that he’s in fact not dead. Which is… confusing. How is he alive? And where is he?

“Oh, Grian!” Someone’s calling his name, and the sound of someone else’s voice makes him jump. He looks up, seeing a familiar blue and red jump suit and dirty blond hair.

Grian’s eyes widen, “Tim..?” The name escapes him with a sharp breath. No longer does his skin look sickly and gray, instead healthy and free of blood. His hair is vibrant, as are his brown eyes. A diamond chest plate sits over his upper body, iron leggings and boots. Grian almost feels like he’s seeing a ghost. The last time he saw Jimmy, it had been in the desert. Right before he died.

It feels weird to see him again, considering he wasn’t meant to die in that fight. He was meant to stay safe. With Scar.

Grief and regret crashes into him at once, nearly knocking him over. Images of that battle flicker in his mind, as well as the aftermath. They hadn’t spent long at Jimmy’s grave.

(Grian paid Jimmy’s grave a visit late that night. He had been fully aware of the risks, knowing that anyone from Dogwarts could attack him. But Grian could bet with certainty they were too busy enjoying a perceived victory against the Desert.

Jimmy’s grave was nothing fancy. Extravagance was a privilege they didn’t have there. Simple cobblestone walls and a poppy planted in the ground was all Scott could give him.

Grian sat down, and apologized. He hadn’t even been there for Jimmy’s death. Jimmy wasn’t supposed to die. And Grian hadn’t even been there to help him. He apologized for that. He promised revenge. His death would not be in vain.

At some point, someone had joined him. A warmth slotted against his side, and the smell of sweat, burnt sand, and summer heat filled his senses. He relaxed.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Grian leaned against Scar, letting his thoughts wander.

“I’m sorry the trap got messed up.” Scar apologized with a low mutter.

Grian huffed quietly, gently knocking his head against his arm,“I don’t care about that. I mean, I do since the only one it got was me, but — I’m more thankful you survived.”

“…I’m sorry you died,” was Scar’s response, “But on the bright side, your debt’s been repaid! You’re a free man!” Grian knew Scar well enough by then to know when he was forcing himself to act cheerful. He could hear the underlying sadness in his voice, the way he was holding something back. But most of all he could hear the fear.

To that, Grian only pressed himself more firmly against him. “Then my first act as a free man is to see this through with you until the end.”

He heard Scar take a breath; shaky and rough. An arm wrapped around him, and he heard a murmured, “Thank you.”)

Jimmy looks a little nervous as he stands on the other side of the pistons, “What’re you doing all the way over there for? Get in ‘ere already!” he exclaims, gesturing for him to come in. “Mumbo disabled the trap!”

His body moves as if it’s on autopilot, legs carrying him toward the gate. He clumsily hops over the pistons and line of stone bricks, landing on the other side. His footing is a bit clumsy as he hits the ground, wobbling slightly. Jimmy laughs at him, and Grian tries to process the sound.

Jimmy isn’t dead. He’s alive.

What in the world is going on?

Grian goes over to him, staring at him with something akin to marvel. Jimmy turns to him, still looking nervous. “So uh… I’m not going to be kicked out, right? I know we had the vote and all yesterday but just wanted to triple check you didn’t change your mind overnight,” he rambles to Grian, shifting back and forth on his feet.

“What?” Blinking in confusion, Grian looks at him. “Why would I be—”

“Oi, Tim! Give the man some space to breathe, would ya?” Another voice joins them, and Grian tenses at the familiarity. “He only just got back last night. At least wait an extra five minutes before you start pestering ‘im.”

Glancing to his side, he spots The Red King’s right hand man approaching them. He’s dressed in iron, a shield attached to his arm. The familiar black bandana peeks out from underneath his hair and his blue eyes are creased with amusement as he looks at the pair. “Martyn?!” The exclamation escapes him before he can stop it. He takes a small step in front of Jimmy, knowing that Scott would be crushed if he lost him a second time (The memory of Scott in his mind would be, anyways). He keeps himself on guard.

Martyn smiles at the pair, “Good morning to you too, fellow Southlander!” He grins. “How’s it feel to be yellow again, eh Grian?” he questions, which makes Grian bristle slightly. He remembers Martyn taking his first life very clearly.

“I’m–”

“Watch out!” A voice calls out, followed by the sounds of feet hitting the ground. Grian jumps as someone barrels past himself and Martyn, cutting right through them in a blur of black. “Hot lava bucket in my hands!”

“I told you to wear gloves!” A second voice follows, and Grian catches a glimpse of yellow and black. He turns his head in the direction the two voices went, seeing them both by the entrance of the fort. Almost instantly, Grian recognizes Impulse from behind. But the one next to him…

Grian feels his entire body freeze. His breath is punched out of him, eyes widening.

The man next to Impulse is setting the bucket of lava down with a large sigh, shoulders sagging in relief. He straightens up, taking a moment to glance around. His eyes lock with Grian’s, and Grian feels rooted to his spot. His throat feels dry, as if he hasn’t drank anything in weeks. He swallows, but it does little to rid the feeling.

Oblivious to Grian’s freezing, the man smiles wide at him, hurrying over. “Grian!” he exclaims, “Glad you got here before I reset the trap, mate, “ he greets cheerfully, but Grian feels too stunned to speak.

Why is Mumbo here? Why?

A multitude of emotions crash into Grian’s chest at the sight of his best friend. Relief, horror, guilt. They each roll over him, loud and vicious as they threaten to overwhelm him. He can’t look away from the man, the feeling of confusion holding his head above water.

(“Do you think Mumbo would be proud?” The question had been half nonchalant as the pair ran through the desert, digging deep underground. The true meaning of the question was a secret, one between only himself and Scar.

Scar paused to consider it. He had lifted a finger to his chin as he thought, “Oh! Mumbo would be crying from happiness!”

“Be honest with me.” Grian had said.

Scar hadn’t been.)

Standing in front of the man, Grian does not share the thought. Not after the blood staining his hands. And isn’t that ironic? In a game where your aim is to kill and survive, he feels guilty over killing. But maybe that’s because of who his final kill was. Because of how it all ended. Grian had hoped he’d never have to face Mumbo after that, but apparently fate had other plans.

“Speaking of getting here early,” Martyn’s voice cuts through the fog of confusion settling over Grian’s mind, causing him to look over at the other. Grian forces his gaze away from Mumbo with a painful pang, meeting Martyn’s eyes, “I see you’ve gone and scored another life on your way back from Scar’s.” He wiggles his brows.

Just hearing Scar’s name causes Grian’s stomach to curl with grief, “W-What?” he asks, the shock of Martyn’s statement sending him back a small step.

“Don’t you try and fool me, G, the last time we saw you you were on yellow life. And now you’re green!” Martyn points at his wrist, and naturally, Grian’s gaze follows.

His heart squeezes uncomfortably tight as he sees the familiar line of hearts down his wrist. There’s three hearts on his wrist, green, yellow, and red. Nausea rolls over him like a blanket, wrapping around him and tightening around his neck. He feels sick. Why? Why?! He thought he was done with all of this! Was killing Scar not enough? Was winning an empty, meaningless victory not enough?!

Is this his punishment? Or some sick kind of joke?!

He clenches his fists, watching the way they shake from how tightly he clenches them. Burning hot anger runs through him like lava, melting his insides. The warmth goes from top to bottom, engulfing him in an angry, vicious flame. He feels too much, yet too little all at once. He wants to scream. To cry. Maybe break something, or blow something up. Blood is pumping in his ears; his heart feels like it’s going to burst.

This isn’t the afterlife. This is hell.

“Grian?” Mumbo’s gentle, concerned voice breaks through the anger threatening to overtake him like a light. The sound of his voice snaps him from his spiraling thoughts, and he notices how his fingers dig uncomfortably into his skin. As if his nails can break the hearts on his wrist, shatter them. He lets go instantly, seeing angry red lines left behind.

Lifting his gaze, Grian sees four pairs of eyes watching him. Yet the only eyes he focuses on are Mumbo’s, it’s been so long since he’s seen the man. His presence is normally a comfort for Grian, something grounding. But right now, all Grian feels is conflict. His grief and guilt is suffocating, and Mumbo’s presence does little to help that feeling. Mumbo looks at him with nothing but concern and kindness, with the way his eyebrows dip and lower, a worried frown marring his face.

Mumbo takes a step closer, hand reaching out to him, “You alright, mate?” Looking down, Grian sees the man’s wrist. Four hearts go down his wrist in a line. Two of them are already gone, looking faded and cracked. The sight of the hearts on his wrist sends his stomach dropping, heart lodging in his throat.

Grian recoils from his outstretched hand as if it were a weapon, and Mumbo freezes in place. He pulls his hand back. His face falls, and Grian pretends he doesn’t see.

“I’m fine.” Grian hastily replies, ignoring the burst of pain in his chest. He scans the people around him. Mumbo, Impulse, Jimmy, and… Martyn. He takes a breath. So he’s stuck in another life game. Great. And it looks like these four are his… alliance.

A sudden thought strikes him. If those four are here then… who else is here?

His communicator pings, and he pulls it up, heart still firmly lodged in his throat.

<GoodTimeWithScar> oh team BEST~

<GoodTimeWithScar> A wizard *never* forgets his promise.

If seeing Mumbo made him sick, then seeing Scar’s message in chat plunges him into freezing cold water. Scar’s name is red (of course it is), and it sends nostalgia and grief tearing through him all at once. Everything suddenly feels like it’s too much, his head swimming. He stumbles slightly, nearly falling if it hadn’t been for Jimmy taking hold of him. “Seriously, you alright?” Jimmy questions, and Grian… Grian doesn’t know.

All he can think about is his final moments with Scar leading up to that stupid duel. The splashing of water below him as he jumped down to meet him in that shallow pond.

“Betrayer!” he had screamed.

Well look who’s laughing now.

Grian had thought about it very briefly, in his final moments, what it’d be like if he ever met Scar again. He had wondered if Scar would scorn him, or if Scar would pull him into his arms and congratulate him on a battle well fought. He had also considered keeping his distance, as far away as possible, as to never hurt Scar again.

And yet, just as usual, his heart never listens to his brain.

Because as he looks at his communicator, watching the others reply in chat, his eyes only focus on Scar’s name. There’s a part of him, a very deep part within, that cries out for him. It sees Scar’s name, and it reaches. It reaches far and wide, and it doesn’t concern itself with the logical side of Grian’s brain. No, it simply sees the fact that Scar is clearly alive and well and it wants to run right toward him.

Seeing Scar’s name makes Grian’s chest ache with a deep yearning that he knows can never be satisfied. There is an ache in him that he knows will only continue to eat away at himself, until he is rotting and reaching. His soul is crying, begging for Scar at his side, and though Grian knows that he will only be the catalyst to Scar’s ultimate demise, he is weak to the pull of his emotions.

Grian’s other half is alive! He is alive and that part of Grian feels incomplete without him. Empty. His heart aches at the thought of being with Scar again, of being able to give him the apology he deserves. Just the thought of being able to apologize to him is enough to break Grian down.

“S-Scar,” he stammers, completely forgetting that Jimmy even asked him a question. “He’s – I have to get to him,” he says, turning to the others.

He’s met with varying expressions of confusion, though it’s Impulse who says something, “Didn’t you already bring him his stuff after he died?” he questions, and Grian quickly shakes his head.

“No I just – where is he? I-I need to see him, I–” he stammers, thoughts running far too quickly for him to actually think coherently.

“Up north dude, where he always is.” Martyn replies, though he’s looking at Grian with… something. If he weren’t so distracted by the thought of Scar, he’d probably look closer into that. However, distraction is the card he’s been dealt, and he lets it play. He spins on his heel for the exit, walking briskly with purpose. “Make sure he doesn’t kill you!” Martyn calls after him, “Remember the guy’s on red!"

Grian knows he won’t.

-----------------

If Grian is being honest with himself, he probably should have put more thought into this. He didn’t even come here with a plan! He had just heard that Scar was north, so north is where he went. He was moving too fast for his brain to actually catch up.

It was a bit of a journey, getting from the cobbled towers (the Southlanders, his mind supplies) to the big mountain in the north. But the second he saw the hut on top of the mountain, he knew exactly who lived there.

Maybe what made the journey so difficult was the thoughts that accompanied him.

Grian won’t say that he ran to Scar’s — because he didn’t. Not really. He had walked. And his thoughts consumed him with every step.

He’s stuck in another life game. Scar is here. Mumbo is here. He doesn’t know what it means. This game isn’t Third Life, he knows that much. His mind is scrambling, trying to come up with some kind of plan. A strategy. He’s trying to lay out a safety net for himself but he should’ve known from the start it’d be pointless.

There are no safety nets in a game of death. There are no “plans”, despite how badly Grian may want to use one. He learned in Third Life that plans don’t work, even the most carefully planned strategy blows up in his face. It won’t stop him though. A plan gives him something to fall back on, a faux comfort.

A plan keeps him from running headfirst into danger, a plan keeps him alive.

Which is why he probably should’ve come up with a plan before going to Scar. He doesn’t know what kind of state the man will be in. He isn’t sure how to even approach a reunion with him. It’s obvious that he’s in some kind of… who even knows where. Obviously his friends all know him here, but he isn’t sure if they remember him. Who he is. What he’s done. What they’ve all done.

It doesn’t help that he’s apparently been dropped right in the middle of this new game.

He doesn’t know how to handle an approach to Scar. Hug him? Smack him? Ask him if he knows who he is? A no on that last one, Jimmy and the others have already answered that. Besides, Grian isn’t sure if he could handle Scar looking at him like Grian was a stranger in every sense of the word except the literal one.

He settles on just seeing what happens. Sometimes no plan is the best plan!

But just — not in a death game.

His thoughts trail off as he approaches the bottom of the mountain, and he looks up. He grimaces as he gets a clearer view of the hut up top, sighing. “Of course Scar had to put his base in the most precarious spot ever,” he grumbles before beginning to make his way up the mountain. He makes sure to be careful with each step, keeping himself aware of where he’s stepping.

When he makes it to the top of the mountain, he’s rather out of breath, chest heaving from exertion. This mountain is a lot bigger than the one back in the desert. But he reaches the top, and is face to face with a hut made of wood and dark stone. The roof on top looks like a wizard’s hat, and Grian can’t help his fond huff.

He focuses his gaze on the entryway, finding it wide open. This is it. Scar is beyond that doorway. Grian’s hands shake just at the thought of seeing him again. Anxiety runs through his blood like water, filling him completely. His heart picks up, beating against his ribcage. He swallows thickly.

A small part of him wants to run away. A small part of him wants to turn around and head right back down the mountain and forget that he even came here. A small part of him is afraid to look Scar in the eyes. It makes him feel like a coward.

And yet despite that small part of him, Grian walks forward.

He walks right into the hut, and promptly stops. Right in front of him is none other than Scar. He’s digging around in a barrel, humming to himself. Grian isn’t sure what the tune is, or where it’s from, but the scene feels familiar. His chest aches.

“Scar?” he says, causing the man to yell out.

He jumps up in surprise, letting out the typical fearful scream he does whenever he’s snuck up on. It makes Grian smile softly, and god he misses this man. Scar spins around on his heels, turning to look at Grian. Grian gets a good look at his eyes, and he sees a dark red haze swirling in them. There is not a hint of warmth in his eyes, no kind of recollection or even joy at seeing him. Grian isn’t sure what he sees in Scar’s eyes, but he knows that there is anger in them. Bloodlust.

(He thinks he might see hatred. And that is a thought that shakes him right to his core. He does not want to live in a world where Scar hates him, even if it is justified. Does that make him selfish?)

“Oh, Grian,” Scar eventually says, and his voice is cold. Empty. He takes a step forward, something whimsical about his footing. Scar is dressed in dark robes, stark white hair peeking out from underneath. “If you’re here to nab another life from me, Grian, I’m afraid you’re out of luck,” he says, his voice low and dangerous. There is a promise of a threat in his voice.

Grian frowns at that, chest panging. “I’m not interested in your life, Scar,” he says matter of factly. He’s already taken one (two, if his guilt counts the creeper), he doesn’t want another one.

A laugh spills from Scar, something lacking any real humor. “Oh, don’t you play with me!” he exclaims, voice sharp and angular. The sound of it causes Grian to jolt in surprise. “You can fool me once or twice! Or…” he trails off, thinking. “Three times, whatever, it doesn’t matter!”

“Scar…” Grian says, and he quickly realizes that he probably should’ve prepared himself a bit more. He lets the other approach him. There’s something different about him compared to Third Life. Something bitter, cynical. Grian isn’t sure if it’s because of the nature of this new game, or if it’s simply because Scar is on red.

“No, Grian!” Scar exclaims, reaching for his diamond sword. “You know, I was planning on hitting Team BEST first, give ‘em a real good thrashing. Send a message and all that! Can’t mess with ol’ Scar! Not anymore, no sir!” He takes another step toward Grian.

It’s the instinct of green life, Grian knows, that has him backing away slowly. He takes a few tiny steps backwards.

Scar looks at him, something angry and hurt in his gaze, “But I think you’ll make a good first message to the masses. You were the first to take advantage of me, after all.”

Grian’s back slams into the wall behind him, crushing his wings. He cringes at the feeling, but he doesn’t move. Scar is cornering him, holding the blade to his throat. He easily towers over Grian, putting just enough pressure on his sword to spill a bit of blood.

Looking at him, Grian doesn’t see a hint of the Scar he once knew. He isn’t quite sure what’s going on here, what the Grian of this game has done to wrong Scar, but what he does know is this.

He killed Scar.

And the hatred in Scar’s eyes isn’t misplaced or even misdirected.

He doesn’t fight back against the blade on his throat, the blade that is spilling his blood. He simply stands there and meets Scar’s hazy red eyes. To Grian, he thinks this is good retribution for the cactus ring. He sees no point in fighting against Scar when this is something he believes he deserves.

Yet Scar thinks otherwise.

See, he had expected a lot out of today. He’s on red now, and he had a goal in mind. He was going to make everyone on this forsaken server regret thinking they could just use Scar as they please. He was going to start with BEST, and then work his way to the others. But then Grian just came waltzing in like they were old buddies and Scar wasn’t going to let a golden opportunity slip past him.

He has a whole separate issue with Grian, after all.

But as he stares into Grian’s eyes, he sees something odd. Firstly he stares up at Scar with blatant confusion and hurt. It makes him want to laugh. What does Grian possibly have to be hurt over?

Though that isn’t what makes him pause. No, what makes him truly falter is the guilt he sees in Grian’s eyes.

He observes the green life in front of him (Wasn’t Grian yellow? Did he swindle someone else out of a life?) and notices that there’s no fight. Grian isn’t pushing back against him. He’s not arguing or drawing his own weapon. Not even as Scar draws blood and pushes the blade harder.

Suddenly the appeal of killing Grian leaves him. What fun is a kill that rolls over and exposes their weak point?

Scar scoffs at him before making up his mind and taking a step back. So much for that perfect message in chat. Looks like Team BEST is back as his number one target. He lowers his sword completely.

Grian watches him with confusion, “Scar?”

The red life meets his gaze, a deep frown settling on his lips. “Who are you?”

#scarian #trafficshipping #third life smp #last life smp #last life au #mochi writes #I really want to get back to writing this one omg #once I'm on summer break.....#anyways! third life my beloved #cannot believe it's two years old #I wasn't around at the start but I'm here now and AUGH

137 notes · View notes

klutzyroses · 2 years

Text

IkeVamp HCs: Getting scratched by S/o

How would they react to their s/o leaving scratches on him after a night of...activities?

Suitors: Mansion residents (All) + Will

Warnings: Slight NSFW

Napoleon

He didn't expect that from you at all. But is he complaining?

No complaints. None.

He doesn't mind a bit when he finds scratches on his back, shoulders and chest the following morning. He has dealt with worse injuries, if you can even call these scratches that. He actually thinks it's kind of attractive.

He didn't really notice you were scratching him at the time. All he could think about was you and you only.

So when you start stuttering out apologies and fretting over the pain you may have caused him, he is quick to calm you by wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him.

"I don't have a problem with it, tresor, really. Actually, I think it was kind of fun to have you scratching at me like that."

He revels in your blush as he nuzzles your bare shoulder and presses a soft kiss on it.

Leonardo

Who knew his cara mia was such a wild cat?

Heh, he will be very amused about the cat like scratches all over him.

He loves them really and you will never hear the end of it.

He will tease you so much about it until you're a red like the cute tomato you are.

Because you are his little kitty cat now and he will remind you of this.

He had noticed when you dug your nails into him and to him, it only added to the experience, and of course he suspected scratches would be left behind.

He doesn't give you the opportunity to be guilty or anxious about the scratches. He lets you know immediately that he loves them.

"Relax, cara mia, there's no problem here."

He gently pins you under him as he peers down at you with heat in his amber eyes.

"Matter of fact, it actually really got me going..."

Mozart

Okay so...he is not so pleased.

No, he does not like this. Why would you do this to him?

It is isn't so much about the pain as much as it is about how...primitive it seemed. It's going to be annoying to have his clothes dragging against the scratches.

He was very much aware when you were scratching him, but he didn't really feel it until it was all over.

He is grumbling about it, but when he sees how anxious, upset and guilty you were, he just couldn't bring himself to be too grumpy. After all, you were more upset about it then he was. So he softens up.

He supposed it wasn't too terrible...since they're a symbol of how good he made you feel.

"Couldn't help yourself, could you, liebe? Hn, what a clumsy girl."

With the lightest of smiles, he pulls you to him, showing you that no harm was done.

Arthur

He is so smug. So so smug.

When he sees the scratches on his shoulders and upper back, he grins before he is even aware of it.

Well, well luv~

He had felt it when you dug your nails into his back while he was attending to you and he had suspected it would leave a mark. He was not disappointed.

He may tease you a little about it being painful but when he sees you panic and stumble over your own apologies, he feels a little bad for giving his poor darling the wrong idea.

"Come on now, love, I am only teasing you! They don't hurt at all, in fact I'm proud of them! It just means I'm that good~"

He holds your face in his hands as he kisses your lips to reassure you that he is absolutely fine.

He will wear those scratches with pride, like badges for how much pleasure he gave you.

Theo

Teasing. So. Much. Teasing.

Theo smirks as he sees the marks on his upper back and chest. Oh he will never let you hear the end of it.

He had felt your nails on him, but it was more of an afterthought, he didn't really pay much attention to it at the time. But now he is all too aware of the marks leftover.

He will let you babble your frantic apologies for a few seconds before he suddenly pinches your cheek as he looks upon his little pup with teasing but loving blue eyes.

"Quit your whimpering, hondje. I'm not hurt. Though it looks like this little pup might need some training if she thinks it's okay to scratch her master..."

He claims you in a deep kiss which may lead to a little more if his schedule allowed.

Vincent

Oh, he doesn't mind a bit.

He actually barely noticed the state of his back and shoulders until you pointed them out.

He hadn't noticed you were clawing him at the time, he was far too focused on pleasing you and committing all your reactions to memory and getting lost in you. So it came as a bit of a surprise to him when he sees those scratches.

But he still doesn't mind and he is ready to soothe you when you hurry to apologize and try to find something to ease the sting of the scratches by quickly holding your hands in his.

"It's alright, really! It's not a big deal, my sunflower, I don't mind it all. If you need to scratch me, don't hold back, okay?"

He kisses each one of your fingers, one by one with with tenderness, conveying that he is not upset at all.

Isaac

Now, this boy is a little confused. How did you scratch him to this point?

That is the question on his mind as he inspects the scratches on his shoulders.

He hadn't even felt it when you were doing it so he was not expecting anything of it, having been so focused on you and losing himself completely in your shared passion.

He isn't necessarily upset about it. After all, you let him bite you all the time, surely, scratches were not such a big deal.

But when he sees you panic and figuratively fall all over yourself apologizing to him, he is a bit stunned for a moment before moving to reassure you. Though he had to silence you first with a kiss to do so.

"It's okay...it's not a problem, they will go away. I promise I'm fine, darling..."

He is a little embarrassed as he pulls you into a hug, holding the back of your head so you could lean into his shoulder.

Dazai

Aha, he is amused and a little proud of himself. When he catches sight of the scratches all over his back and chest, his first instinct is to smile.

He, of course, will not miss this opportunity to tease you. How could he resist teasing his cute little lover?

He felt it when your nails dug into his back, he had been all too aware of it, of every sensation, showering all his attention on you and your cute reactions.

So he wasn't surprised to see the marks the following morning, more amused than anything else.

He could only watch you with a fond expression as you stuttered embarrassed apologies and hasty promises to not do it again until he holds your face in his hands, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb. He meets your gaze with playfulness and mirth in his golden eyes.

"Now now, I never said I didn't like them. Actually, I could hardly control myself, you were just so cute, clawing me like that, my little one~

His smile grew at the heated blush he got out of you once you were soothed, finally moving forward to nuzzle you.

Jean

He is a little concerned when he sees the light red scratches on his shoulders. When he figures out they're from you, he is even more concerned.

Had he hurt you? Were you trying to signal him to your discomfort and he missed it? He is so worried.

He hadn't even noticed you were scratching him. Or perhaps he had and his mind hadn't addressed it? Either way, he didn't expect the marks left behind.

He will ask you if he had hurt you and if that was the reason you had scratched him.

When you sheepishly explain that he pleasured you so much that you had dug your nails into him, he is surprised but relieved.

Then it's his turn to reassure you when you bombard him with apologies and promises to tend to the scratch marks.

He doesn't mind them, especially if it meant he made you feel good.

He lifts your head to look into his night sky eyes, having yet to put on his eyepatch. There is a serious gaze in them.

"Mon ange, my only concern is your pleasure, and if you feel the need to use me as an anchor, I will accept it."

He leans his forehead on yours, conveying his love for you through that small gesture.

Comte

Oh, by all means, scratch away, cherie!

If you think you're going to hear any complaints from him, you're in for a surprise, Y/N?

When he sees his shoulders and back are covered in little red scratches, he chuckles fondly.

He knew you were scratching him. He knew it was going to leave marks and of course, he didn't mind in the slightest, especially since you were clearly in too much pleasure to think about it at the moment.

He will not hear any apologies from you. He loves to spoil you and that includes bedroom affairs.

He caresses your cheek while he holds your waist firmly, his thumb gently brushing your skin.

"Mon diamant, there is no need to apologize. You may scratch me as much as you like, I don't mind in the slightest."

He smiles when you relax and has you lean on him to rest some more.

Sebastian

Sigh...Well it can't really be helped, can it?

He shook his head, sighing lightly as he shrugged his shirt over the scratches on his shoulders and arms.

He may seem a little exasperated but he isn't really upset about it.

He had felt it when you scratched him and he expected some marks but not full blown scratches.

When you panic and apologize profusely, he hushes you gently, letting you know that it was fine.

"It didn't hurt, Y/N. Besides, what matters to me is that you felt so good."

He moved to gently cup your chin in his hand as his eyes draw you in like silver pools with an intense gaze.

William

Oh, you don't know what you've done.

He was very much turned on by the scratches you left on his arms and shoulders.

He knew you scratched him and he knew he was going to be covered in them and oh, did he ever encourage it.

He covered your lips with a finger, already anticipating the barrage of apologies about to spill from your pretty mouth.

"Thy nails in mine own skin brings me the utmost pleasure in the proof that I hath satisfied thee, my heart."

He then replaced his finger with his lips on yours, silencing any protests or worries you may have.

🌸

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikemen vampire headcanons #ikemen vampire scenarios #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp theo #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp jean #ikevamp comte #ikevamp sebastian #ikevamp william #my writing

663 notes · View notes

nogenderbee · 5 months

Note

Hello! I had a silly and cute idea ahxjahjd

May I request a Toya x Male reader (if its not a problem ofc) when they are at school and they're doing some schoolwork in pairs, then, the reader just ask Toya his hand and he draws some little things like some coffees, stars, hearts, etc. And maybe this can be a relationship not stabilized? That would be even nicer shskhdjd

Have a good day/night!

Hello yet again! Of course you can, dear! I think not stabilized relationship means like hidden relationship but it's possible I got that wrong so deep free to tell me ^^" Anyway I hope you'll still like it!

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕊𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕝 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕛𝕖𝕔𝕥 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Toya doing school project with male!reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @bleachtheidiot @yulikesminori @miya-akane @toyaswif3y (not tagging you since you'll get notif either way)

You happened to get school project with Toya. It was pretty good news since you could work with the one you love and not one you don't even like! So right now the two of you were sitting in the library, as you were looking for informations for your project and he was writing down any useful informations.

But searching did take more time than writing things down, so it was just to be expected that he'd be sitting doing nothing for most of the time.

"Maybe I could help you? It'll be easier for you and we'd get the work done quicker."

"It's fine, I'm on good track so I should find something really good soon!"

"As you wish... I won't force it onto you..."

He was noticeably a bit disappointed that he couldn't make it this easier on you and that he had nothing to do right now, he just felt a bit useless there...

He was thinking of grabbing some book but you clearly told him you can get it by yourself so he just sat there, fidgeting with his pen when quite a childish thought came to his mind... he remembered how you drew many little symbols on his hand during classes you found boring and he was caucious for so many days to not accidentally wash it off because he liked it so much! Maybe you'd like it too?

You're not new to Toya's behavior so you quickly noticed him staring at your hand and at his pen, even if it was clear, you still weren't sure since it didn't really expect that from him. Despite that, you figured out asking won't hurt.

"You wanna draw on my hand?"

"Ah, yes I did thought of that... I know I have paper right in front of me but I just remember you doing that tor me and... I thought you may also enjoy it?"

"I'm sure I would. Feel free to do so if you want!"

You responded with a smile and you could swear that his eyes sparkled as he heard your answer! And almost immidietly he gently took your hand in his to make it easier on drawing and began doodling really small images above your wrist level so you could cover it if you'd wish to.

When you finally found something and looked his way, you could see lots of small images, stars, moon, sun, coffee, cookies and even one or two hearts! After all, he wanted to leave something that would clearly say how head over heels he is for you but he still didn't wanted to make your relationship obvious so he only let a few. He seemed to notice you're staring at his work tho and got a little bit nervous...

"It's not too much... is it?"

"No, it's all fine! I love it. I just found something we might want to use in our project!"

Your boyfriend only nodded with that charming smile of his before he moved pen he's holding from your hand, back to the notebook and began writing down whatever informations you gave him.

You on the other hand, couldn't stop admiritjg the little drawings he did. Hearts may be hardly seen but they're there and just the thought of him not being able to resist drawing few of them makes your heart skip a beat~

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

#project sekai #colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #x reader #project sekai x reader #colorful stage x reader #project sekai colorful stage x reader #toya aoyagi #toya aoyagi x reader #project sekai toya aoyagi #project sekai toya x reader #fluff #project sekai fluff #oneshot #project sekai oneshot

14 notes · View notes

imagineamagicworld · 11 months

Text

Slept on my Thoughts and Big Feelings™ about yesterday's patch, here we go (in true stereotypical fashion, this got a bit longer than I initially thought)

Spoilers for the 7.3 story moments (impside)

So obviously this was a very character-centric patch and its highlights really were the cutscenes. Like many people, I expected slightly more out of the gameplay part of the patch, especially after 7.2 and everything we got on Ruhnuk...

But the team really, really pulled through on what we got out of the cutscenes.

Rivix seems like a slimy bastard and I alternated between cheering him on for decking that other random Sithy guy and praying for his downfall at Tau's hand (you'll get him next time baby girl <3)

pleasantly surprised to see him immediately contact the Commander, and YET, I am and will remain suspicious of his every move and will anticipate the inevitable backstabbing

"what about your fascinating Hutt scientist?", mum come pick me up, i'm scared

Sa'har's interactions with Ri'kan make me want to bawl my eyes out, why can't Bioware ever let siblings be happy, she's so gentle but so blind and he's drowning in resentment and rage and they are so doomed

"I had little choice. Some earn what they have. Some are given everything", "and some lost it all", "you dare speak to me of suffering" I am going Insane™

Heta is so delulu it would be funny if it didn't make the situation go from worse to worser so fast, "it's never safe to change a galaxy, never easy to fight corruption and hypocrisy" be for fucking real

Sa'har, just say the word and we WILL come and pick you up (i have all the adoption papers ready whenever)

"I would be more than happy to go over the details", "... But not right now" PLEASE the Commander is SO TIRED lmaoo

not Oggurobb admiring Darth Nul's work, can you please focus

more on The Discrovery™ later in this post

Mind you, I played this whole patch on my main (Elias my love <3), who is a Saboteur ex-Imperial Agent, but...

my god, the Torian alert talk hit Different™

whoever decided this should be a cutscene and not just a letter... you are everything. It felt raw, it felt reflective, it felt absolutely necessary and i'm really liking the depth it is bringing with it

"I agree with Heta about the banner being used as a symbol of shame and betrayal. And yet... how dare she burn it"

"How you feel about your past is for you to decide"

"I spent so much time trying to be better than my history, I didn't stop to think about where I came from", "Good and bad, this box contains my past. Who my father was. My family. My sense of right and wrong. I can open it and remember when I need to, or I can leave it shut. The choice is mine."

It's the intergenerational trauma, fighting against yet embracing your history to shape your future and find your own purpose in life, I-

This Barbie is an ex-war criminal haunted by the Past!! And so am I!!

The whole Malgus cutscene was incredible and I probably spent at least half an hour (if not more) just going over all the different options.

flirting with Theron at work!! In front of our bestie Lana who is So Done™!! "May I remind you both we still have more to discuss", it never gets old <3

was actually shocked by how involved Theron was in the cutscene? actually had a lot of lines and he felt materially present in a way that i hadn't seen in a loong time (I will never ever kill Theron off [I have morals and I love him, your Honour] but I do wonder how the cutscene looks when you don't have him around?)

Theron calling the Imperial characters the fuck out is a kink I didn't know I had, but I do, so thank you for that

"Some higher-up is all sweaty about my past contracts with Malgus", "One of those contracts was destroying the defense grid on Coruscant during an Imperial invasion", get her ass my love!!

the tensions with Shae are back and, listen, I love our problematic girlie as much as the next person (too much), but I am thriving

"Don't you get it? With the holocron, Heta is part of that plan, willing or not", "You weren't interested in the holocron when you shot a teenager out of nowhere we ran into Sa'har", the girls are FIGHTING

I just can't get over how similar yet different they both are. Probably won't resonate with all Outlanders, but as a former Imperial agent, Elias NEVER thought he would become a Leader of any sort. He was always content to stick to the shadows, do what he does best with few restrictions and little scrutiny. It's so so so interesting to see Shae feeling like she owes so much to her people and yet struggling so much with being Mandalore

"Make him think you understand" and isn't the interesting part that some Outlanders really might understand, at least in part? Unique perspectives indeed.

"You and I are very much alike. I couldn't stand it when my mind was at the mercy of another... I don't fault you for wanting to break free" (patch 7.1)

"... few minds can comprehend my vision", "none who have stood by my side have understood this. The only one who could have... is my enemy" (patch 7.3)

Mirrors and narrative foils and the weight of our choices and I'm going Insane™ once again

we didn't learn much from the interrogation that we didn't really already know or couldn't suspect, it was very much about the Themes™

I know it's controversial, but I actually like the Nul and Mandalorian plots intermingling

"The Mandalorians are fractured... a broken people. They struggle to decide who they are", something that is so so important in basically all of the Mando characters we have here. Torian, Akaavi, even the Ordo brothers, Heta herself of course and the Varad, the Dar'manda and the Ash'ad, SHAE SHAE SHAE

I am going to ignore how this would inevitably resonate in many Outlanders too, the longing for home versus the morality of doing what's right for the galaxy and fighting your home and saving your independance but never knowing if it's going to be enough-

it was a bit weird that there was no way to prevent Shae from listening in on Malgus' interrogation, but then again, the whole scene where he bypasses us to speak to her directly is so powerful that I can't really mind too much

the them of HISTORY strikes again!!

"Can you not see it? The past looms over us all... a shadow of unchanging history. There are fools who believe they can outrun the shadow. Without a flame to chase it away, it will consume them - they are doomed to repeat the same failures"

the SILENCE once you get back from the interrogation is so LOUD and I felt a true sense of heaviness from it

Unfortunately, I feel like the Voss part of the patch was the weakest in many ways. I haven't played Shrine of Silence yet (the Flashpoint), but it is (as was announced) not required for the main story content.

The highlights truly were, again, the characters.

Arcann is back!! and we get to have a very nice talk with him about redemption, acceptance and forgiveness. all things that felt very important for Arcann's journey (and for my MC as well, actually)

"I saw centuries worth of horrors committed by my father. I felt the rage and the cruelty born of my desperation to please him", "I was afraid I saw those ruins because I was doomed to follow in his [my father's] footsteps", navigating intergenerational trauma and trying to trace the lines between what you suffered and what you are responsible of, painfully delicious

"I will never expect forgiveness - or even acceptance - from anyone I have hurt. But I will cherish any that is offered", what, me, crying? no, it's just raining, i would never cry (i am bawling like a little baby and will never stop)

can't say I was that surprised to learn that Darth Nul had been a Jedi before being corrupted over to the dark side, but I'm glad that finally puts to rest the "Lana is Darth Nul" theories

I am very intrigued by that Force power of hers , however : "she could mentally bond with anyone who could feel the Force. In those who did not recognize their own abilities, she awakened that realisation", okay, but what does it mean exactly?

the Voss stuff was otherwise a little bit on the forgettable side, I must admit (but I'm always happy to come back to Voss, so it's okay)

"[the Three] would never share them with an outsider, even one of your status", hmmm, excuse you, Sana-Rae, but I was once married to a Voss lady, doesn't that count for something

And just like that we were back to doing little chores-like quests and rocking it KOTOR-dialogue style. Which was okay, but not groundbreaking by any means.

of course it was Czerka, of course it was

out of all the side quests, I really liked the cantina one, it was so silly

the talk with Sana-Rae before going to see the Three was really touching <3 It really is all about personal choices and finding one's purpose even if it clashes with what you were taught growing up

the... prophecy itself is very vague and doesn't give us much more than what we've learned so far

"Life will be reshaped... scales unbalanced... A wave of change rises and falls... beyond the reach of Darth Malgus... and as he dreams, he awakens a great power... one that will tear the galaxy apart"

"Should Darth Malgus perish, this catastrophe will transpire more quickly"

I can't for the life of me begin to guess at what the devs have in store for us, but you can colour me intrigued for sure (and a bit wary)

the sheer unavoidability of "what is to come" is ???

and yet, somehow, "whatever is to come from this, it is you... who will choose the fate of us all"

"I'm tired of being responsible for the consequences of every decision"

"You can fight against destiny, but it is inescapable"

When I tell you boyo is TIRED

Overall, very strong themes for this patch. The way both the past and the future are inescapable, unavoidable, dooms that we cannot run away from.

The way we have to embrace them, embrace who we are, who we were and who we can become.

The way there is always a choice, there always has to be a choice.

#swtor #swtor 7.3 #swtor 7.3 spoilers #7.3 spoilers #7.3 Old Wounds #the themes are theming so hard this patch #overall i don't think this is as strong a patch as Ruhnuk was #and I imagine (I hope?) that the story will move forward massively with 7.4 (which has already been confirmed)#But it was still fun #The cutscenes were phenomenal and you can tell just how much love went into making them #OC: Elias O'Hara (Imperial Agent)#Theron Shan #Lana Beniko #Torian Cadera #Arcann Tirall #Sana-Rae #Shae Vizla #Darth Malgus #Darth Rivix

30 notes · View notes

drbased · 8 months

Text

Another Takedown: We're with the big boys, now!

So I happened to spy a copy of the International Socialism journal, issue 157 published in Winter 2018. On the front cover there is a rainbow trans symbol and the title of one of the chapters: Marxism, feminism and transgender politics by Sue Caldwell. I thought wow, this is it, this a defense of genderism within a socialist framework. This'll be my undoing, finally I'll be able to recognise that my terfism is wrong. This isn't randos on tumblr anymore. So, I buy it, turn to page 25, and begin my journey.

And gyns, if you've read those randos on tumblr, I can assure you that there is nothing new here. I'm going to take apart this whole thing. So this is gonna be a long one, folks.

In August 2017 Donald Trump tweeted that transgender people1 were no longer welcome in the military because they are a “burden” due to “tremendous medical costs and disruption”.2 This was the latest in a series of attacks on transgender people which include attempts to overturn legislation that allows people to use the toilet for their preferred gender. Transgender people face the threat of violent attack; 2017 is on course to see the highest recorded number of killings of transgender people in the United States.3 In the UK transphobic hate crime has tripled in the last five years, while prosecution rates have dropped and transgender people report lack of trust in the police. More than a third of transgender employees say they had to leave their job due to discrimination in 2016.4 A survey released by Stonewall reports that eight out of ten trans school and college pupils had self-harmed and 45 percent had tried to take their own lives.5

1 I am using trans or transgender as an umbrella term to denote people whose gender identity does not match their birth sex, and this includes non-binary and gender fluid identities. When I use trans man or trans woman I am referring to people who have transitioned from female to male (ftm) or male to female (mtf) respectively, regardless of whether they have had any medical intervention. I am aware that these terms are contested and that meanings may change over time. 2 Thanks to Alex Callinicos, Joseph Choonara, Gareth Jenkins, Laura Miles, Sheila McGregor, Judith Orr and Camilla Royle for their comments on this article in draft. 3 Human Rights Campaign, 2017. 4 Yeung, 2016. 5 Weale, 2017.

Hmm. So, right off the back, I think it's a bit of a reach to describe 'banning from military' as an 'attack' on transgender people. I mean, first of all, you're a socialist journal. You're supposed to be materialists, right? Not being made to fight in a war is saving someone from an attack. I know this is a nitpick, but this is what we do, here: we deconstruct narratives and analyse how rhetoric is employed to achieve an affect. A socialist journal uncritically parroting liberal, egalitarian rhetoric? Love to see it.

Now, the '2017 is on course to see the highest reorded number of killings of transgender people in the United States'. So, first of all, kinda curious there's no number used here, right? Why not use it? This is clearly, off the bat, a persuasive piece, so really go for it. The statistics and facts are on your side, right? So what's that really hard-hitting number? 29. Up from 23.

'Some of these cases involve clear anti-transgender bias. In others, the victim’s transgender status may have put them at risk in other ways, such as forcing them into homelessness.'

Hmm. Look, I'm not going to belabour this point, because it's been done by better people elsewhere. Statistically, that's not a significantly high number, even for the transgender population. And it's nothing compared to the murder of women and girls in the same year. But let's talk about what's not being said, here:

Considering how little it takes for a person to ID as trans, there's no reason to assume these people were presenting in any way that makes them a target.

To belabour that point, you guys know we still live in a homophobic society, right? You guys know that homophobic violence still exists? How can you be sure that the motivations have anything to do with gender and not sexuality, considering how often those two things end up being linked?

As better women than me have pointed out, black transgender women in prostitution have the highest murder rate. That's a lot of overlapping risk factors. And in this statistic, a good number of these are people of colour, specifically black people.

Including killings of transgender men is really, really icky, considering how we already have an epidemic of violence against women. But it makes up the numbers. Because, for all the supposed compassion for trans people, this is more of a numbers game than anything else; a desperation to prove the unprovable. And even then, when you make the bar to entry this low, the numbers still aren't particularly powerful enough, so instead they're obfuscated with a really lazy 'highest recorded number of killings'.

A similar rhetorical tactic is used with 'In the UK transphobic hate crime has tripled in the last five years'. So, I couldn't find the source for this one, but you know what I did find?

The law recognises five types of hate crime on the basis of: Race Religion Disability Sexual orientation Transgender identity

HOLY

SHIT

BATMAN

MISOGYNY ISN'T EVEN CONSIDERED A HATE CRIME IN MY COUNTRY???????? Transgender people have only been in the public eye for less than a decade whereas FIFTY PERCENT OF THE POPULATION, A POPULATION KNOWN TO BE VIEWED AS PROPERTY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF RECORDED HUMAN HISTORY, DON'T HAVE A RECORD OF HATE CRIMES AGAINST US IN THIS COUNTRY?

ARE

YOU

FUCKING KIDDING ME????

OK, WE NEED TO STOP RIGHT HERE, I'M DONE BEING COY.

Is there anything we can do about this? Is there anyone in the UK who knows anything about the law who can help get misogyny recognised as a hate crime?

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminists interact #radical feminists please interact #my writing

13 notes · View notes

platinumgigi · 2 years

Text

hey since in my last post i vaguely mentioned that i like Lunter, why don't i ramble about it a little bit because i really like Lunter

i've honestly really liked them as a pairing ever since Hunting Palismen, and my descent into absolute brain-rotting madness for them was very much assisted by the actual personal attack on me that was Hollow Mind because, wow, okay, just put some of my most favorite character dynamic/relationship tropes into an episode while simultaneously ripping my heart out and then kicking me while i'm down with the knowledge that Luz is in a relationship with someone else during almost the entire time of even knowing Hunter. yeah okay cool cool, i have totally chill and normal thoughts and feelings about them like a regular person. i'm good.

but one thing i absolutely adore about them, especially, is the parallels they have to Caleb & Evelyn. and while i would absolutely go on a 72-paragraph thesis of a tangent on why i'm so in love with ships that reference or directly parallel being like a previous romantic relationship and subtly or explicitly stating that they were fated or destined to be together, i will hold back on that for now to instead write a thesis of a tangent on another reason why i love that they parallel Caleb and Evelyn: they parallel them better than any other relationship in the show.

i have seen a fair bit of people try to argue for the potential parallels and symbolisms between other characters' relationships and Caleb & Evelyn's, such as with Luz and Amity or with Hunter and Willow (hell i think i saw one post somewhere trying to connect Caleb & Evelyn to Eda & Raine and honestly? i respect that tenacity) and i don't think that drawing some similarities between Caleb & Evelyn's relationship to the different ones Luz and Hunter have in their lives is bad or wrong in any way; i do think that the good ol' Owl House crew were deliberately trying to make some connections there, especially since they seem pretty adamant about Luz & Amity and Hunter & Willow being endgame. but the thing about it for me, though, is that none of those other ships parallel Caleb & Evelyn as thoroughly and believably as Luz and Hunter do.

like, let's take a step back and just look at the structures of both Caleb & Evelyn's lives and incentives and Luz and Hunter's:

For Caleb and Evelyn, they obviously were from two completely different walks of life, both figuratively and literally: Evelyn was a witch, likely born and bred from the Boiling Isles itself and possibly found herself stuck in the human realm (potentially on accident too), and was most definitely hated, feared, and utterly rebuked from human society for just being who and what she was. And then there was Caleb, a human who had assimilated to a lifestyle of murdering/supporting the murder of people like Evelyn in order to fit in with good ol' 1613 society, likely just to find a life where he and his younger brother could be safe, happy, healthy, and accepted.

When Caleb and Evelyn met, there was obviously some kind of spark or bond between them, regardless of however it may have initially presented itself, that was strong enough for Caleb to end up retreating with Evelyn into the demon realm and learning more about the world and its magic, over staying with and protecting his younger brother Philip, as he seemed to have done all his life up until meeting Evelyn.

For Hunter and Luz, they also come from very different walks of life: Hunter is a magically bio-engineered clone of Caleb made by Belos/Philip for the purpose of "rebirthing" his older brother as his loyal right hand man that would never leave or betray him ever again. Hunter was never able to truly be his own person even before he found out that he was a Grimwalker, and never got to gain any of the life experiences that a normal person could (i.e. biologically being able to perform magic, learning about the worlds and realms, uncovering and studying true history that Belos had banned or covered up). He knew nothing of socializing with people his age and rarely ever got to leave the Emperor's castle as it was, and his only reason for being alive was secretly just a sick and twisted way for Philip Wittebane to live out the fantasy life he'd always wanted; one without witches, and one where his brother would finally stay with him.

And then there's Luz, a human girl who, while having the full opportunity of learning new things and making friends, never got to do so, as she was a social outcast for all her life because her own interests and quirks didn't align with that of her peers, or most of anyone who knew her. Thus she was drawn to the many mediums of art, and the genres of fantasy and fiction, where she could immerse herself in a story and imagine herself as the hero who goes on epic quests and makes a bunch of friends along the way. And when she found herself in a world where all of that could become true, she discovered that despite being physically and biologically different from everyone around her, she was so much more at home with the people who were once, in human history, considered to be vile, evil monsters.

When Luz and Hunter met, there was obviously some kind of spark or bond between them, regardless of their initial tension and hostility towards each other, that was strong enough for Hunter to go against the orders of Emperor Belos for Luz, and then eventually betray and flee from Belos altogether with her, over staying with and defending the man who had (quite literally) given him life and a home, as he had done all his life up until meeting Luz.

Like, on this pretty basic story level, you can obviously see that these two pairings mirror each other almost perfectly. Of course there are some differences between them, and some places where one character might parallel the opposite one in the relationship (i.e. Luz and Caleb both being humans, Evelyn being a witch and Hunter technically being one too). But overall, just from this level, you can just see how well they all reflect and complement each other, how aspects of their characters beautifully contrast one another as well as the antagonists of the story, and how both their relationships, despite the adversity they face for being who and what they are and the type of lives they'd lived growing up, manage to find each other, and be the catalyst for one of them to finally take the plunge and go after what they truly wants rather than staying in their normal lives and continue doing what they were demanded of.

For a relationship that the fandom (and possibly even the show itself too) really try to push as only being that of siblings or familial love, Luz and Hunter sure do have a fuck ton of natural romantic coding, down to the parallels with Caleb & Evelyn (aka the true power couple of The Owl House as they're pretty much the entire reason for present-day story happening) to their witty yet childish banter and arguments, to their literal enemies-to-friends-to-something-more set up, and their overall organic chemistry and fun and intriguing ways they play off of each other and ALSO their relationship's narrative relevance that actively moves the plot forward and heavily impacts it—

Yeah, suffice it to say, while I definitely understand and respect those who just see Hunter and Luz as siblings or just good friends or just overall prefer them in different relationships, I just can't get over the gold mine of romantic potential these two have, regardless of what the Owl House crew were planning their relationship to be like from the very beginning.

And honestly, if they truly did always intend for Hunter and Luz to have something more akin to a sibling relationship than anything remotely romantic, all I can say to that is: LMAO. Cause like, bro, if you really wanted that to be the case, you kinda accidentally fucked up and gave them way too many parallels and similarities to the most romantic relationship in all of the show. Just sayin'. 🤣🤣

#like you can view their relationship however you wish to and that's totally valid #but y'all can't keep going around and saying #the we have no ground to stand on #or no good reason to like them as a ship #other than the bs of thinking we don't like seeing gay people happy #when in reality us Lunter shippers are almost all queer people LMAO #lunter #huntceda #goldenlight #goldenluz #how many other ship names do we gave for these dorks lol #do i dare attempt to maintag this post?#hmmmm not today #but this post will probably still end up being found by the wrong people so s'fine #luz noceda #hunter toh #luz x hunter

82 notes · View notes