#i think its the grief tbh

[cinderswife]

ah yes, my favorite media. a grand story about the horror and tragedy of war set featuring a massive space war that was a rebellion against an oppressive colonial empire hellbent on conquest (which also experiments on its subjects), a main cast of mostly female characters, a key romance between two women, and a clone army of female super soldiers.

my favorite character in this story is a woman named rose. though not physically present in the text, her absence echoes throughout the narrative in a way that makes those closest to her do great and terrible things. she comprises one half of the key romance (of which the other half is deeply devoted to her even after she is gone). she has done some deeply awful things in her past, but that doesn't stop me excusing her shitty actions <3

wait, am i talking about steven universe or once upon a time in space?

(meme redraw lol)

#the mechanisms #steven universe #ouatis #rose quartz #rose quartz su #rose red ouatis #planet's doodles #so it turns out that the stories that resonate with me the most are. these two #i think its the grief tbh #like. its out of grief that snow goes to war and cinders wanders the galaxy #its out of grief the crystal gems make some rough decisions #also i am fully drawing a quartz soldiers/rose red soldiers parallel #god i could make such good aus out of this #also apparently i am just a sucker for women named rose who haunt the narrative and also kinda suck #like actually haunt it #even if i want them to be there the story is served best by their absence #but i love them *cries*

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[tongues--and--teeth]

How much pain can you forgive?

What would you do for those you swore to protect?

#something something an eye for an eye but the actual physical scarring can be interpreted as symbolism of Dark Cacao and Choco's characters #bcs Choco's is like on his eye a very defining and public scar like it's one of the first things you see on his character which can be #interpreted as like how it's clear as day that he's not the same “noble prince” he was while Dark Cacao's (possible) scar is not only #never seen in any of his sprites but we never get a scope to how bad the injury was (even though it's possible he was hardly injured due to #like being immortal but I digress and also think that interpretation is incorrect) could be seen as how he hides his damage from the kingdo #and its citizens even though it's eating him up from the inside and eventually spills over into a more physical manifestation (the wall) of #his grief and all that he DOES try his best to hide how much everyone he ever cared about leaving him affects him. #anyway tl;dr Dark Choco's damage from their conflict is incredibly visible which is reflected in his eye scar while you wouldn't be able to #see Dark Cacao's as easily or at all. Anyway you get it. You see the themes. The symbolism. #tw gore #cw gore #Is this body horror???? #probably not???? #I heard somewhere that Dark Cacao's crown was supposed to look like thorns and y'know who ELSE #I'm not a christian but sometimes their symbols and stuff go hard tbh #its called like stigmata or smthing (just about the blood on his face) #crk #teethart #cookie run fanart #dark cacao cookie #dark cacao crk #cookie run kingdom #fanart #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art

[densitywell]

that "Orym made his deal contingent on all of the Hells coming back from Ruidis alive bc he knows Imogen's probably gonna be absorbed into Predathos and turn on them" take truly one of the "he would not fucking say that"s of all time

#i understand many of you are still in the bargaining stage of grief rn but like please be serious. #anyways i still believe in the 'predathos isn't inherently evil even if its being used by evil' dream a bit even if its. not looking good #i'll be sad if he is just Bad tbh! i think its more interesting this way i think we should expand the ways to be #i think the story should keep growing out towards the strange and the scary not shrinking in on itself #and kord isn't gonna make her more alien :( #cr spoilers #crposting

[quibbs126]

Oh yeah so yesterday I was working on a Psychology project where we had to diagnose a movie or TV show character

And I think just out of context, my project being about a guy named Captain Sunshine dealing with PTSD just sounds funny

#I mean I can play it completely straight #for gods sake one of my favorite characters that I am very passionate about is a talking dark chocolate cookie #the name Captain Sunshine means nothing to me #but you know without any context and just hearing that on its own sounds wild #tbh I’m not sure if he has PTSD or it’s just suffering from grief #but he was my first thought so I went with that #and he fits it pretty well I think just based on what I can glean from the DSMV #anyways #venture bros #captain sunshine #psychology #school stuff #random stuff

[definitelynotshouting]

had a thought. in social species, avoiding getting isolated from the group for an extended period of time is a survival instinct. hunger au grian's implied to have been basically not socializing during his time kicked from hermitcraft, just running and occasionally ducking into some random server to eat and hating himself for it. that's probably not helping his eating disorder situation, if on some level he's associated eating with being kicked out.

Oh yeah for sure :(( i think abt this a LOT, about the isolation he went through during that period before the search party found him. That was almost a full year of not really talking to anybody, never seeking close contact, deliberately keeping his distance except for the few times he snuck somewhere to feed and do the bare minimum to keep his code from falling apart. And eventually, he gave up even doing that, and took to the in-between to just. Move. Keep moving. No real focus, no actual destination in mind. For a very long time, it was move forward or die, and when he finally detected that the search party had tracked him down, he realized he'd only been delaying the inevitable and made a decision about it.

It kinda breaks my heart, ngl. To be so lonely and scared and knowing in your heart that you're living on borrowed time. To run as far and as fast as you can against the inevitable, out of pure desperation and stubbornness. In the fic, i mention that Grian considers getting kicked out of Hermitcraft as a death sentence, and that wasnt an exaggeration. He knew. He knew, deep down, from the moment he got kicked, that this was only going to end one way. Grian's a master of denial, yeah, but you can only look death in the face for so long before you realize it's been here the whole time.

His return to Hermitcraft in particular is gonna delve into this. It's gonna delve into a lot of things, tbh, but his isolation very much changed him. It's gonna be a long road, recovery-wise, with lots of set backs and non-linear healing. And, quite frankly, he may never truly be the same!! It'll be up to all of them to successfully reach a new normal together, once they actually get to that point in the narrative❤️ ;;;

#shouting speaks #asks #grian #watcher grian #hermitcraft #hunger au #THIS WAS A BIT OF A SOMBER RESPONSE SORRY ANON #i have. feelings abt this tbh #smth abt the inherent grief of being irrevocably changed #smth abt going through trauma and wishing you could go back and knowing that you cant #the frustration of navigating uncharted territory in your own mind #the old is new and the new is old and nothing makes sense and the only thing you can do is sit with it #i dont see a lot of fics really go into how UGLY healing is. how exhausting. how utterly GRUELING it gets sometimes #its always something. and if it isnt that then its something else. and you just have to keep moving forward no matter what #but anyway yeah. this fic is not going to be very glamorous wrt the healing. its gonna suck man. but ultimately it will be worth it❤️ #and that i think is what matters #txt

[the-kipsabian]

.

#today was such a long fucking day and i was made so fucking uncomfortable i literally threatened to walk out of a fucking funeral #i got told im dressed inappropriately just because im perceived as a girl and i was wearing pants #PANTS. #theres no such thing as a funeral dress code that prevents me from wearing pants. people just didnt like it #i got told by two extended family members that i was inappropriate. and later also by my mom #who didnt say anything when they picked me up. it was fine by her at that time but later when others said it wasnt fine? yeah #im so fucking tired man #i know the extended half family doesnt like me ive always been a black sheep but this just. yeah #at a funeral no less #i dont want to see these people ever again im so fucking tired. i dont want to see anyone ever again tbh #just let me sleep forever and rot away please im tired #sorry my headache makes me angry and upset just. its all just so much #im just glad this whole hassle is over and i dont have to think about this anymore. but between all the stress and anxiety and grief #and everything else? yeah this. this aint it fam #im so mentally fucking shot i just want to sleep but my body is still kinda in a fight or flight mode with this and the grief its so hard #and my head hurts. so yeah. i dont fucking know #i just need someone to hold me before i combust #again sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

[nowimhaunted]

I really miss posting like original content on here but I have been in such a schlump lately

#i dont think ive been the same since my coworker died in august tbh #and everything going on in the fandom recently has been rlly hard #I don't really handle death or grief well at all #whenever it happens I just feel numb and empty inside #its hard for me to just let myself FEEL it #i just dont know what to say

[comradekatara]

looking at haru with a mustache again - i know this is just a headcanon, and meant to be taken with a grain of salt, but... he definitely does look like how i imagined hakoda would have looked at that age! if this headcanon has any basis at all in the text (given how much katara loves & respects her dad) - then it would add another layer to the harutara agenda.

i mean..... kinda??? not rly tho.... hakoda's chin is wider and he's stockier, so even if they have similar hair and skin tone, i don't think there's an obvious resemblance tbh.

but also, katara's relationship with her dad is pretty complicated. she does obviously love him, but there's a lot of anger and resentment and grief there too. i don't think she would (consciously or subconsciously) go looking for someone who reminds her of him. i mean, aang is nothing like hakoda for one thing. and in terms of personality, neither is haru. hakoda is a charismatic leader who's great at connecting with people, whereas haru is a lot more introverted and withdrawn, and likes katara specifically for her leadership and ability to inspire others (including him).

if anything, i think katara is a lot like hakoda in many ways, and haru resembles kya more, both physically and psychologically. from the little we know of kya, she cares deeply about the people she loves and is willing to make sacrifices to help them and preserve her culture, which are core tenets of haru's character as established in "imprisoned" (e.g. when he exposes himself as an earthbender to save that old man's life) and again when he joins the invasion.

katara definitely wants and idealizes her mother more than her father anyway, so i think reading haru as reminding her of kya makes more sense for this agenda lol. katara can embody hakoda well enough herself, as an inspiring and compassionate leader and warrior, whereas haru's support when he listens to and empathizes with her talking about the loss of her mother can help her fill a hole that she's desperately missing.

#not all girls want to marry their dads ok!!!!!!! some of them want to marry their MOMS #meanwhile SUKI and hakoda have a lot in common #i think its pretty clear which parent each sibling latched onto. lmao #but also to be clear i dont actually think haru is meant to represent kya or whatever #like if anyone is there to help katara w her grief over losing her mother its clearly zuko #he literally lost his mom in an explicitly paralleled situation #im just saying. katara does NOT want her dad lmfaooo #the closest anyone came to being like hakoda was jet and well. yknow #10000dandelions #asks #katara #haru #hakoda #kya #haruxkatara #i guess this is a harutara blog now...... #kaharu????? #i think i prefer kaharu tbh #kaharu. katuko. katzula. these ship names are all superior. and i will die on his hill.

[writhe]

i applied for this job (that i feel a little overqualified for. it isn’t work i’ve specifically done before but i’ve done enough that is similar & have kept a comparable job for years & also it’s listed as entry level with pretty low pay) and i got an email that i didn’t even get an interview 

#finding work that doesnt force you to compromise on values is hard #and its wild! i have a lot of relevant experience and meet all their qualifications and nearly all of their additional desired ones #i guess it wasnt meant to be but woof #i applied for something else i think id be really good at but i have way less relevant experience so tbh im expecting rejection there but #thought it would be good experience #jobs are weird. i think there is a world i have a career and i am extremely passionate and good at what i do #i like being able to take pride in work #but like. i really have yet to find that in work i'm not making for myself #i do wish i could go back to being 21 at the sawmill. i was fucking going through it when i worked there #and if i wasnt going thru a breakup and deep in grief and the menagerie of bad habits id picked up i think i wouldve excelled #but yknow i got a lot of chances and learned a lot and i look back fondly. really couldnt have had a better boss there NGL...just wish id #done a little better yknow? #we didnt vibe politically but we really got along otherwise and i think we shared the same values for work and craft and stuff and id love #to find that again

[scattered-winter]

last grief vent post lads

#i wish there was someone to blame. i mean there Is but it wasnt really her fault so i cant blame her really. #a driver had dementia and somehow slipped away from her caretakers and got on the road with her car and now my friend is dead #and there's nobody to blame for it. shit happens. she didnt know what she was doing. i know that she didn't mean to. #but the fact is that she got in her car that day when she shouldnt have and now a 20 year old girl with her whole life ahead of her is dead #and i am not gonna lie guys. im fucking pissed. #its unfair. its so fucking unfair. #but its also unfair for me to point fingers when it wasnt really that driver's fault. #she doesnt even remember causing the accident. she doesnt know where her injuries came from. #and i KNOW what dementia is i KNOW that thats part of it and it isnt her fault at all #but im really angry. not even necessarily specifically at the driver tbh just . angry #but. the funeral is over. so i think ill be ok from now on. #there was a beautiful sunset while i was driving home today. it was pink and orange #pink sunsets were her favorite. it was beautiful to see one today. #winter speaks #grief tag #tw death #tw car accident

[elegyofthemoon]

shaking excitedly and tiredly

#avil speaks #maybe im just being too in my head these days bc you know #lifes being weird and transition periods wack #but do you ever have a moment where things sorta seem to align well and suddenly its like a clear path opening in front of you? #like idk.... #so many things connected to each other and opening up and im a little starryeyed about it tbh but jhdjdjs #im a little afraid that all those good things will come crashing eventually sjfjdjd #maybe the last year and several months have worn me down that im Not used to good things happening anymore gjjddjdjs #LIKE I WANT TO TRY TO BE OPTIMISTIC AGAIN BC THATS WHAT MOST PEOPLE SEE ME AS #but i think its taking me a while to crawl back to who i was before #maybe its also that we can never go back anyways so trying to hold onto that idea is only more suffering #sighs.... #but i just.... #things are lining up and opportunities are opening #im just hoping that things will go my way #and these 6 months will be pleasant #whatever stresses come my way i hope ill let it pass #and i find myself happier than suffering the way i did the last year #that one quote thats like 'do not borrow grief for a future that hasnt happened yet' #or however it goes #sighsssssss #thisll probably be explained further on happy logs later tonight #just pls. plsplsplsplspls.

[strangesickness]

i don't think theres ever going to be a day where stand by me doesn't fuck me up beyond belief. genuinely an unparalleled movie experience no matter what age i am.

#theres no movie that makes me feel things like stand by me tbh #like i love the IT films and miniseries obviously. and for similar reasons to stand by me #but they don't even come close to capturing the feeling stand by me does #its like reiner took the grief one feels while mourning childhood and bottled it #i watched this movie quite a few times as a child since its one of my moms all time favorites #its been a few years since i saw it last and its the first time since growing distant from all my friends from that age #so thats. yknow. fucked up. my middle school friends and i had a much longer run than most friends do at that age i think. but still. #i remember watching this movie when i was like 13 and it triggered like a. genuine fear in me #was the first time i really saw stand by me and felt something. made me realize childhood wasn't forever #it didn't stick because i was an asshole middle schooler with no responsibilities but i do remember it pretty clearly #kind of weird to go back to it now and be able to see my child self reflected back at me #and realize that what i was scared of back then has long since passed me by #also i want ace's shirt #stand by me #posts afflicted with a strange sickness

[perfectly-clear-from-here]

(preface: im the most sensitive bastard you'll ever meet)

if you haven't cried your eyes out while listening to the 'four out of five' outro with your headphones on full volume in the car during a long drive at night YOU JUST HAVENT EXPERIENCED WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ALIVE OKAY

#no seriously that outro just- it feels like an ache in my chest #because its just so fecking incredible to the point where it physically hurts 😭 #its not even like- sad. like i dont cry at sad songs. i cry when songs just sound too good #idk i think some of my wires might be a bit crossed when it comes to audio processing #ANYWAY IM RAMBLING #FIRST OF ALL TELL ME WHY: #the four out of five outro brings a tear to my eye #IS ALREADY A TAG OF MINE?? #maybe its just my sheer infatuiation with tbh+c and that whole undercurrent of grief because like- its meerly a creative projection #maybe they injected pure morphine into the outro I DONT FECKING KNOW #it just- it hits. alot. too much you might say. #counting myself as a lucky bastard for getting to hear it live 🙏 #four out of five #tbh+c #tranquility base hotel and casino #alex turner #arctic monkeys

[dockaspbrak]

what the hell

#ok not to be rude but #i sort of cant handle the depression perhaps anymore like it is unending #i dont understand why god cant just give me theability to reanimate the dead or perhaps just do it himself #i miss the little guy i kind of dont know what to even do #i feel stupid bc i feel like its like....people dont really perhaps i just dont think people are that cool about talking abt grief #esp about pets..like #i feel silly for being so depressed but i also cant perhaps handle it #the self loathing is really hitting a peak this week idk like #where do ie ven go from here is my thought i guess i dont really want to be alive or do anything i just miss him so much #he was so sweet and small #i keep getting served videos about like senior 20 yr old cats being surrendered to shelters and like #im so mad like id do anything to have gotten 2 more years with him wht the fuck are you giving them up for #what the hell #its frustrating because ir eally dont want to be comforted or even spoken to about this im just like mad #mad and bargaining clearly i forget what stages those are #depressed yet pissed off also like what the fuck did he do to deserve this it was so fucking fast #cherish your fucking pets. treasure every fucking day #ugh #maybe ill try a different kind of eating again for awhile tbh lets see what thats like in the new context of living w regan #its hard bc its human nature to criticize and correct i think so its hard to feel like i have the space to do what i want? bc of that.... #idk idk

[the-kipsabian]

#ive had. extremely hard time already processing this year tbh #both old grief and new grief. its just a lot #i know i dont have to do everything immediately. things dont have to get better overnight and most likely they wont #i mean. they havent #just. saw this and it made me think. probably too much but im an emotional mess at all times either way #i would just like things to be different. i know its a lot to ask and its mostly in my hands for myself but.. yeah #its just not easy. and im not dealing with it very well. i dont know #been trying to tell myself the usual. time doesnt heal it changes you. im going through difficult things and thats okay #i just.. i guess i just hoped this year would be different. so far it hasnt been its been worse #i dont know what the point of me posting this is. i just need to vent a little i guess #this is not gonna be an easy week for me and im not looking forward to it. like said grief is a very difficult thing for me #difficult and new. im trying but its hard. i dont know how im gonna make it this year #anyways. sorry #night is an absolute mess on main