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cali · 5 months

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I'm too this side! How did you come to be on that side

uhaha u little scamp thats soooo vague how could i possibly knooooooow *punches u playfully*

im on this side probably because i was born into circumstances that made me be. maybe my parents gave me values or put me in enviroments that made me develop like this. maybe the people who were and are nice to u in life were from a different side than the ones who were and are nice to me so we went our own ways... i cant talk well about this without u telling me what type of sides u and i r on. i am assuming ur question to have a tone of longing for getting to other sides of stuff. maybe not but if it is there it gives me a chance for babbling about stuff ive been thinking about so im going to do that now. - imo if u want to switch sides on anything really fast, u could try hitting rock bottom and then everything tends to let itself get rearranged pretty easily. i think this works for so much stuff, like changing behavioural patterns or political paths or religion like my aunt that became a taoist after my grandpa died. when ur comfortable theres no pressure for change, but when u r thrust into thunderstorm and whatever u had before doesnt seem to work enough to help u there, its much easier to acclimate to new ideas. recently ive babbled to a couple people about ego towers which is also about this. as a self defense mechanism i think every person needs to be able to dismiss some ideas that are stupid and not give them the time of day. i think its beautiful to be able to do that, give everything that ultimate attention and consider if its right or not, but also its exhausting and u cant expect it from everyone at all times. so u build urself a castle of ideas of whats right and what isnt and u construct a tower at the entrance from which u can look down at the drawbridge where knights sent by other castles are flaunting their feathers of their ornate helms at u. but thru infinite confirmation bias, bubble world economy planet, etcetera, ur ego tower can reach heights where ure too high up to see stuff and all the flaunting knights look like ants and then PAH thats dirt to u! waooow . its good to have a tower of some kind though- i just dont think u should raise it to a height where ants is real. good example for this is hardcore qanon truthers after waves of falsely predicted waves of dates when biden will be turned into wine or similarly religions promising exact dates for doomsday or anyone who was ever said the phrase "paper hands". what im saying is you need to give ur qanon grandparents lsd so they experience eagledeath and get reborn as liberal hippies. sorry, my uncle john lennon came in and typed that. thats the extreme way the fast way but also the dangerous way cuz when its dark and u lost ur lamp and u see a saving glow to hurry towards, u wont be able to pay as much attention to its source due well youre trying to get out of here as fast as possible. and then ur like thos damn stupid fishes getting eaten by a angler fish. fuuuckkkk... the slow way the safe way the tedious and boring way is the only other way i know about. treading down the tower slowly 10000 steps down the staircase. it helps when people people from different towers are nice to u. grandma warming up to the weirdos when one helps her. a weirdo warming up to grandmas when one is very receptive to help. that can lower tower height a bit on both fronts. but dont who ur friends with guide ur morals let ur morals guide your friendships probably. do it slow & do it nice, see u anon

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mikomikono · 9 months

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hi miko! im here with a fic writing question… i was thinking about how to make smut good bc recently i feel like whenever i get to the smut part of the fic im writing i get super bored, like im just rehashing whatever ive been writing in every smut scene ive done for years. you and endles came to mind bc i always find your guys nsfw scenes really compelling, and great, and unique. while also being hot and fun (very important w smut!!) so i wanted to ask if you had any tips for keeping things exciting or fresh when you are tackling those scenes! especially because you guys have experience writing the same characters many times over and manage to be so creative and distinct with every scene ive read from you. so, i guess, penny for your thoughts, if you feel like it! (sorry for sending this only to you and asking for both your opinions, it was the simplest 😭. if u want to answer yourself only thats fine haha)

❤️

Heyyyy oh my god I never expected to become someone ppl would come to for writing advice, what an honour 💖 also, I hope you don't mind me answering publicly, bc I feel like this is something a lit of writers struggle with! I will put it under a cut tho, bc I ended up writing quite a bit oops

So. Smut. It's kinda funny you should ask me about that, bc the first proper sex scene I ever wrote was last year for Steamship Sexcapades (bc I am not counting that one feeble attempt at 19 that was so cringe that I hid it away and didn't even think about trying again for like 8 yrs) but I suppose after writing *checks The Canon word count* a lot since then means something :DD

Here's the thing: I also feel like I'm rehashing things. Constantly. There's only so many ways you can say "cock in hole ➡️ thrust" before you're gonna have to repeat some phrases. And honestly, I feel like I repeat phrases remarkably often! But in a way that's all writing! (or that's how I stop myself from getting too depressed about it lol) The readers don't notice! Usually. And as long as you don't use the exact same wording every single time.

Ok, so here's a few tips on what I, personally, think you need to make a good sex scene:

Don't be afraid of the words. Y'know, the first time I wrote "half-hard cock" I (allegedly) had to take a 10min break and texted a friend that I was not going to be able to do this. But after a while you sort of get used to it and the words that seemed embarrassing stop being that, and become just... Words. And you also shouldn't shy away from more "cringe" words! Sometimes its fun to be a little cringe!

Related, you should try to love the words. But that's just good general writing advice, I feel.

Describe the emotions. Most people feel... something towards those they are intimate with, and that should be true in erotica too. It should be especially true in erotica, I think! Even if it's a one night stand, strangers who met in the club 5mins ago, whatever... You want the characters to feel.

Don't forget the physical. This is a thing that might seem a bit... weird. Like, you're writing sex, how could it not be physical? But what I mean is that you shouldn't forget to describe how it feels to the people involved, most notably your POV character. It's very easy to get lost in describing what they're doing and completely forget to get into the actual feeling. You're not writing a sex manual! And I have read fics where half way through I realise that's what it sounds like.

It's never just about the sex. Even if you think it is, it's not. It's about the connection, the narrative, the characterisation... It's about showing something that you can only show through the kind of vulnerable intimacy that sex scenes provide. Even if it's a oneshot pwp, it still has something to say. Maybe that something is wanting to get your rocks off, but also we're talking about fanfiction... We don't read and write that just to get off. It's always about the characters.

Rehashing is fine, actually. As I said, there's only so many ways to describe certain things, and so many ways you can have sex. Except that's not really true, because the secret to keeping it fresh is mixing it up! You can change positions, you can change who's the top/bottom, you can add foreplay (you should) and then change what kind of foreplay you wanna have! You can look into kinks! You can change locations! (I know we've done that a lot) You can add or remove any number of things to make each individual encounter different! And that's the key: repetition is fine, so long as you don't use the exact same everything every time. Case in point, there is a tumblr post which I would link except I'm on mobile, that is titled sth like "list of vocal sounds for smut", which has a list of, well, sounds/verbs (moan, groan, hiss, whimper, whisper etc) and adjectives that could be paired with them (hoarse, needy, quiet, throaty, desperate, wanton etc). The point is, that the best way to keep from sounding repetitive is to mix and match the words so that even if you say "groan" five times in 5k words, it's a different kind of groan every time. The same applies to sex acts! Do you have any idea how much cock Ryunosuke has sucked during The Canon? A lot. But it doesn't feel repetitive (hopefully) because everything else around it is switched up.

And perhaps most importantly: you gotta be at least a little horny for it yourself. I get it, man, writing smut is weird. You sit in front of your computer, staring at the monitor like "hmm is it better to use the word cock or dick or member?" And like... That's not very sexy. But! But!!! At the end of the day you gotta write something that makes you excited! Otherwise what's the point? Why are you writing if it doesn't fulfill you on some level??

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. If you want more specific help with writing, you can always DM me, I don't mind~

Also, endles says she is too mentally exhausted to properly answer, but she seconds everything I said, especially the point about loving the words. Actually she really wants to say sth about that, so I'm paraphrasing her for the rest of this:

You, as a writer, should love language. You should love the neat little things that language can do and seek out new things to try every time. It's a journey of discovery! Just like sex is always a new journey, even if it's the same characters and the same sex acts, every individual time is a chance to find something new. Let yourself have fun! Write something really stupid and work from that. The way I create scenes by writing jokes, even for serious scenes, because sex at the core is kinda funny. You're standing naked (at least partially) in front of this other naked person and it makes you feel a bit funny.

Also concrete advice: pick a list of 5-10 words you want to use. They can be anything, verbs, nouns, adjectives, as long as you really, really vibe with them, because they make you happy, as long as they're not words you already use a lot. They can also all relate to the same theme if you want! And then find a way to put all those words in.

#own post #fanfiction #smut #writing stuff #writing advice #i guess #answered #miko blogs omg #i hope this helped AT ALL #as i said feel free to send me a dm i would love to help you iron out any issues #or provide beta reading!#anyway #0139s

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sunntownn · 2 years

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Are your requests open? If yes i had an idea

How would bots (op ratch and wheeljack) react to seeing their charge all bruised and beaten up and turns out they fought their bullies?

If you've closed the recuests then ignore me mate❤

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,,GN! reader,, platonic relationship

➪

,, i hope you can forgive me for taking so long on this! 😭 i had immediately started working on it and as soon as i got to writting OP's part i got stuck,, so i hope you dont mind but i only wrote for ratchet and wheeljack - request are always open btw,, <3

➪

,, TW!!,, none

➪

,, word count,,

WHEELJACK

• the final straw was when they mentioned "your car," in a snippy side comment after pushing you into the lockers

• their exact words had been, "whered you get that thing anyway? looks expensive, maybe japanese, did you steal it? you probably did. considering the way you dress. honey if you need money just ask, i have plenty to spear," she grinned mockingly

• your patience had already been stretched thin with this girl. you had done every civil means of avoiding this situation with her,, you had spoken to teachers, your parents, the principal and counselors, she had been given detention and had to sit through school therapy sessions, but nothing had ever effected the way she treated you

• fuck the school record, you were sick of this bitch

• so, you did exactly what Wheeljack showed you when you had watch him and Bulkhead spar

• you balled your fist as she cackled at her own lame jokes, you swung and a sickening punch landed on her face, you swept her leg, and as your "enemy" (as Wheeljack had phrased it after complaining about this bully) was falling backwards with a cry, you tackled her while an angry war-cry

• of cource, her goons got to you before the teachers left their rooms to stop the fight

• and you gatta say, looking in the mirror of the nurse's bathroom, you were rocking the black eye my dude

• Wheeljack had been there to pick you up, he could whenever he was nearby or summonedfor missions, and when he wasn't, you rode with miko and bulkhead

• as soon as you plopped into the passenger seat, wheeljacks rear view mirror turned you

• you threw your back to the drivers seat and grinned wickedly up at the mirror

• "... is that the human make-up thing miko was talking about?"

• "nope," you smiled. and then after his confused silence, you gave the explosive-loving-robot the whole story while holding up a slip of paper intended for your parents to read that said in large font "suspended"

• he was a little surprised at first. sure, your a little spunky, but he didnt think you had the guts to do it with all your talk about "school records" and "college," whatever scrap that was

• "get 'em tiger!" he cheered as you both raced to base, "did you really use my moves?! i dont think ive ever been so proud of a sparkling before"

• "and your getting rewarded by your school for it??? i thought miko said theyd punish you!"

• "uuh, yeah so being suspended is a punishment"

• "how???"

• you shrugged

• and after several minutes of bickering over which bot's moves were best (wheeljack was deadset on himself, while you argued on arcees behalf) he asked

• "wait. you memorized my fighting technique, by watching me play-fight with bulk??"

• your guardian is proud AND impressed

RATCHET

• ratchet was not impressed

• he scanned your body as you sat on the railing near his work station and inwardly cringed at his disaproving scowl

• "no major injuries, just a small cut on your lip and bruising on your ribcage"

• you licked your bottom lip as he said so and winced,, chap stick wont fix that as you had hoped

• "care to explain yourself?" Ratchet sassed, shifting his weight in front of you and putting his servos on his hips

• you could tell he was trying to intimate the parental figure scolding thier child in the movie raf had picked out the night prior,, but the sight was too humorous to be considered imitating

• you swung your legs as you sat on the rail, "it was the bully..." you mumbled

• ratchets optics had softened at that, but you continued

• "i kind lost my grip and kneed him in the balls"

• "I-"

• "so technically I started the fight,, miko said it looked like i won though so thats something i guess,, am I in trouble?"

• eventually, after a long scolding on violent behavior, ratchet finally settled down and sent you on your way

• you were kinda bumbed out as you sunk into the couch and watched the others play video games

• you dug out a book to entertain yourself from you bag and curled up in a comfortable position,, as comfortable as you could get with ice on your middle

• after a while, finishing several chapters of your preferred novel, Agent Fowler approached you with an annoyed frown

• "are you ready," he grumbled

• "..ready for what?"

• "what? the doc didnt tell you? he wants me to teach you how to protect yoursel-"

• "YOURE GANNA TEACH THEM HOW TO KICK ASS?!?!" miko shouted with an accusing ginger and a wide smile

• "to protect themselves," he stressed, "not attack."

• "why?"

• "because he rather you know how to deal with the situation than come to him with minor human injuries. his words not mine."

• you smiled to yourself

• several days later you finally had the courage to thank the doc bot

• "i dont know what youre talking about," he waved a servo, turning away

• however, you did catch a glimpse of an relieved sigh

#transformers prime oc #transformers #transformers ratchet #transformers wheeljack #tfp ratchet #tfp wheeljack #transformers prime ratchet #transformers prime wheeljack #tfp x ratchet #tfp x wheeljack #transformers requests #sunntownn writes

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mixedstyles · 2 years

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also, i have no idea if i sent a message about the latest alaya blurb (i had a feeling that i did but now im questioning if i just dreamt of doing that bc i read through tumblr right before i fall asleep LMAOOAOA) BUT ANYWAY IF IVE SENT AN ASK SAYING THIS EXACT SAME THING THEN I APOLOGISE BUT !! "the sun is bright but she is not" OMG HARRY????? JAIL??? IM STEALING THAT AND "my lawyers will be contacting you shortly" my (kind of?) headcannon is that harry steals the phrases y/n texts and uses it against her (i feel like this isnt necessarily a headcannon bc he literally steals her comment right bellow that [JustY/NThings]) 😭 AND ANOTHER THING IS THAT HE SAID HE CARES ABOUT HER OOUUUUUUUU IM UP!!!!!!!!!

Pretty sure this is 🌸 anon but if I’m wrong please let me know!!

I DONT THINK YOU DID BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH. I don’t want to be one of ~those~ creators, but I thought it would get more attention than it did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I’m a little sad about that but it’s whatever.

I had so much fun coming up with their banter 😭😭 “my (kind of?) headcannon is that harry steals the phrases y/n texts and uses it against her (i feel like this isnt necessarily a headcannon bc he literally steals her comment right bellow that JustY/NThings) WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU THE BEST AT ALAYA HEADCANONS AND IDEAS???? The appa bucket hat blurb? You. Giving me more blurb ideas? You. Might just have to make a little blurb from that.

#my asks #🌸 anon

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iwadori · 3 years

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Hiiii can i request prompt 53 with tsukki? My annoying cousin u may know @chibiiichan(i cant tag her its a surprise) recommend ur account and well she never been right more than now I LIKE UR ACC TOO URM JUST TAG HER IN THE POST (bcs its actually her birthday next week monday so....the least i could do this bcs she likes tsukki and shes recently talk abt the iwazumi story of yours....lmao shes cringe but in the same time got mad n i was besides her hearing her whining like bruh 'its 1 am'...i know i should buy something for her but she got spoiled enough 💅...that mf-) thank you ✨

‘ALWAYS AND FOREVER’

TSUKISHIMA X READER

2K WORDS

GENRE: ANGST,FLUFF

TW: SLIGHT AMBIGIOUS MENTION OF SUICIDE/ASSISTED DEATH, AND DEATH, CURSING (IN MY A/N)

THIS IS FOR @chibiiichann Happy birthday, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS (BECAUSE I HATE IT :D ) SOOOOO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL. EXPECT SLIGHT MISTAKES

You were dying. You knew it. Your husband, Kei, knew it. Even friends you haven’t spoken too since high school knew it.

So why did you all pretend that everything was okay?

5 year old Y/N:

You were running around your neighbourhood park chasing after butterflies, without a care in the world. As you were frollicing in the grass, you manage to trip over a rock tumbling to the ground scraping your knee making it bleed. Looking down at your slightly injured knee, your lip begins to quiver which eventually leads to wails of tears streaming down your face.

“you don’t have to cry you know?” said a slightly quiet voice towering over you. Above you was a boy, quite tall with a fat pair of glasses, golden eyes and a head full of blonde locks.

“Well when I get hurt, I cry” you say matter oh factly (is that the phrase?) rubbing your nose as you sniffle. He held out a hand to you, which you immediately took shooting upwards and brushing yourself off.

The boy, after looking at you wildly, turns around and walks back to the actual park. “Oi wait,” you call at the boy swiftly following him “aren’t you going to ask my name?”

“no.” he says simply, proceeding to walk ahead.

“well my names Y/N L/N pleasure to meet you,” you say jumping in front of him so he doesn’t move, waiting for him to tell you his name...which he doesn’t. “you don’t have to be so rude you know”

“I’m not being rude” he says stiffly “ it’s just my brother says not to speak to strangers” a smirk appears on his face to say ‘you can leave me alone now.’

As if on cue, his brother approaches the both of you given the boy a slap on the back making him cringe “Hey Kei, who’s the friend you’ve made here?”

“My name is Y/N L/N and I'm here to be KEI’s best friend!” you said putting the emphasis on the word Kei after just learning that was the blondes name.

Kei rolled his eyes and sighed saying “nii-chan can we go home now” he folded his arms in annoyance.

“No Kei, you’ve got to get to know your new found friend Y/N-Chan right?” his brother said teasingly, knowing it was the last thing Kei wanted to do.

“Yes ofcourse!” you say with a toothy grin, dragging Kei along with you to his demise.

Until the sun went down, you spent the rest of your time with Kei getting to know eachother (well him getting to know you more, since you did all the speaking.) Regardless of his previous annoyance in getting to know you in the first place, Kei would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know you now.

As the sun was setting, Kei’s older brother (who’s name you learned was Akiteru) called him to tell him he had to go home because dinner was ready. Before he left, you grabbed his hand and wrapped your pinky finger around his saying “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”

back to present -

In some odd way, this was Kei’s way of looking out for you. He knew what you had was uncurable and would weaken you even more as the days go by, so pretending like nothing was wrong seemed to be best in his eyes.

Everything you and Kei did was a game or some nostalgic act that you once did when you were children. It was sweet to say the least, seeing Kei all engrossed and determined to make you happy.

Your alarm rings snapping you out of you daydream, ‘it was time for medicine’ you thought with your face scowling at the thought. Immediately on time, as always, Kei comes In the room with all your medicine thats needed.

“Aren’t you my perfect little nurse Kei” you say teasingly giving him a wink, laughing as you see his face turn red.

“Do you have to do this every time y/n?” he asks rolling his eyes at your childish behaviour.

“Oh I'm just showing love to my best and favourite nurse” you continue laughing at your own words

“Im your only ‘nurse’” he deadpans giving you your medicine as you talk.

“Well that is more reason to make you the best nurse.” you say smiling.

Silence falls between you, and you stare down at your arm watching as your husband gives you the medicine making you frown. “Do we have to keep doing this?” you ask which is probably the 1000th time you’ve asked.

“Of course we do Y/N as I’ve said yesterday and the day before that and the day before that it-”

“But do we really?” you interrupt “I can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this.”

“Do you doubt me Y/N, I can do this forever” he says “ I can take care of you forever”

“But I don’t wan-”

“I’m finished, I’m going to start on dinner” he gets up and leaves the room yelling “I’ll call you when it’s done.”

Sometimes you and Kei have these conversations. And all the time it ends the same way. You complain, he ignores and then you go and have dinner.

You can understand why he doesn’t want to have this conversation. Who would want to hear about their partners complaints about practically being alive. Kei was torn, ever since he met you all he wanted to was to keep you happy. But could he compromise his own happiness for it.

15 year old Y/N - flashback

“Kei Kei, aren’t you excited!” you yell smiling widley

“Excited for what?” he asks, amused by your enthusiasm “it’s just highschool.”

“Well it’s a new highschool! Karasuno high school, to be exact.”

“And that is still just a school.” he says

“Not just any! That’s the school nii-chan went too, and even tho he lie-”

“Let’s not talk about it Y/N” he murmurs “we should go now, don’t want to be late on our first date.”

Going to Karasuno was fun, at the start everyone was pleasant and nice. But after a week or two when you and Kei were still stuck to eachother like glue, people weren’t so pleasant. Kei was like a pop idol, being gorgeous and over 6ft at just the age of 15, caused alot of attention, especially when he was always around you.

At the start, the hate you got was bearable, it was the petty bitchy notes in your locker or just people blatanly talking badly about you infront of you. People didn’t do it when you weren’t around Kei, so when he had volleyball practice (which you were so excited that he joined the team) you were a big target for the bullies to come around.

Kei didn’t really know of the bullying that happened towards you, especially since he was mainly in practice or not around when it happened. But one day in practice he heard some of his teammates, kageyama and hinata who seemed to talking about a student in one of their classes that was always getting picked on by the other girls in the year.

“Yeah and I heard that Nana-san was planning on getting her and her friends to attack Y/N-san soon.” said Hinata

“Shrimpy, who are they planning on attacking?” Kei asks to make sure he just heard the ginger correctly.

“Oh this lovely person in our class their name is Y/N-san” he says, looking at Kei’s reaction he also asks “Why? Do you know them?”

Kei doesn’t respond, and immediately leaves the gym, ignoring Hinata’s and the other members of the teams yells of ‘Where are you going tsukishima.’ He didn’t care, he just had to get to you.

He searched all the classes, asking every student if he knew where you were. Someone directs him to the toilets, where he burst through the door to see the other girls in your year surrounding you and beating you up.

“What the fuck are you doing to them?” he yells startling the girls.

“T-T-Tsukishima-san" one girl says “It’s not what it looks like.”

“Oh fuck off” he says, with them still frozen in shock “I said go!”

“And don’t think I don’t know your names either” he calls after them.

He rushes towards your bruised body on the ground and cradles you gently, confused on what to really do. “Oi Kei,” you say weakly catching his attention “I would’ve won if you didn’t come to stop the fight.” you joke making him scoff.

“Whatever you say Y/N.”

After you heal up, Kei already told on the girls that beat you up getting them suspended, and you explain how they were treating you because of their infatuation of him. And how they only did it when he wasn’t around.

Once he learns this information, he decides to quite the volleyball team, to your surprise. But you demands on making him not quit were ignored, as he excused it by saying “I have to make sure you’re always alright remember, and if that means quitting some volleyball team then so be it.”

That was one out of the many times that Kei put his happiness before yours.

Flashback over.

When you first got diagnosed, Kei was immediately researching on it as it was a very rare condition. But sadly, he only found what the doctor already told you both. It was uncurable and your immune system and your body will weaken as the days go by.

Which it did, you were a shell of your past self. It was always shocking for Kei to see, especially with you only being 25. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be this way,’ but he never let you see his sadness.

Whenever you knew Kei was sad you always reminded him “Kei, I may be dying but please don’t cry over me” every time you said, there was a slight undertone of humour in your voice which always worked in boosting Kei’s spirit.

AN: IVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HATE THIS SOOO IM SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE SHITTING RUSHED ENDING IM GOING TO PROVIDE FOR YOU LOL.

The days passed and the years went by, and you and Kei were still alive and kicking it. Doing your daily routine of you making some joke, Kei giving you your medicine and then you eating dinner. You eventually stopped complaining, realizing and remembering your promise you gave to Kei at 5 years old in that park. “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”

Of course you had your rough days, everybody did and it was even harder being sick with a terminal illness. But having Kei to guide you through the storm made It better for you.

However, Kei isnt a miracle worker. He couldn’t save you, noone could. And you both knew that. That didn’t mean it made it any easier when the medicine stopped working and your pain got too hard to bear. Kei couldn’t watch you do this anymore, “the choice is yours” he said with tears in his eyes.

So you knew what you had to do, you got in your bed pulling Kei with you, and letting him envelope you in a big hug as you both cried.

“I love you,” you say “You know that right?”

“Of course I know that, idiot” he replies “And I love you.”

“Always and forever?”

“Always and forever.”

AN: how did I END UP CRYING WHILST WRITING THIS WHEN IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE, I WAS TRYING TO DO THIS COOL NOTEBOOK (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE NOTEBOOK) ENDING WHERE ITS AMBIGIOUS AND SHIT AND I JUST GIVE UP OKAY? I APOLOGISE LOOOOOOL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY ATLEAST A SENTENCE OF THIS AT LEAST.

#haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyu scenarios #haikyu headcanons #haikyu #tsukishima kei #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima angst #tsukishima x reader

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blackbriarsparrow · 3 years

Text

The Ballad of Shimura Danzo (taken from: Born from Winter Ash)

The Ballad of Shimura Danzo Arc I (Born from Fire)

No mercy.

It is the phrase that Shimura Danzo grounds into the malleable skulls of his burgeoning army of adolescents. Danzo walks tall with his hands clasped behind his back, squinting through the noonday sun as he watches the young boys in the training arena. He has a favorite. An indomitable youth with moonlit hair; a trait, no doubt, given to him by the gods. They have a habit of marking their favorites and Danzo has learned to recognize the signs.

The boy is naught but nine years old, and already he is fast and strong. He listens with eager ears and watches with careful eyes. His movements in the arena are meticulous, and he has yet to be defeated by an adversary. He is a tolerant warrior, and Danzo is most impressed with the youth. He watches him use the bamboo Shinai to knock his opponent off his feet. Obito lands on the ground, the air whooshing from his lungs as he stares up at Kakashi and holds his injured ankle. “Breathe, Obito,” Kakashi reminds him. “On your feet.” He offers his comrade a hand.

Danzo strikes Kakashi on the back of the wrist with the flat edge of his dagger. The crack is loud enough to draw attention from nearby sparrers. Kakashi inspects the smarting welt on his wrist. He looks up at Danzo with a frown on his face and anger flaring behind his lucid eyes.

“We do not help our enemies, Hatake Kakashi. Why are you offering this boy your hand?” Danzo slides his dagger back into his holster and looks at the boy expectantly.

“Obito is not the enemy, Hersir. He is my comrade.”

“And how will Obito become the best warrior he can be if you are always there to carry his weight? Obito relies on you too much. You only think you are helping him Kakashi, but you are indeed enabling him to be weak.” Danzo leans forward, leveling his gaze with Kakashi. “If Obito is to become strong, you must show him no mercy.”

Kakashi frowns at Danzo, and Danzo sees the wheels of thought turning in his mind. Danzo thinks he is getting through to the lad, but Kakashi believes in a different code and no amount of manipulation on Danzo’s part will cause Kakashi to change his mind.

“Finish him,” Danzo instructs.

Obito, lying on the ground with his elbows propped beneath him, looks up at Kakashi with parted lips.

“Hersir?”

“Make him fight for his spot, Kakashi. The Black Army does not tolerate weakness. Make Obito prove that he belongs here.”

Kakashi does not move. His hand tightens around the Shinai.

“I said,” Danzo repeats, “finish him.”

“He’s wounded–”

Before Kakashi can finish his sentence, Danzo lunges and reaches for the boy’s Shinai. He wrenches it from his hand, but Kakashi leaps when Danzo swings. He rolls to the ground, scooping up Obito’s abandoned weapon and uses it to parry off Danzo’s swift attacks. Kakashi is very small compared to the Hersir, but he is fast and strong for his age. He manages to block each of Danzo’s strikes, but Danzo leaves no room for Kakashi to present a countermove.

Danzo means to teach the boy a lesson. If he will not do as commanded, Danzo will break him until Kakashi’s will bends to his authority. He strikes the boy hard in the ribs, and Danzo is sure he hears them crack. Kakashi’s face pales, but he does not let go of his weapon. The boy plants his feet, leaving his right side wide open for the strike. Danzo sees the opening and he means to take it.

He would have taken it, that is to say, but the boy pivots and brings his Shinai down hard over the side of Danzo’s head, right above his ear. Danzo’s vision blackens at the edges and stars crackle and sputter like fireworks in his head. He feels the ground beneath his knees. Suddenly, Kakashi is the same height. The boy is looking at him with wild fury and Danzo knows he has struck a chord.

“No mercy,” Danzo pants, wavering on his knees.

Kakashi cries out and brings the Shinai across Danzo’s mouth. He manages to break a tooth and the taste of hot copper spills over Danzo’s tongue. He falls to the ground, laughing as he spits blood onto the dirt floor of the arena and smiles.

The Hokage sees everything from her window.

Arc II (Born from Ash)

Malodorous smoke spans across the night sky and shouts and cries from the burning village are heard through the blackened trees. The white-masked man thrusts a small bundle into Danzo’s arms and he expects the thing to cry. Ash from the stable fire rains down through the gnarled bare branches of the surrounding trees, settling like freckles on the babe’s small, heart-shaped face.

Danzo looks at the girl; the crown of her head adorned with soft pink curls. He thinks her family named her adequately; for her hair is the exact color of Sakura blossoms. Oddly enough, the girl’s pink hair is not her most notable feature… She is gazing up at him with eyes so green Danzo is forced to think of the spring-time forest after a rainstorm. They are the eyes of a witch; so wide and so bright – undoubtably given in favor by some infernal siren goddess. The child’s birth was prophesized by the gods, after all, and Danzo seeks to use her gifts to exact his revenge on the accursed Black Army.

He thinks only of his success as he climbs into the saddle of his war horse, tucking the babe within his cloak as he rides out into the night with his men following close behind.

The baby never cries.

Arc III (Forged by Iron Will)

Sakura is ten years old when Danzo begins training with her. He looks for signs that her powers will manifest, but he sees nothing. She is a good warrior. Smart and capable; a force in her own right. She is small and works hard to prove her worth in the training field. The boys don’t take it easy on her, but Sakura never yields and she does not complain. She shows determination in the face of adversity. Danzo cannot help but see the parallels between she and his former favorite prodigy. It is for that reason Danzo chooses to watch Sakura from a distance. He does not wish to be reminded of Kakashi. With any luck, it won’t be his blade that cuts Kakashi down when he takes his final strike against Konoha.

His plans are shaping up nicely. His army is growing, and he is building allies outside of Kumoga borders. It will still be years before his army is ready to take on the Konoha elites, but he will test their strength and determination before he sets his plans to motion. Sai shows promise with his mage abilities; a very useful trait that Danzo can’t wait to exploit. He trains more careful with these Kumoga’s warriors. He can’t risk getting ejected from Kumoga before his plan comes to fruition.

The Raikage knows nothing.

Arc IV (The Birth of a Phoenix)

The night sky turns red, a mirror of bloodshed, from all the lives that were lost in battle. There is a thick haze, choking out the stars so that no light shines through. It is a cold, unforgiving night. The wind howls with the death mourners and smells of frozen copper.

Danzo counts the warriors that return home and he notices that Sakura is not with them.

Sai is injured. Omoi supports most of his weight as he carries him through the village gates. “What happened to Sakura?” Danzo asks.

Sai’s face is a ruin of blood and tear tracks. He works his jaw, but he cannot say the words that are stuck in the tangled nest of his throat.

“She fell,” Samui answers beside them. “I saw a warrior from the Konoha village stab her in the side. She’s… gone…” Samui’s words are barely a whisper.

Danzo clenches his fists and thinks of what a pity her wasted life was. She never came into her Healing powers and yet Danzo feels her loss like a swift punch in the gut. He tells himself it is because he won’t get the chance to use her against Konoha.

His mind involuntarily conjures images of the babe with big green eyes and he remembers that she never even cried when he took her from her home…

Arc V (Born from Retribution)

The warriors from Kiri are heedless. Danzo admires their stamina and thirst for blood. They are a savage nation, behind the progression of time, and easily persuaded with gold and marauding. They lack a strong figurehead and Danzo effortlessly slips into the role. They follow him without question and are eager to strike the Black Army.

Danzo does not tell them that most will not return.

The Black Army is strong. They will survive this particular attack.

Danzo tells the Kiri army how to get onto the mountain without being seen. He instructs them to take whatever strikes their pleasure in the raid. “Burn the village to the ground if you must,” Danzo tells them. “You will only have a chance at penetrating the barracks if you draw out the warriors. Our goal is to weaken them.”

“Lord Hersir,” one of his men addresses him. “Our attack will only serve to anger them. They will come looking for us when it’s over.”

Danzo presses his lips into a thin line. This one is smarter than he looks. “We want them to attack Kiri,” Danzo says, enunciating each word with careful articulation. “The rest of the Kiri army will be here waiting for them. My allied forces will join in and the Konoha elites will be severely outnumbered.”

Danzo doesn’t say this aloud, but he is uneasy that he hasn’t received word from the clans surrounding Konoha. He suspects The Spy of the North has intercepted his messenger hawks. No matter. Danzo doesn’t need the alliances of those neutral clans. With half the Kumoga army under his wing, the warriors from Kiri, and allies from Waves, the Black Army won’t stand a chance against him. As long as they march on Kiri, Danzo will take them at the river crossing.

The Black Army will be his for the taking.

Arc VI The Down-spiral of a Hersir

After the fallout, Danzo leads his newly split forces into the woods as night falls like a cloak behind him. They left so many wounded, but it is of no concern to him now. Those who stayed behind in Kumoga are now his enemies. Danzo made himself perfectly clear: join him, or forever be ostracized. After he takes the Black Army, he will eradicate what’s left of the Kumoga warriors and leave the nation completely defenseless.

Danzo works his hands into fists, grinding his molars.

Sai chose to stay behind.

Years of training flash through Danzo’s mind – all the effort and special attention he paid the boy was all for nothing…

Danzo has never feared the gods, but he wonders now if this is his punishment for taking the child prodigies from their cribs so long ago… Sakura died in battle and Sai, his most notable progeny, had chosen to stay behind with the wretched, poor excuses of Kumoga warriors. Sai wasn’t even Kumoga! Perhaps he should have been honest with the boy about his true lineage, but Danzo could not tell him of his interference… After all, he had needed Sai to trust him.

All for nothing, Danzo repeats over and over, like a poisonous mantra that coils through his mind.

It is of no matter, Danzo tells himself… their losses will be of no consequence; the plans of attack are already placed in motion. The Black Army will be his in a fortnight.

Danzo’s hand trembles as he leads his army through the woods.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13781683/1/Born-from-Winter-Ash

#naruto fanfiction #danzo shimura #sakura #Kakashi #obito #sai #kakasaku #viking theme #sakura and kakashi #kakasaku AU #kakasaku fanfiction

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dinoyoongi · 5 years

Text

Broken Bones & Salami Sandwiches

(I do not own image)

SYNOPSIS: When your excitement to watch Yoongi accept BTS’ first Grammy award takes a clumsy, painful turn.

PAIRING: Yoongi x Y/N

GENRE: Fluff

WARNINGS: Language

WORD COUNT: 2543

_______________________________

“And the Grammy goes to ...” the presenter takes an obnoxious pause, grinning at the camera like he's the funniest person in the world. You growl angrily, grabbing the closest item within reach which happens to be an open pack of salami and whipping it across the room. Your sister gawks, watching as the deli meat pops out of the packaging and flies through the air before falling like confetti.

“You are 100% cleaning that up. What a waste,” she grumbles, eying the slices scattered amongst your hardwood floors. You shush her urgently, waving your hand furiously in her direction. “Y/N, it's too early in the morning to be -”

“BTS! Congratulations!”

The screen shifts to a view of the group who are still sitting, shock and disbelief painting their faces. Hoseok is the first to hesitantly rise, grabbing Taehyung's arm to either pull him up or keep him grounded.

That's about as much as you see before hysteria completely possesses you.

You're on your feet, half sobbing, half screeching as you jump up and down. Through your tears and hops, you try to focus on the screen. The boys are on the stage now but they don't seem to be in any better condition than you with their red eyes and wet faces. The camera zooms in on Yoongi and you break again, resuming your hops.

At least you won't have to go to the gym tonight to work off the junk food.

“Stop screaming! Don't you want to listen to their acceptance speech? They're about to start talking!” your sister shouts at you from the couch. You pause, eyes glancing to the screen. Namjoon holds the microphone, eyes glistening with unshed tears. He opens his mouth to speak when the camera goes to a group shot. Yoongi stands next to Namjoon, the little golden gramophone in his hand.

You can't help it. You lose it again. You jump ecstatically across the room, only stopping for nanosecond cry breaks. Your boyfriend is a Grammy award winner. A two-time Grammy award winner, to be exact. BTS picked up the award for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance earlier in the show but just happened to nab the most prestigious award of the night – best album. It's something that you have heard Yoongi and the boys talk about countless times. Though they never dared to have any expectations, just wishful dreams.

“They did it! Oh my god, they did it!” you screech through your leaping. Your sister begins to nag about the possibility of the downstairs neighbors calling the police but you keep jumping. It feels like your body is too small to contain the amount of happiness that you currently have and the only way to release it is to keep jumping. It's a good plan until your heel lands on a stray piece of salami. You feel everything happen in slow motion. The meat slides across the floor, taking you along with it. Your torso falls backwards and in an awkward attempt to balance yourself, you plant your right leg behind you. Unfortunately, since your excited jumps were so high, you come down hard. Right on your leg.

Crack.

There's a fierce pain and the room is suddenly spinning. It feels like your body is too small to contain the amount of pain that you currently have and the only way to release it is to close your eyes. So you close your eyes.

____________________________________

You open your eyes to the sound of your ring tone blaring somewhere in the room. You are definitely not at home anymore. You're in an unfamiliar bed, your lower half elevated with your right leg being suspended in the air by some kind of strap. There's a decent amount of pain but it's tolerable and you suspect whatever medication has been put into the IV drip inserted into your wrist is doing its job.

The sound of your phone stops. “Hello? Yoongi?”

Yoongi. BTS. The Grammy s. The jumping. The salami. It all comes back to you.

“Y/N couldn't come to the phone because she's currently recovering from her surgery,” your sister says dramatically. You can hear Yoongi's surprised “what!” from where you're laying. Your sister snickers. “No, I'm really not joking. She fell and broke her leg in four different places. They had to do emergency surgery on it. Hey, congrats on the awards, by the way.”

With as much energy as you can muster with all the medication pumped into you, you reach out your arm to your sister, fingers wiggling for the phone. She turns her body away from you and you have never wanted to strangle her as much as you do right now.

“We were watching the awards and she totally lost her fucking mind when you guys won album of the year. She threw a pack of salami and then started jumping around and eventually slipped on some of said salami. She passed out on the spot and I had to call an ambulance. They made me turn our phones off when I came into the surgery ward.”

I whine loudly, still reaching for the phone. Your sister laughs. “She just came to but she's super groggy from the anesthesia and pain medicine. I'll let the doctor see her first and have her call you back when she can. It must be super late there – do you just want to call her tomorrow?”

“Alright, alright. I'm sure she'll be calling soon. Give my congrats to the boys and your team! Have fun!” she says before throwing your phone back into her bag. You slump in defeat, your arm falling off of the bed. Your sister rolls her eyes. “He has to do a few quick interviews anyway. You can call him after I page the doctor.”

She presses the big red call button on the side of your bed. “Broke your leg in four different places by slipping on a slice of salami that you tossed all over the place. Way to go, champ.”

Only a few minutes go by before both the doctor and a nurse come in to check on your leg. Whilst he explains how bad your break was and the treatments that you'll have to endure during the healing process, the nurse sets you up with a can of ginger ale and a few graham crackers to help ease the grogginess. After he finishes his spiel and you finish your snack, you feel refreshed despite the throbbing pain in your leg.

“You've been with me all morning. Why don't you go out and get yourself some lunch or something?” you suggest politely to your sister, flashing her a blinding smile. She scoffs. After 25 years with you, she's able to see right through you.

“I got some snacks from the vending machine earlier. I'm fine.”

Your smile drops. “Well that can't be very healthy. What would Mom say? She'd be upset if you didn't eat a proper-”

“It was Mom's idea. She didn't want me to leave you during surgery. She's coming this way with dinner later so I don't want to fill up now.”

“Oh my god, just get out!” you screech, your patience snapping. Your sister smirks and drops your phone into your lap, heading towards the door. She turns back to say something before she leaves but you whip your arm back as if you're going to throw your phone and she laughs, closing the door behind her. Your fingers fumble to find Yoongi's name in your contacts. It only rings twice.

“Y/N ! What the hell! You fell while jumping?” Yoongi scolds as soon as he answers the phone. You exhale in satisfaction when you hear his voice. “Sometimes I think you forget how old you are.”

“Yoongi,” you interrupt, voice breaking. You sniffle as the tears begin to pool. “I'm so proud of you.”

He lets out a long sigh. “Jagiya, stop being cute when I'm trying to be stern with you. How are you? Are you in a lot of pain?”

“It does hurt quite a bit but I'm handling it okay. How are you? Is it overwhelming?

“A little,” he confesses. “I haven't had time to process it yet. We were taken off stage and immediately thrown into interviews and photo sessions. It doesn't seem real even though I'm staring at the awards right now.”

“I can't wait to touch them,” you say, eliciting a burst of laughter from your boyfriend. “You have to let me touch at least one of them before Big Hit takes them away for display. It's the least you can do for causing my injury.”

“Wait a minute. It's my fault that your leg is broken? How so?” he asks in mock outrage. You can't stop yourself from giggling like a teenager. Yoongi does that to you.

“I was jumping because I was so happy for you. If you had lost, I wouldn't have jumped and slipped on the salami. So in conclusion, this is all your fault.”

“Okay we can discuss the ridiculousness of your logic later. But first, I have some questions about how salami got involved.”

___________________________

“Can you grab me a sparkling water?” You call out to your sister as you lounge on the couch, foot propped up on about six different cushions. “And bring me a bag of chips as well!”

Your sister places the carbonated beverage on the coffee table in front of you but throws the bag of chips at your face. “You break your own leg and I'm being punished by waiting on you hand and foot. Life is unfair.”

“Stop being a drama queen,” you grumble. It's been three days since the accident. You only stayed at the hospital for two nights but the massive boot that they've installed engulfs your entire calf and completely limits your mobility. You've taken to sleeping on the couch because your bedroom is too far away from everything else in the apartment but your poor sister really has had to literally carry you through your day. “I only have to wear this boot for a week. They'll switch me to a slimmer one at the next appointment.”

“You're lucky that your Grammy award winning boyfriend is out of the country. I would totally make him do everything.”

“Two-Time Grammy award winning boyfriend,” you correct her. She glares at you, exhausted with hearing that phrase from you for what feels like the millionth time. You grin obnoxiously in response. She opens her mouth to argue when the chime of the doorbell rings out and she turns to press the camera view of the door.

“Is it Mom?” you ask, craning your neck from where you lay to see the screen. You can't make anything out though. “If it's Mom, I'm going to pretend I'm napping. Yesterday she spent nearly forty-five minutes badly explaining the plot of Descendants of the Sun to me even though I told her ten times that I've already watched it.”

Your sister snickers, her eyes on the screen. “Yeah, it's Mom. I've buzzed her in so you better hurry and get all bundled up.”

You take her advice, throwing the blanket over the length of your body and tucking it up under your chin. You shift so you're facing the cushion of the couch. You even out your breathing to look convincing, listening as the front door opens and closes.

The voice that fills the apartment definitely does not belong to your mother. “Where is she?”

Like always, your heart skips for a moment before it takes off into a gallop. Yoongi never fails to fluster you, no matter how long you've been dating or how often you see him. Your head pops up from the pillow and you scramble with your arms to push off the blanket. In the scuffle, you've somehow tangled yourself and the next thing you know, you're on the floor. You cry out in pain when your bad leg knocks against the coffee table.

Your sister laughs. “Oh, look at that. I suddenly have plans. She's all yours. Good luck.”

“I'm changing the pass code on you! Better find somewhere else to live!” you scream from the floor. Your sister is still cackling when she reaches out to pull the door close after her. “I'm keeping your clothes too!”

Yoongi hurries to the couch, gaping when he sees you sprawled on the floor. He rushes to you, lightly reaching under your arms and lifting you back onto the couch. He winces when his eyes fall on the giant boot. “Wow, you really broke it. Look at that thing. I bet it's uncomfortable.”

You ignore his concern and grab his face with both hands, grinning like a lovesick idiot. “You're really here. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?”

He softens under your touch, sigh turning into a gentle smile, pulling your hands from his cheeks but keeping them in his grip. “The point of a surprise is … you know .. a surprise. Surprise!”

You're giggling again. “Do you have to go back soon or can I keep you?”

He shakes his head. “We're all majorly jet-lagged so we have the afternoon off. I had them drop me here from the airport. I'm all yours for the next sixteen hours.”

“Well you're in luck,” you say, scooting back against the couch with your good leg. You pat the space next to you. “The only thing I'm really capable of right now is laying down so I will be your nap buddy. Come here.”

He frowns. “I didn't come here to sleep. I haven't seen you in weeks. I'm here to spend time with you before anniversary promotions begin.”

“Yoongi, you have bags the size of Australian spiders under your eyes. You've worked so hard and deserve a good sleep. Now get over here before you make me get up with my bum leg and drag you myself.”

He laughs in resignation, shimmying out of his sweater before plopping down. He stops himself before he's fully stretched out next to you.

“Wait,” he says, turning his body to face you. Leaning down, he surprises you when he pushes his lips against yours in a sweet kiss. Well … at least it started sweet. Most of the time, the two of you really struggle with keeping things PG and you wouldn't have it any other way. After a few minutes of making out, he pulls away breathlessly, giving you his best gummy smile. “Okay, got that out of my system.”

You giggle for the millionth time in the five minutes that he's been here, sighing in content when he relaxes his body against yours. His arm reaches around you and tugs you closer to him. Within seconds, you feel your eyes get heavy.

“Yoongi,” you mumble sleepily. He hums in response. “When we wake up, will you make me a sandwich? My sister is an awful cook and she's been starving me.”

His body shakes with laughter underneath you. “Yes, I'll make all the sandwiches you want. But I have some conditions.”

“Conditions?” you ask curiously, tipping your chin to look at him with a raised eyebrow. He grins down at you.

“No salami.”

#bts suga #yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #bts fanfic #suga #suga fanfic #suga x you #suga x reader #suga fluff #yoongi fluff #yoongi oneshot #suga oneshot #bts imagine #min yoongi

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astudyingreer · 5 years

Text

The Hands That Remember | Chapter One: Henrik (FULL)

*This novel is a Patreon-exclusive. The next chapters will be for Patrons only!

A novel about Henrik, and what made him who he is today. | Henrik is relaxing on his shift when a patient begins to exhibit strange, but eerily-similar symptoms.

TW: Hospitals

The makeshift table in Henrik’s on-call room was a little too short for him—he sat on the footstool-chair bent like a caveman with his legs spread, leaning his elbows on his knees and his curls falling in his face. The stack of books that held the chessboard was only about a foot and a half off the ground, and very unstable, but it worked in a pinch.

Henrik’s dark eyes were impossibly focused on the board, watching every indecisive movement of Lena, one of the neurologists on his shift, sitting on the floor across from him. She leaned on one hand and hovered her other over the pieces, finally deciding on a rook and moving it four spaces.

“When do you think they’ll give you your table back?” she asked. Her hand moved involuntarily to steady the board as it rocked precariously on its book-stand.

“It was not really mine, I only borrowed it,” Henrik sighed. “But I hope it is soon. This is very inconvenient.” His nose scrunched in concentration, then he moved his own piece.

“You could just sit on the floor.”

“I do not think so.” Henrik exhaled deeply, sliding his fingers under his glasses to rub his aching eyes. He was an hour away from the end of his shift, and even though it was only ten o’clock he felt as if he could fall asleep right there. He couldn’t imagine how Lena was feeling—she was far more busy than him, but she never lost her optimistic energy.

Henrik steepled his hands, watching Lena bite her lip as she contemplated her next move. It took every ounce of strength not to point out the most prudent move her on her part—moving her knight to protect her bishop on the left side—but he stayed silent. They had been practicing that: keeping his mouth shut. Lena always said, “Don’t you want to win?” but he didn’t have the heart to tell her he would most likely win no matter how much help he gave her. He was very good at chess.

Finally she moved—unfortunately not the smartest move—and he quickly took one of her pawns, eliciting a soft groan of frustration from her. She sat up and crossed her legs, stretching her arms up and behind her.

“Why do you always shut yourself in here?” she finally asked. “Why don’t you just sleep? You’re obviously quite tired, honestly I don’t think I’ve met a doctor who doesn’t sleep every chance they get.”

Henrik chuckled. “I am not tired.”

“That’s a lot of bullshit.”

“Let me say that again,” Henrik noted. He drummed his fingers on his legs as he waited for her to take her turn. “I do not want to sleep.”

“What, you have nightmares or something?” she said with an easy chuckle, glancing up at him from the board. Then she sobered a little at his hesitation to reply.

“I do not have nightmares,” Henrik replied finally, shrugging his shoulders. “I just, ah… do better when I am busy.”

“They’re not going to let you operate if you’re exhausted, Henrik,” she pointed out, and her tone had grown more gentle. “You should take another nap soon, really. We can always finish this later.”

Henrik just shrugged again. “Perhaps.”

The game continued in silence, like it usually did. Thankfully Lena wasn’t a talker… much.

Henrik reached to move his piece and brushed the board, nearly toppling the entire set-up as it began to slip off the book. They both reached out to grab it with lightning speed, and Lena laughed.

“I can’t believe they took your table for the charity display,” Lena complained, though it was good-natured. “This sucks.”

“Again, it was not mine. And I think you are just bitter,” Henrik remarked. There was a hint of smugness in his tone as he picked up his paper cup of cold coffee, taking a sip. “Because you are not as well at chess as I am.”

“‘Good.’”

“What?”

She shot him a smile, moving her piece with pointed confidence. “‘Not as good at chess as I am.’”

“Ah, fuck off,” he muttered, shaking his head. This only seemed to fuel her triumphant expression and she laughed, straightening her scrubs as she fell back into a comfortable slouch on the floor.

The door of the on-call room suddenly opened and they both looked up, seeing Marvin peek his head in with a strangely-guarded expression. His eyes met Henrik’s and wordlessly the surgeon stood up, picking up his coffee with him. It was best not to act first and ask questions later with Marvin—he was an elusive personality, very quiet and mysterious, but he had very good judgement.

“What’s up?” Lena asked, eyebrows knitting.

“I will be back,” Henrik told her, though it wasn’t much of an explanation. Quickly he slipped out the door, closing it behind him. He could already an odd tension in the air as he turned toward Marvin.

“It’s one of the patients,” Marvin said in a hushed tone, his bright eyes darting down the hallway. “You should take a look.”

“You should page a nurse for that,” Henrik told him, but Marvin quickly shook his head.

“No. No, you need to see for yourself.”

The pit began to open in Henrik’s stomach as he saw the solemnity of Marvin’s face—his friend was never worried, about anything at all, but now he seemed truly shaken. It was hard to repress the dread that was rising in his chest as he followed Marvin to the PACU.

They passed the occasional gurney or nurse in the hallways, but for the most part a strange stillness had fallen on the hospital. Usually Henrik’s liked this part of his shift, and probably would have enjoyed the quiet, but his mind was racing with all the different things that could have shaken Marvin this much.

Finally they came to a recovery room near the end of the hall, and Marvin checked for onlookers before quietly opening the door and slipping inside. Henrik followed.

The first thing that Henrik noticed in the room was that all the machines and monitors were off: there was no display, no fluid dripping through the IV, and no soft noises coming from the equipment. If this was not enough of a concern, the patient seemed unaffected—in fact, he was conscious, eyes open and trained on the ceiling from where he lay.

Instantly a chill came over Henrik. The patient’s eyes were open, but they were glassy and disoriented. His face was drawn, skin clammy and colorless, and he had kicked all the sheets off of his bed. When they entered, his eyes moved to them, though none of his other features even shifted. They bore right into Henrik, as if looking past him to the wall beyond and yet connected directly with his own eyes.

Fear had never been Henrik’s enemy. He had learned to manage, control it… push it down and prioritize rationality and levelheadedness. But the sight before him sent waves of needle-like prickles down his spine, and his skin felt as if it contracted against his muscles in hideous dread. The room seemed ten times more still than before.

“I have seen this before,” Henrik murmured. His mouth was suddenly very dry. “In… in Jameson.”

“I wasn’t sure, but I thought…” Marvin took a long breath. “I thought you would know.”

That… experience barely entered Henrik’s mind anymore—he had almost shut it out completely, as best he could, but now it was all coming back. That same glazed-over stare, the first day before it all began. The sleepless nights and violent episodes, all the suturing and recovery, the blood, the lies, oh god, the surgery…

That looming monster of complete incapacitation suddenly crept up the back of Henrik’s mind and he moved mechanically into action. “We need to get him off morphine immediately,” he began quietly, almost to himself. “He must be sedated—“

“Maybe I should just put him under,” Marvin suggested quietly.

That phrase sparked a reaction in Henrik and he turned quickly. “No. If he is not wake-able, and the doctors cannot explain it, it will raise too many question. We have to sedate him.”

“So what, you’re going to order sedatives for a guy that was successfully recovering from surgery half an hour ago?” Marvin urged, lowering his voice as someone passed close by outside the room. “This could be nothing.”

Henrik shook his head. His heart was pounding. “It is exactly the same—“

“Look at me, Henrik.”

Henrik complied, tearing his eyes away from the patient. Marvin reached out, grabbing his shoulder tightly with a very rare urgency.

“Whatever it is,” he said. “You won’t let what happened to Jameson happen to this guy. Hell, I won’t either. And you know what to do this time.”

Henrik shook his head wordlessly, biting his lower lip. “Why would be back…?”

“We can figure that out later. Just let me—“

Suddenly the room was filled with a cacophony of beeping and humming as all the equipment started back up at once. In the same instant the patient drew an even but heavy breath, his hands tightening into white-knuckled fists. His eyes regained their life and darted around in sleepy confusion until they fell on the two standing by the door.

“A-Are you the nurse?” he asked blearily.

Henrik felt his chest unravel. The breath he had been trying to draw whooshed into his lungs in an instant, and he looked to Marvin. His friend nodded, slipping out the door to find a nurse.

Henrik watched the patient with tentative dread, waiting for something to happen or go wrong, but it never came. The man only laid his head back down and closed his eyes in vague discomfort, his hand going to the fresh stitches at his side.

It had looked so similar. Exact. That look in his eyes, the sweating, the… deadness. It couldn’t have been nothing.

Maybe Lena was right. He did need sleep.

---

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#thtr #patreon #jacksepticeye #henrik von schneeplestein #long post #tw hospital

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jomalley-ferrisbueller-final · 4 years

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A Closer Look at Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (John Hughes, 1986)

The 1980s was the time of the teen film, with a number of iconic teen films coming out during that decade. One that has become a staple of the classic teen film is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (John Hughes, 1986). Ferris’ legendary day off has become a dream for teens then and now still being quoted today within the halls of high schools around the country.

Bueller didn’t hit the big screen in the summer of 1986 without its fair share of long and tedious production issues. Director John Hughes took a lot of his inspiration from his own life growing up. Raised in Chicago, this city becomes the setting for a majority of his films. In fact, there are even websites that pinpoint exact locations all throughout Illinois where Hughes shot classic movies such as Bueller, The Breakfast Club (John Hughes, 1985), and Home Alone (John Hughes, 1990). Looking at Buller specifically, a lot of aspects of the film reflect John Hughes. Ferris’s bedroom is created to look very similar to how Hughes’ room looked when he was a teenager, scenes for the film were shot in the hallways of his former high school, Glenbrook North and the character Ferris Bueller is actually based one of Hughes’ friends from his childhood with the same name. Edward McNally, a childhood friend of Hughes wrote an article for The Washington Post honoring the late director. As far as being named “the inspiration” for Bueller he is quoted as saying:

“…for years I was relentlessly pursued by a remarkably humorless Glenbrook dean about attendance, pranks and off-campus excursions -- and because my best friend was in fact named Buehler -- I've spent an inordinate amount of my life being unfairly accused of serving among the inspirations for Ferris Bueller.”

Looking at the production of the film, there were many different things that went into its creation. It only took three months to shoot the film between September 9, 1985, and November 22, 1985 which might not seem like a lot compared to how long shows or movies take to shoot today, but since a lot of their filming locations existed within miles of each other it was pretty easy to get everything shot in a short time. During the filming, John Hughes took some inspiration from Ferris on his impressive way to get the impossible done. The parade scene was shot during Chicago’s annual Von Steuben Day Parade. The float that Ferris is on was actually created for the film and was put in the parade route without the parade officials being aware of what was going on. With there being a real parade Hughes was able to get genuine footage of thousands of people enjoying a beautiful day in Chicago. When they needed to shoot more of the parade scene a week later, around 10,000 people showed up for the filming answering the call made on radio stations for extras to appear in a John Hughes film. In this scene, Ferris is featured lip-syncing the famous Beatles song “Twist and Shout” which came with its own set of issues. Paul McCarthy did not like the fact that Hughes had added the brass element to the song to make it seem as though the band was playing it at the parade. When John Hughes insisted on the Beatles song be used in the film, they ended up having to pay EMI $100,000 for the rights and allowance to change the song. While Hughes was adamant about some of the production decisions, they all proved successful in skyrocketing the film to one of the most fondly remembered films today.

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The marketing for the film was very straight forward. There were a couple of articles written about the film in both the Daily News and well as The New York Times talking about the movie, giving an unbiased explanation of the film to promote it. There were also several 30-second commercials giving hints at Ferris’ crazy day off. Appealing to the teen audiences that Hughes is trying to relate to, the announcer narrates over scenes of the film saying, “it’s about life, it’s about liberty, it’s about the pursuit of recreation”. This phrasing attracts teenagers to the film because that is what they are looking for – freedom from the norm.

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Looking at the posters for the film it features many different slogans such as “One man’s struggle to take it easy”, “Because life is too beautiful a thing to waste”, “Leisure rules”, “While the rest of us were just thinking about it…Ferris borrowed a Ferrari and did it…all in a day”. Similar to the commercials, these phrases draw the teenager in because that type of thinking is really appealing to them.

A teenager stuck in the rut of high school wants nothing more than to skip school and live out an amazing day with their best friends. This mentality is what brought teens to the theaters to live through Ferris.

The summer of 1986 saw a lot of hit films. Buller had some tough competition seeing films such as Top Gun (Tony Scott, 1986), Aliens (James Cameron, 1986), Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (Leonard Nimoy, 1986), and The Karate Kid Part II (John Avildsen, 1986) all hitting theaters in 1986. In the United States and Worldwide Box offices, Bueller placed in the top 10 of both lists sitting in the number 10 spot for all 1986 films. The budget for the film was an estimated $6,000,000 and not only broke even but made money-generating $6,275,647 during their opening weekend of June 15, 1986. Bueller, made nearly all of its money from domestic box offices bringing it $70,136,369 and only $1,469 in international box offices. Looking at the reception of the film it is easy to see how it was in the top 10 films of 1986.

Roger Ebert was one of the top movie reviewers of his time up until his death in 2013 after losing an eleven-year battle with cancer. Writing reviews for The Chicago Sun-Times for over 40 years, he became the first film critic to receive a Pulitzer Prize in Criticism. In 1986 he gave a review of Bueller and is quoted as saying “Here is one of the most innocent movies in a long time, a sweet, warm-hearted comedy about a teenager who skips school so he can help his best friend win some self-respect.” He talks about the plot of the film and ends his review by saying “…the film's heart is in the right place, and "Ferris Bueller" is slight, whimsical and sweet.” With Ebert’s review coming out on June 11, 1986, it’s easy to see that Bueller won over the hearts of teens and adults alike wishing that they were able to have a day off like Ferris did.

The non-critical reviews of this film are all pretty similar, it is regarded as a film of the generation that holds against the test of time. On Rotten Tomatoes, of the 728,405 user ratings, the average audience score is a high 92%. One “super reviewer”, Brendan N. is quoted as saying

“Classic cult film and a must-see for all generations. John Hughes created a lot of the teenage angst or coming of age films in the 80s and Ferris was quite possibly his greatest creation. Watching this on the big screen last night was a dream come true but having a film like this remaining so timeless does not hurt. The film is full of heart and the charm of Matthew Broderick is what elevates this from becoming just your average teenage comedy. I wish they would make more fun and creative films like this; no one tackles such a fun concept without falling into clichés and crude jokes. John Hughes created something truly special here. 12/11/2018.”

Since its release in 1986, Bueller, has remained a pivotal teen film for multiple generations. In 2016, Bueller turned 30 years old and Chicago celebrated the only way they knew how to: with a Ferris Fest. People were able to visit his heavily decorated bedroom, recreate the scene where Ferris pretends to be Sloan’s father picking her up from school, and of course a recreation of the famous parade scene featuring Twist and Shout. While this is more of a high scale remembrance of the 1986 film, you can see other companies paying homage to Bueller. During the 2017 Superbowl, Dominos aired a commercial where they recreated the infamous scene of Ferris racing home to get there before his parents find out he skipped school. Stranger Things (Matt Duffer, Ross Duffer, 2016—) actor Joe Keery plays Ferris but this time he is racing home because his Domino’s pizza tracker just sent a notification to his smartwatch informing him that his pizza is about to arrive. When asked about the commercial the executive vice president of creative direction at CP&B said "This being an iconic movie we knew we had to pay homage to it and not deviate, not change it and put our own kind of spin on it outside of using Joe Keery and maybe making it a modern adaptation,".

Below you can see the original scene and then Joe Keery version.

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It can be agreed that this film has been relevant way past its release date. But why is that? Frances Smith looks to understand teen films as a whole and why they become so iconic. In her book Rethinking the Hollywood Teen Movie: Gender, Genre, and Identity, she explores this question and more. In Easy A (Will Gluck, 2010), the main character Olivia (Emma Stone) struggles to identify with the “hook up culture” happening around her within the high school hallways. She looks to the eighties to fantasize about a better life.

Whatever happened to chivalry? Did it only exist in Eighties movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom-box outside my window. I want to ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist in the air because he knows he got me just once. I want my life to be like an eighties movie.” (138-139)

To this Smith says:

This voiceover and the corresponding images reference Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989), Can’t Buy Me Love (Steve Rash, 1987), Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which is presented for its musical number. With the exception of Sixteen Candles, all of these films center on male characters who, though cheeky, are portrayed as sexually innocent. The gestures to which Olive refers are particularly telling. Having her life ‘directed by John Hughes’ appears to involve her engaging in ostentatious courtship rituals in which the female partner is the grateful recipient of male affection, however dubious the circumstances in which it is bestowed.

Olivia dreams of having the production that teen heartthrobs would perform for their love interests. This is one reason that Bueller has remained so relevant today. No matter how the culture changes, everyone wants someone who would be willing to show the world how much they love them.

Another reason that this film has remained so relevant today is because of the underlying theme within the film is something that will never go away. The drive to find yourself and get out of your small town to explore is something that will always be a shared feeling among teenagers. In Kimberly M. Miller’s Clueless Times at the Ferris Bueller Club: A Critical Analysis of the Directional Works of Amy Heckerling and John Hughes she says

A fine example can be found in the response to the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which received criticism for being too similar to Risky Business (Paul Brickman, 1983), as well as “lacking in irony,”10 and yet Ferris has become ingrained in the popular culture—even being ranked number ten on Entertainment Weekly’s “Fifty Best High School Movies” list (2012),11 in addition to being quoted by teens who see Ferris as a role model of “cool” despite the nearly thirty years that have passed since he took his day off.

Teens idolize him for doing what they have always wanted to do so they are able to live through him and his amazing day off.

Overall, Hughes has delivered a number of teen films that lasted well past their release date and will continue to be relatable in the future. Bueller is the perfect example of this because its underlying themes will never go out of style. Everyone wants to be a “righteous dude” and live their lives with the carefree regard for the rules that Ferris showed us back in 1986.

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thekoshertribble · 5 years

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“The days and the years ahead are worth living for.” Women of Star Trek Blog Entry #17: “The City on the Edge of Forever” Edith Keeler

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” This phrase, introduced in 1982′s Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, is most often associated with Spock’s ultimate sacrifice to save the Enterprise from destruction. But the concept this phrase represents had appeared in the original series, 20 years earlier, in certain moments and people. Nowhere else is this better represented than in the character of Edith Keeler, and her own sacrifice, in the iconic episode, “the City on the Edge of Forever.”

If you need a quick refresher, here is a short synopsis. When McCoy, in a drugged state, steps into the Guardian of Forever and alters Earth’s history, Kirk and Spock must follow him back in time to correct and save their timeline. The Guardian sends them back to the approximate place and time of McCoy’s alteration: New York City, during the Great Depression. They soon find the source of the alteration in the form of a young woman named Edith Keeler. While waiting for McCoy’s arrival, Kirk develops feelings for Keeler (and vice versa). At the same time, however, Spock discovers that McCoy’s prevention of her death in a traffic accident altered history. When McCoy arrives later in his drugged up state, Keeler finds him and does her best to nurse him back to health. A few days later, Spock and Kirk reunite with McCoy just as Keeler is crossing the street - McCoy steps out to try and save her, but Kirk holds him back, thus allowing her to be killed and correcting the timeline. A heartbroken Kirk returns with his two friends to the Enterprise.

The story mostly focuses on Kirk’s conflict of heart, having to choose between his own timeline and love: the needs of the many vs. the one. He makes the “logical” choice, saving his own timeline. However, it was Edith herself who had to make the ultimate sacrifice, giving up her life to save the future of Earth, even though she never knew it.

To make matters more tragic, Edith Keeler did, (or would do) nothing wrong. This was not like Deadpool going back in time to kill Hitler as a baby. On the contrary, Keeler was a radical pacifist. Had she lived, she would become the leader of a nation-wide peace movement. Unfortunately, this peace movement prevented the United State’s entry into World War Two, thus allowing Nazi Germany to take over the world. As Kirk and Spock remark:

KIRK: But she was right. Peace was the way.

SPOCK: She was right, but at the wrong time.

In one scene, Edith remarks that Kirk seems out of place, which is obviously true. Ironically though, Edith herself seems to be out of place, in her own place and time. She sees a hopeful future of peace and prosperity that no one else around her can see, and she acts towards others they way that people in that future should act, in her opinion. I’m not going to go so far as to say she is flawless, but it’s very hard to find reasons not to like her. She possesses a great many positive traits, as noted in the following scenes:

When Edith first encounters Kirk and Spock in the basement of her soup kitchen, she has the following conversation:

KIRK: Excuse us, miss. We didn't mean to trespass. It's cold outside.

EDITH: A lie is a poor way to say hello. It isn't that cold.

KIRK: No. We were being chased by a policeman.

EDITH: Why?

KIRK: These clothes. We stole them. We didn't have any money.

EDITH: Well, I could do with some help around here. Doing dishes, sweeping, general cleaning.

Her first line tells us two things about Keeler: One, she is not the gullible type. She can see through a man’s lies, even when he’s a charming at Kirk can be. Two: she has a strong moral code. This first line is partly reprimand, partly a refutation of an obvious lie.

But, she balances that strong moral code with understanding and forgiveness. Instead of turning Kirk and Spock over to the cops or forcing them to return the clothes, she offers them a jobs with the soup kitchen. She understands they stole clothes out of necessity and desperation. She gives them work to not only alleviate their poverty; she also gives them an opportunity to “pay back” for their stealing by doing work. In other words, while she doesn’t ignore the fact they stole, Edith looks to see the good in Kirk and Spock, and she believes they can be redeemed.

We see this again a few scenes later, when Spock steals the tools from a workman’s box. She strongly reprimands him, and asks him why he did it, but she still does not lose her faith in him. (To be fair, her suspicion of him is alleviated by Kirk, but I still think Keeler ultimately came her own conclusions.)

Her faith in people also extends to humanity in general. As soup is served to a small crowd of homeless people, Edith stands up on a podium and gives them the following speech:

“Now, as I'm sure somebody out there has said, it's time to pay for the soup. Now, let's start by getting one thing straight. I'm not a do-gooder. If you're a bum, if you can't break off of the booze or whatever it is that makes you a bad risk, then get out. Now I don't pretend to tell you how to find happiness and love when every day is just a struggle to survive, but I do insist that you do survive because the days and the years ahead are worth living for. One day soon man is going to be able to harness incredible energies, maybe even the atom. Energies that could ultimately hurl us to other worlds in some sort of spaceship. And the men that reach out into space will be able to find ways to feed the hungry millions of the world and to cure their diseases. They will be able to find a way to give each man hope and a common future, and those are the days worth living for. “

Before this speech, a man warns Kirk that he’ll “be sorry,” because he’ll “have to listen to goody-two-shoes” in exchange for the free meal. It’s suggests that Keeler gave this speech, or some variant of it, every night to whoever frequented the soup kitchen. Considering the dismal setting, its no surprise that the locals became a bit jaded by this daily optimistic message. It’s easy to write off her words as delusional, just as her audience does judging from their reaction, but Edith Keeler is not a delusional person. She is not naive to the pain and suffering around her - she runs a soup kitchen in the depths of the Great Depression, after all. She acknowledges her dark environment but does not allow that to stop her from seeing the light in humanity’s future.

It’s this characteristic that, I think, draws Keeler to Kirk and vice versa. (Remember, Kirk survived the horrors of Tarsus IV, and despite that hardship, believes in the ability of humanity to rise above its bloodstained history.) He is impressed not only by her insight into future human events (atomic power and space travel), but her unwavering hope.

EDITH: Why? What is so funny about man reaching for the moon?

KIRK: How do you know?

EDITH: I just know, that's all. I feel it. And more, I think that one day they'll take all the money they spend now on war and death

KIRK: And make them spend it on life?

EDITH: Yes. You see the same things that I do. We speak the same language.

KIRK: The very same.

Lastly, her most obvious trait is her generosity and willingness to help anyone in need. We see this in her first scene, offering a job to Kirk and Spock, total strangers in her soup kitchen’s basement. She later finds them a “flop” to sleep in - otherwise the two men would probably have spent their nights waiting for McCoy in the city’s alleyways. Next, when on a date with Kirk, she senses something is bothering him, and asks: “Are you afraid of something? Whatever it is, let me help.” And finally, she finds McCoy as he stumbles into her soup kitchen and nurses him back to health in her office.

Let me reemphasize that last bit. Remember when McCoy jumped back through the portal screaming bloody murder about bloody murder, and that homeless guy sees him, drops the bottle of milk he stole and bolts in the opposite direction? Contrast that to Keeler’s reaction, when she finds McCoy. To be fair, he’s not screaming bloody murder at this point - more like mumbling, really - but he still looks like a plague victim and no one wants to go near him. Except for Edith. Instead of running away from him, like everyone else around her, she does the exact opposite and helps him herself.

Tragically, it’s her saving of McCoy that ultimately kills her. If she had ignored him, or called the police on him, he likely wouldn’t have been in the right place and time to save her life.

None of this is to say that good deeds shouldn’t be done because they won’t be rewarded. Quite the contrary - we should do good deeds for their own sake, not for the reward we might get. Yeah, that might sound preachy and obvious, but it’s surprising just how easily we can forget these things in practice.

Before I wrap this long blog post up, I’ll make one more point: although we’re not engaged in a world war or a devastating economic depression, it’s no secret things aren’t exactly great right now. My new years resolution was to stop saying “it can’t get worse,” because each time I said that I was proven wrong. But maybe Edith’s message is still relevant. Maybe the days and the years ahead are still worth living for. Just a crazy thought.

Next entry: Operation: Annihilate!

#women of star trek #star trek women #The City on the Edge of Forever #edith keeler #star trek the original series #kirk #spock #mccoy #captain kirk #james kirk #mr spock #dr mccoy #star trek tos #tos

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uiruu · 5 years

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people debate what is or isnt art... i think art is “objects in service of ideas”. i think i got that phrase from an eric taxxon video? objects not necessarily meaning physical objects, like, this applies to color and sound, but they are in service of ideas, conveying things that are more than the sum of their parts. even if its just a drawing of a person, that person is being conveyed through lines on a paper. its more than the sum of its parts, its representing the idea of that person via ink.

this definition allows for all sorts of things to be considered art though.... to which i say “yeah, it does”

are advertisements art? yeah, i mean, why not? just because something is “art” doesnt mean it’s good. art can be bad if the ideas are bad, even if the execution is really well done, like a super bowl commercial that had tons of skilled creative people working on it, but is ultimately just a fucking commercial and i consider that to be bad. art can also bad when the ideas are good, but the execution is bad, like a movie about idk optimism and friendship or whatever or an examination of racism or something (which i think are subjects i am interested in and like to see art about), but if its poorly made or poorly thought out then it is “bad”.

im okay with like tons and tons and tons and tons of things to be art. the root word “ars, artis” in latin doesnt mean “grand magnificent breathtaking tribute to the human experience” it just means “a skill, a craft, a technique”. is language art because it is sounds in service of ideas? maybe. at the very least, people often use artfulness when speaking, using metaphors and creative innovative ways to phrase ideas. even the lack of thoughtfulness is an artistic choice when speaking. you’re communicating how you think and feel about something.

i think it was noam chomsky (or fuck idk maybe it wasnt, it doesnt really matter to me who said this) who said that language probably didnt arise in humans as a means purely of communication, cause if it had, itd be like the communication we see in animals, with set real-world information you would be able to transmit to another person. if you had an idea there would be one way to say it. language probably actually came about in humans as a means not just of communication, but of expressing ideas, and there is a difference. its not just saying facts, its expressing your emotions, inquiring about the world and about other people, sharing ideas not just facts. there are as many ways to say a given thought as there are people who have ever lived or will ever live, and more than that actually, cause people can often find several ways to say an idea, maybe none of which had been thought of before in that exact way. that last sentence there... do you think anyone has ever put those words in that order before? if so, would you have encountered it? no? then how come you could read it and know what i mean, despite never seeing those words in that order? because language isnt finite, and every sentence requires a bit of creativity and personality to express. so maybe language is art, and i’m okay with that.

ive been watching too much @realphilosophytube

#art #philosophy tube #philosophytube #long post #this is definitely something i might do a video on... i should keep this line of thought going and write a script

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8147 · 6 years

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reading hamlet for the first time (act 5: the finale)

masterlist

none of you told me it was going to be this painful . none of you.

a5s1

“Ophelia’s dead.” “Enter CLOWNS!”

Like im sure this has a different meaning in EMA but im gonna make fun of it because it’s fucking hilarious. (future (present? (now past once more (?))) antares coming back to say i did look at nfs and yeah theyre gravediggers)

“First Clown: What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? Second Clown: The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.” damn not even just this one quote but these are some depressing clowns

hamlet and horatio!

okay there’s something about all of hamlet’s skull talk that makes me uneasy. like, not even the topic, just something in the words and how earnestly and (pardon my pun) gravely hamlet’s speaking about this. and it’s almost a mournful tune, too. it’s a huge difference from his “we’ll all be eaten by the same worms” speech to the point that it’s almost haunting.

“HAMLET: I will speak to this fellow.” C O N F R O N T

“HAMLET: I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.” (incomprehensible scribbling)

HAMLET, NOT IN ENGLAND: oh yeah lol he was sent to england huh u know why lmao

wait. did the. did the pirate situation get resolved. before act V.

I mean i think hamlet mentioned something about three years but the pirates are so fucking glossed over like what the fuck

“First Clown: 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.” HOLY SHIT ROAST THEM JFC

“HAMLET: Let me see. (Takes the skull)” THIS IS THE SKULL SCENE! I fucking KNEW it was bullshit that holding the skull was in the to be/not to be speech. I saw it being presented as such like once or twice while reading and I KNEW IT

hm okay so hamlet picks up this guys skull, of someone he used to know, and sure maybe i could ignore the “those lips i have kissed” but then he goes on to mention alexander the great and i mean come on

but jesus like i feel like im not doing justice to the stuff hamlet’s saying. just, the gravity of it all. Its kinda hitting home a bit hard bc like ive had a crippling fear of what happens after death and being forgotten etc since i was like in fourth grade and this is @ing that phobia

like, with that julius ceasar thing. “O that that earth which kept the world in awe / should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw,” it’s so strange. like, every fucking human who has lived, whether they be emperors, murderers, inventors, peasants, or philanthropists- as long as they weren’t blind, they’ve all looked at the same sky. like. It doesnt matter what the fuck you did or didn’t. It’s wild.

“First Priest: No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls.” hey i get that there are cultural taboos around suicide but like this guy’s a dick it isnt even clear if it was suicide, like, she was so fucking crazy she might not have even known she was, y’know, in a lake or w/e

laertes, dude, my guy. maybe jumping into a grave is cosmic foreshadowing for something you don’t want to happen to you. js.

“HAMLET: [Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane. (Leaps into the grave)” hamlet is NOT one to be out-extra’d (posting-antares here to say, wait, ‘whose phrase of sorrow conjures the stars? is this my aesthetic-speeches-summon-ghosts theory? probably not, but i havent mentioned it for a while)

“LAERTES: The devil take thy soul! (Grappling with him)” IN A FUCKING GRAVE. THEY ARE FIGHTING. IN A GRAVE.

all because hamlet doesn’t want to be out-extra’d. my god.

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping.” Ah yes gertie just talk about the distraught and angry madman as if he isn’t there. that’ll diffuse the situation.

You know what? We still haven’t discussed the pirates.

a5s2

“HAMLET: So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other; You do remember all the circumstance?” If this isn’t gonna be about the pirates im gonna. scream.

“HAMLET: My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,-- O royal knavery!--an exact command, Larded with many several sorts of reasons Importing Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life, That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.” god, though. imagine that. being exiled to another country by the person who killed your father, only to find out that they were going to have you killed, anyways. that’s fucking terrifying. jesus christ.

Damn this idea that pretty handwriting is ~beneath~ nobles confuses me so fucking much. I got called haughty once just because my main handwriting is cursive. I mean, they were right, but their evidence was circumstantial at best.

“HAMLET: That, on the view and knowing of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd.” Hamlet’s Revenge.

but also, what the fuck, dude. two wrongs dont make a right.

damn i kinda lost myself while reading but it really doesn’t sound like hamlet’s insane anymore. Like he’s… tempered himself. he doesn’t feel insane, just solemn.

“OSRIC: Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. HAMLET: I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?” goddamn ROAST HIM HAMLET (also what a fucking mood)

Osric put on your fucking ha--

The wind is

The wind is northerly

“HAMLET: No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.” I remember someone saying that this is important

Okay here: “HAMLET: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

oh no

Osric just wear ur fucking hat u doof

“OSRIC: Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,-- HAMLET: I beseech you, remember-- (HAMLET moves him to put on his hat)” excuse me a WAGER

but alas all hamlet cares about is osric’s fucking hat

“HAMLET: What's his weapon? OSRIC: Rapier and dagger. HAMLET: That's two of his weapons: but, well.” hamlet u sarcastic little shit i love you

I mean so is horatio. I love him too.

This stuff with the competition is. not gonna end well. not at well.

“HAMLET: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter.”

hamlet no. listen to your heart or whatever. jesus christ don’t do it.

“HORATIO: Nay, good my lord,--” HAMLET LISTEN TO HORATIO

Ohhh hamlet

okay reading what laertes said, you know what? i’m giving laertes one last chance. please do not prove me a fool, laertes.

everything is giving me mad anxiety. e v e r y t h i n g.

claud’s speech is insanely sketchy

“KING CLAUDIUS: [Aside] It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.” One, so that’s why it was sketchy. Two, the POISONED CUP?

IT’S TOO LATE?

Gertie’s. Dead.

Shit, shit, shit

“LAERTES: [Aside] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.” YES! SO PLEASE! STOP FIGHTING!

“LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES.” Oh no oh no oh jeez eheu they’re hurting each other, shit, fuck,

“LAERTES: ...woodcock…”

“KING CLAUDIUS: She swounds to see them bleed. QUEEN GERTRUDE: No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,-- The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. (Dies)” one, i love how claud is desperatley trying to stick to the plan, its almost adorable in a childish sort of way. two, oh god. ohhh god. gertie.

Oh no.

this is the bloodbath. THIS IS THE BLOODBATH.

BODY COUNT: 1

“HAMLET: The point!--envenom'd too! Then, venom, to thy work. (Stabs KING CLAUDIUS)” ...

BODY COUNT: 2

wait and hamlet’s on death row, as with laertes. Oh no.

“LAERTES: He is justly served; It is a poison temper'd by himself. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me. (Dies)’ oh my god already??? I haven’t even really accepted king claud’s death?? jesus christ??

My friend just sorta nudged me and asked if i was alright and i. I’m not. i’m in shock. goddamn. what?

BODY COUNT: 3

goodness thats three in like less than thirty seconds JESUS CHRIST

“HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio.” that’s chilling. just, the poignancy. that’s so fucking spectral. i’m not okay.

“HORATIO: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane: Here's yet some liquor left.” No no no on no nononon NO NO oh my god are you going to-

“HAMLET: As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. … If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.” hey i’m crying in study hall. i’m actually crying. what the fuck. I don’t cry unless i’m thinking about that one pair of 18th century shoes with the really good photo quality (transcribing-antares here. I fucking love those shoes. I’m looking at them right now and they’re so fucking beautiful. they look how velvet feels, which is odd, bc they're apparently silk. I don’t care they’re just so fucking lovely)

F O R T I N B R A S?

“HAMLET: O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.” I’ve identified my emotion. Dread. pure, unadulterated Dread.

for all of you that’ve listened to the penumbra podcast: do you remember the concierge, right before final resting place, saying “you do realize you can just like, leave, and everything will be hunky dory and you won’t have to deal with the emotional consequences this episode will bring you” because i’m seriously considering doing that right now.

“HAMLET: The rest is silence. (Dies)” shit. (posting-antares here to say that i forgot to do the body count but honestly im crying while formating because of this goddamn fucking 400 year old play)

“HORATIO: Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince…” oh god. horatio.

“Good night sweet prince…”

(yet again tis transcribing-antares here to say that im fucking sobbing right now, the shoes are no match for this, and ‘goodnight sweet prince’ is actually never going to leave my head.) (editing-antares here to say im fucking crying again god fucking damn it) (posting-antares back again saying that this fucking line. this line. my god.)

“HORATIO: What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.” oh, horatio. god. that isn’t something said without tears staining your skin and a bitter tone hard-won, not that its possession is a victory.

oh my god. this can’t. no. this can’t end like this. What. no. people must have rioted. No. no!!

i typically hate it but i would GLADLY accept a deus ex machina right about now!!

okay my friend just took my phone away from me and shut it off because i kept on trying to scroll past the end

jesus christ

okay so i’m not going to be okay for like, several eternities, so im going to play the sims until i. until i die, probably. my god.

masterlist

#shush antares #antares reads hamlet #thE PIRATES WERE NEVER ADDRESSED #also im crying but im STILL ANGRY #mostly in shock tho

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myloveeflows · 4 years

Text

Angels/demons/magick ?

‪I started watching The Magick of Solomon last night and the Christian in me’s 1st thought was “aw hell nah you ain’t bout to conjure no demons in this house‼️” homie don’t play that🚯💯Had to pause it and reestablish the spiritual boundaries of my home, letting all beings know..‬ ‪“As per my original message! NOTHING is allowed in my home unless personally invited BY ME”

(Magic is mostly about purely directed intention, not always what you say or do but actually think, feel, and mean subconsciously as well, also I regularly practice keeping my vibration high through meditation and active awareness therefore I’m pretty familiar with my own power to comand and protect my life)

and then continued.

From what I saw so far before falling asleep on it lol the focus was on calling on Angels for help/protection/guidance as well as briefly explaining what Solomon was doing (requesting angels and “commanding demons...)

Seeing as I have been studying/researching around this‬ for quite sometime now, I was already familiar with angelic Sigils and sigils/staves in general so I wasn’t too confused or taken aback by the content and how a lot of darkness has been covered in light while true light has been shrouded in darkness.

As I watched the magical practitioners perform invocations to these angels I could definitely feel the energy change powerfully and positively honestly, and when I finally turned it off the energy lingered physically it was witnessed outside in roaring winds (when you know you know)

I have always known due to my very close relationship with the creator from a very young age that I was always divinely protected I didn’t really understand how but that didn’t matter still the idea of calling on anything outside of myself weirds me out & i’m not in the business of doing it🤚🏾.

The reason I’m so conflicted is because I’ve been on the receiving end of metaphysical/spiritual attacks. I have woken up under sleep paralysis with two dark figures one reptilian and one shrouded in a hood at my bedside. I can only assume attempting to drain me of my essence 🤷🏾‍♀️ (sounds crazy try living it) . This has happened to me 3 times in my life

(story time!)

The first time was when I was about 16. Someone in my home had been actively cruising the dark web,(who knew that was real? I didn’t at the time) dibbling & dabbling in things they weren’t fully educated on. As a result I was no stranger to weird feelings and attacks through other people. I prayed a lot so I know prayer works lol. (The Creator God has been the only father figure I’ve really been able to depend on) Anywho!

So little old 16-year-old me with no idea what they were doing decided I was going to attempt to exorcise one of my family members😂🤣🤣🙄. Needless to say it didn’t work but it did piss whatever entity was in my house TF off lol. I remember I was laying on my stomach and in the middle of a dream I felt my back gets scorching hot like something was trying to forcefully enter me. I screamed as loud as I could under temporary paralysis and immediately snapped out of it. That was the day I learned nothing can enter you without you giving it your permission/ God got my back LITERALLY (ba doom chik 🥁😂) when you’ve seen and experience some of the weird shit I have humor definitely becomes your best friend ha😅) with that being said there are many different ways to give permission so be careful because you may be giving permission just by the food, drugs and or drink you injest☝🏾.

The last two times happened this year and were my first experiences with commanding negative entities I suppose. I won’t go into the exact details but the basics are I woke from strange dreams under sleep paralysis with dark shadowy figures surrounding me.

I didn’t call on Jesus or anyone. Again I have been studying and learning to cultivate my own power so the thought of calling on something outside myself didn’t even come to my mind. I simply, knowing I was being attacked mustard’d all of my strength to get the words out of my mouth to say “you have no power over me leave! you have no power over me leave! you have no power over me LEAVE!” Each time I spoke that phrase the reptilian being changed forms. After the first time I spoke the phrase the second being that was shrouded in a hood disappeared and the reptilian being changed from what looked kind of like a dinosaur to then something shrouded in a hood to then a man and then it was gone and I broke free from my sleep paralysis.

Yes it was low-key terrifying but in the moment I didn’t have time to be afraid I knew I needed to act I know the reason I was able to free myself is because I believed in the words I was speaking I knew they were true as we are all connected to the one power how do I look being afraid of something that’s part of me. So this is where my confusion about calling on angels comes from...

I know very well that you don’t have to call or summon entities to have power or to be protected. Matter of fact, I have had a few different spiritual beings come to me during sun meditation namely Thoth or Hermes, and Horus. (sounds fucking crazy I know and it wasn’t anything crazy like I saw them in their bodies or in ghostly forms, it was just like stick figures of them portrayed to me in my mind after meditating deeply with the sun.) They didn’t appear to me together I saw a Thoth first, Hours weeks later. At the time I didn’t know anything about either of them to be honest with you, I just knew that Thoth had the head of a hearing so his figure was very easy to recognize but I knew nothing about him & same with Horus’s hawk head. (Forgive me if I’m not saying the right birds, lol y’all know what I mean)

They spoke no words to me. It was more that I was just being pointed in a direction to continue my research so I immediately looked up Thoth and came across his “Emerald Tablets” (which I will link at the end of this post) and man the knowledge, the things I had felt for so long but didn’t understand was then sitting right in front of me. WEEEEEIRDDDD but more than anything exciting. Apparently they knew what I was dealing with at the time and wanted to help me (Active demon worshipers doing any and everything they could to fuck me up lmao) Thank you all so much🙏🏾 As I type this my eyes water with so much appreciation because of just how protected and guided I’ve been through all of these really hard times that I haven’t been secure enough to talk about until this moment because how do you tell people these things everyone just will think you’re crazy anyways so most people who experience supernatural things are left to do it alone.

Thank God soon after I was sent friends who are also experienced metaphysical or supernatural things so that I would know that I wasn’t crazy.😭🙏🏾❤️

Anyway I say all this to say inherently even as a human being on this planet, we are created with the power of the ALL, with God’s true essence in us. Religion has done nothing but strip us of our knowing that we can command our own power without the use of other things. In the use of other things is where the half truths come because it’s hard to know when if when you’re putting your faith in something else outside of you if said thing can be trusted. Even and almost especially the things portrayed as good or the best. You really have to read between the lines use discernment and question everything.

I share all this to say meditation is amazing, (I’ve honestly been slacking lately with all this schooling😭) taking the time to research the past really can give you better insight on the present and the future. Do not blindly follow anything! and definitely don’t go calling on things that you don’t know about!

Now with that being said can you call on things to help you, sure I suppose but as research will show you.. Genie depicted as magical beings that grant your wishes are actually demonic entities and your request come at a price which is usually your soul’s natural power. With that being said I found that when you really need help from an entity you don’t have to call on them with blood or unwilling sacrifice. Ive found they just come to you in response to “ Groanings too deep for words” in my experience anyway.

The Bible definitely holds the truth, just gotta REALLLY use discernment because the Bible has been rewritten by men for years and years and the information in the Bible was taken from other civilizations years and years before. You would be silly to believe it has not been manipulated for selfish gain. If you examine any of the books that have been removed from the Bible you know this.

I’ll link a couple videos that helped me a lot down below. I love you guys, stay safe, know you are powerful beyond what anyone will ever tell you, and thank you God and all of the helpful entities that guide and protect and love🙏🏾✨🙌🏾

If sharing my story helps even one person going through anything similar then I’m grateful and I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to do.

youtube

#self love #enlightenment #peaceandharmony #innerpeace #5d enlightenment #yin yang #balance #gray jedi #knowledge of self #godislove #god is good

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cosmosogler · 7 years

Text

hnnnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhhh

i woke up on time but i didn’t want to do anything so i ended up getting out of the shower late. and then eating breakfast late. i was hungry, and i knew i had to teach for four hours straight, so i made four waffles instead of two. and a pbj, and the rest of my lunch, in the last 5 minutes before i left instead of like 15.

i biked to campus pretty fast... i got to class 1 minute before it started. i did my lecture and stuff and tried to be a lot more active with the matter model.

they asked another question that stumped me and i’m embarrassed because my notes were wrong too and i had to correct them when i figured it out. i’m embarrassed because it’s a basic physics newton’s laws sort of thing.

i was hung up on why the force on the sensor and the frictional force are always equal even when the block the sensor is attached to is accelerating. i looked up the horse and cart problem and understood it way better... two hours after the students had asked and the new section had started.

it really rustles my jimmies that i can’t make the three sections of exactly equal quality. i feel like i let my students down when i can’t very well explain a concept to them specifically, but i can to the next group!!!

suzanne mentioned today that she has a lot of trouble with basic stuff too, along with jennica, just because we haven’t taken the classes in forever. i did apologize to the students while trying to answer the question- i said i’d been working with energy for so long that forces didn’t really mean anything any more. we don’t even work with any numbers in class basically.

i was so exhausted afterward but i only had a five minute lunch break to shove the entire pbj in my mouth before i had to head over for my psychiatry appointment. i let the doctor prompt me on which information she wanted, but i did have a list of things to talk about in my life in chronological order to keep me on topic. i think it was a productive meeting since i kept it kind of, more organized than if i was just rambling about my childhood for an hour and a half, you know?

she raised her eyebrows a couple times... especially at the stuff leading up to and just after my heart surgery. i don’t know if i’m too focused on the negatives or what but i really just remember having a pretty bad time social life wise.

i know one family did come to visit me in the hospital- actually it was a student i didn’t spend a lot of time with. joey. he and his family came to bring me a card and hang out in the common area for a few minutes to see how i was doing. i was hooked up to my iv and i think i had just gotten the drainage tube out so i was on some strong painkillers. mom must have been talking to them. i fell asleep in the wheelchair.

it was too much i guess. the painkillers on top of the effort of keeping up with a conversation while my insides were still putting themselves back in place after getting a garden hose yanked out of my entire chest cavity.

i guess some people care more than they let on. and some people care less. he didn’t really do much to help me out with the bullying that doubled down after i got back. i still reflexively punch people that try to tickle or touch my nerve-damaged side. maybe his parents were more worried than he was. i dunno. it was 15 years ago.

now that i think about it... what the doctor said i should have had, at the hospital and going back to school afterward... i’m really upset. at the time i’d blinked and smiled and said “none of that ever occurred to me.”

but now i’m really sad. knowing what i didn’t have that should have been provided, i guess. i told her the hospital really was very busy, and that my parents were basically always around so they must have thought i was covered. and i had no idea the school was supposed to, i guess, assign some kind of buddy to make sure i could get around okay?

i’ve already talked about the wheelchair.

near the end she said “it sounds like no one’s really been there to support you.” i said “yes.” and showed her my teeth. it wasn’t really a smile. i think she could tell though. wasn’t foolin no one.

she made sure my meds were refilled for the next month. i talked about my grandparents too. on glenn’s side. how nice they were to me. i can’t say how they treated everyone, or even glenn and my uncle don, but the people who attended grandma pearl’s funeral had only the most glowing, actually kind of really sincerely fond memories.

uncle don seems to have had a complicated relationship with his parents. but he loved them enough to take care of them for a very long time after they got old. glenn didn’t. i don’t think i should ask what happened. i know parenting is hard and there’s probably not a perfect way to do it. but there’s... functional ways to do it. and i hope that they were functional parents.

anyway i caught the bus back to the physics building and had sooo much trouble sitting down to actually study. i didn’t want to open anything or even get out my notebook to try some practice problems. i sent danielle at the drc a semi-long email about my academic progress, since i had that midterm on tuesday, and some concerns about the upcoming friday test.

after that i strongarmed jennica into getting dinner with me. we went to subway. she didn’t actually want anything but i figured some exercise might help her settle down, and also it gave suzanne a small break. entropy can get contagious and jennica had been stopping her to look at this or that dress for several minutes. and i appreciated the company. going to subway alone when i’m so exhausted is super awkward. at least with jennica there if i couldn’t make a decision quickly enough i could smile apologetically at the lady behind the counter and say “sorry, i’m hella tired.” and jennica would laugh and the moment would continue.

it ended up not helping jennica that much but it did help me to get some food.

i think this was after i realized mom never put the 900 dollars back into my bank account. i talked seriously with jennica and taylor about some bank options and how to switch my direct deposit and stuff. they said it’s super easy. i asked one of them to go with me on saturday to make sure i get a good deal. taylor said that wouldn’t be a risk but jennica told me a couple things to watch out for and i think she also agreed to go with me but i’m not 100% sure on that.

anyway, after i ate i was in a much better mood. not a good mood, but a less bad one. i did finally get out my notebook and start... actually taking notes on the textbook. i didn’t get very far at all- i was interrupted- but i felt like it was working for me a little bit. i was trying to take the equations, and finding the main ideas for how we interpret those equations, and then writing that down in my own words. it’s been four hours and i still remember the difference between poisson’s equation and laplace’s equation- even though laplace is just a special case of poisson. i think, if i can identify the most important ideas behind the main equations given in the text, i can write that down and that will help me remember what the hell green’s theorem is or whatever next time it comes up on a test.

i also tried something new after i was interrupted. suzanne had gone to talk about the class with one of the undergrads in the same section and he allowed me to sit in on the session while we worked through practice problems covered in class.

suzanne made it so much easier though.

the new thing i tried is that i tried to basically repeat what suzanne was saying but in my own words. and i asked questions about what each variable *was*. and if i felt i didn’t understand it well enough i said it again a different way.

i couldn’t tell if it was slowing her and john down or not. i tried to pull back on the goofs at least. i also talked to john a little bit just trying to identify what it is about the professor’s lectures that has me so lost. and i figured it out!

he takes these practice problems from the book but then generalizes them to include all cases. this turns his math into monstrous entire-blackboard-spanning messes of variables and summations. and he skips important logic steps so it looks even more like a wall of chalk.

suzanne walked us through the simplest cases and then explained how some parts could be expanded to account for harder scenarios. i found that SUPER helpful because it let me point out myself where something could be made more complicated.

i have a lot of trouble with lectures, but conversations are so much easier. i don’t necessarily remember exact words or phrases but the idea sticks with me a little better. maybe it’s an active listening thing? or a participation thing. i had a good time in discussion-based classes back at villanova too.

i like john though. i hope he likes me enough to let me intrude on his tutoring time again. i felt bad that i was explaining really basic concepts- not to him, but to myself. but he seemed to react as if i was kind of, splainin at him about how image charges worked.

really it was because i had to remind myself a couple times that they are not actual charges that appear in a grounded plane as a response to a real charge. they are a math thing we use because it’s convenient.

hopefully that helps tomorrow on the test! i think the discussions are starting to help a little more... now that i’m getting less anxious about not getting stuff right away. i mean taylor and jennica give me Looks, sometimes, when i ask for a definition i should probably know by now. i get turned around by the notation kind of easily though, especially when i’m trying to identify the point where i stopped understanding the question. but if Looks are the worst they can do, well, i’ve had worse happen. in this department! with the e&m professor.

in the conservatory, with a knife.

dated jokes are the best.

anyway i think that is also going to be my good thing about myself for today because i am already running kind of late since mom called and wanted to chat for 10 minutes while i was trying to write. i got my test tomorrow. so i will try to rest now.

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cyb-by-lang · 7 years

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OSF AU - All the Little Children (6/?)

Part 6: Wherein alliances are forged out of shared experiences and the Hero departs.

Content Warnings: Blood, mention of injuries, Garp, shitty parenting, and shitty grandparenting as demonstrated by Garp.

“Let me see that, brat,” said the old man who had introduced himself as Monkey D. Garp.

Eventually. After running the gauntlet every trap Naruto, Fū, and Gaara could construct, after punching Gaara through a tree so hard that his own sand broke his nose, and after chasing Fū and Naruto’s clones all over the mountain like a bear on an IV drip of Elder Chiyo’s most dangerous combat steroids. The old man had finally settled down. Worst of all, he barely looked scuffed-up by some of the strongest attacks any of them could use without destroying the forest.

Gaara stared flatly back at the old man, though he couldn’t breathe through his nose and needing to keep his mouth open was sort of ruining the mystique.

“Gaara, have you ever had a broken nose before?” Naruto asked, after turning his head and spitting something that was at least partly blood into the fire.

Gaara shook his head. Before today, he’d only been injured—only seen his own blood as opposed to someone else’s—twice in his entire life. And those were both after leaving Sunagakure and the Land of Wind for the first time.

“Yeah, me neither. But I used to hang out with Aunt Rin a lot, so I think I know how to fix it.” Naruto slapped the old man’s hand away as he sat right in front of Gaara, leaning forward. “Just hang on a sec.”

Gaara blinked slowly as Naruto’s hand gingerly—ow!

Gaara jerked back as his sand shield flared, nearly bowling Naruto over. He blinked tears away as he stared at Naruto in shock.

“Sorry, Gaara. Had to straighten it out before your healing kicked in,” Naruto said with a grimace, before turning to Garp. “Hey, old guy, got any bandages?”

“Call me ‘Grandpa,’ brat,” Garp said, but he handed over a roll of linen first.

“Like hell,” Naruto replied under his breath, before carefully treating Gaara’s wounds. “You don’t even know my name, so why should I?”

Garp almost immediately seized Naruto’s ear and pulled on it, eliciting a yelp of pain. “Quit mumbling!”

Naruto snarled, his eyes turning red for a split second as he fought out of the old man’s grip. “I already have a grandpa, you old coot! You’re just some power-tripping asshole who hits kids and calls it ‘training!’”

“You do?” Gaara asked, though his voice still sounded off to his own ears. Luckily, the statement seemed to have given Garp pause, which let Naruto finish patching his face back together.

“Yeah. Dad and Mom’s birth parents are dead, so my ssiter and me don’t have any by blood, but I’ve got kinda like…” Naruto trailed off, his hands stilling for a second. “You’d know him as Toad Sage Jiraiya, and then there’s Granny Tsunade and Aunt Mikoto and…” Naruto sighed as he got back to work.. “I miss ‘em, is all.”

With a sidelong glance at Garp, who had turned away and started poking the campfire again, Gaara said, “I don’t quite feel the same way, but… I’m sorry you’re stuck here with us instead of at home. It sounds nice.”

“It’s not all bad,” Naruto said, clearly putting on a brave face. “This way I got to meet you and become friends. That’s good, right?”

“It is,” Gaara admitted, and Naruto clapped a hand onto his shoulder with a wide, not-completely-fake grin. If they hadn’t vanished from home and ended up in this strange, unpredictable world, Naruto would have been a fellow jinchūriki, yes. A penpal, in some ways. But their first meeting would have been in the Chūnin Exams instead of waking up on the same beach, with a common need to survive.

“Hey, we’re back!” Fū's voice called out, and both Naruto and Gaara turned toward her.

She had all three of the younger boys with her. In the hours since the disastrous morning fight, she’d managed to get everyone in her group covered in bandages and to change their clothes. With Chōmei in their group, too, Gaara wondered if any of those bandages were silk instead of linen, then decided it didn’t matter. Somehow, their two gangs of three children each seemed to have turned into a single gang of six.

Huh. Common enemies did make uncommon alliances, Gaara thought. He was nearly certain he was getting the exact phrasing wrong, but that had been somewhere in his studies, once upon a time.

And they were now sitting down to dinner with the aforementioned common enemy.

Fū and the three boys sat around the fire alongside everyone else, though only the two dark-haired boys trusted Garp anywhere near them. The blond one trusted his friends, sort of, but Gaara personally didn’t want anyone near the old man if he had a choice. But so far, forcing the issue hadn’t worked.

“Good, you’re all here now,” said the old man, crossing his arms and looming over them even while sitting.

Gaara blew his nose and sprayed bloody snot onto his sand. Naruto wordlessly handed him a handkerchief, which he accepted. Fū looked slightly ill, but the other three boys didn’t even look surprised.

“Quit ruining the moment, brat!” Garp shouted.

Gaara ignored him and took the handkerchief.

“Just get it over with,” Fū said in about the most serious tone Gaara had ever heard from her. While she wasn’t above yelling to get her way—as much as that didn’t work when Naruto was around and willing to shout right back—Fū was generally an upbeat person. The only things that really made her mad were evil and indifference to it.

Gaara waited.

“You three should become my grandchildren!”

“No,” Gaara said immediately, and Naruto and Fū's voices joined his in perfect unison.

“I didn’t ask for your opinions!”

“I told you before—I have a grandpa, and I don’t need a punch-happy replacement!” Naruto snapped.

“I don’t need a parent at all,” Fū said, crossing her arms to match the old man.

Gaara thought about it. Then, “…What worries me is that this is still less dangerous than spending time around my father.” Sure, these were some of the first injuries he’d ever experienced, but the Fourth Kazekage was much more upfront about occasional murder attempts.

Fū whipped her head around. “What?”

Gaara shrugged.

“That’s horrible,” Fū said, almost teleporting to Gaara’s side. “Your dad’s horrible.”

“I know,” said Gaara, because it was hard not to know by now.

Then Naruto and Fū squished Gaara between them in a pair of bear hugs. They pinned Gaara’s arms to his sides, so all he could do was sigh and rest his cheek against the top of Naruto’s blond head.

The old man, thankfully, didn’t say anything else to make Gaara hate him more. He produced a giant boar from basically nowhere and cooked it for the sake of both the old and new child acquaintances he had, of which Gaara only considered himself vaguely involved. Garp’s two already-grandsons fell on the food with about as much restraint as a pack of hyenas, quickly joined by the blond whose name Gaara still didn’t know.

Naruto and Fū joined in more slowly, with Gaara joining in last of all.

But it wasn’t until the old man left, meal completed and check-in with borderline-feral grandchildren accomplished, that any of them spoke to each other.

“Hey,” Naruto said, once the entire experience was over, “I don’t think we’ve introduced ourselves to you, not really.”

“I’m Monkey D. Luffy! You’re Naru, right?” said the smallest of the other kids. “You sound like Sabo, but act like Ace!”

“Should I be insulted or not...?” Naruto wondered aloud, nonplussed. He shrugged to himself. “Anyway, no, my name’s Naruto. Think of a whirlpool…” Naruto paused. “Or a fishcake.”

“Like on ramen?!” Luffy chirped.

“Like on ramen,” Naruto said, though his smile was a bit strained. Gaara wondered briefly if he was taking the time to remind himself that Luffy was a really tiny kid, but he supposed it didn’t matter.

“And I already know Fairy—”

“Fū,” the kunoichi corrected.

“—from before.” Luffy grinned. “I’m really happy we’re friends now.”

“Are we?” asked the blond. He managed a half-hearted wave. “I’m Sabo, by the way.”

“And he’s Gaara,” Naruto concluded, patting Gaara’s shoulder.

All eyes turned to the holdout.

“Portgas D. Ace,” growled the last kid, full of resentment. “None of you had to go interfering like that. We’ve had worse from the shitty old man.”

Fū's fists clenched. “That’s the whole problem.”

“Whatever,” Ace grunted, looking away from them. “…But I guess… I guess you’re not totally hopeless.”

“The hell’s that supposed to mean, Freckles?” Naruto demanded.

“I meant exactly what I said! And quit calling me Freckles!”

“Take it back!”

“Hell no!”

Gaara shook his head slowly. While Ace and Naruto wrestled with each other and probably ended up throwing a few unfair elbows or bites, everyone else at this campfire seemed content enough just to get to know one another. Fū and Luffy seemed to get along all too well already.

To that end, Gaara said to Sabo, “I’m sorry for scaring you before.”

“Oh, that? Well, the sand part was scary, but I’ve lived in Gray Terminal all my life. I’ve fought tough guys before,” Sabo said, rubbing the back of his neck. “As long as you’re not gonna do it again, it’s okay!”

Gaara could tell instantly that at least part of the first thing he’d said was a lie, but didn’t call him on it. “I won’t,” Gaara promised.

“Yay, we’re all friends now!” Fū and Luffy said together.

That seemed to be the end of it.

“OW! He bit me!” Naruto yelped.

For a few seconds, anyway.

#Ocean Stars Falling #All the Little Children #Monkey D. Garp #Gaara #Sabo #Portgas D. Ace #Monkey D. Luffy #Fu #Naruto #Chomei

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