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#i think the blurbs of these kinds of books could do a better job of representing them
pinktinselmonstrosity · 8 months
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I read a while ago that you were reading 'our wives under the sea'. I've also recently finished the book and was wondering what you thought of the ending?
*Feel free to ignore this ask if you haven't finished it yet! I'm just curious ☺️*
ahh thank you for asking! i was a little disappointed with the ending, but i don't think it was bad, i just think it was different from my expectations of it
i loved the concept of the book, but i come from a background of reading more traditional science fiction and i think that was what i was expecting/hoping for from that premise. idk about you but i REALLY wanted to know what the hell was going on!! shady organisations sending marine biologists to some mysterious part of the ocean, and when they come back they're like. possessed or something and then they turn into water? or into fish or something? absolutely intriguing!!! and of course my gut reaction to that mystery was to want to see it solved, so i was a little disappointed when the ending left so many questions unanswered
BUT i do realise that that is simply not the story that armfield was intending to tell. the sci-fi/fantasy elements are just a vehicle to tell a deeper emotional story about love and grief, and to that effect it doesn't actually matter that they're not 'solved', since the central conflict of the novel is miri's inability to let go of the past/of leah, rather than the mystery of what the hell was going on in the first place
i read a book last year called the first time lauren pailing died, and it was about this girl stuck in this weird time loop where every time she died she was reborn into another version of herself, which sounded FASCINATING, but it took a similar route to our wives under the sea in that the time loop was a fairly unimportant device to tell more important stories on interpersonal/emotional themes, and the time loop/multiverse situation was never really explained or solved in any way
and i do 100% think that's a valid narrative choice!!!!! but also as a reader who loves sci-fi i think it's possible to still include those themes AND solve the mystery, and so both books left me feeling slightly unsatisfied despite being really good overall
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criminalskies · 9 months
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hi honey, welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy your time here :D. I post a LOT about criminal minds and about my life, other fandoms include bobs burgers, house MD, 911, Oceans Eleven, Studio Ghibli (I also just love the art pls), X-men, and more!!
So, my name is Rome. I’m 21 and non-binary, I go by they/them pronouns <3!
🌱💌 This is a safe space. Homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, hate speech of any kind are not tolerated here. Everyone is welcome just as they are. Please respect that. 💌 🌱
Please note this post contains some NSFW content, minors DNI.
Request Guidelines: I know I have written some fem!reader in the past, but generally please avoid requesting pregnancy/period/non gender neutral subjects from me. I know it's a weird line for me to draw, but I could suggest probably ten writers who could do a 10x better job writing these topics. I prefer writing Gender Neutral, so I like to keep things this way wherever possible.
I currently also have quite the pile of requests, so while my requests are open, please note it may take me quite some time to get to yours. (I work oldest > newest with the occasional non-requested fic here and there)
Without further ado, please enjoy my works! :D
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Fics:
Safety Net: You spend the night reflecting on a beautiful love you shared with Aaron Hotchner, more accurately, you spend the night reflecting on the last two months of heartache without him. It will take one unexpected visitor to bring the two of you to face the reality you’ve found yourselves in.
Looking Out For You: Hotch seems to be babying you on the chase for an unsub, but you quickly realise, he knows what he's doing. also hotch looks hot driving.
In Your Orbit:
part one. Hotch doesn’t understand why the newest member of the team is so dedicated to spending all their time with him. He finally asks and he’s overjoyed with the answer. 
part two. Normal Criminal Minds Case type content, hostage situation, use of guns, an accident involving a knife, Unsub talks about suicide and thoughts of self-harm, please DNI if this is at all triggering for you!!!! ⚠️⚠️
Drunk! Aaron - aaron gets wild on a team bonding night and tries very hard not to let reader undress him because he's taken... by reader. (very drunk hotch being a cutiepie)
Sweet Creature: Aaron has never known exactly where his 'home' was, until he met you.
Walk Me Home: Inspired by the p!nk song, Aaron is having a hard time processing the last case, reader is there to comfort him.
Reprieve: Hotch x Autistic!Reader. Reader is having a very hard day at the BAU and Aaron is able to help.
Sleepless In Seattle: part one. part two. part three.
To Catch A Profiler - A Parent Trap Story. - This is a part one of an incomplete series based on the Parent Trap movies. This sets the scene for when your little girls find one another later in life &lt;3
A Bookstore type of Love. - This was an anon request for brother!spencer reid and boyfriend!aaron to take reader to the bookstore and geek out on new book smell, harry potter and the high school musical/john denver soundtrack on the way. Hotch thinks about how desperately he wants to marry reader.
When the spark lit the fuse - Hotch has been in love before, but he's never been so in sync with someone, bodies moving in harmony like his does with your own. Looking back on how your relationship began, Hotch reminisces on how he himself has changed for the better. because of you.
Meet my big, crazy family: Your boyfriend finally meets your big, loud, crazy family. Inspired by my big fat greek wedding movies &lt;3
This Isn't Me: Hotch comforts reader through their period as they go through some serious dysphoria, having not come out as nonbinary yet &lt;/3.
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Thoughts/Blurbs:
Across the Multiverse: Haley shows hotch all the universes in which he is happy, and he just so happens to be with you in every one of them.
Fratboy!Hotch: In high school, rumours and dishonesty pushed you and your childhood-best-friend-turned-love of-your-life Aaron hotchner apart. Now, the two of you have showed up at the same college party. Can he make it up to you?
WW2 Hotch:
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I will add many many more to these lists as I progress, writing more in the future <3
Sign up for my taglists here:
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word-wytch · 5 months
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tldr: extremely sappy and vulnerable post ahead
My baby, Don't Stand So Close To Me, turns one year old today.
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After a lifelong history of abandoning creative projects, my love for the story I wanted to tell and my newly found passion for the art of writing finally surpassed my fear of rejection, and so I stepped out of the Shire and onto this very long road.
Listen, I know I'm talking about a fanfiction and being very dramatic, but in my opinion every creative endeavor holds the same amount of weight no matter if you're writing books for money, or writing songs for the radio, or songs played only in your bedroom. It all requires you to dig deep and face yourself.
This is the longest and hardest I have ever worked on a creative project in my life.
Over the course of the past year I have come to know myself in a way that I think only writing a novel chapter by chapter for an online community could accomplish. There have been some very dark times, but facing your shadow is always illuminating. Through it, I have grown exponentially both as a writer and as a person.
If I could offer one piece of writing (and life) advice it would be this: Let yourself be where you are. Love yourself here, now. You have been good enough, are good enough, and will be good enough, always. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Your only responsibility is to keep the flame of your joy for creating alive. And that's it. The rest will take care of itself.
I know this is easier said than done. I know this from the painful experience of having believed the opposite about myself at one point.
All artists want to be seen on some level, we need to be. But ultimately, no amount of external validation can supplement the intrinsic love you have for creating. It's even better shared with others, but it comes first from within. I would argue that even if all you had was an idea that made you so giddy that you had to run laps around the room, then you have it all. Your only job is to keep that love alive. It's what I'm chasing every day. More than followers, or notes, or any superficial measure of success. That feeling is everything. The love that I have for my art and this character is everything. The love that I have for myself is, ultimately, everything.
It is a natural part of the journey for all creatives to encounter blocks and adversities, so when it feels like you've lost that joy or you're dragging your forehead against your keyboard in the thick of it, please do not fret. The real secret is that you can never really lose the spark, because you are the spark. You'll feel it again. You're not broken. You haven't failed. Just love yourself anyway and let yourself be where you are, even if that's crying into your ice cream.
Because the gap between how you feel and how you want to feel is not something that once closed, will stay closed forever. It's something you love yourself back to again, and again, and again, and again. And maybe, after your muscles build and your blisters heal, you'll come to enjoy the journey.
For the first time in my creative life I truly feel seen. Thank you all for seeing me, for coming on this journey with me. Thank you to every reader who's left a kind word, every friend that I've made as a result of pursuing this. There are too many to name. I have never been a part of a fan community in this capacity and I feel so unspeakably lucky to have found such a home in this one.
I want to thank, most especially, the people who have both figuratively and literally held my hand throughout the last year behind the scenes. Thank you for sending me coffee, letting me bounce ideas, send massive emails, text feverish voice messages back and forth, keysmash spoilers at you, cry on your shoulder, and fangirl over our boy (and his teacher) @toxicjayhoo @storiesbyrhi @the-unforgivenn @munson-blurbs @jo-harrington @rip-quizilla
I love you.
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munsonsreputation · 1 year
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Request 5: Blurb
Eddie and maybe the subject of moving in with his partner ?
hey anela!!! thank you for participating in my celebration...your kind words and this request always mean so much to me!!! 🎉💌✨ i hope you like what i came up with 💘💫
“Right here?” Eddie sought, holding the frame against the wall as you stood some feet away, tilting your head to ensure it was dead centered where you wanted it. 
“Yeah? Yeah. That looks good, actually.” You nodded, pressing your finger against your chin as Eddie hooked it onto the nail, securing it in place as he stepped back, hands bracing on each side to catch the painting if it fell. 
When he stood back to get his own glimpse of it, he smiled, reaching out to wrap his arm across your shoulder to pull you into him. 
“It looks sick.” Eddie expressed, and you hummed in agreement, making sure to thank Will Byers with some homemade cookies for commissioning the piece you and Eddie wanted to hang in the living room. 
The space wasn’t too big, but it definitely was an upgrade from the trailer. It was finally a space that you and Eddie owned, giving the two of your free rein to decorate however you wanted while including each others input. Thankfully, the two of you were pretty much in agreement with everything you wanted for the space. 
He had put out his record player in the living room, displaying it in the TV console along with your combined collections of vinyls that you both loved. You wanted the space to feel earthy, picking up some fresh plants from the farmers’ market to decorate empty window sills and negative space where no furniture sat on the floor. Eddie had picked out some of his favorite posters that were yet to be destroyed, and hung them up on the walls, perfectly completing the space. 
The same was done in your shared bedroom. 
His guitar was sitting nicely on a stand this time, as opposed to being hung on a mirror, though it was a pretty sick option for his teenage years. You had your very own bookshelf with your growing collection of literature, even going ahead and placing all of Eddie’s book in their own compartment as well.
he two of you had collectively worked together to pick the bedding—a simple, subtle floral that Eddie could tolerate. And of course with extra blankets and pillows because you were notorious for hogging them in the middle of the night…not that he minded, anyway. 
“I can’t believe this place is ours.” You sighed, grazing his arm with your lips and taking a slow look around the newly furnished place. 
He hummed, returning the kiss to the top of your head, “We worked hard for it, baby.” 
“We sure did—I’ll miss Wayne though.” 
Eddie chuckled faintly, nodding his head in agreement because uncle Wayne was the closet thing he had to a father. Always looking out for him and being the sole provider before Eddie was old enough to get a job to help pay the bills and give some spare cash for groceries. Wayne also loved you the second Eddie had introduced you to him. It took a lot of Eddie to open up because of the trauma he faced in his childhood, but you got him to crack open that shell and be a little more vulnerable. 
It not only caused a beautiful relationship for you and Eddie, but Eddie was able to get closer with Wayne. Asking for more advice about the real world, which is exactly how you two ended up in your own apartment. Wayne knew you two were growing up and wanting a space of your own, even the two of you getting better at saving money to afford a place, and so Wayne knew when he saw the ad in the newspaper it was the perfect place for the two of you. 
“I’m sure he’ll come to visit, maybe stay over for a night once we get the guest bedroom finished.” Eddie suggested as you smiled to yourself, thinking about Wayne and all your friends crashing at your place for once. 
“There’s still so much to do.” You continued, realizing that there was barely any furniture in the guest bedroom and the kitchen was severely lacking more than two of each type of dish and utensil. 
Your boyfriend laughed, poking your side, causing you to turn around and meet his bemused face, “Don’t panic…this place is already home because you’re here.” 
You snorted, rolling your eyes playfully, “When did you get so corny?” 
He scrunched his nose, placing his hands under your arms and hoisting you up with ease while you squealed, “Put me down, Eds!” 
“Admit I’m not corny!” He exclaimed, spinning you around as you continued your train of giggles and happy screams as he did the same. 
“Fine!” you yelped, pinching his back as you felt him spin faster by some weird way, “You’re not corny!” 
He grunted in satisfaction, slowing down his feet as he put you down gently, keeping his hands on your shoulder until your vision stopped spinning. Once he saw you come back, he kissed your cheek with a smirk glued on his face while you proceeded to pout. 
“Thanks, sugar.” 
You lightly slapped his chest with no force or malice, “You could’ve made me throw up on our floors…first cleanup since moving in!” 
“It’d be an honor to clean up your vomit in our home.” He argued, pleased with his response as you laughed, throwing your head back at his comical words of what is supposed to be endearment. 
Instead of pretending to gag at the thought of him mopping up your hurl, you threw your arms over his neck, tiptoeing to be face to face with him. 
“You’re my home too, Eddie Munson.” 
His teeth flashed at you with his full smile, resting his hands on your hips as he squeezed, “What d’you say we go make love in our bedroom?” 
You blushed ferociously like he hadn’t asked you a million times before, but this time, it was special. In your place that you two owned, where there were no restrictions, no worries of waking someone, and a sanctuary for you and Eddie. 
“Sounds like a plan…this time we can be as loud as we want.” 
Eddie smirked, lightly patting your bum, signaling you to jump up and wrap your legs around his waist as he started his way towards the bedroom. 
“Let’s hope our neighbors aren’t home.” He countered before kissing your lips lovingly. 
His feet kicked the door shut, and he laid you in the center of the bed, licking his lips and you bit your lip before speaking once more, 
“Oh, they’re definitely gonna hate us.” 
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kingdom-by-the-sea · 1 year
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Rituals
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Summary- Reader invites Spencer over after a case but gets nervous.
Warnings- a bit of anxiety
Pairing- Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (no use of Y/N)
Word Count- 739
A/N- A randomly generated word blurb for the word “relieve”
———————
No matter how exhausted or hungry she was after returning from a case, it was ritual for her to take a long shower. There was a sixth sense that told her to wash away the stress and fear and hopelessness from her skin before it contaminated her home and personal life. This apartment, regardless of how small and chaotically decorated it was, was her sanctuary from that world. Her books and tea and blankets gave her solace from the horrors she faced everyday and kept her mind vaguely sane.
This time was only different because he was there. Spencer Reid.
It was a strange mixture of her worlds and she wasn’t altogether sure she was comfortable with it. She adored Spencer with all her heart but that didn’t seem to be enough to settle the nagging fear that bringing him here, specifically after a case, would somehow corrupt her safety net, leaving her in a free fall towards all the terror she had always managed to keep at bay. It was silly and she knew it. She was the one to invite Spencer over when the case seemed to weigh heavy in both of their minds but now it felt different.
“I- yes. No, I’m perfectly fine,” the words made strange shapes in her mouth and fell awkwardly from her lips.
Spencer paused and shuffled slightly, “I don’t have to stay. I can head back to my place if it’s easier for you. I know this case was a lot.”
“No,” the word rushed from her lips with a gust, “I mean I don’t want that. I just- well I guess I’m nervous? I don’t know. I didn’t feel this way when I asked you here but now I just have this strange feeling.”
“What do you mean?” His eyes squinted in question but remained kind and steady.
She closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to arrange her thoughts into words that would make sense, “Can I tell you something strange?”
Spencer cocked his head slightly, “Of course.”
“I have these rituals, I guess you could call them,” her fingers played with the strap of her bag and her gaze moved about, “They make me feel like my home is separate from all the scary things that we deal with at work. And I guess… I guess I’m just scared that if you go in there after a case, somehow it’s going to let everything from our jobs seep in.”
A beat passed and Spencer seemed to calculate her words, “I don’t think that’s strange. Honestly, given our jobs I think it’s practical. I have a few ‘rituals’ of my own.”
“Really?” Her eyes recentered their focus on his. She felt as though she could live off of this feeling of being seen and understood by Spencer Reid.
“Yeah,” he seemed a bit bashful, “The first thing I do after getting back from a case is put everything in my go bag away in the washing machine or wherever it needs to go. I guess it gives me the sense that I’m organizing all the loose ends of the case and not just letting it sit there in my apartment. I think it helps me think and put the case behind me.”
She smiled at that, appreciating the open communication, “I immediately have to shower when I get home. I go through all the motions. I wash my hair, scrub my skin. I just want to feel like I’ve gotten the whole ordeal out of my pores.”
Spencer returned her smile and the last of her anxieties seemed to melt away in its bright light, “We can do whatever you feel comfortable with. I can go home, we can go somewhere else, or we can go do our rituals together.”
His nervous smile made her heart swell with something new.
“Either way,” Spencer continued, “I like when you tell me stuff like this. I like knowing how your brain works.”
The rush of emotions could have knocked her over but still she managed to take Spencer’s hand and squeeze it while she finally turned the key in the knob and opened the door to her apartment.
“I know… my brain works better with you, Spence.
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hypersonic04 · 8 months
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i wasnt the person to request angst but i had a teacher!ross angst/fluff idea — it's matter of whether or not i can explain it well enough 💀
ngl it's probably more fluff than angst but anyways... i'm thinking you had quite a difficult time in secondary school with boys + romance specifically, maybe trusting the wrong people and being at the butt end of teenage stupidity (been there ✊😔). usually you can look past this when you're doing your job, you love the kids and you love teaching, but sometimes the school setting and the air of romance between you and ross (im thinking this is pre-relationship, yearning/hard crushing kinda thing), whilst wholesome and precious, also fills you with unwanted dread and anxiety. it's the visual and energetic combination of romance and school that trigger that feeling, i suppose. i think you're scared of repeating past mistakes, being hurt again, despite the idea of teenage heartbreak being impossible at this point. could you fashion something up? maybe ross realises something is up and comforts you about it, what would he do or say etc. or maybe, to dial up the angst, you distance yourself from him a bit, upsetting him, a lot of tension and whatnot, but then you confront these feelings and bad memories together, remake new, better ones — it's your call, i don't mind the direction you take this. either way, this would be very healing for me icl. ANYWAYS LOVE YOU, YOU'RE MY FAV PERSON ON HERE XOXO
I totally get what you mean.
I think you were quiet at school, so when you went to uni and got your first boyfriend, you were a bit naive, and the heartbreak hit you hard (speaking from experience? me? never.). Anyways, like you said, the whole ‘having a crush at work/school’ thing puts you very on edge, and you can’t help but feel negative about it sometimes.
One specific scenario comes to mind. You and Ross had spent the morning together, both of you having free periods, so you go to the school library and find some materials and books for your lessons. It’s very cute, very flirty - he shows you one book in particular, your heads very close together, and then him walking you back to your classroom after. You’re sat in your classroom that afternoon, feeling a bit like a teenager with a crush (which alone gives you a bit of anxiety), but you’re pulled out of the lovesick bubble by the sound of laughter from the hallway. Like the blurb from the other night where new guy was flirting with you, I think it’s the other way around this time - one of your colleagues is just a bit too friendly with Ross, always bringing him up in conversations and making a beeline for him whenever she can. You poke your head out of your classroom to see them both stood together - her manicured hand is on his arm, and she’s looking up at him exactly the same way you look at him, her blue eyes sparkly and blonde hair flicked over one shoulder. He’s looking at her with a grin, nodding along as she tells him something. You swallow heavily and immediately retreat back to your classroom, clearing your throat and attempting to get back to teaching. You feel so silly. It’s just like uni all over again - feeling naive and thinking that someone like Ross could ever possibly be interested in you. Anxiety surges your chest as you wonder whether he thinks you’re silly, whether he thinks you’re throwing yourself at him (of course he doesn’t, this is you we’re talking about. He thinks you’re incredible, you could say anything and he’d take it as gospel.). You’re sat at your desk, eyes stinging a little and feeling really disappointed. You’re scared that you were wrong about everything.
I definitely think Ross notices when you start distancing yourself from him. You pass each other in the hallway later that day, and rather than giving him the warm smile you normally give him, you just kind of purse your lips and make your way past him hastily. He finds it strange, but puts it down to you being tired, maybe? The days pass, and you’ve declined lunch with him, as well as a lift home, so he’s starting to get a bit concerned now. Obviously, he was super jealous when new guy was flirting with you a few weeks ago, so he’s worried that maybe it’s that again. You’re both crushing on each other so hard, and you’re both so worried that things aren’t going to work out for the two of you, that you end up miscommunicating. He’s distanced from you, you’re assuming that he’s seeing blondie, and you’re both in a bit of a state lol.
I think there’s an evening maybe a week later or so when it’s the two of you left in the building. You’re like ‘oh, sorry, I didn’t realise anyone else was still here.’, smiling at him and averting your eyes from him as you stand in the staff room, washing your mug in the sink. It’s a bit awkward between the two of you as he stands there, hands in his pockets, unable to take his eyes off you for some reason. ‘How’ve you been?’ he asks, clearing his throat. You look at him a bit surprised, realising it’s actually been over a week since you’ve properly spoken - ‘uh, yeah, I’m okay. how’re you?’ - and he says he’s been alright too. You’re liars, both of you. A conversation comes up where she’s mentioned, maybe a staff night out or something, and you’re like ‘yeah, she said you’d be going together, or something.’, feeling a lump in your throat as the words leave your mouth. He frowns immediately, shaking his head a little - ‘uh, no. I don’t think so. I’m not sure why she said that, we’ve not really spoken about it.’. You can’t look at him because you’re just so sad about the whole thing. His heart breaks when the cogs start turning in his mind, piecing it all together.
“We’re not a thing, you know?”
He kind of just says it. He knows it’s a bit of a big thing to say, assuming that you’d care, but the relief that visibly washes over your face makes his stomach flutter. He knows you’re not with new guy (because he outright asked him earlier, it was killing him), so he wonders whether maybe this is a bit of understanding between you both.
“Oh, yeah, I mean-“ you stutter a bit. It’s silent between the two of you until he suggests that you go together (cue Christmas part blurb, one of my favourites, here!), and you cannot fight the smile on your face.
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jooniens · 2 years
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August 2022 Wrap-Up
Hello reader babes!
I have really no excuse when it comes to writing this the second week of September. But hey, better late than never right? I'm literally writing this at work so I hope you guys enjoy it.
In the hot month of August I read a total of 4 books which was my goal! Some were excellent, others...not so much. Some of these I discussed in my Mid-August reading update however, fresh faces are here as well.
*Spoilers will be indicated by asterisks around the book title*
NOTE: From here on out mid-month updates will only discuss my current read and how many books I have read thus far. Just to keep the Wrap-up interesting :)
Every Vow You Break by Peter Swanson
I have already tore into this book pretty hard in my Mid-August Update so I don't feel the need to do so again here. I just didn't like this book, the plot was odd and it didn't feel flushed out at all. It read like a fanfiction that shouldn't have gotten published.
1/5 Stars
City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare
I liked this book. That seems like a bad review but I truly feel neutral about it. It felt like a middle book, lots of filler and just weird plot line. The ending battle scene was super good and I will never forgive Ms. Clare for what happened to my baby Simon in this book. He deserves better. I have a lot to comment on regarding Clary and Jace but that will come with my blurb on City of Glass.
3/5 Stars
Furyborn by Claire Legrand
I read this for the first time in September of 2020 but I think God decided that it wasn't the time for me to read it and blanked it from my memory so that when I read it this time it was like the first time reading it. I knew the overarching plot but holy crap did this novel blow my socks off. I loved the characters, their bonding moments, the action just everything had me on the floor and head over hills in love.
5/5 Stars
Kingsbane by Claire Legrand
I finished Furyborn while on shift at my job and as soon as I got home I ran for my bookshelves and grabbed this. I gave this book a lower rating and not just because it had tons of filler. I loved focusing more on Eliana's character, is was great to see a protagonist struggle and not be just immediately good at everything. The twist at the end was fantastic. I only have one real complaint with this book and that has to deal mainly with the amount of spice in it. The first book definitely had spice but it was about what I would expect for a YA novel but this book seemed to have a spice scene each chapter and some of it was very explicit. It kind of took away from the rest of the book and those scenes definitely could have been used in other ways.
3.5/5
August was a really good reading month for me and I'm glad I slowed down a bit from the book monster I was in July. Now that school is in full swing it's hard to read as much as I used to (and thus, posting is more difficult too). I'm glad y'all are sticking with me and I'm thrilled to see what September has in store.
Much Love,
June <3
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attentive-dragon · 2 years
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Book Zero
As you might already know, I recently completed what was originally planned to be the first novel in what I hope will be a pretty long-running fantasy series. That first book, "Prophecy's Demand," will be followed up by "Prophecy's Burden" (which I've already written about 50000 words of) and later "Prophecy's Curse," which will wrap up a trilogy concerning that specific group of characters introduced in the first book.
The more I've thought about it, though, the more I've realized that my first book isn't really a good introduction to my fantasy world. If I may brag, I think it's a good book, and I'm really proud of what I've written. I like the story I'm telling, and I want to tell the stories of these characters, but there's a lot of things about that story that make it much more suited to be the third or fourth book in a series. A lot of the plot has to do with revelations about how the people have been lied to about the nature of the gods, about major changes in the status-quo of this fantasy world, and those sorts of reveals carry a lot more weight if we've established that status-quo through other books first. You have to establish the rules before breaking them, otherwise breaking them carries no weight.
One of the conceits I enjoy using is having a little quote or blurb at the beginning of each chapter, kind of a little way of fleshing out the world's lore. So, I might have a quote from some text that exists within my fictional world, some tidbit from some historian's text or an old poem or something. It's just to add flavor. A lot of these quotes are excerpts from histories written by someone named "Tempi." I've mentioned her here before. And the more I thought these things, the more she began to evolve from just a nameless historian into a character of her own, with her own history and personality. She shows up as an elderly, well respected witch in book 2, but I realized she had a whole lifetime of adventures before settling down, and there was a lot I could mine there.
I'm putting my work on Prophecy's Burden on hold for a bit, and instead I just finished the first chapter of a new novel, a story that takes place 70 years before my original "first" novel. This book, which I'm tentatively calling "Book Zero" until I can come up with an actual title, is all about Tempi (or her full name, Tempest Vesabel.) She's a young student, just graduated from the University, and she ends up going on an adventure with another character I introduced in book 2, Achmy (another student who, by book two is the respected head of the Mage's Council, Mistress Achmethae. Here, she's still just a young student.) I've got a nice little story mostly planned out in my head for these two characters, how they meet, the trouble they get into, and how they get out of it, and in the course of that story I think I can do a good job establishing my fantasy world in a way that readers will be able to know it better before I do huge things later to shake it all up.
I also plan to write at least two other books in this "prequel" series, and I have a really good idea for what the second one will be about. Once these three(?) prequel stories are done, then what I've already written (the aforementioned "Prophecy's Demand") will serve as a really good book 4, 70 years later, with things now really starting to get serious, and my characters from the previous books are already there as background characters, supporting the new generation of folks I've already written.
This is going to put publishing book 1 and writing book 2 on hold for a bit, but I feel really good about this. This new book, this book zero, is going to be shorter than what I've already written (Prophecy's Demand is over 145000 words. This story will not be nearly as long) and much more accessible to new readers. It will also probably be far more easily publishable for all of that, and hopefully will get folks invested enough in my fantasy world that when they get to Prophecy's Demand they'll really be into what I've got in store there.
I'll be posting a lot here about my progress as I work on this Book Zero. I think I may even post chapter one (once I'm done revising it) for folks to read for free, just to gauge interest. As always, I'll be posting all of this under the carthian-dreams tag, so keep an eye out for that if you're interested!
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rynris · 6 months
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Thoughts and WIP
Sometimes, I wonder if these thought blurbs are worth putting out there in the world, especially when there is so much tragedy happening at the moment. I remember talking to some friends about "keeping your head down and doing the work" and how that can be bullshit sometimes. But after thinking about it, I think there is some merit to it.
As an artist, people won't really give you second thought if your portfolio is not up to speed with the competition. And I know that I still need a lot of work in that department. Because the recent climate is more dire than before, it is even more crucial to try to catch up with the rest of the crowd. At some point, I do need to cut the noise and keep my head down and concentrate on my work.
That being said, I sincerely want to try to be more open about my progress. As little as it is, an hour a day helps me move forward and I want to try to celebrate the little things I learn along the way.
After going to LBX and watching a storyboarding demo, I realized I had a major setback in my own process: insufficient preparation. Such things like understanding the story tagline, the emotion you're trying to make people feel, as well as the individual microarcs of the characters within your story are crucial to hammer out and think about. This idea didn't' fully sink in until recently, from my own struggle with my big personal project. In a way, I needed that messy, unplanned, imperfect fist board to figure out what I did wrong and how to best approach it again. But as always, the progress is hair-wrenchingly slow and it's always frustrating to come to terms with my own speed.
I hope that keeping my head down these days will yield something I'm proud of! I want to take the opportunity right now to stretch my skills, learn new things, and ultimately create something pretty cool. But I know that interpersonal skills are still just as important, and it's definitely something I want to prioritize now.
All in all, I'm back to the drawing board! Diving back into books to try to help figure some details out, watching shows, taking notes, thinking in the shower, and re-writing my script. I'm very excited to work on this, but emotionally, there's been very little room. One is the guilt of working on a personal project that I know would make very little waves. It's really something just for me, and maybe, hopefully, land me a job. But knowing my skills, it might take a couple more personal projects before I'd get anywhere. With this, I hold onto hope that the lessons I learn working on this will make next year fly by a little better.
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Anyways, I leave you all with a little screenshot. The intro is very uh... unpolished, but it's new and I like where it's going. The story is tied together so much better now and knowing that, I'm feeling a lot of drive to keep going. It's hard to want to give up on animation now... it feels tough to step away when I have got the ball rolling again. But life isn't fair and you have to make do and adapt.
I'm also feeling kind of stagnant on fandoms. I just haven't found anything I could hold onto tightly and adore. I like a lot of things, feel a lot of things, but unlike my friends, never stuck with anything. I wish I could find something to obsess about but I find that I can't really. Maybe it's ADHD. Maybe it's depression? Or maybe it's lack of discipline. I don't know.
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cathygeha · 8 months
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REVIEW
Close Enough to Hurt by Katherine A. Olson
Intense, action-packed, riveting read – couldn’t put it down!
What I Liked:
* Dylan Truman: known by some as Lady Justice, owns Dark Horse Consulting, began her work righting wrongs after her older sister was terribly wronged in college, strong, resilient, independent, seeks justice for those who don’t get it through the legal system, cut herself off from her family, strong friendship with feelings of more for David.
* David Haas: computer expert, wealthy, part time collaborator with Dylan, brilliant, only son, martial arts training, strong friendship with Dylan and even stronger than friendship feelings for her that might or might not ever come to fruition, less willing to bend rules than Dylan is
* Rhys Morgan: a journalist that has researched to find out who Lady Justice might be, was saved on the playground by Dylan when they were in grade school, seems like a professional and a good man and reporter
* Gabrielle: Dylan’s sister, strong, survivor, psychologist, supportive, kind
* Dr. Chang: a client of Dylan’s that provides the perfect opportunity for Dylan to get justice for her client but also for Gabrielle as the same man did both women wrong
* Noah Rodrigo: Dylan’s hairdresser, friend, and confidant
* Yoon So Ah: potential bride for David who seemed like a genuinely nice woman – hope she finds her own happily ever after
* Being able to dislike/hate Brent Wilder and wish justice would be meted out before he could do more harm
* The plot, pacing, setting, character development, romance, and writing
* All of it really except…
What I Didn’t Like:
* Who and what I was meant not to like – especially Brent Wilder!
* Thinking about the harm and scars, physical and emotional, that evil doers leave behind
Did I like this book? Yes
Would I read more by this author? Yes
Thank you to NetGalley and Crooked Lane for the ARC – This is my honest review.
5 Stars
BLURB
In Katherine A. Olson’s thrilling debut, perfect for fans of Jeneva Rose and Elle Cosimano, vigilante Dylan Truman is out for revenge—and this time, it’s personal. Dylan Truman, better known under her alias of Lady Justice, is the bane of every grifter, cheater, and bully in the Bay Area. Operating out of a houseboat community in Sausalito, she works as a revenge-for-hire freelancer alongside her best friend and hacktivist, Daniel Haas. When a prospective client brings up a fraud complaint against billionaire and pharmaceutical CEO Brent Wilder, Dylan sees this as an opportunity: Wilder, years earlier, assaulted Dylan’s sister and got away with it. Dylan’s plan is simple—she’ll take on a socialite persona, rent a house next to Wilder’s mansion in Pacific Heights, and worm her way into his life. There, she will find a way to avenge those he’s wronged—one way or another. But this time, Dylan may be doing it alone. Daniel is ready to leave the business, start a family, and settle down with a stable and safe job. Dylan is devastated—not only is she losing her partner and one of the most talented digital private investigators in the city, but she’s beginning to realize her feelings for Daniel are deeper than she thought. But with Brent’s increasing paranoia comes life-threatening danger, and Dylan must keep her head in the game. With the clock running out fast, Lady Justice must choose between vengeance at any cost—and giving it all up for the man who may actually love her back. Dylan’s always tried to protect those she loves by walking her path alone, but perhaps there is another way to ensure justice is served.
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dallasareaopinion · 11 months
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That word better is a bit generalized, but what is the follow up
And that is difficult to find or define. Better can be taken out of context, but it is not just a generalized term, it is also subject to individual interpretations. What I think is better is completely different from what you think is better.
And then for me to say that society needs to make it “better” is just another monsterous context problem that you as the reader cannot make heads or tails.
So lets switch gears and not define better, but try and find out why we cannot make our society or government better. And there is actually some context for this thought.
It is hard to make something better if you have no control to make your own life better. And for our own society or government to be better we need the personal ability to make our lives better, but yet again if our society or government were better then it would be easier to make our lives better and the circular philosophy begins. So lets take a quote completely out of context to see what we can do.
One of the many complaints I have had over the years is the decline of the middle class in our society. And there are many reasons for this, but I recently came across a different perspective than I normally read.
I have been reading a book called The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate, MD with Daniel Mate.(not finished yet) This book deals mainly with how trauma affects our lives and more specifically our health. The bottom of the cover has this blurb: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture. And this is important because it is this (or a) toxic culture that prevent us from being better. And if you throw in that people have experienced trauma that affects their lives, and the book goes into great detail about this aspect, you get an idea of why better is more difficult than we would like it to be. 
So it brings me Chapter 19″From Society to Cell: Uncertainty, Conflict, and Loss of Control. 
“We know that chronic stress, whatever its source, puts the nervous system on edge, distorts the hormonal apparatus, impairs immunity……..” and goes on to start to tie in the stress affecting us individually affects us as a society. And that leads to page 214 (there are footnotes in his book that you are not included in this text).
“Many people exist at the mercy of forces completely beyond their power to affect let along control. Who knows when the next cyclic recession will strike or when yet another megabusiness will downsize, merge or relocate so that livelihoods are jeopardized with barely a day’s notice. Even prior to COVID-19′s economic ravages, one had become almost inured to news that yet another corporation was declaring masses of employees redundant “High Street Crisis Deepens as 3,150 Staff Lose Jobs in One Week” was a headline in the Guardian in January 2020 a few weeks before the pandemic arrived in Britain” (and currently we can add the AI headlines to adding to our job stresses, my note). “Only months earlier, the New York Times had reported on the deepening insecurity of American families: “The cost of housing, health care and education are consuming ever larger shares of household budgets and have risen faster than incomes. Today’s middle class families are working longer, managing new kinds of stress and shouldering greater financial risks than previous generations did. (13) As the famed anthropologist, researcher and author Wade Davis remarked recently in a broadly circulated Rolling Stone piece, “Though living in a nation that celebrates itself as the wealthiest in history, most Americans live on a high wire, with no safety net to brace a fall(14).  A better blueprint for allostatic overload could not be imagined.” 
So what do this mean to achieving better, interestingly this goes back to my attempt at humor with the circular statement above. In my opinion the three most important aspects of having a successful middle class are the three items mentioned in the New York Times piece from the book. Having good housing, health care and education are the foundations for families to feel secure and then be able to grow. You have heard it many times the backbone of a democracy is a strong middle class and to have a strong middle class you need housing and health care security, then education to grow as a person and be able to contribute even more. If the middle class is struggling with all three then the middle class struggles to be better hence they cannot contribute to the larger better of society. So to make the middle class better hence our country better or our government better, we need to make ourselves better, but here comes the circle, we need the government to be better so we have access or have the ability to access better housing, healthcare and education. 
This blurb from the book is out of context from the whole of the book, yet it helps me to explain some of the challenges we face when I say we need to make things better. 
Like I mentioned I have not read the whole book and there are some aspects of it from talking to others who have finished it that I would not condone, but overall if we are experiencing events that create a sense of trauma in us, (better explained in the book) then how can we go forth as a well rounded human being to overcome what ails us to become better. The book references this as a concern for our overall health, but in the chapter 19 it touches on more of what I pratter on about which is the health of our society or any society for that matter.  
How can I ask you as a fellow citizen to help us make this country better, when we are all affected by traumatic events in our lives that negatively effect how we perceive what is better. A hungry person sees a meal as better, a rich person sees more wealth as better, but for the vast majority of us, what should be our basics in having a strong society have been lost over the years or why I say the middle class is declining. Unfortunately I am not so well read that I have references handy to back me up, however I do feel confident that this topic has voluminous works that would validate some of my points.
I do like this book because it is an interesting read, but also because it hit on something I feel is lost today from a completely different viewpoint. Sure one paragraph on page 214 is not the whole answer, but it alludes to exactly what all of the middle class is feeling right now which is this feeling that something has been taken away from us that we are having a hard time identifying. And if we cannot identify or put our finger on it, we cannot define what would be better. 
Which leads me to say, we need new leadership (new parties) to stop the circular philosophical problem above and help us identify what is needed for better housing, healthcare and education and subsequently help us get there.
Cheers
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tigger8900 · 1 year
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Goliath, by Tochi Onyebuchi
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⭐⭐⭐⭐
It's just a few short decades from now and humanity has moved on from Earth to the stars, leaving those without the means to pick up the pieces planetside. Even as those with privilege begin to colonize space, the people left behind — largely Black and brown — defy their poisoned environment and crumbling infrastructure, banding together to create safe havens. And then the colonists, those who'd once fled, began to return, seeking new experiences and a return to authentic living back on Earth. Featuring an ensemble cast, this novel seeks to explore not just the Earth's demise, but also the story of what comes next…and who stands to inherit that future.
I've often said that speculative fiction is very much of the time it's written. Accordingly, this novel, begun in the mid-2010s and published in early 2022, is very much of our times. And yes, it is very political. How could it not be, with themes including eco crises, mass incarceration, white supremacy, class and racial privilege, healthcare inequality, police brutality, white flight, and gentrification? The job of good speculative fiction is to use a fictional narrative to illuminate something of our own time and place, and in that regard this book is stellar.
The book's biggest strength — its varied cast of characters, painting a picture of the future through several distinct narratives — unfortunately also contributes to its biggest weakness. This is due to the way the story is told, with the narratives fragmented and presented non-linearly. While I believe my sense of the whole is complete, or near enough, I'd honestly struggle to tell you, start to finish, what precisely befell each character in the story. There's nothing quite like seeing a character pop up in a scene and having to pause, confused, and think to yourself: "I thought he was dead by now!" I'm not sure that reading it again would help. I think I'd likely have to break out the index cards and start laying the plot out down the hallway to make complete sense of it. Honestly, some kind of dates on the sections would have helped, but that would have ruined the near-future feel of the disaster so I understand why the author left them out.
I also have to mention that this book frequently calls upon Christian themes, ones that go beyond the David and Goliath reference. It's not terribly surprising, given the historical role of spiritual leaders in community organizing, but based on what blurb you read it's easy to get caught off guard. I will say that the book was never preachy, so this is certainly the better kind of Christian-inspired fiction, but if you're someone who avoids such references for whatever reason you might want to give this title a pass.
On a similar note, there's something about the gay couple in this story that gave me pause. Specifically, it's that the only gay couples are among the colonizers. All of the people who'd been left behind on Earth were depicted, as far as I could tell, pursuing exclusively cis-het relationships. I know I'm prone to paranoid reading when Christianity and queerness meet, so I've spent a fair bit of time turning this over in my mind before I sat down to write this, to try to be as fair as possible about a book that, overall, I enjoyed. Ultimately, I don't see any evidence that the author was attempting to make a point by writing it this way. I'm not mad about it. But that doesn't mean that this doesn't have the potential to be disturbing to some readers, so I wanted to mention it.
Last, but not least…do the horses die? Mild spoilers ahead, stop reading now if you don't want! A handful of wild horses are rescued and adopted as community livestock. These horses later die in a stable fire. Their demise is not narrated in detail, but it's made clear that they don't survive.
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daisywords · 1 year
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Can I dump my anxieties on you for a second? I've signed with a moderately large publishing company but in my contract I'm obliged to market myself on TikTok :( I have no problem being on camera, that's not the problem, it's how much this will hurt my soul. Do you have any advice on how to keep true to myself and my book? I swear every "TikTok Author" relies on tropes and 'spice' but I want to make content that is less surface level.
okay well first of all of congrats!
second of all: I think it's totally understandable and valid to have these kind of anxieties. Writing and marketing are two very separate skills, and it's rare that both are appealing to one person. The disconnect between writing the stories I want to tell and catering to market trends is something that I worry about too.
I'm definitely not the most qualified person to talk about this because I'm nowhere near close to publishing my own writing. (And though I have been involved in "the other side" of the publishing industry, it wasn't as much of the marketing stuff.)
That said, here's my two cents: I think there are certain styles that are best practice for the format and culture of TikTok, but that doesn't mean that the actual content or message has to be the same as what everyone else is doing. I'm not on TikTok so I'm definitely not an expert at what the kids are getting up to on booktok these days.
on the one hand, you're probably going to have to be more surface level than is ideal for you, just because you only have the time/attention limit for something shorter and snappier. But that doesn't mean you have to try and shoehorn your book blurb into tropes that don't quite fit just because they're the popular ones.
You're not going to be able to express the entirety of what you love about your book all at once. But you could probably break down various elements of your book that you love and talk about those individually.
If you're tired of the same old stuff all the time, chances are other people are too—not diving into every popular trend won't get you as big of an audience, but it might help you find the narrower but more ideal audience. In book sales/advertising, 10 people seeing your ad/tiktok/blurb and 5 of them buying the book is better than 100 people seeing your ad/tiktok/blurb and only 1 of them buying the book. Your job when it comes to marketing isn't to get the widest audience possible, it's to connect with the audience that's going to love your book.
That said, there's no magical way to target only those people, so to get views, you're probably going to have to do it in a way that's not your favorite ever. But I don't think that marketing your book as 'spicy' if that's not the real draw is going to do anyone any favors. If readers come for something other than what the book really is, they're going to be disappointed.
So I guess I would say—what do you love about your book? What makes you excited about it? Highlight those things! Be passionate about it, because you are passionate about it! And then maybe yeah, mix that with some trendier things to get the word out there. And you probably won't love it, and it probably won't be your favorite part of this whole author thing, but that's okay.
Just remember your target audience are people who like the kind of story you like to tell. They're people who get excited about what you get excited about. So imagine yourself talking to them.
Obviously take all of this with a grain of salt, since I don't really know what I'm talking about. But I am wishing you much success with your book. And also I'm so proud of you. And the fact that you've come this far is already amazing. And the fact that your book is true to yourself probably means that it will be lasting and impactful to your readers in a way that the "super marketable" ones won't.
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floario · 2 years
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never let me go by kazuo ishiguro; a review [★ ★ ★ ★ ☆]
(minor spoilers)
“Are you art students?” “Not exactly,” I said before Tommy could respond. “We’re just, well, keen.”
This part of the novel stuck out to me despite not knowing the end and I am glad I bookmarked it because I feel like it encapsulates the journey of this book as well as life, aren’t we all keen to know? It is the most integral part of humanity, at least to me, because being keen or being eager is often the driving force of human development. We are always eager to see change, socially, politically, economically and the list goes on. We are also keen, deep down, to overcome the obstacles that throw us off course in life. Human determination is also a negative, as well a positive and this is especially seen within this novel it is the determination of scientists to seek a cure for previously untreatable diseases that has led the lives of these clones to become like empty shells of human flesh.
The way Ishiguro writes is relatively slow at the start, but I’m quite used to him now after reading Klara and the Sun last year. Part One was quite boring because I personally find boarding schools not that interesting, but as the novel progresses and the climax is reached I understood why Ishiguro had to insert their early development. In fact after finishing this novel last night, in the midst of boogers and tears, I realised that exposing the readers to Kathy, Tommy and Ruth’s childhoods is one of the main points of the story. As the blurb says; “Never Let Me Go is charged throughout with a sense of the fragility of life,” which is understandable why their childhood became so relevant towards the end.
This book genuinely depressed me, I’ve cried before in books but this was completely depressing. I suffer from an anxiety and depressive disorder and as I got closer to the end I coudln’t help but feel constrained. Maybe it was the Spotify playlist playing, or the hot summer night, but I think it is mainly the fact that Ishiguro has you hoping with them and when all of it is shattered, my heart couldn’t take it. It is also due to the fact that I see so many similarities with us and the characters, most particularly with how capitalism is exactly the same as the donor situation within Never Let Me Go. We’re put into social classes from a young age, thrust into school with only one objective: get good grades so you could get a good job because profit is the priority. No matter how much the government uses education to claim diversity and social mobility, from the moment you enter school, teacher’s expect you to mould into the position they believe that is best fit for you. This hit me so hard when I realised this because I have just completed formal education and I am on my way to university to do a degree that is often frowned upon because of the “lack of stability” in the job market. To bring it back to Never Let Me Go, their are so many parallels and I think I cried because of this. How society often turns a blind eye to this depressing future, the 9-5 and the wealth inequality that is rampant at the moment with the cost of living crisis that is occurring globally. However, it is important to note that society, especially members of the working class, are not the ones who are orchestrating this. Society always points fingers at them like they’re to blame, “you could’ve tried harder at school.” This is exactly the same as the character’s journey in the book because Kathy and Tommy were hopeful, but the system never welcomed change. It is so ironic and honestly comical at how those at the top are the biggest hypocrites.
I rated it 4/5 stars because I still feel like something was missing, which I now find something that often occurs with Ishiguro’s novels. Similar to Klara and the Sun, his writing just leaves you bitter and frustrated which is kind of the point but at the same time, I wish he concludes his books better. Other than that, a great read and I’m still willing to explore his writing. I’m even itching to write an essay, hopefully my professors at university in September let me do so.
- Safa
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Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (112): Sun 3rd Jul 2022
This morning  one of the managers said that my stow times had been really good lately and asked if I would ever be interested in learning an additional job prospect. To be honest I'm happy doing the stow right now but I told him I might be open to doing other stuff once I've gotten this process down. My sister's boyfriend also works here and says that he was only there for just over a month before he was offered a team leader position. If I were to be offered a team leader position I wouldn't accept it. I wouldn't want to be in a position where I have to bollock people for falling short of company expectations. I'm the kind of guy who's more valuable as a worker than a boss because as a boss you have to be willing to be confrontational at certain points and I just don't have that ability in me. On my lunch break there was a guy sitting next to me talking to his mate on the phone saying he wanted to leave the company because it was shit. He was saying that the wages are terrible which I haven't found to be the case and that you have to do everything you're told in order to get by in the company which I think shows that he doesn't quite understand how employment works because that's the same process for every job. You'll very rarely see a job advert that says "No rules, do whatever the fuck you want".
The first week of my diet is over and I already feel much better. Having a glass of water instead of an energy drink any time I feel stressed is much more beneficial because while the energy drink might give you a quick birst of energy it will only be temporary and you'll feel like shit afterwards but keeping hydrated throughout the day means you'll be more productive. Today was my reward day so I had a veggie breakfast and Teriyaki noodles for lunch. I didn't realize that Mam was making lunch for both of us today because nowadays I just fix my own food when I get in but she'd prepared a vegetarian Panaculty. The rule I'd set for myself was that I could only have a cooked breakfast & dinner once a week but since Mam had already cooked this and it wouldn't keep until next Sunday I decided I was going to have to eat it. With regards to the actual weight loss the bathroom scale is being a bit of a cunt. After eating two meals today the scale was saying my weight was exactly the same a before and throughout the week on days where I've had practically nothing to eat it's said that I've either lost no weight or in some circumstances gone back up to over 14 stone which is clearly bullshit. I'm going to have to start running again to ensure that the weight starts coming down because to starve yourself of food for a week for little or no result is a real kick in the dick. I booked a ticket for my second show of this year's Edinburgh Fringe "Death of a Disco Dancer". The plot according to the blurb is that during a school reunion four friends find themselves in a nightmarish dimension and struggle to find their way out as secrets from the past threaten to trap them forever. This sounds really good and I love thrillers with a slight surreal twist. Although I'm happy to go to see plays that have hints of surrealism to them I'm not going to see any experimental, artsy stuff this year because last year I took a punt on the play "It All" where a barefooted bald guy in dungarees recited existential poetry for an hour almost killed me.
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mercy-burning · 3 years
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Good Little Helper
Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k
MASTERLIST
NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!
***
Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.
And that's, like... a huge understatement.
In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.
In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.
Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.
Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.
He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.
I almost cried that day.
Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.
Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.
Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.
He was very distracting.
I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?
I was a goner.
It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.
So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.
And of course, he noticed.
"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.
I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."
"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."
On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.
"Actually, you seem rather... sad."
I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.
"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."
Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.
"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."
Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.
The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.
"I'm sure..."
And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.
"Is it... because of me?"
Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."
A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.
"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."
"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.
"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."
I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."
"I do."
"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."
He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"
"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.
I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.
I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?
Maybe I'd made a mistake...
"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.
Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"
"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"
"It's not awkward."
"It... It's not?"
He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"
I paused. "I... What?"
"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"
It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.
"I—I didn't... I..."
"Y/N... Tell me?"
I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.
So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."
The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.
And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...
"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.
I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.
Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.
"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."
I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.
"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"
I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.
His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."
"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.
He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."
And then he kissed me.
It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.
The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.
I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.
I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."
The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.
"Do it again."
One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.
I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.
Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.
My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.
"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.
"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"
The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."
I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.
When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.
"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"
If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F—Forever."
It was the best I could come up with.
He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."
"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.
Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...
I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.
He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.
I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."
"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.
"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"
My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.
"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."
Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.
Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.
That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.
I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.
He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.
Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.
But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.
"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.
He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."
I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."
The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.
"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.
On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...
Yet... Maybe not...
"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.
"But I can still help you..."
I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.
"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"
He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."
He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.
Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.
"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.
I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."
"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."
He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.
I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.
"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.
"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.
His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.
"Then have at it, Princess..."
I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.
And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.
Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.
The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."
The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.
His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.
I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.
I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."
I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.
"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."
My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.
I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.
He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.
"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."
Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.
I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.
It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.
Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.
"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"
"Y/N..."
I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.
"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."
I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."
He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.
"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."
The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"
Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."
I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."
"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"
"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."
"Good. Then it's a date?"
"Definitely."
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