#i was hoarding it but FUCK IT

[fratboykate]

Man, can you imagine the adorable horror-show/perfection of the whole wedding? Because OBVIOUSLY 90% of it is going to be perfect, but 10% is going to be all of Kate’s old FB buds there to celebrate AND relive the glory days. Never mind whatever happened with Kate’s family (who are homophobes and don’t want to be seen at a lesbian wedding BUT ALSO don’t want to be publicly SEEN as being that homophobic). I have my fingers crossed that Melina punches Derek out.

"Go over it with me again..."

Yelena rests her shoulder against the bathroom door while she brushes her teeth.

"Babe, I got it. We don't need to go over it again."

"Yeah, I heard that before you guys went away for...what do you guys call Tyler again?"

"Master Blaster..."

"Right. That should've been my first warning sign..." Yelena turns around to spit and rinse her mouth. "...that you shouldn't have gone to that Bachelor weekend." Yelena dries her face, shuts the light off, crawls into bed, straddles Kate, and wraps her arms around her neck. "Humor me and go over it with me again."

"No more than thirty-six beers in twenty-four hours. Need to remember that I can't do gin anymore or I end up throwing up on power hose mode like I'm reenacting that scene from The Exorcist."

Yelena grimaces at the mental picture and speaks sarcastically as Kate continues to list things.

"Definitely marrying you for your way with words."

"No hard drugs. What else...OH! Go to the bank and make sure I have enough cash so we can tip the strippers well."

"Fairly certain I didn't say the last one." Kate cracks a smile. "But I'm glad you're thinking about properly compensating the hardworking entertainment you guys are procuring. I'm not going to pretend I didn't know that was going to happen. I know your friends. Just please be respectful...of them and me. That's the only thing I'm asking for on that front."

"Hey. I don't know what they're planning and...yeah, I'm sure it includes...entertainment...but if you say the word, I'll call them right now and cancel the whole thing. That's not what this weekend is about."

"No. I'm not going to get branded as the lame wife before the ring is even on my finger. Besides, you get one last free and sanctioned night of seeing other naked women in your life. After that, it's just me until you die, so...enjoy it. Respectfully. Now, you weren't done with the list. Keep going."

"I don't remember what I said anymore."

"Beer cap, no gin, no hard drugs...and.........you're missing a few things but absolutely the biggest one..."

Kate begrudgingly parrots back Yelena's talking point.

"...and definitely definitely DEFINITELY nothing that will lead to any facial injuries and/or broken bones that might ruin the wedding pictures."

"No injuries. At all. Please, Kate. The fact that you've come back from TWO different pre-wedding weekends all banged up and they weren't even yours is the reason we're even having this conversation. Please don't make me wrap you up before you leave tomorrow. The stitches call last time was bad enough."

"I will be on my best behavior." Yelena arches her right eyebrow. "Okay, I won't, but I will at least promise you I won't come back all sorts of fucked up..."

"I'm holding you to that."

---

It was a surprise to no one with a shred of common sense when Kate walked into her apartment with puppy dog eyes and her left arm hidden behind her back.

It took Yelena TWO seconds flat to clock it. And she was like "JFKEJFKEMFOEKFJWNF KATHERINE ELIZABETH BISHOP THE FUCKETY FUCKING FUCK DID YOU DO SHOW MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Kate sprained her wrist and broke her pinky and ring finger on her left hand...THE HAND WHERE YELENA NEEDS TO PUT A RING ON AT THE WEDDING.

Kate’s hand is currently on nothing more than a sling and splint, but that’s solely because she insisted no more extensive intervention happen. Doctors wanted to put her arm in a cast given the seriousness of the sprain plus the two broken fingers, but, even as drunk as she was, Kate resisted the mere suggestion. She was like "LISTEN...you don't understand...if I walk into my house with a cast, my fiancée will HANG me, and whatever further damage you're trying to prevent here will be pointless anyway. NO CAST."

---

Yelena doesn't talk to Kate for three days. Nothing. COLD. Mind you, these are three days LEADING UP TO THE WEDDING. It's absolute bedlam around them and Kate gets jack shit. Only the silent treatment. She'll get like twenty texts a day from Alexei that go along the lines of: "Yelena is asking me to ask you..." or "Yelena says you have to be...". Worth noting........KATE CAN'T EVEN TEXT PROPERLY WITH HER JACKED HAND lol. It's all a clusterfuck.

---

Yelena doesn't talk to Kate until she walks into the apartment and finds poor, one-handed Kate struggling to open a jar in the kitchen. Yelena stomps over, opens the jar for her fiancée, then shoves it back into Kate's good hand.

"The week before the wedding. Seriously, Kate."

"I'm sor..."

"I don't want to hear it. I asked you for one thing, Kate. One thing." Yelena turns and leaves. She then stops and turns when she remembers. "By the way, your dad's office called. He and his girlfriend RSVP'd for the wedding today. I'm sure he told your sister, and your sister told your mom because then your mom called me, and they're all coming too. Glad I decided to save those seats, I guess. They're going to show up and see your lovely handy work there. Good job, Bishop. Can't wait to hear you explain that one and see how your father manages to twist it into you being a failure because you're marrying me and I happen to have a vagina. Very much looking forward to being your family's punching bag at my own wedding."

Yelena storms off. Kate hears the bedroom door slam shut, then hangs her head and mumbles.

"Shit."

---

For the next forty-six minutes, Kate stands in that exact spot. During most of that time, she listens to Yelena answer phone calls from the wedding planner, vendors, Melina, or her friends. All about the wedding.

Kate hears Yelena end a particularly frustrating call with the planner about an issue with one of the rental houses. She decides to head to the bedroom where Yelena is currently holed up behind closed doors.

Kate opens the door and Yelena glares at her. They know each other well enough that Yelena can read Kate's face by now. She knows Kate walked in intending to talk, but with the afternoon she's having, Yelena is all talked out. Yelena wants no more Big Conversations today. She doesn't want anyone talking to her at all, actually. Her plans are to crack a bottle of wine open, draw a bath, and go to bed. Nothing else.

"It's not going to go well, so leave."

"No."

"Katherine...you've never been good at listening to what I'm trying to tell you, but right now, I'm halfway to canceling this entire fucking wedding, so leave me alone tonight. Do what I'm asking you one time for a change."

Yelena turns her back to Kate and makes for the bathroom to start filling the tub.

"I'm going to ask my parents not to come."

Yelena comes to a grinding halt and whips her head towards Kate.

"What...?!"

"They're not coming."

"Are you out of your mind? Did you also bang your head when you were fucking up your hand?"

"The wedding is about you and us, not them. I'm not having them show up and ruin it."

"Leave. Please leave the room."

"I'm calling them and telling them not to come."

Kate turns and starts to leave.

"If you do that, the wedding is off."

Kate turns on her heels immediately and stares at Yelena.

"The fuck? Why would you say that?"

"Your family calls to RSVP to the wedding and a few hours later, you call them to uninvite them? Who do you think they're going to blame for that, Kate? Me. They're going to blame me. We sent them invitations, they RSVP'd, they're coming."

"We sent them invitations because I didn't know you felt like this."

"FELT LIKE WHAT?!"

"Like they hate you."

"Did you need the Times to print an Op-Ed about it? Your dad looks at me like he wishes I'd fall into a vat of acid and disappear. They think I ruined your life. I don't 'feel' like anything. That's merely a fact, Kate."

"You didn't ruin my life. You're the best, sexiest, smartest, occasionally funniest thing - but only sometimes...everyone knows I'm the funny one of the two. You're my highlight, and if they can't see that, then they don't need to be there. Seriously, who gets this lucky?! You're smart as hell AND have the looks of a trophy wife??? I hit the Babe Jackpot!”

Yelena is angry enough that she WANTS to keep arguing, but it's kind of hard to find a way to argue with...that.

"It's impressive how you always get SO CLOSE to saying the sweetest, most perfect things and then right at the last second careen right off the road into 'absolutely not' land."

"I think it's probably some faulty DNA strand or something. You should check it out. Make sure I don't pass it down to the kids."

"I should probably get on that. I can't handle more than one of you. It'd send me to an early grave. Or even earlier, I should say. You've shaved years off my life already." They hover in place. "They're coming...your family. They're coming. There's too much shit going on as it is. I can't deal with the drama you calling them would cause. We invited them, they agreed, we deal with it."

"We don't have to. It's OUR wedding."

"Exactly. I want to enjoy it, and if there's chaos and noise happening with them in the background, I won't be able to. I'd rather have them there drinking and eating than angry and causing problems elsewhere."

"But..."

"Can you do as I say? ONE TIME?" Kate nods. "Thank you."

Yelena moves towards the bathroom again. She hasn't forgotten her main task of the night: a bath. She runs the water and starts to fill the tub. She walks out of the bathroom, already removing her sweater. She steps into the walk-in closet with the intention of looking for a set of comfortable pajamas but backtracks and hovers under the doorway in just her bra and skin-tight skirt.

"How's your hand?"

Kate smiles faintly and holds her sling up.

"This thing? Never better. Good as new."

"I'm being serious, Kate."

"Hurts."

"Have you been taking your meds on schedule?" The pause is too long and Yelena can deduce the answer. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Kate. No wonder it hurts. How often are you supposed to be taking your pills?"

"I don't know. A few times a day, I think?"

Yelena sighs.

"Where's the bottle? I should've known......" Kate grabs the two prescriptions she got from the dresser and extends them. Yelena reads the labels. "You need to be taking one of these every four hours and two of these every eight hours. I have seen you take them zero times. Go. Take them right now." Kate doesn't move and mumbles something that Yelena can't understand instead. "What??? Katherine, stop being a baby and go take your meds."

Kate sighs.

"I can't open the bottles with one hand. They're twist caps and you've been mad at me..."

"You haven't taken them because............." Yelena grabs the bottles, twists the caps off and tips the pills out onto the dresser. "Sometimes I think God doesn't exist but then I remember that it has to be some sort of divine intervention that I haven't strangled you yet and the thought leaves my mind."

Yelena closes the pill bottles and heads back to the closet. She desperately needs that bath.

---

Kate is tucked in the guest bedroom's bed. It's where she's slept since the whole hand thing went down. She's scrolling through her phone or at least making a clunky attempt at it with her jacked-up hand. She's still trying to get used to this.

The door opens and Yelena flops from the door onto the bed and giggles. One look at her fiancée and Kate can deduce her state.

"You're drunk, aren't you?"

Kate chuckles

"Uhum."

Yelena nods while clumsily crawling her way up the bed and laying flat on her back because anything else feels like too much effort. She forcefully YANKS Kate by the collar, forcing her to come hover above her so they can be looking at each other while they speak. Kate flops down like a leaf and nothing but a small 'oh' escapes her lips.

"I always forget how Hulky you get when you're drunk. How much wine did you have?"

"Two."

"Two glasses?"

"Bottles."

Kate chuckles.

"Let the record state that I didn't see you consume these bottles, so tomorrow I can't be asked any of the 'why did you let me do this?' and 'why didn't you stop me?' type of questions."

"Nope. No questions."

Yelena jerks Kate down again, a little too violently for how close they are now, and their faces smash together.

"Ow, Yel!" Kate rubs her forehead. "The hell was that for? You don't want ruined wedding pictures, but you headbutt me?"

"No. Just trying to make out with you."

"Banging skulls is NOT how you do that."

"Shhh...c'mehere."

Yelena wraps her hands around Kate's neck and pulls her down towards her lips for what starts like a sloppy, drunk make-out. Under Kate's guidance, it's been redirected into a soft, slow, tender kiss within a minute.

They eventually come up for air and Yelena scans Kate's face adoringly, with no trace of anger in this version of her.

"We're getting married on Saturday."

"I know. I'm very fucking excited about it."

"Yeah?"

"You have no idea. Been wanting to lock it down since that first night."

"Since the first night you met me?"

"Nah...first night I saw your boobs. They sold me on it."

Yelena playfully shoves her face away.

"You're gross."

"You were wearing a white shirt and it had like green edges and a flower pattern."

"What?"

"That first night, when I banged my head on your door...your shirt was kind of off-white with...I don't know what to call them edges...they were green and the pattern was kind of big leafy flowers. I've never seen that shirt ever again, but you were wearing it that night."

"We talked for maybe two minutes. How do you remember what I was wearing?"

"You were barefoot and you were wearing the black fuzzy sweats you used to own. Your hair was in a braid and I also remember thinking you smelled SO FUCKING GOOD."

"It was a Friday. I had an 8 AM, so I probably showered in the morning and it was around midnight. There's no way I smelled like anything."

"You smelled SO good."

"You were delusional."

"No, I promise. I can remember thinking it so well."

"So you basically decided you wanted to marry me after talking to me, smelling me, and looking at my feet for two minutes?"

"In a much less creepy way...yeah...I think so. I don't think I knew I was going to MARRY you. Back then, that's not a thing I believed in, but I knew there was something about you that I needed more of in my life. I just didn't know why. I would hope me chasing you around campus forever would've given that away."

"You really were annoying."

"But I was right, wasn't I?!"

"Uhum!"

"So...yeah...I'm fucking pumped I get to marry you and I'm really sorry that you haven't been as excited about it the last few days because I'm a fuckwad and don't think things through sometimes. I was googling and I can definitely take this off for pictures. I just can't move my hand a lot. It's just a couple hours tops. All I need to do is tape my fingers together, but it should be way easier to hide, or they can even Photoshop the tape out. And I think I can take it all off when you need to put the ring on. I promise I won't cry if it hurts and if I do, people will think it's cuz I'm emotional."

Yelena laughs.

"I'm not putting a ring on your broken finger, you idiot."

"It's our wedding. You can't not put a ring on my finger. That's...kinda the whole point."

"I'll put it on your right ring finger for now. Until your hand heals."

"But that's not where it goes."

Kate sounds dejected.

"Yeah...well, you should've broken the other hand then. Even better, you should've broken no hand at all."

"I didn't break MY HAND."

"Y'know what I meant, Kate...Let's stop talking about the broken hand. I don't wanna get mad again. It's why I got drunk to begin with."

"It's not a broken hand..."

"KATE!"

"I think facts matter! It's a sprained wrist and two broken fingers."

"You're this close to talking yourself out of getting laid tonight."

"Well, I didn't know that was even on the table. You should've mentioned that."

Kate smirks playfully.

"Y'know...I'm also VERY mad that you ruined the honeymoon with this." Yelena taps Kate's splint. "I was planning on having so much crazy, newlywed, honeymoon sex with you. You should see the things I bought to wear. All going to waste now."

"Who says it's going to waste?!"

"You can't move your hand!"

"It's not my good hand!"

"Ruins the fun. I don't wanna feel this touching me while I'm naked. It's all scratchy and weird."

"So what, we're gonna read the newspaper for a month?"

"MAYBE. And that's your fault."

"You literally just said I was going to get laid tonight. How is me getting laid in New York any different from me getting laid in Tahiti or Bora Bora or The Maldives or Singapore?"

"I changed my mind. No sex at all. Not even tonight."

Kate throws the covers off herself, hops off the bed, and ungracefully takes her pajamas off. She's now fully naked. She then crawls back on the bed but doesn't get under the covers. She casually turns her back to Yelena, reaches over to flick the lamp on the nightstand off, and fluffs up her pillow.

"Good night. Sleep well. Love you. Have water, so you're not totally miserable tomorrow." Kate waits. Not even thirty seconds pass before she feels Yelena's hand on her shoulder, pulling her towards her, and forcing Kate on her back. Yelena straddles a naked Kate and her lips are on Kate's neck almost instantly. "Yeah. I thought so."

---

Wedding day.

Glenmere Mansion. About fifty miles outside the city. They've bought out the whole thing since Friday morning, so they had the rehearsal dinner here Friday night and the bridal party/most important guests slept here in anticipation of the Saturday wedding. They will also be sleeping here on Saturday and everyone is leaving on Sunday.

Thirty minutes before they're set to walk down the aisle.

Kate is already in her spiffy suit. Now she's just pacing the room all anxious and nursing a drink, trying to calm her nerves while obsessively running her vows in her head.

A knock on the door pulls her out of it. It's Yelena's Maid Of Honor with the strangest request. Yelena is in the courtyard downstairs and she wants to see Kate. Kate is like "?????? 1) Am I about to get dumped on my wedding day? 2) Isn't it bad fucking luck to see the bride before the wedding???” But the friend is like "Listen, she insisted. Come." So Kate follows her and then the Maid Of Honor leaves her right when they're about to get to Yelena.

"Yel?"

"Turn around!"

"What?"

"Turn around! Turn around! You're not supposed to see me!"

"How am I going to know where I'm going if I'm walking backward?"

"Just do it."

Kate sighs and starts walking backward until she bumps into Yelena. Yelena immediately holds her hand.

"Your hands are cold."

"Yeah. That's because I'm freaking out, Kate."

Kate chuckles.

"Why are you freaking out?"

"I sent someone to go check and your family is here. They're sitting downstairs. They're...here. At our wedding."

"We invited them."

"I know that! But what if...what if your dad...I don't know...what if he stands up and stops it or something?"

Kate cackles.

"He's not gonna do that."

"But what if?"

"Then your dad will probably sock him in the face and we'll carry on."

"What if they talk you out of it?"

"Huh?! Where would you even get that from?"

"I don't know! Freaking out!"

"I'm turning around now."

"DON'T DO THAT!"

"I'm gonna turn around."

"KATE BISHOP! DON'T YOU DARE!"

Kate turns around and Yelena can hear her gasp. She huffs and turns around too. The moment she sees the tears in Kate's eyes, Yelena starts crying too.

"I hate you! Why don't you ever listen to me?! This is bad luck, Kate!"

Kate closes the distance and says nothing before she kisses Yelena.

"There's literally nothing that can happen that will stop me from marrying you today." Kate kisses her again. "Maybe the apocalypse, but even then, I'd tell her to jump to the 'I do' part and we could figure out the end of the world together as wives." Kate kisses her one more time. "Stop freaking out." Kate takes a step back so she can take in Yelena completely and tears fall freely. "Holy shit! You're so fucking hot. Damn. I don't care what anyone says...I'm the luckiest person. No one else."

"I'm hoping your vows are better than 'You're so fucking hot'."

"Only by a little." They both laugh. "I can still ask them to leave. I don't care. If it's going to ruin it for you, then I don't want them here."

Yelena shakes her head and closes the distance between them. She kisses Kate's lips softly then wipes the faint lipstick stain she left behind.

"No. It's fine. You made it better."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Should we go get married then?"

"Let's get married, Mrs. Belova."

"That's not...no. It's Mrs. Bishop. We already talked about this?"

"Sure. Okay, Belova."

"Kate Belova does NOT work, but Yelena Bishop does. We had this entire conversation!"

Yelena kisses Kate one last time before turning around and walking away."

"See you soon, Kate Belova."

"Nope. Doesn't work! Doesn't flow! Yelena Bishop!" Yelena turns a corner and disappears. "Katherine Belova...eurgh."

Kate frowns and shakes her head before walking in the opposite direction and heading back to her room.

---

Luckily for Kate, Yelena was fucking with her. That is one of the few battles in their marriage that she does win.

When they walk into the reception two hours later, after the ceremony is done and pictures are taken (she took her splint off and just taped her fingers because she's a good wife who won't ruin the once-in-a-lifetime photoshoot), they are indeed introduced as Mrs. & Mrs. Bishop.

---

They don't do one first dance. Kate suggested they surprise each other with a song so they'd have two back-to-back dances. Yelena had a feeling this would be a disaster, and she wasn't wrong, but she still did it anyway.

Yelena decides on something slow, romantic, and hella heartfelt. She went with Jon McLaughlin's "Speechless". Kate picks.........Sam Hunt's fucking "Body Like A Back Road".

Yelena is like "......no you didn't......" and Kate is like ""Braids in her hair"? "Took me like six weeks to get her number"? Has a sexy ass body? It's pretty accurate!" Lol.

---

Then comes the father/daughter dances. Alexei and Yelena are perfect and touching. Derek and Kate are...well...

The two of them didn't have anything planned outright. Derek didn't decide he was coming until the last minute and it's not like they have the best relationship anyway, so they don't exactly have much to go on. But they did dance to Paul Simon's "Father & Daughter" at Kate's Sweet Sixteen, so she was like, "Let's just do that again???"

Kate and Derek get up and the song starts. They don't say anything for the first thirty seconds and then Derek speaks.

"You could've at least worn a dress if you were going to do something like this."

"Dad...seriously..."

"You're already playing the part of a man. You don't have to look like one too."

"I'm not doing this with you today."

"I don't think expecting to see my daughter in a wedding dress is unreasonable."

"I don't think expecting my dad to at least congratulate me on my wedding day is unreasonable either, yet here we are. Both of us lose."

"I won't congratulate anyone on a mistake."

Kate leans back from the hold position she was in to stare directly at him.

"Why did you come then? Why are you here?"

"I thought I'd raised you better than this. I still hoped you'd come to your senses. I wanted to be here for support when you did."

"You don't know me at all."

Without making any more of a fuss, Kate leaves Derek standing on the dance floor and heads for the door.

Yelena, who had been having a quiet conversation with Melina, immediately turns. After half a second, she goes after Kate.

Derek tries to play off the embarrassment and returns to his seat.

---

Yelena finds Kate standing perfectly still with her one good hand in her pocket by the edge of the fountain that splashes at the center of the expansive garden.

"Hey..." Yelena cups her now wife's face with both her hands and gently tips it down to look at her. "Hey. How hard do you need my dad to hit him?"

Kate faintly laughs.

"How hard do you think it will need to be to knock the stupid out of him?"

"Hard to gauge. We can tell him to try a few times?"

Yelena wraps her arms around Kate and presses her head into the taller woman's chest. Kate pulls her close and runs her hands up and down her back.

"That might work."

"You okay?"

"Better now." Kate kisses the top of Yelena's head. "I used to worship him. When I was little...he seemed larger than life...I used to worship him. Couldn't wait to be just like him. It's sad how small he looks now."

"I'm sorry you don't have that anymore."

"It's scary because everyone always said how alike we were. I'm terrified I'll eventually turn into him. Promise me you won't let that happen."

Yelena leans back to look at Kate.

"You are NOTHING like him."

"I'm a lot like him."

"Maybe. I haven't spent enough time with him to know about the good parts, but I know for a fact you don't have any of the awful parts. And if they EVER were to start showing up, I'm right here to kick your ass."

"Good."

"You know I will."

"Zero doubt."

"And..."

Eleanor steps out into the garden.

"Katherine."

"Mother."

"Yelena."

"Eleanor."

The three of them fall into awkward silence.

"What you did to your father in there...Katherine, that was..."

"Oh my god, mom! You and dad have spent my entire life at each other's throats and you're going to pick my wedding day to be on the same side?"

"It was humiliating for him, for you, and for our family."

"Who cares? Who fucking cares?! Maybe he shouldn't be an asshole."

"Eleanor..."

"This is none of your concern, Yelena. This is a family matter. Stay out of it."

Kate steps in front of Yelena and closer to Eleanor.

"Talk to me however you want but watch yourself when you talk to my wife, mom. I won't put up with you disrespecting her."

"Who is this person? I don't recognize you. You were so sweet, respectful, and well-mannered until..."

"Until what? Until what exactly?"

"You know what."

"Right."

Kate pauses for a long second.

"I need you to leave, mom. Suze and DJ are staying. I'll make sure they have a room tonight and a ride home tomorrow, but you need to go. Go inside, grab your stuff, and head out."

"If I go, Susan will come with me."

Kate takes another step closer to Eleanor. Yelena gently squeezes her wife's arm. She knows Kate's little sister is her trigger.

"Suze is staying."

"No."

Eleanor walks away. Kate sees red and is about to chase her mother, but Yelena stops her and pulls her back.

"Let me handle it! Let me talk to her. Go back inside. Get a drink and hang out with your friends. I'll be right there." Yelena kisses her. "I love you. Let me handle it."

Yelena whispers against Kate’s lips. Kate nods once in response and they go in separate directions.

---

"Eleanor."

"If she sent you to retract herself, it's too late."

Eleanor keeps walking through the gardens and Yelena is after her. It's a good thing she changed into a dress without a train for the reception.

"She didn't send me. Hey...hey." Yelena cuts her off. "I want two minutes with you."

"I'm not interested."

Eleanor tries to bypass Yelena, but Yelena steps in front of her again and this time, her body language makes it clear to Eleanor that she doesn't have much of a choice.

"I see where Katherine has been picking up her bad habits."

"Kate's not around, so let's put it all out there because I'm not into hypocrisy and fake niceness. You've made it very clear that you don't like me and, frankly, I'm not a fan of you. I'll never disrespect you because you're Kate's mother, but I hate the way you treat her. That being said, as far as I'm concerned, despite everything, you're family now, and for my wife's sake, I want peace. Hate me and what I am all you want but don't punish Kate for it. You know what Susan means to her. It's cruel and unfair to keep them from each other because of your feelings. Gay people exist, Eleanor. You keeping Kate from Suze doesn't change it. She is out in the world. She's online. She's already aware. I'm not forcing myself on you. I'm only asking you not to make Kate jump through hoops to see her sister. You're their mother, be better than that. Let them see each other whenever they want without having to sneak around. Let her stay. It might not mean much to you, but I'll personally make sure she has a ride home and will get back to you safely. It would mean the world to Kate to have her here tonight. You're not doing it for me. Can she stay?"

Eleanor stands in silence for a long beat.

"We go to service at noon."

"I will have her home no later than eleven." They awkwardly linger. "I simply want us to be civil at the very least. Kate and I want a family and I'd hate for our kids to grow up in a toxic environment. Don't contribute to that. I would want nothing more than for you to be a part of their lives, but I won't allow it if there's going to be bullshit flying around. I won't."

"I don't like threats, Miss Belova."

"It's Mrs. Bishop now and I'm not threatening you, Eleanor. I'm telling you that I will protect my children the way you think you're protecting yours. They're two very different things." Silence. "Can we agree on civility then? For Kate's sake."

"Good evening, Miss Belova."

Eleanor walks away. A frustrated Yelena takes a centering breath and exhales loudly before walking moments behind her. Within seconds she passes Eleanor on the way to the entrance.

"It's Mrs. Bishop."

Yelena keeps walking.

---

When Yelena enters the venue, she finds Kate sitting in Eleanor's chair, between her sister and her brother. She's nursing a drink and laughing at something Suze said. Kate immediately spots Yelena when she walks in and stands, but Yelena is heading her way.

A few people try to stop her and congratulate her and Yelena politely excuses herself as quickly as she can. During that time, Eleanor also walks back into the room. Now they're both unofficially racing to reach Kate first. Much to Yelena's chagrin, Eleanor reaches her a few seconds before she does and starts collecting her things from the table. Kate's eyes are flying back and forth between her mother and Yelena, who is still a few steps behind.

"Your sister and brother are staying." Yelena finally arrives and stands next to Kate. Kate immediately wraps her arms around her wife's waist. Eleanor finishes hastily collecting her things. "Miss Belova promised to have them home by eleven, so we can make the noon service."

Yelena clenches her jaw at the sound of her maiden name but bites her tongue.

"Yeah. We can do that."

"If we stay, where are we sleeping?"

Susan jumps in to ask.

"I got it. Don't worry." Kate chimes in and turns her attention back to her mother. "Thank you. It means a lot."

Eleanor turns on a fake act.

"I want you to know that I sat her down and had a really long conversation about how important it is to me that we're civil and that she doesn't contribute to any toxicity between us. She agreed, didn't you, Miss Belova?"

Yelena could knock this woman out cold right now.

"Uhum."

"That's amazing. Thank you, mom."

"Of course, sweetheart." Eleanor kisses Kate's cheek. "I'm exhausted, so I'm going to head out."

"Absolutely. Thank you for coming. Have a good night."

Eleanor says goodbye to Susan and DJ and heads out. Kate immediately hugs Yelena,  kisses the side of her head, and whispers into her ear.

"Thank you." Kate leans back to look at Yelena. "And don't worry, I know how my mom works. I have no doubt in my mind that conversation she's taking credit for actually happened the other way around." Kate kisses her. "You're fucking amazing."

"I almost killed her two seconds ago."

Kate laughs.

"She pretended she was leaving because she was tired, not because I asked her to leave. She twists everything in her favor. You'll get used to it."

"We're in for a ride, aren't we?"

"Crazy as fuck."

Yelena looks around the room, trying to spot Derek and figure out how to deal with him next.

"Where's your dad?"

"I asked him to leave too. Thankfully he's a lot less dramatic than my mom, so he simply grabbed generic girlfriend number five hundred and seventeen and was gone. I don't know that I'll be hearing from him soon...or again."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine...nothing I'm gonna worry about tonight. We have a party to enjoy, no? I have so many more bones I can break."

"I will tie you to a chair if you make me. No more injuries before the honeymoon..."

Kate laughs.

"I make no promises."

Kate jokingly answers. Yelena takes the drink from Kate's hand and finishes it herself in one gulp.

"Cutting you off."

"Nooooo."

"Uhum. No more for you."

One of Kate's friends is walking by with a beer and Kate grabs it from his hand. She playfully extends her arm and lifts her chin all the way back, putting the bottle entirely out of reach from her wife. She chugs the remainder of the bottle.

"Whoops."

Kate shrugs.

Having seen this and getting high school flashbacks, her friends start chanting.

"KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE! KEG KATE!"

One of them rushes to the bar and asks the bartender if they have kegs or just bottles. It turns out they do have kegs.

Suddenly, a keg is flying onto the dance floor and a dozen dudes are hoisting Kate in the air. Yelena is giving her "Don't you dare eyes!" but Kate shrugs and smiles two seconds before the guys tip her over into a keg stand. Kate's half of the party cheers. Yelena's half of the party looks on mildly horrified.

Kate chugs for an impressively long time before she coughs and they let her stand.

"SHE'S STILL GOT IT, BOYS!"

Kate is jerked around in celebration. One of the guys tries to take the keg back, but someone screams.

"Leave it! Leave it! Keg Kate doesn't do just one keg stand in a night!"

The friends around her start to talk over each other.

"We should've brought pong balls!"

"I got golf balls in my trunk! Might as well bring back Beer Pong Bishop too."

"That might work!"

"I'll get 'em."

And the dude runs out. Yelena cuts through them and pulls Kate aside.

"You're not about to turn our wedding into a high school or college party."

"It's just a little fun."

"I've seen how you all have fun."

Kate stares at Yelena curiously and squints when a thought occurs to her.

"You've never done a keg stand, have you?"

"Katherine..."

"Hey, guys...can you believe Keg Kate's wife has never done a keg stand..."

In a second, Kate’s friends all swarm Yelena, and before she knows it, she's in the air.

"KATE!"

Yelena is upside down on the keg and Kate squats to hold the hose and look at her. She has a smile painted on her face.

"The moment they put me down, you're dead."

"Are you really down to be a young widow?"

"YES!"

Kate puts the hose to Yelena's lips and begins the chant.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

Yelena drinks and then releases the hose. Beer goes everywhere before Kate shuts it off. The guys put her back on her feet. Yelena punches Kate's shoulder.

"Ow! You're not even drunk yet. Where's the aggro Hulky coming from?!"

Kate dries the beer that spilled on Yelena's face with her sleeve.

"If you ever let your friends put me upside down again, you're permanently moving to the guest bedroom."

"That was fun. Admit it." Yelena glares at Kate. "You kinda loved it...you did!"

"I didn't HATE it."

Kate grabs her face and kisses her.

"YOOOO...she wants another spin on the keg!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SA..."

Yelena is upside down again. Kate squats again and holds the hose to her lips.

"I hate you with every fiber of my being right now."

"You really don't. Take a deeper breath so you can go longer." Kate lifts her arm so Yelena can hold it. "Squeeze when you want me to stop. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Yelena squeezes Kate's arm and Kate removes the hose. "Put her down."

The guys flip her back onto her feet. Yelena punches Kate's shoulder again. Kate rubs it.

"You're going to break my shoulder next!...Wanna go for another spin?"

"Only if you want to leave here on a stretcher."

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

Kate and Yelena turn around to see Alexei being held upside down with the hose in his mouth. Yelena punches Kate's shoulder anew.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"My dad?! Doing a keg stand?! At our wedding?! That is your fault."

Kate flips Yelena around so they can both turn to face the keg and presses the shorter woman against her chest while wrapping her arms around her waist. She brings her lips to her ear.

"You love that I bring a little chaos to your life."

Yelena leans her head back to look up at Kate and smiles.

"I do."

Kate leans to meet Yelena's lips to kiss her.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

When they look up to figure out who the hell could be at the keg right now, they find Melina upside down and Alexei holding her by himself.

"KATE!"

---

"KATE!"

Kate hears Yelena scream from the kitchen.

"FIVE SECONDS! Your mommy is so impatient."

"Papiem."

"Exactly. Always rushing us. Always"

The almost two-and-a-half-year-old blonde girl with bright green eyes and features that mimic Yelena's babbles in response from where she sits on the changing table. Kate stuffs the last few things in her bag and zips it up.

Kate taps the tiny snapback on Alexia’s small head with a silly popping sound, then pokes her index fingers into her pudgy sides, making the little girl devolve into a fit of giggles. Kate slings the bag over her neck, then grabs the toddler and perches her on her shoulders. The baby places her tiny hands around Kate's head, keeping herself in place. Kate holds her hand against the little girl's back for an extra layer of safety.

"You ready?"

"YAH!"

Kate zooms full speed out of the nursery. The baby laughs at the top of her lungs and it echoes through the apartment.

---

The two girls reach the kitchen, run around the island, and then do a lightning-fast lap around Yelena. The older blonde sighs as she does her best to avoid them while getting the last few things she needs to complete in the kitchen.

Kate and the baby eventually stop by the doorway and that's when Yelena turns to face them.

"Absolutely not."

Yelena, now almost five months into their third pregnancy, takes one good look at Kate and their daughter and shakes her head. They're dressed identically in basketball shorts, a wife beater, a snapback, and vans.

"What?"

"Go change. Both of you. We're already late, Kate. Why are you doing this to me?"

"What's wrong with what we're wearing?"

"You know EXACTLY what. I'm not wasting words on it."

"One, it's ninety six degrees outside. Two, she's going straight to your parent's house. Three, we're getting in a car and driving four and a half hours to the mountains. Why do we need to be dressed in any specific way?"

Yelena leans against the counter and rests her hand on her growing stomach.

"Kate...we're going to be stuck in a car for five hours and I don't want to be mad at you for those five hours. Please at least put shirts on."

"But WHY?!"

Yelena huffs, walks towards Kate, and takes the baby that sits on her shoulders.

"Your momma may be okay with looking like a vagrant, but I won't let you do it too."

Yelena tells the baby while peppering her face with kisses as she walks to the nursery.

"I don't look like a vagrant! I just choose to be comfortable!"

Kate heads to the nursery. She finds Yelena flipping through the little girl's closet, trying to find a more appropriate outfit.

"Hey Alex, can you tell mommy you love your shirt?" The baby babbles something that remotely ends in something that resembles ‘shirt’. "There you go. Big fan."

"She can have a say in what she wears when she's potty trained and can at least count to ten. Until then, I'm exclusively picking her outfits. You lost your privileges today."

Yelena selects a nice color-coordinated outfit and a headband.

"She's going to your parent's house..."

"And they might want to go out. If she's ready, they don't have to change her...Up, baby."

The baby lifts her arms, and Yelena removes her shirt, then quickly replaces it with the new one.

"What if they don't go out?"

"Then she wasn't walking around in a wife beater and basketball shorts."

"You overthink things."

"And you underthink them." Yelena continues changing the baby. "Kate, I'm asking you one last time, please at least go put a shirt on."

"You're a tyrant." Kate disappears from the doorway. Not two minutes later, she reappears, buttoning up a short-sleeved shirt. "World War III  averted now?"

"See how much better you look?" Yelena moves the baby from the changing table to the floor and she immediately takes off running out of the room. "ALEX!"

Yelena is about to go after Alexia, but Kate wraps her arm around her midriff at the door and pulls her close.

"Why are my wife beaters your biggest nemesis in the world?"

Yelena chuckles.

"You don't look like an adult wearing them."

"Who cares?!"

"I've told you, you can wear them at home but not outside."

"I don't need to wear anything at home. That's the fun of being home. I can be naked if I want."

Yelena rolls her eyes.

"I need to go get the baby. We're so late."

"Yel, she'll be fine for two seconds and literally no one is waiting for us. YOU made an arbitrary schedule that you want us to meet. We're off for a week. Shut down your science, work, spreadsheet, serious brain mode. It's our anniversary. Relax. That's the whole point of this week, no? Why is there a fucking schedule to begin with?"

"Because without a schedule, there is chaos. YOU are chaos. Someone has to keep us on track, and by process of elimination, that is me."

"Embrace the chaos this week."

Yelena laughs.

"I wasn't built for chaos. Besides, all I want to embrace this week is uninterrupted sleep and having uninterrupted sex when we're not enjoying said uninterrupted sleep. No chaos. Opposite of chaos. Peace, quiet, and no baby."

"Technically, there is a baby coming."

Kate tenderly places her hand on Yelena's stomach.

"This one doesn't jailbreak out of the crib, crawl into our bed, and kick us in the face in the middle of the night yet. I'm not counting it."

"Yeah, okay. I'll give you that."

Kate scans Yelena's face attentively.

"You're staring."

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because all this...a wrong door. If I'd knocked on another door, or I'd gone one building over, or you hadn't been home...but now we're here...married eight years this week, thirteen years total, two babies, and a miscarriage deep. I stare because sometimes it feels crazy. Would you change it?"

"Not a minute."

"Not even when I drive you crazy?"

"I'll revise my answer. I'd change the minutes when my wife drives me crazy and doesn't listen to me, which are arguably a lot of minutes." Yelena leans up and kisses Kate. "No. I wouldn't change it. Nothing. You genuinely make me consider filing for divorce at least once a week, but then I remember I don't think I can exist without you and the thought leaves my mind."

"Wow, does that mean I can do ANYTHING?"

Kate smiles mischievously.

"Don't push your luck, Kate Bishop."

"But what if..."

The sound of things tumbling then shattering and a small "Uh Oh!" comes from the front of the apartment. They both sigh and rest their foreheads against each other's.

"Go get your demon child. Go..." Kate laughs as Yelena shoves her wife, sending her to investigate whatever disaster their toddler had just created. "You better hope this one turns out level-headed and composed like me, or I'm packing my shit and leaving the three of you here to be chaotic entities by yourselves. I can't do three of you. My blood pressure can't handle it."

Kate disappears and Yelena hangs behind when she notices that her wife didn't put away the clothes that she took off the baby. She sets on folding that and returning it to where it belongs. She then starts to notice all the small things Kate left out of place when she was getting the baby ready.

"My god, Kate."

Yelena starts to tidy up.

---

Fifteen minutes later, Yelena is heading to the front of the apartment. It's eerily quiet, which she's learned is never good in this house.

When she steps into the living room, she finds the source of the noise. Alexia pulled the bottom shelf of one of the bookcases and everything on it came tumbling down. Everything is still on the floor and neither her daughter nor her wife are anywhere to be found. Suspicious. Very suspicious.

Yelena keeps walking and that's when she hears Kate's hushed voice coming from the kitchen. She walks slower to be able to hear better over the sound of her steps.

"...but you have to clean your face and wipe your clothes. And you definitely can't snitch. She'll kill me. You two can't snitch eit..."

When Yelena walks into the kitchen, she finds Kate holding the transparent plastic container where they store the graham crackers. The baby is currently standing on the kitchen counter, double-fisting crackers. Kate is caught red-handed also feeding crackers to the two expectant dogs wagging their tails at her feet.

"KATE!"

The foursome immediately freezes when they look up to find Yelena in the doorway.

#bishova #I just saw that you originally sent this on April 25th so...almost two months to the day delayed #MY BAD #i was hoarding it but FUCK IT #if this was ACTUALLY written properly then it would have the vows and all that shit but... #ive warned you this is very much half assed and NOT DONE #but y'all insisted so here it is #this is 8.1k words of mediocrity lol #kyfbau #anonymous #answers #kyfbaup

[mercymaker]

me, coming to this website every single day: don't look at the like/reblog ratio don't look at the like/reblog ratio don't look at the like/reblog ratio don't look at the like/reblog ratio don't look at the like/reblog ratio don't look at the like/reblog ratio don't look-

#life #like every single fucken time!!! #i scroll through my dash and see gifs or art and stuff #and my hand is just gliding to the notes #it's fucking depressing honestly #and if i do that to my own posts it's fucking over #like i've been trying my best to focus on just making stuff for my own enjoyment and artistic expression #but that well is running dry ngl #people here take so much shit for granted everything is fucking content to be consumed #so many blogs just hoard posts in their likes like a little board in their room where they pin posts #it's exhausting honestly

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 238

"Ugh. There's a group at the barrier again." Star squinted over the buildings they were all sprawled on almost lazily. "Seriously? I thought the GIW would have given up by now since there's 'no more humans' here," Sam's voice was sarcastic as she combed claws through her hair. The others grumbled in agreement, Valerie spreading her wings in a stretch. "Who wants to bet Danny is already about to crash their intrusion?" "Hah! I bet Dash is there already to video it!" "Those are both suckers bets," Wes scoffed, clear eyelid closing over his eyes and temporarily dimming the glow. "Let's be honest, Paulina has already left, she's going to get there first."

- - -

The GIW have been having a bit of trouble. Maybe just a bit. See, they were supposed to be taking care of the ecto-entities. Studying them, y'know? But er, some earlier agents had been a bit trigger happy, which meant the entities were well... aggressive. And a city full of dragon-fae-beings disliking any presence wearing white was rather terrifying, so they... might have gotten permission to bring a hero with them. For protection of course. ... Hopefully no one dies-

Feel free to ignore any of these pics lol, they're just ideas.

Order: Jazz, Danny, Tucker, Sam, Valerie, Wes, Dash, Kwan, Paulina, Star, Ellie, Dan

#dpxdc #prompts #dcxdp #ghosts are dragons #liminal class #liminal amity park #I used Flight Rising for designs but honestly feel free to do whatever #the GIW are called the ghost INVESTIGATION ward not ghost Extermination ward #By this time Danny's class are all adults or close #And everyone is Liminal as Fuck to the point their bodies *might* have morphed into dragons #They just so happen to have a physical flesh and blood body #Which hero is it that the government has asked to help protect the scientists? #Good question go wild #Danny is Not ghost king #honestly tempted for the liminal class to be poly because dragons hoard things <3 #eternal quartet at the least #platonic or romantic #not my art I used the Flight Rising

[meatholf]

The lamb lookin a little different

#this is the best thing ive ever made #i fucking cried laughing at this pillow aldjdkfhsak #cult of the lamb #cotl #holf's hoard

[b4kuch1n]

THEE audiodrama disguised as podcast

#sherlock and co #s&co #sherlock holmes #john watson #mariana ametxazurra #Ive been thinking abt these design SO much lmao. even while doing other things #decided to take cues from acd/granada more. hence sherlock's headband to mimic slicked back hair #and I went with Colors bc. well first of all Im a clown. but second of all I recall some stuff abt victorian fabrics and uh. the wonder of #arsenic green etc #they were enjoying the colors I can commit to some #and. okay Im so real with u Im also a long haired john truther bc he has a podcast of course he'd have long hair but #I think its gonna take a Hot minute. currently this is still like the slightly-grown-out regulation cut #john's jacket is bc he and sherlock are 90s kids. this was a moment of enlightenment to me. I can give john every windbreaker on earth #mariana gets the jean jacket bc I like to imagine she's a y2k kid #(sherlock I think is only 90s kid in year of birth that man's childhood was skipping class to burn shit in the wood) #(but he canonically sews which I fucking love so much. he has not bought new clothes for almost a decade #if a shirt's disintegrating no it isn't. not on his watch) #a lil sad I cant figure out how to give them hats lol I feel like thats the most victorian thing there is. a stupid hat #I can at any moment give one of them a beanie. but I refuse #there are. like a Hoard of other scribbly sketches I did to get used to drawing them. but those are for me those are not for the public #and also theyre in my sketchbook and Im too lazy to scan them #happened mostly during lunar new year lol. I was getting Hard whipped then thank u s&co for carrying me thru #ok I do other things now. have this for a while ok? thank u #have a good night lads. enjoy motion

[puppyeared]

fake ep idea + doodles

#i was thinking abt how funny it would be if there was a shiftythrifting blog equivalent in lmk. and half the stuff on there is #submitted by wukong. so i thought a yard sale ep would be funny lol #basically the hoard becomes problem one way or another and wukong figures the best way to get rid of his junk is thru ebay #somehow ends up selling world ending artifacts to random megapolis citizens so mk mei and redson have to scramble to find em #purposely meant to mirror the weekly shenanigans s1-2 style eps that are really goofy (dumpling ep noodles ep etc) #but it gets darker and darker because MK is not fucking ok after that whole thing with the scroll and some unchecked identity crisis #for me id want him to kind of. freak tf out because they have to find MULTIPLE chaos inducing items that could end the world while trying t #be sillygoofy and funny about it. so hes trying to mask his panic with “ohhh guys its just like the good ol days ^_^ remember that ^_^” #ESPECIALLY after that whole thing with the ink scroll. also mei doesnt buy any of it and is worried for him the whole time #as for the B plot it could be monkey king also trying to be very relaxed abt selling 4000 years worth of stuff and tang getting all huffy #like “these are priceless artifacts that could help us learn so much about the past!! wtf man!!!” #and maybe it reveals smth like wukong not wanting to hold on anymore bc his past weighs him down. and theyre all reminders #i think azure mentioned that wukong is sentimental (idk if that was genuine or lying to mk) so that could be touched on to #so basically. the theme would be some sort of conversation abt nostalgia. i think. im not a writer so its very fuzzy in my head #if anyone wants to add on or include their own spin on it feel free. also included undercut redson as a treat somewhere in there #myart #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk red son #lmk mei #lmk MK #lmk xiaotian #lmk xiaojiao #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #doodles #lmk tang #lmk pigsy #lmk traffic light trio #yard sale ep

[uncanny-tranny]

The sheer pity party some alloromantics expect of aromantics is really funny to me. The expectation is that we ought to feel broken or afraid that we will never be worthy of anything if not for a romantic relationship, but as the years go on, I've been so much less inclined to feel those ways.

People expect aromanticism to feel like a prison, and I think that's looking at it wrong. My aromanticism never imprisoned me - amatonormativity did. Being aromantic taught me that I can never and will never be "made whole" through romantic attraction. Amatonormativity teaches that to be whole is to be pursued, to be in love, to be possessed, essentially. Being aromantic has freed me of those expectations because I had to break those chains in order to truly understand what will make my life worth living.

I've been finding more and more that being allo will never appeal to me - I don't give a flying fuck about allo being "normal," and frankly if being normal means being allo, I simply just won't be normal.

#aro #aromantic #lgbt #lgbtq #throw a pity party for me because i died in this video game i'm playing (i am booboo the fool who refuses to eat health items) #bro why must i be so fucking stubborn like. 'ooh look at me i'm at three hearts but i won't eat the hoards of health items i have.' #like. come ON. #but yeah. if somebody expects me to be groveling about how i'm not alloromantic and allosexual i will chase them and bite them #i will make sure they have to get a rabies shot (hyperbole but you get the spirit of how strongly i feel about this) #like i'm not even *that* aro but i still hate the idea that i need to be mournful about it. i'm celebrating this actually #it's one less thing for me to stress about yo

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

helloooo have a messy scribble page of oc concepts. unfortunately, im in love and will now proceed to ramble At Length

but before that! rudimentary height chart!

all i know rn is Mairy - the cow - is about the same height as Howdy/Barnaby/Poppy (around 8ft), Hettie & Daisy are in the Wally/Julie/Sally category (around 3ft), and Jesterly is more Frank/Eddie (around 4ft). Derry Drake is fuckoff huge, and Casey is... idk really. tall but not That tall

so. rambles. i... have those, yeah

Mairy Love - she/her - lesbian a gorgeous white/blue cow! originally she was gonna be pink/white, but blue/white is my favorite color combo and honestly? it's dairy colors to me. she's big! she's strong! she's very gentle and sweet but also takes shit from no one, even though she doesn't like confrontation much (unless its playful roughhousing! jokes fly completely over her head! i'm thinking she tends to a lovely orchard of various fruit trees, and probably cultivates some crops for fun as well. maybe seasonal ones? pumpkins for the spooky season, fir trees for those snowy days, etc.

Casey J. Mittens - he/him - aro this orange fella is scaredy cat central! unfortunately for him, he's also curious to a fault! curiosity killed the cat, and he fears the day that rings true for him! he'd rather curl up at home or in a cozy tree, crocheting something cute from one of his many balls of yarn than do anything else. he tries to be a voice of reason, but is too easily convinced otherwise. he's that friend who says "we shouldn't be doing this" as he wholeheartedly assists in the shenanigan in question.

Hettie (currently undecided) - she/her - bi true to her honeybee heritage, Hettie is a florist! she boasts an impressive array of flowers that she tends to like her life depends on it. she's always running around to make sure they're all getting the best care - and she's always checking in on her pals to make sure they're taken care of, too. she's a busy bee who wouldn't know a day's rest if it stung her on the ass! It takes a lot to make her mad, but everybody better watch out when her wings start buzzing

Daisy Hop - she/him - pan i actually created Daisy as a supplementary character for a certain au, but realized i could find a place for her in this little group. i'm thinking he runs a little shop - a roadside stall, more like - where she can both sell her own homemade candy & his friends' stuff! she's the only one in the group that can keep up with Hettie's energy, and even surpass it at times. though unlike Hettie, Daisy knows how to take (and appreciate) a break!

Jesterly - whatever/is/funniest - Derry a menace. they love pranks above all else, oftentimes at the expense of others. he's always up to something and is never not scheming something! there's always Someone to bother! in all honesty she's more like an annoying stray cat that no one can get rid of... and they better not try, or they'll face the wrath of this fool's Very large partner! The jester's cap never comes off, and neither does the mask!

Derry Drake - they/them - Jesterly there's no sugarcoating it - Derry is a big lazy grump! it's almost impossible to get them out of their cave, or off of any place they decide to nap. the only thing that can reliably get them moving is the promise - or prospect - of food. it's a wonder how they've accumulated such a hoard of random things in the back of their cave, seeing as they rarely get up at all. they're incredibly nearsighted and bite first, ask questions later - after all, who knows if the colorful blob in front of them is food or not! better to be safe than hungry!

currently in my mind they have their own little community deep in the woods. Daisy lives in a modified burrow, Maisy has a cute farmhouse, Casey lives in a cozy treehouse, Hettie has a small cottage, and Derry & Jesterly live in a cave. within their community, they share practically everything. want a snack? pluck something from the orchard. need a new pair of mittens? ask Casey! i suppose you could say they're communists <3 (except for Daisy. she won't charge his friends, but anyone else is free game)

Mairy and Hettie have romantic tension, Daisy and Derry are the only ones who can tolerate Jes, Mairy wants Jes dead, Casey is terrified of Derry, Daisy's rapid-fire speech confuses everyone but Hettie, etc. i should make a chart for funsies...

#if i want to get realllly out of my comfort zone #i could talk about how my brain automatically started going 'ok this is how they interact with The Neighbors' #but i think. ill save that for now #listen listen for my whole life ive always kept my fan-ocs expressly separate from canon characters #i either put them far away from the action or in a different point in time entirely #but i can. i can have fun? with this maybe? its just a silly side thing... im playing with dolls... #i have Thoughts... #scribble salad #wh oc #welcome home oc #mairy will sometimes crush Difficult To Crush things to intimidate choice people #she's intimidating and she knows it! she'd rather be nice but sometimes a bitch has to get smacked #mairy: im a pacifist #mairy: *loading shotgun* however- #derry often steals casey's yarn for their own hoard #so casey has to go steal it back (or ask for it. either way derry makes a fuss) #I LOVE THEM. FUCK #i dont need any more ocs please... i already have several hundred...

[the-woman-upstairs]

Many reasons why I love Hoffman but one thing that tops the list is him sending Strahm to a Saw trap equivalent of a “Do you like me? Check Yes or No” note.

#such a deeply pathetic little weirdo desperate for attention but he cannot communicate that normally #so…saw trap #mark hoffman #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #saw movies #saw franchise #like to believe hoffman had a little crush initially but then strahm gave himself a tracheotomy and it was all over for him #hoffman really comes off as someone who hoarded any and all attention his sister gave him #and when she died and then john directed him to exist in almost total anonymity #he completely lost it when *one* person started actively paying attention to him again #toxic yaoi for the win #can’t believe that not only do i enjoy the fuck out of these movies #but they also include my absolute favorite type of character: repressed weirdo bruiser not fit for society and uses violence as therapy #i binged all the saw movies in two weeks and all i got was this brainrot

[sourcabbages]

looking back on everything that happened in the vld fandom now as someone in their 20s with a more developed brain...nothing fictional shouldve ever been that serious LOL

#i didnt learn abt all the shit that went down until like a couple months ago bc i stopped watching after like s3 #ya i think the creators shouldnt have fucked with the story so much to spite the fandom #but dude if i got harassed by hoards of children (and adults) online and called p3d0 for being ok with a fictional ship #and leaked material that u arent supposed to legally have on the internet as blackmail for making kl canon #and got sent cupcakes with needles in them???? like wtf??????? #id be fuckin spiteful too #a notp can just be a notp u dont have to justify disliking something 💀 #just late night thoughts 🙏 #text #mine

[84773ry4c1d]

did somebody say they wanted my lethal doodles/characters !? >:)

if no ur getting them anyway there's no choice

>(COMMS OPEN)<

#lethal company #lethal company masked #lethal company tragedy #spore lizard #hoarding bug #bracken #because who would i be if i didn't have a bracken character #they're my bracken/employee oc duo #the premise is that they're both stupid as fuck #lethal company art

[hellfire--cult]

Chokehold me.

#joseph quinn #joseph quinn hoard #hoard #venice film festival #joseph quinn stranger things #the fucking arm #i can't handle the fucking arm #someone help me.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

me when it's me dennis

#sorry i keep hoarding dennis clips it's not my fault they made the war criminal the funniest fruity fuck ever on screen #ygo posting #dana's yugioh clipshow #dennis mcfield #dennis macfield

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 234

More of the Tiamat Au? More of the Tiamat Au! 

Sharing a body was strange. Ten limbs split between the nine of them- thirteen if one counted the tails and seventeen if one counted the fact that their cloak… skirt… whatever could mimic the wings of their other form. 

One which they would change back to after a few moments- there was much less stumbling when it was all fours. Not to mention that if not for the tails they’d have easily toppled over with how many arms they had making them slightly top heavy. Okay more than slightly, it was taking a bit to adjust. 

Honestly the fields of wheat and other crops did nothing to hide them with how tall even this body was, but it was still better than nothing, and they were using the fact it was the middle of nowhere to their shared advantage. 

At least the humanoid- not human, even now their shared power thrummed through the air, leaking from them- form was smaller than their true draconic one. Well, perhaps they shouldn’t call it their true form, when they were once all human, halfa and liminal alike, but they’d long since stopped being such. So perhaps it was in fact true to call the form they had become as their normal state now. 

Actually, could they even separate now? Or had their power melded together so much that it was impossible now, and an attempt would end them? It would at the very least crack their core- 

“What the fuck.” 

Their head lurched, a little too far if the jolt of pain was anything before it melted away. They were all too used to moving their own necks separately. But all of them agreed that discovery could not happen-

Oh.

It was a child. A preteen with red-orange hair, blue-green eyes, expensive clothing, and most damming of all, large swaths of bruising across his arms. Bruising that did not come from usual play, and looked far too much like hand prints for any of their comfort. 

Someone had very much not been taking care of this child. And that really made them quite angry. 

#DCxDP #DPxDC #Prompts #The Class Pulls a Tiamat #The ennead finding lil baby Lex: Oh no the poor baby… our baby now #Lex as an adult seeing reporter also from smallville: Oh thank fuck- pretend I didn’t say that #Lex raised by the chaos 9 would be twice as horrifying #Lex got tossed over to this small town whenever his bio-father got tired of him #But he has a new mom-dad now & was raised as a feral lil shit #Acts like an ass still towards other rich people #But he was raised by a feral hydra and it SHOWS the first time someone tries to kidnap him #Liminal Lex Luthor #What happened to Lionel? They DEFINITELY didn’t eat him #Ennead: Son you better not become a hero plz you will lose so much sleep & your schoolwork will suffer- #Luthor feels better about Superman because he knows there’s things that CAN defeat him if he turns evil #That’s even if he still ends up in Metropolis lol #Or if he stays human and doesn’t learn dragon shapeshifting from his new parents lol #PFFT Lex Luthor collecting kryptonite not to use against Superman but for hoarding purposes lmao

[muckyschmuck]

the coffee didn’t work i had to wake myself up with selfcest

#stupid #i swear i’ll maybe do comic panels today #maybe #giggles #my art #furry art #furry #anthro #anthro art #digital art #doodlings #fursona #fursona art #suggestive #cw suggestive #tw suggestive #oc art #oc #fuck the ambiguous canid is prob my favorite of all the fursonas i’ve been hoarding #because their name is fuck

[cryptidowl]

All the brothers take clothes from MC, say goodbye to all your shirts and hoodies, they belong to the demons now. It just who steals how often that changes.

Mammon and Asmodeus are the biggest and most blatant thieves. Mammon’s got a hoard of MC’s clothes that he only gives back after they stop smelling like MC, or someone takes them out of his room to put in the wash. He’s completely unashamed too, MC has walked in to Mammon rifling though their shirts and he just takes some with a “thanks!” and leaves. Asmo takes whole outfits, and also doesn’t give them back. If he takes something it just becomes a part of his wardrobe now, MC has to go through every few weeks to pick out the stuff he took. He whines and and pitches a fit but doesn’t stop them, he’s already planning on what he’s gonna take next.

Leviathan and Belphegor are also huge thieves but are way more subtle about it. They both tend to take old shirts mc never wears and uses them as pillow cases until they stop smelling like MC. That’s when they put them back into MC’s laundry and pick a new shirt. But if Belphie gets caught he just shrugs and mutters about how how he only chose stuff they wouldn’t miss and keeps doing it. If Levi gets caught he stops completely for a while unless MC specifically says it’s fine, he’s still mortified no matter which way it goes.

Satan and Beelzebub are the only ones that ask before they do anything. Satan picks out something he wears out once or twice before washing and returning it immediately. Beel picks out something he’ll wear once or twice if it fits, usually as a workout shirt or hoodie. But if it doesn’t fit, he takes the Belphie approach and uses it as a pillowcase. Either way, he tends to forget to return the piece of clothing for a long while but does still return it without intervention.

Lucifer is the sneakiest and the last one to start stealing things. He only takes old stuff MC doesn’t wear, wears it as a sleep shirt for a night, and slips it back into their laundry as soon as possible. If he ever gets caught he might combust, but instead he just offers something of his in exchange and starts keeping what he takes for a little bit longer.

#obey me #no way in hell am I tagging all these fuckers #anyway yeah that’s what I think about them #I do have thoughts on the dateables too If anyone is interested #looking at Dia’s fucking dragon hoard of MC clothes #cryptic ramblings