#i'm never going to be able to do what i wanna do... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gffa · 2 days

Note

could you give your opinion, or examples from canon, about balance and the light and dark sides of the force? I keep running across fics where people argue that the Jedi are wrong and the dark side is just as necessary, and I feel like canon was clear that’s not what balance means in the Star Wars universe

Hi! First off, I'll say that I would recommend going around arguing with people's fic (not you're necessarily planning to do this! just that I think it's a good reminder), because those people must be allowed their space in fandom, just as we're allowed our space in fandom. I have found that I actually have a much better time in fandom when I'm just in my own space doing my own thing and ultimately this is just fandom, what other people do in their fic, so long as it's not hurting real people, is their choice and not mine, if I let that kind of thing go, it gives me more time to have fun with the things I do enjoy.

That said, sometimes we often get people coming into our spaces to argue and I do like to have my citations ready when it comes to that. Within canon, you're always going to be able to argue about unreliable narrators, even when you point out that all the Force-using dark siders are pretty much miserable villains, there's going to be people who argue.

And one thing that's tricky in my opinion is that the dark side is "necessary" in that it exists. It will always exist. It exists within the Jedi--but they have never denied that it exists or that it's part of life. It's just that they don't embrace it, they don't let it bite into their heart, because Yoda's speech in The Phantom Menace is 100% accurate. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

And if people want to argue about in-canon stuff like that, my response is usually just to go, "I tend to follow George Lucas' Star Wars." and leave room for others to enjoy Star Wars from other creators, if they wish. It's not a value judgement, if someone wants to enjoy something from the Legends continuity--that's what it's there for! And it's not my place to tell them that they're not allowed to enjoy it or follow that version instead. I hope they're having a blast! We'll just agree that we're working with incompatible views on authorial intentions priorities. People are not obligated to take Lucas' commentary with the same weight that I do, so I always advise that we learn to let go of things when someone doesn't hold the same views as we do on this kind of thing, because ultimately that is the message of Star Wars!

SO, THE DARK SIDE, here's what George Lucas directly has said about it:

“The core of the Force–I mean, you got the dark side, the light side, one is selfless, one is selfish, and you wanna keep them in balance. What happens when you go to the dark side is it goes out of balance and you get really selfish and you forget about everybody … because when you get selfish you get stuff, or you want stuff, and when you want stuff and you get stuff then you are afraid somebody is going to take it away from you, whether it’s a person or a thing or a particular pleasure or experience. "Once you become afraid that somebody’s going to take it away from you or you’re gonna lose it, then you start to become angry, especially if you’re losing it, and that anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. Mostly on the part of the person who’s selfish, because you spend all your time being afraid of losing everything you’ve got instead of actually living. "Where joy, by giving to other people you can’t think about yourself, and therefore there’s no pain. But the pleasure factor of greed and of selfishness is a short-lived experience, therefore you’re constantly trying to replenish it, but of course the more you replenish it, the harder it is to, so you have to keep upping the ante. You’re actually afraid of the pain of not having the joy. "So that is ultimately the core of the whole dark side/light side of the Force. And everything flows from that. Obviously the Sith are always unhappy because they never get enough of anything they want. Mostly, their selfishness centers around power and control. And the struggle is always to be able to let go of all that stuff. "And of course that’s the problem with Anakin ultimately. You’re allowed to love people, but you’re not allowed to possess them. And what he did is he fell in love and married her and then became jealous. Then he saw in his visions that she was going to die, and he couldn’t stand losing her. So in order to not lose her, he made a pact with the devil to be able to become all-powerful. When he did that, she didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, so he lost her. "Once you are powerful, being able to bring her back from the dead, if I can do that, I can become emperor of the universe. I can get rid of the Emperor. I can make everything the way I want it. Once you do that, you’ll never be satiated. You’re always going to be consumed by this driving desire to have more stuff and be afraid that others are going to take it away from you. And they are. Every time you get two Sith together, you have the master, the apprentice, and the apprentice is always trying to recruit another apprentice to join with him to kill the master. The master knows that basically everybody below him wants his job. “Only way to overcome the dark side is through discipline. The dark side is pleasure, biological and temporary and easy to achieve. The light side is joy, everlasting and difficult to achieve. A great challenge. Must overcome laziness, give up quick pleasures, and overcome fear which leads to hate.” –George Lucas, Clone Wars Writers’ Meeting

“Happiness is pleasure and happiness is joy. It can be either one, you add them up and it can be the uber category of happiness. “Pleasure is short lived. It lasts an hour, it lasts a minute, it lasts a month. It peaks and then it goes down–it peaks very high, but the next time you want to get that same peak you have to do it twice as much. It’s like drugs, you have to keep doing it because it insulates itself. No matter what it is, whether you’re shopping or you’re engaged in any other kind of pleasure. It all has the same quality about it. “On the other hand is joy and joy is the thing that doesn’t go as high as pleasure, in terms of your emotional reaction. But it stays with you. Joy is something you can recall, pleasure you can’t. So the secret is that, even though it’s not as intense as pleasure, the joy will last you a lot longer. “People who get the pleasure they keep saying, ‘Well, if I can just get richer and get more cars–!’ You’ll never relive the moment you got your first car, that’s it, that’s the highest peak. Yes, you could get three Ferraris and a new gulf stream jet and maybe you’ll get close. But you have to keep going and eventually you’ll run out. You just can’t do it, it doesn’t work. “If you’re trying to sustain that level of peak pleasure, you’re doomed. It’s a very American idea, but it just can’t happen. You just let it go. Peak. Break. Pleasure is fun it’s great, but you can’t keep it going forever. “Just accept the fact that it’s here and it’s gone, and maybe again it’ll come back and you’ll get to do it again. Joy lasts forever. Pleasure is purely self-centered. It’s all about your pleasure, it’s about you. It’s a selfish self-centered emotion, that’s created by self-centered motive of greed. “Joy is compassion, joy is giving yourself to somebody else or something else. And it’s the kind of thing that is in it’s subtlty and lowness more powerful than pleasure. If you get hung up on pleasure you’re doomed. If you pursue joy you will find everlasting happiness.” --George Lucas, Academy of Achievement Speech, 2013

"Knowing that the film was made for a young audience, I was trying to say, in a simple way, that there is a God and that there is both a good side and a bad side. You have a choice between them, but the world works better if you're on the good side." --George Lucas Interviews

”[The Jedi] trained more than anything else to understand the transitional nature of life, that things are constantly changing and you can’t hold on to anything. You can love things but you can’t be attached to them, You must be willing to let the flow of life and the flow of the Force move through your life, move through you. So that you can be compassionate and loving and caring, but not be possessive and grabbing and holding on to things and trying to keep things the way they are. Letting go is the central theme of the film.“ –George Lucas, Star Wars Archives 1999-2005

BILL MOYERS: “Do you know yet what, in a future episode, is going to transform Anakin Skywalker to the dark side?” GEORGE LUCAS: “Yes, I know what that is. The groundwork has been laid in this episode. The film is ultimately about the dark side and the light side, and those sides are designed around compassion and greed. The issue of greed, of getting things and owning things and having things and not being able to let go of things, is the opposite of compassion–of not thinking of yourself all the time. These are the two sides–the good force and the bad force. They’re the simplest parts of a complex cosmic construction.” --George Lucas and Bill Moyers 1999, Time Magazine

“The core issue, ultimately, is greed, possessiveness - the inability to let go. Not only to hold on to material things, which is greed, but to hold on to life, to the people you love - to not accept the reality of life’s passages and changes, which is to say things come, things go. Everything changes. Anakin becomes emotionally attached to things, his mother, his wife. That’s why he falls - because he does not have the ability to let go. “No human can let go. It’s very hard. Ultimately, we do let go because it’s inevitable; you do die, and you do lose your loved ones. But while you’re alive, you can’t be obsessed with holding on. As Yoda says in this one, [The scene in which Anakin seeks Yoda’s counsel] You must learn to let go of everything you’re afraid to let go of.’ Because holding on is in the same category and the precursor to greed. And that’s what a Sith is. A Sith is somebody that is absolutely obsessed with gaining more and more power - but for what? Nothing, except that it becomes an obsession to get more. The Jedi are trained to let go. They’re trained from birth, they’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people- in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can’t form attachments. So, what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death.” --George Lucas, The Making of Revenge of the Sith, 2005

“The thing about Anakin is, Anakin started out as a nice kid. He was kind, and sweet, and lovely, and he was then trained as a Jedi. But the Jedi can’t be selfish. They can love but they can’t love people to the point of possession. You can’t really possess somebody, because people are free. It’s possession that causes a lot of trouble, and that causes people to kill people, and causes people to be bad. Ultimately it has to do with being unwilling to give things up. “The whole basis here is if you’re selfish, if you’re a Sith Lord, you’re greedy. You’re constantly trying to get something. And you’re constantly in fear of not getting it, or, when you get it, you’re in constant fear of losing it. And it’s that fear that takes you to the dark side. It’s that fear of losing what you have or want.

“Sometimes it’s ambition, but sometimes, like in the case of Anakin, it was fear of losing his wife. He knew she was going to die. He didn’t quite know how, so he was able to make a pact with a devil that if he could learn how to keep people from dying, he would help the Emperor. And he became a Sith Lord. Once he started saying, “Well, we could take over the galaxy, I could take over from the Emperor, I could have ultimate power,” Padmé saw right through him immediately. She said, “You’re not the person I married. You’re a greedy person.” So that’s ultimately how he fell and he went to the dark side. “And then Luke had the chance to do the same thing. He didn’t do it.” --George Lucas, The Phantom Menace, An Oral History, 2019

“The secret ultimately like in Star Wars is that you have to not be afraid. Fear is the enemy; fear is the Dark Side. If you afraid, you are going to the Dark Side. The Light Side is compassion. As long as you love other people and treat them kindly, you won’t be afraid. So, the secret is to just love everybody - I know that sounds very 60s but that’s what I grew up in - but it its fear that cause the problem. So you have to stop being afraid and be kind to everybody. “The main theme of Star Wars is that compassion is the good side, fear is the bad side.” --George Lucas, Mellody Hobson George Lucas - Virtual Speaker Interview, 2021

“The thing with Anakin is that he started out a great kid he was very compassionate, so the issue was how did he turn bad. How did he go to the Dark Side? He went to the Dark Side, Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments. They can love people, they can do that, but they can’t attach, that’s the problem in the world of fear. Once you are attached to something then you become afraid of losing it. And when you become afraid of losing it, than you turn to the Dark Side, and you want to hold onto it, and that was Anakin’s issue ultimately, that he wanted to hold onto his wife who he knew, he had a premonition that she was going to die, he didn’t know how to stop it, so he went to the Dark Side to find, in mythology you do to hades, and you talk to the devil, and the devil says ‘this is what you do’ and basically you sell your soul to the devil. When you do that, and you’re afraid and you’re on the Dark Side and you fall off the golden path of compassion because you are greedy, you want to hold on to something that you love and he didn’t do the right thing and as a result he turned bad.” --George Lucas, Mellody Hobson George Lucas - Virtual Speaker Interview, 2021

“Obviously, there are people that just do the easy thing, and the easy thing is to be angry, which turns to hate. It’s not an active thing; it’s a passive thing. Being angry with somebody is a passive thing. You have to work not to be angry, and if you don’t work at it, you’ll just be angry for the rest of your life. Bitter, angry, and of course that leads to suffering - it’s the bad side.” --George Lucas, The Star Wars Archives: 1999-2005

“In this film, [The Phantom Menace] you begin to see that he has a fear of losing things, a fear of losing his mother, and as a result, he wants to begin to control things, he wants to become powerful, and these are not Jedi traits. And part of these are because he was starting to be trained so late in life, that he’d already formed these attachments. And for a Jedi, attachment is forbidden.” --George Lucas, CNN, 2002

There's probably more, if you want to scan through my Jedi Culture and Teachings in Canon guide, just look for chapter 2 of any given part, the section on "How the Force works" is where I put any of these quotes, and you can look around if you're looking for more examples of how the dark side needs to be faced and overcome, that it's part of the nature of life, but that we and the Jedi both should be choosing the light, because that's the way to eternal joy, the dark is the way to eternal suffering. (Check out "Jedi and the need to focus, to be calm when using the Force" section especially, because the Force becomes unreliable for a Jedi when they get angry.)

Overall, it's about how the dark side is consistently, repeatedly tied to attachment (the fear of living without someone, so desperate that you'll let a thousand people die to save that one person you can't live without, as it's more aligned with the Buddhist meaning), tied to fear and anger and hate, which are parts of our lives, but that we must work to overcome. The Jedi don't deny this--look at any scene where they express negative emotions, Mace does it on Geonosis, Yoda does it at Palpatine before their big fight, Obi-Wan is mad on Geonosis when Anakin almost abandons his post, etc., but they don't let it bite into their heart, they let those feelings pass, they let them go and find their way back to calm and peace, because "the world works better when you're on the side of good (the light side)".

#lumi.txt #star wars #the force #jedi order #light side #dark side #george lucas #meta #long post

85 notes · View notes

borathae · 2 days

Text

↳ Index [Chapter 03 - Freundschaft]

• Freundschaft (German; noun: friendship)

Focus on Pairing: platonic!Yoongi x Taehyung

Warnings: so many fluffy sweet moments, they finally fucking talk it out, they're actually best friends i'm sorry i don't make the rules, no but seriously they both needed this moment, this is also very emotional actually, i'm sobbing i love them SO MUCH

Wordcount: 9.5k

a/n: *cries* i love them so much holy fuck

Yoongi and your grandparents stay downstairs for another hour before sleepiness starts to take a hold of them as well.

“Oh, I’m tired”, your grandmother says in a yawn.

“Me too”, your grandfather agrees, having to yawn as well.

Yoongi yawns with them, rubbing his eyes. He didn’t even realise how tired they were from using them all day. He never really gets tired eyes in the real world.

“Will you still stay up?”

“I think I wanna finish the chapter, yeah.”

“Alright”, your grandparents stands up.

“Well then, sleep tight my boy.”

“Oh, uhm, sleep tight too, H-Harald”, Yoongi stutters, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Sweet dreams, dear.”

“You too, Agatha.”

They leave holding hands while Yoongi is left gawking at the empty room with a racing heart. They like him. Something inside him finally clicked which made him realise that he is actually liked by them.

Yoongi lowers his head, scrunching his face in giddiness. They like him. He continues reading with his mind going back to the interaction over and over again. It never loses its spark and maybe he plans on telling you about it tomorrow.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi lifts his eyes from the book. He already finished another chapter before being called. Taehyung is in front of him, wearing a jacket. He seems to come from outside as he smells like the night.

“Do you have some time?” he asks shyly.

“For what?”

“To spend it with me.”

Yoongi checks the clock.

“It’s half past eleven.”

“I know, but I wondered if perhaps we could go for a walk in the garden.”

“Did you ask the others?”

“Huh? Aren’t they sleeping already?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

“Fine”, Yoongi gives up and stands up with a sigh, “you’re not gonna leave me alone either way.”

“Thank you so much. Oh, how happy I am”, Taehyung says and hurries to the coat stand to pick up Yoongi’s jacket, “let me help you.”

“I can put on my own jacket”, Yoongi says and snatches it away, “I’m not gonna act like a lovedrunk idiot with you, just so you know.”

“So you won’t even hold my hand?”

“Don’t make this weird or I’ll leave.”

“Oh, I was merely joking with you”, Taehyung says, nudging his arm, “I am very well aware that you cannot seem to like me, which is very hurtful if I may mention it.”

“It’s nothing personal”, Yoongi says and puts on his shoes. He finishes his look with a headband which he pulls over his ears then goes to open the door, “let’s go. I wanna be done with it.”

Taehyung follows him outside, joining his side. Yoongi inhales deeply and exhales, sticking his hands into the pocket of his jacket to make sure Taehyung can’t hold them.

“Now we’re outside. It’s cold and dark. Is that what you wanted?”

“Please can you at least attempt to meet me with less hatred?” Taehyung asks.

Yoongi studies his features, “yeah, I’ll try. Where should we walk? It’s dark”, he mumbles with slight embarrassment in his voice.

“Follow me, I know the way”, Taehyung says and takes off.

Yoongi follows behind him. Fireflies guide their way. Taehyung seems to lead him to the animal shed. There is the faint red shine of the warming lamp in the distance.

“It’s peculiar isn’t it? To think that we lived centuries being able to see in the dark and now we are helpless.”

“Yeah, it’s weird.”

“We became so used to the conveniences.”

“Yeah.”

Lights flicker on just as they pass the lavender beds. Your grandfather installed motion sensor controlled garden lights along the path. They guide their steps, making it a lot easier to see.

“That’s better”, Taehyung says to which Yoongi agrees with a hum.

The two men walk a few steps and then Taehyung talks again.

“How have you accustomed to being human again?”

“It’s alright.”

“Truly?” Taehyung stops to turn and look at Yoongi, “you spent thousands of years wishing to be human and now that you are, you think it is merely alright?”

Yoongi touches the side of his neck, “it’s good”, he confesses, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t feel comfortable with you.”

“You’re so cold to me”, Taehyung says and touches his heart, “it breaks my heart. Oh, why am I still trying to make you like me?”

Yoongi knows that he is joking. He lets a small scoff escape, reaching out to push at Taehyung’s chest gently.

“Walk, you brat”, he says and joins his side.

Taehyung glances at him, feeling happy. Yoongi is like a stray cat. One must be patient and give him space to make him comfortable. Only then will one be rewarded with warm moments.

The two men reach the animal shed.

“Here”, Taehyung says and tugs Yoongi to the right.

“Where are we going? The path’s that way.”

“I know, but I want to go this way.”

The automatic light flicker on. They pass them and disappear in the darkness again. New lights flicker on, showing them the way. At the end of the path a burning fire waits for them. There is a blanket and some pillows next to it.

“Are we going to the bonfire?”

“Yes indeed”, Taehyung says.

“Did you prepare a picnic?”

“Yes.”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung.

“I told you that I don’t wanna be romanced by you.”

“I am not trying to romance you, hyung. I am trying to bromance you.”

Yoongi scoffs at the silly wordplay, following Taehyung down the path despite his complaints.

“Fine. Any sign of you trying to make a move on me though and I’m gone.”

“I won’t make a move on you”, Taehyung promises and stops by the fire. He points at the blanket, “get comfortable.”

Yoongi follows even when he pretends to sulk. Taehyung takes off his shoes and gets on the blanket as well. Yoongi, who watched him, also takes off his shoes, stretching his feet to the fire afterwards. The warmth is intense, but he likes it. The night is really chilly here. Despite how warm the days are.

“What are you doing?”

“Preparing you a drink”, Taehyung answers him, “I also made a few snacks if you get hungry.”

“That’s what you were making behind me? Where I couldn’t look?”

“Indeed.”

“And you didn’t set the whole kitchen on fire?”

“As a matter of fact, I didn’t. You should trust me more, hyung. I am a very skilled cook.”

“Yeah sure”, Yoongi laughs.

“You offend me, hyung. I put a lot of effort into tonight”, Taehyung says as he pours red wine into a glass. He hands it to Yoongi, who accepts it. Once Taehyung filled his own glass, the two men clink glasses, avoiding eye contact. At least Yoongi does, Taehyung is very much staring at his face.

“To a lovely night.”

“Yeah.”

They drink the wine.

“And?”

“It’s good. It’d be better to let it breathe for a bit.”

“I agree, but it’s still very delicious. The richness of the grapes truly coats the entire tongue.”

“Mhm yeah.”

“Eat some cheese to it, hyung. I cut it myself”, Taehyung offers, pointing at a prettily done cheese board. He decorated it with flowers from the garden and cut some baguette to go with it.

“Thanks”, Yoongi says and picks up some brie.

“Here. Pair it with baguette and fig. It tastes wonderful this way.”

Yoongi allows Taehyung to prepare the perfect bite, but flinches back when he attempts to feed it to him.

“I’ll do it myself, don’t make it weird”, he mumbles.

“Very well”, Taehyung says, “you are such an anti-romantic.”

“I can be romantic.”

“Of course. How does it taste?”

“Good.”

“Oh how wonderful”, Taehyung giggles happily, “eat as much as you want, hyung. I made it just for this occasion.”

“Mhm.”

The two men share silence for a while. Yoongi doesn’t think the silence in itself is uncomfortable, but the fact that he has to share it with Taehyung. While Taehyung thinks the silence in itself to be uncomfortable as his mind scrambles to come up with topics to talk about. He doesn’t want Yoongi to feel as if coming with him was a waste of time.

“What do you think of the wine, hyung?”

“You asked me that already.”

“Indeed? Oh silly me. I apologise”, Taehyung says and fumbles with his hair. He downs his wine and prepares another glass.

Yoongi watches him from the corners of his eyes. The nervousness is practically wafting off of Taehyung.

“It goes well with the cheese”, Yoongi says.

“Indeed?”

“Yeah. It fits well”, Yoongi praises and finishes his own glass, “can I have another?”

“Yes of course. Drink as much as you want to and eat! Yes, eat just as much!”

“I will, Tae. Thanks.”

There is silence again, but it doesn’t feel that uncomfortable anymore. They drink wine, eat delicious cheese and share the warmth of the fire. Taehyung knows that Yoongi isn’t the person who always needs to talk a lot, so the silence doesn’t feel that heavy anymore. Yoongi seems content, he seems to enjoy the food and wine and he seems to enjoy the fire. Taehyung still wants to talk with him. He hasn’t had a proper conversation with him in ages.

“Did you work on new music lately?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. What genre?”

“Acoustic. Yeah”, Yoongi touches the side of his neck shyly, “I like it lately.”

“Indeed? I believe it fits you, hyung.”

“Why?”

“Because acoustic reminds me of feeling at home. You seem to be at home these days.”

Yoongi looks away and lowers his head.

“I guess”, he whispers, hiding his hands in his sweater paws before stuffing them between his thighs shyly.

“Do you have some of your music here? I would love to listen to it.”

Yoongi hesitates at first.

“Please?”

“Okay”, he gives in and takes out his phone, “I uhm, saved them on my phone. They’re not finished yet, but I think that they’re already really good”, he says and presses play on a song.

The two men listen to it intently, sipping on wine and snacking on cheese. Yoongi is shy. Even a blind person could see so. He is shy, but not uncomfortable. In his own kind of way he seems even proud of himself. Yes, he really seems content with his own work.

The song finishes with Yoongi strumming on the guitar. Silence follows.

“Yeah, that’s it”, he murmurs, flinching in surprise when Taehyung starts clapping.

“Wow hyung, this was wonderful!” Taehyung exclaims, “I didn’t know that you could sing and oh so well at that.”

“Thanks. I think I sing well”, he agrees.

“You truly do. Your voice is very soothing and fits the genre very well. Do you have any idea on what you will call the song?”

“No, not yet. Maybe something nice.”

“Something nice would fit the melodies very well.”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung. He tilts his head to the side slightly. Taehyung meets his eyes.

“Do you really think it’s good?”

“Of course I do. I enjoyed it. Honestly.”

“Okay. Thanks”, Yoongi says and looks into his phone.

Taehyung glances at the screen. Yoongi is scrolling up and down on the same spot, almost as if he is waiting for Taehyung to ask him about it.

“Do you have more songs to show?”

“Yeah, I guess”, Yoongi says and presses play on the song. It starts off with the piano, but soon guitar and Yoongi’s gentle rapping joins the melody.

The two men listen to it as they drink and snack and share the warmth of the fire.

They each finish their drink in the middle of the song and so Taehyung makes it his task to refill their glasses. Yoongi thanks him with a silent nod. The song ends abruptly.

“I didn’t get to the end yet”, Yoongi says, “sorry, that was shit.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was wonderful.”

“Really?”

“Yes, truly. I love your music, hyung.”

“Oh”, Yoongi lets out and blushes vividly. Thankfully for him, the wine and the heat of the fire already turned his face red, so a new layer of blush goes unnoticed by Taehyung.

“I was actually wondering whether you could write melodies for me. Unless you have more songs to show”, Taehyung says.

“No, all the others are still rough drafts”, Yoongi says and glances at Taehyung “what do you mean with melodies?”

“Well, you see”, Taehyung begins and takes out his leatherbound notebook from the inside of his jacket, “I have this poem, which has such potential for a song, but I am terrible at composing”, he explains and lies down on his tummy. His feet still face the fire, he is propped up on his elbows.

Yoongi stays in the same position, craning his neck to look.

“Would you want to take a look?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Yoongi tries to see in the current position at first, but has to give up in the end. He lies down on his tummy as well, mirroring Taehyung’s position.

“It’s dark.”

Taehyung shines his phone flashlight on the pages.

“Does this help?”

“Yeah.”

The two men share silence. Yoongi reads and snacks while Taehyung stares at his face and feels nervous. It’s been centuries since he last showed his friend his poetry. And it has been even longer since he asked him to write melodies for him, maybe he never even did. Centuries make memories blur, so Taehyung can’t remember clearly. He feels nervous beyond recovery.

Yoongi ends the poem with a quiet hum.

“And? What are your thoughts on it?”

“It’s romantic.”

“Yes indeed. I thought about my favourite things to do with my loves and slow dancing came to my mind. So I wrote a poem about it.”

“It’s good”, Yoongi says and glances at him, “I have ideas for a song.”

“Truly? Oh hyung, this is wonderful news! I feel beyond delighted.”

“Do you want to make it jazz?”

“Yes! Yes, I would love to make it jazz!”

“Or maybe retro RnB with some jazz elements.”

“Oh hyung, you are truly a visionary. I love every idea you have. We could make it so that the instruments get a solo part to really make them shine.”

“Yeah, I like that.”

“We have to start working on it once we are back home.”

“Yeah.”

“We will finally be able to have our music nights again”, Taehyung says and caresses Yoongi’s upper arm gently.

“Yeah.”

Yoongi fumbles with the edge of the page. He doesn’t dare to flip it because it would invade Taehyung’s privacy.

“Do you want to see something else?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Taehyung flips through his notebook until he lands on the drawings he did for your bedroom.

“It’s not finished yet, but this is my vision for ___’s bedroom. I am thinking flowers and branches reaching from the ceilings. What do you think?”

“Yeah, it’s good”, Yoongi says, tracing the floral sketches with gentle fingertips.

“If you have any ideas which I could incorporate, please let me know.”

“I don’t know. I’m not good at painting. Or art.”

“Oh, that is a lie. You are talented.”

“Not like you. I can’t paint like you”, Yoongi says and shakes his head.

“Yes, but you have your own style. Wonderful and beautiful because it’s yours.”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung. The latter smiles at him, flustering Yoongi to the point where he has to hide away. He lies down on the blanket, resting his head on his own arm. Like this, he is looking up at Taehyung.

“I can’t paint, stop fucking around”, he hisses, but Taehyung merely chuckles and reaches down to caress Yoongi’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“Very well, you stubborn bastard”, he says and flips his hand so his fingertips were dancing along Yoongi’s temple. He ends the touch with a slow trace of Yoongi’s brow, retreating it afterwards to instead flip through his notebook.

Yoongi allowed it to happen with silence surrounding him and his eyes never once leaving his face. He keeps staring at him even after the touch stopped.

“I have another poem. Do you want to hear it?”

“Mhm.”

“It’s in our mother tongue. Ever since I am with Jungkook, I find myself thinking in this language more often. In a sense, this poem is dedicated to him.”

“Read it to me.”

And so it happens that Taehyung reads his poetry to Yoongi, while Yoongi looks at him and enjoys the warmth on his toes. He listens to Taehyung’s words intently and wonders if the young vampire has always been so dreamy with his words. And then he wonders if he has always been so gentle and why he felt the need to touch his face in such ways.

Taehyung ends the poem with a shivering voice.

“Oh dear”, he lets out and wipes at his eyes, glancing at Yoongi, “I am tearing up.”

“It’s okay”, Yoongi speaks softly.

“I always tell myself that I won’t become too emotional, but I truly can’t help myself. I am in love with him. Just thinking about him makes me want to cry. Oh dear, this isn’t like me at all”, he says and laughs softly, drying his eyes as best as possible.

“It’s okay”, Yoongi assures him and reaches up to wipe the tears from Taehyung’s cheek.

The latter falters for breath, gawking at him with widened eyes. The touch surprised him so greatly that he forgets to cry.

Yoongi ends the touch with a gentle nudge to Taehyung’s chin, afterwards he retreats his hand and hides it under his head.

Taehyung doesn’t dare to speak. He is left staring at Yoongi and feeling short of breath. His heart is threatening to give up in his chest, his thoughts are messy but one thought is clearer than all else. Is this truly his friend? Such tenderness, Taehyung never experienced from him before.

“The poem is nice. I could write melodies for it”, Yoongi breaks the silence.

“You”, Taehyung has to clear his throat, “hyung, this would make me incredibly happy. Oh, hyung thank you.”

“Mhm, yeah. You could perform it for Kook once it’s finished. He will love it a lot.”

“I truly hope that he will. Oh, I want to make this man so happy. Sometimes I fear that I am too much, that I will scare him away one day because I overwhelmed him with too much love.”

“There’s no such thing as too much love, Tae, there’s just a thing as the wrong receiver.”

“The wrong receiver?”

“Don’t lessen your love, Tae. A cactus dies in too much water, while a water lily thrives. There is no such thing as too much, there are just wrong receivers. Jungkook’s the right one, trust me.”

“Hyung, thank you I…” Taehyung exhales shakily, “oh, I have so much love to give to him. If I could, I would steal the stars just to give them to him. You have no idea, hyung.”

“No, I do”, Yoongi whispers and smiles softly, “he’ll cry so much when he hears the song.”

Taehyung chuckles and drops down, nuzzling his face into his own arm as he beams at Yoongi.

“He will. Oh, he is such a gentle soul.”

“Yeah”, Yoongi agrees with a chuckle, “I hope he never changes.”

“Yes, yes I agree. He’s perfect the way he is”, Taehyung says with love drunk eyes, “I plan to take him on a summer holiday soon. Perhaps Greece. It is so terribly romantic there.”

Yoongi studies Taehyung’s features intently enough that Taehyung feels shy.

“What is it, hyung?” he whispers.

“I haven’t seen you so in love before.”

“That’s not true. I love ___ just as deeply.”

“You weren’t like this with her. You were a cunt and a show-off.”

Taehyung chuckles, “I guess you are right. Oh, I regret a lot in my life. I try to make it right, but sometimes I am scared that I won’t ever be able to fix it.”

“Don’t try so hard.”

“But if I won’t, then it won’t ever be enough.”

“You’re already enough, Tae.”

Taehyung flusters, looking away.

He touches his own hair, scrambling for words.

“Hyung I…” he begins, “hyung, I feel wrong at times.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel as if I am trying to force myself into a situation I have no right to be in”, he says and looks into Yoongi’s eyes, “when Jimin was dead, I did so much wrong and, and afterwards as well. And although I shouldn’t feel this way, I feel as if I was never meant to be part of this family again. Sometimes I am scared that all of you merely pretend to be alright with me being here.”

Yoongi furrows his brows.

“I know. How silly of me to think this way. How utterly and stupidly self-obsessed. The world doesn’t revolve around me and yet here I am, feeling sorry for myself.”

“It’s not self-obsessed, Tae. You have worries and still feel guilty for your past. I understand those feelings all too well, but you shouldn’t feel this way. You acted like shit in the past, yeah, but you’re not that person anymore.”

“Do you truly think this way?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t think that you would.”

“Why?”

“Because you are always so mean to me.”

Yoongi falters. Taehyung shies away, lowering his eyes.

“It hurts me so much when you’re always so terrible to me, hyung”, Taehyung confesses in a whisper.

Yoongi stays silent.

“I apologise”, Taehyung whispers, “it, it’s alright. I understand why you are this way. I shouldn’t ask you to change for me.”

“No, you should”, Yoongi interrupts him.

Taehyung lifts his eyes, holding his breath.

“I think I’ve been unfair to you”, Yoongi confesses.

“What?” Taehyung gasps.

“It’s hard for me to accept that you’re not the reckless, snobby brat from the past anymore. That’s all I’ve known you as for centuries, but I have to give you a chance to prove yourself as someone different. You’re allowed to better yourself. I’m sorry for acting like a cunt, Tae.”

“Do you mean that?” Taehyung presses out.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Hyung”, Taehyung tears up, “oh hyung”, he whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Hey, don’t cry kiddo”, Yoongi whispers, cupping Taehyung’s cheek to wipe the tears from his lashes.

“Oh hyung, I’m so happy”, Taehyung presses out and flings himself around Yoongi’s neck. He traps him in a tight hug, his arms are slung around him and his legs closed tightly around Yoongi’s waist.

“Yah! Stop that”, Yoongi complains, finding himself smothered in Taehyung’s chest as the latter rolls around the blanket with him. Yoongi ends up chuckling, “you’re so stupid, Tae. Let me go.”

“Oh hyung, we will be such good friends”, Taehyung giggles and nuzzles into Yoongi’s face just to kiss his cheek.

“Tae stop”, Yoongi laughs, pushing his face away gently, “you’re weirding me out.”

Taehyung pulls back, releasing Yoongi from his tight hug. The latter wiggles away instantly, nudging Taehyung’s cheek.

“You’re a brat. I regret everything I said”, he says, making Taehyung laugh. Yoongi smiles, giving Taehyung’s chin one last gentle nudge. Then he rolls to his back and sits up, taking his glass of wine to drink it as his eyes stare into the orange flames.

Taehyung sits up as well, studying Yoongi’s features.

“I feel happy, hyung.”

Yoongi nods his head, “me too.”

“I mean it.”

“What do you mean?”

“We will be such good friends.”

“I see”, Yoongi says and nods his head, “yeah”, he glances at Taehyung, “I don’t want you trying to romance me. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“I won’t try. All I wanted for years was to be your friend, hyung. This is everything I wanted.”

“Mhm, good.”

“I will however cuddle with you and give you kisses.”

Yoongi scrunches his nose up and clicks his tongue, “if you have to”, he murmurs.

“I do”, Taehyung says and scoots closer to hug Yoongi’s waist and rest his chin on his shoulder, “you will be so fed up with me by the end of it.”

“It’s gonna happen sooner than later. I hate PDA.”

“No, you don’t. You give ___ PDA all the time.”

“Yeah, I guess. She’s my love, yeah.”

“That’s good, hyung. The two of you are meant for each other”, Taehyung says and sits up. He wiggles his toes and drinks his wine. Then he lets out a loud sigh, tilting his head up to stare into the sky. Millions of stars look down at them, “this world is truly fascinating.”

Yoongi inhales and lifts his head. He exhales, “yeah, Namjoon did nice stuff as well.”

“It feels impossible for me to imagine. He traumatised me incredibly.”

“I know Tae. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi lets out and lies down. He starts counting the stars but soon gives up, “do you think that every witch that ever lived is here?”

“Mhm, yes I think so.”

“Mhm.”

Taehyung snacks on some grapes and enjoys a sip of his wine. He really likes the taste of it. It’s already warmed up from the fire, but he doesn’t mind. It still tastes sweet, tasting even sweeter because he is finally Yoongi’s friend. Taehyung loves being Yoongi’s friend.

“Do you think that witches return to be witches once they’re dead?”

“I don’t seem to understand this question, hyung.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Taehyung turns, studying Yoongi’s features. The latter, who looked at the sky at first, shifts his attention to Taehyung. He seems flustered.

“Talk to me, hyung. There is something weighing on your heart, isn’t there?”

“No, there’s not.”

“You don’t have to lie to me”, Taehyung says and lies down on his tummy. The two men can see eye to eye this way, “you can trust me, hyung.”

Yoongi takes a deep breath and sighs.

“I was just wondering. What if a witch became a vampire against their will, would their soul return to being a witch once they’re dead? Would they be able to enter this world or will their soul be too cursed by vampirism to enter?”

“I have to think about this for a moment”, Taehyung confesses.

“It’s okay. It’s fucking stupid either way”, Yoongi murmurs.

“No, it’s not. I will think about it”, Taehyung assures him and rolls to his back.

They share silence. The fire crackles by their feet, the crickets sing their nightly song and the forest is alive in various kinds of rustling and animal calls. They’re both a little chilly. It’s been centuries since they last felt truly cold. They’re also very tipsy from the wine. It’s been just as long since they felt so truly drunk. It’s a vulnerable state they find themselves in. Human and so utterly prone to outside influences that it would be a scary state to be in if they weren’t so safe in each other’s presence.

“I thought of my answer”, Taehyung breaks the silence.

“Tell me”, Yoongi whispers and so Taehyung speaks quietly as well.

“I think that a witch will return to being a witch once they die. You said that they were cursed against their will and I believe that death will lift the curse from their soul.”

“So you think that they can find peace here?”

“Yes I believe so”, Taehyung says with confidence in his voice.

“Good”, Yoongi says and exhales shakily, “yeah, that’s good.”

Taehyung turns his head to Yoongi.

“Why do you ask such a question, hyung?” he asks and widens his eyes, “no hyung!”

“Huh?”

Taehyung sits up, “no! Just no! Why would you think like this? Why?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

Taehyung shakes his head vigorously and grabs Yoongi by his shoulders.

“Why do you still think about dying? Why would you kill yourself just to enter this world? Why do you still think this way?” Taehyung presses out with a trembling emotion in his voice.

“What?” Yoongi gasps and sits up, “I wasn’t thinking for myself, you idiot.”

“But…what else were you thinking?”

Yoongi lowers his head and touches the side of his neck.

“My friends”, he whispers.

“Your friends?”

“The other Creators who died. Do you think that they found peace here?”

“Oh”, Taehyung lets out and touches his own chest, “I feel such relief right now. Oh hyung, you gave me such a fright.”

“I don’t want to die these days”, Yoongi says.

“Good. This is good”, Taehyung says and hugs Yoongi again even if the latter grumbles in distaste, “you just became my friend and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Okay, okay I got it”, Yoongi laughs, patting his head, “now let go of me.”

“No”, Taehyung murmurs, “I have to hug you, hyung.”

“Fine.”

Taehyung gives him a little squeeze.

“I think that your friends are in this world”, he says into the crook of Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi feels his voice against his skin this way.

“You do?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Okay”, Yoongi says and relaxes, “maybe I’ll find them one day. How endless do you think this world is?”

“I can’t tell. I know even less about magic than you.”

“I never understood this world. This was always Namjoon’s expertise. I keep wondering how far away my friends are or how similar to the real world it is. What about time differences? My friends died thousands of years ago. They don’t know automatic lights or modern sanitary systems. Does their world look different than that of ___’s grandparents? Does every witch’s world look different depending on when they died? Isn’t it incredibly lonely like this?”

“I don’t think that I have answers to these questions, but I do believe that this world isn’t lonely.”

“You do?”

“Yes. The real world is lonely enough and I believe that the loneliness stops here. This isn’t a world of punishment, but of peace”, Taehyung says and sits up to look at the stars, “if you asked me, witches of every time period live here together. I think that this world evolved as the real world evolved. Your friends may have started off this world without electricity or running water, but as time passed and witches from different time periods entered this realm, it evolved with them.”

“Maybe.”

“Or perhaps this is a world of many different times. Maybe your friends still live how you lived three thousand years ago while ___’s grandparents live in their time period. Perhaps we can traverse time here and visit each other’s time.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Whatever it may be, I believe that your friends are at peace.”

“I wonder if they would recognise me if I ever meet them again.”

“I believe that they would”, Taehyung says and glances at Yoongi, “perhaps we could look for them.”

Yoongi lowers his head, “I was wondering the same.”

“You were?”

Yoongi nods his head.

“Oh hyung, then we ought to do so”, Taehyung says, taking Yoongi’s hand.

“I don’t know if I want this.”

“But you said so yourself that you were thinking about it.”

“Thinking about it and actually doing it are two very different things.”

“And what would be so bad about actually doing it? How else will you make new memories? How else will you find out if they’re at peace?”

Yoongi looks at Taehyung. The latter meets his eyes.

“Thinking about it can’t hurt me”, Yoongi whispers.

“I see. Oh hyung, you live in your thoughts too much. What would have happened if you over thought ___ as well?”

“That never would have happened because she gave me no chance to even think about it. She just made me fall in love with her”, Yoongi says and makes Taehyung laugh with it.

“Yes indeed, she is so incredibly stubborn once she wants something.”

“Yeah, I hope she never changes.”

“Yes indeed. She is perfect the way she is”, Taehyung agrees and smiles with Yoongi. He squeezes his hand, “but you see? Because you had no time to over think it into ruin, you can now live in happiness. You told me that you don’t want to die these days hyung, and it is all because you didn’t overthink.”

Yoongi looks away, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

“So I think that we should attempt to look for your friends. It will make you happy.”

“I guess”, Yoongi touches the side of his neck, “not this time. We’ll visit this world a lot more. I’m not ready yet.”

“I understand. Then we’ll do it next time”, Taehyung says, caressing Yoongi’s knuckles, “I love it here, so I hope to visit it many more times.”

“Mhm yeah”, Yoongi agrees, “how do you like being human?”

“Oh, it’s exhausting”, Taehyung laughs, “it has only been two days and I already have enough of it.”

“Really?” Yoongi chuckles, “why? I think it’s nice.”

“Why is it nice? I have to eat and drink and constantly relieve myself, I get tired so easily, every little ache stays and I have been freezing my buttocks off for the past ten minutes.”

Yoongi laughs, “I like it.”

“Of course you do.”

“Yeah.”

Taehyung touches his own chest, “but I must admit that it is truly wonderful to feel my heartbeat again and that my warmth is honest. And I guess it is also wonderful to feel touch on my skin”, he says and lifts Yoongi’s hand into their vision. He runs his thumb over his skin, meeting Yoongi’s soft gaze afterwards.

“Yeah”, he whispers, “it’s nice to experience this. Hugs are the best because you can feel the other’s heartbeat. Yeah and kisses.”

“Oh, you romantic”, Taehyung says with fondness in his voice, “I haven’t kissed properly yet.”

“I’m not the one you will experience this with.”

Taehyung laughs, “you are truly ice cold, hyung.”

Yoongi chuckles, “I told you. I don’t wanna romance you.”

“Yet.”

“Ever.”

“Of course, this is what you say now.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, smiling fondly, “you’re a brat.”

He lifts his glass to his lips and finishes the wine.

“Do you want more?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, the bottle is empty.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi hums, “I guess that means we gotta go inside.”

“Why? The night has only become comfortable.”

“Didn’t you say that you were freezing your ass off?”

“Yes, but I want to spend more time with you.”

Yoongi scoffs fondly, “we can spend time inside as well. It’d be less freezing.”

“Very well, but only if you promise me that we will truly continue this inside.”

“Yeah, we’ll continue this.”

“I take your words for it, hyung”, Taehyung says and gets up, “should we extinguish the fire?”

“Yeah, it’s safest. We don’t want to start a forest fire.”

“Do you believe that fires are possible here?”

“Let’s not find out the hard way. Can you get the hose from the shed?”

“Of course.”

While Taehyung hurries to the shed in the darkness and begins unravelling the hose, Yoongi makes it his task of cleaning up the picnic. He makes sure the glasses are as dry as possible and the plates are relatively clean before storing all of it in the small basket. He shakes off possible crumbs from the blanket and then folds it neatly. Taehyung returns while Yoongi is busy folding. He aims the hose at the fire, squinting his eyes as the fire dies down in puffs of smoke and protesting sizzles.

“We were lucky with the smoke”, Yoongi says.

“Yes truly, oh it’s taking its revenge now”, Taehyung says and coughs, “my eyes burn terribly.”

“Yeah”, Yoongi agrees, wafting the smoke away with closed eyes.

The fire is extinguished soon after and the two men can make their way back to the cottage. Taehyung stores the hose back on its spot as they pass the shed while Yoongi carries the picnic stuff.

“I can carry something as well”, Taehyung offers.

“It’s okay. I got it”, Yoongi assures him.

They walk side by side on their way back, carrying a certain light-hearted skip in their steps. It wasn’t there when they started this evening, but now it doesn’t seem to want to leave.

“You can leave the blanket outside in case of critters.”

They slip off their shoes and coats and while Taehyung is still busy with fixing his hair, Yoongi is carrying the basket to the kitchen. He starts unloading it, glancing over his shoulder when he feels Taehyung’s presence behind him.

“We should clean. It’s mannerly”, Yoongi says.

“Of course. I shall wash the dishes and you can dry them”, Taehyung says.

“Okay.”

Yoongi rolls up his sleeves and begins storing the leftover food in small containers, while Taehyung is busy filling the sink with warm water. They try to be as quiet as possible in fear of waking anyone.

“Oh heavens, I am a fool.”

“What’s wrong?” Yoongi asks, looking over his shoulder.

“I forgot to roll up my sleeves and wet my hands already. May I get help?”

Yoongi closes the fridge and hurries to Taehyung’s side. He rolls up his sleeves, first the left and then the right. Taehyung looks at Yoongi’s face while the other looks at Taehyung’s sweater.

“That colour’s nice”, he says.

“Thank you. I think that earth tones really fit me”, Taehyung says.

“Yeah, it’s good.”

“I made the sweater myself. I still know the pattern, so if you want to have your own I could knit it for you.”

“It’s okay, you don’t gotta work for me.”

“But I want to.”

Their eyes meet.

“You would look very handsome in earthen tones, hyung.”

Yoongi flusters, looking away.

“I’m done”, he says and steps back, “that should hold.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Mhm.”

Taehyung begins washing the dishes while Yoongi is busy discarding the scraps.

“So should I make you a sweater?” Taehyung asks.

“If you want to”, Yoongi says dryly, but it is clear that Taehyung’s offer means a great deal to him. His cheeks are just the slightest shade of rosy.

“Oh, those are wonderful news. I shall start with it the moment we are home. No actually, I have to do ___’s bedroom first and then we also planned to write my song and I promised Jimin to help with renovations of his ballet studio. Oh, I am too busy.”

Yoongi chuckles. He joins Taehyung’s right side and begins drying the dishes he already finished.

“I shall start with your sweater in October. Early November, at the very latest. I promise.”

“It’s okay, Tae. I can wait”, Yoongi assures him.

“I shall make you many presents now that we are friends, hyung.”

Yoongi smiles, “okay, Tae. I’ll accept them”, he speaks softly, giving him a fond look through the reflection of the kitchen window.

Taehyung meets it and smiles. His heart is light in his chest, his shoulders feel like lifting. He feels at ease. Spending time with Yoongi until this evening was always filled with uncomfortable tension. They accepted each other’s presence for the sake of the polycule, but it was felt by both that it was just that. Acceptance to keep the peace. Taehyung felt nervous in Yoongi’s presence and as if he needed to pretend to be the most proper, guilt-filled person on earth. While Yoongi felt wary in Taehyung’s presence and as if he needed to keep a distance for his own safety.

They don’t feel this way anymore. The once awkward tension was lifted as they talked and acceptance turned into friendship. Of course one nice evening doesn’t mean that all the issues are gone forever, but both men sense that it will be different from now on and they are willing to put in the work to improve their relationship day by day.

It’s a nice feeling to have because it meant that they could both finally feel entirely comfortable whenever their polycule comes together.

“Hey guys.”

Taehyung and Yoongi are almost finished with the dishes when Jungkook enters the kitchen. The two men look at him. He is wearing checkered pyjama pants and no shirt. His hair is ruffled as if hands played with it. His skin is flushed and his neck carries red marks of kisses.

“Hey.”

“Hello handsome.”

“Are you doing dishes?”

“Yes, we had a picnic by the fire pit.”

“The two of you?” Jungkook sounds rightfully surprised.

“Yes. It was a very lovely time.”

“Oh? Really?” Jungkook makes sure, looking between Taehyung and Yoongi. It is obvious that such news are unbelievable to him. He sniffles to make out their scent until he realises that he can’t do such things here.

“Yeah”, Yoongi says, “it was good.”

“Did you guys talk it out?”

Yoongi and Taehyung nod.

“We are friends now”, Taehyung says and hugs Yoongi.

“Okay Tae, back off”, Yoongi complains with a chuckle, which only makes Taehyung hug him tighter.

“You guys, this is the best news ever”, Jungkook gasps as his eyes light up, “wow, I’m so happy”, he confesses and giggles. He steps closer and gives them a little hug, “my two favourite men are friends now. I’m happy, hyungies”, he says and sighs contently, “I gotta tell ___ the news, but first I need to get her water.”

He struts to the cabinet and takes out two glasses. Taehyung and Yoongi, who broke the hug after Yoongi nudged him away gently, watch him.

“Did you make love?” Taehyung asks.

Jungkook grins confidently, “I don’t have to tell you.”

“Oh come now, don’t be so secretive”, Taehyung laughs.

“Mhm yeah”, Jungkook nods his head, “she’s resting upstairs.”

“Now these are truly wonderful news. I still haven’t gotten to love her here”, Taehyung says and nudges Yoongi, “you, hyung?”

“Why do I gotta tell you?”

“Come now, it is just the three of us.”

Yoongi gives up with a sigh, “congrats Kook, you beat me to it.”

“I’m the first one to do it here?” Jungkook gasps loudly enough that the others shush him.

“Her grandparents”, Yoongi whispers, pointing into the direction of their bedroom.

“I’m the first one to do it here?” Jungkook whispers, “oh my god, I’m such a perv.”

“You are the biggest perv”, Taehyung teases and snickers, “how wonderful was it?”

“It was amazing. Wow, I have butterflies” Jungkook gushes.

“Oh Kookie, this is making me so excited for my night with her.”

They both giggle excitedly.

“You two are idiots”, Yoongi whispers, “stop talking like this. She’s not a price to claim.”

“You joined us as well, hyung.”

“I only did so because you asked. Besides, if nothing happens I’m not gonna be disappointed. You guys are perverts.”

“Very well, I admit that we sounded very perverted. Please forgive us.”

“Mhm.”

“I can tell you that she talked about you guys and how she’s excited for whatever sexy thing you’ll get up to”, Jungkook says, “so she’s being a perv too, but you’re right sorry I talked about her like this.”

“Whatever”, Yoongi murmurs shyly.

Jungkook snickers and fills up the glasses. He takes a sip of his water and sighs contently.

“I’m upstairs then. ___ needs her water”, he says and steps closer to press a kiss to both Taehyung’s and then Yoongi’s lips, “sleep tight, you two”, he says and giggles, “I’m happy that you’re friends.”

And with that he leaves the kitchen with a confident sway in his hips. Taehyung and Yoongi watch him as he hurries upstairs and then distance drowns him out. It’s peculiar to them that they can’t hear how the door opens and closes or how Jungkook talks to you. Human hearing is truly so useless.

“So uhm”, Taehyung begins now that they are alone again, “what shall we do now, hyung? We cleaned everything.”

Yoongi touches the side of his neck, “I’m honestly kinda tired.”

“But hyung”, Taehyung pouts, “you promised me that we will continue the evening inside.”

“I know, but I’m tired. I don’t feel like talking anymore.”

“I’m so sad right now. Oh hyung please”, Taehyung takes Yoongi’s hand, “at least let us stay up for a little bit longer.”

“I’m sorry, Tae.”

Taehyung retreats his touch, “very well. Don’t clean the shower, I will use it after you.”

Yoongi steps closer and nudges Taehyung’s chin. The younger vampire looks at him with sad, puppy eyes.

“I had fun tonight. Yeah? Just too tired all of a sudden.”

Taehyung nods his head, allowing a small smile to wash over his face, “I had fun as well, hyung.”

Yoongi leaves soon after, but the evening wasn’t over yet. Taehyung decides so the second Yoongi disappeared upstairs. And so he waits, listening as best as his human ears allow him to. Yoongi takes around fifteen minutes in the bathroom and another five minutes taking a nightly pee. Then he can hear the guest bedroom door close.

Taehyung hurries upstairs and locks himself in the bathroom to take the quickest shower he ever took. He needs to be fast in order for Yoongi to still be awake.

Ten minutes after Yoongi got under the covers and comfortable for bed, a knock on the door alerts his attention. The door opens without his answer and in steps Taehyung.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi lowers his pen, studying Taehyung by the edge of the bed. He is wearing his pyjamas and carries his own notebook with a pen.

“What do you want?”

“Can I stay here with you tonight?”

“Why?”

“Because Jungkook and ___ are occupying her bed and I would have no place to sleep.”

“Fine…”

“Wonderful”, Taehyung says and gets on top of the bed, “we can keep each other warm”, he says and pulls the cover open to wiggle himself underneath it.

Yoongi watches him with a certain stiffness in his body. Taehyung sighs and grunts contently, shimmying closer to Yoongi until their arms touch.

“Do you have to do this?” Yoongi asks.

“Indeed, I do”, Taehyung says and sticks his naked feet under the leg of Yoongi’s pants.

“Yah! Put your icicle toes somewhere else”, Yoongi complains loudly, kicking at Taehyung’s feet.

“Warm me up, hyung”, Taehyung coos as he chases him.

“Yah stop it. You’re cold and I’m gonna kick you”, Yoongi warns as he still kicks his feet. He even lies down on his back for it, almost kicking off the blanket as he wiggles his legs.

Taehyung laughs and retreats his feet, “I apologise. The opportunity was just too easy not to take.”

“You’re such a brat”, Yoongi mumbles, sitting back up. He fixes the blanket on his legs and looks back into his notebook.

Taehyung snickers, agreeing with a nod of his head. He opens his notebook and clicks his pen.

“What are you working on, hyung?”

“Nothing. I write down what I think.”

“Like a diary?”

“I guess.”

“That’s very good, hyung. I promise not to peek.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi hums, looking at him with gratefulness, “you, uh, what are you doing?”

“Oh, I am just continuing work on ___’s bedroom sketches. I want to finish them before we leave this realm.”

“Okay. I want to listen to music. I don’t want to talk when I do.”

“I won’t stop you. I shall listen to my own music as well.”

“Okay”, Yoongi says and puts in earbuds. Taehyung slips on headphones and mere seconds later, the two men share one bed but otherwise no words. It is silent and comfortable. Each does their own thing whilst sharing space. Mere hours ago, such an occurrence would have been a lot more awkward.

They manage to get around an hour in and then Yoongi is the first to give up. He places his phone and earbuds on the bedside table together with his notebook and pen. He fluffs up his pillow next.

“Are you tired already?” Taehyung asks him.

“Mhm.”

“Do you mind if I still draw for a while? I will have to keep the lights on for it.”

“No, it’s okay”, Yoongi assures him and lies down. He wiggles for a bit to get comfortable, “good night”, he says and rolls to his side. Like this, his back is facing Taehyung.

One must know that this is the first time Yoongi shows himself like this in front of Taehyung. One must dearly remember this fact to perhaps understand why Taehyung can’t stop staring at his friend.

“Yes indeed. Have a good night, hyung”, he mumbles and turns down the light to make it easier for Yoongi to fall asleep. So this is how his friend looks when he attempts to fall asleep.

“The only reason I’m doing this is because I’m human right now and need sleep.”

“Of course hyung, I wouldn’t have dared to question you”, Taehyung says with a knowing smile on his lips.

“Good. Good night”, Yoongi says and grows silent.

“Sleep tight, hyung.”

Taehyung stares for a few moments, thinking to himself that Yoongi looks incredibly cute right now. He is resting in fetus position with his hands between his legs while the blanket covers him all the way to the back of his head. He looks even smaller than he actually is and Taehyung thinks that he is adorable. He stays quiet of course because he is aware that it would push Yoongi away if he tried to compliment him right now.

Around twenty minutes pass and then Taehyung gets sleepy as well. He discards his phone and notebook and turns off the lights. He gets comfortable in the pillow, staring into the darkness where he assumes Yoongi to sleep. It is so peculiar to not be able to see.

Taehyung tries to fall asleep, but fails because he has nothing to hug. He can’t find relaxation when he is so empty-handed.

Taehyung takes a deep breath for courage and reaches out. His fingers touch Yoongi’s back. It’s incredibly warm and tenses at the touch.

“Hyung?”

“What?”Yoongi whispers quietly.

“Did I wake you?”

“No.”

“I can’t fall asleep if I do not hug something. May I hug you?”

Yoongi exhales loudly, “if you have to.”

“Thank you, hyung”, Taehyung says and closes in on Yoongi. He drapes his right arm over him, pulling his small body against his chest. His legs lock with Yoongi’s perfectly, sharing warmth his way. Next he wiggles his left arm under Yoongi’s head, keeping it extended so both men are comfortable.

Yoongi is too sleepy to protest, letting it happen even if his brain is going crazy in panic. He never planned on being Taehyung’s little spoon and yet here they were.

“You are so comfortable, hyung”, Taehyung whispers, nuzzling his nose deep into the hair at the back of Yoongi’s head. He inhales deeply and hums.

“You’re so weird”, Yoongi murmurs, trying not to relax too much in case it comes off as needy. He’s not needy for Taehyung’s hugs. Not in a fucking million.

Taehyung ignores him for the sake of nuzzling and snuggling closer.

“What do you like best, hyung? Head pats, chest rubs or stomach rubs?”

“I’m allowing you to hug me, nothing more. Are we clear?”

“But hyung, I want to make you feel very cozy.”

“I appreciate it. Stay still. It’s cozy enough.”

Taehyung huffs out air, “very well.”

Yoongi tries to relax. He doesn’t feel sleepy when he is so tense and that means he has to relax. If he wanted to or not.

“I love back scratches most”, Taehyung breaks the silence in a soft spoken voice.

“Okay.”

“Yes, indeed. But if I am the small spoon, I love it most to have my chest rubbed. It is very relaxing to me.”

“Okay, Tae. I’m sure Kook and ___ will be very willing to give them to you.”

“Hyung”, Taehyung complains and pinches Yoongi’s side gently, “I am not attempting to romance you. Friends can give touches to each other as well.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m not fucking comfortable with having my torso touched, okay?”

“Truly?” Taehyung props himself up on his elbow. It results in Yoongi’s head rolling closer to his chest naturally. He doesn’t fix it, “so why have I seen ___ rub your stomach before? And Kook caress your chest?”

“Because…” Yoongi rolls his head away, “I don’t gotta tell you.”

“Do you need time to grow comfortable around people’s touches?”

“Yes. You’ve known me for how long? You know that I do.”

“Do I make you genuinely uncomfortable right now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want my torso to be touched by you yet.”

“I understand. I apologise for asking so many questions. I want to get to know you better.”

Yoongi hesitates. Taehyung listens to the deep inhale he does and how much deeper he seems to exhale. His back presses against his chest as he breathed.

“Just go to sleep, Tae.”

Taehyung drops back into the pillow and pulls Yoongi closer. The older man needs a moment to relax, but as those moments turn into two, three and four he finally grows soft in Taehyung’s hold. Taehyung wonders how much time passed between these moments, but it must have been a while because Yoongi’s breathing slowed down by now. But Taehyung still isn’t tired. His thoughts are racing, as is his heart.

“Yoongi?” he tries quietly.

Yoongi sighs, “what?”

“I can’t fall asleep.”

“Yeah? I can.”

“I keep thinking and it is keeping me awake.”

Yoongi sighs again, “do you wanna talk about it?”

“Maybe.”

“Fine. Tell me.”

“Why did you hate me for so long?”

Yoongi shifts, “this is what you’re thinking about?”

“Yes. I apologise, but I can’t stop.”

“I didn’t hate you. At least not since some time.”

“So why did you act so annoyed by me all the time?”

“I don’t know. I guess”, Yoongi stays silent for a while as he thinks, “it’s hard for me to let you in because whenever I did, you disappointed me.”

“I see.”

“And I’m still scared that you’re gonna hurt ___ and Kook one day. That I’m gonna let you in and trust you and then you suddenly have a change of heart and decide to become a reckless cunt again and hurt them in the process.”

“I see.”

“That’s why it’s hard for me to shed my feelings off. I want to believe so hard that you are better”, Yoongi says and touches Taehyung’s hand.

The latter has to gasp for air at the touch, feeling as if time slows down. It stands still completely when seconds later, Yoongi begins fumbling with his fingers. Mindlessly yet gently.

“But if I’m wrong? If you’re gonna hurt them and become wicked again? Then I let you in only to be disappointed again”, Yoongi exhales shakily, “for fuck’s sake Tae, please just don’t disappoint me again.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you, hyung”, Taehyung whispers, “and I want to be better from now on. There were many occasions where I was controlled by Namjoon. I hope you are aware of those occasions.”

“I am and I’m not blaming you for them. There were also too many where you acted out of your own free will.”

“I am aware of them and I will remember them so I can better myself. Please believe me, hyung. I want to be better from now on. Not only for the sake of ___ and Kook and Jimin, but also for your sake. I want to be a worthy friend of yours, hyung. One you can rely on and trust.”

Yoongi acknowledges him with a nod of his head. He drops Taehyung’s fingers to instead, close his hand around his’. Gently and without pressure.

“I’m sure that you will be, kiddo. Hyung’s always wished for your best”, Yoongi says in their native tongue. The underlying honesty of speaking in one’s native language, the language closest to the heart, doesn’t go unnoticed by Taehyung.

“Hyung”, Taehyung breathes shakily, fighting tears.

“Fuck”, Yoongi lets out a breathy chuckle, “you’re a bastard for making me talk about my feelings when I’m fucking sleepy. I turn into an honest sap.”

Taehyung giggles, sniffling his tears away.

“I enjoy this a lot, hyung. It’s so difficult to get affection from you.”

“That’s not true. I show affection. Just not like you, you public sap.”

Taehyung chuckles, “now you are just saying stuff for the sake of saying them.”

“Brat”, Yoongi murmurs and chuckles softly, “now go to sleep, Tae. It’ll get too late and we’ll be tired as fuck tomorrow.”

“I will try, but I don’t know if I will be successful. My heart is racing terribly after what you said.”

Yoongi chuckles, “try to”, he says breathily and grows softer in Taehyung’s arms.

Taehyung snuggles into Yoongi, closing his eyes while his lips refuse to drop their smile. He is so happy that he feels like bursting in fireworks and sparkles.

The last thing Yoongi does before he falls asleep is to intertwine his fingers with Taehyung. He isn’t awake anymore for the small gasp of disbelief Taehyung releases or the whispered “hyung” he lets out. Sleep has dragged him away and soon, oh so very soon because he finally has something to hold, Taehyung follows.

The night will be peaceful and neither of the two men will leave the hug for even one second.

49 notes · View notes