#i'm totally terrified

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Thanks for the tag @skinnyscottishbloke! I love music tags. The rules are to use your "On Repeat" playlist to describe your 2024 year, but I decided to use my Top Songs for 2023 instead. Here's what I came up with!

January- U-English Version- millennium parade, Belle

February- Unholy- Our Last Night 😳

March- Yellow- Coldplay

April- Roll To Me- Del Amitri

May- You're the Inspiration- Chicago

June- Smile- Katy Perry 😁

July- You Can't Stop the Beat- Hairspray Cast

August- Over My Head (Cable Car)- The Fray 🙃

September- Faith- Stevie Wonder, Ariana Grande

October- The Saints of Violence and Innuendo- Shinedown 😱

November- Only the Good Die Young- Billy Joel

December- Rain on Me- Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande

Okay I'm completely terrified for the end of my year now! 😅 Tagging some peeps to see if it works out any better for you: @lordoftherazzles, @dimdiamond, @starthecozy, @yacrimago, @lucigoo, @middleearthpixie, @tra-golden, @shantismurf, @frosticenow, @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book, @estethell, and @fantasyinallforms

#tag you're it #my musical preferences #my predicted year #i'm totally terrified

[ronanlynchbf]

#rereading trc while simultaneously falling back into aftg stuff by virtue of reading tsc and thereby transporting myself back to when i #was sixteen but it's fine it's totally fine like it's whatever 😁👍 #r.txt #anyway. me when – me when i – me when i'm trying to tell my best friend that i'm gay but i'm also trying to tell him i can take stuff from #my dreams and i took my now pet raven from my dreams like from my head i'm a dreamer but also that's kind of the same thing but also it's #really not but also it is bc it's an allegory but also that's not the only thing the dreaming is an allegory for and also i'm scared to tel #him like i'm terrified actually and i don't want to tell him but also i need to tell him but also he already knows but i don't know that he #knows and also i was goinggggg to tellllllll himmmmmm arghhhhhhh #this scene is soooooooooo like. like AOUGH. ARGH OUGH AGH AOUGHHHHHH #<- sounds of a guy taking minus xp damage with every word read of this stupid scene. he literally was going to tell gansey 😕......... #trc #ronsey #like i need 2 lay down. he came out there to tell him......the timbre of his voice being described as strange&initially unrecognizable.... #i read this part like. 2 weeks ago idk. smth of the sort. and i'm STILL thinking abt it....you came out for something.....when you'd made u #ur mind to confess but ur mouth betrayed you in the end......associated with secrets and guilt......MAN.....

[mo-nmage]

hm ... i am scared

#“lots of ugly crying” yeah i'm totally NOT terrified of this season #tdp #the dragon prince #tdp s6

[phoenixcatch7]

So there's an actual in game reason you can't get lynel weapons anymore??

So I was looking over the monster statues, just examining the design, when I notice something I'd seen but never really twigged:

Those are nuts and bolts. Huh. That's not natural, that's been added on. In fact, you can still see part of the original scratchy lynel horn from botw underneath, even if it has mutated a bit like all the other horned monsters.

See, lynels, with lizalfos in a lesser way, are the only enemies in the game with the intelligence and cunning to forge weapons. A lizal can only manage one boomerang, shield or bow with varying spikes and occasionally repurpose some hylian armour (and often loot anyway), but lynels are capable of creating their own unique metals and using it to completely outfit themselves. Armour, bows, shields, spears, clubs, and swords, complete with sheaths and harnesses and decoration!

But in totk the particularly pointy ones are missing, leaving only shields, armour, and bows. Their weapons were subject to the Decay as well, but instead of trying to use them anyway, what did they do? They broke down their own weapons and repurposed them as enhancements to their own horns! Extra defence and a new devastating attack!

But... For what reason? They could have kept using those weapons just fine, everyone else is! It probably would have been more practical to start attaching things to the end, like the goblins have all started doing (albeit with mixed results, they seem to inordinately favour mushrooms). Why would the most feared enemy in the game feel the need to put more points into defence and intimidation, even sometimes utilising the rock armour?

What would they be feeling the need to so strongly defend from, even to the point of sacrificing huge attack power over it?

...

Link. It's Link.

The 5 nothing hero of hyrule, who built a whole community of speed running, styling on, brutally murdering lynels almost exclusively again and again and again. Moldugas, hinox, talus, they haven't changed a bit! They weren't at the center of every flashy slow mo clip since the first game came out!

But lynels in totk are running scared, they're building bigger horns to look scarier and armour to hide in, because once they need to get their short range weapons out its already over, or maybe link will just stop farming them for top tear weapons XD.

Tldr: unlike other monsters, which have branched out to kidnapping, riding flying monsters and rolling big spiky balls, lynels have gone entirely the other direction in order to try and scare the hero off after the last round of stylish massacres, and attached their old decayed gear to their horns.

Tldr tldr: botw link is the reason you can't get lynel weapons in totk because he scared them too much.

#Sorry lynels! I'm still going to farm you for your loot! Congrats on swallowing your pride enough to use hylian weapons though lol #Don't think I've even seen a blue lynel outside the floating coliseum. Found one in akkala and immediately went hunting for silver pelts. #It's actually hilarious how much the loz community has affected totk. Like there's glitches they've made features there's pranks they pull #There's lots of little changes they've made to the world and physics engine. Sometimes it's funny #Like rehydrated ganon and the new extra revealing outfits. Sometimes it's how elemental effects now continue through the weapon spin. #Sometimes it's assuming lynels just have bigger horns like the rest until you look closer and realised they enhanced them to be Extra Tall #They've started trying to posture like cats that 'totally aren't scared what' because the loz community is utterly terrifying XD #loz #legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #loz totk #loz tears of the kingdom #tloz totk #tloz tears of the kingdom #totk lynel #lynel #botw lynel #botw #tloz #silver lynel #loz theory #long post #lmaooooooo

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[omaano]

“Hello then, to an Upright cousin.” The child (...) grabs his jacket boldly, pointing back to the door through which Mird brought it. “Is what you seek through there?” “Eh,” it grunts in frustration, waving even more vigorously through the door.

Mereel & Family Booksellers chapter 2 by @sidhebeingbrand  and @toughbreaks

Just a cleaned up sketch WIP for now, because I don't deal too well with green stuff, and this one would require quite a bit - but I'd been itching to take a crack at this scene for a while now, so here I am! I'm willing to trade this drawing (made for the "fantasy" square of my @bobadinweek AU bingo card, because fae children count there, right?) for the other one made for this very same story on the technicality that Jaster actually very much lives in this one. Technically speaking. I tried my best!

#Am I going to shut up about this story any time soon? Not likely but you may hope #bobadin #boba fett #din djarin #jaster mereel #the mandalorian fanart #cody #I kinda like Cody here. Boba... not so much but I'm willing to take this trade off #my art #star wars fanart #bobadinaubingo #tbobf fanart #it's my greatest heartbreak that I just can't draw Boba in a way that I like him T^T but I'm trying okay? I'll get him right one day #even with hair because... well I have plans #I swear I took screenshots and detailed notes on this scene during my re-read #i just also conveniently FORGOT where I put them and I just realized all the stuff I totally marked down as important and forgot about lol #anyway time to get to work #I'll keep this for warm ups for lining and flat colouring I guess... I'm not as terrified of it as I was with the interior of the bookshop #I only found my notes on Mird lol so... I guess I will try to figure him out too sometime soon? #changeling au

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Bathena: *survives the room filling with water*

Me:

#911 spoilers #I totally wasn't terrified guys ha ha ha #I was soooooo calm the whole time #I knew they'd survive DUH #I didn't panic for a MOMENT #*avoids eye contact* #yes I will be using this screenshot as a reaction meme until you're all sick of it #AND I'M NOT SORRY #IT'S FUNNY

[mintycurry]

Do you think Simon is ever scared of how much power he has over Wille?

#this is *totally* not based on irl shit going on for me #(cuz I'm actually really terrified) #wilmon #young royals

[trillscienceofficer]

Janeway to both Seven and B'Elanna: I want you to think of me as your mentor so you can trust me and tell me what's weighing on you but also I'm your boss and I can't always be your friend and I see you and understand you and I've been there but you have to follow my directions in order to survive and get to where I am now because I'm sure that's exactly what you want even though I haven't asked and I am trying to leave you enough space to find yourself on this ship and if you have a hard time you can count on me but I will definitely read your logs if I suspect something is up with you

#I'm kind of terrified of Janeway in the sense that I know exactly about this need for control #that spills over into trying to direct the people around her #I totally get why she's like this. she's in an impossible situation and YET #I wish there would've been some reckoning of this whole thing #anyway. I'm sure both B'Elanna and Seven have particularly weird dreams about Janeway lol #voy

[sassysnowperson]

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sarafi by by Shannon Chakraborty should have a fanatical tumblr fandom. Sure, because it's excellent - wonderfully plotted, vivid characters, joyously queer, set in a historical world that feels like it's breathing with life and just enough of the fantastic to keep me riveted. Yes yes, all of that. Here's the thing though.

There is a man, and he is pathetic. He's pretty, he's damned, he's annoying, he's terrible. And it feels fundamentally wrong that I have experienced this media, and my dash isn't filled with people who want to save him, want to make him hurt worse, who are turning him into sopping wet kitten or a hyper-sexual dom.

To be clear, I am not, primarily, a pathetic man enjoyer! The main character is a badass middle aged woman who is exhausted, that is my catnip. Amazing. But it still feels wrong, to see this prototypical tumblr dreamboat and for him not to have a feral fandom for me to be fondly annoyed by. Pathetic men enjoyers I need you to come get your poor little meow meow, stat.

#the adventures of amina al-sarafi #shannon chakraborty #Raksh #is the name of the dude #really I'm just trying to get more people to read this book #there's a terrifying poisoner named Dalila you can totally ship her with the main characteerrrrrr #pspspsps for all my femslash enjoyers #book #review #??? #I mean I guess it's kinda a review #a review for a very specific person

[void-botanist]

19, 20, 21, 22 for the polycule of your choice? :0

whoops we're doing it for two of them :3 and I'll include Heith too

19 - Summarize your character's goals in one sentence.

Marcus: be okay and go home, but also never have to tell Heith about all of his lies by omission

Heith: figure out if she's actually for real serious about Marcus (she thinks she might be actually for real serious about Marcus) and one way or another move out of her hotel room on Aephar

Yera: be a mom and try to make peace with the fact that Marcus is not here to be a part of the family

Hossan: be a dad and help Umedes figure themself out

Gren: see Marcus again and hopefully find out that there was no need to be jealous about his girlfriend, and make sure everyone's okay, especially the baby

Pali: prevent Kiatcarmen from finding Marcus (though that isn't a very active job), make sure the shifter coalition in the court doesn't budge, and get somewhere with her studies of shifter magic

Umedes: figure out whether they want to have a kid or not help

Kiatcarmen: find Marcus, because Minaya must not ascend, and do whatever else she can to preserve her accomplishments in the kingdom

Pirianus: broaden Kiatcarmen's vision beyond legacy, or, failing that, as he has for some 30+ years, get her to open up to him

Caladea: see Marcus again, and for his polycule's sake believe with all her heart the lies they tell Kiatcarmen

Thade: continue completing the political project du jour and end up in a happily ever after with Pirianus, which might also make him more welcome in the palace

Orvi: complete the one thing he was installed in the palace to accomplish

20 - Who's in the way of those goals?

Marcus: his mother. Always his mother. And honestly a little bit himself

Heith: herself, mostly. This is so not like her - well, specifically the part where she's still here when there have been plenty of times to go home

Yera: realistically, Kiatcarmen. But she still sometimes feels like she's lost some of her verve

Hossan: Umedes is the big challenge here. They're just so indecisive

Gren: Kiatcarmen, but sometimes it's easier to focus on the fact that Marcus has an interstellar girlfriend that none of them have ever met and that's so frustrating

Pali: herself. There aren't enough hours in the day for everything, and she has to sleep ugh

Umedes: themself, because they were the one who said this would be a great idea for when Marcus comes back. Who 100% believed Pali and Minaya and her ferasca spouses that this would go great. And who also took one look at Yera & Hossan's baby and thought that maybe they were signing up for more than they realized

Kiatcarmen: Marcus. Always Marcus. But she also blames Minaya and Yera and Pali for his disappearance, and she needs Pirianus to just shut up. This would have been so much easier with Jimmy

Pirianus: Kiatcarmen because he put his eggs all in one basket. But he mostly blames himself

Caladea: Kiatcarmen, but she tries to focus on what she can do better, and how she's getting in her own way

Thade: he's beginning to suspect he's been in his own way this entire time but it can't be understated how much Pirianus is constantly hot and cold

Orvi: it changes frequently, but always some contingent of the court

21 - What is your character's relationship with their emotions?

Marcus: he can't control his bad emotions, so he suppresses them. This has never caused any problems

Heith: she's just as cynical about her emotions as she is about everything else, but sometimes she just can't not feel something completely unironically

Yera: she's gonna feel them whatever they are so [grits teeth] negative emotions are part of the fullness of experience (she will be screaming into this pillow later)

Hossan: left to his own devices, he would feel his emotions, and then let them cast away upon the wind. Being with Yera and Gren has made him learn how to interrogate them more

Gren: he feels everything. A lot. He also conceptualizes things in terms of feelings a lot

Pali: she would like to believe she doesn't have them, but then she lays awake at night deconstructing them

Umedes: they tend to put intense feelings away for later, but don't ever get to later unless later comes for them first

Kiatcarmen: her emotions are so rich and nuanced and nobody understands that, so all of her emotions collapse into some flavor of annoyance

Pirianus: don't like that feeling? Repress it! This will never result in it returning in continually more warped and incomprehensible forms

Caladea: being in the palace seems to have stunted her emotions - they're flatter, duller, and way more anxious no matter what they are

Thade: don't like that feeling? Deflect it! The more mirrors there are between you and your emotions the less you will ever know what they are and the less you can ever be responsible for them

Orvi: he has a mental Tupperware for emotions that allows him to keep control of himself. He is the only person on this list who will actually open that Tupperware on purpose later

22 - What regrets do they have, if any? (From any part of the story, not just exposition.)

Marcus: missing out on eight years of his "real" life, and especially not being there when Gren's grandmother died. If only he'd been stronger, he could have stayed

Heith: before finding out about Marcus, that she's kind of a flake to her band, but they don't seem to mind that much. After finding out about Marcus, that she ever thought there was some kind of "magic" between them and maybe she could feel naïve about love for two seconds

Yera: she regretted drifting away from her father and sister, so she's fixing that now

Hossan: most of his regrets are from the now-distant past and don't make much sense - even he will say so - but he always finds himself regretting that he can't seem to do more for people

Gren: not going home even more before his grandmother died, even though he was practically splitting his time between his home city and the palace. He also regrets letting Marcus leave, even though he had to, and there was no other real choice

Pali: after getting married, she got more distant from her professor mentor, and the regret hit her hard when they died

Umedes: most immediately, thinking that having a kid was a good idea (they are beginning to think that this is a pregnancy kink that got out of hand). But more than anything they regret not going with Marcus, even though they couldn't

Kiatcarmen: Ashmalo was a liability, but she still regrets that he died (despite her image she does not think that assassination is the right way to deal with most problems, including Ashmalo). Conversely, she regrets that she couldn't save Jimmy, even though medical science itself could not have saved Jimmy. She also regrets letting Minaya slip out from under her thumb, because if she hadn't, she wouldn't be stuck looking for her runaway son

Pirianus: that he can't seem to permanently extract himself from Thade. If he stops and thinks about it (read: gets drunk and sad) he regrets spending so many years of his life trying to get through to a woman who would just as soon throw him to the dogs

Caladea: that she couldn't do more for Marcus or Minaya or Ashmalo, and that she still can't. And that being stuck in the palace has left her struggling to try and pick up the pieces of her creativity and her passion even though it should have given her unlimited resources to pursue them

Thade: things he's said to people. Most of them used to be seared in his brain because he thought they were funny, and eventually he figured out that oh, maybe they weren't. But some of them seemed bad from the moment they came out of his mouth (not before that, unfortunately, because he wasn't thinking about it) and he wishes he could take them back for real, especially the things he's said to Pirianus

Orvi: that he's still here. He had one thing to accomplish, and even though it was complex, it's taking SO. LONG. He knew that marrying into the royal family meant that he probably wasn't going to permanently go home again, but the longer this drags on the less he even wants to show his face there, and he wonders if it was worth it at all

#I need to spend more time with Heith tbh. I know she must have other regrets in her life that feed into the cynicism #I'm just not totally sure what/what her situation is outside of her band #Kiatcarmen's polycule gives me the worst heartache help #I actually wrote like 2k words about some shit Thade said to Pirianus after she died and how that did not go well #honestly Thade also kind of regrets never yet telling Pirianus that he loves him as anything but a joke. but he's not unpacking that one #me: Pali was basically a wizard's apprentice before she got married but there are no wizards in this setting #me: wait #I think it's pretty clear actually that Pali doesn't really do regrets. she's maybe better at forgiving herself than any of the others #simultaneously laughing and crying when I imagine Umedes with the baby because they are TERRIFIED of hurting it somehow #despite normally being a very gentle person and very unlikely to do anything wrong #kink mention #c: Kiatcarmen #c: Orvi #c: Caladea #c: Pirianus #c: Thade #c: Marcus #c: Yera #c: Gren #c: Pali #c: Umedes #c: Hossan #c: Heith #wip: iecunem #50 questions ask game

[buckets-and-trees]

Bucky and the Bench

Title: Bucky and the Bench Fandom: MCU Pairing: eventual Bucky x female!Reader

Word Count: 802 Summary: It’s not enemies to lovers, but it definitely doesn’t start out well. Warnings: Slow burn Additional Notes: Well, here’s my first post here… This will not strictly be a WIP, but it is a series of drabbles with a plan, if you will. Or if you won’t. I still will be drabbling…

“You’re on my bench.”

You look up, so shocked at this stranger’s audacity that you couldn’t hide the look of harsh scrutiny on your face. “I – this is a public park.”

He nods. “And you’re sitting on my bench.”

Your scrutiny turns to a glare. “You can’t have a bench at a public park.”

“Fine, it’s my favorite bench in the park. It has the best view.”

Your face softens slightly. “You’re not wrong.” Two things are working to disarm you. You don’t glare often, but when provoked, whoever receives it usually backs down immediately, and the fact that he hasn’t is intriguing. But he’s probably not because he’s likely never had to back down from anything in his life, the imposing hulk of a man that he is, well over six feet, built frame, and a piercing blue stare. He’s more than the definition of tall, dark, and handsome, and that doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“Fine,” he sighs. “Can I?” he gestures to the right side of the bench.

You weren’t sitting in the middle of the bench, already slightly favoring the left side, so you shrug and scoot to the other end of the bench, moving your things along with you. He sits without another word. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him pull a book out of an inner pocket of his jacket, and he becomes immediately engrossed.

It’s only after another few moments that you realize the look out of the corner of your eye had turned into a full-on study of the man at the other end of the bench, and then you quickly move to rummage in your bag. You weren’t staring at him.

Except you had been, because how could he really have had the audacity to disturb you about, and then insist on sitting on, this bench? There were plenty of good benches here, and he could have sat at any one of them. And then he just sat there, reading To Kill a Mockingbird as if nothing had happened to get his handsome frame in that spot. And this may be his favorite bench (it was yours, too), but that was one of your favorite books, and you couldn’t tell if you were annoyed that he had it in his hands, or if you were curious. It was a classic, to be sure, but had he read it before? What did he think?

You glance up from your bag to look at him again. He was still reading with rapt attention.

Back in your bag, you settle on just pulling a mint out of a small tin, then settle back to reading your own book. For your lunch break today, you’d opted for a fluffy new romance recommendation alongside your sandwich. You aren’t embarrassed to be reading a fluffy, trendy romance book, but you did hope the stranger hadn’t noticed how vibrantly pink the cover is. You move the book to rest in your lap, pressing the pages open across your legs, effectively hiding the cover from any eyes that may judge.

Once you are back into your book, you only have eyes for the pages until your phone’s alarm blares, which is only a moment of interruption to you, but causes the man at the other end of the bench to jerk violently, nearly drop his book, and glare at you angrily when he realizes it is only your phone.

You give him a half-apologetic grimace as you slip your book and your phone into your bag before slipping it over your shoulder. He settles back into the bench, but this time hunching over his book, elbows resting on his knees, clearly attempting to block out all his surroundings, including you.

You stand and walk away. As you begin your journey back to work, you can’t help thinking how awful a meet cute that was, if your life was a romance novel or rom-com film. Maybe it could be worked into an enemies-to-lovers plot, but even that was a stretch.

Those brooding blue eyes though…

You laugh to yourself, exiting the park and truly getting back to normal life.

Normal, standard life, void of meet cutes, but a life you are generally content with, no need to worry about the man with the impossibly blue eyes or his strong jawline.

Because, honestly, what kind of man was so particular about a public park bench anyway?

So strange.

You don’t go back to the park and the bench the next day, but the day after that you do go and reclaim your bench. You’d been to that park and sat at that bench during your lunch many times – not every day, but two or three times a week, and you’d never seen him there before, and you don’t see him there again.

next part

#bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky is a brooder sometimes #bucky doesn't play nice with strangers okay #he's a grumpy grandpa #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky x yn #don't worry i'm not terrified to post my first writing here on tumblr #and also have that writing be totally not a major hook #but the muses said this is how this journey begins #book loving bucky #the brooklyn boys #aspen wrote something #female reader

[chaoticfvckingdisaster]

just finished season 4 of Never Have I Ever on netflix, holy shit I've never had so much closure from a show ending before. what do I do with myself

#no spoilers i promise #we literally got closure for EVERY SINGLE plot arc?? And character??? #I relate to devi a toN and I'm very close to starting college and the rest of my life and terrified to do so so yeah. I cried #I did. actually cry. #and I'm about to go text my bsf to make sure we will stay friends through college #anyways fucking FANTASTIC show I totally recommend it's actually so good #never have I ever #nhie #never have I ever season 4 #nhie s4 #nhie season 4 #chaotic's posts

[blue-hi]

so um. i hope it's ok if i ask for people's opinions?

i'm scheduled to go to work at the museum tomorrow but we're also supposed to get a blizzard in my city tomorrow, totaling to about 3 inches or even some more. this is my first winter with a car so i haven't really ever driven in these conditions, and drivers in my city. aren't fantastic. there's a shitty turning move named after the drivers in my city if that's any help. schools are shut down across the county, and the mayor has told nonessential city workers to stay home

i know i'm going to have to learn to drive in this weather eventually, and i have an suv, so it's not like i have a small car or a sedan or anything, so i feel like i'm overreacting but

i feel like calling off tomorrow.

my managers are super reasonable people and i really like them and they really like me, and if i were to call in tomorrow and say i don't feel safe traveling to work they'll probably understand. but i know that'll put more strain on them and my other coworkers who are brave enough to travel, and because i like them so much, i feel guilty about calling off. like i'm taking advantage of the goodwill. which i don't want to do

i also don't want them to think of me as a coward. i mean, i know i can be, but i don't want other people to know that and judge me for it. it's also been a while since i've had to deal with snow, period (we didn't get a lot last year)— is 3 inches a lot?

am i overreacting?

#unfortunately. i am the type to ask permission from people before i do something that makes me feel guilty. #i did come to work by accident twice last week when i wasn't actually scheduled (misread my schedule. oops! it worked out) #so it balances out for me to not come in when i am scheduled? #that logic doesn't work but. hmm. #i just. i respect the people i work with a lot. but i'm also fucking terrified #i also imagine it'll be totally dead tomorrow. on account of the #on account of the blizzard #unless grammy and grampy want to take little timmy to the science center because school is canceled #in which case fuck them

[mike-wheeler-ik-what-you-are]

just so y'all know, may 17th will probably be the day of my metaphorical death

#taking the proficiency cambridge certification #which basically states that you can speak english like your native language #and yeah I'm a bit terrified #considering I live in italy; don't have any english ancestry and have never been to an english speaking country in my entire life #but it's the next level from my current one so yeah #also totally forgot this but I'm only 17 lmao

[033h]

lately ive been so overwhelmed that i just want to go the whole day without speaking to or texting anyone back. I've always found it hard to text people back, but lately it's like i have nothing to say, no passion, no news to report about me or anyone else. I'm still making meals and now I'm reading books too, in all honesty I'm not pushing myself that hard but i still feel weighed down by dread most days!

#i think once i have a job and both feet on the ground everything will be so so good #there are so many opportunities but right now it just feels like I'm watching them all pass by and i cant do anything about it (but i could #but actually getting the job is also terrifying #social anxiety for me has always been like this... sense that if i just let go and go into total isolation it would feel peaceful and safe #even though i know id be literally crazy and ripping my hair out insane if i ever let that happen so i cant #its like paranoia about impacting anyone or anything