Surrogate au
Janet Drakes body was unable to handle a pregnancy, she was found to be infertile, and she and Jack wanted a kid.
So they hired a discreet surrogate. She was from a bad part of town, and already had one kid she'd apparently adopted or something, and even if she didn't keep her mouth shut literally no one would believe her.
Her name was Catharine Todd.
Jason just vaguely remembers, before his mom fell to drugs, that for about nine months while she was pregnant with his little brother or sister they had everything paid for.
But then she'd gone into labor at home, a special baby doctor got called, and a weird couple that smelled like money literally yanked his new baby brother from her arms.
Afterwards, she'd never been the same.
That on top of his dad getting abusive ultimately drove her to drugs.
Then everything else had happened, and he didn't have time to look into it. How could he? Even with all of Batmans tech, he genuinely had been so scared for his mom that he couldn't remember the faces of the couple that kidnapped his brother.
Sure, he could have asked Bruce to look, but he was afraid of finding his answer in the form of a headstone.
After Jason comes back, as he's stalking Tim to get ready for Titans Tower, digs into the Drake records.
And he finds it.
It's Tim. Tim's the little brother he lost before he could even see the kids tiny baby face.
It doesn't matter that Catharine wasn't his biological mom, she raised him; she earned the title of mom. Which meant Tim was his brother.
And in Jason's mind, there's no way that Bruce didn't know when he recruited Tim. He'd not only upgraded, he'd kept it in the family, so to speak.
Now Jason's torn between demanding Bruce kill the Joker and just killing Bruce himself, for putting his only remaining family in danger instead of protecting them.
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julien baker live lyric changes masterpost
the many ways that julien changes her lyrics over time and seamlessly alters the lyrics and meanings of her songs to maintain a level of personal authenticity has become so fascinating to me and many others so i thought it'd be nice to do some research and compile as many as i can.
enjoy! or cry! whichever!
the original lyrics are in parenthesis, changes are bolded, roughly in chronological order and i’ve added timestamped links to performances [x] where i can! i use mostly youtube because it's the most accessible. some of these seem to be permanent changes and others are just occasional, probably depending on how she's vibing with the song at the time (i'm assuming). let me know of any i’ve missed!
Rejoice: [x] [x] [x] pronoun change, does this lots!
"i know there's a god and they hear either way"
("i think there's a god and he hears either way")
[x] she uses the 'she' pronoun here this time!
[x] she sings 'force' here and also in a version she performed pre-release
"asking why did you let them leave and then force me to stay?"
("asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?")
Good News: [x] [x] [x] these are not full lyric changes but rather some gut-wrenching repetition. side note she performs a cover of paul by big thief in the first clip here too!
"it's less about you / it's all about how i ruin everything oh everything i do / everything i do / god i ruin everything oh everything / oh everything i think could be good news."
("it's less about you / it's more about how i ruin everything--- i think could be good news")
Distant Solar Systems: [x] pronoun change speaking of god, she also omits the second last verse.
"I send postcards from the road and now and then she answers"
("and now and then he answers")
Turn Out the Lights: [x] [x] [x] this one hurts! a few times in late '18 and in '19
"maybe i'd do it but it's not a joke"
("i'd never do it but it's not a joke")
Sour Breath: [x] [x] another one that hurts!!
"think all the liquors gonna keep me warm / burn everything down just to prove i could / leave you inside a body made of wood"
("think all the liquors gonna keep you warm / burn everything down just to prove you could / leave me inside a body made of wood")
[x] audio only from 1:16 (same changes as above +)
"i don't do too well when everyone's worried about me"
("i don't do too well when nobody's worried about me")
Appointments: [x] [x] [x] in lots of performances post-2018. she switches between using 'know' and 'think' occasionally
“i know that i ruined this / but i think i can live with it / nothing turned out how pictured it ... i think that i failed again / but i know you’re still listening”
("i think if i ruin this / that i know i can live with it / nothing turns out like I pictured it ... i think if i fail again / then i know you’re still listening")
[x] audio only - from 2:45 (same changes as above +)
"i hope you're still listening"
("i know you're still listening")
Happy to Be Here: [x] tiny changes. not sure if she's done this more than once
"different me would be inhabiting my body / have two cars, a garage, a dog..."
("different me would be inhabiting this body / have two cars, a garage, a job...")
Something: [x] [x] [x] [x] (she adds 'again' a lot, even since 2015)
“asking aloud why you’re leaving again”
(“asking aloud why you’re leaving--”)
[x] (this was prior to release)
"asking aloud why you're leaving again / i know you won't answer me"
("asking aloud why you're leaving --- / but the pavement won't answer me")
Red Door: [x]
"beneath before you won't follow me down"
("beneath before you wont follow me there")
Shadowboxing: [x] [x audio only - from 3:09]
"tell me that you love me / tell me you love me / i wanted so bad to believe you / so tell me you loved me / tell me you loved me / i wanted so bad to believe you" )
("when you tell me you love me / tell me you loved me / i wanted so bad to believe it / so tell me you love me / tell me you loved me")
Ziptie: [x] [x] [x] [x] (side note the end of the second clip rules!!)
“someone’s/somethings got my heart in a ziptie”
(“someone’s got my head in a ziptie”)
Tokyo: [x] [x] [x audio only - from 1:30] in a few performances in 2022
“a seven-car pile-up of every disastrous thing that i am"
(“a seven-car pile-up of every disastrous thing that i’ve been”)
+ also sings "accident" instead of "aftermath" in the audio clip
Relative Fiction: [x] [x] [x] [x] does this lots!
"honey you're the only thing i'll wait around for"
("--you’re the only thing i’ll wait around for")
Highlight Reel: [x] [x audio only from 1:45 ] original chorus lyrics are 'you feel' but now in one chorus she sings 'to' and the other she sings 'you'
"ooh it's a highlight reel / tell me how to feel"
("ooh it's a highlight reel / tell me how you feel")
Ringside: [x] [x] [x audio only from 3:50] two separate lyrics changes in these clips!
"like a scratch-off ticket how i dig my nails into your skin"
("like a scratch-off ticket how you dig your nails into my skin")
(from final verse)
“nobody deserves a second chance / so why do i keep getting them?”
(“nobody deserves a second chance / but i keep giving them”)
[x] [x] (from the second last verse)
“nobody deserves a second chance / but somehow i keep fucking getting them”
(“nobody deserves a second chance / but honey i keep getting them")
Anti-Curse: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] she doesn't always change 'foreign characters'
"writing the words to the best love song you've ever heard" ...“sounding out familiar characters”
("writing the words to the worst love song you've ever heard"...“sounding out the foreign characters”)
Favor: [x] [x] [x] [x] first change - changing to 'why?' in most live performances
“why couldn’t you make me do it?”
(“well you couldn’t make me do it”)
[x] [x] new change from MSG in 2023!
“how did you make me do it?”
(“well you couldn’t make me do it”)
HONOURABLE MENTIONS:
Funeral Pyre: [x]
this is just a funny thing i found on my hunt. the audience accidentally corrected her grammar, theyre singing along and sing "needed so badly" instead of the original "needed so bad" and everyone took a lil' moment to laugh.
Funeral Pyre: allegedly. i just read about it somewhere so have no proof!!
“while i drank gasoline 'cause it's what i needed so bad”
(“while you drank gasoline 'cause it's what you needed so bad”)
Shadowboxing: [x]
she doesn't really change any lyrics significantly but repeats the final verse for emphasis.
Good News: [x] (i think an early/demo version but i cant find any other recordings/videos of this version!)
"how i fuck up everything i think could be good news"
("how i ruin everything i think could be good news")
Rejoice: [x] house show performance from 2015 before official release. a few different lyrics!
"ask you why did you let them leave and then force me to stay?"
("asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?")
(final verse)
"i rejoice anyway / i rejoice either way"
("i rejoice i rejoice / i rejoice i rejoice")
Sour Breath: [x]
she added a new mini verse repeating "the harder i swim" where there are usually just instrumentals or 'oohs.' then she continued with the original final "the harder i swim the faster i sink" verse.
Sour Breath: [x] house show performance from 2015 before official release. there's an entire additional verse where the repeated 'the harder i swim the fast i sink' usually is. proceed with caution.
"...too late to talk just go to sleep
been up too long and you've been drinkin' all night
it's almost a week and you haven't said a word
been thinkin' it isn't worth the tryin'
it takes to fix everything you hate about me
all that you wouldn't wanna see
the harder i swim, the faster i sink
and all i ever wanted was to pull you down with me
was to pull you down with me
don't you wanna sink with me?
don't you wanna drown with me?
just let me pull you down..."
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Just to put a lot of my posts and beliefs about Light Yagami's character in one post (headcanons not included):
• He does not do anything for purely moral reasons. The reason he started killing criminals was because he was curious, and then afterward his "crusade" was built from panic and spite. He thought using the Death Note was going to kill him, so he decided to take everyone he considered a threat to society down with him—that way he would still be good. He would still be remembered. If he can't live, then criminals don't deserve to either. The weight loss and the insomnia shown in the manga, were more likely results of a fear of dying than moral stress.
• Then Light discovers he won't die. This negates part of the spite, but not the need for a moral justification to keep himself "good". He no longer needs to be a martyr, so instead he's chosen to become a God.
• During this week and half of time, Light goes from being a bored, lonely, listless teenager disgusted with the world because it's not how his father taught him it should be, disgusted because if he can manage perfection why can't the rest of the world—to a boy with a new friend and a new mission that gives him purpose. Something interesting. If the world can't be perfect on its own, he'll have to help it. The world needs his help, making him its "savior".
• In comes L. It is no longer about Kira, no longer about saving the world from itself, even if he might tell himself it is—it's about the game. Kira was a fun pastime, yes, but L has made things so much more interesting. (Light and Ryuk are actually wildly similar in several ways it's just not immediately obvious). This game is more fun, too, because this time he has an opponent—one not so nebulous as "the criminals of the world", who offered no challenge. Light is still justifying his actions through a lens of morality, because he has to, but they're beginning to run rather thin.
• Both the broadcast and the obvious taunts to L through changing Kira's killing methods supports the above. "You're too stupid, L. If you were just a little smarter, we could've had some fun." Drawing L in was to progress their game, not Kira's goals. If Light truly only cared about Kira's vision, Kira's new world, Kira's righteous justice; then he wouldn't have continued to play the game after the broadcast. There was no way for L to find him without Light drawing him in—the Death Note is literally the perfect murder weapon. Light knew this, he just ignored it because he wanted to play.
• In the same vein: Yotsuba Light doesn't know he's playing the game. He's forgotten that there even is a game, and so he sees L as someone who's been duped, who either isn't as intelligent as he's been made out to seem, or someone who's being purposefully cruel just because he can. Either way, to Yotsuba Light, L's threat level has only increased, because Light no longer has any sort of weapon to go against him with. He can't even wield his own innocence against him, because his innocence is not certain. Even to himself. Yotsuba Light knows that he has to play along with L's plays of friendship and morality in order to secure his freedom, but he does not respect L or like him. At least, not until near the end, where they're closing in on Higuchi. Where his freedom seems closer....and yet he sees his own, true innocence as more tenuous than ever. Notably, even when Light feels positively towards L there, he still does not share his suspicions about himself with him. His own life still takes precedence over any sort of justice or morality he might have, because Yotsuba Light is still Light. And Light will always put his own self-interests first.
• After killing L, something interesting happens. Because the game ends, but Kira is still left. And Light was willing to take risks and make wild plans in his game with L, but Kira's goals always, always came after his own life. And when only Kira's goals are left, Light stops taking those big, potentially lethal risks. (i.e. bomb desk trap, killing Raye Penber in person by handing him pages of the Death Note, killing Naomi Misora in person right in front of the police station, writing Higuchi's name while sitting right beside L with the murder weapon literally in his hand, etc. etc.). Winning the game was worth dying for—Kira's ideals are not. Or, to put it even more simply: His pride is worth dying for, but his morals are not. Five years after his victory against L, he's presented with another game, but instead of feeling fearful and excited as he did with L, Light is angry. Arrogant and angry. Because this isn't a game to these opponents, as it was to L—they're playing against each other, and Light is merely a piece in it. This game is not like his game with L; it's more like his "game" with the criminals of the world. One with no true challenge, just another defense of Kira's world—worth winning, but not worth dying for.
• Light's pride is more important to him than anything. He needs to be able to take pride in himself and his actions. Pride comes before everything else, before Kira, before family, before L, even before his own desires and physical health. He does not enjoy killing—he just turned it into something he could be proud of. Into another mastering of craft. Light is not particularly sadistic, he's just spiteful. He'll only take pleasure in someone's suffering if they make someone else suffer first, especially if that someone is him. Attacking his pride would count as making him suffer, because that's the most important thing in the world to him. Even though Light also values his life incredibly highly, attempting to kill him wouldn't invoke as much hell-hot wrath as attempting to humiliate him would. And Light will always get even. Always. He does not forgive and forget.
• He believes every lie he tells himself. Every. Lie. He is a Good Man. He is Good Son. He is a Savior. He is Better. He is NOT Evil, he is Good. He's incredibly adept at not only fooling other people, but fooling himself. Even if he's vaguely aware of the truth, he'll take great pains to make sure that truth never comes to light—because it would crush him.
• Light does not take his own desires into account. If he likes or wants something that contradicts with the perfect image he's crafted, he purges it from his mind. Makes excuses for why he doesn't need it, or even convinces himself very thoroughly that he didn't even want it in the first place. If it's not something he can be proud of (or convince himself to be proud of), he doesn't allow himself to desire it.
• Light sees everyone as beneath him (family notwithstanding, Light loves his family deeply), and while it's a pyramid scale of how far beneath him they are, it's not actually ranked by things like gender, sexuality, race—it's ranked by morality and intelligence. The more intelligent and moral you are, the higher up you are on the scale. Light feeling hostile towards someone does not always mean he sees them as further down beneath him; with L and Misa specifically, it means that they're a threat. Light tends to only see people near the top of the intelligence pyramid as threats; evidenced by him dismissing Matsuda completely even with the knowledge that Matsuda was a marksmen, and yet him immediately setting out to kill Naomi when he found out she figured out one of Kira's secrets. With Takada and Mikami, he treats them exactly the same as each other because they're both on the same level of the scale—and he didn't hesitate to get rid of either of them. (Or try to get rid of, in Mikami's case). Everyone is either a tool, a threat, a criminal, a citizen, or family to him. People to use (tool, criminal), people to serve and/or placate (citizen, family), and people to eliminate (threat, criminal). Everyone falls into at least one of these categories for him.
• Light Yagami is a tragic character. And he's a tragic character because he refuses to believe he's part of a tragedy. He would rather swallow broken glass than be considered a victim of anything.
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