#idk I was just really proud of him and I said I was and he looked so happy

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

#ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #I Love Yoo #Kousuke Hirahara #Shinhye #idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore #and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name #so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol #alas #anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March #literally said 'It's all downhill from here' #which I take to mean til the timeskip #BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______; #i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it #Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____; #I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop #i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl #to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace #all the opportunities he lost #the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted #he lost himself in the process #or maybe he never even got to know himself #i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad #that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked #so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of #FUCKING DEVASTATED #I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS

[ryssbelle]

My cousins made their own troll Ocs and I drew them in my style.

They were very excited about it

#my art #not my art #both #trolls #dreamworks trolls #they had a lot of fun making these #i actually really love the color palette for princess i think my cpusin did a very good job on that #claw is something else #he is a unicorn troll #neon green was an interesting choice but hey claw is an interesting guy #is it obvious idk how to draw country trolls lmao #ever since i told them i also liked trolls we have had our own little club #im their person who they can talk to about it #they will also just sit and ask me to draw tiny diamond and guy diamond over and over and over and over and over again #they really like tiny diamond #but hey i love those little guys so i draw the trolls they demand of me #they also asked me to draw poppy and branch so they could color them #i still have to finish my viva coloring page for them #the younger of the two who made princess is really good at color picking and color matching #she colored poppy without a ref and its p accurate to her colors #the older one who made claw used the ref for every color but he got pretty close when he tried to guess #the older one also misunderstood me when i said id been practicing art since i was 5 and thought i was this good since i was 5 #he was very depressed for about 15 minutes #it was really funny but dw i assured him that was not the case #but like for those 15 min he did not believe me #even his sister was like 'nono you didnt hear it right' but he was already in the emo zone #he was fine later tho and continued on making his troll #and also proud teacher moment but i had taught princesses creator some art techniques off handedly #not expecting her to remember any of it but then she did and apparent shes been using it ever since #im like omg i actually taught another human bsing something its insane

[cerealbishh]

"You okay?"

"Mhm."

"Good, now go get ready and wish for the best."

#outer range s2 #outer range s2 spoilers #outer range 02x03 #maria olivares #rhett abbott #isabel arraiza #lewis pullman #pls not him taking her hand and both of them smiling about it #they had too many cute moments in that first scene #i think her saying that rebecca being with amy is one less mystery to worry about was her being concerned about what's bothering him #like she's not going to pry this time if he doesn't want to confide in her about it #but she wants to give him the opportunity to talk to her about it if he wants to thus the ''are you okay?'' #and i'm glad he feels comfortable enough to talk to her about some family matters #also them asking each other if the other is okay is everything to me #idk if it's just me but rhett looks pretty cautious but also protective of her in the second gif? #i love that she decided to speak up because it bothers her that rhett might be hurting #and to me it looked like he was also proud of her for speaking up #rip her putting her hand on his arm before she said ''have a good night'' made me sad #and his ''some people just mean well'' :( #i would be hurt if my loved one felt like they would be shut down if they were to speak in front of my family #i get that they don't like her but why invite her at all? #he really felt better after holding her hand #also his little smile after she says going to court wouldn't be a great idea was kinda cute #i WILL include the forehead kiss in the cumulative mariarhett gifset because i squealed #i'm only slowing down because i'm stuck watching their happier scenes because i'm SCARED #i just know he wanted to stay in that bed with her... i mean i would #geez he really gets to wake up to that... lucky man #i love her tiniest smile after his after she said meeting his parents again at court would be a bad idea #just the softest ''morning'' ever

[homingpigecns]

this is like a sadgirl pathetic post but this guy i met recently at work was like, very direct and polite in being interested in me and i've been feeling him out bc i literally do not know him well enough to have an opinion but i can't like. he is so normal and nice. hes like a nice normal guy. every time i text him he doesn't say anything weird and he's extremely nice. what the hell. he's literally so nice. WHY. does he like. me???? like what's wrong with him that he specifically is interested in me????

#this is not even a low self esteem thing but shdhsbdhsdh every girl in the world is so pretty . me??? why????? #literally the day i met him & he asked me out i barely spoke to him was mind numbingly stupid and crawled on the floor on multiple occasion #i cant text this guy bc every time i have to answer im like. this guy is so fucking normal. me??? hes interested in me???? WHY???? #everyome i try to convey this to is like :// aww he thinks ur cute. stop overthinking. WHATS WRONG WITH HIM #he specifically asked me out by asking the relief nurse what my name was and she offered to give him my number if i was ok w it #I WAS AT WORK..... I JUST SAID YES...... and i was like ok this probably will not go anywhere. he probably wont even text me #he texted me while i was commuting home literally he was still doing cases........ #did i mention i was digging through garbage. literally he was like sorry the surgeon yelled at u she gets so flustered and ir was like no #she yelled at me bc im stupid. did u not notice that im stupid. this guy -- NORMAL -- literally saw me at my lowest and asked me out...... #brandon oscillates #brandon what abt the guy at work u had a thing for I KNOW. im so torn however sjsbdbdhdbbx we are like actually coworkers #this guy if i see him every now and then in passing occasionally in the same room. that guy is my coworker for real #it cant happen. also dbxshsdhshdhe he has a 9 yr old hes too old for me. idk his relationship status but i dont think hes married. #also hes out of my league. also my other coworker told me he thinks hes gay but that hes closeted but that coworker is filipino so #mildly homophobic. i also told him to never tell anyone else that. i dont think hes gay. whatever. #i will miss my impossible crush as my hobby but this guy is nice and ahdhs its psychopathic to give him my number and then reject his date #can u imagine #whatever. im doing high school now i guess. the relief nurse is sooo proud of herself #shdbbd literally when i came back from lunch that day my scrub was like THE DOCTOR LIKES U!!! #and i was lkke omg really??? she doesnt think im stupid???? but it was this guy. and she did still think i was stupid #u know i have concert tickets for next thursday but shdhsd i literally have had too many experiences this year #i am trying to sell tgem #personal

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

[justinefrischmanngf]

thinking about my job ! idk man i really really love my job yesterday i went through this girl's maths tests with her just like . bc i was there and i could . (i was off the clock, but only just so i figured i'd just help get her started) and it was sweet !! it was sweet she did really fucking well on one of them and pretty well on another and like idk i really just like teaching i like being part of these kids' lives and i don't think that i'm a big part of their lives or anything, but i do hope that i can give them a sweet moment here or there......... it's just nice i like it i'm so grateful i was able to find and get this job i am so happy that this is something i get to do

#this kid got 100% on like a test-esque type thing that's part of the program we use on friday and i was so proud of him #like it was INSANE my entire day was made because of it and i got to like congratulate him and he was so like . shy but happy about it #and like . idk !!! i just really fucking love it <3 that kid told me the other day that he needed a rubber to erase my face cuz it was so #ugly and then like 5 minutes later he was like 'i'm sorry i said that' completely unprompted and i was like bro that's alright worse #don't stress ! but thank u i appreciate that . how's ur work going ? idk i just like it i like it all i am so glad for it....... #the irony of me being predominantly an english tutor and this post having 0 proper punctuation but um . that's unimportant .

[hella1975]

went to lunch with my mates the other day and a lad i used to be really good friends with (he’s from my weird popular girl party phase so he was very much in that crowd) was working at the place we were eating. and i was like oop that’s awkward for him i won’t force him to talk BUT this boy willingly started a whole convo with me and was really intent on finding out how i was doing and if things were going well for me like he still genuinely really cared and it was just really nice bc i still know so much about him that i completely forgot and he has a frank ocean tattoo now so I was like ooohhhh you got a personality i get it okay

#I’ve had that many botched friendships that usually seeing faces from the past is awkward at best triggering at worst #but this whole encounter was just genuinely sweet #and I remembered how much fondness I still have for him and I was so happy to hear he was doing well #like he’s working good and he moved house with his mum #(he’s a huge momma’s boy and his dad’s a dick so he’s proper protective of her) #and they’re both really happy and he’s off to uni next year to do something I remember he told me about when we were FIFTEEN #idk I was just really proud of him and I said I was and he looked so happy #and the friendship group I’m in rn had a pretty shit time of it at school so I know they get iffy #when I talk to my old friends bc they often associate my old friends with the people who made their lives shit #so they were all kinda stood there but I just didn’t care bc this lad was genuinely nice #and it was just a really nice interaction and I couldn’t explain to my friends why it was so nice #idk man

[vaugarde]

Playing through Explorers of the Spirit and catching up to where I was... and I'm sorry I mean no disrespect, but it really comes across like the modder never got over their beef with chatot from 10 years ago and is using the opportunity in the game to vent about how much he sucks and why the guild is bad actually

#i mean. yeah hero is meant to be an asshole and all and they get consequences for their behavior and its all meant to be uncomfortable #but im told the chatot stuff doesnt really improve. and like. im sorry he would not fucking say all that #free my man he did do things but not all that #idk i feel like people miss the point of chatot's character? hes a ball of anxiety that manifests as anger and deflection #and he tries to cover it up with pride and it only works like 5% of the time. also hes not the one behind the money rule #hes like. a higher up thats stretched super thin and is managing a lot at once and he has a shitty bedroom sldfldsf #hes under a lot of stress and it pushes him to do terrible things #but like i said earlier- its not terrible to watch because hes not seen as awesome and perfect for this #the apprentices still respect him but they make barbed comments at him and even wigglytuff is like ''ew hes lame'' during the expedition #he has consequences for his behavior! they know hes an ass and they lean into it. and thats better than nothing to me #idk. hes a complex and flawed guy. i find him compelling. i get why people may not like him tho #but its definitely weird to be like. ''oh hes a horrible man he lies by omission to manipulate you into joining the guild- #-and hes super lazy and he pawns off his work onto you and hes ruined careers and hes PROUD of it and he giggles over it-!'' #you did not get the point of his character. by ''pawning off work'' you mean delegating tasks which every apprentice does #also not to victim blame or anything ig but like. damn its not his fault hero joined the guild on a whim sdlkfjsdf #idk. it comes across as really hollow to me like the author just wanted to stick it to chatot after all these years #and it makes the whole thing as like an epilogue au thing to the canon story feel less authentic to me #idk its just a mod but i feel like this is just a common thing ppl push on chatot. he sucks but not like that #echoed voice

[bibiana112]

Me yelling furiously in the discord call about a random subject not because I'm mad but cause I'm just Opinionated™ and can't regulate how that sounds very well and feel safe enough to do so steadily actually getting annoyed because the one person in the call who doesn't know me keeps teasing about me being mad and for me to calm down is not a fun thing except when this one guy with the Kel icon does it because mine is still Aubrey and that fits their dynamic so much it's funny

#my friends are playing pokemon on discord #which means interacting with people who are my friend's friends #but not my friends #and sometimes it annoys me because in person I can just look at someone wrong and they know they said something kind of insensitive #and it's easier to tackle those in person immediately to know if they're gonna respect that boundary or if I can just straight up #explicitly dislike them #but this middle ground is annoying cause they're not passing my vibe check but idk if it's just the environment #like no one takes anything seriously on a call except me who takes everything seriously to an extent and won't consider them friends #Until they have at least one genuine conversation with me #so yeah weird vent my tummy hurts so bad I wish I was on call today but alas painn #one of the times I ''snapped'' about something was some bullshit take on being queer by the token straight dude of the group #and him I actually know irl despite not being close he is part of the friend group #and on the next time we got together for the same activity he starts out with ''hey you're not mad at me right I did some thinking on it #and I really did say some stuff that I'm not proud of I should do better please don't dislike me 👉👈'' #and like! damn! if I had done that intentionally that'd be impressive but I was just saying shit! I wasn't even mad! #wasn't even too serious but he still did some reflection upon that and I was real happy that's what came out of it? #he's not the kind of person who would say that just from fear of losing a friend he barely talks to either so it was legit just My Vibe wow #Void fala aí

[bangcakes]

.

#can't sleep. keep thinking about c #if the hashtag thing didnt show up i meant c sharp. not c #but also not just c sharp but c sharp related things like this guy i like in the class. and whether or not he said 'my mom' or #'my girlfriend' when we were talijng about grad pics. n how now idk what to do now bc of It JFJDJDJDJ #either way tho ... i really like him. like even if we just stay friends... i think he's so cool n im just like wow ..... me talking to a #guy i like. n not just looking and crushing from afar. but actually like...... talking. huge step for me regardless of the outcome. #like this is so much growth #theres also this ither guy i liked in the class too. and he is always so like. nice to me n complimentary. keeping that door open too #idk im just so proud of myself for being able to like. talk to guys now NDJDJJDJDJDJD #i used to be terrified......... #n e way....... NDNNDNDNDND #personal

[heyitslapis]

what fucking makes me want o rip my hair out when it comes to the security guy at work is that i'll even try to COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!!!!! (i know for people like us communication can be difficult & we often need specific clear wording and even then we have layers to peel back) When i cant tell if he's being sarcastic, i'll ask him genuinely, because as ive told him multiple times before the way he says things it literally cannot be interpreted as a joke (even neurotypicals at work have agreed with me in front of him) and always seems like he's being serious. i tell him this all the time and he acts like its fucking funny that im genuinely mad about the fact that he wont communicate back with me. Verbatim i have told him on multiple occasions "i genuinely cant tell when youre being sarcastic or making a joke because your tone is so flat and your face is so serious and deadpan and usually people will laugh or crack a smile a few seconds after the joke but you just stand there not expressing anything, even after i ask if its a joke because i genuinely cant tell"

YET HE CONTINUES TO FUCKING DO IT and then has the fucking GALL to laugh at me or call me gullible or naive when IM LITERALLY TRYING TO COMMUNICATE!!! bitch how tf am i supposed to know whats a joke and whats real when you act like im asking a fucking statue every time you say a lie or joke

#id give him the benefit of the doubt cause i know he's very autistic but doesnt know it #BUT BITCH I LITERALLY HAVE ASKED & TRIED TO COMMUNICATE. NO NUANCE. LITERAL CLEAR COMMUNICATION WITH NO ROOM FOR MISUNDERSTANDING #then he acted like i was fucking stupid for assuming he was lying when he said that he had dinner at tgi fridays with an astronaut #still gives me shit abt it like ''i think its funny that you thought that was a lie'' & i still stand by what i told him that day #''i assumed you were bs-ing bc idk about you but i personally dont know anyone who's actually met an astronaut & you said it like a joke'' #IM SO SOS O SO SO T I R E D OF ALL MY COWORKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #not Cam tho. he's cool & at least i can tell when he's being sarcastic & he doesnt try to pull me into his guru cult #i cannot fucking WAIT for the other auditor to finally retire. she's going down to 3 days a week in july & full retirement in june 2025 #and im fucking COUNTING the days. ive had to put up with her bs for two years now #and the security guard has been thinking about quitting the security company that our hotel contracts & i keep encouraging him to #as a ''friend''. i just keep saying that if he's not happy he should prioritize that cause he has to look out for himself cause work wont #see i can be nice & offer level-headed advice even if i cant fucking stand someone. really i just want his bigoted ass GONE #he talks about how K (my coworker) doesnt see shes in a cult & in the same breath he preaches to me that im wrong & were all born with sin #ive been SO WELL BEHAVED at work yall dont even know!!!!! #and theres no one to be proud of me for being so brave & so nice & so well-behaved!!!! #ripping tearinig biting evily with my fucking sharp teeth #emma rambles #emma rants #work tag #fuck my stupid baka life tbh

[disaster-demon]

Yknow considering my mum was a self proclaimed socialist feminist who did work with the campaign for nuclear disarmament in the 80s and other related causes, you sure wouldn't guess it now. She loves keir starmer, casual transphobia and denial that trans people face anh issus ever, being vocally racist, especially against black and Asian folks, being pro Israel and devil's advocate when there's a GENOCIDE HAPPENING, she doesn't think disabled people including herself should have lives (my granddad who was in a powered wheelchair most of his life would hate her now I hate to say it but) she thinks black people are reverse racist when they call her out on her yt privilege instead of just yknow listening to what they have to say nd to top it all off she said the other day that the cass report is right, and earlier today said that she was probably going tk vote reform because 'we need to look after our own'

Like babe

You're a populist nationalist tiptoeing dangerously into fascist territory. No wonder none of your friends talk to you anymore

#it upsets me in a way cos i feel like my step dad has led her down this path #she never was like this til she met him #when i frist met him at 19 i said he was self absorbed; loved hismelf above all others #and was a skinhead thug #my mjm convjnced me tk give him s chance #which i did #and i regret that choice every single day #when i was 19 my mjm had s good friend circle that she used to go out with #she wasnt a purde - far from it - she was a proud feminist and socialist and i just #i feel sorry for HER really because she jsut can't/wont see it #shes changed so much from having friends of pakistani heritage who bring samosas and bhajis around #to being someone who uss the p slur to refer to the corner shop #even though one near me is run by a sikh family (i know this because they have the sikh decorations in the shop) #and the other is run by a man of asian descent but hes clearly british #but even if eithr of them were pakistani WHAT THE FUCK #shes knly done that recently #also caught her offhand referring to some trans news story when the cass report came out as 'that tra**y thing' which like #really #really this is the hill you want to die on when you have a trans son whose gender and name you refuse to use #ugh idk sorry i rambled more than i should in the tags i know #but its jsut so wearing and tiring tk see someone yiu loved be changed for the worse #racism cw #transphobia cw #ableism cw #nationalism cw #fascism cw #politics cw #reading my mum to filth cw lmao

[esoteric-altruism]

After a whole year of crying and carrying on about my ex, I finally meet a nice guy who I like a lot and honestly I feel like I’m dreaming a lil bit

#idk man he’s just so different than any guy I’ve ever liked before #like dude he plays hockey? #idk why that’s so surprising to me but it’s so cool to me #we are so different in what we’re interested in I guess but we think the same and talk the same and he’s so funny #like ever since meeting him I have barely thought about K #and I told him about how my life used to be and why I had to move out here and he said he’s proud of me for changing #and he’s really good at reading how my emotions and it freaks me out #I like him so much bro fuck 😭 #prsnl

[mzannthropy]

Because I've been Thinking About Things, I remembered when Nikolaj Coster Waldau was asked whether he liked the ending of Game of Thrones (yeah, this is going back more than four years), he answered that yes he did, and how people didn't believe him. They thought he was lying bc I don't know... they forced him to say it or whatever. People just could not accept that he simply felt differently from them.

But why is it that people want an actor to feel the same way as them so desperately? Is it for validation?

Nikolaj, unlike the majority of the fandom, does not hate Cersei. Not hating Cersei means you already feel more positive about the ending (try it sometime, just for 5 minutes). I saw him say in some interview or commentary that he got really emotional filming that last scene with Lena--both of them were teary-eyed. Why wouldn't they, it was emotional. People just can't see it bc they're haters. But--that's okay. You are allowed to hate, just as you're allowed to love whatever you feel like. Just accept that that an actor, who played the role for years, might not share your view.

#nikolaj coster waldau #discourse #idk how to tag this #bc it's not arguing just offering a different view #i've already said that #parasocial relationship doesn't have to be codependent #something i learned this year and am quite proud of coming up with! #why get into conspiracy theories about the showrunners blackmailing him into it or whatever #when really the truth is much simpler-he liked it #just agree to disagree and move on #i'm not sure i expressed myself clearly enough but eh #mypost

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Pt III good omens but i STILL SOMEHOW haven't watched it (and i'm increasingly passive aggressive)

i'm now basically held hostage adopted as mascot by this fandom. it's fine i'm fine *SIGNALS FOR HELP DESPERATELY*

Alright fuckers I swear this time I'm going to get some shit right. Without further ado, here's my third attempt at a good omens summary:

Everything everywhere is queer all at once

Angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley on earth likey each other

The car is a bentley and it is BLACK not silver and everyone is very upset about this. my bad yall it was reflecting light therefore i guessed more silver than black but I'm not Anish Kapoor take your black.

Then it is yellow, and aziraphale likes it. crowley preferred the black because he's a flamboyant emo.

God is a deadbeat absentee parent and you are all children of divorce.

There's a naked archangel and they cause problems for the husbands somehow. By being naked? By being an archangel? By being at their doorstep? Who knows not me

They were actually married for 6000 years, they just are the last to know about it.

Crowley is on fire. Like, he's slaying for sure, but also he is literally on fire, like Aziraphale's bookstore.

The actors like I said before are Michael Sheen and David Tennant but this is the place where I finally admit that I don't actually know who is whom. I'm going to assume Michael is Aziraphale because Michael sounds angel-y and David is Crowley because uh Michaelangelo made David and was gay for him.

Terry Pratchett is not fictional.

He co-wrote the book with @neil-gaiman, who IS fictional, because he does not have social media. Several of you have assured me that he is in fact a fandom inside joke. I like to think he would be proud of me.

They adopt a preteen and Crowley gives him bad advice.

At some point a baby was delivered to someone and was exchanged for the son of Satan. Idk if the baby is the preteen, or the son of satan is the preteen, or neither. This could be a fanfic, I have no way of differentiating the fanfic from canon on tumblr, except that the canon is weirder.

Crowley does not go down a chute. He goes down a telephone cord after making himself microscopic to pole dance on a pin with shroom-induced backgrounds.

During this his stage name is Disco Tony. Get it king go slay you're making better life choices than I am tbh.

Aziraphale is a biblically accurate angel, and you have all gone to extensive lengths to prove this to me. I understood nothing, but there you go.

It's all very queer, just like the fandom.

Crowley is a retired demon but he still sins by breaking the speed limit.

They eat at fancy restaurants and bicker but like in a sexual undercurrent way.

Crowley gives Aziraphale a private dance that is not a lap dance, it is an apology dance, but not in a kinky way, until it is.

Their haircuts keep changing and range from 'this is acceptable and gay' to 'i let a drunk chimpanzee take gardening shears and a blowtorch to my hair'

It's all ineffably queer my good fellows

Everyone keeps trying to convince me Neil Gaiman is the villain yeah no guys I know it's really you. Y'all be like 'SEASON TWO BROKE ME' and then you're making headcanons to make it sadder yeah I see you mmhm.

There is a final fifteen. It is sad. What is it? No one told me.

The demon turns goats into crows and the angel turns them back and then children are turned into newts (does the angel turn them back? who cares not yall) and the demon was the snake in the Eden garden and everyone's furry game seems to be on point.

There are a rather lot of children. I have not seen them. But I am assured they are there. They are, guys. I assume they were turned into the alcohol Aziraphale and Crowley drink or something.

There was an apocalypse plotline. It was averted. It is not important. You don't talk about plotlines in this fandom, no sir.

Crowley doesn't want to go to heaven. Aziraphale is sad.

The kiss is not nice, just like this fandom. It is queer, just like this fandom. It is sad and desperate and masochistic, just like this fandom.

Aziraphale doesn't want to stay back with Crowley. Crowley is sad.

Season 2 ends. Fandom is sad.

Everyone's sanity is hinging on the promise of a happy ending in season 3. Good luck guys.

Y'all better appreciate this. I can't even boast to my mother about this legacy of mine, hey mum your son has been held hostage kidnapped inducted into a cult adopted by a fandom he's not part of look he's winning at life.

#good omens #good omens fandom #ineffably queer #good omens summary #good ineffable omens #aziraphale #crowley #azirafell #aziracrow #azirowley #aziraphel #just tumblr things #masochistic fandom #we could have been us #tell me you said no #angel #demon #unforgivable #wall slam #6000 years of pining #queer #lgbtqia #accurately summarised good omens #reblog at your peril to ruin someone else's life #deadbeat parent #absentee parent #aka god #lot of gay eye contact #ineffable husbands #god's plan doesnt exist??

[luveline]

Hi idk if u have already written this if u have pls igonore but what about the first time bombshell reader calls Spencer beautiful?

fem, 1k

“Gideon has a new prodigy.” 

Your head rises of its own accord. “Yeah?” 

“He's younger than you. Twenty three, I think Hotch said. Fresh out of college, two degrees and working on a third? Or maybe he was getting his doctorate? I couldn't keep up.” Morgan shakes his head in disapproval. “Overeducated and under-experienced. He failed his physicals. The ones he took, anyways.” 

“Ooh, ouch. A baby on the team before me,” you joke with a smile. “Genius baby, but a baby.” 

Morgan smiles when you smile, he's too nice not to, but he picks up soon enough, crossing his arms where he's stood and wrinkling what was once a finely steamed suit jacket. “I don't know what Gideon's thinking.” 

“Does anyone ever know what he's thinking? What's Hotch say about it all?” 

Morgan reads what you're typing from over your shoulder and corrects a mistake. One day you won't need his help, but for now you take as much of it as you can get. You're not too proud to acknowledge when you mess up, you're a realist. Super sensible (in mind if not action). 

“Hotch lets Gideon do what he wants, mostly. What can you do when he's one of the originals?” Morgan leans heavily onto his desk by the forearms and shrugs. You’re similar in this regard; complain, move on. You're similar in other ways, too. That's why you get along. 

“Well, I want to meet this guy,” you say. “We'll be teammates just as soon as Strauss stops hating me. I'm one strategic boxed bouquet from a full pardon.” He laughs and touches your arm like he believes you. “Is he around?” 

“Here they are now.” 

You spin in Morgan's desk chair slowly. Jason Gideon is stalking through the office with his head in the contents of a manilla envelope, while a new face follows behind him talking a mile a minute. 

“Obviously,” you hear Gideon interrupt as they get close enough. “Agent Morgan can explain that to you. Don't overthink it, Spencer, just try to get through it.” 

He doesn't acknowledge you nor Morgan as he leaves Spencer and hurries up the steps leading to his and Hotch's offices. You aren't expecting much else from him. What little Gideon knows about you he doesn't like. If you ever get over the Strauss hurdle, it's him you'd have to convince next. You don't watch him cross the landing, your gaze focused on the man making his timid way toward you. Your lips part briefly, and then quirk into an overjoyed smile. 

“Oh, you're beautiful,” you say without thinking. 

He frowns at you. 

“Reid,” Morgan interrupts, “This is Y/N L/N. She works in the sex crimes division. As you can imagine, we get a lot of crossover.” You stand, holding out your hand. “Y/N, this is Spencer Reid.” 

“I don't shake. Sorry.” 

You press your hand to your chest. “Oh, that's okay. I shouldn't assume…” Your voice melds into a silkiness that has his shapely brows furrowing further, “It's nice to meet you, Spencer Reid. You're really pretty, do you know that?” 

Spencer peeks at Morgan quickly, who laughs good-naturedly. “She's serious, Reid. She's not making fun of you.” 

“You'd know,” Spencer says. It isn't malicious, but it isn't exactly friendly, either.

You twist to frown at Morgan deeply. “Morgan, you're not being nice to him?” 

“I'm being plenty nice, sweetheart, but this is how it works. I gotta haze him a little.” 

“No, you don't.” You tip your cheek toward your shoulder to look at Spencer through your lashes. “He pretends to be worse than he is, I promise. But don't let him neg you, okay? You're smarter than he is–” 

“Hey.” 

“–and he's used to being the office pretty boy. It's jealousy, nothing else,” you finish. Spencer really is gorgeous now you're close enough to see his eyes. A brown like caramelised sugar tented by dark, dark eyelashes. When he smiles, the very slightest hint of teeth shows, and it makes him even prettier. You endeavour to make him smile again. “Sorry if I'm coming off a little strong. It's not my intention.” 

“She's just nervous. You have everything she wants,” Morgan says. 

You sigh forlornly. “Oh, doesn't he?” Spencer's confused pout is even cuter than his smile. “Getting into the BAU is about as easy as walking on water.” 

“For a human,” Spencer says. “Easier if you're smaller. Like a water strider.” 

There's a silence. Morgan is aghast, you think. You're in love. 

“Yeah?” you ask, stars in your eyes as his own spark to life. 

“Because water strider's can transfer their weight, but also due to their hydrofuge hairpiles. Their microhairs.” He catches himself, measuring your expression carefully. “Did you really wanna know?” 

“Do you wanna get a cup of coffee and tell me about it?” you ask. 

His lips part as yours had when you first saw him. 

He's prevented from answering as Hotch's office door opens and the man himself walks out near the railing. “Good, you’re here. I have something to talk to you about.” 

You grin at him. “I'd love to chat, Agent Hotchner, but I'm getting to know your new protégé.”

“I see.” He waits. 

You would ignore him —Hotch has a soft spot for you (or rather, he likes you enough to put up with you, which is more than can be said about other members of his division) and he'd shrug off your dismissal— but you're really keen to hear what he has to say. Perhaps Strauss has changed her mind about your proposed trail basis with the team. 

“I'm so sorry,” you say to Spencer, immediately re-dazzled by his pretty, lovely face. “It was really nice to meet you, Spencer Reid. Maybe next time you can tell me more about it.” 

You give Morgan a quick thank you for the help with your paperwork and trust him to log out of your emails. In your rush up the stairs, you hear a wisp of conversation. 

“Was she messing with me?” 

Morgan laughs. “No, kid. That's how she is.” 

"Oh... She's nice."

"You have no idea."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader