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#masochistic fandom
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Pt III good omens but i STILL SOMEHOW haven't watched it (and i'm increasingly passive aggressive)
i'm now basically held hostage adopted as mascot by this fandom. it's fine i'm fine *SIGNALS FOR HELP DESPERATELY*
Alright fuckers I swear this time I'm going to get some shit right. Without further ado, here's my third attempt at a good omens summary:
Everything everywhere is queer all at once
Angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley on earth likey each other
The car is a bentley and it is BLACK not silver and everyone is very upset about this. my bad yall it was reflecting light therefore i guessed more silver than black but I'm not Anish Kapoor take your black.
Then it is yellow, and aziraphale likes it. crowley preferred the black because he's a flamboyant emo.
God is a deadbeat absentee parent and you are all children of divorce.
There's a naked archangel and they cause problems for the husbands somehow. By being naked? By being an archangel? By being at their doorstep? Who knows not me
They were actually married for 6000 years, they just are the last to know about it.
Crowley is on fire. Like, he's slaying for sure, but also he is literally on fire, like Aziraphale's bookstore.
The actors like I said before are Michael Sheen and David Tennant but this is the place where I finally admit that I don't actually know who is whom. I'm going to assume Michael is Aziraphale because Michael sounds angel-y and David is Crowley because uh Michaelangelo made David and was gay for him.
Terry Pratchett is not fictional.
He co-wrote the book with @neil-gaiman, who IS fictional, because he does not have social media. Several of you have assured me that he is in fact a fandom inside joke. I like to think he would be proud of me.
They adopt a preteen and Crowley gives him bad advice.
At some point a baby was delivered to someone and was exchanged for the son of Satan. Idk if the baby is the preteen, or the son of satan is the preteen, or neither. This could be a fanfic, I have no way of differentiating the fanfic from canon on tumblr, except that the canon is weirder.
Crowley does not go down a chute. He goes down a telephone cord after making himself microscopic to pole dance on a pin with shroom-induced backgrounds.
During this his stage name is Disco Tony. Get it king go slay you're making better life choices than I am tbh.
Aziraphale is a biblically accurate angel, and you have all gone to extensive lengths to prove this to me. I understood nothing, but there you go.
It's all very queer, just like the fandom.
Crowley is a retired demon but he still sins by breaking the speed limit.
They eat at fancy restaurants and bicker but like in a sexual undercurrent way.
Crowley gives Aziraphale a private dance that is not a lap dance, it is an apology dance, but not in a kinky way, until it is.
Their haircuts keep changing and range from 'this is acceptable and gay' to 'i let a drunk chimpanzee take gardening shears and a blowtorch to my hair'
It's all ineffably queer my good fellows
Everyone keeps trying to convince me Neil Gaiman is the villain yeah no guys I know it's really you. Y'all be like 'SEASON TWO BROKE ME' and then you're making headcanons to make it sadder yeah I see you mmhm.
There is a final fifteen. It is sad. What is it? No one told me.
The demon turns goats into crows and the angel turns them back and then children are turned into newts (does the angel turn them back? who cares not yall) and the demon was the snake in the Eden garden and everyone's furry game seems to be on point.
There are a rather lot of children. I have not seen them. But I am assured they are there. They are, guys. I assume they were turned into the alcohol Aziraphale and Crowley drink or something.
There was an apocalypse plotline. It was averted. It is not important. You don't talk about plotlines in this fandom, no sir.
Crowley doesn't want to go to heaven. Aziraphale is sad.
The kiss is not nice, just like this fandom. It is queer, just like this fandom. It is sad and desperate and masochistic, just like this fandom.
Aziraphale doesn't want to stay back with Crowley. Crowley is sad.
Season 2 ends. Fandom is sad.
Everyone's sanity is hinging on the promise of a happy ending in season 3. Good luck guys.
Y'all better appreciate this. I can't even boast to my mother about this legacy of mine, hey mum your son has been held hostage kidnapped inducted into a cult adopted by a fandom he's not part of look he's winning at life.
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hurtcomforted · 1 month
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"I purposefully went looking for this thing and now I'm gonna be mad about what I found" okay but why are you making your issues my problem
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death-himself · 3 months
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Masochism and Cannibalism
I've had this idea in my head for ages but I don't have any OCs that fit it, so I decided fuck it and wrote my first ever x reader fic
Summary: You are a proxy in Slenderman's forest, and want to help out your friend Jack a bit by having him eat you. In the process, Jack finds out you're a huge masochist. (gender-neutral proxy!masochist!reader) Relationship between Jack and reader is up for interpretation, could be friends-with-benefits, could be romantic, could be platonic idk
Content Warnings: masochism, cannibalism, graphic depiction of violence/gore, implication of religious trauma at the very beginning, vaguely NSFW? it doesn't feel sexual to me but it also kinda is but not really
Word Count: 1,760
You knew that Jack hated killing people. He hated what he had been forced to become. One night you had forgotten your jacket in his cabin, and had crept back in to grab it, only to find him kneeling by his bed, praying in a rapid whisper to a god he didn’t even believe in, the knuckles of his hands pressed into his forehead.
From that point on you had become the only one in the Slenderman’s forest to know of his turmoil. While you certainly weren’t one for empathy, considering the requirements of your job, you had always felt for Jack. The closer you got to him, the more you longed to take away his pain.
And then you came up with the perfect plan.
You knocked on the door of Jack’s cabin, hearing his quiet footsteps approach, pause on the other side, then open the door.
“Hello Y/N. Do you need something?” Jack spoke, his voice as steady as ever. You nodded, letting yourself in and sitting at his dining table.
“I’d like to make...an arrangement with you.” Jack’s head tilted to the side slightly; with his mask on it was the only sign of his confusion.
“What kind of arrangement?” He spoke slowly, giving you plenty of time to plan out your next words carefully.
“Well, I’m a proxy. I can’t die, and any injuries I get will heal in a couple hours, right?” Jack nodded, having fully studied every bit of proxy biology since entering the forest. “So...thoughts on eating me?”
“No.” He answered instantly, turning his back to you and stepping into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.
“What’s the harm in it?”
“There is quite literally nothing but harm in it, Y/N. I’m not eating you.”
“I’m giving you full consent and everything!”
Jack poured two cups of coffee, handing one off to you. “Y/N, there is no reason behind this arrangement. I am...perfectly fine with how I am operating now.” Though it was subtle, you heard the slight tremor in his voice. He cleared his throat and sat across the table from you, avoiding looking in your direction.
You stared down into your coffee cup. “Can we at least try it?” Jack looked up and stared at you for a long time.
“Why are you so insistent on this?”
“I just...wanna help a friend.”
“You are suggesting that I kill you and eat your organs.” He stated bluntly. “Y/N, I appreciate the offer, I do. I just…” Jack paused, mulling over the words in his head for a moment. “It could not be a permanent arrangement. It would simply be too much, I would never be able to repay you.”
“What would you be repaying me for?” You spoke before thinking, not realizing how weird you probably sounded. Jack stared at you fully aware of how weird your question was.
“I would be repaying you for the amount of pain I would be inflicting on you.”
“Right. That.”
“Not to mention I have a limited supply of strong anesthetics. I could use them on you once, but the rest I would prefer to use for patients in need of surgery, not to fulfill my own needs.”
You watched as he lifted his mask, taking a sip of his coffee. His claws were razor-sharp, the glimpse of his fangs you got were even sharper.
Goddamn, why’d he have to be so moral? If he were like Toby or Jeff or any of the other fuckers in this forest he would’ve jumped at the opportunity. You really wanted to feel those claws tear you open and his teeth bite into your lungs. You wanted to nourish him so badly.
“Can we please try it? You can give me a shoulder massage or something after I heal if that calms your conscience.” You tried your best to keep your tone calm and not desperate or pathetic, but he still seemed a bit confused by your insistence. He stared at you for a long moment, before standing up with a sigh.
“Alright. If you’re sure you want to do this. Let’s go down to my lab, it will make the cleanup easier.” You got up a bit too quickly from your seat, following him downstairs to the white walls and floor of his basement.
It was a small, makeshift hospital room, one that you had been in a few times before when a broken bone was taking an annoyingly long time to heal or a wound was dripping blood and making a mess everywhere. He pulled out a hospital bed with a thin, uncomfortable-looking blue mattress.
“I’ll take out your heart, lungs, and liver, starting with your heart so that you die quickly and won’t have to undergo as much pain. Once I am done, I believe it should take roughly five hours until you fully heal and come back to life.” You hummed in response, trying to hide your disappointment at the thought of dying quickly. He would still have to break your ribcage to do any of that. You wondered if he would suck on your bones. The thought of him chewing on one of your rib bones like a dog was kind of funny to you.
You took off your shirt and lay down on the hospital bed, staring up at the white ceiling. You heard Jack pull a medical cart over to your side, before washing his hands and pulling on some blue gloves.
“You don’t have to treat this like a medical procedure, that’s no fun.” He got close enough to stare down at you again. With his mask off, his confusion was plain across his face, eyesockets wide and brows pulled together. It was cute how expressive he was behind that mask.
“How would you like me to do this?” He seemed to slowly begin to understand what you wanted, looking over your relaxed body for a moment. He hummed. “Well, I suppose...when I am cutting open one of my victims I am usually on top of them.”
“Okay.” You responded simply, turning back to staring at the ceiling. You could feel his gaze on you, trying to judge your reaction. You heard him mumble “This is not what I expected my night to turn into,” before hearing him move, the bed shaking a bit as he climbed up, pinning your legs between his thighs.
As he stared down at you, he wore a look of hesitant acceptance, a hint of a smile on his lips. “You are absolutely sure that you want this?” He asked. You grinned at him and nodded. “Would you like to establish a safe word or—”
“Dude, oh my god, just do it.” His smile widened to the point that you could see his sharp teeth behind his lips. He took a scalpel and made his first incision.
The pain only came after the second cut. As he gently pulled back your skin you bit at your lip, trying to not scream out in pain. A wince left your lips as he examined your ribcage, and you felt his hands pull back for a moment. Your vision was swimming as you watched him pause and study your face, before turning back to your ribs. He laid his palm across them, and he pushed down sharply.
There was a loud CRACK as three ribs broke at once. Your body went limp as you forgot how to breathe. You felt him gently pick up each small fracture of bone, placing them on the medical table. There were pieces of your ribs scattered across your heart and lungs; as you took a shaky breath you felt each piece move up and down. Jack picked up what he could with a steady hand, moving it out of the way with as much respect as he could. You thought he was talking to you, but all you could hear by this point was blood rushing through your ears.
Then when Jack was satisfied with your ribs, you felt his warm hand loosely wrap around your pounding heart. He took his pointer finger and thumb and carefully felt for your aorta, before bringing his scalpel closer. You saw his lips move, and could just barely make out him saying “I’ll see you in a few hours.” You felt a sharp cut across your aorta, then others across your veins, arteries, and vena cavas.
Your brain immediately began to panic as your blood stopped moving through your body. You stared up at Jack as your vision dimmed, seeing him bring your heart up to his lips, taking a large bite, blood dripping from his chin onto your exposed stomach. You managed a final smile at him as the world went dark.
You woke up still on that hospital bed. You ran a weak hand across your chest, feeling tidy stitches going down the center. Jack had cleaned you off, you couldn’t find a single speck of dried blood on you. Your regenerated lungs filled with the sterile air of the hospital room, the air feeling fresh and new despite you being in the basement level.
You sat up, looking around. Jack wasn’t there. There was a twinge of disappointment in your new heart, but you brushed it aside, standing up on shaky legs and making your way to the exit door.
The door creaked as it opened, and a pleasant smell hit your nose: breakfast. You quickly climbed the stairs, finding Jack standing at the stove, cooking some scrambled eggs.
“You eat your fill last night?” Jack nodded, turning to you with a gentle smile.
“How are you feeling?”
“Incredible.” You sat down at the table as Jack finished plating up your breakfast, placing it down before you.
“That’s good to hear. I’ll draw a bath for you, and then if you’d like I can give you that shoulder massage as well.” You had almost forgotten about that, still riding off the high of last night.
“Would you actually be down for that?” You asked.
“Your body is likely sore from the regeneration process.” Your body felt perfectly fine to you, maybe a bit weak but otherwise fine. But if he was offering it, it’s not like you were going to say no.
“Sure, why not? Feels like a bit much, though. I mean, I probably got way more enjoyment out of last night than you did.” Jack shook his head.
“I am more than happy to pamper you for the day.”
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universal-verringbebe · 2 months
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Those of you that write the break up prank scenarios/fake texts or request them.... Why are y'all so sadistic 😭 I feel so bad reading them, like damn, bad enough mc forgot all about them but then a prank break up??? I would fold immediately and probably cry
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rafatello · 1 month
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Leyla Funzler!
First secretary and confident of Mr. Onceler! She's not happy with her life and use her work as excuse to have a break from home. And let's just say she likes to play with the fine line of friendship with her boss to annoy her husband, and I do not forget to add that she is a bit bitter person. In time a little joy (O'schmunsler) will make her a more radiant person. And ye pfp for this art fight and a little break from school because today I had a stressful day adn I NEEDED to do something because draw is life c:
and that's all folks I'm going to sleep
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lady-of-ways · 3 months
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MARKIPLIER: I am NOT a masochist
ALSO MARKIPLER:
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d3ad-ratz · 5 months
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Gettin in another fight again
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I promise I'll start drawing silly goofy shit of him- just rn hes become my favorite to draw-
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powerfultenderness · 1 year
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Adrian Chase x Reader masterlist
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[AO3] [Multi-fandom masterlist]
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One shots:
Longing (F!Reader) Uh-Oh (F!Reader) I got it! (GN!Reader) Proof (GN!Reader) Draw me like one of your French Girls (GN!Reader) Personal Assassin (GN!Reader) Just wanna hear you laugh (GN!Reader) Friday the 13th (GN!Reader) Arm-wrestling (F!Reader) Bad Dreams (F!Reader) Dare (GN!Reader) Marry Me? (GN!Reader) If I Live (GN!Reader) A Scene (GN!Reader) Some Things Are Hard (Gn!Reader) ABC (Gn!Reader) Magic Adrian (Gn!Reader) Purr (GN!Vampire!Reader) Babydoll (afab!Reader) Full Moon Favor (GN!Werewolf!Reader) Don’t You Get It? (GN!Reader) Maid To Kill (GN!Reader) An Odd Couple (GN!Reader) Bad Blood (GN!Vampire!Reader x Vampire Hunter!Vigilante) Rex (GN!Reader)  Be Mine (F!Reader. Smut 18+. Warnings: dub-con, non-con)  Jealous (F!Reader. Smut 18+)
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Series:
He’s totally NOT my pretend boyfriend: Fake dating with Adrian Chase/Vigilante. Rated: T+
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Where I Belong: Adrian’s ex turns to him, to Vigilante, for help in dealing with an abusive partner. (gn!Reader) Rated M; mature themes. Warnings: abuse, manipulation, hints of suicidal ideation, canon typical violence, sexual situations including outdoor/public and choking. 
Worlds Apart 
Your Monster 
Try It 
Date Night: Murder and Movie
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colealexart · 2 years
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the legend of vox machina except it's bells hells: part 2 electric boogaloo (part 1)
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*prods tearily*
https://youtu.be/Uupn8LX0EmM?si=5ZmdE07-rTOSb62Q
I’m… I’m just gonna leave this here-
WHY DO SOME OF YOU WAKE UP AND CHOOSE CARNAGE
AND WHO DRAGGED ME INTO THIS BOOKSTORE FIRE
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crazy-fangirl2524 · 6 months
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don’t leave me behind by theresnothis
At 32, Neil Josten received a phone call that shattered his entire world.
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zychimixx · 2 months
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TW: Suicide
“I’ll hang myself here.”
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infinityinakiss · 6 months
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it's the best (and worst) kind of shows that leave you bleeding on the floor, and you still say "it was perfect. don't change a thing."
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wisteriasymphony · 1 month
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IK I ALREADY SEND A ASK TODAY BUT I NEED TO SHOW YOU THIS
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It's claudrien coded...
WHO TOLD YOU YOU CAN ONLY SEND ME ONE ASK A DAY??!!??? DO YOU KNOW I THRIVE OFF THE LABOUR OF CLAUDRIEN NATION???? SEND ME 30 ASKS A DAY AND I WILL MARRY YOU IRL
anyway you are so right. it would go approximately like this.
Claudia: [picks up a chainsaw and pulls its cord] I am. going to fucking kill you
Adrien: [tied up on the ground like a larva] ohh yeah make me bleed baby
Claudia: what.
Adrien: huh?
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dykekitties · 10 months
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oh god not the Cube x Lythorus brainrot NOOOOOOOO (can't listen to cavetown normally now because of this)
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