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#if you read this ramble you're cool

secondbeatsongs · 5 days

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when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts

but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!

and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?

welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast

anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.

#sbs rambles #fandom #fandom stuff #ao3 #basically. I hung out in superwholock for so long back in the day #but then I got weird and cool and moved on to smaller and older and stranger fandoms #and decided to throw a party and have fun and enjoy all of the small and weird in those fandoms #and now rewatching media for a big fandom I'm like. huh. sucks to be everyone else I guess. they're missing out on some wild dynamics here #because I'm havin a blast #and like. when I mean small fandoms I mean SMALL #my one fic I wrote for one tv show makes up 25% of that entire fandom on ao3 #(double checks)#oh!!!! new fic in the fandom!!!!#my one fic only makes up 20% of that entire fandom on ao3!!!#time to throw a fuckin party! 🎉🎈🎊🥳#anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now #but buds. you can laugh at me #I'm thinkin about sam and cas #what's up with those guys?#fucked up actually. they should hold hands about how much they love dean #:')#but also supernatural is way more fun if you watch it out of order #that's what I've realized #now if only the RNG would give me something in season 1 or 2 T_T #also if you're at the point of reading fic on livejournal or wattpad in the year 202X you've reached ''small fandom'' status #that's the rules

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eijiroukiriot · 6 months

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why do you see bkg as trans?

i've had this ask sitting in my drafts since like august BECAUSE i knew if i did the question justice it was gonna get VERY long and pretty personal - if i'm gonna talk about it then i gotta talk about it in all earnest. and you've given me the floor to talk about it. so!!

at first i had these typed out as two separate points but i think they go a lot more hand-in-hand than that, so to start - when i think about my own gender and why i can't bring myself to identify fully with womanhood a lot of it is because there's something that feels so free about masculinity. mostly just like because of womanhood on a societal level a lot of my experience as a girl forever has been "you need to think about how your existence makes other people feel. you really need to present yourself in a way that's pleasant for other people. the way you look, the way you talk, the way you conduct yourself - people are entitled to having a say in all that. and if any of that isn't living up to the way it's supposed to be, then that's a fault of yours." here's a vent post i made when i was 17:

which is mostly really superficial examples of the suffocating expectation of girlhood but it's also so blatantly about bkg. in the moment my thought process was more like "i'm so deeply unsatisfied with so many parts of being a girl, it sounds like there'd be so many less people to answer to if i were a boy" but it's funny reading back on it bc it's like "dude are you just talking about bkg". but then who's a better example of choosing to stomp through life exactly as loud and rude as he wants to be without answering to anyone than bakugou katsuki!! honest about his thoughts in any case!! free to speak as bluntly and rudely as he wants!! never putting up with shit that makes him feel unlike himself!! walks with big wide steps and wears stupid baggy clothes and doesn't care what people have to say about it and doesn't feel worse if they do disagree. grins crazy blasting himself through the air. fights with big windup swings and shouts all the while. huge huge presence and so unafraid to assert it. named himself great・explosion・murder・god dynamight. i think i project a big sense of defiance onto bkg's character because everything he is just feels so defiant to me. there's just a lot that i admire about boyhood and bkg feels like the embodiment of it to me

and then you've got bkg himself, who like- isn't even fulfilling the "doesn't feel worse about himself if he is genuinely not the greatest or kindest" part of it!! bkg's character is so centered around figuring out who he is and like navigating through the mortifying ordeal of existing and not actually liking the person you are and trying to figure out where to go from there- he really thinks he has so much to prove...both in the sense that he DOES want to project this big image and also that he really can't cut himself a break. and then he freaks out when he's not becoming the person he wants to be and picks a fight with deku over it and totally breaks down and picks himself back up and forces himself to seriously rewire the entire view of himself and others that he's had his entire life - he's 16 - and goes to all this teeth-clenching effort to be a better person and has highs and lows and wears himself raw and then comes back to life. well the quality of the later part of his arc is very debatable. but his character is so about just figuring out who he is and kind of failing at it a lot of the time. and then eventually figuring it out and getting confident and stable in it. he makes friends who rib on him because they know he's got a good heart under it all, and moreover he lets them. he gets good at shouting something back and carrying on. you see the amount of conscious thinking it takes him to take some of those steps - rethinking his relationship with deku, the god am i really fucking doing this scoff before he gives kirishima back the money - but a lot of it is just steady growth. growing up. genuinely getting more comfortable and more okay with himself over time. but there's also all these little failures along the way because he's just a kid figuring it out, and also genuinely this anger towards the world for not understanding it when he does assert himself (sports festival....where deku also specifically notes that he knows he's not as confident as he wants to be!)

i haven't really closely reread bnha in a sec so a lot of this is probably a lot of projecting (i know it's undeniably influenced by the picture of bkg i have in my head) and i probably also didn't really clarify anything, because in the end everything bakugou is feels very trans to me. "the image you have of bkg katsuki in your head can actually be so personal" etc. digging into my archives i found this post from years back where i described basically the same stuff about bkg being a teen figuring himself out and saying "so yeah he's trans" without being able to hit it more on the head. kirishima is my favorite most special boy of all time, and i love him in so many ways, but bkg is my cringefail stinky teen boy in w the unshatterable determination to actually go MAKE himself the person he wants to be, no matter how many missteps he makes on the way there. it brings me a lot of comfort to imagine him being a self-made man as a part of the because gender is so confusing and questioning can be so intense. i'm 23 and i'm typing all this about an anime boy so i hope it's evident what a soul-bearingly honest answer this is bc otherwise oh haha embarrassing. but yeah i love that kid. i hope every little victory and day where his voice sounds good to him and glance of his top scars in the mirror feels like one of the high points on the journey

#bc i'm teaching in japan now right? trying every day to be a version of myself that i enjoy and that can bring good to the world etc #and i never...almost NEVER talk about my hero academia. with anyone #like a year ago in a jet dnd group i was telling a friend abt how i don't talk about bnha in class #and i said something about how like putting kirishima in a slideshow of mine would be like 'bearing a deep dark part of my soul'#and she was like. what? how? it's my hero academia #i agree. i also think i should be more like 'my hero academia is a show i like. i like bkg bc he's cool'#it really is just very important to me after all this time #anyway this is a lottttt a lot of personal rambling for a blog that i don't take as good care of as i should #but i couldn't give half an answer #ty for giving me a chance to talk about this and if you are seeing this i hope you're having a nice fall!!!#to anyone reading this i hope you're having a nice fall #asks

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keylovesstuff · 3 months

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It's Coronation Day!!!! Whoo!!

Hi everyone!!! my motivation and energy have finally aligned to get this done and I cannot be happier.

Little Events: Chapter 3- The Coronation

AO3

FFN

Note: There is a line in here that implies underage drinking nothing too detailed I promise but just in case wanna give you a heads up.

What does being an effective ruler mean to you?

Peach had been thinking about this question for the last couple of days after Toadsworth proposed that she write a speech to share with the community that raised her. Everyone on the main council who had direct involvement in her physical and diplomatic training for years now, had complete confidence that she was ready. There were a handful of toads who thought otherwise and voiced their criticisms aloud.

What does she know about life and how the world works to make the best decision for their lives?

That question was the most frequent one she's heard from the people and even now with a few days to go, she still doesn't have an answer. Toadsworth had offered to help her out with the letter but she had declined for several reasons. For as much as she valued his insight, he already had his plate full with preparing for the ceremony and he was already stressing every little detail to make it all perfect. If anything, having him fret over something that should really be in her words from start to finish would frustrate them both for wanting it worded a certain way. For the most part thankfully she didn't have to worry about that with her current companion dozing off in the sunlight.

"Think any harder Peaches and your brain just might pop out" Bowser chuckled without opening his eyes.

"Excuse me but we all can't just pop out miraculous speeches that move a crowd within hours" she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out to the back of his shell. Adjusting the quill in her hand, Peach refocused her attention to the same four words that's been on the paper for the past hour and a half.

Everything that came to mind no matter how she chose to word it didn't feel right. Should she just list her promises and present it to her people that way? She shook her head at the thought...that would be something a small child would do not someone turning sixteen. Bullet points are all fine but, elaborating those statements would definitely be expected.

"What a shame more people don't have my charismatic personality." Bowser finally opened his eyes, turning his head to face Peach who was once again pulled out of her train of thoughts by his words. "Oh give me more credit, I can come up with something on the spot. Didn't even need a quill and paper for a brainstorm with my first speech" he added with a smirk.

"No way" Peach gasped aloud, setting her materials on the grass beside her. "You're telling me you didn't write anything beforehand or even rehearsed it several times in front of a mirror. That speech you gave when they crowned you King was way too good" she leaned towards him with each question.

"That's exactly what I'm saying and by the looks of what you have right now..." with a glance at the paper "Maybe you should give it a shot" he added as she snatched the sheet back up.

"Giving a speech with some sort or organization is one thing. Giving a speech without any preparation is another" Peach told him while looking thoughtfully at the paper. "I think if I write something down it would give me the confidence I need to face them" she finished and heard him scoff.

"It's that uncertainty there that makes your people think you're not ready to rule. If you can't even write a simple paper given days in advance what are you going to do if you're put on the spot?" He asked her seriously while examining his claws.

Peach froze as she considered his words and thought back on her interactions with people from the past week. Perhaps she could have been more confident in both her body language and word choice. Instead of inching away and shyly assuring the toads that she's ready to take on whatever challenges may come…she should have stood tall, looked them in their beady eyes, and even if it was fake confidence in that moment, they surely would have more faith in her now. A couple more quiet minutes passed of her thinking before she concluded that it would be another day of completing nothing. She folded the paper into sixths, put the quill in the pocket of her pants, placed the lid on her ink, and rolled her eyes.

"You're kind of sounding like Toadsworth, can we change the conversation?" Peach asked, crossing her legs and setting her hands in between them.

"Ugh don't compare a King as superior as myself to that old fool you call an advisor" Bowser scrunched up his face following her lead and sitting up as well. "I'll have you banished from the darklands, the next time you say something like that" he added tone free of any amusement.

Peaches' stare matched the seriousness of his last statement that told him 'Toadsworth is far from a fool' and that he should take that back. Bowser backed down for the time being.

"Fine then don't compare how I'd say something to how your advisor would say it. I'm completely serious about that last part though." He finished.

"Joke's on you, Toadsworth would love to hear that I'm no longer allowed to step foot in your homeland" Peach giggled at the thought of The mustached toad smiling for miles if she were to tell him after four years of knowing each other that he told her to never come back again.

Toadsworth and Bowser got along well together most of the time. After all, Bowser gave him and the rest of the council decent advice on what a Kingdom being built from the ground up needed from firsthand experience. The Koopa also kept true to his word when it came to discovering unknown parts of their land for resources. Throughout the years they found a variety of consumable mushroom power ups. These served to greatly improve the toads productivity as they found the red ones greatly raised their size and strength. Yellow-orange mushrooms with red spots worked similarly to the red ones but grew its user to gigantic proportions which proved useful for taller buildings, her castle being the most recently completed project. There was a one person limit on the use of those to prevent any accidental crushings.

They found that blue mushrooms would miniaturize the user and even now, the toads weren't really sure how they felt about it. Already being three feet tall they didn't really like being that much smaller and couldn't think of other tasks it could be useful for at this point. Then there was a Green that no one was sure of its functionality. After a couple attempts of consuming the mushroom with no effects, they decided it would be best to save what they found to study more thoroughly since they were such a rare find in the first place.That's where the positive interactions between the two ended.

Most disagreements between the Koopa King and Older Toad came from their approaches to Peach's leadership teachings. When it came to her obstacle courses, where Toadsworth opted for cardboard cutouts, Bowser commanded the minions of his army to take the places and dare them to hold back. The introduction of power ups brought on more problems as they went back and forth on whether she should or shouldn't be allowed to use them for certain exercises. Toadsworth would often tell Bowser off to his face about how sick he was for the look of pleasure in his eyes as she managed to barely avoid getting her head chopped off by a piranha plant or losing a power up after a small misstep. Majority of the time Bowser laughed in his face and told him to suck it up cause in a life or death scenario she may and may not make it as he told Peach to run the course again but in her heels.

Bowser's conceited attitude rubbed Toadsworth the wrong way and he always told Peach to not let the way he talks have any influence on her as if she didn't have her own mind. The whole month they've been going back and forth on every little detail for this coronation and other things that could probably be discussed at a later time if she was honest.

Should the event start sometime in the late morning and run all the way into the afternoon? Or do they allow it to be an all night affair running into the next day?

The earlier it starts the better for everyone to be able to join and there are way more fun activities to do during the day. Versus Bowser's idea of celebrating all night rocking out and possibly indulging in beverages not fit for young toads.

They were not recreating his crowning as King where he had to take the trip to the darklands himself to escort the princess in training back home, catching taking a few sips of whatever was in that cup was Toadsworth's only response.

They ended up settling for Peach's suggestion of starting around two in the afternoon and lasting into nine at night with the plus of shooting fireworks.

Fast loud rock music to keep everyone from the snooze fest that would come from soft soothing instrumental music that Toadsworth pitched.

Peach just suggested a mix of both cause everyone likes a variety of everything right? She knows she does even if her preference leaned more towards the instrumental playlist she grew up with, she's come around to the music in the Darklands.

They should do the allegiance signing at the... End of her speech it makes sense that way. Her main color should be...Pink. It's been her favorite for as long as she could remember. When can they start visiting and introducing her to other kingdoms...When everyone has free time to go together.

Fingers snapping in front of her face pulled her out of her thoughts. Shaking her head and looking up at him, she realized he was asking her a question. She hummed to let him know she was listening.

"Finally I swear you space out the most. Your King was asking what you wanted for your Birthday?" He repeated.

Rolling her eyes, she chose to ignore the first part of what he said. With all the preparations and struggling to write as of late, it was hard to remember that they chose to hold the coronation on her Birthday. Since she just appeared out of a pipe to them one day and she was too young to have any recollection herself, The toads just chose the day she came as the day they would celebrate her birth. Toadsworth chose this day as well to symbolize just how far she's come from being a tiny lost girl depending on them to this young woman who's fully capable of doing anything. Peach understood the sentimental meaning behind it all, even if she would go as far from saying she was capable. As the years have passed, even if they don't exactly see eye to eye on everything, her advisor would always be her number one fan and she would always appreciate the faith he has in her.

"I'm not sure" she told him honestly and then thought of a good idea with a gasp "how about you play something on your piano? You know that one melody you've been working on for awhile? It's so nice and I'm curious to see if you've gotten around to adding any lyrics to it" she gazed off in the distance.

"No" He simply answered as she whined out a 'c'mon' followed by a 'please' "as much as I would like to hear you beg. It's far from finished and the words haven't come to me yet." He finished.

"You asked me what I wanted and that's what I would like." She pouted. "So much for 'Mr.Words Come To Me In Seconds'" she mocked her hands mimicking air quotes.

"For that comment, now you don't get to choose. I'll get you whatever I want" he smiled proudly at her crossing her arms accompanied by her brows furrowing in anger with a 'whatever' in response. " back to the Birthday two questions. Will there be cake? If yes. Are you making it?"

"Of course there's going to be cake and you know the answer to the secondary question. I rarely bake anything anymore." She answered and again reminisced about a hobby she was likely rusty at now.

Growing up she enjoyed watching Toadsworth and other adults prepare meals and as soon as she was tall enough to reach the countertop, Peach would be right next to them offering to add or mix ingredients together. It took awhile for Toadsworth especially but eventually, she was allowed to prepare full meals with little supervision and assistance. One year someone gave her a cookbook of recipes they wrote themselves and she immediately fell in love with the sweet treats. Once she got the hang of dishes, she grew confident to add her own twists on them. When everyone started getting serious about her training, being in the kitchen was one of the last places they let her go. It was in the early days of their friendship that she made cake one day and Bowser impatiently ate the entire thing and demanded she make another one.

"What a shame" was his only comment to that as he stood up and Peach followed his lead. "Anyway since you don't need my help with writing anymore I'm going to go and handle more important stuff. I'll see you in a few days. Make sure there's some good stuff at that buffet table " He started in the direction of the pipe home.

"Ok I'll try. See you soon" Peach waved him off and once he was a good distance away she headed back towards the castle.

When Peach returned, she took note that Toadsworth wasn't in his office as the door was shut and locked. That was a good thing for now she supposed as she wasn't ready to have him question her about the speech. In fact maybe with the third and final change in atmosphere, she would finally string together the right words. She chose to go to her bedroom as a nice outfit change and fresh shower would probably rejuvenate her. On the way, she ran into one of the cooks, who offered to make and bring her a midday snack which she declined in favor of saving her appetite for dinner.

Blow drying her hair halfway, she opted to let the rest of it air dry as she headed over to her dresser drawer. Peach pulled on a red pair of pajama pants and a plain pink tank top before slipping on her favorite fluffy light pink robe and some black bedroom slippers. By the window, sat her long white desk with a few dried up ink spots. There sat the paper from earlier which still had visible creases and the same four words that continued to taunt her. Ready to get started she sat down, pulled herself up to the desk, and grabbed her quill. The tip touched the next blank spot under the words and that's all she remembered before her mind went blank.

Peach kneeled before Toadsworth as he had asked her too. The audience had grown silent enough where you could hear a coin drop. Her heart was beating so fast she felt as if it would pop out of her chest at any minute. She kept her eyes on the ground and waited for her next order. The crown was placed atop of her head with only the slighted adjustments. With that she asked to stand and once more she was met with the hundreds of eyes on her.

"I give you the first...Princess Peach Toadstool. May she live a long healthy life and lead this Kingdom to many great things." Toadsworth finished and the crowd erupted in loud cheers and applause.

"All Hail Princess Peach" A lone toad somewhere amongst the others shouted. This coaxed others to join in as they repeated the phrase over and over again.

The echo grew fainter as the sound of knocking pulled her out of her dream that felt so real. Peach blinked her eyes several times as she refocused on her surroundings, glancing in the direction of her name being called from the other side of the door. Letting out a yawn she could feel drool on the left side of her cheek that she easily wiped off before looking at her hand. Stained in black she gasped loudly as she then noticed the knocked over ink cup that not only coated her hands but her paper as well. The voice on the other side was filled with panic as they called her name once more and asked if everything was okay. This time she responded.

"Uhh Yes sir I just spilled something. Please come in though." Peach stuttered out to Toadsworth now clearly registering his voice. She walked over to her vanity stand and grabbed a few wet wipes to get the ink stains off her hand and no doubt her face.

The slightly graying mustache toad opened the door and walked in and from the mirror's reflection she could see him eyeing every little corner of the room. Everything's in its place and the closets organized too she wanted to tell him reading his body language. The smell caught her attention before she noticed the serving tray in his hand. Peach concluded she must've slept through dinner and the staff inside the castle couldn't get an answer from her, thus Toadsworth hand delivered her food himself. Cheep Cheep filet, rice, some mixed vegetables, and a cup of ice water all sat nicely on both the plate and coaster. She followed his movement as he went over to her soiled desk Noticing the mess he turned around and decided to place the tray on her bed instead.

"Peach Dear, your desk is an absolute mess. I fear that we won't be able to get a stain of that gratitude out no matter how good we wipe it" he placed his chin in between his fingers as he took in the damage. "I'll put in an order first thing in the morning and they should have a new one in here by the afternoon at the earliest." He assured her pulling out a miniature notepad and quill jotting down the reminder for himself.

Peach was about to speak up and tell him that there was no need to worry about the desk since it was still usable and the stains didn't bother her but, it seemed Toadsworth still had more to share as he continued.

"Though we're putting the final touches in your work office so there will be no need for you to bring anything extra to bed after all..." He said as a matter of fact

"A Princess shouldn't do her work in the same space she should be getting her rest" Peach said along with him. She's heard it at least five times a day since they started working on it.

"Ah so remembered. Perfect, I'm very proud." He praised her and finally he noticed the paper on the desk. "Oh goodness was this the speech you've been working hard on?" She froze and hunched her shoulders at his question "It's simply unreadable but I trust that you finished it and took time to memorize as well. Yes?" He turned towards her and she avoided eye contact.

The long silence spoke volumes and was a dead give away of another day of procrastination. Peach figured she should at least give him something no matter how pointless it would be to him.

"I tried writing in the library and it was just too quiet. I went up to the hillside and even with Lord Bowser's company and advice, nothing came up." The scoff and 'predictable' comment at the mention of the Koopa from Toadsworth didn't go unnoticed. "I just came back home after that with the intentions of finishing it but I guess I fell asleep" she finished

Peach could feel the glare burn a hole on the side of her head as she crossed the room to get to the bathroom. From the corner of her eye she could see the disapproving shaking of his head and arms crossed. He waited for her to come out and sit down on the bed before he started talking again.

"You're cutting, finishing that speech awfully close for having two weeks on it would you not agree?" He inquired.

"I promise you I'll have it finished by tomorrow. I'll even leave it on your desk if you promise to only glance at it." She negotiated with him.

"Have you forgotten about the last of the preparations we scheduled for the next two days? The dress rehearsal, where the council would like to hear the speech beforehand to offer any last minute suggestion. Does all that sound familiar?" He reminded her by listing off each thing by his fingers.

All of that stuff did slip her mind but in fairness, she had 2-3 appointments everyday for the past two weeks with training sessions thrown somewhere in the mix. If Toadsworth didn't keep everything in his planner and stayed on top of her, Peach would probably be a no show at everything. He was taking his role as her royal adviser very seriously and showing that there was no one more suited for that role than he was.This stuff also reminded her of something she'd been meaning to ask him even if she already knew what he would say. There was no harm in trying though she supposed and just went for it.

"Toadsworth I was thinking, could I maybe do my own hair and makeup on the day of the coronation?" Again completely ignoring his previous inquiries. "I promise It'll look presentable." She told him.

Toadsworth didn't answer her right away. He seemed to really be considering it and she could tell that he was mentally weighing the pros and cons of her request. The only fair reason she could see him denying her is because she's only been doing her own makeup for a couple of months. All the more reason for him to give her the opportunity to perfect the skill is what she could counter with. When Toadsworth makes up his mind about someone however, it's hard to sway him.

"Absolutely not." He watched the hopeful expression drain from her face instantly "This is an extremely important event and it'll no doubt go down in the history books. You're still an amateur when it comes to both things and I will not have you looking any kind of way." He explained

Seemingly finished with his self rant, Peach was about to retort with a response of her own but, as soon as she opened her mouth, he did too.

"However, with it being your Birthday we'll let you have a little input in the process. Remember, everything needs to happen on time. I can't have you taking up three hours redoing your makeup or restyling your hair cause you're satisfied with it one moment and the next you're not. You do understand where I'm coming from right?" He asked her and gave himself a pat on the back when her face brightened with a wide smile.

"That works! Thank you so much" she jumped off the bed nearly spilling the tray and knocking Toadsworth over as she wrapped her arms around him. "That's rude though I'm not that indecisive when it comes to getting ready. Give me a break" she told him half seriously.

"Would I say it if it wasn't true?" He returned the comment with a similar tone, they both shared a little laugh before. His expressions grew serious as he pulled her away from the embrace. "I do need you to get that speech done. You have till the morning of the rehearsal at the latest." She nodded eagerly.

"Pinky promise It'll be ready by then" she held out her finger waiting for him to lock together and seal the deal. He did.

"Well with that I'll be retiring to my quarters for the evening. Be sure to eat all your dinner and leave the tray in the hall for the staff to pick it up on their morning rounds." Toadsworth made his way to the doorway and Peach followed. "I'll be here at eight sharp to escort you to the first of your appointments. Do make sure you bring the paper and quill in case inspiration strikes you while we're about." He told her.

"Yes sir, Toadsworth. Goodnight and I hope you get plenty of rest." Peach wished him. Now that he mentioned eight in the morning, that reminded her how they didn't go over tomorrow's schedule. No use in saying anything about it now she figured.

"Same to you as well my dear. Please come and see me if you need anything. I'll be up for a little while longer. " He finally said, turning to make his way down the hall.

Peach closed the door behind him after a few moments. Not long after finishing her meal and one final trip to the bathroom for the night, she lay comfortably in bed. The only light source came from the moonlight as it shone on the desk. Even now the right words still hadn't come to her and while it was frustrating she knew thinking about it wouldn't get it done. Pushing those thoughts aside for now she faced away to stare at the door instead. Closing her eyes it took her over an hour to finally fall asleep.

Two days came and went like a blur and Peach could not have dreaded it more with the knot in her stomach. She felt as if the moment she got out of bed, she'd puke up last night's dinner. The sunlight that greeted her, did nothing but burn her eyes and in turn hurt her head. To keep the room from spinning she laid face down and pulled both the pillow and covers over her head. Though hopeless, she wished she was maybe a week in the future already crowned and working on whatever assignment that required her attention. That same knocking on the door from two nights ago, did nothing for the way her heart was rapidly beating as she tried to curl more into herself to be as small as possible.

"Peach My Dear, it's Toadsworth can I come in" He called out as chipper as ever.

"Come in!" She groaned out weakly. Glad someone sounds like they're in a good mood she envied.

The knob twisted and in walked Toadsworth. Similarly to the other night, she smelled the food first but that didn't coax her one bit into removing the covers. If anything it spoiled her appetite even more.

"Happy Birthday to you my dear and here's to a wonderful coronation day." He cheered. Taking the tray over to the new desk he sat it down and finally took a better look at the bundled object on the bed. "How are you feeling?" He asked, a bit worried.

"Can we maybe...um I don't know...do this at a later date?" Peach asked him in a quiet strained voice. She had to repeat herself a little louder as he didn't hear her the first time.

"I'm afraid not my dear, unless you're really-" he gasped aloud causing her to flinch slightly at the sound. He was at the side of her bed in an instant pulling the covers away. This made Peach finally move the pillow out the way as she stared tiredly back at him. "You're not sick are you? I should've been more observant of your health these past days." He pushed her bangs out of her face in order to feel her forehead.

I wish Peach thought to herself miserably as Toadsworth began to mark off all the common symptoms associated with sickness. No fever, Throat feels fine, No dry cough, No stuffy or runny nose, and no red eyes. Nothing. The next thing he asked made her sit up in bed sharply, turning a bright cherry red in embarrassment.

"Oh perhaps your monthlies decided that today would be a good morning to pay you a visit. Never matter, just do what you usually do and I'll get someone to make you a herbal tea and if necessary I'll get the doctor to come over." He assured her. "My apologies for not taking this into consideration when picking a date. I should've done a better job at tracking it" he spoke aloud as he started off. He made it two steps before he felt her hand grip his turning to face her once more.

"It's not that and please don't ever track that please. I can do it on my own." She begged him.

"Well if you're not sick in any way, what seems to be troubling you this morning? We got some time to talk about it. Maybe I can help" he pulled himself up on her bed and covered her hand with both his urging to be honest and that he was listening.

"I suppose, I'm just extremely anxious about everyone's reaction to everything." She told him looking down at their hands.

Truth is all the outcomes that have come across her mind have been nothing but negative. Almost all of them ended in the same scenario:

The toads not accepting her as their leader and banishing her to some unknown land.

Peach felt silly to think something like that would happen in a million years but, there was this nagging voice in the back of her head telling her otherwise. Other minor things included forgetting her speech and stumbling over all her words after rehearsing it repeatedly all night. There was also tripping on her feet despite being able to walk perfectly fine in heels for years now. Finally she would rather disappear, if for some reason she just broke out in tears in front of the people that trust her to be strong regardless of what's going on. She didn't notice her breathing slightly escalate or her hands shake involuntarily until she felt Toadsworth squeeze them, bringing her back to the present.

"Words probably won't do much to ease your anxiety about this but it really is all that I can provide" He told her honestly. "I want you to take a deep breath and just take time to remember the most important thing. You know what that is right?" She followed his instruction. A deep inhale and an exhale. Shaking her head at the question. He chuckled "I know you know it but I have no problems reminding you. Just as much as you want to succeed, we all want to see you do so as well. We'll stand by you through everything that happens. We may be bigger in numbers then when you were younger but we'll always be a community that takes care of each other, yes?" He told her confidentiality.

Toadsworth was right about both statements. While it eased her nervousness a bit, it didn't go away entirely. If it was anything she learned from growing up amongst the toads, they had unconditional love and loyalty to each other and would always be there to lift each other up no matter how bad things get. She nodded her head in agreement.

"Good. Now I'll return in an hours

That should be enough time for you to get situated for the morning." He rubbed her hands gently before getting up to leave.

"Toadsworth" she called out to him. Pausing in the doorway he looked for her to continue. "Thank you for the wishes for earlier and I'm going to make you all proud" she promised.

"Of Course and you've already made me prouder than you'll ever know." He gave her a wide smile and with that he left.

Peach carried out her usual morning routine with a new purpose and feeling a bit better about herself. In between mouthfuls of fruits, Bowser had sent his 'gifts' to her and the staff delivered it outside her door. A potted piranha plant that she'll put on the balcony till it learns to obey or she accidentally kills it in self defense. A hefty bag of what sounded like gold coins... someone's feeling generous. Lastly a piece of paper that she at first assumed was a portrait of himself as he did that every year however, this paper was wrapped in a red ribbon. It took her a minute to realize that this was the treaty they agreed on all these years ago. Cutting it close by sending it the day off but Bowser has always done things on his time and terms.

Peach placed the document on her desk. She figured when she meets back up with Toadsworth he'll read over the details and they'll negotiate things at a later date if need be. After handing over said paper, Toadsworth took her to the hairdresser and told her that he'd see her around an hour before the event got started. They tried out multiple hairstyles yesterday to see which one she liked the most. At one point they narrowed down styles to one long single braid or just curling it and styling it in a cute updo or letting it hang down. That's when she flipped through the book and saw a variety of different hair buns so they tried them out until she found the one. Everyone loved the rose bun and they opted to brush her signature bangs in and added a small pink heart shaped hair clip.

Peach touched up her mascara a bit, having done it earlier before coming after a couple toads applied her makeup. The toads let her put on the light pink lipstick herself. While they got outfits from other places, The toads crafted most of the clothing in her wardrobe and they went all out creating gowns just for today. She must have tried on over two dozen different custom dresses the other day. By the third hour she felt as if her legs would give out standing in one spot for so long. Between all the yes's, no's, try the other one on again, and if you like this one you she thought it would never end. Everyone instantly fell in love and agreed that the final dress she tried on was the one.

A powder pink floor length spaghetti strap v-neck dress with lace on the top. For added modesty they paired it with a long cape the same color. Peach had just finished sliding on the 6-inch silver heels when one of the toads came over to her with a flat light pink gift box tied with a hot pink ribbon. It's from Toadsworth who told them to give it to her once she was dressed. They left her alone in the room to open it and she almost broke into tears upon seeing it along with a handwritten note. A sapphire jeweled brooch and a pair of matching big sphered earrings, her favorite gemstone for as long as she could remember.

"It's beautiful just like your eyes" he told her when he caught her admiring the gem through the glass.

The note as simple as it was made her heart swell with happiness. It said:

" Happy Birthday my beautiful Princess,

I'm so proud of the person you're growing into. You're so confident, strong, and kind everything a good leader should be. I cannot wait to see all the amazing things you will continue to do in the future.

Forever by your side, Toadsworth"

Peach reread it several times fully taking in all the words. With a long deep breath she folded the note and placed it inside the lid of the box. She stood in front of the mirror and put on the earrings first. She positioned the brooch in different places around her chest, before settling by pinning it in the middle. Time seemed to fly by as she admired her final appearance only pulled out of her thoughts at the toad guard asking if she was ready to be escorted to the throne room. Two of them led her in the front while two others followed behind. The walk that seemed so short now seemed never-ending now as the nerves from earlier started making its way back up.

Too distracted to notice, the toads stopped in front of the large brown double door and she almost bumped into them. They were waiting on the green toad told her. It shouldn't be long now a yellow toad said from behind. This was it, the real deal, her one and only chance to make a good impression as a Princess. Do it as you rehearsed and They will love it, was what she kept saying in her head. From behind the door she could barely make out the words Toadsworth was saying until he said 'I give you Peach'.

Not wasting even a second more, both toads each took a side and pushed the door open. Peach squared her shoulders and stood tall and faced forward. The atmosphere around her went silent as they took the tread towards the steps. From the corner of her eyes she could see the orchestra of toads playing their instruments. Both sides were filled with citizens applauding and smiling at her entrance. Bowser did take his spot at the front and even he seemed to be impressed with her newfound confidence. The guards broke off to the left and right sides and pivoted facing each other as they reached the first step.

Peach continued forward as practiced. Heart beating faster with each step up. Toadsworth stood at the top holding a pillow with her golden ruby and sapphire decorated crown. The final step came quicker than she was expecting and once she was next to Toadsworth, she turned to finally face the audience. With a raise of her right arm the applause and music faded into silence. This was it she willed herself and with one final exhale she was ready to speak.

“Good afternoon my people. I want to first start off by thanking each and every one of you for being here today as I take the first step towards being someone you guys can look too for protection and to depend on to make the best choices possible for you all." She started and surprised her own self at how clear her words were coming out. "I want you all to know that you can always come to me with any concerns you have and I will hear you out through everything. I won't promise that there won't be any mistakes but I will do my best to remedy them as soon as they happen. It is with the love and kindness you've shown me all my life that has taught me what it means to grow a community. So I promise to take all those teachings and put them into practice to keep it growing. Thank you for giving me the chance to be your leader. I won't let you down" She finished with a graceful curtsy to them all and once again the audience erupted in applause and cheers.

"You may now kneel" Toadsworth told her and the audience once again went silent as she followed his instructions.

She felt the crown being placed on her head. It's as if with that one object all the responsibilities fell on her shoulders at once. While anxious about it, at the same time, she was ready to take on those challenges to the best of her abilities.

"You may rise." Again at his word, she did as he asked. "I give you all the first in name. Princess Peach Toadstool of the mushroom kingdom. May she do amazing things for us all" Toadsworth announced.

"All Hail Princess Peach" The entire throne room was filled with toads shouting the phrase over and over again. The Koopa King himself even joined in.

Peach was ready to show them all what she was really capable of.

#Super Mario #Key Posting #and as always rambling in the tags before hitting that post button #I'm going to try to be like the cool people a come up with a pinned post to organize all my little stories but that'll probably wait till #tomorrow cause i'm a lil lazy...not sure if I want to add anything else to it but I shall see #Gosh I feel like I have a lot to say and then I draw a blank that must mean it's time to hit the post button #Anyway I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it I said I was going to have fun with it and that I did #Also it got really long...apologies if you're reading it here lol ok posting!!

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grollow · 1 year

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Here's some Ashe deep lore. CW sexism, misogyny, some trauma, depression and over-all a stressful time. Read at your own convenience.

I used to work in the gaming industry for an indie company. Watching some of you react to no Silksong news brings back some horrors.

To preface: The company that I worked for was a very small independent gaming company based out of the Netherlands -- so it was a remote position. We made a few different titles, none of which were wildly successful, in large because of major design flaws (examples include: story not mattering, too much emphasis on PVP in poorly balanced titles [and making the game COMPLETELY DEPENDENT on pvp in some cases] and most egregiously, no real direction beyond 'it should be fun.')

I was hired as a Community Manager initially. My responsibilities for this job largely involved managing the forums, doing news updates, sending out (Not writing) press releases, hanging out in the chats of our games / playing the games sometimes with players, and coming up with fun events. My colleague/boss was senior community manager, and she ran a very successful gaming blog (more successful than most of our games initially -- until she closed it). Both of us were/are heavily involved in games. I am more of an RPG and horror title enthusiast and she was a big fan of RPGs as well as FPS games. We both have a pretty wide repertoire of experience combined. She was a world's top 50 raider in World of Warcraft at the time of this all going down.

I should preface: I am AFAB. I, unfortunately for me, have a very feminine voice. At the time of this all happening, I was also still using she/her pronouns. So was my colleague.

During our experience as Community Managers, we were forced to do marketing despite neither of us knowing how to do that (examples include understanding metrics, learning how Google algorithms worked, composing and distributing Press Releases as well as finding the sites to send those TO).

Here's some examples of the awful things that she and I endured under this company:

80+ hour work weeks, where we were required to detail out with time sheets daily everything we did and what the reasons were. I think I clocked in 16 hour days most days and I was required to work weekends.

On Christmas, our boss called and screamed at my colleague because she and I dared to want the day off to spend with our families (we were not allowed any holidays).

My colleague was forced to work -from the hospital- while her mom underwent life-saving surgery, under threat of being fired.

"You look like a crayon eating [r slur]" is an actual phrase that was used to describe her because of a picture she was using of herself.

We both got told, numerous times, that "girls can't make strategy games."

We were blamed for them releasing an RTS/Tower Defense title the same day as Left4Dead despite my colleague telling them numerous times that that was a mistake.

I later got promoted to Project Manager, but I was still making over $1000 a month less than my male colleague who I hired. In order to get me a raise, he had to take a pay cut. I put in more hours than he did, by his own admission, and worked twice as hard. He was questioned far less on whether or not his work was "efficient."

There are more stories but in truth, I have blocked a lot of it out of my mind. She and I both ran screaming from the gaming industry and have nothing to do with it now in our professions for a reason.

The worst part of all of this is that this is not at all uncommon. This is unfortunately very typical of the industry -- there are good companies, but you hear about these horrors lot less often than they actually occur.

Why do I share this? Because when I see you all screaming about wanting Silksong news, I want you to remember what indie developers go through. And maybe have a little empathy. Good things take time.

(No, I am not saying this is happening at a little 3man studio. I am just telling you, as someone who has worked in the gaming industry, that you should try to be a little more understanding of how hard it can be for some of us.)

#cw: trauma #cw: misogyny #cw: sexism #cw: ? workplace abuse?#ashe rambles #don't read this if you're sensitive this is probably one of my biggest horror stories #im really only sharing it because some of the posts ive seen today have made me really displeased #im fine btw this was several years ago i have healed #but i want to share a firsthand account for people who dont know what goes on during the 'game dev crunch' sometimes #fun fact my steam account still has developer tools attached to it #despite the games i worked on being dead #so i get the steam sale emails long before you all do #probably the only cool thing left over from this

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devondespresso · 1 year

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just needed to say but its 100% ok to write characters out-of-character.

if you craft a version of a character that is completely different from the canon character its not necessarily bad writing and that fact alone doesn't make you a bad writer in any capacity.

its ok to use a preexisting character as a starting place to write your own characters even if you're not changing names or changing a lot about them. I've read and adored a bunch of fics where the characters are definitely not like they are in canon and if i saw that version of the character in the show id be so confused. but I'm decidedly not watching the show, im reading your fic and im completely immersed in your version of the character.

using characters as a vessel to make your own story based on your own experiences is not in any way inferior to writing fix-its of canon or adhering exclusively to canon characterizations. not everyone will enjoy it or read it because no tropes or ways of writing will appeal to everyone, but there will always be someone that enjoys your work and appreciates what you do.

writing is fucking difficult no matter which angle you choose to take. and theres no trope or plot or personal experience that you can't write for any character because there are no laws of writing that say you have to stick to your source material.

its still a good idea to tag if you're characters don't adhere to canon characterizations just because like any trope your reader wants to be able to know what they'll be reading beforehand (and it'll help clarify that the mischaracterization is not an accident you forgot to edit but just how you chose to write this character)

basically your writings are still good and valid even if it wouldn't happen in the show. in some cases "they wouldn't do that in the show" is a damn compliment.

#i wrote this with steddie in mind but it applies to most anything methinks #because i canon characterization for steve and fanon don't always line up but that's not a problem #i love that we like exploring different possibilities for his character from what his parents are like to his relationship with the party #and this applies to smut too it doesnt fucking matter how you wanna write it cause we havent seen them have gay sax so its not like we know #and even if we did it doesn't matter! write them however you want dammit #and especially when writing about serious stuff like if you're projecting your experience with eds or chronic pain or abuse or depression #onto a character who doesn't explicitly have that experience #sharing your experience realistically does more good for you and the readers than trying to make the character canon-compliant #and not to say everyone has to like the thongs you write. no writing will make everyone happy. even the most critical acclaimed works dont #make everyone happy (there are people who don't like arcane for crying out loud and thats the most exceptional/adored show I've ever seen)#steddie tumblr #because those are the only fic i read these days #and we have a lot of different popular tropes that aren't canon compliant and i want you guys to know you're epic and cool #fic writing #writing rambles #writing rant #writing positivity #devon thinks sometimes

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ishouldsleepbut · 10 months

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Pt 2 of my kinnes + appreciation of Frances Janvier

*This contains spoilers for Radio Silence by Alice Oseman and it's also a long post sorry*

So I just finished Radio Silence by Alice Oseman (which is fucking amazing, pls go read it if you haven't), and ooh boy. I got myself another kin. This time the lucky one is Frances Janvier.

At first, Frances seems like you typical overachiever: head girl, A's on every test, almost no hobbies (unless you count studying) and she wants to go to a prestigious college (this time it's Cambridge). Secretly though, she's an artist who obsesses over and posts fanart about her favorite podcast, Universe City. Over the course of the story, we see Frances works her ass off trying to get into Cambridge for English Lit. She says when she's not doing homework, she feels like she's wasting time (I know that feeling). I'm gonna quote a line from the book that really hit me hard.

Context: Frances is on the train to Cambridge for her interviews. "Everything I'd ever done at school had come down to this... What else were you supposed to do when you got the best grades in the class, without fail, every single year? Why would I waste an opportunity like this?". Frances continuously reiterates that if she doesn't get into Cambridge, all of her hard work and studying a subject that she doesn't even LIKE will be for nothing.

And like, as a so-called "smart kid", that hit fucking hard. It genuinely feels like your whole personality is just getting good grades which is a problem because school doesn't last forever. No one in their twenties remembers what they got on their 7th-grade math finals. And so when gifted kids like me take a step back, they realize "Oh shit, I don't know who I am anymore". Because when so much of your life revolves around being perfect over and over again, taking every opportunity to get higher academic achievements, you forget that it's ok to be human. It's ok to not get everything right, it's ok to do other stuff instead of studying, and it's ok to fail. And that is such a hard lesson to learn because it has been ingrained in our brains by either ourselves or the people around us that failing is the worst thing you can do. Just… reading Frances break down when she found out she didn't get accepted to Cambridge… I cried. Like actually cried. (God this book is so good, seriously, go read it.)

I also want to talk about Frances' relationship with the podcast Universe City and fandom stuff in general. Frances is a huge fan of this podcast and she even regularly posts fanart of it on Tumblr. No one knows about this though, as Frances is scared of people finding out. She's afraid people will think she's just a fandom-obsessed weirdo. Frances even feels like there are two parts to her: School Frances and Real Frances. This ties back into the whole "being perfect" thing. I feel like a lot of gifted kids relate to this (read I relate to this) because you feel like you have to be correct and perfect all the time. You can't ever show your "weird" side because then people might not take you seriously (especially when you're a racial, ethnic, or gender minority) or they'll judge you for it. Like I'm in a lot of fandoms. I read fanfiction. I make edits and fanart. Hell, I've even watched those gatcha life "characters react to themselves" videos. And a lot of the stuff I've mentioned is so stigmatized that I feel like a lot of us have just taken to hiding it. I honestly don't tell a lot of my friends about the fanfics I read or what ships I like or my headcanons for specific characters. If I share those things with you, that means I really trust you (...or I don't know you and I'm posting it on Tumblr).

And honestly, that's why I love Tumblr because I can just talk about my silly headcanons for x character and gush over some cute fanart. If someone sees and likes my posts, great. I'm glad you liked it. But if not that's ok.

Well, congrats for making it to the end of this hella-long post. Thanks for listening to me ramble for a little bit about some personal stuffs. Pls read radio silence if you haven't, it's so good. It and Frances need more appreciation because they are both so awesome.

#long post #osemanverse #radio silence #frances janvier #veero rambles #APPRECIATE FRANCES SHE'S SO COOL #LOOK AT HER #<3333 #if you're still reading thanks for listening to me ramble #love you guys

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whysamwhy123 · 2 months

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As the wise scholar Fred Durst once said, it's just one of those days.

Send me stuff maybe?? Questions, headcanons, prompts, FMK, good news - anything that'll take my mind off of *gestures around wildly* everything

#Help me magical queers trapped inside my computer!#Help me escape my own mind!#Also if you're reading this even if you don't send something in -#Hey there I think you're cool and I appreciate you thank you for being here and putting up with my weird ramblings <3 <3 <3

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deservedgrace · 3 months

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Am I being petty? My dad is always saying stuff like “I’m praying for you to be successful” or “god made you perfect”. I know he means well but it’s so uncomfortable whenever he does those things. I don’t want you to pray for me, I need real help. You don’t know the real me and you probably wouldn’t be as proud if you did. He still thinks I’m the perfect Christian boy instead of an atheist who’s figuring out their gender. He claims to love and support whatever I want, but he always leaves out being a girl when listing off topics, and has questioned me at random times about trans athletes when I’m too tired to think of an answer.

In my opinion, absolutely not.

I was actually just talking about the prayer thing with my friend last night. So many christians use prayer as almost a silencing method, whether intentionally or unintentionally. When I left the church I realized just how abysmal my comforting/supporting methods were because while I was in the church, I and everyone around me relied on cutting uncomfortable topics short with "well I'll be praying for you" or ask to pray with you about it, and offer literally NO other support while also expecting prayer to, just fix it magically. Hilariously, the same people that are always like, "god's not a genie, you're praying wrong if you're expecting him to answer every prayer you have" seem to ask for and expect genie-like responses from him while doing NO work of their own to support the people they're praying for. Prayer is Very Very often used as a substitute for support. Even when I was deep in the church it never felt sufficient, but I couldn't say anything because it was supposed to be sufficient and if it wasn't sufficient that was a problem with me and my "sinful nature". Churches and christians that focus on prayer over actually being the hands and feet of jesus (fucking doing something about it) aren't fostering proper community and support. They're fostering a culture of not being able to talk about difficult things, of suffering in silence, and of relying on a silent and unprovable god which often results in being taught to rely solely on yourself.

I really feel for you with the gender thing. I don't know the full context of your specific situation but I see "god made you perfect" used to silence any notion of being trans far, far too often. The implication being, being cis is the default, being trans is going against who "god made you to be", etc. I've noticed this especially of christians who believe in complementarianism (men and women have different roles to fulfill), many of them tend to "love and support whoever you are"........ so long as it falls into their tiny box of what they deem acceptable. I don't want to turn this into a whole thing about gender but even in a worldview that doesn't recognize the existence of trans people, there isn't a definition of womanhood that includes every woman and excludes every non-woman and vice versa for men ("a woman is someone who can have babies" excludes those with infertility issues, something that affects up to 20% of women, "a woman is someone who has XX chromosomes" excludes intersex women, "a woman is someone who has a uterus" excludes women who have had hysterectomies, "a woman is someone who has had a uterus at SOME point" excludes women that simply born without one, which happens to about 1 in 5000 based on a quick google, etc etc). My point being, they're trying to draw these confining and limiting boxes where they can't. Humans don't work like that. Their idea of perfection is something that is simply biologically and sociologically and historically unsupported. Gender is complicated because humans are complicated. It's disappointing that some people can't see the beauty in that and it's devastating that it often causes so much pain and suffering to those around them.

I really hope you're able to find proper support. If possible, I encourage you to (safely!!!) continue exploring your gender. And it makes complete sense that you'd feel uncomfortable about these things. Prayer without proper support is skirting responsibility at best. Tearing down trans athletes and doing the christian "god made you perfect" thing with the implication of cis being the default is not a supportive environment to be around. I'm not going to be able to remember the quote verbatim but one of my favorite god/trans quotes is something along the lines of "god made trans people for the same reason he made wheat but not bread and grapes but not wine; so humanity may share in the act of creation". I'm not necessarily encouraging this as a "gotcha" statement, I can hear in my head exactly how my church would respond to that. But outside the church I think it's a beautiful reframe despite me not believing in god anymore. And if you would prefer something less religiously related: I'm deeply sorry you're not in a supportive environment. There's nothing wrong with you. As far as I can tell you're having a very normal reaction to the shit you're having to put up with and the situation you're in.

#i hope you don't mind me responding publicly #if you're uncomfortable with it i'll absolutely take it down but all this is something i've been thinking about for a bit lol #also just to say it to anybody reading: it is 1000% okay to explore your gender and come to the conclusion that you're cis #like peer reviewing your own gender is a good thing and it's okay if the conclusion you come to is “no this is correct actually”#saying that bc i think sometimes people get nervous to explore their gender #bc there's sometimes an expectation that you'll come out trans at the end of it #ofc it's fine and cool and beautiful if you go through it and realize you're trans #but the same is true if you come out of it with a better understanding of your gender and it happens to be cis #ANYWAY i've rambled enough #ask

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frogofshadyorigin · 5 months

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Rambling about some explicit NSFW stuff. I'll make a short disclaimer about it, since I normally don't do this.

So, this post is dealing with me, my asexuality, my views on sex and some more explicit stuff.

So this is a bit weird. I am definitely aroace, no questions there. I'm not sure if I'm maybe demisexual, but at least right now, I'm at most indifferent, if not slightly repulsed.

And yet, sometimes I see posts about writing prompts or some queer space post about someone getting their literal brains fucked out of them and I'm just like:

Damn. I'd like someone to fuck my brains out. But not in a sexual way. I'd like to be ravaged and reduced to an inarticulate mess. But without someone being sexually intimate with me.

I don't want to have sex, but I want to be a stuttering, mumbling mess out of appreciation.

And yet, the idea of sex makes me physically react. I get in a bad mood, my brain is initiating disgust and I can't stand someone touching me then.

I crave the intimacy of sex without the sex.

And sometimes it drives me crazy. Those are the days I can't really deal with my asexuality. The days I see it as something wrong in my life, something missing. Where I want to be sexual with someone, even though I know it's going to make me hate myself and will be detrimental to my mental health.

And I know I'm not missing anything. 99.9% I'm fine, happy even.

But then I read about someone being loved senseless and just feel like I'm missing out.

Yeah, that's mostly it. But I needed to get it out and what better way than screaming it to (mostly only) strangers on this platform.

#asexuality #asexual #rambling #I'm confused about sex #sometimes i just feel broken #and i want someone to make me feel that way without having to have sex with them #and i have a wonderful boyfriend that makes me feel appreciated and im really happy #but some days I'm sad for this stupid reason #sorry for that weird post #btw #my boyfriend is awesome #literally the best guy out there #love him in my own weird non romantic way #it you read this boyfriend #you're cool

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