#im absolutely forgetting someone arent i who am i forgetting

[pagesofkenna]

ghost boys I can think of off the top of my head, feel free to recommend me more ghost boys:

Cole (Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Noah (Raven Boys)

Yukine (Noragami)

Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson series) (honorary ghost)

Nageki (Hatoful Boyfriend) (honorary boy)

#im absolutely forgetting someone arent i who am i forgetting #im trying to draw a line between some of my favorite characters #and i think my 'robot' archetype is leaning towards the 'ghost boy' side of the spectrum of faves #because like... victor from marvel's Runaways comics ISNT a ghost boy but theres definitely a clear connection? he COULD be? #so then i think about like BMO? further away but still definitely connected to the concept? #im going to mathematically predict my ultimate favorite character type

[luvieshifts]

the maze runner maze diversity ideas directly inspired by this @petrichor-idyllic post!!

ive literally been thinking about it nonstop since omg okay BASICALLY its confirmed in the scorch trials movie that there are a bunch of other mazes aside from the glade and group b. since these other mazes are never touched on there are one million and one ways people could go with them in fanfiction in terms of layout, weather conditions, etc. so i wanted to share some!

petri had tons of great ideas (go follow them right NEOW) and im just here to expand on them. 4 the sake of simplicity im gonna call the “gladers” subjects/mazers since we dont really know what theyd call themselves, and im gonna call the “glade” the centre. i am gonna keep calling new kids greenies bc i think its a funny little name + DISCLAIMER i have not read the books and i also do not have the time or energy to rewatch the movies so if any information is off my bad fr

NOT PROOFREAD

MONSTER IDEAS

a maze with birdbox style monsters so they have to navigate the maze blindfolded

a maze where the monsters are deathly afraid of some sort of metal that wicked wont send them enough of to make clothes or armor (at least not enough to keep every mazer safe) so all the people are heavily pierced. greenies come up piercingless and have to sit in the piercing hut (where they keep the metal) for however long it takes them to let the maze piercers do their job because absolutely no shot are they letting any dumbass teenager go anywhere with their rare life saving metal without it being fused to their bodies. the maze record for time a greenie has spent in the piercing hut is 3 full days and the less time you spend in there when you first arrive the more street cred you get

^ the piercer would probably be the maze leader, im picturing someone who at the beginning was the only person that could talk greenies into getting the piercing over n done with and as more came up the maze just filled with people that would only listen to the one person they trusted enough to pierce them straight out of the box.

a maze with underground monsters. you drop something heavy enough and something shoots out of the ground, jaws wide open. they have treestyle type houses, floating bridges connecting buildings. they dont have runner equivalents bc theyre working on building bridges through the maze and its like a no brainer that they cant go anywhere without a bridge. instead of “someone should try surviving the maze at night” its “we should climb the walls” and everyone thinks hes just as nuts

^theyd have a box but wouldnt it be fucking funny if their greenies just fell out of the sky?? they have a little platform right underneath where the greenies and supplies land (they call it ground zero) picturing wicked somehow forgetting to cushion the platform at first and patient zero falls out of the sky and dies on impact

a maze where the monsters arent giant teen eating beasts but deadly insects. one bite of that one and youll vomit up your internal organs, breathe in gas from that one and your entire body will be paralyzed. accidentally step on that one and your foot will swell to the size of a bowling ball and fucking explode. experiment with how your mazers cope with this - maybe everyone wears layers and layers of bee keeping style clothes outside and all the buildings are netted. do they have disinfecting rooms? do they have some sort of poison that takes the insects out? how to they distribute this poison since they cant just pierce it on like the metal maze?

a maze with the hunger games mutt type monster-mutations made out of fallen mazers

a maze where the monsters arent monsters or a threat at all but contain clues or keys thatll help the mazers get out and are notoriously impossible to catch

MAZE IDEAS

on the wiki page for group b it says their maze went vertical at one point - a maze that is completely vertical, their centre (creatively named The Hole) being like a tube just walled in by heaven high maze structures. you look up and at some point the walls give way to an abyss. most of the mazers have given up hope of getting out because it looks endless - or does it? nobody really entertains the idea that the top of The Wall is closer than they think, that the creators have put in a fake ceiling to fuck with them, but the people theyve sent up dont come back down and when the hole is quiet enough they can hear something alive up there and nobody can say for sure that their little village is any worse than what theyll find if they try to leave

hunger games quarter quell type maze where different sections of it have different monsters or obstacles. the sections with the easiest to bypass obstacles have the most complicated puzzle, the sections that are the easiest to navigate have obstacles 10x as deadly

PEOPLE IDEAS

a maze where 2 people come up in the box at a time (inspired by this thomas fic). theyd have names like box-mate or smth for whoever you come up in the box with (i.e thats jeff, he’s clints box-mate) and everyone is really close with their box-mate, platonically or otherwise. i feel like theres alot of cute potential for this idea, like an alby-equivalent talking to aggressive mazers like why dont you go find your box-mate and chill out. go cuddle or something. greenies often feeling weird about their connection w their box-mate (bc who wouldnt??) and long time mazers teasing them about it “oooooh somebodys making eyes at their booox-maaate muah muah muah”

unisex maze (although all these ideas can be unisex) where the number of boys and girls is slightly or very uneven at any given time. people have bets going around that time of the month every month about whether theyre getting a boy or a girl w things like chores and food being traded like currency. the bonfires on greenie day are just celebrations for the winning party

got this idea from petri but someone alone in a maze!!! just completely isolated for however long, not being expected to survive but making it out somehow. have you guys ever read an article or paper on the long term psychological effects of solitary confinement in prisons? of course itd be different but isolation is literally used as a torture method in some places. humans are not supposed to be so alone!! a lone mazer that sleeps by the thinnest part of the walls at night so they can hear the monsters, have some sort of connection to another living thing. a lone mazer that only survives their maze because they know their monsters like the back of their hand after spending endless nights well hidden in the maze just OBSERVING the creatures because it becomes a comfort to them, seeing something outside of themself move by its own free will. a lone mazer that never stops talking once theyre out of the maze because long silence makes them feel like theyre all alone again, a lone mazer that doesnt talk at all once theyre out of the maze because they cant stand the sound of their own voice anymore.

^ petri had the idea of an animal companion and i think that is a wonderful idea!! they have this fic where the reader had a dog and theyre really cute together. go full on disney princess & give your character a bird or a chameleon or a tiger if youre a jasmine guy. a dog or any predatory animal can conceivably help your character escape the maze - give your character a sloth or a koala or just a really lazy cat. give me a lone mazer whos animal companion is dead weight but they dont have the heart to leave them, who keeps their fat cat strapped to their chest like a baby as they fight for their life. 

person alone in a maze with a baby. ik this sounds so random but wicked wanting to see the effects of growing up in the maze so they send in a carer, someone that looks after the mazers before theyre sent in. the carer raises the kid angry at whoever has trapped their now adopted child in this torture chamber come to find out they used to be one of them

maze where the subjects are supposed to get injured in some way to force them to rely on one another. a subject being deafened by a banshee type monster, a subject getting a limb amputated by medjack equivalents after getting suddenly and suspisciously sick. they dont spend so much time mapping the maze as figuring out how to get all of them through to the very end because they quite literally cannot make it without every single mazer

a maze where the subjects keep their memories but theyve all been altered. some remember wicked as saviours providing shelter for them as orphaned children, others remember being restrained, poked and prodded, a vague feeling of grief and betrayal that they cant explain. others dont remember wicked at all and insist that the maze is a paradise compared to desert wastelands filled with zombie people and viral disease.

your mazers can react to this in any way shape or form. maybe factions/cliques of people with similar memories form. nobody wants a leader from a different group in charge of the entire maze so they dont have one, there not being any rules that apply to every group in the maze because nobody will listen to eachother. everyone thinks the ones that dont remember wicked are crazy and the anti-wicked group have the most reason to become violent, have been the most violent in the past so everyone thinks theyre psychos. it takes them longer than other groups to get out despite having memory because they all take over different parts of the maze and refuse to share information.

mazers that have access to technology. they can make things like recordings and audios but no way of connecting to the outside world and no information aside from what they put in themselves. they learn to program things and make robots/drones to navigate the maze for them, make intro videos for greenies so they dont have to deal with them. instead of track hoes and medjacks they have groups of people that work on different kinds of technology because theyve learnt to automate most of the stuff the gladers do by hand. some work on exploring the maze, some make weapons, some study the monster corpses theyve managed to get, etc etc.

CULTURE/TRADITION IDEAS

the different ways people commemorate dead mazers!! in the glade they cross out their names on the maze walls and in group Bs maze they like sculpt their faces into the ice. give me a maze that tattoos the names of their fallen, whos oldest mazers have the most ink so it kind of goes without saying that the more tattoos you have the more authority you have. greenies being able to tell clearly whos been around longer based on which names they have tattooed. give me a maze that mounts the weapons of the dead on a wall, a maze with a regular graveyard that the mazers visit on slow days

greenie events!!! give me greenie celebrations like the bonfire we see in the glade, parties or games, feasts to welcome newcomers. give me a maze where the arrival of a greenie is grim, one more mouth to feed, one more lost soul trapped. a maze where everything dims down around that time of the month because another person means another month theyve failed to get out. give me mazes that test their greenies to see if theyre of any use to the group because those that arent are dead weight. a maze that holds Greenie Trials, where you have to complete an obstacle course or survive a night in the maze or complete some obscure challenge and if you cant youre tossed to the monsters.

^bonus points for a gally-equivalent getting to say ominous shit like The Last One Didn’t Make It

TATTOO SUBGENRE

because i dont know what else to do with these

maze where wicked programmed the monsters to respond to some basic specific kind of symbol and the people have it tattooed in very visible places, painted on every hut and wall

maze where the monsters are deathly allergic to some sort of liquid so the subjects tattoo themselves with it

maze where you have to be incredibly light on your feet when navigating the maze so people tattoo maps on themselves.

GROUP B

i know im supposed to be talking about maze ideas not mentioned in canon but group b has so much potential their wiki says that group b doesnt have runners, they literally all just go out into the maze in a giant group, AND that their monsters are out day and night PLUS their maze is a frozen wasteland. i imagine any girls that arent strong enough to withstand everything are like pretty quickly weeded out and only the hardasses that adapted quickly enough were left omg the cultural norms that would form?? theyre all absolutely jacked and if a greenie dies nobody bats an eye cause tough shit. no introduction no transition period you come into the maze with us and dodge airborne monsters or you stay here and freeze to death. the creators do send them medical supplies but over time they start to notice the way the group interacts w eachother so they start sending less to see if they can push it even farther, make the girls have to ration their medical supplies. it works tenfold oh you broke your arm and you want a sling, aris?? rachel got her arm CHEWED OFF by a FLYING MUTANT PTERADACTDOL and didnt ask me for so much as a BANDAID

this is like evidenced on the wiki too multiple girls suggesting they just leave aris to freeze to death or get eaten by monsters in the maze because theyre SUSPISCIOUS of him?? like absolutely unprovoked too thomas had a stung glader accusing him of being at fault for the maze an unconscious girl who came at the wrong time who is apparently going to be the last greenie they ever recieve feverishly gasping his name just so much ammo for the gladers to toss him out and it takes the death of like half the glade and an insane gally to get him where aris was upon arrival. they literally punch aris square in the face immediately after they decide not to kill him bc “its the fastest way to remember your name” like how did you guys realise that??? "fastest way” so you admit there are other ways??? why are you giving all your greenies concussions

GEN

because i dont know where to put these

explore the concept of failed mazes. a desert maze where the subjects couldnt survive on the monthly supplies because they couldnt farm any food on their own because, well, desert. a maze where wicked did something like the memory altering maze, purposefully dividing them but they went too far and the mazers killed eachother off hunger games style

test mazes! have you ever wondered why the mazes operate the way they do? why do they send people up once a month? why are the mazers of all different ages? why not make the centre already stocked with food and buildings so the subjects can spend more time cracking the maze instead of learning how to grow crops?

a maze where they sent all the people up at once and without guidance from more experienced subjects they pretty quickly killed themselves off. a maze where the subjects were too young and werent organising themselves or mapping the maze fast enough, a maze where the subjects were too old and lost hope faster and easier. a maze where the mazers had everything they needed upon arrival and nobody wanted to leave.

AND MANY MORE!!!

IN conclusion make ur own mazes people!!!!! get creative w it there are so many different directions you can take it in!! pls feel free to use any ideas thats what theyre here for i dont need credit but PLEASE tag me id love to see anything that comes from this nonsense!!! nd lmk if anybody wants a pt2 because i had a million half baked ideas that didnt make the cut i am filled to the brim with Thoughts

#the maze runner #the maze runner series #the maze runner x reader #the maze runner oc #tmr #tmr x reader #tmr oc #the maze runner fic #the maze runner fanfiction #the maze runner fandom #tmr newt #tmr frypan #tmr minho #the maze runner imagine #tmr fic #tmr fanfiction #tmr fandom #tmr thomas #the glade #tmr gally #tmr alby

[mychlapci]

Same anon as the preggo roddy one from yesterdayy? Second time sending one because im getting bold already plus i love your writing👍

I was poking around, because im blessed with boredom and the horny thoughts are hitting, and saw Rescue bots, And i am obsessed with chase so much, also the rescue bots polyamory.

The four of then cuddled up in the bunker at night after going absolutely feral on eachother, panels barely able to close as a mix of fluids gather beneath them, whoever fucked who was forgotten the moment a shared overload rippled over the lot of them, and the four of them end up in a sticky puddle of transfluid and lubricant mixed, too lazy to move and much too happy, blissfully ignorant of that 𝑵𝒐 the walls arent soundproofed enough to block out Chase’s screams and 𝒀𝒆𝒔 they’re keeping the humans up, and Cody does know, but he’s more worried on why its either blades or chase screaming.

I definitely see and headcannon chase as a speedster frame, he barely ever stops doing something unless he physically cant, and it just seems like he puts his endless energy into something that isn’t being a whore 𝘙𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘴 ,and i wished he had doorwings or a spoiler, because he’s just so pretty and most definitely deserves the other three of them to take turns to fuck the energy out of his frame, grabbing at sensitive appendages like they’re handles to get a good grip while slamming into a valve that feels hot enough to burn <3

All three bots knowing how needy speedsters get, how much energy a speedster frame conceals without an output source, like a thick false spike that can adsorb energy or a clamp on his node that vibrates until his anterior node is numb and tingling, panels are barely able to stay closed during a high-speed chase because the charge his frame wracks up stimulates the clamp, and his node is just buzzing with pleasure and the moment him and Chief burns get back to the firehouse, he just collapses.

The humans are worried ofcourse, panicking because they think he’s hurt, when in reality it was blades or heatwave’s idea because i see both of them as kinky little fucks and Boulder just watches while trying not to laugh because they all 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 chase is gonna be absolutely pissed off at them.

In the end Chief burns has to try and carefully explain that: No, the bots cannot continue to act like horny rabbits: No, they cant do their jobs if they’re pregnant, its a safety risk and Yes, if they want to keep on doing what theyre doing they have to use protection. (Its too late one of them, probably Chase or Blades, are already preggo. I want to go into detail on Blades but Chase needs some love)

Does ‘facing like that boost their morale? Yes. Do they continue? Yes. Does Chief burns threaten to call Optimus up and make the prime tell them to stop? Also yes. Atleast they can repopulate the Rescue bots?.. its like putting an endangered species in a breeding sanctuary and NOT expecting them to breed like crazy once theyre in a safe environment with food, shelter and comfort.

Yes god please, rescue bots porn save me. I fucking love horny rescue bots. i mean, sure, they’re always busy with missions, but not always always, they have far more moments of peace than the battle-trained team Prime, so obviously they gotta fill that free time with something. Orgies seem like a good idea.

Also thank you for focusing on Chase. My babygirl Chase. I need to play with his holes so badly. I need to fuck him so hard he forgets his name. But it’s fine, the rest of the Rescue bots are doing a good enough job of that. I am also a speedster + doorwings Chase truther btw. Chase shuddering when his door-wings are rubbed, valve cycling down when someone, usually Heatwave, grabs his wings and pulls while fucking him from behind…

god, the bunker not being soundproofed at all. The first few weeks the bots were staying there, the poor family had to get used to the sounds of them squealing and moaning in overload every. Single Night. Everyone is uncomfortable, though Cody is mostly confused. As they branch out to stunts like shoving a false spike up Chase’s valve for an entire day just to watch him stumble and struggle to pretend he’s not overloading in the middle of a police chase, Chief Burns’ gotta start thinking about how to… regulate the bots’ interfacing habits. 

He reasons with them, saying that he wouldn’t want them to get sparked and end up incapable of fulfilling their vision (and bless whichever poor soul had to explain to him how cybertronians reproduce…) But oops. Big oops. I bet you Chase is already pregnant. Chief Burns is not strong enough to handle those news, not until he cools down and Chase has no choice but to start explaining the bump on his belly <33

bonus points if Charlie asks which one of the bots is the baby daddy and Chase casually admits he’s not sure. Maybe he babbles out some statistics based on which one of his teammates fucked him the most, but Chief Burns is not listening at that point. He really should call Optimus. 

#valveplug #rescue bots #I NEED RESCUE BOTS SEX. I NEED CHASE RESCUE BOTS TO BE FUCKED SO HARD HIS BRAIN STOPS WORKING #pregnancy mention

[nintendont2502]

An (Uncomprehensive) list of sandwich related crimes I've been forcibly made an accomplice to

- A chicken classic footlong with tuna

- A double meat meatball sub with double chicken classic

- Every type of cheese on one sub

- Steak and seafood

- Literally any sub with seafood

- Subdogs

- A sub being microwaved instead of toasted (disturbingly common)

- An uber order for just a bread roll. No meat, no cheese, no salad - just an uncut white roll. They paid 20 AUD (not including delivery) for something you could get for like 3 bucks at Woolies

- That one time someone asked me to toast their sub three times

- Anyone who pays for beetroot or avocado (I usually "forget" to charge them if no ones looking but sometimes I forget to do that (or they're an asshole))

- That one time there was red shit all over the floor and we genuinely couldn't tell if it was blood or raspberry

- Every time I've mixed lift and Fanta together because it tastes good

- I think I sneezed near someone's sub once. They didn't say anything.

- One time someone bought our entire stock of turkey to feed his dog. There's nothing wrong with that it was just an incredibly bizarre thing to experience at 10 am. Also I didn't know how much to charge him for so I just kept hitting the "Turkey 6 inch add-on" button until it looked right. (Also turkey is the most annoying meat to prep)

- I dropped an untoasted garlic and cheese toastie once. There was mozzarella everywhere

- I also dropped someone's toasted chicken strip's sub in the salad bar once

- The uncomfortable amount of times i/my coworkers have dropped something in the tuna or seafood, and just dug it out and put it back

- There are absolutely no cross contamination procedures here please for the love of God don't even come in if you're allergic to a single ingredient. Everything's touched everything

- sometimes I just stand in the fridge when it's hot and/or I don't want to do my job

- I cut myself breaking down boxes today. I don't know how

- We're meant to count out the amount of pickles we put on subs (6 for a 6 inch, 12 for a footlong). I've literally never done that. I don't know how to count

- My first time working the till someones card never went through and I just didn't say anything until they left. Then I just told my coworkers that the card payment prompt never went away even though they paid. They believed me

- I eat the choc chips left on the trays after the cookies have been flipped sometimes

- Someone broke in once, and all they did was break the toilet lock and leave

- I've eaten melted cookie dough that we couldn't use multiple times

- I've seriously considered eating the raw capsicum multiple times. The only thing stopping me is the cameras

- 90% of the time at work I'm just thinking about homestuck (horrifying)

- I was put in charge of the store music *once* and everyone complained about it. (So did I to be fair - I was playing the first non-explicit playlist I could find)

- Near the end of my shift this woman came in who was *obnoxiously* cheerful. Like she sung and posed when she walked in, she kept yelling at her friends and tapping on the glass excitedly (and dropped the glass screen on my arm). I had to serve her on tje till, and after she told me that she and her friends had had a wild night and were still pretty buzzed, I looked her in the eyes and said "haha I wish that was me right now" in the deadest tone possible

- im like 90 percent sure she was still on something

- this one guy used to come in all the time and order carrot "for colour". I miss him.

- where are you carrot for colour guy :((

- i almost choked on ice at the end of the night trying to prove a point to my coworkers

- one time we were out of almost everything, and we genuinely considered closing at 11 in the morning because we couldn't serve anyone

- I hear the uber incoming order sound in my sleep sometimes

- people keep tapping the glass FUCKIGN STOP WE ARENT FISH

- someone kept tapping the glass with their keys and I wanted to scream

- every time someone pronounces macadamia as "macadamian" I lose a year of my life

- every time someone pronounces Chipotle as "chip-ottel" I gain a year of my life because that shits hilarious

- there was once an hour long debate in the work group chat about what cookies were the best. Someone called someone else racist + claimed they called a homeless guy the n word

- in the same group chat someone once sent shirtless pictures of themself and also this

#this pretty rapidly devolves from 'fucked up subs' to literally just any weird story i can think of #god i hate my job but theres some good stories in there #its better than my old job at the cinema #actually please ask about that it was fucking wild #anyway for context most of tje staff here are under the age of 18 which explains a lot #i cant remember the last time i worked with someone older than me #me.txt #also if my boss/coworkers see this no you dont <3 please dont fire me #actually if anyone at my work had tumblr i would genuinely be shocked

[novannna]

Okay so like def 🖊 hmmm and also 💖, 🧠 and 💋 (which is freeform so I am gonna ask: fave couple to write (fic or ocs))

(Also you know how when you go to like a pastry place and you point out pastries for the person to put into a box for you? Thats what this ask feels like) (completely unrelated to how I bought pastries today btw) (AFTER I dropped off Alex so again. Not date bc I didn't like. go home and twirl in a circle and stare out a window or some shit)

Sometimes I forget that other ppl can read the asks I send yall

hi michstie afsfsgkf i want pastries now also ha imagine having a crush on someone and going on a date with them thats so fucking lame omg go bring me some pastires plss <33 im tired can u tell

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

hm okay i have not written in a little while but my current personal wip <33 also its kinda long but whatever <3

“What did you do, Merle?”  

Merle let out a long suffering sigh.  “You really want to know?”  

“Really, really.”  Strangely, Lapis didn’t sound as angry.  She just sounded tired.  

Merle laughed.   “My screw up that got me sent all the way out here…”  Lapis leaned forward, eyes gleaming.  Merle hummed thoughtfully.  “I existed.”  Lapis jerked backwards as Merle cackled.  “Horrible, isn’t it?”

“What are you?”  Lapis’s voice softened, and there wasn’t a shred of anger left.  

Merle tilted her head.  “A bird, a bone, a wish, a curse.”  

“Stop speaking in riddles, and answer the question.”

“I did.  Take your pick, or choose your own answer, it’s all close enough to the truth.”

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

hm i like how I can be really overdramatic and use metaphors that make absolutely zero sense to anyone other than me bc i can! Also i really like my character designs i come up w i think theyre v funky

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

kinda a wip but not really, a sasha character study where i overuse the number 3, sasha is even more manipulative than in canon, and shes way more traumatized than amphibia showed

💋 fave couple to write (fic or ocs)

HHHHH FUCK YOU i dont knowww

hm okay i feel like for fic, i dont really have any that i really love writing more than others. for oc's,,, probably slordan theyre just so <333 i love writing assholes who hate eachother and would also die for each other, also Lapis and Merle, they arent a couple, just very close friends but they deserve an honorary mention, theyre just very !!!! i really like their characters, and how they interact w eachother, and help eachother grow, and how they will always inevitably make each other worse idk currently brainrotting yeah

#ask #ask game #ty! #mich tag

[ankhisms]

ok hold on now that im thinking about it im gonna ramble some more about theater related things

disclaimer disclaimer despite feeling a bit awkward at times and nervous because everyone else has already been in other shows together and is friends with each other vs me not really knowing anyone everyone still has been nice and the director and stage manager are sweethearts and the lead actor is very cool and talented and its been a better experience than my last show and i certainly dont have any issues where people are being nasty to me like i did with my last production but ok the thing im thinking about is ok. im going to the opening night of this other play tonight right. because this is another play our theater company is putting on right. the way this theater works is that generally two plays are like kind of around the same time where one is being performed and the other one is still in the early to mid rehersal stages but its all the same theater company right and some of my castmates are in this show and we all get in free since we are actors and part of the company right and its good to support your castmates with their hard work on their other production its a lot of work to be doing two plays at once

and anyway there was this time where. ok one thing about me is i blend into the background when im offstage and it is very common for me to overhear things people dont necessarily mean for me to hear or want me to hear for better or for worse. so there was a time recently where i was offstage waiting for my time to go in and these two people start talking about this other play theyre in. and they just start absolutely trashing a girl whos in it with them who i realize is another castmate in the production im in and she just wasnt needed at rehersal that day so she wasnt there to hear them but the way they were talking about her was just so cruel and i moved away at one point because it just felt really gross and i had half a mind to speak up and say something but it was like at the time i didnt know who they were talking about so its not like i could be like hey dont talk badly about her or thinking its none of my business.

but it still bothers me specifically because these people were being so elitist and putting this girl down saying "oh shes trying so hard but shes just not good. she just isnt good!" and i think the director of that play is also kind of weird or making weird decisions but thats not the actors fault if the director is demanding they perform in a weird way. and it really just boiled down to these two people (who btw are twice the age of me and the other girl) were just like... asserting that theyre sooooo good and that theyre so skilled and know the play better and that if it were them theyd do it this way etc etc while just being so nasty and cruel to this poor girl who they admitted is very obviously trying her best and putting a lot of effort. frankly i am more impressed by and rooting for someone who may not have as much experience or skill but is putting a lot of effort and heart into their performance over someone whos got a lot of experience yes but is going to just treat their cast mates like shit like this lmao. i lost my train of thought but oh no wait there it is

its like a pet peeve of mine when people in theater think they know your role better than you do or know better than the director does and tries to like upstage you or says well i could do that role better or i wouldve done it this way. like ok but you arent doing the role. you arent the director. a theatrical production is supposed to be a group effort were all supposed to be working TOGETHER to tell a story and create an experience and get across a specific message and atmosphere to the audience and i hate how often people seem to forget that and want to be like WELL I COULD DO THAT BETTER and to be clear you may be thinking but kes you have said you could out act certain hollywood actors and thats diffwrent because im not a fucking cast mate of those rich and famous actors who barely are able to have a good meaningful deep performance because they got their roles through money and connections and being conventionally attracvtive. its different yknow.

and in the end it makes me sad. it just makes me sad to know that the issues that i have with the usa acting and theater industry are still within a smaller scale community theater. i genuinely think community art spaces are so incredibly important i wouldnt be alive if it hadnt been for community theater and its a disservice to be letting people be so fucking snobbish and elitist and cruel like yes i take our community theater productions seriously and we all put a lot of effort andnheart into it ajd ive seen some really moving and impactful amazing performances done by small community theater groups but also this is not fucking broadway you do not have to be so back stabbing and cruel and you dont have to act like you have some kind of heirarchy ladder to climb, both of these things can be true

also as a note for example like. i dont really agree with some of the acting choices the person im understudying for is making. but thats really just because we are very different people and every performer is going to do things differently! i dont think theyre a bad actor in any way and i can clearly see theyre putting a lot of thought and effort into their performance. and in the end even if i dont agree with how theyre doing it thats not my decision, its the directors decision for how she wants the character to come across so that the story can be cohesive. plus our director knows more about this play than any of us she literally did her thesis on it. but anyway what im saying is that you can not agree with your castmates acting choice while not being a fucking asshole about it

anyway whew thanks if you read this ramble lmao i just want theater to be a safer healthier kinder place and i care a lot about acting and theater. everyone be fucking nice for the love of god

[goodnightalex]

i am so close to quitting twitter. i already quit tiktok bc lets face it, it sucks. twitter seems like the next step but it’s practically the only handle i have on pop culture atm so quitting it might be interesting.

on the topic of social media, i personally dont think instagram is as bad as people make it out to be in the way of negativity. i do understand it can create peer pressure but it doesnt really affect me, as much as it affects others ig.

(this next bit is just a rant on cancel culture)

twitter on the other hand is an absolute hell hole built off of cancel culture to the point where everyone has to be perfect in every way regardless of any other factors that might affect this. i have seen literal children get cancelled on that site because they said something wrong or said that they dont like someone. it is actually insane. peoples brains are still developing until the age of 25 and wont be able to make perfectly sound decisions until then. its science. its like people forget that they are people and that they arent robots programmed to not offend anyone.

and if someone gets cancelled and oh wait- you follow them, you get cancelled too by association like wtaf.

if you get into a situation where someone who you know or look up to gets cancelled, what are you even supposed to do. say the evidence is shit and you argue against it, you get ridiculed and “cancelled” yourself because you are defending the person. if you run along with it because it’s convincing or peer pressure then, sure you wont get ridiculed so much but you could also be harming others, by bullying them for their opinion in some ways (depending on how you express your distaste for the cancelee in question) more over, what if it comes to light that the allegations are false (which in the majority of cancellations that i have witnessed have been the case due to people just trying to dig up dirt on someone or faking things), what then?

what i tend to do in cancellation situations is sit and watch it burn. there isnt much else i can do. getting involved only fuels the fire and if i looked up to the person in question well i guess that fucking sucks because i cant do anything to defend them (depending on how bad the situation is obviously).

DISCLAIMER: in this insight into my thoughts of cancel culture, im not trying to say that all cancellations are unjustified and fake. i understand that sometimes they are true and people are victims of these situations. all i am trying to say is that the internet (in particular twitter) is a cesspit of misinformation and hate, where people forget that everyone is a person with their own individual thoughts and feelings towards topics. im not trying to defend anyone who has been discriminatory or a pedo or rapist, there are obviously still bad people out there. this is mostly in reference to cancellations based off of loose evidence or simply not liking someone or something. the fact i feel like i need to write a disclaimer in itself is pretty fucking shocking tbh and really shows the state of the internet and how fragile people are. i do infact have common sense, and realise people are cancelled for a reason sometimes.

anyway, thank you for reading

[skottysmock]

May 25

Cant I just have a little reassurance

I’ve got too many voices arguing

I try and tell them they don’t need to worry but

I’ve been hurt so many times it’s not your fault but I

I’m lost I’m lost in a sea of confusion

So I try to write it all down but I forget sometimes and just

It’s so hard but I don’t want to give up

I couldn’t just slip up and

I’m not just gonna walk away

Would you follow me

I can’t sleep

I know you need me to believe

They just keep screaming in me

Never mind I’m fine

I just get scared at times

Who am I

What the fuck is happening

Why am I sitting here bickering

Shut up

Your in love and its fine

Don’t you wine you dumb fuck

And I’m not heard cause Im too quiet sometimes

Shit up

And Im flirty cause Im so hirny all the time

Lets fuck lets cum in eschitherd till we breed

I want love

Even though Im scared abd I think that im not enough

What the fuck

Is hapoening why arent you guy concerned like me

My muenstrual cup was made in canada

Its fate not luck

Thats why this is hard but you know that your glad to love someone

I can’t fuck him but I can’t bring myself to fuck anybody else

I can’t stop thinking about him and when I’m scared I hear him say it’s okay and he says my name in his language and I feel tame

Why am I so ashamed

Its okay that I’m fucked up

It’s just impressive that I’m still alive

And I’m kind

Thats what really metters in most situations

Fuck offf

Nothing even matters this world is barely real

Take my clothes off

Its a crime cause our minds run wild

Why am I ashamed

I know I’m enough

I’m more than enough

I’m sometimes impressive even

You’re not that fucked up you could have absolutely turned out worse

I don’t fit in

But you stand out in a way that draws people in

I’m aftaid to go outside

You’re adventurous

I want to hide

I want to go see neat things and meet new people

I love talking to people

I hate when people interrupt me thinking of new poetry

I want to hurry

I want to stop and enjoy the moment

My eyes go blurry and my body is frozen

Where am I it’s unfamiliar even though I live here

Go to sleep

No this is important

[ray-ray-writings]

UMM THIS

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe24dvmM/

Im sorry I know you are packed and busy but can I make a request based on that video?? BECAUSE HOT DAM JUST WILBUR ENTERING LIKE

‘WHAT IS THIS I HEARD ABOUT HURTING Y/N AND TOMMY ‘

LOOK AT THAT VIDEO LOOK AT IT AND TELL ME YOU ARENT SIMPING TO THAT MAN

I simply cannot tell you that because it would be untrue because I am SIMPING so hard…. Also this was way longer and had a lot more plot than I originally planned so…. There’s that lol. Hope you enjoy. (P.S. Because it’s so long, this is going to be the only post tonight, my brain is a bit fried rn lol. Have a great night everyone!)

Warnings: Mentions of very quickly losing a lot of weight, it’s brief but it’s there. As well as, manipulation from Dream. At one point the reader is like “wow it’s been three days since you hit me… Thanks Dream!” And a few swear words here and there. 

Before Wilbur died, you and Wilbur were married. It absolutely broke your heart to watch the love of your life lose his mind (and then his life) for the nation that you and he created to raise and protect your boys in. But you stood by his side until the very end. You held his hand as he died and clutched his body with Phil once it was over. Ghostbur gave you somewhat of a shock. Because you’re husband was back, and he remembered you. He was the man you had married. The person he was before the presidency, before the war, before L’Manberg… You’re Wilbur was back. But you were still sad. You couldn’t hug him or kiss him like you were able to and although he seemed to be right in front of you, it felt like he couldn’t be farther away. Ghostbur can see this and decides that if he can, he really wants to try to come back to life. He tells his father and older brother about this and so they begin planning and researching. In doing this, they kind of accidentally turn a blind eye to what is happening to you and Tommy. 

While those three are figuring out how to bring Wilbur back from the dead, you and Tommy are being harassed by Dream. Something else you lost when you lost Wilbur was protection from Dream. For some reason, Dream was always afraid of Wilbur. Perhaps it was his ability to always stand up for what he wanted and fight for the things he loves… Or perhaps it was because he was Techno’s brother. Doesn’t matter. Point is when you lost Wilbur you lost the protection from Dream. Dream threatens you and Tommy, trying to provoke Tommy and trick him into doing stuff so that Dream could get him in trouble and one day it finally works. Dream tells Tommy where George’s vacation house is because he knows that Tommy cannot resist checking a place out and looking through other people’s stuff. So Tommy drags Ranboo over there and while they’re there they accidentally knock over a lantern and burn some of the house and some of the chests. On the other side of the server, Dream is in your home, poking fun at you for losing your husband and telling you that it was partially your fault and just stuff like that. You didn’t react. You never could when talking to Dream. But his words stung and slashed deep, and he knew it. Finally after a while of this, Tommy comes bursting through your front door, out of breath and seemingly panicked. “What’s the matter?” You ask softly, leaving your kitchen and going to comfort your boy. Tommy is about to spill everything but when he looks up he sees Dream and immediately swallows his words. “We were playing tag… That’s all… Tag” he says. You absolutely do not believe him but you catch his gaze and know that whatever he’s done he cannot say it in front of Dream. So you decide you’ll just have to wait…. You don’t have to wait long. 

“You burnt down George’s vacation home?” Dream’s deadly tone sounds from the kitchen. Your eyes widen and scan Tommy’s face and the look that overtakes him, you know it’s true. “I did not burn it down… I knocked over a lantern and a small fire broke out… I tried to repair everything, it’s fine.” Tommy insists. But Dream seems too pissed to listen to reason. “Come with me” he hisses, marching forward and snatching Tommy’s wrist tightly and marching out of the house. A small whimper left Tommy’s lips as he was pulled causing you to fly into a rage. “Let go of him!” you demand, chasing after them. Dream doesn’t listen and so you reach out and shove his shoulder causing him to stumble, let go of Tommy’s wrist and whip around to face you too. A chilling smile rests on his face, “Oh you just messed up big time.” Before you can react, he reaches out, grabs your wrist, grabs Tommy’s again and continues on down the Prime Path. You’d try to fight it but the grip on your wrist was just too strong. Dream pulls you to Tubbo and immediately jumps on the boy. He explains what happened as well as says that you assaulted him and that he wants you two exiled from L’Manberg or there will be hell to pay. Dream tells Tubbo he will start a war and will kill everyone and everything if his orders are not followed. You can tell Tubbo really doesn’t want to, but it’s something he has to do. Tubbo lets out a small sigh and nod, “Okay Dream. You win.” He murmurs, not looking at Tommy’s betrayed face. “Excellent choice, Mr. President,” the man spits out. “Tubbo” Tommy utters broken heartedly, staring at his best friend, silently begging him to say sike… It never comes. “Dream please escort Tommy and Y/N out of my country.” “With pleasure” You wrist is seized again and you’re being dragged away from your home. 

After you three get out of the SMP, Dream lets go of your wrists and lets you walk for yourself. You approach Tommy and wrap a comforting arm around him. “It’s going to be okay Tommy. Everything is going to be okay.” You comfort the young boy who sighs and nods, “I just can’t believe that he would throw me under the bus like that,” Tommy murmurs. “I know kiddo. I know.” You follow Dream for a very long time until he is satisfied that you are far enough away from the rest of the SMP. “Okay, we stop here… Put your stuff in this hole,” Dream commands, digging a small hole for the two of you to throw your stuff in. You let out a scoff and roll your eyes, “No way. You’ve already forced us into exile. There’s no way we’re giving you our stuff.” Dream’s face flushed a bright red before he lurched forward and grabbed you. Putting in a headlock to where you’re back was pressed against his chest, his arm around your throat while he has a crossbow to your head. “I’ve had enough of you fucking attitude Y/N. You have no power here. I do. I’m in charge and when I say to do something, you do it. If I ask you to jump, the only thing you may ask after that is “How high?” Do you understand?” You don’t speak, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of obedience. But then the tip of the arrow digs into the side of your head causing you to let out a small pained whimper, “I said, do you understand?” he demands again. “Yes” you finally whimper out. He moves the crossbow away from your skull and lets you go and shoves you forward, stumbling into Tommy who catches you and stabilizes you. “Put your stuff in the hole… Now” he growls, not in the mood for any more ‘games’. You and Tommy share a look and then a sigh and slowly put your things in the hole like he demanded. And you could only watch as he placed TNT above it and blew up everything. All of your items that you had worked hard for… Gone in a moment. Dream leaves with a cackle. You and Tommy are just there. Shocked. Finally, after a few moments, you’re able to shake yourself out of it. “Okay… Let’s get started, there’s no time to waste.” Tommy just looks at you and then he sighs and nods. “Let’s do it then.” The two of you spend the rest of the day gathering materials and building yourself a little shelter. You were all alone… At least you were all alone with your brother.

As we all know, Dream comes back almost every day. He comes back, blows up your stuff and leaves. The first time he came back you tried to stop him… It didn’t go well. “Dream, please he just-“ He cut off your words with a harsh slap across the face. It sends you flying and leaves your head spinning. “Haven’t you learned yet? Stuff. Hole. Now.” And you have no choice but to obey. You watch with a broken heart as Tommy slowly begins to actually trust Dream and believe him when he says that no one misses him. You do your best to be there for him and convince him that it’s not true but as days go by and no one, not even your Ghostbur, you can’t help but slowly believe that they’ve forgotten about you two. As time goes on, it seems that you and Tommy fade. You lose a lot of weight. Your food source is scarce and you have to do a lot of work because you’re restarting every. single. day. You get hurt a lot easier and it takes a lot more time to recover. Every once in a while, Dream will physically hurt you. Whether it a slap or a small sword slash, he does it just to make sure you still remember who’s in charge. You just learn to take it and deal with it. It hurts, but at least it’s you and not Tommy. Ranboo visits you once and is horrified at what he sees. He’s worried about you, but knows he can do basically nothing to help you. He makes a mental note to tell someone about it back in the SMP…. And even though he has memory problems, this is one thing he cannot forget. 

On the other side of the SMP, Philza, Techno, and Ghostbur have done it. They’ve cracked it. They have figured out how to bring Ghostbur back to life and to bring back Wilbur. The three make the plan and tell no one, especially not you. (Yeah…. They don’t even realize that you and Tommy aren’t around rn lol) They want to make sure this works before they tell anyone. So they do all the prep and the work and then they perform the ritual. They perform it in a cave somewhere just a little bit away from Techno’s house so that absolutely no one would know where they are or what they were doing. They begin just as nightfalls. Carefully completely each step and making sure they’re doing everything just right, knowing if they fuck up one small thing it’s over and they won’t be able to get Wilbur back. The three complete the final step and wait…. Nothing happens. “Fuck!” Techno curses, his eyes falling to the book, “We did everything right! It should have worked!” “Techno calm down, we’re all upset but at least we-” Philza doesn’t get to finish. All of the sudden a bright light floods the room. The light? It’s coming from Ghostbur. “Uhh guys?” the ghost questions in fear as he is levitated off the ground. Philza and Techno cannot look at him for fear of going blind. Ghostbur is unsure of what is happening but then the shredding pain fills his body. A scream rips from his throat as his whole form begins to physicalize. The skin begins to become real as the bones, blood, organs, and all other internal body parts forms. All memories that Ghostbur had forgotten flood Wilbur’s mind as his whole life flashes before his eyes, reminding him of everything. It only lasts a few moments more before the light fades and Wilbur is dropped from the air. His body hits the ground with an extremely harsh thump. He feels the impact and lets out a groan. His whole body is sore… But he’s there. He’s real and most importantly he’s alive. “Wilbur?” Philza asks hesitantly. Wilbur lets out another groan. The two standing men share a look before rushing to his side. They kneel beside him and gently reach out. Don’t tell anyone but tears threaten to fall from both men’s eyes, Philza and Techno’s, as their hands actually are able to touch Wilbur and they don’t go through him as if he were a ghost. They gently help him from his side to laying on his back. At the movement, Wilbur opens his eyes and is met with the tear laced ones of two of his family members. “Hey guys” he manages to croak out, “how’s it going” “Wilbur” Philza breaks, a tear streaming down his cheek before he lurches forward and wraps the boy into a warm hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” the older man sobs to his son. “Shhhh,” Wilbur calms his father, “It’s okay Dadza. I wanted it. You did what you had to do. It’s okay.” To the two’s surprise’s Techno’s buff arms wrap around the two and join in the hug. “It’s uhhh… it’s good to see you Wilbur” Techno grumbles, not really liking the emotion that had built up in his chest. Wilbur let out a soft laugh, “Good to see you too Tech.” 

The sweet moment is broken by someone calling Techno’s name a little ways away from the cave. At first, they elect to ignore it, but then the voice calls again, this time for Philza and they can tell now that whoever it is, is panicking. So the two help Wilbur up and gently help him out of the cave. They look out over the snow and find Ranboo there, standing on Techno’s front porch. “Ranboo!” Techno calls out causing the tall boy to turn around and then run at them. “Techno! Phil!.... Is that Wilbur? Like actual real Wilbur? He’s alive?” Ranboo asks, his tone still slightly panicked. “Yes Ranboo… It’s a long story but to sum it up we managed to bring Wilbur back to life… Now why are you here and why are you panicked.” Ranboo’s eyes shift back to Wilbur and gulps, “I knew you weren’t going to like this… But now you’re really not going to like this… Dream is hurting Y/N and Tommy…” All three, especially Wilbur, snap to attention at that. “What?” Wilbur asks harshly. Ranboo gulps and nods before diving into his story. He tells them about your exile and how Dream has been treating you two, blowing up your stuff and even physically harming Y/N. He tells them that Dream has the two convinced that nobody cares about them anymore. The three go stiff at that. Have they all been so focused they really missed all of this? Well time to go right some wrongs. It is almost as if all ache and tiredness left Wilbur’s body at the thought of his spouse being hurt, especially at the hands of Dream. He straightens up and takes a few steps toward Ranboo, “Take them to us” he speaks, his tone pretty damn dark. Ranboo nods and quickly turns around and leads the three men back to the exile spot. 

Back in exile, you and Tommy built a house… Logsted! It wasn’t exactly your taste, but it made Tommy happy so you lived in it together. You had woken up, actually feeling kind of good. The bruises and nicks on your face had slowly begun to heal and Dream hadn’t hit you in the past three days. You had a nice dinner last night, you and Tommy had found some chickens and made a small chicken farm a little ways away from the house so that way Dream couldn’t easily find it, but point is you had chicken for dinner… that’s what I was getting at… I’ll move on. So long story short, you were feeling good. The sun had risen and so Tommy and you were just kind of waiting for Dream to show up so you could get the daily blowing up over with. And like clockwork, he shows up, but for some reason he’s angry. For the past couple days he’d actually be pleasant to be around, greeting you asking you how you’ve been. But today was different. He slammed the door open and begins digging a hole in the middle of Logstedshire… That’s really weird. He was going to blow up the stuff inside the house? No way. But he points to the hole and you know he wants you to dump your items in. You move to the hole but don’t throw your stuff in, “Inside the house? Can we please go outside, I don’t want to ruin our hard work” wrong thing to say. A growl escapes Dream’s lips as he reaches forward and slaps you hard across the face, harder than he’s ever slapped you. It is enough to make you dizzy, but you don’t even have time to recover because his hand is in your hair, yanking it back forcing you to look at him. “You stupid bitch. You would think that after all this time, you would have learned by now… I mean you were doing so so well. But it just seems that you never learn your lesson… Guess I’ll have to teach you yet again.” And he pulls out his sword and points it at your stomach, ready to slice you again. Just as he’s about to harm you, the door swings open again and someone stumbles in. They lean against the doorframe with their hand grabbing the top of the frame. You can hear Tommy let out a gasp and you watch Dream’s eyes widen in fear. “So Dream,” an all too familiar voice calls, “What’s this about hurting Y/N and Tommy now?” And then you’re let go by Dream. You crash to the ground, fall flat on your ass, but you manage to scramble to a stand as you stare at the door frame in complete... Shock? Amazement? Fear? You can’t tell. You’re husband, Wilbur, is standing there in the flesh. Literally in the flesh. He’s alive again and you cannot believe it. “Wilbur” Dream stutters out, “You’re alive? How-” “That doesn’t matter, Dream. What matters is the fact that you’ve been hurting Y/N and Tommy… We can’t have that. So now what is going to happen is I’m going to take my family back to L’Manberg and you are never going to hurt them again,” Wilbur announces, moving ever so slightly further into the room. Seeming to have recovered just a bit from shock, Dream actually retorts, “Or what?”. Two more people enter the house and it causes Dream to blanch even further. “I think you know what… now run along.” Not wanting to risk it, Dream takes off running. 

Once you’re sure he’s gone, you allow yourself to speak. “Wilbur?” You whisper out, still not sure if this is real or if you’re dreaming. Wilbur’s attention shifts to you and he completely soften. “Hello,” he greets with a soft smile on his face, taking a few steps toward you, “Have you missed me?” Deciding you don’t care if he’s real or not, you rush forward and throw yourself into his arms. You, like Philza and Techno, almost cry at the feeling of your body’s connecting. He’s here. He’s real. And he’s alive. His arms wrap around you and hold you to him so tightly, you almost can’t breathe. But you don’t care. You’re hugging your husband. You’re actually hugging your husband. “I missed you so much, Wilby. I mean we had Ghostbur but it wasn’t the same. I missed you,” you mumble into his shoulders, the tears slowly falling out of your eyes. His hand comes up and slowly pets your head, in silent comfort and reassurance. 

After a few minutes you pull away slightly, “How are you-” You’re cut off by his lips pressing against your and you cannot help but melt. It has been months since his passing and this was just the absolute best feeling in the world. You kiss back with so much passion it makes your head spin, this time in a good way. It’s also probably the only time ever his brother’s didn’t fake vomit at the sight of you kissing. You only pull back to catch a breath, but right as you breathe in, Wilbur’s lips are back on yours. The process repeats a few times, before you manage to breathe out a “Will,” causing him to pull back, but leaving his forehead resting on yours and his lips just hovering above yours. “Yes my love,” he mumbles to you. “Can we go home please” you ask, not wanting to be here at Logstedshire any longer. He gives you a warn grin, leaning the inch forward and kissing you once more before giving his answer. “Of course my love. Let’s get out of here.” 

#mcyt #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt drabble #wilbur soot #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot drabble #philza #technoblade #tommyinnit #ranboo #dream #tubbo #ray responds #our beloved alex8o

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

#ss d&d 2

[shhh-no-ones-home]

not an obituary javier pena x reader

+++++++++

i am in my feels, hello yes, it is sad boi hours. holy shit this is depressing as hell.

tw: strong mentions and themes of self harm, abuse, death, and past traumas. read at your own risk.

to anyone dealing with this it is okay to reach out, to get help, and to even feel this way. what matters most is your health and safety and just know that it absolutely does get better, i promise. i went through it and i know first hand, you will get through this, and you will live a beautiful life.

song: dead butterflies by architects 

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

my hands shook as i listened to the ringing of the receiver. i had been crying for hours and my face was still stained by tears. i was only just beginning to calm down, staring at the broken mirror in front of me. god i looked so tired. how did i let this happen again? i said id never let this happen again. well. i guess i hadnt broken my promise yet. i hadnt actually done anything, but the thoughts alone made me feel like i was betraying myself. i squeezed my eyes closed tightly. maybe i should just hang up and let it run its course. then i heard the ringing stop.

"pena."

he said urgently and i felt a sob leave my body.

"hello?"

he asked, a little concerned and the tears started again.

"javi i need help."

i said, crying into the phone as i slid down the wall of my bathroom.

"im leaving now, dont do anything till i get there."

he sounded so worried. but in all fairness he had every right to be. i had told him about my past, at his request, but i still did it. it was hard to hide them given our usual past time so i figured i might as well. he knew where the scars on my body came from. each one had a story that i longed to forget, the new bruises on my wrist just bellow one of them. it was from the rubber band i refused to take off, being apparent of a better habit i had once picked up. it was just enough pain. but what does one do when that isnt enough?

"hurry."

i whispered before the phone went dead. my whole body shook as i kept coming back to the memories of how it felt the first time. god i craved it. i wanted that life back but id come so far. i shook my head as i pressed my forehead into my knees. i just want it to go away. i want the suffering to go away, the memories, the way it felt then and the way it feels now. i could easily let it go now, i knew a million and one ways. but javi was already on his way. i couldnt do that to him. i couldnt let him find me like that. especially not after he'd pushed me to celebrate a decade of being clean. ten whole years of not hurting myself. i almost couldnt believe it. it felt like such a long time when i heard it out loud like that.

"y/n!"

i heard, snapping my attention to the bathroom door as it swung open. javi was staring down at me with a worried look on his face but he sighed in relief when he saw me still fully intact.

"jesus, you scared the shit out of me."

he said, standing beside me and sliding down the wall to sit beside me. i just stared at him, eyes blurry as he looked back to me.

"i cant do it anymore."

i croaked out, feeling another hot tear slip down my cheek. he looked at me with the utmost pity before kissing my forehead and pulling me into his side.

"talk to me, please, what happened?"

he said softly, petting my hair as i pushed my face into his chest. i just shook my head.

"i dont want to feel this way again."

i mumbled against him, moving my hand into his. i looked down at them together as he ran his thumb over the back of my hand.

"when was the last time you left the house?"

he asked and i bit my lip, watching as he turned my hand over. i felt so guilty in that moment. he knew the answer, i hadnt been to work in over a week.

"would you mourn me?"

i asked and he pulled me up, holding my head in his hands and looking between my eyes. i wanted to cry again, seeing now just how broken he was too.

"you know i would."

he said softly and i nodded, closing my eyes but only for a moment. i looked back at him as he pressed his thumbs through the tear tracks on my face, pushing them away.

"but you and i both know i dont do funerals."

he said and i let out a shaky laugh, watching as he tried to flash me a smile, albeit unconvincing.

"i dont think i could trust anyone else to write my eulogy though."

i said and he moved his hands slowly away from me, taking my hand back in his.

"well if i have any say in it, you wont need one for a long while."

i glanced over his face a few times before he stood up, pulling me to my feet too. he brought me out into the living room and it was the first time id really had a good look at the damage id caused. my furniture was all flipped about, glass shattered from the flower vase on my coffee table and the water from it poured out onto the rug. if anything it reflected exactly how i felt about the situation. i sighed at the sight of it.

"ya know,"

i started, taking his attention as we made it passed the wreckage and to the door. he paused as he reached for it.

"once upon a time i wanted so badly for my address to be six feet under."

he looked over my face again as i spoke.

"but even all the depression in the world couldnt make me leave you."

i said and he just stared at me for a second. when i looked down and moved to open the door he pulled me into a tight hug, holding me like id slip away if he let go or loosened his grip. i hugged him back like my life depended on it, and in that moment it felt like it did.

"ill do everything i can to keep you safe."

he whispered before kissing the side of my head. i breathed deeply, feeling some of my stresses melt away as i inhaled him.

"as long as thats true i promise to stay out of the paper."

i said as he pulled away, nodding once at me and opening the door.

"if i ever got that call i dont know what id do with myself."

he confessed as we made our way to the stairs of the apartments that led outside. i side nodded.

"i guess we'll never find out."

i said, offering my pinky as we stepped into the warm open air of the Columbian summer. he just looked at me for a second before interlocking his pinky with mine.

"thats a deal. now lets go get you something to eat, im sure you could use it."

he mentioned and i laughed a little, looping my arm around his as we made our way down the street. i watched the ground for a moment as we walked, thinking how lucky i was to have him in my life. how lucky i was to be able to live for someone that wasnt myself, because the one thing they never tell you is that if you arent tethered to someone it makes it that much easier to let go. now i had someone who would look after me, keep me dependable, and keep me alive. even if he didnt know it. i half smiled at the thought, slipping my hand in his and swinging our arms back and forth. he just looked at me and i kissed his shoulder lightly.

"thank you javier, i dont know what i would do without you."

#wattpad #x reader #javier pena #narcos #netflix #imagines #one shots #311

[blookmallow]

well that sure was a lot

i finished midsommar and completely loved it but that sure was a lot to process lmao

first off its bizarre to me that i mostly saw people talking about this as if it was like... some Insane Cultist Girlfriend who ruined her boyfriend’s life dragging him into her nightmare festival when that’s. not what happened at all???? dani had nothing to do with any of this she wasn’t even the one who wanted to go in the first place she just got dragged into it the same as everyone else. pelle was the one who brought this on them all

and dani did make the choice to let christian be killed in the end but like. this is after this girl has gone through traumatically losing her entire family at once. and going through days of bizarre and frightening rituals she doesn’t understand, surrounded by strangers who speak a language she can’t understand, her friends have started going missing, she just saw christian cheating on her, it’s a culmination of trauma building and building in an environment of isolation where time feels wrong, they’re cut off from everything familiar and completely at the mercy of these strangers who they’re starting to realize might (and do) fucking kill them, being fed things with drugs in them with little to no warning, you can NOT judge her by the same moral standard as just “girl caught boyfriend cheating” without. literally everything that led up to that moment 

anyway pelle is such an interesting character to me because he comes across as so genuinely sweet and caring, and there’s never the like. dramatic change moment where we find out he’s actually violent or actually evil or something. we find out what he’s done. we find out he brought all these people here from the start, probably for the purpose of this ritual. so he probably completely expected and probably even planned for them all to die here. he probably was planning for/hoping for dani to become the may queen and stay with them from the beginning. so like. ultimately all of this was his fault. but he never Changes. i think that’s what really gets me about all this is everyone in this commune comes across as so full of compassion and kindness that when they start... fucking sacrificing people. its such a bizarre shock and they do it while still keeping that kind and patient demeanor 

its this really fascinating atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re the weird one for being shocked and disgusted by the obviously horrific things they’re doing. i can maybe understand the suicide ritual, the idea was to give your life willingly instead of growing old and having your health slowly deteriorate, so there’s a core concept in there i can understand, and the elders who died did so willingly. there’s something to be said for living a life Knowing when your death will occur and how (apart from like, accidents or illnesses that might prevent you from reaching that end date) and being able to prepare absolutely for it like that. i wouldn’t want to live that way but i can sort of see what they’re getting at. but then you have, like. they absolutely planned from the beginning for their Guests to die here. nobody consented to that. nobody wanted that. members of their own group choosing to be sacrificed is horrific enough but at least it was their choice. but they all just remain so calm and serene the whole time. they literally choose a sacrifice with what amounts to a giant bingo shuffler thing. everyone in the crowd is smiling pleasantly while they’re discussing who among them is about to be burned to death

and also!! pelle tells dani he lost his parents in a fire. im betting that ritual was what killed them. 

like the “does he make you feel held? does he feel like home to you?” thing felt so genuine and i think he really honestly did want dani to join his Family because he feels she deserves better and believes his home is better and she will come to understand, like i dont think from his perspective any of this was malicious 

except that you realize all this still hinges on the fact that he knew and planned for all the rest of his friends to be killed. like i cannot get my head around that lmfao. he seemed A Little Charmingly Odd at the beginning but otherwise seemed like a normal, sweet guy. how can someone who grew up in that kind of environment seem so normal outside of it. how can he cope with those two drastically contradictory norms. he Knew he was inviting all his friends to come and die. i guess maybe he felt it was important enough that it didn’t matter??

anyway uh. heres some interesting shots i wanted to comment on 

the contrast here between the two couples 

the other two (i forgot their names i am sorry) are standing close and affectionately together while theres. this BIG blatant space between dani and christian. and how often he just looks completely blank around her or does not look at her at all 

this guy greets them all the same but then fully embraces dani, says “welcome home” and is very specifically looking only at her when he says “we are so very happy to have you” so im wondering if the intent for her to stay and become the may queen was actually planned from the very beginning 

the “contest” could be staged altogether so they always try to leave the newcomer as the last one standing, it could be that every may queen was a girl taken in from somewhere else and indoctrinated into the group the same way 

dani overlaid with the sacrificial pyre in this scene transition 

to this shot at the end 

im also realizing now when dani’s on the. mushroom tea at the start of the trip she hallucinates the grass growing through her, and as she becomes the may queen she becomes more and more covered in flowers - the commune’s influence on her grows through her like the flowers (consuming mushrooms to enter a transcendent state also fits with “the land growing through her” so to speak) 

we also see pelle tending to the garden in one scene. he’s helping the flowers grow. he’s the one pulling dani further into the cult 

im late to all this since. i forget when this came out but a significant while ago that people arent actively talking about it as much now but pls do come talk to me if anyone’s got Thoughts 

#liveblog general #media analysis

[skenpiel]

Wait yes hello I would love to hear about your interpretation of that lemon demon song?? I have never heard that song before but pretty much all I ever listen to is love songs they’re my fave kind of music ever so like please I’d love to hear about your fave one ESPECIALLY if whether or not it is a love song is a question :0

oh i am SO FUCKING GLAD you asked this song means a TON to me so get ready for a fucking paragraph 

*ahem*

the real like, storyline of the song ancient aliens is a caveman meeting an alien who shows it fire, and the caveman is so revolted by this new strange unexplainable creature that it develops some sort of hatred almost. i dont really think its a secret that the songs in spirit phone are connected at least in some way, thats why i believe many of the songs (the ones ill talk about are eighth wonder, ancient aliens, touch tone telephone, and no eyed girl) are also sung from the perspective of the same person. in this sorta timeline ive managed to piece together, the first song is eighth wonder. the meaning of the lyrics in that song really arent that hard to figure out, its from the perspective of someone (ill call them the mongoose!) whos been an outcast for all their life, being bullied and excluded and whatnot, and their way to deal with that is by boasting in order to feel superior instead of left out. they sing the entire song with the attitude of “im a genius and none of you are even close to understanding me, im practically a different CREATURE than you guys” which is a HELLA common way for (especially children) who feel alienated from society. so, that song is about someone showing great confidence to hide great loneliness, great. 

now, we get to the meat of the matter, so to speak, which is the mongoose falling in love, (even though it isnt really love at first) and that takes place in ancient aliens. this being who has never felt any sort of connection to anyone, always under the impression that their entire EXISTANCE is on a pedestal much higher than everyone else, ALWAYS looking down on everyone but them, finally meets someone they admire and look up to instead. and the mongoose absolutely fucking hates it. these feelings of admiring someone or liking someone are completely new to them, and since they dont know what those feelings are their only logical conclusion is that this is a whole new level of loathing. theres a lot of lines that stick out to me in this song, i think the first one being “these creatures ive seen / some of them edible, some of them mean”, and to me thats in reference to other people in this persons life. theres never been any NICE ones, theyre either harmful or defenseless. then obviously theres the chorus which i also believe is a metaphor for this person feeling all alone for like, their entire goddamn life and the line “but you, you fly, you burn my eyes / you speak in my mind, you seem surprised that i dont hear you” means that this is also probably the FIRST person EVER to just like. be nice to the mongoose. but then comes what i think is the most interesting line in the song, and that is “i cant help you / youre not human / youre not animal” and THAT i think is the mongoose, after a ton of consideration and trying to understand these new feelings for someone, coming to the conclusion that “theres no saving you, youre beyond help and there is something wrong with you” (or something along those lines). so, in conclusion, ancient aliens is about someone experiencing positive feelings for the first time in their life and are so confused their only way to deal with it is to decide that that person sucks ass and they dont want anything to do with them.

NEXT (and these will be shorter, i promise) is touch tone telephone (i think). thats the mongoose coming to terms that this other person is instead THEIR only hope at feeling connected to someone, even though it definitely isnt a love song. this is the mongoose trying to get through to the alien (thats what ill call them), and trying to explain that theyre just as brilliant and unique as them, and that they *need* to stick together (see the line “im an expert just like you, and like you im a genius before my time). again i wanna make it very clear that touch tone telephone is NOT a love song, but the mongoose has come far enough to realize that if THEYVE lived their whole life on this pedestal above every other person alive, then the alien is the only other person who shares that platform with them, even though they dont seem to agree.

lastly in this little timeline ive made up (theres probably more songs that fit into this, but whatever) is no eyed girl, and that DEFINITELY is a love song. the mongoose has realized theyre in love, they feel the alien is even MORE amazing than they are, and this feeling is later reciprocated! how nice! this song is their final step in realizing that perhaps they arent so alone after all (according to my short song story at least). there arent many lyrics that stick out to me in this one since the whole song is basically “youre beyond human comprehension thats how incredible you are” except for the very last lines which are “right before the kiss i noticed something in the air / molecules existing when there should have been none there / chemical reaction with the surface of your skin / some will say my actions let the no eyed people in / and id do it all again”. i dunno what half of those sentences even fucking mean but what i think is that, when the mongoose says theyve let the ‘no eyed people’ in, that means that through this alien theyve opened the door to a new world to them, where there arent just two kindred spirits who are above everyone else, but that there actually are people who will understand them, and that the world maybe isnt as dark and cold as they thought. 

so! thats my lemon demon journey thanks for reading dont forget to like and subscribe 

#long post #hflgiluhgirhsjfk sorry this is REALLY long #but uh. my interpretation of ancient aliens was 100% clear instantly when i heard it. #just like eighth wonder cause thats how i spent like all of my childhood #not really having any friends and feeling terrible i was always overly confident and stuff #also there might be weird funky sentences in this im not proofreading it lol #thank you so much for letting me talk about this poppy!!! #rebloppy

[seerofmike]

i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

#nobody is going to read this but i just needed to let it out man #fucking hate bts stans #fucking hate kpoppies #fuck u if ur not mlm like actually

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

#asks #long post #anonymous #pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #my post